#dont bully me ill kms

[ughkat]

face reveal or whatever

#definitely deleting in like 10 mins #dont bully me ill kms #!!! #if you know me irl no you dont

[yellowyarn]

why dosent the American Psychiatric Association make a version of every criteria in the DSM where it sounds like normal English?? people trying to figure out if they have a condition would rather not spend a week trying to decode your fancy medical talk.

#its because they dont care about people who cant pay for a diagnosis #please APA make self diagnosis easier km begging you #ive been reading ur garbage book for like 2 years now and i still have to look up some words and reread the same sentence lime 8 times #dont bully me for casually reading the dsm im normal i swear #/j its the autism #anti psychiatry #psychology #psych survivor #antipsychiatry #antipsych #anti psych #disability #mental disabilities #nuero punk #mad punk #mental illness #antipsychology #psych critical #self diagnosis #american psychiatric association #please degree ppl stop being mean to us plebs #auti punk #autipunk #ableism #nueropunk #sanism #autism #nuerodivergent #nuerodiversity

[cuctemaco6aku]

do any other systems struggle with severe self-hatred? how do you start liking eachother? im constantly seeing systems being friends with eachother or liking eachother and i really dont. have that experience at all

we're caught in a constant loop of bullying, abusing, and harassing eachother. we dont think eachother truly exist and if we do then we Shouldnt. and like... idk, yeah :0/ i dont see the purpose or reality of systemhood. "they protect me" but not when i need it the most? not from themselves? so what, internal abuse is perfectly acceptable but external abuse is where we draw the line or something? why cant i remember like, any system event that has happened "its a memory loss disorder" i should be able to remember major events actually. if i could before why cant i do it now.

im beginning to think i was just faking it this whole time. i dont know why or how i would do that but it makes way more sense than all of this being real. i dont think its fair that i have to deal with being told to kms daily by 20 or so other people who know me better than they know anyone else (so they must be right about me) it makes more sense that i just have minor memory problems and schizophrenia and it looks like systemhood ??? right??????

the more time goes on the more intolerant we are of eachothers existances and we're getting more hostile. or. i guess i'm just getting hostile towards myself because of self hatred? idk. maybe i shouldnt talk about systemhood in a post about a faker singlet being suicidal the normal amount

i feel like i want my trauma to be over so i can go back to being a normal person and not have to deal with these "people" in my head. theres no way DID is a life long illness i know in my body that it will end once i'm healed and i just want it to be over i want to be alone i hate these people so much and being trapped with them is a never ending nightmare

i dont ever see myself getting to a point where i like them, trust them, tolerate them. i really do hate them and wish they were dead and they really hate me and wish i was dead too. every time i see a post of systems loving eachother it just seems so fake and unreal

i dont want to stop hating them but i want to stop feeling pain about their existance. i guess. or lackof, most likely a lackof. idfk anymore

#i know im a bad person for wanting to hate them but like. have you met us #we are EXTREMELY hateable #we are the eeeeaassiest bullying target #theres a LOT to loathe about us and obviously we see it all #systema sobaky

[borderline-culture-is]

(Long vent that may mot be ordered right or make sense bc im tired rn)

I’m so fucking done with this life tbh. Like from the bottom of my heart. I wish i can kill myself but im too scared. Thats that damn problem though, im still forcing myself to suffer because im a coward, i cant even make ip my mind to end it. I cant get therapy, or any type of medication because my parents dont care enough to notice even tho my symptoms are very bad. and even when i become an adult, id probably not be able to. I have no dreams for the future, i have no money, nothing. ill probably have to live with them for way longer. And im still not going to be able to kms ofc, im going to live very long and THATS THE PROBLEM. I cant fucking tell snyone irl about my mental issues because im too ashamed. In fact, im so fucking embarrassed that i fake a personality everyday to make myself as perfect as possible. Everyone thinks im really nice, kind, and patient. When in fact im really a fucking shitty person who just pretends to be cool and shit. All because im too fucking embarrassed to admit im mentally ill. How could anyone like me for who i actually am?? Hell, I cant even admit im autistic, even though its nothing to be ashamed of. I just know my parents will laugh at me and id rather die than hear it from them

Im at my fucking limits everyday, and im tired all the time even if notbing even happened. I have anxiety attacks weekly for no reason at all, and no one knows. I hate being this good at masking.

