#copying tags because it should just be said on repeat

[imjustasimpxd]

My Angel (Part Two)

➬ Reiner Braun x Fem reader

Part One | Part Three | Masterlist | Blog Home | Aot Masterlist

Summary : Reiner was always taught that the devils of Paradis were vicious creatures, but what is he supposed to do when he soon finds himself reluctantly falling for one? Or when he is forced to go back to Marley and leave her altogether?

Word count : around 5, 200 words

Warnings : Again, very angsty. Reiner feels guilty about what he’s done, reader is angry with him. Crying, mentions of heartbreak. Spoilers for season 4 part one.

Author’s notes : reblogs are appreciated!! I appreciate all feedback on my writing so that I can know what you guys liked and what you think I should improve on😊

Disclaimer : this is a work of fiction and should in no way, shape, or form, be taken seriously.

Side Note : this fic, and everything else I’ve written on my blog, is mine and only mine. I work very hard on everything I write so do not, under any circumstances, modify, copy, or steal my work.

❗️Important Note❗️

There will in fact be a part three! While I was writing part two, it ended up becoming so long that I just decided to split it up. That’s why this chapter leaves off on a cliffhanger (and that’s also why it took me so long to post this one). But I thank you all for your patience. If anyone else wants to be tagged for part three then let me know in the comments! :)))

“Can I please ask where exactly we’re going?” Reiner questioned, his voice lacing with a hint of annoyance as Falco gripped his arm, anxiously pulling him towards the city’s back alleys.

“I told you it’s a surprise! A friend of yours wants to say hi before the show starts!” Falco explained, glancing backward at his superior with a cheerful smile as he continued to pull him in the opposite direction.

“Is that right?” Reiner spoke sarcastically, scoffing quietly to himself as he took in the boy’s words.

What was Falco really up to?

Surely the whole “a friend wants to say hi” explanation was made up; because Reiner Braun wasn’t exactly a man you would think of as having friends.

Sure, he was surrounded by people a lot of the time, and he even had allies with whom he got along pretty well with. But even so, Reiner knew he was nothing more than a comrade to them; nothing more than a vessel to wield the armored titan.

But that was okay, because they were nothing more than comrades to him.

With being born Eldian as well as being a warrior for Marley’s military force, Reiner Braun didn’t exactly have the time, luxury, or frankly, the mental strength to seek out any social interactions beyond strictly work-related ones.

Well, at least, not anymore.

He made that mistake once, and in doing so, it cost him the demolition of a poor woman’s heart; as well as his own.

In fear that opening up to another person again might cause that beating vessel in his chest to truly see itself past repair, Reiner Braun had decided to close himself off from others, refusing to repeat those tragic events of his past.

So, with that in mind, who exactly was this “person” that Falco was happily dragging him by the arm to see?

It couldn’t have been anyone he was genuinely close with; there wasn’t anyone like that for him, not anymore at least. Any authentic connections he once had with people were now severed, collapsed by the calamity he caused back on that forsaken island.

So who on earth was he being forced to see?

“It’s just in here!” Falco said excitedly, his finger pointing toward a wooden door as they rounded the corner; one that lead to a basement stationed under an older apartment complex.

From the outside, the place looked dim and run down, its location secluded to a quiet and unfrequented street.

The very sight had Reiner scratching his head in confusion. Of all places, why here? Why pick such an isolated area to meet with him? Not only that, but why would this person send a naive little boy to escort him to this place instead of just contacting Reiner directly?

Was this a trap he was walking into?

Should he leave?

Like a flame set to brush, panic began spreading through Reiner’s veins. His free hand was gripped into a strained fist and his eyes darted in all directions, watching out for any surprise attacks.

If this really was a trap, if someone was anticipating charging at him, then he’d be ready for it.

Suddenly, the wooden door opened. Loud groans from the beat-down hinges filled the air, followed by the sound of footsteps; footsteps that belonged to a dark, hooded figure.

Reiner’s eyes widened at the scene before him, an eerie feeling twisting in his stomach as he watched the mysterious person walk out the door; heading in his direction.

Whoever it was, he thought about fighting them off, even going as far as raising both his hands in the air to assume a defensive stance.

However, that’s when he caught a glimpse of Falco next to him. The little boy had started to head towards the figure, almost as if he was acquainted with the human; if it even was human.

“Falco wait!” Reiner quickly followed in the boy’s footsteps, gripping his arm before he could walk any closer to the person. “We should leave.” He suggested, anxiously tugging on the boy’s limb in hopes to urge him back in the opposite direction.

“It’s okay Mr. Braun,” Falco smiled, quick to reassure his superior. “This is where he said to meet him.”

Who’s he? Was it that person lurking around with the cloak draped across their face? Or was there someone inside as well?

Reiner didn’t have any answers, nor did he have a definite resolve on how to react in this situation. Should he trust Falco’s judgment and allow this “meetup” to happen? Or should he grab the boy and run while he still had the chance?

The latter seemed like the best option, especially considering the fact that Falco was just a child, and therefore could’ve easily been manipulated into something dangerous.

He wanted to trust Falco’s words, but it was too risky. If something happened, the boy’s blood would be on Reiner’s hands; and he couldn’t bear the weight of any more sorrow, or any more guilt.

“We’re leaving, Falco!” Reiner insisted, readjusting his grip on the boy’s arm to forcefully pull him away from the situation.

Although, just as he’d turned around to take those first few steps, he heard something that made his body freeze, and his heart clench.

“If you’re done arguing you can go on ahead. He’s waiting for you inside.”

That voice. Reiner knew that voice.

It was the same one he used to hear nagging at him to wake up in the early mornings. The same voice that used to comfort him whenever he was feeling disheartened.

It was… the same voice he never thought he’d have the pleasure of hearing ever again…

All he received was one simple sentence, but that was all the verification he needed. There was no doubt in his mind, the voice he heard: belonged to you.

“Y/n?!” His body immediately turned around to face the hooded figure. His eyes then squinted, trying to see more than just the gentle silhouette of a pair of lips and a jawline that was exposed by the moonlight’s glow.

The figure froze at his words, saying nothing in response; almost as if they didn’t anticipate being recognized.

“Y/n, is that you?” Reiner asked again, hoping to earn a response this time.

However, there was none; at least, not a verbal one.

All he gained was a sudden flinch that occurred once he spoke that name a second time, followed by the subtle shaking of fingertips that poked out from the sleeves of the cloak.

You must’ve been scared, embarrassed; perhaps even both.

And who would blame you for it? The last time you saw him he had slaughtered more than half of your comrades. Who knows what he’s capable of now after four years have passed?

“Falco?” Reiner finally broke the silence, glancing down at the boy he was still holding on to. “Why don’t you go on inside, I’ll be with you in a minute.”

However, before the boy could open his mouth to speak, he was quickly interrupted. “There’s no reason for him to leave! I’m not staying to chat.” A stern voice echoed past the cloak covering your face, but that didn’t phase Reiner.

He knew it was you from the moment that first syllable left your lips, even more so now that you’d spoken a second time.

Your tone was serious, added with a hint of aggression in order to scare him off, but he wouldn’t be turned away by that. Not when this was the chance he’d been silently praying for ever since he left that island four years ago. The chance to finally see you once again, even for just a moment.

Now that this chance was finally here, standing in front of him, there was no way he’d let it slip away; regardless of the tone you used with him.

“Just a few minutes?!” He insisted, taking a few steps forward in case you were preparing to run away. “Please?” He asked in a much quieter tone, his eyes practically begging for you to give in, to grant him even the smallest portion of your time.

Even after all these years he still knew how to persuade you, didn’t he? He must’ve, otherwise, your mouth would’ve never opened to let out a frustrated “Five minutes and that’s it!”

Reiner’s shoulders quickly relaxed at your words. His head then turned towards Falco subsequently, giving him a quick nod of his head: which apparently was his signal to “get going.”

Falco’s gaze switched between Reiner and the person he was apparently dying to speak to. The boy was unsure of what was going on, or who that unidentified person even was, but nevertheless, Falco knew better than to argue with his superior; so he’d comply with the orders given to him.

“S-sure…I’ll just, be inside then…” Falco spoke hesitantly, slowly backing away to walk toward the wooden door. He stopped momentarily after placing his fingers on the handle, almost as if he was waiting for Reiner to change his mind. But after receiving no signs of a change of heart, Falco reluctantly opened the door and stepped inside; closing it behind him.

The moment that wooden door shut, an unpleasant silence filled the air. Instead of partaking in the “conversation” you were supposed to have, the two of you just stood in silence.

You didn’t dare speak up. Reiner was the one who made you stay after all, if anyone should be the first to start this conversation it was him.

Your eyes were fixated on him with a calloused glare, your lips refusing to part even the slightest bit.

Reiner on the other hand, wore an expression more timid and anxious than yours.

He shifted uncomfortably on his feet, fingers fidgeting with each other as he contemplated the best way to start this conversation.

“I uh…” He tried to speak, but the words fumbled in his mouth, leaving just as quickly as they came.

It’s ironic, just a moment ago he was begging for you to stay so that he could have the chance to talk to you, but now that his chance had finally arrived, he couldn’t think of anything to say.

As he stood there, overanalyzing a potential response, he noticed the way you scoffed, clearly annoyed at his delay in response.

You were growing impatient with him, and if he didn’t take the opportunity to speak with you now, you’d most likely never allow him another chance to waste your time again.

So, after what had seemed like hours of silence, when in reality was more like 1 minute, Reiner finally spoke up.

“Can you take off the hood?”

Your eyes quickly narrowed in confusion at his odd request. Out of everything he could’ve asked, everything he could’ve apologized for, this is the first thing he says?

“Why?” You questioned, still unsure of his intentions on the matter.

“I just…” He began, but his words quickly started to fade out, almost as if he felt unworthy to be asking in the first place.

Nevertheless, you were persistent.

“You just what?!” You snapped, frustrated at his apparent dedication to withhold information from you; a recurring dedication at that.

“I just…” he inhaled shakily before speaking, “I want to see your face.”

You paused at his words, taking a moment to process what he’d just said. After expecting something pitiful, or perhaps even bitter coming from him, it was quite a shock to receive this: a fairly tender request.

He wanted to see your face? Why? What difference would that make?

