#during a conversation about how i have loud noise sensory issues

[7ndipity]

Them With An Autistic S/o

Ot7 x Reader

Summary: How the members would handle/react to their S/o being on the spectrum.

Warnings: Mentions of sensory issues, feeling over/under stimulated, depression, meltdowns, stimming.

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! This is a list I’ve actually wanted to write for a while, but I’d been slightly nervous/unsure about it. But as someone who’s also on the spectrum, I know how much comfort similar posts from other blogs have brought me! I also tried to keep this one a bit lighter, since someone asked for a separate list about meltdowns/shutdowns, but if there’s any specific reactions/hcs like this that you guys want, let me know! (Please note that these are based off my own knowledge/experience, so I’m sorry if they don’t fit for everyone)

Masterlist

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Jin:

I feel like he’d be slightly confused and worried at first because he’s not sure what to do/how to help you, but once you explain a bit more, he gets a lot more comfortable, and really is such a good caregiver when he needs to be.

Catches onto your different stims pretty quickly and what each one means.

Like, y’all have whole conversations solely through funny little hums and stim noises.

Really good at reading and matching your mood/energy. You wanna talk about the Mayans nonstop for two hours? Cool! You want to just sit silently and do nothing? Also cool!

He’s really good at normalizing your symptoms and making them seem like nbd(because to him, they aren’t) Food sensitivities? He’s got them too! You hate loud noises and crowds? Same Honey, let’s get the fuck outta here! He knows they’re not quite the same thing, of course, but if it makes you feel more comfortable and safe being your true, unmasked self with him, then that’s all that matters to him.

Really good at calming you down when you feel overwhelmed or on the verge of meltdown.

Does his absolute best to bring your mood up whenever you’re struggling or feeling really down, pulling out his best dad jokes(even if they don’t make sense to you), bringing your favorite snacks, etc.

Yoongi:

I think he would handle it really well. Does his research after you tell him, and asks you about it casually during dates/hangouts.

So fucking respectful of your boundries. If you prefer to have your own space, he’s totally fine letting you do your own thing. If you need more closeness and cuddles, he’s all over that too, letting you sit right next to him while he works.

Not only lets you rant about your special interests, but makes the effort to take interest in them and asks questions. Randomly buys you little things related to them.

He’s so calming and soothing when you’re feeling stressed or overstimulated, understanding whenever you randomly need rest or quiet time(stress nap buddies)

Keeps things like extra sunglasses and headphones in his bag for you, just in case you forget yours.

Would have a lot of fun if you have audio stims, letting you listen to his new songs because your reactions and enthusiasm are so cute to him. Makes you panning audios as gifts.

Always there to look out for you whenever executive dysfunction decides to kick your ass. Washes the dishes, doing the laundry, restocking your safe foods, etc. He would also be really good at body doubling.

Hobi:

I honestly think he would be really good with an S/O on the spectrum. Like, he literally designed Mang, who is soo ND coded like omg😭, so I think he would be able to understand you really well.

(if you haven’t seen the videos of him talking about Mang’s personality and character traits during the re-design process last year, pls go watch them, I almost cried)

Loves buying you new fidgets and stim toys whenever he finds new ones to try(he even has a collection of chewlery that he wears bc he thinks they’re neat).

Is really good reading you and distracting you when you start to get overstimulated or anxious, sometimes noticing before you do.

Lowkey protective over you in spaces and situations he knows are stressful for you, positioning himself next to you whenever he spots things he knows bother you.

You know how Yoongi described him as a vitamin? That’s how it is for you now too.💛

He’s so stimmy himself, so he would find a lot of your stims really relatable and endearing. Like, if you start happy stimming, he can’t help but join right in, bouncing or squealing with you. It makes him so happy that you feel comfortable enough with him to share those parts of yourself with him.

Namjoon:

Instantly super supportive when you told him, making an effort to research on his own, as well as listening to your personal experiences to understand as much as possible.

Happily sits and lets you info-dump about your special interests. He honestly loves seeing you so passionate and animated about whatever you’re talking about and loves getting a glimpse into how your mind works(it was probably during one of these moments that he realized he was in love with you)

Surprisingly good pebbler, he’s always finding cool rocks or shells for your collections.

Doesn’t mind speaking for you on days when you’re nonverbal.

The sweetest when you’re feeling overstimulated. He closes all the curtains to make it dark and cozy and sits with you, talking as softly as needed or not talking at all, tapping your hand gently now and then to let you know he’s still there.

Soo protective over you, almost to a fault at times. Like, you might have to scold him once or twice about babying you, but he really doesn’t mean to, he just wants to make sure you’re safe and happy.

The world feels a lot less scary tho with him next you. You know if you need anything, he’s got your back.

Jimin:

The softest boi🥺 He was honestly a little scared when you first told him, because he didn’t want to do anything wrong and was worried he wouldn’t be ‘good’ at looking after you, but he quickly relaxed and grew more confident as he learned more from you.

The best comforter when you’re feeling overwhelmed or depressed, full of quiet reassurances and long hugs(if you’re okay with those). He’ll gladly cuddle with you under your weighted blanket for however long you need to feel better.

Literally set up a little “nest” for you at his place with a like beanbag chair and your favorite types of blankets/pillows, so you have your own place to just ‘be’ and recoup when you need it.

Carries fidget toys and sensory aids like sunglasses and headphones with him at all times, just in case you need them.

Really good at communicating with you on days when you’re nonverbal, whether through texts or little notes(which he always adds little doodles on to make your smile😊)

Makes sure you never feel guilty or like a burden to him for letting him in on those tougher days. If anything, they make him love you even more because of the trust you have in him.

It really makes him feel so proud and happy inside that you find so much comfort in his presence and that he gets to take care of you.💜

Taehyung:

Another that I think would be particularly good with a neurodivergent S/O. Like, everyone jokes about how he’s weird, so I think he’d love that you’re both your kind of own unique kinds of ‘weird’.

Happily rewatches your favorite comfort shows/films with you, and speaks in fluent film quotes with you.

Loves when you fidget and stim with his hands or fingers.

If you like pressure stims, he’s a dream come true. Like, the man’s a living weighted blanket, so when you basically give him a doctor's note for cuddles? He’s never gonna let you go.

As relaxed as he might come across sometimes tho, he’s super observant of your stims and triggers and takes it so seriously whenever you start feeling overwhelmed or stressed.

It doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing, if you need a break, he’s getting you to a quiet place where you can sit and just recalibrate.

Rivals Jin and Yoongi for top spot in the acts of service department on your bad days, making sure you eat properly, doing any household chores that need done. He even learned how to wash your weighted blanket so you don’t have to.

Jungkook:

Was definitely a little lost and overwhelmed when you first explained everything to him, but he really takes it in stride and tries to learn as much as possible to help make things easier for you where he can.

The King of comfort squeezes. Like you’ve seen his arms, he gives the best hugs, I just know it(especially on those “the weighted blanket isn't enough, I need a hydraulic press” days)

Loves learning about your special interests. Like, It’s no longer just your special interest, it’s our special interest. He’s even studying and finding things for it on his own to surprise you with.

Honestly plays with some of your fidget toys more than you do, lol! You might even end up giving him a few of his favorites😊

Gets super happy and smiley whenever you get echolalia of his songs.

Another member of the protective squad, ain’t no bad stimuli getting to his baby if he can help it!

The gentlest with you when you're overstimulated or having a tough day. Anything you need, he’ll do without question. All he cares about is making sure that you feel safe and comfortable🥺

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @a-gayish-unicorn @dfqcsqueen @mother2monsters @captainorangegoose @k4ngelz

#bts headcanons #bts reaction #bts reactions #bts requests #bts scenarios #bts x y/n #bts x reader #seokjin headcanons #seokjin x reader #yoongi headcanons #yoongi x reader #hoseok headcanons #hoseok x reader #namjoon headcanons #namjoon x reader #jimin headcanons #jimin x reader #taehyung headcanons #taehyung x reader #jungkook headcanons #jungkook x reader #7ndipity #bts fluff

[roxy206]

a vent that tbh I just need to get out of my head

It’s wild just how quickly the honeymoon phase of this job ended. I had a few weeks of wow this is great, there’s no stress, I come in & do my job & leave!

Then it was oh wow my coworkers are horrible people who are transphobic & homophobic & misogynistic and and and …

And I cried on my way home too many times to count because it all felt so toxic & I didn’t know what to do. And honestly it’s so unprofessional that those conversations were even taking place on the work floor. I shouldn’t know all these opinions that these people have!

So I settled on my first step being bringing in a progress pride flag for my desk, which has resolved a lot of those issues

But the office set up is still horrible. I don’t know who the fuck thought an open concept office was a good idea — at all, but especially in an office where we’re all on the phone all day long. It’s so loud. You can hear at the very least 4 rows ahead or behind you. Forget how that impacts people trying to concentrate; it’s a fucking disaster for background noise on the phone

On top of that, yesterday they took down these plexiglass dividers they had put up in 2020 & it’s fucking horrible. First of all, I would still like that barrier for it’s intended purpose. Right now I don’t have anyone sitting opposite me, but this office plays musical chairs constantly with moving desks so who knows how long I’ll be at my desk or how long it is before someone is at the desk facing mine. But besides that, the noise level is even worse because now there’s nothing stopping voices from traveling. It’s an absolute sensory nightmare & frankly I think I’m going to say something to the office manager even though I don’t think it’ll make a difference

Also they had EMPLOYEES remove them! We have to move our own equipment, filing cabinets, etc when we move desks. Also people throw shit in the office all the time. There’s candy or balls or water bottles being launched over desks & it’s only a matter of time before someone is going to get hurt & I will be beyond furious if I’m the one who gets hit

And none of that is even related to the actual job

Which is just not working out. I feel so naive & dumb & betrayed for having had such a good feeling about this opportunity in the interview. I took the job knowing the base pay wasn’t great, but with the idea that it would be easy to make commission & easy to meet the goals for the first two base pay raises; with the idea that I would start having that billing in 2 weeks to at most 3 months.

I’ve been here for over 5 months now. I’ve done better than any of my peers in terms of production. None of us have had billing. And now it’s oh it takes 6-12 months to really get this job.

I work my ass off during the work day. I’ve found clients. And despite all of the effort, things aren’t going anywhere. And I’m losing motivation.

And there’s pressure coming down from higher up because things aren’t happening, & it’s making for a miserable environment. The past two weeks it’s felt like every morning meeting has been my manager asking why things aren’t happening & making it seem like we aren’t working hard enough or we aren’t doing things the right way. But then there’s no guidance or reasonable recommendations to make any changes

I genuinely don’t think there’s much that I could change to make any difference, but I think there are people on the team who would benefit from having their questions answered because the training you’re promised in the interview is far from the reality

This week in particular has been really bad. I’ve had a lot of disappointment with things I’ve been working on. I feel like I wasn’t as productive, which for the most part is because I had to shift some of my time to administrative shit because they keep asking for all of this data & I’ve been there for FIVE MONTHS so going through thousands of calls takes time. But then it’s why aren’t you making more calls, why isn’t your phone time higher? And then when I’m answering those questions & clearly frustrated it’s oh it’s okay, sometimes you have a bad day

But when all the days are bad days?

I don’t think I can stick it out much longer. The PTO system is bullshit though so I probably have another month before I’ll be able to have the time accrued to use to be able to go for interviews

In the meantime, I’ve been doing my best to maintain boundaries. I refuse to ever get close to burnout again. Honestly I’m still recovering from my existing burnout. Fighting the workaholic & perfectionist tendencies is hard. But it helps — kind of* — knowing I’m the person counted on the most out of my peers. I don’t need to give 150%; I don’t have the irrational fear that I’m going to get fired. I know my worth & I know that this place in particular is really fucking lucky to have me

I just wish that the potential that should have been there with this kind of role was actually there

*It does suck that every month my manager flat out tells me that it’s down to me to try to get billing. I try not to take on that pressure of it all coming down to me

Anyway. Might delete this later, but I needed to dump those thoughts somewhere

[anangelwhodidntfall]

Okay read has ADD and eddie is the only one who knows how to handle her. ( they are dating BTW) He can read her cues like when she is angry or sad or depressed. Reader is also a hyper sensitive person. (https://www.verywellmind.com/highly-sensitive-persons-traits-that-create-more-stress-4126393 here is a link if you want more information about it) So she has sensory issues. Eddie did descover that she liked Bells. It's just a thing for her so he started keeping bells in his lunch box to give to her during lunch or times when her anxiety is a bit much. She will hold it up to her ears and just jingle them and it sometimes annoyed the group but eddie found her so cute when she jingles her bells. And she does it subconsciously like she will zone out and just mindlessly jingle her bells. when she doesn't have bells she will play with his hand. His rings klink are together and she likes the soundm eddie does not mind and just continues a conversation he was having. Or she will. Just have him talk to her she loves his voice and laugh. I she could listen to him for hours. Physical touch is a big thing for her so sometimes while she plays with his hand she will just bring his hand to her face and keep it there for a while. Again physically touching is a big thing for her se addores hugs and according to her eddie and Dustin give the best hugs. And that's one thing that eddie loves about her is that she is super affectionate him being super affectionate as well. Her long hugs are always a win for him

Okay so she as a really hard time focusing so studying is a challenge. And she can become frustrated with herself for not remembering anything.She is always failing maths but loves her history art and English. She is super talkative her stories almost never have an end. She isn't really hyper but there are days where she has alot of energy so Eddie has to help her keep her calm from exploding all that energy. So he will take her on walks or dance with her in his room or play games with like the are 5 year old kids. Like playing tag with her. She can sometimes super focus on a thing and just zone out. She day dreams alot so much that she just stares at eddie who of course doesn't mind he likes That her eyes are on him. And one day Dustin ask why does she do that and eddie just says she is day dreaming so she will zone out completely. She hates crowds and loud noises.

