#definitely not my best wrok

[the---hermit]

Hi :> I'm following your blog since before you started your thesis and now you are at the finish line i'm feeling so proud of you, even if we do not know each other °=° I wish the best from life, the best for you!

I wish for me the same strength i'm seeing in you, for overcome the fear i bear for life, for the unknow.

May I seek an advice from you: where would you start to rebuild your life after so many years of freezing depression? How to justify the time I lost to others?

Sorry for the sad conclusion, thank you for sharing your experiences, your constant improvement and for your blog.

p.s. sorry for the broken english, definitely not a fluent speaker or writer here :p

Have the most delight day (or evening)!

Hello anon! This is one of the sweetest things I ever got in my inbox, thank you for putting a big smile on my face and supporting me 💜. Do not worry for your English, it's not my first language either and I make more mistakes thank I'd like to admit.

Do not apologize for asking help to recover from depression, it's brave of you do reach to someone, and I really hope I can provide even the tiniest bit help. You are hitting close to home with your questions, I have been struggling with anxiety and panic as well as depression since I was in high school, and although I am much better than I was before I know it's a long process to get your life back. Small steps, that is the way I have learned to approach everything. Small little things, focus on one thing, and if it doesn't wrok right away give that time. Whatever you do do not blame yourself, insted do your best to focus all your energy on the small things that went well. Reflection on the bad parts of life is fundamental in my opinion but that has to be done when you are in the right headspace so that it won't send you spirling down even more. One thing that helped me a lot is at the end of the day no matter how bad it was to find at least one thing I am grateful for. That can even be I took a few minutes to listen to my favourite song, anything, but take a few minutes of your day to focus on that, I'd recommend writing in down so you keep yourself accountable. I have been doing this everyday for the past three or four years I think and it has slowly changed my prospective on a lot of stuff. Sometimes it will come natural, others you'll have to force yourself, but try it. Also be proud of yourself for the small things you accomplish everyday, even if that's just taking a shower, or going out to get groceries. That is a lot of effort when depression is pulling you down, so be proud of yourself for doing that, and maybe keep track of that as well, one thing a day everyday. As for the time lost to others, this one is a struggle, I know it personally, but you know what my friend? You cannot turn back time. I am still learning that letting go of people and accepting not having them in your life anymore, even if it was good to let go of them sometimes, is a long journey made of a lot of steps. You'll be angry, you'll be sad, you'll learn to accept it. Whatever you do do not let nostalgia fool you, ever, nostalgia is a bitch that never shows you the full picture. I have learned that accepting time lost to others is made of accepting that no matter how much that hurt you those experiences made you who you are in the bad and good, that will make you furious and grateful at the same time, which is not easy to deal with. But at the end of the day it's part of your history and you can't go back in time, it's just there in your past. Try to work all the good and bad feelings as soon as they come to you, keep a journal pour everything out, do not for the love of the gods repress feelings surrounding this topic. By experience it's something that will haunt you anyway so do not give it more power than it already has. You can only go forward, you are not your old self anymore, which is good cause you won't get hurt anymore in the same way. You have always control over one thing in life and that is how to react to things, take a deep breath and choose how you want to use that small bit of control you have.

In general first steps are the hardest all of the time, you will be scared and tired, cause that's what depression does to you, but with small steps you'll get control back. You can do it, I believe in you, amd when you'll find youself in one of those days that are hard and scary let yourself just flow gice yourself a break. Sometimes you fight sometimes you can't and that is okay, as I said small steps. If I can be of any help or support I am here, and know that I have your back. Be kind to yourself you've been through a lot and you deserve that. One of the biggest challenges for me over the years has been allowing myself to be, to feel, and to put my wellbeing first. Very hard to learn, still not a pro at it, but at the end of each day I know I am the one person that no matter what will always have my own back and that gives me hope.

I really really hope I was of some help, as I said I am always here if you need support, good luck with your journey, try to see it as a new exciting beginning even if it's scary sometimes. Thank you again for your support, your words really brightened my day💜🌿. This also felt like writing a letter to my younger self in some ways so thak you for that cause in a way I did a bit of work on myself too. I forgot to mention whatever you do do not let depression and loss define you those are parts of your history not of who you are.

#i am giving you an internet hug anon you deserve it #the answer might be messy and it is but i flowed with it i hope it made sense #this really felt like writing to my younger self #anon #ask #asked #asks #answered #depression #mental health #presonal #cris spreaks #mine #the---hermit

[stories-and-other-fun-things]

Assassin Cain

Part 3 (Final Part)

He arrived in Paris just a few hours before the sun was going to set and it was pouring down with rain.

