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wangxianficrecs · 3 years

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Follower Recs

Stories I haven’t read yet, but clearly need to put on my ever-expanding List.

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Welcome back queen [Thank you, it’s so lovely to be back!] if ur still doing follower recs I gotta recommend I would wait for a thousand years by bleuett it’s soooooooo good

[This one was actually recced to me by two different people, the other of whom said, “ Maybe I'm crying a little so I feel like a should recommend ‘I would wait for a thousand years’ by bleuett on ao3.”]... it’s def. on my List!

I would wait for a thousand years

by bleuett (T, 10k, wangxian)

Summary: During the worst of winter, a traveler comes to stay at Lan Wangji's inn. He wears a red ribbon in his hair.

“Do you see the rabbit?” Wei Ying asks and points at the moon. “That’s the moon rabbit, he helps make Chang’e more immortality elixir. He keeps Chang’e company.”

“I do not wish the rabbit for company,” Lan Wangji says tightly. “You are the one I want by my side.”

“And I’m here, Lan Zhan. If you go to the moon, I’ll follow you, I’ll always be here now.”

~*~

I just read a great fic by aisthuu "every love story is a ghost story", didn't see it in your recs so wanted to recommend it! LWJ is a guqin composer and teacher, buys a cheap guqin off eBay which ends up being attached to WWX's spirit from canon era. It's bittersweet, LWJ deals with Lan's homophobia (implicit in a Lan way) and his feelings towards the ghost. This is author's only ao3 fic and honestly I don't remember how I stumbled upon it, but I'm happy I did and hope you will enjoy it too! [I’ve recently read this one, and loved it!]

every love story is a ghost story

by aisthuu (M, 59k, wangxian, my bookmark)

Summary: The man is in Lan Zhan’s bed. Did they—he begins to wonder, eyes trailing to where the man’s body lies under the blanket. Had Lan Zhan—?

Then the sleep-fog clears and Lan Zhan realizes that the young man isn’t quite opaque around the edges.

“You’re a spirit.”

The spirit narrows its eyes. “I’m so much more than that.”

(Lan Zhan buys a guqin off eBay for a suspiciously low price, only to find that it’s haunted. And now there’s a ghost in his bed.)

~*~

Ok so I absolutely have to rec "see you yesterday" by glyphic. It's a wip, but it's currently at 101k so there's a whole lot there, and it's terrible and wonderful and beautiful all at once. The way the backstory of canon events is adapted to the modern-with-cultivation setting is brilliant, and then there's the amnesia, and then there's the time loop. This fic lives permanently rent-free in my brain.

see you yesterday

by glyphic (M, 101k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary:

Wei Ying 21:09 hey lan zhan what’s the weirdest way youve died

Lan Zhan 21:11 Falling encyclopedias.

Wei Ying 21:12 omg no way that’s so rude turning books against you???

Lan Zhan 21:13 A betrayal I will never forget.

On Halloween night, an exiled demonic cultivator and a Lan disciple get stuck in a time-loop, find each other, and try to figure it all out.

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If you are looking for recs for yourself I absolutely love (the complete!) story Just as the Snow Melts by draechali on AO3. It's a canon divergence where everyone lives, even WWX! ~ @airmidcelt

Just as the Snow Melts

by draechaeli (T, 67k, wangxian)

Summary: Like a snowy mountain top in spring the residents of the Burial Mounds trickled down the mountain and joined the flow of society.

“I went to the Burial Mounds,” Lan WangJi said.

“Ah, yeah… I’m sorry Lan Zhan,” replied Wei WuXian, “I hadn’t thought anyone would come to visit. I am still not sure how it happened; I brought A-Yuan to Yiling to play by the river and then ended up somehow teaching a bunch of children swimming and writing along with him.”

~*~

Hello! It's come to my attention that you have not as yet read Grandmaster of Meme-onic Cultivation! Please do! It's the only thing that gave me joy during 2020 😆 like proper belly laughs and disney villain style cackling. It is a wip, and it is long but so so worth it!! The author has reworked the entire canon through these message crystals and still conveys complex characters despite the tricky format. It's just so good!! Highly highly recommend it! ❤ ~ @theladypeartree [Oh! I’ve been subscribed to this one, and know that @swaglexander-the-great is a reliable provider of Hilarity, so I’m excited for it to be finished!]

Grandmaster of Meme-onic Cultivation

by Hades_the_Blingking (T, 49k, wangxian, WIP)

Summary: The Untamed universe is exactly the same, except everybody has magical crystals that have a suspiciously familiar messaging system. The story is pretty much the same as the show, except everyone lives!! (so minor changes).

or in which Wei WuXian tries his darndest to date Lan Zhan, Jiang Cheng possibly has a aneurysm, Jin ZiXuan is still the most awkward human alive, and Xue Yang makes me write some VERY cursed things. Written in chatfic format! :3

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Chomrafy on AO3 deserves love and encouragement; she’s written a body of compact, poetic, and eloquent shortfics each of which can stand alone, but that comprise an intricately cross-referential and mostly internally-consistent universe. They’re grouped as chapters in works according to theme; for example, “in cupped hands” focuses upon Jin Ling and his second-generation baggage; “Departure in Autumn” portrays the last years of WWX’s first life. Follow the tag “Chomrafy’s MDZS shortfics.” [I don’t see this tag?]

in cupped hands

by chomrafy (G, 2k, wangxian)

Summary: Of secrets, of futures, of love. A Jin Ling-centric collection of 200-word fics.

Ch.1: Jin Ling repays a debt (JL, JC, & WWX). Ch.2: Jin Ling and a ghost in the mirror. (JL & JYL) Ch.3: A matter of friends (JL & the other kids) Ch.4: In this house we don't keep dogs (JC & WWX) Ch.5: In the end, he remains silent (JL & uncles) Ch.6: A first night hunt, of sorts (JL & the other kids) Ch.7: Jin Ling, forgiving, forgetting (JL & LXC & JGY) Ch.8: Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling argue (JL, JC, & WWX) Ch.9: Jin Ling and his father (JL & JC) Ch.10: Jin Ling speaks up (JL, JC, & WWX) Ch.11: Jin Ling and a piece of home (JL, JC, & WWX)

Departure in Autumn

by chomrafy (not rated, 6k)

Summary: Four perspectives. A steady march to the end.

Ch.1: Because if anything happens to them, Wen Qing would never be able to heal with these hands again. Ch.2: As long as this is still home, Jiang Yanli will wait as long as she needs to. Ch.3: Five times Jiang Cheng reaches for Wei Wuxian, one time he turns away. Ch.4: Whether the road is broad or narrow, bright or dark, they would have to keep walking. Wei Wuxian digs Wen Qing's grave.

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Hello, hope all is going well. I don't have an ask, by I do have a recommendation. I read this fic a while ago and found it again. I just wanted to recommend this for everyone. Let me know what you think please. Thank you. [Oh! This one’s in my To Read list, but I’d forgotten about it. Mmmm, fox!wwx and dragon!lwj.]

Ten miles of Lotus Flowers

by Yukirin_Snow

M, 274k, wangxian

Summary: He was a mischievous fox spirit, wreaking havoc where he went, about to depart on a journey that would span centuries.

He was a heavenly prince, a proud dragon destined to ascend the throne to become emperor.

Neither expected their paths to collide over the span of three lives.

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I forgot if it was your blog 😥 that recommended “Bestseller” (when Wei Wuxian writes the Xianxia cut-sleeve equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey, based entirely on his experiences with Lan Wangji, he doesn’t expect it to become the next big hit) (https://archiveofourown.org/works/21528316/chapters/51318766)

But OMG IT WAS HILARIOUS!!! I LOVED IT!! And if it wasn’t your blog, I’m so sorry for how weird this sounds 😭😭😭😭 I just loved this fic so much that I have to tell it to someone 😢 [It’s on my List, but I haven’t read it yet!]

Bestseller

by pupeez4eva

M, 8k, wangxian

Summary: He had written the book to prove a point. It was never supposed to be a big thing, and he certainly never intended for everyone — Jiang Cheng, Zewu-Jun, the Juniors, literally everyone— to be reading about his sex life.

Oh God, he definitely needed to make sure Lan Zhan didn’t find out about this.

(Or, when Wei Wuxian writes the Xianxia cut-sleeve equivalent of Fifty Shades of Grey, based entirely on his experiences with Lan Wangji, he doesn’t expect it to become the next big hit).

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I’d like to rec On Your Marks, Get Set, Bake! by @blackwiresgrowonherhead

It’s one of my absolute favorites and I laughed out loud so many times when reading it

on your marks, get set, bake!

by BlackWiresOnHerHead

G, 41k, wei wuxian & juniors

Summary: Jin Ling resumes thumping on the door to room 721, and the small collection of freshmen starts chanting “Senior Wei! Senior Wei! Senior Wei!” with increasing volume until finally Wei Wuxian opens the door.

“Yes?” he says with his widest, most innocent eyes.

“Senior Wei!” demands Lan Jingyi, shoving himself to the front of the group. “Why didn’t you tell us you’re a contestant on this year’s season of The Great Gusu Bake Off?!?”

Several months ago, college student Wei Wuxian secretly competed in the most popular reality show in the country. The show starts airing in the fall. The freshmen in his dorm collectively lose their minds.

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If you're in the mood for v. short ridiculous fun fic, may I suggest My chain hits my chest/When I'm bangin' on the radio by x_los It's 2k modern cultivators AU, featuring WWX calling LWJ's sword Bitchin' [omg I’m laughing so hard] and I think it's more fun going in blind?

My chain hits my chest/When I'm bangin' on the radio

by x_los

T, 2k, wangxian

Summary: Lan Wangji finds he doesn't even need to call for help for Wei Wuxian to come running.

#follower rec #wangxian fic rec #I HAVEN'T READ THESE YET #wangxian #mdzs

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girls-scenarios · 4 years

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Sweet Summer Day

Idol: Jeongyeon (Twice)

Prompt: Hiii omg I’m so happy requests are open! You guys have written some of my favorite works ❤️ can I request a Twice Jeongyeon scenario of her spending the day with her gf who have been dating for a while, and they go to a carnival and just do general fluffy lovey dovey stuff and at the end of the day when they go back home Jeongyeon realizes she’s in love? 🥺

Writer: Admin Kiwi

A/N: I love Jeongyeon. That’s all. I hope you all enjoy!

♡ Tip Jar♡

The sun was hot, shining bright even after the afternoon had passed, but a cool breeze blowing in from the ocean kept the heat from being unbearable, and Jeongyeon smiled as she stepped out of the car, letting the sun kiss her skin once again.

“I’m glad we decided to come later,” she said as she turned to you, shielding her eyes and closing the door behind her as she shifted her small backpack purse up onto her shoulder. “Any earlier and it would have been too hot.”

With a laugh, you closed your own door and walked around to meet her, holding out your hand for her to take. “It’s still hot-.”

“Because I’m here,” she interrupted playfully, flipping her hair with the hand not holding yours and making you laugh again, rolling your eyes at her antics.

“Oh yes babe, I’m sure.” You patted her shoulder, playing the roll of a patient partner with a sparkle of mirth in your eyes. “It’s bearable outside now, though. I thought I was going to melt at the beach earlier.” There was still a slight flush on your cheeks, but she wasn’t sure if it was because of her or the time spent earlier in the day before lunch, playing around on the beach. Either way, it was cute, and she grinned as she swung her hand in yours, turning the two of you to face the large carnival near the pier.

The lights were already on despite the sun still being high in the sky, and the sounds of people laughing and screaming on the rides echoed over the carnival music playing through the old speakers. The sight alone was enough to make Jeongyeon excited, and the smell of funnel cakes and turkey legs made her tug you forward, a skip in her step.

“It’s the perfect carnival weather,” she declared, “and I’m going to make the most of this day off! I’m going to eat until I pop!”

“Please don’t pop, that would be bad.” You walked quicker than usual to keep up with her excited stride and looked around, your eyes widening slightly as you took in the sights. “This place is so cool. How haven’t we been here before?”

“We haven’t been to the beach before. It’s a day of firsts. Our first beach and carnival date.” Jeongyeon grinned wider as she looked over at you, thinking back to how the two of you had spent the entire day playing and resting with each other. The two of you could sometimes get really busy, so she was happy to have a whole day to spend with you. “How do you like it so far?”

“So far?” You pretended to think, pushing your lips together. “So far, I’ve had fun. Will the carnival live up to my expectations?”

