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itneverendshere · 2 days

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my heart’s been borrowed and yours has been blue

just a lil something, completely self indulgent and inspired by miranda and steven in s2 of sex & the city 😔🥺

warnings: angst😤; a little fluffy; soft!rafe because i personally LOVE him

you did it without thinking.

it felt as if your body had a mind of its own and while your brain yelled at you to stay put and act normal, your heart simply didn’t allow it. your feet pounded against the street pavement, each step echoing the racing of your heart. you didn’t dare to look back, afraid that if you did, you’d crumble under the weight of your memories with him rushing back. the sound of your breath filled your ears, drowning out the chaos of the main street.

rafe.

the name echoed in your mind like some sort of haunted melody. you didn’t expect to see him, not after so many months without a single glimpse of his perfect face. you’d broken up months ago, you were supposed to be over him. and yet, despite all your attempts, his presence still stirred something within you.

this wasn’t how it was supposed to work out.

you rounded the corner, trying to convince yourself that it was fine. so what if he was back in town? so what if he didn’t call you? so what if you two promised to stay friends and yet…it’s none of your business. you should be thankful.

but seeing him out of the blue, it was like a sucker punch to the gut, except it felt like it came from a hundred directions at once. maybe you just needed a minute to process all of it. maybe a venti latte and some retail therapy would do the trick.

except they didn’t and hours later, here you are, stuck to your couch wondering how the hell you are supposed to step foot outside knowing there’s a possibility you might run into him again.

your brain always goes into overdrive when you think of rafe cameron. and now you’re stuck here, overthinking every little thing. should you text him? would that be too desperate? but what if he's thinking the same thing?

and if he isn’t?

there's a sudden knock on your apartment door, the sound cuts through the haze of your mind, jolting you back to reality. you reluctantly peel yourself off the couch and shuffle over to the door, wondering if that amazon package you ordered this morning is here already.

you glance towards the peephole, debating whether to check who it is or simply ignore it. after a moment of internal deliberation, curiosity wins out, and you approach the door cautiously.

you peer through the peephole, half expecting to see a stranger or maybe the mailman with a package. but to your surprise—it's rafe.

holy fuck.

your breath catches in your throat as you take in his familiar face from up close, a jumble of emotions stirring inside you.

what's he doing here? how did he get your new address? you moved from your parent’s home just a month ago.

for a beat, you’re frozen. no one taught you how to proceed in these kinds of situations, but you are fairly certain letting an ex-boyfriend, the one you’re still in love with, inside your personal space is a big no-no.

should you open the door? pretend you’re not home? smash your head against a wall and pray it knocks you out instantly? before you can even begin to form a plan, there's another knock, this time a little more insistent, as if he knows you’re on the other side.

“i can hear you breathing.”

panic sets in.

summoning whatever fake bravery you have left, you take a deep breath and reluctantly twist the doorknob. with your hands trembling like crazy, you swing the door open, revealing rafe standing there.

you gulp, feeling like your throat's suddenly decided to go on strike “yeah-uh. hi!”

his hands are clutched behind his back and his eyes take turns between your face and the door. there's a slight furrow in his brow, accentuating the sharp angles of his jawline and the curve of his nice cheekbones.

“that was a shitty thing you did. running away from me on the street.”

you feel a crazy amount of guilt wash over you. he’s not wrong. running away like that was cowardly, but did he expect you to run into him with open arms?

“i didn’t run?”

his lips, usually set in a determined line, now quiver ever so slightly, “you ran.”

the weight of what you did hangs over you like a dark cloud. could you have acted any more immaturely?

“well, i wasn’t expecting to see you-“ you manage to blurt out, your voice shaky, “and-and, i-“

“it really hurt my feelings.” rafe's finger points accusingly at his chest, and you feel like you’re about to shrink into the floor under the weight of his disappointment.

you shift uncomfortably under his gaze. you can feel your eyes starting to sting with unshed tears and you use every remaining strength inside you not to cry in front of him. you’ve embarrassed yourself enough.

“i don’t deal very well with ex-boyfriends?”

his expression softens slightly, and he leans his weight against the doorframe, his eyes searching yours.

“hey, sweetheart, this is me.” his hand moves again and he gently places it on his chest, right over his heart, as if trying to convey the sincerity of his words “rafe.”

but he’s not your rafe anymore.

that’s the one thing you want to tell him. you chew on your lower lip wondering if honesty would do you any good right now. if it would erase all these months, weeks, days, hours, without him.

a moment of silence stretches between you, and then, after what feels like an eternity, you finally manage to utter a response.

