#does any of this even make sense im just throwing words on a screen rn cause fucking damn it the half fox/salmon dude makes me emotional

[embers-archive]

*banging the walls*

C!FUNY WAS JUST A KID MAN

He was just a kid following his dad's footsteps cause thats his dad !! That's his hero !!! Why wouldn't he trust him?

He laid down his life, gave up his childhood to be a soldier all for his dad and for his nation only to be constantly forgot by said father. Pushed to the side for 'more important things'. ONLY. Only to then watch as his dad who he trusted he trusted him so much why why why why destroyed himself and the nation they built- the nation that fundy gave up his CHILDHOOD for.

He loved so deeply, cared so much, gave away loyalty so freely only to be abandoned by everyone. He deserved so much better do you hear me crying

#dream smp #fundy #ember says the thing #does any of this even make sense im just throwing words on a screen rn cause fucking damn it the half fox/salmon dude makes me emotional

[tslasvegas]

Episode 4: “I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty.” - Keegan

Dan and JAKE! A WORD IN MY OFFICE PLEASE! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS.

Wow! Today was A Day to say the least. I feel like boo boo the fool with how things went down today, but hopefully, I can recover from that now that there’s a new tribe. I’m excited to get to know new people, but sad to see my old alliances have to come to an end. I guess we’ll see what happens

Finally a swap and golly 5 OG Palazzo! I really hope this works in our favor. Kinda nervous for Joey and Stephanie tho because now they are in the minority of their tribe. I do hope they’ll find a way to survive till merge

LMFAO IM... watching the tribal council for the other tribe and I'm SORRY??? Who the fuck is Jake S he is the most condescending man I've ever seen in my entire life YIKES. Anyways this swap is nice.. I think I've got a good group, I really hope we win the next few immunities because I 1) really dont want to see Rachael on this tribe and 2) i want to try and rebuild my um. tattered relationships. I did the best I could in the challenge for tonight, I'll try to come back tomorrow a little more renewed cus I'm kinda wiped out from today's events. Now that my tribal council cherry has been popped for this Org its time to go crazy woop

So good not to check Luxor anymore! 

Well last tribal went fine, I got to see what was in the Prize Vault which is awesome; now I have a better idea of the twist. Big problem though- Our swap put me in the minority. I was running Luxor and had a core 4, now they have 5 OG Pink so they can pluck us off, one at a time. I went from drivers seat to getting driven over. We need to win the challenge, so I'm gonna go ham in winterbells and hope to pull it out.

We swapped! I think I made a confessional already, but honestly I don't remember. I gave Livingston some of my chips so he can go visit the vault after the immunity challenge. We'll see what is in there and for how much, and maybe snatch up some real nice items to help us out. I've also got Andrew on my side, which is great and he's apparently quite tight with Pat, which is fantastic. Mo is a pretty decent dude and I've been talking with Jake a lot today. Things are going alright. I just hope we can win this challenge. 

Phew, while the swap was not ideal. I was really liking my tribe, we were kind of quiet but individually everyone was great and we also kicked butt at challenges! Anyway, the swap with numbers wise not great, but I know Xavi from a previous game and we have a solid relationship, I hope he and John and Joey and myself can build a solid squad to make it to the merge. The challenge was rough tbh, I am not great at video games, but I think I did ok... Jaiden got like 20 trillion points on a game so really I have no idea how I did. Hoping for the best!

I am losing my mind in my personal life so I am sorry that I have been mia. I appreciate the patience from the hosts and my tribe. It makes me still want to play even though I've been kinda invisible. I'm aware of that. I'll fix it. I promise. Otherwise, its been pretty good as a tribe so far. Andrew, Pat, and NIk and i are all really close from other games, so we're good and Andrew and Pat and I are together, which is just really unfair if you ask me. I can't wait to start scheming!

Uhhhhhh.................................... anyways........ yall hear somethin? Oh I hear something. It's the sound of Joey literally blowing himself up to me hardcore!!!! The narcissism and arrogance really jumped out on this one. So Joey had the idea of calling tonight to go over some stuff and honestly out of the 2 hours we spent, I think about 45-60 mins of it was rather nice and I do feel that I enjoy his presence, but omg... his desire for control is so noticeable and its kinda gross. Joey and I debriefed on what went down on Bellagio and I totally understand why there was the difference in us discussing tribe dynamics - I had to give up all my info while he kinda kept things more reserved. I want to assume this is because of the fact that I went to tribal and he hasn't until now. I won't judge him for that. However, after this he's kinda like dictating the fact that an OG Bellagio needs to go home. Ben is the easier person to throw under the bus since he didn't even bother to do the challenge/let us know what's up. Not a big fan of that, but aight. Then Joey starts suggesting we vote out Kailyn...?? Uh... not on my watch. I have to make it up to Kailyn at least a little bit so even though she's probably got a loaded gun pointed at my head rn, I want to defuse the situation rather than start throwing her out there as a potential target. Even if it isn't coming from me, I'm not here for that. The information that Joey did give up to me relates to the chips in the game. I've never paid much attention to the chips, but I guess it takes 10 to get into the vault and Joey's got between 11 and 15 (he changed his answer on the subject SEVERAL times). He says there are three idols worth 40 chips each, then a super idol worth I think 50 or 60 (can't remember). On top of that, there are nullifiers, vote advantages, and a legacy advantage, too. He seems fixated on the legacy advantage and really wants the chips to get it. Like.. ok do you but we NEED the super idol?? Does he not realize that thing has more power than anything else in the vault combined..? ANYWAYS. What really started to turn me off about Joey is that there was this sudden expectation that I'd be giving him all of my chips thus far. I don't care about them to begin with but knowing what I know now, it doesn't make sense for me to give him my stash just to fuel his hunt for... a measly legacy advantage... I put myself in a compromising position. I told him that once a host gets back to me on my exact total, I'd be willing to trade him my chips for I guess an allyship going forward. I mean that. I want to work with Joey at least through this vote, but I can't guarantee that it'll go much further than that. He is a very risky person for my game right now because if he's coming off this strong to everybody, it's only going to hurt me by association to stick with him longer than a vote or two. However, I'm going to try and divert the attention and just be like, maybe we need to use my five as a bartering piece for new allies at this point. I want to try and build meaningful partnerships right now, especially since that was the only reason I wanted to make it to the merge.. Rebuilding is crucial as well. Kailyn and possibly Nik/Rachael are not going to be fond of me once we all have "the talk" about last tribal. I put myself in an even more compromising position with them, but I'll find my way out of that mess. I think........ As far as this tribe goes, I think between Joey's WILD imagination/constant over-analyzing and the lack of direction this tribe has taken so far.. I'm doing okay. Nobody is really standing out besides Joey and I guess myself in a way, so if I keep him around it MIGHT even shrink my own target little by little - unless people find out we're together then FUK. 

......five seconds later

In terms of my other relationships right now, I love John Coffey but this is old news, I've been in love with this man since like 2016 and it's fine - totally fine - just fangirling a bit rn since I get to spend more time with him!! woohoo. Xavier and Stephanie are straight up non-entities which makes me SO scared of them especially since Stephanie's won an ORG before... how can someone be so irrelevant yet still win something? Hmm... Makes me think that she's secretly a ninja, you never even see her around. Nik has grown more and more quiet as the days go along and I wonder what's goin' on with that. Maybe they've decided since Biden won the election that moving to New Zealand is a bad idea? Lmfao. I dunno. Nik stresses me the hell out because I have no idea what they're thinking at any point in time even in the off-chance that we are talking. I think I might just have a personality they don't mesh with because I noticed on call forever ago that none of my jokes were particularly landing but Nik had a lot to say and a LOT to joke about there... rip. If it's a personality conflict - go off, I guess. I'll try on a couple different hats w this person to try and see if I can get things to go better than they have been. Kailyn.. like I said before, pretty sure she's after me but I am really trying to sell it to her that I like her a lot, because I do. I literally compare her to my best friend irl because they have very similar attributes and I consider Kailyn kinda messy but fun and quirky like my BFF so I hope that Kailyn did truly appreciate me making that comparison. Ben's inability to do this challenge is going to be his undoing. I think the only acceptable move is to vote him off this time because I HAVE to prove to Kailyn that I can stay the course, and I also need to whittle down Bellagio numbers to prevent people from targeting us and having everything go to shit that way. Let Joey control this, please dear god. Don't let me get blood on my hands. Let Rachael integrate herself well on this tribe. Let someone else blow themselves up in the process. Just not me plz and thanks. There is no fear in my soul tonight. Joey might be a fucking crackhead but so am I. I'm breaking down walls that I didn't think existed but Joey basically told me tonight that he thought I was confrontational, rude, chaotic, and all these other things but was impressed at how calm, optimistic, and outgoing I was. Love to hear it. He might think he overestimated me but he was right about the initial impressions... too bad he won't be around long enough to see that side of me :~) 

FIRSTLY, DeNara was robbed. Okay so I already wrote this a while ago in my host chat about how the fact jake and dan are praying for my downfall because after the swap i am the only og bellagio on a tribe with 5 palazzo and 2 luxor. so after I slowly blinked at my screen for a bit I was like okay how do we survive this if I go to tribal. Because I’m under the impression tribes are gonna stick together especially going into merge but since Luxor is already down so many members it’s kinda Bellagio Vs. Palazzo. but then I was like okay wait I’m the only member of bellagio on this tribe after coming from a tribal so I’m the only one who can say what happened and I can create what narrative I want to help me get through the next couple rounds. Because if I was like oh blah blah I was in majority im so fucked then of course they’re gonna target me to get me out. But if I play the victim card and milk the fact that I voted in the minority acting like I hate my og tribe maybe they’ll think to use me as a pawn. To take down others moving forward. Listen if I have to be labeled a goat to move forward then BAA bitch.

.....five seconds later

Things are going good, because not only am no longer in danger this round but that means Rachael is going to the enemy tribe which if she came to our tribe that might’ve disrupted the narrative I had going of me being against og bellagio. Also DeNara should still be here, don’t think I didn’t clock the fact that Ben scored a 0. I also found out from Andrew that Rachael and Ben are apart of the same Tengaged group which explains why Rachael was so set on Ben staying but like, listen, if I end up in a game with someone I’m friends with, and they’re not active and helping the tribe. Good riddance.

What the. We lost yet again. I have lost everything since the start of the game. It's crazy. There are 4 from Bellagio, 2 Palazzo and 2 Luxor. 2+2 seems like an obvious plan, but it looks like it is falling apart already (read: Joey). Sucks to be across the world, so instead of scheming, I'll be sleeping.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. is the same as I'm sorry Daddy, I've been very naughty. 