"Going to be a wet murder then." He muttered under his breath then started to head off to the location he was given of the Crusader. After a few minutes of searching Cain realised he was being followed by three men. He saw an alleyway and began walking down it and sure enough the three men followed him. 

"Fuck..." He muttered under his breath because the alley stopped at a wall and went no further. He drew his sword and wrapped his chain around it and got ready. One of the men drew two swords, one drew a shotgun and the other drew a double headed axe. The man with the double headed axe. was Cain's target, meaning they were all Crusaders. 

"Johnny, go first. Then you Rick. And if the both of you fail he's mine." Cain's target told his lackeys. Johnny had the two swords. They circled each other until Johnny tried to strike at Cain's head. Cain dived out of the way and slashed down Johnny's right leg which made him cry out in pain. Cain then turned, ran, jumped and plunged his sword straight through Johnny's neck rendering him dead. Cain then threw his sword at Rick who didn't react fast enough and copped Cain's sword to his chest. Cain flicked his wrist and pulled the chain which bought his sword back to him.

"That's quite a neat idea..." He thought then turned to face his target. The target ran and swung at Cain which narrowly missed him and got lodged into a brick wall. Cain saw the opportunity and took it. He raised his sword and bring it down on his target's hands, slicing them off in a bloody mess. The target fell to the ground screaming in pain. Cain raised his sword once more and took off the head of his target. He looked around him, then he realised what the guild were actually doing.

"It's not saving lives! It's a gang war! Between The Assassins Guild and The Crusaders! Daniels was an asset to The Crusaders! That's why they wanted me to take him down! I've been doing their dirty work, but no more! I need to find Laura." He said out loud to himself, sheathed his sword then sprinted out of the alleyway and began running to the helicopter. He stopped when he heard a woman cry out for help.

 He spun around quickly searching for the source of her voice. He looked down another alleyway to see a woman being beaten up by two guys. He ran down that alley. He got close then shouted at the two men. They turned to face them with hatred burning on their faces.

"Uhh, bonjour?" Cain said.

"Tuons ce fils de pute. (Let's kill this motherfucker)." One said to the other.

"Il a vraiment besoin d'être enseigné une leçon. (He definitely needs to be taught a lesson)." The other said then began advancing on Cain. He jump kicked one, then turned to the other and kicked him in the rib age. The first one got up only to be thrown into a wall. The other one lunged at Cain, but he kneed him in the face then slammed him into a wall as well. They were both unconscious. He helped the woman up.

"Vous parlez français? (You speak French)." She asked him. Cain just blankly stared at her. "English then?"

"English." He replied.

"You said 'bonjour' and that made me think you were French."

"Oh."

"Yeah... Thank you so much for saving me by the way. I'm Felicity Sparks."

"Cain Shadow, but I'm sorry because I really have to be somewhere else."

"Ok then." Cain turned and sprinted out of the alleyway. He got to where the helicopter dropped him off, but it was no longer there.

"You know..." Felicity said from behind him.

"Holy fuck!" He said and spun.

"You could borrow my helicopter if you want to get out of the country, just as long as I can come." 

"Only death follows me to where I'm going."

"I get attacked here every day, so I don't really give a shit. Just please let me leave Paris."

"Well I do need a 'copter..."

"Alright, this way." He followed his new friend to her helicopter and flew off to Colorado to find Laura.

 Upon arriving Cain received a distress message from her.

"Cain! I need help! I'm being followed by cops and Crusaders!" He found the location and went to it.

"Stay here, and only move the chopper if you get attacked." He told Felicity and she nodded. He ran to Laura who was outside a very tall building. The cops weren't that far off in the distance. They ran into the building and up the stairs. Cain saw a parachute and trapped it as they were going up the stairs. Laura didn't see the parachute only Cain did.

 They ran to the rooftop of the building with the Police a little bit behind them. They reached the roof and instantly recognised their problem, there was no way down! Cain ran over to the edge, looked down, then ran backed to Laura and turned back to face the edge.

"What are you thinking of doing?" She asked.

"Something ill advised." He said then ran and jumped off the building just before the Police got onto the rooftop. He was falling fast but still managed to hear Laura shout this: "Shoot him you fuckers! Axel, Johnny and Rick didn't achieve their goals to kill him! So fucking shoot him in the head before he thinks of something smart!" 