It’d be the same one he saw four years ago, nothing’s changed; at least, not to you.

Despite asking for something which would require him to look upwards, Reiner kept his eyes glued to the ground, as if he felt undeserving to see you again. It wasn’t until he heard the heavy sigh that jerked past your lips, along with the quiet “fine” you gave in response to his request that made him finally look up.

As his gaze lifted, watching you pull that gloomy hood off your head, Reiner was met with a flashback of memories.

It all reappeared in an instant: the sound of your adorable laugh, the way your hair looked when the sun glistened across it, even the small little habits he’d discovered about you as time went by; they were all coming back, recollecting in his mind clearer than if it all happened a day ago.

Reminding him, painfully, of a time when things were simpler, when he was happier, and, most regretfully, a time when he had you.

Pulling off that hood allowed him to finally lay eyes upon a face he hadn’t seen in ages. A face he used to watch soundly sleeping next to him at night, placing gentle kisses all over when no one was around.

It was the same face he used to stare at in fascination; taken back by the beautiful way your lips would curve upwards into a smile, or even the way your eyes radiated the most alluring shade of color when the sun shone across your skin.

That face was one he had desperately longed to observe once more for the entirety of four long years, and coincidentally, it was the same face that now stared him down with an irritated glare.

Absent was the sparkle your eyes once held for the man standing before you, and gone was the loving countenance you were never hesitant to grant him.

Now your face lay still, your features refusing to move even the smallest bit in case it were to form some sort of pleasant expression towards him accidentally.

Who was this woman?

If not for the fact that he had easily identified her face, Reiner wouldn’t have recognized her.

Where was the kind and loving woman he fell in love with? Was she not the one standing before him now?

No, this woman was different. This one seemed to hold an inkling of abhorrence towards him, easily provoked by just his presence alone.

Was this… the product of his own making?

Was this… what he’d turned you into?

As if he wasn’t tormented enough by his decision, now he was witnessing the consequences of his actions unfold before his very eyes.

“How.. how are you here?” Reiner stuttered, still in shock over the fact that you were actually standing there; that for whatever reason, his prayers to see you again had finally been answered.

“I’m only here in service of a friend; nothing else.”

Your response was so vague, so cold; nothing like the endearing way you used to speak to him.

“Which friend?”

“It doesn’t matter,” You replied forbiddingly. Your tone sounded so distant, so unfriendly towards him.

To think, the last time he heard your voice, it had told him “Goodnight, I love you.” But now that voice was harsh as it spoke, probably regretful of saying those very words after waking up to find out he’d abandoned you that next morning.

The difference in your tone was beginning to eat away at Reiner, straining that beating vessel in his chest more and more with each look of your indignant expression. As if you’d just picked up a shovel and started digging, deepening his guilt further than it already was; if that was even possible.

“Your minutes are up by the way, and I have to leave.” You suddenly spoke, hoping your statement was bleak enough to end the conversation, meaning you could finally leave; finally be free of him.

“Wait!” Just before you could escape, Reiner quickly reached forward and grabbed your wrist, clinging to it as if his life was hinging on it. “Wait please, don’t leave…”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

He deserved that. Honestly, he deserved more than that.

Call him whatever names you could think of, and he would let you, he’d allow every single one of them, no matter how excruciating, because he knew they were true; because deep down he knew he deserved them.

“I’m not interested in what you have to say, Reiner.” Your words were like knives to his heart, causing the already aching organ to shudder yet again. “Whatever it is you should’ve said it four years ago.”

Was that true?

If he really did explain it to you before he left, would things be different now? Would you have understood his situation? Understood why he had to do it?

Why he had to leave?

“Please,” he implored, desperately maintaining that grip on your wrist. “Please, just let me explain it to you.”

It was pathetic, how he was begging like this, pleading for you to stay and hear him out as if he wasn’t the one that left you in the first place.

“Nothing you say will change what happened.”

He knew that was true, but in spite of that, he still refused to let you go again without telling you, without apologizing at the very least.

“I know,” he admitted, a glossy haze shimmering in his eyes as he looked at you. “But please, I want you to know the truth.”

A part of you wanted to leave, to deny him any further chances to cause you more pain with an explanation. However, another part of you wanted an apology. You wanted to hear his side of the story; to hear whatever excuse he had for abandoning you. No matter how twisted, or pitiful, his reasoning was, you couldn’t deny you had questions you wanted him to answer.

“Fine then. Tell me.” You quickly adjusted your posture, staring at him with your eyebrows raised; a gesture he remembered you only used when you were serious about something.

“Why did you betray us?”

Here it was, the moment he had been waiting for since this conflict arose: his chance to finally be understood, to be seen as more than just the traitor he was made out to be.

“I was given orders,” he started, retracting his hand from your wrist now that you’d clearly abandoned the option to run. “I had no choice but to follow them.”

“And what were your orders?” Your voice sounded heavy, almost as if it was hurting to bring all this back up again; like a wound that was still fresh, still desperately trying to heal itself.

Reiner’s mouth remained shut, his head lowering as he closed his eyes, not wanting to answer your question. He knew he’d be made to look like the villain no matter what he said, no matter which way he worded it.

Did that mean he really was the villain?

In your eyes, maybe.

Perhaps you’d never accept his side of the story, never be able to see past the wretched sins he’d carried out. But regardless, even if he never got the forgiveness he so desperately wanted from you, he couldn’t hide from the truth any longer. It was time to embrace it, all of it.

“They told us to sneak in and make allies first, that way we had the people’s trust and no one would suspect us.” He sighed, his eyes refusing to look up at you in fear of the face you’d make upon hearing his confession. “Once the time came, we were ordered to steal the founding titan by whatever means necessary. And if anyone tried to stop us, we had permission to silence them, using whatever tactics we deemed fit.”

Reiner’s heart felt tight as he let those words out, his shame growing stronger now that he was remembering it all, remembering what he’d done.

How did things end up like this?

He was just trying to do what he was trained to do: save the world from ruin; that’s all. But here he was now, that mission an embarrassing failure as he reminisced on his actions; the same actions that caused such sorrow for so many people, including himself.

And as if things weren’t bad enough, as if Reiner wasn’t feeling guilty already, he heard a sudden change in your breathing that could only mean one thing: you were beginning to cry.

“No, wait!” His head quickly lifted to look at you, instantly regretting it as your distressed face came into view. “Please, don’t cry.” He begged, using his thumb to wipe away the liquid collecting on your skin; which you surprisingly allowed him to do without putting up a fight.

“Don’t cry, okay? Not for me.” He demanded, despite his own eyes welling up with tears as well.

He just couldn’t bear it, knowing he was hurting you yet again.

It was almost as if nothing had changed, even after all those years. As if he was reliving those horrors of his past once more, reliving that anguish he saw imprinted across your visage when you found out he was the armored titan; the same armored titan that had killed so many of your friends.

You didn’t understand it, even now.

Was the man who used to dote on you really the same person as the one who carried out such violence and hatred against your people?

How could that be true? How could he have done such a thing, committed such betrayal against the woman he loved?

What changed? Was it something you did?

Or perhaps a more gut-wrenching explanation: he never loved you to begin with. Maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to give you up, maybe, this was his plan all along.

“What else?” You asked, your voice trembling in the process.

Reiner’s face quickly scrunched in confusion, unsure of what you were getting at. “What do you mean?”

“Were those your only orders?” Tears quickly began trickling down your face faster than Reiner could stop, your gaze looking more despondent than ever. “Was there really not anything else?” Your lips parted to let out a stinging sob, one that seemed like it’d been held in for too long.

It was obvious you were waiting for some sort of answer from him, and every second he delayed with a response was only tormenting you further.

But, even so, it didn’t change the fact that Reiner didn’t understand what you were asking of him; or what you wanted to hear so badly.

Your eyes stared at him in sorrow, more tears absorbing into your skin before you asked your question one last time; phrasing it differently now.

“Was falling in love with me a part of your mission too? Was I just another means to accomplish your end goal?”

Reiner’s heart convulsed at your words, his mouth agape to let out a pained gasp.

Did he just hear that right?

A tool?! Is that really what you thought? Is that really all you assumed you were worth to him?

As if you could ever be such a thing.

Granted, he understood how you may have assumed that, given the matter of his betrayal and all. But, despite that, he never expected such an absurd accusation.

There was a wide range of names you could’ve called him: a traitor, a liar, a monster; anything, and he would’ve accepted it; He would’ve owned up to it.

But this: questioning whether or not his affection towards you was genuine; that was one accusation he’d never admit to.

You were never a tool, you weren’t even a part of his plan to begin with. Falling in love with a woman of Paradis wasn’t exactly one of the orders he received when he was assigned to that mission. In fact, getting involved with you went against the sole purpose of him being there; the sole purpose of his assignment.

He was sent there to exterminate the Eldian race, to wipe out every last one of those despicable beings so that the world could finally be safe.

Falling in love wasn’t an order laid out in his job description at all, much less with a woman of Paradis. And yet, he did.

Reiner was a strategic man, he wasn’t one to easily abandon orders, no matter how difficult they may be. That in itself should’ve been enough to prove his affection toward you; because he never would’ve done such a thing had he not felt it was worth it, had he not felt you were worth it.

Nevertheless, here you were, teeth gritted in frustration as you impatiently awaited his answer.

Your face spoke only of torment, and it pained Reiner to have to witness it. The way your eyes were slanting together in an unsuccessful attempt to subdue your tears, your fingers curling into fists to help better contain your irritation, all of it was a clear sign of the repercussions his decision to abandon the woman he loved had caused.

It was just like the last time, you were falling to pieces over him once more, and Reiner couldn’t stand the sight of it.

Your gentle cries may not have been as loud and mournful as they were four years ago, but it didn’t matter; the fact that you were even crying in the first place was enough to make that twisting sensation return to his stomach; possibly becoming permanent at this rate.

Reiner stretched his arm out to grasp your hand, hoping to console you, however, you quickly backed away, refusing to let him touch you.

“I don’t want your pity!” you spat, your fragile body trembling from both the anger and suffering fueling inside. “I just want the truth! Did you ever love me?”

Was that even a question?

Yes, he was fully aware that it would’ve been hard to believe the authenticity of someone who’d abandoned you; someone who so easily decided to turn against you, as if doing so didn’t phase them in the slightest.