The swap did happen. Expected it. Glad we won this first challenge in this new tribe tho in worried for Stephanie and Joey

Vault Shenanigans - Holy shit I did not expect this to be as powerful as it is. I was preparing myself for some sort of payment based search system, but being able to straight up buy the items I want, but its also the same for other people. I had a misconception at how generous the wheel was so I'm probably behind some people with the amount of chips, but I could very well start scooping up some of the steal votes and just say "see ya" to the idols, although getting a super idol would be very wild, it still seems risky to hold out that long to get it, even though there's a great amount of power associated with it. The other issue with a super idol is that I think that its very likely that if I get into a position where I need to use it, that I lose a lot of respect with the jury if it does happen. The only benefit from actually having it would be that I no longer have to worry about someone else whipping it out, so it'd be less for me wanting it, but more for others not having it. As of now, I think my optimal play is to hold on to my chips until around ~40, and then buy both vote steals at once, OR go all out for the super if someone has already bought an idol by that point, because I would be operating under the assumption that the frontrunner is already out of the running. Tribe Swap Shenanigans - This is a hell of a tribe swap. 5-2-1 is always a great spot to be in, I am already good within the 5 that I have so I don't have to worry about anything there, it should be relatively smooth sailing as far as getting to the merge. Mo/Jake are alright so far, neither particularly speak too much. Kevin has not reached out at all, probably will try to talk to him tonight for general purposes, even if he seems like he'd be an easy one to get out first should we go to tribal the next time. But generally I really don't plan on losing so it's kind of a wash. I'll take the smooth sailing, easy path to merge. Premerge is never as relevant as merge is when it comes to FTC as long as you have something to show for yourself at the merge. I've got all game to make my presence known, and I plan on using the entirety of the game to do so.

I feel super anxious today because even though I had a great conversation and built a good connection to Joey, there hasn't been any talk about the vote quite yet. I mean obviously names have rolled out but nothing solid is out there still, I think I just need to let go of the urgency for a name to start being spread early on and just let things be. Stephanie and I have been chatting a bit here and there today so I feel more comfortable with her and hopefully she sees things from a similar perspective as everyone else - the Bellagio foursome needs to get broken up right now. As long as it's not my name of course!!!!! Plz vote Ben @everyone. Or Kailyn tbh save me a little bit of trouble now. Talking to Xavier is SO HARD LMAO. He doesn't immediately contribute information into a conversation and as bad as I wanna get rid of Ben, I almost..almost think going for Xavier is the smarter move, since Xavier doesn't seem too motivated to actually get to know ME and work with me. I'm selfish that way. Kailyn doesn't seem like she wants to do Ben which is a little frustrating but I totally get it, if Ben stays he's going to go after her hardcore but like she needs to actually pitch me an alternative lmfao. I don't wanna go bending over backwards just to appease her right now so if she doesn't gimme a name.. sorry sis but then I think it's gonna be Joey's call on this one :/

I am being very cautious now. The 4 of us (me, John, Joey and Steph) are going to vote together. Now Jaiden wants to vote Nik. And Kailyn wants to vote Ben. Why can't we just agree on one?! And it always has to go down to the wire. Stick together, people!

I think I am possibly leading the charge against Nik rn?? Joey told me he wanted Ben and then I told him I wanted Nik and now he wants Nik LOL take that Stephen 

Okay well I have no idea what's going to happen tonight, but I'm going into tribal not afraid of the vote I am probably going to have to make ... I think the best move is to just vote for Nik and be done with it, but it's going to cause a serious rift in a lot of my relationships if I do so. I've been super wishy-washy to a lot of people I think and right now it doesn't make sense to continuously do one thing when I mean another.. especially since there seems to be zero ground to move upon when it comes to getting the vote to turn from Nik to Ben. Nik doesn't even SEEM ACTIVE?? Why are we making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. Ben can't just walk around deciding what's going on and I think Kailyn would prefer to keep Nik around rather than Ben but it's like... so push for Ben to be the target hun! She's feeding into someone else's move no matter what she does, it's either Ben's agenda or John's agenda. Pick a side, but pick the side I'm on, too. Why don't we just vote for Kailyn tbh. lmao

[jiminshoney]

Where You Belong (Part 3)

Word Count: 10,773

Warnings: language, cheating, brief mentions of black mirror’s black museum episode (spoiler ig if you haven't seen it?), a cliffhanger, and angst but you knew that

[ tumblrs a jack*ss and links are broken, pls check my blog to catch up on the first three parts ]

Your body betrays you by waking you up agonizingly early, before your alarm has rung and before the sun has even had a chance to rise. The glaring numbers on your phone reveal that it’s barely 5 AM. You groan into the cushions beneath you, frustrated because you have to be at work in three hours and you were just robbed of a potentially meaningful last hour of sleep.

Opening a single eye to look back at the device’s bright screen, you can’t ignore the top notifications which continue to blink and beg for your attention. 15 missed calls and a somewhat impressive 28 unread texts all from Jungkook. It’s more than he sent in the month alone.

Your first thought is to ignore them, you want to ignore him, it’s too early to even think about processing what he has to say or replaying last night’s events. A sharp pain spreads through your chest, stretching until it meets your rib cage where there lies an almost forgotten void. There’s always those few seconds the morning after something terrible has happened, a moment of ignorant bliss, until your mind and heart remember and everything hurts again. The ache reminds you why last night went the way it did.

You don’t know that you can handle whatever he has to say, though you are curious...

Curious if someone who’s still in love and terrified of losing their girlfriend sends 28 texts and calls 15 times. Is that what it meant? Was he scared, desperate, remorseful? Or did he only offer a pathetic apology in twenty-something streams of the word sorry?

Driven by curiosity, you press a thumb to unlock your phone and open all the unread messages from last night.

From: jungkook♥ [5:19 PM]

Y/N

Can we please talk about this?

can you jus t come back please??

From: jungkook♥ [5:21 PM]

hello?

Y/N please answer

From: jungkook♥ [5:22 PM]

please pplease please

From: jungkook♥ [5:27 PM]

Where did you go

????

Im outside just tell me where you are

From: jungkook♥ [5:30 PM]

If not can tou answer?

Please answer the phone

From: jungkook♥ [5:32 PM]

fuck

Hello? Where did you go

Tell me where you are

From: jungkook♥ [5:33 PM]

Its fine if you decide to hate me for the rest of your life btu let me talk to yo about this first

Just give me a chance to explain everything

I mean there is no excuse but i wanna talk about this

From: jungkook♥ [5:35 PM]

pick up!!

From: jungkook♥ [5:37 PM]

I am begging you rn justsay something

Im outside, Please?

From: jungkook♥ [5:40 PM]

If its too soon i get it just  let me see you for a second

If its too soon just tell me

but atleast tell m where you are?

From: jungkook♥ [5:45 PM]

Do you want the apartment? I’ll leave nd get a hotel

From: jungkook♥ [5:50 PM]

???

ffs just let me know you’re safe ok?

Please thats it

From: jungkook♥ [9:36 PM]

I love you y/n. Whenever you see this, you don’t have to call me back jus let me know that you’re somewhere safe alright?

  “You love me? Right.” After a click of your tongue you chuck the phone back onto the table. Out of sight, out of mind, you think with a throw of the blanket over your head.

His messages didn’t offer any relief, all they’ve done is overwhelm and mildly irritate you because he acts as if you at least owe him the status of your location and quite frankly- you don’t owe him shit.

How dare he act worried about you and have the nerve to type out that disingenuous four-letter word like- I know you just found out my coworker sucked my dick but goodnight, love you. The audacity! Why should you have to tell him where you ran off to when he cheated on you and hid it for a week? Oh so well, as one may add, because there hadn’t been a sliver of suspicion. Had Taehyung not even been a factor, would he have ever told you? It’s unlikely and no one will ever know. It’s possible that he may have after much much time had passed, so maybe you’ll possibly tell him that you are in the safe confines of someone-who-actually-loves-you’s home… after much much time, of course.

All of this quickly reminds you that you don’t have any of your things. Your hygiene products, clean work clothes, fresh underwear, makeup, etc. You didn’t even have your purse after abruptly leaving your apartment.

A frustrated groan escapes you because now you must figure out how you’ll properly get ready for work the way you normally do. The last thing you wanted was to go back and run into Jungkook. Some days he left bright and early at 5:30 AM and you can take your chances and hope it’s one of those mornings, but it could just as likely be a day he’s decided to sleep in until 8. His app is finished so he shouldn’t have any standing reason to go in early, if not for the fact that he missed nearly a week of work, so he may. The odds were 50/50, it’s better to not risk it.

There’s also the option to call out of work, to stay in and sulk until an hour that he absolutely couldn’t be home, pack all your things and run away to a small town where nobody knows you until things get better. While tempting, you’re realistic and know that you cannot just uproot your life because you’re sad. The mere thought of having to go out and put on a brave face in front of the world today while you felt broken inside was tiring in itself, but sulking seemed exhausting. It wouldn’t make you feel any better, so you might as well go on like it’s any other work day. You could just shower here, pull your hair in a bun, stop at a Target for clothes and other necessities on the way and everything would be fine. At least you’d be able to busy your mind with something other than the fact the love of your life shit on a three year relationship for another woman no less.

-----

Around 9 AM, your work phone rings loudly against the desk. It sends your heart racing into a frenzy because the only person who ever called was your boss, and she only called for impromptu staff meetings or more specifically- to fire someone.

“Y/N~” To your surprise, the lobby receptionist’s voice sings at your pickup.

“Hyerin, good morning!” You smile, thankful that you aren’t losing your job too.

“You have a guest down here waiting for you.”

“What..?”

Your poor heart doesn’t get a chance to relax, there was only person who came to visit you at work. A person who shouldn't be visiting you right now.

“Mhmm! He brought you coffee~!”

“He?” Your jaw clenches, there could be no way. Jungkook could not be ridiculous enough to show up to your job first thing in the morning. He specifically said he understood if it was too soon for you! Why is he doing this?  “I-- tell him I’m not in today!”

“He would know I’m lying!” Her hushed voice scratches against the receiver, tickling your eardrums uncomfortably.

“Then tell him I’m busy.”

“But he’s being so patient,” She says, her once melodious voice becoming sympathetic. “Shall I have him wait a few minutes?”

“Just tell him I don’t wanna see him, okay?”

“Oh but Y/N! I said he brought you coffee! Don’t be impolite and just come down, okay?”

Her end briefly goes silent before the endless dial tone beeps to indicate she’s hung up before you could utter another excuse. You mentally curse her because her greatest quality is that she’s the kindest person on earth, but her worst quality is that she’s the kindest person on earth and can’t tell unwanted guests to go away. In her defense, she doesn’t know that your boyfriend has been unloyal and you have a very valid reason for not wanting to see him.

