#cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

"you're the reason i'm still here" for recurrence!au? cancer is making my brain go brrrrrr too

Still Here | Recurrence

Cancer!AU; it’s never easy but love can ease the burden just a bit

Prompt: you’re the reason I’m still here

Word count: 1824

CW: cancer, medical talk, death mention

***

Chemo is always made out to be yet another evil in the web of pain that is cancer. Ava supposed that made sense, since being pumped full of chemicals designed to rip apart every cell wasn’t exactly comfortable. Still, it beat a lot of the other aspects of being a cancer patient. She could take the nausea and the hair loss, as much as it still shocked her after all this time. She could handle the chemo because she knew it was her best shot, even though her body had never really been the same after her treatments decades before.

Chemo was better than coughing up blood and passing out in the scrub room. That had been a mortifying experience, when she had tried to go back to work a couple days after her rediagnosis. She had an oncologist appointment scheduled that day and there was no way in hell Ava was about to sit around and mope any longer. She still had patients and surgeries to attend to; being a cancer patient could wait a few hours.

She regretted that decision when she had an episode after a 5 hour surgery, barely missing the edge of the sink on her way down. A head injury would have been the cherry on top of that horrible day, though the CT and endoscopy that followed her accident was almost as bad. Somehow it made it worse that Connor didn’t tease her about it, instead he had been hovering by her side throughout all of the tests and making sure she was alright. Maybe it was a little sweet that he clearly cared, yet Ava kind of hated it all the same. Connor acting like this meant he was treating her differently, usually he didn’t hesitate to bully her and expect a snide remark in return. That was the part of cancer that was more unbearable than any chemical soup infusion or oncologic emergency; the knowledge that everyone saw her as broken.

So even though it burned as it trickled into her veins and left a strangely metallic taste in Ava’s mouth, the chemo was the least painful thing that had happened that week. She was settled in one of the purple chairs, a fuzzy blanket with South African flag motifs tucked around her legs. The infusion room was always a bit on the cold side, no matter what hospital it was in, and so she came prepared. It was a fleeting comfort, the soft fabric not helping much as she felt a chill that settled into her bones. Nothing could quell that, no amount of comfy items or get well soon messages; it was just how one felt when they were on death’s door for the billionth time in their life.

Ava wasn’t the only one in the room but it was still silent, save for the mechanical buzz of the IV equipment doing its job. She didn’t know any of the other patients, save for one man with an inoperable cardiac tumour she remembered consulting on. That was a bit awkward, though she wasn’t quite sure if the old man even recognized her. She barely recognized herself that day, makeupless and her hair partially hidden under a silk scarf her sister had given her years before. Her hair was still intact, she was just preparing herself for the inevitable. Maybe she would cut it super short or dye it before it all fell out; that could be fun.

It was times like this where Ava didn’t feel like a person, let alone a surgeon. Maybe that was better in that situation anyway, the last thing she wanted was any patient to think she wasn’t giving her 110% in all of their surgeries. She had never let cancer stop her in the past so she sure as hell wouldn’t let it now.

She had been trying to read a book that Sam had recommended, a cozy novel about a surgeon’s life that actually turned out to be pretty accurate. Ava had given up on that pretty quickly though, chemo brain ruining any chance of her understanding the plot. It was only her second infusion out of the 14 cycles her oncologist planned with her, which was a tad frustrating. If she was already having trouble quelling the chemotherapy side effects, Ava worried she might not be able to work through her treatments. That was the worst case scenario, though, and she was already stubbornly refusing to take any extra time off.

Slumping back in the chair, Ava’s head hit the headrest a bit too hard. She stifled a groan, the action not having helped her pounding headache. The sounds of the room were starting to become too much, probably due to the stress already on her body and mind.

“Want some company?”

Ava lifted her head at the question, smiling weakly, “Hey, don’t you have rounds?”

“I’m taking a break to do a private consult,” Sarah answered as she tugged one of the rolling chairs over, “Perhaps my favourite cancer patient, I need to check on her mental status of course.”

“Sarah…” While her girlfriend’s playful smile made Ava feel a bit giddy, she could see there was true worry in her words. The psych resident was prone to worrying, especially when her girlfriend was actively in a chemo cycle. She had done far too much journal reading, Ava would tell her countless times, the mental effects of cancer care were nothing in comparison to her physical pain.

“It’s my job to worry,” the slight tremor of her hand prompted Sarah to take it in both of hers, “Especially since you insist upon working through treatments.”

“I’m not going to let my rare recurrence of cancer endanger my patients’ lives.”

Sarah’s incredulous look almost made her laugh, “That’s single handedly the stupidest and most selfless thing you’ve said.”

“I’m nothing without surgery, Sarah.”

“Ava, don’t be like that. You need to take care of yourself, with or without your job. You can’t help your patients if you’re dead.”

Shaking her head, Ava shifted a bit in her seat, “Does pumping my body full of cytotoxic drugs really count as taking care of myself?”

“If it’ll shrink the tumours? Yes, actually.”

“Babe, I’m doing the chemo,” she reminded Sarah by gesturing to the bright red liquid slowly dripping through her IV, “Full of Doxorubicin. They’re doing a VDC/IE cycle, fourteen weeks of this will either kill the cancer or me in the process.”

“Don’t…”

“Sarah, I’m just teasing. I’ll be fine, this is going to shrink the mets enough for Connor to remove them, okay?”

“Well you need to be cooperative then,” she reminded her girlfriend sternly, “No complaints, if your oncologist wants you to take time off work you will.”

“That’s unfair. They’re already talking about putting a port in, the last thing I want is to have a tube in my subclavian again. Are you going to make me stay home and be a vegetable in bed too?”

The way Sarah sighed made Ava realize she was pushing the boundaries a bit too far. She had long since gotten used to the pain and uncertainty that came along with cancer, so Ava had no qualms about joking around or acting like it wasn’t all that bad. It was bad, of course, but she had spent far too long moping about her health history and this time she wouldn’t let it set her backwards.

Sarah, however, was unsure about the whole thing. This wasn’t like when she was seven and her great grandmother she didn’t remember well died because of stomach cancer. This was a person she knew and loved so much, they were both adults and she only ever saw a future with Ava, so it was more than terrifying. She knew Ava was used to this but she also wanted everything to go 100% right, Sarah feared that her girlfriend’s work-oriented views would impact how successful her treatments were. Besides, once the chemo side effects hit Ava would be begging for a few days off if she wasn’t already bedriddden; they both knew that.

“I’m sorry,” Ava did her best to hide the flinch that was triggered by a tugging on her IV, the cannula moving uncomfortably in her arm. She had reached for Sarah but her girlfriend had scooted just far enough away, looking at her with a worried expression. She had a right to be upset, of course, but Ava didn’t want to make things any harder on them for the long term.

“Seriously, love,” she continued with a tiny pout playing on her lips, “I will behave.”

“Promise?”

“Mhm, just for you.”

“You’re a pest,” Sarah’s reply was lighthearted despite her words, and she didn’t protest when Ava’s free hand hooked into the arm of her chair, tugging her closer again. She knew this was just the way her girlfriend coped and really it made sense. After so long all she ever wanted to do was do surgery and then spend her off time with her love, so Sarah was aware how much this changed things for them both.

“You’re the reason I’m still here, Sarah Reese,” Ava admitted quietly, her gaze trained on the way her hands fiddled with the edge of Ava’s blanket. She was quick to stop the worrying of the fabric, lacing Sarah’s fingers with her own instead.

“Don’t get all mushy and existential on me, Ava Bekker,” she retorted, “It’s far too early on for that.”

“Hey, you’re my rock; not just in the cancer stuff but also in general. I don’t think I’d be here, in Chicago or anywhere for that matter, if I hadn’t met you.”

