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dalisman127y · 6 months

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Mha girls x reader onsen trip

A/N:I had a theory that during the time that my hero academia was set, a monkey called "japanese snow monkeys" probably went extinct.

You happily sat in the water Wich was up to your chin.

You loved soaking in hot springs. Especially with your japanese snow monkey friends before they were hunted to extinction.

Just then you hear the door open and the girls of class 1A walk in.

"oh, sorry girls. I didn't know that this is the girl's bath. I'll get out" you said getting up.

"no, no. it's ok,babe" momo said getting in. "we want you to join us"

The others nod in agreement and step in.

The girls were talking about stuff while you sat on the opposite side of the hot springs.

You have memories of when you sat in hot springs with the last of the japanese snow monkeys and two of them groomed you, a male monkey with a scar on his left eye you named "scar" and a female monkey with no hair on her arms due to Mange named "swoop".

You often protect the troop with scar or collect food with swoop.

But then one day when you got home from school.

"hello? Scar? Swoop?" You said looking around for the snow monkeys. You walk thru town to find them face to fang with a pack of feral dogs. You can only watch as the dogs massacred the last of the japanese snow monkeys, one by one.

A law was then passed to never have feral dogs in their town.

They chased all the feral dogs out of the town.

You look at the fatal injuries almost all the monkeys took and you held a monkey's hand.

"NOOOOO!!!!!!" you yell and the memory ends.

You snap back to reality as toru hagakure touches your shoulder.

"hey, honey. How about you join us. You seemed lonely " toru said.

"oh, um. It's ok,toru. I like being by myself." You said sinking into the water.

"aw,C'mon, ribbit " tsuyu said swimming to you.

"ochako, do the thing" mina said

"ok" ochako said before she gives you the puppy dog eyes.

"oh,oh my god, ochako stop! no,no,no,no. " You said looking away.

She gets closer to you with her puppy dog eyes.

"d'oh all right all right all right all right! Just stop it already." You said.

You blush wildly because.

1. you're serounded by pretty girls.

2. you're feeling highly uncomfortable

And 3. It. Was. Hot!

"AHHHHHH!!!!" you screamed in your head.

"Soo, reader-chan. Was it true?" Mina asked

"what was true?" You asked.

"that you did this with japanese snow monkeys?" Ochako said.

"uhhhhh, yeah, I did." You said.

"would it be ok if we asked some questions?" Momo asked .

"oh yeah sure." You said.

"ok, first question" kyoka said "what does a japanese snow monkey look like?"

"well, a japanese snow monkey is a type of monkey who love to live in snowy areas of Japan. They have white hair and red faces. They also love hot springs. Because it keeps them warm." You said hugging yourself.

"next question" momo asked " how did the Japanese snow monkey go extinct ?"

"well, there are different ways they went extinct." You said pulling out your sketch pad.

"for example... Being exposed to the rabies virus, wildlife conflict, illegal hunting/poaching and habitat segregation all played a key roll in the extinction." You said drawing on the sketch pad.

"no one has seen a japanese snow monkey in 10 years we'd have to be very lucky to actually see one let alone a whole group." You said looking up from the sketch pad.

"well reader chan, we won't have to look very far." Tsuyu said.

"look up there!" Mina said quietly.

You turn to see a white fluffy monkey with a red face.

The monkey jumps off the fence and it walk to you.

It started to groom you.

"umm, what's it doing?" Toru asked.

"it's grooming me." You said "monkeys often groom one another"

You then noticed a similar scar over his eye.

"what the... Scar? Is that you?" You asked.

The monkey jumps for joy and hugs you.

"awwww. I missed you too,old friend." You said returning the hug. Momo sheds a tear.

"how? How did..." You asked.

Scar makes incoherent noises.

"uhhhh, what's he saying?" Jiro asked.

"he's saying.." you said translating, "my troop was ran out by a stronger troop of japanese snow monkeys. We had to move out of the forest and into the local town."

"but then we were ambushed by a pack of feral dogs. We had to go. I ordered a few of my troops to hold back the monsters so we can sneak away. And sneak away, we did. We traveled for months for a year until we found this place." You said still translating.

"I see, but why?" Momo asked.

The monkey chitters and you nod. "They were looking for me this whole time." You said hugging scar.

"awwwwwwwwwww" the girls said.

Scar climbs out of the water, and hoots.

A female monkey with no hair on her arms comes out holding two babies in her arms.

"hey, it's swoop." Jiro said.

Ochako gasps "oh my god! she has babies!!!"

"congratulations,swoop. With these babies you'll most certainly save your species" you said.