I cry in my room all the time, and sometimes i have to force myself to let it out because im so numb. I hate it when im breaking down and my parents are in the kitchen laughing and enjoying themsleves like its just another day.

I feel so apathetic and nihlisitic. I have felt lonely my entire life because i cant relate to anyone. I know people only like the person they see on the surface, not the person i am inside

Ive told many people online about my issues, and i dont know if its not helping much or im too numb to feel any good emotions. But either way, ive realised that it might hurt me too. Im just normalising living this way more because im able to vent to people without actually getting any professional help. And this is just one out of the billions of unhealthy coping mechanisms i have. But i have no other choice. I need to cope somehow because i cant get treatment, and if these mechanisms dont work, i need to try harder and make myself more ill. Its not like i can be fixed anymore, so oh fucking well.

yesterday, my parents confronted me abt how i always looked tired, they asked me if i was being bullied at school. That pissed me off. Why?? Have they ever took the time to realise they maybe theyre the ones causing it?? No, i am not being bullied, and the only reason for that is my good masking skills. Do i need to get bullied to be ill enough? Am i still not bad enough for you to care??

-🌟

.

#borderline culture is #borderline personality disorder #bpd culture is #bpd safe #bpd culture #bpd #actually bpd #actually borderline #tw suicide #cw suicide #tw vent #cw vent #- 🌟

[puppyyboyy]

huge vent under the thingy

.

im really selfish i think, like i dont really do much for people and i dont like to talk to people anymore as much as i used to but i think im just scared of people now. my parents pulled me out of school so i wouldnt be bullied but i think it just made my social anxiety worse

im also really sensitive and cry easily and i dont like that, yesterday i almost started crying because i couldnt find a room number in school (i was there for exams) that was super embarrassing

today is my brothers birthday and he has special needs and i feel bad because he has no friends to celebrate his birthday and my sister left the house to go hangout with her boyfriend so its only my mom, dad and me there for him on his birthday and i feel so bad and im like miserable right now and i woke up really upset because i was almost late for my exam and i definitely failed it because i guessed on almost question and i talked about college today and my plans with my guidance counselor at school and she talked about what im gonna do after highschool and i dont know what i wanna do because i thought i was gonna kms at 11 years old and not have anything else ahead of me and im so lost now and i dont even know what to do anymore

and im crying because i cant stop thinking about all the stuff thats gone wrong in my life and if i did things differently i couldve been happier and a better person

and i feel bad cuz im ignoring literally everyone rn whos texting me and im just sitting on my bedroom floor crying and writing this lmao im literally venting on tumblr💀 how did i get this bad omg. i could use my notes app to vent but i also want someone to read this, like anyone idc who im not even asking for help i just wanna be seen in a way i think

and my head is always full of ideas and thoughts and its hard to do anything because its always racing and i dont like it at all and i cant ever find the right words to get all these thoughts out or draw them out because i make art but irs not good it sucks and i hate my art style and i hate how i cant draw poses right or render correctly it pisses me off

my sister is really good at art, she goes to college for it and is way better then me and my parents are always praising her about her art and i feel like ill never be as good as her with anything, shes an honors student and graduated almost top of her class and president of the art club at her highschool (currently my highschool) and i got pulled into a bunch of shit when i made friends at highschool and they are all older then me and have so much drama and i feel like no matter who im friends with i cant be friends with the other people i wanna be friends with because they have drama together and if im one persons friend then i cant be the other persons friend because then im a bad person and i just hate it so much i hate beiing around people and i hate having to pick sides and i wish i could kms and i wouldnt have to deal with anything anymore

and then with my sister- anything i do or make art of my parents are like "cool!" and move on with their rlife and when my sister does art they post it on their facebook and show other family members and praise her so fucking much. im not saying i want all that but it feels like they dont even care

and i also noticed i get less things at Christmas and on my birthday now ever since i came out as trans to my extended family like my grandparents and uncle and aunt, my sister and brother get a bunch of shit and ill get some books and some other shit i dont even want or asked for but my sister gets money and a bunch of shit she asked for (expensive things) and my brother gets new electronics every fucking year. he got the newest iphone and a ipad and a fucking 3d printer last christmas???? and i got books and a 20$ Michaels gift card? its so unfair i with i was cis and my family would like me more itd not even about the gifts its just in general they got so distant and weird with me i feel so odd when i go to family events

sexual talk here- and i feel really gross a lot of the time cuz im sexual a lot and i wish i wasnt because i always feel gross and idk it makes me feel weird i guess its just hormones and a trauma response from when i was younger but i just feel weird especially when im alone and im being sexual i feel gross after and i dont know why im like this

theres so much on my mind and im just like AGHHHH!!!!!! i wanna cut myself and bleed out everywhere istg (i wont actually cuz im very afraid of physical pain)