“It would be very unprofessional of me to kiss you right now,” Sarah’s cheeks were a little pink, staring at her girlfriend with a bittersweet mixture of love and pain. Ava just laughed in an attempt to lighten the mood, pressing a kiss to the back of Sarah’s hand as a compromise.

“Go catch up with Doctor Charles for rounds, Darling,” she said softly, “I’ll see you later.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I have another hour or so of this,” she gestured to the IV pole holding her hostage in the harshly lit room, “And you have work. I’ll catch up with you once I’ve changed, I don’t have a surgery scheduled until four pm.”

“Okay… Ava don’t push yourself. Call me if you feel even a little unwell, okay? I mean it.”

“I will, Sarah.”

“You better,” she stood from the chair, accidentally sending it sliding backwards a bit with the momentum, “I love you.”

“And I you,” Ava smiled because even if Sarah’s presence didn’t take her pain away she certainly made it a bit more bearable. She gave her hand one gentle squeeze and let go, “I love you, Sarah.”

#gay rights babey #ava bekker #chicago med #sarah reese #reesker #my aus #recurrence #cancer!au #cj add this to your fic masterpost #mutuals #graye tag #crockettstiddies #purple-dahlias

[punksarahreese]

❛ You wouldn’t leave me. You wouldn’t. ❜ for unsub emily?

You Wouldn’t (Leave) | Malevolent

Unsub!Emily; Manipulation is easy when you don’t give a damn about the people involved

Prompt: “You wouldn’t leave me. You wouldn’t.”

Word count: 1157

CW: manipulation, gaslighting, emily is seriously not a good person lol but neither is Doyle

***

“Lauren,” that damned voice tore through her thoughts like it always did, making Emily narrow her eyes. She looked up from the laptop she was typing at, the annoyance at being disturbed clear on her face. Doyle didn’t look fazed, though, and he tossed his bag down on the large table with a thump.

“Ian, do not do that.”

“What?” his hands gripped her shoulders in a way that was too tight to be comforting, making Emily sigh when she felt hot breath on her ear, “Don’t do what?”

“Make a racket for no reason, Declan is doing his schoolwork in the next room.”

“The boy is fine.”

Huffing, she looked up from the screen to glance back at him, still seething a little. He did it to get a rise out of Emily, of course he did, and she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. After inhaling slowly, she placed one of her hands over the cold one resting on her exposed clavicle.

“Behave, please, I do not like when we argue.”

Ian sneered a bit at that, he did like when they fought; or maybe he just liked the aftermath of a fight when both of them were running on pure adrenaline. Emily hated those times, hated that he enjoyed being so rough with her that he would get her mad on purpose, but she dealt with it. An occupational hazard, she reminded herself, and it would be worth it in the end.

“Don’t be so tense, darling,” he answered and leaned a bit closer to look at her computer, “What are you doing?”

“Arranging the next ammunition trade,” she gestured to the chat forum she had been typing in, which was masked as a pet owner group. They had a large shipment coming in and she needed to arrange the meetings in the most inconspicuous way she could. This was Lauren’s job after all, and she did it well.

“I see,” she could hear an edge in Ian’s voice, laced with the disgusting sweetness he thought she loved. He was not sweet in the slightest and Emily could see right through him every time, though it did not stop Doyle from trying to use his charms on her.

“What’s on your mind?”

She saw the ice in his stare, knowing he was hiding something from her. He thought she wouldn’t see it but Emily knew him far too well at that point, it was her main job in all of this. She could read Doyle like a book and that’s why she had even made it this far into the undercover operation.

“Leaving,” he said slowly, “I am not staying in France much longer.”

“Oh?” Emily’s perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised a bit at that as she felt left out from the planning, “Where are we going?”

“We are not going anywhere,” Doyle replied firmly, “You will stay here with Declan and Louise.”

“Ian? Absolutely not. I am not staying in France if you aren’t.”

“Lauren, you will. I am not playing games with you.”

That had Emily on her feet, shoving his hands off of her as she turned. The anger made its way to her face, hitting the man like sharpened blades, and she knew he saw it. It made her want to smack that amused grin off his face, hating how much he loved her anger. She didn’t want to go with him, a break from Ian’s bullshit would actually be ideal, but she couldn’t let him get away. Emily had to play the upset girlfriend, trying to muster all the hurt she could put into her voice.

“You wouldn’t leave me,” her voice dropped to an almost whisper, “You wouldn’t.”

“Lauren-”

“Ian, you can’t. How am I supposed to handle all of this without you?”

“You manage just fine, darling,” he replied, eyes searching hers warily. He was observing her in a careful manner, trying to dig through her mask of pain and anger. She didn’t budge though and only became more guarded as she crossed her arms.

“Don’t be a brat,” he shot back at her silence as his ‘sweet’ façade dropped, “I have things to attend to and it's no place for a woman.”

“Don’t fucking say that, Ian Doyle. I am far more capable than half your goons and you know that!”

“Lauren, you need to stay here and ensure our French trades go through, I am trusting you with that. I told you this might happen.”

“If you really care about me you wouldn’t abandon me like this,” she spat, “After all I’ve done for you; for us.”

That had Ian throwing his hands up in annoyance, “You’re impossible!”

“No, you are,” she answered slowly, “You know how I feel and I can’t believe you would drop this on me and expect me to be fine with it. You’re hurting me, Ian, and you’re hurting us if you leave.”

“It is what’s best for you.”

“You wouldn’t know what’s best for me if it hit you over the head,” Emily growled and then, after a pause continued, “Besides, it would be a shame if someone here told the police where you were going…”

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh but it would be what’s best for you, don’t you agree? You’re leaving not just me but your only son to fend for ourselves and keep up your business here. Sounds to me like you’re running away, Ian. I don’t like cowards; you know that.”

“Woman, I swear,” he was visibly shaking with rage at that point and it was probably in an attempt to scare her. Emily didn’t mind, though, because she had him right where she wanted him. He was too vulnerable and he knew it, he couldn’t risk the chance that Emily would actually rat him out. That’s why she smirked a little and held his gaze, as if daring the man to dig himself even further into his own grave.

“Little bitch...” he muttered, “We leave for Italy in a day. Wrap up your shit, then.”

“Good,” Emily answered and reached out to caress his cheek, feeling the rough facial hair against her palm, “Thank you.”

“Don’t ever argue with me like that again,” Ian was seething now and it only angered him more that Emily looked so pleased. She had won this round and he couldn’t risk fighting with her any longer, even though his rage was evident.

“I didn’t do anything, love,” her words were said in a sickeningly sweet tone, “I was just reminding you how important I am to your work… and besides, you wouldn’t really leave me.”

The hand on his face suddenly tightened as her fingers grasped his chin, pulling Doyle’s face closer to her as she spoke slowly, “And don’t you fucking dare call me a bitch again, got it?”

#this is so dialogue heavy :/ #anyway #gaslight gatekeep girlboss #lmao #emily prentiss #lauren reynolds #ian doyle #criminal minds #my aus #malevolent #unsub!emily #asks #mutuals #nova tag #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

Metamorphosis | healing!AU

How can you do that to a child, shoving gross transliterations and bigoted views down their throat and call it love? It wasn’t love, they didn’t want to see growth or happiness at all. Nothing about that place was loving, it was colder than any arctic storm.

We were expected to accept it, all of it, without question. I was expected to beg for forgiveness and pretend I wasn’t dying inside from the pain they caused in the name of a God they forced me to believe. Things were ignored and swept under the rug; they were embarrassed of me and thought they could merely pray it away.

They wanted conversion? I gave them metamorphosis instead.