#ochako uraraka x reader #momo yaoyorozu x reader #tsuyu asui x reader #mina ashido x reader #toru hagakure x reader #kyoka jiro x reader

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commiegoth · 1 month

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Happy 10th birthday Mouth Sounds!!!

And happy early 10th birthday to Mouth Silence, released in July of 2014! I know praising Neil Cicierega on tumblr dot com is preaching to the choir but I really do think his Mouth Sounds series (Silence and 2017's Moods especially) is some of his strongest work by far.

Neil's plunderphonics work to me really codified the wave of postmodernist IP exploitation we saw rise in the 2010s as a way to explore our relationships with pop culture, and in response to corporations doubling down on "IP-driven content". We can now see this artistic movement expressed across other mediums as well, like the tv show Nirvanna the Band the Show, the webcomic Mr. Boop, or the film The People's Joker! Neil's Mouth Sounds series isn't just a silly mashup series (although it is that too), but it deliberately juxtaposes its samples in a way to have the listener reflect on the relationships of our culture at large with the songs and other found sound pieces in a way other internet mashups weren't interested in, and created much more interesting (and endlessly re-listenable) music along the way. Thank you for the Sounds Neil!

#///#neil cicierega #mouth sounds #mouth silence #plunderphonics #bop

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hood-ex · 7 months

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Having a Homer Simpson "d'oh!" moment because I missed/forgot some pivotal information on the Zur situation that happened a few issues ago.

Zur created Failsafe and erased the memory of how to stop him. He also created a batcave under Bruce's batcave. (Batman #127 / Batman #136)

Bruce literally mentioned that Zur "poisoned the well" and put doubt in Bruce's head and heart. Bruce questioned, "What else has he done?" (Batman #136)

Bruce locked Zur away in his mind, and they were at odds with each other because Bruce didn't want Zur taking over, and Zur wanted out because he perceived Bruce's insecurities and doubts as his mind being "under attack." He wanted out to fulfill his purpose. (Batman #136)

In a flashback, Zur took over Bruce's body without Bruce even knowing. One minute, Bruce was trying to solve a case, and in the next, Zur was doing his own thing. When he gave up control to Bruce again, Bruce simply carried on with his previous thought as if he hadn't been personality swapped at all. (Batman #136)

Zur tried to tell Bruce what to do. Bruce snapped and yelled at him, reminding Zur that he (Zur) was in a cage. Bruce reassured himself, "He's in a cage. I'm in control." (Batman #137)

Now there was a moment in Batman #136 where Bruce started to panic because he couldn't see the future or whatever, so he didn't know how he could save everyone he loved, and he wondered how far he could go before it all burned away.

And then in Batman #137/Catwoman #57, Bruce realized that he no longer owned the manor, and he kinda started spiraling and talking about how even if he lost the manor/his wealth, he wouldn't lose his soldiers.

"They can't be bought. But they can be saved."

Notice the fact that Bruce used the term "soldiers." Because guess what? In Batman #127, Zur referred to Tim and the other members of the family as soldiers, and Bruce angrily corrected him.

"And Tim isn't my soldier! HE'S MY SON!"

SOOO. Do you see where I'm kinda going with all this? Bruce not knowing when Zur takes over? Zur being able to erase memories? Zur using "soldier" in his own dialogue color, and Bruce using the term "soldier" in his own dialogue color? Bruce saying that Zur "poisoned the well."

AND NOW, in today's issue, Zur forcibly took over to try and kill Joker again. And you know what was said?

Bruce: No! I'm in control! I'm--

Zur: You're not in control, we (Zur) are.

BRUCE CANNOT CONTROL ZUR. HE CANNOT. He thinks he can, and he thought he had it under control, but Bruce doesn't have shit under control!

#MAYBE i got it right that first time #the only doubt i have is that zur and bruce do have separate dialogue colors #but if zur is just idk poisoning bruce's mind (like dick or jason or whoever implied) then it would make sense that #we would have bruce's dialogue color but have zur's crazy ideas actually be behind it #like we (readers) are being tricked into thinking everything is bruce's idea but it's actually not #ON THE OTHER HAND... bruce's freak out over his family's safety in 136 does fit with bruce's rhetoric in gotham war #about wanting jason to live a normal life. he wanted to save jason. he wanted to save the family from this whole lifestyle #so that's why i also have the doubts about zur being fully in control during that jason thing #BUT ON THE OTHER HAND--zur wants the family out of the way so that bruce will ONLY be batman #AND GUESS WHO REFERS TO HIMSELF AS JUST BATMAN?? ZUR!!!!#Bruce Wayne #Zur-En-Arrh #Batman 139 spoilers #Gotham War

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starlitangels · 9 months

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Wanderlust with Guy please and thank you!