So one day her parents put her on ADHD medication and she became a complete zombie. She became quite as in really quiet and eddie obviously noticed this so he asks her why is she all quite and stuff. Reader doesn't want to tell him she is on meds so she just shrugs she shoulders. As the day goes on he noticed she isn't her self and becomes super worried. So when he is driving her home he stops his van and speaks up about it. He notcies how she is on the verge of crying and embraces her he let her cry for a bit till she calms down. As she explains that she is on medication her overthinking mind start to take over and she goes on about how annoying she can be and how sensitive she can be and that he finds her super annoying cause it's like taking care of a 5 year old. That her start getting annoyed with her and just dump her cause of how she is and how she isn't good enough for him. She goes on about how in mature she is and that she will never be woman enough for him (this is what my ex told me in real life after cheating on me) Eddie's heart breaks as he hears how she talks bad about her self and just tells her to stop. He tells her how she is the most beautiful person to him. How she lights up his day with her sillyness and endless stories that never seem to end because of all the mini stories in between or things she remembers and that he finds it cute when she does that. He tells her how he loves when she plays with his hands and gives him super long hugs. He tells her how beautiful her mind is and how she can think quickly on her feet. How she can come up with new and fun storylines for dnd. He tells her how cute she is walks into a room and forgets why she walked in only for her to walk out again and come back a few minutes later having remembered why she walked in there the first place. He tells her how he loves dancing with her in his room and their deep late night talks about the most stupidest things like if a vegetarian became a zombie would the eat other vegetarians or what. He love that fact that this is part of her and of who she is. He tells her how he love all of her. her beautiful diamond mind included. He tell her how se means the world to him and he wouldn't change one thing about her. He tells her how she is more that enough for him and he couldn't ask for better girlfriend than her. She just listens with such interest that she starts crying again because of how sweet he is being crying again he just laughs knowing they are happy tears and just hold her tightly and says aww sweetheart I love you so and just kisses her head. So she calms down and looks at him and tells him she loves him very much. He kisses her and smiles as he does.

Hi there, I love love this request so much! My little brother has ADD, so I understand all this completely, and I hope I was able to translate it correctly in writing. You can find it your request here and I hope you enjoy it!

Beautiful Soul

#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader

[weenwrites]

Hii, I'd like to request a matchup!

Tfp

Romantic

1 con and 1 autobot

Genderqueer(they/them), asexual

ISFP

Generally, I'm very quiet, nervous, fidgety and don't have much presence. Around people I like I'm basically the same, unless the conversation is about things I like/know about.

My hobbies are drawing, nail art, make-up, drawing, swimming and embroidering

I like: Autumn and Spring, old horror movies(specifically Texas Chain Saw Massacre), One Piece, pride parades, David Bowie

I don't like: Winter, messing up my nails, bad sensory days, seagulls

My love language is doing people's nails and cuddling up to them when I'm tired.

Thanks!😊

I match you with Knockout & Arcee!

Knockout

He's very talkative with his s/o, and he tends to talk about whatever comes to mind, or just talk about how both of your day went. But he of course wants the conversation to be enjoyable for you too, so if there's anything he knows you love talking about that, expect him to bring it up pretty frequently.

He's gotten pretty invested in Earth media, so feel free to show him any shows or movies you've watched because he's most likely sure to enjoy it too. However as he watches he does tend to make comments as the show/movie progresses, which might become annoying to you. During horror movies, you should definitely expect to hear a high-pitched scream out of him once or twice.

He's pretty physically affectionate, and he's really gentle when it comes to cuddling mostly for your sake, but also because he's being mindful of his paint job.

Without a doubt he'd join you at any pride parades. Although it'd probably be a bit difficult for a giant robot to join in and go unnoticed, he could use a holomatter generator to instead join you.

Oh if there was a cybertronian equivalent of doing someone's nails, that's one thing the two of you would definitely do together. But, I imagine that since he's a doctor, he has very steady hands and so despite being a whole lot bigger than you, if you passed him a magnifying glass and a paintbrush, he could do your nails for you.

To help with any sensory issues you may have (depending on what they are), he could steal— get you some sunglasses or some noise-cancelling headphones. While the Nemesis isn't exactly the brightest and shiniest ship in the galaxy, it's certainly pretty loud at times, so if you're sensitive to lots of noise it'd be best to bring some headphones with you.

Arcee

She doesn't mind if you're quiet, sometimes that's just what she needs. Someone quiet to be around, y'know. But that doesn't necessarily mean she wants it to be quiet 24/7, no. She does enjoy talking to you whenever she wants to hang out. Conversations between the two of you are usually just very chill and easy-going.

She's not too invested in earth media, though there are some shows or songs she enjoys watching... But she's pretty open to watching all sorts of media so long as it doesn't have any graphic gore or anything that might trigger her. So if you'd like to share any pieces of media you enjoy, she'll settle down and watch or read it beside you.

She'd find embroidery really pretty, so she'd like to see some stuff you've embroidered if you're willing to share. She'd be willing to give it a try, but she doesn't think there's any bot-sized embroidery needles for sale.

She'd totally join you at a pride parade and support you in any way you'd allow her to. But she probably won't be able to stay the entire duration of the parade, she's able to stay for a good while or so before she has to go.

If you experience any sensory issues, like if you get overwhelmed at times by all that's going on around you or if you suffer from sensory overloads, she'll try to help you the best she can by removing you from the area and bringing you to someplace much quieter if you'll let her.

If you enjoy going out on rides, she could take you to roads beside beautiful meadows of blooming flowers during the spring, or yellowing forests during the fall. She enjoys Earth's seasons too because there's nothing quite like it on Cybertron.

#match ups #[ you didn't tell me if you had any gender preference so I hope the match up I gave you is alright!! ] #weenwrites

[herooffire101]

This is actually specifically in the version of the human AU where Demeter and Bombalurina are sisters, though I could easily change it to the other one where they are not sisters and there is attraction between them even though Bomba never pressures her about it because it has to be figured out by oneself, not explained by others. Also, because there’s a lot more going on in Demeter’s brain in that universe. I…don’t think we should get into that right now. Also, naming several old swing characters. Also, I’m challenging myself with using this version of Demeter’s point of view on Tuggerlina, also because I think that this concept is hilarious.

And yes, this is my favorite one I wrote. I like humor. Also I retrofitted a line and two from my personal tomorrow's writing that I got writer's block from.

A Marriage Proposal in the wrong order

December 27th, 2006…

“Oh, when will they actually get married!” Demeter listened as she watched her mother and godmother Jenny rant about Bomba’s and Tugger’s relationship with now having Jemima between them yet again. Ever since Jemima was born in May, both Jenny and Jelly have been hinting to Bomba and Tugger about having a marriage and having Jemima as the flower girl, and Demeter was long suffering listening to this for the past several months. No one even knew if either of them proposed to get married! Last Demeter knew, there was an agreement between them since they were sixteen that if they didn’t kill each other first, they would marry each other after both of them turned 20. However, as is tradition with them, Jemima ended up happening. What happened was that they overslept the day of Electra’s first birthday, complete with a phone call from Demeter herself asking where they were, and it turned into one of those days that followed them to the surprise of a lifetime that altered both their lives forever, give or take some forgetfulness and absentmindedness on both parts including alcohol-induced idiocy the night before. In Bomba’s own defense, how was she to know that Bailey’s Irish Cream affected her that way?

‘Why are they trying to hint to the two most dense and ignorant members of our tribe.’ Demeter thought, mentally groaning at the conversation she was unwittingly part of because of course Munk wasn’t available for her to escape to because he was busy, Victoria and Michael were being watched by Skimble and Dad. ‘Don’t they realize that Bomba and Tugger can be the most difficult members, always being contrary and intentionally obtuse, even when Bomby lived here? Knowing Tugger, marrying my sister is a bit too impulsive for him. And who’s to say that Bomba doesn’t want the loud crowd that comes from the reception. I certainly remember her meltdown during Peter’s and Victor’s pseudo reception we had for them.’ Remembering how Bomba so didn’t like the loudness and partying that came with the wedding, with her shaking, and clutching her ears because of the noise level. Even when newly diagnosed at twelve when they went to the celebration and learning her limits. She can be on stage or in the orchestral pit, performing. That never affected her. But put her in the middle of the auditorium for a school assembly, on the gym floor surrounded by the rest of the school or even in an enclosed room filled with thumping music and a lot of sweaty bodies? That set her off. There was a reason why she didn’t go to Junior Prom or Senior Ball two years ago. Hating majority of the school populace and sensory processing issues, along with other reasons. To put it simply, Demeter knew what Bomba liked, and what she didn’t like, and knew that her sister highly wanted a controllable setting in certain scenarios. Weddings were one such scenario.

“We need to get it through their heads that being officially married will save a lot of headaches later on.” Jenny pointed out, taking a sip of her tea. “Demeter, dear.” Bringing the 17-year-old out of her thoughts. “Would you like to go talk to Beatrice about marrying Travis?”

‘Oh, an escape!’ “I get to see Jemmy along the way.” Demeter agreed, accepting the chance to escape the conversation between Mom and Jenny, “I’ll talk to her about it, though I don’t think that’ll work.” Saying the last part under her breath.

Mom smiled, waving her younger daughter off, “Have fun, dear. Just remember to talk to your sister about marrying that scallywag she loves. Heaviside knows that Etcetera is very insistent about Tugger and his attention...” Mentioning their youngest sister. Etcetera, or her legal name of Erica, was clearly becoming a handful with a cute obsession with her oldest sister’s partner. Bomba was already having some problems with Cettie because how much of a handful she was and that her loudness was setting off her sensitive ears.