#my aus #my moodboards #metamorphosis #healing!au #religious trauma tw #internalized homophobia tw #trauma tw #this is a vent fic besties 💀✌🏻 #ava bekker #chicago med #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

“One of them’s missing.” could be interesting for mad scientist ava? or any au of your choice if you can’t make it work ❤️

Missing Piece | Unethical

Mad Scientist!Ava; if you disappear, someone will start to miss you eventually

Prompt: “one of them is missing”

Word count: 708

CW: Ava is still evil, science is still unethical, I smell stockholm syndrome

***

“Now,” Ava watched idly as the woman in front of her stirred far too much artificial sweetener into her mug, “Will you cooperate today, pet?”

“Doctor Bekker,” Sarah looked up at her with the scared doe eyes she was familiar with, “I did say I would help you, didn’t I? I just don’t understand the handcuffs…”

The blonde hummed, draining the rest of her coffee and setting the mug down on the counter a bit too harshly. The sound made Sarah jump, a flinch that she couldn’t control, and Ava shook her head at the action.

“A bit jumpy aren’t you, darling?” she was then beside the chair in a mere second, “The restraints are to keep you and I both safe.”

“But why? I won’t fight you.”

“Oh I know you won’t on purpose, Sarah,” she answered as she fit the key into the metal lock, “It’s merely a precaution.”

“Okay…” she nodded and looked up at the woman as she unwound the empty cuff from around the table leg, “Are we going to the university today? I left my books there.”

Ava sighed a bit too harshly, “I told you we aren’t going back there for a while.”

“Sorry,” her reply was meek and Ava disliked her flinch, as much as she wanted to be in control she did not like to scare Sarah. She was her clinical trial patient, test subject zero, but fear would help no one. Sarah needed to trust her for this to go smoothly and besides, Ava did not wish to mistreat her pet. It was for both of their safety that she behaved and didn’t ask questions, which she reminded her of.

“Hey, look at me,” Ava’s fingers on her chin forced eye contact and Sarah had trouble holding it. Her mentor has very pretty eyes but she felt like they might burn through her soul, carrying an air of intelligence that almost scared her. She softened a little into her touch though because her hands were impossibly gentle, reminding Sarah she had never hurt her.

“I will never hurt you, my sweet pet. You know that right? I have never hurt you before.”

“Right,” she agreed, “I trust you.”

“Good,” with a nod Ava let her go, “Today you will need to bathe before and after we enter the lab. I want to minimize contamination of my workspace.”

“Okay,” Sarah nodded, “I can go to the decontamination room on my own, Doctor, if you wish to set up your things.”

There was a pregnant pause, clearly as the scientist was mulling over the risks, but eventually she nodded. Sarah had been good that morning and there was no way for her to leave the building without Ava being aware. The decontamination showers were merely a few doors away, and Ava would have given her privacy anyway.

“Very well,” she gestured for her hand and carefully undid the remaining restraint on her wrist. Before Sarah could pull away, Ava held onto her wrist firmly as she spoke again, “Be good.”

“Yes, Doctor.”

Sarah shuffled out of the kitchen area quickly, her sock covered feet dragging against the linoleum. She had been wearing two hospital gowns, one tied forwards and one tied backwards, to ensure she was completely covered. Ava made a note that she should get the girl some proper pyjamas if that day’s work went well, she deserved to be a bit more comfortable during the times she wasn’t working with Ava.

Before the scientist could head in the same direction to set up her lab, her phone beeped and she went to get it from where it remained face down on the countertop. The name in her contacts made her sigh, not wishing to speak to her ex-colleague, but his message made Ava do a panicked double take.

Doctor Rhodes

Have you spoken to the interns lately?

Ava

No? I got fired, remember, Connor?

Doctor Rhodes

One of them’s missing

It’s your intern, Ava

Sarah Reese has been missing for a week.

#this is fun to write #yes ava and sarah’s relationship is questionable throughout this AU #Ava kidnapped her okay #ava bekker #sarah reese #my aus #unethical!au #mad scientist!ava #test subject!sarah #asks #mutuals #nova tag #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

Dude omg for ghost!ava “For your love I'll do whatever you want” could be either fluffy or angsty and is what makes me go more feral 🍑

Connor mulled it over in his head for a while, unable to really come to terms with it all. Even though he had been there, he had seen Ava severe her own carotid and he had been the one to try- and fail - to clean up her mess. It was hard to adjust to, he didn’t want to adjust. Even as he called the time of death, his stomach falling as he uttered those unforgiving numbers, Connor wanted it to be a horrible dream.

He shouldn’t feel so bad for Ava, a part of him argued, she deserved it. She killed his father for God’s sake; why would she deserve to live after that. Still, Connor was human and a part of him had truly loved Ava. Maybe their relationship never would have worked out, maybe she had a lot of problems, but she was Ava. She had been so prevalent in his life for those couple years, every surgery and argument and make up. Besides, she was so talented and hard working, she didn’t deserve to lose her life this way.

Connor tried to think about the warning signs he missed, even though it ripped out a little piece of his sanity each time. He realized that a lot of what Ava did, what she said, could have been a cry for help. She wasn’t just focused and hard working; she had been obsessive and borderline neurotic. She didn’t just love, instead she became consumed by it all. Her moods changed like the time of day, overwhelming them both, and it never got better. Maybe she did those things, sleeping with his father and being reckless in surgery, just to get his attention. Though perhaps it wasn’t the attention he thought. Maybe Ava had been screaming for help this whole time and he didn’t realize until it was far too late.

He thought about one night in particular, a few months before it all happened. They had been in Ava’s bed, pressed about as close as humanly possible. Ava had paused her assault of burning kisses along his skin, looking up at Connor with a flame of something almost terrifying yet entrancing in her eyes.

“You know,” she started as she ran her thumb over his jawline idly, “For your love, I’ll do whatever you want.”

In the moment it didn’t feel as gut wrenching, he didn’t believe she would stick so true to her claim, and now it hit way too hard. He had merely kissed her after that, distracting them both from the words, but Ava never forgot. She had taken him too literally when he said he just wanted his father to leave them alone. Ava had been horribly honest, maybe that was the biggest red flag that Connor had ignored, and now he was kicking himself over it.

Ava had been begging for help for months, yet even as her personality shifted and changed slowly she never lost one thing. Ava Bekker was loyal past the point of normal and in the end that had been the fatal flaw of their relationship and her life. He could have saved her and his dad, if only he had truly listened to her for once.

#oh you let me go feral for this one #<3 #my aus #ava bekker #connor rhodes #rhekker #mutuals #mehr tag #asks #16:22 #time of death!au #death tw #cj add this to your fic masterpost #crockettstiddies

[punksarahreese]

“Why is it always you?” for unsub!Emily pls 🥺

Emily hadn’t intended for this to happen, for once this was a life she would rather had spared. They were all collateral damage to her, just pawns in her and Doyle’s game, except for one.

Tsia. Tsia had been different. There was something about her that just drew Emily in, making her feel more proper emotions than she thought she had the capacity to. She wasn’t Ian, she was warm and soft where he was all rough edges and pain. There wasn’t an adrenaline rush when Emily was with Tsia, quite the opposite really, she was the one peaceful connection in Emily’s web of lies.

Their relationship hasn’t been an intentional one, especially once Lauren Reynolds was pronounced dead. Emily left Interpol and that should have been the end of that, all of her old colleagues forgotten as they weren’t important to her plans. Tsia stuck around though, much to her annoyance at first. They would meet a few times a month if they were lucky, once every couple of they weren’t. Coffee and talk of cases soon turned to ritzy hotels and alcohol tainted kisses.

Tsia wasn’t exciting or scary, yet something about her pulled Emily in right away. She was comforting, making her feel more human than she ever did. Emily didn’t have to hide much when they were together, so her mask dropped because she didn’t need a guard up for such an occasion. Their arrangement was never really spoken about, a few nights in each other’s company could stay between them just fine. It was merely fooling around, after all, until it wasn’t.

