#dont love them and just throw a list of all the shitty things they did and how im tired of doing whats morally right instead of whats | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

babymorte · 5 days

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so im watching a list on worst to best resident evil games and every time someone does one of these they always talk about all the thing og re4 did first as far as mechanics and stuff and most of them were in dead aim first which like im not complaining (well i mean i guess i kind of am) and trying to not let the snooty resi fan in me out but like re4 wouldn’t exist in the way we know it if it wasn’t for dead aim. like you play dead aim and then play og4 and tell me dead aim wasn’t the blueprint. like im not saying this as someone who isn’t the biggest fan of og4 and trying to shit talk it im saying this as someone who is overly passionate about a game that doesn’t get enough credit for what it actually did to the gaming industry. like sure im overhyping the shit out of dead aim because it is inherently not great but if that game didn’t exist og4 wouldn’t either. i mean re4 is just diet metal gear but my argument still stands. i will die and leave my body to rot on this hill.

also also re5 is diet watered down gears of war and after playing through the first two gears games and going back to re5 for the first time in years makes me wish that i was playing gears instead…also dom over sheva all day. im sorry sheva i love you but don is supreme. im not ready for gears3.

but anyway……..

i also think i love dead aim because i think its it’s the first time i realised that capcom will release ‘bad’ games just to test game mechanics because they know us resi fans are psychotic and will buy whatever they throw at us. (also side note like i fully believe they never intended to release re:verse as a full game. capcom has enough money that they can afford to do this sort of thing. they’ll lose less money developing a shitty half hearted multiplayer game and keeping it in beta to gauge the reaction than just putting out a multi that people buy, hate, and then lose faith in the company; potentially leading to poor sales on future games. i think they learned their lesson with umbrella corp to not just make things to follow trends. like village is clearly a test run for what they wanted to do with 4s remake (also side note…i love the whole REmake/REmak3/re-three-make (i think that’s my fave honestly)/REm4ke (re2 doesn’t work i refuse to call it re-two-make i just can’t) thing like i always called the og REmake and the first time i saw other people doing it was the coolest thing cuz it just felt like we were all this giant hive mind. like every time i see someone doing it my heart fills with so much joy i don’t care how lame that sounds but ANYWAY.

i dont even know how i got on this tangent. my brain is just in resi mode apparently.

but what i was trying to say with them never releasing re:verse they’re clearly working on a multiplayer and part of me is thinking/hoping it will be for the multiplayer in 6 when they eventually remake that. that multiplayer was the only one i actually played online. it was legit so much fun. and they’re clearly working on outbreak. they would be stupid not to. they’ll definitely have to allow team chat because the original outbreak mechanics are trash by todays standards (not even resi streamers play it they only play with the team chat mod) plus it just makes it insanely difficult to play with people online who may not be great at these sorts of games or doesn’t know where to go and trying to communicate only by whatever lines the game allows you to use and only being able to hear other characters when they’re in the same room as you is beyond frustrating. i was definitely the kid that everyone got angry with for not knowing what they were supposed to do and just ran around being annoying spamming the voice lines. like it’s great as a single player game (maybe playing with friends) because it’s so immersive but it’s awful for trying to play with others. but all these multiplayer games they’re putting out they’re clearly making simple arenas shooters to test player/enemy mechanics and genre types without taking too much of a risk…right? or am i looking too much into it than i should be…which honestly possible knowing me. if that is the case it’s smart as hell if you can afford it. going back to my original thought…i also think re3 was to test for how leon would play in re4, like you could make the argument that’s why it seems so low effort in comparison to re2. like they were more interested in re4 that re3 was just another blueprint. like i do think capcom is playing 4d chess a little bit but i also think i have a major tendency to give capcom more credit than they deserve.

but fuck who would have thought the tables would turn between konami and capcom. like resi was commercially more popular but in the survival horror community (at least the corner i grew up in) silent hill was supreme. we watched resi fall from grace while regardless of how anyone feels about the room and downpour and all the other non team silent games they still have something to offer in their own way even if they make for bad silent hill games. as resi tried to go mainstream it lost what made resi resi and people just stopped caring while silent hill never really went away. people stopped asking for new resi but the need for another trip to silent hill was always being talked about. now capcom is back on top. resi dominating, and Konami is putting out silent hill skateboards (which are actually pretty dope but why the fuck who asked for this). like these modern resi games are what shinji mikami wanted resi to be from the start the hardware just didn’t allow for it. the original resi was supposed to be a co-op horror fps! like we need to be able to appreciate that aspect at least as snooty og resi fans who miss tank controls and fixed cameras so im just so so proud that the modern resi games exist as they do…but again im rambling…

I need to stop cuz im about to start an evil within tangent and we don’t need that now do we. but also i love that game. eh on the second…i never finished it but ive watched a lot of lore videos and i just like the first one better but regardless kiki you need to shut up and go make food.

#fuck i love this series #like forreal #this is my legit happiness #why do I wanna cry

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badluckblackjack · 2 years

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Alex here. So this is going to be a bonkers thing to post but I need to throw it out there or Im not going to be able to continue my day which would be bothersome. Right now I feel like i can’t move on because i can’t make it right with anyone except the canonmates I have. And god i’m so fucking lucky to know them. Being able to make peace with Karl Wilbur charlie and george of all people… god i’m the luckiest guy on earth which is the funniest thing ever considering the url i chose for this. But i’m a greedy bastard and you all know this. I want to be able to be friends with everyone again and listen to how they feel. Tell them how I feel. So throwing it out into the void helps because maybe someone important will see it. Below the cut i’m going to continue talking and i’m going to try not to feel mortified for posting this. The soundtrack to this post is message in a bottle by the police.

Basically as a blanket statement im sorry. And not in the shitty half assed way i did it in source. Believe me i have personalized apologies for all of you people. I think about you all the time and i know what ive done wrong... I still struggle with taking accountability and blaming other people, i wont lie, but god im trying so hard. I want to be better for you all.

For most intents and purposes i am better. I think in this life im more like Tubbo or Aimsey was. I know the right thing to do is to keep striving to be kind. Never give in. Power is never what i needed and nobody else needs it either. We just need to work hard to protect ourselves and our loved ones, and accept each other. I still have my moments but. You know.

I got so far with this and now I dont really know what to write. I dont really know what to do except go down the list.

Tommy i should have been better to you...i should have been there more. Having abandonment issues isnt an excuse for leaving you alone. And im tired of people acting like i was soooo good to you! like for fucks sake man i really wasnt, i did the bare minimum maybe 25% of the time, most everyone else just somehow sucked harder than that. I really dont deserve that praise. But this time around I know what i would do. Im not afraid to cut in and defend you because i dont have my own personal beefs wrapped up in everything. I just want to help you now like i should have then. And if you dont need my help then we could goof off. Or you could not talk to me at all, thats genuinely fine too. Im sorry i was so selfish. You deserve good people in your life. You deserve security, safety, and good fucking friends.

Tubbo im sorry im such a stubborn ass. None of how i treated you in las nevadas was okay and none of what happened was okay. It was just as much my fault as it was wilburs. And...listen man, I dont know. I know youll feel weird that i said this, and youre free to feel weird, or be mad, but. That festival was the worst day of my fucking life. I have never felt so stupid, useless, and incompetent in my entire life. Because you were my best friend. I should have gotten us out of there way before then. Im sorry i got us into that mess. None of what ... you know, he did is an excuse for that. So.. i wish i could go back and undo it. Or something. God im fucking crying writing this HAHA i love you toby i hope thats proof.

Jack , youre probably looking at this like im insane if youre reading this, but i just want you to know, you didnt deserve what happened to you, and im glad you were my friend, and also im sorry i stole so much of your stuff. I liked your pants that you would wear.

Fundy... you know its complicated, i know its complicated, its fine. For what its worth, im sorry for never being a true friend to you. I hope that wherever you are youre happy. I really, really dont expect that you would ever want to talk to any of us ever again besides probably Eret, but just know, my door is wide open to you. Through everything, im still wanting you around. And i can do way better this time. Ill take care of you as much as i can.

Ranboo, you deserved better. Im sorry i never got to know you very well. Im gonna be honest, pretty much everything you do makes me angry, but it just makes me angry because it reminds me of myself? If we were to speak i would get ahold of myself and not take that out on you, because you dont deserve that, but I dont really know how to apologize without bringing that into it. I see so much of myself in you. Youre growing. Im proud of you. Keep trying your best. This sounds so fucking condescending AHAHA sorry buddy.

Technoblade, you were a victim, and you didnt deserve any of what I did to you. you werent even a person to me, you were a symbol of everything that made me hate myself; you were actually powerful, i was scared of you, and you were mentally strong, too. Its not okay to treat someone that way. In this life ive been able to let go, so you dont have to worry about my annoying ass on your case anymore, ever again. Youre really cool. I want to be able to appreciate that for what it is without letting how much i dont like myself get in the way. Pride is stupid! You are awesome.

Purpled... Im never going to do anything like that again. You have my word. And for what its worth, im sorry. You didnt deserve any of that. I think youre really cool, and I always have thought that, so just... stay swaggy? I dont fucking know. Go keep doing awesome things. Im not going into detail here because Im trying to spare you the annoyance lol.

Nikki, I love you. Our friendship is basically the nicest memory i have of the whole fucking server. Im sorry we werent closer and didnt stay in touch. YOU WERE IMPORTANT TO ME. so fucking important. Also karl misses you too but dont tell him i told you. I hope you are doing something creative lately. My current demeanor is similar to yours back then so I think we could get along preetttyyyyy well again....wink...please be my friend again. If i sound desperate its because i am. WINK.

Okay...Bad. Let's get into it. I still think i was right to try to stop you, but I was wrong for holding a grudge, and i was wrong for trying to tell you that you should be striving for your own power or something stupid like that. The way to feel at peace with yourself is to hang out with your friends. You know this, i know this, we both got BRUTALLY taught this lesson over and over, so lets either just silently acknowledge this and never speak to each other again or bury the hatchet and be buddies.

Connor if youre reading this i love you.

Sam, we had the most unhealthy dynamic on earth, and I think its best if we probably never speak to each other again just because I still feel really unresolved about everything so I know im going to accidentally end up trying to forcefully recreate how it used to be. But, i shouldnt have pushed you around, and Im sorry. I shouldnt have done what i did to dream either but I dont think an apology is enough to even begin covering that. Just know... i know it was wrong and its never going to happen again. I wont let it happen again. I have control over myself, at least, and nothing that bad is ever going to happen again.

Foolish... I care about you so fucking much. Im sorry for pushing you around, too. I should never have manipulated you into joining my country, and I should have never lashed out at you either. This is going to sound stupid but it felt like if I was actually nice to you and treated you how I wanted to treat you, then when you inevitably left it would just be another time i got my heart broken after giving it up. by this logic at least if i was mean it was still my fault and i had control over the situation. Its fucked up, and sucky, and you deserve better, so much better. So, im sorry, and i hope things are going well for you. I hope the people around you appreciate how fucking awesome you are. Im not afraid to say it now, youre fucking AWESOME, youre the coolest motherfucker around. Thank you for everything youve done for me.

Tina, i didnt meet you in source yet, but I know i loved you. So just know that. Lets be friends? Karl misses you.

Sapnap...I dont really know where to start here because theres so much to say. Im sorry i left. Im sorry i didnt believe you when you said karl was sick. Im sorry i didnt try harder to come home. Im sorry i was so fucking scared all the time, and emotionally unavailable, and just...terrified. Our timing was weird and I hope we ended up getting it right at some point... but for now youll be pleased to know, Karl is my best friend now. We still have issues every now and again, were both emotional little shits and struggle to communicate, but hes my best fucking friend, okay? But a piece of our hearts are missing, so just...were waiting here, buddy. Theres a spot at the table for you. We both have hella trust issues so it might be hard for us to actually believe you when you say youre Sapnap but its worth a shot right? Maybe thats too presumptuous. Idk, i just love you. Come be my friend again, okay?

And finally... to myself, im sorry. I didnt deserve what happened to me. So ill keep trying to stop telling myself that i did deserve it, because i didnt. I dont need to be perfect. I dont need to be powerful. Its okay to just be my silly, anxious, ditsy, emotional, annoying, fun loving self. Its okay to just be.

if you read this much you are a brave soul. See you next time i have a letter to write. For now, alex out.

#dsmp kin #dream smp kin

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dollediary · 3 years

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I Still Wanna Try

I. False Hopes

yes this is a series now ;)

🏹 pairing(s): heeseung x female reader, heeseung x giselle, sunghoon x female reader, jake x female reader

🏹 genre: angst, smut

🏹 warning(s): language, manipulation? cheating

🏹 synopsis: y/n and heeseung, two highschool sweethearts whose relationship seemed to only have grown worse as time went on. what was once nothing but puppy love turned into an immature and toxic romance that lead to the downfall of their relationship. heeseung, the displayed unfaithful partner, went seeking comfort in the arms of another woman, essentially cheating on y/n. after the situation was brought to light, he lost y/n. now, with the help of his friend jake, we get to watch as he carelessly tries to win her heart over, while either earning her trust back, or making matters worse for himself.

🏹 word count: 3.7k

"...could i request a heeseung or jaeyun fic- prolly where they’re in a very toxic and unhealthy relationship , and they start another argument in front of their friends which leads to another one while they’re at home. jus bickering and heeseung or jaeyun being strictly mean to y/n. it could end up wid smut or angst! up to you <33 if you’re comfortable wid it"

I GOT CARRIED AWAY AND DID NOT FOLLOW THE REQUEST AT ALL I'M SO SORRY!!!😭😭 it's just like toxic heeseung x toxic fem!reader ft. jake and sunghoon 😩 also i didn't turn this into a smut because i was too excited to write an angst story!! i hope you enjoy regardless! (as always to my readers, dont be shy to send in requests u creative mfs‼️it takes some time, but i think i make it worthwhile! also i have another fic coming out that actually ties into this that is also a request, but i could potentially turn this into a smut after i post the other one bc the context of it would make it 100x better, but let me not get ahead of myself!! anyways i hope y'all enjoy because this is different than the works i've done so far i think??

[♪masterlist | next →]

"my god, y/n you do this every fucking time, do you even understand how unbearable you are?" heeseung said with the roll of his eyes as he laid down fully on the couch you recently were sitting on. you were up and about, and in tears, as you angrily grabbed your phone and keys, throwing them into your purse.

"unbearable, huh?" you seethed as you angrily turned your body to him and. "that's new. hm, maybe i should add it onto the list of 'shitty things my boyfriend has called me'," you pulled your purse up, throwing it over your shoulder as you stood there. a big part of you wanted to leave, but the other part was screaming into your ear to stay and argue, and that was the part you would always listen to.

"it's weird as hell that you're keeping a list," he said with a laugh as he nonchalantly scrolled through his phone. you rolled your eyes as you watched how unbothered he was. it was like this was only bothering you. it was always that way. you two would argue, whether it be over text or in person, and he would just sit there and act like he didn't give a shit. you were starting to believe that he really didn't.

"obviously it's not a real list, heeseung," you said, refraining from calling him out of his name so he wouldn't be able to use it against you if things were to boil down enough for a civilized conversation. "it's just always at the back of my head since you never fail to make me feel shitty about myself whenever shit like this happens."

"oh i'm sorry, i didn't expect you to hold everything i've ever said to you against me, y/n," he yawned, still not looking your way. "but what can i expect? you'll do anything just to remain the victim every single time, right?" his bitter laugh boomed through your ears like a siren you couldn't turn off. you clenched your fists hard, doing everything in your power not to blow off even more, but this man always made it so hard for you.

"because i am the victim, i never do this shit to you, yet you do this all the fucking time," you said, yet he still made no effort to pay any real attention. "i don't even want to be here anymore, you ruined my whole mood. i can't even be at peace in your presence without you finding a way to fuck with me."

"no one's forcing you to be here," he said, referencing that you could easily leave. he knew you didn't want to leave, that you wanted to get the last word in. usually he would let you, and let the conversation, for an actual discussion about your feelings be made, but he was so sick of always being the blame. always being painted as the shitty boyfriend when you were just as bad as he was.

still wanting to get a reaction out of him, you tried to think of a way to rile him up just enough to get the same energy you were giving him. then it dawned on you like a lightbulb switching on. "and no one's forcing me to keep this stupid ass neck lace on either," you said ripping it off in the heat of the moment. the weak golden chain that was once securely around your neck was now cracked and broken as you threw it at him.

you had finally caught his attention once the broken anniversary necklace landed on him. his ears started burning red with anger as he picked up the jewelry off of his chest where it landed. "fuck you!" heeseung said as he threw it behind him as he got up, towering over you as looked down with anger in his eyes.

"no fuck you! i'm tired of this shit. i'm not gonna let you keep treating me like shit!" you were unfazed by his gaze since you'd seen it so many times before. if anything, you were only gonna test him more to see how far you could push him. oh, but he had other plans in mind.

"oh, but you will, y/n! you know why? because you know no matter what i say or do to you, you're not gonna leave. you. never. do," he said, poking your forehead with every emphasis. you glared up at him as you smacked his hand away from you. a scoff left your lips, feeling like he was starting to tear your wall of anger down with that sentence. now it felt more... personal. because he was right.

"well my fucking bad for wanting to be loved by you, heeseung," your words and tone were still the same, but it was evident that what he said got to you. he knew it would anyways because, contrary to belief, he knew how to get under yout skin, too. and you deserved to be hurt after what you did to that necklace he spent his hard earned money on for you.

"well, fuck, y/n. you shouldn't be with a man if you feel like he doesn't love you, don't you think?" he asked, challenging you even more. tears brimmed in your eyes again as you kept eye contact with him. of course you knew you couldn't stop the tears from forming, but if there was one thing you could do, it was stopping them from falling.

"i'm obviously staying because i want you to love me." you know, the way you used to. before our heads constantly crashed together, before the first name was called, before the first block and break we took because of it. she wanted to say, but her pride wouldn't let her. and if there's anything or anyone she'll listen to, it's her pride. "but it's clear that you don't, so maybe i shouldn't be with you."

just by the look in your eyes, as well as the tears you let fall, heeseung knew that you were no longer being spiteful with him. though the two of you had argued badly in person, it's only gotten this bad through text. but even so, this was worse. and even though he knew what you were saying was said genuine, he kept searching your eyes just for another second, hoping there was some sort of evil intent. or some sort of lie.

but there just... wasn't. your eyes only looked back in his with pain. you felt a lump forming in your throat while looking back. his eyes scanning yours for something more was only making it hurt more. but every ounce of you was tired. daily arguments, daily disrespect, daily disregard for your feelings is making your mental health crumble. if you didn't leave now, you were sure you'd never be able to. but aside from that knowledge, this is also your brain telling you that, if he fights for you now, it's worth fixing.

"yeah," heeseung said with a sigh after juggling the pros and cons of breaking up, the pros weighing hundreds more. "maybe you shouldn't." he took a few steps back while you only looked at him, eyes widened while your heart only broke into pieces at his words. you didn't dare let out an audible sniffle, stopping anymore tears from falling so as to not show him that this was genuinely breaking your heart.

"uh, guys? i don't think this is the place to be doing that," you and heeseung's head turned to see jake sitting on the couch, phone in one hand while the other held one of his airpods that he'd taken out of his ear. you don't even know why that replaced your sadness with anger. and you didn't know why it made you mad at jake. how embarrassing is it to be broken up with in front of your boyfriend's friends.