I love your works! 💚 anon

What a delightful word! A friend of mine said that would be her superhero name if she had one. I always loved the idea.

Anyway

Wanderlust

—

Raising a brow, you lean back from the sink where you're washing dishes. "What are you doing?" you ask. Sharper than you meant, but then again Guy is used to that by now.

His head snaps up from where he's been staring at his laptop. You thought he was still working on the script for another episode of the TV show he's been writing (and rewriting) since before you got together, but now you're getting suspicious that's not the case. "I don't know what you mean, honey," he said.

The dimple in his left sinks into his cheek as he loses the fight in suppressing a smile.

"The hell you don't," you mutter, turning the sink off. You shake the water from doing the dishes off your hands and wipe the rest on a dishtowel, moving to go over. "You've sighed wistfully four times in the last ten minutes. What are you even doing?"

He partially closes his laptop, a blush riding high on his cheekbones, darkening the freckles spattered over his skin. "Nothing, baby!"

You drop your elbow on the back of the couch and perch your chin on your hand. "You're a terrible liar, you know that?" you say. Flatly—but with a hint of amusement.

"I'm not lying! I really am doing nothing!"

"Then what's the wistful sighing about?"

In typical Guy fashion, he sputters. "D'oh—well—I—uh—it's just that—mmm—" He makes a face. Adorable in the attempt at frustration. "I was looking at potential locations for that movie I was telling you about wanting to write."

You nod, raising one brow higher than the other. "Mmhmm...?"

Ears turning a deep, dark red, Guy opens his laptop properly again. "I got carried away." He shows you the screen.

"Babe, how many Pinterest boards do you have at this point?"

"This is only my..." He switches tabs and counts. It takes him a while. "Forty-ninth!"

"And what's this new one?"

"Well... uh... like I said. It started out as locations for the spy movie. But then I got distracted by some of the recommended Pins below the ones I was looking at. And, uh... it kinda turned into..." He scrolls up to the top, showing the board's title. "Everywhere I hope you and me get to travel together."

Wanderlust

"I," you correct.

"What?"

"You and I. You said 'you and me.' But grammatically it's I." You give him a small, fond smile. "You're the writer. I figured you'd know that."

He gives you a patented Guy Dramatic Look™. "Honey, do you know how much braining it takes to make the words go? I'm not in braining mode. I'm in 'chill on Pinterest' mode! I'm allowed to make grammar errors when I talk if I want!"

You snicker and kiss the side of his head. "Move your computer."

He shuffles it to the side that you're not on. You vault the back of the couch and land next to him. Pretending to ignore the way his breath catches and his pupils dilate as you drape an arm over his shoulders. "That was hot, you know that?"

"Mm. So you've mentioned once or twice. Why do you think I keep doing it?" You give him a sly, wry smirk before peering over his shoulder at his screen. "Go on. Show me where we're gonna go."

He's still staring at you, though his gaze has dipped a little lower, watching where the U-shaped divet between your collarbones sinks and shallows with your breathing. "Can that, uh... wait till later?" he asks. "Because, uh... I just had a much better idea." His voice shifts to that joking, flirtatious one he always uses as he gives you a wink and a lopsided smile.

You flatten a look at him. "Which is?"

"Oh... I don't know... it might involve you shoving me down onto the bed... and things of that nature. Maybe uh... playing a little rough, if you know what I mean—heh-heh!"

"You're a nightmare," you mutter. "Show me the damn Pinterest board."

He flops his head backward and groans. "You're no fuuun—"

You cut him off by grabbing his collar and pulling him in for a rough kiss. He yelps before melting into it. You can't help but snicker. He falls for it every time and you know how much he likes it when you surprise him.

He pulls back a little breathless. "Still wanna see the Pinterest board?"

"I saw enough of it. Beaches and cities and highlands. We can talk about the dreams and the details later. Let's skip to the good part this time."

His pupils blow even wider. "Whatever you say, honey," he says.

#💚 anon #Star does Micro Fics #(reminder MF requests are closed this is me catching up)#Redacted Audio #Redacted ASMR #Redacted Guy #Redacted Honey

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ageless-aislynn · 2 months

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Any time you order a random assortment draw, I figure you have to be fine with getting whatever your least fav would be, right? Well, I decided to roll the dice on getting a Squishmallow from the Godzilla collection and I got...

Mothra, my queen!!!!

She's SOOOOOO super soft and has a fuzzy belly and I love her beyond all comprehension! 😍😍😍

Here's the rest of the gang. 😎 I'd really love to get her a super happy, very friendly looking Godzilla, of course, (how adorable!) but mannnn, Mothra was the one I wanted the most and I couldn't believe I actually got lucky enough to draw her!!!