"yeah..."

rafe's gaze remains fixed on you, “i held you while you were sleeping.”

if you weren’t crying before, you are now. it's like a dam has burst inside you. tears stream down your face like a leaky faucet, nothing strong enough to hold them back. they're not the dainty tears you see in movies, but big, ugly cries that leave your mascara streaked and your nose running.

you try to speak, but all that comes out are choked sobs and sniffles. it's embarrassing, really, how out of control you feel. but you can't help it even as your front neighbor comes into view.

you do quick 180 and bolt back into your apartment, hand pressed against your forehead as if holding it will stop the raging headache you’re about to experience. you don’t have to look back to know rafe’s following you, trailing inside and swiftly closing the door with a soft click.

"i’m sorry," you whisper, your voice barely above a breath. "i’m really sorry. i’m so sorry-“

rafe's hands reach out, his palms open as if he's dealing with a wounded animal.

"hey, it’s okay,” he murmurs, his voice a gentle reassurance, "it's okay.”

“i hadn’t seen you in so long,” you confess, your words tumbling out in a rush, “and i missed you and then i did that shit-“

his hand envelops yours, his touch grounding you. "hey, breathe," he urges softly, “it’s okay.”

tears well up in your eyes again, blurring your vision as you struggle to hold back the sobs threatening to escape. "’m sorry," you choke out, voice breaking with each syllable. "i'm so sorry, rafe."

“it wasn’t that shitty, okay?” rafe's expression softens further, the way it does only for you.

“it was! i’m a shitty person.”

his thumb gently brushes away your tears as he shakes his head slowly. "no, you're not.”

“i am! you would’ve never done something that shitty.”

the nagging feeling that you’ve let him down once again is eating you alive.

he raises an eyebrow, a hint of amusement playing at the corners of his lips. "what do you call showing up here, in your apartment, in the middle of the afternoon and calling you shitty, huh?" he asks, his tone teasing yet affectionate.

you can't help but let out a shaky laugh, “t’s not the same.”

rafe reaches out, gently cupping your face in his palm as he brushes his thumb gently across your cheek. “yeah, it is.”

without even questioning it, you lean into his touch, closing your eyes as your allow yourself to bask in the warmth of his embrace. for the first time in months.

“i miss you,” you confess, “whenever something happens, i just want to tell you about it.”

“so, tell me.” the tender smile softens the lines on his face, "’m right here.”

you feel a rush of relief, a weight lifting off your chest as if he's just granted you permission to exhale. and yet, tears still well up in your eyes, blurring your vision and spilling over onto your cheeks in hot.

“i have a date.”

a knot forms in the pit of your stomach, tightening with each syllable. your voice quivers with uncertainty, the words tumbling out like stones from a crumbling cliff. you don’t have to look to know your hands are shaking like leaves in a storm. you’re pretty sure if you held them up, they'd look like one of those ridiculous earthquake simulations.

rafe nods, doing his best to stop the cheeky grin growing on his face, as he shakes his head understandingly, “looking forward to it, are ya?”

but you only sob harder.

"hey, hey- sweetheart. it's alright.” he says gently, his voice soothing you better than any depressing song on your playlist, “just jokin’ around.”

but you can't shake off the feeling of shame, the burning embarrassment of admitting to something you wish you hadn't. of letting someone take you out, someone who isn’t rafe, your rafe.

"i just... i thought it would help me move on, y’know?" you murmur, your voice barely above a whisper.

"i get it.” he tries to smile at you again, but it looks sad, and it makes your heart hurt. his hand reaches out to brush away a stray tear from your cheek, “i’m not mad.”

but you are. at you. at him.

the words linger in the back of your mind, gnawing at your insides. you want to scream, to lash out at him for being so understanding, for not fighting for you the way you wish he would.

you push his hands away from your face, your voice cracking. that’s all it seems to do since he walked back into your life ten minutes ago.

"that's it?" you exclaim, "you're just okay with it? with me going on a stupid date with someone else?"

it was like someone had just pulled the rug out from under him, and he didn't know how to stand back up.

rafe’s jaw is set in a firm clench, "i just want you to be happy.”

“but i'm not happy!" you retort, your voice rising in volume as tears continue to stream down your face. "i'm miserable, rafe! and you're just standing there, doing nothing!”

his chest is rising and falling heavily, as if he’s trying to contain himself.

