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buzz-london · 2 years

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Why celebrate PRIDE?

Why celebrate PRIDE? (bit long...but pls read till end) Here is a speech I gave at JBR Capital's Townhall today -

Is it OK to discriminate against someone who is disabled? Is it OK to discriminate against someone because of their age? Is it OK to discriminate against someone because of their creed? Is it OK to discriminate against someone because of their colour? Is it OK to discriminate against someone because of their gender? Is it OK to discriminate against someone because of their ethnicity?

Then WHY is it OK to discriminate against someone because of their sexuality?

Did you know that Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Leonardo De Vinci, William Shakespeare, Florence Nightingale were all from the LGBTQ community.

Roberta Cowell, WWII fighter pilot, racing car driver – 1st one to have gender transformation surgery.

Alan Turing invented a computer that could break the Enigma code!

But he was driven to suicide because of his sexuality. Just think, what else he could have invented, had he been allowed to live and not be persecuted for his sexuality.

Despite contributing to the society, despite paying tax, despite being creative, entrepreneurial, empathetic, intelligent, brave, patriotic, skilled, LGBTQ people were criminalised solely for their sexuality. Police used to regularly hunt them down, entrap them, punish them, simply for liking someone of their own gender!

In 2022, in 11 countries, you can be sentenced to death for being gay.

In 15 countries, you can be jailed for cross dressing or being trans in any way.

In 43 countries, being a lesbian can land you in jail. Just think how this would impact women with children.

In 71 countries, gay men can be jailed. These are laws against consensual activities between adults behind closed doors!

Often these laws are misused to malign people, ruin careers, destroy businesses, break up families. Malaysian deputy PM has had his life turned upside down because of such accusations.

Because of incidences like these, people have had to hide their feelings, emotions, relationships from everyone around them. Because if the truth came-out, their lives would be ruined. They were not hurting anyone with their love, but they were hurt badly if their love was made known to others. For centuries, societies have made criminals out of decent, honest human beings. It forces people to lie and cheat because society is unwilling to accept the truth of who they are.

Living in the closet is horrendous. Not only is it lonely, it is scarily lonely. You are scared of even whispering about your feelings. Opening the closet by even a small crack is fraught with countless dangers. Letting in fresh air isn’t easy. It doesn’t just blow away cobwebs within the closet, it blows away everything you found comfortable in your life. Closets are miserable prisons – worse – they force you to live a lie out in the open. There is no place to hide, yet you must hide, every single moment of your waking life!

About 53 years ago, for the 1st time, some LGBTQ people in NY decided enough was enough and started a movement to establish their human rights – rights we happily give to everyone, till we find out they are LGBTQ. How does anyone’s sexuality make them less than human?

London had its first PRIDE march 50 years ago. First time on 5000 years!

Only 18 years ago, law allowed a person to change their gender. Equal marriage act is only 8 years old. We are still waiting for the rights of a trans parent to put their names on a birth certificate.

Why is this important to ‘me’? It is important because it impact ‘me’, you, people you know and people you might love.

Your best friend, your cousin, your relative, your colleague could be LGBTQ and not be able to share that fact with you, because they are not sure how YOU will react. They are not sure if they will loose your love, respect and relationship by coming out.

How is this important to ‘me’?

My transgender daughter feared all these consequences – and more.

She knew she was trans at the age of 12. She didn’t come out to me till she was 18, because she wasn’t sure what will happen if she came out. For 6 long years, she suffered, afraid at every turn of being ‘discovered’. 6 years! As a parent, you don’t want your child to suffer for 6 seconds, let alone 6 years!

Her underlying health issues were amplified through anxiety, depression, self-harm – because she was not sure what will happen if she came out. She had read and seen enough on the internet, youtube, to know what happens to kids who come out as ‘trans-gender’. She was worried, what will her friends say? Will the ‘family’ refuse to speak to her? Will her parents throw her out of her home? She read and heard that all this can and does happen!

She feared for her future. This, despite knowing I was LGBTQ-friendly. Despite knowing I had volunteered for the Terrance Higgins Trust in the 90s when AIDS was a big scare. Despite knowing how I drilled the importance of equality in to every air cadet I trained at the ATC. Still, coming out was still a HUGE barrier for her.

Sometimes, the biggest thing we have to fear is fear itself!

When my daughter eventually came out to me, she was surprised how much of an ally I was. Her brother was only 13 at the time, but he supported her straight away. Neither of us wanted her to scream silently for the next 80 years. We didn’t want to condemn her to a straightjacketed life in a closet for the rest of her life. Its not a life anyone would wish on their loved one.

Despite support from her university and friends, she waited for 18 months before coming out to the wider family. But when she did, she was surprised how accepting and welcoming everyone was! From great grand-aunts and uncles who were in their 80s to cousins who were still toddlers, everyone accepted ‘Anastasia’ as their own. Last year, when she picked up her courage and wore female clothes at an Indian wedding, everyone there accepted her as a friend of the bride. No one made an adverse comment!

Ofcourse, she has a long journey ahead and there will be some people who wont accept her for who she is. Ofcourse there will be bumps and ofcourse she will have to face subtle and overt discrimination on occasions.

But she knows that amongst her friends and family she will always have unconditional love and acceptance. Always!

This is why we celebrate PRIDE. To give everyone – people of LGBTQ community and their friends and allies – an occasion to show their support for each other and to say, Live and Let Live!

#lgbtq #me

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transamorousnetwork · 2 years

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Am I Attracted To Transgender People?

Dear The Transamorous Network,

I’m Jay and I’ve been interested in your site for a while. The only thing is, I don’t know exactly where I fall in the whole transamorous thing. Because I can’t really say that I’m specifically into transgender women.

What I find is that I’m a straight man actually into clean shaven effeminate men who cross dress. Unlike trans-attracted men, I pretty much label what I have as a fetish. I compare it to men who are into dressing up in leather, but instead, I’m into gay guys that dress up in women’s clothing and wear makeup. I’ve know this since I was in my early 20’s and now I’m in my late 50’s. But I struggled with it because I was afraid that this made me gay. So I explored that just to see if it was the case and as hard as I tried, I was just not into men. Not into muscles, penises, bodily hair, masculine men, bears, twinks, etc. But an effeminate gay guy dressed in women’s clothing was a turn on.

In my 30’s I had the opportunity to be with 2 cross dressers and it was amazing. Neither evolved into sex, but there were numerous kissing sessions with both and I can say the level of sensuality was incomparable.

Here’s the twist. I’m married and have been for 20 years. But still, I have that part of me that still has this attraction, however I have no intention nor desire to act on it. My outlet is through cross dresser porn once in awhile. I will not venture past that because I refuse to cheat on my wife with a cross dresser or anyone else for that matter. So this feeling is something that will obviously not go away and it’s not hurting anyone so I’m just trying to accept it.

My reason I’m writing this is because I don’t know where I fit into the transamorous title. When I’m watching adult materials, I actually skip the transgender section and go straight to the cross dresser section of the gay site to find depictions of bottom cross dressers being intimate with top men. And again, the level of intimacy and chemistry that I enjoy is unmatchable. So I’m not sure if there are others who relate to this.

Lost in my sexuality

Howdie Lost!

There’s no need to label your interests. Especially no need labeling your interest as a “fetish”. Your interest is not “abnormal”. “Normal” gets us all into so much trouble. What’s normal is, the vast diversity of everything, including sexual and romantic interests as well as sexual and romantic expression. So just enjoy what you enjoy and be done with this.

Your interest as you describe it doesn’t fit in the category “Transamorous” though. Transamorous as defined by its creator (not me) means “someone who is romantically interested in transgender people.” You describe your interest as categorically not that.

Now, some cross dressers are likely somewhere along a trajectory leading toward perhaps some version of transitioning from male to female. That could make that person trans, even if they don’t recognize it in them yet, in the same way trans-attracted men would, strictly, be defined as “queer”. But again, who cares if your interest falls into whatever category?

What we offer, in terms of encouraging people towards what they want, towards greater self-appreciation, self-acceptance and self-love, applies equally to everyone. Not just transgender and trans-attracted people even though that’s our focus at The Transamorous Network. In other words, no reason exists justifying you feeling confused, bunged up or shameful about what you find attractive, arousing or alluring. Enjoy your experience for what it is: a unique expression of what you uniquely are.

So what that you’re married. You can be married and still enjoy your attraction. It would be better if your marriage partner knew this about you, of course. That could afford greater freedom of both expression and being. But I can understand if they (your marriage partner) don’t know and you wanting to keep them in the dark, as many marriages aren’t built so much on trust and honesty as they are on desire, security and social norms.

The whole “am I gay” story trips so many people up, you’d think it’s the only option to “straight”. But there are as many variations of human sexual and gender expression as there are people. I would encourage you to drop labels and attempts to categorize yourself and accept who you are as you are and know what you are is right…just as you are. Relief you might feel in that may open more doors to all kinds of pleasurable futures.

Life is meant as a fun experience. Make it so by telling stories consistent with that. Then watch how your life becomes fun, the way it’s meant to be.

TTN

Dear The Transamorous Network,

Wow…wow!

Thanks so much for this affirming and uplifting reply. This made my day! I’ve had this attraction for years and have always kept it as my private joy.

I must admit that there was a ton of “confusion” in regards to my orientation at first but I never felt that I was gay because the litmus test that I used was that I had no desire to “receive.” By that, I mean even though I had a major turn on for transvestites, I had no desire to give oral or receive anal from them. I suppose to put it in gay terms, I would be considered a top. And not that this means anything, but we like what we like.

In regards to sharing this with my wife, I’m still a bit shy about doing that. Although she is liberal, there are still some conservative resembling opinions that I’m sure would inhibit her from fully embracing that part of me. I also know that there are people who are fully aware of their spouses’ tastes, but they make it work. For example, I belong to an Atheist organization and met a woman at one of the conventions who was happily married to a man, yet she identified as bi-sexual. For her, it was enough to state that she is bi-sexual and she has no desire to cheat on her husband. Likewise, I can say that I have an insatiable attraction to transvestites, but it doesn’t mean that I am going out there to live out my fantasy. I was with a gay crossdresser years ago and while it was very intimate, we did not go the whole way. But for me, that memory is enough for me to cherish because without a doubt, it was one of the most sensual, intimate experiences of my life.

I think that what it boils down to is that we all like what we like and there’s nothing at wrong with it as long as no one is getting hurt or taken advantage of. I’m trying to embrace this more and more and your response has helped me tremendously already.

So thank you for your words of encouragement. You are very good at this and I’m sure that you’re helping a lot of men who are dealing with a lack of self-acceptance.

All my very best,

Lost, but now found

#transgender #transattracted #transamorous men #transisbeautiful #transgirl #transamorous #mtf #men who love transwomen #transamorous network #transattraction

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bouqetofpoppies · 5 years

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The Angel Beelzebub was different looking to other angels, but still beautiful in their own right. Unlike the others, who chose to present as male or female and took on the more obvious attributes of those genders, they didn't really know what they were. And they thought that was okay. They didn't have a broad chest and shoulders and the sexual organ like a man, but they certainly didn't have breasts and the sexual organ of a female. In fact, in their opinion, they didn't really have anything.

Unlike most demons, who preferred blonde hair that was yards long, they had short and choppy black hair that hung about their face. They wore the customary white clothing, but it wasn't nearly as office or business like as people would thing. In fact, right now, they were wearing white shorts and a pale grey top. As for shoes, they didn't wear those odd looking pants shoes that other demons wore. They actually found a pair of socks that they thought were cute, white fishnets that reached about ankle length, and white shoes that made their feet look tiny.

Not only was their appearance different, their beliefs were to. They were currently in what the humans called the "Twenty-First Century", and they had noticed a lot of change, not just in this century, but over history. The thing that caught their eye the most was a new movement, the "LGBTQ+ Movement".

They honestly had no clue what LGBTQ+ stood for. Could it be a new race? No, that wasn't right. People all over the world were fighting for racial equality already. Was it a new gender? That seemed to fit somewhere... they just couldn't figure out how. And so, they descended to earth to figure it out.

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After infiltrating a "pride parade" as the humans called it, Beelzebub looked around. Their were stalls selling food in obscene shapes, but makes and females didn't seem to care. Their were stalls of shirts and pins and skirts and pants and every article of clothing imaginable. And the flags... there were so many. The most prominent was a beautiful rainbow flag that seemed to be everywhere they looked.

They loved the rainbow flag instantly, because it was so pretty and for some reason it brought a lot of smiles to lots of males and females and even people with... what's that word... androgynous styles.

The rainbow flag wasn't the only one. Their was a pink, blue, and purple flag. Their was a flag that was white, black, and purple. There was a pink, blue, and white flag. But what caught their eye, almost seemed to draw them in, was a yellow, white, black, and purple flag.

Beelzebub hated those colors. Yellow never looked good on them, they were to much white, and purple and black were demonic colors anyway. But this flag... they didn't know what it was but it made them feel slightly confident. Pride was a sin... but they were starting to enjoy this Pride Parade.

They shyly walked up the a stall with the flag hanging over it.

"Excuse me?" They said to the person behind the stall. They turned around. It was female, but was dressed so comfortably you couldn't tell. And for whatever reason, they understood it wasn't female. This person was a person, a living and happy person, but they weren't female or male.

"How can I help you?" The stall owner asked with a smile.

"This may sound so stupid but... I'm new to this Pride Parade thing. Could you please help me?" They mumbled. The stall owner smiled and nodded and let them behind the stall with them.

"Okay. The rainbow flag is generally what most people use to represent LGBTQ+, but it actually represents gays. The colors all mean something amazing in their own right. The pink, purple, and blue flag is for bisexuality. It means you can like both genders. The pink, blue, and yellow flag is pansexual, meaning you like cooking pans. That was a joke, they just like everything. The pink, blue, and white flag is transgender, meaning you go from one gender to another because you were put in the wrong body." The stall owner went on explaining the various flags. Beelzebub thought it was amazing that an entire community could have so many variations and varieties of the same word: "Pride."

"What does the flag on your stall mean?" They eventually asked.

"Non-binary. It means you aren't male or female, and your preferred pronouns are they and them." The stall owner smiled. It hit Beelzebub like a ton of bricks: This was their flag.

"I... I'm non-binary." They smiled happily. They felt a weight being lifted, they knew who they were. They weren't male or female, they were just Beelzebub. And in their opinion, it didn't matter who you liked or what you identify as, just as long as you get the exact same feeling of serenity and happiness they did when they found out and said it out loud.

The stall owner smiled, and soon Beelzebub had a new outfit. They kept the white shirt, but swapped out for black shorts and purple shoes with yellow suspenders. They had pins and buttons up and down the suspenders and had a tiny non-binary flag in one hand, and a pansexual flag in the other, as they felt that they could love anybody no matter the gender or sexuality.

The stall owner, named Logan, brushed their hair out and gave them some makeup, saying the "gold makeup" on their face already held enough yellow. They applied purple and silver eyeshadow and black eyeliner and mascara, and, upon Beelzebub's insistence, painted a tiny pink, yellow, and blue heart on their cheek. By the time Beelzebub left the stall, they had two new friends (Logan and their girlfriend, a transgendered male of color named Alisha) and looked ready to party. And so that's what they did.

They danced along to all the music that was playing, watched the parade, danced with a couple guys in skirts, danced with two wives and their daughter, and had the time of their life. Until they saw it.

A thick silver cross. A man in Black. Signs. People shouting. Shouting God's name, saying these people were bad. But they weren't- they weren't bad. Why would people say they were bad?

Beelzebub hurried back to Logan and asked.

"They say we're going to Hell, we're going to be punished for who we are." Logan murmured. Alisha was crying softly.

"No you aren't. You are beautiful people. You are amazing people and you don't know how amazing you are. You made me so happy today because you helped me figure out who I am. I have to thank you." The three hugged and exchanged phone numbers, and Beelzebub had to go back to heaven. But this time, they knew who they were.

