#capable. and I understand now that it's not something I'm ever going to heal from

[suncaptor]

the covid vaccine really destroyed any last chance at a life I could have ever had huh.

#i really think i could have made academia work if it were just the psychological issues I was coping with #granted the main problem is i keep getting sicker and sicker due to the constant trauma and lack of living security #but until the vaccine i was fucking. making it work. but when my physical body gave up on me too it's just too much now #i could have probably have even found a way of compensating out the severe trauma from last year but my body just. doesn't work. #it's really really devastating #and i can see now it's not something that can be fixed #i can't be fixed #but like I can't keep living like this. i just i really can't. but i can't do anything that's required to survive. i'm not physically #capable. and I understand now that it's not something I'm ever going to heal from #and maybe i could get better enough to live a life worth living but that would only be if I had access to security and resources I do not #and will not have. #the thing is everyone always wanted me gone and society fucking does too i'm just a fuckign cockroach #but sometihng has to change. and if there was a way to fix it i would have by now. i would have. #delete #vent #tw suicidality

[onsomenewsht]

now playing: Everything to Everyone (Intro)

track 2 >

》 Alexia Putellas x Reader

》 words count: +750

》 I need the guts to go and give you up / 'cause I'll kill myself tryin' and I'm not scared of dyin'

“Qué es eso de que te vas?!” (What do you mean you’re leaving?)

Legit question, you think. One can leave so many places and in so many ways.

You can clearly read the shock in her naturally stoic face, usually unreadable for people who don’t have the privilege to orbit close to her heart.

Your head sinks, eyes too focused on your unlaced shoes to see Alexia taking a step toward you. But you sense her. And putting some more distance between the two of you is the only response you can give her right now.

She tries to make you look at her, she knows you can feel her pleading eyes desperately trying to lock into your darker ones, but you don't dare to. You will drop everything otherwise. 

“Alexia, please”

“No, no hace esto, ¡no lo digas así!” (No, don’t do it, don’t say it like that!), like she’s the one hurting you.

You take even more steps faraway from her frozen form, hitting with the back of your calves the sofa in the abruptly smaller house. You let yourself drop on it, sitting and rubbing the stiff texture of your jeans.

The catalan takes it as a sign of you being ready to explain whatever this is, to explain this epically huge misunderstanding. But your muffled sob makes it evident to her you need space, space from her.

Dropping your head into your hands is the only way you can think of to make them stop shaking so much.

You can’t let Alexia come closer, you can’t let her touch you in the way somehow capable of healing every aching part of your body and soul. You can’t glance at your lover, you can’t let her look at you the way she does when she needs you to understand the feeling she can’t communicate.

You just can’t.

However, when the blonde starts crying, silently as if not wanting to disrupt your breakdown; you’re sure.

Leaving truly is the only way.

“I got an offer”

“You got offers all the time”

“I asked for it”

You have known her for four years now, getting closer and closer with time passed and shared experiences.

Four years of studying all the finest details of the ways she acts and moves. Three years of falling asleep with your hand on her chest, her heartbeats as the only lullaby that can make you rest. Two years of heading to a future that appallingly looks a lot like the same for the both of you. One year of trying to tell yourself that nothing changed about the way you feel of your life here, of your life here with her.

You have known her for so long, so profoundly, yet this is the first time you meet this Alexia.

A truly, deeply broken Alexia.

And you’re the reason why.

“Tú lo pediste?” (You asked for the transfer?)

“Yes”

The captain moves slowly, dropping on her knees right in front of you and taking your hands in hers. She’s not shaking like you, but you can catch deep worry in her eyes. She’s the most scared she’s ever been. 

You beg every goddess and gods on earth and sky she doesn’t ask you to stay.

If Alexia asks you to stay, you’ll stay.

“Por qué?” (Why?)

She is not hiding her cries anymore and the brutal honesty of her feelings is something you will never get used to.

Something you will never forget.

“I need to leave”

“Me?”

“I can’t leave you, mi corazón”

The catalan closes her eyes and tries to calm herself down, her sudden shortness of breath alarming you. The term of endearment always gets her heart skip a beat, your broken accent somehow making it even more special.

“Me estás dejando” (You’re leaving me)

“I’m not, I’m not leaving you”

Your hands unties from hers, moving fast to hold her face before she panics. You study your lover’s distinctive features one more time, one last time. You know you will never forget her, but you can’t take any chances now.

The older girl closes her eyes, letting even more tears fall. When you gently caress them away with your thumbs, smiling softly, she knows this is a goodbye.

“No puedo dejarte, Alexia” (I can’t leave you)

You kiss her, one more time.

“Voy a dejar Barcelona porque no puedo dejar a ti” (I’m leaving Barcelona because I can’t leave you)

One last time.

#alexia putellas #alexia putellas x reader #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso fanfics #woso #alexia #here we go again #this time with angst #let me know what you think #let me know if you love me #let me know if you want to read track 2 #still bad english #and bad espanol too #my wo(rd)so #Spotify #now playing universe

[lord-of-0blivion]

This Post inspired this. (I may have developed reblogophobia)

-------------

The stars shined brightly through the window as he leaned against it. His soft green glow masked by the space themed night lights.

'It's been such a long time since my thoughts have been so clear' he mused, 'I guess millennia alone do take a toll on the mind.'

'Last time my thoughts weren't muddled by anger and power lust, was... was when she..' an exhausted, self depricating sigh escaped his lips. 'I'm such a fool. She was just trying to calm me down, and I let that trice dammed ring take hold! I banished my dear wife from the relams and I can't believe it took me three thousand years to remember!!'

A soft snore brought him out of his mind. Casting his gaze on the occupant of the bed he smirked ever so slightly. 'To think this child was capable of defeating me. It's honestly both impressive and very worrying.' He relaxed his body a bit 'And now he is to be crowned High King...'

"Hmm..." He tilted his to the side 'Black hair, blue eyes... My dear Gotham would have loved him. I just hope she can forgive me one day.'

Pushing against the window he got to his feet. 'That settles it, I'll take him as my heir... Huh, I guess not only her knights got Gotham's adoption problem...' He shakes his head 'Nevermind that, I'll make sure he can live, grow and learn without trouble or worry untill he is ready for the throne.'

Raising his hand he does a gesture that is physically impossible for the anatomy of the human appendage, and with a puff of green smoke a floating eyeball appears spontaneously. Quickly grabbing what stands for its throath to make sure it doesn't make a sound, he stands to his full height and looks it straight in the pupil. Once its quivering in fear, and he is certainly it understands its situation, he slowly passes it a note.

The Observer looks at the note then slowly, fearfully, back at The Curent High King, Pariah Dark, who is staring back at him sporting Danny Phantom's patented (as in, he literally filled a pattent) little shit™️ smirk. After reluctantly receiving the note, he is then forcefully banished back to the zone. The "Don't do something you will regret." Phariah mouthed at him sending him into a fit of shivers.

As the green smoke dissipated, he turned towards the bird rack in the corner 'Well, I better go to "sleep" as well, there is lot of work to do tomorrow.' As his body morphed and black fathers replaced green skin he thought "I should get young Danny to rescind my beloved's exile.'

Talons tightly gripping the wooden stand, he turned his beak twords the stars beyond the window 'Truly a bitter feeling this is. Then again, I suppose it is expected of medicine to be bitter, because this is medicine... I am healing after all.'

And with an imperceptible nod of his featherd head, the curtains closed tightly.