"Traitorous bitch!" He shouted then pulled the cord. He landed on the road, detached the parachute then ran to the helicopter. He jumped in the helicopter and told Felicity to head to the address of the headquarters immediately.

"What about your friend?" She asked.

"She can burn in the deepest abyss of Hell!" He said angrily.

"Ok then..." Felicity said then started the helicopter up and headed to the headquarters. They landed outside and ran in.

"PETER!" Cain shouted at the top of his voice. Peter ran down to them.

"What?" He asked.

"You should have told me that we weren't saving people! We were only fighting in a gang war! Well this ends now!" The roller door to the building blew up as Cain finished his sentence and Laura, along with a bunch of Crusaders, walked in.

"Oh indeed Cain, this does end now. This ends with the death of all of you." Laura said.

"You're a..." Axel began.

"What? A traitor? No. I've been with the Crusaders two years more than I have been with you. I was a mole. But I'm not the only one." Six members of The Assassins Guild walked over to Laura and The Crusaders. Which made it seventeen against eleven. "So, who wishes to be the first one to go? Either join us now or die. Choose."

"I speak for all of us, we will never join you." Peter said.

"Alright then," She turned to her team, "Cain's mine." And that's when the gun fight started. Cain gave Felicity one of his guns, some extra ammo, then began killing some of The Crusaders until he made it to Laura. He only killed three Crusaders, but his sword was already dripping with blood. He walked towards Laura, but stopped a few paces in front of her when she pulled her gun out and aimed it at his head.

"It doesn't have to be this way Shadow. We've known each other since birth. Join me, we could rule the world together." She said.

"This is the path I have chosen Laura, and I'm about to break away from it and live a life where I'm not ending the lives of other people." Cain replied. His right hand was in his pocket, while his left was still clutching his sword. Unbeknownst to Laura his right hand was gripping his deck of cards getting ready to throw them at her.

"So does that mean you won't join me?"

"Correct."

"Such talent you have, but you wasted it with them. It could have reached its potential with us. Looks like I'll just have to kill you along with your talent." Her finger began to push down on the trigger, and that's when Cain threw his cards at her. They all went in different directions. Some cut her face, some sliced at her legs and the others sliced her gun hand which made her drop the gun. Cain dropped his sword and ran at her. He grabbed her and threw her against the wall. She hit the ground in pain and Cain approached with his gun in hand. She rolled her head to look at him.

"Do it." She told him.

"I won't kill you." 

"What?!" He said nothing, raised the gun and shot. Laura's right kneecap exploded, and she screamed out in pain. Cain collected his cards, sword and other things then flew away in Felicity's helicopter with her.

 (8 years later)

Cain and Felicity lived a happy life together. They married four years ago, and they were as happy as they could be. One day Felicity asked Cain something as they laid on the couch together watching TV.

"You never told me why." She said.

"Why what?"

"Why you didn't kill her when you had the chance."

"I didn't kill her because killing her would have gotten rid of The Crusaders, meaning I was still part of a gang war. Also, I didn't kill her because that's when I wanted to start my new life which doesn't involve killing anybody anymore."

"Oh. That kinda does make sense."

"Laura probably thought that our friendship kept her alive. But that friendship ended when I jumped off the roof and she ordered the cops to attempt to kill me."

"I kept an ear out, and I haven't heard anything about her since we escaped eight years ago. I wonder if she's trying to track you down."

"I hope not, because if she tracks me or you down then I think that is when her time will be up. Who knows what happened to her. Personally, I don't want to know. But I reckon she is already six feet under." Cain was wrong about Laura. She was not six feet under. She has been lying in wait and slowly rebuilding The Crusaders. Except that shot to her kneecap really fucked her up somehow and she was driven insane. Insane enough to saw her own leg off. But anyway, Laura was waiting for the most opportune moment to strike with her Crusaders.

As I previously stated, I am not proud of this story and nor do I plan on making a sequel. Also, I tend to blab on in my endings so yeah

#assassin #part3 ending #action #definitely not my best wrok

[salesmandiary]

Dear Mango People,

Yes Mango season has come, Many things divide but Mango definitely unites. I know you are also one of like me who missed Mangoes entire last summer and Mango Season has come again and it is our duty towards ourselves to do whatever in our hand like sanitize our Hands, If you have mango in your Hand, keep 6 feet distance from other person and 3rd n most important wear Mask.