————————————————————————

Beelzebub went to countless Pride events from then on. They snuck out of Heaven and would come back late, usually blissed it happy and excited. They now told all the angels to use their proper pronouns and didn't respond when called otherwise. They hung up their flags and put their stuff away in their room and kept it under lock and key at all times. But one time, the one time where it had to go wrong, it went wrong.

They had been at a coming out party for Alisha's little brother, who recently came out as transgendered and admitted he- she, sorry, had a boyfriend. They had been playing party games and having fun when Beelzebub was pulled away from the party and was standing in front of all the angels and demons dressed in their pride wear.

"What are you wearing?" Uriel chastised. Well... they were already in Hell. And if people as amazing as Logan and Alisha and Jennifer, Alisha's new little sister, were going to Hell... they'd be here waiting for them.

"My pride stuff." They said with confidence in their voice.

"Pride is a sin!" Michale gasped.

"Pride, such as the humans celebrate it. I'm non-binary and pansexual. I'm neither male nor female and I like everybody no matter what. It's who I am. And if you don't like it, go ahead and damn me to hell." They glared. Their eyes caught on a demon they knew all to well and their heart skipped a beat.

The demon Gabriel was exactly why they identified as pansexual. He was tall and broad chested and so ducking hot it hurt. And his smile... it made them smile. And he was smiling right now, right at them.

"Why would we Damn you to Hell?" Uriel questioned, looking affronted.

"B-Because the humans said-"

"Humans. Are. Not. Us. It doesn't matter what they say. If you are gay and a good person you will go to Heaven. If you are transgendered and a good person, come on in. It isn't who they are that stops three from going into Heaven, it's what they do. Now come and sit, the meeting has begun." God smiled at them. And they sat happily, right next to Gabriel.

After maybe five hours, the meeting ended. The angels stood in a line according to rank and leg the demons go through. Gabriel stopped by Beelzebub and didn't bother to bend down. He didn't care if the others heard.

"Would you like to go to a pride event with me. As a date." He said, smirking softly. Their eyes lit up and they smiled.

"Of course." They blushed. Gabriel chuckled softly, kissed their cheek, and walked out.

Beelzebub totally didn't do a happy little bunny hop. No matter what Uriel and Michel Tell you.

No matter who you are, what you identify as, you are an amazing person. You are worthy in the eyes of god and the eyes of the author. Don't be afraid of who you are, and celebrate who you are. Beelzebub learned this, and eventually so did Gabriel. You are ineffably loved. No matter who you are.

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#ineffable beurocracy #archangel gabriel #beelzebub #good omens #reverse omens #pan pride #nonbinary #pride flag #fanfiction #demon boy #angel

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themagiciansreccenter · 5 years

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Five @ Five @thursdayeuclid

As a part of our author spotlight, we’ve asked each writer to highlight 5 fics and tell us a little about their experience writing (or reading) them.

Modified Aspect Ratio by @sabrinachill

Quentin flinches when party hats suddenly appear on all three of their heads - the pointy, cardboard kind, with elastic straps that bite into the soft underside of their chins. Crepe paper streamers float in the air and balloons drop from where a ceiling should be, drifting down to scatter across the white expanse that serves as a floor. Tiny multicolored fireworks explode into shapes like smiley-faces and stars, and a three-tiered cake coated in yellow and red icing pops into existence in a puff of flour, hovering to the monster’s right.

But the biggest decoration - and weirdest, by far - is the enormous blue neon sign with the words “Welcome to Hollywood!” strobing insistently against the white blankness.

The monster is now wearing a wizard costume, for some unknown reason, and bouncing up and down while clapping its hands and performing a horribly off-key rendition of “Party in the USA.”

“This is officially the worst party I’ve ever attended, including the one where we murdered a couple of gods,” Eliot mutters.

Quentin’s answering sigh is epic and professional-grade, containing all the exasperated resignation in the galaxy. “Why is it that everything that happens to us is always equal parts absurd and terrifying? I mean, I could accept regular old fear and tragedy, sure, whatever, everybody gets those. But it’s like the universe gets off on dicking us around.”

He wants to slump, all dramatic and defeated, but he’s still pinned in place by the monster’s powerful will, like a butterfly in a display case.

This has to be my favorite Queliot AU. It's patently ridiculous but just believable enough to really touch your heart. Which, honestly, is most of the show too. I laughed and cried reading this. It's amazing and unpredictable and goes places I would never have imagined.

to be unbroken or be brave again by @milominderbindered

After the fourth time it happens, Josh decides to go for it, and as they’re bathing in the sweaty afterglow, he asks Margo if she wants to go on a date.

Margo looks at him, up and down, and says, “No offence, Hoberman, but no.”

“Oh.” Josh’s stomach sinks a bit. He pulls up his pants and takes a joint out of his pocket. “Okay, that’s chill too. Wanna smoke?”

“Oh, don’t look all sorry for yourself,” Margo says, rolling her eyes as she picks herself up from the bathroom floor and inspects her hair in the mirror. “It’s nothing personal. You’re nice, the sex is good, whatever. But, listen. Eliot is my best friend, and he’s going through this incredibly shitty time right now. Specifically to do with love. It’s been a couple months since that Mike shit went down, but he’s still seriously messed up, and he’s my first priority, capiche? I’m not gonna start dating someone and just leave him by himself half the time, or shove a bunch of lovey-dovey crap in his face. No way. I’m not gonna date anyone until Eliot’s dating again, too.”

“Right,” says Josh, slowly, as he lights his joint and thinks about it. “Not until he’s dating someone too. Got it.”

He thinks about the party raging downstairs, and about what he knows about Eliot. Eliot’s had no problem hooking with guys recently, everyone knows that, but he’s not kept anyone around for more than a night. He’s heard Margo calling it Eliot’s attachment freak-outs when he drops the guys as soon as they suggest sucking his dick more than once , which makes sense. Except. Well, there’s that one first year, with the floppy hair and the Lord of the Rings t-shirt. Eliot and the first year with the weird name haven’t hooked up, according to Josh’s well-informed rumour mill, but he certainly seems to be the only person other than Margo who Eliot’s remotely interested in spending time with when he’s not drunk.

There aren’t a lot of things in life Josh Hoberman has an excess of. But he’s not hard up for money. He’s got a trust fund and a drug hustle. And he’d spotted Eliot’s first year at the school noticeboard taking the number for a three-headed-dog walking ad, the other day.

So, just like that. The threads tangle together.

So this is a 10 Things I Hate About You AU (which was itself a reimagining of Taming of the Shrew), and I'm living for it, just right off the bat. I love Hoberman wanting Margo so badly he goes to all this trouble. I love Quentin being morally compromised but just wanting to spend all his time with Eliot... I love it. This story deserved more attention. It made me laugh and 'aww' and have feelings, plus it's on the shorter side so you have no excuse not to read it.

we can kiss like real people do by VeryImportantDemon

“No offense,” Quentin began, squinting at the stranger, “but I don’t know you, um… Janet.”

“None taken,” the man said. “And my name’s not Janet, it’s Eliot. None of the names on these things are right, we just grab a nametag.”

“Oh,” Quentin said. He supposed that made sense. “But I still don’t know you.”

Eliot shrugged again, taking a sip of his coffee and licking his lips afterwards. Q tried to pretend like he wasn’t staring, but he and Eliot both knew that he was. “In that case, it can’t hurt to tell me, then,” he added.

“Why are you even here?” Quentin asked, stalling for time. Maybe the ridiculously attractive barista was on break and if Quentin talked long enough, that break would be up and he wouldn’t have to confess his embarrassing predicament.

“You’re sad and cute and I was bored,” Eliot said. “Now, spill.”

He was not to be deterred so Quentin didn’t have very long to dwell on the fact that he’d just been called cute. “I, um… I kind of lied to my dad,” he said.

“Ooo,” Eliot said, leaning forward. “Exciting. About what?”

“It’s not that exciting,” Quentin said. “I just… He’s worried I’m lonely and he keeps asking if I’ve met someone. I just told him I had a boyfriend once to get him to stop asking and now he wants to see a picture of us.”

“Mmhm,” Eliot said. “I think I’m following. Why didn’t you get that snack that was here earlier to take a pic with you?”

“I can’t,” Quentin said, wondering how his life had gotten to the point that he was having an impromptu therapy session with a barista. “That’s Penny. He’s my… Sort of friend? And he’s kind of an asshole.”

“Pity,” Eliot said. “This your phone?” he added, gesturing to the phone on the table.

“Yeah,” Quentin said. Before he said anything further, Eliot scooped it up, unlocked it with Quentin’s face, and then set about doing something Quentin couldn’t see. “Hey!” he protested. “That’s my phone!”

“I know,” Eliot said. He rose from his chair, crouched down beside Quentin, and flashed a mesmerizing smile. Quentin was sure he looked a little startled and confused in the selfie because he really was confused. Eliot moved fast. He tapped on Quentin’s phone for a few more seconds as he crossed the table and sat down in the chair he had previously occupied before tapping a few more times and sliding the phone back to Quentin. “There,” he said. “Problem solved.”

I am a complete sucker for fake dating, and this story has a delightful array of truly ridiculous fake dating tropes. Also, it has transgender Penny dating Margo, and as a trans man, I can only aspire to such absolute game. Well done, trans Penny. Godspeed you, good man. There's a scene where I was freaking out and very upset and the author had to reassure me in comments it would be okay, so I kept reading, and everything was lovely in the end.

The Honor of Your Presence by Page161of180

One of the first years-- Elliott (oh no, that is too confusing, even in his own internal monologue), ah, Todd doesn’t remember her name, not because he doesn’t care, but because there are two Emilies and an Emilia in the new class and he hasn’t quite sorted them out yet. Maybe he should ask them about their middle names?-- makes it halfway down the stairs, before coming to a dead stop at the sight of the PKC’s friendly neighborhood post-grad locked in a silent stare-off with a six-foot-something R-rated Disney prince in head-to-toe-- Todd’s pretty sure it’s brocade? It’s very shiny and kind of between mint and seafoam. Definitely a nice color, against pale skin and dark hair. Which Todd knows from dressing himself , not because he spends that much of his time thinking about-- Not that there’s anything wrong with--

Ha. Ha ha. What? Not the point.

Todd shakes his head frantically at Emily, Emily, or Emilia, and she gets the message, turning back up the stairs and retreating to the safety of her room. Todd wishes he could go with her. Not, like, with her , specifically; he’s more into Emily (other Emily? Or maybe she’s Emilia?), honestly. But, you know, away . Would be good.

Neither Eliot nor Quentin seem to notice she was ever there.

Eliot has been staring at Quentin for one minute and forty-five seconds, Todd’s face going more ashen with each moment that slips away, when the former (still?) king finally says, “I’m sorry. What ?”

And if it were Todd facing down Eliot like that (not that it would be; why would he be dating Eliot? Crazy.), he would have basically just, become one with the carpet, because that only sounds like a question. It is very clearly, obviously a trap. But Quentin-- man . Quentin has always been, just, super brave. Way braver than you would probably expect from someone who’s all, sort of, pocket-sized and, um, no judgment but, not really all that good? At magic? Like, not bad-- definitely not bad! Just. Kind of normal and-- soft? If that makes sense? He just sort of always looks like he needs a hug. Which is maybe why Eliot basically always has at least one arm wrapped around him.

Not now, though. Now, Eliot has both arms down at his sides, hands dangerously still, while Quentin crosses his own over his chest and sets his jaw.

This is just one of the greatest fics I've ever read in any fandom, for any pairing, and it's hilarious and feelsy and I had to keep pausing when I was reading it just to sit with my emotions for a minute. I recommend it to absolutely anyone who likes Queliot at all.

Ask Me, I Won't Say No by @veganshailseitan

None of them linger too long in their booth after they collect the gift certificate that will almost cover their drinks for next week-

Wednesday Night Trivia Rule 2: Only Penny and Alice are allowed to handle the gift certificates because they are the only ones who won’t lose them.

-exchanging hugs and kisses on cheeks. He’s walking out of the bar while texting —a grave mistake he should have learned from by now, but he just has to let the sitter know he’s going to be late real quick— when he suddenly smacks into something solid, sending his phone clattering to the floor.

Something solid which oh, fuck happens to be a person.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” the stranger says, despite the fact that Quentin should clearly be taking the blame here.

He’s ducking to pick up his hopefully-not-shattered phone before he can even spare a glance at the person, “You’re fine, I wasn’t paying attention to-” he loses the sentence as he stands back up, looking up to a face he’s only seen from across the room “-you?”

His brief interaction with the enemy-

”I don’t think we’ve been properly introduced. I’m Eliot. Waugh.”

“Um, yeah, I’ve seen you here before, hi. Quentin Coldwater.”

“Quentin Coldwater?” -sticks in Quentin’s mind for the next week. He’s excited for trivia. More excited than the usual eagerness for his night out of the house with grown-ups, and nervous for the first time since he could remember. Which is so dumb and shows Quentin how painfully out of practice he is at interacting with other human beings.

He and the guy —Eliot— had barely exchanged two sentences and he’s pretty sure one of them had just been Eliot making fun of his name. But then again, his type has always been the ones that pulled his pigtails on the playground —which, yeah super healthy there Quentin, way to go— except for Arielle.

And there it was: the surefire way to kill whatever ill-advised excitement he’d been holding onto for the night.

He’s early this week, for reasons he’s already overthinking, so he goes ahead and grabs their usual table. It’s his week to pick-

Wednesday Night Trivia Rule 1: The person in charge of choosing the team name will rotate on a weekly basis in alphabetical order. That week’s decider can only be overruled by a unanimous vote from the rest of the team (per the March 2018 addendum).

-so he lets the group chat know he’s there, checks them in with the Quizmaster as To Be Perfectly Queer, (because he’s at least self-aware at this point in his life) and heads to the bar, trying to focus on whether or not he wants to try the new local craft brew they were pushing this month-

And immediately runs into Eliot.

Thankfully not literally this time.

“Well, hello, Quentin.” Eliot looks as surprised to run into him as Q is, which is stupid on both their parts.

“Uh, Eliot. Hello. How are you?” just talk like a normal human, Quentin, Jesus.

Eliot smiles, sultry and so over the top that Quentin almost laughs, “Fraternizing with the enemy, are we? I’m sworn to hold our knowledge in secrecy, so don’t you dare try to seduce it out of me.”

Quentin does laugh at that, somehow put at ease by Eliot’s carefree flirtation, “I’ll try to restrain my charms. Scout’s honor.”

I actually -just- got around to reading this one and I liked it so much it made me squee out loud on a couple of occasions. It's hot, it's kidfic, it's sweet, and there's feelings and fluff and smut. Basically a ridiculous AU where Eliot and Quentin are on opposing pub trivia teams. However, that premise accounts for only a fraction of this story's considerable charms. I didn't expect to love it like I did--I did, in fact, expect to love it in a totally different way--and then it hooked me and dragged me panting and squirming through a smorgasbord of emotion.

#the magicians rec center #five @ five #author spotlight #author spotlight: thursdayeuclid

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inkyardpress · 6 years

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10 YA Reads That Have Us Loving the Skin We’re In

There are so many diverse and empowering new reads out there totally flooding our TBR that we couldn’t pick just one of our current obsessions to share—so here’s a list of ten we can’t stop talking about. From kick-ass queer anthologies to MC’s who totally get what it’s like living with anxiety, from the body-positive heroes we deserve to the everyday teens showing us how to be true to who we are inside, these books have us feeling ourselves and celebrating our individuality.

Tiffany Sly Lives Here Now by Dana L. Davis

For sixteen-year-old Tiffany Sly, life hasn't been safe or normal for a while. Losing her mom to cancer has her a little bit traumatized, and now she has to leave her hometown of Chicago to live with the biological dad she's never known.