"i'm doing nothing?” he asks so quietly; you take a double take to make sure it’s still him. his eyes flicker with an intensity that sends a shiver down your spine. it feels like staring into a wildfire, all fierce and untamed.

you swallow hard, suddenly feeling the weight of your words crashing down on you. the way rafe looks at you, it’s like he sees right through you.

"i’m here, aren't i? i’m listening, okay? i'm trying to understand."

but his words only fuel the fire of your frustration.

"i need you to tell me that you still care. that you don't want me to go on that date because you want me for yourself."

you could see the anger draining out of him, leaving behind this raw, broken man. he slumps forward, shoulders drooping. his eyes go from blazing with intensity to just... empty. like he just flicked off a light switch behind them.

it’s heartbreaking, honestly, to see him just fizzle out into nothing.

“’course i want you for myself," he whispers, "but i can't force you to choose me. you left me.”

it’s a devastating sight, really. to see someone you love so deeply, someone who’s always been so strong, just fall apart like that. it’s like watching a building crumble to the ground.

and the worst part is, you know you’re the one who caused it. you’re the reason he’s standing there looking so broken, so lost. and you hate yourself for it, hate that you couldn’t be what he needed, hate that you had to go and ruin everything.

“i left because i didn’t feel good enough,” your voice is hoarse from screaming and crying, “not because i stopped loving you.”

for a moment, the silence between you is deafening, stretching on through time. it’s like neither of you knows what to say.

and then, slowly, almost imperceptibly, something shifts in his expression, he looks as if you have hit him.

“i never wanted you to feel that way,” he murmurs, stepping closer to you. “i never wanted you to doubt how much you mean to me.”

his words hang in the air, like they’re carrying the weight of all the things you two never said, all the things you wished you could take back. as if he’s putting it all out there, laying his soul bare for you to see, finally showing you everything he’s been keeping bottled up inside.

“i’m sorry,” he whispers, the words a solemn oath sworn in the quiet of the night. “’m sorry for not being there when you needed me.”

“i’m sorry too,” you choke out. “i’m sorry for pushing you away.”

and then, without another word, without another moment wasted on regrets and what-ifs, you step forward and wrap your arms around him. it’s like coming home after a long time.

and yeah, you might have a shit ton of things and problems to sort through, but rafe cameron is worth that and more.

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron au #rafe cameron fluff #rafe angst #rafe cameron angst #rafe x reader #rafe fic #rafe cameron obx #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x kook!reader #obx rafe cameron

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trashlie · 8 months

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Hi Ashlie it's lil anon again 💗 I hope you have adjusted to your meds and had fun experimenting with gouache... That sounds cool, I wish I could do that but too bad I don't have a single creative bone in my body 😭 it's okay I'll stick to playing viddy games...

There is something I want to bring up for your consideration that's been bouncing around in my head. When Hansuke mentioned that it was hard for him to get into medical school despite his excellent grades, people concluded that Yui must have stood in his way and Hansuke's mother probably made a deal with her, correct? That felt like such a relevant tidbit that will come up again, because otherwise why the effort to draw those panels. So... I think there might be a parallel to Nol here. We know he is going to spend the 4 year time skip abroad, right? But how will he get there, when Yui is so opposed to it and needs to keep him under her thumb? So 🤔 I've been thinking maybe Rand makes a similar deal with Yui so she lets Nol go. Not sure what the details of the deal will be, but it could even be something like "I'll get the kid into any school he wants if you step down from the CEO position within the next 5 years and let Kousuke take over, and don't plot anything against me ever again". It's a big sacrifice, but it feels like Rand had some extremely harsh realizations about how miserable Nol is after finding his scarf in the pool, and then finding him bleeding in the snow and the Ivan the Terrible reference. It feels so much like he has reached his end, "it's not my message to pass along anymore" felt so pointed. I also keep thinking about how guilty Rand must be feeling. He didn't only fail his own son, he failed to protect NESSA'S CHILD ;A; someone so precious and important to her, someone she loved so dearly. Even if it was unspoken it's clear that she counted on Rand to take care of their son when she couldn't anymore, and he failed her miserably. Gawd just thinking about that makes me wanna cry 😔😭💔 So maybe this will be what pushes him to step up and actually do something useful for his child, maybe that deal will be his self-sacrifice. What are your thoughts on this? I know I might be reaching, it might be Yu Jing's article that will help Nol go abroad, and I'm very aware of the death flags surrounding Rand, and maybe he'll just die or Yui kills him and that's that. With Kousuke having all these realizations it's not unlikely that Yui gets rid of Rand so they don't become allies. But I don't want his death to be so... pointless, I guess? BE A FATHER EVEN IF JUST ONCE IN YOUR LIFE DAMMIT ;A;