@hecate-hollow

#danny phantom #dc x dp #dp x dc crossover #dp prompt #dp x dc #ghost zone #king danny phantom #pariah dark #danny fenton

[oursystemblog]

is wishing you could be a system a symptom of being one? i was reading your blog yesterday and i got very very sad, and other system content will often make me sad because i relate to feeling like, in system terms, an original personality/memory holder who is too sad and traumatized to function and doesnt want to front, only its like i always have to be me no matter how much i hate me, and hate existing. so as a result i just dont function really. i relate to stuff you said about shutting down when in too much distress, like going emotionally numb, and i also dissociate a lot. but even when my mind is on something else and im acting different, its not really like switching to a different mode of awareness. i think it might be better if it was. i wish i was an alter so i could go dormant forever. im scared that its too late to completely rehaul how i conceptualize... living, thinking, being, etc... im scared i have to be me forever. im not sure this is a normal or appropriate way to feel... and im sorry for asking something so emotionally loaded too. i dont even know what im asking really... i guess just, if you have any advice, and if you ever felt this way before you realized you were a system, and how you realized. thanks if you answer. sorry

Hi, i wanted to try and write a helpful response however it ended up being Way Longer than i expected to say anything substantial so it's under the cut

I can't really give a 100% certain answer to your question—Symptoms like emotional shutdown and dissociation in response to stress/trauma are also possible without necessarily being a system, ultimately I can't say whether or not you are one (it took me a while to even say whether or not I was one haha). I personally didn't have the experience of wishing i could be a system before i figured it out, but I think I've heard from some other systems that they did experience that; I suppose it's different for everyone.

i'd try to give a more helpful response about how i realized i was a system but i actually don't remember very much about it—I guess I was always aware that I had an "other state" of myself with Very distinctly different mannerisms from my own who was pretty consistently "triggered out" by specific situations (the other state was also aware of themself like "oh, i'm in This Mode again"), and then eventually i thought "that might not be normal actually" and started researching about dissociative disorders some more

Regardless of whether or not you have alters/are an alter, I don't think going dormant would solve the problem, even though I absolutely understand the feeling. While we were still discovering our system we were in a pretty bad place, and when we discovered our own emotion-holder she was very angry and sad—which scared me initially, and i Kind of Wished that she would disappear or that I could just be A Normal Regular Singular Person. A while later I calmed down and realized it was not productive to wish things like that, so I tried talking to her and telling her that it was okay to feel angry, but that things can be better now than in the past and we are capable of healing—treating her with compassion

I think having a conversation with A Literal Part of Myself that held our anger and sadness was helpful, but I also think it's possible to do something similar even if you're not a system—to treat yourself with compassion too, I guess is what I'm getting at here.

I didn't think it would get better, but it did. I mean it took a while and there were ups and downs , but as long as you're still here it is never to late to learn to live again and to recover

Ultimately, everyone's circumstances are different and maybe what helped me doesn't apply the same way to you, but please try to remember that things can get better. Healing is possible, i wish you the best

#summarizing the multiparagraph long response the important part is that healing and getting better is possible regardless of whether you're #a system or not and also do not give up hope #ask

[destinygoldenstar]

Here's an idea for how to fix Secrets of the Forbidden Spinjitsu (despite there being a lot of ways)

The Oni Trilogy is the first introduction to the ninja's new designs, which acts as an age-up to the ninja adjusting out of teenagerdom and into adulthood.

(Yes I know they say they're teenagers. They also say they're grown up teenagers. Which is 18-19. That's technically adulthood. At least where I'm from.)

It’s an aspect of the show I never knew I needed until I got it. Allowing its characters to grow up with its audience.

That sounds like a given, but you’d be surprised.

The ninja in the Oni Trilogy FEEL like older, more mature versions of their characters. (Except or Kai, but you can make an argument that's him healing after being forced to grow up at five) They're functioning without any mentor to guide them. They're taking solo missions. Jay and Nya get engaged. Something teenagers don't do.

Dragons Rising, they're also very clearly adults. They kind of need to be for that story to work.

And then right at the start of s11, they're going back to the status quo, and silently acting like the ninja are minors again. Wu is back mentoring them and treating them like kids, for example. The capability they had in the Oni Trilogy without him is gone.

They even remove the mentorship angle the four ninja had with Wu. Irony galore.

I CAN understand why the writers did that. This is a kids show, after all. It's more appealing to kids to have their heroes also be kids. And they wanted a lighter tone than the Oni Trilogy. As light as Frozen Genocide can be. I understand that.

I am not against a lighter tone. But you can have a lighter tone and still push the narrative of the ninja being adults now. And also not make them dumb as a post at times.

For first change I would do is s11 is: NO reverting back to teenagers. It's a continuation of the growing pains of a new chapter in their lives as they transition into this new age category.

Like, they could be attempting their ideal happy endings they can finally achieve now that they're old enough. (Because they think all crime and evil is over.) Like, say, Lloyd is taking care of a retired Wu and trying to find part time jobs to hold up the monastery bills (his Green Ninja status could be a detriment to finding one).

Cole could be trying to uphold a cake decorating career, even if he's not good at it.

Jay and Nya are getting married. I can't stress that enough, I WANT TO SEE THEIR WEDDING.

(Bonus if Kai is late to it because he had to get a wedding gift for his sister from downtown and it took forever. Jay doesn't get a gift from him because 'screw my in law')

And the narrative setup for s11, a fire/ice rivalry, is that the only ninja who don't know what they want to do/can't accept the change, is Kai and Zane.

Kai is very content with his status as a ninja and considers that the best version of himself he could ever ask for. He's found family he could cherish. He's got a sick job as a hero. But there's no crime anymore, and his friends are moving on and doing other stuff, and Kai is not. He doesn't know what else he could be doing with his life besides this. He doesn't exactly have the best relationship with his parents even after the reunion, and his blacksmithing only reminds him of the past which was... miserable. (You tell me Kai had a happy life before he met Wu, you're lying) Plus, he already became an adult the moment he was abandoned, so he can't process the idea of becoming an adult physically. This is the best chapter in his life. If that chapter doesn't last and goes away... what is he?

Zane is, well, PROGRAMMED to protect those who cannot protect themselves. That is his whole life purpose. So there's no more crime to stop. And there's nobody TO protect. Which means that Zane has no purpose. But knowing Zane, he still tries to smile and be supportive and be kind to his friends, being happy for them. However, he is starting to process the reality of his situation when understanding this new stage in life. Zane outlived his inventor, who died of old age. His friends have aged up. Zane's going to outlive them unless the worst happens. He'll watch them age and die too, and there won't be anything he can do about that. And it's HAUNTING to Zane, even if he doesn't want to talk about it.

Cause, you know, robots. Robots be immortal. Being immortal sucks in this regard.

Both of them are visibly isolated from the other ninja as they seem all happy and content with the changes, and said changes are taking everything away from the two. (Also perfect time for the Fire Chapter to have Zane and Kai friendship moments. You know, before everything goes wrong.)

By the time the other ninja realize their friends aren't stable and need reassurance, it's already too late. Kai's powers are gone, solidifying that his glory days are over and he's nothing important to anyone anymore. Zane's banished to the Never Realm with a twisted mindset on how he can keep his programming and stop the human aging problem. "Protect those who cannot themselves. Everyone will be protected from everything when everyone's frozen solid."

Maybe the Forbidden Scrolls are they keys to solving all their problems. With them, they have the power to make sure nothing changes. By their logic, Kai should've been able to react to the scroll, (idk why he couldn't) so imagine if he could use it, and he started using it as a crutch and clinging to it more than the others. It becomes an unhealthy way of coping with his problems.

There's two scrolls, right? What if both the fire and the ice ninjas took one and got corrupted for the worst? We'd have a rivalry of two corrupted ninja on the opposite spectrum of power, duking it out in a war.

Or if you don't want evil Kai, he could still be with the ninja, and clinging to the scroll for his own gain, and we see through the village how bad the corruption gets on his end. (So we can kind of understand how bad it went for Zane, who endured it for years) And upon realizing what he's turning into, the others help him get off the scroll, and try to use his powers normally again. And he becomes the Firemaker, and the village's hero, which would probably be later into the story than it does in the original.

It also makes the full rejection of the scroll, and this awesome dragon slay moment from Kai all the more powerful.

There's kind of obvious other ninja reactions that they have to confront these two and make it clear they still care about them, change is not going to break their bonds apart. Change happens, but the best thing you can do is try to find a healthy way to adjust to these changes.

Cause if you don't accept your own vulnerability/mortality, you live your whole life in a lie.

This is just one idea though. There are a lot of ways you can improve s11, there's a lot of potential with the season that's wasted, and I don't actually think it's an overall Wildbrain issue, just an issue for this season.