Anthony Stone is a rich man with four other daughters—and rules for every second of the day. Tiffany tries to make the best of things, but she doesn't fit into her new luxurious, but super-strict, home—or get along with her standoffish sister London. The only thing that makes her new life even remotely bearable is the strange boy across the street. Marcus McKinney has had his own experiences with death, and the unexpected friendship that blossoms between them is the only thing that makes her feel grounded.

But Tiffany has a secret. Another man claims he's Tiffany's real dad—and she has only seven days before he shows up to demand a paternity test and the truth comes out. With her life about to fall apart all over again, Tiffany finds herself discovering unexpected truths about her father, her mother and herself, and realizing that maybe family is in the bonds you make—and that life means sometimes taking risks.

Tiffany Sly Lives Here Now is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Puddin’ by Julie Murphy

Millie Michalchuk has gone to fat camp every year since she was a little girl. Not this year. This year she has new plans to chase her secret dream of being a newscaster—and to kiss the boy she’s crushing on.

Callie Reyes is the pretty girl who is next in line for dance team captain and has the popular boyfriend. But when it comes to other girls, she’s more frenemy than friend.

When circumstances bring the girls together over the course of a semester, they surprise everyone (especially themselves) by realizing that they might have more in common than they ever imagined.

Puddin’ is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Fat Girl on a Plane by Kelly DeVos

FAT.

High school senior Cookie Vonn’s postgraduation dreams include getting out of Phoenix, attending Parsons and becoming the next great fashion designer. But in the world of fashion, being fat is a cardinal sin. It doesn’t help that she’s constantly compared to her supermodel mother—and named after a dessert. Thanks to her job at a fashion blog, Cookie scores a trip to New York to pitch her portfolio and appeal for a scholarship, but her plans are put on standby when she’s declared too fat to fly. Forced to turn to her BFF for cash, Cookie buys a second seat on the plane. She arrives in the city to find that she’s been replaced by the boss’s daughter, a girl who’s everything she’s not—ultrathin and superrich. Bowing to society’s pressure, she vows to lose weight, get out of the friend zone with her crush and put her life on track.

SKINNY.

Cookie expected sunshine and rainbows, but nothing about her new life is turning out like she planned. When the fashion designer of the moment offers her what she’s always wanted—an opportunity to live and study in New York—she finds herself in a world full of people more interested in putting women down than dressing them up. Her designs make waves, but her real dream of creating great clothes for people of all sizes seems to grow more distant by the day.

Will she realize that she’s always had the power to make her own dreams come true?

Fat Girl on a Plane is out June 5th. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Undead Girl Gang by Lily Anderson

Mila Flores and her best friend Riley have always been inseparable. There's not much excitement in their small town of Cross Creek, so Mila and Riley make their own fun, devoting most of their time to Riley's favorite activity: amateur witchcraft.

So when Riley and two Fairmont Academy mean girls die under suspicious circumstances, Mila refuses to believe everyone's explanation that her BFF was involved in a suicide pact. Instead, armed with a tube of lip gloss and an ancient grimoire, Mila does the unthinkable to uncover the truth: she brings the girls back to life.

Unfortunately, Riley, June, and Dayton have no recollection of their murders, but they do have unfinished business to attend to. Now, with only seven days until the spell wears off and the girls return to their graves, Mila must wrangle the distracted group of undead teens and work fast to discover their murderer...before the killer strikes again.

Undead Girl Gang is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

All Out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages edited by Saundra Mitchell

Take a journey through time and genres and discover a past where queer figures live, love and shape the world around them. Seventeen of the best young adult authors across the queer spectrum have come together to create a collection of beautifully written diverse historical fiction for teens.

From a retelling of Little Red Riding Hood set in war-torn 1870s Mexico featuring a transgender soldier, to two girls falling in love while mourning the death of Kurt Cobain, forbidden love in a sixteenth-century Spanish convent or an asexual girl discovering her identity amid the 1970s roller-disco scene, All Out tells a diverse range of stories across cultures, time periods and identities, shedding light on an area of history often ignored or forgotten.

All Out is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Runebinder by Alex R. Kahler

When magic returned to the world, it could have saved humanity, but greed and thirst for power caused mankind's downfall instead. Now once-human monsters called Howls prowl abandoned streets, their hunger guided by corrupt necromancers and the all-powerful Kin. Only Hunters have the power to fight back in the unending war, using the same magic that ended civilization in the first place.

But they are losing.

Tenn is a Hunter, resigned to fight even though hope is nearly lost. When he is singled out by a seductive Kin named Tomás and the enigmatic Hunter Jarrett, Tenn realizes he’s become a pawn in a bigger game. One that could turn the tides of war. But if his mutinous magic and wayward heart get in the way, his power might not be used in favor of mankind.

If Tenn fails to play his part, it could cost him his friends, his life…and the entire world.

Runebinder is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

A Thousand Beginnings and Endings edited by Ellen Oh and Elsie Chapman

Star-crossed lovers, meddling immortals, feigned identities, battles of wits, and dire warnings. These are the stuff of fairy tale, myth, and folklore that have drawn us in for centuries.

Fifteen bestselling and acclaimed authors reimagine the folklore and mythology of East and South Asia in short stories that are by turns enchanting, heartbreaking, romantic, and passionate.

A mountain loses her heart. Two sisters transform into birds to escape captivity. A young man learns the true meaning of sacrifice. A young woman takes up her mother’s mantle and leads the dead to their final resting place. From fantasy to science fiction to contemporary, from romance to tales of revenge, these stories will beguile readers from start to finish.

A Thousand Beginnings and Endings is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

The Diminished by Kaitlyn Sage Patterson

In the Alskad Empire, nearly all are born with a twin, two halves to form one whole…yet some face the world alone.

A rare few are singleborn in each generation, and therefore given the right to rule by the gods and goddesses. Bo Trousillion is one of these few, born into the royal line and destined to rule. Though he has been chosen to succeed his great-aunt, Queen Runa, as the leader of the Alskad Empire, Bo has never felt equal to the grand future before him.

When one twin dies, the other usually follows, unable to face the world without their other half. Those who survive are considered diminished, doomed to succumb to the violent grief that inevitably destroys everyone whose twin has died. Such is the fate of Vi Abernathy, whose twin sister died in infancy. Raised by the anchorites of the temple after her family cast her off, Vi has spent her whole life scheming for a way to escape and live out what’s left of her life in peace.

As their sixteenth birthdays approach, Bo and Vi face very different futures—one a life of luxury as the heir to the throne, the other years of backbreaking work as a temple servant. But a long-held secret and the fate of the empire are destined to bring them together in a way they never could have imagined.

The Diminished is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Emergency Contact by Mary H. K. Choi

For Penny Lee high school was a total nonevent. Her friends were okay, her grades were fine, and while she somehow managed to land a boyfriend, he doesn’t actually know anything about her. When Penny heads to college in Austin, Texas, to learn how to become a writer, it’s seventy-nine miles and a zillion light years away from everything she can’t wait to leave behind.

Sam’s stuck. Literally, figuratively, emotionally, financially. He works at a café and sleeps there too, on a mattress on the floor of an empty storage room upstairs. He knows that this is the god-awful chapter of his life that will serve as inspiration for when he’s a famous movie director but right this second the seventeen bucks in his checking account and his dying laptop are really testing him.

When Sam and Penny cross paths it’s less meet-cute and more a collision of unbearable awkwardness. Still, they swap numbers and stay in touch—via text—and soon become digitally inseparable, sharing their deepest anxieties and secret dreams without the humiliating weirdness of having to see each other.

Emergency Contact is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Someone to Love by Melissa de la Cruz

Olivia "Liv" Blakely knows how important it is to look good. Her father is running for governor, and Liv will be making public appearances with her family. Liv has an image to uphold—to her maybe boyfriend, to the new friends who suddenly welcome her into their circle and to the public, who love to find fault on social media.

Liv's sunny, charming facade hides a dark inner voice that will settle for nothing less than perfection. No matter who she has to give up to get there. No matter what she has to lose to do it. Liv is working for the day when what she sees in the mirror is worthy…worthy of confidence. Worthy of success. Worthy of love. But as the high price of perfection takes a toll, placing her body and soul at risk, Liv herself has to realize what she has to live for.

Someone to Love is out now. Add it to your Goodreads shelf!

Want to see more like this? Sign up for the Harlequin TEEN newsletter here.

#YA Books #YA Reads #self esteem #bookworm #Harlequin Teen

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queenforanight · 7 years

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Crossdressing With Your Girl

I’ve been asked a lot recently (and in the past) about how to approach your partner about crossdressing. People have asked this with both male and female partners, however I’m mostly going to talk about girlfriends as I get asked a lot more about them.

I’ve covered this before in a fair amount of detail; today I’ll briefly go over how you should tell them, but importantly how you should act towards them once they know.

Telling Your Girlfriend

There are a few ways to do this, and it mostly depends on how well you know your girlfriend:

1. Just tell her, she won’t have a problem.

2. Ask her about crossdressing, it’ll give you an idea on how she’ll react.

3. Probably shouldn’t tell her, you know she’ll hate it.

If your girlfriend is quite liberal, pro-lgbt and doesn’t believe in gender stereotyping, chances are she won’t really care about your wearing dresses and you can go with option 1. Obviously you will need to have a proper conversation with her, but she won’t actually mind.

If you can’t tell whether your girlfriend with mind or not, take option 2. Ask her about seeing a drag show or watching Ru Paul’s Drag Race, or joke about wearing a dress. She’ll most likely give an opinion on it which will help you in deciding whether you should mention crossdressing or not.

If she is heavily against LGBT and loves you being a ‘manly man’ , go with option 3 (and consider leaving them for their updated mentality). A lot of the time if your girlfriend is like this then she probably won’t appreciate a guy that’s so in touch with their feminine side. I know it’s not nice to hear, but unfortunately not everything can be solved in a simple way.

What Your Girlfriend Will Ask

Once your girlfriend knows it’s very unlikely that she’ll shrug her shoulders and not ask any further. One thing to remember is that she will ask questions; this doesn’t mean that she has a problem with it, she just wants to understand fully what you’ve just told her.

I’ve told 5 girlfriends about my crossdressing and, despite they’re individual reactions, they have all asked the same questions afterwards.

1. ‘Are you sure you’re not gay?’

Ladies, Gentlemen and everyone in between; allow me to introduce one of the biggest misconceptions around crossdressing.

It isn’t often that I tell someone about me crossdressing and the don’t ask me if I’m gay. Obviously I don’t take it as an insult (after all, nothing wrong with being gay) but it is something I correct them on.

However, when your girlfriend asks, it’s an entirely different matter.

Tell her how you feel about your sexuality, and be honest. I can imagine for the majority of my followers that this applies to would be either bi or straight, but if you’re not 100% sure you need to let your partner know. It also greatly helps to reassure them why you’re dating them in the first place, and that if you didn’t find them attractive, both mentally and physically, then you probably wouldn’t be dating them.

2. ‘Do you want to be a woman?’

Again, another question asked by every girlfriend who knew, although this one is more understandable.

Let me get this out there now; crossdressing does not equal transgender. They are two different things and should be treated as such.

Just like the sexuality question, give them an honest answer about your gender identity. When I told my current girlfriend about crossdressing I also told her that I felt like a combination of both genders (which I now know is genderfluid) but that I’ve never felt a need to transition.

3. ‘Is this a sexual thing?’

Here it is, the question I just laugh too.

Every girlfriend has asked me this and every girlfriend seen me give this look:

I don’t crossdress for fetish or sexual pleasure. I understand that people do and as long as they’re not harming anyone else or being overly perverse then that’s no problem, but it isn’t me.

However, the reactions from my girlfriends after I’ve answered are what surprised me.

Two answered with exactly what I expected: “OK good, I don’t think I’d be into that.”

Two said something along the lines of “Well, I’d be willing to try it if you wanted...”

One however come straight out with “We’re trying it, go get your makeup on.” Didn’t see that coming...

Regardless of how your girlfriend responds, tell them why it is you crossdress. For some of you it might be a sexual thing, or it might be that you (like me) appreciate women’s fashion and the art of looking feminine. Whatever your reasons, just tell them exactly why. It’ll make them feel more comfortable about you crossdressing.

Ok I tried to keep this one brief and I think I sorta kinda succeeded maybe probably not. Still tried though, that counts for something.

Thanks for having a read! The magazine is still going ahead and I’m hoping to have the first issue out in September (finger’s crossed); if anyone is willing to help with anything just drop me a line and let me know.

I’ll be posting tomorrow with a photoset of the above outfit. Until then, don’t forget to ask me any questions you have and to like and reblog the post!

The magazine is now live at www.gendermag.co.uk!

You can subscribe here for monthly issues about Crossdressing culture and Drag Queen lifestyle!!!

- Jessica Blaise x x

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allyoucaneatpudding · 6 years

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Transgender Pudding

While enjoying my lunch today at work, the topic of the break room was the announcement of my coworker’s nephew transitioning into a niece. Now, mind you, we are all adults where I work and we all share a very common mindset on most things. Sadly, this isn’t one of those things. I am not going to say that people who identify as transgender are wrong. I’m not going to say they aren’t real. I am going to say people who are transgender are very sick and need help.

Merriam Webster dictionary defines a transgender as someone of, relating to, or being a person whose gender identity differs from the sex the person had or was identified as having at birth. Incidentally, The American Psychiatric Association defines gender dysphoria as a conflict between a person’s physical or assigned gender and the gender in which that person identifies. This turns a simple identifier for a portion of the population into a mental disorder.

Now, I'm not a psychiatrist or a doctor or anyone who has the authority to diagnose anyone with anything. I am, however, very concerned for people who are so mentally distraught over something as black and white as male versus female that they attack anyone who doesn’t play into the existence of the persona they have created for themselves in order to cope with the issues in their own head. I also find is very concerning for the measures these people are taking with their own bodies to play into their illness instead of trying to find help for curing it. Because it is that simple. Gender dysphoria, a medical synonym of transgender, is an illness and illnesses have cures.

As a child, I grew up a huge tomboy. So much so, that during my junior high years, I cross-dressed daily and would only hang out with the boys of my class. I just felt more comfortable with the opposite gender and I felt the best way to be accepted by them was to make myself like them in image, as best as I could at least. I also grew up with boy clothes, Hot Wheels cars, and lots of mud and dirt. I hated wearing dresses because when I wore them I couldn’t play due to the fear of ruining my nice, pretty clothes. I was a gender nonconformist, but I never once believed I wasn’t a girl. It never even crossed my mind that I wanted to be a boy or felt more comfortable with my tomboy side. Trust me, my first tube of lip gloss and the fabulous side of me slowly began to creep back out. However, children now don’t seem to have the same mentality. If you’re a girl and you hate dresses, congratulations you’re really a boy and vice versa. If a child is told something by an adult, odds are they will believe it because adults are supposed to be smart and know everything. We are role models for children. The disease of gender dysphoria is spreading like a wildfire and there is only a handful of people holding the buckets trying contain the flames.

So, if not completely obvious by now, I’m not for the idea of transgenderism. Again, I am not saying it’s not a real thing and these people at wrong to be feeling whatever they feel is right, I’m just saying I think as a society, we shouldn’t be allowing people to change their gender physically at the drop of a hat as a form of treatment for a mental illness. That is the equivalent of myself as a person with high vitamin D deficiency and SAD living in a tanning bed and drinking milk by the gallon just so I don’t feel depressed when it rains. More psychological treatment should be given to people living with gender dysphoria before we allow them to alter their bodies. On average, nearly 20% of people who identify as transgender who have also transitioned physically to their preferred sex have strong regrets for making the switch and, in some cases, have severe suicidal tendencies. In multiple instances, Ben Shapiro has stated the fact that the suicide rate for transgender people is at 40%. Typically, mentally stable persons don’t contemplate the idea of suicide so why with this fact would people not accept transgendered people to be mentally ill? Why aren’t we treating them as such?