On a lighter but similarly emotional note, when do you think Shinae and Nol are going to be on a first/real name basis? It might be just me but I feel like it's coming 👀 It's been said a thousand times (and good, let's manifest it 🤞🏾) that they must be on the same page by the end of season 1 for the story to flow smoothly. And that must include the names as well, right? Because the names are a big part of the distance between them and to Shinae, "Yeonggi" isn't enough anymore, she wants "Nol". And, in theory, he must first accept his name before he is comfortable with her saying it, but maybe the other way around would work better. If he lets her into the circle of people who can call him Nol even if he isn't completely ready for it, maybe that will actually be the important first step to accept himself. Because if Shinae accepts that side of him and doesn't think he's horrible, then he can't be that horrible, right. Basically a you don't have to love yourself for other people to love you and with time you can see yourself through their eyes and find that everything you dislike about yourself doesn't make you unlovable because they love you regardless type of thing. Does that make sense? I hope you understand what I'm trying to get at 😅 He also doesn't want to be vulnerable and open up as Yeonggi, it's not part of that persona. But maybe once she is on the Nol side for good, he can be more honest, because she is already there so why not. Not that he'll immediately tell her everything, obviously, but just be more honest dude just tell her that you're scared and not ready for certain conversations yet instead of putting up a front! But either way regardless of when, the moment they say each others first/real names is going to be SOOOOOO meaningful so vulnerable so intimate I will simply die on the spot I will just explode 💥 -lil anon 😼 (who still can't keep their messages short)

Lil Anon!!!!! 💗 Okay, ngl I am a big proponent of "creativity is very much a skill anyone and everyone can learn" just that some of us (and myself included lmao) need a little more effort to learn. But also gouache is so fun because I'm realizing so much of painting is about the insinuation of things, rather than painting out every detail? And it's so amazing to me to watch those things come together!!!! But also.... I am not great at video games so I guess at the end of the day we really do have our strengths and weaknesses huh? alfjakjfjfa LMAO :3

Also heads up, the last part of this response will have FP 238 spoilers!

Oooohhhh this is such an interesting thought that I HAVEN'T thought about, but I HAVE been thinking a lot about Rand (I have this messy post in the works about him because as much as he makes me angry I find him really interesting in that, like every other character, he is very much someone trying to survive and his struggles to do so have had a lot of ramifications - especially in failing to protect his son with Nessa. I understand why people hate him but I just have SO MANY FEELINGS and like how... maybe a selfish part of him kept him near, even if he couldn't be a good father to him because of Yui, because he reminded him of her, and how maybe as Nol grows up he continues to see so much of himself in him, and how in Rand's eyes that probably is bad because he very much ended up trapped, he very much lost what he loved, he has very much lived in isolation. But that's a whole other thing but the point is: Rand is on my mind so this is a very welcome question!!!!)

I'd never considered the possibility of a parallel because I guess I'd just sort of assumed that information was given to us to show us how far Yui is willing to go, that she was interfering with her own nephew's career in order to - probably - lord something over her sister, to force her to do whatever it was she wanted, that we are meant to further understand that Yui is so unstoppable even her own sisters can't do anything, and that this isn't the first time Hansuke's career has been on the line. BUT WITH THAT SAID it would make an incredibly interesting parallel! I think in a lot of ways Rand did think he was doing what was right, what he could do. I think a lot about what he said when Nol pleaded guilty, about how he should have sent him away to a boarding school and that as much as a lot of that was said out of actual anger and agitation, at the end of the day Rand cares so much because he loves Nol, even if he was never allowed to act on it, even if he had to repress it and keep it bottled away where it began to fester. Something I think a lot about parenthood in general but esp in ILY is that no one has the foresight to know how things will work out, so parents are doing what they think is best. Often they are wrong, they make mistakes, but again, we are only capable of trying to learn from our mistakes, we can't see how things would play out. Would Nol have been safer at boarding school? Would he have actually been out of Yui's reach? But that's a whole other post (that is coming)

THAT SAID I think yes Rand carries a lot of guilt and knows that he has not been able to protect either of his sons the way he wishes he could have and now he is at this sort of.... fork in the road. Until now, Nol was so very alone, has been surrounded by people who can't be trusted, people of this society who would sell him out immediately. But Rand has seen in Shinae and Nol this connection that maybe he even recognizes much like the one he and Nessa had, that Shinae is very much like she was in her willingness to reach out to and protect Nol, her willingness to stand up for him against even the scariest opponents. In the same night he nearly lost his son, he saw how many people rallied around him, were willing to stand by his side and wait for him to wake up and I think that, yes, it gave him this sense of understanding. Nol is no longer alone, and while it's not him at his side, he knows that the people who are will fight for him, are people who truly love him the way he deserved all this time. And I think that's yes why he is willing to transition out of Nol's life - because he knows that he hasn't been able to provide him the protection he needs. That he CAN'T.