"shut the fuck up, jake."

you turned back to heeseung who was looking at you with the same surprised expression. since when did you guys say shit in sync? he let out a bitter laugh while jake got up, quietly excusing himself so as to not cause anymore tension. you rubbed your arm awkwardly avoiding eye contact once reality set in again. heeseung noticed this and his heart fell once again.

"god, y/n," he said, pulling you into his embrace, your face buried in his chest. he had one arm protectively around your back, the other on the back of your head caressing it slowly. "you don't know what you're doing to me." you could hear the crack in his voice as he rested his chin on top of your head. you've never seen him get emotional, yet alone hear it.

"i'm sorry, i don't wanna break up."

"i don't want to, either."

"can we just go home and pretend everything's okay? even if it's not?"

"of course, baby," he said, grabbing your hand, leading you to the door.

"you can't seriously be mad at me right now!" heeseung screamed following closely behind you. you ignored him, your stomping getting louder as you got closer to your room. luckily the door was open from when you left it open earlier, so it was easier for you to (at least attempt to) slam the door on him had his hands not been so quick. "y/n, stop ignoring me. i swear to fucking god."

"stop following me," you said, your tone as cold as ice as you made a quick u-turn walking out the room, but not before trying to pull it shut on him. he quickly reopened it, groaning frustratedly. "stop trying to shut doors on me, i'm tryna talk to you!"

"fuck you, i don't wanna talk," you said, journeying your way into the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door with unnecessary force as you angrily looked around for something- anything to drink.

"so you're just gonna keep ignoring me?!"

"seems like it!" you said, slamming the fridge door shut again you begin to walk away from him, only stopping when you feel him harshly tug at your arm, making you turn around to face him. to say you weren't still attracted to him, even though all you could see was red, while looking at him would be a lie. you could see his once fluffy bangs sticking to his forehead like glue from the sweat he worked up while chasing after you, complimented by the rosy redness of his cheeks and his chest heaving only a little bit abnormally while he got his breathing under control.

if you hadn't seen what was on his phone, you would've fallen back into his arms, cluelessly and willingly letting him sweet talk his point across. maybe it could've been something petty that you two would be able to have gotten over, or just a petty argument that you two would have set your prides aside for. but it wasn't. and it won't be, no matter how much you wished it were.

"look, i don't know what you saw on there, but whatever it was doesn't give you the right to go through my phone."

is that why you've gone out of your way to face your phone downward everytime we're together? is that why you've been voluntarily leaning away from me to answer your phone every time it vibrates? is that why you were bugging me nonstop asking me if i had anything to tell you? because you knew you had something to tell me? because you were so guilty, that you wanted there to be a possibility that i would have the same shame you did?

there were so many questions you wanted to ask. and so much you wanted to say. and you had genuinely thought earlier that if you were angry enough you'd be able to cuss him out about it. or start a whole new elaborate argument, over literally anything, for you to hit him with the information you found so you could have the upper hand before kicking him out.

but you weren't angry. maybe you were before, not anymore. especially not when you face him and look him in the eyes. not when he's looking at you as if you needed to be the one apologizing for going through his phone. like you needed to cooperate with him, now. not when it's as serious as this. and especially not when it's hurting you this bad.

your mind and heart raced as you looked at him, not wanting to say anything just yet because you knew whatever you'd say to him would be what you were really feeling. and if there's anything you hated, it's having people know that they've gotten under your skin or hurt you. and that's exactly what he did, maybe worse than that. "can you please say something?" he begged, the desperation being more than clear on his face and in his tone.

"am i not good enough for you?"

his eyes widened, then softened. his once tight and firm grip on your arm loosened as you retracted it back to your side where it belonged. you could tell he knew exactly why you asked that by the way he struggled to find the words to say. but what was there to say that wouldn't contradict his actions. "y/n... that was before we got back together. it only happened because... i only did that because i thought we were seriously going to break up. you know i'm not like that."

then what are you like? tell me. why are you still texting her, heeseung? why have you been texting her for months, going to her every time we have issues? why is she so comfortable telling you she'll be ready to pick up the pieces i leave behind the second we call it quits for real?

"you're giving her false hopes at a relationship," you sniffled, not being strong enough to confront the more important questions your body kept screaming at you to ask. he bit the inside of his cheek, shaking his head.

"no, i didn't," he said defensively. "i told her i didn't know when we would break up. but that was only because she was asking if we'd be breaking up soon!"

"that's giving her false hope, you asshole!"

"how the fuck is that giving her false hope, y/n?!" he raised his voice, running his hand through his hair. "it's not like we're going to be together forever at this rate! i can't keep doing this back and forth shit with you, and i definitely can't keep doing this on and off, and blocking each other every other day shit, either. i'm tired of pretending like this relationship is still fixableㅡ like this is still worth saving."

"so why can't you just fucking leave me?!"

"because i don't know how!"

"so you just keep another girl on the sidelines in hopes that i leave soon so you can immediately move on?!"

"i already fucking told you it's not like that! she's just a friend!"

"i don't think friends are supposed to tell you they'll be “ready to pick up the pieces i leave behind the second we call it quits for real”, heeseung! i don't think you should be telling your friends to call you because you think we're “done for real this time”."

"well what else am i supposed to do? am i supposed to lie and tell you that i don't want you anymore? am i supposed to stop crawling back to you the second you give me the opportunity to? why do you think i'm here right now?! why do you think i'm still trying to love you!"

because you feel bad and pity me?

"why?"

"because i actually love you! and no matter what, i will continue to choose you over anybody any day. even if she loves and treats me better in months than you have in years, i will never look in her direction as long as you're in mine, y/n."

somehow even after all the wrong he's done, he still makes your broken heart beat faster at his words. his words were so sickeningly sincere. he genuinely felt like he loved you, afterall he was more than willing to go through the same draining cycle again and again with you every time you asked for him back. that was enough to prove it right? he held out his hand, silently begging for yours, and for a second you were almost trapped under his spell again, but you knew better. you stepped back and shook your head at him.

"no. this isn't love anymore." it isn't love. and i know it. no matter how hard i try to push this aside, or try to excuse it, it hurts too much to. i can let a lot of things go when it comes to us, but not this. not when you've already opened your heart, emotionally, for another girl to make her home. i just can't do it.

you wanted to tell him, but the words wouldn't come out of your mouth, instead they showed through your eyes while he kept searching them for something anything! any kind of doubt or second thoughts that he could twist and rethread to make you stay one last time. if you could show any signs of not wanting to let go, he could talk it into you and be better this time! he could cut her off without any last word and fix everything.

"no. no, no, no, no, no, no. please don't say that. we can fix thisㅡ"

"but aren't you tired of pretending like this relationship is still fixable? like it's still worth saving?"

"fuck! i only said that in the heat of the moment, i didn't mean it, please. i can fix this. please just don't let me go, y/n. i love you so much, you know this. and you know you love me, too."

your heart hurt too much to even reply to him at this point, all you could do was shake your head while you looked any and everywhere else but his eyes. by now his tears were falling, too. he knew now that he had become the shitty boyfriend. and no matter how bad you were in his eyes, you were no longer just as bad as he was. a sigh left his lips as he searched for the last piece of unsureness in you. maybe you were right. maybe it wasn't love anymore.

"fuck, i'm sorry, y/n. i really am. i don't know why i keep making these dumb ass mistakes. i don't know why i keep doing this shit when i know it hurts you. i don't know why i led her on when i knew that no matter what happens i wouldn't be able to let you go. i don't know what i'm supposed to do without you. i can't see a world without you in it. you still mean everything to me, i really don't want to lose you."

"please, heeseung," your voice was barely above a whisper, and even though you genuinely didn't want to look him in the eyes, you knew this was the only way to communicate it. "just go, you've done enough. i wish you two the best, we've been holding onto this too long. i can't force compatibility anymore."

he fell to his knees in desperation, grabbing onto your hand as he looked up at you putting aside all the pride he had left. "you don't mean that. we're not forcing anything! i promise i'm gonna change. i'll do anything, you can't let me go!"

you sighed, grabbing his hand with your other one, helping him get back on his feet. "thank you for being my first love but, at this point, that's all you can be. no love is worth this amount of pain. now, please leave. i can't handle any more of this. i love what you were able to bring into my life, but your heart doesn't belong to me anymore."

he took his hand back, looking up to blink back any other tears that were threatening to fall. "i'm sorry.," was all he could muster up before he finally walked out of the kitchen, then out to the living room and front door and ultimately out of your life. as if your heart couldn't break anymore, you felt the pieces break into shreds while you walked into your room.

by now you had no tears left to cry, so all you could do is stare at the ceiling, deep in thought while you hopedㅡ prayed for your roommate sunghoon to come in and comfort you. as bad as today was, at least life had the decency to call him into your room to let you cry onto his chest until you were ready to open up about the heartbreak.

[♪masterlist | next →]

#enhypen imagines #enhypen scenarios #enhypen x female reader #enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #enhypen heeseung #heeseung imagines #heepetal requests #heepetals #enhypen angst #enhypen smut #kpop smut #I Still Wanna Try: Toxic Hee Series

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zuffer-weird-girl · 3 years

Text

Red hair as roses, and turquoise eyes as orchids

"Dada look!" The bored and depressed blue eyes stood up from his lap to his 6 years old daughter, extending her tiny hands up high in the air.

"Be careful with what you're gonna do pretty doll." He manage to smirk a bit as she pouted, strands of red brushing against her forehead until a huge wave of flames of the colour blue danced around her hands until she jumped and a small prinkle of flames were throw in the air.

She laughed at the sign and clapped her hands in glee at her own little show as Dabi let out a chuckle at seeing the happines of his daughter... instead of him, Emika had the blessing of having a body that could tolerate the heat enough of his quirk that she inherited it from him. Your quirk itself being a huge help for the little girl to not have scars as her father's.

"Did you see Dada?! It was soooo huge and beautiful!!!" She ran towards him only to trip and thankfully landed on the brunette male's lap, giggling with a smile so bright that could've hury his eyes.

"Hmm. Almost like mine princess, im impressed." His hands carresed her chubby cheeks until he heard murmuring behind them.

Of course. Even with his disguise, that were people whose were going to mutter, say bad things... he lost count on how many times Emika had been bullied because her quirk was similiar with the most cruel and wanted villain....

And much to his dismay, Emika didn't take that... very well.

"WHAT ARE YOU WHISPERING ABOUT?! LEAVE US ALONE!" the little girl shouted and the adults only scoffed, picking up their kids and getting out of the park.

"You're going to scare off anyone with that attitude of yours princess." He muttered while carresing her red hair and picking her up as she scoffed.

"They cant say bad things about MY dada!" He smiled at the little girl and sighed.

"Yeah yeah, just lets get out of here before you burn things down."

"Thats something you would do!" She poked his scarred cheek. "Ne ne dada? We gonna visit mama right? I want to bring flowers to her this time!"

His eyes dropped at the ground as his feet carried them to the cemetery...

"We can arrange that."

"Mama was so pretty!!!" Emika squealed as Spinner and Toga showed her some photos as Dabi stared holes into their skulls.

Is not that he didn't wanted his daughter to forget or to not know about her mother... but it was painfull enough to have a father as a villain, now being a mother orphan was just more harder.

Emika couldn't go to school without being recognized as Dabi's daughter. So he brought himself the task to teach her things , being thankfull to his past self that he had studied enough.

"Yeah and she was strong as fuck too according to your dad there." Spinner grinned, showing a picture of you pinning down a hero on the middle of the street.

"Emika-chan, despite not meeting (Y/n) you look so much like her!" Toga beamed with a smile, fangs showing and the little girl giggling when Dabi just yanked her away from the two.

"Naaaaaa dada no bed time!" She squirmed as he carried her to now the comfortable room the league gotten ever since the incident with Shigaraki and Redestro.

"Dont complain or else Im going to take away your toy." He grumbled as the girl gasped and pouted at him much like you would do.

"You wouldn't!" She defies him with a cheeky smile although while settling down on the bed she shared with him.

"Try me." He smirked with a atched eyebrow making her laugh.

Some time passed and Dabi watched as the eyelids of Emika slowly dropped until she called him softly.

"This place we are now... we gonna stay or are the bad man breaking it and we have to move again?" His heart clenched.. she still had the memories when the league had captured that blonde kid and the heroes busted the bar...

With her own view, she saw the villains as the good and normal people despite Toga being a crazy assasin that loved drinking blood, Shigaraki a men that only wanted to destriy the world, Twice a bipolar man and the list goes on...

Emika saw the villains as good people, and the heroes as bad ones... after all, after she found out on her own that her mother died not because of childbirth, but because of a hero that accidentally killed her with a much too strong attack... and only because she wanted to protect the baby on her arms at that time.

So much blood dropped from his eyes... some even dropping on your lifeless body and on the crying baby he soon noticed that thankfully was alive.

He would never forget whem he craddled the baby on his arms and sobbed deyly as his child wailed at not having the warmth of her mother anymore.

Things were tough until they found the league of villains and had at peast a place to crash.

Emika was now soudly asleep as he sighed and brushed his hair.

"When the heroes come to us... I will make sure yoi stay outta of the mess Emika. But you will not like to know the truth about our origins..." he muttered as a scarred hand brushed her bangs and smirked when she nuzzled on his hand... reminding him of how you would nuzzle on him on cold nights...

"Time to sleep off huh? The more we sleep, the pess we have to face the reality." He muttered before laying down and bringing her close to his chest.

"Dada..." she whimpered as fat tears fell feom her turquoise eyes as she tremblingly holded the box of paper towels, helping him clean off the blood from his stapples as he took a final look on the mirror, his white hair finally at show for the first time in so many years.

"Hey," he crouched down and made his best to not wince "I'm fine. Daddy is used to this by now and-"

"bUT I'M NOT!" she yelled and punched his chest with her tiny fist as he frowned and holded her as she sobbed on his chest.

"...Is it true..?" He looked down at the tuff of red hair on his chest "That uncle Twice is not coming back..? That.. T-That grandpa did this to you..m that we are from the family of E-Endeavour?"

He frowned and wiped her tears away as she holded his wrist while sobbing at the loss of Twice, whose always played and made silly faces with her on spare times.

"Yeah... Im sorry for not telling you... but I thought that... Me and your mother actually decided that Emika (L/n) was better than puttingnon a fake and... well, not right name on yours."

"... which hero... killed... mama..?" His heart stopped... should he reaally tell her? She was only a baby of five years.. five fucking years... he was already damaged by society, but her was just a little flower growing...

"Princess.. I-"

"Who?!" She sobbed as his eyes dropped, a heavy sigh as he dinally sit down on the edge of the sofa as he put his hand on his face as the other helped her sit on his lap.

"... your grandpa."

Emika cried heraelf to sleep that night. Wailing that she hated the heroes, that she hated Endeavour, that she hated him for not telling her the truth for so long, that she hated having fo be a Todoroki.

Each word was a spike to his chest as he tried and eventually succeed on calming her down enough, from harsh sobs and eails to soft sniffles and the rest of the tears she had to sheed.

He hugged her just a bit tighter that night as one drop of blood fell from his eyes.

"I thought I could do it (Y/n)... I fucking promised you... but... fuck." He bited his bottom scarred lips to contain a whimper "Everything is just the worst now... why did you have to be so goddamn stubborn and risk your life dammit..."

"Is your fourth bowl of ice cream ya know?" Dabi muttered from his place on the miserable yet comfy apartment you two shared as you stared back at him with a spoonfull of your favorite ice cream on hand close to your mouth.

"I have the right. I'm pregnant. Leave me be." You made a show of putting the spoon on your mouth and moaning out loud as Dabi shooked his head in dismay before taking a place on your side ofbthe couxh before you two cringed at the sounds of the old mobile almost creaking.

"We need to got money to find a new couch." You muttered horrified, just apmost ending all of your money on baby supplies and clothes.

"Or I can just steal one." He smirked at the slight slap you gave to him.

"And have shitty heroes coming our way later? Nu uh mister... maybe just rob a bank though." You muttered before both of you chuckled as you laid your head on his shoulder as he subconsciously placed his hand on the sweel of your stomach and felt a kick already.

"She is going to be a daddy's girl. Im so sure of it." You giggled as he arched an eyebrow.

"How cam you say this already? We dont even know if it is a girl of a boy doll."

"I know is a girl. I just know it. And she has already a favorite parent." You carresed your belly just besides where Dabi's hand was layed on.

"You're exaggerating." He chuckled as he felt another kick "They are going to be a nasty oen though, they kick alot."

"She kicks a lot when your nearby or talking to her. Just like I said, a daddy's girl." You smiled sweetly at him and he never felt so happy...

He looked at your lips for a second as you narrowed your eyes playfully at him before your lips almost touched-

He woke up with a hand tapping on his cheek and soon saw his daughter looking down at him with a pout.

"Can we go walk?" She almost whimpered as he could only stare and slowly nod as he caught his disguise and a very own for her.

She clunged to the black bunny plushie as she walked with pinks connected to him as he stated down at her in worry until she gasped at a convenience store.

"Dada! Snickers!" She pointed as he smiled at seeing a bit of bright on her eyes once again.

"How about we get some, eh?" She nodded with a small smile and soon followed her dad inside.

While she waited for Dabi to get the snacks and pay for them, for once, she gasped when a purple haired boy at the same age as her bumped accidentaly to her making her plushie drop.

"Hey!" She called out with tears on her eyes, being emotionally damaged enough for those past days.

"I'm sorry." The boy said immediatly, kneeling and grabbing the plushie to hand it to her "Its yours?" He tilted his head as Emika grabbed immediatly.

"Of course it was! It was with me until you bunped on me!" Emika slowly dropped her tone of voice at seeing how the purple haired boy seemed genuily sorry as he aproached and bowed once again.

"Sorry, I just am here to grab some medice and a chocolate for my mom and dad. They're both sick and they dont know i went out so I needed to hurry." He smiled as Emika soon dropped slowly her guard down as she muttered.

"Is okay... is just that bunny is speacial to me."

"I can see why. Your mama gave it to you right." Her turquoise eyes widened as she frowned her eyebrows at the boy.

"Kinda of..?" She clinged to the toy "Why do you that?"

He closed his eyes with a tiny giggle.

"Well, she told me as soon as you started to tear up. She is always by your side aparently." Emika eyes darkned and she let go of one hand of the plushie to heat up her hand.

"Say that one more time. I dare you. My mama is not here." She almost cried until the purple boy touched her forehead with two fingers and soon she was not more in the grocery store, but in a blank space.

"HEY YOU!" she shouted "THIS IS NOT FUNNY LET OUT YOU FUCK-"

"Geez, daddy did not spare you of curse words then?" She froze and looked behind her and saw the sane woman Dabi showed photos of and was compared whenever she was laughing or making a trick on others.

She froze for a bit before silently tears started to fall and she hiccupped for a bit before dropping her bunny and running to you as you hugged her tightly.

"Mama! I cant believe-! Is you-! I-I-" she hicupped as you wiped her tears with your thumb and let some of your own fall.

"You're take so much of your dada im so happy... My little girl is just so beautiful..." you whispered as she sobbed while wiping her tears with her sleeve.

"D-Dada!" She gasped before smiling widely and grabbing your sleeve "Dada needs to see this! Mama he misses you a lot he need to see yo-"

"Im sorry princess..." you grabbed her cheek softly "I wanted to see your daddy just as much, but I cant...." her face fell a bit but soon nodded while playing with your fingers and hair.

