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ally-holmes · 1 year

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Unseen | ER John Carter x Reader (ch.2)

Series Masterlist

Chapter One — Chapter Three

Pairings: John Carter x Fem!Reader

Summary of the chapter: Let’s know a little more about John Carter and Y/N’s relationship in their first years.

Word Count: 2171

Unseen ER | Chapter Two.

Every story starts from the beginning, and the story between John Carter and Y/N L/N had, also, a beginning. Far into their third year as med students, both of them were accepted into the County General teaching program; up until that point, none of them had met. Carter had done more "fancy" specialties like dermatology, while Y/N had been more enthusiastic about trauma situations, which obviously means that she was way more prepared to be in the Emergency rotation than him.

John Carter's medical tug had its origin in the death of his baby brother. God, he missed him. Bobby was John's partner in crime and mischief until he got sick; then John became his brother's confident and rock. Both children were well aware of the pain and uncertainty in their parents' eyes; there was nothing they could do to help Bobby. He was going to die, no matter what the doctors tried. John made up his mind then. He was going to become a doctor.

The Carters were old money in Chicago. They had different companies and foundations, and although they understood the point of helping those with fewer resources, the truth is that apart from giving them money, they didn't do much. After Bobby's death, John's parents suffocated in their grief, ignoring his remaining child, who grew up with his grandparents and an open mind. He wanted a change, and he wanted to be part of said change. Of course, the family allowed him to study medicine, although they kept envisioning his future as head of the Carter company without asking about his opinion. He had no voice.

Although John grew up surrounded by money and fancy items, he had principles, expectations, and goals. He wanted to be a surgeon. Why? Well, it was the most difficult specialty, of course. If he was able to pull out a good performance, if he was able to understand, learn, and use the knowledge to help people from the darkness of death, then he could happily go to his family and say: "My work as a doctor is more useful than being in the company; give it to Chase, he will do just fine."

What John didn't expect was the fact that working in the ER was more exciting, electrifying, and rewarding. He fell in love with the rush, the quiet, the work against the clock, the delivery of babies in taxis… Yeah, even the complaints weren't so bad after a few hours. He loved it; and he could totally understand why Y/N had always that bursting and contagious energy inside her body, glowing eyes, and determined stance– she lived for those moments in the ER.

Y/N had fit in perfectly with Doctor Mark Greene on the first night of their shift together. They worked together as if they had always done it. She didn't hesitate. She didn't vomit. She was home.

John, on the other hand, felt like a disaster. Doctor Peter Benton seemed to despise him and to enjoy torturing him, seeing him fail. Because he did fail. He hesitated. He vomited. He felt unworthy to be a doctor and that echoed in his mind just like the condescending affirmations of his grandmother.

Just in the middle of his first night, a shot wound came into trauma, and although he wanted to help… well, up until this point he had just specialized in simple things. John felt dizzy and nauseous, and Benton just dismissed him with an "I don't need you anyway" which was fair, but ouch. He went outside, to the cold Chicago air. He crouched with the stethoscope between his hands, pressing it to his forehead, trying to calm his breathing.

John Carter, the failure.

Mark Greene came looking for him. His calm steps echoed like there was nothing else but him and the Emergency entrance. Greene was not like Benton; he looked and was kind. He was interested in the students' improvements, and in the professionals' well-being under his wing in the ER. As he approached John, he kept his distance. He gave him privacy by not looking straight at him, and not invading his personal space.

"I thought I was gonna be sick… I'm sorry." Carter confessed with a sigh.

"Don't ever say you're sorry," Mark advised. "See, there're two kinds of doctors: there's the kind that gets rid of their feelings and the kind that keeps them," he explained as he closed the distance with the student. "If you're going to keep your feelings you're going to get sick from time to time, that's just how it works."

John leaned his head against the wall behind him, feeling the cold concrete clash with the hotness of his skull. Mark Greene, with his green scrubs, round frameless glasses, and his hands behind his back, seemed both strong and kind.

"Keep your head down," he ordered; his voice sterner than before.

John knew that his nausea was easier to die if he did as he was told, but he took his time to comply, undoing his tie. Greene crouched right in front of him. He had been approaching the student as if he was some sort of wounded wild animal in need of help; he was to some extent.

"People come in here and they're sick, dying, and bleeding… and they need our help. Helping them is more important than how we feel." Carter nodded to Greene's words. "But it still a pain in the ass sometimes," he added, wanting to break the solemn tone of the atmosphere between them. Carter broke with a soft breath of a laugh, that kind that fights against the will to cry. "Sometimes I just want to quit and do something else," Greene claimed, and whether it was the truth or a lie, no one could tell. They shared a look, searching for an answer they didn't have. "Why don't you take a few more minutes?"