On the way downstairs you are fully prepared to pour coffee over Jungkook’s head and curse him out for showing up to your place of work uninvited under the current circumstances. It’s disrespectful and he’s crossing a line by being here, you couldn’t wait to send him on his way. He couldn’t force you to talk if you didn’t want to. Though, that reaction would surely cause a scene. You will instead kindly let him know he’s being unprofessional and ask him to leave.

You practice the words again and again, it’s a must in order to not break the moment you face him. After all, the last time you saw him you were a bawling mess with mascara smearing on your fingertips and telling him you hated him while feeling like you might pass out. You couldn’t be the weak one this time.

Walking down the hall from the elevator your heart is still racing but you feel a sense of confidence even if it’s mild and fake, you’re just ready to get it over with. He’s leaning up against the front desk, distracted in a conversation with Hyerin as you approach. Heart thumping, the back of his head becomes clearer, strands of ash brown hair…

Your feet freeze against the marble flooring, “Taehyung?”

He swiftly turns at the sound of your voice, shoulders visibly relaxing when his eyes land on you. “Hey!” He pauses to turn, grabbing two concealed drinks off the edge of the reception desk, and closing the gap as he walks to you. “You left without saying anything.”

You should feel relieved but your mind and body hadn’t aligned, heart still shaken up over thinking he would be someone else. “Y-yea… I’m sorry. I left you a note, it was really early.”

“Oh! My fault, I didn’t see it. I came to make sure you’re okay.” He quirks a brow, letting you know his statement is indeed a question.

Not well given everything that’s happened, but that’s obvious. It wasn’t lunch time yet so it was possible in a few hours you’d be ready to slam your head into a wall but you’ve survived so far.

“I’m fine, Tae.”

His lips fall to an exaggerated frown, he is unconvinced and unimpressed by your attempt to not even sound dry. “How are you really, Y/N?”

You sigh, he would not be Taehyung if he didn’t at least try to get more from you. “Well… I’ve already cried once at my cubicle, I’m wearing $3 concealer that does nothing for the bags under my eyes, I have a minor headache and I just nearly had a heart attack because I thought you were Jungkook but other than that I’m okay, really.”

“You cried?”

You open your mouth to speak but get caught on an answer. Maybe you shouldn’t have slipped that part out not only because it’s embarrassing but now he’d just worry more than you knew he was. But it’s too late and the confession was made.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Doesn’t matter.”

A month or so after Jungkook you’d also gotten a job, specifically the one you had now. Like Jungkook it wasn’t at all what you wanted to do. The first few weeks after graduating were hard, all of the places you really wanted to work just weren’t calling back or would immediately send the dreaded thanks but no thanks email. Your mom had forced you to stop being so nit picky and apply wherever you could, passively sending you links to job openings she would spot online herself. Eventually you scored a job in the corporate world- lucky enough to make a decent amount of money, get home early, and not work weekends. Not so fortunately, you were stuck in some boring entry-level position in a finance department. It was the last thing on earth you wanted to be doing but you’d felt obligated to take it because up until that point your parents were helping with rent and other money related responsibilities.

The only person who really knew how you felt back then was Jungkook. At first you claimed it was different, like you’d said to him then, at least he was doing something related to his dream career. But no, really, he got it. He understood the fear you had of not being able to move away from this, the weight of life’s responsibilities, the overwhelming desire to just do what the hell you were passionate about, he knew it all too well.

On your first day of work he printed one of the hundred-something selfies you two had taken on graduation day and bought a frame for you to prop on your desk. He’d told you not to peak and to assemble it once you got to work, obviously you didn’t and couldn’t resist temptation, and the surprise was a short note he wrote on the back.

Baby, Congrats !!!

I know you’re not excited but I will be excited for you because I’m really proud of you still. You always remind me that bad days are temporary when I complain about work, ha ha, I want to remind you that too. I know nothing is perfect right now, a lot of things suck, but you still have me. I look forward to the future because I still have you. We may not have our dream jobs but we have each other so hopefully we can live our dream life soon. Just hang in there!

I love you more than anything  - Jungkook

You couldn’t stop grinning the first time you’d read it. It was hard to find the words to say to him, hard to express your gratitude and how thankful you were you had him, you could only text him and say I love you so very much and that was enough for him.

Seeing that photo of your younger selves first thing in the morning was aggravating to say the least. You’d immediately slammed the frame down, picking at the back to take the pieces apart, intentions to tear the picture in half. But when you yanked it free from the slot and blue ink came to vision, you paused and read what he’d written less than a year ago. Tears were brimming before you realized. You didn’t have the guts to rip up the picture then, instead you shoved it in one of your drawers to be forgotten until you stumble upon it another day.

Taehyung looks at you worriedly, and it’s the same look he gave you yesterday before he turned your world upside down. A look you can now identify as the I-have-bad-news look.

“I saw Jungkook on my way here.”

“Okay?”

“He asked me if I’d heard from you.”

“Oh God... Taehyung please don’t tell me you told him I spent the night at your place.”

“I told him.”

“Why!? Why would you do that!?”

Hyerin’s only a few feet behind him, so as her head turns and her prying gaze briefly catches your eyes you glance around the two of you quickly, checking that no one else heard your brief outburst.

“I- I didn’t realize- I don’t know? I’m sorry?”

Taking a deep breath in you close your eyes to calm yourself. You don’t mean to yell at him, he hasn’t done anything wrong or gone against verbalized wishes. You know this. You’re just on edge, emotional, and you didn’t want Jungkook to know where you were.

“Is it because it’s me? You didn’t want him to know you were with me?” He asks.

“What? Taehyung, oh my God, no! It’s not about you.” You try not to raise your voice anymore, though you were sure you were probably scowling at him, annoyed with his assumptions.

“Forget I asked.” He’s good at keeping his voice level, manages to not react after you, but you can tell he’s just as annoyed with you when a muscle tenses in his jaw. “Which one do you want?”

He raises the two drinks in his hands, one’s holding a clear plastic cup with dark liquid chilled over ice, and in the other he has a large paper cup, presumably the same dark liquid but hot. It’s a harsh reminder that you’re being snappy with the wrong person. No matter how irritable you were, he didn’t deserve the back end of it. All he did was give to you, even now when you keep being rude to him.

“Tae, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s okay.”

“No, I’m sorry. I just got upset because… I’m not ready to talk to Jungkook and I don’t want him knowing where I am.”

“If you’re worried he’s gonna pop up on you, I don’t think it’s like that. He seemed really worried and I think he wanted to know you’re safe.”

Yeah, you think, that’s exactly what he said.

You finally take the hot coffee from his hand, finding a way to divert the conversation away from Jungkook.

“Thank you for this.”

“Of course. I have to leave soon. I’m shooting this guy for his acting portfolio. Then my friend is working a fashion shoot afterwards and invited me to help so I’m not sure when I’ll be done. I wanted to give you this.” With his free hand he reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a shiny gold key. “Just got it copied.”

He smiles widely, giggling as you hesitantly take the key into your own hand. You don’t know why he’s gushing about this but it has butterflies floating in your stomach.

“Is this to your apartment?”

“Where else? I mean- this isn’t me asking you to be my roommate but... I wanted you to have somewhere to go even if I’m not home.”

“Tae! You didn’t need to go copy a whole key I- I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything.”

-----

Taehyung’s apartment is empty when you get there after work, and while it’s not surprising because he did say he had work you still feel disappointed. Leaving work you were eager to get some alone time, but not like this.

All your coworkers actually showed up today, and being that it was the day after New Year’s, everyone wanted to talk about how great their New Year went. The universe was making a mock out of you, you were sure of it. A few of the girls priorly knew about your plans with Jungkook and had hopeful heart eyes as they asked about the cruise, and while the actual night was fine, yesterday was not something you even wanted to think about.

You’d always find a way out, excusing yourself to go make copies or apologizing because “I really need to finish writing this report.” Your sweet coworkers, they understood. Saying, “Right, I need to respond to a few emails” before running back to their own cubicles and leaving you alone. That is until a new question popped in their mind that’d have them strolling back over.

You were the only woman in your office with a standing long-term relationship, they all loved to live vicariously through you while struggling with their own love lives. You knew you’d break their hearts when you’d finally have to tell them the truth. At least for today, you omitted that bit of the story. Not only for their sake, but also for yours. It’s embarrassing to say the least.

You’re not sure yet what it says about you to be someone who got cheated on. Will people wonder what you did to push him that far? Will they pity you? Will they figure you must be a bad girlfriend and did something wrong?

Did you do something wrong?

Making your way to the kitchen you decide to scavenge Taehyung’s fridge for something to eat. Your stomach started grumbling a few hours ago after you made the silly choice of skipping lunch. Looking back, you’re not sure why you did because the persistent headache you’ve had since morning is likely due to the fact that you haven’t ate anything. Unfortunately for you and your pain his fridge is empty of anything edible, only stocked with a carton of milk, a pack of bottled water and a single bottle of wine.

“How do men survive like this?” You mutter, deciding to at least continue to hydrate your organs if you couldn’t feed them. You slump onto a chair at his small dining table thinking, Jungkook’s fridge would also look like that if it weren’t for me.

Across from you, his shiny macbook seems to wave hello, and beyond that you notice his camera bag is on the chair. If his camera is here then he can’t be at a photo shoot right now. Unless his friend told him not to bring it, then again why would you tell a photographer not to bring their camera? It’s possible he’s already been home, but you haven’t a clue where he’d be now.

The laptop shimmers in the light, begging for your attention once more, quietly reminding you about the interesting contents it holds.

“I know.” You grumble aloud. More to yourself because you are aware it’s an inanimate object that can’t actually communicate and it’s your own conscious taunting you. Yes, the pictures, I know.

The tempting voice asks if you’re even a little bit curious, if there’s a small part of you that wants to know what Taehyung saw in Jungkook that night? How he knew it before you, how he knows when he doesn’t even really know. It’s in the pictures like he’d said, and you could easily pass your fingertips over the smooth surface, you could open the lid, you could see for yourself.

But wouldn’t that be an invasion of privacy? Snooping through his laptop while he’s not even here just to see the way Jungkook interacts with some girl feels selfish and wrong. He probably has a lock on there anyway.

Oh but dear, the laptop says, he wanted you to see them after all! You could look through his camera, they might still be there. Taehyung wouldn’t mind at all! You should check!

It’s tempting, you think back, but I don’t know…

Don’t you wanna see the face of the woman who he found room in his heart for?

The words are way too personal, a blatant throw back of Jungkook’s confession. Another reminder that you definitely aren’t talking to a laptop and this is just conflicting dialogue in your own head.

Maybe there is a part of you that wants to know. It’ll probably hurt but you won’t stop wondering if you never look. Even just once.

You move from one seat to the other, placing his bag onto the table carefully. You’re gentle as you pull the Canon from it’s compartment, the weight of it shifting into both palms reminds you that if you do anything wrong your friend just might kill you because this baby costs (literal) thousands.