“I’ll try, Mom.” Demeter said, standing up from the table and got herself ready to brave the cold Massachusetts winter that has already set in. ‘At least Bomba will have hot chocolate.’

~~~~~~

“I know that it’s been only two days since we saw each other at Christmas, but I really did miss you, Deme.” Bomba said, holding 7-month-old Jemima in one arm and handing her younger sister a steaming cup of hot chocolate in the other. Jemima was happy, her right hand held her favorite toy, a stuffed cat that was a darker shade of red, almost looking black in some places with a white bib, and the face was a calico that her mother made (A/N: This is completely intentional. It’s supposed to look like Jemima’s/Sillibub’s costume/markings as a cat. All members of the Tribe/Troupe have one, either sewn like Jemima’s and Tugger’s or crocheted like Bomba’s and Demeter’s) and her left hand held her mother’s darker red hair compared to her own only a shade lighter hair, with the curls she inherited from Tugger. Really, you would realize that Tugger was her father just due to the curls, but as agreed between all of them (this includes Cassandra, Alonzo, Coricopat, Tantomile, Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer as well) that their classmates, former and current, are incredibly stupid and decided to think that Macavity was her father. Jemima considered Demeter in what Bomba called ‘Her favorite people in the world’ group, which really only contained all of the Tribe, so when Bomba opened the door for Demeter Jemima cheered. By now, you really couldn’t see that Bomba’s left cheekbone was even fractured, proving that the plates in her face did exactly what they were meant to do.

“Mom and Jenny were talking again.” Demeter said, graciously accepting the hot chocolate, “Dad and Skimble are looking after the kittens again.”

“Plato having fun with Victoria?” She asked, curious about her foster son that only the past year she knew that she loved him like her own son and through technicalities was only her foster son for 8 months. At the mention of Plato made Jemima squeal in happiness. “You love your big brother, don’t you Jemmy?” A giggle coming from the tiny girl, both of the sisters knowing that she loves her big brother.

“Victoria really loves to dance with him, and he’s so patient with the other kittens, though it is concerning about how much Pouncival and Tumblebrutus idolize him even though they’re only 22 months old.” Demeter said, taking a sip of the hot chocolate, warming her up from the cold. ‘Somehow, Bomba always makes good hot chocolate.’ She thought, savoring the taste. “Is she old enough to have hot chocolate, by chance?”

“I rather wait until she tastes chocolate milk before I introduce her to hot chocolate, though it’ll have to be lukewarm chocolate instead of hot…” Bomba said, Jemima babbling to both of them.

Demeter eyebrows raised. “That’s smart. Misto and Victoria do prefer your hot chocolate to Munk’s.”

Bomba scoffed. “That’s because they got your impeccable tastes. And Bustopher’s as well.”

“’In fact, he’s remarkably fat.’” She quoted Bomba’s line in his song that Bomba always put in intentionally a lot of snark in.

“Yes, he is the St. James Street Cat.” Bomba responded back, knowing full well that she was not fascinated and thoroughly confused on why their godmother had a thing for Bustopher Jones. Jemima babbled, hearing the word cat and waved her cat around. “Yes, I know. Bustopher Jones is one of the cats. You saw him two days ago! Did you think that he is quite incredibly large, compared to Grandpa?” Jemima again babbled, and Demeter smiled at the scene in front of her. Bomba, and Tugger as well, were besotted by Jemima, knowing that both of them thought of Jemima as a promise, of happiness and forgiveness. She remembered the day when Bomba revealed to her one of her darker secrets from the warehouse they were kept in, and how Tugger and her made a technical promise that if they ever have a little girl with her eyes and his curls they would name her Jemima. While they were two of the more notorious citizens of their town (not on the level of Mungojerrie and Rumpleteazer), they were the most loving, the most caring of the Tribe members. Munk and Old Deuteronomy explained to her that both of them did suffer from Mac’s abuse more than her and Munk himself when they were younger, Tugger being the youngest of the brothers and Munk being the kind protective dad-like brother he is. Bomba was Grizabella’s favorite student, alongside her. Demeter knew her sister had issues with Mac, but not to the extent that she thought until Munk set the record straight after both of them got out. It was then that Jemima yawned, which Bomba declared, “It’s naptime for Jemmy. Let me put Jemmy down and then we’ll have a proper sister talk.” Standing up from the couch they were sitting on and walked down the hallway to Jemima’s bedroom, with her sister singing 'The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide Is Press Coverage’ to her daughter, which reminded Demeter of how much of a Macadamia Nut her sister was.

Along in the open concept living room-kitchen-dining room, her eyes noticed something interesting on the wall next to the hallway, framed. Standing up and placing her cup on the wooden coffee table Tugger made only three years ago for a competition, she walked over to the framed piece of paper. As she got closer, she read the words written on it. ‘Certificate of Marriage between Travis J. Jellicle and Beatrice R. Ford’ With the signature of a Judge. ‘What. The. Hell. That little…minx! Mom and Jenny were trying to hint to them that they should get married and turns out that they fucking fooled us because they were already married!’ Demeter thought, growling at her sister. ‘And the date…June 20th, 2006?!? Jemima was one month old!’ “Oh, I am going to kill you…” Demeter growled, her Tanner Temper slowly building.

“Kill who?” Making Demeter turn to face her sister leaning against the wall next to her.

“When were going to tell us that you and Tugger were already married?!?” She quietly hissed at Bomba, pointing at her harshly.

Bomba gently pushed her offending finger away. “Because you know how I want control over certain things.” Her emerald green eyes razor sharp, glancing at the certificate. “I know that Mom and Jenny were planning a wedding behind my back. I didn’t want that.”

“Then how did you go through with this?!” Demeter hissed, angrily pointing at the piece of paper.

“It was Tugger’s idea.”

“Huh?”

Bomba started to explain…” Let’s get married.” He said early in the morning, watching as Bomba fed their month-old daughter.

“Huh? Married?” Pregnancy brain still hadn’t faded, “When?”

“Maybe today or tomorrow. It’ll make it easier for social services to grant us custody of Electra, confirm our custody of Plato, and protect not only you, but Jemima as well. Also, it’ll make filing taxes so much easier if we were married than not.” Explained Tugger, showing actual logic for once. “We can have Alonzo be our witness.”

“Because he won’t spill to our family?”

“Yes, also because it’s fucking funny. It’ll be hilarious to watch Jelly and Jenny trying to plan a wedding you don’t want and don’t need. And give Alonzo something to mess with Munk.”

“Do you think that we can keep it from Plato as well? Kids his age tend to not keep secrets well.”

“We can tell him that it’s a surprise and surprises are not meant to be told until we decide to reveal the surprise.”

“So, we’ll get married probably today or tomorrow, get Alonzo to be our witness, make sure Plato keeps the marriage a secret until we reveal it, and not tell our family that we got married behind their backs?” Bomba summed it up, seeing the hilarity and logic behind his plan. “Okay, I’ll marry you, Travis.”

“So, not only you’ve been married for six months, but fucking Alonzo knew?!?” Demeter harshly whispered, her temper fueling her anger.

“And Cass. Alonzo told her and why we were keeping it secret. Those jackasses decided to give us our gifts as ‘an early wedding present’ with the most shit-eating grin.” Bomba continued, rolling her eyes at the memory of their Christmas presents from them. “I so plan on getting them back next Christmas with the early wedding present.”

“Those two?!? The most enigmatic and quiet members of our group?!? And you thought not to tell me or Munk about it?!?” Demeter raged, keeping her voice low.

“Because.” Bomba said with a shit-eating grin, “It was fucking funny as hell. Our little secret. Tying everything in Legal Red Tape, bureaucracy at its finest. Worked so well with proving that Jemmy is Tugger’s. Now you know, want to help me plan the big reveal to Mom and Jenny?”

Demeter opened her mouth and shut it. ‘Oh, Bomba is so going to get it from Mom.’ “We’re going to tell Munk first, AND then Mom. Tugger has to tell Old Deuteronomy by himself.”

Bomba waved it off. “Eh, Tugger will be fine. He told Old Deuteronomy about Jemmy easily.”

“Mom won’t. She’s been planning it for ages.”

“More for you than me, Deme. You deserve it.”

“B-Beatrice!” Demeter gaped at her sister, astounded that she shook off that in favor of her.

Sometime later, at the family dinner…

“BEATRICE ROSEMARIE FORD, HOW DARE YOU GO BEHIND ALL OF OUR BACKS.” Demeter watched as Jelly scolded Bomba on how she and Tugger went behind everyone’s backs marrying each other in front of everyone. Jemima, sitting in her Pops lap (Asparagus Jr), just laughed as her Nana was yelling at her mother. Being the innocent giggling baby in this odd scene that would be considered strange to most of other people but not to the tribe. Or maybe will still be strange no matter what.

‘Sometimes, it’s good to be the younger sister.’ Demeter thought as she stood by Munk and watched as Bomba got yelled at, vindictive. She watched as Bomba not only cringed but covered her ears because of the volume. ‘Next time, just tell Mom about how you don’t want a wedding reception. Just let us celebrate and get some photos so that Jemima doesn’t ask questions when she gets older.’

I literally had this scene in my head, and it wouldn’t leave me alone.

#tuggerlurina week #cats the musical #bombalurina #tuggerlurina #cats human au #rum tum tugger #demeter cats #Well it's in Demeter's view #Sometimes you have to use an outside perspective on a ship #jellylorum #jennyanydots #jemima cats

[that-one-scorpia-kinnie]

My OC Teddy and their autism

So quite a while ago, I introduced to you all my She Ra OC Teddy and mentioned that they are autistic but I didn't go into much detail about what their experience with autism is like, so I'm gonna do a lil post about it. (To be honest I based some aspects of Teddy's autism on my own autism.)

Special interests

As some of you know, Teddy's main special interest is dance, and they know a lot about the history of dance, how dance evolved and dances from different cultures and what they may symbolise. They could talk for ages about the history of dances from thousands of years ago to the modern day. They are especially passionate about step-dancing, and has been doing that style of dance since a very young age when they first developed their special interest of dance, and is therefore extremely skilled at it. Some of their other special interests include hamsters and anthropology.

Empathy

Teddy has a lot of empathy, so is very good at understanding peoples' emotions (if their emotions are clear) and is good at comforting people and giving advice. But they tend to feel too much empathy for their own good. So when others say something negative or self-deprecating about themselves, Teddy will get nervous and try to comfort them. They also tend to feel too much empathy for the wrong people, which occasionally hinders them in battle.

Sensory issues

Teddy is a big sensory-seeker, and movement-stimming and deep pressure stimming are their absolute favourite kinds of stim, so they love hugs and get very happy and excited when Scorpia gives them a hug (the two of them would get along really well cause of this.)

However, Teddy is sensitive to loud noises and struggles to cope in crowded spaces or when people are talking at the same time. They also don't like when people touch them without them knowing. They can't handle tight clothing and always wears clothes that are a little bit loose and baggy. However, in terms of same foods, Teddy tends to enjoy a wide variety of foods.

Misunderstanding of social cues

Teddy is introverted and often struggles with understanding social cues such as sarcasm, physical gestures, especially if they're subtle, and tones (they'll often think people are angry when they aren't.) However, Teddy is also very intuitive and generally knows when people are upset, and will always try to comfort them, usually by talking to them and letting them vent, as I said before Teddy has a lot of empathy. And them misunderstanding sarcasm doesn't mean they don't have a good sense of humour. In fact, Teddy will oftentimes use sarcastic humour but in their own way.

Stimming

Like I said before, Teddy's favourite forms of stimming are through movement, deep pressure and auditory. For example, they will stim to fast-paced music and usually will stim by dancing, jumping around, flapping their hands, squealing, hitting or rubbing their own arms and legs (not painfully though, just out of being excited) and playing with fidget toys. They will also often stim by playing with folds in clothing or different fabrics.

Meltdowns

The mains causes of Teddy's meltdowns are being overstimulated (such as during war meetings when multiple people are talking at once and the conversation is getting really stressful, or when there are sudden loud noises, Teddy becomes anxious and overwhelmed, or when they're having a sensory overload), being understimulated (when not enough is going on and Teddy has to stay still for a long period of time, they will become very depressed and irritable which leads to a meltdown), or when their emotions are too strong, such as how they become anxious a lot, and if they feel too much anxiety or feel too much empathy they will have a meltdown. Usually when they have smaller meltdowns, they will become mute and go into shutdown for a while, but in the instance of a full-blown meltdown, Teddy will cry, scream and hit their head against a wall as a form of self injury. When this happens, Lumina (my other OC who is very close with Teddy) will take them to a quiet room to help them calm down.

After a big meltdown, Teddy will be mute for a while and struggle to communicate, which is why they know ESL (Etherian sign language), as they used to be non-verbal until the age of 5 and communicated mostly with ESL and noises.

Routine

Teddy has a very good long term memory, is very precise about the things they want or need to do, and takes their daily routine very seriously. Not in the sense that Perfuma takes her rituals seriously, but Teddy will internally schedule their day and if there's an interruption to their routine they'll get worried.

.

(Side headcanon, I feel like Teddy and Entrapta would bond over the fact that they're both autistic, and they would absolutely support each others' special interests despite them being completely different. And my friend Bobbi (@spop-dump) at some point headcanoned that Entrapta would make Teddy back-up dancer robots, which I absolutely agree, and I added onto that headcanon with how Teddy would make Entrapta tiny shortbreads to say thanks for the back up dancer bots.)

#she ra #she ra netflix #spop #spop netflix #she ra oc #spop oc #autism #actually autistic #autistic oc

[cherrytea556]

Are these signs/symptoms of neurodivergence?

I'm questioning if im neurodivergent (like autism or something) and i want to know if these are sign/symptoms of it based on my experience;

I tend to notice how i always tend to move in repeat (spinning, rocking back and force, bouncing leg, doing step to step etc...).

I make little eye contact with people. Now i am capable of making eye contact (even if it feels a bit off) though thats a habit i always have.

I dont know how to explain things in my head, i have the idea but i dont seem to know how to actually explain what it is and comes like idk, choppy? Definitely not well, thats for sure. Same with writing like now.

I tend to notice that sometimes i dont understand basic stuff like when my parents asked me to do something in a direction, im confused on what direction they meant until they point it out or a question my friend asked on how much i eat (a lot or little), i try to explain it in my own way because i thought it was in general but it was actually just food on one plate. She wonders why it was harder for me to answer since it was suppose to be a easy question, to which im also questioning as well.

I'm not good at communication. I try to with questions and stuff but i dont think i can have a long conversation unless the other person wants to talk about stuff (and even then i wonder what input i would give). Comforting is also hard for me since i want to make sure that im doing it right for my friends though i dont know how, again i try, and i do understand them if their upset about something, i just don't know how to exactly comfort them.

I use to have poor coordination when i was younger, whether its bumping into things or spraining/hurting my foot, my coordination wasnt up to standard to say the least. It got better as time went on though i find that I cant walk a straight line, its always a bit to the left or right.