Emily couldn’t love, she knew that from a young age. She could pretend, she could lust and admire, but the concept of love did not compute. She didn’t have time for it, either, so it never really bothered her much. What she felt for Tsia wasn’t love in the slightest and maybe she saw that too, yet neither woman mentioned it. Emily was downright possessive, as always latching onto whoever gave her the self esteem boost she constantly craved. Tsia was hers until she said she wasn’t, or so she thought.

When she had told Emily that her and Jeremy were engaged, Emily clearly didn’t like it. Both women heard it in her words, the congratulations falling short as her tone dropped. It didn’t matter that she didn’t love her, Tsia was supposed to stay hers anyway. It was frustrating, losing someone she thought she had so carefully wrapped around her finger, and it made her mad. It didn’t help that she knew Wolff worked for Doyle, despite his fiancée’s obliviousness, and so it just made the relationship more annoying to Emily.

Unfortunately Doyle didn’t enjoy that his pet was so concerned over her old Interpol colleague. He knew she was “helping” Tsia find him and he was probably aware that his lover would fall back into bed with the woman given the chance. He had already killed one person from Emily’s old team, Sean and his family had been put down without a thought, and it was about time he continued his extermination.

Emily didn’t like the way her stomach twinged when Doyle told her what was going to happen. She wasn’t supposed to be attached and she couldn’t fight him on it either way. As angry as she was that Tsia had moved on from her, she didn’t want her to die. Arguing with Doyle was impossible, though, and so she told Tsia to meet her at that apartment.

She was in the room with Ian when he pulled the trigger, hiding her flinch as she hear the telltale sound of a body crumpling behind the door. She averted her eyes, watching a fly crawl across her leg instead of watching as her partner opened the door with a gloved hand. She hear him kick Tsia’s body, making sure she was gone, and it made her want to throw up.

“Oh, Tsia,” she muttered under her breath, “Why is it always you?”

#:))) #my aus #unsub!emily #malevolent #emily prentiss #tsia mosely #asks #mutuals #nova tag #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

"take a deep breath" for recovery!au

Stop (for a minute) | Recovery

Trauma!au; Ava needs more than a moment

CW: allusion to abortion, allusion to Ava’s attempt, this AU is still super heavy

***

“Stop,” Ava’s voice shook and her command was barely firm, though it had the desired effect. The doctor pushed her stool back, putting space between her and the other woman. She glanced at the clock before she spoke, turning her full attention to Ava.

“Are you alright, miss Bekker?”

“Doctor Bekker,” the correction was a common occurrence, Ava refusing to let anyone drop her title regardless of how long she was a patient for. Most people respected it and those who didn’t were quickly sent out of her room with a few choice words. She had quickly lost her dignity and autonomy in just about every way, so the least Ava could do was cling to the one thing still keeping respect to her name.

“Doctor Bekker, do you need a moment?” She reiterated, reaching out slowly to pull the sheet back over Ava’s body. The blonde nodded and glanced over at the ugly pink curtain separating her from the rest of the procedure room. She was clearly seeking solace from the unfamiliar place, her voice barely a whisper when she spoke again.

“Sarah…”

The psychiatrist had been sitting on the other side of the fabric, her tablet in hand as she went over charts. Ava had wanted her there for moral support but had asked for privacy at the last minute, which she respected of course. She was there in any way she could be, which is why Sarah was on her feet the second she heard her name.

“Do you want me to come in, Ava?”

“Please.”

The brunette took that as a cue and slipped in through the curtain, looking between the two other women quizzically. The attending stood up at that, smoothing down her pink scrub top and looking back to her patient.

“I’ll let you and Doctor Reese talk, okay? Let me know if you’re ready to continue and we will go at whatever pace you need.”

Sarah was at Ava’s side in an instant, seeing the way she had begun to shake. She wasn’t restrained to the exam table, finally deemed not an imminent danger to herself, so her pale hand had full ability to reach for her. Sarah had quickly become her safety net, the only constant in her life that hadn’t broken along with her dreams and pride.

“Hey, you’re safe,” she reminded Ava slowly as she took her hand in both of hers, “Look at me.”

It almost broke her heart to see the tears that threatened to spill over, once again betraying Ava’s vulnerability. She had stopped hiding from Sarah because she knew she didn’t need to. The psychiatrist would never betray her and she certainly didn’t judge, so Ava didn’t have to mask how terrified she was when they were finally alone.

“I don’t… I don’t know if I should do this. What if- What if he finds out?”

“Ava, he has no control here,” Sarah reminded her gently, “This is your body we’re talking about and he will never have any say over it or you; no one else will.”

The blonde was still shaking but she nodded with Sarah’s words, a tight squeeze of her hand asking for more reassurance. Sarah knew this was a fragile thing, afraid to push too far or accidentally influence Ava’s choice. She would never tell her what to choose, of course she wouldn’t, but she needed to be reminded that this was her health and safety on the line and no one else’s.

“Take a deep breath,” Sarah prompted, demonstrating the action. She held eye contact as she reluctantly obeyed, a shaky inhale preceding the deep exhale that made her shoulders visibly drop. She was clearly overwhelmed and no choice could be made in such a mindset, so Sarah knew she needed a moment.

“Take your time, Ava. The OB doesn’t have to do this today, okay?”

“I know but… I think I need to do this.”

“But you don’t need to rush into it if you’re scared. You’re still well within the timeframe and while you’re ready for this physically I don’t know if you are mentally.”

“Of course I’m scared,” Ava’s muttered the words so dryly it was almost comical, “This is kind of the most irreversible choice I’ve made.”

“I could argue that but you might hit me for it,” Sarah joked in an attempt to ease her nerves. Ava had clearly inferred what she meant, cold fingers already tracing the bubbled scar tissue along her jugular. The blonde seemed mildly amused, shaking her head as she shifted a little to look at Sarah.

“Touché,” her eyes couldn’t stay on Sarah’s face for long, instead drifting to the way their hands were joined on the railing of the bed. Sarah’s hands were slightly chapped, dried out from the combination of the cold Chicago winter and the harsh hospital sanitizer. Somehow holding her hand was still the softest thing, a comfort that Ava had become very attached to.

“Seriously though,” Sarah’s tone was serious, “It’s only been a few weeks and you’re still recovering. You can wait a bit longer if this is too much for you. Or if you’d rather I can go get the doctor again. Whatever you need, Ava.”

Her sigh was clearly an attempt to release the pent up tension in her chest, though it didn’t do much to quell the nerves tying a knot in her stomach. Ava was upset, her emotions running too high to properly understand what she wanted in that moment. She looked to Sarah for help but she remained unmoving, clearly not going to help Ava make such a choice.

“Can we… I wanna go to my room,” Ava said finally, “I need to do this but… not today.”

“Not today,” Sarah repeated, “Okay. Whatever you need, Aves.”

#society if i could write like i used to #asks #anonymous #recovery #trauma!au #my aus #ava bekker #sarah reese #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

“What happened to your face?” and some platonic rhekker maybe?

"You look like hell," Connor commented as he met his colleague's gaze, having to take a double take.

"You sure know how to make a lady feel special, Connor," Ava retorted, setting her paper cup down on the nurses' desk while passing him the other coffee she brought. She knew he was right, she didn't look to hot if she was being honest, but the least he could have done was pretend he didn't see it.

"What happened to your face?" he asked in a more serious tone, tilting her chin back a bit to look at the damage properly. All under her left eye was shadowed by bruises in various stages of healing, clearly something that had happened over her weekend off. There was a small cut beside her nose too, whatever it was having clearly missed her eye by a small margin.

"Vivi..." she sighed and tried to hide her wince when Connor gently poked at her face, probably trying to feel if there was any damage to her cheekbone or nose.

"How did Vivvy manage something like this?"