Thankfully, as the camera comes to life his, presumably, last photo taken appears on the small square screen which means you don’t have to press a million buttons just to find what you’re looking for. You scroll through the first photos, dozens of group shots of people wearing different hot pink garments, wondering briefly what the photo shoot was for. Eventually you land on close up photos of a younger guy, the head shots for Taehyung’s friend, you’re close. Until finally, there’s a photo of an older man and woman holding two thumbs up, the festive backdrop giving away they’re at a holiday party.

This is it.

You take a moment before continuing to scroll, preparing yourself mentally because you aren’t sure when you will finally land on a picture of the two in search, but you will reach them and when you do, you must contain your emotions.

It’s fine, it’ll be fine.

Moving on, you’re slower this time, carefully scanning each passing photo to be sure not to miss Jungkook. The first few ones, or rather last several, are group shots with the same old man as before, until they become more candid.

The first time you spot him, he’s in the background giving some guy a hug.

There’s another photo of him at a table, not alone, but not speaking to anyone. He’s completely unaware that he’s being captured in the background which makes his oblivious doe-like daze a little adorable. He’s so cute, you think. Also oblivious to the smile that’s perked on your lips.

That is until you skip to the next photo and noticeably feel it drop when you finally see her. Somehow, you just know. There’s a second woman in the photo who seems to be talking with her hands, Lia’s smiling and making eye contact, but Jungkook’s eyes are on Lia.

You pass it, moving onto something else. There’s another. This time, they’re the focus of the photo, sitting at a table with another you haven’t met, all engaged in laughter.

You skip a few more, until the next one with them is again in the background. He’s smirking but you can’t see her face because she’s sat at an angle and her hair’s in the way.

The next photo is captured from behind, but you know it’s them because of her red dress and the fact you can recognize Jungkook from any angle by now. One arm around his shoulder and her head leaning into him, what warranted her to come this close?

You pass many, many more photos until you see them again. A posed picture, with the same guy from the laughing one, and like this you can really get a good look at her. You’re not too prideful to admit that she is beautiful and she holds an enticing look in her eyes. Maybe that’s her special feature, but other than that what’s special about her? Past the pretty face and perfect smile, what separates her from you? What was there under her surface? How’d she win over Jungkook?

The next pictures you go through are mostly boring, just photos of everyone at the party eating and conversing. But there’s one common factor in all of them with Lia and Jungkook, he was always looking at her. Most of the time smiling while he did so. And most of that time, she was looking at him too.

There’s something obvious there, that maybe Taehyung also saw, they have a connection. That, even if you hadn’t known him, you would think they had something going on too with all the ridiculous googly eyes. But with that, because you know him, there’s something else you see- That he is absolutely fascinated by her, drawn to her, intrigued. Whatever special thing she possessed, he’s latched onto it and it’s pulled him away from you.

Tears begin to well and you have to set the camera down to wipe them away harshly. It’s annoying, this marks the third time today, and if you let yourself cry now it’ll only worsen your headache into a migraine. You don’t want to cry over him, he doesn’t deserve it. Crying means you care and well, obviously you care. You love him, but he doesn’t deserve that either. Why should you still love him after what he’s done to you?

It’s useless to keep rubbing your eyes, your knuckles pointlessly tug the skin just for them to become wet again. You didn’t want to cry but your body was intent on releasing it’s frustration.

It’s not fair that after so much time together this other person just gets to come in and move his heart- quite literally, like he said, making room inside of it. It’s not fair that just two months ago he said to you he couldn’t see himself with anybody else just to fall for another girl who knows how long after. Maybe it’d happened before he even said it. The fact that he was willing to explore how he felt about her should’ve been a dead giveaway that he was in denial at the time. Maybe you were too.

Could it be that she’s the reason your relationship spiraled in the first place? After he started work that’s when the distance between you two started to extend. There were a lot of other things you thought it could be. You thought he was depressed over the new job, closed off from you because he was closed off to the world. And at the time, you tried your best to be the optimistic one.  You tried to lift his spirits and be encouraging but maybe it wasn’t enough. Where did you go wrong? Where did you fail at making him happy?

Why weren’t you enough?

You desperately want to know what it is about her- what is it that Lia has and you don’t?

Is it all because he felt you weren’t reciprocating his efforts to fix things? Maybe you didn’t try hard enough. You should’ve done more- you should’ve been more affectionate and caring. You should’ve loved him better.

You flinch at the soft thud of the door closing, jumping out of your seat because it’s startled you. It’s just Taehyung, standing there silently with a harsh expression of worry.

“You were crying.” He says plainly, a hint of guilt in his tone.

“No.” You lie, wiping your face once more and forcing a laugh.

He shakes his head as he makes his way to you, setting a white to-go box on the table before standing in front of you.

“You think I’m stupid? Your eyes are red.” His voice is unnecessarily gentle as he cups your face in both hands, thumbs wiping away left over traces of tears. The sound of his voice alone makes your entire chest warm- you hate it. “Also, I saw you.”

“I’m fine.” You push his hands away because his affections are way too much for your weakened heart to handle. He seems displeased. “What’d you get?”

He glances at the table and then back to you. The pierce of his brown eyes makes your lungs constrict, even his gaze is difficult to hold.

“Fried chicken. You saw the pictures?”

“O- y-yea…” You force yourself to look away- if you breathe properly maybe you can talk without sounding like a moron. “I’m really sorry for going through your things I just got curious and I shouldn’t have but that’s-”

“It’s okay, Y/n.” He assures you, “Are you okay?”

Your mouth forms to say yes and he already knows the lie to come, fixing his question before you can.

“I mean you’re not okay. I’m asking if you wanna talk about it.”

“It’s okay.” There were too many layers to uncover, between your emotions and the pictures and your anniversary and what really happened at that party, “It’s a lot.”

He shrugs at your words like they don’t matter, “I’ve got some time. And I’ve got food.”

“Tae-”

“Tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I’m just confused. But I don’t want to ramble and get upset.”

“Why are you confused?”

“I just… I don’t understand Jungkook. I don’t understand why he likes that girl. I don’t understand why I wasn’t good enough.  I don’t understand why he was so good to me if there was someone else, even after what happened, all the way until I found that he fucking let her-” You stop there, unsure what words to use to explain what happened other than the disgusting frank description that was there in your mind. Your stomach was already churning, you couldn’t say it.

“He let her…?”

“They… you know…” You vaguely wave your hands between your bodies, back and forth from the direction of your mouth to his crotch, hoping he caught on to the innuendo and wouldn’t force you to be explicit. He’d already successfully tricked in you into saying more than you originally wanted to.

“Ahh, wow um…” Surprised, he understands, but uncertain with himself if that’s really what you meant. If only he knew just how bad it gets.

“Yes, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Alright, alright.” He holds his hands up defensively, letting the topic go at once.

At some point over the last few months he’d stopped being passive and tried harder to pry information out of you when you were being closed off. Not too forcefully, but it was silently appreciated. You’d become grateful for his willingness to listen to whatever was weighing on your mind no matter the topic, it was always followed with thoughtful responses and advice. Now though, it’s a bit more frustrating. Something about this was different. This was not something that was easy to open up about and you wished he would say OK and let it be.

You know there’s an elephant in the room and at some point the healthy thing to do will be talking about it and having that conversation with him, your closest friend, but today wasn’t it.

He makes his way to the farthest side of the table, “Well, I’ll have to eat dinner with you quickly because I have to go check on a tenant downstairs. Their heater isn’t working and as you can imagine in the middle of winter they aren’t happy about it.”

“If you have business to take care of it’s fine. I need to go back to my apartment anyway to grab some things before Jungkook gets home and then find a hotel somewhere.”

“You’re being ridiculous, you don’t need a hotel. And you should at least eat first.”

“It’s okay, I’m not hungry.” Your prolonged headache would beg to differ but you didn’t have much of an appetite anymore. You’re not sure how to respond to his first remark because it’s obvious you don’t have anywhere else to stay. You’d stay here, but only if he offered. You weren’t going to ask since you had no plan and it’d be quite the favor to ask someone to crash at their place for an indefinite period of time. “Ah, also, I don’t have my key… would you mind helping me get in?”

“Not at all.” A moment of silence drags on for a minute too long as he stares at you sadly, worrying his bottom lip, until he speaks up again. “You sure you don’t want to eat something?”

“I’m sure.”

With that, he heads over to the cabinet below the kitchen sink and pulls out of a bulky rectangular safe. Upon unlocking it there’s nearly a hundred keys organized on rows of hooks- a key to every room in the entire complex. He plucks yours straight from the center and then begins to count towards the bottom before he pulls another one.

After locking everything back up and putting it in it’s discreet place he places the keys in your hands silently. One reads 503, the other 705.

“What is this?”

“There’s a furnished room on the top floor. It’s clean, it’s got running water and it’s all yours.”

“Huh?”

“We only use it for tours because it has extra square footage compared to the other one bedrooms- don’t tell anybody that. Also, please do not lose these because if Mr.Lee finds out I’m doing this-”

“I understand!” You sputter, gripping the cold metal tightly. “Thank you, Taehyung.”

He beams at you, “It’s no problem. You still have a key here so don’t feel like you’re not welcome to visit.”

To visit, right, not to stay.

You weren’t going to ask him, no, but you do feel disappointed that he hadn’t offered. And maybe that’s selfish of you to think considering he’s risking his job just to offer you a private place of comfort and here you are wondering why you can’t stay with him.

You can’t help but feel this is his subtle way of getting rid of you, which is fair, your moodiness is probably annoying. Still, he’s being nothing but kind and going out of his way for you, and yet for some reason it’s all making you sad.

-----

It’s been exactly 10 days since you’ve seen Jungkook, which is impressive considering you both return home to the same complex every day and have yet to cross paths. For the first time ever you were thankful for the difference in your schedules, by now assuming that he was likely back to his usual 10 AM to 6 PM shift and that’s why you two hadn’t. But, you’d be a liar if you said you didn’t wish to see him every day.

There were countless times you had to stop yourself from calling him, thinking I just want to see how he’s doing. In the morning, on the way to work, in the evening, on the train, at night- especially at night, especially when you had to lay in bed alone. Other times you instinctively pressed for 5 on the elevator, only remembering you were on the wrong level when the doors opened to familiarity, you would consider for a moment getting off and just going back home, but deep down you knew better than to make that mistake. Your self control was also impressive.

In your own defense, your moments of weakness were absolutely valid, you two had been inseparable since that first day of sophomore year over three years ago, you never went more than two days without seeing each other. Well, that’s not entirely true. There was the winter break before you started dating, and his family’s week long vacation two summers ago, but you still talked every day so it’s not the same.

This last year in particular your lives were built around each other- you freaking moved in together. Every day for a year you woke up and he was there, you went to sleep and he was there, right next to you. Even your body knew that something was missing as it tossed and turned at night, falling asleep had become difficult. Unless you cried, but you tried to minimize that to every other day.

