#ch: sirius

[hotchfied]

lari from @hotchfiles yaps too much, so this is her library. wanna read everything i wrote for a specific character? check #ch: name or nickname

updated ongoing series masterlists !

darling, in any life

choiceless hope

we could be love

adhd chronicles

kiss with a fist

march hotchness

#ch: hotch #ch: spencer #ch: remus #ch: isaac #ch: james #ch: sirius #ch: seth #ch: stiles #cw: hotch smut #r: gn

[alittlechaos07]

The Chaos of Stars.

#ch: mina #ch: sirius #ship: sirius x mina #sirius x mina #sara's birthday

[juniemoe]

BALDUR'S GATE 3 (2023) ▶️

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #bg3edit #karlach #vgedit #yennefre #aartyom #userdekarios #oc: sirius #vilnaedits #vg: baldur's gate #video games #ch: karlach #gifs #i forgot to dye karlach's gloves just ignore it pls #100

[soloorganaas]

Sirius, bipolar disorder and 1981

I’ve held the headcanon for a while that Sirius being bipolar was a fundamental part of his breakdown in 1981, that led to him believing Remus was the spy and failing to prevent Lily and James’s deaths, as well as ultimately being the reason Remus was persuaded that Sirius (not entirely consciously) betrayed James and committed mass-murder. so I’ve laid out all my thoughts about this below

Sirius’s breakdown leading up to Oct 31, 1981

bipolar episodes of mania/depression are not responses to external events in the same way regular depression or anxiety are. they will inevitably happen at some point however stable your life is. however, a traumatic event can sometimes trigger a period of mania/depression that spirals beyond the actual event itself

there is no doubt that Sirius was experiencing compound trauma by 1981. there isn’t any specific canon as to when he became involved in the Order, but we know by this point he was deep in the fight and presumably had been for around a year or more. he was living with the constant, extreme stress of being in potentially fatal missions, as well as the risk of losing his loved ones who were doing the same

Sirius’s friendship with James and the impact the danger he faced had on Sirius during this period is fundamental to his breakdown. James was central to his conception of safety and stability. he rescued him emotionally and later physically from his abusive home, and gave him a new loving one. without James, Sirius doesn’t have a home - and therefore the world simply doesn’t make sense. there’s no doubt Sirius would have been living in absolute terror of having his world quite literally torn apart. this would have been magnified tenfold when the specific threat to Harry and therefore James and Lily became apparent, and Sirius had to watch as a war against a fascist terror group became a defense of his best friend’s family being hunted by an unimaginably powerful dark wizard

part of bipolar disorder is the subconscious knowledge that you will at some point crash. there is a sense of inevitability of your world falling apart, like constantly living in a movie waiting for the third act tragedy. for Sirius, watching his world quite literally fall apart, this would undoubtedly have triggered that underlying fear. he is expecting the worst, knowing that it’s going to happen, because it always has

Sirius believing Remus was the spy

Sirius’s struggle with bipolar disorder would lead to his seemingly irrational suspicion of Remus for two main reasons

first is that the chronic instability and tendency toward self-destruction that Sirius experiences as a part of bd is inseparable from his relationship with Remus. breaking up in the heat of manic or depressive episodes is a common bipolar symptom. Remus with his own trauma and mental health issues would never be capable of creating enough stability for the both of them as their relationship formed, and adding into that the struggles of being a gay man in the 70s/80s, they never developed a strong foundation as teens

so the second point is how putting this under the pressure cooker of war doomed them from the outset. without external support or stability, Sirius was always going to spiral down, and Remus would always be unable to cope. by 1981 Sirius is overwhelmed with fear over losing James and utterly unable to think rationally. he’s being pushed to the brink on Order missions. he’s convinced his the world is going to crash down around him. he’s lashing out at the people closest to him and destroying things just for the misguided feeling of control. Remus is watching this happen but is also swept up in his own chronic terror and mental instability, and is utterly unable to understand what Sirius is doing or going through, let alone try and stop it. they are both crashing down around each other, with the very fear they have of losing each other tearing them further apart

at some point I think Sirius simply convinces himself its Remus - because he’s the one hurting him so much with his own part in destroying their relationship, because if anyone is going to tear his world to pieces it would be the one he’s most vulnerable to, because if you want to bring about the destruction by yourself of course you’d pick the person you can hurt the most, because the world is stealing everything from him so of course it would still the one beautiful, tender, miraculous thing he has

