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crowsblogs · 1 month
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I know this is more of a vent, but it's the reality of OCD. I wish I didn't have it. It's not a disorder where you "have to have everything organized" or "always clean." For me, it's constant anxiety over not knowing if I hurt someone by not doing this or that.
It's the embarrassment when I have to tell people "you can't sit in that chair", because it's not theirs, but it's not mine, it's the plastic box with empty pill bottles in it chair.
It's the anxiety and disappointment of my mind telling me just how many self harm acts I have to make until it's "right."
It's the panic I have with myself when my intrusive thoughts tell me to attack someone.
It's the terror when I have play by play scenarios about events that won't happen.
It's the disgust with the instrusive thoughts I have that cause me to doubt and question everything.
It's the shame when I can't leave my own residence for more than a few hours due to thinking my mind trying to tell me that my building burned down or got struck by a disaster.
It's the embarrassment when my home is messy because I can't move anything, because it's all in the "right spot."
It's the lonliness I feel when I can't express to others just how much this affects me.
People just don't understand what ocd is, and then getting and finding correct treatment seems even rougher. I'm trying my hardest. It's hard when your ocd isn't labeled as disabling by your therapist. It's fucking exhausting. I just want some rest from it.
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catgirl-catboy · 1 year
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sorry if this comes off as rude or in bad faith but i'm interested in hearing your reasons on why you dislike saiouma? again, not trying to be rude, i'm just interested since it's one of the big popular ships and i think you have interesting danganronpa takes
@crowssoul2 sent another ask with the same idea, so allow me to respond to them both here instead of trying to cut an essay in half.
Nah! You didn't seem rude at all! I am more than happy to overanalyze Danganronpa, since I love Danganronpa to death. I am just as happy to be asked what I thought they failed @ then to be asked what I liked. Hell, I'll even enjoy civil discussion about why you disagree with my takes. (except maybe my take on the great Chihiro discourse, since bystanders always get pissy at that one)
Also, to preface this, this is a ship and let ship blog. I'm glad all you Saiouma shippers are having fun. Also, I love all the ship art you make. If you enjoy what we got, this isn't a personal attack. Honestly, I wish I were one of you since there's so much more content that way.
I feel like I dislike Saiouma because their canon dynamic went against the themes of the work. Kokichi, as a character, represents lies, which is one of the major themes of Drv3. (The same way Makoto represents hope and Junko represents despair) This seems really obvious to say, but is important to my point. A characters relationship with Kokichi should mirror their relationship with lies.
A good example of this done right is Kaito. Listen, his writing irks me, but his relationship with Kokichi is one of my favorite things about him. (Still can't get behind Oumota bc of Kaito's personality, but that doesn't mean I dislike the foils OR the shippers)
Kaito pretends to hate lies, as heroes should. But his heroic personality is in fact, a lie he tells. Not out of malice, but because that's who he wants to be. (Think Kaito:Hero as Gundam:Dark God) He lies to protect people, and hide his illness. As a result, he's willing to work with Kokichi to... protect Maki, conceal his identity, (which includes hiding his illness) and from a certian POV, be a hero! It makes perfect sense.
Another good example of this is Maki. She hates Kokichi, because she hates lies. Her hatred of Kokichi is actually tied to him revealing one of her lies, a lie that was causing her quite a lot of stress. But... she also directly benefits from Kokichi. He saved her life. Unrelated tangent (sarcasm), what was revealed to be a lie in Ch6? Her feelings for Kaito. Let me rephrase that sentence: She hates LIES but she also directly benefits from them (her feelings for Kaito improving her mental health)
I wish that theme carried over into other characters the same way it did for those two. There are some other parallels I can draw (Ryoma liking Kokichi to an extent, Kirumi playing tag with him) but those two are the most obvious and explicit.
So its sad that characters with a complicated relationship with lies don't also have a complicated relationship with Kokichi, the embodiment of lies.
Himiko lives a lie. Lying is needed for her job. But her lies almost got her killed in chapter 2, and Tenko going along with her lie doesn't help. How does this reflect in her interactions with Kokichi? It doesn;t.
Kaede lied to us, the motherfucking audience. Honestly, thats arguably just as impressive as Kokichi ever pulled. What is her relationship with Kokichi? Kokichi acts sort of like a mentor figure to HER in the tunnels, and stands up against her. I like that, but give that plot beat to someone else. (Kaito makes the most sense, but give it to Tenko since I love her.)
Danganronpa itself is a lie, a work of fiction. And Tsumugi is obsessed with it.