I have a forgetful memory. I tend to forget things from my childhood from a large proportion or i have such vivid memories of them but i cant be specific at explaining it. This is also why i have trouble at school at times because whenever a video is playing and we have to write during the video playing, im worried that i wouldnt catch on and answer nothing.

I dont understand comedy and how to do it, im often the last one to get the joke (which is why i probably wont write a comedy, instead focusing on characters and how they bounce off each other)

People tend to tell me that i either talk loudly or quietly even when i dont notice it (especially being loud)

I dont sit properly. I notice that i dont sit regularly most of the time

I repeat stuff like pulling the jacket sleeves to my hands or just generally repeat something if i feel like its not right. Also when i was young, i use to repeat things characters say a lot of the time which faded but hasnt completely stopped)

I dont know if its sensory issues or something but i hate kissing noises, i always tend to swat it away like its a fly

I used (and still do) have weird visions, i dont want to describe them but they were definitely odd. I also notice that i view myself as random characters from media, not that i think i am the character but when im talking, i imagine myself as the character as im talking randomly if that makes sense

I laugh even if i don't actually find it funny

I took online tests and most of the answers were that i have moderate symptoms/chance of autism (not to self diagnose of course, just questioning)

I use to walk around in circles daily when i was in primary and i still do (just not around the whole room/in the oval this time lol)

For some reason, i dont have energy to do things like there was work for health yesterday and i finished it all except for one which isnt hard to answer exactly but i didnt have the energy to do it for some reason. It's very hard to do stuff if your brain just randomly has nothing (which happens at times)

I will play a movie multiple times in the background for some reason, it could just be a decent enough film and my brain will just make me repeat it as background noise (the knives out franchise, 7 women and a murder and now its death of 2021) This should be taken a grain of salt since it could just be things neurotypical people do as well

I dont think i have a special interest though when im really interested in stuff i found, i would look into it and want to share that info (like a creators unknown controversy or a random person i never heard of before having a tumblr call out blog about them) Im just really interested in odd things in general. I also regularly look at specific blogs/tags on tumblr daily like its a thing in my routine lol

I cannot make new friends (similar with communication but in a more general sense) i just dont know how, theirs students that nice to me but i dont know how to make them my friend per say (i dont connect with my year group that much tbh)

I think thats all I have, any answer to this is welcomed

#neurodiversity #autism #questioning #question #question tag #am i autistic?

[aggressive-positivity-network]

Do you have any autistic Scout headcanons? :P

Hell yeah!

I’ve actually thought about this a lot. A lot of people might think that Scout has ADHD, but I think he either has both ADHD and autism or just autism.

This is both because labeling Scout as having just ADHD is kind of a low-hanging fruit, and I also want to explore his symptoms a little more. So, in a word, I do, and thank you for asking about them!

*****************

Scout’s Spectrum:

So, where exactly does Scout fall on the autism spectrum?

First of all, he probably has both ADHD and autism, but wasn’t diagnosed with the latter until much later. This means that some of his symptoms were taken into account, but not all.

The ones that were paid attention to ramped up out of control, and the ones he didn’t hear about were stuffed away.

His ADHD symptoms include impulsiveness, need for stimulation, hyperfixations, forgetfulness, and insomnia; his autism symptoms include trouble with social skills, stimming, near inability to remember names and faces, lack of eye contact, hyperfixations again, and sensory processing issues, especially with noise and touch.

He used to have a lot of meltdowns when he was younger, usually about wearing new clothes and the amount of noise his eight brothers generated.

However, he was teased and pushed into masking nearly all the time, and made his whole personality about his ADHD, since that was what everyone accepted.

As he got older, he usually wrote off any autistic tendencies as either his ADHD or just “little habits” of his.

During his middle school years, he used energy drinks to bounce back from being exhausted every day after school. This would work, except those energy drinks would upset his ADHD, and would make it much harder to focus on even basic conversation.

After a while, he got such bad grades and had such a hard time making friends that Scout just stopped going to school altogether.

Baseball helped his focus, and the quick movement and thinking made a lot of sense to him. He never had to wait very long for the next development, and the instant gratification and community it provided supplemented what he never got at school.

With sports on his side, he rarely ever drank any energy drinks (the coach would never let them on the field), and he drank bucketfuls of water during every meet and game. Those teenage years were probably the healthiest he ever was.

However, with the amount of rumbles he got into with his brothers, and the turf wars that constantly raged in those neighborhoods, it was only a matter of time before his crime caught up with him.

After his first incarceration, he was booted from the team, which led to a downward spiral of unhealthy coping mechanisms - which included fighting someone tooth and nail whenever he could.

Even if he lost the fight, it not only catered to his impulsive nature and impatience, but also gave him roughly the same sense of friendship and camaraderie that baseball had.

One thing led to another, and by the time Mann Co. found him, Scout was a monster in hand to hand (and bat to bat) and had racked up quite the criminal record.

A perfect mercenary, ripe for the picking.

On The Team:

Scout very quickly adopted the “stupid, scrappy Boston boy” persona.

It was the only thing that made sense, and it kept him from having to try too hard in both the battlefield and socially.

Besides, that meant that he could be as silly, forgetful, and fidgety as he wanted, and no one would bat an eye.

And if he ever needed to take a break from the team, he figured everyone would appreciate the quiet.

The only thing that ever gave him away was him occasionally dissociating right when battle began, especially if the day had been stressful.

It was usually how he calmed down after a fight when he was young, but now he sometimes slid into that state when he was overwhelmed.

However, a yell from one of his teammates would usually snap him out of it.

Medic noticed this pretty early on, and wanted to look more into it, but Scout would keep making excuses not to get a mental examination.

He would blame it on zoning out, being tired, drinking too many Bonks - whatever it took for people to stop asking.

And, eventually, they did.

Even Medic stopped asking after a while - he couldn’t get a thing out of Scout.

This “try so little that when you do try it’s above average” charade worked for a long time. In fact, it went on for so long that Scout forgot how much he was actually capable of.

He began to internalize the stupidity, the exacerbation, the many comments on how dumb he was, everything.

The only time he ever gave his all was on the battlefield - moving fast, memorizing strategies, doing complicated footwork, knowing exactly how much force it took to crush someone’s skull with his bat.

That was one of the only things that he felt good doing, the only thing he could really work on without him being “found out.”

That and drawing, though he never showed the actual pieces to anyone. It was all stick figures and crooked lines with everyone else.

Sometimes, though, Scout wouldn’t be paying attention and he’d let something slip.

One time, Engineer was looking for his screwdriver, and couldn’t seem to find it anywhere.

Scout, not looking up from his comic, said, “Under the couch cushion, hard hat.”

Engineer bent down and reached into the couch, and his hand came back with his red and yellow striped screwdriver.

“Well I’ll be damned…”

At first Engineer thought Scout had just hid it, but Scout explained, still not paying attention:

“Last time we went out on th’ field, you had it on your belt, like always. But I was walkin’ by your workshop, you were usin’ a quarter to tighten a screw or somethin’. Your screwdriver had to be somewhere between the battlefield and your workshop. Engie, you’re like freakin’ clockwork. Every day, after a fight, you go to the kitchen, get a water, go to that couch, between the second and third cushion from the left, and sit there. Then ya go back to the fridge to get lunch and a beer, and ya go to your workshop until somebody needs you for somethin’. Your back loop in your tool belt is looser than all the others, ‘cause the screwdriver pulls against it when you sit down. The shank was probably in between the two cushions, and when you got up, it fell in. Demo, Pyro, and Heavy all sit on the second or third cushion at some point, so it got shimmied down. And since that’s the only time you sat down, ‘cause you woulda heard it if it dropped on the floor, and I…uh…”

“I’ll be damned,” Engie repeated, and felt the back tool belt loop. It was indeed loose.

Scout finally looked up, and realized what had happened.

“Uh, uh - l-lucky guess, huh Engie?”

Engineer squinted behind his goggles. “Yeah…real lucky…”

What ensued was Engie trying to get Scout to turn into a B.L.U Spy by chasing him around with his wrench. After a few good hits, though, Engineer saw that it was the teammate he knew and loved.

“But…how didja…?”

Scout threw his hand up, the other rubbing the back of his head where he’d been hit.

“I toldja Engie! Lucky guess! Jesus!”

Ever since then, Scout chose his words more carefully.

The Breakdown:

But, unfortunately, Scout could not pretend forever.

There was one week where Scout’s assignment count was so high that, if he wasn’t in a fight, he was on a mission.

Usually, Pauling wouldn’t trust him with so much, but no one else was available - or willing - to do the jobs.

Even when she was getting concerned about the amount of hours Scout was putting in, he blew it off.

“It’s no sweat, Miss Pauling! Their practically givin’ me the pay day. Those yahoos don’t know who they’re messin’ with.”

Over time, though, Scout had a harder and harder time staying focused and alert.

He’d sleep through alarms, stare off into space, zone out completely during briefing (not that he didn’t already do that), have a hard time hearing people in battle - even through his headset - ignore Spy’s taunts, and even forget to bring his bat onto the field.

Nothing seemed to help - Bonk!, warming up, stretching, cold showers, setting reminders, nothing.

And the team was starting to notice.

At first it was with the regular frustration - maybe Scout was just being lazy.

But as time went on, and his condition grew worse, their scorn turned into worry. They implored Medic to do something, but he had no way of getting through to Scout.

The doctor wasn’t above simply sedating him and dragging him into his lab for a check-up. However, he had a feeling that this was more than a physical issue.

The worst came when Scout was doing a routine battle with the B.L.U team on the field.

Everything had started out okay - he even remembered to bring his bad this time - but suddenly, everything was ear-splittingly loud.

He couldn’t focus on more than one sound at once, much less communicate the best course of action to his teammates.

He ended up hiding in a dilapidated shed, in a dusty, dark corner, somewhere between zoning out and panicking.

Scout’s head was in his knees, he was shaking, close to crying, when a sudden splitting of wood roused him.

A B.L.U Soldier had kicked his way into the shed, either having heard Scout or to hide from the other team.

Scout was stunned at first, but something of a blind terror filled him. He picked up his bat, screamed, and started pummeling the surprised Soldier.

At some point, he threw aside his bat and began to swing punch after punch, just like he did in his gang days when he had felt overwhelmed. Still screaming. Still crying.

By the time Scout had dissolved into a rocking, sobbing mess, the Soldier was long dead, with a gigantic pool of blood staining Scout’s shoes.

No one even knew where Scout was until a few hours later, when Spy heard a faint note of “Sexbomb” coming from Scout’s Walkman.

Scout had crawled into the shed’s framework, between the outer and inner wall, and was playing a specific verse over and over and over again, looking like he was on another plane of existence.

Spy immediately called for Medic, who had to lift Scout out by the underarms through a jagged hole in the side of the building. By then, the fight was over, so they could take him directly to the lab.

Medic’s Evaluation:

“I’m guessing zhis is your first mental breakdown?”

“Mental…doc, I ain’t crazy. Wait, you’re not goin’ to put me in a straight jacket, are ya?”

“If you’re not doing anyzhing later.”

Medic started to laugh, but quickly realized this might not be the time.

“No, Scout, everyvun has a mental breakdown at least vunce in their lives. It’s a…how do you say…a vake-up call of sorts. Vhen your body has no other options left.”

“Whaddya mean?”

“For zhe past few months, you health, both physical and mental, has been deteriorating. You eat less. You talk less. Your attacks are lackluster. You have bags under your eyes. You flinch vhen somevun yells for you. You stare off into space. Your routine, vhich usually has at least some changes, has become stringent, as if you can’t possibly expend any more energy into extra activities. You have avoided Demoman on zhe battlefield, even though you usually use him for cover.”

Medic flipped through his notes.

“I have pages and pages of your decline. However, as a scientist, I believe it is caused by zhe same source. And, though I usually respect my patient’s right to privacy vhen it comes to these sorts of matters, I believe you’ve been keeping something from me. Something that I should know as your general practitioner…your doctor.”

Scout shrugged, already shutting out the conversation.

Medic sighed.

“Maybe I tried to talk to you about zhis too soon. After all, you’ve just had a very sudden and exhausting episode. But…perhaps…”

Medic took a sheet of printer paper from his clipboard and a spare pen from his pocket.

“…zhere is an alternative.”

Scout was still unresponsive, but Medic continued.

“Zhere is a patient in my vaiting room vis a metal pole through the chest. It vill take me at least an hour to properly remove it, and a few minutes more to heal zhe area. Vhile I do zhat, vhy don’t you draw how you feel?”

Medic smiled.

“I know how much it grounds you.”

It wasn’t until Medic left that Scout actually picked up the pen, but he began drawing immediately.

For the first time in a while, he wasn’t trying to hide his strokes or scratch up the cleaner lines. No more stick figures. No more pretending.

Five minutes later, he was fully engrossed.

Medic started to walk in at one point, but, seeing how relaxed Scout was, decided to give him a few more minutes.

He deserved it.

#tf2 #tf2 scout #scout tf2 #tf2 headcanons #headcanon requests #tf2 mercs #autism #autistic community #autistic culture #red team #blu team #valve games

[genderqueerpositivity]

I guess I'll go ahead and do a 5 month HRT update today, because a few folks have asked how that is going. On Friday I'll officially be 5 months on T, which is just unbelievable???

CW: changes from HRT, talking about periods, eating habits, changes to body parts and gentials, sex drive, etc

My dose increased in June, so I've been applying daily .75 ml of a 100 mg/ml cream since then. I can't say that I've noticed an increase in how fast things are happening since increasing my dose. Some changes are still happening slowly and steadily, while it feels like others have backed off a bit.

My voice hasn't changed significantly since I last posted screenshots from the voice analyzer app. I'm fine with that? I really like my voice how it is now. It would be great if it drops more in the future, but I think I would also be fine if it doesn't?

My voice has gotten me he/him'd and sir'd a few times. My voice is now my most visibly trans feature and it's a powerful one. I recently showed someone my driver's license (which has not been changed) and filled out paperwork with my legal name (also not changed) and I was still consistently called he and sir the entire time, and I wasn't making any special attempt at passing, not even wearing a binder.

One thing I do wish is that I could get back to being able to speak as loudly as I did pre-T. In loud areas it feels like I'm constantly being told now that I need to speak up. Especially at work, it's difficult to lead meetings and even have one on one conversations. Being loud enough to be heard over background noise takes a lot more effort than it did back when I had a naturally high voice. Trying to force a louder voice for long periods of time leaves me with a sore throat. I think this is because I haven't gotten the hang of the whole "speaking from my chest" thing.