"She has been really cranky lately and her tantrums are just... so hard to handle. You know the Ventolin-Albuterol treatments you prescribed?"

Connor hummed in acknowledgement, he had recommended 15 minutes of nebulizer breathing treatments twice a day at their last appointment. The two year old had been dealing with mucus build up during the harsh Chicago winter, so they hoped the bronchodilators would ease her cough a bit. Vivi never liked keeping the mask on her face in the hospital, though she had always been fine with her cannula, so they hoped treatments at home would be less scary.

"I tried to get her to come sit with Sarah for her evening treatment on Friday," Ava continued as she gently batted Connor's worrying hands away, "Vivi decided to throw a tantrum about it and she threw one of her wooden blocks at me."

"Ouch."

"Yeah... It hurt like a bitch," Ava sighed and poked at her black eye out of habit, "My two year old hate crimed me."

That made Connor laugh, earning him a deserved smack on the shoulder from the woman. Ava just glared playfully at him, arguing that it's not that funny.

"It's kind of funny," he replied, "What happened when she realized she hurt you?"

"Oh she was inconsolable," Ava admitted, "We try gentle parenting, of course, but I couldn't help but get upset because it fucking hurt. I don't know if she understood that I was hurt because of her or if she just got startled when I yelled."

"Poor kid. Was she okay?"

"After I had calmed down and Sarah sent me to the couch with a bag of ice, yeah," she sighed a little, "It took a while but eventually she came over to sit with me and wanted me to hold her for her treatment."

"Terrible twos," Connor mused with a shake of his head, "Hopefully she learns she can't act like that."

"Yeah. I really hope so because that could have ended way worse if it hit my eye directly."

Connor was about to reply but a familiar voice spoke up first, "Did you get your vision checked? Corneal abrasions could end your career, Doctor Bekker."

"Doctor Latham," Ava winced but put on a brave face as she looked at their mentor, "Sarah did an initial neuro and eye exam after I got hurt. I have an appointment up in emergency ophthalmology later this evening."

"Ah, very good," he nodded and then looked at them both seriously, "If either of you notice any issues let me know, do not operate if you are not 100%, Doctor Bekker."

"Copy that, Doctor Latham," Connor answered for them both, "I'll keep an eye on her. More surgeries for me today, huh?"

"I hate you," Ava scoffed as she bumped his shoulder with hers to indicated she was leaving, "Don't make me give you all my pre-op paperwork."

#lmao #rip ava #my aus #murmur #mum!ava #vivi tag #connor rhodes #ava bekker #asks #mutuals #nova tag #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

“I care about you.” for fbi!au 👀

Care | Crosshairs

FBI!AU; Ava is distracted by something and a secret comes out

Prompt: “I care about you”

Word count: 1528

CW: hospital talk, stitches/needle mention

***

A twelve hour shift on a murder case was never fun, but a twelve hour shift with a pissed off partner was a hundred times worse in Sarah’s mind. She hadn’t expected to show up and immediately receive a cold shoulder and it seemed like everyone else felt the same. Agent Bekker had always been stern and case-focused, yet she also wasn’t one to ignore Penelope’s banter or not say good morning to Sarah.

That day Ava had been a completely different person. Her eyes were glued to her phone screen every chance she got, jumping at every notification sound even though Hotch glared at her for having her ringer on. She was restless too, pacing the bullpen whenever she had a free moment, and she didn’t bother to participate in any conversation. All of Emily’s teasing remarks fell on deaf ears, even earning the other woman an eye roll from the target of her jokes. Usually Ava met each comment with one of her own, which ended in the two women laughing together, yet nothing was ever said.

This is why her partner was worried, though she knew Ava would hate that she was distracted by fussing over her. She would have told her to stay focused on the case or go home if she was so distracted, not wanting to be coddled in the slightest. It didn’t stop Sarah from trailing after her into the locker room, silent in the empty room as she tried to figure out how to approach the situation.

“I know you’re there, Reese,” her words were monotonous and tired, as though the mere act of speaking was exhausting her. Given Ava’s insomniac track record, maybe it was just that. Either way, she waited with crossed arms until Sarah slinked out from behind the set of lockers, looking at her partner sheepishly.

“Out with it, then.”

“What’s wrong, Ava?”

“Nothing.”

Sarah looked at her incredulously, “You’ve been silent and standoffish all day. You’ve checked your phone at least twenty times every hour and you usually have it away during work hours. Also don’t think I didn’t see you and Penelope walk off earlier, she’s the only one you’ve spoken to today. So no, I don’t believe that it's nothing.”

“Don’t profile me,” Ava rolled her eyes, in the process of putting on her well ironed blazer. She didn’t speak again for a moment, instead busying herself with collecting her bag and not making eye contact. That was confirmation enough that something must be very wrong, since her partner was always confrontational as opposed to the quiet type.

“I care about you, Ava,” Sarah said softly, “That’s why I ask.”

“I-”

Sarah watched her silently, afraid she had already pushed too far. The last thing she wanted was to drive a wedge between them, especially since she was still the newbie and she wanted to be friends with her partner above all. Still, Sarah always wanted to help and she hated to see others suffer in silence. Ava wasn’t herself and it was worrying, so no one could blame her for being concerned.

“It’s… my daughter.”

“Daughter?” the confusion was clear on the brunette’s face, “I didn’t… didn’t know you had kids.”

“That was kind of the whole point.”

“Ava, why would you hide that? We’re you’re family here.”

“She’s only four,” the blonde sighed as she sat down on the bench across from her locker, “I’ve seen what having a family does to agents and the last thing I want is for her to get hurt because of me.”

“Still, no one knows?”

Ava chuckled dryly, “Mostly everyone. Penelope figured it out after about 2 months of me being here, she likes to background check us after all. Hotch probably knows because I doubt Strauss knew to keep it a secret. Everyone else is as in the dark as you were, though.”

“That’s a big secret to keep for this long…”

“I know,” she looked at Sarah seriously, “But I want it to say like that for as long as I can.”

The harsh tone made her flinch a little but she understood, Ava was a fierce protector so it was clear she would want her baby to be safe above all. She nodded, sitting down beside her partner, “You’re both safe with me.”

“Thank you, Sarah.”

“So, what’s wrong?” she added before the subject could drop, “What happened?”

“She fell at the park with her nanny today,” Ava answered, “Apparently she cut up her face pretty badly.”

“Oh… I’m sorry.”

“I couldn’t leave to meet them at the hospital because this case is so important. She’s terrified of hospitals, Reese, and I’ve been trying to keep up with what’s going on.”

Sarah nodded, now understanding the attitude change of the day. She wasn’t a maternal person but she understood how fiercely a mother cared, she had seen it in JJ and other friends in the past. It made sense that Ava had been distracted, especially if she wasn’t sure how the child would handle a doctor’s visit.

“How bad is it?”

“Ten stitches,” Ava was clearly anxious if the way she was fiddling with her ever perfect curls was any indication, “She screamed the second the needle was out.”

“Poor baby.”

“She’s… we’re pretty sure she’s on the spectrum and it’s been hard. Since I started training at Quantico when she was so young I thought she would get used to the long work hours but any change is tough on her I think. I hate missing things, Sarah, and I hate knowing she’s scared or in situations she hates when I can’t be there.”

“I’m sorry, Ava. I can’t imagine how hard that is on you both.”

“She’s so strong but I still worry…”

Sarah hesitated before she asked the burning question that had been on her mind, “Is her father still in the picture?”

Ava laughed a little, “Heavens no. She never knew him, though he does still send child support thankfully. It never would have worked out between us and he wasn’t on board with me moving to the US anyway. I worry she’ll never have the right upbringing now, with a mother so busy and in a whole other continent than the rest of her family.”

“I think she’ll be just fine,” Sarah promised without a beat, “Your daughter has you, Ava, and you are the most loyal person I’ve met here. Besides, with a mother as strong as you? She’ll turn out to be a fierce little thing, I think.”