I just love her, okay? Yeah, she's a moth but, c'mon, she's the Queen of the Monsters!

That said, I'm so excited to see Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire! I don't go out to movie theaters anymore but the second it's available to buy?

Me and my Squishmallow Mothra will be settling in on the couch with some snacks and we will be watching the ever-livin' heck out of it! 😂😉💖💖💖

EDIT: I totally forgot to tell where Mothra was from, d'oh! It was Gamestop, who has the 8 inch assortment, where you'll get one of the four, or you can get the 16 inch Godzilla alone. 😎😍

#godzilla x kong: the new empire #godzilla #monsterverse #squishmallow #mothra #queen of the monsters #my queen #i love her your honor #ageless aislynn

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merge-conflict · 5 days

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8 & 17 for the fic writer asks 🌟

sorry it took me so long to answer yours T-T something happened and now it's 4 days some time later. you know how it is. anyway thank you!! I did want to take some time to answer the second one properly.

questions here

8. if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

tough question to answer because when do I ever leave anything I've written for more than a few months before feeling compelled to continue writing. I'm going to cheat slightly and say there are two things I'd love to continue:

One is the RP I did with @corpocyborg which I'm having trouble finding right now (why am I such a terrible tagger) where Valentine and Valerie did a gig together. It was just such a blast playing them off each other and they made a surprisingly great team. Hard to find a canon where they can both really shine but gosh. That was so much fun.

The second is also OC-related, the stuff I've written with Valentine and @another-corpo-rat 's Victoria Crane. Those two's dynamic is so funny I don't know what they are but it's toxic af. I wrote some smut about the two of them and now I've been thinking about what that meeting over coffee is like afterwards. (I've been watching a lot of killing eve)

Collabs are fun! I love getting the chance to reverse engineer what makes other people's OCs tick and then try to faithfully recreate them in a story.

17. talk about your writing and editing process

I think I answered this one once but I forget and I'm just going to wing it!

I'll be honest I haven't really figured out "plotting" in an advanced way, and am sticking within shouting distance of canon on the longfic, and have fleeting fits of reason which I don't plot longterm at all because it's kind of a cool-down mess-around kind of fic I add stuff to when it sounds fun.

I guess I'll start with considering the shape of what I'm writing –> what the boundaries are, if that makes sense? rough length, and I do mean *rough* like: <1k, 2-10k, nope we're going to have multiple chapters.

Then I take consider the chapter I want to write, as in: what do I want to accomplish? where do I need to go? taking for example indicators of compromise, my objectives are:

textually establish that Alex has a trained eye for detail and analysis

show the rapport (even if it's uneasy) that she has with Reed and how well she knows him

introduce their opinions on Valentine

Then from there the process is basically:

Think of ways to accomplish objectives in the chapter that sound like fun.

Write them down in *some* way, if it's a wip snippet of a scene, [describing what's going on in brackets] or just a barebones script dialog with no description.

Repeat steps 1-2 as many times as needed to get the raw material for the scene that feels fun and satisfying. This may take a fair amount of time.

Finish Draft 0 - where all the scenes are interconnected, and the text written (even if badly), with no remaining [placeholders] or highlights.

Edit. Edit. Edit. Read pieces aloud. Find a rhythm. Edit. Despair. Edit. Despair. Rest.

Optional Beta Step

Publish.

D'oh.

Republish.

#answered asks #ask game #sorry this took so long T-T #you asked such a fun question I wanted to plan out a smart answer but then I...didn't do that lol #we'll settle for a 'not stupid' answer :P

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syncopatedid · 9 months

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091305

Link Click S2E8: Whelp, aside from the hunch that LG was possessed by CXS when he made his escape, it seems all my other speculations were way off, so nothing makes sense again, d'oh! But did they ever explain if LG was back to being LG again by the time he was hypnotized and captured? It does feel like he's back to being LG for reasons, but it also feels like nothing has been properly explained and we're just supposed to assume things again. More importantly, what is 091305?!! I wanna say it's probably some significant event that happened on September 13th, 5pm that we haven't learned of yet (I guess the answer fans all wish it to be would be the date CXS and LG first met, no?), and I hope they at least drop some clues to explain that before the season's end. But if that photo was meant for CXS to find, wouldn't that mean that LG was aware that CXS knew his password? Or did LG let CXS see him type that in on purpose?! Also, also! Aside from that photo, isn't it a bit sad... or suspicious... that LG has no other photographs stored on his phone?! Did LG delete a whole lot of "incriminating photos" (OF WHAT??), knowing full well that only CXS will have access to it? Even the most inconsequential questions just keep piling up. p.s. and off topic: But when I was googling for answers/conspiracy theories for Link Click I really was NOT expecting this real-life article under my results and I'm internally screaming.