#ninjago #ninjago kai #ninjago zane #kai smith #kai jiang #zane julien #ninjago secrets of the forbidden spinjitzu

[joprompts]

natasha, pierre and the great comet of 1812 lyric starters. *starters from the 2021 movie. adjust as necessary.

god, don’t let me die while i’m like this!

there's a war going on out there, somewhere.

you are at the opera.

i can hurt you.

they say you can see your future in the long row of candles, stretching back and back and back into the depths of the mirror. in the dim confused last square, you’ll see a coffin or a man. everyone sees a man.

one thing i beg of you, consider me your friend.

i know you might just run away.

i will stand here, right outside your door.

if you ever need help, or simply to open your heart to someone, not now, but when your mind is clear, think of me.

these dresses suit you.

i know you so well, my friend.

what am i to do if i love him and the other one too?

don't speak to me of that when i tell you that i am madly, madly in love with you! is it my fault that you're enchanting?

did you love that bad man?

you don't know what love is.

i will stand in the dark for you.

don't lower your eyes. i love you. i am in love, dear. i am in love.

is this how i die? was there ever any other way my life could be?

i wish i were there, with death at my heels.

none of us are great men we're caught in the wave of history. nothing matters. everything matters. it's all the same.

i pity you.

i pity you, i pity me, i pity you.

i have no friends. no, never go anywhere, never invited.

i must love you or die. if you love me, say yes and i will come and steal you away, steal you out of the dark. i want nothing more. just say yes.

now, you know we love one another.

what am i to do? who do i ask for help?

i am betrothed i love another.

i love you, trust no one but you..

was happiness within me the whole time?

they say we are asleep until we fall in love and i’m so ready to wake up now.

bury me in burgundy i just don’t care.

will i ever be anyone's wife?

but then why am i screaming? why am i shaking?

i will kill him one day.

we won't speak of it anymore.

i know you are capable of anything.

he spends his money on women and wine.

the war can't touch us here!

the rudeness of that man! i'll straighten him out.

all is over for me.

first time i heard your voice, moonlight burst into the room.

i know they'll like me. everyone has always liked me!

how goes the war?

i’ll take you where you must go.

do you struggle too?

keep drinking, old man!

it means that you are kind, noble and splendid and i could not help loving you.

i'm so frightened. i don't understand anything tonight.

vodka and wine are dangerous for me, but i drink a great deal.

it's dawned on me suddenly and for no obvious reason that i can't go on living as i am.

you empty and stupid, contented fellows, satisfied with your place.

i sit at home and read.

don't speak to me like that. i am not worth it.

i will make love to her!

all the things i could have been but i never had the nerve.

but i can't bear this waiting.

how else could we have kissed?

you can't love her!

drink with me, my love, for there's fire in the sky and there's ice on the ground. either way, my soul will die!

we were angels once, don't you remember?

you're hurting my hands!

do you hear what i'm saying or not?

but it’s not nice to enter a family against a father’s will.

i see nothing but the candle in the mirror, no visions of the future, so lost and alone.

just as a duck is made to swim in water god has made me as i am.

i'm different from you! i'm different from you! i still want to do something!

from the things that might have healed me how long have i been sleeping?

all of my life i spent searching the words of poets and saints and prophets and kings and now at the end all i know that i’ve learned is that all that i know is i don’t know a thing!

bring me my slippers!

did i ever look up and see the moon and the stars and the sky? oh, why have i been sleeping?

i love you, i love you, i love you, i love you.

i'm married but not in love.

but if i die here tonight, i die in my sleep.

i used to love, i used to love, i used to be better.

where to now? where can i go now?

i've aged. i've aged so very much. i fall asleep at the table, my napkin drops to the floor.

there's a ringing my head.

god, to think i married a man like you!

you dirty, nasty wench of a thing.

gonna drink tonight.

how did i live? was i kind enough and good enough? did i love enough?

here's to the health of married women and their lovers!

i feel like putting my arms round my knees and squeezing tight as possible and flying away.

i shall never be happy again!

there's a sickness in the world and everyone knows, but pretends that they don't see.

i used to be better.

i forget things and live in the past.

if i were not myself but the brightest, handsomest, best man on earth and if i were free—i would get down on my knees this minute and ask you for your hand and for your love.

i challenge you.

i will protect your name and your heart because i miss my friend.

is this how i die?

they say we are asleep until we fall in love. we are children of dust and ashes. but when we fall in love, we wake up.

#rp meme #rp memes #rp prompt #lyric meme #lyric starters #lyric memes #lyric prompts

[mixelation]

hi! I love the way you write women in your stories and I've seen you post about Sakura in the past, so I've been wondering how you'd rethink the Sasuke/Sakura ship? I was always really disappointed in canon because Sakura is an ambitious and competitive character with her own goals and motivations but she's always held back either by her teachers, the system (team placement, being civilian born) or her "crush". I completely understand if this is not your jam or not something you like, but if it is, I'd love to hear your perspective! 🫶

Ummm I'm pretty neutral to the ship. IMHO, in part 1 we do see that Sasuke genuinely likes her (platonically, at least), so a billion years ago when I was a kid I shipped them because I wanted to see Sakura "get the guy." Now as an adult and with more canon interactions available to ~analyze~, I don't really like them as a ship but I do like when they're written as close friends. I don't think we see enough growth on Sasuke's end through the war arc or the beginning of Boruto to indicate to me he's at a place where he's willing and able to Treat Sakura Right, or treat like.... anyone right? And the end result is that, from what I've seen of Boruto, Sakura got done real dirty.

So I don't really like SasuSaku, but I can see the bones of something that would make a compelling ship. I do like Sarada a lot, so I have put some thought into how SS could function in a canon-compliant, non-shitty way. First, I don't think Sasuke is really capable of romantic feelings, and that Sakura desperately wants romance. This doesn't mean their marriage to doomed, but it does mean they need time to develop an understanding of one another: Sasuke needs to understand and validate Sakura's feelings and ideally be okay with participating in the sort of romantic gestures she wants, and Sakura needs to come to terms with the idea that Sasuke can love her, but he might not ever be in love with her, and that's okay. In theory this could have happened off-screen during the years they traveled together.

Some tweaks to canon I would make without doing massive rewrites:

*Generally I think Sakura should have gotten more hype, especially from Sasuke. I'm banning myself from massive rewrites, but two places where this could have been fixed with with only some dialogue changes/a handful or panels are:

The scene where she confronts him after he kills Danzo and he tells her to heal Karin. I think this whole subplot with Sakura was pitched in kind of a stupid way, but I do like "Sakura tries to deal with Sasuke herself," and I think to really flesh this out, Sasuke should have treated Sakura as more of a threat. I think when he finally attacked her, we should have gotten at least of couple panels of an even fight before Kakashi stepped in. This isn't ship-material but it sets them up to more "even," rather than Sakura as a passive force begging Sasuke to take her.

Second, I think she should have just gotten more hype in general during the War Arc. If we had more than just the one panel of Sasuke reacting positively to her, it would have at least signaled there's potential he still cares for her the way he did in part one.

*Moving into the end-game of the manga, I think Sasuke should have been the one to ask Sakura to travel with him. She could initiate the conversation, she could make a bunch of faces that indicates that she wants to ask, but Sasuke should have verbalized it.

*Finally, I know there's a panel of Sasuke with Sarada as a toddler, but I would have liked it established that he was around for his wife and kid in the early years. I'll accept "years long mission during her formative years means Sarada barely remembers him" if you REALLY want the family drama, but I just think it's SO shitty that Boruto implies he was barely there for Sakura at all in general, including when she had his baby.

If we go into vaguely canon AUs, I can totally see SasuSaku happening in an AU where Sasuke never goes to Orochimaru. I think Sakura and Naruto were really important social bonds for Sasuke, so I can see him eventually being like, "Yeah, okay, I can take you on a date." I'm imagining they're like 15-16 when this happens, so Sakura herself is more mature, and also in the processing of figuring herself out as a kunoichi, Sasuke finds there's a lot to like/admire about her.

That, or Sasuke abruptly and painfully realizes his true sexuality is "could break me in half"-sexual.

I realize most of my tweaks are on Sasuke's end. That is because loving Sasuke and being willing to sacrifice and compromise for him is like 50% of Sakura's personality. So mostly on her half she just has to learn to prioritize herself and her own feelings and communicate that, and most of these skills I think we see her actively cultivating as she integrates Inner Sakura into her outer personality. So I assume with age she'd only get better and better-- it is needed growth, but also I think it's closer to her canon trajectory that Sasuke's, so the solution is "just write her slightly better" LMAO.