And the idea of him sacrificing himself for Nol's sake (and frankly, Kousuke's, too) would be interesting, because I very much think Shinae will "sacrifice" herself to Yui in order to protect her father, will take up Yui's offer if it means keeping away from her family. What an interesting parallel it would be, too, for both of these people who have put themselves in harms way to protect those they love (I know Rand doesn't seem it, but I think he is a person who has very much been a victim of him circumstances and that he has reached a point in this story that he is willing to get hurt to protect them, that he is finally openly fighting back the way he can in an effort to protect them).

I honestly.... HATE the theory about Rand dying even though the death flags are everywhere lmao ;_____; I feel like I'm constantly closing my eyes to them because I cannot bear to think of what it would mean for both Nol and Kousuke, for neither of them to get that closure. I hate the thought of Nol being left a literal orphan, of Kousuke never knowing that he was loved, like it KILLS ME but it really feels like we're hurtling there and aflkjkafjkafjkaf [SCREAMS] I'd so much prefer that like... Rand have a heart attack that incapacities him or something ;A; - especially because Nana has her own death flags and again, the thought of Nol just being left with NONE of his family?! GOD THAT KILLS ME.

But also I am very much in favor of Rand making such a sacrifice. Something I've been thinking about is that a lot of why Rand's hands were tied was because he was trying to get this far - and now that he has, now that Nol is in safe hands, maybe it IS time to make a sacrifice, to step out of Nol's life and "set him free", if he could give Yui something she wants enough to let Nol go. The thing is.... Yui is very much aware of the effect Nol has on Kousuke, and why it's necessary to keep him around, but perhaps with what Kousuke is learning, that won't remain a matter? I think there is a LOT that is up in the air right now, but I do think we are at a point where Rand COULD make that kind of offer, where he can finally face Yui and fight back in his own way and do something to set his son free of all of this. I think I lean more sympathetic to Rand than most do but I would love to see him take an action that can actually demonstrate to Nol that Rand has always cared, that until now he didn't have other options, that until now he'd thought that this was the safest route.

(But honestly? What was ;__________;)

I JUST WANT TRAGIC FAMILY CLOSURE SOOOOOOOO BADLY AND IT HURTS ME THAT WE MAY NEVER GET IT LMAO ;A;

BUT ON A LIGHTER NOTE YES YES YES ALL OF THIS YEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS ;A; once again and as always YOU GET IT YOU TOTALLY GET IT!!!!!!!!

I think Nol and Shinae's story is VERY MUCH a matter of like.... yeah, you don't have to love yourself to be loved, that's bullshit, we all know it's not true. That maybe you can learn to love yourself by being loved. That maybe through the process of being loved you can start to see yourself through their eyes, the version of yourself that they see and love and that it can make that version of you come to life. That even though Nol sees himself as this unworthy monster, that he has been made to feel like he's nothing, a nobody - she can show him that he's something, somebody, she can say his name with an affection that no one else has ever said it with, that she can breathe new life to something that was taken from him and ruined.

I think we VERY much are approaching that point and Nol learning that Yui has been drugging even Kousuke honestly may be the beginning (or again I might just be being very hopeful). I keep reiterating that Nol needs to know this goes beyond him. I want Shinae to get to sit down and talk to him - not just about their feelings but about Yui, that even before Yui knew about their attachments, that she was already put through hell. Tell him about Kousuke's birthday, something that shows Nol even if he leaves Yui already has her claws in her, was already interested even before it involved him. Tell him about the offer because she will end up taking it one way or another and it's better than he knows how, so he's reminded how much she hates this woman, too.