She was a little shocked when her partner looked at her with watery eyes, exhaustion clear on her face but there was something else. The gratitude that Ava looked at her with was overwhelming, smiling through the anxiety because that was something she had been dying to hear. From the moment she left South Africa all Ava had heard was that she was picking a career over her daughter. Her parents and friends had acted like she was hurting her daughter with such a big move, especially to go work for the FBI. Learning that she might also be autistic had been a deal breaker for her family, since they somehow thought it was all Ava’s fault. No matter how hard she had tried they wouldn’t listen to her when she said this was the best choice for her and her baby. She left so much behind when she left home and she lost almost all of her connections, yet here she had found someone who actually believed in her. Sarah believed in her ability as a mother and as an agent and that was maybe the most healing thing she had ever been told.

“Thank you,” she murmured, “Really. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.”

“I’m always here, Ava,” she replied and patted her knee gently, “You’re doing your best.”

Ava fumbled for her phone, fishing it out of her pocket and unlocking it. She was silent for a moment until she found what she was looking for. Passing the device to her partner, she smiled as she explained, “I took this picture when we visited home last year.”

It was a picture of a toddler on a beach, her blonde hair unkempt and her rainbow sweater sleeves hanging over her hands. She was half turned away from the camera but Sarah could still see the striking resemblance to her mother, though her eyes were grey she still had that stoic intelligence in her gaze. She couldn’t help but smile at the photo, or maybe she was smiling because of the amount of love on Ava’s face when she looked at it too.

“She’s adorable,” Sarah passed her phone back gently, “What’s her name?”

“Vivienne,” Ava answered fondly, “I call her Vivi.”

“That’s lovely.”

“Thank you,” the blonde bumped Sarah’s shoulder with her own, “For everything. I’m sorry for being so bitchy today.”

“It happens, you were just worried. I’m always here to talk to you, Ava.”

“I know, that’s what partners are for.”

“Of course,” Sarah laughed as she repeated something she always told her, “I do care about you, dummy.”

#do I hate this? #idk #autistic vivi is only because I’m projecting :) #I think I just wish my mother had accepted my clear neurodivergence as a kid so I didn’t grow up emotionally and socially stunted #from masking constantly #ava bekker #sarah reese #reesker #vivi tag #my aus #fbi!au #crosshairs #asks #mutuals #koda tag #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

has unsub!emily ever had any close calls where the team have almost found out about her operation? or, has she ever found herself tempted to let any of them see what’s actually going on?

Close calls

She has had a few

Especially after she “came back from the dead”

Penelope was honestly hurt that they lied about Emily’s death AND that she couldn’t find a paper trail to reveal that herself

Emily had gone back to Doyle at that point and she had minimal contact with Interpol and Hotch/JJ

Obviously they thought she was hiding away in a country she didn’t disclose with anyone for her safety

Who would have thought she ran right back into the belly of the beast

It was so easy going back to Doyle though, despite the fact that he did almost kill her more than once

She had the man wrapped around her finger and now all she had to do was whine about how she almost died and he would be listening immediately

He may be a serial killer but men are weak to mind games and Emily played that to her advantage

She made sure he knew not to tell anyone that she was back

Emily Prentiss and Lauren Reynolds were dead. She had a new alias: Leone De Angelis

Leone was an Italian dealer and strategist for Doyle and no one was to question why she looked like Lauren

Anyway Penelope was on Doyle’s radar after he “killed” Emily and she had begun to catch wind of his new associates including Emily’s new identity

She didn’t look far enough into it but she told the others that Doyle was out of hiding again and they started looking for him

Emily realized she needed to lay low or Garcia would blow her cover

Other than that though there were a few minor close calls

Times where she would say or suggest something that had everyone looking at her weird

When she forgot that she was supposed to be a cop and accidentally praised an unsub’s work or even got cocky and started to say something about how she wouldn’t get caught like that

It was little things that made spencer especially 🤔🤔🤔

The truth

As for her wanting to tell someone, oh gods yes

She has histrionic personality disorder markers, on top of antisocial personality disorder that was diagnosed by a private psychoanalyst but kept hidden from the fbi’s screening

Having one cluster B disorder is bad enough but with hints of HPD too… Emily thrives off attention

Her self esteem is dependant on the knowledge that people know how good she is

She finds herself wanting to brag so badly about how she’s evaded the feds for so long that she managed to infiltrate them

She knows she’s brilliant, her intellect is bordering close to Reid’s and she wants to rub it in his face

She’s the perfect unsub, she knows how each member of the team works and can outsmart them all

There’s nothing Emily wants more than to see the shock on their faces when they realize she’s been five steps ahead of them for years

When Hotch had to go into witness protection and she was promoted to unit chief she was very pleased

That’s where she wanted to be

And she almost bragged to Morgan about how convenient it had been that Jack had been the target of a serial killer

Almost like someone had told said serial killer just how to get Hotch out of the way <3

But she caught herself because the last thing she needed was to break her Perfect relationship with her partner

One wrong word could ruin everything for Emily

And so she had to get her validation from the fact that she outsmarted them every day she stayed hidden in plain sight

#hehe #unsub!emily #malevolent #emily prentiss #my aus #asks #anon #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

“Stop wiping your fingers on me!” would be rlly funny for zarhekker or platonic rhekker !!!

"Sam, I swear to God," Ava's hip met hers as she tried to push her out of the way. The other woman just laughed, the spoon she had in hand clattering against the bowl Ava was stirring. Sam had been stealing bits of cookie dough the whole time, even though her friend chastised her for it.

"If you get salmonella it's not my fault."

"Noted," the blonde said cheerfully and reached around her to get another piece of the batter. Ava sighed and glanced over at the table, which was an absolute disaster. She knew letting Connor do the cutting was a mistake, though he looked quite proud of himself. He was happy with the amount of cookie cutters Ava had, arranging the shapes on pans for baking.

Feeling a hand on her, Ava's attention was drawn back to the woman beside her, who was trying to pass off her motion as a pat on the shoulder. Ava knew better though and the handprint left in flour on her sweater was clear as day.

"Stop wiping your fingers on me!"

Sam laughed and dodged the stray piece of cookie dough that was thrown at her, "Don't be so grumpy, Avey."

"Whosever idea it was to let us make cookies for the potluck is a fool," she sighed, though she wasn't half as exasperated as she sounded. It was fun, doing such a mundane activity with her friends. It was moments like those where Ava felt like she had a place in Chicago, where her colleagues were also the closest friends she had.

#this is :/ #cute but bad lmao #anyway i love them #sam has the bastard gene #connor making little animal shaped cookies: :D #dummies <3 #ava bekker #connor rhodes #sam zanetti #zarhekker #mutuals #asks #nova tag #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

“Some manage better with pain than others.” for chronic or recurrence?

“Is she in pain?” Sarah’s worried voice broke through Ava’s sedated reverie but she was too tired to open her eyes. She felt bad, hearing her girlfriend so upset, yet her oncologist’s words didn’t seem to help.

“It’s hard to tell but I assure you we’re making her as comfortable as we can,” he answered, “Some manage better with pain than others.”

“I know…” Sarah sighed as she watched Ava’s eyelids flutter but she didn’t wake completely, “I hope she’s not hurting.”

#pain <3 #ava bekker #sarah reese #reesker #my aus #cancer!au #recurrence #asks #mutuals #nova tag #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

“How about you stop whispering nasty things into your girlfriend’s ear and concentrate instead?” w reesker and one of their friends? even funnier if the person’s saying completely normal things aksjsj

Whisper | Crosshairs

FBI!AU; no one in this damn unit can mind their own business

Prompt: “How about you stop whispering nasty things into your girlfriend’s ear and concentrate instead?”