Body hair is still happening steadily. I have so much back hair now. Toe hair. Hair on the tops of my hands. Sideburns. Hair on my upper arms and upper legs. Butt hair, chest hair, and belly hair. Really this is getting ridiculous but I actually really like it. I had a diagnosis of hirsutism pre-T but now I see that my pre-T body and facial hair was nothing compared to this lol.

I've still been shaving my facial hair pretty regularly, because I wear a mask for 8 hours a day and it itches my face a lot. But I'm starting to really want to grow it out for a few weeks to see what it looks like on me. I'm a little nervous about what other people might think, and also about it possibly looking patchy and weird. But I also really want a break from shaving irritation and ingrown hairs, and I want to see if I'll like having my face unshaven or not.

Either I've gotten used to it, or my skin isn't as oily as it was at first. My skin is definitely still breaking out in places though. I didn't have this much acne during my first puberty. I definitely sweat more than I used to, but also it's August here so that could just be the humidity lol. I've noticed some changes to my shoulders, upperarms, and forearms for sure; they look more masculine and I've gained some muscle there and I like it. I've surprised myself with my own strength a few times, which is pretty cool.

*skip the next three short paragraphs if you don't want to read about periods or vague comments about bottom growth and sex*

Sadly my period hasn't stopped yet. I'm tracking it with an app, so I do know that they're happening less frequently now, are shorter (which means only 7 days and not 9+) and are lighter than ever before. I have fewer PMS symptoms now, and less pre-period sensory issues. Even my cramps are and feel different now; they seem less sharp and more manageable.

I'm actually really disappointed that my bottom growth appears to have stopped. I was hoping for more of that. I hope that what I've gotten so far isn't all there is, because I know that it varies a lot by person. I don't really know what would be considered an average amount of growth at this point, and I don't know what to expect personally overall.

In related news, I understand now why so many transmasc people complain about their sex drive increasing on T....because that is definitely a thing. And let's just say that things work kind of differently down there now, and I like the changes. I've also had a few experiences lately that have caused me to question my gray-asexuality a bit, so that sure is...something. Sexual attraction is odd--and this keeps happening to allosexual people, like forever? Sounds fake.

Other minor stuff:

I haven't noticed a change in appetite since starting T, but I do think I have less of a sweet tooth. Even when do I crave sweets now, I want less than I did before. And it seems like I'm more likely to have a stomachache after eating them. I don't really know why this is or if this is entirely HRT related.

I haven't lost any hair and I don't think my hairline has changed any yet. I have so much gray hair now though wtf.

I can still cry. I've cried today in fact (they were happy tears, no worries). I think I am quicker to get an attitude now though? I've had a few moments lately where afterwards I was like...."damn I really said all that out loud, huh".

As much as all of this is, I feel like I look the same as I did pre-T. The changes to my appearance haven't been drastic at all. I expected that by 5-6 months, I wouldn't be able to hide the fact that I'm on T anymore, but it looks like that isn't the case. I'm not out at work at all, and if anyone has noticed the changes, no one has said a word to me about it. Apart from the week or so around the time where I lost my voice (it was assumed that I was sick), and a single comment making fun of my facial hair (which I already had some of pre-T), not even my parents have caught on to what I'm doing. And regardless of how that all turns out in the end, I'm not going to regret doing this. Choosing to move forward with HRT has been one of my best life choices so far.

I've realized that I definitely feel more positive about my body now than I did pre-T. Showers and baths are more enjoyable. I went swimming last month for the first time in years and it was a blast. This has all been so worth it.

My next HRT appointment is in less than a month. And I've just realized that I'm might have to reschedule it, so that's fun. Anyway, if the lab tests come back good and I'm given the chance to increase my dose again at that appointment, I'm going to take it.

#hrt journal #hrt diary #genderqueer #transmasculine #ftm #op #personal #menstruation tw #gentials tw #food tw

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(if you want to) rb with your redactverse neurodivergent head canons! you can say why you think so or not, either way. i’ll go first!!   (also, ignore the bolding and italicizing, i just know that helps me read longer blocks of text easier, and i don’t really use it on fics but i figured i would here)   sorry this got so long, i have so many thoughts on this, and this could almost definitely have been longer but i didn’t want to wake it insufferable to read lmao take a guess at how much of this is pure projection lol

Lasko-- ADHD methinks, for many reasons, but a couple of the things that Really Hit were when he said that having the physical papers all laid out where he could touch and see them helped, and also when he said it helped to go somewhere “familiar but not yours” when you need to focus. stims mainly by chewing his lip, bouncing his leg, humming, and tapping his fingers. he also flaps his hands, but only in private. gets sensory overload very easily, most commonly auditory sensory overload. also i feel like he has significant trouble with auditory processing which bothers him a lot because he feels like it takes him too long to answer in conversations and he finds it embarrassing. (also, almost definitely has RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria)) Damien-- autistic Damien makes me so incredibly happy. when he said that he had been happy in front of the freelancer before and he did show it, just in his own way, it felt like a personal attack /lh i feel like he misses social cues a lot and therefore has trouble telling when he’s being intense or abrasive, and also why he doesn’t realize lasko’s scared of him until he’s told. in the dinner video, he has a schedule/structure planned for the evening, and i think this helps him know what to expect in this new situation, because as far as we know he’s never been around the freelancer in a non-academic context. could his interest in activism and reform be considered a special interest? i think so, but i’m not entirely sure. most common stim is tapping his foot or rocking back and forth. has a lot of clothes-related sensory issues that mean he mainly wears soft things and things that are Good Materials. absolutely hates getting anything sticky on his hands Huxley-- ADHD/autism (either or both) honestly, i’ve forgotten most of my reasons for him bc it’s been a minute since i listened to his videos, but i remember a few of them were the fact that he jumps from topic to topic very frequently (and how he’s used to people not paying attention when he does. i wish to hug him), and also how he mentioned that it felt like he was pretending to be someone and just playing a role around most people, which let him be everyone else’s friend, but no one was really his friend. that felt a lot like a description of masking (to me, anyways). his favorite sensation is cool water flowing over his hands or running his hands through something with small particles (sand, rice, sugar, etc) Davey-- autistic Davey please and thank you. i have less evidence for this one, but the idea makes me happy so i’m sharing anyways. Davey has a very low social battery and, as much as he cares about his small group of friends (Asher and Milo,) he gets tired very quickly when they hang out. very sensitive to loud noises, bright lights, and crowds. when he gets overwhelmed he gets especially irritable and snaps at people frequently, though he doesn’t mean too. pretty averse to new experiences, but he’s more willing once someone explains what’s going to happen and what he should expect. when he goes to restaurants he almost always orders the same thing. during times of stress he has one or two same foods that are almost all he eats. stims by humming and making clicking sounds with his mouth, and also by listening to one song on repeat for hours when he’s upset and angel isn’t home. doesn’t like to be touched unexpectedly, and he gets uncomfortable when anyone other that the few people he’s closest to touches him (also, pretty much all of the listeners, but it’s pure self-insert lmao)

#redacted asmr #head canons #redacted asmr davey #david shaw #redacted asmr huxley #redacted asmr damien #redacted asmr lasko #neurodivergent #feel free to add on #or tell me your opinions on the ones i listed #damn series #(not trying to diagnose anyone. just trying to see bits of myself in the characters i love)

[a-lil-strawberry]

I know I have anxiety and depression, but something more is definitely wrong with me. I think I have ADHD or some mild mild mild form of like.... Autism. Idk. Or even ocd. I can't stand being touched, white noises that don't belong or are too loud, people being on my bed. When my mom talks to me for more than like a minute I zone out and can't understand what she's saying anymore and it frustrates me and makes me angry. I can't plan ahead, I literally can't picture a day in the future; it's just now, or not now. I can't use a top sheet because it separates from my other blankets and feels wrong. I can't sleep with certain fabrics. If I've gotten home from work and I'm hungry, I can't eat until I've showered and changed my clothes. I stay stuck on my phone at night when I know I need to go to bed and I'll be thinking "I need to get up" but I'm just frozen, like for hours. Like five hours sometimes. I cannot keep my room tidy. When I was younger and we went to a large church, I couldn't sit in the room when they were doing the music because it was too loud and dark and I would get physically sick. If a guy who I'm attracted to is in my general area I start physically shaking from nervousness and I can't stop shaking for like an hour after they've left. At work I'll start a task and then move on to another task before finishing the first one because I forgot I was doing it. The forgetting! I forget so much. Especially when it comes to planning or talking about the future, or at work if someone's trying to tell me how to do a certain thing, I not only forget it, but during the conversation right in the middle of it I just my brain just goes like old tv static. Or I start thinking about something else and I suddenly realize the person is still talking to me. I have a coworker who plays music from her phone and if I'm nearby I can hear her music plus the music from the store speakers and I literally can't handle it. Even if it was just her phone even, the sound of music coming out of a crappy phone speaker. I cannot stand. If someone touches me like on my skin, and my brain thinks they're dirty, like anybody who I don't know and see as "clean", the feeling of them touching my skin stays with me on that spot until I can wash it off. I bite my nails, I chew and pull at the skin around my nails, I scratch my head, I pick at my face, I pluck hairs just because I like seeing them come out. If I stay over at someone's house and when I come back home my stuff smells different, like their house, even if it's a good smell, I have to wash everything. This is kinda a weak one but I relate to almost every meme or post I see about ADHD experiences. It's just that the physical symptoms of ADHD and anxiety can look the same a lot of the time, so idk if I'm just incredibly anxious and it pushes out these sensory issues, but idk. Idk. I have like literally a million unfinished arts and crafts projects, and projects in general that I've started and lost motivation to finish. At the end of a work day if I think I'm done and suddenly some other task is sprung on me, even if it's small, it feels catastrophic.

Friends with ADHD, if you read all this; what do you think? Am I just clinically anxious or do you think this sounds like ADHD?

[bnha-butterfly]

I'm new and I just read the one for Bakugou x autistic reader and I was wondering if you could do one for Tokoyami x autistic reader? I'm autistic myself so I'm really happy I found your blog it made me really happy

First ask! Let’s gooooo! Also I’m glad my blog makes you happy 🥺🥰 I do it for the POC and Autistics that’s it 😌💅🏾✨

This is written in the usual hc style I write these in and is on the longer side of things. Lemme know how you like it!

Tw: I describe reader becoming overstimulated!

If you mask when your in school he’s drawn to your mysterious and quiet personality. You always seem to be paying attention and watching what’s going on as opposed to jumping into conversations or danger.

You quickly become part of the quiet kids with him, Ojiro, Shoji and Koda. Him and Shoji do seem a bit intimidating at first but you quickly learn otherwise

The more you get comfy with the group and the less you mask the more and more he falls for you.

Darkshadow teases him about it all the time.

You don’t get the chance to actually tell him your autistic, or at least not on your own terms.

Your in the common room one day siting on the couch talking to Koda, Tokoyami and Shoji when Bakugo and his friends come in. They’re loud and Bakugo is yelling for some reason and someone is laughing and you struggle to pay attention to conversation you’re having.

Tokoyami is saying something to you and your trying to pay attention. You see him talking but you aren’t hearing the words. You’re starting to feel overstimulated and can’t stay in the common room anyone.

You wanna say something but your brain is to stuck trying to make sense of the noises around you and you can’t. So you get up and b-line it up to your room. You don’t even wait for the elevator you take the stairs.

You leave all your friends kind of concerned and confused. Poor Tokoyami is scared he said something to like offend you or something so he decides he’ll give you your space now and talk to you during dinner.

But when you don’t show up to dinner he gets concern and heads up to your room instead.

You’re kinda like “😳😳 he cared enough to comecheck on me😳😳”

He explains that he was worried he might of said something to offend you and you kind of have to explain to him that you’re autistic and were getting sensory overload and couldn’t handle that environment anymore.

After you tell him that your autistic he makes it a point to educate himself on autism so he can be a better friend and future boyfriend

He ask you questions about it when you two are alone because he realizes that autism effects everyone differently.

He lets you hide in his room if you have light sensitivity issues cus he has blackout curtains

When he finally gets the nerve to ask you out he takes you out to an arcade and then stargazing (I totally headcannon Tokoyami as a astronomy/astrology nerd)

He’s just so patient and kind with you it’s so adorable.

He always try’s to be as clear about his feelings as possible so there’s nothing to misinterpret

If you buy him something that reminded you of him he will be a blushing mess and that cool and mysterious person he has will completely disappear.

Buys you things pertaining to your special interest.

He’ll listen to you ramble about your hyper fixations / special interest. He thinks it’s cute as hell to see how passionate you are about the things you love. Even if he has no idea what your going on about.

Dark shadow absolutely loves you and won’t hesitate to intimidate anyone that looks at you sideways for stimming or just ✨existing as an autistic ✨ in public

I feel like he’s the type to buy you blackout curtains and a weighted blanket if you don’t already have one

When you get over stimulated he’ll take you somewhere quiet and if you let him touch you he’ll just hold you really tight with like nice firm pressure that keeps you grounded

He reminds you to eat and drink water and take your meds (or vitamins if you don’t take meds!)

He is single handedly the one thing keeping you from complete and total autistic burnout. He will literally pick you up and drag you away from whatever is making you burnt out.

#tokoyami hcs #tokoyami fukimage #autistic!reader #tokoyami x reader #tw: overstimulation #Morpho Writes #Morpho has Mail

[maybedefinitely404]

Not Your Typical

Genre: college AU, hurt/comfort (kind of?)

Pairings: romantic Demus, Logicality, and Prinxiety

Content: some language, autistic character, sensory overload, mentions of losing friends in the past, anxiety, unintentional self harm, Roman is kind of a jerk but he regrets it, food mentions, unable to eat certain consistencies, beach/water/swimming, Janus being a disaster gay, ASL, selective mutism.

Word count: 6k

Comments: Like always, I don’t intend for these to be so long. Holy cow.

Janus is written based mostly on my experiences as someone with autism, and how it’s affected my childhood/relationships/daily life. No one’s experience is the same.

Janus was always alone. Alone, not lonely. 

Most of the time, that is. 