#big vent #tw #vent

[gothcade]

ive had questions abt my different self inserts and why i have them so i made le explanation guides (ive never shared anything abt mewt outside of discord so heres his debut ig)

also yes i age regress i dead dont care anymore, i wont ever publicly talk about it outside of this post. bully me for it tho ill kms right in front of you in the most gruesome way imagineable to traumatize you and forever change the trajectory of your life

#self insert #not using fandom tags. #stinksart

[fandomshitposter]

.

#i really wabt to try again and kms again #its triggered so many memories #the bullying #the self image issues #the things brandon said to me as he... #but i wont #it doesnt matter if it hurts me #ill stay for my family #because even thought they dont see me as a boy #i know they care for me #except brandon #i dont want to see him again but its impossible to avoid him

[highrankingdemoness]

Hella unpopular opinon. Trigger warning

Instead of telling people "you can't kill yourself you got so much to live for " actually make a world WORTH living for .

I can say will full on 100% no hesitation that my biggest regret is not kms in 8th grade because so i was convince by the very bullies, classmates, family members that made me feel that way in the first place and they made me feel twice as bad once they took the edge off my first suicide attempt.

Once they got thier token jar of kindness full and in a safe place (aka knowing that my death would not happen and put a damper on thier social plans) they went back to the same behavior of mocking me and taunting.

Them; you mean you didn't kys? Dumb bitch

You: you said dont . You said i had something to live for it

Them: meh you're still a dumb ugly bitch and you wasted everyone time to but yeah i guess i guess there is something- oh look theyre gonna cry!

12 years later I don't tell people about my feelings; panic attacks at 2am, wringing a covers so tight I could i could feel the pain in my palm for the entirety of the day after not sleeping the whole night, tying my wrist in the sleeves of my sweaters so I wouldnt cut,10 pages essays where i write how digusting i am and hopes when I finally get down back spacing everything in hope ill disappear from existence with last letter,images of being brutality assaulted as mental relaxers because "Tomorrow could be the day i get murdered ♡♡♡. And if i do make the mistake of talking about at this with someone ill remind myself ive wasted someone time as i did in 8th grade.

This is not anti recovery post and this is not on one of those the post that convince you or important or those "what heartless soul would ignore this post" because someone needs that posts and I refuse to dim the message for the intended target or shit on the ops good intentions.

What I am asking....is for a different perspective. Listen I appreciate you caring about strangers committing suicide. Butthe idea of having some thing to live for, people who love them is not the problem usually - the problem is the soceity.

Yes, telling some people that "someone cares about you. There something waiting for you. The world BETTER with you. " is amazing and youre sincerly doing a great job amazing job but for those of us -

Who are surrounded by love ones, a good Job and still look forward to the day we can "just let go". Those of us whose been running on autopilot for 10 years are convince we dont have anything because...the world has only gotten.

Yes we've been told selfish,heartless but we are the people who youre talking about when you say "how could anyone pass this post". So all I ask is you ;

-Learn how to talk to those with depression or and suicide because learning more makes it easier to communicate

- stop telling me I have something or someone to live for . Apathy is a hell of a thing and most of the time those ideology will be greeted with indifference. Instead offer complete and utter unjudging support. Indifference can only be fought with vulnerability imo

-be a little kinder. It has immediately effects. Not pity but kindness. Sympathize with the person who just said they had a bad day. They go to buy thier food pay for it and walk off . Carry a packet of tissue and give them to a stranger you see in distress expect them to throw them back at you because of pride but know if they keep them that moment worth more than gold. Offer to hold an umbrella over someone head knowing they might be a creep or knowing you just became the silver lining of the days. Alot of times your kindness will be taken for granted will be used by distasteful people and you have every right to used it at whim. Kindness is a expensive currency. But kindness is the seeds imo to a world where things like suicide eventually become non existent or at least happen alot less likely

You keep saying "stay alive you have things to live for " but some of us,we "just need things to keep us alive " and thats the difference . Thank you for reading.