"Mama? Why did you do it?" You hummed as she looked up hesitantly "Why did youbleave dad? Why... you took.. Endeavour attack..?" She asked sadly as you furrowed your eyebrows but soon closed your eyes and smiled.

"Emika... the day you were born was the day I was gone as well... but when I saw your grandpa recognizing me as a villain and blasted an attack close to where you were... I just had to. I had to protect the feuit of love that me and your father made..." you smiled sadly as she sniffed.

"But you arent with us..." she almost sobbed until you made her look up.

"Emika... Im so sorry for the loneliness you had to endure... the pain... that was the only dowside of the decision I made. My swest little girl..." you cuppex her cheek and wiped a tear "Thank you for letting me be your mother, and Touya for being your father..."

You touched your forehead with her as she noticed your body was slowly turning to tiny hints of lights and fireflies.

"Mama..?" She looked at you crying softly as you kissed her forehead.

"Emika, evertime you see a star in the dark sky it will be me watching over you and your dada... and please understand one thing," you got away from her as your hair floated majestically "Dying for you, was a noble sacrifice I did for love..."

She widened her eyes as she grabbed your hands as you giggled at her expression.

"Say to dada Im watching him too, and that loving him were the happier moments I spend... I love him and always will...after all, he is my canolli, dead or not, okay?"

The littpe girl gasped and looked at the place she was, the grocery store and the boy from earlier retracting his hand with a unsure littpe smile.

"It was your quirk... you... you made me talk with my mama." She says outstruck as the boy giggled but soon gasped at looking the time.

"I have to go! But I hope we meet again." He ran to the door with the bags before looking one more time behind to her "Call me Akira! See you soon Emika-chan!"

She stood there in complete shook before brushing her fingers on the tingling spot you had kissed on her forehead before smiling widely and giggling before knocking her daddy's leg as he grunted.

"Emika what the-"

"Mama is watching us!" She bounced up and down as he atood with a 'what the fuck' expression.

"What the hell Emika?" He grabbed the packs and carried her as he walked on the street.

"Mama said your name is Touya dada! Which I found strange at first but anyway! She kissed my forehead! Hugged me and said how much she loves me and you and is watching us! She is a star dada! A star!!"

His eyes widened. Emika didn't hear his speech to Endeavour. Emika didn't know his real name was Touya instead of Dabi as the league called him... so she was not imagining neither making things up.

"..so you saw mama?" She giggled and nodded while boucing on his arms. "... did she say something else?" He asked hopefully and she smiled widely as much as you would do.

"She said loving you was the most happier she got! And that your are her canolli forever!"

His steps faltered and almost that he dropped his daughter as his eyes widened... only you knew that god for saken nickname you gaved to him...

"Dada?" His daughter words and hands on his cheeks made him ho back to reality as he saw the blood on his little girl's fingers and worried expression "Are you crying..? Dada?"

"Heh..." he wiped with one thumb the blood before smilling at her and continuing walking "Nah. Must be one of my staples..." he stared up as his daughter rested her face on his neck. "Mama is a star then?"

"Ya.." she yawned "Watching us... I bet she is that one." The little girl pointed at the shiniest star on the sku as Dabi smiled...

"Yeah... I also bet on that one."

#dabi x reader #touya todoroki x reader #bnha villains x reader #bnha villains #bnha fanfictions #bnha fanfic #zuffer writings #dabi #touya todoroki #bnha oc

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boobz-fye · 3 years

Text

Comforting them after losing a game

Includes: Oikawa Tooru, Ushijima Wakatoshi, Kageyama Tobio, and Keiji Akaashi x G/N reader.

Warnings: the boys doubting themselves and cursing(I think I only said one bad word in kageyamas but whatever)

Rant: Ok, I feel like this post is actual shit. Like I say that about almost all of my posts- but this one is very bad. The only good one is Ushijimas I think, so I hope I do all of the characters a little justice tho. Also sorry that I haven't been posting much (for like two weeks) I have been very busy, and been dealing with writer's block. I will try and post something else some time next week. Think it's gonna be fluff for MHA tho. Anyways, HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS!!!!!

Oikawa Tooru~

It all happened too fast. He could have sworn that they were just in the lead, ahead of Shiratorizawa by two points. He was so close to beating them. And now what is he going to say to you, or the team? He promised all of you that they will win this only to not fulfill it. Slowly dragging his feet out of the gym, Oikawa starts to feel tears building up in his vision. ‘No you can't cry right now.’ Oikawa thinks as he starts to pick up a pace. Maybe this is all just a bad dream and he will wake up soon.. Yeah that sounds right. He can wake up and have a fresh start of the day, win against Shiratorizawa, then celebrate with his team mates, and to top it all off go over your house and cuddle the whole night. Oh how lovely that sounds, only if that wasn't another fantasy planted in his head.

Overwhelmed with emotions Oikawa finally comes out of the locker rooms, only to see you sitting on the floor. “What are you still doing here baby?” You look up to see Oikawa putting on a fake smile that makes your heart break. “Come here..” You say rising to a standing position, with your arms open and welcoming. Oikawa doesn't hesitate to wrap his arms around you, and be consumed by your warmth. “You did amazing out there handsome.” Those few words made Oikawa feel butterflies in his stomach. The only thing that could make him feel better were your praises. But he still couldn't help the small ache in his chest, remembering that he promised everyone that they would win this game and make it to nationals. “If I did good then why didn't we win?” He says with a slight crack in his voice, making an ache of your own spread through your chest. “Maybe it was just luck. You were only off by one point, plus if it makes you feel better you'll be able to beat their ass in spring!” A breathy chuckle escaped from Oikawa's mouth, causing a grin to form on your face. “You're right baby, we will beat them in spring.”

Ushijima Wakatoshi~

Ushijima wasn't used to losing. The reality didn't hit him until he heard the opposing teams audience cheer. Looking over to the scoreboard when he hears the whistle being blown, only to see that his team has lost. A bitter taste settles on Ushijima’s tongue. But he is once again pulled out of his thoughts by a hand resting on his shoulder. He turns around to see his team standing behind him with a look of true defeat. “C’mon Ushijima, we have to line up” Tendou says with a tone a little different from his usual cheery one. Not knowing what to say Ushijima just grunts with a small nod.

Walking outside of the gym Ushijima starts to replay the game in his head to try and see where they went wrong, but soon was interrupted by some arms wrapping around him from behind. “Hi bubs.” you say nuzzling your head into his back. “Hello Y/N.” “Soooo…” you try to think of what to say that will make Ushijima feel better, but it's hard to do so when he can be very blunt at some points and not understand what you are trying to get at. “Yes?” Ushijima says tugging at the sleeve of your jacket to gain your attention back to him. “How are you feeling after the game?” There is a little moment of silence that comes over the two of you causing a slight panic cloud in your mind, because what if he took your question the wrong way- “I don’t know how to feel about losing, I'm upset because we put a lot of effort in that game just to lose. But they won fairly, so I guess that just shows that we weren't good enough.” Ushijima states bluntly. You're kind of taken back by his answer, but notice how his eyes show more emotion than his words. You could tell that he was more than just upset. “Don't say that Ushijima, you guys did amazing out there. You guys were only off by a couple points!” You say as you take Ushijima’s hand into your own. “But still we tried our best and it wasn't enough.” You felt his hands tremble a little in your touch, looking at him with a soft gaze you say “I'm sorry bub, you will get them next time though, I know you will because you are good enough.” Ushijima nods and mumbles a thank you, while gently squeezing your hand. It's times like this, when Ushijima shows you his vulnerable side, that you hold dear to your heart.

Kageyama Tobio~

Kageyama dreaded feeling the pain in his chest after losing a game. He would never get used to it, and doesn't really care enough too anyways. Maybe if he didn't send the ball to Hinata, knowing that the idiot will just close his eyes, then they could have won. But even then Oikawa’s tricky serves would still be a pain to work around. Not to mention how fast the whole team learns their opponents weaknesses. Kageyama had gotten so lost in his thoughts that he forgot he had to meet up with you at a cafe in 6 mins. Today seems to just get worse and worse by the second and he doesn't know if he will be able to keep himself together for much longer.

You hear the bell on the cafe door ring, causing you to turn around and see that all too familiar face. Kageyama walks over to you and takes his seat. Only when he finally looks up you notice that he is panting. “Did you run all the way here kags?” “Yeah, would have been late if I didn't.” Kageyama never liked being late to anything that has to do with you, it makes him feel guilty, and he doesn't want to add upsetting you to the list of shitty things that have happened today. “I'm ok with you being a little late baby, especially when you just got back from your game…” Kageyeama drops his gaze back down to the table remembering that was the first game you got to see him play in just for them to lose, how embarrassing- “Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up.” you say rubbing the back of your neck. “It's ok….” “Look at the menu and pick what you want, it's on me!” Kageyama shoots his head up and stares at you with wide eyes “Idiot im not letting you pay.” He mumbles while a blush spreads across his face. “Aww c'mon babe I can pay, let me get you some comfort food!” “Comfort food?” “Yeah food always helps me with stress” Before Kageyama could think over his next words, his mouth and brain betrayed him. “I think cuddles would make me feel better.” Both of you are taken back by his words, Kageyama was always so stubborn, forcing you to pick up hints from his behavior and piece them together to know what he wants. But you don't mind the forwardness; it helps you get straight to the point. Kageyama on the other hand is freaking out, he doesn't know if he was being too blunt or not, and your silence is not helping. “Never mind… forget what I said” “Whattttt, that sucks cause I was going to say yes but since you insist.” “Shut up, we can head over to mine after eating, the meal that I will be paying for, and cuddle. Now pick what you want already I don't have all day.” “Sir yes sir!” You say with a salute. “Dont do that you look dumb” Kageyama says, while trying to supress a grin. “You're so meannnnn” You whine with a pout. Even though Kageyama is teasing you the only thing you seem to be able to focus on is the way he starts to let loose and laugh around you. And when you look into his eyes all you see is love, not a trace of sorrow.

Akaashi Keiji~

It's only been a few minutes since the tragic game has ended and akaashi is already past the limit of stress he can handle. From the fact that they actually lost a game, while also trying to encourage the team and tell them that they will do better next time, and also trying to help bokuto get out of emo mode akaashi was starting to get a headache and wanted to just go home to sulk and attempt to relax. So once when he gets out of the shower akaashi throws on some clothes and runs out the locker room to the front gate. Not expecting you to be there waiting for him.

As Akaashi approaches the front gate he sees you standing there alone. “Y/N, what are you doing here? It's getting late.” “I know, I just wanted to check up on you” Akaashi looks into your worried eyes, causing him to feel a little guilt. Is he the cause of the expression on your face? “Oh well then can I walk you home?” You nod in approval, letting him take your hand and lead the way. A comfortable silence takes over the two of you, but you still can't help but feel like something is still off about Akaashi today, and none of his fake smiles and replies will put this thought at ease. “Hey Akaashi?” “Yes?” you stay silent for a little trying to think of the right words to say. “You know you guys did amazing at the game today right?” Akaashi hums in response, as the hold on your hand becomes a little shaky. “Good, because it's the truth. Just don't beat yourself up about it, you're great at what you do. Even though you guys didn't win I know you are still deserving of it. The only reason your opponents had a chance, was because of the chance balls. Plus you and your team have way more chemistry with each other then they did, it's almost like all of you can read each other's minds… Sorry I was rambling again.” Akaashi turns around and stares at you this time with a real smile on his face. “It's ok love, I think it's cute when you run your mouth. Now why don't we head over to your house instead? I want you to help me get rid of my stress, ok?” “And how can I help you with that?” Akkashi brings your hand towards his lips and gives it a quick kiss. “Cuddles of course, and let me eat whatever food you got in your house.” Akaashi says with a wink. On your way home you can't help but admire your caring boyfriend, always making time for you even when he's too emotionally and physically tired.

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milkacchan · 4 years

Text

Request for anon: Can I have Present mic, Aizawa, and all might where they learn their young student is fatherless? Like... their father walked out/went to prison when they were young. I'm sorry if this is time consuming, but I can't stop sobbing over my father.

I'm the situation baby but remember it wasn't your fault

I changed it up a little bit with Mics- I hope you don't mind

Present Mic:

• from the getgo something was wrong

• The moment you walked into class he could tell

• You looked like shit

• Dark bags under your eyes, hair messily brushed, just to get it out if your face, and your eyes were a light red.

• You didn't look particularly happy to be there either

• something turns in his stomach, a gut feeling that something really had went down

• And he hated seeing his students upset

• but he was relatively close to you to begin with, his felt different

• He felt like he had to do something

• Everyone settled into their seats as the bull rung but his eyes remained on you

• You honestly didn't pay attention during the lesson

• He could tell as much

• class finishes and the bell rings but you sit still, and it's not until most of the students have trickled out of the room do you start packing up

• He walks over and kneels in front of the desk "You okay there? You don't look so good," he looks concerned and his heart drops when he sees your lip start to quiver

• It takes you 0.27 seconds to break and you're frantically wiping your eyes as sobs wrack your body

• He's got his arms wrapped around you in seconds and you're leaning into his shoulder.

• He isn't sure exactly how long you're crying for but eventually you calm down enough to get out a coherent sentence

• "My-My dad was arrested Friday night. He won't tell me why- he won't let anyone else tell me why and I don't know what else to do," you cry, "I miss him so much and its only been a few days- I don't- I don't have anyone else, Mr. Hazashi,"

• And you're crying again.

• He has you take the rest of the day off, in fact he takes the day with you

• He calls in a sub (you don't know what strings he had to pull for that but you don't ask, at this point you don't care) and you two dip

• He takes you to get food, real food, that'll make you feel better

• He knows that'll help a little

• and after that he takes you to get something sweet- that tends to help mood and blood pressure and anxiety

• So he does his best with you

• He nutures you the best way he knows how

• if you need anything and I mean ANYTHING this man has you covered

• He does his best to step up in any way he can

• first off he extends his assignment deadlines and cancels two tests. Who needs them anyway.

• And you eat lunch in his classroom because he can well tell you don't want to talk to anyone else right now

• He closes it off (seemingly) so in reality its just you and him

• He'll probably tell Aizawa too but on the downlow (just so he knows)

• When holidays roll around, the dorms close.

• In this case- he let's you stay with him. He has an extra bedroom. He doesn't want you to stay in an empty house.

• You also get his phone number (which you gladly use) for anything really

• Bored? He'll deliver some shitty puns.

• Confused about homework? Text him.

• having a mental breakdown? He's got you covered.

• You got memes? Please for the love of God send them to him.

• The dynamic eventually shifts to a VERY father daughter relationship.

• He knows he'll never replace your dad. He understands that wholeheartedly, but he wants you to have someone

• He actually gets a letter from your dad, thanking him for taking care of you

• but he really doesn't mind

Aizawa:

• He had a feeling that there was something going on at home. Or rather, a lack of something.

• He's dealt with it in the oast- with himself and with past students and current ones

• Shinsou

• I mean, aside from that fact whenever parents were mentioned, you'd either stiffen up or wrinkle your nose

• You didn't really like the subject of parents

• There was an essay prompt about parents (nothing too personal) nd you ended up writing it on the extinction of dinosaurs and why God fucked up instead

"It'd be absolutely stellar to see huge lizards roaming the earth and occasionally stepping on people, you know? Jurassic park was onto something."

• Man's couldn't even fail you on it because it was written v well

• Anyway, he doesn't pry too much. He just silently figures it out by process if elimination and pattern.

• He doesn't really care too much

• In the sense if it doesn't define you and he doesn't help you because he pities you

• he helps you because he seems potential

• He takes you under his wing with shinsou

• Yall spend a whole summer training

• And that's when it all came out

• It was an accident really.

• Shinsou was tired, exhausted really

• and when people get tired- that tired- sometimes they spout random shot they wouldn't usually say

• and thats what he did

• he went on about his home life

• and if he could, you could too right?? You could trust them.

• "My dad walked out when I was a kid. Little, like 3. I have a few pictures of him holding me, but I guess it wasn't enough. I don't have any desire to meet him. Not anymore. But it left me feeling like I did something wrong? I guess? Which I suppose is why I train. Because then I feel strong. Which is a good difference from how it usually feels."

• He knew it.

• He called it.

• He was right again.

• He reassures you that you are good enough, strong enough, and his decision to leave had nothing to do with you

• and when he saw you give him a soft smile, he warmed.

• I mean really, it only goes up from there

• he'll deny it, or grumble under his breath, but he seems you two as his own

• Like these aren't my kids but they are my kids

• When dorms close on holiday yall get to stay because that's where he lives too

• Like if you chose too

• he's not gonna force you to stay but if you don't want to go home, you don't have too

• He has that power

• He will buy you food

• all you gotta do is ask

• and he'll roll his eyes and grumble something he doesn't really mean, just secretly happy that you feel comfortable enough around him to ask for something

• lmao family group chat

S: 'Hey Mr. Aizawa I found this cat. Hold on lemme send a pic'

A: 'Dont need a pic. Bring him home'

Y: 'What if he's ugly??'

A: 'gremlin. Bring him home.'

Y: 'Hey I saw this tweet that said 'kids be like watch this and do a half roundhouse spin kick clap and waste my fucking time' and it make me think of you.'

S: @ mr. Aizawa when he has to watch deku do sumn

Y: Lmaoooo like when he threw the baseball

S: LMAOO

A: Me watching you too try to figure out how to beat me in training

Y: Yikes bro

S: That was a rough one

• Does he regret giving you and shinsou his number??

• Maybe

• Not really

• Lmao super secret lunch movie days

• Every week on wendesday yall watch a movie. Usually it takes 2 or 3 days to watch the movie since lunch is only 70 minutes

• @ you accidently calling him dad one day and shinsou snickering but it stuck

• dadzawa lmaoo

Allmight:

• Man's has 2 underlings.

• You and Deku.

• Picked you up when he started teaching at UA

• Ion know let's say one day you popped off bc he said some dumb shit and you were like no sir that's clearly wrong

• schooled him in his own damn subject

• the other kids were like 😳

• what the fuck

• Anyway

• He see's you have potential

• And though he's not the best teacher, you seem to respond better to the way HE was taught

• So tbh its easier to teach you

• 'okay, now I want you to beat the shot out if that wall,'

'Okay lmao bet'

• Midoriya is like, hey mayhaps we should analyze the situation

• N ur like noe

• You just don't give a fuck

• about anything really

• other than moving up the ranks

• But even then- its not a super super big deal, you're just gonna do your best but you aren't gonna stress

• However he noticed a pattern w you (even before Midoryia brought it up to him)

• You don't let anyone in

• Midoryia knows a bit more than the other students but that's really only because he's always with you

• a good majority of the week he's w you

• but its not really a deep connection

• you don't rely on either of them

• You do your best to do things on your own.

• He knows midoryias life story

• he knows why he acts the way he does

• but he doesn't know why you do

• he has a gut feeling it could be the same as midoryia

• I mean he already had one kid who's dad dipped

• he'll surely be able to figure out you too??

• So he makes himself a promise that he'll figure it out and he'll become someone you trust

• And he does just that

• When you tell him about your nightmare of a family history he's like mm, makes sense

• but he's happy that you trust him!!!