Finally, I refuse to be bullied into believing men who think they are women and women who think they are men are the gender they think they are. This is basic biology, guys. Literally, this is Nick Jr. science. Penis equals man and vagina equals woman. It’s been that way since the dawn of time. Someone’s mental illness and view of themselves doesn’t change the laws of human biology. Two X chromosomes means you are a woman even if you think you have an X and a Y. A man who think he is a woman can think that is true all he wants but I know it’s not true and no amount of social justice boohooing is going to change facts. So, if you want to believe you’re the gender you’re not and you want to cope with that however you see fit, than by all means I commend you for doing so. By all means, be happy in whatever way makes you happy. Just don’t try to force me to believe in anything but scientific facts. There are only two genders. Male and female. Not 73 genders. Not he, she, and xie. Two genders: male and female.

#transgender #transgender pudding #bitch pudding #my opinion #science #facts #merriam-webster #american psychiatric association #ben shapiro #right chick #right wing #conservative #gender dysphoria

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helloitsthecynincalaesthete-blog · 4 years

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Annotated Bibliography

“16 Remarkable Historical Figures Who Were Transgender.” HistoryCollection.co, 31 Dec. 2018, https://historycollection.co/16-remarkable-historical-figures-who-were-transgender/5/.

This was a really cool thing to find because I only recognized one of the names on this list. The article lists all of their sources at the very bottom, and I Googled some of the names online to make sure the information matched up. It did, so I knew that I could trust the information. This type of article wouldn’t really have a conflict of interest or any bias. Each person’s story was plainly told the way that it happened.

I was drawn to this article because 1) I hadn’t addressed the transgender historical impact and 2) I was looking for stories that were more of the ‘heart-wrenching’ variety to continue the idea of mentioning the sacrifices that the LGBT community made. The story of Jennie Hodgers aka Albert Cashier stuck out the most to me, so I decided to use it in both the opinion series and the research essay. Jennie immigrated from Ireland to the US; she changed her name and identity on the boat ride over, so everyone in America only knew her as Albert Cashier. Albert was a Union solider during the Civil War. He would bait the Confederates into action and even escaped the custody of a Confederate soldier after being captured. After the war ended, Albert took up normal life, living off of his army pension. An accident revealed that Albert was genetically a woman. His army pension was revoked but he won it back in a court battle. He was committed to an insane asylum when his mental health started to decline, where he was forced to live and dress as a woman. Albert started to go a little crazy from the stress of not being able to live as the gender he identified with. He would use safety pins to fashion the skirts that he was forced to wear into trousers. He lived there until his death in 1915.

Bie, Søren. “Canonization: Joan of Arc.” Joan of Arc - Jeanne D'Arc (1412 – 1431), Joan of Arc 1412 - 1431, 7 Oct. 2019, https://www.jeanne-darc.info/biography/canonization/.

‘Canonization: Joan of Arc’ was written using information from the Catholic Encyclopedia and the National Library of France. The bibliography itself lists about one hundred sources, give or take. The information was very professionally researched which means that it should be accurate and reliable. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t bias. The author is Catholic, so the information is presented with religious bias. Sentences like “Our predecessor of blessed memory, Pope Benedict XV, who was deeply committed to the spiritual welfare of France, was thought give to this nation, noble of all, a pledge special benevolence.” Are scattered throughout every article on the website.

Although a little unorthodox, I’m going to use the information presented about Joan of Arc’s life in my research essay as an example of a transgender historical figure. I got the idea when I was looking for examples of transgender historical figures and found a small article about Joan of Arc being labeled as a ‘gay icon’; LGBT speculate that she was either transgender man or a lesbian. She was the one who came up with the idea to dress as a man. She continued to do so even after signing a plea deal saying that she wouldn’t and was burned at the stake for breaking her word. In the opinion series, I played around with stances from both sides: the religious version of the story and the LGBT presenting their own claims, all backed up by historically accurate examples from the website. Addressing the argument from both sides helped me refine the argument that I’m going to present in the research essay.

Gates, Henry Louis. “Bayard Rustin, the Gay Civil Rights Leader Who Organized the March on Washington.” PBS, Public Broadcasting Service, 19 Sept. 2013, https://www.pbs.org/wnet/african-americans-many-rivers-to-cross/history/100-amazing-facts/who-designed-the-march-on-washington/.

PBS is an incredibly reliable source. Most of their programs center around education. The article was published about 6 years ago but it’s written about the Civil Rights Movement that took place in the 1960’s. It’s highly unlikely that the information is outdated. The article doesn’t present any bias because, once again, PBS is an educational program. They present the information and events the way that they are.

I decided to use this article to address how the Civil Rights movement helped to foster the Gay Rights Liberation movement that happened in the 1960s-70s. Even though the Civil Rights movement was about liberation for African Americans, it also became a bolster for other minorities to push for equal rights as well. In a time where there was already such discrimination and persecution of African Americans, it seems unheard of that any of them would be openly gay. Bayard Rustin was not only openly gay, but he was also a key player in the success of the Civil Rights movement. He helped to organize the March on Washington. He taught Martin Luther King Jr. about Gandhi’s non-violent resistance. Rustin’s sexuality was used against him by other African Americans who disagreed with MLK’s peaceful protests. They threatened to spread rumors about Rustin and MLK being in a homosexual relationship. These men threatened one of their own people simply because they disagreed with how MLK was running things. Rustin stayed in the shadows and is often uncredited for all the work he’s done. Although not a tragic death or sacrifice, it was an important sacrifice nevertheless. I can use this example to address my theme of LGBT sacrifices throughout history.

History.com Editors. “Stonewall Riots.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 31 May 2017, https://www.history.com/topics/gay-rights/the-stonewall-riots.

I’ve used History.com for many papers and I’ve found time and again that this is a quality website with accurate facts and stories. This website presents its information without little to no bias. The article was only written two years ago, so the section where it addresses the Stonewall Riots’ legacy is still applicable to today’s political climate. The only new thing that was influenced by the riots is the Equal Rights act that was presented earlier this year.

The Stonewall Riot happened in New York City in June 1969. At this time, sodomy had been decriminalized in a few states but was still illegal in most places. NYC had been a hub for LGBT culture since the 1800’s but it was illegal there. A lot of lowkey gay and drag bars started popping up; these places were a safe refuge where LGBT folk could be themselves. These places were constantly raided by the police as New York had passed a law that it was illegal to serve alcohol to LGBT people. Police were also looking to catch people engaging in illegal same-sex acts; people could be arrested for something as simple as holding hands. Isn’t that nuts?? Stonewall Inn was a refuge for gays and welcomed drag queens when other bars didn’t. The owners were usually tipped off before raids happened. One night, police raided the Stonewall Inn with no warning and started arresting workers and patrons. Those that were arrested were roughly handled, which sparked outrage among patrons and neighbors. A riot broke out and lasted a total of six days. These riots, an important event in LGBT history led to the creation of many gay rights organizations, like Gay Liberation Front, Human Rights Campaign, GLAAD, and PFLAG. There's a reason that the Stonewall Riots are still widely discussed some 50 years later.

“HIV and AIDS --- United States, 1981--2000.” Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/preview/mmwrhtml/mm5021a2.htm.

The Center for Disease Control and Prevention has got to be the most accurate and trusted source out of these ten. I found this source when I was looking for information about the AIDS epidemic in the 1980s. I knew that there was a stigma around gay men but that was basically it. This article only addresses the facts from 1981-2000 and was published in 2001, so I did look elsewhere to find up to date numbers for how many people had contracted and died from the disease. Gay men are most likely to contract the disease, with minorities not too far behind. Infections numbered as high as 150,000 per year and the 1980s but as social awareness and efforts for prevention increased, the number of infected individuals dropped to 40,000 by 1992. The LGBT community, mainly gay men, are still feeling the social impact of this rampant disease almost forty years later. Gay men aren’t allowed to donate blood or plasma for fear of infection, even if they test negatively for HIV. There is still a ton of negative social attitudes towards those with HIV or even just getting tested for the disease. This has prevented people from coming forward to be tested. They’re scared of the social impact if they do test positive for HIV. Because of this, a lot of infected people remain undiagnosed. Eighteen years after this report was made, scientists are still working on creating a preventative HIV vaccine.

Robson, Ruthann. Lesbianism in Anglo-American Legal History. CUNY School of Law, 1990, https://academicworks.cuny.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1321&context=cl_pubs.

Lesbianism in Anglo-American history was published in 1990. It discusses laws and punishments put into place for lesbians, or rather, the lack thereof. This source is almost thirty years old, but as it focuses solely on the history of lesbians, it isn’t necessary outdated. The end of the paper does address modern day lesbianism, but as a plea to not let the legal history of lesbians be shrouded or erased. A theme repeated throughout the paper is that there usually weren’t laws that made same-sex relationships between women illegal. The reason being that people often believed that it just wasn’t a thing or rather ‘impossible’ to behold. Queen Victoria straight up didn't believe that lesbians existed. "Queen Victoria's stance of ignorance on lesbianism which resulted in the 1885 Criminal Law Act not covering sexual activity between women." The American colonies seemed to have the most strict laws against lesbianism, which fell under the blanket term ‘sodomy’. However, it's not well known whether these laws were effective or if they were ever enforced.

There was a quote that inspired my argument and the last few paragraphs of my research paper. “My plea is one for the future: we are living legal history and we must not allow [lesbianism] to be obfuscated in that history, whether by deliberate concealment or benign neglect.” Although this paper is specifically about lesbians, I could just as easily put gays, or transgender folk, or LGBT people where the parenthesis are, and it would still make perfect sense. We cannot and will not allow our history to be erased. This was essentially the basis for the tone I used in my first paper for the opinion series. I wrote something along the lines of ‘We cannot be erased and we will not be erased! History is super gay!’ etc. I'm going for a softer approach in my actual research essay. I don't want to alienate the audience, so instead of a tough stance, I want it to be open ended, an invitation for change. The whole essay is based off of 'History is super gay!'. It's just not stated outright.

Erickson, Tyler. “Legalization of Gay Marriage--United States Supreme Court Declares It Unconstitutional for States to Deny Same-Sex Couples the Right to Marry: Immediate Impact of Gay Marriage in North Dakota.” North Dakota Law Review, vol. 91, no. 1, Oct. 2015, pp. 219–232. EBSCOhost, search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=asn&AN=115834666

This paper outlines the impact of the case Obergefell v. Hodges (2015), wherein the Supreme Court ruled that same-sex couples are legally allowed to marry under the protection of the Equal Protection Clause of the 14th amendment. States must recognize gay marriages that happened in other states. “… the Court found the right of personal choice regarding marriage is an integral part of a person’s individual autonomy…the right to marry is a safeguard for families and their children, which connects it to similar fundamental rights…an individual’s right to marry is a keystone of the nation’s social order.” There were fourteen petitioners in four different states that insisted their marriages being recognized as legitimate. Marriage is a right for any given person. The officials who ruled against this said that if gay marriage was legalized, it would threaten the very institution of marriage itself. Their decision was overruled by the Supreme Court. The United States finally legalized gay marriage in all 50 states, 14 years after the Netherlands became the first country to do so. This paper addresses the changes that happened that led up to this historical event. Up until the 1950’s, homosexuality was viewed as immoral by the Western countries. It was illegal in most of them. Homosexuality was classified as a mental illness in the 1950’s. But more and more LGBT started living their lives out in the open due to social shifts and equal rights movements. In 1996, the Defense of the Marriage Act was passed, defining marriage as between a man and a woman. In 2003, Massachusetts overturned this and legalized gay marriage. Eventually, enough people challenged the laws that the whole country had to follow suit.

Burke, Monica. “7 Reasons Why the Equality Act Is Anything But.” The Heritage Foundation, The Heritage Foundation, https://www.heritage.org/gender/commentary/7-reasons-why-the-equality-act-anything.

‘7 Reasons Why The Equality Act Is Anything But’ was written by Monica Burke and published March 14, 2019. It’s immediately obvious after scanning the title and the mini bio about the author that this article is going to be biased, which makes it the perfect source to use when addressing the counterargument in my research essay. Burke was a research assistant for DeVos Center for Religion and Civil Society at The Heritage Foundation, which provides her with some credibility. Burke’s first sentence, “Most Americans don’t want a nationwide bathroom requirement...” more or less erases the LGBT community and its allies.

As Burke lists the ways that the Equality Act could affect the community, her examples aimed at the religious population. A baker was sued for refusing to make a wedding cake for a same sex couple and won. The same baker was sued for refusing to make a gender-transition cake and was found guilty of gender discrimination. Burke reasons that people should be able to refuse things like this (aka discriminate) on religious grounds. The next example is of a teacher who refused to use a student’s preferred pronouns based on religious beliefs and was fired. She effectively uses ethos by stating that the Equality Act could get charities shut down. “Although same-sex couples have the opportunity to foster children through the state or every other agency in Philadelphia, the city canceled its contract with Catholic Social Services. The agency’s approved foster homes remain available while children languish on the waiting list.”

This article is effective to address my counterargument because the audience I’m trying to address is the non-LGBT community which is largely a religious population. I can address their concerns specifically.

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vox · 7 years

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Why Bill Maher’s use of the n-word finally crossed the line

It was a seemingly innocuous conversation about Nebraska. Suddenly, it took an uncomfortable turn.

Real Time host Bill Maher and Sen. Ben Sasse (R-NE) were at first talking about Maher visiting the senator’s home state. Sasse quipped, “We’d love to have you work in the fields with us.” Maher then made his move, saying, “Work in the fields? Senator, I’m a house n*****.”

Maher immediately clarified that this was “a joke,” but the moment exploded on social media nonetheless. Black Lives Matter activist DeRay Mckesson said Maher “has got to go.” Sasse later acknowledged that he should have confronted Maher for his use of the n-word. HBO called what Maher did “completely inexcusable,” although it stopped short of firing him. And Maher himself later said, “The word was offensive and I regret saying it and am very sorry.”

This isn’t the first controversy Maher has been embroiled in. But Maher has generally gotten a pass for intolerant statements — perhaps because he’s on the left, because his shtick is in part about making offensive remarks, or because his remarks are often more subtle and come from the kinds of prejudice that many Americans are seemingly okay with. This time, it’s different.

What Maher actually said, and why it blew up in his face

youtube

Here is the full exchange between Maher and Sasse:

MAHER: Your book is so right about how we have actually kind of lost the thread of what adults are anymore in this country. Adults: They wear shorts everywhere, they have cereal for dinner, and they treat comic books like they’re literature. What is your prescription for this problem?

SASSE: More cereal for dinner. First of all, let’s not disagree about everything. So this is a constructive project, right? I’m not trying to beat up on millennials. But there’s something weird in human history if you can’t tell 10- and 15- and 20- and 25-year-olds apart, ’cause that’s new. Adolescence is a gift—

MAHER: Halloween used to be a kid thing.

SASSE: It’s not anymore?

MAHER: Not out here. No. Adults dress up for Halloween. They don’t do that in Nebraska?

SASSE: It’s frowned upon. Yeah. We don’t do that quite as much.

MAHER: I gotta get to Nebraska more.

SASSE: You’re welcome. We’d love to have you work in the fields with us.

MAHER: Work in the fields? Senator, I’m a house n*****.

Maher immediately clarified that this was supposed to be a joke — to laughs, cheers, and applause from the crowd.

That Maher immediately had to explain this was a joke shows that he, at that moment, must have known he crossed a line: After centuries of slavery, Jim Crow, and all sorts of racism in the US, white people in particular are simply not supposed to use the n-word.