[paperstorm]

So I decided to resend this ask from last week in a more vague way without calling anyone out specifically. I normally wouldn't do that, but this is an issue that I think should be addressed and you have an uncanny ability to do that in a very diplomatic way.

We all know that TK is an addict, has been for a long time, and has had multiple relapses. However it's important to understand that every minor inconvenience isn't going to send him running to find the nearest dealer. He's not clocking which alleyways have shady people there slinging dope so he knows where to stop on his way home after a bad shift. Even more serious issues, like the brief but unpleasant miscommunication between him and Carlos when Iris disappeared won't have him desperately needing a heroin fix. The people in his life don't need to walk on eggshells around him or form a perimeter around the loft to keep him from scurrying to a street corner or a bar. TK is SO much stronger and more capable than that and I think he deserves far more credit than he gets.

It's a disservice to TK as a character (and to other addicts as well) to assume that they're living their lives with one foot dangling over the edge of the proverbial wagon ready to jump at the first hint of trouble.

Oh thank you for resending this, you made some great points in the first ask but I never wanna hurt anyone's feelings by putting them on blast. I agree with all of this. I'm not ever telling people how to think or how to write fic but here are a few things I would love if this fandom in general understood about addiction:

It is a lifelong struggle. Many addicts think about their drug of choice every single day, forever. That doesn't mean recovering addicts are perpetually one bad day away from being dead in an alley. It's much more complicated than that.

Relapses happen, and don't mean that someone isn't still in recovery. Healing is not linear.

It is okay for people who love addicts to worry about them. But if they are deep into their recovery like TK is, it is insulting and disrespectful for people who love him to treat him like he's always one bad day away from being dead in an alley. He doesn't need a babysitter. He doesn't need people walking on eggshells. Treating him that way tbh makes relapsing more likely, because it would make him feel like "well wtf is the point of abstaining, then, if people are gonna treat me like I'm a baby who can't handle myself anyway?"

Temptation doesn't just happen as a result of something Big and Bad. Sense memory is a hell of a thing. Sometimes I'm walking around doing perfectly fine and then I smell something or I see a road sign or I hear a sound that triggers a memory and the temptation hits. It can be as simple as "I'm in a store - I see a yellow shirt - four years ago I bought a yellow shirt and then later that night I used - now I want to use". You brain creates patterns, it doesn't need to be a traumatic event to bring up those thoughts.

Carlos drinking around him is not him being careless or thoughtless or disrespectful of TK's recovery. No addict is addicted to literally every substance with addictive qualities. He abstains from alcohol because he knows he has an addictive personality and it's safer for him to not drink, but he wasn't addicted to alcohol, so other people drinking does not bother him.

Recovery looks different for everyone. AA/NA meetings are not the only road to it, and tbh, often they are very heavily influenced by Christianity and therefore not a viable path for everyone.

Temptation is literally just that - you are tempted. It doesn't mean he's going to use every time he thinks about it. How many times have you wanted a cookie and not eaten one, or wanted to buy something expensive and talked yourself out of it? TK thinking about using is the same. He's not in danger of relapsing every time the thought crosses his mind. He is a grown up who is capable of self control and it is insulting to suggest otherwise.

Carlos Reyes is the most wonderful man on the planet. Reading articles, calling TK's sponsor even though he's insecure about TK needing someone else, trusting TK when he says it's okay to drink around him, not treating him like he's fragile, "I believe in TK's recovery with my whole heart." He is the model for how to love an addict and I love this show so much for giving that to us.

#911ls asks #911ls discourse

[sincerely-sofie]

Ough, I can feel my brain working.

Twig's curse scar could be a representation of the trauma that she has faced, or trauma in general. It's not ever going to leave her. But she can eventually learn to live with it. To understand it. It's a scar because trauma has a funny way of not healing away completely. At times it will be painful again. And the things that took place that gave it to her weren't okay. But despite all that, she can still heal from it. It's a scar because it will be with her forever in some way. It's a scar because something painful left a wound. It's a scar because it's healed but not gone. it's a scar because it's a part of her now.

I'm hoping my brief analysis doesn't come off as insensitive to any trauma survivors.

It didn't come off insensitive whatsoever to this trauma survivor— your interpretation is spot-on! You hit the nail on the head, to the point you practically phrased things the same as I did in my notes.

To add onto what you've already said— Twig's scar is always tender and sensitive, and because of its strange nature in-universe, it flares up with severe pain every year around the anniversary of the day she received it, accompanied by a lot of the symptoms she experienced while recovering from the Dark Crater fight.

Trauma will always be a sore spot, even once you've healed. And even if you're completely healed from it as far as you can tell, there's a separate healing process going on below the surface that you're not privy to unless it hits a snag. That separate healing process goes at a glacial pace compared to the one you're cognizant of, and it can trip you up even when you feel like you're fine.

Also: Twig wears her wedding band over her scar. I worry that this might come off to the average viewer as her hiding her trauma and burying the past, or even Ark attempting to do so, but that's not my intent. The band is capable of being worn on either arm.

Twig's wearing it over her scar is meant to be seen as a kind of protection. Her scar— the symbol of her trauma— is tender to the point that even gentle touches to it can hurt, but her band— a representation of the happiness that came to her as a result of healing + Ark's own attention to her sore spots— helps shield it from that pain. It's a symbol of those bonds with others who are aware of and sensitive to your trauma and how they come to protect you from further harm; of how choosing happiness helps protect the parts of you that are still sorrowful and hurting from becoming more painful.

#the present is a gift au #shadow baby au #pokemon mystery dungeon #pokémon mystery dungeon #pmd explorers #pmd sky #pmd eos #pmd2 #pmd #mental health #trauma #sofie answers asks

[sylvari-xiv]

Confession

Stormblood spoilers, I guess, haha. This scene is set during Ghimlyt Dark, right after Alisaie collapses. Ari and Sylvaire are co-WoLs and rivals, and have been working together for a few years now. It's no surprise that the first scene we wrote was when the rivalry took a turn for the romantic. VN and gposes: Blue Writing: both of us

The tent was silent, heavy with the shared pain of its two conscious occupants. Aritsune. Sylvaire. 

Sylvaire held Alisaie's hand gently in his own, feeling her aether waning and stagnating, and he hardly needed Krile to confirm what he knew had happened to her. He could feel the absence of a soul as he probed her aether with his own, and his heart sank. He couldn't imagine the pain Ari was feeling at seeing her like this. She was a shell. Hollow; empty. And perhaps soon enough he would be, too. And if he was, how could he protect the others? How could he protect Ari?

Ari moved swiftly through the motions of checking his weapons, refusing to let the fear of what was happening to his friends—what might happen to those who remained—overwhelm him. 

He flicked a glance at Sylvaire and then away, ignoring the tight, terrified beating of his heart. He'd felt the summons, knew that something was trying to tear him, and Sylvaire, from this plane. Whatever this was, it was aetherological in nature, and Sylvaire was the best person equipped to discover the means to reverse it. They'd been partners in this for too long for him to have any doubt of that. 

Stepping outside, he looked to Raubahn and his guards, standing nearby. "Alisaie needs transport to the Rising Stones. And–" he stopped the guard as he moved to follow the order. “Sylvaire doesn't leave this tent, understand? Keep him here. I'm doing this alone.”

Sylvaire stirred into motion when he saw Ari duck through the tent flaps. Wherever Ari was going, he was determined to follow. It was all he could do—to offer his protection, his healing magicks and what defensive spells he had honed over the years. This was not his fight alone—it was theirs, together—and he would be damned if Ari left him behind. 

As he exited the tent, he felt several sets of eyes fall on him, a weight he could not shake, and he attempted to brush past them in pursuit of Ari. When his path was barred, however, he stiffened his back, drawing himself up to meet Raubahn's gaze as best he could. 

“Let me pass. I refuse to stand idly by while he risks his life like a fool. I am the Warrior of Light as much as he is.” 

When no one moved so much as an ilm, and Raubahn replied with a rather stiff excuse as to why Sylvaire's talents were needed here rather than on the field of battle, Sylvaire felt his face burn hot, and Raubahn's words soon fell on deaf ears. 