• He's a BIG suckered for movie nights

• he's got popcorn, snacks, candy, chocolate, soda- he's prepared

• list of movies lined out all ready

• I lowkey feel like he'd be into lord of the rings or fast n furious

• fast n furious at LEAST

• He's really into American action movies

• and he has no problem sharing those movies with you

• he doesn't have a whole ton of money, like he's not rich, but if you or midoryia need something he's definitely there to get it for you

• even if ur like fam no you don't need too

• he'll buy yell food a lot

• a l o t

• and cards

• when you and midoryia get him a father's day card he thinks he's gonna cry

• You guys also have a group chat

• 'da faemilee'

• Y: "Hey dad do you have milk?"

A: "???? Do I have milk????"

Y: "ya I'm looking in your fridge n ion see any???"

A: "How'd you even get in????"

Y: "Izuku."

I: "lmaoo"

Y: Izuku you dumb bitch I left for ONE day

Y: And you got into a fight with Bakugou

I: He wanted to throw hands. I just did what you would do.

A: He's got you there

A: What do you guys want for dinner

I: Sushi

Y: Chicfila

Y: Izu square up

I: K

Y: Izu is fighting kacchow again

A: Beat his ass young midoriya

Y: Lmaoooooo

#hizashi x daughter reader #hizashi x reader #aizawa x hizashi #hizashi yamada #yamada hizashi #present mic #present mic x reader #aizawa x child reader #aizawa x daughter reader #aizawa x reader #aizawa shouta #shouta aizawa #eraserhead #all might #all might x reader #mha toshinori

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starr-fall-knight-rise · 4 years

Text

Humans are Space Orcs, “Proper Profanity.”

WARNING: Obviously this contains a lot of profanity, lol duh :)

Hopefully it’s at least entertaining

Dr Krill was cleaning the infirmary.. He didn’t mind cleaning, it left his mind time to wander, to think more about the humans. Today he was thinking about linguistics and the complicated way in which humans spoke to each other. It was actually quite beautiful once you stopped being annoyed with it.

He had recently compiled a list of human idioms he found rather delightful. He especially liked ‘when I am ice skating in hell’ not only did it require knowledge of human theology, but also of human sports. Plus it was a great way to tell people no.

Made him want to wriggle a little inside when he thought about it.

Now that he had gotten the use of idioms. He was starting to think about the use of human exclamations. There were so many, he hardly knew where to start.

He was so distracted with his musings that he ended up knocking over a stack of bedpans. They fell to the floor with a clatter before spinning across the open ground.

He looked down and decided that this was the perfect opportunity to try out some of his new exclamations. He wasn’t entirely sure how they worked, but you didn’t get anywhere without trying, “Shit hat!”

He stared at the bedpans trying to determine what he was feeling at the moment.

He didn’t have long for his pondering as Dr. Katie poked her head out of her office. Behind her large square glasses she looked more than a little confused. Another head peered around the corner, and he was surprised to find the captain staring at him with a bemused expression. The door to the far end of the room slid open and a group of marines peered inside.

Hmm, perhaps he had done something wrong.

“Did you just say, shit hat?” Dr Katie wondered glancing between him and the captain.

“That’s what I heard.” he said stepping out from inside.

“Did I do something wrong?” krill wondered in bemusement.

The marines laughed, “What were you even trying to do/”

“I was trying to use an angry exclamation.” The doctor explained

The captain walked over to sit on the edge of one of the beds staring at Krill with a critical eye, “Well, it was a good effort, but not exactly right.”

“What do you mean.”

The marines walked in to sit with them as did doctor Katie.

The captain shook his head, “Well Krill, you see cursing is a very delicate art, you can’t just throw them together like that. For instance what you were trying to say was likely either ust shit, or ass hat. You can’t just throw them together. Shit would have worked, but in this instance ass hat wouldn’t have.”

“I do not understand.”

The captain cracked his knuckles, “I will demonstrate, let us first begin with the word ass

Ass/arse = your pretty much just calling them a donkey at this point

Ass hat = refers to a person who is usually stupid or annoying

Ass wipe = a general insult for someone you don’t like

Dumbass = an idiot

Asshole = someone who is mean or rude

Smartass = can be a term of endearment, but otherwise it might be used as a term for someone who is sarcastic or a know it all

Fatass = someone who eats a lot or is also fat

Ass face = another general insult, but this is specifically an insult and a comparison on their face to someone’s butt.

So what you were doing doesn't exactly work because you use ass hat is an insult for a person and not an exclamation.”

He looked around at the others to make sure they agreed with him before continuing, “our next word is damn.

Damn = can be used as an exclamation of anger in general.

Daaaaaaaaammmnnn = is for general awe, like if I saw someone do something really cool.

Damnit = another exclamation of anger generally a bit higher than just damn

God Damn it = is just a little higher than the previous two, but implies that you want the creator himself to come down and damn the thing that you are cursing.

As a general side note, you can use damn for inanimate objects.

Damn you = is similar but usually directed towards a person. The equivalent of telling someone to go to hell or flipping them the bird.

Damn it all = We ramp it up a bit here. You just don’t want to damn the object, but you want to damn everything.

Damn it all to hell = see previous but more specific

Hot Damn! = this is another good exclamation. You just saw something really cool or someone who is really hot, or something that you really want.

I don’t give a damn = is the fancy way of saying I don’t care.

Are you following me so far?”

Krill nodded eagerly doing his best to remember all of this on such short notice.

“Good, now we get onto another one which I am slightly less familiar but I will try

Bitch = used to mean a female dog, but now sort of means someone who is a coward or pathetic in some way.

Bitching = to complain

Bitch ass = not entirely sure, but if i say to get your bitch ass over here, I don’t have respect for you, though it is often used as a term of endearment between women

Bitchboy = calling someones masculinity into question

“Ok now we get to my favorite word shit, so beautifully versatile, but it means that you have to be careful because each one has a different connotation.

The noun Shit = literally means excrement but can be used as an exclamation of displeasure. It can also replace stuff or things. Like where’s my shit

To shit = a verb means to take a dump

The adjective shitty = means something really sucks

See, a little more versatile than before, now.

Shitter = a toilet or the location where the verb takes place

A shit = is exactly what it sounds like.

To take a shit = is the same as the verb

I don’t give a shit = I don't care kind of like I don’t give a damn

I won't take this shit = means I am not going to put up with you

Bullshit = information, generally a lie or something that is conflated or untrue

Batshit = is a modifier to someone who is insane, it generally means they are really crazy

Shitthole = a place that is really horrible or dirty

Shitstain = general insult for a person you hate

Shithead = see above

Shitfaced = really drunk

The shit = something or someone that is really good

Hot shit= same as the shit

You think you’re hot shit? = generally a challenge to someone who needs to get off their high horse.

A piece of shit = means you suck or your a lowlife

Shitload = a lot of

To lose your shit = to go crazy or get really mad

To be on someone’s shit list = means they don’t like you

My shit = it's mine my stuff my property

Your shit = your problems and I don’t want them

Add an animal in the front like chicken or horse to denote a situation or information that you don’t like. This is horse shit for example.

Shit hits the fan = things get real

Shoot the shit = to talk with someone on a social level

He knows his shit = means he’s smart on a certain topic

You don’t know shit = you don’t know anything

To give someone shit = you .”mess with them or to give them a hard time

Dipshit = an idiot

I am honestly cutting back on the amount of uses in this situation because if we continued this, it might go on too long.

Kril leaned in a little, “how fascinating. I had no idea one word could be so diverse.”

The human leaned in, “Than you are going to love this next one

Fuck = sort of an upper escalation of shit. I don't know if the noun means anything really but the verb technically means to do it.

Fuck that = I am not going to do that there is no way in hell

Fuck you = I hate you go die

Fuck it = might as well just do this thing regardless of the consequences

Fuck me = an exclamation of annoyance. Kind of like how could my life get any worse. Generally used when things aren't going your way. Of course you could use it in it’s literal translation as a command form or a question.

Fuck it all = another exclamation kind of like damn it all

Fuck this shit = generally a screw this thing or activity specifically

Fuck this = see above but less intense

Fuckery = like what kind of fuckery is this. A question used to ask about some sort of unsavory activity.

Fuck off = telling someone to leave or go away angrily.

Fucnking hell = just an exclamation

Fucking shit = also just an exclamation

Generally you can put fucking in front of any other curse word noun and you got yourself a good insult hell, damn et. etc

Fuckwit = an idiot

Fuckface = general insult like shithead

I dont give a fuck = i dont care

I dont give a flying fuck = i really don’t care

Thats fucked = that is screwed up

Hes fucked = hes screwed as in a situation specifically

Lets get fucked up = lets go get drunk or high

Lets fuck him up = lets beat him up

Well…. Fuck = an exclamation of distress

A fuck ton = larger than a shitload

If you get fucked over = you’ve been used or betrayed

And the classic a motherfucker = sort of just a general term for someone, but I want to say it definitely implies someone is having sex with their mom

Fucktard = an idiot.

Krill looked on in fascination and delight, “Holy shit!”

The captain blinked and then grinned, “There you go, now you're getting it. Totally forgot about that one.” He patted Krill on the back, “Now go forth, be free in your newfound knowledge and the glorious art that is cursing properly. Make sure not to use it too much though or in certain types of company because it will either cause you problems or lose it’s power. Like for instance, don’t curse around my mother or she will kill me for teaching you. Don’t curse around superior officers unless they curse first, and even then try to avoid doing it too much. Got it.”

Krill nodded.

He was so excited to apply this new rule of human language

#earth is a deathworld #Earth is space Ausralia #humans are insane #humans are space orcs #HUMANS ARE WEIRD #humans are space oddities

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sburbian-sage · 4 years

Text

Strifing Without Specibus: How To Weaponize Your Sylladex & Other Harming Implements

One’s Strife Specibus is one of the more important tools in the game. Defending from Underlings and PK’ers, facing down the final bosses and Unreal Heirs, fruitless sparring with your Guardians and Coplayers, and the time honored tradition of getting into dick-measuring contests with your friends, seeing who can make the coolest or most absurd method. Some people allocate their Specibus accidentally, but as their improvised weaponry grows on them, they “main” it, trying as hard as they can to keep using it in future sessions. Your average Player will use a variety of Strife Specubi, from typical weapons like bladekind, pistolkind, and hammerkind, to weird choices like bookkind, peprmillkind, or rulerkind (measuring sticks, not governing bodies). Some people choose theirs because they like it, some choose for versatility, and some choose for metagaming purposes.

Sometimes though, the Strife Specibus isn’t enough. You’ve got some wimpy kiddy scissors that just won’t cut it while an Ogre prepares to swing. You’ve got a lance, but a winged Imp flies out of reach. You’ve got enough mangrit to toss a dryer, which you conveniently have on-hand, but no dryerkind, and the strange abstracted game-y nature of reality thus prevents you from attacking with it. In such cases, instead of un-abstracting your Strife Deck for the purposes of tossing it on the floor and stepping on it, perhaps you should get good and learn how to weaponize your Sylladex.

We’ve all been there. We’re having trouble fighting things, so your smarmy know-it-all friend tells you “a hyuk hyuk why dont u fite with your sllyadex yuo fucking scrub” and then doesn’t tell you how to actually do it. So you flail around, then learn how to do it kind of, and then stop doing it and rely on your Strife Specibus. Then years later, someone with less experience than you is having trouble fighting things, so you tell them “a hyuk hyuk why dont u fite with your sllyadex yuo fucking scrub". With typos, because you’ve turned into a silly mspaint strawman comic man. And then you cry. It’s a vicious, dehumanizing cycle, and you probably want to punch that guy or yourself, but you can’t because you don’t have fistkind you fucking scrub. You also can’t throw stuff at him, because you learned the bare basics of Sylladex fighting so you’re very shitty at it. So I’m going to help you break that cycle, and teach you actual lessons of fighting with your Sylladex. That way, you can walk right up to that dude, then toss a bunch of cream pies at him, then watch him scream and cry like a silly mspaint strawman comic man. Then you can do it to your past self. Then go mad with the power of throwing things.

The Fundaments: How Do I Shot Web?

I wrote this section after all the others because I realized too late that some of you might not even know the basics of weaponizing your Sylladex. That’s sad and pathetic, but it’s not unlikely, and best to put it here now rather than get accused of putting the cart before the horse later. Basically, you know how if your Sylladex is full, if you captchalogue something else, it goes flying out at high speeds? This is the mechanic you are exploiting. Catchaloguing an item such that it ejects something you’re holding on. The following section will be divided into Taos (even more fundamentals) and Zens (more advanced tricks), because I read a book that did this once and I thought that was cool.

Also, you should know that Hope players will be better than you at this. [Eject] is a Hope-exclusive ability that automatically ejects something from their Sylladex, and it’s very easy to learn, and it completely removes half the challenge from weaponizing your Sylladex (that is, finding something to put into the thing). While you’re scrambling for rocks so you can launch your fridge, they’ll be launching fridges at a whim. If you’re not a Hope player, then do what everyone else does. Bitch about it and move on.

Tao of Sylladex Strife: Know Your Fetch Modus

If you’re going to be using your Sylladex to fight, know how it works. Even babies know how to pick stuff up, but sometimes babies get confused by how their particular Fetch Modus actually works. And maybe you’ll get confused even if you’re not a baby (read: teenager), particularly if you get dropped into a new Session and the guy whose place you’re taking is a hipster and decided to grab one of the most esoteric Fetch Modi known to man. So make sure, before you even THINK of mis-using your Sylladex for violent purposes, that you understand how it works. And check the back, because there might be settings.

Once you’ve done that, you need to re-learn it again. This time, understand how it works in combat. Particularly, how does it eject, and how can you use it? FIFO and FILO Sylladice will eject the earliest item. Hashmap ejects the item occupying the slot you’re attempting to fill. Tree doesn’t eject so much as stuff falls. Array is wonderful for inventory management (even though I prefer Index), but it ejects stuff randomly. Enabling the “detect collisions” setting also makes inventory management easier, but considerably slows down the speed at which you can weaponize your Sylladex. How long does it take to actually captchalogue items? Is it complicated, or unwieldy? When something gets ejected, how does it fly? It’s somewhat complex, re-assessing your understanding of your Sylladex, but some general tips are as follows.

Knowing what will eject is better than random ejection.

More space means more stockpiling, but it becomes harder to keep track of your stuff.

Less space means you know your inventory better, but you have less room to maneuver and can’t stockpile as well.

Turn off “detect collisions” if you want to use your Sylladex in battle.

Short and uncomplicated captchalogue mechanics are better.

Tao of Sylladex Strife: Know Your Inventory

Now that you understand how your Fetch Modus functions, you need to understand its contents. Your Sylladex will serve two functions. An inventory, and an arsenal. “Inventory” basically means “stuff for use in puzzles and alchemy”, “arsenal” means “stuff I will use to commit murder with”. Just as it’s good to have a Fetch Modus that can serve those two functions, it’s good to have a balanced inventory. Key items, and tossable junk items. It’s also important that you know what’s going to be used. Safely take out keys, and toss your dishwasher, not the Glass Orb of Not Softlocking The Game.

As for your arsenal, understand what does and doesn’t make an effective weapon. Straight razors and sharp and fly fast and long, but they’re small and might break. Fridges are big and heavy, so they’ll do a lot of damage, but also destroy the environment and have bad range. Make sure as shit you’re out of range of your impact bombs when you let them loose, and don’t toss garden gnomes if you’re trying to knock back a Giclops. While they fill the role of bullets (with the Sylladex as the gun), they’re more like specialized tools that are all used by hurling them at people you don’t like.

Tao of Sylladex Strife: Know Your Surroundings.

Understanding your battlefield is not only important in general warfare, it’s also important when considering your throwables. While most Players who stick to their guns (so to speak) will mainly traverse their Land only looking for that which is essential to winning the game, you need to traverse it while understanding it on two levels.

The first level is the Strategic Level. Understanding your Land as a whole, and how to utilize the TOYS (Tools Of Your Surroundings) within. If you find yourself low on Sylladex weapons, where you can stock up, and what will you be stocking up on? What’s the fastest route to those locations from where you are? Does a certain location have better weaponry for the specific foes you’ll face later on? Stuff like that.

The second level is the Tactical Level. This is understanding your immediate surroundings while in a fight. What items can you quickly get to? Which ones should be used for ejection, which are best for softening the enemy up, and which are best for dealing lethal blows? Is it at all possible to make new items, like smashing the tile floors or breaking a window and captchaloguing the ensuing debris?

It’s a bit difficult to give blanket lessons on this Tao, but it’s always keep an analytical eye. You should know where your TOYS are before you need them, lest you get caught with your pants down.

Zen of Sylladex Strife: Art of the Adventure Gamer

You could tag SBURB as a lot of games. AR MMO survival psychological action adventure with house sim elements. Early-access too, considering how shitty it is. But don’t forget the adventure part. Have you ever played those point-and-click adventure games like Monkey Island or Sam & Max, and been amused with how the protagonists will take completely random and sometimes absurd objects because they could be useful? Well stop smiling, because they’re always right and you need to start doing that too.

First of all, you should already have been doing that. SBURB is also a puzzle game, and not only can potentially any item help you with puzzles, but every item could be useful for Alchemy purposes. Well now you need to add “killing stuff” to the list of potential uses for every item. Diagnose yourself with severe kleptomania and start acting like it. Grab everything you can! Use everything on everything! Stack up on Captchalogue Cards! Seriously, they’re dirt cheap for the Alchemiter. And speaking of Alchemy...

Zen of Sylladex Strife: Alchemy Isn’t Just For Weapons

Everybody loves going down to their Alchemy Pad and making new weapons, new armor, new tools, and a whole lot of useless bullshit. It reminds them of the satisfaction of upgrading their equipment or buying a new level of gear in the other video games they’ve played. Those video games, however, also tend to teach you that upgrading your ammunition or spending money on special ammo is a waste of time. It is, but not necessarily in SBURB. While improvised weaponry for Sylladex fighting is comparable to ammo, the ease of Alchemy means that not only is is usually cheap to make “upgraded ammo”, but they can be pretty effective. For example, throwing a couch at someone will hurt. Steel nails are very easy to acquire. A bit of Grist and the || function later, and you’re throwing a steel couch at someone. Not to mention, like that couch, some ammo is easy to retrieve. So next time you settle down to celebrate Gristmas, consider loading your Sylladex with some harmful objects.

Zen of Sylladex Strife: Mod Your Modus

Now that you know you should know your Sylladex, you should begin experimenting with it. If you can, grab a Modus Control Deck and a couple of extra Fetch Modii. If not, then you could try Alchemy or perhaps programming. Mix-and-match modii until you have something stronger, then once you’re settled, get to understanding that. Try to find a way to circumvent the weaknesses of the one you’re currently using. It’s kind of like sitting down at a gun bench, except your gun should also be able to carry stuff effectively, and is infinitely more confusing to comprehend.

Speaking of the Modus Control Deck, remember that you can use it to change the Fetch Modus you’re currently using. It’s possible to change Fetch Modii manually, but I find the MCD is more elegant and simple. So it might be a good idea to have several Modii for several occasions, and use the one you think you’ll be needing. For example, use something Inventory-suited like Index when exploring, and when you’re expecting a fighter, switch to something Arsenal-suited like Fingerbands. Just remember to not displace the MCD, or you’ll be running around with the one you’re using forever.