The spacious apartment did not help your loneliness either, you tried to find comfort and treat it like a get away, but really it was unfamiliar and lacked personal touch. You didn’t even feel like a guest in someone else’s home, the space felt outside of reality, outside of your norm.

The only time things didn’t feel so odd were when you were with Taehyung. In his space he provided the consistent comfort you craved. The only problem was that the past week just so happened to be a week he was packed with gig after gig after gig. He’d been very busy with his photography and while he did his best to call you throughout the days and make sure you were simply surviving, the physical time you spent together had dwindled down significantly. Another hard pill to swallow since you’d gotten used to seeing him every day too.

Your loneliness was becoming suffocating.

Thankfully tonight some of the girls from your job made dinner plans that you were included in, which turned into an impromptu trip to a nearby karaoke bar afterwards. It was a nice break away from your usual routine to go out and spend time with friends rather than sitting inside alone on a Friday night. It was also the most you’d laughed all week.

Your plan for when you got back to the apartment complex was to go straight inside, change out of your work clothes, quickly go through your bedtime routine before your mind had a chance to start wandering through every reason you had to be sad, and go to sleep. That all becomes impossible the second you step into 705 and are welcomed by it’s freezing cold draft, it feels like you’ve just stepped back outside into the winter night.

The thermostat claims the heat is on, set to 70 degrees, but the current indoor temperature reads as 42 degrees fahrenheit.

“Jesus Christ, not me.” You groan at the ceiling, letting your bag thump to the ground before bending over to fish for your cell phone.

To: Tae [9:42 PM]

Please tell me you’re home :(

You hold the phone in your hand for a few minutes, waiting for his message to pop up on the screen but his reply is not immediate. You begin to worry because he’s typically a quick responder as long as he’s not working, and though it’s late maybe he was still at a shoot, or he also decided to go out tonight. Either way, you’d have to figure out what to do because there was no way you could sleep in this place tonight.

From: Tae [9:47 PM]

I’m here

Sorry about that I was making tea

what’s up angel?

A-Angel?

You’re not sure that he’s ever called you that before and don’t know where it’s come from and your face may be heating up at the pet name but there’s more important matters at hand.

To: Tae [9:48 PM]

Uhh hate to bother you but… I think the heaters broken

 From: Tae [9:48 PM]

Nooo You’re the third person this week :(

From: Tae [9:49 PM]

I’m sorry, do you wanna sleep here?

Do you even have to ask?

---

When you arrive downstairs moments later he welcomes you in with a tight hug, as if it’s been months since he’s seen you but it’s only been three days. Regardless, the affection is much needed as you’ve been deprived of all physical forms, you feel yourself wanting to reach back out as he pulls away.

“I still have hot water, do you want me to make you some tea?”

“Hm, I’m okay, but thank you.” You were still fairly stuffed from dinner and the several virgin margaritas you enjoyed during karaoke.

Leaving your bags in the living room, you follow his path into the kitchen. Sure enough, there’s a kettle on the counter next to a small box and mug, he moves quickly to clean up the small mess and put things back into their place.

“Well since you’re here, do you want to watch a movie or anything? I think there’s a new episode of that weird sci-fi show you like.”

“First of all if you’re talking about Black Mirror, it’s not weird, but yes there’s a new interactive movie.”

He glances back to roll his eyes at you before dusting scraps into the trash bin. “You made me watch an episode where they trapped someone’s consciousness into a teddy bear… it’s a little weird.”

“There was so much to take away from that episode and that’s still all you talk about!”

When season four had first come out, you and Jungkook nearly finished it within a week, but life got in the way and you never got a chance to finish. One day you decided to just complete the season without him and enjoy the finale with Taehyung who’d never seen the show. You thought it’d be fun, thinking he’d provide insightful commentary, instead, he couldn’t get passed how cruel it was a character couldn’t express sadness beyond “Monkey needs a hug.”

“Would you rather talk about the guy who literally got off on murdering someone?”

“He-- no, please.”

He’s smiling as he walks back over to you and you can’t help but giggle because okay it is kind of weird and maybe you should’ve chosen a different episode to introduce him to but it was still really good!

“I’ll let you show me another episode, preferably one less dark.”

For whatever reason, he pulls your head against his chest to rest his own atop yours and wraps you back into his warmth. This time your heart immediately starts to race, nervous about the random affection, though your arms don’t hesitate to wrap around him either.

“It’s okay, I actually just wanna go to sleep.”

“Oh… okay...” He holds you tighter, sounding a bit disappointed.

You squeeze him back, a way of silently apologizing. You expect him to pull away then, but he doesn't, and neither do you because even with a jumping heart being like this was too comfortable. He was always so warm, and so cuddly, and his clothes always smelled like lavender. Which would confuse your brain at first when you’d get a whiff of him, the light fragrance so contrasting to that of your favorite- a warm blend of citrus notes and amber on Jungkook- but you also adored whatever floral fabric softener Taehyung used because you found it calming. In fact, you could stand here forever because the combination of all he had to offer was that relaxing. So relaxing that you can’t help but ask-

“Tae…” You release your hold so that you can step back and look at him but he doesn’t let you go, only slides his hands to the lower part of your back providing enough space for eye contact, responding with a yes? “Can I… sleep in your bed tonight?”

“I guess so? I don’t mind taking the couch.”

“No, I mean, with you.”

“Uh-” You catch the way his eyebrows almost raise with widening eyes before he can stop the reaction. You worry about the implications of your words.

“Unless it’s weird. Is that weird? I’m sorry.”

“No!” His hands abruptly fall away, swiping at the back of high thighs as he creates room between you two. “Not at all, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m- it’s just hard sleeping alone, you know?”

“Y-yeah, it’s alright.”

Not long afterwards, after you both had changed and freshened up, you found yourself sitting up in Taehyung’s bed with your back against the wall. It seems silly to you now that you’ve never slept together let alone even stepped foot in his bedroom. But before all this, things were different, and even though you’re only friends it definitely would’ve been inappropriate taking all things into consideration- Taehyung’s feelings, your relationship, maybe even your fleeting non-platonic thoughts about him.

Now, you don’t question it too much, it’s not inappropriate or weird. You’re the only one making it a little weird because you keep thinking about the fact that Taehyung still likes you, or at least you assume so, and that he could use this opportunity to make a move on you. Deep down you know he would never, he’s too respectable for that. Maybe you’d let him- ONLY because you’re vulnerable! He knows that. Which is why he shouldn’t, he’d be taking advantage of that. He won’t, but you still wonder if he will. Even as he rambles on about the earl grey tea his mom bought from Europe, a small yet very expensive Christmas present. There’s a reason why this French tea company is so special, but you wouldn’t know because see, you’re being weird.

How Jungkook would feel about all of this? What’s he up to anyway?

“Y/N? Are you listening to me?”

You’re startled by the sound of your name, but you nod furiously. “Of course, Tae. You were saying your mom and… amazing French company, great story!”

He shakes his head disapprovingly, “That’s how I know you weren’t paying attention. My mom bought the tea in France but it’s a Singaporean company!”

“Oh, see! I was close! I just missed that one little tidbit.”

He squints his eyes at you, knowing you’re telling a tale. Letting out an exaggerated sigh he rotates on his side to face you and props his elbow to rest his head in his palm. “Alright, what’s wrong? Spill the tea. No pun intended.”

“I know you’ll think I’m an idiot but I’m gonna say it. I miss Jungkook.”

“No I won’t!” He sits up fully in bed, seeing that the thoughts that plague you are deeper than he anticipated. He mirrors your image, crossing his legs before reaching to hold both your hands. “First of all you’re not an idiot and I would never think so little of you. It’s okay if you miss Jungkook, it’s expected. You don’t just forget about someone you love overnight or even within a week.”

Was that true, though?

“Why not? He did.”

Whether in the blink of an eye or months before you realized, he’d forgotten about you, forgotten what you meant to him, forgotten what you two had. Or is it that he didn’t love you anymore and that’s what made you so easy to forget?

“Didn’t I already tell you he’s a dumbass?” He grins, but you can’t find it in you to laugh, the insult doesn’t even make you feel the slightest bit better.

He sighs, rubbing his thumbs over the back of your hands. “Can I ask you something?”

You nod.

“Do you want to save your relationship?”

Your hands pull away, not because of him, but almost as if to brace yourself for the weight of reality as you press them into the bed on either side of you. You hadn’t really thought about that, your thought process never got that far. Would Jungkook even want that?

“I don’t know that it's possible. Jungkook told me he likes Lia, and if that’s true, then it’s serious. He isn’t easily swayed by pretty faces.”

Taehyung snorts, “Who said anything about her being pretty?”

Your arch a brow at him, unsure if he’s trying to insinuate something. “Well I saw her, she is pretty but… that’s just it, that's not the point. He actually needs to get to know someone if he’s gonna pursue them. I told you before how in college there were so many girls interested in him and he didn't like any of them. Not even me. Not until he knew me.”

“And now he likes her…”

“Exactly.”

“But that’s not what I asked. Put him aside for a moment and stop thinking about what he feels. What is it that you want?” He asks, pressing a finger into your knee.

What I want? That is still a lot to consider. A lot that you haven’t gone over. You’ve only focused on the current distance between the two of you, and keeping it that way until you felt strong enough to face him. You’ve only gone through past memories, you hadn’t thought of what the future held nor what you wanted it to.

“I don’t know, Tae. It sounds ridiculous but I can’t envision my life without him. The idea of going back to him feels daunting because I don’t know how to forgive him for what he did or how to trust him after this. Or even, how I could allow myself to love him. I don’t have answers but it’s like if I don’t then what? Where do I go and who do I become?”

“You don’t become anyone, if not just a better version of yourself. You don’t need him to have a complete identity.”

“That’s easy for you to say-”

“I know it’s easy for me to say,” His rebuttal is sharp, almost defensive. “No I didn’t just spend the last three years of my life with someone just for them to shit all over our history, but I’m right. You were somebody long before you even met him and you will still be somebody without him, if you choose to let him go.”

“I know that, but it’s not just easy for me to say, okay, bye Jungkook, and go on and be content with being alone.”

“You think you’d be alone?”

“Well, yes?”

It all circles back to what you first said, you can’t envision life without him. Even if you try, there’s nothing there, you, but nothing more. Maybe that should be enough, but that blank image in your mind feels empty, life would be lackluster and dull, something would always be missing.

“That’s not true.” He looks down for a moment, finding a loose string on his comforter to tug on. “You have me.”

At that, and as his eyes finds yours, the air in the room starts to thicken. The statement feels too direct. You know he means that as a reminder of his loyal friendship, you know it’s his way of saying hey I’m here, but it feels like something more.