And maybe if Nol can see that it's more than just him, maybe he can see that there is no point in pushing her away. And if that isn't enough, maybe she can convince him how very much they can't ignore any of this, to prove to him how badly she wants to know him, Nol, to see him and meet those secret parts of him he doesn't want anyone to say. To say the name that has felt like a lashing so many times used by everyone else in a way that takes it from nothing to something and makes him want to hear it move. To say her name again and be so familiar (so SO familiar god PLEASE) ;A;

Like IDK I know we've had this conversation a LOT lmao but it just feels like it's two steps forward five steps back if we don't get that closure if they don't have that talk. No one is asking for or expecting him to share everything - to just open up enough to show that he wants to. To admit his fear. If Shinae saw what Dieter did, that kind of fear, how intense it is, and couldn't connect it to what has happened to her, maybe she could get through to him better but at this point she just doesn't know, doesn't understand why he's pushing her. Maybe now that she's realized her own feelings - and can maybe wonder about his - it might make her think of what he said in the alley about fear and people getting hurt but it's a conversation they need to have directly.

And yes, I feel like even from a metaphorical point, he cannot begin to open up as Yeonggi, as this nameless person. They cannot begin anew with her uncertain what to call him, not allowed to use his real name, while he still calls her Yoo. What's he gonna do, maul her and swallow her heart and still call her Yoo? PLEASE. NO.

I feel like it MUST be coming, that some kind of understanding will be coming, even if they know they are separating for a while, even if they know that whatever is between them isn't something that can happen right now, I feel like they HAVE to separate on a true first name basis, right? ;A;!!!!!!!!!

AND I AM DYING FOR IT. /DYING/ I WANT HIM TO SAY HER NAME SO QUIETLY (AND MAYBE BRUSH HER HAIR BACK FROM HER FACE WHEN HE DOES) I WANT HIM TO TWITCH A LITTLE WHEN SHE SAYS THE NAME THAT HAS CAUSED HIM SO MUCH PAIN AND THEN INSTEAD MELT INTO HER. I WANT IT TO BE SO TENDER, SO INTIMATE, THAT HIS NAME NEVER SOUNDED THAT GOOD ON ANYONE'S ELSE'S TONGUE, THAT IT NEVER SOUNDED SO MEANGINGFUL AS WHEN SHE SAYS IT. The intimacy of being the first person to be allowed to say his name, to speak it with so much affection and care that it can undo what others have done to it, that it can breath back the life that was beaten out of it. ;A; What it would mean for her to say it!!!! That thrill of being allowed to share this very secret part, this very special part, something she is so hungry for!!!!!!

Shinae wanting to know everything about him is honestly SO FUCKING TENDER. Like, yes, that's what happens when we find ourselves liking someone, wanting to know everything, wanting to know about the things we were never present for and what shaped them into the person they are, but for Shinae there's that added layer because he has locked out everyone, pushed everyone away, and she wants to know the secrets he won't share, the parts of him that he hides, she wants to privy to every part of him. She wants him in his entirety, she wants to know him and be just as known and GOD to get to breathe his secret name, the forbidden name, the one he would not allow her?

GOD

I cannot even put it into words i just

[explodes on the spot]

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO WHEN IT HAPPENS FOR REAL? WHEN HE CALLS HER SHINAE AGAIN? LAKJFKAJKAFKJAFKAKFJJA i can't do this lil anon i aM SO, SO WEAK AND FULL OF EMOTIONS AND TENDERNESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS they make me feel sO TENDERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

#I Love Yoo #ILY Brainrot #ILY FP #ILY Spoilers #ILY Anon #Lil Anon #Nolan Oliver T. Lochlain #Randulph Hirahara #Shinae Yoo #this ask (like all of your asks) gave me SO MANY FEELINGS #but i had to get my Rand post out of the way so i could answer this #it's being proofread but i think you'll see why i had to get it out of the way and why bringing up this possibility of Rand making such a #sacrifice made me SO EMOTIONAL #i have some big big feelings about Rand these days and like.... just his circumstances ;A;#and how so very much of ILY is a tragedy that cannot be stopped ;A;#;AAAAA;

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hyunverse · 1 year

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ik it’s so embarrassing 💔💔 i remember that week being not the best so maybe i was just emotional in general ?? idek 😭. i also cry over fluff more than angst. i read angst when i’m like at a rly low point bc it’s almost kinda comforting ……. idk dw bae i sound insane rn too ! we pretty much have the same favorite cereal bc if i had to choose i’d get the chocolate rice crispy ones (or honey nut cheerios) and i LOVEEEE milo. my nana from australia always sends it over and it’s delishhhh. so nostalgic. YES spanakopita is life, it is so so so so good. lmk what you and your mom end up getting ^_^ that sounds so fun i love eating w ppl