Zen of Sylladex Strife: Fighting At Full Power

This is the Zen that makes you feel like a warrior. If you intend to fight with your Sylladex, you need to remember that it is one of at least two weapons at your disposal. You also have a Strife Specibus. You must use both if you want to truly succeed. Throw something heavy at a Giclops, then pepper him with bullets. When locking blades with a Lich, stun him with a surprise vase, then riposte. I once saw a guy with Hammerkind augment the swing of his sledge with a safe going at breakneck speed, so his strike went at terminal velocity and tore a Basilisk in half. You’re going to have to learn how your Strife Specibus factors into all of this, and probably practice, but by mixing conventional warfare with captchalogue warfare, you become significantly harder to predict, and much more deadly.

#sburb #replay value au #sylladex #strife

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lenniewip · 4 years

Text

Unknown (A Sterek Wrong Number/Celebrity AU)

11.09 PM Unknown Number

>I’m writing songs about you again.

11.20 PM Unknown Number

>its stiles btw.

>in case you deleted my number

>I did.

>I mean I deleted yours.

>but I still remember it apparently

11:41 PM Unknown Number

>I only have 2 lines so far

11:57 PM Unknown Number

>I bleed you from my veins.

>I grieve you like I love you.

>alone.

>its better with the chords.

>u were always better at writing lyrics than me

12:34 AM Unknown Number

>u were better everything than me

2:00 AM Unknown Number

>I hate that I miss you

2:07 AM Unknown Number

>do u want to hook up?

>I promise not to propose again

2:15 AM Unknown Number

>im sorry.

>ignore me.

>im drinking

Derek blinked bleary eyes. His phone screen was the only source of light in his room, as he read through the flurry text messages.

What the hell is a Stiles?

2:17 AM Unknown Number

<I think you have the wrong number

>Lydia?

<no

>oh thank fuck

>I mean

>I’m sorry

>for disturbing ur sleep

>but im just glad I didn’t drunk text my ex all of this

>bullet dodged right?

>is this what near death experiences feel like?

<I wouldn’t know.

>of course

>hey

>seeming as I have you here can I ask you a quick q?

>all my friends are asleep

<probably because its 3am

<everyone’s asleep

>2.39

>and ur not

>asleep that is

>so?

>I’ll take your silence as a go ahead

>what do you think?

>of the lyrics

<im the wrong person to ask

>never experienced heartbreak?

<no

<all song lyrics just look like bad poetry to me

>oh

>yeah I guess it does

>not everyone can be Rupi Kaur tho right?

<do you want to be rupi kaur?

>sure

>not to be dramatic or anything

>but

>I want to be anyone but me

>think id rather be someone like regina spektor tho

<regina spektor?

>singer/song writer

>shes my fucking inspiration

>her lyrics are like poetry to me

>you should listen to her music

<I dont really listen to music

>what the fuck?

>are you an alien?

<no?

>nice fucking try ET

>thats exactly what an alien would say

<…you got me there

>akdjfen

>is this you admitting I was right?

<no

<but this is me going to bed

<because its now 4AM

>already?

>fuck

>ive got an early start tomorrow

>good night random stranger

>and thanks

>for listening

>or reading ig

<good night

“You’re late.” Laura frowned, arms crossed.

“Are you going to let me in?” Derek grumbled, still feeling the affects of having stayed up until 4AM the previous night.

Laura didn’t argue she just stepped aside to let him through into her flat. “You’re grumpier than usual.” She noted.

“Didn’t sleep well.”

Derek hated the look she gave him then.

The look that said he was broken. The look that said she wanted to fix him.

“Is…Is it the nightmares again?” Laura’s voice dipped to a whisper, like the question alone would be enough to send him over the edge.

“No.”

An awkward silence defended over the two of them, neither knowing what to say.

Derek clung to the silence like a blanket, wishing things could go back to how they used to be. Back to when they knew how to speak to one another.

But this was enough.

It was enough to know that they were both trying. Failing. But trying.

2:40 PM Laura

>I’m here if you need to talk.

Derek isn’t good at art, but sometimes it’s the only way he can express himself. Words had never been his forte.

So instead he doodles.

Shitty toddler level doodles that he never shows anyone.

Sometimes he thinks if he could bring himself to show Laura she would like it. Maybe she would even understand it.

But there was a bigger chance that she wouldn’t, and he would feel even more like a stranger to his own sister than he already was.

10:18 PM Unknown Number

>I don’t remember it anymore

<You have the wrong number again

>No

>This is ‘not Lydia’ right?

<right

>So here’s the thing.

>I always thought if I needed to text her I could

>And I thought maybe I got her number wrong because I was drunk

>But I can’t remember it anymore

<Oh.

>I have some of her things still

>I don’t think I’ll ever get to return it now

>Unless she messages me first

<When did you two break up?

>Last year

>and I know what you’re thinking

>’it’s October’

>and I should be over her by now

>Trust me I know

>So you don’t need to lecture me

<I wasn’t going to

>Oh

<Stiles?

>That’s weird

<what is?

>I forgot I told you my name

<You should throw away the stuff she left behind.

>you’re right

>I don’t like it.

>but you’re right

>…thanks

<What for?

>for listening

>reading**

>my friends are pretty sick of hearing me complain

>so this is nice

<sure

<anytime

>dope

>no take backsies

<am I going to regret this?

>for definite

>you’re stuck with me now

That night Derek saves Stiles’ number as ‘Bad Poet’.

Stiles keeps messaging after that.

Stiles messages like they’ve been friends for years, and Derek very determinedly does not analyse why it is he always responds.

Even when there are messages dated from Laura from three days ago that he hasn’t even been able to bring himself to open yet.

He also ignores how when he’s messaging Stiles the gaping pit that had made residence in his chest feels just a little less inescapable.

Derek can’t bring himself to tell Stiles his name. He can’t bring himself open up, even though there’s a large part of him that wants to.

He’s not above admitting he’s scared.

Derek draws Stiles sometimes.

More accurately he draws a vague pair hands texting on a phone, because he has no idea what Stiles actually looks like.

Derek refuses to let himself dwell on that though, because they are happy drawings.

The pictures of Stiles are pretty much his only happy drawings right now.

They don’t always talk about Lydia.

Sometimes Stiles messages Derek song lyrics he’s working on.

Other times it’s memes, or just a bunch of emojis.

Once Stiles had just messaged him what Derek could only assume was a list of everything he had eaten that day.

Sometimes Stiles messages in rambles - and Derek can’t always keep up with the boy’s run away thoughts, but even then he never feels lost the way he does when he’s trying to interact with literally anyone else.

And sometimes it’s 2AM. Those are simultaneously Derek’s favourite and least favourite texts.

2:02 AM Bad Poet

>sometimes I feel like too much

>and too little

>at the same time

>u ever feel like that ET?

<not really

>its like I’m infinite, and meaningless

>like a never ending echo

>or a recurring decimal

>I just stretch on and on forever but theres no point to it

>I have no depth

<youre not meaningless

<you’re a rhythm.

<like breathing

>…

>was that a regina spektor reference?

<it might have been

>I thought you didn’t listen to music?

<well someone said her lyrics were like poetry

<so I thought I would check out a few songs

>well fuck

>what did you think?

<she’s good

>you spelt ‘amazing’ wrong

<I still prefer poetry

>of course you do

Derek stared at the texts an ache filling his chest.

Derek was the opposite of infinite. Everything he touched turned to flames.

10:30AM Bad Poet

<my sister bought me flower seeds

>I didn’t know you had a sister?

<she’s everything I have

>oh

<and I think she’s trying to trick me into therapy somehow

>…with flower seeds?

<yes

>you sound extremely paranoid

>maybe therapy wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world for you?

<shut up

>noted.

>keep me posted on how your gardening goes

>also

>as a side note

>you know you have me too right?

>if you ever need to talk or anything, I’m right here for you

<thanks

>anytime

On Derek’s birthday Laura insists the two of them spend the day together, and Derek knows better than to argue.

She buys him a cake and they spend hours sat next to one another silently. Two strangers desperately trying to keep hold of one another but with an ocean dividing them.

Once their family had been so alive.

And it was all Derek’s fault that was gone.

They both knew it.

Sometimes Derek wondered if Laura hated him as much as he did.

He was too scared to ask.

That night Derek chased the ache in his chest away with a drink.

And then several more followed.

1:14 AM Bad Poet

<seh haars me

>sorry bud, you’re going to have to try again

>try spell checking before hitting send

<she.hates mee

>who?

<larn

>are you drunk?

<yeh

<tyongs ndrf

*Out Going Call: Bad Poet*

The phone rings twice before being picked up. “Sorry. Stupid keyboard is so small. Impossible to type.” Derek mumbled, his words slightly muffled by his cheek being pressed into the sofa cushion.

“Wow. You’re really sloshed huh?”

“No.” Derek denied. “Just tipsy.”

“Right. So what was it you were trying to tell me? Someone hates you?”

“Laura.”

“Who’s Laura?”

“My sister.”

“Oh.”

“She looks at me like she wishes she could fix me.”

“That doesn’t sound like she hates you, bud.”

“She should. I can’t be fixed.”

“You’re right, because you’re not broken.”

Hearing Stiles say that Derek could almost believe it to be true.

“I mean it. You’re not broken. You’re just a different shape than you used to be. But the shape you are now is beautiful.”

Derek closes his eyes and lets the words wash over him. “Do you sing?” He finds himself asking.

“What?”

“I know you write songs, but do you ever sing?”

“Oh…” Stiles sounds uncomfortable. “I guess… Yeah. I do.”

Derek hummed in the back of his throat. “I bet you have a nice voice.”

“Th-thanks.”

Derek tried to say something else, but all that comes out is a yawn, which makes Stiles let out a jittery laugh.

Derek tries to memorise the sound of It, but it’s so fleeting, it’s already slipping away from him.

“I think you need to go sleep, ET.”

“Yeah.” Derek agrees.

“Goodnight bud.”

“Wait.”

“Yeah?”

“Could you stay on the phone? Just for a bit longer.” Derek clutched on to the phone like if he could grip tightly enough it would make Stiles stay.

I don’t want to be alone. The words die on Derek’s tongue.

“Sure.” Stiles didn’t hesitate. “Of course.”

“Thank you.”

Sleep pulled at Derek’s consciousness, unravelling his grip on reality.

“Stiles?”

Stiles hummed in answer.

“Your shape is beautiful too.”

A small whimper came from the other end of the phone. “Thanks.”

7:50 AM Bad Poet

>how are you feeling today?

<better

>good <3

Derek holds his phone tightly and wishes that he had more to say. Just to keep the conversation going.

He also wishes (not for the first time) that Stiles was more than a faceless entity on the other end of the phone.

But it’s the first time he feels the want like a physical ache in his chest.

Derek had never been good with words, but if Stiles was here in front of him Derek would probably give him a hug.

But everything Derek touches eventually dies, and a larger part of him is relieved for the distance.

Derek plants the seeds his sister got him that day.

9:48 PM Bad Poet

>would it totally weird you out if I wanted to do another phone call?

>don’t feel like you need to say yes

>I just enjoyed talking to you

>and hearing your voice

>ugh.

>why are words so hard?

<I wouldn’t be opposed to a phone call

*Incoming Call: Bad Poet*

“Hey.” Derek feels breathless as he answers the phone, anxious excitement clawing it’s way up his throat.

“Hey.” Stiles sounds equally out of breath, and that helps.

Derek chews on his lip, scrambling for something to say. “What did you want to talk about?”

“I don’t know.” Stiles admitted. “Anything.”

“Helpful.” Derek said sarcastically.

“I mean. There’s one thing. I didn’t want to ask when you were drunk because it felt a little like taking advantage. And I don’t want you to think you have to answer-”

“Stiles.” Derek interrupts before Stiles could break into a full blown ramble.

“Tell me your name.” Stiles breaks. “Please.”

Anxiety grips his heart. But… he couldn’t stay scared forever.

“It’s Derek.”

“Derek.” Stiles repeats his name in a reverent whisper, as if committing it to memory.

And hearing Stiles say his name makes everything worth it.

Phone calls become a regular thing between the two of them over the next month. Always between late in the evening and the early hours of the day.

The next time Derek spirals he doesn’t drink before he calls Stiles, but he does cry on the phone.

The next morning he wakes up to a text from Stiles.

6:42 AM Bad Poet

>you need to talk to your sister

And Derek knows he’s right.

It’s not easy confronting Laura. He has two separate anxiety attacks on the walk to her apartment alone.

But he forces himself to take the dive.

“It’s okay if you hate me.” He tells her, even though it’s not okay. Laura’s hate might be the only thing in the world that could break him beyond repair.

Laura looks horrified as she stares at him. “I don’t- Obviously I don’t hate you Derek.”

“It’s my fault that they’re gone.” Derek addresses the elephant in the room.

If he hadn’t fallen in love with Kate.

If he hadn’t broken up with her, just to try and prove a point when she refused to say ‘I love you’ back…

There never would have been a fire.

Their family would still be here if it wasn’t for him.

“Fuck that!” Laura let out a harsh noise. “Derek, none of this was ever your fault. You were a kid, and even if you weren’t… You never set the fire.”

“I might as well have.”

“No. If anyone… I was your big sister- am your big sister. But I was so fucking wrapped up in myself. I didn’t even know about Kate.”

The last time Derek had seen Laura cry it had been at the funeral, so it took a second to fully sink in what he was seeing.

He found himself crying to.

“I’m so sorry, Der.”

Derek stumbled forwards pulling Laura into a crushing hug. Laura hugs him back just as tight.

They spend hours refusing to let go of one another.

He realises he fell asleep on Laura’s sofa when he woke up to the sound of his phone ringing. But he had no idea where it was, and he was too tired to move.

He feels Laura moving and the sound of the phone ringing gets louder before cutting off abruptly.

“Hello?”

“No - Derek’s asleep.”

“Maybe call at a more reasonable time?”

“Who is this?”

“Your voice sounds familiar.”

“Right.”

“Okay. Bye.”

Derek let sleep over take him once more.

2:29 AM Bad Poet

>sorry for calling so late

>you’re asleep so I’ll just take to you tomorrow

9:07 AM Bad Poet

<sorry, I was really tried

>no worries man

>you’re allowed to have a life outside of me

<was something wrong?

>no I was just bored, and didn’t realise how late it had gotten

>im fine

>how are you?

<im good actually

<I spoke to Laura

>yeah?

>I’m proud of you

>how’d that go?

<we both cried

<a lot

<and I ended up falling asleep on her couch

>look at you, opening up and shit.

>think I might cry now

<shut up

>literally never

>better men have tried and failed to silence me

2:40 PM Laura

>Want to see a movie on Friday?

<sure

One night Stiles calls Derek just to say his name in stupid ways, and laugh himself stupid after each one.

“Duhreek.”

“Doreck.”

“Fuck. I’m getting a stitch from laughing.”

“You’re so fucking dumb.” Derek is smiling as he said it.

“Deeruk.” Stiles wheezes out.

Derek just closes hie eyes and listens.

“I’m so fucking glad I know you, Stiles.” The words fall out of Derek’s mouth without much thought.

He only realises the weight of his words when Stile’s laughter pulls to a stop.

“I uh-” Stiles stammered. “Me too. Fuck. You’re the best thing to happen to me in…so fucking long. I’m glad I know you too Derek.”

Derek finally admits to himself that night that he’d fallen at least a little in love with the stranger from the unknown number.

He keeps trying to draw Stiles, but he can’t. Vague shapes just don’t cut it anymore.

He wants to map Stiles out with his eyes and translate it onto the page.

He wants to be able to see the smile behind the laughter.

He wants.

1:58 AM Bad Poet

>do you think you day we’ll actually meet?

>maybe not intentionally

>maybe one day we’d pass each other in the streets and not even know

>maybe we already have

Derek couldn’t imagine a scenario where he wouldn’t notice Stiles.

<is there ever a moment when you’re not talking?

<I think id recognise your voice and know it was you

>maybe your face would make me speechless ;)

<I think id still know

<but if you want to be sure… I could send you a picture?

<of me

>dkfajd

>for reals?

>you would do that?

>you?

<well…not for free

>there’s always a catch

>what do you want?

>my soul?

>a blood debt?

>you can have whatever it is

<I meant you’d have to send me a picture too

<geez stiles

The next text takes an unnervingly long time to come through.

>I could do that

>a photo for a photo

>I kind of look like shit rn

>so no judging me

Derek spends the next two minutes fussing and fidgeting to take a good photo. No matter what angle he took it from the bags under his eyes were noticeable, and so was the week’s worth of stubble he had yet to shave off.

And maybe this was a terrible, awful, idea.

But Derek would send one hundred bad pictures if it meant getting to see one of Stiles.

He forced himself to press send on the last picture he took.

As he pressed send another photo came in.

Derek’s fingers shook as he hit the button to download the image.

His heart stopped.

Stiles was beautiful in every sense of the word, and Derek found himself unable to look away. Even when he heard the small dings of incoming messages.

But he couldn’t ignore them for long, because it was Stiles. And when ever Stiles messaged Derek had to answer.

>Fucking hell

>are you for real?

>you gave me a heart attack

>am I being catfished right now?

>when do you think you were going to tell me you’re the most fucking beautiful man to exist ever?

>how the hell to you look like that as 2AM!?

>Derek

>oh my god

>you gotta respond my dude because I’m freaking out a little bit

>still there?

>did my selfie scare you away?

>I would have tried harder for a nice photo if I knew I was talking to an adonis

>Derek?

<still here

>of thank fuck

>so…

<so?

>come on

>your going to give me a complex

>the selfie…was it okay?

>I know it’s not much

>but we can’t all be greek gods

<its beautiful

<you’re beautiful, stiles

>oh

>thanks

Derek is so far gone that he makes the picture of Stiles the home screen on his phone.

9:49 AM Bad Poet

<Laura wants me to meet her boyfriend

<this is all your fault

>how is this my fault?

<because she never wanted to introduce us before

<and then you got me to talk to my sister

<and now she wants me to meet him

>…and this is a bad thing?

<yes

>because?

<I don’t make good first impressions

<it’s going to be awkward

>yeah probably

<you’re not helpful

>I wasn’t trying to be ;)

>have fun, Derek!

Meeting Laura’s boyfriend wasn’t as awkward as Derek thought it was going to be. But it was strange.

Derek hadn’t been expecting to meet someone so soft and kind. He was nothing like any one that Laura had dated before.

But he also wasn’t used to seeing Laura smile as much as she did around him.

Maybe not all change was bad.

Derek tells Laura about Stiles by accident. Or more accurately he mentions Stiles once by accident (not even by name) and Laura had badgered him until he admitted that he had made a friend through a wrong number.

“There’s a lot of weirdos out there.”

“I know.”

God did Derek ever know.

But Stiles is different.

“Just…be careful.”

“I am being. I promise.”

Laura reluctantly lets it go after that. “So…what’s he like?”

“He’s…he’s like bad poetry.”

“Oh god. You’re in love with him aren’t you?”

Derek can’t bring himself to deny it, but he does tell Laura to shut up.

Derek fully embraces being in love with Stiles on the day he tells Stiles about his drawings. He’d never told anyone about them before - not even Laura. But telling Stiles had been easy.

‘It reminds me of line art’ Stiles had said when Derek had sent him a photo of the doodle he had been working on. “I love it’.

A warmth flutters through Derek’s veins.

It all goes sideways on the day Laura goes on Derek’s phone to check the time.