Remus being persuaded Sirius betrayed James and Lily

I’m writing ‘persuaded’ deliberately, because there is no way that Remus would instantly believe Sirius could betray James or even murder Peter and a crowd of muggles. they had been friends for over ten years, living in each other’s pockets and they knew each other inside and out. they had built incredibly deep and meaningful bonds as a group. Remus would struggle to believe that Sirius could kill Peter, but he may in the end come to accept it. but he could never, ever have watched Sirius and James for ten years and believe he would consciously betray him

instead, I think Remus came to believe through the persuasion of others (Dumbledore specifically, particularly if you go with the idea he had an interest in keeping Sirius in Azkaban) that Sirius had a breakdown and acted with such reckless self-destruction he inadvertently brought about James and Lily’s deaths. Remus had been dragged down in Sirius’s spiral for a year or longer; if they were by that point together, he would have seen Sirius at his most vulnerable and raw, and understood better than anyone his capacity for manic, irrational self-destruction. he’d seen Sirius do similar things the entire time he’d known him - the prank, for example, which easily fits into a similar theme. Remus knows Sirius is capable of this, he knows he was truly out of his mind with fear

and I think that’s where the anger comes from (aside from fury over him murdering Peter and other innocent people) - that Sirius had spent so long causing harm and never ever learned, that he’d refused to confront his own demons and take responsibility for his destructive tendencies, and in the end it had torn their worlds apart. the fire that had made him so passionate, so full of life, so brave, so loving and so devoted had also made him uncontrollably deadly - it’s not hard to imagine that when Remus more than anyone experienced one side so intensely, he could imagine what the other could lead to

I, personally, don’t think even in a manic state Sirius would ever come close to betraying James. but I think that for Remus, a terrified, traumatised 21 year old who’d lost both his parents and his best friends, had spent three years caught up in a war between two sides that both wanted him dead, and had watched his relationship with the love of his life break down in front of him, it’s a realistic conclusion to come to

Conclusion

mental health issues are intrinsically wound up with Sirius’s story and the tragedies he experiences. i think it’s a disservice to his character to overlook them, especially when fic takes only a shallow look at the sadder, messier parts of his life because it has a tendency towards simply trauma porn. bipolar disorder is my particular headcanon, and I’ve detailed a strong argument for it, but there are plenty of other valid interpretations as well. whichever way Sirius is written, though, at least complying somewhat with canon, the impact of mental health on the complexity of his character and story can’t be overlooked

the other side of the coin to this tragedy is the beauty of Sirius’s escape, formation of his relationship with Harry, and his reunion and reconciliation with Remus. Sirius’s fiery mania is turned into a positive, enabling the incredible feats of breaking out of Azkaban, and living on the rough for two years whilst evading the Ministry’s hunt. it also of course sees older, wiser versions of Sirius and Remus who can look their own and each other’s demons in the eye, face up to them with honesty and courage, and build the relationship they should have had all along. 

#i am Sad #and deep in my PoA feels #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #bipolar disorder #bipolar sirius black #ch: we choose who we really are #hp #hp meta

[polaroidcats]

A little au based on u teaching me not to accidentally tell someone they looked good naked when I am trying to say good night in German :)

SKYE I AM SCREAMING THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME!!!! Sirius getting naked because he thinks Remus is finally admitting his feelings, them escaping the slow burn trope via german miscommunication trope, it is all so so perfect, thank you for drawing this I am OBSESSED!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖

#I LOVE THEM SO MUCH #skye tag #wolfstar #wolfstar art #skye's art #GERMAN WOLFSTAR #or i guess technically only sirius is german #remus tries his best bless him!!! #the german ch sound is hard and he did not have anyone tell him to impersonate a cat hissing so he doesn't know how to make that sound #LUCKILY FOR HIM BC LOOK WHERE THAT GOT HIM <333 #no one should bother trying to learn how to make the german ch if it leads to them ending up next to a naked sirius black tbh!!!