“I don't give a damn what he told you, it is not his decision alone to make, not now, not ever. I'm going. Let me pass.” 

The moment Rauhbahn relented, Sylvaire shoved past him and took off at a frantic pace, his lungs filling with smoke and ash. His feet dodged rubble and fire as a single thought—a single person—consumed his mind. He could not bear the thought of arriving too late. Ari was an incredibly capable fighter—more so than he was, though he would never admit it aloud—but  Zenos, or whoever had inhabited his body, was out there, waiting to strike. And although Ari had survived battles with Zenos before, it had never been what one could truly call a victory. 

Sylvaire’s lungs burned more fiercely with each ragged breath as if they themselves had been lit aflame but he pressed on. He wouldn’t lose him, couldn’t. He’d already lost everyone else and if he lost Ari…

But before he could finish the thought, he saw him. 

Smoke hung in the air like an ominous fog, and Ari squinted through it to take stock of his actions. He’d tucked himself behind a barricade, hands sliding over his weapons, checking them. He was so far oblivious to Sylvaire’s approach, his attention clearly directed at the conflict taking place just beyond: Zenos tossing Yugiri aside and bearing down on Hien.

Sylvaire slowed despite how loudly his mind screamed for him to run to Ari and fight at his side, in exactly the place he belonged. Ari had tried to leave him behind, had tried to do this alone; never in all their time fighting side by side had he endangered himself like this, and Sylvaire’s head swam with mounting fury. 

Movement at the corner of his vision distracted Ari from his concern for Hien, and he turned to see Sylvaire stalking toward him, his expression harsh with anger. “Sylvaire. No…”

Sylvaire heard his name fall from Ari’s lips as he closed the distance and placed his hands on Ari’s chest, gathering the fabric of his coat and pulling him close before shoving him away with a sharp growl. 

“What do you think you’re doing?” he hissed, shoving him again for good measure. “How could you leave me behind? You selfish, reckless fool…never do that to me again! We do this together or not at all, do you hear me?” 

Ari growled, his long tail lashing as he regained his balance. Sylvaire had never gotten physical with him before. In all their years fighting beside each other, sharing the mantle of Warrior of Light, they had maintained a carefully cultivated distance between them. At first out of annoyance and distaste, but lately... perhaps out of fear of something else. Something that lurked beneath his skin, making his blood hum as the scent of Sylvaire, heated to a heady musk by his recent exertion, washed over him. 

“Hells take you, Sylvaire,” he hissed back. “You were supposed to stay and solve this.” A sharp gesture between their bodies made his meaning clear: the condition afflicting their friends, the condition that might at any moment take one or both of them, too. “Not risk your fool life out here with me. That's why we work, right? Division of duties, play to our strengths.”

Heat that rivaled the flames that surrounded them rose in Sylvaire at the insinuation that he could simply solve the problem of what—or more specifically who—had been tearing their closest comrades from them one by one holed away inside a tent in the middle of a raging battle that threatened to take Ari from the world…from him. 

“And what, pray tell, do you believe it is I’ve been doing since this entire mess began? If I could solve it so quickly, don’t you think I would have by now? You know as well as I do that I’m no use back there, not right now. But no, you have to do this on your own, have to leave me behind to rot in a tent while you risk your life instead!”

His breath came in heavy pants as he wiped soot out of his eyes with the back of his gloved hand. He tried to step in front of Ari, to block his path to the battlefield where Hien continued to struggle against Zenos. Ari responded by shoving him out of the way. “The hells do you think you’re doing? Someone needs to help Hien. Besides, what do you care if I risk my neck out here?”

Sylvaire hesitated for only a moment. The question—or rather, how readily the answer sprang to his lips— caught him off-guard, and before he could allow himself to think it through, he responded: “I care because I’d be lost without you, Ari; because I love you—gods know how long I’ve loved you—and you’ve simply refused to see it this whole time.” 

Ari froze, staring down at Sylvaire in shock.

It had been awhile since he'd considered Sylvaire an opponent, someone to be beaten. Though they bickered much as they ever had, recent moonturns had seen them become something akin to friends. But now Sylvaire was telling him he loved him. And something in Ari was responding. 

He remembered the feelings of unease. Frustration. The twinge in his chest whenever Sylvaire got too close. Or too far. Or someone crept out of Syl’s room in the quiet stillness of the early morning. Waking up in the arms of someone and thinking about that taunting little spark in Sylvaire’s rose gold eyes. His desperation to leave him safely behind in that tent. As the people he loved collapsed around him, he’d been fighting a mounting terror that Syl would be next. And losing Syl would hurt more than all the others. The thought surprised him, even as it settled over him, his body resonating with the truth.

He didn't just tolerate Sylvaire. It was a whole lot more than that. 

Hien's pained cry wrenched Ari from the moment. It was a well kept secret that Ari and Hien had spent a string of nights together during their efforts to liberate Doma. Though both knew it would amount to nothing and had ended their relationship, Ari could not ignore the clarion call of his cry. Hien needed to live, needed to hold the fragile Eastern Alliance together. 

He tossed Sylvaire into the dirt behind the fractured barricade, the words leaping to his lips but remaining unsaid as he threw himself into the battle, blade screaming as it intercepted the killing blow meant for Hien: I love you, too.

Sylvaire hit the dirt with a thud, too surprised by the sudden change in position to do more than gasp. He and Ari locked eyes for an all too brief moment before Ari flung himself forward and into the fray. 

Godsdamnit, Sylvaire cursed under his breath, angry at himself for such a ridiculous display of vulnerability coupled with such terrible timing. What did he have to lose? Everything, clearly—his own dignity to start. He scrambled to his knees, careful to take stock of the situation before he ran headlong into the fight himself, and he saw Ari absorb and counter a blow that had clearly been meant for Lord Hien. His chest simultaneously filled with fear and swelled with pride as he watched Ari land blow after blow, but then; he faltered. His steps became less sure, and Sylvaire vaulted to his feet, throwing out a desperate but focused string of spells to both shield Ari and restore his strength before Sylvaire could reach his side. 

And, for a moment, it seemed to work. Ari righted himself on his feet, locking eyes again with Sylvaire as he did. Sylvaire breathed a sigh of relief. Just a few scant yalms to close the distance, and then…

And then, his worst fear came to pass. Ari collapsed on the ground in one swift motion, his sword falling from his hand as it went limp. There was an audible thud as his body hit the ground, and Sylvaire reached him just in time to feel a rush of aether leave his body, leaving it alive but empty, just like the others. 

No, no, not Ari, he couldn’t bear to lose him, couldn’t bear to think that was the last conversation they would ever have. He channeled his own aether into him, oblivious to those around him who kept him safe just long enough to chance a desperate, futile attempt at channeling aether back into him to reanimate him, to bring him back from whoever had stolen him from underneath Sylvaire’s nose. 

When nothing happened, and Ari lay as still as he had the moment he collapsed, Sylvaire’s cry pierced the air, and the tears fell hot and fast, threatening to sear his skin and his very soul with their relentless trails.

#sylvari #final fantasy xiv #final fantasy gpose #oc x oc ship #wol x wol ship #Once upon a Rivalry #visual novel #stormblood #if you don't want msq spoilers um we recommend coming back later

[cos-rebitten]

(An excerpt taken from the journal of Dr. R. Van Ricten)

Dustin Anderson. Rude, crude, always scowling. A fair embodyment of the phrase "If looks could kill" . I think he may be the poster boy, though I'm certain he wouldn't need to kill someone with a look. It is at least twice a week since I have been staying at the inn that I have come out of my room to check in on some loud commotion that he has been belligerently drunk and yelling at someone over something, I havent been able to understand him half of the time. He is large, loud, and with the frame of an ox he is more than capable of backing up his threats, of which he often makes. He is entirely dismissive of Rictavio's stories, and really seems to care of nothing more than drinking, chasing the girls of the town, and being allowed to play his music with his sister. Though he does seem to adore the fights he gets in to as well. The wolf hunter I've seen running around with his sister (a connection I am not sure he is aware of) bumped shoulders with him and I watched him stand up and lay the young man on his ass in one swing. Really, it was quite impressive on both fronts, Dustin's ability to lay out a man almost as large as he is, and the hunter's sheer audacity to keep playing with that type of man's sister.