ITS THE HYUNE BODY ROLLING SO TRUE. i like when he dances with short sleeves or sleeveless tops bc the arm muscles just make me 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 insane !!! i’ve been wanting to watch a new movie so maybe i’ll watch howl now ^_^ i’ve heard a TON about it and i think you just fully convinced me hehe. do you have any other movie or show recs ?? i’m not a big movie or show person but im tryingggg to watch more stuff so tell me any of your faves

oh yea i could slander america as a professional job. like don’t get me wrong i’m extremely grateful to live somewhere where i can get a good education and just like survive but at the same time … i’m barely surviving ?? all our money goes to stuff that doesn’t even benefit us ??? idk man i’ll keep going if i don’t stop myself BUT YES PLS all the mcflurries 🙏🏼. possible unpopular opinion but oreo mcflurry dipped in fries = chefs kiss. it’s an underrated combo fr

i would pay MONEYYYY to experience one skz dance practice but hyunjins alone oh my oh my oh myyyyy. i don’t think i’d survive, his clinging would be ineffective bc i’d just be 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠. smth about the way he dances just GAHHH. YES CONFIDENT MISCHIEVOUS LITTLE YONGBOK he’s so cute 😭😭😭😭 i love his korean name it’s adorable

i watched the live when i woke up this am and it was the cutest thing ever <///3. felix looked so bf and i swear the There music video made it WORSEE. the parasocial vibes rly smacked me in the face and said grace u need to wake up and accept you can’t have these men 😔

spamming once again gahhhh can u tell i’m bored <///3. im stuck inside for another day bc nyc is having a rly bad snow storm rn and it’s torturous lol. as much as i love being in my bed all day, it gives me a raging headache every timeeeee

- 🐈‍⬛ kisses 4 uuuuu i hope ur sleeping well ^_^

i've never tried honey nut cheerios but now i kinda want to?? lets see lets see. going back to my campus this saturday so i gotta stock up on my food stock 🫡 i'm gonna try honey nut cheerios hehe. milo is good but i can't drink it that much bcs its best mixed with milk and im lactose intolerant </3 i mean i do consume dairy anyway but milo and milk is a deadly combination. one sip and you're gonna end up with diarrhea. even worse when u have lactose intolerance. god lactose intolerance sucks so bad, especially when i love dairy </3 life is a war game and the toilet is my battle field. </3 aaa me and mumsies ended up not getting breakfast bcs we didnt wake up on time LOLL love that 4 us 🤞

sleeveless tops on hyune always look so good. his arms are so nice, the type that isn't frail nor too muscular, he's just nice. dont get me started on his hands yo his hands are pretty big too and his fingers?? majestic. slender and pretty. makes me dizzy just watching it 😵‍💫howl is incredibly good, u reaaaaaally need to watch it <3!! mmm for tv shows, i really like gilmore girls and jujutsu kaisen. or if you like romance, u shud try out horimiya!!

I UNDERSTAND ABT THE MONEY THING... malaysian road taxes r no joke. youngsters going broke frm paying taxes is CRAAAZY. fries dipped in vanilla ice cream is so good so i get u!!!!! it's the mixture of sweet and salty 🤌

when hyunjin does a lil smirk while dancing... im frothing drooling melting. like bae stop i will get through this phone screen and kiss u 😭 so pretty. YONGBOK IS SO CUTE AND YES HIS NAME!! I LOVE WRITING HIM AS YONGBOK BCS I LOVE HIS NAME SM... i also love jeongin's name. it's cute and suiting for him.

the live c hdbhs i was fixated on seungmin the whole time... was just staring at him dreamily like... 💭 he made a mess but i's ok bcs it's seungmo!!

THE THERE MV OH MY GOD GRACEEEEEE. I'LL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT. HYUNJIN AND SEUNGMIN'S PART GOT ME GIGGLING!!1 also can i just say that the settings suit them so much? it feels like it's actually their ideal date. jeongin with the shopping for clothes, hyunjin with the camera and channie in the studio... it makes so much sense. omg what if it IS their ideal date? bye im gonna combust. why are they parasocializing with us!! its making the delusions worse!!!

talking abt parasocializing, felix needs to calm down. bro was wiping at his mouth and stuff r u indicating that we just made out?!?! not very pg13 of him. i heard he spams om bubble too 😭 he needs to find a gf his bitchless behavior is getting worse 😟

ur spam is always entertaining so dw!! i take my time with it always cs i wanna put thought in my words hehe. sorry to hear abt the storm :(( i hope ure staying warm <3

#rin’s lovemail!#🐈‍⬛ anon 💌

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hypertonicplague · 2 years

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I’m v bored so time for more!! Obey me!! HCs!!! Yay!!