#Link Click #shiguang daili ren #no answers just moar questions #I read somewhere that speculate 0913 meant 爱久一生 but it doesn't make sense to me cuz why is 0 = 爱。#But I do do like where they're going with that hypothesis that it's code speak for something!#Which was why I did the google dive thing trying my luck on Chinese forums hahaha #If anyone would know their internet slangs *they* certainly would!#Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?#Caught in a landslide no escape from reality

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trolls-confessions · 1 month

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peppy finds out about the sterilization and very "sadly" says "well i guess you can't marry him, he can never give you an heir 😞" and it's very clear that he's actually pretty happy about this development

viva and clay announce theyre gonna have an egg thus clearing up the whole heir debacle and he loudly goes "D'OH!" Like homer from simpsons

#answer #King peppy #Branch #Poppy #Clay #Viva #Cliva #Broppy

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magnificentcenturyfics · 7 months

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Am I The Asshole? - Topkapi Edition

Unfortunately for @faintingheroine I just... Could not bring myself to fulfill her request. I am sorry, it just wasn't very inspiring! But I wrote this as a replacement/apology. Basically, this one is just the Magnificent Century universe, only with the addition of Reddit. Don't think about it too hard.

Disclaimer: Usernames here aren't always super clear, so I am going to just relay here who is who, both the obvious and not-so-obvious ones. ButterflyPrincess - Hatice FeelLikeABot - Nigar Genghiskhanwithteats1001 - Aybige manfromparga - Ibrahim (d'oh) M&MCustodian - Süleyman moonofdestiny500 - Mahidevran Moonlover69 - Gülşah RoyalTurqoise7 - Şah smilingsultana - Hürrem thebossakinci - Bali Bey

***

AITA for taking revenge on my friend for sleeping with my boyfriend? by user smilingsultana So, about a year ago I (18F) entered the harem of some powerful dude (30?M) and met this really nice, chill girl (19F), who is even from the same region as me??? We instantly hit it off, we even slept next to each other in the servant’s quarters, it was pretty great. A few months in, our master noticed me and WTF he was so dreamy??? I mean yeah he’s also very generous to his favourites haha but that’s besides the point. The thing is, he fell in love with me like immediately, and I am also crazy for him. He jokes around with me, gives me gifts, does really unspeakable things in bed, the whole package. There was some drama with his family, but from the way he talks to me, I thought he won’t even look at another woman again. Especially when I became pregnant! He even nursed me back to health, three times, because did mention his family are a fucking bag of dicks (except for his sister she’s cool)?! But whatever, this isn’t about them.

The point is, remember that best friend I mentioned before? Well, you know that war that we had recently, the one where we took Belgrade and everything? My master left shortly before I learned I am pregnant, and when I came back, I was pretty far along, I think like seven and a half month in? So he gave me my own room, attendants and everything, and my friends was one of those attendants. I thought it’s gonna be great, she will stay with me forever and they are never going to send her away because she’s too old to serve or some junk. But shortly before I gave birth, she started acting suspiciously. For one, she converted to islam, and I know you’ll be asking „but op isn’t this a good thing that she turned away from the false faith?“ – well no, because the moment I learned what she did I knew she got this idea from me. And I converted mostly to please my master. The red flags were just blaring in my mind, but if you’ve ever been pregnant, then you know that this kind of thing is usually pretty low on one’s list of priorities shortly before giving birth. Besides, I thought it would be a bit of a dick move to worry about her stealing my man, like, she would never, and also, how would she even do that when she’s always by my side? So, when I started going into labor in the middle of the night, I thought she would be there to help... But then I couldn’t find her anywhere??? I searched for her for what felt like an eternity, I almost gave birth on the ground of a palace corridor, and she only turned up the next morning! I was too happy to really be pissed off, because you know, I just had my baby boy, and I almost kinda forgave her.