His whole childhood was an endless cycle of make a friend, weird them out, be alone. Find another friend, weird them out, be alone. And sometimes it hurt, yeah, but he got used to it. At home, he spent the entire day in his room, assembling structures out of legos before tearing them down and starting over. Sometimes he’d build something really cool, and that would stay up for a long time. He didn’t have any siblings, and his parents didn’t give a whoop as long as the floor was generally clear, so no one ever bothered the space ships or towers or just really long lines that stretched from one wall to the other. He liked those. 

Things changed when he got to middle school. Life started getting real, people became more than just recess friends, and that unsettled him. He made a couple close friends, friends that he really opened up to only for them to leave him when he became too much. He just couldn’t help it though; he couldn’t help the way he bounced when he got so excited he couldn’t breathe, or how he couldn’t use words when he got overwhelmed by the touch and the noise, or how he couldn’t stop talking about his favorite shows or books. He was labeled as childish. It was like a label had been stuck to his chest that read “avoid at all costs”, and people did. 

So he relearned how to be alone. He put a lava lamp next to his bed for when he needed something constant to look at, he got a collection of chewy necklaces and stim toys that never left his room. After a lot of research, he convinced his parents to buy him a weighted blanket for when every touch was too light, too agonizingly light, and he needed something firm to ground him. At school, or really around anyone, he learned to control his more obvious stimming and touch sensitivity by staying in oversized sweaters and jeans. He taught himself basic sign language for when he couldn’t talk, even though he knew his parents wouldn’t understand him. They took forever to learn basic signs, for ‘water’ or ‘quiet’ or ‘no’, and both eventually got frustrated and gave up. As if their frustration was anything compared to his. 

It was going great, not perfect but better than before, until he graduated high school. Suddenly he realized he was about to move halfway across the country, to a new environment with new triggers and new people who didn’t understand that he wasn’t frowning because he was pissed, but because smiling when you didn’t understand the reasoning was exhausting. Why do people smile and greet you when they enter the room? Why couldn’t that be more of an… understood thing? I’m here, you’re here now, we both know that, so why bring so much attention to it? For once his parents were kind enough to help him out, taking him to the campus during the summer to get acquainted with the surroundings and learn the map by heart. He talked to the admission’s counselor, explaining his disability and why that meant he couldn’t be on the side of campus near the highway, because the constant noise and common sirens would make him explode. They were eventually able to move him to one of the other buildings, one with apartments instead of dorms, even though that was generally only for third and fourth years. It took a load off his shoulders; less noise, less people. The one thing he couldn’t do was meet his roommates before the year started. 

The school got them into contact, and since he was the last to be assigned to the six person pod, they added him into their pre-established group chat. The other five already had nicknames, ranging from ‘Dad’ to ‘Rat Bastard’, and he immediately felt like an outsider. Not like that was new to him, though. Except, he didn’t stay like that. When one of the group, ‘Nerdy Mcnerd’ on the chat (he’d long forgotten their actual names), asked him what he liked and he immediately sent a list of special interests and hyperfixations, the top being snakes, it was like a door had been opened. Nerdy Mcnerd was a fan of space as well, and the two stayed up until all hours of night on their own chat discussing space and their place in the universe. Rat Bastard had an affinity for what people would categorize as “creepy animals”; octopi and squid, spiders, star-nosed moles, and most importantly, snakes. Their conversations mostly involved dopey pictures of snakes and unintelligible key smashes and emojis. Emo Disaster shared his love of darker themed TV shows, and they started a couple new ones at the same time, constantly updating each other with theories. When he mentioned his major was psychology, Dad was immediately overjoyed to be sharing the major with someone, and offered to help him study for the harder classes. He didn’t hit it off quite so well with Princey, who was put off by Janus’ so called “moodiness” and didn’t trust him. 

When they finally met, it was supposed to be great. Janus knew the environment, somewhat knew his roommates, and was surprisingly excited for the new year. His joy was suddenly vanquished, however, as meeting these people face to face took a turn for the worse. Dad, Patton, immediately tried to go for the hug when he walked into the apartment for the first time, and was slightly taken aback when Janus reared back so hard he hit his head on the wall. The glee disappeared and he apologized profusely, and that’s when Nerdy Mcnerd, Logan walked in, explaining that Patton was very physical. They were over it rather quickly, but Janus shuddered as soon as the other two turned to each other. They had already claimed one of the three rooms for themselves, so Janus chose the one furthest into the apartment. He dropped his suitcases next to one of the two beds with a deep sigh. The thought of a hug… no. It unsettled him greatly, made his skin crawl. Maybe one day, but not now. 

Emo Disaster and Princey, Virgil and Roman, arrived later in the day, hand in hand, bickering animatedly when they walked into the apartment. They were greeted with a huge hug from Patton and a side hug from Logan, and that’s when Janus recalled that they had all been roommates the year prior and again, felt a small tinge of pain. He was still the odd one out. Virgil gave a two finger salute to where Janus was sitting curled up on one of the bar stools, knees pulled to his chest and for the first time, Janus didn’t feel compelled to give a forced smile in greeting. It was a relief. The small nod was all that was needed. Roman however, was a different story. When they happened to make eye contact for the first time, the taller man still standing in the doorway, Janus flinched. Hard. The man’s eyes burned through him, as if scouring through his brain, eyes so full of passion that Janus had to look away. Eye contact was only an issue for him sometimes, but with Roman, it physically hurt. Which only made the theatre major more suspicious of him. As he passed him on the way to get a glass of water, the taller man blurted out, “You’re a first year, why are you in a third year building?”, earning him a gentle smack from Virgil. He answered with a lame shrug and rushed back to his room, conceding to just go to sleep, regretting leaving his drink on the counter. 

No one besides Janus was surprised when the door burst open at three am and a loud voice screamed, “I’M BACK, FUCKERS!” He was frozen in place, woken with such an adrenaline rush that he couldn’t move. Outside, the other four exited their rooms with varying levels of annoyance and delight, greeting the final member of the group. Remus, as Janus heard them proclaim, was his roommate, the only two dwellers not in a relationship. The gremlin burst into the room, a deranged smile on his face, and Janus wanted to cry. Why did he have to be stuck in a room with the loud one? But Remus saw the mismatched eyes poking out from under the blanket and with no hesitation, sunk to the floor next to the bed, still smiling but a million decimals softer. 

“Hey, Snakey. Sorry to scare ya. I’m Remus, but you can still call me Rat Bastard if you want. Call me whatever, I don’t really get offended. You go back to sleep, I’m gonna get settled in. We can talk in the morning.”

Janus wasn’t planning to fall asleep, not with this new person in his room, but Remus was shockingly silent as he unloaded his things (he packed a bunch of garbage bags, not even a suitcase or box), and he couldn’t help the way his eyes slipped shut. 

First semester came to a close, and he was equally delighted and horrified that everyone was staying on campus for break. It had become harder and harder for him to avoid movie nights, or family dinners (as Patton called them), or days they all went into town together. In the beginning, he put it off to being tired. Then, studying for exams. Now with school halted for nearly a month, he was out of excuses. It was getting to the point where he could feel the frustration from his roommates, and he wanted to admit how much he wanted to spend time with them, until his drawer full of secret stim toys and chewy necklaces called him back. At times, he let himself spend time with them. Baked something with Patton, talked about the stars with Logan, sat with Virgil as they studied, and it was good. He never was able to escape Roman’s cynical glares that made him absolutely shudder, but he got on much better with his twin. 

Remus never minded if Janus only greeted him with a raised eyebrow, and he was okay to have more one sided conversations while Janus drew, or after a few weeks, stared unapologetically. Because god, there was so much about Remus that Janus couldn’t help but watch, even if a normal person would get uncomfortable by his wide and unblinking eyes. Luckily, Remus was no ordinary person. But the younger still kept the drawer to himself, only allowing himself to nom on the plastic or squeeze the orbeez filled squishy snake with intense fascination when he was alone. So every time he was with the others and felt the need to stim or infodump or was about to have a stress induced meltdown, he would excuse himself and leave without so much of a goodbye. He couldn’t, not in front of them. Every time he left, he could hear Roman’s quiet remarks about him that stung more than he wanted to admit. 

He’d had so many people leave, people he allowed himself to get close to, only for them to see the side of himself he tried to hide. In his heart, he knew that part of him wasn’t bad. It was just him. Other people didn’t understand that, though. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that no one would judge him, or laugh at him because they weren’t like that, he was scared. The effort was wearing him thin, and it came to the point where he realized he had to tell them. He had to, or he would burst, and that would be way worse.

It was just three little words: I. Am. Autistic. And he’d explain everything, tell them about his stims and limits and how he needed space sometimes and hugs others, and spill everything about himself, and they’d accept him. They’d have to, right? Only, the night he was planning to blurt out the truth, something stopped him. 

They were eating dinner, one of the only ones he’d attended in a while. Patton kept glancing at him from across the table as he picked half heartedly at his lasagna, distracted from the lively conversation between the twins and Virgil. The whole thing was speckled with bite sized pieces of mushrooms and zucchini, two of the foods that he couldn’t eat to save his life. The texture made him want to recoil into himself and scream and yank at his hair, and he’d learned early in life that that wasn’t a normal response to food. He wanted to explain to Patton that it wasn’t the meal itself he was avoiding, that it wasn’t Patton’s cooking that he didn’t like, it was just the texture of those two things. 

Well, maybe that was a good gateway into his big announcement, if you could even call it that. It felt almost as scary as his coming out to his parents had been. If they didn’t take this well, he might be exiled from the group. If they tried to put up with them, they’d get irritated so quickly and slowly freeze him out. He really didn’t want that. It needed to happen though, he realized. How much worse would it be if one of them walked in on him having a meltdown, holding a pillow over his mouth to block his screams, biting almost animalistically on a necklace? How unsettled would they be if they saw him hitting his blanket pile out of repulsion of the feeling of his textbook pages? Better to warn them ahead of time. It was only luck that had gotten him this far.

Just as he opened his mouth to speak, Logan hit the table with the heel of his hand and let out an almost guttural scream before storming into his and Patton’s room, slamming the door behind him. Janus nearly fell backwards off his chair, matching Virgil’s surprised expression. Roman went silent, wincing slightly.

“What…” It was the first word he’d said the entire meal. Patton whipped his head towards him as if he’d forgotten he was there, a sudden sympathetic look on his face. He gave a weak smile.

“Sorry about that, kiddo. Logan has autism, sometimes he can’t handle the stimulus around him. Or maybe he just had a rougher day than I thought. I’ll check on him after dinner, give him some alone time.”

Logan has autism.

Logan has autism. 

Oh my god.

It was like everything clicked into place. His passionate talk about topics he was interested in that could rival Janus’ (if he would ever let himself infodump like he wanted). His mannerisms, his occasional emotional outbursts, his rigorous unbreakable schedule, it all made sense. For a brief second, Janus was elated. Someone like him, someone who understood! And if they accepted Logan, maybe they would be able to understand him, even if they presented different areas of the spectrum. 

But… how would that look? Janus had hidden away his neurodivergent traits for so long, repressed them until he felt like he would literally explode… what if they thought he was faking it? It’s not like they knew him well, not with the amount of time he avoided being around them. They might think he was lying to get attention, didn’t want to be left out. Wanted to be special.

Patton seemed to be waiting for a response, he noted. He gave a curt nod, hoping it displayed that he was unbothered by Logan’s disability, before giving a stupid excuse about some reading to finish over break and darting back to his room. Remus joined him later, saying nothing about the fact that Janus was huddled under his weighted blanket, no book in sight. He sat down in front of the bed, a common habit of his now, and began to quietly talk about some new dark fantasy story he was designing, his lilting voice soothing Janus to sleep.

Time passed, winter came and went, and the end of second semester was drawing near. Janus was still careful with the way he presented to the others. They had picked up that he didn’t like physical contact, and though they never said a word about it, Patton’s lasagna recipe shifted, kept changing, until it no longer included mushrooms and zucchini. Janus refused to believe it was for his sake, though. He tried to join them for a couple movie nights, but the constant fear of stimming made his anxiety spike, therefore finding the need to stim more compelling, until he had to leave. It was getting harder, however, now that it was that pleasant in-between time where he understood how his new profs worked but it wasn’t exam season yet. His excuses were dwindling. Like always, Roman made his stupid quips that hurt him more than was probably intended, and he’d finally had enough. 

Maybe that’s why he was staring out at the open lake in front of him, hands playing absentmindedly with the hem of his shirt as Patton and Remus squealed, sprinting into the water without a second thought. One of their shirts had landed on Janus’ sandaled foot, and he quickly kicked it off as the light touch began to irritate him. Logan stood to his side, watching his boyfriend with an almost imperceivable smile. 

“You guys could have helped carry stuff if you were just going to stand there!” Roman’s indignant voice carried over the lawn, muffled slightly by the pile of towels he was carrying. Virgil snorted, whether in agreement or at Princey’s expense, Janus didn’t know. Either way, he dumped his handful of lawn chairs unceremoniously onto the lawn at their feet. 

“You two set these up then. I’m hot, I’m going swimming.”

“Damn right, you are,” Roman grinned. Virgil raised an eyebrow.

“Damn right I’m hot, or I’m going swimming?”

“Yes.” He didn’t give any of them a second to retort, scooping up a shrieking Virgil before sprinting them both into the water. 

“They didn’t even take their shirts off,” Logan commented, picking up a chair from the pile and unfolding it. Janus quickly joined in, helping him set the four chairs into a line and placing the towels down in front of them. “Did you want to go swimming?”

Admittedly, Janus hadn’t actually gone swimming, much less to the beach, since he was a kid. He was lucky to have even found a swimsuit amongst his other barely worn clothing; how it had snuck into his suitcase, he didn’t know. The water looked inviting and it was hot, but right now he was exhausted from the long ride over in Remus’ truck, having to refrain from plugging his ear when it got too loud or maintain his breathing carefully when a leg touched his.

“Maybe in a bit. I’m kind of tired.”

Logan turned to look at him, dare he say scrutinizingly? He washed the expression away quickly, asking, “Would you like me to stay with you?”

“No, it’s okay,” Janus mumbled, “You go have fun. I’ll be fine, I like the quiet.” As if to punctuate his point, a child screamed from the playground, making them both flinch.

“Are you positive?”

“Yes. Go enjoy yourself, Logan.”

He nodded curtly, pulling his shirt over his head in one fluent motion and walking towards the waves professionally, as if he were walking towards a lecture. Patton cheered from the water.