(messier script, with smudged ink)

Dustin is a werewolf. This fact almost boggles my mind. Not the idea of a huge, hairy, violent man being one, but the fact that I had not caught it until he had walked up to me in the privacy of night and revealed this fact himself. I had assumed the silver piercings were proof enough, a Vallakian staple used to prove your uninfected status, but his apparently did not. I have only recently revealed myself to his group, now that I have come to trust them more, and this man comes up to me with full confidence and tells me he is a werewolf. He is asking me for help. Not with a cure, no. He isnt able to transform anymore. Apparently, 6 years ago, that brute in town, Izek, struck him in the gut with a silvered axe, and a piece broke off inside him. It has sat there, in his ribs ever since. He knows that I am a surgeon, and he knows that I have much bigger issues than a 20 year old werewolf who is on my side. I told him to give me time to think about how I would go about this procedure, as I am baffled by what force of will he has to still be up and walking around. He showed me the wound, not scar, but wound. It is still weeping plasma all these years later. The actual wound is a small thing, probably no longer than an inch across and mostly closed, but the silver will not allow his body to fully heal. I can not imagine how painful it is for him to be standing at all, much less working at the capacity he has been. Why the Delacey's are still letting Izek walk around after sticking a 14 year old with an ax, I cant begin to imagine.

#cos rebitten #curse of strahd #dustin rebitten #rudolph van richten #van richten #dustin my baby boy #yes he DOES get basically two entries what about it #i love him that much

[shiningwonderland]

Camus (All Star) Memorial

Translator: Mimi (twitter: _mimisaurora)

Friend End Memorial - How to Quickly Heal Burns

“Huh? What’s that?”

I didn't understand what he was saying at first.

“Camus sounded like he was worried. Please don’t make me repeat myself, Ranmaru.”

He gave me a glance looking pretty annoyed, speaking pretty indifferently.

It was November.

We were in the studio together so I could record the bass for one of Ai’s songs.

It was when we were taking a break that the subject came up.

“I must admit, I was a little taken aback myself. I didn't suspect that even Camus could panic.”

“I remember him being pissed when there was a hidden camera in the dressing room.”

“Oh, yes, I do recall that happening.”

It was part of the show's plan, but Camus must have been pissed because he was putting on a character for work, and it would have hurt his career to have his true personality broadcast.

“He looks pretty collected, but he's prone to getting worked up, isn't he?”

I sometimes hear stories about how he sometimes breaks his stupid little butler character in the middle of a job.

I'm almost impressed how nobody outside the agency has figured out how he really is.

“But this… it’s different from that incident.”

“Huh?”

“He mentioned there was a burn and wanted to know what to do to make it heal faster.”

“That guy burned himself?”

“No, not Camus. It was someone he knew.”

I see.

“I then asked him why he didn’t take them to the hospital, but he clarified that the person who’d burn themselves insisted they were fine, and that it would be difficult to take them anyway.”

“Then, you should just drop it.”

If this person says they were fine, it doesn’t give everyone else the right to start babbling about it.

“Alright…”

Ai’s brows furrow as he thought, clearly not convinced of something.

“Is it common human behavior to worry and fret over others as if it were happening to you?”

…What was that all of a sudden?

“It’s not?”

“Well… Maybe.”

“That in itself is fascinating to me, but I never considered Camus to be capable of such feelings, so this is taking me a bit of time to process.”

“...Right.”

“I always considered Camus to be rather irregular.”

“Then, your impression was wrong.”

“Well… That may be true. What about you?”

“Me?”

“Do you ever get so consumed with worry over other people?”

“Not at all.”

I just wanna be done with this nonsense.

When I tried to reach for the bass guitar, the corners of his lips lifted a little.

“Of course, because you’re a “lone rockstar”.”

“You brat… are you looking for a fight?”

“No way. I wouldn't waste my time like that.”

Finally, the conversation ended.

Or so I thought.

“I assumed Camus was someone who didn't care much for others, but I guess he can sound panicked too... “

Ai was still going on and mumbling to himself, as if he still had something on his mind.

“I don’t understand.”

“Is it possible for a person's nature to change along the way?”

“What could trigger such a thing?”

“Camus lies so much to begin with that it's difficult to choose which pieces of data are reliable.”

“And speaking of unknowns, I wonder what is causing the occasional drop in temperatures observed in the surrounding area.”

…This guy was a complete mystery too.

“Don’t know. Now stop wasting your breath and let’s have a go at this one more time.”

I could still hear him mumbling, but I didn't care, I got up as quickly as I could.

... although I say that.

Thinking back on it afterwards, I really couldn't picture Camus panicking for anyone else.

I remember my earlier conversation with Ai on the way back home from the studio.

He's the kind of guy who considers everyone but himself and his queen to be pests. The sight of him worrying about others is beyond the limits of my imagination.

It's much easier to picture something else. 

Like an alpaca standing on its head.

Or a hamster eating ramen noodles.

Who is he even worried about, anyway?

Camus probably doesn't owe Shining a thing, and it’s not like he gets along with his junior.

“I never… hear anything about his family.”

If this “earl” thing is true and not a farce, then it probably means he ain’t got much family left, since the title is something that’s inherited. 

Could it be a pet, then?

Doesn’t he have one? A cat, or dog…

Horse?

But how the hell would a horse get burned?

“Is it… that woman?”

Then it hit me. 

The composer who always stuck around the guy.

He mentioned they were together on the day we had dinner at his place.

I didn’t buy it because it smelled fishy.

But thinking about it now, that day, when I had spilled oolong tea on myself and we started talking, Camus flipped his lid.

“....”

He’s always in a pissy mood, but he’s been in an especially sour one whenever we talk to her….

“...Is the Earl is jealous? Camus is seriously in love with her.”

If I told Reiji and the others, they’d eat this up.

But I won’t because that would get too annoying.

But holy shit, I can’t believe it.

Camus?

I mean, I’ve come across plenty of composers, and I have to admit that woman has some talent.

She may even be a decent person compared to some of the other women out there.

But she’s so average.

She does not seem at all like the kind of woman Camus would be into.

In fact, why are they even living together?

How did this come to happen between the two of them?

The only thing in common between them is that they're partners.

I guess he prefers modest types like her? 

It doesn't suit him.

“This… is stupid. What am I even thinking about?”

Once I'd collected myself, my stomach rumbled.

“That reminds me… I’m starved.”

I guess it's no good being hungry, because when you are, all you can think about is stupid things.

“I’m… going to go eat.”

I lightly scratched my head and turned my feet toward my apartment.

I don't care about other people. 

As long as it doesn't affect my work.

I'm just going to sing my own song.

#utapri #all star #all star camus #camus utapri #camus memorial

[pup-in-transit]

I'll be real with you, this has been a rough couple of weeks.

A general theme with what I write about is not romanticizing gender affirming surgery. Yes I feel better about what I see in the mirror, and I vastly prefer how my vulva feels on my fingertips over my penis and testes, but that doesn't mean everything has been a positive experience. Quite the opposite in fact! You can research and mentally prepare for the pain and agony all you want, but nothing can truly prepare you for actually going through the motions.

We'll start off with what's been most pressing on my mind. I can't cum. Oh sure, masturbation feels better and I'm sure I'm still physically capable of climaxing, but I can't seem to get there. It's... troubling to say the least. Folks I know who had surgery at the same time as me or after, with the same surgeon mind you, have already climaxed at least once before. When's my turn? Who knows! What I do know is that my clit hurts if I don't touch it right and I have too much irritated tissue at the front of my canal to feel comfortable trying dildos or vibrators. I suppose I should be optimistic that I had sensation as early as week 5, but that doesn't necessary help my mood at all.

Instinctively I know that everyone heals at different rates, and maybe if I try to cum with penetration rather than my clit I'll actually get there. I"ll be seeing my nurse later this week so I'll be able to quiz her about if my clit is ready for showtime yet, and if it's safe to try sex toys. But this goes back to understanding something academically vs. viscerally. I am going through the motions of healing, I knew that regaining sexually function would be a challenge and I was ok with that pre-op. I'm less ok with it post-op. It's hard to internalize being patient with myself, but it's really easy to internalize that I'm falling behind in my healing. My old therapist would be furious with me.