As Wesley Morris wrote in the New York Times, “He didn’t commit a hate crime. He overstepped his privilege as a famous comedian. That’s all. But if he crossed a line, it’s one that, for white people, has never moved.”

Morris explained: “For a long time, black people have deployed slavery-derived hierarchies as a social and psycho-political sorting mechanism. A house assignment might have won a slave less arduous work but more suspicion and contempt from her counterparts in the fields. No one self-identifies as a house Negro — unless that person is making a joke. And even then that person probably shouldn’t be Bill Maher.”

The problem is further punctuated by Maher’s history, Morris wrote: “His track record inspires too much doubt to give any benefit.”

Maher has a long history of offensive comments

Muslim and Arab people in particular have long been the target of Maher’s ire, as shown by a video that made the rounds after former CNN host Larry King declared that “there’s not a racist bone in [Maher’s] body.”

Here is just a sampling of some of the comments Maher has made:

“Islam is the mother lode of bad ideas.”

“Just tell me two things, [former One Direction member] Zayn [Malik]. Which one in the band were you? And where were you during the Boston Marathon?”

“The most popular name in the United Kingdom, Great Britain — this was in the news this week — for babies this year was Muhammad. Am I racist to feel I’m alarmed by that? Because I am.”

“Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The reviews are not good.”

“Most Muslim people in the world do condone violence.”

“[Islam is] the only religion that acts like the mafia.”

Earlier this year, Maher also invited former Breitbart editor Milo Yiannopoulos, who has repeatedly made Islamophobic and transphobic comments, to his show. The invitation drew criticism, since it gave Yiannopoulos a megaphone to spout his bigoted views. But Maher argued that the move was necessary to air out and challenge Yiannopoulos’s views in the free market of ideas. (Later, video surfaced of Yiannopoulos seemingly endorsing pedophilia, leading the ultra-conservative Breitbart to fire him.)

In that episode, when Yiannopoulos referred to the myth that trans women pose a danger to other women in the bathroom, Maher suggested, “That’s not unreasonable.” When he moved to another guest on the panel, Maher referred to trans people as “weirdos,” saying, “Where do you stand on weirdos peeing?” (Maher said he did it “just to fuck with him,” referring to the other guest, Republican Jack Kingston.)

The bathroom myth has been repeatedly used against trans people to push back against their civil rights. The argument, in short, is that if trans people are allowed to use the bathroom for their gender identity, either trans women or men who pose as trans women will sexually assault or harass women in bathrooms. There is literally zero evidence for this, as I have repeatedly explained. But the myth has been used to bar trans people from using the bathroom for their gender identity, with several states passing laws or considering bills to that effect.

Gavin Grimm, a trans teenager who’s sued his school for access to the right bathroom, best captured why these anti-trans policies are a big problem: “This wasn’t just about bathrooms. It was about the right to exist in public spaces for trans people,” he told me, quoting trans actress Laverne Cox. “Without the access to appropriate bathrooms, there’s so much that you’re limited in doing. If you try to imagine what your day would be like if you had absolutely no restrooms to use other than the home, it would take planning. You would probably find yourself avoiding liquids, probably avoiding eating, maybe [avoiding] going out in public for too long at a time.”

But in calling Yiannopoulos’s view reasonable and calling trans people “weirdos,” Maher perpetuated the myth, suggesting it’s okay to keep trans people out of bathrooms for their gender identity.

This is just one incident involving trans people. Maher, who identifies as a supporter of LGBTQ rights, mocked Caitlyn Jenner shortly after she came out as trans in 2015. In one segment, he called Jenner “a white man” and suggested she should go on a date with Rachel Dolezal, the former NAACP official who was accused of posing as black. The “jokes” denied Jenner’s identity and suggested her identity as a woman is on equal grounds with Dolezal’s claim to blackness.

It’s not just Islamophobia and transphobia. When Hillary Clinton ran for president in 2008, Maher said, while playing clips of Clinton on the campaign trail:

I’m not trying to be sexist here, but I’m just saying that women try a lot of different tacks when they’re in arguments … I’m not being sexist, I’m just saying that men, when we argue, we’re kind of a one-trick pony — we try our thing, and then we sulk when we don’t get our way. … But look at Hillary Clinton … Because the first thing a woman does, of course, is cry … and then they go to sweet talking … and then they throw an anger fit totally unrelated to anything. … And when it doesn’t work, they bring out the sarcasm.

As a general rule of thumb, starting any statement with “I’m not trying to be sexist here, but…” is probably a sign you shouldn’t complete that sentence.

Maher’s comments exemplify why: He said he wasn’t trying to be sexist, but then he went on to make a bunch of sweeping comments about men and women by using the experiences and actions of a single woman. This is simply sexism by definition.

Some kinds of bigotry are often overlooked in the US

Maher’s shtick has long been controversy — in what he often characterizes as a battle against political correctness.

Maher, after all, lost his show on ABC, Politically Incorrect, when he characterized the US military as “cowards” and the terrorists who hijacked planes on 9/11 as brave. “We have been the cowards, lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away,” Maher said. “That’s cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.”

Maher went to HBO in part so he could get away with comments like this. It’s part of his brand to make over-the-top remarks for laughs, even if they contribute little to the ongoing conversation or are offensive. In his view, it’s part of an important battle against censorship.

He elaborated on his philosophy in his interview with Milo Yiannopoulos. “I think you’re colossally wrong on a number of things. But if I banned everyone from my show who I thought was colossally wrong, I would be talking to myself,” Maher told Yiannopoulos. He later added, “You are so, let’s say, helped by the fact that liberals just always take the bait.”

It took Maher literally using the n-word to finally get some media outlets to hold him accountable. Perhaps that’s because Maher is a liberal, putting him on the side of most of the people who would be quick to condemn his bigotry, particularly against Muslim, Arab, and transgender Americans.

But part of the issue here is what counts as actual bigotry in America, and whether Islamophobia, transphobia, and certain kinds of sexism and misogyny really do cross the line for a large chunk of the population.

A Pew Research Center survey measured Americans’ “warmth” toward different religious groups, with Christians and Jews ranking the highest and atheists and Muslims ranking the lowest. And in studies conducted by Northwestern University psychologist Nour Kteily, researchers had participants rank different groups based on how evolved they are; among the set of groups provided, Muslims ranked the lowest.

Similarly, many Americans don’t quite understand why trans people should be allowed to use the bathroom for their gender identity. Many Americans really do hold sexist or misogynistic views about how women debate, argue, or otherwise assert themselves.

But many Americans are told that the n-word is inexcusable; it’s the one word almost anyone who’s even a little bit woke to racism knows is not allowed.

That helps explain why Maher’s past offenses didn’t cross the line for a lot of people, while his use of the n-word got HBO and him to apologize.

#race #racism #sexism #sexist #Bill Maher #television #news #media #culture

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mistleto-3 · 7 years

Text

Coming To Conclusions

Misaki is in the midst of a sexuality crisis, and is further thrown for a loop when he finds out Tatara is transgender.

Pairing: Misaki/Tatara (trans male!Tatara)

5,241 words. Fluff.

Content warning for internalised homophobia, internalised transphobia, and mentions of domestic violence. Brief mikorei mention.

(Slightly belated) Fic for my fav ginger’s birthday.

AO3 | Ko-Fi

When Tatara had told Misaki he’d finally found a buyer his father’s old home and would be away from the bar for a couple of days to empty the last of the things out of the house, Misaki had been quick to volunteer to help him out. He’d reasoned that Tatara wasn’t exactly strong, and Misaki didn’t know how he’d cope moving heavy boxes and bits of furniture around by himself. Izumo was too busy running the bar to help him, and Mikoto was… well, Mikoto, so Misaki had taken it upon himself. It had taken a little while to convince Tatara to accept the offer- initially he’d been insistent that he would be fine on his own, and Misaki didn’t need to trouble himself, but eventually, he gave in.

It had been somewhat surreal for Misaki to enter Tatara’s childhood home- a tiny, run-down cottage just outside of the city. It didn’t seem like the kind of place someone like Tatara would have grown up. The house was fairly sparse; most of the furniture was gone, save for some of the things Tatara hadn’t had the space to bring with him when he’d moved into his apartment in Shizume city. The only indication Tatara had lived there were the knickknacks and paraphernalia of his old hobbies that cluttered the shelves, now dusty from disuse.

The pair spent the first morning moving out the furniture- most of it was rickety and held together with wood glue and duct tape, so Misaki pulled it apart and tossed the remnants into the dumpster Tatara had hired (he had great fun wielding the axe he’d found in the shed, though Tatara couldn’t watch in fear that Misaki would accidentally chop off his own foot, or something equally silly).

By lunchtime, the house was devoid of furniture. The pair had sat in the unkempt grass of the front lawn to eat their lunch, but as they returned into the building, Tatara was stopped in his tracks by the sight of the house he’d grown up in.

“Seeing it empty is so strange.”

Now that the cosiness of the mismatched and well-used furnishings had gone, the main room looked barren and cold. The wear was easy to see- the floorboards were scratched; the paint was flaking off the window frames, and damp had begun to peel away at the faded wallpaper.

Misaki didn’t know how best to comfort him, so he simply clapped Tatara on the shoulder in what he hoped was a reassuring way. “If someone’s buyin’ it then maybe they’ll do it up and it’ll get turned into a home again.”

Tatara smiled faintly. “I don’t know why I’m getting so nostalgic all of a sudden; it’s not like I had the happiest childhood here. But it’s still strange.” Despite the nod to what seemed to be a dark chapter of his history, Tatara’s expression was as carefree as ever.

“What do you mean?”

“Hmm?”

“About it not being the happiest.”

“Ah. As you can probably tell, we didn’t have much money when I was a kid. My dad… had some troubles. Debt, that sort of thing, and my mother left him when I was younger. He tried his best, but he was absent a lot, so I ended up being here by myself most of the time.” As Tatara spoke, he wandered over to the windowsill, where some of his old things still stood. He was still smiling slightly as he talked, as though he was simply discussing the weather.

Misaki frowned, but followed him across the room. A few photographs in cheap wooden frames perched between the other keepsakes and souvenirs on the sill. Tatara picked one up, leaving in its shadow a clear spot amongst the thin film of dust that covered the rest of the surface, and he smiled fondly at the faded picture.

“I still loved my family, and I still remember the happy times. My dad wasn’t a bad person, he was just troubled. It’s sad to think of what could have been here instead of an empty room if things had gone differently,” Tatara said, and as he spoke, Misaki peered at the photograph he held in his hands. The image had been bleached by the sunlight over the years, but it still clearly depicted a man and a woman, standing with their arms around one another in what looked to be a neater version of the front of the house. The lawn wasn’t overgrown, and flowers grew in terracotta pots beneath the window and beside the doorstep. Between them stood a little girl, smiling at the camera.

“I didn’t know you had a sister?” Misaki said cautiously, looking at the child in the photo. She bore a great resemblance to Tatara, but she wore a lilac dress, and her hair was longer and tied into pigtails.

“Hm? Oh, no, I don’t.” A sheepish look crossed Tatara’s face.

“Is that like your cousin or something then?”

“No, it’s me.”

Misaki raised an eyebrow. “Why are you dressed like a girl?”

Tatara smiled shyly. “I always forget you guys don’t know… I was sort of born a girl.”

Misaki paused, his brow furrowing as he tried to process the information. He was vaguely aware of people changing gender as a concept, but if he was perfectly honest, he was totally flying blind when it came to this sort of thing. He’d heard people mention things about sex changes and transsexual people in the past, but he was dubious about how reliable the information was.

He clammed up, stuttering as he tried to come up with something appropriately supportive to say, but his attempts were thwarted by the dozens of competing thoughts that bubbled to the forefront of his mind at the revelation. He bit his tongue, holding back the questions that even he had the good sense to know were inappropriate. Now that Tatara had mentioned it, it was sort of difficult not to notice how… feminine he was. Tatara had always been effeminate, but Misaki had always put that down to just being the way he was- that and the fact that Tatara was openly queer, and it sort of showed in his mannerisms. But in the light of what Tatara had just said, Misaki couldn’t not pick up on how delicate his hands were, how narrow his shoulders…

He shook the thoughts from his head- they felt disrespectful somehow, but he wasn’t quite sure why.

“S-sorry…” he began. “I’m, uh, not super up on all this stuff…” Misaki rubbed the back of his head nervously. “S-so that makes you, tra… transsexual, right?”

Tatara chuckled gently at his bashfulness, and to Misaki’s relief he didn’t seem offended. “That’s sort of an outdated term; most people use the word ‘transgender’ now, but yes. When I was born, they thought I was a girl, but I figured out as I got older that that wasn’t right.”

Misaki nodded slowly, and apologised again. “Who else knows…?”

“I was already out as a guy full-time by the time Homra really started to form, so the only other people in Homra who know are King and Kusanagi-san. And Anna. I try to keep it quiet- it’s not actively a secret or anything, but the guys have all always known me as a man, so it’s easier just to keep it that way.”

Misaki gave another nod. “I understand… I won’t tell.”

“You don’t have to treat me any differently or anything like that. I’m just like you and the rest of the folks in Homra, just wasn’t born with the same equipment.” He paused for a moment, then smiled, leaning against the windowsill. “I can tell this has kinda thrown you for a loop, hm?”

“L-Like I said, I don’t really… know anything about all of this.”

Tatara started setting the knickknacks from the windowsill in a cardboard box as he began to explain: “I figured out when I was about nine or ten that being a girl didn’t really feel right- I didn’t like being referred to as a girl or dressing in girly clothes. It’s like… how you feel when people say your name is a girl’s name, but turned up to eleven.”

Misaki nodded slowly.

“And then I hit puberty and my body started changing to be more like a woman’s and it made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t really put together why that was until I watched a movie with a trans character in it. I was watching English language films because my hobby at that point was learning English, and there was a woman in one of the movies that was ‘born a boy,’ so to speak. And I started to wonder: if she could be a woman even though she was assigned male at birth, maybe I could be a boy. So I did some research, and here I am.”

“But like… how do you look like a dude?”

“Testosterone injections. I’ve been on them for two years now; they help to masculinise my body- changing the way I store fat, making my voice drop, making me grow a bit of facial hair, amongst other things... Well, we’re still getting there on the facial hair front,” Tatara conceded, fingering a patch of sparse peach fuzz on his jawline.

Misaki smiled a little at the self-deprecating joke. In a way, it sort of dropped it all into perspective for him- worrying about being able to grow stubble was such a normal thing for a guy to worry about (indeed, Misaki had his own insecurities around his smooth face). “That… makes sense, I think. As long as you’re happy, I guess it doesn’t matter whether the doctor said you were a boy or a girl when you popped out, right? S-sorry if I say anything dumb.”

“It’s okay- you’re learning. If you have any questions, you can ask.”

Misaki offered a weak smile. “Thanks.”

The rest of the afternoon passed mostly without incident- the pair continued packing away the keepsakes on the shelves, and by the end of the day, they’d finished emptying the house even though Tatara had predicted it would take a couple of days. Having two sets of hands made quicker work of it, even with Tatara pausing every now and again to recount some anecdote about an old hobby of his, or a childhood memory. The insight into Tatara’s youth was sort of strange for Misaki. Aside from the whole him not always having been a dude thing, it was weird to see him talk so casually about what was objectively quite a neglectful childhood. It amazed Misaki that he turned out to be the sunny person that he had, considering everything he’d been through. Especially considering that the only other neglected kid Misaki really knew was Saruhiko, whose attitude was the total opposite of Tatara’s.

But underneath that, Misaki could still feel himself seizing up. He tried to distract himself with the packing, but there was only so much of his brain he could occupy just putting stuff in boxes. He felt like an ass for it, but he could feel the anxiety he usually only got around women tying knots in the pit of his stomach. And he didn’t know why- he’d always seen Tatara as one of the guys; why should he feel any differently now? He tried to avoid his friend’s eye as he worked, chewing his lip as a wash of guilt settled over him.