[artbyace]

started getting into reading fanfics again and yall i just have to say-

the cadence of part time poets is genuinely my favorite thing i’ve ever read. it’s funny, it’s witty, it’s heart warming and shattering, it’s complex and detailed but easy to read

the characterizations (especially remus and sirius) are my favorite ones i’ve ever seen; and the OCS!!!! omg!! so fucking good

if you’re looking for a long wolfstar fic to commit to, CHOSE THE CADENCE OF PART TIME POETS!!!

#yes the slow burn is SLOW #but #omg #it’s WORTH IT #you will thank me #marauders #txt #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #the cadence of part time poets #wolfstar fic #im on ch 90 rn #so good

[jamesunderwater]

Glimpse - a wolfstar microfic

@wolfstarmicrofic

“Pads, it looks great, leave it,” James said, swatting at Sirius’s hands as they fidgeted with the bowtie. He dropped them, his frenetic energy shifting to his feet instead, where they began to bounce up and down. He kept glancing around the room as if something in the corner of the walls would settle him, and when it didn’t, he’d return his gaze to the mirror. There, an image of himself stared back, face pale with nervousness, hair lovingly moussed by Lily, shoulders broad and squared neatly by his tux. He looked good, he knew that—this wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he couldn’t figure out what the problem was. His stomach continued to eat itself.

Still staring at his reflection, he stuttered at James. “I think—maybe there’s—did we forget—oh, the setlist!” He glanced at his best friend then, suddenly relieved that he might have found the missing piece causing his unease. “Did we ever—?”

James cut him off. “Yes, we gave the band the setlist. Everything’s settled, mate. There’s nothing left to worry about…” James’s voice trailed off, a hint of concern in his tone. He’d been eyeing Sirius with that same concern for the last thirty minutes, secretly trying to puzzle out what was going on inside his best friend’s mind. Sirius knew this, as if he were in both his own and James’s mind at once. Usually, knowing James that well was a reassurance, but right now the echo of his own anxiety was not helping.

He slumped, running a hand through his hair, and turned away from the mirror. “Right. Maybe I just need some air. How long have we got?” He toyed with his cufflinks while James checked the time, letting him know he had ten minutes.

“Oi, I’m trusting you not to be a runaway bride, alright? Go get your air, but just know, I’m sending Lily after you if you’re not back in 8 minutes.”

Sirius couldn’t help but smirk slightly at the threat, nodding. “Got it.”

Leaving the room, he wondered at where he was actually headed. For air? For an emergency exit? Was he actually considering a runaway? His nervous feet moved without thinking, carrying him down the hall to the other dressing room, where he stopped at the closed door. This is what he really wanted. Just a moment with him, to remember the person he was choosing. He felt sure that would settle his raging stomach, just to meet his eye for a moment. But they’d discussed this at length, and Remus wanted the moment. He wanted his first look at Sirius today to be the moment he was heading down the aisle toward Remus. That stupid romantic git.

Sirius deliberated for a moment. If he was quiet…Remus could still have that moment. All he needed was a glimpse, really. Carefully, he reached for the doorknob and turned it as noiselessly as he could. The door was mercifully quiet, and he managed to open it an inch without making a sound, revealing a bright room. Lily’s red hair was the first thing he saw, directly in front of him, blocking the view of the taller body in front of her. Without noticing, he held his breath, waiting for her to step aside.

The moment he saw him, Sirius let out an audible sigh. He felt all of the tension in his body drain away, the gnawing in his stomach immediately turning into a lurching need to wrap his arms around the man before him. Remus was smiling brightly; everything about him seemed to glow, in fact. His hair was just the kind of messy Sirius liked, his strong hands working on closing the buttons of his coat, and he gave no indication of anxiety. In fact, he seemed to be joking with Lily about something Sirius couldn’t quite hear. And Sirius felt it, that settled feeling he’d been searching for. Rooted again by this simple glimpse, he closed the door gently, and returned to the room where his best friend waited.

“Ready,” he breathed, smiling brightly.  

#i am incapable of writing short things oops #wolfstar #wolfstar fic #wolfstar fanfiction #sirius x remus #remus x sirius #my writing #ch: padfoot #marauders fanfiction #marauders era #wolfstar microfic #muses #wolfstar microfic* #wolfstar*

[memebijin-love]

Me imagining Wolfstar scenes in TLE but knowing that maybe not even one will exist... sigh 😭. (Btw I dreamed with new chapter again.)