Next problem? I have a UTI. Again. As in, not even two weeks after my last one. You ever have the urge to piss battery acid every fortnight? Then I wouldn't suggest contracting UTIs. I don't 100% know how I got the things but I have a few theories, and from now until the end of time I'm gonna stock my fridge with cranberry juice. What's extra fun is that this most recent UTI happen the week after my infected hematoma finally cleared up. If we include the meds i left the hospital with, this is the 4th course of antibiotics I've been on since my surgery. I'm just shy of seven weeks post-op, so this is averaging about one infection on my genitals every two weeks. And they fucking hurt.

Oh also i can't sit down for longer than 45 minutes before i start to fiercely ache. That's not due to the UTI, it's my stupid ass body healing slower than a star dying out.

Folks, if you're considering lower surgery then I'd urge you to plan for post-operative depression and gather a support network to help you through how you're feeling. This kind of regretful feeling is normal, and despite everything I've done to prepare for it and counteract it I've still found myself in the thick of it. My cock and balls never hurt like this, never got infected. I seldom had difficulty orgasming. I catch myself wanting to rewind time and stop myself from doing this every few days. I truthfully don't miss having those body parts but I miss not hurting all the time, and it's difficult to separate those concepts. You'll probably go through similar emotions if you decide to do this too, but you'll be ok in the end. Stay strong, keep realistic expectations, and lean on your support networks.

And once you do come back and tell me what your secret is because i have really been struggling to do all that.

#trans #enby #transition journey

[theomnicode]

Garou and Saitama: The potential for mutual, personal growth

Garou saga is over and I thought the mutual growth period for Saitama and Garou was just over and done. That we'd say goodbye for Garou for a long duration.

But on a second though...

I'm not ready to give up on the Saitama and Garou dynamic yet.

The more I think about it, the more I want it.

What was so "slowly and surely" becoming indispensable part of Saitama's character growth anyway when the moon fight happened instantly? Garou got drugged by monsterization and brainwashed by God. It was forced, it should not have happened normally. Then Saitama forgot everything that happened and no growth was technically achieved.

This is not it folks.

No, no, I want-

Actual, indispensable, mutual personal growth. For these characters.

It is honestly, more important than ever, that Saitama actually reach out to Garou and has that chat. Because of what Bang is about to do again.

Break his trust. Making Garou feel like he's all alone in the world again. That he really has nobody he can turn to with his problems that are something he wants to spare Tareo from.

Never forget that Garou has been pushed to the point of being suicidal. And there really is no better character to relate with this and help Garou heal than Saitama, who has so far successfully helped his own disciple Genos not feel like he wants to or has to self-destruct anymore. Saitama has one mark on his sleeve now, what is one more?

But this kind of help needs time, patience and close contact.

Essentially, Garou would have to become Saitama'd disciple and move in.

Even if Bang made a change of heart and suddenly stopped trying to make Garou into a hero in his stead and tried to do the exact same thing, Garou can no longer trust him.

Not completely.

Bang trying to order him around will only ever remind him of God who imposed his will onto him and so, it is in Garou's nature to resist, even if the intention was good. He does not like being ordered around. He is very willful character. Mind does not forget bad memories easily or the emotional connections.

Bang breaking his trust again, after trying to mend the bridges only serves to reinforce the notions that Bang can no longer be trusted with on a personal level, because he would just betray Garou again.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

The trust has unfortunately been broken on a subconscious level and will take more time and effort to mend. If it will ever mend when Bang betrays him again. It's not going to be fully Bang's fault, but its not like he knows what happened to Garou exactly and what was being used against him, his own visage.

Garou does not have time to mend this relationship. He needs help asap.

Saitama still owes Garou both Genos and King's lives. The lives Garou saved on his own volition. Saitama does not like to be indebted to anybody because he's highly independant.

I wonder if anybody has ever sincerely thanked Garou before for a job well done. Or valued something he has achieved. Or seen through him and who he really is as a person. It honestly does not look like it.

But this heartfelt thanks is enough to return some life to Garou's eyes. This sweet sentimentality, as much as he despises it, came through.

Saitama thinks Garou will be fine, but this will change when Bang does a major error again and parachutes him into the Hero roster without asking. And all the issues that arise from such a thing, like Garou being shown favouritism and taking the blame from other heroes for special treatment. It's not something Garou will be able to stand and he will just run away again.

These pictures tell me a thousand words about how badly Garou wishes he had someone to actually be a guiding, parental figure. Something Bang does not want to be or is not capable of being, because he has always shied away from that responsibility.

Garou ran away from his own parents who don't give two shits about him and disowned him and then found Bang. Who he thought could understand him and whom he thought he could emotionally connect with fully. And maybe be a parental figure unlike his own parents.

But Bang can't just seem to understand where he is coming from and what he actually needs or how he actually feels.

That's why when Bang asks of his girlfriend choices, Garou tells him a white lie. He's not sure of how Bang would react if he knew of his true orientation and so he can't trust him with his closely guarded secrets.

Very much in parallel to Saitama who is very much alike him, when he tells a white lie to not get caught, afraid of getting into trouble.

It plainly tells me that the emotional trust just is not there between Garou and Bang anymore and he can't tell him things he might be able to tell to a parental figure.

Enter Saitama, who has already forged one familial bond with a younger character, because it was what he thought Genos needed to heal.

Saitama has very deep ingrained paternal instincts, even if he is not otherwise motivated to do anything and he's great with guiding kids in general. He's hardwired in this direction. Paternal instinct is rooted in development, rearing/discipline, and overall guidance and Saitama has this down to a pat.

It would not only be a wholesome development, but a really funny one too, because Saitama and Garou can have a really hilarious dynamic.

They are both trolls. Garou is abrasive and smart and Saitama is witty. They both like to poke fun at other people. Both are tsunderes about things they care about. They complement each other well. Garou is more active and extroverted while Saitama is more passive and introverted. They would get along really well.

I can easily imagine Garou calling Saitama "Baldy baka" and Saitama losing his shit over that. Garou would just absolutely love to needle Saitama just to get a reaction and Saitama would answer back with his dry wit and murder Garou on the spot with words.

(I just want Garou to fondly call Saitama Baldy or Baka, sue me)

They both love food too.

In case Saitama actually took Garou in because Garou really needs a place to stay and so they can be in close contact and personal to work through their issues, at least for the time being. Saitama would go broke trying to feed 3 people however, so he would tell Garou to find a job. Garou would get motivated just because it would seem unfair to him that Saitama has to use his money to feed him. Especially because he can eat a ton.

Other types of scenarios I can easily imagine happening is Garou picking up on the fact that Genos is ultra jealous of other disciples or anybody trying to seemingly take his spot and if Garou lived in the household, he would easily see just how much Genos does for Saitama daily. And call it out plainly as the love language that it is that Saitama is so obtuse about.

Garou: This guy is totally jealous of me being here. Garou: Does he do all the chores here every day? He doesn't need to. Saitama: Huh? Whadduja mean? I do chores too. *sips drink* Garou: I bet he's just trying to get on your good side. He has the hots for you, it's so obvious. Saitama: *spits out drink* Garou: Wait, you didn't know? PPfffff, you really are a Baldy. Saitama: *catatonic*

(baldy is a word for stupid too in japanese)

Not just that though. It is not just a potentially hilarious dynamic, but a mutually highly beneficial one.

As much as Saitama can help Garou actually get back on his feet, motivate him find his own wants and needs like finding a job and finding himself, enjoy his life again and provide guidance and empathy and temperance, Garou can offer Saitama his unfaltering moral compass even at the peak of emotional high, teach him how to take criticism, share the lessons he knows in mindfulness like meditation for emotional regulation and most importantly, help motivate Saitama to actually seek personal growth for his own sake and not for other people's sakes.

He is so far the only person in the series who has managed to teach Saitama anything, when he is unmotivated and unwilling. Just by convincing Saitama with his own motivation and a look.

The inner drive is something Saitama really needs to learn too, lest he give too much of himself to other people and forgets his own needs. And Garou has self-motivation to share in spades.

Then we cannot forget the fact that Garou can teach Saitama martial arts. Or because he's that smart that he can do quantum physics on the fly based on feel alone, make Saitama figure out what his powers can actually do and help him become more in touch with himself.