But regardless, ignoring the heinous crimes he’d committed, did you still believe he never loved you?

Were his actions before this messy conflict never enough to convince you of his sentiments?

What about all the times he’d hold you in his arms, whispering to you about how happy you made him feel? Did you really not believe any of that? Was he pouring out his heart’s inner-most secrets for nothing?

Or what about the times he’d surprise you with food, despite rations being low? He almost got caught stealing food for you so many times; which was unwise of him considering the fact that it could’ve possibly had him kicked out of the survey corps: meaning his whole plan to infiltrate the military would’ve gone up in flames.

Or, perhaps how he’d always try to keep an eye on you during missions, making sure you never encountered something too dangerous for you to handle. You always complained that he was being too paranoid, but it was only because, unlike you, he was aware of the kind of power titans held; the kind of pain they could’ve, he could’ve, inflicted upon a tiny human being.

All he ever wanted was to protect you, to do what was best for you. Did you really never realize that?

Even after he made Annie and Bertholdt promise not to lay a hand on you during their countless fights with the survey corps, even after all the times he put your saftey before his own mission, was it still never enough?

Even when he left you behind, did you really never consider the fact that he could’ve been doing it because he thought it’s what’s best for you?

You would’ve never been safe with someone like him, so he spared you from that danger by leaving.

Even though he caused you much pain by doing so, did you still never put that together?

“I understand if you don’t believe me when I say this,” Reiner began, “But I never stopped loving you.”

Even before any words left your lips, the doubtful look stringing along your face was enough to tell Reiner that you didn’t believe him; or were highly skeptical at the very least.

“If that’s true, then why wasn’t that enough for you to stay?”

He’d asked himself the same question so many times before. Why didn’t he just give up on his mission and stay with you? It’s not like he wouldn’t have preferred that option in comparison to the one he chose.

Why didn’t he just let the Marleyans presume him dead, forgetting his life in Marley and starting a new one with you on Paradis?

He wanted to, he considered it even. But there was one factor he was forgetting that made all the difference; one tiny reminder that convinced him to abandon that option in the end: you deserved better.

If he stayed behind like you would’ve wanted him to, like he would’ve wanted to, then he would’ve been living a lie; deception would’ve been rooted at the heart of your relationship.

He would’ve never been able to fully open up to you because doing so would mean he told you the truth about his past, about where he’s from and why he came here in the first place. He’d have to fabricate every detail about his life up until this point; tricking you into believing he was born inside the walls just like you. He’d need to have an excuse for everything: why his parents weren’t around, where he was born, what his home life was like, everything.

Nothing about his life would be real anymore, from the moment he’d wake up, to the second he drifted off to sleep at night, he’d be living a lie.

Every time he’d look at your innocent expression he’d be reminded of the secrets he was keeping from you, the lies he was tricking you with; and he couldn’t live like that. He refused to live like that.

“Staying would’ve only put you in danger, so I left, taking the danger with me.”

“I see.” Your voice was strained, as if you were having trouble processing everything. The shock from seeing him again so unexpectedly still hadn’t exactly worn off yet, and with the addition of all this new information piled on top, you didn’t necessarily know what to say; or how to react.

So, instead, you remained silent, hoping some ideas might materialize inside your head as you waited.

However, you weren’t kept waiting for long because Reiner quickly took an initiative to speak once again, asking something that left you stunned,

“Is it okay if I kiss you?”

Your head quickly flung upwards to look at him, contemplating whether or not you heard him right.

“What??” You asked, aghastly, desperately hoping you misheard his question.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” He repeated, unfortunately proving that your ears were working just fine, and that you did in fact hear him correctly the first time.

He only meant it as a farewell, nothing more.

He knew this might very well be the last time he ever saw you again, so, with that in mind, he wanted to leave you with something pleasant to remember him by.

He had every intention of letting you go, he’d walk away and you’d never have to see him again afterward.

Just one last memory with you, that’s all he wanted. One last moment to reminisce on the merriment of his past before he let you go for good.

That’s what he wanted at least, but, when you finally uttered a response, he realized it might’ve been too much to ask for.

“I’m with someone else now, Reiner.”

Part One | Part Three | Masterlist | Blog Home | Aot Masterlist

(YES THERE WILL BE A PART THREE. So comment below if you want to be tagged).

Tags : @thebadbatch @mvteria @nervouslad @ah-finally @usagikookiejams

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[wifeglor]

21 for BIG MELKOR if there’s anything we are yet to know…

love you for this one for real. OK, since you said you meant the DVD commentary question, here are some additional thoughts (bite thy wings and let thee crawl, Melkor/Maglor)

First, I really just want to share all the passages from Lay of Leithian that I'd copied into my notes doc (beyond the bit I included and took the title from), because. Big Melkor canon...

Then Morgoth came. For the last time     in those great wars he dared to climb      from subterranean throne profound,      the rumour of his feet a sound      of rumbling earthquake underground.     (25) Black-armoured, towering, iron-crowned      he issued forth; his mighty shield      a vast unblazoned sable field      with shadow like a thundercloud;      and o'er the gleaming king it bowed

and

Heard ye not then of that pretty fay, of Lúthien? Her body is fair, very light and fair. (210) Morgoth would possess her in his lair. Boldog he sent, but Boldog was slain: strange ye were not in Bolgod's train.

Fierce is your chief, his frown is grim. Little Lúthien… what troubles him? (215) Why laughs he not to think of his lord crushing a maiden in his hoard, that foul should be what once was clean, that dark should be where light has been?

Whom do ye serve, Light or Mirk? (220) Who is the maker of mightiest work? Who is the king of earthly kings, the greatest giver of gold and rings? Who is the master of the wide earth? Who despoiled them of their mirth, (225) the vain Valar? Repeat your vows, Orcs of Bauglir! Do not bend your brows. Death to light, to law, to love; cursed be moon and stars above; may darkness everlasting old (230) that waits outside in surges cold drown Manwë, Varda and the sun; may all is hatred be begun and all in evil ended be in the moaning of the endless Sea!' (235)

and

Into the vast and echoing gloom more dread than many-tunnelled tomb in labyrinthine pyramid where everlasting death is hid, down awful corridors that wind (5) down to a menace dark enshrined; down to the mountain's roots profound, devoured, tormented, bored and ground by seething vermin spawned of stone; down to the depths they went alone. (10)

and

Slow-wheeling o'er his iron crown, reluctantly, shivering and small, (95) Beren there saw the shadow fall, and droop before the hideous throne, a weak and trembling thing, alone. And as thereon great Morgoth bent his darkling gaze, he shuddering went, (100) belly to earth, the cold sweat dank upon his fell, and crawling shrank beneath the darkness of that seat, beneath the shadow of those feet.

and

Yet welcome, welcome to my hall! I have a use for every thrall.

and

A pretty toy for idle hour. In slothful gardens many a flower (190) like thee the amorous gods are used honey-sweet to kiss, and cast then bruised, their fragrance loosing, under feet. But here we seldom find such sweet amid our labours long and hard, (195) from godlike idleness debarred. And who would not taste the honey-sweet lying to lips, or crush with feet the soft cool tissue of pale flowers, easing like gods the dragging hours?

and

Then flaring suddenly they fell, down, down upon the floors of hell. The dark and mighty head was bowed; (275) like mountain-top beneath a cloud the shoulders foundered, the vast form crashed, as in overwhelming storm huge cliffs in ruin slide and fall; and prone lay Morgoth in his hall. (280) His crown there rolled upon the ground, a wheel of thunder; then all sound died, and a silence grew as deep as were the heart of Earth asleep.

Like did I even have to write this fic?? Tolkien wrote it first...

This is most of what I have to say that I haven't said before, aside from that I love to see people in the tags of @aquaregiaart's beautiful art losing their minds in the exact same way I did when I first saw an earlier version of it and felt possessed by a demon with the urge to tell some more of that story!! 😌

One other thing on my mind when writing beyond horny was Melkor's voice, I guess. I really wanted his lines to "sound" resonant as though they came from a position of power, and "read aloud" well, and I tried to pay attention to that when I was editing, taking out some of the hedging and other words I had in there as options at first (at least one "I think" got cut at that stage... Just picture me like staring at 2 very similar options like it's the dress meme, muttering to myself "Would Melkor say this? I don't fucking know..."). I haven't spend a ton of time thinking of Melkor as a character (I've only written him a little bit before, in the backdrop of Finrod/Sauron AU) and I really wanted him to come across as scary and brutal/unflinching but also keep some sort of undertone suggesting that At One Point, he was or could be a seducer figure as well. Also, revisiting these Lay of Leithian portions with him was inspiring in terms of writing & keeping in some of his dialogue in the fic, because he DOES have a villainous glee in Lay of Leithian, a bitter, proud sort of "positioning" against the Valar, and he likes to hear himself talk. After reading that, I felt a lot more empowered to write him talking some more!! Thank you so much for your Big Melkor support all through working on this, it makes my heart grow to Big Melkor sizes ❤️❤️❤️

#answered #swanmaids #BLESS YOU <3 #i think this makes it sound like i did more Research and so on than i actually did for writing this smut fic but YOU KNOW #at some point thoughts were had

[be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie]

So, here is the link of the only one i liked

https://www.tumblr.com/ele-sme/719562902153084928/noccoro-pt2-in-the-canon-we-have-loak-who-was?source=share

To respond to those tags (I SAW THEM GURL) I'm not the person who posted this Nocorro, but i talked to them in the DM and they said that, besides the fact they like to post about them and writes them to improve their English, they secretly hope that you will read one someday, because as they said -i like that I'm not the only one who writes them, i wish that she would read one and then tell me what she think about it- their words not mine, i just copied and pasted. They also said they would like to post a serious one fic about them, but doesn't know if they should or not. So I thinked, after what you responded the other day to that other anon, about the fact that you can't write about them right now, i thinked "hey, this person writes about them, and she can't write about them noe, buuut she can read about them " so I took the ball and sented to you that. By the way I can already feel the other embarrassment when they will find this. Also they said they really like your post about noccoro.

That is very sweet omg. I am familiar with Elena, she is one of my most active followers right now. I see the people that reply and like things a lot lol, and I know most of my asks are anons but I love when I can tell if they are the same as another ask or not. I like repeat anons, it's like another little friend.