In fact, this applies to the v3 casts dynamic with Kokichi as a whole. Almost everyone dislikes and distrusts Kokichi, despite the big reveal of being liars themselves. I'd write it as "everyone pretends to hate Kokichi (lies), but actually don't mind him that much. However, they think everyone else hates Kokichi so they go along with the group." to foreshadow the big reveal that they themselves are lies told by Tsumugi.
And Shuichi suffers from this the most.
Shuichi's Ch1 arc is summed up by "Shuichi learns to face the truth for the first time with that case, and stops averting his eyes." In other words, on the Truth vs Lies scale, Shuichi begins the series aligned with LIES.
The rest of the game shows Shuichi gradually becoming a paragon of Truth to go against Kokichi's lies- ONLY FOR IT TO BE REVEALED IN CH6 THAT HE HIMSELF IS A LIE.
That he is, a fictional character and a pawn in someone elses game. It then becomes a Schrodinger's cat on the alignment scale I mentioned earlier. Was Shuichi's journey to the Truth end of the scale fake or not?
The game settles upon a hesitant no at the end of it, (I disagree, since the games mechanics tell a different story) when Shuichi ventures out into the world with the other survivors to find the truth upon whats out there.
Thats a HECK of a complicated relationship with lies. It should equal a heck of a complicated relationship with Kokichi, right? WRONG.
The canon Saiouma dynamic is basically
"Kokichi likes and teases Saihara, while Shuichi is annoyed by Kokichi until his death, when he gradually begins to come around. Despite this, Kokichi (and the lie mechanic) is surprisingly helpful in trials"
(actually the localization changed this quite a bit, but I'm going off the English version since this is what I actually played. That being said, its a fascinating topic that you should look into if you're as obsessed as I am.)
While the fanon is more akin to:
"Shuichi gradually gets drawn in by Kokichi and learns to accept his quirks."
(maybe shippers will disagree with me about those dynamics, since again, not my cup of tea.)
Meanwhile a Saiouma dynamic I can get behind is:
"Shuichi is drawn in by Kokichi (lies), and feels a sort of magnetism to him. But he knows it isn't a good idea, and he knows it isn't right. Kokichi's feelings are unclear at first due to his nature, but it turns out he has a love-hate relationship with Shuichi (truth). He'll rely on him sometimes, but rebuff him at others with seemingly no logic from his end."
In other words, I'd do a semi-reversal of the canon dynamic.
NOTE: I am not saying I'm a writing genius or anything. Hindsight is 20/20, and I'm sure if Kodaka could magically remake his games he'd stomp my rewrite to the ground.
You asked why I dislike it, and that's my explanation. But please allow me to go a step further and speculate why things are this way.
At about the same time you sent me your ask, my good friend Crow sent me this:
"I don't like Saiouma because well Komahina is exactly what the black romance should be while Saiouma is just feels like another Shuichi ship. Do you get my point?
Shuichi and Hajime is entirely different characters while Komaeda and Kokichi different af too like, they can't hit the Komahina dynamic like they intended to do, this is why Saiouma is just another Shuichi ship while Komahina is THE SHIP.
If you want to do a homoerotic Shuichi ship who would be the next Komahina you shouldn't do that with Kokichi at all, maybe Rantaro? But Rantaro isnt work well too like there is no Komaeda for him to work the Komahina. Saiouma felt poorly executed idea of a black romance, if I need to be honest Oumaede would be more fitting for the Komahina dynamic despite Kaede is just pov character.
So yeah there is no Komahina in drv3 because they tried to play the same tropes with very different characters and very different stories, I even felt more interested in Saihoshi despite Ryoma only been around 2 chapters than Kokichi. That is the problem in here"
I felt like I can't answer one of these asks without referencing what I said in the other ask, so I just both answered them both together. (no hard feelings?)
In case you haven't read Homestuck (wise call, honestly) Black romance is basically non-sexual hatefucking. Usually, there's an undertone of mutual respect, but not always. Felt like that context was important.
Komeada and Kokichi ARE different characters. From a narrative standpoint, Komeada completely turns existing themes like Hope and Talent into complex issues in the Drverse, while in THH they were pretty black and white. Meanwhile, Kokichi's introduction is the introduction to the theme of truth vs lies.
In other words (Makoto is to Nagito (and later to Hajime and Izuru) as Kokichi is to Shuichi) The second takes the theme from the first, and massively expands on it! ...Despite Shuichi and Kokichi being in the same game.
Despite this, the reason people think they are similar is because Kokichi piggybacks too hard on Nagito and Komahina's success.
What does Nagito have in common with Togami, other than being an antagonistic force. Not much, actually! Togami fucked up a corpse while Nagito fucked up his own body, and that distinction is all that needs to be said I think.