So this is the first one n if ya don’t read it ya gon be lost

Also sorry if it ends up being a long post!! I’m on mobile so there’s no ‘see more’ option 🥺🙏🏻

Demon body time! Ofc I’d steal the whole “they have more than two forms” hc cuz it’s super cool!! But what’s cooler than a big ol scary form?? :^0 it’s a finale! Finale form!! One in which none of the brothers but Satan has (along w other full fledged demons). Basically it’s just feelin, or smoke! Or like a bend in the air! It goes well past a feral form an is said to be the most condensed form for a demon. Satan’s one is a thin line of green, Dia’s is a small flame, no one has ever lived long enough to see Barbs one. And while they look small and harmless, they’re completely unpredictable and can accidentally unleash a LARGE amount of magic and energy to kill even the strongest of roaches 🪳. In that form they have no consciousness. Just,,,,,emotion-

Gender time BABEY 😩🤙🏼 Mammon was the first to get his breast removed. When they fell (if ya checked the other post ya should know y they have boóbęś) none of the brothers (but Satan) could wrap their heads around why all demons didn’t have breast. They were just like “?????okay???”. Mammon, our lil party demon, actually ASKED at a party one time abt it n a demon said “well,,,,we can choose what we are when we are, y’all can’t?? Lol” (demon got mashed to bits btw) then he found a doc n was like “well if I miss em then I can just get em put bck on loooool” n woke up, looked down, n history my pals 👐🏼 he also didn’t tell his other brothers he was doin this. It felt right for him so he kinda just went home n lived his life normally. When they noticed it they kinda all,,,, ‘secretly’,,,got their breast removed. It was never talked abt n they kinda keep it that way. It’s not a bad thing, n they never felt like it was that big to ever talk abt it. But ig if they ever told MC that’s how it happened MC would probably not take it that way- (also I say they ALL got em done but Asmo still has his n so does Belphie. Asmo’s reason is in the other post Belphie’s is next)

Baby lazy, at the time that was happening Belphie was adjusting to his sin. So him being alseep all the time it actually took him 4000 years to realize what happened. Beel had explained it to him n he was like “:^0!! We can do that?? I wanna do that-“ then Beel told him abt the appointments and healing n he was like- hmmm maybe later. A binder and baggy clothes will do for now- he’ll get em done. Eventually, just not today, tomorrow, the next day, week, month, r year. But it’ll get done at o n e point.

I started this a month ago n now have time to finish it lmaooo

Man idc what anyone says Belphie eats bugs. His whole animal thingy is a cow/bull n guess what them mfs eat?? Yea. Bugs, Belphie eats maggots n crickets n stuff heheheh tell ur friends

Speaking of bugs ig some ppl forget abt Asmo n how they’re a bug too. N y’all know what bugs do?? Shed. Everyone wants to talk abt Levi shedding but they forget abt fan fav Asmo 🥺😔. They shed too n it’s- less than pleasant to look at and be around- when they shed they have to go into their lil demon mode thingy, they keep themselves in their room n Dia help ya if ya go in there. Mammon once went to bring them food mid shed n got his hand and half his face shredded. N no, no amount of trust or love from MC will EVER break Asmo into letting them into their room during this time. Sorry MC 💔 they adore you but keep that human ass in ya room for now.

An on the topic of Levi, he doesn’t care, he actually gets Mammon or Satan to help him remove his old skin when it’s his shedding time. Sounds gross but when ya got games to play an ya itchy all over, gotta get ya siblings to help.

Vros Satan has a biting thing going on, not a k¡nk r something. They just gotta bite, n when MC shows them chewerly ya could’ve sworn that demon almost started wanting to protect the entire human race. Now they don’t gotta chew on their fingers or hair?? Bitch bet, they bought a whole store of that good good 😩🙌

Lackin Lucifer so I’ma just say, mans sheds feathers all the damn time. You’ll find them EVERYWHERE. In ya book bag, on ya bed, in the dyer, on the sofa, in pots in the kitchen, behind a bookshelf, EVERYWHERE. N fucked part is?? He doesn’t even notice em, if you point it out he’ll just shrug his shoulders. Bastard 💞

That’s really all I can think abt for now sksksk, I needa do a dateables one too

One day when I get more free time again I’ll throw all my lil dummy hcs out for those dummies too 😌

#mydumbstuff #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me!#obey me leviathan #obey me mammon #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #txt #obey me! shall we date?#obey me beelzebub #obey me lucifer #obey me satan #obey me headcanons #yea my brain can’t think anymore #enjoy em! r don’t #the world is ur oyster

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