"Yeah…"

Mark Greene got up and started walking towards the hospital, in slow steps, looking back. "By the way, I was in medical school with Benton. He used to get sick all the time so don't let him give you any crap. Okay? You're gonna be fine."

That talk engraved itself in John Carter's memory with fire. Whenever he felt useless, restless, frustrated, alone… Mark Greene's words echoed in his mind.

Mark Greene was a good teacher.

He was a good doctor.

He was–

Yeah. He was.

He didn't have that talk with Y/N, there was no need for it because she already knew that. Greene could feel and see the fire in her determination to be good to the patients, to help them, to keep her own emotions and feelings, and be empathic but not to the point of ending up suffocated with her own remorse. He talked to her, of course.

"You can't save them all," he said. "You can try; we all do. Yes, sometimes is our fault as doctors because we have not done the proper thing. Yet sometimes it just happens no matter how hard we tried."

"I could've–"

"No," he cut her off, "you couldn't have. All the what-ifs that are running through that head of yours have only one purpose: to make you a better doctor. Don't punish yourself, Y/N; just learn."

Shearing their learnings was something that unified Y/N and Carter during that time. It made them stronger, although it could be quite tense at times.

John Carter was a cutie, which he was well aware of, obviously. He was tall and slim, with perfectly smooth brown hair, lovely doe eyes, and a crocket smile; half adorable and half mischievous. He was fun and witty and kind and smart and– and– Yeah, Y/N fell deep for him. Who could've blamed her? Really? Carter had some sort of magnet that made people like him, whether romantically or platonically, didn't matter.

The first time she asked him out on a date, he stuttered, looked around, and with all the kindness of his heart, said "I don't think we should. I'm… I mean, we're going to be seeing each other here all the time and it would be weird if it doesn't work like– I don't know."

Y/N understood that, and although she felt her face hot with shame, she gave him a big smile and a nod. They didn't talk about it anymore. Of course, she ended up finding out about the crush he had on Susan Lewis. She did not correspond with his feelings, though Y/N was certain it was more about the teacher-student situation than Susan being immune to Carter's charms. Then, the next year (1995), he started something with Harper Tracy, very quietly at first; Y/N only found out when Carter comforted Ross about him sleeping with a student. That was awkward. Y/N had to agree to some extent that it was better not to be caught in the middle of a mess like that one.

She felt like a fool, nonetheless. Y/N avoided Carter for some time, which wasn't that hard as their shifts were opposite most of the time.

They were on their psychiatric rotation when they spoke again.

Carter had been feeling restless lately. He loved surgery, he wanted to become a surgeon, and he knew that the rotation between all the departments in the hospital was required for his final grades. However, his skin crawled with anticipation every time they received a consult call from the ER. Oh, boy, how much he enjoyed going down there, changing the quietness from psychiatric for the healthy noise from the ER… yeah, that was life. Unable to stop himself, he found his emotions mixing and tangling in awful ways, torturing his mind. He needed air and he resourced to go upstairs, to the helicopter's landing space on the roof of the hospital.

This is where he found her.

Y/N was bracing herself on the ledge, her eyes lost in the Chicago skyline that was lighting up as the sun kept hiding for the night, her hair a mess blessed by the wind. She took a long breath; she held it closing her eyes, and then she let go of it. Carter observed how with the air in her lungs, her tension left her body.

"You're not gonna jump, are you?" He tried to joke distastefully. His arms were crossed around his body, trying to keep the warmth.

Y/N gave him a look on top of her shoulder, acknowledged his presence, and turned again to face the city. John took that as an invitation and walked towards the ledge too.

"Hey, there, stranger," he smiled.

"Hi."

The silence felt heavy and suffocating. "It's something wrong?" She shrugged instead of giving him an answer. "Y/N, please. Talk to me. I miss you."

"You do know that I have feelings for you, don't you?" He snorted as if she was just playing a prank. The look of sadness in her eyes made him go pale and open his mouth, looking for an excuse. "Save it. Look, if you don't like me like that I totally get it, Carter. Just– Don't lie to me again."

"I have not lied to you."

"No. You gave me a shitty excuse and you forget." The shadow of recognition flashed through his face. "Yup."

"It's different."

"Oh, pray tell me, how much different it is."

"My relationship with Harper started out of fun. We meant nothing to get out of it. There's no pressure for it to go somewhere."

"And ours does?" She laughed skeptically and hurt.

"Of course!" John burst.

The silence fell upon them once again. Feeling like her heart was shattering, Y/N focused her eyes on a big building away from them; the wind slapping her face with cold indifference. Carter, blushing uncomfortably, danced from one foot to another, feeling colder and colder as he stood leaning on the ledge.