That being said, I haven't seen any of Elena's nocorro content except for one post that should definitely be in the queue at some point. I don't know when though because the queue is at around 500 right now. I don't spend a lot of time scrolling tumblr right now (the Spider tag highly irritates me lately), I just reblog things that pop up on my dash as soon as I click in or that my trusted mutuals reblog. If you want me to see something, or think I would like something, feel free to tag me or send me an ask or a dm with a link.

As for the fic itself, it's dARK. Darker versions of Neytiri and Jake as well, which does bum me out always. But, I don't know if I made it super well known here, one of my fav concepts from the A Spider's Heart universe was Lo'ak and Spider reuniting on the ship and going feral to find each other and I hadn't even cONSIDERED that with nocorro. God, I love it, it's so evil. I think I said once Neteyam would be forced to contend between keeping his brother safe and rescuing the boy he loves? This version? Nah. He's being selfish and it's all Spider all the time lol. I love that concept. But yeah, this au would have a lot of fallout from dark Jake and Neytiri here.

#miles spider socorro #spider socorro #neteyam sully #nocorro #ficlet #jake sully #neytiri sully #jeytiri #lo'ak sully #locorro #avatar #avatar the way of water #james cameron avatar #melissa's asks #melissa on avatar (cameron)

[melit0n]

I read ur tags about the new ST masks and honestly, I agree, it's very different (very Slipknot and gore-ish) and right now, the discography and overall vibe doesn't match(like a handful of songs have a true metal quality to it) and unless they're gonna start releasing new stuff the vibes kind of...clash? And so far Vessel is the same, so I'm wondering if the others just wanted to stand out more and were given creative freedom or if everything is going to shift at some point :/ I also think its a bit been there done that (but the simpler black and gold mask I like) the others remind me of the Joker or a Shrunken Head

Thank you for the ask anon! To be honest, I saw 'I read it tags about the new ST mask...' and I panicked thinking I was about to get left-right-goodnighted in an ask, but I'm glad it wasn't so, lol.

Further, I'm glad someone agrees with me. I said what I said in my tags on twt and within the hour I had 20+ people in my replies quote tweeting me saying how I 'wasn't a proper fan for not liking the change', how I 'should leave and stop listening if I was going to be negative', and (my personal favourite because it was so absurd) 'you're so one of the people that found them through TikTok. Good to have a cleanse of the fandom if you were only here because you have a mask kink'.

Even had someone tell me to off myself! Which was, y'know, lovely. I don't have any screenshots because I was just sat there trying to figure out how to reply to them, then saw the one that told me to off myself and just had a little overwhelmed cry and deleted the tweet, in which I then got tagged in a now deleted tweet calling me a pussy. You are so loved my ass.

I deleted it because it made me feel really shit about myself (for obvious reasons), but it made me feel more shit when I woke up the next day seeing people say the same things I did (like hoping it was only a Wembly thing, but considering the amount of detail and effort that's been put into those outfits and masks, I think not), and getting nothing but acceptance and neutrality in the replies. I'm not particularly popular on twt since people are fond of copy and pasting my post about Euclid, not giving credits, blocking me when I ask them to, and when their mutuals see that I'm blocked by them they just have at me for no reason, but I think it says a lot about a fandom if they can go from getting everyone to hold up a three for iii at the concerts out of pure adoration to telling someone to off themselves because they don't like the new designs. (sorry for the rant about twt anon)

I'll repeat what I said in my tags; they feel very out of place to me. Again, maybe it's just the fact I'm used to the balaclavas since I've been around here for a while, so all I've really known is Vessel's custom mask and the collective of balaclavas, but they just don't match. They stick out more than Vessel does, both design and colour pallet wise. Vessel is in full black with white accents and a white, red and gold mask, the Esperas are in full black with white accents and a red mask. And then the guys are there, y'know? Don't get me wrong, the amount of detail and effort that's been put into the designs are amazing, and they definitely have to have given each member creative freedom because each mask and design matches the lad's vibe immaculately (especially iii's), but it doesn't match Sleep Token's vibe as a collective. I like IV's design best because his matches his stage presence and ST's vibe (as you said, the simpler gold and black mask), as well as ii's (minus the hair).

I think maybe the hair on ii's and iii's masks in general are throwing me off lol.

Furthermore, Sleep Token's only full on trad metal songs are Gods from Sundowning and Vore from TMBTE, so I got really surprised when I was basically looking at Slipknot masks curated for Sleep Token. ST are known to genre bend constantly, so maybe we will get new stuff. But, considering they've had the same vibe in their music since 2016, I'd be a bit surprised if their new single/new album was just all trad metal, or at least has a lot of aspects of it, but who knows! Maybe change for them is inevitable.

I think it's well known on this blog that the passing of time and change in literally anything is my mortal enemy so seeing this kind of randomly happen gave me whiplash. I don't think I can love the new designs as much as I loved the old balaclavas, but that doesn't mean I don't like Sleep Token anymore, y'know? All I can really do is apologise for having a non super positive opinion and hope people don't hound me on here for it (which, so far, they haven't, and I appreciate you very much for being really chill about this anon). Give me a week and I'll probably be on the boat of liking them and making analysis posts on all the little details, lol

#thank you to anybody who reads my rant #I'm hoping Tumblr treats me a bit better than Twitter but we'll see #if this post randomly disappears just know it's probably because I got met with mass negativity (again) #I'm fine with people having opinions (obviously) and therefore not liking mine but having at me because of it doesn't sit right with me #thank you for the ask anon! #appreciate it #anon asks #mel's asks #mel's rambles #sleep token #st #iv sleep token #iii sleep token #ii sleep token

[greypetrel]

✨9 Ship Songs✨

Rules: List nine songs for one of your ships

Tagged by @shivunin, thank you thank you thank you! :D

It's... It's long, so it goes under the cut. I have at least ten better for Aisling and Cullen I believe, but for now it goes like that. Jackie and Wilson is their ultimate song, the second... I'll keep the Cranberries because the death of Sinead O'Connor made me nostalgic for Ireland all over again, so yeah we're going Cranberries. But still.

Tagging! @ndostairlyrium @rowanisawriter @demandthedoodles @salsedinepicta (if you want!) @rosella-writes @scribbledquillz @heniareth and YOU!

Alyra + Alistair

Siúil a Rúin, Clannad ( Spotify || Youtube ) I'll sell my rock, I'll sell my reel I'll sell my only spinning wheel To buy my love a sword of steel Is go dté tu, mo mhuirnín slán (and may you go safely, my darling) Siúil, siúil, siúil a rúin (Come, come, come, o love) Siúil go socar agus siúil go ciúin (quickly come to me, softly move) Siúil go doras agus éalaigh liom (come to the door and away we'll flee) Is go dté tu, mo mhuirnín slán (and may you go safely, my darling)

Ballata del Carcere di Reading, Vinicio Capossela ( Spotify || Youtube ) (It's the Ballad of Reading Gaol of Oscar Wilde, translated in Italian and put in music, I'll just copy-paste the lyrics of the original poetry) Yet each man kills the thing he loves, By each let this be heard, Some do it with a bitter look, Some with a flattering word, The coward does it with a kiss, The brave man with a sword! Some kill their love when they are young, And some when they are old; Some strangle with the hands of Lust, Some with the hands of Gold: The kindest use a knife, because The dead so soon grow cold.

Alyra + Morrigan

Kamikaze, Susanne Sundfør ( Spotify || Youtube ) Did you ever feel your heart stopping? Did you ever feel like a moth drawn to a flame? It's time to put on your lifejacket 'Cause I'm about to step up the game, oh They say help is near, but no one here can feel our fear It's a minefield, us, it'll never disappear 'Cause you take me back, you take me back I'm your kamikaze And tonight is the night that we might fall together

Hidden Place, Björk ( Spotify || Youtube ) Now I have been slightly shy And I can smell a pinch of hope To almost have allowed Once fingers to stroke The fingers I was given To touch with but careful, careful There lies my passion, hidden There lies my love I'll hide it under a blanket Lull it to sleep I'll keep it in a hidden place

Raina + Isabela

Wetsuit, The Vaccines ( Spotify || Youtube ) Does holy water make you pure? Submerged, your vision's just obscured You're a lot like me In up to our knees In over your chest is way too deep

On Board, Alana Handerson feat. Joshua Burnside ( Spotify || Youtube ) I'll be the figurehead On your ship's bow I'll be the last glimpse of a topsail As we go down I'll be waiting on the seabed Repeating the words Don't forget (you said), ships were not built to be safe And in all my life's mistakes You were not one 'Cause all I've ever done All I've ever done Is love you To the bottom of the deep blue sea

Raina + Merrill

Too Late to Turn Back Now, Cornelius Brothers & Sister Rose ( Spotify || Youtube ) I found myself phoning her At least ten times a day You know, that's so unusual for me To carry on this way I'll tell you, I can't sleep at night For wanting to hold her tight I've tried so hard to convince myself This feeling just can't be right Let me tell you It's too late to turn back now I believe, I believe, I believe I'm falling in love

Lay All Your Love on Me, Avantasia ( Spotify || Youtube ) It was like shooting a sitting duck A little small talk, a smile, and baby I was stuck I still don't know what you've done with me A grown-up woman should never fall so easily I feel a kind of fear When I don't have you near Unsatisfied, I skip my pride I beg you, dear Don't go wasting your emotion Lay all your love on me

Aisling + Cullen

Jackie and Wilson, Hozier ( Spotify || Youtube ) She blows outta nowhere, roman candle of the wild Laughing away through my feeble disguise No other version of me I would rather be tonight. And, Lord, she found me just in time 'Cause with my mid-youth crisis all said and done I need to be youthfully felt 'cause, God, I never felt young She's gonna save me, call me "baby" Run her hands through my hair She'll know me crazy, soothe me daily Better yet, she wouldn't care We'll steal her Lexus, be detectives Ride 'round picking up clues We'll name our children, Jackie and Wilson Raise 'em on rhythm and blues

Dreams, The Cranberries ( Spotify || Youtube ) I want more, impossible to ignore Impossible to ignore And they'll come true Impossible not to do Possible not to do [...] Oh, my life is changing everyday In every possible way And oh, my dreams It's never quite as it seems 'Cause you're a dream to me Dream to me

#9 ship songs #tagged petrel #aisling lavellan #alyra mahariel #raina hawke #it's been nice to dig up eheheheheheh #some I've already put in other asks but I hyperfixate on songs to link to characters #Layla by Eric Clapton could be a good Alistair and Alyra song if it wasn't linked permanently to another OC #for example #On Board felt like a must have also ahahahahah #singing petrel

[reynoldscrawnjob]

Reynold and Blue Laser Happy Together

Reynold and Blue Laser Commander made it back to their headquarters.