Then one of my other attendants told me that my master had another concubine with him that night – I wasn’t quite convinced it was my friend, but you can bet that when I ordered her to find the woman from last night, I choked the bitch real good. Just as a warning, you know? And that bitch had the audacity to tell me to „let it go“ because master does whatever he wants or something. Well, I wasn’t going to kill him, but that bitch, so I could care less about that. Then my friend disappeared on the same night they told me not to disturb the master, because there’s another girl with him and... I mean, you don’t need to be a genius to figure that little mystery out, you get me? That morning, I woke up to my friend coming back to my rooms, with sable furs around her neck (did I mention that my boyfriend recently gave me the exact same furs as a gift, because he did) and a big smile on her face as she admired it in the mirror. So of course I lost my shit. I only realized I should’ve been more subtle when there was this big hulabaloo around the fact that I said I am going to kill her (which I didn’t even really mean that way, like sure I wanted to beat the shit out of her and cause her grievious bodily harm, but that’s about it), and in the end I only got a few slaps in, so of course that didn’t satisfy my thirst for revenge.

That day, I visited a mirrormaking workshop. The mirrormaker mentioned that I shouldn’t touch this one chemical (don’t remember the name, only that it was this transparent liquid), because it’s dangerous, which gave me an idea. During my initial freakout, I took out my friend’s sable stole; now I was going to return it to her, but of course poisoned with that chemical (which I stole beforehand). And it worked like charm! My friend woke up with her face utterly ruined, and I was happy at first, because now our master defo won’t call her to his bed again! But when my revenge was finished and my thirst for blood satisfied, I looked at the situation with clearer eyes, and I felt so guilty? Like I could’ve killed her??? Which, I thought I wanted to kill her, but maybe not? Like yes what she had done is fucking inexcusable, but now I can’t even really hate her because I put her in the fucking hospital and she’s suffering so much, I... Did I go too far this time? Please help.

COMMENTS

FeelsLikeABot YTA. YTA AS ALL HELL. WTF, THAT WAS TIN AMALGAM? THAT THING CONTAINS MERCURY??? YOU ABSOLUTELY COULD’VE KILLED HER.

moonofdestiny500 NTA! That bitch absolutely had it coming lol - Moonlover69 Agreed! Fuck that whore.

ButterflyPrincess Uh, can we talk about the fact that you literally made your friend one of your attendants?! I mean I feel like just that makes you an asshole. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for having cordials relationship with staff, but... That cordial? Especially when she was your friend BEFORE she became your servant? - manfromparga Nonsense! My best is also my boss and I can tell you from experience it’s actually pretty chill? People tend to make way too big deal out of it, but so far it’s working pretty well for us. Then again my boss is way less of an asshole lol.

***

AITA for keeping my family in the dark about my marriage untill the last moment? by user M&MCustodian I (36M) have had my favourite concubine (27F) for about a decade, and I never had any regrets about keeping her. Sure, she is jealous and temperamental, which is a bit of a problem, but at the same time, her fiery temper can be such fun! Besides, she’s extremely loving and devoted towards me, as well as our children, sometimes to the point of clinginess. In that decade, I might’ve entertained the thought of disposing of her or replacing her, especially whenever she crossed some lines and got into trouble (which, to be honest, happens a lot), but I’ve always decided against it. To put it simply, she makes me too happy to deprive myself of this happiness just because of whatever she has done at the moment.

Of course, the rest of my family does not exactly appreciate this. It’s quite understandable that my previous favourite concubine and mother of my oldest son (35F) dislikes the woman that replaced, but my mother (51F) is no friend of hers as well. While I can imagine she might dislike my favourite’s argumentativeness and ambition, I do not understand how that threatens my mother – or our entire family, as she keeps telling me. My mother is a strong woman, and in conflicts with my favourite, she usually gets her way without much effort. In fact, some of the actions she takes to punish my favourite whenever she steps out of line seem overblown; I strongly suspect mother punishes my favourite overly harshly, or even accuses her of things she did not commit – like that one time she claimed my favourite was unfaithful to me, with the only evidence being a diary of her alleged lover that conveniently disappeared before she was able to present it to me. It feels less like justice and more like spite, if I’m being honest. The only other family members who even live in the same town as us are my younger sister (31F) and her husband (36M), who also happens to be my right-hand man and best friend. My best friend also can’t stand my favourite, though they don’t come into contact that often, and even my sister has a complicated relationship with her, though despite disagreements, they are still generally friends (though since she’s also friends with my other favourite, this often makes her position a bit awkward). Needless to say, my favourite, the love of my life, is not exactly popular with my own family.

Recently, she has played a fine trick on me – first, she made me free her by complaining about how she can’t do charity in the Holy Cities because of her slave status, then refused to sleep with me because, well, she’s a free woman, it wouldn’t be appropriate for her to sleep with someone she isn’t married to? According to all legal experts I’ve consulted, that is in fact the correct course of action, which makes her little trick all the more insidious. Of course I was angry with her, and I banished her to one of our country estates, even though that turned out to be as much of a punishment for me than for her. My pain was only enhanced when our daughter (9F), whom I sent away with her, got sick and I had to visit her. To see my beloved with our darling little girl in her arms, and know that I might never see them again... Well, it was too much. I decided that my favourite’s banishment should only be temporary, but I didn’t quite know when to end it.