"We have something now. Something big. I trust you. I– I like you very much. But this– this thing, whatever it is, could explode and break and destroy everything in its path if we misstep." John felt his stomach clench. "Think about this. If we start something, it's going to be something big."

"I only asked you out for a coffee, Carter," she spat, looking at him dead in the eyes.

"I know…" he whispered, taken aback. "That would've led into dinner. Another date. Then another. A relationship. Marriage… Just– I'm not ready for something that steady now. I feel that if we start something I'm going to ruin it. Can't we just be friends? Good friends. The best friends the world has ever seen?"

Stupid.

Fuck, so uncomfortably stupid, and yet…

"Yeah," she sighed. "I guess."

While they decided on that and Carter definitely enjoyed the arrangement quite a lot, she hid her suffering for the lonely nights in her small apartment, covered in bed, sobbing against her pillow.

Yeah, stupid.

To be continued…

#er #er tv series #er tv show #dr. john carter #john carter x reader #john carter #fem reader #noah wyle #mark greene #doug ross #carol hathaway #susan lewis #kerry weaver #fanfiction #fanfic #angst #comfort #luka kovac #abby lockhart

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ally-holmes · 1 year

Text

Unseen | ER Dr. John Carter x Reader (ch.1)

Series Masterlist

Chapter Two

Pairings: John Carter x Fem!Reader

Summary of the chapter: John Carter is back from his second escape to Africa, and he's not alone. When he gets to the County General he becomes aware of how much he had missed this, his people, but someone is missing; where is Y/N?

Word Count: 1677

Unseen ER | Chapter One

It was 2004. Ten years ago John Carter walked for the first time through the County General's doors, and here he was, once again, after his time in Africa with the excellent Kim (Makemba Likasu) holding his arm, in America. He'd always been quite the ladies' man. No, really, he could barely remember a year in which he was single. It wasn't a game for him, not like it had been for Doctor Ross until he finally settled with Nurse Hathaway. Carter had put his heart on full display any time; he even thought that he had found his one in Abby. He was going to give her his grandmother's ring, for God's sake! Now, though, he was quite content with Kim. She was extraordinary, fun, brilliant, gorgeous, and pregnant with his child. Of course, he loved her.

He couldn't stop the little pain in his guts when thinking about Y/N and the last time he had seen her.

The hospital was different since he had left for Africa, and there were new people too. Well, at least the new security system seemed sturdy enough to actually protect the patients and professionals inside. He shakes his head, remembering that time he led a strike until Weaver bought metal detectors. Totally unintentional, really! He wasn't a leader that way, no matter how Y/N said otherwise.

Making a beeline, Carter introduced himself to Nurse Taggart, also known as Sam, at the admissions desk and she let them in. Chuny, Haleh, Malik, Frank… God, he had missed them. When Pratt showed up to greet him, he felt suddenly anxious. It was stupid really. He had been well aware that both Abby and Y/N were going to be there — they worked here! —, but he still felt uneasy with the idea of showing up with his pregnant wife, without notice, to where his ex-girlfriend and his– his Y/N worked. Luckily for him, a trauma entered the hospital before he could even walk Kim to the OB floor.

The distraction was welcomed.

He had missed this, too. The thrill. The light. The technology that couldn't be found in the hospitals he had been helping in back in Africa. Oh, yes, baby; Doctor John Carter is back!!

The sight of his baby on the ultrasound was shocking to him. He had seen so many babies and yet his cheeks got heated up; his eyes filled with tears of joy. His baby. His. He was going to be a father. Oh, how he missed his grandparents at the time. They would have loved the little one.

Meeting Abby when he had an arm wrapped around Kim's shoulders and a picture of the ultrasound in the other hand was, in fact, pretty awkward. He awkwardly hugged her, and she responded accordingly. Luka came along to save them from the uncomfortable attempt at a conversation that was taking place.

"If it wasn't for you John and I might have never met," said Kim. Whether it was good or bad, Carter couldn't tell, honestly.

Luka nodded, quite proud of the claim missing the way Abby turned her head, displeased; he saw the picture in Carter's hand, and turned the conversation towards the baby; not a better topic for Abby, that's for sure. John pretended not to notice any of it.

"Well, I should probably… get back to work," Carter stated.

"It was nice to meet you all," Kim smiled at them. "Although it's a shame that I haven't met Y/N yet. John talked a lot about her."

Abby and Luka shared a knowing look; he gave Kim a fake smile. "She's not working here at the moment, I'm afraid."

"She's not?" Carter asked, confused.

"I'll tell you later if you want. Now we all have work."