“Sorry I failed to immobilize the enemies.” Reynold sighed as he hung his head. “I'm not good at missions…”

“It's okay.” Blue Laser patted Reynold's head again. “You're still a trooper, you know that? I know you will do better tomorrow.”

“Thanks…” Reynold took a deep breath, about to confess. “Blue Laser. This is the first time I've ever felt like an equal.”

“It is?” Blue Laser questioned.

“You see…” Reynold reminisced. “The Commandos didn't always treat me this way.”

Long ago in a playground, a tiny Reynold was playing with his Strong Badman action figure, when his younger brother, who was about the same size as him, chuckled and took the figurine away from Reynold as he desperately reached to attempt to take it back.

“Let's see how the real baby of the family likes having his dolly smashed!” His brother laughed out loud, then he was about to crush the figure under his weight by jumping on it. Reynold was whimpering to himself, but then a shadow was cast over them. Three slightly older boys, one with a green vest, one with shades and a hat, and the third wearing some kind of dog tag necklace stood above them.

“Unhand that toy!” Gunhaver commanded. Reynold's brother dropped the Strong Badman toy and Reynold clumsily caught it.

“Hey there, kid.” Gunhaver put his stub hands on his hips. “You seem lost. How would you like to join an army with us when we grow up?”

“Sure.” Reynold smiled and Gunhaver then ruffled his hair.

“Good answer.” Gunhaver cooed a little. After the flashback ended. Reynold was trembling again.

“So, you join him? Just because he said so when you were kids?” Blue Laser questioned.

“Guess it started that way.” Reynold shrugged. “I then began to follow him and his crew around like some kind of lost puppy.”

Back in the past, a younger Blue Laser Commander smiled at Reynold as the two were at their desks, studying.

“May I copy your answers?” Blue Laser winked.

“I guess, just rearrange the words so nobody knows.” Reynold winked back.

“Hey, leave my little buddy alone!” Gunhaver hit Blue Laser in the face.

“Uh… Thanks?” Reynold responded confusedly.

“Any time.” Gunhaver patted Reynold's head.

“Oh yeah. I remember that.” Blue Laser crossed his arms in annoyance.

“Sorry about that. If I knew…” Reynold groaned.

“It's fine.” Blue Laser huffed.

“But in some twisted way, I kind of miss those moments.” Reynold lowered his head in shame. “No idea why, guess I just wanted others looking out for me.”

“Well, you have… Me.” Blue Laser smiled. Reynold grinned and then hugged the Commander. “Uh… Didn't ask for a hug, but there we go, I guess.”

“Sorry.” Reynold chuckled nervously.

“It's fine.” Blue Laser admitted, sneaking a nuzzle to his new friend. “Not the worst hug I ever received.”

“Aww.” Reynold giggled as he held him closer. Blue Laser then sighed to himself as Reynold was not noticing his face. Blue Laser was beginning to feel guilty about trying to take advantage of Reynold's situation for personal gain in a stupid “war”. Reynold really was a sweet guy, he was just mixed up in the chaos.

“Reynold… I think… You should quit.” Blue Laser whispered.

“Wait, what?! But this is my life's purpose now!” Reynold teared up. “You'd… Want to see me fail?”

“I want to see you have freedom. I was just trying to take advantage of the situation for my own gain. But I don't want you as a minion anymore, I want you as a fr-”

“You don't want me around anymore?!” Reynold sniffled.

“I do! I just don't feel comfortable with you being in my control! You're the only one I hate having power over!” Blue Laser waved his arms.

“When did you first desire power anyway?” Reynold asked, trying to change the subject.

“I don't wish to talk about it, I'll talk about it in the next chapter, maybe.” Blue Laser tried to shoo Reynold off.

“But-”

“Next chapter!” Blue Laser repeated.

“So… Do you want me around or not?” Reynold questioned.

“I do…” Blue Laser sighed. “I just feel bad taking advantage of your… Naive nature.”

“Naive?” Reynold scowled.

“No offense, but you've lived a sheltered life, right? Because of your family and your “friends”.” Blue Laser did “air quotes” with his “hands”. “And I just took advantage of that. Usually it feels so great to do such evil things but… it seems wrong this time.”

“But, Commander, you taking me in is the best thing to ever happen to me!” Reynold beamed widely. “I've never felt so accepted before in my life! Before then I was treated unfairly, protected from the essentials of the outside world. But now you treat me as a respectable member of your team.”

“Aww, I'm glad to hear that.” Blue Laser patted Reynold's back. “But enough mushy stuff already, let's think of more evil schemes!”

“Yeah!” Reynold cheered with his arms in the air. “What kind of scheme?”

“Before we hatch our ultimate plan to take over the universe, then the world… Let's sneak into a triple R rated movie, without paying!” Blue Laser laughed evilly.

“Great idea! Hooray!” Reynold laughed, then the two high fived (or more like, high stubbed).

“We're glad to be flying together!” A narrator sang as the two drove in a blue ship. “Friendship is the most beautiful thing in the world.” The two wore fake beards and snuck into the theater. “Something about rainbows, and butterflies, and unicorns, and stuff.” It then showed both laughed at the screen, but Reynold the turned green at one of the scenes. Blue Laser frowned and decided to get Reynold out of there. “So fly with me on a unicorn, or a butterfly, or something!” The singer sang as the sick Reynold was being comforted by Blue Laser as they were continuing to fly. “Friendship.” The narrator's voice whispered and echoed.

“You're my best friend, Blue Laser Commander.” Reynold sighed happily as the camera circle closed in on them.

“I guess… You're my friend too.” Blue Laser smiled softly. “Wait, isn't this show supposed to be about the Cheat Commandos, why are we bad guys taking over?”

“We're not the only ones. Remember what website we are on?” Reynold reminded him while waving his arm a little.

“Oh right.” Blue Laser giggled sheepishly, Reynold hugged Blue Laser again. Then the black background closed in, making the background disappear.

Meanwhile back at the Cheat Commandos’ base, Gunhaver looked rather down.

“Sigh… Sigh…” Gunhaver repeated. I SAID SIGH! Ask why!!!”

“Why did you say “sigh”, are we all going to die?” Crackotage questioned in rhyme.

“I just miss Reynold all of a sudden.” Gunhaver rubbed his head sadly. “Maybe we should check up on him.”

“But we treated him so horribly, we can't exactly bounce back from that.” Silent Rip frowned.

“Shut up. We need to think of a plan to get our favorite office worker back.” Gunhaver grinned. “Soon he'll appreciate how little we appreciated him!”

He chuckled a little as the other two joined in, Silent Rip rather reluctantly, knowing how poorly it was going to go.

#homestar runner #strong bad #the cheat #cheat commandos #reynold #blue laser #blue laser commander

[fdcreviewswithmark]

I don't have energy to make a good intro, just going to get to the point.

Guys systemcringe is back up

Time for me to do a review on it because I can. I'll do my best to stick to the post that are tagged as "fake DID/OSDD".

1. The post is, in a nutshell, introjects means someone is faking. You know the drill; cringe subreddit thinks things they think are weird are inherently signs of someone faking.

2. People can't have introjects from newer media anymore, either. The OP also was being pretty transphobic and homophobic , commenting that "Of course he must be gay!" With an arrow pointing to the transgender flag on their intro.

(sidenote from Adam: the OP did make the point that people aren't very conscious of screen readers. We ourselves are guilty of this on occasion and are trying our best to learn. Still, it's common with a lot of system intros to have a lot of focus on aesthetic rather than how easy it is to read, especially for people who use screen readers. So. Uh. Yeah just wanted to note my incoherent thoughts.)

3. Typing quirks exist. Especially weird ones. That doesn't prove they're faking.

4. A Polyfragmented DID system knows they're a Polyfragmented DID system at 15. Not Impossible. Oh, and, they use the label systemfluid. The OP uses that as a reason they're fake, likely without any knowledge of what the term actually is. The term systemfluid refers to a system who considers themselves genderfluid due to being, of course, a system. That doesn't prove they're fake in any way.

5. They're really posting a system's information. I know Adam's said this on other FDC-related posts, but that's just plain creepy, especially since the OP said that the system is their ex-friend.

6. Oh, similar to the last one. They're posting a system's pluralkit this time. Of an ex-friend. Not even the same OP as last time! And they made 3 posts of just their PK! What the hell.

7. Systems exist on Wattpad. That... Means they're fake.

Okay the posts are getting repetitive. I'll just say this now, I'm skipping a lot of posts because they're repeating the same things from earlier. This one was another one about fictives, though.

Also, though we're skipping the posts that aren't tagged as faking, almost every post on SystemCringe suggests that the posted are faking. We might do another post about the ones we skipped if this does well at all. Okay, back to the actual posts!

8. A system exists in a system discord. Definitely cringe to exist! Yep.

9. System has fakeclaim-able alters. It's free real estate.

10. A person accuses a system of "copying their trauma" to "be more credible". What the fuck.

11. Systems are silly! So cringe and fake of them to have fun and have moments that aren't sheer misery!

12: people realize they're systems. And talk about it. Wow.

13. People have a lot of alters. Man. So fake. /s

14. Systems can roleplay with each other. This isn't impossible, especially with systems far into recovery or with high communication.

15. New alters can act really weird. Like they might need help if they're introjects and such. Who knew that complex disorders can present very differently based on who has them.

Well, I'm gonna end this here. We've been low on energy recently, but I felt like I should be more active than I am. So, whoever's reading this, have a good day, night, whatever you want to call it.