Togami would look down upon Nagito if they ever met, and Nagito'd be into that.
What does Kokichi have in common with Nagito?
They want to make an unsolvable murder in which poison was involved and they got someone to kill them.
They both have a one sided crush on their protagonist, that the protagonist doesn't think exists. (Kokichi confessed, but perks of being a chronic liar)
They both are the MVP in almost every trial they are in, with one notable exception for each of them. Thats... kind of a lot, actually! I do think they are noticeably different characters, especially on a thematic level, but I can see why people notice that. I can also see why people would find that bad! Nagito was the star of Dr2, hands down. If you were one of the few people that isn't a total Nagito simp, then a very simmilar character getting screentime might be annoying since you have Nagito fatigue from the last game. and if you are a Nagito simp, then Kokichi will likely never be his own dude with so much in common. You'll see him as a lesser Nagito and want him back. I agree with Crow when he says "Saiouma just feels like another ship. I found it hard to articulate why I feel that paradoxically feels like a rip-off of another ship I liked, but also had no bite to it. And then it hit me. Until Chapter four, Kokichi never did anything that warranted Nagito levels of hatred. (of course, this is entirely subjective. I hate Kaito pretty much for being annoying and fitting into tropes I dislike without commenting on it. If you think this is enough to hate Kokichi, power to you!) By the end of chapter one of Dr2, Nagito:
Attempted to 1st degree murder a fan-favorite character, with a deliberately confusing and unsympathetic (at this point in time) motive to do so.
Goaded another character (that most fans hated, but still) into committing that murder FOR him. The only time we ever saw that level of insanity was Celeste, and Teruteru is no Hifumi in terms of gullibility. (Celeste had plot armor anyway.)
Sat back and monologues while everyone's ass was on the line. If Hajime and the others voted wrong, everyone would have died.
Showed NO remorse over any of it. Seemed to enjoy it.
This one is more meta but: he shows despair eyes, which previously were only seen on the big bad of the first game. Characters have every reason to hate the guy. Soda and Nekomaru were absolutely correct in taking him out, and I'd argue that you should maybe go father by putting him in a public area and gagging his mouth unless it's mealtime. Meanwhile, by chapter three, Kokichi has:
Stood up to Kaede in the tunnels, which most students agree was the right call.
Showed emotions over Rantaro's death, but due to his lying they can't be sure if they were genuine.
Was civil (if a bit wierd) to Kaede right before her execution.
Bullied Kiibo. Yes, bullying is- bad but look me in the eye and tell me its worse than murder. You can't.
Shared the motive videos in the insect meet and greet. This is the major strike against him, but its reasonable to assume he did this with good intentions.
While doing that, tortured them with bugs when it wasn't really needed for the plan to work.
(okay, this one didn't actually happen and I will die on this hill, but the main group thinks it did so I'm counting it) Tricked Gonta into helping with his plans.
Saved our asses in the second trial.
Saved our asses in the post-trial portion of chapter 2
Not joined a cult that was forming in our school. Also did not stop Gonta from joining the cult, which doesn't point to a pattern of controlling behavior from Shuichi's POV.
Was key in getting to Angie's body. Pun intended.
Helped out during the seance.
While arguably not the MVP in trial 3, he still contributed a great deal. Do those lists of crimes seem equal to you? It takes Kokichi 3 chapters to do something that is, at most, Hiyoko level. Maybe Byakuya level, but thats pushing it. Yet, the characters treat Nagito and Kokichi with about equal annoyance and disdain. The v3 cast, of course, doesn't know that Nagito exists. But we, the players, know. Its like we got prologue Nagito for almost four chapters, but prologue Nagito was also kind of a bitch? But also possibly well-meaning and OP as fuck. This concludes my analysis! Do you agree? Disagree? I'd love to hear thoughts.
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etcrow · 2 years
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Am I writing too much about Solomon and MC? Naaaaahhhhh
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caramelmochacrow · 1 year
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SOMEONE SOEMOEN ECOMMEMNTED ON MY YUKEASESO FUICK FUDSUHOLY SHIT
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photophoros · 1 year
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Commission for @crowtalker ! thanks so much, this piece was fun :)
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dovingly · 7 months
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hi :) my commissions are open! please read all the rules, ty!
now closed, thank you!
click here for info & form!
✧ I will have a very heavy bias towards spooky, halloween and autumnal themes
✧ you may ask for things not listed on the document
✧ you may ask for a quote!
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kitteqq · 10 months
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WHY IS EVERYONES BDAY IN JULY. HAPPY BELATED BDAY CTOMMY CTUBBO AND TODAY CPURPLED?????? WHOS NEXT????? CRANBOO???