“As long as I’m alive, you’ll always have me.”

“Hm, like forever.” Your own gaze slips away this time, unable to stop yourself from chuckling at the boundless promise of his words. An older version of you may have believed him, a version of you that believes love is timeless, the version of you with a committed boyfriend. You want to believe him because Taehyung is honest, he wouldn’t say it if he didn’t mean it. But words like this have been spoken truthfully to you before and look where it’s brought you.

“Jungkook and I are not the same.” It’s almost embarrassing how well Taehyung knows you, how spot on he is about what you’re thinking. “There was a point in time Jungkook couldn’t even see you, he didn’t see you then and he doesn’t see you now. Me?” He stops himself, you can tell by his tone that he knows he’s crossing a line again, about to walk past usual boundaries, about to say something he couldn’t have said before today, but he says it anyway. “The way I’ve felt about you has never changed. Every day I still feel what I felt the day I first met you… Even when you’ve confused me, even when you’ve cursed me, even when you’ve pushed me away, even when you defined the line in the sand and made it clear we could never be more than friends, even when you don’t see me… I feel it. So yes, like forever.”

You’re too afraid to look at him because you think you might crack the way you once had months ago, when a flood of emotion for him overtook you, when you considered giving into him.

“And I’m not asking you to- I’m not saying anything other than I’ve come with you this far and… whatever you do, nothing's gonna change.”

You have no words for him, nothing coherent, at least for now. You nearly throw yourself at him, sprouting up from your position on the left side of the bed to wrap your arms around his neck. He reacts quickly, thankfully, because as he falls sideways onto the mattress with a huff you realize you could’ve sent him tumbling backwards to the floor which would’ve been bad for the both of you.

You feel the soft laughter rumble beneath his chest as he tightens his hold around you, “Thank you?”

You’re overwhelmed with both gratitude and frustration, so much so that you think you could cry. How did you get so damn lucky to have this man in your life? It wasn’t fair. Logically, and karmically, it was not fair. Even as he said and listed reasons he’s had to pull back, to change his mind, to drop you, he hasn’t. He genuinely loves and supports you unconditionally and you don’t know how the hell that happened or why but there’s one thing you are certain of.

You are more than lucky, you are blessed to have Taehyung. And you hope that this friendship is eternal because you can’t imagine having to lose him too.

----

“Do you remember the first time we ate here?”

“Of course I do.”

You’d spent the first half of your Saturday lounging in bed, or rather Taehyung’s bed, all by yourself because he’d had an early morning shoot for… something you don’t remember because you were half asleep when he’d said. You’d stayed that way for a while, grumpily, because you were starving and too lazy to go out and eat and too stubborn to order delivery. By lunch time when your hunger hit peak aggravation you sent him a very aggressive text message in all caps to PLEASE BUY SOME FUCKING GROCERIES YOU DON’T EVEN HAVE BREAD. He promptly responded with a slew of laughing emojis, then letting you know he was already ten minutes away and to meet him downstairs.

He’d taken you the short walk to the taco truck around the corner, the very first place you hung out, a very telling choice after what he said last night.

“You never did thank me for showing you the best taco place in town.” He flicks at his bangs dramatically, turning a shoulder to you in faux offense.

“That’s because it’s not. I mean, it’s good but my favorite is this restaurant up north.”

“Why have you never taken me then?”

“They closed down last summer.”

“Must not have been too good.” He looks at you pointedly, flicking at his silky strands once more. You raise a fist, pretending like you might hit him, though you’re laughing at his obnoxiousness.

“I promise, you would’ve loved it.”

Just then, a lady pokes her head out from the wide window, calling your name for your order. Taehyung is first to run over and grab the small bag, though you take it back from him, offering to carry it on the walk back.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“What was your first impression of me?”

“Oh…” His question comes as a surprise, but you don’t think much of it, reflecting back to the day last spring. The very first time you met. “I thought you were very polite.”

“What about the first time we ate back there?”

“Well,” That question takes a little bit more digging. You have to remember the things you talked about that night, how you felt, how he seemed. “You seemed so… so… normal. Like, before that, I guess I kind of put you on a pedestal, I don’t know. You just seemed so composed and confident and like you had everything together but then we talked and you opened up to me and it was like ah, we’re not so different. It was refreshing.”

You look over to him and smile, he smiles, but he keeps his gaze towards to concrete as you continue up the block.

“Why do you ask? What was your first impression of me?”

“That you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.”

You instantly stop in your tracks, it takes him a second to register but when he does the balls of his feet scratch against the gravel as he turns around.

“Stop it.” You say, squinting your eyes suspiciously at him because why is he trying to flirt and joke around right now it’s making me blush! “Tell me.”

“That’s it?” Even his eyes frown at you, confused why you won’t accept his answer.

You roll your eyes and push past him, taking a right at the corner as you continued ahead. His legs are long so it doesn’t take anything of him to catch up, and he asks why you don’t believe him.

“I thought you were attractive but I gave you a better answer than that.”

“Wait-” He takes a few skips to jump in front of you, forcing you to come to another stop as he blocks the way. “You thought I was attractive?”

“What? I said you were handsome.”

“No, you said attractive.” He says, wiggling his eyebrows.

Oh my God, did I?

“I- it doesn’t matter, it’s basically the same thing.”

You step right, he steps left, you step left, he steps right, refusing to let you go around while he dons a ridiculous smirk that you try really hard not to look at.

“What!”

“Don’t you wanna know my first impression?”

“...yes.”

“Don’t judge me.” He points a finger at you, waiting on your nod before he continues, tucking his hand back into his coat pocket. “When we were standing in the elevator together, my heart was beating so fast because I was so nervous, but I thought you were mean! You kept giving me short answers and you glared at me when I was just trying to be helpful!”

“Come on, you asked me where I lived, give me a break.”

He giggles, “I was just nervous and talking out of order. But then you relaxed after I told you who I was, and you even laughed at something I said and…”

“And…?”

“I felt really warm. My heart, my insides,” One hand moves from the left side of his chest then down to his abdomen. You can see that he hesitates, biting on the corner of his lip nervously, but he looks back to you and sees the harsh expression on your face. “It’s stupid.” He forces a laugh and continues to walk home. You’re only about 10 yards away, the front entrance is visible not far beyond him.

He’s misread your reaction, misunderstood your furrowed expression. You weren’t frowning at him because of judgement or because you thought it was stupid, you were frowning out of pure confusion because he’d described the same feeling he’s given to you.

And it was so simple, such a simple feeling, a simple word. But, warm, yes, you understood. You felt it too that very first day, you felt it the first time you hung out. You feel it when he looks at you, when he talks, when he hugs you, just being next to him in itself was like sitting by a fire. You were never sure what it was or what it meant, you never looked too much into it, but if the sentiment was mutual shouldn’t you tell him you feel it too?

You run ahead to catch up, he’s still standing outside the door, presumably waiting for you to go inside.

Taehyung had said before that you always know what to say, but you disagree. Maybe when it comes to uplifting others kind words come naturally, but you aren’t good with words themself, at least not when it comes to sharing and expressing your emotions.

That is precisely why you cup his face into your hands as he turns to you, unbothered by the tacos that get smushed somewhere between your arm and his chest, raising onto the balls of your feet and pulling him down the distance you couldn’t close to press your lips into his.

You’re not entirely sure why you’re kissing Taehyung, or rather you can’t explain why. It’s impulsive but it feels right as that familiar feeling overtakes your entire chest, replacing the vacant ache you’d grown accustomed to over the last week and a half and overwhelming you with so much desire for more. And at first, he gives in to you. His gentle hands find your hips, head turning as his mouth opens in sync with yours to deepen the kiss.

In that moment you place words on the purpose. Kissing him said way more than your grateful hugs ever could, and that was all you’d done before. But this wasn’t even about saying thank you, this was about admitting that maybe you felt the exact same way. This was easier than facing the fact that there really was no reason to keep suppressing your emotions. But then he abruptly pulls away, eyes wide as he sounds frightened when he says your name.

Your heart sinks because he’s looking at you like you’ve just done something you should not have done. Heat creeps up over your ears, this time because you’re actually uncomfortable, completely embarrassed because maybe you just made a mistake.

Your open your mouth to say something but nothing comes out, stuck on shock, you don’t know how to even begin saying sorry.

“Jungkook is inside.”

Wait… what?

If you couldn’t speak before, you definitely couldn’t now as all the air escapes your lungs, frozen and unable to breathe. You want to believe that you heard him wrong, or that he didn’t even say Jungkook’s name. But you’re too terrified to even look and confirm. You still aren’t ready, you don’t know what feelings will come up just by seeing him. Worst of all, you don’t know if Jungkook just watched you kiss Taehyung and you cringe at the thought.

You look right, and sure enough, on the other side of the clear glass Jungkook stands there just feet away looking right at you. The way your heart picks up speed is almost painful, you can tell by the disgruntled look on his face he’s seen everything.

TBC

#taehyung scenarios #jungkook scenarios #bts scenarios #taehyung x reader #bts imagines #bts fanfic

[dykedykegooses]

i'm askin u every single even numbered question for the lesbian ask game

at least you didnt bother with the algebra this time, for which i am thankful

Femme or butch?

i’m more femme but i try to act butch sometimes and i just end up failing hopelessly. ‘look mom i know how to put air in a tire!!’ ‘peyton thats like… not even right’ or ‘oh SHIT look at that blitz!! that was cool’ ‘peyton that was a sack’ ‘oh’

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it

not really, mostly just like… humor. if u funny we click

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

why not both?

no but seriously plaid tbh

Describe your style

um yes

converse, (ripped? sometimes) jeans, and whatever top i feel is appropriate for the Big Aesthetic today

Describe your aesthetic

yes

ive tried going more punk but its just kinda , not worked

my physical aesthetic is very adultolescent. i got chub and look like a freshman but ive been told i pass as a college senior so like

my Big Mood aesthetic is yes

Favorite article of clothing?

either my converse or my “”combat boots”” (theyre not and it makes me sound like an edgelord just saying that) (can you tell im gay)

OH WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT MY JEAN JACKET its like baggy and light and ive started sewing patches from my favorite bands on it (super punk right)

Favorite pair of shoes?