She’d raised one eyebrow at him looking amused.

“I thought you didn’t listen to music?” She said, a teasing note to her voice.

“I don’t.” Derek shrugged.

“A huh. So why do you have a picture of Stiles Stilinski as your wallpaper?” She asks.

It’s so startling to hear Stiles name coming out of Laura’s mouth that Derek’s brain refuses to function properly. “How do you know Stiles?” He asks weakly.

Laura laughs. “He’s not exactly a niche celebrity Der. He was a really famous YouTuber before he started selling albums.”

Derek doesn’t know what to say to that. He blinks as his world slowly unravels before him.

No.

She had to be wrong, because Derek couldn’t be in love with a celebrity. Stiles couldn’t be…

“Hey are you okay? You look really sick?”

“He’s famous?” His throat is dry.

“Yes? Are you okay? What’s wrong? You’ve got to speak to me Der. Use your words.”

Derek just shakes his head because he can’t.

“It’s him.” He manages to get out.

“What are you talking about?”

“Laura. It’s him.”

It takes a moment to click but Derek knows when it does because a look of thunderous wrath takes over Laura’s face.

“I’ll kill him.” She seethes, shaking with anger. “What kind of fucking punk thinks that this is a good prank to play?”

“What?”

“No one is getting away with catfishing you, Der. I’m going to hunt this fucker down, and then I’ll rip him so many new ones that he going to look like SpongeBob when I’m done with him.”

And god, Derek hadn’t even considered the thought that Stiles might not even be Stiles. The thought of Stiles being a liar…

The gape in his heart grows a little bit bigger.

And it all falls apart.

It takes hours before Derek can convince himself to confront Stiles.

11:08 PM Bad Poet

<you’re stiles stilinki

>fuck

(And yeah, it was really him).

>how did you find out?

<Laura

>I was going to tell you

<Were you?

>Yes

>I’ve wanted to for ages

>It just never felt like the right time to bring it up

<I wish you had decided on the right time was sooner

>Me too

>I’m sorry

>Please don’t hate me

Derek did not think it was possible for him to hate any part of Stiles.

<I don’t

>Thank fuck

>seriously

>can I call you?

<sure

Derek closed his eyes after sending the text and waited for Stiles to ring. A heartbeat later his ringtone sounded off.

“Hey.”

“You believe me right?” And Stiles sounds more frantic than Derek had ever heard him before.

“I believe you, Stiles.”

“Are you sure, because I can prove it if you want? I can do a video call? Or I can tweet literally anythi-”

“Stiles.”

“Yeah?”

“You don’t have to prove anything to me.”

Stiles lets out a small whine, that reaches through the phone line and yanks at Derek’s already tattered heart, unraveling him just a little more.

“Meet me.” Stiles said, taking Derek by surprise.

“What?”

“Please. I meant to throw a please in there, I’m just really fucking nervous right now. Meet me please. In real life. I uh- I was going to ask when I finally told you about the whole being a celebrity thing. It’s still weird to say that out loud. That’s part of why it was so hard to tell you. But the point was you beat me to the punch with the whole reveal thing, but I still wanted to ask.”

“Stiles…”

“And it’s not that I was trying to use my influence or fame to pressure you into meeting me. I just wanted to be in a space where we were one hundred per cent honest with one another before I asked you. You can still say no. Of course you can, I don’t know why I’m- my point is I hope you don’t say no.”

Derek feels his heart break in two.

“Stiles…I can’t.”

“Oh.”

He hadn’t fully realised just how many worlds apart the two of them were when he had fallen in love with Stiles. It felt even more impossible than it had before.

“I’m sorry.” The words leave him feeling hollow.

“No. Don’t apologise. This is just me getting carried away. It’s okay.”

I love you. The words never leave Derek. They can’t leave him.

There was no way this could work, and he was far too scared of breaking the tentative connection they had with his useless words.

It was better for him to just… fall out of love.

6:17AM Laura

<it’s really him

>are you sure

<I’m sure

>what are you going to do?

<nothing

>Derek you’re in love with him

<I’m aware

<it doesn’t matter

<it wouldn’t ever work

>I’m sorry

<don’t be

<I’m going to be fine

>Im coming over with wine

That night Derek fills pages and pages of his notebook with drawings of Stiles.

When he gets a message from Stiles at 11PM- for the first time since they started messaging- Derek leaves it unopened.

He never ignores a message again after that, and life moves on. Stiles still messages him all the time, but he never asks to call anymore.

Derek misses his voice so much that he goes onto youtube and listens to his music.

He buys all three albums Stiles released and it still doesn’t feel like enough.

He fills an entire notebook with doodles of Stiles.

It’s still not enough.

1:11 PM Bad Poet

>I wrote you a song

>I know you don’t listen to music

>but it felt weird to not a least send you a link

>bad poetry at 2:00am

The link leads Derek to a youtube video of Stiles holding a ukulele and staring with a soft smile at the camera.

“Hey guys. It’s been a while, huh? But I guess I finally found inspiration. So here we go.”

The song is beautiful, but even more beautiful than that was Stiles.

When the song reached the end Derek doesn’t hesitate to hit replay.

He listens to the song ten times before he realises he’s crying - and he knows that he’s never going to ‘get over’ Stiles because he doesn’t want to.

3:00 PM Laura

>have you seen the video?

<he sent me a link

<he wrote a song for me Laura

<I love him so fucking much and he wrote a song for me

>fuck

<what do I do?

>what do you want to do?

<I don’t know

>I think you should look at his twitter

>I wasn’t going to say anything because you said you wanted to get over him

>but I think you need to see it

>@stilesstilinki

@stilesstilinski

I want to hug him

@stilesstilinski

Get you a guy that will stay up with you until 4AM talking about literally anything

@stilesstilinski

Why do I alway fall for people so far out of my league? rip me I guess.

@stilesstilinski

He makes me want to write poetry

Derek spends hours scrolling through Stiles’ twitter.

He scrolls far enough back that he gets to the part of his timeline where his twitter is littered with pictures of Lydia, which causes the ache in Derek’s chest to grow. But he can’t stop looking because Stiles looks so happy.

And Derek falls impossibly more in love.

He lets himself acknowledge for the first time that Stiles might love him back.

And everything else?

It’s worth it.

Because Stiles is worth everything to Derek.

2:00 AM Bad Poet

<so I looked at your twitter

>fuck.

>how much did you see?

<all of it

>tight

>please excuse me while I go die now

>bye

<don’t leave yet

<I had something I wanted to ask you

>did you want me to delete the tweets?

>I can do that

>I’ll just delete the whole account

>I am my own worst enemy so this won’t be a problem

>actually Jackson Whittemore is my worst enemy

>but I’m a close second

<stiles?

>yup?

<Will you go on a date with me?

>alkdjf

>yes?

>Ofc yes?

>are you being serious?

>because this would be a cruel prank if you’re not serious

<I’m serious

>yes.

>yes. yes. yes. yes. yes. yes.

>holy shit

>theres no fucking universe where I say ‘no’ to that question from you

>im so fucking in love with you

>is it too soon to say that?

>I don’t even care

>I’m speaking my truth

>you obviously don’t have to say it back

>im going to woo you so hard Derek

>you’ll have to love me back eventually

>I’m going to write you poetry

>hell I’ll even read poetry for you

>ill give the whole fucking moon to you

<why would I want the moon?

<im not gru?

>despicable me

>that was a despicable me reference.

>you don’t listen to music, but you watch despicable me?

>you’re such an enigma to me Derek

>god I love you so much

<stiles?

>too much?

<no

<I don’t think I could ever have too much of you

<I love you too stiles

<so much

<I just don’t want you to get your hopes up

<I might not be able to live up to it in real life

>impossible

<seriously stiles

>I am being serious

>I’m already in love with you Der

>you don’t have to do anything more than you’ve already done

>you could wear a potato sack, and spend the whole night not saying anything at all

>and I would still be in love with you

>all you have to do now is show up

<…I can do that

>perfect

TWO YEARS LATER

@stilesstilinski

Hey @JacksonWhittemore, remember when you told me I would die alone? Well I just got engaged to the love of my life. So checkmate fucker.

#sterek #eternal sterek #what am i even doing?#i just spent the last two days writing this and banging my head against the wall and nothing else #should i write this into a full fic one day?#i probably wont #hope you guys enjoy #sterek drabble #5k words of them being idiots #i cut so much out how is this still 5k?#stiles stilinki #derek hale #laura is the only other character that makes an appearance #im supposed to be sleeping #but here we are ig #texting #wrong number #celebrity stiles

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elliethesuperfruitlover · 3 years

Text

yes i did this during my lunch break (and in english)

General:

How long will they last? - Mm, if not lifelong than like a good amount of years. They occasionally also see other people though (poly coded)

How quickly did/will they fall in love? - T had to think about actually dating Klaus before getting into it. She looked into his past, everything. She didn’t want to be hurt. Klaus, however was like “mm, personality, shes pretty, smart, im in.”

How was their first kiss? - It was pleasant, it was random, after T met Klaus’ siblings. It wasn’t out of nowhere, but she was like :Thank you for introducing me to your broken family. *smooch*”Casual, but not casual.

Wedding:

Who proposed? - Klaus did. It wasn’t big either, he was just like “do weddings appeal to you?” and she’s always been on the fence about getting married, but she figured to might as well do it.

Who is the best man/men? - Klaus had Diego as his best man actually.

Who is the braid’s maid(s)? - T had her mom as her maid of honor.

Who did the most planning? - They both did equal planning. They’d talk it over and everything, but T likes to have everything exact, so she looked over everything, over and over until she found it fine enough.

Who stressed the most? - Klaus, actually. T enjoys putting things in order, and planning, but Klaus was worried about how everything would go. He wanted to make sure everything went right, and that most of all, T was happy.

How fancy was the ceremony? - Back of a pickup truck | 2 | 3 | 4 | Normal Church Wedding | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Kate and William wish they were this big. It was a forest wedding, so kinda big, but small enough as to where it felt special.

Who was specifically not invited to the wedding?- Anyone that even remotely made T feel uncomfortable. If they were gonna cause issues, they can do it elsewhere. The trees didn’t want to hear arguing. (her one aunt who didn’t want her marrying a white man)

Sex:

Who is on top? - Topazi Um, they’re both switches, but it honestly depends on the mood. If one of them had a rough day, then the other would be the top.

Who is the one to instigate things? - Either of them, it depends.

How healthy is their sex life? - Barely touch themselves let alone each other | 2 | 3 | 4 | Once a couple weeks, nothing overboard | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They are humping each other on the couch right now. One look and the clothes are off (or on they’re kinky fucks)

How kinky are they? - Straight missionary with the lights off | 2 | 3 | 4 | Might try some butt stuff and toys | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Don’t go into the sex dungeon without a horse’s head. T’s fairly kinky, and so is Klaus, so they combine it to create just *sighs*. Their closets have a specific section for sex toys, spicy clothes.

How long do they normally last? - It depends. If they start when they’re high energy, it’ll be for longer, but if it’s later in the day, or after work, it’s for less time. an hour or so.

Do they make sure each person gets an equal amount of orgasms? - Mm, sometimes. If T gets frustrated with herself, and she might be in a bit of a tizzy, Klaus’ll step in and she’ll focus on his pleasure instead of her own. But T usually has more than Klaus, usually 2 more.

How rough are they in bed? - Softer than a butterfly on the back of a bunny | 2 | 3 | 4 | The bed’s shaking and squeaking every time | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | Their dirty talk is so vulgar it’d make Dwayne Johnson blush. Also, the wall’s so weak it could collapse the next time they do it. If the mood calls for it, Topazi won’t hesitate to absolutely ruin Klaus. She really likes it rough, and so does Klaus, but they like being gentle every now and then.

How much cuddling/snuggling do they do? - No touching after sex | 2 | 3 | 4 | A little spooning at night, or on the couch, but not in public | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | They snuggle and kiss more often than a teen couple on their fifth date to a pillow factory. T is touch oriented, and rarely ever doesn’t want to be touched in some way. She wants all of the hugs during aftercare, and Klaus is very happy to give it to her.

Children:

How many children will they have naturally? - None. T thought about having kids, but she doesn’t trust her body, or herself, so she just doesn’t do it.

How many children will they adopt? - They have pets. (a snake and two kitties)

Who is the stricter parent? - T. She’ll be like “Miko, I told you not to jump off the counter.” but Klaus is like “let him be, he’s just a little shaken up.” but no like water bottles, just a mild scolding.

Cooking:

Who does the most cooking? - T used to do a lot of cooking, but Klaus also tag teams her. Especially if it’s a huge meal.

Who is the most picky in their food choice? - Klaus won’t do oatmeal, or anything mushy. But T is like “if this even looks wrong, I’m not eating it.” It doesn’t matter who cooks it though, she’ll eat from anyone, but if something looks or tastes different than how she’s used to eating it, she’ll eat some out of respect, but in the end may just get more safe things like water, fruit etc.

Who does the grocery shopping? - Both of them. T writes the list (bc she’s very detailed), and they both get half of the list and tag-team. But T has told Klaus what’s safe, what’s not, all that.

How often do they bake desserts? - Almost every weekend. They’re both a bit impulsive, Klaus more than T, so they have an entire fridge dedicated to baking items.

Are they more of a meat lover or a salad eater? - T rarely ever eats red meat, and Klaus’ll eat anything, so it’s a big mix between the two of them. She tries to get everything balanced, then she gets cravings and everything is thrown out of the window.

Who is more likely to surprise the other(s) with an anniversary dinner? - Klaus. He likes repaying T, and whenever T tries to do something nice, something pops up and she can’t. It’s also best for him to do tiny things, not big things, so she doesn’t feel like it’s a competition between the two of them.

Who is more likely to suggest going out? - Klaus. Topazi wants to go out and everything, and she’s impulsive, but never really does anything about it.

Who is more likely to burn the house down accidently while cooking? - Klaus because he almost fucked the kitchen up when he was high and forgot to put his blunt out (the paper towels caught fire, yada yada)

Chores:

Who cleans the room? - T does a lot of cleaning. Not that she feels like she has to, she just enjoys it, plus it gives her a sense of completion.

Who is really against chores? - Klaus sometimes. It’s not that he doesn’t want to, they usually just creep up on him when he really doesn’t want to do them.

Who cleans up after the pets? - Both of them do it equally. Klaus moreso than T though, because one wrong inhale and she’s ill.

Who is more likely to sweep everything under the rug? - Klaus. He can forget about something and it’s just gone. His object permanence is shitty.

Who stresses the most when guests are coming over? - Neither of them. T likes company, and people over, but she does try to make sure no naughty things are left out for people to see.

Who found a dollar between the couch cushions while cleaning? - T almost threw it away, (it was balled up), but she was like “hmm my brain is trying to tell me something” so she was like “oh hells yeah money”

Misc:

Who takes the longer showers/baths? - Depends, but mostly Klaus, because he does his thinking in the shower (like his dad). T, however, knows she’s gonna look like a fucking cherry when she gets out, and she needs to keep her skin not flaky.

Who takes the dog out for a walk? - Um-. If they had a dog, it would be either one of them, but Klaus more often than T, because when she’s painting or gardening, she can’t be bothered to focus on anything other than what she’s doing at that moment.

How often do they decorate the room/house for the holidays? - Very lack-luster. For xmas, they have a tree, but T puts stupid shit around the house. For Easter, she painted an egg pink and labeled it as “the easter bunny’s left testicle” and for Halloween, they have a spooky corner. She can’t do pranks though, she understands them, but she’ll scream then immediately kick to defend herself.

What are their goals for the relationship? - T wants to enjoy what life she has with Klaus. She just wants someone to love her and keep her company.

Who is most likely to sleep till noon? - Both of them. Topazi likes cuddles, and sometimes the sleep is so good you have to just stay down. Plus, she’s her own boss, and their animals are smarter than they initially thought, but if she hears the fucking snake tank open, her eyes are wide fucking open.

Who plays the most pranks? - Even though she gets a bit frustrated from them, T likes to do cute pranks. You know those toys that you throw and they stick to something, she’ll do those. And Klaus throws like sticky tack at the wall. Those she can handle. But she doesn’t understand the purpose of someone fake sneezing on her. (like me, please dont do that shit, i dont like it)

#topazi marshall

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semiconducting · 3 years

Text

just reflecting on some personal growth stuff from last year !

im actually. genuinely okay. like i think im starting this year feeling okay! which is atypical.

i think i can attribute it to the enormous amount of work id put into myself over the past year...i remember one year ago being extraordinarily depressed and really just. high strung? incredibly anxious but exhausted. and i fell down a descent slowly from not eating, to getting really irritable and not handling conflicts with friends well, to actively self harming again, to the point where i remembered sitting in a coffee shop with one of my friends and saying out loud that i need to go to therapy. and that i was going to talk to a mutual friend of ours about how the therapy services on campus are. which was a huge step for me! ive always had trust issues with therapy services since i was 12 for reasons i wont go into, but im sure you can gather the point of.

and then, literally the next day after saying that, got news about campus shutting down because of the virus.

and i made all of the effort possible to reach out to my friends and get things figured out to weather the storm because i KNEW shit was going to get bad if i didnt. but only one of my friends was really keeping up, and thats because he and i do homework together so we were already in a rhythm of talking every single week no matter what. and thats not to say that im ungrateful for him or the fact that even still he was there for me while i was going through hell, i have this thing about Not Putting All My Problems On And Confiding In One Person And One Person Only. so i withdrew, i stopped talking to everyone, i stopped logging into my classes, i didnt do any homework, i didnt lead my workshops, didnt hold office hours...i was just wallowing in my own misery

and i made plans to kill myself. and thats like, i mean i could say that several dozen times over the course of a year since i was like 12, but i mean a legitimate walkthrough plan. had my hiking bag packed with everything i was going to use, decided where i was going to, and was going to prep myself for it. wrote drafts and drafts of suicide notes until i decided just leaving the contact info of people who needed to know asap was all i was going to leave. in addition to sticky notes on some stuff in my room for what needed to be returned to who, or if something should go to someone in particular...

and i acted as normally as i could around my housemates. attributed my not leaving my room much to being busy with classes. i have a rule to myself to always sleep at least one night before killing myself because if im really serious about going through with it it can always wait one day. this time i decided i was going to clean my room and leave it as pristine as possible. the last thing i had to do was a load of laundry, and then i was going to do it.

and then someone from campus showed up at my door. because one of my professors filed a report and i hadnt responded to any of the emails id received checking in on me.

so i readjusted. caught up on my schoolwork, just barely finished the semester and definitely didnt do it strong or well (god bless the pass/fail option bc of covid LOL), but i did it nonetheless. went home, started my internship, had a miserably mundane summer.

i grew bitter and apathetic. i was angry at my friends for not being responsive when i reached out to them to talk or hang out or do anything. i got tired of dealing with it. i was tired of feeling alone and like no one gave a shit about me except for when it was convenient for them. i decided that i wasnt going to deal with people who werent willing to put any effort into me, so i stopped talking to everyone and kept up with people who were willing to reach out after the fact.

it’s definitely not the best approach. it’s really unforgiving and it doesn’t give people a lot of benefit of the doubt, but i think it was necessary in some respect. i didn’t have any criteria for how people needed to reach out, or how long after, or whatever, just that they did. really needed people in my life who are willing to communicate with me. i was honest with how i was feeling and why i did things if they did, apologized for the shitty approach, thanked them for still being willing to talk to me, and worked out the best way for both of us to keep things going.