Word count: 687

CW: n/a

***

“Bekker, you’re late.”

“I know,” Ava answered bluntly as she shuffled onto the jet, throwing herself down into the seat beside Sarah. Morgan continued to pester her about her tardiness, having missed the briefing and almost their flight to Iowa, but the woman didn’t pay him much mind. Instead she sighed and stole a moment to press her cheek into Sarah’s shoulder, clearly seeking her attention, which caused her partner to turn in confusion.

“You okay?”

Ava nodded and lifted her head again, tired eyes meeting Sarah’s for a moment, “Tired.”

“Did you sleep?” She knew the blonde had some insomnia issues, like most of them did, but she looked more exhausted than usual. No amount of work-appropriate makeup could hide the circles under her eyes and it didn’t seem like Ava had the energy to try anyway.

“Not really,” she answered and there was hesitation as she glanced ahead of them to where the rest of the team was discussing the case. Morgan and Emily had been casting them curious glances and JJ had her worried-mother face on every time she looked at Ava. She probably looked like hell, she realized, and cursed herself internally before leaning closer to Sarah.

“Vivi didn’t sleep last night,” she murmured into the brunette’s ear, “She’s been having meltdowns all week, I don’t know what’s triggering them at this point.”

Sarah’s face portrayed her immediate worry, “Is she okay while you’re gone?”

“She’s with her nanny for the weekend, I hope she’ll be okay,” Ava answered but her eyes were glued on the comforting hand Sarah had on her knee, “I’ll call Annalise when we land to check on them.”

“I’m sorry, Ava, I know you must be worried,” her voice was barely above a whisper but still held sympathy, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

“Thank you…”

“Hey, Reese!” Morgan’s amused voice carried through the jet as he interrupted them, “How about you stop whispering nasty things into your girlfriend’s ear and concentrate instead?”

His comment had the intended effect, making Emily laugh at how easily Sarah blushed. Ava just glared at the two, tossing a stray package of travel tissues in their direction. Derek caught it with ease before it hit him square in the forehead, an eyebrow raised.

“Are you going to contribute to the case at all, Ava?”

“Shut it,” she sighed and straightened her shoulders a bit, “Give me a file then.”

The rest of the flight was silent between them, the blonde trying to make up for her tardiness by discussing the current case theories at length. Sarah was still slightly moping in embarrassment, even though she knew Morgan had just been teasing. It was uncalled for, she thought, and she hated the insinuation that her and Ava were a couple. Not that she had any problem with the idea but they just… weren’t. It made things feel awkward and she didn’t think it was funny.

Ava was the first one to speak as they deplaned, grabbing Sarah’s wrist to hold her back behind everyone. She obeyed the silent request to wait, looking at her partner expectantly. It was the first time she had looked at Ava since the comment, noting that she seemed much more alert after a cup of coffee and talking about the case. Her eyes were still tired but she seemed brighter, a flush barely noticeable high on her cheekbones. Sarah noticed, though, she always did.

“Hey, I’m sorry,” her fingers brushed against Sarah’s wrist idly, “Morgan was being an ass.”

“It’s okay, Ava,” Sarah shrugged, “He does that unprovoked.”

“I know but still…”

“We’re okay,” she promised, “And my offer to help still stands. If you want to go call and check on Vivi before we go to the station I’ll stall for you.”

Ava’s signature bright grin was enough to turn her mood around, “You’re the best, Reese.”

#this is bad but anyway #ava bekker #sarah reese #reesker #my aus #fbi!au #crosshairs #asks #mutuals #nova tag #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

“Hey, gimme a hair tie. I have broken every single one I own today and I’m too close to cutting my hair off.” for reesker <3

“Ava,” Sarah leaned across the conference table to nudge her partner, “Hey, gimme a hair tie. I’ve broken every single one I own today and I’m too close to cutting my hair off.”

The blonde looked up from the conversation she had been having with JJ over the case file, glancing at the other woman with an amused look. She stared at Sarah for a bit too long before pulling a spare elastic off her wrist, passing it to her partner.

“You’d look good with short hair though,” she answered with a little grin, “Don’t break my hair tie.”

#hehe #short but cute shit #short haired Sarah is a concept though #but short curly hair can be a beast to control 😔 spoken from experience #ava bekker #sarah reese #reesker #crosshairs #fbi!au #my aus #asks #mutuals #nova tag #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

also could you tell us a bit about unsub!emily please? 🥺🥺

Unsub Emily my beloved <3

So it’s mostly in line with canon in terms of how and when Emily joins the BAU

But… Emily with a cluster B personality disorder (I’m thinking ASPD but HPD is also something to consider)

She also fits the dark triad perfectly and it’s surprising how the BAU never realized it

But it’s not just a personality disorder thing because people with ASPD can live completely normal and not criminal lives

Emily is different though… she needs the rush it gives her

She’s manipulative and brilliant but she can’t find pleasure in mundane things anymore once she reaches adulthood

She has never been able to feel real emotions, not in the way that they so often get described, and she only learned how to emulate them from watching others

As a politician’s daughter, Emily is certainly well versed in putting on a mask

Not to mention the amount of times she had been undercover

She knows how to act and become someone others can trust

She finds her only real purpose when she’s scheming as cliché as it sounds

Lauren Reynolds in particular was her turning point

She was the perfect alias in the most perfect position thanks to Interpol

Lauren’s relationship with Doyle and the things she was exposed to were the most exciting things she had experienced

She’s an adrenaline junky, it’s the one time she feels alive really

No amount of saving lives and arresting criminals had prepared her for the euphoria she got when they pulled off one of their plans

Her relationship with Doyle was an act, she actually didn’t care for him much at all, but he became a necessary companion for Emily

As much of a sexist dick he was, he gave her more opportunities than she’d ever get elsewhere

He thoughts he was in charge but the second Emily joined this operation she had him wrapped around her finger

She knew he was a narcissist alpha type and she molded Lauren to be as attractive to him as possible

But Emily was the mastermind

And she did it so well

When she joined the BAU she was about four schemes deep into her fake identities

Emily Prentiss is a real person and she chose to use her real identity for a specific reason

There’s only one way you can really trick a FBI profiler

Become one

And she needed Hotch’s trust if she was going to pull it off

So she became Emily again for the first time in years

And she learned every little thing there was to know about each member of the BAU

When they faked her death she went right back to Doyle, despite what the others thought

She didn’t like him, she didn’t have the capacity to love him, but he was hers

Emily felt comfortable around him and his followers

She was important when she was with him and that’s what she wanted

She did go back to the BAU when she saw the chance because she never finished her intended plans there

Doyle only died because he tried to get in the way of Emily’s plans; he didn’t want her to return to the FBI and she was not letting him stop her

She didn’t pull the trigger but she did orchestrate the whole thing

And it felt freeing; he wasn’t of use to her anymore

She was power hungry and his operation just wasn’t cutting it, she didn’t want to be any man’s bitch anymore

She could learn way more things in the BAU, observing every unsub and how they got caught to ensure she never made the same mistakes

She had all her side operations and plans going just under the BAU’s nose and no one was any the wiser

Emily was made to do this

And when she became the unit chief she realized she had everyone right where she needed them

But what happens then?

#:) #god this au lives in my head rent free #if you’ve seen atla she reminds me of Azula in this #dark triad perfection #malevolent #unsub!emily #my aus #asks #nova tag #cj add this to your fic masterpost

[punksarahreese]

hi hello could i maybe get "I don’t wanna die this way" for lone star? please hurt me however u choose

Hello^^ you certainly can 😌🌸

Don’t want to (die) | Marjan Marwani

Canon; A call goes awry and no one was expecting this outcome

Prompt: “I don’t wanna die this way”

Word count: 1515

CW: mentions of dying and medical emergencies

Send me prompts from the Penelope Scott lyrics list

***

It’s not a call that Michelle was ever expecting to get, or maybe it was something she just prayed would never happen. No amount of manifesting would prevent this, though, and Owen’s frantic tone over the radio had her heart dropping.