“It’ll be even better than you’re imagining,” she assured you as the two of you approached the ticket booth. “Now, what rides do you want to brave?” At her question, you gulped and looked around at all the thrill rides stretching out to the pier. At the front was the Ferris Wheel, not near as thrilling as the others, but you pointed at that one first.

“The Ferris Wheel is a must,” you said, and Jeongyeon nodded her head in agreement.

“You’re right. Is that the only one you want to ride right now?”

“Yeah, if I see one that looks cool we can always come back, right?”

“Yep!” She pulled out her wallet and exchanged money for tickets with the bored looking woman behind the desk, then guided you into the crowded carnival, alive with sounds and smells. “Now! I’m starving, let’s eat first.”

“Should we really eat if you’re planning on going on the thrill rides?” You asked, a teasing lilt in your voice.

“We’ll let our food settle on the Ferris Wheel. Are you not hungry?” She turned to you with concerned eyes and you quickly waved your hand.

“No, I’m hungry! I was just teasing you. All of this smells amazing and I can’t wait to eat!”

Her grin returned immediately at your answer and she quickened her pace, headed straight for the food booths in the middle of the carnival. “Let’s eat until we burst, then!”

The two of you ended up sitting at a small table under the shade of an umbrella with a pile of different foods and two iced drinks in hand to fight off the heat. Even though you were sat across from her, your ankles bumped gently against hers under the table, skin brushing against skin and making her feel warm for a whole different reason.

“I don’t even know where to start,” you said, sipping on your drink as you eyed the food. There was a turkey leg, corn dogs, a funnel cake, mini donuts, an assortment of fried foods, a few spicy chicken skewers that Jeongyeon had bought at some point, and, of course, cotton candy. “I think we bought too much.”

“No such thing at a carnival,” Jeongyeon retorted, her grin wide as she picked up a corn dog and reached across the table to feed you. You hesitated for a moment to give her a little smirk before taking a bite and savoring the taste. As you chewed, you took the corn dog from her hands, making her pout a little before picking up her own to begin eating. “There’s no calories if we enjoy it!”

Your laugh was clear even with the loud music from the games only feet away, your face bright, and with your ankle still touching hers, a subtle gesture of intimacy, she felt her heart soar and surge with an overwhelming affection. Was it because you looked extra attractive today, or because she hadn’t seen you in a while?

Whatever it was, she liked the feeling, so she reached over to wipe a crumb off your face and allowed herself to float up to cloud nine, enjoying the moment while it lasted.

Jeongyeon had almost forgotten how filling carnival foods were, but with the help of some water, determination, and a dare to finish the funnel cake from you, no food went to waste and she sighed with satisfaction, flopping down to lay on the table bench where she’d been sitting. Only the cotton candy was left, but the two of you had decided to save it to eat while walking around, and that sounded great to her. It gave her time to find the room for it.

With another laugh that sent her heart soaring, you shuffled over to sit beside her, picking up her head and putting it in your lap with an affectionate smile on your face. “What was that about there not being a such thing as too much food at a carnival?”

With a sheepish, almost childish grin, she looked back up at you and snuggled a bit closer. “I finished it all, though, so I didn’t lie.”

“I guess you’re right.” Amused, you patted her head. “Good job, food fighter.”

“You know, I might have a career in competitive eating ahead of me.”

“Maybe you should start a mukbang YouTube channel.”

One of the things she loved about you was how you amused all of her strange jokes, smiling and playing along. Wait, loved? As you ran your fingers through her hair, she closed her eyes for a moment and pondered the word. It felt right, so she didn’t fight it. Instead, she focused on the feeling of your gentle fingers against her scalp.

“Are you going to be able to ride anything after this?” You asked, your voice soft enough for only her to hear it. Opening her eyes again, she shrugged and reached up to intertwine her fingers with yours, holding your hands up to the sky and peering at the slowly darkening sky through the gaps of your fingers.

“I don’t know. I’ll know after I finish winning you some game prizes and riding the Ferris Wheel though.”

“Well, I guess that’s true.” Neither of you had stopped smiling since entering the carnival, and you were still bright as you chuckled and her, leaning back so that she could sit up and stretch. “Does this mean it’s time to walk around and eat cotton candy? Because honestly that’s kind of the best part of a carnival.”

“It’s time for that and for me to destroy these rigged games. Just you watch, I’ll get you one of those stuffed animals!”

Okay, so maybe Jeongyeon was exaggerating her skill at carnival games, but she still wasn’t as bad as other people. After winning a strange key chain from the coin toss and a sticky frog from the basketball hoops, and with her fingers a bit sticky from the cotton candy, she was determined to win big.

“I’m telling you,” she said, one hand holding yours, the other holding her stick of cotton candy, and the key chain hanging from her backpack purse. “I’m the best at the game where we have to shoot water at the target. Just you wait and see.”

She hadn’t won any big prizes yet, but you still seemed content to walk around with her and hold her cotton candy while she tried every game that caught her eye. “I’m sure you will,” you said, without a hint of sarcasm in your voice, and the soaring feeling was back, tightening her chest and making her feel a bit like shivering from the thrill of it. With her determination doubled, she finished her cotton candy, glared at the water guns as the two of you approached, and rolled her shoulders.

“I will. For you.”

Five minutes later, Jeongyeon triumphantly handed you a large, slightly grumpy-looking sloth stuffed animal, making you laugh and clutch it with your free arm. With wide eyes, she took your food so that you could hug it properly and stepped back, a hopeful smile tugging at the sides of her lips.

“Do you like it?”

“I love it,” you said, mirth evident through your twinkling eyes and the way you clutched the toy, closing your eyes for a moment before opening them to catch her eyes. You looked so radiant in the setting sun and the colorful carnival lights that her breath caught in her throat. “Thank you.”

“N-no problem.” She quickly recomposed herself and flipped her hair, clearing her throat as she did. “As expected of the master of carnival games, Yoo Jeongyeon.” Her joke got another laugh out of you as you held out your hand, waving her over to you again, and she happily skipped to you to take it. “Should we right the Ferris Wheel now? I bet the view is great.”

“Oh, because of the sunset? I didn’t even realize it had gotten this late.” You looked up at the sky, then over at the Ferris Wheel and nodded. “Let’s do it!”

The cart the two of you were put into after showing the operator your tickets was small, but there was plenty of room for the two of you to sit across from each other, the sloth sitting on the seat next to you. As the ride started to move, the two of you peered out the cart at the ocean, where the sun beginning to dip into the horizon, coloring the sky and ocean with pinks, oranges, and purples.

“Whoa,” you said, sounding a bit breathless as you gazed out. “The view is incredible.”

Jeongyeon looked across at you, noticing how the orange of the evening glow danced across your features, battling with the shadows of the ride, and smiled. “Yeah,” she said, “it is.” The feeling was back. What was the word she’d thought of earlier? Love?

It was a big word. A strong and important word. Yet as she gazed at you, she realized that it was the only word that fit the feeling rising and expanding in her chest. And it made sense that she was in love with you. You were the greatest person to ever wander into her life: she would be a fool if she didn’t fall in love with you.

The wind tugged and played with your hair as you turned to face her, your smile soft and a flush to your cheeks that she could only just make out from the lights on the ride. “This is more romantic than I thought it would be.”

“Really? Ferris Wheels always feel romantic to me.” She swallowed, looking out at the ocean and readying herself for what she was about to say next. “It’s always nice to ride a Ferris Wheel with the person you love.” She didn’t dare look at you as she said it, her heart hammering away in her chest.

For a moment, you were silent, only the faint sounds of the ocean and the music below in the air. Then you breathed in a deep breath, once again speaking softly. “Do you have experience doing that?”

Gathering all her courage, she turned back to you and nodded. “Now I do.”

“Oh.” You sounded like the breath had been knocked out of you before you started to beam, wide and affectionate. “Is this your way of saying that you love me?”

“It is. I love you, (Y/N). I hope you feel the same.”

“I love you too, Jeongyeon. How could I not feel the same?” You let out a burst of nervous, giddy giggles. “I mean, you’re the most beautiful and sweet and funny girl I’ve ever met. I’m lucky to be dating you.”

“Really?” It was her turn to blush, stretching her legs out to once again brush her ankles against yours. “You really think that?”

“I really do.”

“Well, I think you’re an amazing person and that I’m lucky to have met you. I think you’re radiant, and I think your smile is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Really?”

“I really do.”

The air was still warm, but it was no longer uncomfortable, and the two of you sat basking in the summer night air, smiling at each other with your hearts pounding and soaring away. The ride slowly stopped, letting off riders at the bottom, and below, lights twinkled and an upbeat song from the 1990′s started to blast from the speakers. But in your cart in the sky, the only thing the two of you saw or heard was each other, wrapped in a world of your own, even if only for that moment.

The sun disappeared from the clear sky completely, giving way to the bright moon and twinkling stars, and she leaned forward.

“Can I kiss you before we get back to the ground?”

With a bright smile and pink cheeks, you leaned forward to press your knees against hers as you whispered, the cart so small that the two of you only needed to scoot forward in your seats to meet each other. “Of course you can, silly.”

Upon hearing your answer, Jeongyeon wasted no time in closing the small distance, pressing her lips against yours.

This wasn’t the first kiss the two of you had shared, and it certainly wouldn’t be the last. But there was something about the sparks in her chest that she felt as she melted into you, kissing you with everything in her, that told her this kiss was special. This kiss was newfound feelings and promises and the future the two of you were running towards together, hand in hand.

And, as Jeongyeon found out, the future tasted a lot like cotton candy.

#femifics #twice #jeongyeon #jungyeon #twice scenarios #jeongyeon scenarios #girl group scenarios #kpop scenario #girl groups #kpop girl groups

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excindrela · 4 years

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12 Days of Demon Ayno -Day 9 (18+)

Supernatural AU

Pairing: demon! Ayno (Noh YoonHo) VAV / Female reader

Genre: Fluff/ Angst/ Smut

Warnings: Cussing, alcohol consumption, fingering, unprotected sex (wrap it before you snap it!)

Word Count: 5031 (...I did not mean to write War & Peace...)

AU: OMG DAY 9 IS FINALLY DONE! (So I guess we’re having Christmas in July) I’m sorry this one took so long. I knew where we needed to go, I just couldn’t get there. Good news: Day 10 is started, Day 12 is done! (We might skip 11) I have also started NYE & Lunar New Year (I’m writing all of them simultaneously) I love feedback- so if there’s something you like, or something you want to see- tell me!! Thanks to everyone who has stuck around! Special thanks to @quyennie for being my editor!!

Demon Ayno: Summoned, Thanksgiving, 12 Days: Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 | Day 6 | Day 7 | Day 8 | Day 9 | Day 10 | Day 11| Day 12 | NYE | Lunar New Year

On the 9th Day of Christmas: You Took Ayno to the Office Holiday Party

It was a little after three thirty when you came through the apartment door wearing baggy sweats, a zip up hoodie with nothing but a tank underneath, fuzzy flip-flop slippers, and no gloves. Even with the calf length down coat on you were freezing, but you couldn’t risk wrecking your once a winter pedi and once a year mani. Even though the heater was on and it hit you like a blast furnace the minute you came in, you were still shivering.

“Ayno? Are you here? I’m home.” The question was rhetorical. You knew your beautiful demon was there somewhere because the TV was set to a music channel playing Christmas standards, and something smelled good.

Ayno came striding out of the kitchen. “Good. I have made you lunch.”, he said as he took your coat. Like a typical human male, he paid no attention to your fancy nails and hair and instead focused on your outfit. “Why are you dressed so inappropriately for the weather?! You will catch a chill and die, and I will have to go back to being a…what was it you called me?”

“Interdimensional hooker. What are we having?”

“Macaroni and cheese. I am told that this food brings comfort, and you seem very agitated today.” He said as he bent down and wrapped his arms around your legs just below your butt and carried you into the kitchen.

“Out of the box?”

“Is what out of what box?” he looked around confused as he deposited you onto a barstool.

“Lunch.”

“Why would macaroni and cheese be in a box? Cheese must be kept cold.”

“You know- the blue box? With the orange powdered cheese? It’s like its own food group.”

Ayno looked horrified. “I do not know what kind of witchcraft would be necessary to turn cheese into an orange powder, but it should not be trusted and I do not know why you would dare to consume it.”

You privately thought he was missing out. Instead, he removed a baking dish from the oven with cavatappi noodles he had baked with some mixture of cream and cheeses and topped with panko breadcrumbs. He dished out a large helping and retrieved a bowl of salad from the fridge and set it next to the mac & cheese. You took a bite…it was creamy and cheesy and delicious…and you were so not hungry.

“It’s delicious, but not exactly cocktail dress friendly.”