^^^

oh my black strappy heels, theyre surprisingly comfortable

Current haircut?

ive got a bleached bob rn

Any haircut goals for the future?

i kinda want a pixie cut bc i cant handle long hair however long hair is so PRETTY and wow

Describe the best date you’ve been on

iiiiiiiiii dont really know. ive been on very few. i have a Perfect Date in mind, and i guess my favorite was my first date with my ex. we had gotten back from a successful science competition (HAVE I MADE IT OBVIOUS IM A NERD YET IM A BIG OL NERD) and it was like midnight by the time we got back and we were both starving so we went to taco bell and just sat there talking and laughing and i know we were pissing off the staff, but we stayed til like two in the morning and we went home and honestly we both considered it a date but we didnt like… tell each other it was a date? if that makes sense? idk honestly im triggered

Describe the worst date you’ve been on

ugh oh god i went on a tinder date and this girl like in the DMs was like ‘hey do u smoke weed’ and im like ‘lol no’ and then like we made plans to meet up at a coffee shop and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed and im like……………. no and shes like ‘oh right lol’ well THIS BITCH sleeps through the time we were supposed to meet, completely stands me up, and then texts me back like an hour later and was like ‘omg im sorry i overslept!!!’ and it was like….. noon but ok so we meet up after my class and we just sit there really awkwardly trying to make conversation and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed im like ‘honey no i dont’ and we just talked about drugs for a while and when i left because i had to gtfo she like gave me an awkward hug and like i sent a text later that night bc im courteous and im like ‘hey i had a great time today’ (i didnt) ‘lmk if you ever want to meet up again!!’ and she just. ignored me lol.

Single? Taken?

im currently in a polyamorous relationship with myself and my anxiety

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

:)

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

someone who’s able to make me laugh and deal with my bad ideas and will let me cook for her and wants to travel the world with me

Describe your dream wedding

its small. outside. maybe in a field or in front of a lake. i dont personally want a big ballgown, just a short white dress will do. lavenders everywhere. R A I N B O W  C A K E. reception where we slow dance to all the sappy romance songs. its great.

Do you want kids?

not really, but ive considered being a foster parent. i feel like im here to do good; i don’t want to have my own biological children, and im not sure i want to have the permanent responsibility of adopting a kid, but i feel i could handle fostering once we’re financially stable and have the room to accept children into our home.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

spain, definitely. somewhere in the north. i want to have a small farm with goats and chickens and vegetables and i want to be away from this american mess.

Favorite lesbian movie?

well ysee…………. the only two explicitly lesbian movies ive seen have been ‘all about E’ and ‘blue is the warmest color’ and i didnt like either of the lmfaoooo i prefer watching lesbian television shows tbqh (or, most commonly, just rewriting all the female characters in my head to be sapphic sooooooo dont @ me)

Favorite lesbian novel/story?

i mean same as above, i dont read as much as i like to. however, i did read “georgia peaches and other forbidden fruit” and that was Really Good and i did read another that was slightly better, but i forget the name but it was about a pakistani (?) girl who was struggling to come out to her parents bc they were very traditionalist but she joins the theater and her like really elite school and the girl she had a crush on basically outs her and is a bitch about it and GOD i wish i could remember it because it was really good

Favorite lesbian song?

ummmmmmmmmmmm i just recently listened to ‘honey’ by kehlani and that was pretty good and pretty gay, but my personal favorite is ‘girls’ by beatrice eli bc holy shit what a Mood

Favorite lesbian musician?

i love mary lambert and beatrice eli.

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?

ummmmm now that im thinking of them i cant think of any. i used to play softball and soccer? i love cats. i immediately start planning out the next five years of our lives together anytime im remotely interested in a girl?

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i mean………………. no

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?

well bake cookies w me and lets go for a walk & go out and watch the stars at night in the bed of a truck

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

I LOVE LOVING GIRLS!!!!!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT BEING A LESBIAN!!!!!! GIRLS ARE FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

why not both

idk ive never had a cat but i know i lov them

Turn ons?

i.......... dont know

yes

im gay

Turn offs?

long nails youch theyre pretty to look at but i mean at what price

not having anything to talk about

putting yourself down like a lot (i went on a date w this one girl and that was all she did like the entire date like......... im sorry ? :(???)

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

if im being honest i would love for someone to ask me out but since that is Very Unlikely, i tend to be the one to message first and initiate dates and stuff

What is your dream career?

i want to be a psychological researcher in the field of social comparative psychology how sick is that!!!!! just play with dogs all day and record whether or not they boop their noses on a screen

also i wanna be a farmer and a bookstore owner but thats Farther down the line like , when im 50

Talk about your interests or hobbies!

im honestly such a psych nerd i love psychology what the fuck!! its so interesting like ppl are weird man idk brains are weird

im also having a really big green day phase like billie .. he so smol... and also anyone who wants to bash warning or the trilogy can fight me ok those are like My Favorite Albums

im going to a concert in february to see declan mckenna, a Giant Meme

im getting a tattoo w some lyrics of declan’s actually its gonna be sick

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?

yes

idk for me its being able to have quick, witty, skillful jokes i just love listening to girls talk and tell stories and jokes like wow im gay

also long curly hair? thats always a Solid Look

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

i mean. do we really wanna open this can of worms rn

too late, its open

i get those microcrushes where you like see a girl and youre like ‘WOW IM GAY DATE ME’ however once it comes to actually being in a relationship i throw my full weight behind it and worry that im being too suffocating or that im pushing my boundaries etc and ive been told that makes me come off really cold and uncaring so lol choose ur own adventure, you decide

Ever fallen for your best-friend?

unfortunately

Ever fallen for a straight girl?

can you even call yourself a lesbian if you havent

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)

i havent seen it, im such a fake lesbian

Favorite comfort food?

mac n cheese

or pizza

or cheesy potatos

OR CHEESY TOAST

scientific conclusion: im a fatass

Coffee or tea?

coffer

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

im vegetarian!! have been on and off for like two years now

Do you have any pets?

i have one pup sittin right next to me and shes the prettiest girl in the world

Early-riser or night-owl?

yes

idk i get up at like 9 which is early for me but not as early as like. 5. so

more like night-owl. thanks teenage hormones!

What is your sign?

pisces

Can you drive?

yes

can i drive well?

no

but i do have a sense of direction so thats cool

Who was your first lesbian crush?

tbh.................... my best friend, but i didnt realize it was a crush at the time

the first Gay Crush i had that i knew was a crush was on my close friend at the time, now my ex girlfriend

At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

uhhhhhhhhhh lesbian specifically, like 15-16. queer, i knew in like fall semester freshman year (so like 13??)

At what age did you come out (if you have)?

i mean, i come out to people all the time. first time i came out explicitly as a lesbian was when i was like 15 or 16 (actually i came out to a close straight friend and my ex and they both said ‘congrats’ like it was weird but very nice) and the first time i came out as queer/questioning was to my then-best friend at like 13 and i came out to my mom (involuntarily) at like 17? ish?

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

yes im crushing on every girl simultaneously at all times

just kidding

(not really)

i dont really have any explicit crushes that i can think of im just really gay

Talk about how your day went

it was fine. got free froyo so that was cool. found out i made an A on my bio practical, so that was cool too. however, i wore a crop top and it was like 55 degrees out and raining so i looked like a total Idiot but yk follow ur slutty gay dreams amiright ladies

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

most of mine are career-centric, but a few are personal.

i wanna go to costa rica in may, i wanna go to yale over the summer, i wanna go to NYC pride in june, i wanna go to spain after i graduate, i wanna go to grad school, i wanna be a psychological researcher, i wanna move to spain or england or hell even france, i wanna have my own farm with the woman i love, i wanna own an LGBT bookstore/library, i wanna just live a quiet life near the sea and not have to worry so much after a while.

Least favorite gay celebrity?

this is a weird one to end on, but iiiiiiim not sure i have one? i can tell you ellen page is probably my favorite, but i cant think of many i dislike so

#grabsthesun #lesbian ask game #i love and hate you

[demonialex]

1-100 😘

omfg ok under the cut cuz yeah long af

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify!

is your room messy or clean? uhhh it’s in the middle i guess lmao a little messy but not complete chaos imo?

what color are your eyes? dark brown

do you like your name? why? i hate my given name so instead i named myself alex and now i rly like it ay B) 

what is your relationship status? single

describe your personality in 3 words or less caring, impatient, lazy

what color hair do you have? brown

what kind of car do you drive? color? i dont have a car

where do you shop? uhhhhh i dont really shop much cuz im broke? but sometimes in various stores it depends on what im getting?

how would you describe your style? “i don’t have enough money to dress in the style i actualyl like so this will have to do”

favorite social media account ngl it’s probably this hellsite

what size bed do you have? queen

any siblings? nah, only child

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? hmmmm probably canada? cause they seem rly chill with lgbtq ppl and they are rather safe? plus i speak the language sooo

favorite snapchat filter? ...the dog one (well out of the current ones cuz i rly miss the “greek goddess” or whatever the hell was the name of that one)

favorite makeup brand(s) kinda rly dont care tbh? i kinda of go with whats cheaper lmao and also it varies on what it is (foundation, eye shadow, etc)

how many times a week do you shower? usually every day tho im ngl today i was so exhausted (im super sick) that i forgot to shower

favorite tv show? currently? probably the magicians

shoe size? varies between 7~8 US

how tall are you? 162cm

sandals or sneakers? sneakers

do you go to the gym? ok i tried going this year but then i got drowned in homework and now i have the flu dont judge me

describe your dream date honestly i have no idea? as long as im with someone i actually like and am attracted to, and that the conversation flows, im good.

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? my go-to wallet? 0. my savings wallet? i think around 1k or 1.5k i cant remember for sure? as i said, it’s a /savings/ wallet 

what color socks are you wearing? im not wearing socks

how many pillows do you sleep with? one under my bed and one on each side of me so i can throw my leg over it when i roll

do you have a job? what do you do? nah, not allowed to work ;-; 

how many friends do you have? uhhhhh... 3? 4? idk mate i lost A LOT of friends in the past few years :/ I have quite a few “acquaintances” now and ppl i wish were my friends but who dont seem to want the same, but actual friends i think probably just 4

whats the worst thing you have ever done? depends on who u ask, on ur morals, etc

whats your favorite candle scent? i like too many, i cant pick!! D:

3 favorite boy names guilherme, alex, leonardo ? i guess? idk

3 favorite girl names carolina, camila, alex. again, i guess lmao idk

favorite actor? dont rly have one

favorite actress? again dont rly have one oops im boring

who is your celebrity crush? fck i have way too many tbh

favorite movie? probably DEBS tbh

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?not rly... it’s not that i dont /want to/ it’s just that i constantly forget to read. my fave is probably little brother or my girlfriend is a geek

money or brains? for myself? money! on a potential partner? brains tho idc that much abt academically smart yadda yadda

do you have a nickname? what is it? Zu

how many times have you been to the hospital? uhhhh for actual important shit and not just casual check ups probably.... 4 or 5 times? i cant remember. i had pneumonia and i fractured bones quite a few times

top 10 favorite songs !!! i cant choose fam

do you take any medications daily?ye anti depressant and anti anxiety

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) always thought it was oily but apparently it’s mixed/combination

what is your biggest fear? ooo boy i have too many fears idk if i can choose a main biggest one

how many kids do you want? none thanks

whats your go to hair style?  “i woke up and was too lazy to brush my hair plus if i dont brush it it looks extra fluffy and slightly curled”