“Ladder 126, EMS needed immediately at our position,” Michelle wasn’t prepared for the words that followed, “Code 26.”

Injured firefighter, EMS required.

That had Nancy rushing for their bags from the rig, throwing them on the gurney as quickly as she could. Michelle was already running ahead, calling back for Tim to stay there and look after their patients, her own bag bouncing against her thigh with every movement. She cursed under her breath as she stumbled, worry for her crew clouding her awareness. Code 26, not an uncommon code in this line of work but certainly not one she had heard for a while. The last time she did must have been when TK was shot, which had been a whole other kind of chaos.

“Who?” she didn’t have any time for panic as she tried to depersonalize from it all, a hand falling on Judd’s shoulder to get his attention. The man looked at her through his visor, worry etched into his face as he pointed to where most of the crew was crowding around. This was just supposed to be a normal fire response, a small apartment complex with a fire on the third floor, and she was sure everyone had evacuated on time. She was only gone from the main scene for ten minutes, helping parents find their children and checking people for smoke inhalation and minor burns. They hadn’t had a firefighter injury in a while, this was such a minor scene she wasn’t sure how it had even happened. Judd seemed to be questioning the same thing but she didn’t have the time to consider how much his memories were haunting him at that moment.

“Marjan…”

Nancy had caught up with her by then and she nudged her Captain forward, though when their eyes met Michelle could tell she was just as worried. She could feel the pit of anxiety gnawing away at her stomach, her friend’s life at risk here. Still, they had to be smart about this, Marjan needed them and they would have to wait to feel later.

“Captain,” Michelle bounded over to the others, “What happened?”

Owen turned to look at her, standing up properly from his previously crouched position. Mateo was on the ground, looking like anxiety incarnate, and beside him was Marjan. Laying on the sooty asphalt with her turnout coat nowhere to be found and she looked worse for wear. Instead, her long sleeve was exposed and Michelle could see blood seeping from somewhere and covering the white fabric in a nauseating amount. She was on the ground with them in seconds, leaning over Marjan before Owen had even managed to speak.

“The ceiling,” it was TK who spoke instead, “She went back to get a kid… the building was unstable.”

“Someone decided it was a brilliant idea to take off her coat and cover the kid with it,” Judd interjected, “The smoke was disorienting and we couldn’t get to her in time. The lobby ceiling fell.”

Michelle was nodding but all of her attention was on Marjan, shining her penlight in her eyes and sighing when her pupils reacted properly. The woman in question was watching her weakly, her breathing unsteady but she was still alert enough to know what was going on. There didn’t seem to be any head or facial trauma, which was a relief, but her main worry was her abdomen.

“BP is high and she’s tachy,” Nancy told her as she leaned over with a stethoscope to confirm, speaking gently to Marjan before she did anything. Michelle was glad Nancy was there, her caring nature always helping to soothe their patients.

“Marjan, let me know if this hurts, okay?” She didn’t lift her shirt for the sake of her privacy and instead palpated the injured area over the soaked fabric. The gentle pressure had her crying out almost immediately, arms jerking up to cover her stomach. It was very un-Marjan like in nature, since she was always fearless and hated to seem weak. Michelle apologized gently but her concern was only rising with that reaction.

“Abdominal guarding and tenderness,” she turned to TK, “What fell on her?”

“A chair from the upper hallway along with a large chunk of the ceiling.”

“Damn,” she looked to Nancy again, “Notify the nearest hospital that we have an incoming patient with blunt force abdominal trauma. Looks like a couple broken lower ribs and I’m worried about her spleen.”

“Alright.”

“Request a female trauma surgeon if possible,” she added before looking back down at Marjan, “You with me, Mar?”

Never one to appear weak even on death’s door, Marjan nodded as much as she could, “Mhm.”

“Anything else hurt right now?”

“How a-about eve-everything…” she let out a shaky laugh, which only made her wince as it jostled her ribcage. That only solidified Michelle’s assumption about fractured ribs, which usually caused a rupture of the spleen in cases like this. She hadn’t seen anything pressing during her secondary assessment but she was worried about other internal injuries or shock setting in too fast.

“We’re going to get you on the backboard then, okay?” she motioned for Mateo to stand and grabbed the board from on top of the gurney, passing it over to Paul so he could slide it under her from his side. She crouched by her shoulder, catching her attention again.

“We’re going to roll you onto your side, you know the drill.”

The transfer was painful for everyone, with Marjan unable to hide her agony at being moved in such a way. They hated seeing her like this, knowing they were only causing her more pain, but it was necessary. She cried out as they slid the board under her body, allowing Michelle a second to check for any injuries on her back. Getting her up onto the gurney was less of an event, though her stats had dropped enough in the move for Nancy to get worried.

“Captain Blake,” she said, “BP dropped and O2 stats in the 80’s.”

“Okay, we need to get going, I’ll run oxygen in the bus.”

With that they transferred her across the parking lot, back to the safe area that had been designated for the civilians to gather. Tim was waiting among them, rushing over to ask what had happened. Michelle was preoccupied with talking to Owen, trying to tell him as simply as she could how her prognosis looked.

“She’ll need a CT to confirm but I think there’s a good chance her spleen ruptured,” she told him, “I know you needed to move her from the building but I do hope you all didn’t jostle her too much.”

“We were as careful as possible but I couldn’t risk anyone getting trapped,” he rubbed a hand over his face, “Take care of our girl, Michelle.”

“We’ve got her,” with that she hoisted herself into the back of the ambulance, beside Nancy who was already getting the oxygen mask situated for Marjan. Tim checked from the front to make sure they were ready and then started the rig, lights and sirens on the second they pulled out of the parking lot.

Michelle busied herself with starting an IV in her arm, knowing she would need fluids if they wanted to keep her stats relatively stable. Her oxygenation had improved but her blood pressure was still worrying, not to mention how thready her pulse seemed when Michelle pressed her fingers to her wrist momentarily. That was never a good sign, especially with the way her eyes unfocused and her response to stimuli had decreased.

“Marjan,” she leaned a bit closer to meet her glassy eyes, “You stay awake for me.”

“T-trying…” she murmured, “Hurts.”

“I know,” looking at her crewmate she asked for a dose of morphine that would hopefully help until they got her to the ER. Nancy administered the painkiller as quickly as she could, reminding Marjan that she was doing well and they would get her help.

When the other woman leaned towards the front to ask Tim about their ETA, Marjan reached out weakly. She caught Michelle’s hand, making the EMT look at her with concern.

“I-” she took a shaky breath and tried to blink away the tears that clouded her vision, “I don’t w-wanna… die this way.”

“Hey, don’t say that,” Michelle told her firmly, “We’ve got you. You never let anything stop you before, Marjan, you can get through this.”

“M… Michelle?”

“I’m right here, Mar.”

“I-” her sentence never finished as the firefighter’s eyes rolled back slowly, unable to properly hear Michelle’s words of panic as she noticed what was happening. Marjan tried to stay alert, she really did, but the pain was too much. She felt like she was suffocating, the heavy weight in her abdomen slowly radiating up her body. She could feel hands on her, knew Michelle was with her, but she couldn’t focus. The only thing she was aware of was the aggressive beeping of the monitor that preceded her descent into unconsciousness.

#:))) #who wants to block me after this one #I do <3 #this is unedited but it’s almost 3 am #911 ls #911 lone star #marjan marwani #michelle blake #owen strand #tk strand #paul strickland #judd ryder #mateo chavez #nancy gillian #tim rosewater #cj add this to your fic masterpost #asks #mutuals #firefighterstrand #userglow