Ayno frowned. “You did not eat breakfast. Now you do not want lunch. You are…stressed” he said, happy that he remembered the right word. He moved around behind you, fastening his lips to your neck and slipping a hand inside your jacket to fondle your breast through the thin tank. “You do not smell right…too much cortisol…” he said as his lips worked their way toward your ear. “If you do not do something to relax, then I will have to make you relax.” He gently threatened as his thumb flicked over your erect nipple.

You sighed and closed your eyes, “Ayno, so help me God, if you ruin a $60 hairstyle before I get to that party, I swear I will pour holy water over your head myself!” you gritted out through clenched teeth.

He wisely released you; then reached over and picked up the glass of water above your plate, and poured it out in the sink while muttering something that sounded like “I’d like to see you try it” under his breath, before going to the fridge, grabbing the open bottle of wine, removing the cork with his teeth, filling the glass and setting it in front of you.

He stepped back and looked meaningfully from the glass to your face and back again. You took the hint and drained half the glass in three gulps. Ayno refilled it.

He moved back to your side and picked up a forkful of mac & cheese and held it up to your lips. You obediently opened your mouth and took the bite. “We should not go to this party if it is making you this unhappy”, he said gently rubbing your back.

You placed your forehead carefully against his chest. “Oh Ayno – I don’t mean to be like this to you. Yes, you are right, I am stressed. The Office Christmas Party is one of my least favorite nights of the year. But this is one of those weird human social things that you have to attend even though you don’t want to.”

He continued rubbing your back comfortingly. “I will stay home if it will make you less worried.”

You put your arms around his waist and looked up into his concerned eyes. “Not a chance. Having you as my date is the one thing I’m looking forward to about tonight.”

* * *

You came through the doors of your building at 7:41 and the Atrium was already packed with people and the party was in full swing. Ayno slid your coat from your shoulders and went to take it and your bag to the coat check. Meanwhile, you glanced around and saw Tenley & Kara leaning against the wall by the elevator bank and headed straight over.

“Hey!” “There you are!” They called as you trotted over as fast as the slippery soles of your strappy sandals would allow. You all engaged in the typical “girl hug” that involved leaning over with your butt sticking out and the bare minimum of contact while patting the other’s back.

“Cute dress Ten!” you said. “Thanks! I was accused of being boring by Danielle, so I decided to embrace my ethnicity!” she replied, smoothing the peony embroidered satin of her mandarin collared mini-qi pao. “But it’s still black. Festive is Kara’s job.”

“What? It’s still a neutral! Just because I refuse to join the sea of black dresses with you two…” she retorted, giving her hips a little shake that made the silver beaded dress shimmy with her.

“I like it Kara! Perfect for New Year’s Eve too!” you supported.

“Right?! Kill two parties with one dress!” she affirmed.

“I thought Ayno was coming tonight?”, Tenley questioned.

“Oh, he’s here. He’s just dropping my things at coat check.”

Then Kara’s brain caught up with the conversation and she turned to Tenley looking confused “Danielle? From the Data Matrixing dept. called you boring? They only have one ‘Danielle’, right?”

At that, Tenley launched into her story the way only catty girlfriends can about another woman throwing them shade. She was just wrapping it up when you noticed Kara’s attention had been diverted.

“I don’t know what department that belongs in, but whatever it is, I will find out, and then I am transferring there whether I have the requisite skill and experience or not.” Kara said, her gaze never wavering.

You understood. You smiled at the tall, well-built man that had captured her attention, his fire engine red suit tapered from his broad shoulders to nip in at his slender waist and the pants caressed his muscular thighs. A black mesh shirt peeked out from underneath the jacket and was accented with a couple silver chains at his throat. He was stunning – and oblivious to the attention he was garnering: wide eyed open mouth stares from the ladies and looks of undisguised envy from the men. He glanced around and spying your little group he made his way over with four filled champagne flutes tucked between his long fingers. He handed out the champagne, gave a blinding smile and said “Hi!”

Kara giggled. You just shook your head. Tenley took command of the conversation. “Hi Ayno. It’s good to see you again. I like your suit! It’s a much better look on you than the reindeer sweater.”

“Thank you, I think so too. It itches less. Although, it does not have lights like the sweater, so I think it is unlikely I will win a prize. I think you look better too.”

You laughed. “Kara, this is my boyfriend, Ayno. Ayno, this is Kara- she’s our department assistant.” “Which means she’s the only one who has any idea what’s going on.” Tenley supplied as Ayno, excited to once again be practicing traditional human greetings, extended his hand to Kara.

Kara shook his hand and then downed the whole glass in one gulp. You followed suit, and then handed the glasses back to Ayno. “Will you be a love and go get us 2 more?”, you asked him sweetly. He bent down until his face was even with yours. “Please?” you smiled at him. He smiled back, “Yes Mistress. I am always happy to serve you”, he whispered as he planted a quick kiss on your lips and then turned on his heel and headed to the champagne fountain.

“Ho-lee crap!” Kara said to no one in particular. She looked at Tenley, “You said he was hot, you didn’t say he was the male equivalent of a Victoria’s Secret angel.”

You snickered at the idea of Ayno being an angel of any kind. Kara turned slowly and looked at you. “He’s cute? He’s tall? I love his smile? Seriously??? How about he’s breathtaking and sexy as fuck??”

You laughed. “Sorry Kara. After my last boyfriend…I just sort-of downplay things now. And yes, Ayno is breathtaking…sometimes I think people look at us together and wonder what a man like that is doing with me.”

“Whatever! He’s with you, right? And he doesn’t seem to be going anywhere.” She grabbed your arms and turned you to face her, “Please tell me he has a single brother?” she mock pleaded.

“Actually, he has six brothers.”

Both of them stared at you wide eyed. “SIX BROTHERS?” they chorused in unison. “Are they all single and do they all look like him? I just want one.” Kara said. “Yeah, one for you & one for me” Tenley agreed.

“I don’t know, I’ve never seen them. But they’re…uh…adopted, so I’m not sure what they look like.”

“Well, you clearly hit the jackpot on this one. He’s gorgeous and seems totally devoted.” Kara said with a touch of envy.

“I know, right? I want a man who follows me around and does whatever I say without question while looking at me adoringly too.” Tenley agreed.

The conversation was halted by the ding of the elevator doors opening to reveal a couple of drunk colleagues from accounting stumbling out tipsy and looking slightly disheveled. They looked around nervously before slipping back into the crowd. “Like we didn’t all know about that…” Tenley said rolling her eyes.

You were glad the conversation shifted away from Ayno. Not only was answering questions about him like walking through a mine field, but something about the champagne or the girl’s words had made you uneasy. You didn’t doubt Ayno truly had feelings for you, but you sometimes wondered if he would stay if he had a choice. Did he only stay with you because he had to? Was this like Stockholm Syndrome where you fall in love with your captor as a coping mechanism? Was he devoted because he had to be, not because he wanted to?

Your thoughts were interrupted by Ayno’s arrival with more champagne. You took the glass he offered, and then turned away to eye the crowd- causing Ayno to frown slightly. Kara, emboldened by the alcohol now coursing through her veins, pounced on him in full getting-to-know-you mode. Normally you would have jumped in and changed the subject, or answered for him, but you were so edgy you decided to just let him handle it. If he freaked out, transformed into his natural form, and rained hellfire on the building then so be it. You still listened with half an ear, proud that he remembered the answers you had practiced to common personal questions.

Your sudden coolness was not lost on Tenley. Sensing that Ayno might need to be rescued from Kara, and the two of you might need a moment, she nudged you, “Hey. Have you shown Ayno our floor yet?”

You looked at her with something between distain and annoyance. “No. I can’t imagine why Ayno would want to see our cubicle farm.”

“Nope. You don’t get a choice. It’s an unwritten rule that all new significant others must get a tour of the prison cells at their first Christmas Party, so they have a frame of reference for stories of office shenanigans and sympathy for the conditions we are suffering in when we have to work late”, she said matter-of-factly. With that, she punched the elevator button, snagged your champagne glass, and shoved you in when the doors opened, Ayno following right behind you trying not to laugh. The last thing you saw was her giving you a cheesy grin and a wave of her waggled fingers.

The elevator ride to the 9th floor was quick but felt like an eternity with the two of you standing in silence, you just out of Ayno’s reach. You walked at the same speed you did during your workday, lengths ahead of Ayno who strolled along behind you down the hall past the conference and break rooms, eventually arriving at the center of the floor full of cubicles.

“This is it.” You sighed, bored.

Ayno nodded. “I have seen this before.”

“Someone summoned you to their office building?”

“No. Purgatory. There are several levels that look just like this. I recommend avoiding it.” He paused, “Which chamber is yours?”

You started walking and Ayno followed you to your desk. “This is it. This is where I spend most of my day”, you said gesturing to your glass walled box full of pre-fab office furniture.

Ayno stepped inside and sat in your chair. You were surprised how normal he looked sitting there, as though you might have come around the corner and found your handsome coworker at his desk.

While you absentmindedly stared off into space, he took in your workspace, thinking to himself that it was rather like a cage, and feeling sorry that you spent so many hours there. He smiled when he saw that the one truly personal thing on your desk was a small photo of the two of you.

Knowing Ayno would follow, you slowly began strolling out of the maze of cubicles, idly wondering how much longer you’d have to stay at the party for people to consider it an “appearance” and what you needed to do to give the impression that you had had a good time.

“What is this place?” you heard Ayno’s voice behind you as he stuck his head into an open doorway.

“That’s the break room.”

“Ah!”, Ayno said with comprehension, “The domain of Cody the Coffee Snob and Amber the Refrigerator Nazi!” You almost laughed– he always asked how your day was when you came home, and you were impressed he had paid attention to your rambling stories about office drama …but it made you feel even less worthy of him. “Was the identity of the Lean Cuisine thief ever discovered?”, he asked as he continued to follow you.

“Nope. It remains a mystery.”

“What is this place?” he asked stepping into yet another doorway.

You followed him. “This is the conference room. We come in here when we have important things to discuss. That triangle thing in the middle of the table lets us watch Power Points, call other offices, make announcements…or sometimes we just use the table and talk.”

You turned to leave, but the door slammed shut. You didn’t need to ask how. Taking a deep breath, you turned and walked back to your waiting demon.

“What is wrong?”

“Nothing. Nothing’s wrong- I’m fine.”

“No. Something is very wrong. You have stopped speaking to me. You are not looking at me. You are pushing me away”, he paused looking sad and confused “What did I do wrong? Please tell me, because I do not know.”

You sighed. “Nothing…you haven’t done anything wrong – I swear…I was just thinking about things the girls said to me and about you being with me…it just made me question whether you would be here if you had a choice.”

Ayno slipped a hand around your waist and pulled you against his body, his other hand tipping your chin up to look him in the eyes. “Do you really doubt my feelings for you?” he asked gently.

You looked into his deep eyes and shook your head, “No, I believe your feelings are very real. I just wonder if you would choose to be with me if you had another option.”

Surprisingly, Ayno smiled. He gave a small laugh and a little shake of his head, “How old am I?”

“Uh…Eight hundred and…something…”

“Fourty-four.” He supplied. “You are not my first patron. I have had so many masters and mistresses in these years that I lost track long ago. You are not the first to want to keep me…but you are the only one I have ever stayed with. I assure you that if I wanted to leave, I could make your life so miserable that you would release me and beg me to be gone.”

Then he threaded his fingers into your fancy hair and pulled your face to his. He kissed you hard, tongue pillaging your mouth as he pressed his body tightly against yours. He backed you up until your butt hit the conference table, and then lifted you slightly so you were sitting on it. He finally released your mouth and dove straight for your neck. “No! Ayno! What are you doing?” He pulled his head up and looked at you with eyes so deep they bordered on maroon, “This is a conference room. We are having a conference. Apparently, I need to explain to you again how much I want you. That I will willingly be your slave until the end of time. That I am wholly yours…not just because you keep me, but because I choose to be. So, I’d start taking notes, Mistress, because I am going to fuck you until you get the memo.”

With that he pushed you down on to the table and resumed his attack on your neck. You could feel the heat of his mouth even as the cold of the glass covering the table penetrated your thin dress. You shivered, unsure if it was from that or Ayno’s sudden aggression.

Ayno put one knee up onto the table and pressed his other thigh against your waiting heat as he continued sucking harshly on your neck and chest working his way ever lower. You felt yourself growing warm and wet as he ground his thigh against your core. “Ayno! You’ve got to stop… someone could come in and find us!” you pleaded. “Let them”, he growled low in your ear, “I don’t actually care.”