#anti fakeclaiming #system cringe

[golden-heart-beats]

wait come back I’m DESPERATE to hear about the DHMIS/Utena AU

AHHH THIS IS SO FUNNY I DIDN’T THINK YOU’D NOTICE MY TAG LET ALONE ASK ABOUT IT DJKHSKJDH LMAO. Good news for you because I actually DID make it so I’m just gonna text-dump all of my random ideas I came up with. (Also note feel free to imagine them as either puppets or humanized designs it honestly goes either way with this weird ass au)

Red Guy is our protag here — he was abandoned at a young age and raised in a communal home in-between shifting between endless foster parents. Without any real connections to keep him anchored, he sort of drifted through life and grew to be a depressed and apathetic teenager. But by chance, he met a traveling artist (Leslie) who selected him amongst everyone else at the home to be her student of the day.

Eccentric and sweet, she was the first person to really look at Red Guy, comforting his pain and introducing him to the world of art (puppetry, traditional, claymation, etc) and all that she had learned. Touched by his strength, she gave Red Guy not only two special hand-puppets (one of Bird and one of Yellow Guy) alongside a special key that hung on a necklace (this aus version of the rose signets) under the promise he wouldn’t forget that and come back to be her student once more.

However, Red Guy decided he wanted to be a teacher himself, so now as a mid-20 something, he’s an film / general multi-media art teacher newly hired to Clayhill Academy; but immediately his tentative dreams for a peaceful life helping students is thrown out the window when he catches the other art teacher (obviously sketchbook) more or less bullying and mocking one of her students, who he quickly notices not only do BOTH of them have the same key necklace, but the kid is an exact replica of the puppet he was given as a teenager.

Of course, being red guy, he tries to just ignore it and stay in his own lane, but gets fed up as he sees a lot of what he went through being repeated with the poor kid. So he tries to have a mature conversation about it, but sketchbook is just “oh! You got a key, huh? How fun! :> meet me at the battlegrounds to fight” and he's just ??? huh?  

Soon afterwards he meets Duck, who not only is yet again a copy of his puppets, but claims to be a representative of their ultimate teacher. He explains that those chosen by her fight over the child, who must then be taught under their tutelage as it is said he has the power to revolutionize the world — thus, the teachers fight over him so their worldview and wants will be the forefront of the brand new world he’ll one day awaken. 

Red guy is just “!?!? YOU GUYS ARE INSANE” but ends up getting involved because of course he does. He also gets a cool magical girl outfit and a sword, but I’m unsure of what it should look like. He hates it either way. 

Anyways, he ends up winning the fight and now is the teacher of Yellow Guy. Soon afterwards, Duck announces that they will be living in his pampered living quarters all together to ensure not only Yellow Guy’s safety, but to report back on insight from his mysterious boss throughout the series. 

So yes, it’s an evil found family of three weirdos involved in a shadowy and confusing prophecy being attacked by underpaid teachers desperately trying to get any use of their major. 

#Pent.txt #DWEKJHDKJWEHFKJHFJKHFKJFHJ!!!!!!! #I HOPE THIS MAKES SENSE IM JUST BANGING ON THE KEYBOARD

[once-in-a-blue-moon-rising]

Thanks so much for the tag @themirokai!

Favourite Colour: I've always said purple and yellow (although not together) but it's really more habit than anything else. That being said, I do love both colours, so perhaps habit wins after all.

Favourite Song: My GOD, this is a hard question. I mean, Paramore are probably my all-time favourite band, but one song is something else entirely. A song I've had on repeat for a while now is 'I Fell in Love with Someone I Shouldn't Have' by Hot Milk, so it's probably the song I'm most addicted to, at this particular moment in time.

Favourite Book: His Dark Materials is my all-time favourite series. However, this year I read and adored A Little Life, and although I borrowed it from the library I will at some point be buying myself my own copy to cradle in my grubby, grubby hands.

The Last Sentence You Wrote:

Fic (this needs a good bit of attacking for me to be happy with it, just fyi):

However, when the doctor hacked the thing off, he felt a momentary pang of loss for six weeks of evenings curled up next to Greg, all recorded on his arm.

Text to work friend:

Oh FOR SURE, I swear [redacted] should be MD

it's not a vote but I'd vote for her

Something Odd In Your House: We have a giant wall of board games in our lounge because my partner is obsessed with them (I am not kidding when I say obsessed, he makes me writing novel-length stories about mystrade look like a casual fan thing).

A Tattoo You Want To Get: I'm actually getting my first tattoo next month! It's a heart/wreath shape and it's made up of different foliage and plants, including blackberries and strawberries. I AM EXCITE.

A Place You Want To Travel To: Chile! I have a Chilean pal and he makes it sound really interesting. Also, I watched a disturbing documentary, obviously.

Last Time You Were Hugged: Last night, when I exchanged some sweaty hugs with some skate pals post-roller disco.

Tags if you fancy it for: @egmon73, @brigwife, @turnleftatmidnight @just-kalina and @thegirloverseas plus anyone else who wants to share! Tag me, please I’d love to read your answers.

#it me

[delusion-of-negation]

so the notes of that logan paul's pig post are still ass, with more reblogs going very angrily to versions without the corrections:

some people, like myself, tried to get more accurate info out but there's only so much that can do when people are so angry:

this problem appears to be repeating itself on similar posts:

and posts that just share this information and don't place these screenshots of posts years apart side-by-side get zero notes:

and I don't want to reblog bait with this myself, but I don't want misinfo to spread because other people would rather get notes putting two screens years apart together to paint a false story, I therefore want to say you can reblog this or you can copy paste, make your own post, and so I won't gain anything from that:

Logan Paul did not abandon his pig, and he did not rehome her because of her size - a few years ago he moved countries and it was necessary to rehome her, as she couldn't come. he says he believed the ranch to be trustworthy and that they rehomed her again without his knowledge, months later, and it was the new owners who would eventually abandon her. nobody correcting it necessarily likes Logan at all, but people should hate him for the myriad of things he's actually done, not screenshots from years apart disingenuously placed together. the pig rescue seems not aware of this when they made their post, and Logan expressed thanks to them for having rescued her and for caring for her.

"He said he was heartbroken to learn his curly-tailed friend - who he had to leave in the US when he moved to Puerto Rico - had been found with a life-threatening infection and wounded ears.

In a statement, he said she had been rehomed without his knowledge by the new owner.

Logan rehomed her during his move to Puerto Rico from California a couple of years ago, and she stopped appearing online.

The sanctuary said she was found abandoned in a field next to another pig which had died.

Sharing his side of the story on Twitter, Logan said he rehomed Pearl at a ranch where she lived for 10 months before being rehomed again without his knowledge."

we should be happy the pig is now safe, not using her pain to do posts baiting reblogs by misrepresenting the whole situation.

[golbrocklovely]

Nobody wants to see a repeat of the exact same story ALL the time. Personally i find it weird and annoying and its posting etiquette which is a actual thing, look it up. If someone is not showing your face in a post, doesn’t matter if you are there, why would you go and post the exact same thing not just something similar? Or post to let it known that you were there. Yes they should say something but shes not a child straight into the social media womb, must her hand be held through everything?

They went out to dinner with Kats dad and he posted the food as did Sam. Kat didnt even post about it yet she goes and posts mention not only that shes there but where they were. He posts the dogs and throughout it you keep hearing her trying to talk to make her presence known (someones filming they shouldnt have to tell you to pipe down), then goes and posts the exact same thing. Not just the dogs playing, not Colby playing with ‘em but her doing the same thing. It reminds me of an annoying younger siblings that must do everything the older one does. With his room, come now… she couldnt have started recording once at the window? Its not her room and she just HAD TO get an image of her walking to the window and showing both windows to showcase she was in his room. She has been gatekeeping photos of just them two from edc and hmmm i wonder why? Look at her twitter, you really think he didnt say something? She promised Colby photos not core4. She deleted the tweet that said “i gotchu” regarding it. She has a subscription and somehow her fans know where they’ll be in Europe when once again the boys are staying mysterious about. Colby had literal stalkers, the boys have had break ins, if they chose to tell their sub service they’ll be in the UK, thats on them, thats not a green light for then her to say where they’ll be or for how long to the unsubbed masses. Remember someone not long ago mentioned florida BEFORE it was announced Kat was doing playlist?, who do you think sold “core4 florida” to the fans??? Because it wasnt Kat. Now they’re saying Australia so wouldnt be surprised if in a few you hear snc mention it and her tag along again.

On your question about posting the same thing.Ive seen this issue with literal people before, shoot from different angles but not the same angle same image. Also wait to post dont do it back to back especially if the audience is the same. Plus just because you’re in the same environment doesn’t mean you HAVE TO post the same thing to show you are there. If your presence or someone elses is being kept a wrap then the proper thing to do is not post it but she does not miss a chance this one. He can post a pic of his white claw and you can almost on cue expect her to post the exact same thing right after. Personally not just from a social posting stance, but i’d be annoyed as hell.

i'm so sorry, but… posting etiquette? that's not an actual thing. it's the internet for god's sakes. also, there are no rules to when you want to post and whether or not your friends just posted the same thing. that's all made up.

she's literally only done this a couple times max, i don't see the issue. it's not like she's trying to copy their exact story, and then pass it off as hers. she's in the same place as them, possibly next to them, and films the same thing. why is that a problem? even if her audience is the same as theirs, do you think a majority care?

and again, if it was an issue to snc or kat, then they would handle it. clearly they either don't notice (probably bc they don't care) or… they don't care.

and the post of colby playing with the dogs, that she later posted something quasi similar, isn't that strange to me. they're at a party at a friend's house. they were both playing with the dogs, or at the very least seated next to each other. why would she have to be quiet at a party, when there was music and other ppl talking in the background?

and her in his room, again, i don't think it's all that deep. she might have just wanted to post the front like he did. in this instance, sure, she did copy him. but again, i don't think it's that big of a deal.

the edc thing i never saw but i can see it happening. i remember her saying she had pics from edc she never posted, and she still hasn't. maybe he told her to not post the extra pics, maybe she forgot and so she deleted the reply, maybe she deleted the reply bc the pics weren't good enough to post. idk.

if she is outright telling fans where she is, more so than just saying "oh we're in this town" but giving out info on the place they're staying at or investigating, that's a bit weird. someone should tell her to chill on that. snc have said to us on xplrclub vaguely where they're gonna be, but again, if she's going above and beyond just tagging the town they're in, then someone should tell her to stop.

personally, besides the last thing, i don't see this as an issue. if she wanted to post verbatim the same thing as snc and kat for the next 100 years, then she can do that. bc unless snc and kat tell her to chill, it's not an issue to them. they see her stories, they follow her. and if she was told to chill and keeps crossing a boundary, again, it's on them to either cut her out or lay down the law harder.

