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nightcall99 · 9 months

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Dreams from 1.8.23

Dream 1: I had just arrived to a therapist appointment with three other people. There was a boy and girl who I didn't know but kind of did, and the third person was AJ. They were all younger than me. We were about to have a group therapy session with the four of us. This counselling clinic was a popular place, it was a well-known, well-received company that had chain businesses all over. This particular branch was situated on a busy shopping strip, it felt like Lygon St. When we first got there, we went to the reception area to speak to one of the receptionists to notify them of our arrival. One person in my group did that, while I was noticing a bubble-like spot on the floor that was bouncy like a trampoline. The floor was black. Myself and one of the other girls started jumping on this particular spot, but mostly it was just me. I was able to bounce quite high, it was fun but I started to get worried that I might land headfirst into some furniture so I stopped.

The four of us didn't really pay much attention to each other whilst we sat at a table in the waiting room. We were told to fill out some paper questionnaires which were sitting in a pile on the table. I got myself a page, and saw that some of the questions had already been filled out by other people, presumably from prior sessions. People we didn't know. I must have missed out on the instructions because apparently that was the point and even though they had been partially filled out, we were supposed to continue answering the questions as much as we were able to. There were a few ladies who worked there that were over-seeing us, at least preliminarily. They wore uniforms and had glasses on. They were observing us very closely and taking down notes on their iPads. As I read the questions, I discovered that I couldn't come up with any answers. I couldn't be bothered putting any effort in, but also, I couldn't compute what the questions were asking of me. In fact, I had nothing to say. They were really 3D questions, so basically I would read it and then just space out. There was this sense that only the 'hard' questions were left. I kept trying though. I ended up going through each of the pages in the pile (which were all double-sided) but I still couldn't fill out anything, on any of them. Except for one question where the response entailed a drawing. I drew a picture of a girl holding a bow and arrow. I was quite happy with the way my simple drawing was turning out but when I got to the part of drawing the fingers, I stuffed up and it looked bad. I don't think I finished it. I felt like my every move was being observed and judged. The other people with me did not seem to have any trouble answering the questions. There were huge overhead lights centred on us and when someone had trouble reading a question, a light was pulled down closer to help them see better. It reminded me of surgical/examination lights with adjustable necks, which are often used during operations.

The whole time I felt a bit nervous about the fact that AJ was there, seeing as we hadn't really acknowledged each other's presence yet, and we haven't talked in a long time. I was feeling that moment approaching where we would eventually have to have a conversation. I think I was the one that ripped the band-aid off. The conversation went a little like this

Me: "How have you been?" Him: "Skye (his gf) needs a lot of downtime, she has very limited energy and I haven’t been able to do anything because I’ve been looking after her" Me: "That’s the thing with people who have limited energy, or are introverted. We’re not lazy, being careless or trying to be mean... we just literally have such limited energy to do things and there’s nothing you can do about it *silence* Me: Is your brother still living with you?" Him: "Yes" *silence* Him: "I’m scared of being depressed" Me: "As you right well should be"

I felt him looking at me. But there was this feeling like I didn't want to properly look him in the eye back. At times when I focused on him, I could sense his energy, or something akin to it, like an echo... and it’s like we were really having a conversation. But it felt awkward. It felt like I was stuttering, struggling to come up with responses. I didn’t really know what to say to him anymore. It wasn't like it once was.

Dream 2: I was at work but it didn't look like work, this place had a much larger floor plan. There was a customer that wanted me to show them where a particular product was. I knew this product was located underneath the apple cider vinegar on the shelf. I was walking her to the aisle and as I approached the aisle and looked into it, I didn't even bother walking in to have a proper look because the feeling wasn't right. I knew I wouldn't it find there. I walked to the next aisle, and it was the same thing. It felt like nothing was in it's normal spot. The ACV is usually together with the more natural/folk remedy products, but I couldn't sense where that was anymore. I passed by a whole bunch of aisles until we were almost at the end and I still couldn't find it. But not only that, it felt like I was just going through the motions. My surroundings had lost all meaning and everything become unrecognisable and empty. It was just rows and rows of various products and I was struck with how they are just 'things'. An indecipherable sea of nothingness. I muttered under my breath for the customer's benefit, trying to save face, oh we keep changing the positions of things...

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