“I care! Anyone could just walk in! And one whole wall of this room is glass!!” Making an inhuman sound, Ayno raised his head and held one hand up toward the door. A rope of red energy shot out and zig zagged around the door and frame stitching the door closed. Then he waved his hand in the direction of the windows and you watched as they turned black like magic demon limo tint. “Better?” he hissed. He had that determined look on his face – the same one he’d had when he showed up the night of the Halloween party…and once again you realized there was no escape. Ayno in pure demon mode was a dangerous force that both scared the crap out of you and turned you on in a way you could never have imagined. You suddenly noticed that his shirt and jacket had disappeared from his body and recalled his warning about why conjuring his clothes was a bad idea.

His hands roughly yanked the straps from your dress down and to the side pushing your dress down and causing your breasts to spring free. He brought his other leg up onto the table and pushed your dress up to your waist before he reached down and flipped the crotch of your thong to the side plunging his fingers into your already dripping pussy. “Always so wet for me…”,he hummed, “I know how much you want me, and I am going to show you how much I want you”, he said as he worked his fingers in and out of you rapidly while he sucked on your nipples. Your barely there underwear were finally in his way so he pulled them off and slingshot’d them somewhere unknown in the room- not caring about where they landed or how you were going to find them, before plunging his fingers back in and rubbing at your G spot at a frenetic pace. You could feel the pressure building in your belly. Needing an outlet for your own desires, you consciously willed him naked (enjoying that particular power you had) and once your will was done, you reached down and grabbed his cock and begin stroking it. You knew that you didn’t need to, but feeling his length running up and down in your hand felt so good…and you knew that he enjoyed it. “Do you like that?” You choked out. “Yes”, he whispered. “I like it when you touch me.” His fingers rubbed your G spot in time with the strokes you made to his cock. The tingling sensation you were feeling in your fingers and toes was causing your hips to buck. “Oh! Oh!” you cried as you whimpered his name like a mantra as your walls clenched and your juices ran down onto his hand.

He lifted your ankles to his shoulders and slid easily between your folds with how worked up you were. He leveraged his weight and trapped you between him and the conference table as he speared into you hot and hard. Every thrust sent you sliding backward across the table. Your nails dug into his biceps as his thrusts gained in strength and speed and the table began to groan in protest. Somewhere around the middle of the table Ayno’s hands finally found a grip and you stopped sliding. You couldn’t help the loud moans escaping your lips and mixed with the sound of skin on skin as his hips slammed into the back of your thighs, the creak of the table and Ayno’s soft grunts, it was intoxicating - you closed your eyes and let it echo in your head and overtake your senses.

You reached between your legs and firmly pinched your clit, rolling the ball of nerves between your fingers. Your mind was empty as you looked at Ayno’s beautiful lust filled face and saw his ab muscles rippling as he drove himself into you. Robbed of the ability to form coherent words, you settled for the vocal equivalent of a keyboard smash as your legs began to shake and your orgasm overtook you. Ayno continued his thrusts until you had ridden out your high before he lowered your legs and unsheathed himself from your over stimulated body.

You laid there on the table, sweaty and panting. Something gleamed out of the corner of your eye and lolled your head to the left. It was a small red light. The world came back into focus as the realization hit you: Ayno’s hand had finally found purchase on the command console in the center of the table…which was where the red indicator light was coming from…on the “Intercom- all office” button. Oh shit. Oh shit no. That thing over-rode everything else…including the music being piped into the party. Your moans of ecstasy weren’t echoing in your head, they had just been echoing through the entire building – including the party in the atrium and on every single floor. Everyone in this building had just heard you and Ayno going at it on the conference table. You reached over and gently pressed the button again, watching as the light went out.

You were in such a state of shock and horror at the realization of what had just transpired that you almost failed to notice Ayno’s naked body, covered in a light sheen of perspiration, planking over you. His eyes, still burgundy ringed with pink, bored into you. “Have we reached an understanding Mistress? Or would you like me to explain it again?”

“I got the memo, and while I’d love to go over it again, I think this is not the place.”

* * *

It had only taken a few moments for you to assess the situation. Your up-do was ruined, you were sweaty and smelled like sex, and you couldn’t find your underwear. You were a hot mess. Worse, the keys to the apartment – and the car- were in your purse that Ayno had politely coat-checked…right by the front doors of the building…so any thoughts of sneaking out an exit door on another floor and just going home without having to see anyone were dashed. You were going to have to do the ultimate walk of shame. The only good thing you could say was that it took only a heartbeat for you to desire Ayno back into the red GQ suit – and there he was- looking like nothing had happened.

As soon as you had finger combed your hair, adjusted your dress, and given up hunting for your thong, Ayno un-tinted the windows and released the door.

The hallway and elevator bank were mercifully empty.

If the elevator ride up had seemed to take forever, the ride down felt like an express. You wanted to just stand in the corner, but Ayno wasn’t having it. He pulled you to his side and wrapped one long arm possessively around your waist.

You took a deep steadying breath, squared your shoulders and lifted your chin as the elevator thumped to a stop. The bell dinged, the doors slid open, and your heart began pounding. Maybe the system was turned off? Maybe everyone was so drunk they wouldn’t notice you?

No such luck. While you were sure it wasn’t really the whole room it felt like everyone turned to stare at the two of you. You felt your face go hot, and you were certain that your cheeks matched Ayno’s suit. Ayno, who wasn’t the least bit embarrassed, kept his arm tightly around you and steered you straight into the crowd. You heard giggles, saw knowing smiles, got some judgmental frowns with accompanying head shakes, and a few hissed “yes girl!”s as you passed people. You saw Kara & Tenley over by the snack table, both sporting giant grins, who as soon as they caught your eye held up a cocktail napkin in each hand like Olympic judges- at least they gave you four 10.00s. You were almost there when Santa, who was in fact Ernie from Accounting, walked by and said “Ooooo! Someone’s on the naughty list now!” …and you could have sworn Brandon from IT high fived Ayno who simply continued strutting along unfazed, with a cat-that-ate-the-canary smirk on his face.

You finally reached the coat check, and Ayno handed the pimple-faced college age clerk the ticket. He returned a moment later with your coat and bag, looked at Ayno and said, “Well at least I don’t have to ask if you two enjoyed the party.” You snatched your bag from him and pushed your way out onto the freezing sidewalk, making a beeline for your car. A moment later, you heard Ayno’s laughter as he ran up behind you and threw your coat around your shoulders before sweeping you up into his arms and carrying you the rest of the way.

* * *

When you got out of the shower, Ayno was lounging on the bed shirtless in a pair of pajama pants. The intense gaze had never left his eyes, so you avoided it by heading to the mirror to comb out your hair. You were about three strokes in when you felt yourself being pulled backwards around the waist. Looking down you saw the red energy rope that was dragging you to your demon’s waiting arms. As soon as you got there, he pulled you against him and the ropes wrapped around the two of you, binding you together. You remembered that struggling would make them tighter, so decided to just enjoy the feeling of being forced against him without escape. The intense look in his eyes was now accompanied by an arched eyebrow. He knew your mind was busy. He was waiting.

You sighed. “I’m sorry about tonight. I know I ruined the party for you…I get so nervous & stressed about things like this… I feel like I keep questioning you Ayno, and it’s not fair. Never once have you not been perfectly clear about your desires, feelings or intentions. So, no more – it’s not your fault I’m being insecure. I apologize for treating you this way, and I will do better.”

Ayno smiled and pressed his lips to your forehead. “I am not upset. I understand. The reality of me challenges everything mortals assume demons to be. We are all supposed to be ugly, deceitful minions of evil, not humanoid in appearance and capable of honesty and feelings. This is not about you or me – it is about whoever damaged your heart before I came. Your questioning comes from fear- the fear that you will experience the same pain again. I am used to this. Do you think I am summoned by people who feel secure and happy and loved? Quite the opposite. I am called to fill a void, and my temporary nature makes me ‘safe’. I told you, I will take good care of you and I will not hurt you. I promise this. You may doubt all you wish. I will just keep explaining it to you over and over and over until you know”, he said kissing your cheeks gently as he finished.

You kissed him deeply before meeting his eyes. “I already know Ayno. But I’m happy to let you remind me as often as possible.”

And with that, Ayno turned out the lights, and reminded you again.

#ayno #vav ayno #demon #demon ayno #noh yoonho #vav fanfiction #vav smut #kpop fanfiction #vav fluff #vav

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imagine-that-100 · 4 years

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Holiday Part 7 Teaser

Omg so I wake up today and see that @ghostlightqueen has sent me this amazing mood board that she’s made about Holiday. I honestly adore it so much!

I recon it deserves a little sneak peak of part 7😜

~*~*~*~*~*~

“Thought you’d escape?” He asks you pushing himself off of the opposing wall.

You nod at him but stay silent. He looked like a cocky little shit that he’d guessed correctly.

“Well you thought wrong. Bed now” Alex instructs you by pointing down the hall towards his bedroom door.

You don’t argue with him as you start to walk. You just smile amused at what he said before saying, “Okay Mister Turner”

“Call me Mister Turner again and we won’t be getting any sleep Y/N” You hear Alex say from behind you and you can’t help but grin.

“Ooo do you promise?” You ask cheekily as you turn round to look at him as you entered his room.

Alex sent you a cheeky smile and winked at you before he turned the light off and closed the door behind him. You made your way to your side of the bed as you felt your cheeks grow hot.

You could still see pretty easily as the moonlight was coming through the blinds slightly. But it wasn’t light enough that the both of you couldn’t sleep.

You pulled the duvet back from the freshly made bed and got yourself under the covers. You were wearing your pyjama shorts but tonight it was warm again, so you elected to put a vest top on instead of your usual baggy one.

Alex tells you as he goes to his side of the bed and gets in, “You can cuddle me tonight. Considering I’m the one who’s done it the past few nights”

He was getting a bit bossy with you. And you loved it.

You silently chuckle at him telling you what to do before you move towards him some more. His back is towards you and you don’t mind being the big spoon for the night.

“Yes Mister Turner” You smile to yourself cheekily before you attempt to hug him from behind. But Alex hastily spins himself around.

The chain that he always wore dangled down hovering in the air between you. He gave you a look at made you pause. He’s eyes were dark and it was like they were challenging you.

You rested your head down on the pillow as he hovered above you. You weren’t even attempting to hide your grin as you looked at him.

“You wanna call me that again? I’ll go and get one of my ties for you?” Alex asks with raised eyebrows, obviously hinting at 50 Shades.

“You can do... Or shall I go put my knee socks on for you?” You fire back as you hook your finger in the chain dangling from his neck.

~*~*~*~*~*~

Everyone needs to go and thank @ghostlightqueen for this because I don’t release teasers usually, but I couldn’t not with this mood board.

Thanks again! I love it Dot 🤍

Taglist: @murderousginger @minigranger @turnertable @bastillewolf @slothgiirl @billskarsgard-is-gorgeous @watashi-no-namae-wo-yonde @fookingsummertime @marvel-avengers01 @peakymoon1985 @toolateformcrtooearlytoleaveemo @gretavanbobatea @chocolatecig @iamnotjesha @rachaeljayne15 @edgythought @when-the-darknees-come @angelicnobody @marveious @stelle-ms @woodhousesemma @boysinskirts @musicmania100 @he4rtbre4khotel @innocte @tomsbeck @whoknowswhatimeant @tony-starks-ego @bettyschwallocksyee @tobarmaidswhodontcount @elektranxtchiios @alexsvacuumcleaner @floyd-echoes @halfofwhatisayismeaningless @juicebox-baby

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allforthecourtt · 5 years

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rereading aftg with my dumbass opinions pt. 2 (tfc chapters 6-10)

pt. 1 | pt. 2 | pt. 3

look guys! its the highly unanticipated continuation of my reread of aftg!

chapter 6 (aka. meet this MESS of a team)

“My mother's family is French." It was a lie that probably had his British mother rolling over in her sandy grave.”

neil really never misses an opportunity to remind readers that he fucking buried his mom on the beach huh?

“A liar who practices occasional honesty. Clever. Keeps people guessing. Very effective. I would know. I do it myself, you see. Come on, then. After you.”

have i mentioned how entertaining high andrew is? because he’s funny as hell

also rereading these are fun because Nora is incredible at foreshadowing just sayin

“Neil automatically reached for his seatbelt, but one of the brothers was sitting on it.”

how neil would be in the back of the cousins’ car if they let him:

“You?" Neil said. "You can't." Andrew's smile curved wider. "Ohhh, that sounds like a challenge. Mother may I?" "Your mother's dead. I don't think she cares what you do.”