The day was long and demanding of him until he finished his shift and was able to corner Luka for answers.

"Well? Where's Y/N?"

Luka hesitated, "She's in a mental institute."

The world shattered and collapsed in front of Carter. The questions piled up in his mind, but he was unable to voice any of them. He opened his mouth and closed it again a couple of times. His silence gave Luka enough time to figure out the best way to tell him what he could.

"Do you remember the last time you saw her? The day you left for good? You took some equipment from the hospital and left and she–"

"She followed me. Yes. Um… It wasn't to stop me; she wished me good luck, and– Then I left."

"Y/N never came back to the hospital. She was abducted before she could," before Carter could cut his explanation with questions, Luka held his hand up, pleading for patience and silence. "Apparently her boyfriend at the time was out there. He saw how you two said your goodbyes," he said with a pointed look, and Carter had to swallow a lump stuck in his throat, "and he took her. He kept her for five days. It wasn't a nice experience, he– Fuck, Carter, he tortured her and the moment he saw the police in his building, he stabbed her."

John flinched at that, his lower back suddenly hurting, a ghostly reminder of his own stabbing experience. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Frank called you when we noticed that she hadn't returned and you told him that you hadn't seen her."

"Why the fuck didn't he tell me that she was missing!! I thought that– Shit…"

"Anyway, what's done it's done, my friend. We took care of her in the hospital; no permanent damage on the physical level, but after a psychological exam it became clear that she was strongly traumatized. The psych floor didn't have any rooms at the time, so she was sent home–"

"What? That's not right! I–"

Luka placed his strong hands on Carter's shoulders, giving them a reassuring squeeze. "Y/N came to my place and I took a few days off to look after her," that seemed to calm the outraged man, although an ugly tug of jealousy twisted his insides. "There was no need in the end. Apparently, your grandmother liked her very much and Y/N was named in her will. With that money, we sent her to a private mental institute. She's been taken care of. I visit her from time to time, but I usually call and she had made a few good friends. She just can't come to work just yet, it's all too fresh to come back to Chicago."

"She's not in Chicago, then?"

"I'm afraid not. I cannot tell you where she is."

Carter frowned, "Why not? I want to talk to her. I need to see that she's doing fine."

"You need. Of course. But what of what she needs?"

"What are you–"

"She's in love with you and you know it, Carter. Since the beginning, you've known, and you did not correspond her. I'm not saying that you should have. I don't want to get stuck between you two; she just told me how she had always been there for you, longing for your love but quite content with just being your friend."

"Y/N's my best friend," he mumbled.

"I know that. She knows that too. However, she still waited for you year after year until she admitted defeat, then she found herself a boyfriend and you didn't like him."

"Can you blame me for that? I knew that he wasn't good, and look what he did!"

"You still kissed her goodbye."

Silence.

He had done that.

"I'm not saying this situation is your fault, but you must understand that for her to be able to come back to her old life, she needs to give up any remaining feeling she has for you. I'm not going to tell you where she is staying so you can call her just because you need it, Carter. The last time you were here you broke up with Abby without even talking about it, you two simply went in different directions and that was all. Coming back with Kim can be upsetting to Abby, of course, but she was the one who pushed you away that time, did she not? How do you think Y/N is going to take the news? Don't get me wrong, she would be happy for you because she's always happy as long as you're happy. That's not healthy, do you understand?"

He did. He didn't like it, though. Carter nodded all the same and the conversation was over. The Carter manor welcomed him darker and emptier than ever. Kim ran down the stairs to hug him and he responded unable to feel anything.

Suddenly it hit him; it was the first time he was in Chicago without Y/N. It was like the floor had disappeared under his feet in the blink of an eye. He had met her at the County General in his third year of med school, his first time under Benton's leadership. He thought about all the important events in his life since then, and she had been in every one of them to laugh with him, to cry with him, to give him support, to let him vent about something, to– She had always been there for him, and when she had needed him he was flying away from her. Away from her truths and his heart.

Carter didn't notice he was crying until Kim caressed his cheeks with a concerned look in her beautiful eyes. He loved her. He truly loved Kim, and–

"You fall in love way too easily, Carter. Tell me, and be honest with me, did you or did you not start to fall in love with that french nurse that was already with Luka even when you were determined to propose to Abby? Ah, there it is, the hit puppy look I'm immune to. You can't hide things from me, remember? I can see your soul." Y/N's playful but stern tone echoed in his mind.

To be continued… ch.2

#er #er tv show #er tv series #john carter #john carter x reader #dr. john carter #mark greene #doug ross #carol hathaway #luka kovac #abby lockhart #fanfiction #fanfic #fem reader #noah wyle #angst #comfort #kerry weaver

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