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crow-lees · 1 year
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keepin this account as strictly art! my personal blog is @crowbloggings where I'll reblog pwetty pictures and funny memes and be more chatty
feel free to follow ❤️ feels weird to be back hahaha.
also pls send me asks here...... I want tumblr asks...... O_O
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the-crownouns-boy · 1 year
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please. asks. I only have one request left and I can't do it yet :( please I'm so bored send requests
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gravingly · 10 months
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playing ds3 and i've blown through bosses with a little difficulty but i'm ecstatic i got the gay mod to work. solely because i love women and also i love anris fem voice so very much
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crowsblogs · 2 months
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I love how there's no solution for people with hearing loss that isn't "too bad" for hearing aids, but still struggle immensely because your hearing isn't as it should be. People don't understand and I wish they could.
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catgirl-catboy · 1 year
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Hey! I watched the new total drama season you send I enjoyed the new season I must say
Did you enjoyed it? What is your opinions?
I really did enjoy it, but I also think it had the same flaws as the rest of the total drama series, as expected. (the danganronpa ask is sitting half completed because I got a case of the TD brainworms!)
Namely, that except for gen 2, every generation has a character whose personality is 80% fart jokes. Now, I love me a fart joke as much as any self-respecting 12 y/o boy, so its not that I don't find them funny. But I also think that a character shouldn't just be gross-out humor, and should have some other qualities to them. How does Ripper's bullying affect the goal of the game. Why is he on total drama if his main ambition in life is something else? He clearly feels insecure, but so does his designated victim. Explore that!
One take I saw floating around is that Emma and Chase's relationship is repetitive and annoying. That was the point! You aren't meant to ship them, and Bowie's thoughts on them are meant to mirror the audiences! That being said, I hope they change up the dynamic in season 2 because doing it for another season would get stale.
This is more of a personal preference than a complaint with the writing, but I found Raj's arc in this boring. "realizing you are gay because of a crush and then kissing him" is really overdone, and it felt like the main players in the Rajbow ship were Bowie and WAYNE. This isn't a bad thing, but I hope he becomes a more distinct character in season 2. Maybe Bowie can teach him game strategy and he betrays Wayne to stay in the game longer tee hee hee.
I also don't really agree with the take that Bowie is bad rep because he's a very stereotypical gay man. A lot of total drama characters are based off stereotypes, like Lindsey being the Dumb Blonde and Heather being the Mean Girl. They evolve beyond those tropes throughout the reason of the show, and we actually see that with Bowie in just the one season he was in so far! After Raj got eliminated, he did a whole bunch of plot relevant shit that didn't involve him and was a compelling character outside of his romance plot. I call that a sign of good writing, but this is total drama so who knows if it will last.
And I don't think that TD is saying all gay man are stereotypical, because we have Raj, who is very much not that. He's a dumb jock that happens to be gay, and falls into the jock stereotype more than any gay one. I really respect that writing choice.
Pryia is one of my favorite TD characters, but season 1 Court still takes the number one spot. (even if she is hanging on Hall Monitor coattails!) I adore her! She totally deserved the win.
They made Axel too much like Eva and it felt like a really missed opportunity. We already have Eva and Jo, can we have a more GNC gal character that isn't totally aggressive? I'd like that. Hopefully, she becomes more of a player in the second series?
I also wish they gave Julia a different strategy than Heather. If a character needs constant immunity to stay in the game, then maybe they deserve to leave the game at that stage. Its overdone. I also feel like Julia showed skills in turning people against each other, which could have easily been her M.O. That being said, my favorite Villain Elimination by a longshot.
I really liked the energy brought to the jokes about Zee's leg. It doesn't come up often since my hearing aid isn't too visible, but if I have the opportunity to joke about my disability, I will take it! He's probably one of my favorite disabled rep besides Toph, and I'm glad that he wasn't looked down upon by his team during challenges. He didn't struggle with any challenges, and his leg actually helped at one point!
(one time, a teacher asked in frustration if anyone was deaf in here. Saying "Yes :)" was my crowning achievement and one of the best jokes I ever made. Its not relevant, but c'mon.)
I wish he had more of a character outside of comic relief, but still!!!
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etcrow · 2 years
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Hi there!
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donaldbergerson27 · 2 years
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nutnoce · 2 years
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Walnut, commissioned by @crowtalker
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dovingly · 6 months
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just a heads up I will be away from Thursday October 19th to Thursday October 26th. I will be completely and utterly unavailable during this time!! Advent calendar days ??? and New Moon have been moved to the 18th, and Peculiar Doll will be posted alongside Poison Swamp on the 27th. thank you! ♥
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