HO HO HOLY SHIT NEIL

“Starting a fight was too out of character for who he portrayed "Neil” to be, though.”

“Consider this your official invite, you suicidal wretch. I'm bringing you to Columbia with us this Friday.”

awe suicidal wretch... glad they’re starting those pet names early

“I don't drink or dance," Neil said.

andrew: i kno u can

“Kevin doesn't dance anymore”

anymore? ANYMORE??? release the cursed events that led to him not dancing anymore Nora im begging you

“Are you bleeding anywhere?" Matt asked. "Nowhere vital," Neil said.

gskjgnsak god i stan this little asshole so much

“She said it gently, with the hint of a smile on her face, but Neil still felt the rebuke. It was subtler but somehow deadlier”

have i mentioned how gay i am for renee? because im very gay for renee

“Allison looked ready for a photo shoot with perfect platinum curls, spiked heels, and a skintight dress.”

im also gay for allison ngl

“I can move if you want to sit here," Neil said. "No, this is fine." She smiled, but it had a smug edge to it, probably because Seth was glaring at them like he could kill them with willpower alone. ”

lol remember how neil doesn’t think he’s attractive and yet in 0.1 seconds after meeting him allison is like “yes this idiot is hot enough to piss off the other idiot im dating”

“Personal favorite was when someone told the police we were running a meth lab out of the dorm," Dan said sourly. "Police raids are awesome.”

no offence dan but that’s fucking hilarious omg

that’s kind of like the time my residence floor had to get evacuated bc some kids hotboxed their dorm room

god i love uni

“The death threats were creative, though," Nicky said. "Maybe this time they'll follow through and actually kill one of us. Let's vote. I nominate Seth.”

pfffffttttt i love Nicky omg

also hahahahahah foreshadowing!

“It'll be fine," Andrew said. "I promised, didn't I? Don't you believe me?" It took a while, but at last Kevin visibly relaxed. ”

again this is why i thought they were fucking for like the better part of the first two books

“The dead look Kevin turned on Andrew today was the same look Neil saw in his reflection. When Neil stopped acting, when he stopped worrying about who was watching, when he let go of the lies that kept him alive, that was the only expression he could make.”

it’s fine i didnt need a heart anyways

this kid is 18 hes A BABY

the first time i read this i was 18 too and like jfc i was a BABY at 18 and so i neil

“One of us has to make it, Mom." It wasn't going to be Neil. It was obvious he was too stupid to survive without his mother if he let himself get into messes like this. But maybe Kevin could do it.”

sorry let me just wipe my TEARS off my fucking laptop neil honey what the fuck

“He felt distant as he watched them walk in. Maybe he was already dying, his stupid soul fading from his short body in preparation for a brutal end.”

neil we get it you have depression (me too bitch u aint special)

“Fuck running," Seth said.

now that’s a whole ass mood

“he didn't know how Renee could smile so warmly when she was speaking to Andrew.”

haha bitch just wait

“when he slept, he dreamed of his father waiting for him on the Foxhole Court.”

remember how at the end of the series his father is waiting on the court but neil wins??? god we love good storytelling

this is such a fucking wild chapter

could you imagine? coming back from the summer and your first introduction to this amateur from arizona is this neil josten level of sass? because i’d probably kill him

first years are bad enough but first years who dont care about other people’s opinions? the fucking worst

chapter 7 (aka. neil does NOT have a fun night out)

“It seemed Allison and Seth didn't believe in middle ground: either they were slinging vile insults at each other or they were making out in the locker room regardless of whoever might be around.”

that’s just how the straights are

“It reminded Neil a little of Allison and Seth, except without the desperate sexual undertones.”

i’ll just leave this gem of a line here

“His teammates held so little regard for him he didn't even have the dubious honor of being dead last.”

neil shading himself is actually hilarious how relatable

“Neil watched him do it, trying to remember the last time someone gave him a gift and coming up blank. That his first one should be from Andrew was unsettling.”

i actually love the fact that andrew bought him clothes so early on like andrew your gay is showing

“Neil debated how much damage the thick heels of his new boots would do against Andrew's face and liked what his mind came up with.”

i thank god everyday that these books are neil’s pov

“Andrew gave Neil another slow once-over and let go. "We're going.”

^andrew seeing neil w/o contacts (aka. the ‘i can’t think straight’ vine)

“Most of the men wore leather, half the women had corsets, and a good number of both genders were covered in buckles and chains.”

this... is a... gay bar

“Andrew saluted the bouncers on his way by and led the way into the club, bypassing the line entirely.”

i always forget the drinking age in the us is 21 but like this bar really dont care about their liquor license AT ALL lmao

“You think Kevin would risk his future over a night out at the club?" "What future?" Neil asked.”

WOW NEIL WAY TO BE A BITCH

“Neil hadn't seen Aaron get up, but he was waiting behind Neil when Andrew let go. Neil reached for Andrew with lethal intent, but Aaron grabbed the back of his chair and pulled hard enough to topple it over.”

why are the twins literally this gif:

real talk nicky kissing neil like that is horrible and really reflects poorly on nicky as a character

andrew for this entire chapter:

chapter 8 (aka. a hitchhiker’s guide to lying about your identity)

“I don't know how your conversation with Andrew went, but it didn't end well. Rumor has it you paid a busboy a hundred bucks to knock you out. Way to cut our night short.”

this is probably my favourite thing neil does in the entire series ngl

“Wymack grabbed his elbow and hauled him inside. He slowed just long enough to slam the door behind Neil. "Are you stupid or just crazy? Do you have any idea what could have happened to you between here and there? What were you thinking?”

Why does Wymack literally sound like my father?

foxes: daddy?

wymack: DO I LOOK LIKE

follow up:

kevin: daddy?

wymack: uh yeah

“I don't know what the beef is between you two, but it ends here and now.”

Wymack @ neil: tell your boyfriend, if he says he’s got beef that your a vegetarian and your not fucking scared of him

“Then correct me." "Give me a reason." "Besides the obvious?" Andrew said. "If I can't get an answer from you, I'll get it wherever I can.”

andrew:

“I'm—" Neil didn't want to say it, but the word was already there, broken and pathetic between them, "—nothing. I'll always have and be nothing.”

“He wondered for a moment if Andrew could handle the entire truth so calmly, but that was too dangerous and stupid to consider.”

“Hope was a dangerous, disquieting thing, but he thought perhaps he liked it.”

this is such a good fucking line like i am shooketh

chapter 9 (aka. neil is, like, really horny for exy)

“Are you stupid?" Seth asked. "Yeah," Neil said.”

what a fuckin MOOD

“Neil had almost forgotten why he liked Exy so much. He did his best at practices but these days he worked mostly to keep his teammates off his back. As Neil surveyed Kevin's damage, he finally felt inspired again. On its heels was a hungry, desperate rush.”

“Seth made as if to throw his beer at Neil. "His life is not more important than mine just because he's more talented.”

sometimes i really wish seth was actually given a chance to have some character development

“ "Maybe you're not as stupid as I thought." "Maybe I am," Neil said”

another big fucking MOOD

chapter 10 (aka. shocking: university is hard :/ )

“It's fun telling Kevin no," Andrew said with a wicked grin.”

why is andrew like this omg

betsy probably was like just looking for a chill job and was like “oh cool uni students? ill have to deal with like a lot of anxiety, sexual tension, depression and like confusion about the future, not to bad” but NOPE welcome to the fucking MAFIA WARS

“That wasn't so bad, was it? Andrew was convinced it would be a disaster. He put money on you hating Betsy." "Did you bet against him?" "Yes," Renee said. "It was a private bet between the two of us.”

“I hope you didn't lose much," Neil said.”

god why is he such an asshole at every opportunity i love him

“I can take care of myself," Neil said. "Watch me beam with pride.”

wymack is the best father in the world and you cant convince me otherwise

“There was one for every fall team with schedules printed on each. Neil kept the Exy one, tossed the rest into the trash, and buried his magnet deep in his pocket where he didn't have to look at the dates.”

neil “i only care about exy” josten strikes again with his great school spirit

“Palmetto State was facing Edgar Allan on Friday, October 13th”

that’s such a cliche and i love it

“He detoured around students toward one of Palmetto State's three dining halls. Two were for the general student body. The third was for athletes only”

lmao my school literally has one dining hall and it couldnt give less of a fuck what type of student they’re selling food too as long as they’ll pay $15 for chicken fingers

what kind of money does palmetto state fuckin have

like i get us tuition is a lot but jesus so’s mine and my school couldn’t be less fucked

“It was only the first day of school and he already had three assignments: a short paper, a fifty-page chapter to read, and a page of questions about said chapter. Neil debated for a minute as to which one sounded least painful. Five minutes later he was still uninspired, so he put his head down on his desk.”

1. MOOD

2. first years are so cute thinking that’s a lot of assignments i remember in first year being like “i have to read 40 pages thats so unfair :(” and now i’m like “ah sick only 200 pgs of readings this week? im gonna have so much free time!”

upper year history sucks ngl

“I'm fine," Neil said.”

neil knows exactly two (2) words and those are it

“You say that an awful lot," Matt said. "I'm starting to think you don't know what it means.”

overall thoughts:

the plot is pickinnnng upppp

i kind of forget how much world building happens in the first book but like its good

also i love neil literally hating everyone its so funny bc like bby these going to be your best friends just wait

anyways that’s all for now

part 3 will be the rest of tfc and then we’ll move onto trk if you guys still want more of this? let me know

love u all bye

#rereading aftg

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ss-squad-au-real-world-stories · 6 years

Text

Ch. 5

The following storyline is one big roller coaster ride of emotions. It will have its ups and it will have its downs. It will have its OMG moments and cliffhangers. Lots of cliffhangers (how else do you expect me to keep ya coming back?) there will be angst, drama, action, mystery, and possible love. Not sure on that yet, we’ll see where it goes. I will do my best to keep the language down. I’m not fond of using the F’ bomb, but words like bitch and asses may be tossed around. That’s about the most of it, but nothing too profane. I know that some of ya’s are under 18. So as to not get myself or you in too much trouble, I’ll do my best to keep the language in check. Just know that this story is all over the place and you read at your own risk. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!

After a long weekend at Remy’s house, Monday morning finally arrived. Remy walked out and go into the driver’s seat of his dad’s 1950’s Lincoln Continental.

“Shotgun!” Called out Roman. The other three squeezed into the backseat. Logan pulled out his phone and started looking something up. Patton turned to Virgil “Hey Virge... what are you gonna do at the courthouse?”

“Honestly? I don't know. I mean I know what I'd like to do, but seeing how he’s spent all weekend in jail, I'm sure that in itself was punishment enough. I mean, he has been punished, yes, but what the county wants to do to him I think is going a bit too far. I mean, I... I don't know what I mean.” He laid his head against the window and let out a sigh.

Patton laid his head on Virgil’s shoulder. “I know kiddo. I'm torn too...” Patton glanced over towards Logan for some added support but saw him flipping through his phone. “Everything ok there Logan? You’ve been either on your phone or a computer all weekend.”

Logan furrowed his eyebrow and pursed his lips in thought, after a moment he spoke: “Don't worry about me, I'm just reviewing the laws for attempted murder and such.”

Virgil sat forward and leaned to look around Patton a bit better. “Like seeing if there's a loophole?” he asked.

“Not quite. I'm trying to familiarize myself with the laws so that no matter what you want to do I can confirm or deny if that’s something that could help him.”

Virgil sat back and leaned into Patton “What I want to do is get Dev out of there. Rem pull over will ya. This will only take a moment.” Remy pulled over as asked. He unbuckled and started to get out of the car “I think I know where this convo is heading. So, I'm a go grab a coffee.”

Once Remy was gone Virgil took a deep breath and let it out slowly as he spoke “The reason I want to get Dev out of Jail so bad is that I know something you all don't know. Dev is the main breadwinner in his family. His mom's health hasn't been great these past few years after his dad ditched them. So, he's been working to keep his lil sis and mom taken care of. I think he pulled this stunt to get us out of winning that $20,000 prize money. That money could have helped feed them for a few months.”

Patton lowered his head “I-I had no idea.”

“You weren't supposed to know Patton. See, back in high school I ran into Dev, while I was doing some community service at the food bank, he was there as a patron. Well after I got off work, he followed me home and pinned me to my fence and told me to swear that I would never tell anyone, what I had seen and until now I’ve kept that promise.”

“I wonder if that’s what he was referring to.” Muttered Roman. Virgil cocked his head at him and asked, “What do you mean?”