If Saitama is to ever falter because his empathy and his extreme emotions get the best of him and cloud his moral judgement, I want Garou to be there as the inner critic and moral compass that he needs to get through those emotional upheavals.

Garou's inbuilt injustice radar can also help Saitama a long way to actually make the world a better place, because Garou can sniff out unfairness like a hound for everyone to see and hear about.

And he's not afraid of raising hell over those issues. Meanwhile Saitama is very non-confrontational. Issues won't disappear unless confronted.

Like true yin and yang, their mutual co-existence can complete each other to be their true selves.

That's why Saitama needs to find Garou and give him the table talk. Find out all the things that bother him since Saitama can read Garou so well. So he's able to help him and in return, Garou can help him as well.

Squandering this great dynamic feels like extremely wasteful, with the way they've been developed too.

It's not an easy road to raise an unruly teen-barely adult when you're just 25-years old yourself but hey, that's just another lesson in road of life.

#opm #one punch man #garou #saitama #opm meta #opm manga panels #mutual growth #personal growth #trust

[terriedirewolf]

Wasteland 3 was on sale a little while back and I've been wanting to play that since I saw it existed. Most people don't know this game series existed. Those who do, know it from fallout, and probably never touched the games before. Those who know it from fallout know it from old fallout. Back when they was 2d and played like a point and click that threw the simple item puzzles into the sun and decided to dungeon master a dnd game but with guns and robots. Plus, the original game is archaic and has graphics that more resemble a board game than a video game, and the second game came out like 20 years later. I mean I'm all over ancient and archaic games, and I only have managed to ever scrape my way through half of that thing. I even used a guide. I beat zelda nes without pulling a guide out until that teleport maze in the final dungeon.

So anyway, wasteland 3 is now my favorite rpg, and I've been reevaluating a few of my projects because of it. I have a number of games that can be loosely crammed into the definitions of RPG. And I missed something crutial with my party based one: specialization. Now I missed wasteland 2, but my previous favorite rpg was fallout 1. And that game only let you directly control and stat manage one character. You could get companions, but they didn't factor into things the same way. Wasteland, having always been a game where you control a team of post nuclear idealists with government issued integrity, does not let you make a god teir character like in fallout. The third game makes you make a team. This team can and will be more effective than any single player rpg protagonist for a number of reasons, and it is very hard to fuck it up. I love the shit out of how well they get this across. Like, I could go into depth about how wasteland 3's opening bit is one of the best tutorials ever crafted. Rides a real nice balence of understanding what players might expect going into that, making them rethink their approach, and showing off just how fun and rewarding that all can be. Sort of un-hack-and-slashing the rpg system, while also making sure to be as brutal and rediculous as possible.

Funny thing is, I already kind of understood the importance of this kind of specialization when designing concepts for a real-time tactical third person shooter. Trying to lean into the mmo tank, healer, hitter trio that seems so inexcapable. Healers and tanks are tricky, if possible to do in wasteland 3 though, and that's what I think is really facinating. As far as I can tell, you can't do that without fundementally changing how these kinds of games function, but this does it pretty well, at least early on, and I'm trying to work out exactly how? Healers are somewhat negated by the fact that it's hard to play that kind of support role. Meaning every character that would be put in risky situations frequently, has to be capable of healing themselves. Tanks are less viable cause the combat relies a lot on cover and damage mitigation by default, meaning everyone again, kind of has to do all of that themselves. I think what's going on is what happens outside of combat.

Wasteland stats are funny, cause they were a fucking mess in the 80s game. You had to roll the damn characters, then tag a number of skills. And it was not clear what all of them did. And half of them might not actually do anything. Fallout used a similar system, with atributes and skills, but in a much more coherent way. The details of the SPECIAL system has been praised before, just know it used to be significantly more in depth than the nonsense in fallout 3 and onwards. Wasteland 3, and from what I can tell, 2 as well, uses a similar system, this time spelling CLASSIC cause tradition at this point. Comes complete with perks and backgrounds to further customize your rangers with little tweeks like doing more damage in exchange for getting hit for more damage, or getting more action points when you kill an enemy. The long winded point I was getting to is that the vast majority of skills are not combat skills, but exploration skills. Arguably, the only reason combat skills are seperated out so much is to keep everyone using different ammo pools. If you want a good balenced squad, you want one, maybe two combat skills per char, and the rest going into stuff like the speech and trading skills, repair and computers. Maybe some weapons experts or power armor mechanics. Cause these let you avoid fights. Or at least help getting better gear and the jump on things you have to fight.

Game isn't perfect, but it's by far one of the best designed crpg's I've ever touched, and very fun in a lot of ways. Almost makes me actually enjoy math. That's hard to do. I only math when I need to, and it takes all the energy my two brain cells can squeeze out.

And like, drawings here later maybe. I keep not drawing as much as I want to. There's a ton of cool stuff I'd like to show off, but I didn't get around to sketching the mf's out yet. Hopefully I get around to doing that and whoever's here can look at more than my badly structured ramblings.

#wasteland 3 #crpg #post apocalyptic #fallout #wasteland

[eosofspades]

actually i'm just gonna rant now rim of the world FUCKS and you can't change my mind

like, look. this is a bad movie in a lot of ways, i agree completely. there are a lot of aspects that should have been different or could have been better. but it's a FUN movie! it's not TRYING to be world-changing and dominate the industry with its spectacularity!! it is a silly fun wild alien invasion movie about teenagers and found family!!!! but all of the parts that get criticized are so not the actual problems this movie has??

like. to start with, i understand why some people might be uncomfortable with the sex jokes and humor but it's not BAD?? the jokes are not being made by adults toward the teens, they are being made BY teens. which is LITERALLY how teens are. i have been 13. you have been 13. i'd go so far as to say this is one of the ONLY movies i have EVER seen that does not infantilize or make a mockery of being in your early teens and it was so REFRESHING to see! this is one of the most accurate representations of a group of wildly different teenagers put together i have ever seen outside of real life.

ZhenZhen isn't reduced to a hapless love interest, she's a brilliant and capable character the whole time and Alex does NOTHING but respect her for the entirety of the movie. Dariush has an entire movie-long growth arc about opening up to people, learning what REAL friends are (yes, he's a stereotypical rich kid, NO that doesn't make him inaccurate; i think he's actually INCREDIBLY accurate for a rich kid in the way he carries himself and treats other people and expects others to treat him), and being selfless. Gabriel similarly gets to open up to his new friends and he's never ever mocked by the narrative or made the butt of jokes for his disability (a mental disability i haven't ever actually seen represented before in movies, especially not about teens and kids). Alex has anxiety and PTSD gets to overcome it, and it doesn't instantly fix itself once he faces his fear - he's still awkward and nervous, because healing is a PROCESS, and anxiety isn't inherently something that needs to be 'cured.'

do i wish Dariush and Gabriel's (INCREDIBLY) queer-coded thing going on had been explicitly shown/confirmed? YES. but that doesn't mean it was bad or homophobic. there is a DIFFERENCE between depicting something (especially queer relationships) in a negative way vs. simply depicting it in a subtextual way.

likewise, not all M/F relationships MEAN that the girl is reduced to a love interest by default! YES, even when (maybe especially when) the boy needs reassurance/support from her and/or she is shown to actively desire a relationship with him. these two are MUTUALLY pining! these two have a clear and strong MUTUAL respect for one another! M/F RELATIONSHIPS WITH A 'WEAKER' MALE CHARACTER DO NOT MAKE THE FEMALE CHARACTER HAPLESS OR BADLY WRITTEN.

on the topic of writing!! YES i do think a lot of the writing could be improved upon and there were definitely points that felt unbelievable (even for an alien movie) like the timing of the alien's appearances, or the fact that a solider asked a teenage boy to save the world, or a lot of things! but at the end of the day it is FICTION, and the characters have NUANCE to them, and having flaws does not make a movie BAD. it's a silly wacky found family story about teenagers saving the world from aliens. it doesn't have to be flawless and puritan.

#and THATS my rotw essay #fucking love this movie its so bad its so so good #DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FOUND FAMILY OF THIS MOVIE. #FOUR TEENS WITH NOTHING IN COMMON BUT DADDY ISSUES IS A GOOD CREW TOGETHER #mine #rim of the world #rotw #rory rambles about movies #long post