#ask #personal #stas

[abdlgossipblog]

“Bakery literally got pissed that she started using a blanket for a back drop the way she does like bffr 😭 She finds the tiniest things to get mad about thinking everyone wants to be exactly like her”

i’m not even ashamed to post this non-anonymously because i literally haven’t done anything nor do i have anything to hide. you mustn’t have viewed my 50+ long stories about bandage last year if you think i’m mad over a simple backdrop and changing her theme? it feels like talking into an empty void of nothingness everytime i have to repeat myself. do you forget the fact bandage literally faked and edited dms about me to herself pretending i was ableist and said a slur? do you forget she never once addressed that when me and my friends had to prove she did an extremely terrible editing job on those dms? do you forget the fact she somehow found my vanilla depop that i never posted to any of my accounts and went through my likes and saved products and added them to her own depop to see what i was thinking of purchasing/saving to my cart? do you forget the fact i forgave this girl and was kind to her even after she continued to copy me and even have the audacity to dm me saying “i know you did something like this a few days ago so i hope you don’t mind me doing it too” and gave me absolutely zero credit for my idea, just a lousy dm being like “oopsie i completely copied your post but you forgave me so i guess i can now!” (sarcasm btw, but that’s what it felt like.) do you forget the fact she lied to thousands of her followers saying she “found her childhood porcelain” doll at her grandmas house that looked eerily similar to mine and then it turned out she actually bought it in goodwill??? do you forget the fact she put the items i bought in her own wishlist and later admitted publicly that she did that just to “get at me”??? the endless harassment, stalking and almost imitating my whole online existence was why i’m mad. scamming over $200+ dollars from people in the community including my friends is why i’m mad. playing victim and finding an excuse for every terrible action she does is why i’m mad. she messaged me yesterday and even admitted she took inspiration from my account, so stop defending her. fair enough if she changed since the last time i posted about her on my stories, but i am not going to sit here and let my whole personality be dictated by an anonymous loser on the blog. if you can tell me something i did that makes me so fake, bitchy or whatever else you want to call me without mentioning the bandage situation or me not wanting to see children being shared indirectly to kink account stories, then fair enough, I’ll take the hate, but i literally haven’t done anything to anyone. i can understand if you hate me for removing you during the bandage situation, but i was very distraught and anxious during that time and blocked some of my mutuals that saw the stories and still interacted with her, which i do regret as i lost a few good mutuals over that, but again i was paranoid and tired of what she was doing, I apologise. but other than that, y’all really have absolutely no reason to hate me unless you’re bandage or someone who enjoys seeing posts with minors as young as 15 being tagged to kink accounts. i am literally just here to post cute things and talk/interact with my friends. stop trying to tell me what I should and shouldn’t be upset about when it comes to bandage. i tried so hard to be her friend and forgive her both times when she apologised, because that’s all i can want to do - be friends with people and share things and just exist in a community together. and btw, i’m not admin, and anon was right, i am irish and i do live in ireland. admin posts at around 4 to 5am my time, and since she’s american i am assuming she’s around 5 to 6 hours behind me. i have to get up at 6:30am every day as i work as a support therapist for active drug users, i quite literally don’t have the time or energy to consistently post on here. no hate to admin whatsoever i think she’s a lot nicer/understanding than the previous admin.

(submitting parts of the texts bandage sent me last night, i covered names and personal information but she admitted to copying, scamming and “taking inspiration.”)

Even if the abuse is true which it could be, she still did you wrong.

#bakerydolly

[p3rry-pi3]

Pin pooooost!

Updated: 5/7/2024 :3

I cannot believe I didn’t bother making a proper one sooner

Anyways, info under the cut cause this thing is long as heck, and I didn’t mean to make it that way.

Uh. I shall give a gold star to whoever reads the whole thing, but DO NOT SKIP the DNI part.

I also want to clarify that I have a section with Palestine content, I know people aren’t willing to always look under the cut to actually look for that kind of stuff (I’m saying this as, most people not generally, but sometimes I do the same thing, as shitty as our attention spans are, I think it’s still important that you check these posts out and reblog them. I have been DEATHLY terrified to reblog and post on this account but that shouldn’t stop anyone from at least reblogging this stuff seeing as this stuff is 1000x more important.)

I’ve copy linked posts where you can find: journalists to support and follow, how you can help Palestine donations or not, what you can do to prevent the voting for more weapons in Israel (or the more scientific term, isntreal), and what to boycott.

Do not, and I mean DO NOT skip that part. I can’t control your actions but YOU can control YOUR OWN. I trust you to reblog, like, and share the posts I link.

Let me know if I should make this a separate post for you to reblog, but I hope this makes it GLARINGLY CLEAR on where I stand.

TW; teeth as header in the start and end :]

🪐🥞🪐🥞🪐🥞🪐🥞🪐🥞🪐

Main info

Hey! I’m Perry! Short for Peregrine :)!

I’m a minor (above 10+, I wanna keep this a 13+ space cause of the cussing and my interests in horror art and other scary games. You kind of have to be 13+ to be on here anyway.)

I’m pretty spiritual

I study the Paranormal and psychology

I like making headcanons and theories :]

I genuinely enjoy character analyses and overall enjoy video essays on media like indie horror and video games

I love hardcore horror and gore arts of all sorts. So beware of some of that. Ofc I’ll put warnings, just lemme know if I missed something. I also cuss a lot on here! So beware of that :)!

It’s come to my attention people have been posting real life gore of stuff like hyenas and actual victims so…That’s not the gore I meant. Fictional gore; FICTIONAL!

I’m new to the tagging system even now, so figuring stuff out is hard, but I’m equipped with enough knowledge on it and will put warnings in tags and captions since I recently learned you can block tags. Which helps loads.

Please be patient with me!^^

I’m trans, transmasc, and genderfluid. My pronouns are he/they.

I’m also working on getting a career or two in film :)!

💫🧇💫🧇💫🧇💫🧇💫🧇💫

Extra info

My favorite colors are purple, red, black, white, and neon pink.

I’m multifandom

Reblogs are much more appreciated but I’m grateful for likes.

I like mixed media.

Pls use tone tags :]

Please reblog artwork! Shitposts are fine for just likes. Text posts to.

I usually stick to canon ships because certain fandoms make it weird, but I haven’t seen anything in the main fandom I’m in, so I like to ship some.

I’m a multishipper. (Again, this applies to certain fandoms.)

I’m generally inactive here and there, but I like posting most of my fanart here when I can or remember I also post stuff on here.

I cuss on here so beware of that ig

I have social anxiety and anxiety so posts can sometimes be slower than usual since I’m almost always on my own toes. And because I have anxiety, if I’m being awkward, it’s nothing you did or said, I’m just like that in general.

I have horrible memory so if I post twice on the same day or hour it’s prolly because I forgot about it.

I reference lots of lemon demon and jack stauber.

I blame the jack stauber fanbase for my lemon demon obsession.

I’m the oldest of two brothers so you might hear about them here and there but rarely so.

I’m kind of an idiot, so please be patient if I ask you a third time to repeat what you said.

I have ADHD took a lot out of me to confirm I do. So posts may come later or at the same time due to this.

Biiiggggg undertale and fnaf nerd.

I’m an over analyzer who loves theories. Did you know I’m also an overthinker? (<- sarcasm.)

I don’t dream. I have nightmares instead. That’s where I get most of my OCs.

None of my stuff has age ratings unless it’s like tough topics to touch on or something horrifying.

I ramble lots and ramble even more in tags, so there’ll be lots of tags of just me rambling

‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

Free Palestine! 🇵🇸🍉

DO NOT SKIP THIS PART!!!!!!!!!

It’s a genocide not a war!!! Z//onists FUCK OFF!!!!!!

I tried to make little watermelon emoji borders so they wouldn’t be confusing, but idk lmk if the borders help section it

I will also continuously update it if needed, and I take constructive criticism if I need to change anything, and no, ‘the only criticism I have is the fact you support Palestine’, or something, isn’t valid criticism. I’ll block you, and it’s not even a funny thing to joke about.

Links I have so far (I wanna remind ppl that if you don’t like seeing your link here just lmk and I’ll take it down, I’m just tryna share the word and I’ll soon make a post on its own abt this cause I think it’d be really important to make a separate post on this)

🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉

Miscellaneous.

(This one is sort of just based off someone else answering an ask but I wanted to copy link this one anyways since by the looks of it, they have a lot of pro-Palestine posts)

🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉

How YOU can help Palestine.

🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉

Palestinian journalists.

🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉

No more weapons for isntreal, ceasefire now.

🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉🍉

What to boycott.

🎮🎬🎮🎬🎮🎬🎮🎬🎮🎬🎮

Pfp creds:

None.

💤🌟💤🌟💤🌟💤🌟💤🌟💤

Tags I think u should check out on here!^^ /nf

Some doodles :) (doodles that are 9 times out of ten fandom related)

Bugsnax ramblings (I ramble about headcanons, theories, characters, in game stuff, etc.)

Mind rambles (theories, it’s a new tag I’m working on updating soon.)

Rambling about shit (shits and giggles at 3 AM)

Bugsnax shitpost (mother load of idiocy from yours truly)

Some doodles (not aware this existed prolly isn’t even from this blog, not used as much. At least I don’t think I dunno.)

🎸💤🎸💤🎸💤🎸💤🎸💤🎸

Hyperfixations

Bugsnax

Lemon demon

Jack stauber

Mother Mother

Indie horror art

Analog horror

Spiderverse ITSV & ATSV

Franbow

Sallyface

Undertale

Undertale AUs

DHMIS

Mr. Plant (from Ashur Gharavi)

CoD MW2, Cold War Black ops (18+ content CoD blogs DNI)

Venom (Mostly the movies, but I also enjoy the comics.)