“When I was with him at the holding cell, I asked why he’d been bullying you since high school and he replied with ‘Virgil hasn’t said anything?’ When I asked him to clarify, he said it was nothing. So, I’m wondering if this is what he was referring too.” The four sat in silence.

Remy startled them as he got back in the car “Alright Ladies, time is of the essence. The courthouse doors open in twenty minutes.”

“Then put the pedal to the metal!” quipped Roman. Remy dropped his shades over his eyes and peeled out of his spot singing “Like a four fifty-four, with the four on the floor….”

It was just as the friends had perceived when they arrived at the courthouse. There were reporters all over the place. Virgil's eyes widened as they drove by them as Remy pulled as close to the front door as he could. The four friends had decided to be as casual as possible and walk into the building. To their surprise (and Virgil’s relief) the reporters didn't even bat an eye their way.

As they climbed the steps to go inside, Logan leaned in and whispered into Roman’s ear “I hate to admit it, but I think your disguises worked. Good Plan.”

Roman smiled at him and whispered, “Why thank you Specs.” Virgil turned and faced his friends at the top of the steps “Alright everyone, it seems we fooled them for now, but we're not in the clear yet.” He turned and opened the door and they filed in.

An officer greeted them, handing them each a small tray “Please put your pocket contents, belts, and any other metallic items in these bowls, and coats in a bin and put them on the conveyer belt to be scanned. The four did as they were instructed to. Virgil, went first, then Patton, Roman, then BEEP Logan stopped on the other side. An officer walked up to him holding a wand.

“That would be my right knee sir. I have a metal pin it.” The officer nodded their head “Hands out to your side please.” and he did the routine sweep with the wand. Just as Logan mentioned the wand would let out a squelching sound when it passed over his right knee.

The officer smiled at him. “Ok, your clear. Go ahead and gather your things.”

“Thank you and uhm do you know where the Public Defense Attorney's Offices are?” The officer used his wand to direct them “Go down this hall and you’ll find an elevator on your right. You’ll want to use it and go up to the third floor.” Logan smiled at him “Much appreciated, have a nice day.”

The others followed Logan and soon found themselves at the Defense Attorney Office. “What are we going to do here Logan? Wouldn’t we want to go visit Devleon?”

“I thought about that, then I learned that since we're of no relation to Devleon, we wouldn’t be allowed to as that’s all they’ll allow to visit him right now. That’s when I looked into talking to his lawyer and see what we can do to help him with his guidance.”

Patton and the others look at him amazed “Wow, you’ve really been doing your research.” Complimented Patton. “Well you heard him, let's head on in then!” They walked inside and found a lady with her hair up in a tight bun, wearing a suit sitting behind a desk. Logan asked if they could see Devleon’s lawyer, and to ensure they would be seen, he told her that they had news about his case that may be of use. The secretary eyed the four over and asked them to take a seat. She stood and headed towards a door to her left.

A few moments passed, and she returned “Mr. Cambridge will see you.” They stood and each thanked her as they entered. Inside was a man standing behind his desk in a black suit, Logan walked up to him with his hand out. The man received it and gave him a tightly gripped handshake. “Nice to meet you, my name is Logan Sanders, to my right is Roman Trancy.” The lawyer shook Roman’s hand. Logan continued, “To his right is Patton Henderson and to his right is…”

The Lawyer cut Logan off and grabbed Virgil by the hand and it shook it a little bit longer than the others. “Virgil Marxs, I’ve heard a lot about you from the reports I got. It’s nice to meet you and your friends.” He saw Virgil was becoming uneasy with the prolonged handshake. He let go and walked over to the door and straightened his tie.

“My name is Jon Cambridge. I'm a bit surprised that you are wanting to defend Devleon Mr. Marxs, especially after what he did. Unfortunately, I'm actually not at liberty to discuss his case with you without my client’s approval. So, if you'll have a seat I'll see if I can arrange a group meeting.”

He made a motion the couch and seats in his office. “Please take a seat, I’ll be right back.” The four friends sat and waited in silence. While they waited, Virgil fidgeted with the hat he wore, Logan scanned his phone for more information, Patton admired the family photos Mr. Cambridge had hanging on his wall and Roman started doodling on a piece of paper he'd found in the pocket of his pants. The room was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. It was no surprise that they jumped when Mr. Cambridge returned with Devleon and an armed guard behind him.

The guard guided Devleon to a soft chair to sit on, he wore an orange jumpsuit and his wrists and ankles were chained to one long chain that the guard held in his hand like a dog. Just the sight of it made the four friends very uncomfortable.

“Before you begin your meeting, there are some rules that I need to go over with you.” Announced the guard, all eyes focused on him as everyone listened. “There is to be no touching of each other and you are to remain seated at all times is that understood. When it comes time for the prisoner to leave, you will remain seated till we are gone.” Everyone nodded in understanding.

Jon smiled at the guard. “Thank you for allowing us this audience.” He then turned his attention toward Virgil and his friends. “So, my client has informed me he would like any help you can give him.”

Virgil placed his hat on the couch and took a deep breath “Ok, first off I gotta know. What the heck were you trying to accomplish by kidnapping me?” Devleon looked at his lawyer who just nodded as a sign of approval that he could answer the question. He took a nervous gulp and started to speak, but as he did so his words came out fast.

“I just wanted to claim your castle for myself, so I could win the contest. I didn't mean for you to fall in the water the way you did it was just a joke, my friends an I do it to each other all the time and…”

Virgil held up his hand, “You confirmed my suspicions. Thank you. Next, how has your time in here been? Have you reflected at all over what you and your friends have done?” Devleon didn’t even look at his lawyer for this question. “Yes, a thousand times over. Especially with how this may affect my mom and sis.” His eyes went wide “Oh god, I nearly forgot. My mom has an Oncologist appointment Thursday.” He started to cry. Patton gripped the edge of the couch, fighting back the urge to rush over and hug Devleon. Roman spoke up “I’ll take her for you if that will be ok.” Devleon looked at him “Will you? I mean.” Roman held up his hand. “Your mom is an innocent in all this. Even though she too is being punished by your absence, her health shouldn’t be.” Patton looked at Roman with a smile on his face “And I’ll help.” Said Patton.

Logan held up his hands “We’ll all help.” He turned to the lawyer “Mr. Cambridge, it seems that we’ve all made it clear on how we want to help out your client.” Virgil nodded his head “Yes, whatever you need me to do to make this go away, just say the word.” Mr. Cambridge’s eyes widened at Virgil's words.

“This is new to me. He exclaimed “I've never had a case quite like this before, but I can get the documents together to get his sentence reduced. Mind you my client will still have to do some time for the kidnapping charge, but we may get him out of the attempted murder.”

Virgil smiled “That's fine and Devleon’s friends?” Mr. Cambridge coughed “Well his (he used air quotes) ‘friends’ had some warrants it seems, so they’re undergoing different charges besides this one.” Everyone’s eyes widened and they all just nodded their heads.

Devleon turned in his seat and focused on Virgil “ Virge, again I’m really sorry and thank you for being so lenient towards me. I’m also sorry for bullying you all those years as well. I was blinded by my pride.” Virgil held up his hand “Speak no more. Is there anything else we need to know before we leave?”

“Yes, tell my mom I love her.”

“Depending on how long your stay is. I’ll be your pen pal.” Offered Patton.

“And visit, provided you put us on your family list.” Continued Logan. Devleon looked at his lawyer “Jon?”

“Consider it done. Thank you again Virgil for coming in as early as you did. You’ve really helped my clients case a lot. I have the documents here for you to fill out, also I will need you to stand before the judge and give a statement as well.” Virgil’s eyes widened, and he started to feel a panic attack coming on, but he took a deep breath to control himself.

“Very well, if it helps.”

The guard stepped forward “I’m sorry, but it’s time I take him back.” He gently tugged on the chain “Let’s go.” Devleon stood up and smiled at everyone and thanked them all again. He then turned and followed the guard out the door.

After the two left everyone stood up and Mr. Cambridge shook their hands once more and thanked them all again. He then ushered them out into the hall “The hearing is in half an hour. It will be in room three sixteen, I’ll greet you at the doors.”

After Mr. Cambridge walked back into his office, Roman let out an awkward laugh “Well that got heavy in there.”

“You can say that again.” Remarked Virgil. “Now I have to go in front of a Judge? That alone in there was nerve-racking.” He gave a small shudder. Patton placed a hand on his shoulder. “It’s ok kiddo. We’re here with ya, every step of the way.” Virgil smiled, this helped calm him down.

“Thanks”

@thatsthat24 @thejoanglebook @tallykat3 @oresamawesome @immacrazyfangirl @anxietystatement @bunny222 @wooflesthatwoof @wicked-rosie @tsfanart @anxiousangelvirgil @iris-sanders-athena @randomslasher @youtuberswithalex @just-an-anxious-mess @ts-storytime @lilkrazykat

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finnyct90 · 6 years

Text

Untitled pulp fiction

They were not ready for the blast of tropical heat that greeted them as the French speaking flight attendant opened the door of the battered old Cessna. The bright sun and the dust filtering in, they squinted, grabbed the 2 small duffle bags and filed out on the tarmac. The heat and humidity was overwhelming as they walked into the open, World War II vintage corrugated tin hangar that served as a passenger terminal and immigration office. “Wish we had remembered to get sunglasses” she whispered.

“Passenger Terminal” was a loose term for this place. They threaded their way through the mass of people and he noticed pallets of neatly stacked sacks, coffee maybe? Maybe something else… There were all manner of crude wooden cages and chickens running loose. Stalls of market sellers, calling to the crowd, babies crying, dark young solders standing with soviet era rifles at the doors and the ever present overwhelming “perfume” of the 3rd world tropics.

They crossed the terminal to a counter under a rusting sign hung from chains, “Customs”. The counter was staffed by a grey haired black man in the remnants of what appeared to be a uniform from the British government, from back when they thought they could tame this place. Sweating, partly from the heat and partly from nerves, He hoped that they did not look too conspicuous, wearing clothes more fitting for fall in New England than a vacation to the Caribbean. He glanced over at the woman who also was tightly grabbing the handle of the second bag. “Just stick with the story” he thought to himself. He could see that she was tired, the last 36 hours beginning to take its toll, little or no sleep between them.

“Captain James”, the customs agent introduced himself with a colonial British accent and looked them both over with a sharp eye. They produced their passports as requested and the captain studied the paperwork as he asked the typical series of questions…”the purpose of your stay”? …Vacation… “How long are you planning to stay?”...oh a week.. Pausing and looking up at them, seeming to study their responses....”and all you have for a week are these two bags?” She had been quiet but at the moment, she turned, smiled at him and with a bit of a laugh said “all we need is our bathing suits”. Reaching over and squeezing her hand, he hoped it would not be for the last time. After a moment of silence while the captain stared at the couple, he sighed, withdrew a well-worn stamp from the desk drawer and with a flourish, he stamped both passports. “Welcome, please enjoy your stay.”

Exiting the Terminal, walking out into the bright sunlight, they were met by the clamor of car horns, diesel exhaust and Rasta-rap blaring from a taxi radio. It took them a minute to acclimate and adjust. They were on a busy commercial strip, signs beckoning for everything from Gold jewelry to Tee Shirts, it was like the entire island population was in search of those tourist dollars. He turned to her, squinting and said, we’ve got to find a place to stay, we need to get some rest…she nodded, still scanning the brightly painted pastel storefronts across the busy street, “look” she said, “take this” handing him an ISLAND LIFE booklet she had grabbed off the newsstand, “take this and get us a table over there, pointing to an open air café, I will meet you there, I have to get some things”. Overcome with exhaustion, it felt good to be given direction, He crossed the street, his hand still holding the small duffle and got a table on the sidewalk under the shade of a faded orange umbrella.

He had finished one Red Stripe while scanning the hotel ads interspersed between articles on scuba expeditions, local history and flashy offshore banking institutions in the ISLAND LIFE. Tearing a page from the book he was just starting to wonder if she had second thoughts when she appeared, transformed, a blue sundress replaced the jeans and sweater that she had left with, a floppy hat and sunglasses on her head, she grinned as she caught his expression of surprise. He noticed the second duffel was now shoved down into one of those “beach bags” both hands now carrying large shopping bags. “Well, we need to fit in” she leaned over to him as she sat down. He caught a whiff of sweet perfume and for a second he flashed back to that girl he knew those many years ago. “You, you look amazing “was all he could manage before she pushed one of the bags toward him, “I guessed at the sizes” “you need to get out of those clothes” she said nodding at the rest room toward the back of the café.