Then mother suddenly called my favourite back home, just to visit our children, which was admittedly a bit suspicious, especially when she was then attacked on the way by bandits; then again, she apparently also sent the party that eventually helped save her, so it might’ve been just a coincidence. Either way, hearing that she might’ve died, then spending the whole night with the rescue party, only to see her lying near death on the forrest floor... It was all a little too much for me. I took her home and let her stay for good, despite my mother’s protestations, and while I couldn’t marry her immediately for fear of losing face, my mind was already made. But when my mother sent me another concubine, which I had to refuse, I just knew the time was right. I needed to state my committment to her loud and clear.

I chose the circumcission of my three sons for that purpose. After all, why waste the biggest celebration this family has seen in years? I did not tell anyone, not even my future wife of my intentions – I might’ve dropped a few cheeky hints here and there, but not enough for anyone to connect the dots. When I brought my bride to watch the ceremony, her happiness more than made up for the difficulties of the past few months. We then went to tell our family, which was gathered for the afforementioned triple circumcission, and... Well, I probably should’ve seen their reactions coming. They still made me second guess my decision – not to marry my favourite, the more I think, the more convinced I am that I should’ve done that years ago. But mayhaps keeping them in the dark this whole time might’ve been a little bit insensitive towards them? I don’t know; that’s why I’m turning to redditors.

COMMENTS

manfromparga Okay, ngl that was kind of a hillarious story! And God no, you should not have told them beforehand! They would’ve tried to ruin it anyway! It seems your family is a bunch of scheming bastards. You don’t need their approval. - thebossakinci Agreed! I myself have experience with meddlesome parents – not mine, they are chill, but myfather-in-law was a cockblocking jackass. And mother is a much easier obstacle to overcome! - moonofdestiny500 There you are! You okay, man? I’ve heard you ended up in a hospital! What happened? -- manfromparga Ah, nothing. Minor incident. As you can see, I am well enough to use reddit lol

ButterflyPrincess Hmm. That’s a difficult situation. On the one hand, I understand that disapproving parents can be a pain in the ass – I myself faced the same issue. More because of my husband’s station than because of personal disagreements with my parents, but still. On the other hand, maybe your mother has a point at least in the fact that after tricking you like that, your concubine DEFINITELLY didn’t deserve your full forgiveness? Let her stay in your house, fine, for the sake of your children, but I feel like if my husband pulled a fast one on me like that, I couldn’t possibly forgive him? Then again, maybe if you really, really love her and if she’s really so wonderful despite her flaws, and if (and that’s a big if) you’re not leaving out some more legitimate reasons for your mother to be mad at her... Hmm. I don’t know. - manfromparga https://www.reddit.com/media?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.redd.it%2F3gf3i18hcf0a1.jpg - ButterflyPrincess OH GO FUCK YOURSELF. God. Why do you have to be a dick under every single comment I write?! -- moonofdestiny500 Ahh there’s our good ButterflyPrincess and manfromparga banter! -- Genghiskhanwithteats1001 ButterflyPrincess x manfromparga. 500k, enemies-to-lovers, slow burn... -- ButterflyPrincess GO TO HELL YOU VULTURES. -- manfromparga I am honestly offended by the suggestion that I would fuck a pathetic old maid like ButterflyPrincess lol

FeelsLikeABot Okay, dude, but can we talk about the fact that you just. Freed your concubine and didn’t think about the fact that you aren’t going to be able to sleep with her anymore? Serves you right for being an idiot. - RoyalTurquoise7 Agreed! That’s very basic islamic law, man. Where did you go to school again?! Overall YTA, but like... Not a big one? I mean, you did free a slave and made her an honest woman, even if you did do that for stupid reasons.

Genghiskhanwithteats1001 HAHAHA. No, fuck your mum. You don’t owe her shit. Honestly, your wife is kinda boss for pulling a fast one on you like that. Is she on reddit?

- M&MCustodian Yes, actually! She’s smilingsultana. -- moonofdestiny500 SMILINGSULTANA IS YOUR WIFE?! Lucky bastard! To be honest, I wouldn’t even clock her as a slave woman. She rocks. NTA. Or maybe YTA for not marrying smilingsultana sooner.