And of course Tatara noticed- Tatara was the sort of person who could read people’s thoughts off them like they were typed across their foreheads.

“Yata-san, is something wrong?”

“H-hm? Oh, no, just tired I think,” he offered, attempting to give a reassuring smile.

“Well, we’re nearly done here at least,” Tatara replied, though Misaki wasn’t entirely sure he was convinced by the lie.

It wasn’t until he got home that Misaki could really reflect properly on what it was that had been bothering him all day. He kicked off his shoes, collapsing onto the couch in his apartment and staring up at the ceiling with a deep huff. He didn’t like to think about this sort of thing- in fact, he actively hated it. But he hated the idea of Tatara feeling uncomfortable even more; he didn’t want Tatara to think Misaki’s obvious awkwardness and discomfort had anything to do with him being trans.

In a rather uncomfortable recent period of self-discovery, Misaki had come to the realisation that the reason he wasn’t exactly confident around women was because he didn’t feel the way he thought he was supposed to about them. Ever since he was a kid, he’d seen men in real life and in the TV shows he watched lust over women, pursue them to the exclusion of all else, obsess over them, get in fights and fall out with their best friends over them. It seemed to be the norm to do stupid and detrimental things just to get in some girl’s pants.

And Misaki didn’t get it. He just didn’t. He didn’t get what was so great about the idea of dating a girl or kissing a girl or having sex with a girl or whatever.

And then he’d met Tatara and the pair had become close friends, and Misaki suddenly started recognising the feelings he’d heard people talk about in the past- the butterflies in your stomach, the dry throat, the daydreams, the distraction, the desire to spend time with them. Except he didn’t feel them about a girl; he felt them about Tatara. Tatara was kind and funny and gentle and beautiful and Misaki felt a sort of magnetism toward his clansman that he’d never felt toward any woman.

It had taken Misaki a long time to process the fact he thought he might be gay- even now, he hadn’t completely made peace with the fact, and he’d never breathed a word about it to anybody.

At first, he’d worried he was a misogynist, and that was why he didn’t like girls in that way. Which had made him hate himself. Ever since he’d seen the black eyes his biological father used to give his mother before they’d gotten divorced, he’d promised himself he wouldn’t be the kind of guy his dad was. Being the sort of man who respected and cared for women, the provider, the man of the house, the protector, was important to him. It had taken a while to reconcile this desire with his lack of attraction to women.

In a weird sort of way, it had helped when he started hearing rumours that Mikoto was involved with the Blue King. Mikoto was the kind of guy Misaki had always aspired to be- he was strong and brave and he protected those who couldn’t look out for themselves and he never let himself show weakness. The only depiction of gay men Misaki had ever seen before that were the stereotypical effeminate guys with lisps and feather boas, and as much as Misaki respected those people, that wasn’t what he wanted for himself. And then he’d caught Mikoto and Reisi kissing in the bar, and aside from his initial mortification, in an odd sort of way, Misaki was comforted. It was reassuring to know that someone like Mikoto could still be… well, Mikoto, and still kiss guys at the same time.

It had taken months, but Misaki had finally started to come around to the idea that he might be gay after all, and maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. He’d even started to fantasise about asking Tatara out, and had a plan half-formulated in his brain.

And then this happened. He’d discovered the guy he felt so strongly for had been born with what most people would deem a girl’s body, and now the parts of himself that had fought so vehemently to suppress the idea he might be gay had resurfaced with a vengeance. They told him he was wrong after all- if the guy he wanted to date wasn’t really a guy, then maybe he wasn’t really gay.

Misaki pulled the front of his beanie down over his eyes in frustration with himself, resisting the urge to pull on his own hair. If he’d heard anyone else suggest that Tatara “wasn’t really a guy” because of the way his junk looked when he was born, Misaki would have punched their lights out. He knew Tatara was a guy- he’d been a guy as long as Misaki had known him. But he was having difficulties getting those intrusive thoughts to shut the hell up.

Eventually, he managed to get them to tone down their misgendering, but he still couldn’t quite shake the thought that maybe if he was attracted to someone with what most would consider female body parts, then perhaps he wasn’t gay after all. He didn’t even know what parts Tatara had- even he had the good sense not to go asking about whether Tatara had boobs or what he had in his pants, but even the slightest prospect that Misaki might have a crush on someone with a vagina was enough to sow seeds of doubt in his head.

And Misaki could feel that doubt starting to make him act strange. His nervousness around Tatara continued to bug him, and he felt his cheeks heating up whenever he was in his vicinity. He’d also noticed himself getting more protective of his friend. Tatara’s effeminate appearance often meant that people weren’t quite sure right off the bat how to gender him, and it wasn’t uncommon for people in his vicinity to be heard whispering to one another wondering if he was a man or a woman.

Unfortunately for the whisperers, Misaki overheard some of them one day, and something just sort of snapped in him. A pair of boys from the nearby high school were walking not far behind Misaki, Tatara, and Dewa as they made their way back to the bar.

Chuckling, one of them whispered to the other: “Do you think that blond is a dude or a chick?”

Misaki normally wouldn’t have done more than shot them a glare, but this time, before he could stop himself, he whirled around and snapped at them:

“Are you an asshole or just an idiot?”

The boys looked flabbergasted for a moment, but then had the decency to mumble an apology as they hurried past, abashed.

Tatara tried to assure Misaki that it was alright- he didn’t have to defend him, but Misaki hadn’t been able to resist the urge. A part of him knew he was overcompensating for the intrusive thoughts he’d had after Tatara had first come out to him, and it only made him feel more guilty.

Misaki could feel himself continuing to acting weird for a couple of weeks. The unwanted sexuality crisis was bad enough, but piled on top of that, his shame at the fact he was even having this crisis in the first place was eating away at him. Tatara was a man, regardless of whether he’d known that his entire life, and Misaki was attracted to him, but not to girls, and that made him gay. It was simple. So why couldn’t he shake the doubt taking root in his mind?

He was also mortifyingly aware of how observant Tatara was, and constantly convinced that his friend would pick up on his behaviour, and somehow figure out what it was that was on his mind. It’s not like it would be difficult- he’d mysteriously started acting strange right after Tatara had come out to him, and he hated the thought that Tatara would assume Misaki was uncomfortable with his gender identity.

Thankfully, he didn’t mention Misaki’s odd behaviour, and when Misaki’s birthday rolled around, he seemed as eager as ever to organise something to celebrate. Seeing as his birthday fell mid-week that year, Tatara had planned something big for the following weekend when more people would be free to attend, but he also insisted that they have a small gettogether on his actual birthday, even if most of the Homra guys wouldn’t be able to make it. Tatara had been so excited to plan it that Misaki couldn’t bring himself to decline (he felt awkward, allowing him to do all this when he was having all these shitty thoughts, even if he couldn’t control them), but he was secretly sort of reassured- at least he knew Tatara didn’t hold a grudge.

To Misaki’s relief, Tatara’s plans for his birthday itself were low-key: movies and pizza and a couple beers (the invitees were instructed not to tell Izumo that Tatara was enabling underage drinking) with the guys at Tatara’s apartment, and all Misaki had to do was show up. Unfortunately, only a few people could make it- most of the clansmen either had plans that night or work the following morning, so either couldn’t come, or could only do so for a few hours. Rikio seemed a little off all day at the bar, and predictably he texted to say he couldn’t make it as he had a stomach bug, which Misaki thought was fair enough, so at the start of the evening, aside from the host and the one celebrating his birthday, the guest list consisted of Yo, Dewa, Kosuke, and Akagi. However, most could only stay for one movie, with the exception of Yo, who left two-thirds of the way through the first film, citing a hot Tinder matchup as the reason for his premature departure.

When Misaki was left alone with Tatara, he offered to leave, not wanting to make things awkward, but there was a genuine smile on Tatara’s face as he asked him to stay.

“There are plenty of snacks left,” he joked, and Misaki gave a weak smile, settling back onto the sofa beside him.

And of course, Tatara immediately picked up on his odd demeanour. “Everything okay?” he asked casually.

“Y-yeah…” Misaki cursed himself internally for his stutter- Tatara didn’t seem too concerned before, but now he leaned forward in his seat, a crease between his eyebrows.

“You sure? You’ve been acting a little strange for a while…”

Misaki shut his eyes in embarrassment. “S-sorry…”

“Sorry? What for?”

“I’ve been acting weird since that day at your place…” he mumbled. “S-since you told me…”

“…Told you I’m trans?” Tatara offered, his tone neutral.

“Y-yeah… And I didn’t want you to think I was bein’ intolerant or anything. I’ve never seen you as anything other than a dude and that ain’t gonna change.” His voice was quiet, and though he’d opened his eyes, he kept them fixed on the coffee table. He drummed his fingers against the half-empty beer can in his hands anxiously; he didn’t really want to be having this discussion.

“I didn’t think you were being intolerant,” Tatara reassured him, and as he rested his hand comfortingly on Misaki’s shoulder, Misaki felt his heartbeat stumble in his chest. “You didn’t seem disgusted or anything like that. But I am a bit worried; what’s bothering you? Are you afraid of saying the wrong thing?”

“Y-yeah.” It was true, but only a half-truth, and Tatara obviously knew it.

“…And?”

Misaki shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “I-It’s heavy, I don’t wanna be a downer.”

“You’ll probably feel better once you’ve gotten it out. I don’t mind.”

“I’ve never… talked about it before… I don’t wanna make things weird…” The words almost seemed to physically snag in Misaki’s throat.

“It won’t,” Tatara promised immediately.

Misaki screwed his eyes shut, taking a deep breath. “I-I sorta… had a sexuality crisis… and all the gender stuff brought it back up in my head.”

Tatara patted him on the shoulder comfortingly, waiting for him to elaborate.

“Over the past few months, I’d… I dunno, sorta figured maybe I was g-gay…” He let out a shaky breath- it was strange to hear that said aloud. “B-but it took a while to like… fully accept it, I guess. I thought you had to be like stereotypically gay, and I didn’t want to be like that. I didn’t want to have a lisp and watch crappy daytime TV and listen to Lady Gaga. So I fought really hard against the idea.”

Tatara smiled softly. “That’s okay. You don’t have to fit into society’s stereotypes to be gay; the only thing you have to do to be gay is to only be into other guys. I know it’s easy to internalise all the crap people say about queer folks, but liking other men doesn’t make you any less of a man.”

Misaki gave a weak smile. “Thanks…” Then, he sighed again, steadying himself to force out the next sentence. “I was getting pretty sure I really was… gay… especially after Mikoto-san started screwing the Blue King or whatever, like if he can kiss dudes and still be kickass then so can I…”

“That’s good. I’m glad you’re starting to accept yourself. There’s nothing wrong with being gay; you’re still you, no matter who you happen to fall in love with. Am I the first person you’ve told?”

Misaki nodded. “Mm. I’ve never even said it out loud.”

“That’s okay. There’s no pressure to ‘come out’ if you don’t want to, or even to label it if you don’t want to. It’s nobody’s business but yours, and perhaps any guys you’re interested in,” he added with a grin.

“T-thanks.”

“Is there anyone you’re interested in?” Tatara asked playfully, but then he paused, examining the expression on his friend’s face. “You okay?”

“Y-yeah, fine,” Misaki replied, but he spoke far too quickly.

“…Coming out wasn’t the only thing bothering you, was it?”

Misaki bit his lip. “I-I dunno if you wanna hear the other bit.”

“It’s okay, you can talk to me about anything.”

Misaki huffed a sigh, slumping back against the couch with a torn look on his face.

“I promise. No judgement.”

“Hnn… fine,” Misaki conceded, fixing his gaze on his shoelaces. “I-I thought I’d sort of come to terms with it, you know, the whole gay thing… and then you came out to me…” He paused, taking a deep breath. He didn’t dare look over at his friend. “…And all these stupid voices in my head I couldn’t get to shut up were doing some fucked up mental gymnastics to try and reason that maybe I wasn’t gay after all.”

Tatara tilted his head. “Why would that make you not gay?”

“Because… y-you’re hot, okay? It’s just an objective fact. Like, there isn’t a person alive who’s into dudes who wouldn’t be attracted to you. But these stupid voices were trying to persuade me that if you weren’t born a dude or whatever or if you have girl junk… n-not that I’m asking! Whatever’s in your pants is your business… but like… Ugh, I sound like such an asshole. I don’t know how to say it without coming off like a total douche. Like, you’re a dude, so whatever junk you have is dude junk, and I’ve never seen you as anything but a dude regardless of junk and I really need to stop talking about your junk I’m sorry…”

Tatara continued rubbing his shoulder. “Take your time.”

Misaki sighed, trying to slow down the pace of his words. “The dumb nagging voices at the back of my head were trying to twist you being trans into an excuse to say I wasn’t really gay, because I still think you’re hot even though you’re trans, and I’m pissed off at myself for trying to think that way.”

“You weren’t doing it on purpose. Like I said, it’s hard not to internalise people’s intolerance when you’re figuring yourself out. As long as it’s not really you talking, then it’s fine.”

Misaki gave a stiff nod. “T-thank you. S-sorry, I shouldn’t be making you comfort me for being like this… Y-you’ll always be a dude in my eyes and I’ll fight anyone who says you’re not.”

Tatara was quiet for a second, and Misaki finally lifted his gaze to look over at his friend, afraid he’d upset him. But to his surprise, a faint smile curled the corner of Tatara’s lips, and his cheeks were flushed.

“Totsuka-san?”

“People don’t usually question their entire sexuality just because one person they think is hot turns out not to have the junk they’re expecting them to. It usually takes a little more than that…”

Misaki opened his mouth to protest, but Tatara cut in before he had a chance.

“Yata-chan, do you have feelings for me?”

“W-what? Why would you think that?” Misaki’s heart squeezed in his chest in panic, and he could feel himself stumbling over his words.

Tatara gave him a soft smile. “I had suspicions for a while- you get this look in your eye when you look at me, but I didn’t really dare believe it…”

Misaki paused. “W-what?”

“I thought: ‘maybe it’s just wishful thinking,’ ‘maybe I’m just projecting’.”

Misaki blinked in shock, the surprise almost knocking the wind out of him- he’d forgotten to breathe for a second. He couldn’t quite allow himself to process what he thought Tatara was suggesting. The room felt sort of wobbly, as though he was dreaming.

“A-are you saying…?” Misaki didn’t quite have enough breath to finish the sentence.

But he didn’t need to. The next thing he knew, Tatara had cupped his jaw gently, and had leaned in to brush their lips together. Misaki froze on the spot, unable to do anything more than close his eyes.

Tatara pulled back, and after a moment, he chuckled. “Breathe, Yata-chan.”

Misaki nodded, finally managing to draw in a gasp of air. “Y-you…?” was all he could manage to say.

“…Like you?” Tatara finished for him, and Misaki managed another stiff nod of confirmation. “Yeah, I do. You’re handsome, and you’re really sweet beneath your hardcore exterior. After Fushimi left and we started spending more time together, I found myself really looking forward to seeing you, and getting butterflies and being self-conscious about how I looked because I wanted you to see the best side of me…” He blushed deeper as he spoke, and the sight of Tatara’s cheeks turning pink made Misaki’s chest feel funny.

He couldn’t quite summon words for a few second, and when he could, all he could think to say was: “A-am I awake?”

Tatara burst into a fit of giggles, rocking forward to bury his face in Misaki’s shoulder, almost bashfully. “You’re so cute…”

“S-shut up…”

Tatara looked up, a hopeful grin still playing across his lips. There was a playful twinkle in his eye, and Misaki didn’t think he’d ever seen anything so pretty in his life.

“So what do you say? Wanna go to dinner with me sometime?”