The neatly dressed waiter returned and she ordered a rum punch and asked for menus, he nodded to another Red Stripe, picked up the shopping bag and headed to the restroom. Digging into the bag, he found a pair of Bermuda shorts, a subdued short sleeve button down, a pair of faux wayfarers and flip flops…OMG, I am Charlie Harper he chucked to himself. Stuffing his “fall in New England” clothes into the shopping bag, he looked into the mirror… ugh, he sighed at the reflection of the man staring back. “Well, at least the sunglasses hide my baggy eyes”, he ran his fingers through a mess of grey hair, splashed some water on his face and returned back to her.

She was well into the tropical punch as the waiter returned with plates of fresh grouper, lemon slices and plantains. “Thank You” he said to her over the top of his sunglasses, she laughed, reached over to him, he froze for a brief minute, not knowing how to react, she leaned in and pulled the sun glasses off, “you left the sticker on” , here she said, handing them back, “now you look like a tourist”.

The Sun had moved in it’s arc just enough to put the sidewalk in shadow as they paid the check. They crossed to opposite side of the street lined with island cabs and were immediately engaged by a young local man leaning on the side of a battered passenger van. “Where you going Mon?” the driver asked. He pulled the ripped page from his shirt pocket and said “Sapphire Beach resort”, “Can you take us?”. “No Problem Mon, Carleton Jones at your service!” Carleton reached behind him slid the side door open and beckoned them into the worn bench seats and the sticky sweet smell of way too many air fresheners placed about the cabin. It had been many years since he had been in the Islands but as the van left the small commercial street he could see that not much changes. The van creaked and suffered from a life of potholes and narrow, winding roads. If the van ever did have shocks, they were long worn out, it creaked and pitched almost in time with the ska music playing from the radio. She held tightly to the arm rest and grabbed his knee each time the van would dive around some blind corner with a wall of rock or a cliff within inches of the window. It takes some time to adjust to “wrong” side of the road traffic.

They were heading for the far end of the island, he thought it would be good to get out of town, away from the airport, away from the noise. She was staring out the window as drove out of town and the road became less busy and hectic. They passed through the shanty towns and goat farms of the central hills getting glimpses of the blue Caribbean sea in the distance. He was thinking about something she said before they left the airport in Toronto, only a day before but it seemed like ages ago…

Funny thing about an Island, it can be a refuge, protecting those that are there from the outside world or it can hold you captive, stuck, with no means to escape. I think the British first realized it when they decided that Australia was the perfect prison, no way out. Island life is like that, it can look so attractive from the outside, but if you’re trapped, a prisoner of the island, and it can become hell. His own life was like living on an island in many ways, and this trip, the events of the last couple days, an escape, “a run for it”...only he had never planned for an accomplice.

He had only met with her to tell her that he was going on a short vacation, he felt that he owed her that, but at some point over coffee that morning, 3 days ago, he spilled the beans… She had that way about her, easy to talk to, interested and interesting to talk with. Time seemed to go by much too fast and at the same time, stand still when he was with her. Sharing his plan with her may have been foolish but to him it seemed so natural and as the story poured out she looked down into her coffee, expressionless. When the coffee was done, they stood, she gave him a hug and wished him good luck, “be careful, take care of yourself”. He was only a few miles down the road when the text message displayed on the phone “Wait for me, I am coming with you”.

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all-the-love-harold · 6 years

Text

Paris in October - Part 3

Part 1 I Part 2

You were sat next to Harry on a private jet that was taking you to London and you couldn’t believe that just two weeks ago you were sitting on your couch in your tiny apartment in Sydney considering cancelling your trip to Paris all together because you were afraid you’d get lonely by yourself.

After the show the other night you had gone back to your hotel room completely buzzing from what had just happened. You found it hard to believe that not only had Harry asked you to go to his show in Paris, but he had now asked you to go back to London with him. He had a show in Germany on Friday which gave you time to pack all your stuff up before he came back to Paris to meet you.

It was only a short flight, but it gave you more of a chance to get to know Harry, which you were grateful for considering you were going to be spending the next week or two with him in a place you’d never been before. You were excited to see the UK, you’d always want to spend more time there, but you could never bring yourself to miss Paris in October and you never had enough time or money to do both. But here you were, on a private jet, with an incredibly handsome, down to earth guy that wanted to show you around his home country.

“So, this ex of yours sounds like a dick” Harry said in attempt to get to know you a little better

“Yeah, we were together for like 9 years, and when I got a job in the city and had to move away it got too much he dumped me”

“*whistles* wow 9 years”

“Yep, I was 14 when it started, I always saw myself marrying him” you admitted “apparently not”

“You’re better off without him, a job in the city is way more interesting than a home town boyfriend”

“You’re not wrong there, I don’t particularly like Sydney, but I’m so glad I moved out of my hometown, I love my job”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a play therapist, I use play to help sick kids understand what they’re going through”

“Now that just sounds like the best job ever”

“Not as great as yours” you said gesturing around the plane

“I’m very lucky to get to do all this” he nodded

“You sure are” you smiled “I should let my friend know that I’m going to London with you, She’ll freak” you said, searching through you bag for your phone. Once you found it Harry took out of your hand

“Let’s send her a photo of the both of us” he said, opening the camera app and leaning in close to you to take a selfie. You took the phone back, looking at the photo

“I look like shit, but you look good, and that’s all she’ll be looking at anyway”

“Are you kidding Y/N, you look incredible”

You giggled, enjoying the compliments, while it had only been a month since you and Mike had broken up, it had been a long time since you had felt beautiful around a guy, and Harry definitely made you feel beautiful.

On our way to London!!!

WHAT THE FUCK Y/N!!!

THAT’S HARRY FUCKING STYLES

WHY ARE YOU GOING TO LONDON??????????

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT?!!!

DID YOU FUCK HIM? BC THAT’S ONE HELL OF A REBOUND

Hahaha no! I didn’t sleep with him! I was backstage at his show and I met his band and we drank champagne that was probably worth more than my entire life, and I said I didn’t really have anything planned for the rest of my trip, so he asked me to come back to London with him

And now we’re here, on a private jet, about to land in London

What did I tell you about getting onto private jets with strangers?!!?!

If I’m to quote 17 year old you correctly “life’s too short to pretend you don’t like Harry Styles” and I’m on a private jet with Harry Styles, so I’m taking your advice

Omg you didn’t tell him I used to say that did you?!?!?!

Maybe

I hate you

You don’t

I don’t you’re right, but please be careful, I know he’s pretty and famous and you’ve been listening to me talk about him for years, but you’ve just met the guy and if you end up dead in a foreign country I’ll have to kill you

There was a car waiting for you and Harry outside the airport once you’d made it through security. The car took you back to his place and you spent the majority of the journey looking out the window, admiring the city.

“I can’t believe you’ve been coming to Paris for the last five years and the most you’ve seen of London is Heathrow airport”

“It’s a great airport”

He laughed as the car pulled up outside his house, thanking the driver and helping you out of the car, making sure to grab both yours and his luggage out of the boot.

“I can carry my stuff Harry”

“Now I wouldn’t be much of a gentleman if I let you carry your own bags, would I” He said punching the code into the security gate, struggling to hold all the bags “My keys are in my pocket, you mind grabbing them out?”

“Sure” You giggled, reaching into his left pocket, getting dangerously close to his crotch but getting hold of the keys quickly “Which one is it?”

“The big one” he motioned towards the biggest one that on the key chain, and you grabbed it and unlocked the door and walked in “don’t go too far, the alarm will go off” and you stopped dead in your tracks not wanting to set it off. He put the bags down and punched the code into the alarm turning it off

“Go free” He chuckled, and you walked ahead, looking around, feeling very out of place in such an incredible house. Your apartment was nice, but nothing like this. He watched as you looked around, a little in awe of how beautiful you were when you were so unaware of it.

He took you upstairs and showed you were you would be staying for the next few days, he had offered to pay for you to stay in a hotel if you didn’t feel comfortable staying with him, but you’d spent enough time by yourself recently and thought it would be nice to stay in a real house for a few days and he was more than happy to have you. The room was beautiful, with a king-sized bed and a window overlooking London, you were glad to be here, and excited to see what Harry had planned for you over the next few days.

That afternoon, after you’d both had a chance to rest a little, Harry decided to take you out for a walk in the park that was down the road from his house. He’d always loved it there, in the summer it was so green and luscious, the trees that lined the path provided much needed shade from the sun and it was always filled with people, out enjoying the warm weather, usually with their pets, and if it was possible, the park was even more beautiful at this time of the year, filled with orange leaves and almost bare trees. Harry took your hand as you walked down the path, the park was almost empty, expect for a few people walking their dogs.

“It’s a squirrel!” you stopped walking and let go of Harry’s hand so that you could point to the squirrel. He chuckled at how excited you were and watched as you moved closer to the edge of the path.

“Never seen a squirrel before love?”

“Shhhh, you’ll scare it away”

Harry laughed at you some more “They’re used to people love, he’s not going to run away, unless you get too close”

“Look at his little paws Harry, look how cute he is”

“Honestly love, have you not seen one before?”

“We don’t have them in Australia, oh my god, look at the way he runs, look at him go, I love him”

The squirrel ran back up the tree and you put your phone away while Harry grabbed your hand again, leading you off the path towards the pond that sat opposite the deserted playground. You stayed there for a while watching the ducks and chatting about Harry’s tour, before he noticed that you were starting to get cold. The sun was setting, and the wind had picked up a little and what had started out as a lovely afternoon stroll, was beginning to turn miserable as it got colder.

“Should we head back?” he asked, pressing a kiss to your hand “Your hands are freezing”

“They’re always cold, but I wouldn’t mind heading back now”

“I make a mean hot chocolate, if we stop by the corner shop on the way past, I’ll grab everything, and we’ll warm up with those before we have dinner”

“I’ll never say no to chocolate”

The store looked like it was getting ready to close when you walked in, but Harry quickly grabbed the milk, cocoa powder and a bar of chocolate, knowing exactly where everything would be and took them to the counter to pay.

“Harry!” The shop assist said, “Long time no see, where have you been?!”

“On tour” He flashed that dimpled smile at the old man “Got a show in London tomorrow night, you coming?”

“Me?” the man laughed “Sorry H, not really my cup of tea”

“You don’t know what you’re missing” you chimed in, winking at Harry, hoping that he would notice

“New Friend H?” he winked at Harry

“This is Y/N, I met her in Paris, but she’s never been to England before, so I thought I’d show her around”

“I’m George” he said reaching his arm out to introduce himself, you shook his hand “H has been coming here since he moved to London, he’s my most valued customer, disappears a lot though”

“I bet” you laughed as harry took his wallet out of his pocket

“8 pound 50” Harry handed over a 20-pound note

“Keep the change, that’ll make up for my absence” he took the bag off the counter and you grabbed your hand “Cya George”

“It was nice to meet you” you said as you walked away. The walk back to Harry’s wasn’t long but it had gotten much colder outside, so you were glad to see house appear when you turned the corner. Once you got inside, Harry took your coat off for you and hung it up on the hook near the door, and doing the same with his own and making his way to the kitchen and filling a pot with the milk he had just bought. You sat down on one of the stools that sat under the island bench and watched as he chopped the chocolate up.

“This better be good Styles, I’ve got high hopes”

“Maybe lower your expectations a little, it’s good, but not that good”

“Chocolate’s chocolate” you admitted “Where can I find the mugs?”

“Top left” he said adding the chocolate to the milk and stirring until it melted, while you took two mugs out of the cabinet and placed them on the bench beside the stove. He turned the stove off and poured the milk into the mugs, topping it off with some marshmallows and cocoa powder.

“All yours” he said, handing you a mug “Let’s go sit in the living room, I’ll put the heater on”

You followed him into the living room and sat down on the couch, and he sat down right next you, after turning the heater on.

“You’re right, you do make a mean hot chocolate”

He smiled, taking a sip “I told you”

“So I’ve told you about my ex, it’s your turn to tell me about yours, and don’t try and pretend you’ve only got a few, Suze has given me the rundown ”

He looked at you for a second, contemplating what he could say next, not wanting to make himself look bad “How much do you know?”

“Taylor Swift, Kendell Jenner, and a few others, you don’t have to tell me everything, just give me something, so that I don’t feel like I’ve over shared”

He nodded, staying quiet for a minute “Taylor was a long time ago, so was Kendell really, it’s been a long time since I’ve dated anyone”

You nodded, edging a little closer to him “Have you ever been in love?”