#TLE2 #the last enemy: dark marks by ch darling #ch darling #inlovewiththosemarauders #wolfstar #jily #sirus black #remus lupin #james potter #lily evans #remus x sirius

[spindrifters]

sopping wet declarations of love

(with a sprinkling of light trauma)

“Moony—”

“You shouldn't be with me, you should be with someone who’s not going to fall to pieces without any bloody warning, who’s not—”

“Stop it.”

It’s harsh, cutting through the mire, and Remus looks up. His heart catches.

Because Sirius isn’t concerned anymore. Sirius looks downright angry.

“Stop that,” he says again, voice low, almost dangerous, grey eyes and cheekbones sharpened to a flint. “You don’t get to do that. Martyr yourself on whatever cross you like, Remus, but you don’t get to tell me who I get to love. Alright? That. That’s not yours. That belongs to me, and you don’t get to decide.”

His heart drops into his gut.

“What?” he whispers.

Sirius reaches out and cradles him by the jaw, a hand under each ear, eyes burning, and Remus doesn’t know if he’s angry—he thinks he is—but it’s more than that. And Remus thinks he may have swallowed his own throat, too, by now, if he’s heard right.

“Maybe I’m the broken one, really,” Sirius snaps, all the conviction of his eighteen years behind it, “because I don’t think about sex. Not really. Not like that. Not unless there’s the person first, and then it’s all just them. So if that’s what you need, if that’s what you want, we will get there. Because I want that if it’s with you. We’re capable of too much else not to manage it someday. But in the meantime, you do not get to tell me I shouldn’t want to be with you. That is mine. Alright?”

Remus stares, eyes wide. He’s breathing hard.

“You love me?”

A moment’s pause.

“You said... you said who you get to—”

“Course I love you, you terrific knob. Isn’t it obvious?”

Grey eyes soften, palms at his jaw go slack, and Sirius almost seems resigned. Like he’s ready for Remus to bolt. Remus, however, doesn’t think he could find it in him to make his legs move if he tried. He feels frozen, there, tucked up at the end of his bed. Frozen, but for the heart banging against his chest. Frozen, but for the hundred million thoughts racing through his mind, because love is something for other people. Something you can have once you’re fed and healthy and physically able and capable of holding your own and safe and—

And Sirius has set his jaw, daring him to run. Daring him to push back, or argue, or brush it off.

Remus feels the heart in his chest, and the golden glow of light that tethers the pair of them, and the wet tracks on his own cheek he hadn’t been quite aware of before. He feels all that, and then it rises, unbidden, the memory Sirius’s voice, a warm July afternoon by a cool mill pond.

Maybe you’ve just got to make it real for yourself, then.

His own voice, directly after that, echoing in the shade.

You’ve got to believe. You’ve got to believe it’s for you.

Sirius is still glaring, for all it’s softer now, and Remus swallows the lump in his throat.

“I love you, too.”

It’s not a whisper. Not this time. It’s loud, and bold, and nothing more than a matter of stating fact because it is that.

He loves him. He loves him. He loves Sirius Black, in all his beautiful, maddening recklessness and high ideals. In all his contradictory edges, loud and brash and painfully posh, queer and unashamed, gentle and bold and harsh when he wants to be. He loves him for his relentlessness, the push and pull that woke him back up to the world, that drove the promise that there’s so much more still to life.

He loves him.

That’s all there is to it.

So he says it, hands grasped round his wrists, and watches with a thrill as Sirius’s eyes widen in shock.

“You—”

“Yeah.”

“You love—”

“I do,” Remus says, and pulls his mouth in to meet his.