I know you'll be thinking of if you'll wear Mask how can you eat Mango but trust me if you wear Mask you can peacefully enjoy Mango. If you don't wear it instead of eating Mango you might have to take different type, color, shape, size n power of medicine and if you are few (un)lucky once you might have to take shot of Remdesivir and unfortunately unlike Mango it is far from reach of Mango People, You have to be Khas People and can not only hold 5K of the same or have the power to dispatch 25K of the same to another Khas People though people in your surroundings are suffering because it's not available in Hospitals and your dear ones are roaming here n there doing best in their hands to arrange one fucking Injection.

I have many things to say about Khas People I prefer not to because Is it really their fault, You may be disagree with me but I feel its not their fault they are doing their Job like ours.

Its their job to win an Election so that they can be your savior for next 5 years and they may have invited you to join in their rallies but it's your fault you join them without thinking about helath n life of your family so you are culprit not them.

If these Khas people got sick because of any reason including some virus which some stupid people are calling Corona and intelligent minister of one state has said in his interview that there is nothing like corona in state and no need to wear Mask till he said so (which is after election is over just fyi). They are going to get best facilities possible Best doctors, Hospital even Remdesivir if needed and guess what Hospital Bills will be paid by us not them.

Wow so we are not going to pay Medical expenses of our own but them also. One of Corporator in my city claimed Rs. 8k from Municipality as Medical reimbursement as per policy because why not it's his right because I feel he has already spend some Lakhs of Rupees in election so that he can serve us.

If he can spend Lakhs of Rupees for us are we that much selfish we can't bear medical expenses of 8K we must.

And last but not least we have been constantly told in last few years Hindus are in danger and we have been constantly reminded that we are victims and we have not been given credit which is due and we are one of the intelligent people in this world but there are some Lakh of people is trying to prove us wrong by taking 'shahi snan(Royal Bath)' in Holy river of Ganga and some politician has said that you can't have corona if you take deep in holy Ganga even we have been told that for years that Ma Ganga has power of clean our Sins.

I urge n pray Ma Ganga not only clean our Sins but also please our stupidity.

Can someone who constantly gets offended please take note n do FIR or PIL on it? because unfortunately like always our National Media is not covering this but International Media definitely is, or like last time we are going to tell them 'IT'S OUR INTERNAL MATTER'.

Sorry I got in the flow we were discussing about Mangoes, So if you are someone who like me enjoys Mangoes, Requesting you to below Three things

1. Eat Mangoes in your home with your family and all remaining time Wear Mask

2. Sanitize your hands frequently including before and after eating Mango.

3. Be selfish like me and don't share your Mangoes and eat it with your family only and keep 6 feet of distance from rest.

4. If any of your family members don't follow above rules don't share Mangoes with them.

In the end if you are few privileged one like me who can do Wrok from Home, Please keep your a** in Home only. If you can't than as one Mango lover I urge you please follow above steps so that not only me but you n your family can also enjoy Mango.

Thank you for reading through

One desperate 🥭 🥭🥭 premi

[stylesloveclub]

Hey, can I ask you for some advice? Lately I’ve been dealing with a lot. My mother is toxic. My father doesn’t care about me. I barely have any friends bc of my mother and I’m currently studying something that seems impossible for me. Overall I just feel like I’ve got no future... do you maybe have any advice, what I could do to maybe have a healthier mindset? Bc maybe I tend to think my life’s ending... the worst I don’t even have Plan B bc of my mom.

Hi my love. I’m so sorry you’re going through all this, it’s so unfair that your parents don’t treat you the way you deserve, and i wish i could offer more than just some advice. The most important thing i suggest is for you to always remember the bigger picture. Right now, you may feel isolated and overwhelmed, but please remember that this won’t last forever and that your environment will definitely improve with time. Please don’t doubt your capabilites; even if your studies are difficult, i fully believe that you’re strong and that you can push through to pursue this subject. And if you feel like this subject isn’t the one for you, then try exploring other subjects!! Nothing is set in stone and you have so much potential to exert. If you continue to wrok hard, you’ll definitely be able to use your education to get yourself a stable job, and with that you can move away from your toxic environment and live your best life. There is always a future for you -- you may not see if very clearly now, but you’ve got so much more life to live!! You are so needed and loved in this world, even when it may feel like the exact opposite. I love you, and the world wants your capabilites here. lots of love. 

#ask