Janus didn’t concern himself with the time as it passed, instead letting his mind wander while he focused on a line of ants that were crawling up a tree next to him. It wasn’t until a fast approaching form caught his attention did he tear his eyes away, hearing him give a shout of “Be right back!”.

Remus plopped himself onto the towel next to him, still panting from the run, but grinning from ear to ear. As he ripped open a water bottle and drank greedily, Janus couldn’t help but stare. Water glistened on his skin like jewels in the afternoon sun, plastering his hair down over his jaw and eyes. His eyelashes were barely fluttering against his cheekbones as he guzzled nearly half of the bottle, his adam’s apple bobbing with each swallow. The jut of his shoulder, almost touching his throat, taking his weight as he leaned back on his arm… the whole thing was fascinating. People interested Janus as a whole; the way they functioned, how they seamlessly picked up on little cues from others that Janus was still in the process of figuring out, even down to intricate biology of cells was incredibly captivating. But Remus was so much more than that. His voice when he spoke him to sleep, never mentioning it the next day, the way his dark eyes glimmered with hope when Janus agreed to eat with them, the twitch of his moustache as he covered a laugh at Patton’s corny jokes. 

He was art, plain and simple. 

Janus didn’t know if what he felt was romantic attraction. It sure felt like it, except it had never felt quite like this before. It wasn’t that he was asexual or anything, he was actually decently far from it. It was just how uncomfortable most physical contact made him that gave him the idea he might never have a partner in the way that he wanted. He wanted to hold hands, to cuddle, to kiss… but at the same time, he didn’t. That is, he didn’t know how he’d handle it. Sure, he’d had crushes in the past, cute boys from his classes or celebrities in the shows he hyperfixated on, and still the feeling of uncertainty had stayed. With Remus, something was different though. Never before had a crush ever felt so breath stealing, chest clenching, awe inspiring-

“Like what you see?” 

Janus flinched, realizing Remus had finished drinking and was beaming at him with that stupid gorgeous gleam in his eyes. He looked at his lap immediately, feeling his face heat up. 

“Sorry.” 

“Not a problem,” Remus smirked, having the audacity to wink at him before standing up. “I’m going back in. Coming?” He reached out his hand, hopeful. Janus took a breath, acknowledging that this was his first time initiating contact since he’d arrived, and grabbed Remus’ hand. The surprise on the other’s face was almost enough to make him laugh. He pulled the younger to his feet, keeping a firm hold in Janus’ hand. And… that was okay. 

Until it wasn’t. 

The second his feet touched the sand, it was like alarm bells exploded behind his eyes. He couldn’t describe it, but it felt wrong. It gave in too much, light sprinkles of sand covered the top of his feet and instantly every nerve was on high alert. He ripped his hand from Remus’, stumbling backwards onto the grass again. The elder spun to him with concern.

“Snakey? What happened?”

“I- hmm, no. I can’t. Nope. No no no. Wrong. It… hmmmm. Can’t.” The last word dragged out as his brain seemed to disconnect from his mouth. His mind didn’t work, so focused on how every blade of grass was swiping along his soles too softly, too gentle, too much. His hands had curled into fists and he was fighting against everything inside him to scream bloody murder, because oh god the wind was brushing the hair onto the back of his neck and it tickled and make it stop make it stop!

Janus could vaguely hear someone shout, and the loudness floored him. Get away, get away, it’s too much it’s too much. The feeling of the grass was gone, and he was sitting on his beach towel, but the wind was still brushing his hair too much, so he grabbed at it uselessly, begging it to stop, stop, stop. 

“What’s happening?” Roman.

“Is he okay?” Patton.

“Does he look okay?” Virgil.

“Janus, breathe. You’re safe.” Logan.

 Yeah, he knew that. He knew, objectively, that the wind isn’t out to get him and grass doesn’t hurt and sand isn’t supposed to fry your nerves. That didn’t change the fact that it did for him. Somewhere in the back of his mind, it connected that they were seeing him have a meltdown, finally. But he couldn’t focus on that, not when someone was touching his arm why are they touching my arm LET GO! 

He screamed now, he couldn’t hold it back anymore. His breaths were ragged and gaspy, hands ripping at his hair to try and stop the fluttering strands. Then there was a new sound, an engine, a boat, and with it came the deep bass of some terrible music and there were people shouting and his head was hurting, why was it hurting so bad?! New hands grabbed his wrists and he writhed, pulling back from the grip that was pulling his fists away from where they’d been hitting his skull, over and over, trying to just get his stupid brain to work. Come back to the present, ground yourself, do SOMETHING!

And then something was in his hands. 

His eyes peeled open (when had he shut them?) and he saw the dark blue stress ball, almost crushed between his fingers. The hands were gone from his wrist, and he took a deep breath, relaxing his hand and watching the slime filled toy slowly return to its natural shape. It was just like one from his drawer, the first stim toy he’d ever gotten. Familiarity. He kneaded it under his fingers, enjoying the comforting texture, the color soothing to his sensitive eyes. Bit by bit he felt himself relax, still holding the toy inches from his face between stiff hands, letting his legs unfurl. Without thinking, he raised a shaking hand to his chin and did the sign for ‘water’, and immediately regretted it. It was just such a habit around his parents, the only other people who had seen him break down to this extent, how could he be so-

He flinched as a water bottle was pressed into his raised hand, the lid already taken off. The water was so good, settling his senses and grounding him, like he’d been in hyperfocus before and it was dulled now. He gave the stress ball another squeeze, captivated by the way the slime moved, not even flinching as someone snapped in front of him.

Looking up for the first time, his first instinct was to crawl into a hole and die. Logan was sitting in front of him, slowly putting the cap back on his water bottle before handing it back to Patton, who was standing just behind him. Roman and Virgil had begun packing the chairs and bags agonizingly slowly and quietly. Impressive; they were almost done and he hadn’t noticed until now. He turned to his left and his heart completely shattered. Remus was sitting statue still, a few feet away, with a look of pure fear in his eyes. He sat on the edge of his knees, like he wanted to pounce forward and hug him but was holding himself back. He appreciated that. 

Logan snapped again and Janus turned back.

‘Better?’ He signed slowly. 

‘You know sign?’ Janus responded weakly, confused. 

‘Patton too. I go nonverbal as well. Are you okay?’

The younger nodded, returning his hands to the stim toy on his lap. ‘Yours?’

‘Yes.’

“Is he okay?” Remus whispered suddenly, drawing their attention. He looked so scared, like anything could break Janus and he was scared he would cause it. Oh. Did he think he caused this?

‘Not his fault.’

Logan looked between the two, a look of confusion settling in his face. “What?”

‘Not. His. Fault.’ He signed sharply, a frustrated hum emitting from the back of his throat. ‘Not his fault!’

“Remus, he’s saying it’s not your fault. What does that mean?”

“I- I took his hand, and then this happened…” Remus started, leaning back onto his feet ashamedly, “If that wasn’t the cause, what was?” 

‘Sand.’

Logan’s eyes filled with understanding, and he responded, ‘Sand?’ as if to double check that he got the right sign. Janus nodded again, slightly thankful for the mute state he was in. He wouldn’t be able to explain this as well as Logan would. 

“If I’m understanding right, then my first assumptions were correct. Janus, did you just experience a sensory overload?”

Janus could only nod, meeting his eyes shakily. This is the moment. Now is his segway. If Logan wasn’t already suspicious, he surely was now. And he’d rather not have to explain, or come up with some half assed excuse if he was confronted later on why sinking his foot into sand had made him break. 

 ‘I’m autistic.’ He fingerspelled it, not knowing what the sign was, or if there even was one. There was a beat of silence, the twins and Virgil exchanging puzzled looks, and Janus couldn’t even bear to look at the two people who would have understood. All his fears came rushing back. Would they think he was lying, or seeking attention, or or or-

“Oh, sweetie,” Patton crooned, sitting cross legged beside Logan, “We thought maybe… well, the possibility came up in conversation before. Lo was the one who brought it up.”

“Yes. Though our experiences differ, you seemed to exhibit symptoms that are common to the ASD spectrum. I thought it feasible, but did not wish to offend or frighten you by mentioning it.”

“We thought that if you were autistic, it would be yours to tell us,” Patton smiled softly. 

“Wait,” Remus interrupted, “Janus, you have autism?”

Janus’ nervous glance up must have been enough to clue the rest of the group in, because Roman sighed and ducked his head into Virgil’s shoulder while Logan messily signed something which roughly translated to ‘how dense can someone be’. Jan couldn’t tell if it was a joke or not, but he cracked a smile anyways.

“Shit. Dude, I’m so sorry,” Roman murmured into Virgil’s shirt, “All the times I made fun of you for not joining us or anything, that was way out of line. I truly apologize.”

The youngest gave him the worldwide gesture for ‘it’s okay’; not exactly ASL, but it got his point across. Everything was packed up now, and Janus realized the implications.

‘Home?’ He asked Logan, eyebrows scrunched together.

‘Yes. You need to rest.’ He was right, he was exhausted. Getting to his feet along with Patton and Logan, he reached down to grab his towel, only for it to be promptly swooped up by Roman.

“I… I got it. Don’t worry about it. Okay?”

As soon as Roman turned his back, Janus couldn’t help his heavy sigh. This was another reason he had refrained from telling anyone. He didn’t want to be seen as a burden, or worse, a child. He didn’t need help with menial tasks like grabbing a towel. Virgil and him lifted all the belongings again, with less complaining this time, and began the short trek to the truck.

‘He’s not babying you,’ Logan signed, as if reading his mind, ‘He’s just guilty. If you want my advice, get as much out of it as you can.’

“Logan!” Patton chastised, failing miserably at hiding a smirk.                            

“Guys?” Remus’ uncharacteristically timid voice prompted them to turn back, “Could I talk to Janus for a sec?”

“You understand he is unable to speak at the moment, correct?” Logan raised an eyebrow, probably coming off more harsh than he meant to. 

“I know. Just… please?”

The other two shared a knowing look that Janus didn’t understand, before Logan turned to Janus. “Is that okay?”

The youngest nodded, watching over his shoulder as the lovebirds joined hands, leaving him and Remus alone. When he met his eyes again, he was standing much closer, eyes searching nervously.

“Maybe this will actually be easier since you can’t talk,” he laughed, before his face fell dramatically, “Fuck, that’s not what I meant. I’m such an idiot, I didn’t mean-”

Janus held up a hand quickly, as if to say ‘it’s fine, settle down’, holding back a snicker. He’d understand if someone was upset by the comment, but he’d learn to take Remus’ jokes lightly. He never meant to actually offend, sometimes he just… blurted without intending to. He rolled his finger in a ‘keep going’ motion.

“Shit. Okay,” He’d never seen Remus blush, or stumble over his words before. Not like this, at least, “Now, don’t feel obligated to say you feel the same or anything, okay? This is just, my feelings, and mine alone,” A deep breath, “I like you, Snakey. I like you a lot. More than… more than a friend.”

Oh.

Oh.

Janus was ninety percent sure he died right then and there. But Remus kept going, tripping over his words in a way that was so unlike him, and yet so perfect.

“I have for a while. I never said anything because I thought, maybe you disliked me? After today though, I think… well, maybe I was misinterpreting those signals. Like I misinterpreted today. That you didn’t want to be around me, no matter how hard I tried.”

Okay, Janus took it back. He wanted to be able to talk now, but his voice came out as another low hum, and he slapped his hand over his mouth, embarrassed. Remus pressed on, unfazed. 

“Snakey, I swear to you, that you having autism doesn’t change those feelings at all. It’s not a bad thing, or a flaw, it’s just you. And everything about you is amazing, and perfect, and this is just another thing I get to learn about you. Any fears you had around telling us, telling me, you don’t need to have them.”

He’d never felt this kind of feeling before. In that second, he knew for a fact that this wasn’t a crush that he had on Remus. That wasn’t possible, because a crush had never made him want to break his social barriers like this. A crush had never made him want to make an exception, to stand on his tip toes and kiss him, even if the thought of a new touch usually caused goosebumps to rise on his arms. Because he felt so safe, so blissfully numb, so comfortable with Remus, that he’d be willing to give it a try.

This wasn’t a crush. This was-

“I love you,” Remus whispered, his statement accompanied by a large shaky breath.

He couldn’t say it back, not right now. Later, he would. For sure. Maybe a hundred times. So he did what he’d never thought possible and took that step forward, breaking his bubble that he’d always thought to be unbreakable. 

It’s okay. You’re okay. This is okay. 

For once, he actually believed it.

Janus reached a hand up, slowly, and rested it on Remus’ face. It wasn’t light, he couldn’t do half touches. It was solid, warm, real. Not a tickling touch that made him twitch, or a brush by that stole the very breath from his lungs. The positive response affirmed his will power, and he leaned up onto his tip toes. Remus looked absolutely stunned, but he didn’t pull away, he couldn’t if he tried. His breath caught in his throat as the elder glanced down, an unmistakable look to his lips.

Had Remus always had those green flecks in his eyes?

And he kissed him. Janus surged forward, pressing their lips together harsher than he’s intended, pulling a small gasp out of Remus. There was a whoop from the vague direction of where they’d parked, followed by a loud smack, and Janus couldn’t help the smile that tugged at his lips.

Remus’ hands were clasped at his chest, unmoving, probably afraid that if he touched Janus wrong, this would all be over. He’d have to explain half touches later. For now, he took one of his hands in his free one and guided it around, pushing it into the small of his back until Remus got the message to keep that pressure. He let out a small sigh through his nose, an action that sent a new round of butterflies exploding in the younger’s stomach.

This is okay. 

This is all going to be okay.

#lywrites #sanderssides #sanderssidesfanfiction #demus #prinxiety #logicality #autistic janus #sanders sides college au

[meantforinfinitesadness]

Five Winters Part 4

This is part 4! the second to last part! Note: Obi-Wan experiences a little bit of a sensory overload during a loud party. I’ve based this off of my own experiences at loud gatherings. I don’t know why this happens, it just does.

Neither Obi-Wan nor Cody were ones to enjoy large get-togethers. They both preferred quiet nights in with each other. Whether it was spent reading or watching a movie, they both liked the calm company. 

So, the invitation (or, rather demand) from Cody’s father for the Fetts winter party was something the two were not excited to receive. Cody understood that it was, in fact, less of an invitation than a demand. Obi-Wan understood this as well. 

The two managed to avoid the past two parties, but this year their luck seemed to run out. They tried to make excuses, but Cody’s father just seemed to shoot them down. And so it was with great reluctance that Obi-Wan and Cody accepted the invitation.

It was a nightmare for them both. 

Cody knew his family well. He knew what they were like and he knew how to handle them. Obi-Wan had only met a few of them before, but he had never experienced the Fett family in all its glory.

They were loud. They were full of cheer. They were excited.

It was all too much for Obi-Wan. The loud voices grated on him and he shuffled his feet and rubbed his arms whilst biting his lip. He resisted the urge to clap his hands over his ears and cause a scene. 

Cody had warned his boyfriend about his family and Obi-Wan thought he would be able to handle it. He had met Rex before as well as Fives (Fivel, as Cody explained). He had even met Boba and Jango (Cody’s father). They had all been kind and welcoming. He knew they could be loud, but Obi-Wan was able to handle that small group. 

He wasn’t able to handle the full extent of the Fett family. 

There were so many names to remember. There were so many things he was asked about. There were too many of them. 