over the months i dont think i really regret the decision, because it’s been a weight off my shoulders. i feel a lot better. i’m far more okay with where i stand in all of my friends’ lives, even if that’s not as a priority and even if that’s as just someone to talk to and catch up with like a couple times a year. it took a bit for it to pay off but it’s nice to take a look at people i was putting far too much work into and upon reflection realizing that they only interacted with me when they needed something from me, and not for me as a person. i think there are still people where there are loose ends and i think i may try reaching out myself to tie those up at some point, whenever i have the energy and clarity of mind for it. but i guess at the end of the day i just decided that people who weren’t willing to communicate weren’t worth the time. i’m okay if that communication means i need to be the one to initiate conversations even! i just need to know that.

but yeah. i came back to ny and started the semester totally apathetic and angry. i was so fucking depressed and bored with everything even if i was keeping myself incredibly busy. the only thing that i found rewarding (and what was just barely keeping me going) was leading my workshop for the intro optics class.

and then a friend -- the same friend i was at the coffee shop with -- reached out to catch up. and i was honestly really bitter and angry with him and was prepping myself to start listing out issues that i hadnt been able to address with him beforehand (side note, while telling friends the issues you have with them is important, listing shit out all at once is hardly ever a good approach especially without warning LOL) but ended up...just having a calming and comfortable conversation about what was going on in our lives since we last saw each other.

n later that day i ended up reaching out to an old friend that i had been meaning to catch up with because we fell out of contact, but had just barely been trying to start talking again in the months before this but had kept missing opportunities to properly converse. but we talked again, and we set up a day to hike and catch up.

and he comes to my house and picks me up. and i get in his car. and its like, holy shit, its been almost a year since ive seen you. and we hugged. and just started to catch each other up on the mess that had been our lives since we’d actively been in contact. we hiked, he told me about the books he wanted to write, we talked about people we knew, we talked about politics, we talked about school, we talked about life, and it was just as comfortable as if not a day had passed...even though it was obvious that he and i were both changed people over the past year. nothing about our friendship was any different though.

we resolved to hanging out with each other every week. decided we both needed the interaction, appreciated having each other around, and had a nice overlap of free time in the week that worked well. friday nights unless otherwise specified.

it was totally unexpected. he’d always been a great friend to me, but i never expected us to get as close as we did. neither did he. he’s probably the first person in my life (or at least in a very long time, and certainly the only person at the time) that i’d been so comfortable with that i practically had no boundaries around. none that needed to be addressed, anyway, because the only possible ones to throw up wouldn’t even come up (but of course, i constantly reassured that as soon as anything came up i would let him know because early on he kept asking sjhdkjfh).

he became something for me to look forward to in the week. towards the beginning he was a shoulder to lean on when i needed it and was willing to listen to things i hadn’t been able to tell anyone out loud. and he confided in me as well. it was comfortable. it was safe. it was a level of trust with vulnerability that i’d never shown anyone else.

but it wasnt even just that! it was fun! hes so fun. we could talk about everything and nothing, and hes one of the only people where i feel like i have to keep up with him in conversation instead of the other way around. we’d jump from topic to topic so much faster than either of us could think and it was all always so interesting. littered with humour that was just dumb and simple. i felt comfortable just being an idiot with him. i felt like i had nothing to prove.

for the past few years ive held to the sentiment that i like to hang around with people that make me a better person. but somehow, with him, its not that i felt like he made me a better person, but that he made me more myself. he saw who i was without any kind of fronts. and i always was afraid to show anyone that me because i always assumed that they would be depressing, loathsome, bitter, angry, and vicious.

but....i’m not. i learned that i’m incredibly loving. that i’d do fuckin anything to for my friends, but always in a way that was healthy and rewarding for both of us. i’m very light-hearted and my sense of humour is so stupid, but also very analytical and thoughtful. just a bit judgmental and pretentious, but always for things that people dont expect. totally open minded in discussions. an avid explorer, and a bit of a thrillseeker. and so, so, so affectionate.

i realized im. not as horrible as ive always made myself out to be. i accepted that i didnt need to punish myself for things beyond my control. i realized that i could believe people when they tell me that they enjoy my company, or appreciate things i do for them, or that they think i’m a worthwhile person to keep around.

its not that i dont have my flaws, its not that there arent things that i have to work on still. but maybe, at my core, i’m not actually motivated by spite, i’m not actually a hopeless pessimist, and that i’m not...broken. i’m not some secretly irredeemable monster.

and for a period of time i’ve been in a place where i could say i was genuinely...happy! and i don’t think i’ve ever been able to say that. i’ve certainly been made happy by doing things with friends in the past, i’ve been through periods where i’ve been okay with where i am at in life, but ever since i was like 12 (but probably even before that) i’d never been able to say that i was happy. it’s not that i wasn’t stressed, it’s not that things in my life were all going perfectly....but they didn’t define my mood. they didn’t define my view of myself. school, despite being the primary focus of my life, wasn’t dictating how i was feeling. even when things were agonizing and depressing because of school, i was still okay. i was incredibly stable.

and i owe that all to him being there for me. and hardly any of these things were anything that he was really directly responsible for, like its not that he sat there and just constantly showered me in reassurance and praise or anything that changed how i view myself...it was just having his company. it was just being able to sit there and listen to him go on about some totally random thing that he was exceptionally knowledgeable about. it was exploring caves and climbing hills. it was cooking together. it was talking about science. it was talking about love. it was talking about music. it was just having a consistent presence in my life, someone that treated me like a priority but never at the expense of himself, and someone i didn’t have to walk on any kind of eggshells around. it was someone who trusted me and respected me not by anything id done to warrant it, but just because of who i was.

it was a reminder that i can take care of my own problems, that i just need to be a good presence in someone’s life and for them to be a good presence in mine.

but also that i can accept help from people who genuinely want to offer it! and that that help doesnt always have to be direct. that sometimes helping me means i get to do something nice for someone else LOL

it was everything i ever needed and i wasnt even looking for it. he meant the world to me and i was so, so thankful for the circumstances that led us here because i was so happy to have him in my life again. i was happy that we were able to get closer because we’d only been able to interact in professional environments before.

and then i realized i was in love. and i had a sexuality crisis. but i didn’t recognize it until i fell hard because it was a different kind of love than i’ve felt for anyone before. it was intense but entirely too comfortable. but i knew that i cared about him, and that he cared about me, and that i really didn’t need anything about our friendship to change but that it had potential to be something even greater than it was.

and i resolved to tell him about it...until he told me first. and that moment was, as cheesey as it sounds, nothing less than magical. we were both so happy and giggly and it was so sweet and warm and i dont know if im ever going to be able to recreate that feeling because it was just so particular, so specific to being something between me and him. its not that i cant love anyone else as strongly or be as happy as i was necessarily, but it’ll never be that same kind of feeling.

but things happened. things got complicated. i think he panicked. and then things that happened just felt so dirty and hollow and dark. he hurt me really, really, really badly, and it managed to happen in the span of four days.

and i’ve spent the last <2 weeks dealing with it. i think he’s dealing with it in his own ways, but realistically i don’t know how because i havent seen him since christmas eve, and we were both definitely not being completely genuine that day. was at his house for a small family party and he and i were the only ones who knew what happened. it was too soon to have healed from it any, but we couldnt exactly be honest about it then either.

and im doing better. im genuinely okay now. and, interestingly, i think i owe it to the past few months of hanging out with him and how ive been able to come to terms with a lot of things about myself. ive been able to show myself compassion. its really ironic.

its a situation where i was desperately trying to throw blame onto myself for, because if i could then i could punish myself for it and use it to fuel that deep rooted self hatred and then i could fix it, because i’d be the one responsible for fixing it. but, and i’ve talked to quite a few friends about it trying to figure out who to confide in about it, everyone who knows about it insists that i cant blame myself for it. theres not a thing about the situation that i can blame myself for. and its so fucking weird, because i cant bring myself to fully blame him for it either, just because it was so ABSURDLY out of character that it doesnt feel like it was anything he could have done to me. it was a boundary that i wasnt ever supposed to worry about him crossing, because he’s just not that kind of person.

and it’s the type of situation that you’re supposed to totally be willing to cut someone off for but...i can’t. he’s genuinely remorseful and i think he doesn’t really know how to deal with it either. and despite it being a massive fuck up its still like...the first fuck up in our friendship from either of us. and i’m willing to see this through. i think it’s salvageable, even if it’ll never be the same as it was. i have faith in our friendship. i think we can make it work.

but no matter what happens. i owe him more than i’ll ever be able to repay him for. and i’ll never, ever be able to hate him because of that. i’m in a much, much better place because of him and for that i’ll always be thankful.

#shut up mega #this ended up being longer and more in depth abt the earlier half of the year than i meant it LOL #a summary of my 2020 i spose #also there's some kinda detailed talk of #suicide ment -#self harm ment -#IM CRYING AFTER WRITING THIS OUT LMAOOOO

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graffitibible · 4 years

Note

Do you have any advice for writing or creating regularly? That’s hard for me and I’d like to get better at it.

it boils down to what works best for you personally tbh. i’ve got a system to write semi-regularly (or i did......restricted movement hours have kinda forced me to restructure that lol) and it works for me but that’s just how my brainyot works. i’m a routine-based creature so working writing into my routine was how i got myself to write semi-regularly.

ive also had significant Brain Junk for most of my life and was gradually able to navigate how best to create in spite of that but im also like, medicated for it and the like so self-care was a factor. i couldnt create shit while i was too busy lying in a pool of my own filth having fits of paranoia about the nature of reality so i was hardly about to make myself try and create stuff when that wasnt even on my radar.

i can share some of the things i do to keep myself writing though! like again this isn’t something that’s for sure gonna work for everybody cause everybodys wired differently but i hope some of it helps!

1. daily wordcount - i’ve mentioned this before but i have a daily wordcount that i do for my original fiction. i don’t apply the same standard to fic-writing because that risks making it an arbitrary barrier that puts too many numbers on my internal list. that being said, it’s very small. i make myself do 200 words per day. if that gets me going and writing more than that, awesome. if not, i still got a little bit done. 200 words is small, and it’s not overwhelming to catch up on if i miss a day. no matter how shitty im feeling i try to get in 200 words.

2. routine - since i’m a routine-based person by nature i basically found ways to finagle creative processes into all that. it’s not hard and fast because that kind of rigid structure makes me balk and i’m not that disciplined lol, but it’s usually something like “i have an hour-long lunch break at work and literally nothing else to do during it so i’ll write in that time period” or “i have thirty minutes of sitting by the stove making dinner so i’ll write until it’s ready”

3. momentum - or what my housemate fondly calls “The Juice.” if i have The Juice of inspiration i keep that going for as long as i can. if something’s not working for me i don’t scrap it or toss it right away. if i’m having trouble with a scene i make a note to myself and move on to a different one. example of this from my latest wip, which is part iv of mayhem

i hadnt worked out what was gonna go there and nothing was coming to me easy in the moment so i stuck the note there and kept going. my works are full of this shit. if i can’t think of a name or if there’s a statistic or a character i haven’t worked out yet i don’t wanna break my focus and momentum so i slap a note in the first draft and keep going. at a first draft stage the important thing is getting the words Out so it doesnt matter if theyre perfect. ill go back and fix them later, revise all i need to. first drafts dont need to be good, they just need to be there so i can spruce them up later.

on the flip side do not be like me and commit to this momentum so bad that you forget that you are a human being who needs to eat and consume liquids. i do that sometimes because of who i am as a person and it is a serious flaw of mine, do not be like this. sometimes getting some food in you is what you need to get The Juice flowing again and that sounds kinda gross and i am sorry

4. planning and hangups - this ones dependent on how you create. i forget where this analogy came from, but i’ve heard it said that some writers are architects who need a blueprint of where they’re going before they end up there and some writers are gardeners, who don’t need a set plan so much as they need to keep going. i’m definitely an architect - a lot of my works start out as bulletpoints of what scenes i wanna cover, what topics i wanna explore, etc. - though i have on occasion simply Written without any set destination, usually to force myself out of a creative slump. me being a big planner used to be one of the biggest barriers for me creatively because i’d spend hours agonizing over minute universe details and never start the dang story. this still happens from time to time. like heres what my organizational folder looks like wrt “pray for disaster”

that is not even all the files in there. why do i have two dictionaries. jesus. like i make these giant ass fuckin....tomes of stuff i like to keep track of, which i like to call “bibles” lol. except i could tell that getting too organized was gonna be an uphill battle with very little payoff so by the end i just made a “MISCELLANEOUS BULLSHIT” doc and for now i throw everything in there if it doesn’t fit into something like a dictionary or timeline

shit like this is why i like to just sit down and write without a clear destination in mind if i’m having writer’s block. that’s one of those things that goes hand in hand with the way i take advantage of my own momentum - if i reach a certain point where i’m just picking at details and not doing any writing i just go “ok motherfucker sit down and write shit. we will work out the details later.”

5. motivation - the ways i tend to motivate myself are weird so idk how true this is for anybody else but i’ve been writing for a pretty large part of my life. i went to college for english/creative writing and got a whole dang degree cause i still wanna make this my vocation somehow. one thing i cannot ever turn off is the writer part of my brain that’s going “oooh huh that’s not how i would’ve written that” in literally every piece of art i consume - tv, movies, books, songs, etc. sometimes that’s enough to inspire me into doing something on my own time. most of the time though if i’m feeling stumped i tend to crack open some of my personal favorite works, like books or fics that have really resonated with me, to fall in love with the art all over again. seeing the way different authors and artists do their craft helps me get in the zone of wanting to write more cause i get this nice feeling of “damn, these people really did those things with those words.....that’s fuckin amazing.....i wanna do that.”

you do risk falling into the trap of “ugh i can’t write like them though” but that’s the beauty of writing. nobody can write the way anybody else does. ofc i can’t write like terry pratchett, only terry pratchett can write like terry pratchett, and if i compare myself to terry pratchett i’m only gonna get sad and mopey. but i can write in a way thats totally unique to me so i should not try to write like terry pratchett because that’s just impeding my own creative energy in the interest of trying to cookie-cut myself into someone else’s zone. only terry pratchett can write like terry pratchett but only i can write like zero graffitibible.

i hope that was helpful? like this is all stuff that works for me so no guarantee it’ll work for everyone else.

oh right and idk how many of yall are minors because let it be known that i do not condone underage drinking; i am an adult who occasionally will get crunk because i like to write drunk and edit sober. if you too are an adult who can legally consume alcohol feel free to write while buzzed because that is a nice way to write with zero fuckin inhibitions. i dont get blackout drunk or nothing just a little buzzed and sometimes what i write makes no sense but i am at times at my most productive at 2am while mildly buzzed. its a thing.

like again i’m not really an authority on this by any means - this is just what works for me. but if it works for you too, great!! find your zone and all that

#anon #ask #z speaks #alcohol mention cw in case anybodys got that blacklisted #theres nothing as liberating as writing after having consumed 1.5 beers and feeling like a gOD #i say 1.5 but realistically its more like 1 #i am a tiny person who cannot hold their liquor #and beer really is just mulled fartweed but thats all right #creating is pain and pain is living and sometimes that entails drinking mulled fartweed cause itll loosen you up enough to really Write #i dont lean on this too much btw #its just like if i happen to get buzzed ill usually go 'you know what i should totally do. write.'#it is at times incomprehensible

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5-falsehoods-phonated · 4 years

Text

Mindful Confrontation

Written as a request from @heavy-metal-papillon who not only supplied the requested plot but creatively reconstructed the song Confrontation from Jeckyll and Hyde to fit the context of the story. This was a lot of fun to write, thank you for requesting it! I hope it fits what you had in mind.

Summary: Thomas' friends convince him to check out a new karaoke bar and encourage him to perform. Technical difficulties make improv imperative for the show to go on but can singing really settle the warring landscape?

Warnings: anxiety induced spiraling thoughts, if there are more please let me know

Ships: none

WC: 2, 389

The bar is loud as Thomas makes his way to an empty booth lead expertly by Joan and Talyn. Nerves twisted in his gut as he took in how large it actually was on the inside, the stage set up for karaoke sitting front and center with the tables placed strategically so no ones view would be blocked. He took a deep breath as he settled himself on the cushioned bench, reminding himself that he needed this.

It had been Joan's idea initially, taking him to a karaoke bar to loosen up after the stress they'd both been under lately. Supposedly they served good food and the regular performers were worth the watch.

"Sing if you want." Joan had said. "Everyones really nice and would love to hear someone new onstage."

Thomas glanced at them now, happily skimming through the menu and pointing things out to Talyn who nodded along as best they could over the noise. It seemed like the performing wouldnt be starting for a while yet...which reminded him...

"I'm gonna go sign up, be back in a minute." Joan looked up and smiled, they and their date mate giving enthusiastic thumbs up. Turning with a grin, Thomas straightened his shirt and made his way over to the side stage where a small line had already started forming.

-------

In the mindscape, Janus sat on the couch a little ways away from a pouting Roman, watching Virgil fidget endlessly with the sleeves of his hoodie and wear a literal hole in the floor with his pacing. Being in someone's head was an odd thing at times.

"You can't possibly expect us to do this! Theres so many people we dont know hear!"

"Wouldn't that be beneficial to us? There's a good chance this is the first and last time wed see any of them." Janus replied smoothly.

Ignoring him, Virgil continued on. "What if Thomas's voice cracks? What if the song glitches and he's left singing with no music and then it picks up and it'll be out of sync and he freezes because it's confusing and everyone laughs? What if we don't know the lyrics as well as we thought we did and the screen cuts out and we forget the song and everyone laughs? What if we try to move around and trip because the stage is unfamiliar and we fall off and break our neck and the last thing we ever did was sing a shitty song at a shitty bar and-"

"Everyone laughs?" Janus finished dryly.

"Why would someone laugh at our death? What are you trying to say you vile vindictive villain?!" Roman leapt from the couch making Virgil flinch as a samurai sword appeared in his hand to point at the deceitful side.

"Vindictive? The only revenge I'm seeking today is on whoever decided the shirt Thomas is wearing should be seen in public after having worn it two days in a row already."

"We were in a hurry and he barely wore it in those two days since he spent most of them sleeping! It's fine!"

"We already wore the shirt?! What if people can tell it hasn't been washed? What if someone sees the wrinkles and decides we're an unclean slob? What if-"

"Virgil! Breathe please." At the reminder Virgil began his standard breathing exercise as Janus poked the tip of the sword still pointing at his face and lowered it to a non threatening level. "And Roman, do keep waving around a dangerous weapon it totally isn't making Virgil's anxiety worse."

Grumbling Roman snapped the sword back out of existence and plopped back down on the couch. Sighing Janus tuned back into what Thomas was doing just as he was looking through the song list. A song leapt out at him almost immediately, making Janus send the suggestion quietly to their manifestor for consideration, smiling as it was chosen and they began walking back towards the booth.

"I believe you'll like the choice in song Roman. Perhaps you can vent a bit."

Raising an eyebrow Roman quickly concentrated to bring himself up to speed on what had transpired while he was sulking.

"A little on the nose isn't it?" Virgil paused his pacing at Roman's snide remark, tilting his head in question.

"Jeckyll and Hyde's Confrontation?" That's technically a duet right? How the hell is that going to work?"