TF2/Team Fortress 2

Death Note (pray for me…)

🦷🍓🦷🍓🦷🍓🦷🍓🦷🍓🦷

DNI!!!

LGBTphobes

Furry haters/anti-furrys

Proshippers/comshippers.

Ableists

MAP (not the art collab meaning, but the other meaning)

Anti-antis

Racists

Z00ph1les

Zi0nists

If you’re anything of the above, please get off my page/blog.

I don’t have much of a DNI, just be respectful and mindful.

Might expand if needed.

🎭🩰🎭🩰🎭🩰🎭🩰🎭🩰🎭

Did you read it?

Did you read the whole thing or at least the “DNI” parts?

Here’s a gold star, as promised: ⭐️

Alright. Go nuts. Be respectful.

#pin post <3

[songsfordustmites]

so i was tagged by the lovely @autumngore to share my top 5 songs in my "on repeat" playlist. clearly that playlist is generated by spotify and i'm not a guy who uses that so here is what my phone says.

right, so i feel like i have to explain things. i only listen to full albums so that's why it is all songs from the same EP. i think it's interesting that this at the top when my phone says that my most played album is 'why?' by they might be giants, but i think that the EP not being my most played album might correlate with how often i listen to these outside of my band's discography in chronological order playlists. i think they're just counted as individual song plays and not album plays when i add the whole playlist to my queue instead of adding just the album by itself. does this make sense? samsung, how is this done?

this whole thing made me wonder if windows media player can do a similar thing since i listen to music on my computer the most and it can apparently! i've figured it out. i made a playlist where i set it to add songs that have over 100 plays and here is what it added.

so it's basically the same fucking thing. alright. i am quite surprised by this and i feel like tmbg should be in here somewhere, but they have a huge discography where i listen to each album at the same frequency so it'll take awhile for them to appear. steve has about thirty songs so with the obsession that i had, i could only listen to these fucking songs and nothing more so i guess it makes sense that he's the only one there.

now, i have used spotify before many times so let's see what has been put in that playlist for me.

alright...i have to explain this. sweet young thing is there for some reason because some person i follow posted the link to it and said some thing about it and i clicked on it because i couldn't remember what the song sounded like so i wanted to hear it. i do not think i listened to the full thing. i think i listened to the soft bulletin once on spotify. friends..my friend shared it to me and that was the first time i heard it and ever since i just listen to the mp3 that i have of it. silly hat is on here because i wanted to see what blue's clues albums were on spotify. i have that cd now. i used to listen to the spongebob squarepants movie soundtrack a lot on here. i should get a copy of it. also it said all of these were added in 2021. i have heard other things on spotify since then so i don't know why they chose these songs.

aw shit i was just supposed to post a picture and that's it, but i got too caught up in the data that i just had to compare!

#sorry for um...all this i guess

[theliterateape]

Memory is a T.J. Maxx

by MT Cozzola

When she was seventy-three, Mom got arrested at a T.J. Maxx. They brought her to a little security office and laid out the charge: switching price tags, which she denied. "The tag came off! I was trying to fix it!"

Eventually they let her go, but Mom was so outraged—"How dare they accuse me? After all the money I've spent there!"—that Dad wrote a letter to the CEO. "Loyal customer," etc., etc., and "Respected member of the community," etc., etc., and "Unless my wife receives a full apology we shall never patronize a T.J. Maxx again."

He died two years later, apology still pending.

One night Mom couldn't take it anymore. She pulled out a copy of Dad's letter and confided the whole story, swearing me to secrecy. She repeated her defense, "I was just trying to fix the tag," but she really missed T.J.'s. "Do you think the security guard would remember me?"

"Of course not," I said. "It's probably not even the same security guard."

So the next day after mass she stepped once again through the automatic door, grabbed a cart, and returned to her weekly routine. She was never caught switching price tags again.

I don't make it to the suburbs much since she died, but today I'm here looking at towel sets. The ones I like, gray and white striped, cost more than I want to spend. I've already frittered too much on this trip to visit my aunt. I don't know why I've taken an unpaid day off work and driven on a highway I despise, just to sit beside—well, there's the answer—just to sit beside my late mother's sister. To see her face, hear her voice, and be brought back to Mom for a moment.

First I went to a bakery to get cookies to bring with me. The bakery didn't have cookies, so I bought a loaf of bread. I ate the bread in the car because it seemed too early to go to my aunt's. I'd said one-thirty and it was only one. Then I went to Whole Foods for the cookies and spent too long hunting for more groceries because I didn't want to stand in line for only one item.

Consequently I got to my aunt's a little late and apologized when her daughter let me in, though she didn't seem concerned about the time. She only said, "I thought Liz would be with you."

That sent me on a tangent of how busy cousin Liz was. "She travels constantly. She went to Portugal. She went to Reno. Do you know she's going back to Italy?"

The real reason was that I hadn't asked Liz. I'd thought a one-on-one with my aunt would be better. She's in her nineties, with short-term memory loss that makes her hesitant to talk and that's what I wanted, for her to talk. Not for her daughter or me or cousin Liz to talk.

Except basically I was the only one who talked, and not even about things that mattered. After my unnecessary and possibly misleading tangent about cousin Liz I talked about my work and my husband's work and the weather and the trip to Italy we'd taken.

I talked a whole lot about Italy. I pulled out my phone and showed pictures of random Italy things. I was afraid to leave silences because when I paused, my aunt looked down, probably afraid I'd ask a question she couldn't answer. Whereas when I blurted out inanities like, "So much pasta!" she'd chuckle and her eyes would sparkle like Mom's. But I ran out of dumb things to say so I said I had to get back to work.

Once in the car, I turned toward Mom's old house a couple blocks away, thinking I should probably drive past it. But instead, I found myself driving straight to her old T.J.'s. There was nothing I needed but I grabbed a cart. The last time I was here, Mom insisted on pushing it because she said she liked the support.

We'd gotten separated at one point, me chasing down the perfect silicone spatula and her browsing international foods, and I found myself in kitchen goods, alone. "Mom?" I retraced my steps, searching. Had she fainted in the bedding section? Fallen in luggage? Collapsed in shoes?

We never should have come. It was too late in her illness. You don't bring a woman in hospice care to T.J. Maxx. You sit quietly on her couch discussing the afterlife. You hold her hand and ask if she'd like to nap now.

"Mom? Mom?" I scanned for a crowd of people huddled over a prone body.

"Mar? What do you think?" She was standing at a blue-painted chest of drawers. Vine leaves and flowers were painted on the top. She pulled out a drawer and it stuck. She was okay.

"Um, for where?" I kept my voice calm. My mom was okay.

She shrugged."Maybe a hallway? You couldn't fit much in these drawers. And they don't glide right." She pushed at the drawer to get it back in.

"Cute colors," I said. "You could put it where that little table is."

"I'm dying. I need to get rid of stuff."

"Good price, though." We looked at it awhile longer, then drifted to mirrors and pictures, then socks, and eventually left with some pajamas and a package of imported biscotti.

More than ten years later, I see new versions of the same old bargains. Twee painted furniture, random soaps, towels in every color. We were easy here, Mom and me. No judgments on her Xanax-controlled blood pressure. No head-shaking over my latest haircut. Just two explorers in a world of constantly restocked possibilities.

I notice a red clearance sticker on a less attractive towel set. If there's no quality difference between those towels and the ones I like, and if the clearance sticker peels off easily enough, should I try it? Would Mom have done it? Did Mom do it? What did she mean by fixing, exactly?

An employee passes behind me. "Need any help, Ma'am?"

I wonder if the security office would be the same. If the chair would be the same. If it would hold some scrap of her DNA 20 years on. Maybe that's why I feel Mom beside me here, when all I felt at my aunt's was awkward.

"No, I'm good," I say and push my cart along.

#Shopping #shoplifting

[strawberry-barista]

{I’m going to make an announcement banner one of these days...}

{Anyway, I wanted to give you guys a little PSA, because even though I have already said it in a few places, I think it doesn’t hurt to repeat it sometimes and make a little guide so it’ll be easier for ya’ll. So without further ado...}

⚅— Sending Memes PSA and Guide —⚅

⚀ I’ve mentioned it in a couple of places, but as long as we’re mutuals, I am perfectly happy with you sending me any memes at any time. Literally anything that I have ever posted, no matter how old it is, or anything that you happen to come across, even if I haven’t posted it, is completely fair game.

⚀ Additionally, you may also post answers to memes as if I had asked them, even if I have not. If you see a meme you’ve posted has a line there that reminds you of me and you think, “man, it would be nice if Aku sent this line in to me”, do not wait! Go ahead and post it as if I had sent in an ask and tag me in it. I will absolutely respond to you.

⚀ This all being said, I know that looking through old memes to send in can be a little confusing, so here are some guidelines for approaching that:

If you want to look for memes, please go to my Memes page on my blog. If you’re on mobile and can’t access the Memes page, please visit my Navigation post instead and search for the tag “it’s your turn to throw the dice ⤙memes⤚ ⚄”. That should let you access most of my memes (though I’m well aware that not all of them show up on mobile... I don’t know why that is...).

Once you’ve found something you want  to send in, copy the line and send the ask like you would as if I had just posted it. If it’s a meme that I’ve recently posted, that’s all you need to do. I will always default to the most recently posted memes when I get an ask. For that reason, you have to add information if the meme is older.

If you’re sending in an older meme, you can do one of two things. Either send in the title of the meme (e.g. “headcanons based on the 5 love languages:”) or send the link at the bottom of your ask. Whichever method you’re most comfortable with will be good enough for me to respond to. Please also send this information when sending in an ask that I haven’t posted. This way I can make a link to it when I answer you’re ask. I won’t include the link you sent as part of your ask block, so if you’re worried about it, please do not. c:

⚀ And that’s it! Simple, right? I’m looking forward to writing with all of you, so if you need any kind of jumping off point and just... aren’t very savvy on plotting (like me), then this is definitely worth a shot! I hope this helps you navigate roleplaying with me better and opens up an outlet for anyone that’s wanted a chance to roleplay and just didn’t know where to start. Happy writing, lovelies~!

#wise and very well organized ⤙psa⤚⚄ #//i hope this helps! #that's how the connection works ⤙rules⤚⚄ #anonymity annoying me ⤙ooc⤚⚄