#discovered in the drafts #wolfstar #remus lupin #sirius black #marginalia blogging #marginalia SPOILERS #(but already up in ch 47)

[itsjaywalkers]

making ghosts, ch 8

#i said i was gonna update AND IT'S HERE #and we've unlocked a new pov!! #very excited for u to read it #and a bit scared #i really hope this makes up for the wait!! #sorry for the beast of a ch.. #i dont know how to shut up.. u guys know this.. #jegulus #wolfstar #james potter #regulus black #sirius black #lily evans #marauders #fic: making ghosts

[daffodilsonaprettystring]

I really wish I knew Marauders people on Tumblr so we could all flip out about the latest update of Crimson Rivers together because I am Not Fine and have nobody to vent to

#crimson rivers #zeppazariel #wolfstar #sirius black #remus lupin #jegulus #james potter #regulus black #Crimson Rivers Ch 53 #zeppazariel you’ve ruined my weekend are you happy #I need Sirius back plz #and I need Remus to be safe plz #I just want them both happy honestly plz and thank you #I still don’t know how to work tags

[fresiants]

I find it interesting that Sirius and Severus exchanged numerous insults, yet it was being called a coward that particularly upset Sirius.

—when his godfather was not forcing himself to laugh loudly at Fred and George’s jokes or offering everyone more food, his face fell back into a moody, brooding expression. 

Harry was worried that Snape’s accusation of cowardice had stung Sirius so badly he might even now be planning some foolhardy trip beyond Grimmauld Place. 

(OOTP, Ch 24)

Which reminds me of a post I made a few months ago about this one scene in HBP where Harry called Severus a coward, which had a deep impact on him as well.

I swear, sometimes I found these two a little bit similar to each other.

#just me rereading ootp ch 24 for the millionth times #severus ATE in that chapter #actual girlboss #hp #severus snape #harry potter analysis #harry potter #sirius black #pro snape #pro severus snape #my take

[merverse]

hello! i made some book covers for crimson rivers cause i was bored and ended up really liking them so here they are <3 im really proud about the first one tbh 

#saw someone on tiktok making 5 versions bc otherwise the book would be. so long #so the first one goes up to ch 25! #crimson rivers by zeppazariel #crimson rivers book cover #regulus black #james potter #jegulus #sunseeker #starchaser #sirius black #remus lupin #wolfstar #dorcas meadowes #marauders #marauders era #crimson rivers

[juniemoe]

i have lived a very long time. i have taken many lovers. my heart does not stir lightly. but it does now.

#bg3 spoilers #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #halsin #bg3 tav #halsin romance #halsin x tav #bg3edit #vgedit #oc: sirius #vilnaedits #vg: baldur's gate 3 #ch: halsin #ch: bg3 player character #sh: halsin x tav #making edits like i just wasn't mia for like six months #if you want to talk to me i'm more active in my simblr right now! #it's @apricote

[soloorganaas]

we need to talk more about sirius’s slutty furry dressing gown. babygirl. the choices that were made here. from his bedroom to king’s cross with his titties fully out and for WHAT. remus wasn’t even there

#i love him so much #sirius black #wolfstar #ch: we choose who we really are #hp

[tortoisebore]

sunday snippet

ty for the tag @spookymoonie 💞💖💕💓💗(haha 😀 ha ur snippet excuse me 😀….,,fucking excuse me? 😀)

here’s some first draft ch. 9! 🕺 (ik the dialogue is clunky it’s first draft cut me some slack fhdhdhddhd)

They sat in silence for another few moments before Sirius retreated from his burrow, wiggling back just enough to watch his own thumb circle at the dip of Remus’ cheek, right below where the thin white scar bled back into his skin.

“You were a hit,” he said quietly, softly, close to tears with the sheer amount of superhuman strength it was currently taking to keep that monster of feelings in his chest contained.

Remus’ eyes fluttered open and he rolled his head to the side, his features so soft and warm in the lamplight of Sirius’ room that his stomach did an appreciative little twirl. “You think so?”

“I know so.”

“You were right, they’re really great.”

“I told you!”

“I know you did.”

“You really should start listening to me, darling—I’ve never been wrong.”

“I expected your brother to be a lot worse, though,” Remus raised, fixing him with a pointed look. “You had me prepared for a civil war, Sirius. He was perfectly pleasant.”

“He’s an evil little shit, trust me,” he urged. “He’s only tolerable when he wants to be.”

“I talked to him quite a lot, actually.”

Sirius frowned. “About what?”

“He said something about football?”

“Oh my god—”

#tag game!!! #hey sharpshooter #also SURPRISE ch 9 is going to be only sirius pov #ch 10 will be remus pov #also all the songs are different #i lied several times #but on the bright side now there’s more lana on the playlist 😈😈😈