***

AITA for making my best friend divorce his wife (that he didn’t want!) so I can sleep with her? by user manfromparga My friend (45M), whom I will call Fatih, has a very sordid romantic history. His most recent romantic relationship was that time he flirted with one of my servants, only for her to turn out to be a spy??? Yeah, he was forced to throw her into the Bosphorus himself, it was pretty fucked. I should also note that he only avoided charges of treason thanks to my intervention, which will be important down the line. But anyway. Since then, Fatih gave up on finding love entirely and started living disorderly – he visit a tavern nearly every day, getting drunk and sleeping around. It’s pretty awful, especially since our friendship is well-known by public, and I am curretly holding a high office, so being associated with such wastrel is extremely inconvenient for me. I thought marrying him off might help, and my wife (31F) agreed with me – hell, she even found an excellent wife for him, a servant of ours we could call Filiz (30?F). The problem is, me and Filiz have a history.

A few years ago, me and Filiz served the same household, and our paths often met. I slowly became aware of Filiz‘ crush on me, though she didn’t act on it, and it largely manifested as her faithful service to me and my wife, so I wasn’t too bothered by it. Then our son died, my wife became depressed, and so her mother took her into the countryside, hoping that a change of enviroment would do her good. It did, but Filiz also used that opportunity to seduce me. Now, I reacted as is appropriate to such a situation – I distanced myself from her, sent her to another household, I even thought of marrying her off, though that didn’t quite work out. But she continued to make ruckus, bursting into tears in front of me, writing love letters, even threatening suicide. Soon, I got pretty sick of it. However, in the meantime, my wife continued to be just as difficult – you see, she is from a much more high-born family than me, and neither she, nor her family ever forget to remind me of that fact. And Filiz’s over-the-top gestures of affection made me think that if I was married to her, she would never humiliate me in the same way. After all, as all the men of reddit can attest, a man has his needs, and one of those needs is to be the head of his family. But because of my wife’s superior status, that wasn’t the case with me. I only did what any other man would do – started looking for affection elsewhere.

As Fatih’s wedding was approaching, my desire for Filiz grew. And Fatih made it abundantly clear that he didn’t want a wife at all. So shortly after the wedding I made a pact with him: on his wedding night, he will divorce his wife, that as mentioned he did not want anyway, and he will let me sleep with her, using the public charade of a marriage as a cover. It’s an easy, convenient solution to both of our problems. The only problem is, I might’ve impugned on his manly pride somehow by denying him his lawful wife? But as I’ve said, he consented to the whole thing, and I’ve mentioned he has a life debt towards me, so it’s a bit of a grey area. But then, what is this subreddit if not for clearing up grey areas? So tell me, am I the asshole here?

COMMENTS

smilingsultana Okay, can we talk about the fact that YOU ARE MARRIED?! Does your wife know you’re here, writing this shit as if she didn’t exist?! - moonofdestiny500 Agreed. Ugh, thanks smilingsultana for being the only sane person out here, lol! - M&MCustodian Here comes smilingsultana, defender of women and children haha. I mean, his wife sounds like a proper bitch. Maybe she had it coming? Like if I lived with that kind of harridan and couldn’t divorce her, I 100% would do the same and worse. -- moonofdestiny500 Wow, that’s a very nice, comforting thing to hear from one’s husband. Smilingsultana, why do you put up with this douchebag again?! --- smilingsultana He’s not that bad in person lol --- manfromparga White knighting much? ---- RoyalTurquoise7 Wait. I thought moonofdestiny is a woman? Just from their general writing style. ----- smilingsultana No, he always says he’s a guy. I mean unless he’s lying or something lol.

thebossakinci NTA in this particullar case, but jury’s still out on the whole adultery thing. I know your wife probably has your balls in an iron grip, but can‘t you really just divorce her? Like I personally would rather die that stay in a marriage with such a bitch. Honestly there’s a reason why I am not married lol. Especially not for money. - manfromparga I did not marry for money. Like yes she’s rich, but I genuinely loved her. I was young and stupid, what can I say.

moonofdestiny500 There’s just... So much else wrong with this picture that I didn’t even notice that this „Filiz“ sounds completely insufferable??? Like I have a servant just like this, and worse. I don’t know how bad your wife is, man, but I guarantee you that fucking a yandere does not make her more bearable. Not that I ever tried haha. - FeelsLikeABot https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/SuspiciouslySpecificDenial

ButterflyPrincess Wow. Manfromparga just keeps digging trough the bottom of the barrel, doesn’t he? Like I guess we now know where his misogyny comes from, but still. Punishing every other woman for your own unhappy marriage is pretty heinous.

#magnificent century #sultan süleyman #hürrem sultan #mahidevran sultan #nigar kalfa #şah sultan #aybige hatun #hatice sultan #bali bey #ibrahim pasha

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