“I’m definitely gay,” Misaki blurted, staring at Tatara in disbelief. Now he’d finally come to that conclusion, he sort of couldn’t believe he’d ever doubted it- it seemed obvious now. He was really god damn gay and he had a big fat gay crush on his closest friend, the contents of his underwear be damned.

Tatara giggled once more. “Is that a yes~?”

“F-fuck yes!” Misaki didn’t seem able to spit the words out fast enough, and Tatara threw his arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly with a dazzling grin.

Misaki decided this was the best birthday present he’d ever gotten.

#yata misaki #totsuka tatara #k project #tatasaki #yatatotsu #k fanfic #character birthday

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commonsensewizard · 7 years

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Feelings are for Sissies

I have a news flash for you. The American Civil War is over. On April 9, 1865, Robert E. Lee surrendered his Army of Virginia to Grant. On April 26, 1865, General Joseph Johnston surrendered his 90,000 men to Sherman. The official declaration of the end of the war came from President Johnson on May 9, 1865. On June 2, Kirby Smith surrendered. Then, finally, on June 23, Cherokee leader Stand Watie surrendered. Game over.

Yes, yes, yes, the struggle for the freed slaves did not end there and in many ways justice and equality for their descendants is still ongoing. Yet one must agree we’ve come a long way. But, it has gone too far in arenas in and outside their sphere. I, for one, do not care if Confederate memorials are coming down. However, the descendants of slaves should care. They should care a lot. One day, they will not be able to take their children to these sites and point to them as a lesson for when they grow to adulthood. They will not be able to say, “You see that man?”, or...”Do you see this land that once was a bloody battlefield?” No, these things will be gone...erased...eradicated, and one day will be forgotten. Think how little time it has taken for the holocaust deniers to convince hundreds of thousands that it never happened. Even though the evidence is clear and well documented, people refuse to believe it. Here, we are in the process of erasing a terrible time in our history, and that is a bad thing for those who suffered and are still suffering from its effects. Without the reminders, the painful reminders, it will be easy to forget it ever happened. It will be easy to deny it ever happened.

Our country is no longer on a slippery slope. We are sliding down it, pell mell to our eventual ruin. We have come to a place of idiotic lunacy where many believe it is possible to come to a place in society where nobody ever gets their feelings hurt. Why, even now there are those who are clamoring for there to no longer be a Mother’s Day or a Father’s Day because it is insensitive to those who are transgender, or gender neutral, or homosexual, or gender whatever that isn’t a traditional Mother or Father. These people get their feelings hurt because they don’t know how to react to such holidays since they don’t ‘fit in’. I have an idea, start your own damn holiday. It won’t hurt my feelings if you do. It won’t hurt my feelings if they do get rid of Mother’s Day or Father’s Day in its traditional sense. I will shake my head at how stupid people are, but I will go on with my life.

All...and I mean ALL...people who have taken paths less travelled in their lives, for some reason or other have a deep seated need to be accepted by everybody, or have everybody forced to accept them by government laws. It is like they need a stamp of approval that they meet the ‘normal’ criteria. If this doesn’t happen, then we have the ‘social justice’ warriors jumping up and down, screaming to whoever will listen that the rest of us can’t continue to hurt their feelings. Our society is hell bent on calling crazy, normal. Weird, normal. Out in left field, normal. Anything or anyone who does something different should be accepted as normal by everyone else. I saw a woman on the news the other day who identifies as a cat. Dresses like a cat, meows like a cat, wears pants with a cat tail, eats cat food, has scratching posts at home and uses a litter box. Her main concern was not being accepted by society. Really? I mean, REALLY? Don’t scoff at the prediction that one day we shall see lawyers filing suit to protect her civil rights to live like a cat and not be encumbered by an evil society that judges she needs to be in a mental institution. And needs to receive really good drugs.

Don’t get me wrong. If that’s how this person...or...cat...wishes to live, I say go for it. But, if I don’t think she’s sane, or don’t want to accept her insanity, that should be my prerogative. It should be the prerogative of any business to not hire her unless she acts like a human being and not a cat.

Our choices in life have consequences. Bad choices produce bad consequences, and vice versa with the good. Erasing history, even bad history, is a mistake and a bad choice. Just outside of Lille, France is a small town called Alnoye. On the outskirts of this town is a cemetery of Nazi soldiers who died there. It is immaculately kept, and paid for by the French citizens of the area to be maintained. The markers are clean, and bear the names of those men...their enemies, occupiers and tormenters during World War II. What struck me most were those markers. For, you see, at Normandy, all the allied burial markers are white. All of the markers in this cemetery...are black. There we have history remembered...with a dose of what those men represented. I asked one of the Frenchmen with me why they took such good care of the two hundred or so that were buried there, and why the bodies were not ever sent back to Germany. He replied, in his deep accent, “They wanted to stay? We let them stay.”

We could learn a lesson from this. Don’t allow your feelings to cause you to erase what was. What was is what brought us to where we are. What was will take us to where we should be going. And if you’re living on the fringes of sanity, or have even crossed over that line, don’t expect the rest of us...mainly me...to give a damn about your feelings. You made the choice. Now live with the consequences. If you’re upset because I don’t accept you...then you’re a sissy.

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nathanielburgos · 4 years

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Gender Reassignment Discrimination

As an employer, it is illegal to treat someone unfairly at work because they intend to undergo, are undergoing or have undergone gender reassignment. It is also unlawful to fail to take timely and appropriate action when others at work discriminate against, or bully or harass someone else, because they are transsexual.

Below we look at what the law says about gender reassignment discrimination in the workplace, including what happens when employers get this wrong and the steps that you can put in place to help prevent this type of discrimination.

What is gender reassignment discrimination?

Gender reassignment discrimination is where someone is treated unfairly because they are ‘transsexual’, ie; someone whose gender identity is different from the gender assigned to them when they were born. Other more commonly used terminology could include transgender, trans male/female, or simply trans.

The unfair treatment could be a one-off action or series of actions, or even as a result of a workplace rule or policy that is applied equally to everyone but puts a transsexual or trans person at a particular disadvantage.

To be protected from gender reassignment discrimination, a person does not need to have undergone any specific treatment or surgery to change from their birth sex to their preferred gender. This is because changing their physiological or other gender attributes is a personal process rather than a medical one.

What is the law on gender reassignment discrimination?

The law relating to gender reassignment discrimination is set out under the Equality Act 2010. The Act makes it unlawful for a person to be discriminated against, or harassed or victimised, because of one or more of the nine protected characteristics, where gender reassignment is one of these.

All transsexual or trans people share the common characteristic of gender reassignment. This could be where someone who was born male has made the decision to spend the rest of her life as a woman, or vice versa.

To be afforded the protection from discrimination, harassment and victimisation, the person can be at any stage in the transition process, from planning to reassign their gender, to undergoing or having completed this process. This includes anyone who has started the process but then decided not to continue.

Protection is also afforded to anyone dressing in a certain way to express their chosen gender, although those who only choose to temporarily adopt the appearance of the opposite gender, such as transvestites, are not protected under the legislation. This is because their cross-dressing is not part of the process of transitioning to live as their non-birth gender.

What employment protections do transsexual employees have?

Under the Equality Act, all transsexual employees are afforded protection from four main types of discriminatory behaviour in the workplace:

Direct discrimination: where you treat an employee less favourably than you treat or would treat others because they are proposing to undergo, is undergoing or has undergone all or part of a process for the purpose of reassigning their sex by changing physiological or other gender attributes.

Indirect discrimination: where a workplace provision, criterion or practice that applies equally to everyone puts a transsexual employee at a disproportionate disadvantage when compared with others.

Harassment: where a transsexual employee is subjected to unwanted conduct at work because of their gender reassignment, and this has the purpose or effect of violating their dignity or creating an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating or offensive environment.

Victimisation: where someone suffers from detrimental treatment at work because they have made or supported a complaint about harassment or gender reassignment discrimination at work, or it is believed they have or may make or support such a complaint.

The Act applies to all employees, as well as job applicants, trainees, contract workers and office holders, such as company directors and partners. The Act also covers all areas of employment including recruitment, training and promotion, terms and conditions of employment, redundancy and dismissal.

Examples of gender reassignment discrimination

Direct gender reassignment discrimination

Direct gender reassignment discrimination is where you treat someone at work worse than another person in a similar situation because they are trans. For example, having found out that an employee intends to spend the rest of their life living as a different gender, you decide to transfer them into another position, against their wishes, so they no longer have a customer-facing role.

Direct discrimination also covers the following scenarios:

Discrimination by perception: where you discriminate against a person because you believe they are trans, even if that perception is incorrect, for example, where they occasionally cross-dress or is gender variant.

Discrimination by association: where you discriminate against a person for being connected with someone who is, or is wrongly thought to be, transsexual. This could include a co-worker, family member or friend.

Indirect gender reassignment discrimination

Indirect gender reassignment discrimination refers to the application of a rule or policy at work that, on the face of it, applies equally to persons who are not transsexual but which particularly disadvantages transsexual or trans people.

An example of indirect discrimination might be where you have a company policy for an employee’s ID tag to always feature their photograph as it appeared on the day they joined the company. However, because they have changed their gender since then, this might cause them significant embarrassment.

Harassment because of gender reassignment

The definition of harassment under the Act is wide enough to include all types of unwanted conduct because of gender reassignment. This could include nicknames, insults, abusive language, threats, jokes, banter, gossip, asking intrusive or inappropriate questions, excluding or ignoring someone, or even excessive monitoring or excessive criticism of someone’s work.

It does not matter if the harassment is intentional or unintentional, and doesn’t necessarily need to be aimed at the person witnessing it. Examples of this might include the telling or tolerating of trans-phobic jokes and the use of derogatory trans-phobic terms as part of an accepted workplace culture.

As an employer, you are potentially liable for the discriminatory acts of your employees where those employees are acting in the course of their employment. This is known as vicarious liability. You are also liable for the harassment of your staff by third parties, such as clients, customers or suppliers.

This means that if you are aware that a trans person is being harassed at work, either by a member of staff or a third party, and you fail to take reasonable steps to prevent this from happening again, you may be breaking the law.

Victimisation because of gender reassignment

This is where someone at work is subjected to a detriment because they have made, tried to make, helped someone else to make or assumed to have made, a complaint or grievance of discrimination on the grounds of gender reassignment.

A detriment could include, for example, an employee being denied a pay rise or promotion because they have made allegations of gender reassignment discrimination, or where they have given evidence in support of a complaint made by a transsexual person, even though they themselves are not transsexual.

What are the special protections relating to absences from work?

Under the Equality Act 2010, there are special protections relating to absences from work because of gender reassignment.

This means that if someone is absent from work because of gender reassignment you cannot treat that person less favourably than you would treat any other person off work due to sickness or injury, or due to some other reason and it is not reasonable to treat the transsexual person less favourably.

For example, if you refuse, without good reason, to let someone have time off work to undergo treatment for gender reassignment, or you permit them to take time off but pay that person less than they would have received if they were off sick, this is likely to amount to direct discrimination under the Act.

This protection extends to any medical appointment associated with the gender reassignment process, including taking time off for counselling.

Can gender reassignment discrimination ever be justified?

Direct gender reassignment discrimination, harassment and victimisation can never be justified. However, there are certain circumstances in which indirect discrimination can be objectively justified, as long as you can show that the treatment is a proportionate means of achieving a legitimate aim.

The process of determining whether discrimination is justified involves weighing up the legitimate needs of your business against the discriminatory effect on the group of employees who are trans. Where the same aim could have been achieved in a less discriminatory way, the discrimination cannot be justified.

In rare cases, there may also be strict occupational requirements that preclude a transsexual person from applying, although you would need to show that ‘not being trans’ is crucial to the role. This could be, for example, roles in organised religion, where being trans would not comply with the doctrines of that religion.

Equally, there may be cases where a person is required to be transsexual, for example, a gender identity support leader, although again, ‘being trans’ in this instance, must be crucial and not just one of many important factors.

It is also important to note that you can take positive steps to support transgender people who are under-represented in your workforce or otherwise disadvantaged. This could be by way of encouraging applications from trans people or providing special training. This is known as taking positive action.

What are the consequences of gender reassignment discrimination?

If you get the law wrong in relation to gender reassignment discrimination, even if you are trying to take positive steps to assist transsexual people, or you unintentionally discriminate against a trans person, you may find yourself facing a claim for unlawful discrimination before an employment tribunal.

The importance of understanding and preventing all forms of discrimination at work should never be underestimated. The cost to your business in terms of reputational damage and legal proceedings can be significant.

The Equality Act does not require any minimum length of employment, or any employment at all in the case of a job applicant, for an unlawful discrimination claim to be made. The tribunal also has the power to award one or more of the following three remedies if it finds there has been discrimination:

A declaration setting out the rights of the parties

An uncapped award of damages, including an award for injury to feelings and to compensate the individual for any financial loss suffered

A recommendation that you should take certain steps to remove or reduce the discrimination in your workplace

How can employers prevent gender reassignment discrimination?

Employers should take steps to help prevent gender reassignment discrimination and minimise the possibility of workplace issues, grievances or tribunal claims.

These steps could include a programme of equality and diversity training for all your staff on how different forms of gender reassignment discrimination can arise; putting in place appropriate procedures to deal with grievances, both informally and formally; and reviewing your workplace policies on equal opportunities, dignity at work, and bullying and harassment.

In this way you will help to create a positive workplace culture in which gender reassignment discrimination is not tolerated, and victims or witnesses of discrimination feel able to report any complaints without fear of reprisal.

Need assistance?

DavidsonMorris’ employment lawyers can help with all aspects of workplace discrimination. Working closely with our specialists in HR, we can advise on steps to improve diversity and equality in your organisation, while minimising the legal risk of discrimination claims. For help and advice, speak to our experts.

Gender reassignment discrimination FAQs

What is gender reassignment discrimination?

Gender reassignment discrimination takes place when someone is treated unfairly on the basis of their actual or proposed gender reassignment. The unfair treatment could be a one-off action or a blanket workplace rule or policy that puts a transsexual or trans person at a particular disadvantage.

What are the different types of gender reassignment discrimination?

There are four main types of gender reassignment discrimination set out under the Equality Act 2010. These include direct discrimination, indirect discrimination, harassment and victimisation. The Act also affords trans people special protection from being treated less favourably in cases of absences from work because of gender reassignment.

What discrimination rights do trans employees have?

Trans employees have the right not to be treated less favourably at work, put at a disadvantage, or harassed or victimised, because they are transsexual, or perceived to be or connected with someone who is trans.