Cody handled large gatherings a bit better than Obi-Wan did. He didn’t mind the loudness as much as Obi-Wan did. Instead, he had issues with the constant stream of people crowding him and pouring information onto him. People got too close and too touchy. They talked too much and Cody found it difficult to keep a false smile sometimes. 

He knew it would be loud, but he didn’t think it would be this loud. 

It was with this thought that he scanned the room for Obi-Wan, tuning out whatever story Echo had started telling. Finally, his eyes landed on the pale, copper-haired man. 

Obi-Wan had managed to wedge himself into a corner. Cody took note of his folded arms and tapping foot, as well as the crease between his eyes. His shoulders were hunched and Cody knew he was struggling to keep himself from clasping his hands over his ears. 

No one else seemed to notice the struggled Obi-Wan was having. 

At least, Cody didn’t think anyone had noticed. It wasn’t until he saw someone in the crowd of Fetts moving to Obi-Wan that he realized someone else was starting to see Obi-Wan’s difficulty.

It was his father, Jango Fett that was moving against the mass of family. He got there quickly and placed himself in front of Obi-Wan. He didn’t touch him, but he spoke softly to him. Cody could see Obi-Wan shift and nod. His shaking hands that rubbed his arms were starting to still as Jango spoke to him. A twitch of his father’s head had Obi-Wan taking a few stuttering steps to follow him. Jango had managed to make eye contact with Cody and tilt his head to a hallway. 

Cody made his apologies to Echo as he scrambled to get away from the conversation and to the place Obi-Wan and his father had made off to. 

“-deep breaths.” Jango’s voice filtered through the noise as Cody drew nearer to him and Obi-Wan. “That’s it, just breathe.” Cody halted in the doorway as he watched Obi-Wan sit hunched over on a chair with his hands over his ears and Jango kneeling on the ground before him. He knew Obi-Wan would hear the careful instructions. Cody watched as Obi-Wan’s breathing slowed and his hands fell from his ears. He blinked tired eyes open and gazed at Jango.

“‘m sorry.” He mumbled and Cody made his way further into the room. He shut the door as he walked and finally came to kneel next to Jango in front of his boyfriend.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about.” Jango insisted with a soft smile. “I guess this is why you two have been avoiding the party these past years.” He said with slight amusement.

Obi-Wan’s lips quirked into a tired smile.

“You would be right,” Obi-Wan replied. 

Jango nodded and placed a hand on Obi-Wan’s knee before squeezing it softly. Obi-Wan smiled a bit brighter at the contact before they both turned to Cody. 

“I would have told you, but-” Cody was stopped by his father raising a hand.

“You shouldn’t have needed to,” Jango replied. “I should have known there was a good reason for both of you refusing the invite. I know Cody’s not a fan of large crowds, but he always did alright.” He turned apologetic eyes on Obi-Wan. “I’m sorry.” He said, softly.

“You didn’t know,” Obi-Wan said in the same soft tone. “It’s really alright. It was nice to finally meet the family.” He chuckled and shrugged a shoulder. “I’m just sad it ended up the way it did. I hope I can meet everyone again soon.”

Cody knew that his father knew it was time for them to leave. Obi-Wan looked exhausted and Jango wouldn’t want to cause any more stress to Cody’s love. So, Jango just smiled and nodded.

“Until next time, then.” He rose and shot a smile at his son before exiting the room. 

Obi-Wan sighed and sagged against Cody. Cody chuckled and rubbed a hand lightly against his back. 

“What do you say to getting out of here?” Cody questioned lightly. “It’s snowing, and I bet the cold would do you some good.” 

Obi-Wan chuckled and rose from Cody’s shoulder.

“I’d like that.”

#codywan #obi wan kenobi #commander cody #modern au #sensory overload #kali writes

[spencerreidshortstories]

Daddy Issues?

Description:  this is a continuation from the last part. She opens up a lot due to the fact that she's on pain medicine. The college graduation part of this actually happened to me and I just thought I'd add it in.

Rating: Teen

Warnings: None really.  She’s on medicine, but she is in the hospital, so . . . there is that.  Talk of negligent parenting and trust issues because of it.

Also, for those interested I have a Stranger Things fan fiction in the works - Steve Harrington - and an American Horror Story fan fiction - Michael Langdon.  They are not one-shots but multi-chapter connected things.  Anyway, onto this one . . .

Spencer stayed with her during visiting hours and through the night. She was allowed one person to stay with her and she had chosen him. His friends had come by to see her, Garcia bringing a teddy bear and flowers, and then her friends had come by as well. None of them had stayed too long, mostly because she had started to become overwhelmed but also because she'd gotten a headache and started to feel nauseated from the head wound. It was normal for someone with a concussion to experience those things, so he wasn't that worried.

Spencer hated hospitals – germs, the weird lights, just everything about them was unsettling to him – but he'd found that he couldn't say no when she'd asked him to stay. Knowing she would need a ride home tomorrow he'd even offered to take a personal day.

"You shouldn't take a personal day just for that. There are probably other things you'd like to do."

"You're gonna be in a lot of pain tomorrow," he said. "I mean, you're not going to be able to use your arm really, and you're still going to have a headache – you might have that for a while. You need someone to take you home and I really don't mind taking a personal day and spending it with you."

"I . . . Okay."

Her cheeks took on a pink tint, which really showed up since her face was otherwise pale due to blood loss and shock – even though she claimed she was fine.

He hadn't really left her side since he'd gotten there even when she had drifted in and out of sleep between other people visiting. He'd gotten up to go get food and coffee and that was it.

"Spencer?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you for everything. For coming when I called and staying because I asked you to. I'm – I'm really not used to that."

"What? Someone being a good friend?"

"No. A guy being nice to me without wanting something in return. I mean, even my dad doesn't really talk to me unless he needs something from me."

"I'm sorry. I, uh . . . never really knew my dad. He left when I was young and what I do remember isn't great. I think he wanted a more normal family."

"Oh. Well, that's on him. Not you."

Spencer still hadn't talked to her about his mother and all he'd gone through with that and he honestly didn't know when he should bring it up. He knew if he really wanted to be with her that he would have to be honest about it so that she wouldn't possibly be going into something blind, but now definitely wasn't the time to bring it up. He did know that.

"I think . . . I think the reason I like you so much is because you're, like, the exact opposite of my dad."

"Uh-oh. Latent daddy issues?" he teased.

She shook her head and laughed a little. "No. And don't make me laugh. It's not helping my head at all."

"Sorry, sorry." He smiled. "What did you mean then?"

"Well, just little things mostly, but you're already different in that the last time I was in the hospital my dad never even came to see me and he kind of got annoyed at me when I called him. I was still living with my grandmother at the time so he wasn't even that far away and he didn't come see me. Didn't ask how I was when I talked to him."

"I would never not come see you if you were in the hospital. And I'm never annoyed when you call me. I like hearing from you."

She went on as though he hadn't spoken, but he knew she'd heard him.

"He's always late. If he says he's going to be somewhere at a certain time, you can bet he's going to be at least an hour later than that. He has no time management skills at all. You've never kept me waiting – ever."

Spencer noticed that her voice was getting softer and he was sure she was going to talk herself to sleep. It was getting darker and the nurse had given her medicine to relax her, so it wouldn't be abnormal for her to fall asleep from it.

"You know, he even almost missed my college graduation. He knew the ceremony was at 11:00 and he waited until the morning of to go to the laundromat – the washer at his house was broken, and don't even get me started on how long it took him to get a new one. But anyway, it fits his pattern. He's late for everything – bills, insurance, even getting the tags on his car renewed, which meant I chauffeured him around a lot when I lived near him. He knew I would do it, so why bother?"

Now her voice was soft because she had tears in her eyes and was about to cry. Spencer realized the medicine must've made her thoughts and mouth a little looser. She'd never really talked about her dad before.

"I used to be afraid of him. He could get so angry, and I've never seen you angry. I mean, yeah, you've been upset, but you never shout or hit things or throw things."

Spencer's back stiffened as tension filled him. For one, he hoped she wasn't implying what he thought she was, and two . . . he hoped she didn't regret telling him this when the medicine wore off.

"He was angry a lot when I was a kid. But the worst was that you could do something one time and he'd be fine with it. The next time you do it, he would pitch a fit. I would walk on egg shells around him a lot of the time. I'm glad I didn't actually live with him. I mean, he never hurt me or anyone else, but he would still hit the wall or something, still scare us sometimes."

Spencer had no clue what to say to any of that and sometimes the best thing to do was just listen and not say a word, so that was what he did. He did, however, let himself process that she'd been through a form of mental abuse as a child – she probably didn't even consider it that. Victims of abuse sometimes didn't think of what they went through as abuse. Some even came to think of it as normal.

"He was really hard to get close to. I mean, you couldn't even have a conversation with the guy. He would stop talking to you if you didn't agree with what he said."

"I love talking with you," he said. "I wouldn't stop talking to you just because we don't agree on something."

Her not liking loud or sudden noises made sense now – not that sensory overload didn't make sense, but this could be another reason for it. She'd grown up around yelling and anger.

"And, to be honest, you're not someone I can imagine being mad at or not enough to shout at you. I don't get that type of angry. I don't want you to ever be afraid of me."

"I never have been," she said. "Despite you being a profiler, you're pretty open emotionally . . . or at least you have been with me.

"I have," he agreed. It was almost disconcerting to him. "Anything else I need to clarify?"

"I don't know. I – he never physically left my mom, but sometimes it was like he did. He would go years without a job and she'd have to make do on a minimum wage job – retail or something like that and sometimes she'd have to not pay a bill just so they would have food on the table. And he was there. That's the thing. He was physically there, he just wouldn't be working or providing for his family, for my mom and my brother. It used to make me so mad and I wasn't even living with them."

Her dad sounded like he had a classic case of the Peter Pan Syndrome and had never wanted to grow up. He imagined her dad had never had to answer for anything he'd done as a child and so didn't know how to take responsibility for anything.

"I don't mind taking care of you," he said softly, "if you'll let me."

She didn't respond vocally, but she did let a small smile grace her lips even as a few more tears fell down her cheeks.

"I think you should sleep," he said. "I think the medicine is making you say things you might not have."

"Probably. But I'm glad I'm saying it to you and not someone else."

She calmed herself down and closed her eyes, but she still didn't sleep. He knew because a few minutes later she was looking to him again.

"Can I hold you hand again?" Her voice was quiet and a little hoarse even. "I know you don't, you know, really do that, but you let me earlier."

He pressed his lips together to keep from grinning and offered up his hand.

"Apparently I don't mind with you."

"Hm." She slipped her hand over his and slid her fingers between his. "I will consider myself special then."

"Very special.

It didn't take long for her to go to sleep once she decided to stay quiet for more than a few minutes. He stayed there in the chair beside her that night. Not that he'd been planning on leaving, but after her confessing all of the things she had he would've stayed with her anyway. He would not have left her to feel vulnerable when she woke up the next morning.

In a way, he was glad she'd opened up to him. In a completely different way, he wasn't, because he now felt he really had to open up to her too – especially since he was feeling a certain type of way about her. There were parts of his past he was scared to share with her – things that had nothing to do with his mom at all and more to do with his job and things that had come about because of his job.

She would have to know about them before he let her know how he felt about her because it seemed she felt for him at least some of what he was feeling for her.

He would have to be honest with her.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x ofc

[pencilash]

HQ ADHD Headcanons! All your faves have ADHD sorry I don’t make the rules

Hinata

- This bouncy boy is 100% hyperactive type, you can’t tell me otherwise

- Stims by bouncing and waving his arms, also all those vocal stims (gwah!! woosh!! wham!!)

- All the emotions all the time! I think he feels them really hard, which is why he’s so excitable and gets so nervous his stomach hurts before matches!

- School is so hard because he has a hard time appropriately stimming in class and is always thinking about volleyball! Definitely a hyperfixation. Task switching is really hard and I can see Hinata struggling with morning volleyball practice> school> volleyball again. Asking him to interrupt something he’s really invested him is torture!

Kageyama

- Volleyball works off most of his hyperactivity, I feel like both he and Tsukishima do this and have more racing thoughts than an active body!

- Quick thinking is what makes he and Tsukishima good at split second decisions during matches

- Not always sure how to Social Skills. He feels like there is a logical way to do things but doesn’t really get people!

- Likes to stim by holding a volleyball and feeling the texture, v nice and soft

- I feel like he’d have a big issue with time blindness. It’s been three hours since I started practicing? No way, I just started!

Tsukishima

- Like I said, vbc probably works off physical energy and his hyperactivity is more in racing thoughts, quick thinker.

- Sensory hell! What do you think those headphones are for? Loud noise I can control is better than a bunch of smaller noises I can’t control. Picky eater because some food just Feels Bad!

- Probably likes pressure stims! I feel like he has a weighted blanket and doesn’t mind Nishinoya jumping on him for this reason.

- Emotions are very hard, much easier to just be cold to everyone than try to figure out what each person wants from you. Also def has anxiety over being understood and communicating exactly what he means so he uses sarcasm like a shield

- Totally hyperfixates intensely, but not good at sharing bc people think it's weird when he infodumps, probably only does it around Yamaguchi.

Yachi

- My sweet RSD child, emotions run Wild for her

- Repeating the same three words over and over bc you want to say something but your brain won't let you

- Why do things in order when you can do them chaotically and whenever your brain wants you to?

- The structure school gives her means she’s a pretty good student! Some people with ADHD can be really good students because they do the same thing every day and habits are externally reinforced. Color coding her notes probably makes her feel Calm.

- Is the queen of to do lists. Does she do the things on the to do list? Maybe not. But she made one!

- Coordination? Never heard of her.

- Probably likes to stim by flapping her hands or playing with the bottom of her skirt!

Nishinoya

- Short fuse because of emotional dysregulation, easy to get fired up!

- Very good memory but only for not important things. Ex. can remember a conversation you had three weeks ago but not what homework was assigned today. Also applies to emotionally charged memories! Much easier to remember things he was upset about.

- Sometimes you just gotta yell! Vocal stims to the Max for this boy. Totally spooked Asahi at first but now he barely notices it. Also probably likes chewy things!

- Also very tactile in general! Likes to jump on people and put his hands on stuff! Let him touch!!!! Half the VBC lets him hold hands or hang off their arms whenever.

- Honestly would probably explode if he didn’t play volleyball, can you imagine the Energy

#haikyuu!! #tsukishima kei #hinata shouyou #nishinoya yuu #yachi hitoka #kageyama tobio #adhd #hq headcanons #adhd headcanon #adhd hinata #adhd kageyama #adhd tsukishima #adhd nishinoya #adhd yachi