"I'm sure Roman can manage. Unless he wants one of us to help?" Janus peered out from under the rim of his hat at the side on question who was currently scowling over at him.

"Why don't you both help sing it? That way you can both work out whatever it is you need to. Roman's good on stage and Janus...you know the musical right? Oh God you do know it right because if you just picked it at random-"

"Relax Fidget and Hide it'll be fine." Roman scowl turned smug at the word play that Virgil didn't bother responding to, instead shooting Janus a final panicked glanced before going back to...well...fidgeting.

------

Thomas fidgeted in the booth nervously, making Talyn glance over in worry.

"You okay? It's a pretty big crowd, you can still back out if it makes you nervous."

Thomas felt a sliver of false reassurance curl around his tongue, opening his mouth almost against his will as he smiled convincingly.

"I'm fine really. It is a big crowd, but I feel like this will be good for me you know?"

"Yeah man, you really need to get out more." Joan flashed him a smile that let Thomas know he was mostly kidding, which he appreciated. Breathing deep he reminded himself to thank Janus later. A fleeting feeling of gratitude that wasn't his own welled in his chest and he smiled to himself. Message recieved apparently.

The performers were great, some obvious regulars and some anxious newbies but the mix didn't dampen his enjoyment in the slightest. As the music swelled around him he felt himself relaxing, grinning as someone started in on an Evenescence song that he knew would appeal to his youngest side. He could imagine the emo sitting in all his glory wherever they went when not manifested in front of him. As they got further down the list however his nerves began to fray. Any moment now his name would be called and he'd have to go onstage in front of so many new faces and he'd done it before but that had been performances and this was a bar and-

"Thomas." He whipped his head around to see Joan pointing at the stage. "They called your name! Break a leg!"

Smiling nervously, he stood and quickly made his way to the stage, wiping sweaty palms on his already sweaty jeans to a smattering of applause as the audience realized the person who was called was about to go on.

Just imagine them naked. Impatiently he shook the Intrusive thought away and zeroed in on the blank screen. A tech worker jogged up to him and his heart dropped. Surely not-

"I apologize but we've been having problems with the screen lately and it stopped working for the night. You're welcome to use your phone or forfeit if you'd be uncomfortable."

A sudden surge of confidence had words spilling of their own accord, barely there panic twisting his stomach. "It's okay. I can handle it."

The music began low and he drew in a steadying breath, opening his mouth where he knew the lyrics started.

------

"The screen died? What kind of hellscape is this?! I told you, I said what if the screen dies though I guess it didnt happen while we were singing but still! Do you even know the lyrics?" Roman shrugged where he stood in front of the couch, unfazed by circumstance.

"We'll figure it out Nightmare on Emo Street, calm down."

"Figure it-what do you mean you'll figure it out?"

The music started and Roman simply took a stance and began to sing, the sorrowful tone matched by his deep base vibrating the mind scape pleasantly.

"It’s over now, from what I know.

This world’s not what it seems.

It hurts that he would stoop so low.

A fatal blow for one poor dashing Prince."

Janus raised an eyebrow as he sat up straighter. Improv. Impressive. Beside him, Virgil groaned and hid his face, seemingly content to wait out whatever horror he percieved this to be.

"They do not see my tragedy,

Do not see my intent.

The stain of this snake’s evil

Would forever kill the good we all had meant."

Janus narrowed his eyes as Roman turned to him fully, the intent and purpose of the lyrics clear to him now as the Prince lamented on.

"Am I a good man?

Am I a bad man?

Eternal question. But will the answer ever…?"

The last note lingered as Janus stood. Fine, he thought. If this is how he wants to play it, I'll give him something to kick at.

"Do you really think

That I would ever let this go?

Do you think without me he’ll be free?"

He smirked knowingly as Roman stepped back, twisting Hyde's words into something closer to himself to throw back.

"If you do, I’m sad to say

It simply isn’t so.

You will never block his life from me!"

Roman glared and stood straighter, sweeping his arm as if to banish the other from his sight.

"All that he needs is to look in a mirror.

Good, honest life – and you’ll disappear!"

"I was the one who did give him that mirror,

So, I’m afraid, I will still be here."

"All that you’ll do is make our life a nightmare,

All you’ll achieve is high self-esteem!

All that I wanted for him – to chase his dream!"

Janus grimaced as he caught sight of angry tears gathering in Roman's eyes. Hardening his resolve, he clenched his fists to glare right back, refusing to back down from what this simple karaoke had become.

"Will you ever catch it, friend?

This chase will never end!

His procrastination still goes on!

So, I want to stay,

No matter how you may object!

I can give him power to move on."

His tone begged to be listened to, pleading eyes catching the royals in an effort to make him understand. He took a step back as a sword was once again pressed alarmingly close to his face.

"Soon you’ll slip up and deceive us all over!

We can’t allow you to have control!"

"Roman, hold on, move your train of thought slower,

For all I know, we’re all parts of his soul."

"He doesn’t need you to live, like he needs me,

He can be whole with no selfish snake!

Getting rid of you will be a piece of cake!"

His staff materialized in his hand as he brought it sweeping down to catch the blade safely in its crook, slamming the tip down into the floor as he delivered the next verse.

"I’ll stay among you forever!"

"No!" Roman desperately tugged at his weapon, gritting his teeth as it refused to budge.

With a sweep of his arm the sword was free from the floor, twisting in the air before crashing beside the couch, staff now jabbed painfully close to Roman's face. "Keep in mind that I earned my seat."

"No!" Roman lunged, but Janus hooked his arm and dragged him to the side with minimal effort.

"And I’ll make it my new endeavor

To guide him and prove to you all that

I’m more than Deceit!" Stalking forward, the staff's crook was jammed under Roman's chin as he stared down at him backed into a wall, eyes wide but devoid of fear as he seemed to consider the words before shaking them off.

"Will you stop? It’s

Over now! It’s time to go!"

Roman grabbed the staff and yanked it sideways, making Janus lose his grip and stumble to come face to face with his adversary.

Smirking he bowed low. "Oh no, no, after you!"

"If I go you'll go too!"

"I’ll just shapeshift and I’ll be you."

"No! Deciet, leave him be!"

"Can’t you see? He needs me!"

"No! Stop this fight!"

"I'm his side! I won't hide!"

"No never!"

"Yes forever!"

"Give up, you snake! Crawl back to whatever hole you came from!" Roman shoved forward and practically snarled out his last line, towering over a fallen Janus.

"You’ll get there too, Roman." Hat swept somewhere unknown he simply stared at the other, chests heaving in sync as the anger finally eased, if only by a fraction.

A chuckle bubbled up in his chest, starting Roman who took a second to consider him before a grin split his face as well. The tension snapped as laughter filled the space between them, Roman doubling over as tears dripped down his face.

"What the hell did we just do?"

Janus cackled and shook his head. "Created a masterpiece that's going to raise questions I'm sure."

"Hey you morons, you do realize you had Thomas sing that right? You're weird venty improv was just projected to an entire bar!" They both looked up at Virgils outburst to see the side in question shaking on the couch, beside him a grinning Remus shoveling (popcorn?) into his mouth. Patton stood beside them starry eyed and smiling while Logan remained at the table with a questioning look that seemed to suggest he had missed most of the context for the scene in front of him. Janus and Roman spared eachother another look before bursting into another fit of laughter.

------

"Sooo....didn't know the song huh?" Joan asked curiously as Thomas sat down. At his head shake, they simply grinned. "The improv was seriously impressive though. Janus and Roman? Genius!"

Thomas grinned sheepishly as his nerves finally settled, his smile wavering as another set of emotions came forth he didn't recognize.

"Hey, you okay?"

A feeling of peace settled over him like a blanket of fresh snow, crisp and clean as his mind cleared for what felt like the first time in weeks. A genuine smile stretched across his face as he answered.

"Yeah. Yeah, you know what? I'm great actually." He sat back and relaxed, looking at Talyn and Joan in turn.

"I feel better."

This work along with other one shots is available on AO3!

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #ao3 #thomas sanders #janus sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #jeckyll and hyde

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dickie-gayson · 4 years

Text

guess what it’s Doctor Mid-Nite loving hour again!

‘but wait! Dickie didn’t u make a Mid-Nite appreciation post recently??’

ur goddamn right i did and ur damn skippy im making another bcus Pieter Cross is literally a saint and i LOVE him. yall!! gonna!! see!! him!!!

for real tho, pls at least humor me and take a look at some things he’s done bcus he’s not just a great superhero - he’s a genuinely good man that works so hard to help everyone around him. like highkey id cuff him if i was given even a split second of a chance and i dont even do relationships. he’s just that genuinely kind-hearted. (Dinah u missed out, girl)

here’s some shit he’s done just as regular Pieter Cross:

1. He treats sex-workers with genuine respect

and goes out of his way to make sure they’re staying healthy and gives them free condoms to make sure they’re protected. he even comments that he wants to help them stay in business by making sure they’re safe bcus he understands that they’re just making a living and there’s nothing wrong with that. he doesn’t grandstand or judge them or try to change what they do. he accepts them for who they are and treats them kindly. like i dare you to list other heroes who go out of their way to do this on the regular. he does this shit daily.

2. He takes part in a safe needle exchange.

He understands that not all addicts are going to quit and those that try likely can’t quit cold turkey and that trying to do so can be super dangerous. he doesn’t posture or insist they stop using right then and there or any of that shit. He provides clean, free needles so that those using are using safely bcus above EVERYTHING he genuinely fucking cares for each and every human. he doesn’t judge. he understands. like Mr Terrific said, his greatest attribute is his compassion. he wants to help those addicted to drugs while also making sure they’re being safe in the process. he wants to help them get better and be healthy in whatever way he can.

(there was another panel where it’s mentioned he provides clean needles but i forgot to save it and idr which issue it was in)

3. He operates a free clinic.

Mind you: he’s a world-class doctor who graduated from Harvard Med at 19. He chooses to operate a free clinic and even has a website to offer free advice. He never got into the profession for money (it’s actually mentioned he’ll throw his money around willy-nilly to help others). And it’s said time and time again that he’s a bleeding heart who thinks he can change the world himself. He’s called the ‘Midnight Doctor’ bcus he makes nightly rounds through the impoverished neighborhoods offering free care and supplies to those in need. He helps ppl without hesitation or a second-thought. It’s actually garnered him quite a bit of local loyalty bcus he’s just...so fuckin kind. ppl turn around and try to help him when he needs it.

4. He doesn’t judge.

As mentioned in early points he legit does not judge anyone. like...ever. Not unless they’re foul, cruel human beings who hurt others. In that case, he’ll prob try to fight them for being terrible. other than that? he never judges a person for the way they live or what they’ve done. drugs, sex work, poor self-care, impoverished, etc. none of that matters. he looks into the hearts of people. also he always asks if he can help someone.

These next ones are just fun bcus i straight laughed at these panels.

5. A little oblivious.

He’s a genuis and a goddamn angel but by god if he isn’t a lil obtuse some times. he shows up in a lady's apartment in the middle of the night looking like a whole-ass villain about to monologue and has the gall to act shocked that she screams and runs right into his bigass friend that looks like a bodyguard/goon. imo it’s bcus he legit forgot that there are really shitty ppl in the world and popping up in random houses looks sketchy af.

honestly Pieter wtf did u expect to happen. ur lucky she even trusted ur ass after that. must be all the Saintly Vibes he gives off (btw for those curious she has a rare medical condition and uses an illegal and dangerous drug to cope. he saw her at a drug deal so he popped up at her house to offer his help)

6. Kinda goofy

and Not Awesome at the whole ‘secret identity’ thing tbh. at least not at the beginning. these are just mild and tiny things i zeroed in on like a fuckin hawk. He has medical stationery with his superhero name on it. what a goddamn NERD. i LOVE it. also when he became Doctor Mid-Nite he immediately told like...4-5 ppl?? he’s SUPER trusting like that. tbh his Norwegian accent prob doesn’t help since he was living in Oregon at the time. also that free medical advice site he runs?? that’s run as Doctor Mid-Nite lmaoo Imagine going onto the internet and getting medical advice from a goddamn superhero. That’d be so sick.

(It reads:

From the Desk of Doctor Mid-Nite

Take three creeps & lock them up forever!

Doctor Mid-Nite)

what a cornball, im in L O V E.

These boys stole the groceries from a little girl and he swooped in like a fuckin Nightmare to scare the shit out of them and chide them for stealing. Then what does he do???? he walks the little girl home with her bag of groceries and insists they eat healthily and stay well while still in full superhero gear. that lil girl calls him her friend without a second of hesitation. im weak help.

Panels from: Doctor Mid-Nite Issues #1 & 3 (mostly 1).

#long post #Doctor Mid-Nite #Pieter Cross #LISTEN #LISTEN I LOVE HIM A LOT OK #AND NOBODY MAKES CONTENT FOR HIM SO I GOTTA DO IT MYSELF #imma drag yall to these depths if it kills me #bcus he straight up DESERVES recognition and respect for the genuinely good person he is #LIKE FOR REAL #how often are sex workers and addicts treated with ANY respect in comics or media??#and Pieter's out here drinking ALL the 'Respect Women' and 'Respect People' juices #his back must be strong af the way he's fuckin carrying all my love and respect

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philip-seville-archive · 3 years

Text

BDRP 2021 Resolutions

Write your RPer Resolutions for 2018! (What are some goals for yourself as a writer? Improve descriptions? Plot with more members? Etc.)

A silly goal but I would like another female character lol

More one-shots! I always have these ideas for them but because I let them grow too large in my brain or I feel like I need to turn them into a proper ‘short story’ I intimidate myself out of doing them and then let the opportunity to slide. So this year I hope to fix that and once again be more chillax with myself. (Though here is a shoutout to me bc I published some one-shots last year I was happy about, like Nemo’s “Breath,” Berlioz’s parentage reveal, and my John Darling stuff!)

Do One Task Every Month. Another small but very doable goal

Learn how to say no: ahaha this seems a weird thing to put here but its actually about events and i feel this is a safe space to admit that i love love events but they like, truly take a toll on my arthritic hands which means i really can only do two characters probably. But i feel bad only rping with just two ppl etc esp if other people hit me up, or if there are other people i WANT to rp with, so i end up not doing it at all because i get overwhelmed and feel like no one will believe me about my shitty hands (which is of course silly but man chronic illness anxiety am i right). Sooooo i need to find a better way to enjoy events and manage my own health!

Finish some of the fairy lore stuff i got in the works lol

Write at least one resolution, or “goal,” that you have as an RPer for your character(s)

These vaguely feel like spoilers but oh well i love spoilers

Berlioz: Find His Daddy. Also groove room stuff.

Hades: Pokevolve his emotional intelligence! Also would like to do more Board things with him actually, esp bc he will have to run for office so: focus on his political aspirations

Merida: Integrate into society! She is doing it more but I really hope her friendships with the knights will let her fully embrace herself again. ALSO ALSO alpha Merida!

Charlie: Greater control over his magic and more confidence in himself. We gettin there bb

Ashleigh: Entangle her further with the knights/Henry and eventually reveal she’s a mara bc i would like that for Henry it will be horrifying for him

Nemo: embrace dance as a career option and therefore overcome the systematic factors that have convinced u that u cant! YOU CAN

Jun: Date. (Horrifying for him. Not his goal.) Also just more hijinks, I love love hijinks, would love business-related hijinks.

Olaf: Get more involved on campus!! More uni plots for him would be great esp when it comes to figuring out if he’ll stay on campus after this year (and also like how this affects his friendship with Sindri)

Atta: QUEEN STUFF. This is first on my list so we’re gonna make you happen. Blow up Atta’s life, really make her deal with that imposter syndrome. Love it.

Pip: Put the mortifying fear of being known into Pip. aka open up about his mum a bit with like, someone. Or just admit that the people he says are his enemies are actually his friends.

Write at least one resolution IN CHARACTER for your characters. What do THEY want to accomplish or change in the New Year?

Note that I love seeing which characters echo my goals and which ones don’t at all. It’s just fun and neat. Probably says something about each one’s emotional self-awareness. (Mostly pointing out how Hades is extremely self-aware i love that for him)

TW: weight

Berlioz: Literally nothing. Sorry he just thinks resolutions are stupid and life is pointless (he is in a state).

Hades: Prepare for his election next year, raise his children well, help Belle in her recovery

Merida: Assist King Arthur. Become a good alpha to Alice specifically (not u lou i mean like she is but she’s like that bitch doesnt need me)

Charlie: Reup his certs! Figure out a specialty!

Ashleigh: Revenge against Romeo, revenge against John Darling + company for destroying her tree

Nemo: Get an apprenticeship this year. Work on Hangul. Lose seven stone. Work on wing sprints. Be better son. Be more responsible and help Appa. Get job again? ...Quit dance?

Jun: something nerdy about increasing the overall revenue or something of the market i dont know im not a business person. Also something nerdy about Animal Crossing, maybe he wants to add a new room to his house. Jun’s goals have nothing to do with himself personally.

Olaf: Get involved in uni! Learn more about his talent and practice it intentionally, including how to control it better so he is not overwhelmed in situations like the nightmare fog.

Atta: Help Dot with her apprenticeship!! Learn more stuff about clumsy culture. Pass her petition about water fountains.

Pip: Grow SSIC followers by 100+; grow Spill engagement by 20%; arrange guest speakers for SSIC and maybe help SSIC write a petition together?; get a solo for the spring concert; get a lead role in the summer musical; read 50 books in a year; drink less coffee (he will fail this last one)

List one or more characters you have never interacted with that you would like to do so

Ferb. Technically I did interact with him but it was just ONE gif chat when he first got here and I would like to do more!! I think he’s great, i love all of Sid’s characters!

Bianca: HOW HAVE I NOT RPED WITH BIANCA! I don’t know but I want to. Maybe Merida and Bianca would be interesting bc of RAS things! (Also I have interacted with Kristoff but I want to do stuff with Kristoff and trolls please message me bee if u want to do troll things...i love. them.)

Rita: In a similar vein, I think Rita/Ber or Rita/Pip might be interesting. Pip totally looks up to Rita and sees her as a role model so i dunno that could be cool.

Rose: Whitman: Kit, we need to have Rose and Merida interact. Fighty ladies. I am sure with the knights this can happen!

Pacifica: Hello Lins, Pacifica and Ashleigh should be Best Friends Of Course. I could also maybe see Pacifica and Jun if Pacifica wants to do some kind of business philanthropy for her image etc. Or Olaf and Pacifica! Sounds like a wild time, that.

Tod: Olaf/Tod would probably be very fun, I love Pixie friendships! Also maybe Ber bc i think Ber knows Tod from way back when maybe?

Edward: Z PLEASE. PLEASE. Pip and Edward bc they are from the same movie and no other reason!! But I will also throw literally anyone at him.

Plotting Exercise! Pick one of the resolutions/goals in #2 and plan a rough guideline to how you could accomplish it. Here’s an example.

ATTA’S ROYAL TALENT AWAKENS

Attendy: Atta goes ice skating with Wendy and has to stop bc of a headache and faints on the ice!!!

@: Directly after attendy, Dot panics about Atta’s health and wants her to come clean. They fight!

Full Moon Event: Atta faints again in front of everyone. MARLIN helps heal her and Dot/Sled confesses to Queen Clarion what’s going on.

Clarion/Atta: Oh Honey You Got A Big Storm Coming

#bdrptask

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