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Last updated: 7 September 2020

Gender Reassignment Discrimination published first on https://ordergcmsnotescanada.tumblr.com/

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communicationsskyeblog · 6 years

Quote

For this edition of Elle Oh Elle, I’ve enlisted the voice of Monika MHz, a Portland DJ and columnist. Monika is a trans woman, and she’s here to explain how you can make the world a better place by removing transphobia from your life. Although ultimately impossible to measure precisely, a new study suggests that about 1.6 million Americans are transgender. Too often in the LGBT discussion, we focus on the LGB, and forget about the T. Let’s broaden our discussion, to include all of our sex-positive brothers and sisters. It is perfectly OK to not yet be familiar with these terms -- but as you seek to better understand the trans community, it helps to start by understanding some of the language. Here’s your starter guide. Transgender Transgender is an umbrella term used to describe a person who does not identify specifically with their assigned gender from birth. There's a big spectrum on this -- not everyone falls into an entirely male or female category -- meaning the term includes a lot of gray area. Some people use the term "transgender" to include drag queens and all gender nonconforming folks; others don't. Some trans folks hate the term; others don’t. “Trans” bridges some of that gap. "When in doubt," Monika says, "just say 'trans.' It's a baggage-free abbreviation, umbrella, and identity for a large percentage of the community -- and won’t be read as offensive or rude. No one is gonna start a hashtag because you called me trans." Cisgender Here's a simple way to understand what it means to be cisgender: ELLE: I’m a cisgender female; meaning I identify with the gender assigned to me at birth. I was raised as a female, and I identify as such. MONIKA: I’m a trans woman. I was assigned male at birth, and I’m a woman. I’m also a DJ and a writer. I’m wicked hot -- and you, dear reader, should treat me like people. FTM, MTF FTM is an acronym for “female-to-male” that refers to trans men who were assigned female at birth. Conversely, MTF is "male-to-female" and refers to trans women assigned male at birth. Some people find the term uncomfortable and don't like to use it; others prefer it. You should always ask before these acronyms to describe an individual. But how do you ask someone a question like this? "It’s like asking any other personal question," Monika says. "Don’t drop the bomb in the middle of discussing Stranger Things on Netflix. But if the topic comes up and you are struggling to find the right wording in your head, it’s OK to just ask: 'I’m sorry, this might be wrong, but do you prefer FTM or is there a better term?' Just use good judgment, be polite, and you'll be fine. Always better to ask!" LGBT, LGBQ, LGBTQA, TBLG The above acronyms are used in reference to L) lesbian, G) gay, B) bisexual, T) transgender, Q) queer, and A) asexual or ally. But while we lump all these groups together into a single acronym (i.e., "the LGBT community"), it's important to remember that each part of these acronyms represents a specific identity. Trans is overlooked too often, even as strides are made among the gay, bisexual, and lesbian communities. But some of that is (finally!) starting to shift, ever so slowly. "Trans folks have been at the front of the LGBTQ equality movement from the start," Monika says. "Trans women fought on the front lines of Stonewall and the Compton Cafeteria riots. As things got better for LGBQ folks, the T just seemed louder by comparison. Our stories, eventually, cut through the noise and it leads us to where we are now. "An 'ally' is what you call yourself when you use the right pronoun for your trans friend, or when you retweet Laverne Cox. However, being an ally is more than just a few actions. Even if you don’t know a trans person, you can ally.” Write an email to your state and national government officials in support of employment protections for trans folks, or talk to your family about the humanity of trans folks. You can ally all over your family. Pronouns Pronouns are the parts of speech we use to describe the gender of people, pets, and sometimes boats and cars (if you’re into that sort of thing). She, he, and -- if you’re non-binary, or genderqueer -- they. If you don’t know someone’s gender, it’s really easy to just use “their/they.” Try it! People do it with babies all the time. "Your cat is licking their paws.” "That person with long hair is waiting for their cab.” "People do it all the time in general," Monika says. "Chicago style manual, Washington Post, and many other style guides recognize it as just plain useful. I have a friend who doesn’t like it for formal writing, but they’re wrong. See what I did there?" Transition It’s sort of just like it sounds. It’s usually referring to the medical and/or social puberty experienced by trans folks. It’s just like a young cis (non-trans) boy “transitions” from boyhood to manhood during puberty. You might hear someone tell you that they transitioned when they were 16, for example. That would give you some idea of their life experience. Transphobia "People often read this as 'fear of trans people' and sorta rightly so, given its etymological roots," Monika says. "However, the way it’s used is more than just the fear or hate of trans people. It’s about the systemic and socially mediated ways in which society mistreats an entire class of people and how that impacts the way trans folks, and trans women in particular, are treated." Intersex "This has nothing to do with being trans," Monika says. "It’s a generalizing medical term to describe folks born with genetic, reproductive, and sexual anatomy differences that don’t fit the usual definitions of male and female. Some intersex people are trans, and others aren’t, but they are separate things." Genderqueer Genderqueer is a sort of catchall umbrella term often used to describe gender non-conforming and trans folks who don’t feel like they fit into the male or female identity. Not everyone uses it, and some people identify as genderqueer and a woman or a man. It’s a messy world, and language is often inadequate to describe how folks feel. In one stand-up routine, comedian Whitney Streed sums their experience as such: "I cut my hair [short], I dress and move about the earth in this particular fashion, because I need my gender to be baffling. Like I need it not to scan. I've thought about it, and I want all of my catcalls to end in question marks, that's what I'm going for. I want my gender to be something like a crossword puzzle. Because you are gonna work on this the entire bus ride to work. Just taking in all the clues, thinking about it. You get there, you think to yourself, 'Did I get all of that right?' --That's me! I am the New York Times Sunday crossword of gender." Queer In the same way some sex-positive people like myself refer to themselves as a slut, most younger LGBTQ people are happy to call themselves “queer” in an effort to reclaim the connotations of the word. "It's a term some LGBT folks forged out of an anti-gay slur," Monika says. “Usually only referring to sexuality, I like to use it to describe my sexuality and not my gender. Some people, though, identify as queer rather than trans. [But] it can be very offensive to some people, especially gay men of older generations.” Cross-dresser Everyone is a cross dresser and everyone isn’t. Basically it’s all about social context. Women wear suits all the time now, but at a different time we might have called that cross-dressing. Nowadays, people seem to use it to exclusively refer to men who wear clothing and makeup deemed too feminine for a man. It’s a ridiculous term past its prime. Gender identity Gender identity is defined as the personal experience of one's own gender. Which seems vague, but that’s fine. "Sometimes it [gender identity] can feel less solid," Monika says. "I don’t just identify as Latina, I am Latina. I am a woman." To cut through the confusion, just go with the gender an individual identifies as. A person with a vagina who identifies as a man, is a man. A person with a penis identifying as a woman, is a woman. Trans man This is a catchall usually used for trans people assigned female at birth who are men. Sometimes they have gone through -- or are planning to go through -- some medical interventions to enhance their comfort with their bodies. Sometimes, people use the term to refer to people who don’t identify with manhood. These are individual cases. Trans woman See above. This usually refers to people assigned male at birth who are women. "Trans women” is also sometimes used as a term for all trans people who were assigned male at birth. Tranny For both uses of trans, is it OK to use the term “tranny”? "You’re allowed to say any word, sure," Monika says. "But it’s probably ill-advised to skip down the street dropping the 'T' all day. Not only are you likely to ruin someone’s day, but you’ll likely sound like a clueless relic. So, unless you want to be a wanker, hold off on the 'T-word'... unless you’re a trans woman. It’s sort of 'our word.'” Same goes for “transvestite.” It’s archaic, and should be left to the script of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. “Back in the '90s," Monika says, "there were these insufferably fine distinctions drawn between different types of transgender and gender-nonconforming folks. 'Transvestite' was a diagnosis from the DSM IV codes for mental illness -- that has since been removed -- used to describe folks who fetishized cross-dressing. If you identify as a man, and wearing lingerie while jerking off sounds like an ideal Sunday activity, then at that time you would have been considered a transvestite. These distinctions have largely fallen out of use, or fashion, or whatever. No one is really using this term anymore." Sex, sexuality, and gender are a larger ingredient to the recipe of a society. And human rights are an integral part of an ethical nation -- but it all starts with our ability to communicate with each other. Asking questions, showing compassion, and seeking understanding: this is how we elevate our culture to a better place. Sign up here for our daily Thrillist email, and get your fix of the best in food/drink/fun. Follow Monika MHz on her website, Instagram, and Twitter: @monikamhz. Whitney Streed is a Portland comedian, you can find them on Twitter @whitneystreed Elle Stanger is a Thrillist contributor and can't wait until every American can pee where they feel most safe. Follow her at @ellestanger. OUR BEST STORIES, DELIVERED DAILY The best decision you'll make all day. Sign up with email Submit GO I confirm I am at least 21 years old READ THE COMMENTS

Elle Stanger https://www.thrillist.com/sex-dating/nation/what-does-transgender-mean-transgender-definition-meanings-explained

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creativeculturecommcollecti-blog · 6 years

Text

What Does Transgender Mean? Your Guide to Understanding Transgender Terminology.

By Elle Stanger

Although ultimately impossible to measure precisely, a new study suggests that about 1.6 million Americans are transgender. Too often in the LGBT discussion, we focus on the LGB, and forget about the T.

Let’s broaden our discussion, to include all of our sex-positive brothers and sisters. It is perfectly OK to not yet be familiar with these terms -- but as you seek to better understand the trans community, it helps to start by understanding some of the language. Here’s your starter guide.

Transgender

Transgender is an umbrella term used to describe a person who does not identify specifically with their assigned gender from birth. There's a big spectrum on this -- not everyone falls into an entirely male or female category -- meaning the term includes a lot of gray area.

Some people use the term "transgender" to include drag queens and all gender nonconforming folks; others don't. Some trans folks hate the term; others don’t. “Trans” bridges some of that gap. "When in doubt," Monika says, "just say 'trans.' It's a baggage-free abbreviation, umbrella, and identity for a large percentage of the community -- and won’t be read as offensive or rude. No one is gonna start a hashtag because you called me trans."

Cisgender

Here's a simple way to understand what it means to be cisgender:

ELLE: I’m a cisgender female; meaning I identify with the gender assigned to me at birth. I was raised as a female, and I identify as such.

MONIKA: I’m a trans woman. I was assigned male at birth, and I’m a woman. I’m also a DJ and a writer. I’m wicked hot -- and you, dear reader, should treat me like people.

FTM, MTF

FTM is an acronym for “female-to-male” that refers to trans men who were assigned female at birth. Conversely, MTF is "male-to-female" and refers to trans women assigned male at birth. Some people find the term uncomfortable and don't like to use it; others prefer it. You should always ask before these acronyms to describe an individual.

But how do you ask someone a question like this?

"It’s like asking any other personal question," Monika says. "Don’t drop the bomb in the middle of discussing Stranger Things on Netflix. But if the topic comes up and you are struggling to find the right wording in your head, it’s OK to just ask: 'I’m sorry, this might be wrong, but do you prefer FTM or is there a better term?' Just use good judgment, be polite, and you'll be fine. Always better to ask!"

LGBT, LGBQ, LGBTQA, TBLG

The above acronyms are used in reference to L) lesbian, G) gay, B) bisexual, T) transgender, Q) queer, and A) asexual or ally. But while we lump all these groups together into a single acronym (i.e., "the LGBT community"), it's important to remember that each part of these acronyms represents a specific identity. Trans is overlooked too often, even as strides are made among the gay, bisexual, and lesbian communities. But some of that is (finally!) starting to shift, ever so slowly.

"Trans folks have been at the front of the LGBTQ equality movement from the start," Monika says. "Trans women fought on the front lines of Stonewall and the Compton Cafeteria riots. As things got better for LGBQ folks, the T just seemed louder by comparison. Our stories, eventually, cut through the noise and it leads us to where we are now.

"An 'ally' is what you call yourself when you use the right pronoun for your trans friend, or when you retweet Laverne Cox. However, being an ally is more than just a few actions. Even if you don’t know a trans person, you can ally.” Write an email to your state and national government officials in support of employment protections for trans folks, or talk to your family about the humanity of trans folks. You can ally all over your family.

Pronouns

Pronouns are the parts of speech we use to describe the gender of people, pets, and sometimes boats and cars (if you’re into that sort of thing). She, he, and -- if you’re non-binary, or genderqueer -- they. If you don’t know someone’s gender, it’s really easy to just use “their/they.” Try it! People do it with babies all the time.

"Your cat is licking their paws.”

"That person with long hair is waiting for their cab.”

"People do it all the time in general," Monika says. "Chicago style manual, Washington Post, and many other style guides recognize it as just plain useful. I have a friend who doesn’t like it for formal writing, but they’re wrong. See what I did there?"

Transition

It’s sort of just like it sounds. It’s usually referring to the medical and/or social puberty experienced by trans folks. It’s just like a young cis (non-trans) boy “transitions” from boyhood to manhood during puberty. You might hear someone tell you that they transitioned when they were 16, for example. That would give you some idea of their life experience.

Transphobia

"People often read this as 'fear of trans people' and sorta rightly so, given its etymological roots," Monika says. "However, the way it’s used is more than just the fear or hate of trans people. It’s about the systemic and socially mediated ways in which society mistreats an entire class of people and how that impacts the way trans folks, and trans women in particular, are treated."

Intersex

"This has nothing to do with being trans," Monika says. "It’s a generalizing medical term to describe folks born with genetic, reproductive, and sexual anatomy differences that don’t fit the usual definitions of male and female. Some intersex people are trans, and others aren’t, but they are separate things."

Genderqueer

Genderqueer is a sort of catchall umbrella term often used to describe gender non-conforming and trans folks who don’t feel like they fit into the male or female identity. Not everyone uses it, and some people identify as genderqueer and a woman or a man. It’s a messy world, and language is often inadequate to describe how folks feel.

In one stand-up routine, comedian Whitney Streed sums their experience as such: "I cut my hair [short], I dress and move about the earth in this particular fashion, because I need my gender to be baffling. Like I need it not to scan. I've thought about it, and I want all of my catcalls to end in question marks, that's what I'm going for. I want my gender to be something like a crossword puzzle. Because you are gonna work on this the entire bus ride to work. Just taking in all the clues, thinking about it. You get there, you think to yourself, 'Did I get all of that right?' --That's me! I am the New York Times Sunday crossword of gender."

Queer

In the same way some sex-positive people like myself refer to themselves as a slut, most younger LGBTQ people are happy to call themselves “queer” in an effort to reclaim the connotations of the word.

"It's a term some LGBT folks forged out of an anti-gay slur," Monika says. “Usually only referring to sexuality, I like to use it to describe my sexuality and not my gender. Some people, though, identify as queer rather than trans. [But] it can be very offensive to some people, especially gay men of older generations.”

Cross-dresser

Everyone is a cross dresser and everyone isn’t. Basically it’s all about social context. Women wear suits all the time now, but at a different time we might have called that cross-dressing.

Nowadays, people seem to use it to exclusively refer to men who wear clothing and makeup deemed too feminine for a man. It’s a ridiculous term past its prime.

Gender identity

Gender identity is defined as the personal experience of one's own gender. Which seems vague, but that’s fine.

"Sometimes it [gender identity] can feel less solid," Monika says. "I don’t just identify as Latina, I am Latina. I am a woman."

To cut through the confusion, just go with the gender an individual identifies as. A person with a vagina who identifies as a man, is a man. A person with a penis identifying as a woman, is a woman.

Trans man

This is a catchall usually used for trans people assigned female at birth who are men. Sometimes they have gone through -- or are planning to go through -- some medical interventions to enhance their comfort with their bodies.

Sometimes, people use the term to refer to people who don’t identify with manhood. These are individual cases.

Trans woman

See above. This usually refers to people assigned male at birth who are women. "Trans women” is also sometimes used as a term for all trans people who were assigned male at birth.

Tranny

For both uses of trans, is it OK to use the term “tranny”?

"You’re allowed to say any word, sure," Monika says. "But it’s probably ill-advised to skip down the street dropping the 'T' all day. Not only are you likely to ruin someone’s day, but you’ll likely sound like a clueless relic. So, unless you want to be a wanker, hold off on the 'T-word'... unless you’re a trans woman. It’s sort of 'our word.'”

Same goes for “transvestite.” It’s archaic, and should be left to the script of the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

“Back in the '90s," Monika says, "there were these insufferably fine distinctions drawn between different types of transgender and gender-nonconforming folks. 'Transvestite' was a diagnosis from the DSM IV codes for mental illness -- that has since been removed -- used to describe folks who fetishized cross-dressing. If you identify as a man, and wearing lingerie while jerking off sounds like an ideal Sunday activity, then at that time you would have been considered a transvestite. These distinctions have largely fallen out of use, or fashion, or whatever. No one is really using this term anymore."

Sex, sexuality, and gender are a larger ingredient to the recipe of a society. And human rights are an integral part of an ethical nation -- but it all starts with our ability to communicate with each other. Asking questions, showing compassion, and seeking understanding: this is how we elevate our culture to a better place.

#elle stanger

0 notes