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) small-ish apartment

who is your role model? dont have one tbh

what was the last compliment you received? deadass cant remember

what was the last text you sent? “thank you~”

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? no clue tbh i was still a child haha 

what is your dream car? I rly dont wanna drive tbh but i find lamborghinis so fckin gorgeous

opinion on smoking? idc as long as u dont do it next to me cause it tends to make me cough a lot. tho depend on what ur smoking and the brand and if we are in an open space for some reason i dont smoke so ye

do you go to college? yup!!

what is your dream job? no clue

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs. the more things to do the better

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? i usually forget but my mom always takes them for me so :^)

do you have freckles? not the standard “a bunch of tiny ones around ur face”, but i have the classic brown ones here and there. does that make sense? :v (i hate that u guys have the same word for both kind of freckles smh)

do you smile for pictures? not usually? at most a close mouthed smile more like a smirk lmao

how many pictures do you have on your phone? i dont wanna do the math but over 1k

have you ever peed in the woods? who hasnt??

do you still watch cartoons? if animes are considered cartoons then sometimes, if not then not really

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? cant remember how the wendy’s ones taste like so i will go with mcdonalds

Favorite dipping sauce? depends on what im eating. usually blue cheese, if not then bbq

what do you wear to bed? depends on how hot it is lol

have you ever won a spelling bee? never even been to one

what are your hobbies? watching tv shows? idk mate

can you draw? kinda i guess

do you play an instrument? nah :(

what was the last concert you saw? i think it was demi lovato lmao

tea or coffee? i dont really drink either tbh. loved the tea my friend made me, and loved the coffee my grandma used to make me. alas both live too far away now

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? i deadass think i only went to dunkin donuts ONCE and i dont remember shit abt it so i will go with starbucks

do you want to get married? hmmm idc either way

what is your crush’s first and last initial? dont rly have a /major/ crush rn, just smol ones

are you going to change your last name when you get married? if their name is cooler maybe

what color looks best on you? black

do you miss anyone right now? i constantly miss too many ppl but i try to avoid thinking abt it

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed!! i hate sleeping with open doors

do you believe in ghosts? i guess?

what is your biggest pet peeve? idk fam i have too many haha im blanking rn

last person you called` probably my mom or my grandma. i hate calloing ppl so i usually just call them lmao

favorite ice cream flavor? hmm probably half baked from B&J. in general i like peanut, chocolate, vanilla, bubblegum... i have a rly sweet toothe lol

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular!

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? chocolate!! the rainbow ones taste like plastic imo

what shirt are you wearing? it’s not rly a shirt? it’s a.. camisole? i think that’s how u say it? my mom got it for me, it’s from that the despicable movie or whatever it was called

what is your phone background? lock screen is julia wicker, home screen is julia and marina

are you outgoing or shy? generally shy but id depends on who i am with i guess

do you like it when people play with your hair? if i like the person (even as friends, just as long as im comfortable with them) then hell yes i love it! if it’s a stranger or someone i rly dont like then no obvs

do you like your neighbors? i dont rly know them tbh

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? ye usually once when i wake up and once before going to bed.

have you ever been high? nah i was able to take like 2 drags and then i died coughing

have you ever been drunk? nope:( not from lack of trying lol but the taste is so gross it makes me feel a bit nauseous

last thing you ate? bread with requeijao

favorite lyrics right now the lyrics of “trem bala”. deadss considering getting part of it tattooed cause it’s so... deep? and good? and it’s sigh it’s rly good if anyone is interested i can translate is lol 

summer or winter? winter

day or night? night

dark, milk, or white chocolate? white tho milk is a close second

favorite month? hmmm idk? maybe november cause mah bday?

what is your zodiac sign scorpio

who was the last person you cried in front of? i rarely cry and even more rarely cry in front of others so i dont rly remember but if i had to guess probably my mom?

#about #personal #idk how to tag this lmao #thanks for the ask haha #handsy-hollis

[thefabkilljoy]

1, 5, 9, 10, 11, 14, 15, 16, 17, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25-27, 29, 30-33, 36-38, 41-44, 47, 51, 53-55, 59, 60, 61, 64, 67, 70, 72-74, 76, 81-87, 89, 99 sorry it's so many ^.^

Iddhsgsbshsj okay here we GO ((sorry for how long this post is about to be in advance lol))

1. 6 of the songs you listen to most?It’s kinda hard to answer this as I listen to so much and fluctuate between which genre I want to binge listen to but prob something from p!atd, mcr, or maybe Hamilton idk I’ve been listening to a lot of that recently for some reason

5. What does your latest text message from someone else say?“Oki” ,.,….. like okay but weirder I guess

9. Ever had a poem or song written about you?Nothing other than like family projects by my brother and this one time a friend wanted to write a song about me because I came back from a week vacation in Canada but it never happened oh and I think I was in a couple raps lmao

10. When is the last time you played the air guitar?lol like last week at a friend’s house when I was imitating pharah’s new dance emote in overwatch

11. Do you have any strange phobias?I don’t think I have “"strange”“ ones but I faint around needles and I’m claustrophobic

14. If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?Ew,,.,. Outside,.,. Uh well I only go outside on obligation so probably walking the dog or going out with some friends

15. Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?Is this,,.., metaphorically?? I can’t tell but either way probably most of the time behind but I guess it matters on the situation?

16. Favorite band?My Chemical Romance or Panic! At The Disco because my emo phase will never truly leave me

17. What as the last lie you told?Uh idk I don’t lie very often,… well I just told someone I couldn’t go to something when I just,,, didn’t want to and I also just told someone I ”“appreciated their words”“ when I sure af didn’t

19. What does your URL mean?Well my URL on almost everything is TheFabulousKilljoy ((mcr ref)) but THAT was obviously taken so I made this and it’s the only website I’ve ever used it on

20. What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?Everything and nothing hella

23. How do you vent your anger?Do nothing until I get over it or go to the vent channel on a discord server I’m on and complain

24. Do you have a collection of anything?When I in third grade I collected erasers, then in fourth I collected silly bands, and then after that not really anything unless you count the growing landfill of empty water bottles I’m too lazy to throw away in my room

25. Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Shrug probably voice chatting bc discord doesn’t support video chat yet ((I use discord a lot of you haven’t noticed))

26. Are you happy with the person you’ve become?More or less, but I believe I still have a long way to go

27. What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?Hate: anything too loud that isn’t musicLove: rain!!!!

29. Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?Nope and yep, ghosts don’t really make sense to be real and duh of course there’s other life out there somewhere do you KNOW how big this universe is??

30. Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. A supernatural blanket which I lowkey hate because it has the main characters on it and isn’t THAT terrifying to see when you’re trying to sleep and iron pills for my anemia

31. Smell the air. What do you smell?Shampoo because I just got out of the shower

32. What’s the worst place you have ever been to?There’s this house in Vegas that i have to go to every once in a while for vacation that I absolutely despise

33. Choose: East Coast or West Coast?West, I live in California

36. Define art. Anything that somebody creates

37. Do you believe in luck?Eh not really? Maybe?

38. What’s the weather like right now?Cloudy in the 70'sish but no rain :((

41. What was the last book you read?Oh god I have no idea probably the Princeton Review APWH 2017 Study Guide™

42. Do you like the smell of gasoline?Not really but my brother loves it

43. Do you have any nicknames?Killjoy, kj, tfkj, your royal highness ;))

44. What was the last film you saw?I don’t know what the last one I saw was called but the one before that was Dirty Dancing

47. Do you have any obsessions right now?Homestuck, Steven Universe, Still Mystic Messenger for some reason, Supernatural, Hamilton also for some reason I haven’t even seen it, the new FOB album ((can’t wait)), Skyrim, Overwatch, and about 846272 other things

51. Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?Yes, but again it depends on the situation and the person and how, if at all, it was resolved

53. Do you save money or spend it?Save until I get enough to buy something I want ((rn it’s the void sweatshirt from wlf so if anyone wants to throw me like $40 hmu ;;);)););)(;);,),;),))))

54. What’s the last thing you purchased?I can’t remember

55. Love or lust?Love of course

59. Where were you yesterday?Home playing a ton of overwatch

60. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?Yep, a pink skirt I use for Roxy cosplay ((still working on that,,, eventually)) a Steven universe crop top im not actually allowed to wear lol, a flower, one of those eos lip balm eggs, and a flower crown thing from medieval times ((the knight dinner show thing))

61. Are you wearing socks right now?Okay honestly I just got out the shower and I’m very lazy so I’m just sitting here with a towel

64. Where is your best friend?Uh I don’t know probably at her house

67. What were you doing last night at 12 AM?I was on tumblr and discord because sleep schedules are for the weak

70. Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?No I’m an asshole lol, but having shared interests would be nice

72. You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) what do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?Wow that’s dark okay uh I would tell everyone because then I’d just,,, die out of nowhere and they’d be so confused, with my remaining days I’d probably travel and make amends with people and try to do some good things in the world in the month I have left, and I’d probably be afraid but eventually accept it

73. You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Trust, love isn’t 100% necessary and it’s built off of trust nyanyways

74. What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?There’s definitely some but I sure can’t think of them right now

76. In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?Mutual trust, the ability to have fun with one another, shared interests and views, established boundaries

81. What would you want to be written on your tombstone?Something really witty and/or confusing so when people see it in the graveyard they’re just like,,, what the fuck was wrong with her

82. What is your favorite word?I don’t know I need time to prepare for these questions smh

83. Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. A,,,,,,,, heart

84. What is a saying you say a lot?Oh god I have a lot of terrible annoying things I say a lot like rip, diddly darn, golly gee gosh, big mood, I’d let (her/him/you/them) step on me ((I say that all the time whenever I really like someone or someone says something nice to me lmao)) etc.

85. What’s the last song you listened to?Some Queen song I don’t remember that was playing

86. What’s your favorite color/colors?Black and pastel pink

87. What’s your current desktop picture?Well My computer has the Aperture Laboratories™ symbol from portal, my phone lock screen is my cat with a flower crown I photoshopped on him because,,, i love cats so much,,,, and my home screen is Bubblegum and Marceline from adventure time kissing ((even though I haven’t watched the show in years))

89. What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?There’s probably a ton but my least favorite that always comes up during truth or dare and stuff is "who do you have a crush on?” bc I can’t say that without outing myself bc spoiler alert: she’s a girl

99. If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?“HOLY SHIT THE WHOLE WORLD IS LISTENING TO ME RIGHT NOW I CANT FUCK THIS UP”

And we DID IT! Questions=Answered what a trip ((also something I say too much)) there’s probably hella spelling errors and shit but there’s no way I’m double checking this lmaothanks for asking my dude!!

#killjoy answers #long post #gdi the cut didn't work I hate you Tumblr mobile