“I don’t think so, have you?” he asked without really thinking “Sorry, that’s a stupid question, you were in a 9 year relationship”

“I don’t know if that was love or convenience though, it was easier to stay together than it was to break up, until I moved”

He put his mug down on the coffee table and put his arm around you “It must be hard to move on from something like that, even if you weren’t in love with him, he was a big part of your life”

You leant your head on his chest, this was the first time in weeks that you’d let yourself think about it properly and you were glad that Harry was here to comfort you. You turned you head and looked up at him “Thank you, for being so understanding” you said, “I’ve known you for less than a week but you’ve made being on the other side of the world a little easier”

He leant down, brushing his lips against yours “It’s been my pleasure love” he pulled back a little, so that he could look into your eyes and placed his hand in your jaw touching it softly “You deserve more than what he gave you.” His eyes lingered on your lips for a second and then he kissed you tenderly, cupping your face with both his hands and slowly pulling back to pepper little kisses along your jaw before returning to your lips and kissing you deeply.

The rest of the evening was spent stealing kisses from one another while you watched movies that you’d both seen before. You both called it an early night and went to bed by 10, knowing tomorrow would be a busy today.

***

The next day was spent exploring London with Harry. He made sure to avoid all the tourist spots, instead taking you to all his favourite places, most of them private enough for him to stay hidden from prying eyes, but still out and about in the city. You were quickly falling in love with this city, and Harry was quickly falling in love with you. He was completely in awe of you, he appreciated the normalcy of your life but saw a side of you that was far from dull. Your light hearted, and relaxed personality was a nice change from the intensity of women he had previously dated, and your shared sense of humour meant that spending time together was a lot of fun.

That afternoon, before he had to head to the venue for the first of the two London shows, you found yourselves sitting on a bench at Primrose Hill, overlooking London sipping on two warm cups of tea, enjoying a moment of peace before things got crazy tonight.

“I want you to meet my Mum tonight” he said as he took a sip from his mug

“It’s a little early isn’t it?” you weren’t expecting Harry to introduce you to his family yet, ever really. You were really enjoying what the two of you had, and as much as you liked him, you couldn’t see it lasting much longer than your trip “I only met you four days ago”

“I really like you Y/N, I told you last night that I haven’t dated in a long time, but I can see us being together, I want this to work, I want it to be more than a Holiday fling”

“I live in Australia Harry, it’s a 23-hour flight”

“That’s why I want you to meet my mum tonight, I’ll make it work with us, I’ll be there in a couple of weeks anyway with the tour and if things are still working between us, I’ll make sure I come visit whenever I have time off, and I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to introduce you to her again”

“This is all moving very fast H” you said finishing off your tea

“I know love, but that’s kinda how things are with me, if things don’t move fast then they don’t move at all”

“I do really like you Harry, please don’t think I don’t, but I hardly know you”

“You’ll get to know me, just give it a chance”

“It’s a lot of pressure meeting you Mum”

“It’ll just be a quick introduction tonight, and if you come to Manchester with me in a few days, you can talk again”

“I can deal with that” you said resting your head on his shoulder “and of course I’m coming to Manchester with you, I’ve got nothing else to do”

He laughed, planting a gentle kiss on your head. Hearing Harry tell you that he wanted this to be more than a holiday fling had you excited, you liked him a lot, but everything that’s happened since you met him had been so surreal but, you couldn’t imagine a world where you dating Harry Styles would actually work. You were, however, going to give it chance, because you liked him a lot than you expected you would. In the last four days you had felt more special than you had in the nine years you had been with Mike. You were falling for Harry and as fast as it was going, you didn’t want it to stop.

And that’s part 3! I hope you’re all enjoying it so far, it’s looking like there’s going to be two more parts, and if there’s anything you’d like to see happen, please let me know

Master List

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theprivacypolicy · 6 years

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RIP, Bourdain. Good Morning, willpower.

The first bit of information I received when I opened my eyes this morning was the news of Anthony Bourdain's death. By suicide. The second celebrity death this week. I was raised under the belief that death comes in threes. He is the third suicide I've heard of this week. A friend of mine watched a woman jump to her death on the L train platform hours after Kate Spades death was announced. He shared his experience 1 min later on Instagram stories.

The death of Bourdain brings great sadness, as I and many others of my generation were fans of his. Details about this popularity, admiration and fandom are all probably pretty similar. He served the same to so many of us, I’d be an echo if I regaled right now. Something about a book and maybe steak and maybe an addiction. Everyone had a favorite Bourdain thing. Mine was mostly about food talk and human empathy. I’ll save that part for myself. Maybe I’ll share later. But here’s what shook me out of bed to send a text to my closest ex about the news. This depression thing. This depression thing is so real. We are watching so many things unfold in this new black mirror landscape, our ability to share information which travels great distances at great speed is something generations before us never had. Look how we are confronting it. Look at how we are using this medium.I took a screen shot of the article, shared the news on my Instagram stories with a caption “depression is serious you guys. Depression is very very real.” After witnessing the platform jumper, my friend shared his experience with a quick insta story, because I guess you get service on the Bedford platform. I probably would have done the same. My social news feed this morning is post after post of Bourdain, various homage and tribute. Earlier this week, pictures of Kate Spade bags and shoes. Who the fuck is this for? This post for you? So you feel good knowing that people know you read his book? You had a pair of her shoes? “Check in on people”... oh word? Did you check in on anyone before you reframed that Instagram photo of your purse?

Gross. I stay throwing shade at posts from “Friends” yet I see myself doing the same shit. If we are so quick to post and share and comment, make this connection, share an opinion, make judgement, claim a feeling, post a picture of yourself with the departed, why are we so slow to confront what we are really and truly saying? There’s always a reason behind these posts that go unshared. We are so falsely candid. Sometimes if feels like the more we post, the more transparent things become that everyone is full shit. What was I trying to say with my pre-coffee Instagram? What was so important to me that I needed to get that out in that medium at that moment? Pretty sure my post was a guise to say, “I know about depression, because I have clocked a lifetime of experience with that shit, and now you know.” So, instead of saying it in 40 characters or less, here is what I really wanted to say....

The suicides this week are a “trigger” for me. I grew up in a house with a manic depressive bipolar single mother of 3 girls. I witnessed a lot at a young age. For 18 years, I had a front row seat to symptoms of depression I often mistook as “normal”, for lack of alternate lens. One of my earliest memories was watching my mother try to slit her wrist AND jump off my 32nd fl terrace. At the same time. I pretended I was sleeping. I was watching through a crack in the blanket over my head while my sister calmed her down and removed the kitchen knife from her hand. I remember that every time I use a knife that looks like the one she held. Her depression was real. Hours in bed, in a dark room with the TV flickering sitcoms, sometimes turned into days. Calls from my school checking in because I missed so many days in a row. She couldn’t muster the strength or energy to dress me and get me on the school bus. Once I understood her behavior as illness, I kept it a secret from my friends. My mother survived her depression and passed away, ultimately, from a viral illness. I don’t doubt that years of depression exhausted her immunity to fight the various illnesses and cancers she battled over her 54 years. Sometimes it’s hard to tell which came first, chicken or egg. And as frustrating and traumatic it was to be in the care of the mother who faced the challenges she faced, I found myself in awe of her willpower today. I struggle with reflecting on my relationship with my mother, but the death of Bourdain and Spade gave me some insight, and that, I am appreciative of.

This is about willpower.

Here is the other kicker. I too have a relentless relationship with depression. Trauma is a hellofadrug, maaan. So when I’m out on these social media streets judging tweets, I’m not being a h8r. I kind of feel like I’m a part of a club today. Some of us looking at each other with a shared understanding. For pop culture sake: If you know, you know. On a text chain to a best friend on “the inside”, who truly knows me and my shit- I wrote on depression; “There’s like a clear identifiable line between the people who understand and the people who don’t and front like they understand. And then worse the ones who flap about “checking in with your friends” when you know damn well they don’t practice that shit.” I found refuge in his understanding my message. I find refuge in sharing my true feelings with him. He’s got the dark cloud sometimes, too. He gets it. He suggested I not let the social media voices get to me. Didn’t stop me from scrolling and getting fired up.

“OMG so sad! So surprising!”

Really though? Is it?

“He was so good at enjoying life”.

No, he wasn’t. If he were, this wouldn’t have happened. Someone who is “good at enjoying life” looks at life and kills themselves in France is not good at enjoying life. Don’t put that on people. That’s a pressure. Being “good at enjoying life” is a broad fucking statement. It shouldn’t be a measure. I’m sure he wanted to be good at enjoying life, and maybe his projects were forms of therapy to get him though the days. But he wasn’t good at enjoying life. He faked it. And that’s ok, too. Coping mechanisms can really make a false impression. People are surprised? Honestly, I’m not surprised at ALL. Not one bit. Because depression is real. Being shocked that depression can bring someone to a deep dark place is a privilege I wish I had.

I’m so frustrated with the empathy struggle for those who do not experience depression. I once had a Christian friend of mine say he didn’t understand and has no sympathy for anyone who kills themselves. He shared he has never been depressed and doesn’t understand how anyone “gets that way” because he keeps life simple by not having high expectations of people. That must be nice. So many problematic things there. The good thing about not understanding anyone who kills themselves is that they dead. So they don’t care what you think and they likely didn’t want your sympathy anyway.

This idea of expressing understanding of depression is so fragile. Either you understand from experience, and by proxy, reveal trauma. Or you don’t have an experience to borrow empathy from and are then risk alienating the effected. Or worse, you pretend to empathize because the “victim” was famous. Then, add social media to the mix (which we know is the worst already). RIP posts are a great example of toxic group think and narcissism. And I know, a lot of the RIP chatter is just personal coping. I love myself some personal public coping, clearly, this is proof. I guess my wish for us all, on any side of depression, is that we be more honest with ourselves about what we are trying to say when we post shit in times like these. What are we really trying to say? And to whom? And why? Look friends, no tea no shade, I get it. Sometimes these purse pictures and “I own Kitchen Confidential” posts are simply, a show of respect, a modern twist on ceremony. Like wearing all black. I did my tribute part today, too. I’m wearing all white. ( I wear black all day every day). It’s for me really it’s not for anyone else. My ceremonious acknowledgement of how valuable life is. If social media has become a part of your ceremony, c'est la -modern- vie, I guess? I didn't sign up for this ride. But I am going to try and be gracious while on it. Consider this: the post you make about shock and sadness might alienate someone who could otherwise open up to you about their battle with depression. It is not always visible. Destigamtize it by being open to the understanding that this can happen to anyone at any time. No one is immune. Sure, post a number to a hotline, but consider that suggesting a “solution” or sharing advice on something you have zero experience with is not effective. Not for this one. We see through those. Is that post for us? Or just so people know you know how to “help” people? Have you done this? Don’t be embarrassed, I do it to. With shit like refugees and pipelines. But the refugees and Native Americans probably can’t see my armchair activism. Chances are, your depressed friend see’s these. Better thing? Answer their call. Send them a text. Don’t get upset if they don’t write back.

On life, depressed or not, we get one. We should all check in with ourselves, at least twice a day. And check in with each other more often than we do, even the retreaters. Especially the retreaters. A classic symptom of depression is retreating. We should also be cognizant of when someone has struggled and has taken the right steps to better themselves. Support those initiatives. Be careful with the word crazy. Be careful with the word bipolar. Saying “get help” is as effective as wearing a safety pin to tell people they are “safe”.

Les Halle's will be packed today, no doubt. I have the urge to go there and have a martini, myself, a thing I would do there when I was 25 and feeling more optimistic about the world. Just kidding. It’s closed now. News to me. Whatever other foods and places and stops Bourdain swore by will be frequented, they’ll run out with whatever is the thing that he recommended. His favorite patisserie didn’t know this was going to happen today. The kitchen at his favorite spots didn’t expect that they’d run out (86?) the dish he insisted was a must have. The Friday rush was expected but I suspect orders in rapid excess today, because that’s how New Yorkers deal. In rapid excess. The shift will end and another will begin the next day. In the perpetual motion machine, many will be pausing in a moment for Bourdain today. Same here. RIP Bourdain. Thank you for your insight and knack for story telling. Most of all, thank you for reminding me that with struggle comes willpower. Your death pushed me to acknowledging willpower as a secret serum that kept the loved ones in the struggle around a little longer. Your death also gave me a chance to acknowledge that I have a bit of that secret serum, myself. Thank you for holding on to that serum for the time you did, and sharing your stories with us. You are appreciated.

If you read this far and need someone to talk to, you can also google the help outlets and choose who you want to call. I’m not going to tell you what to do or how to do it. It doesn’t work like that. If you know me, you probably have my number, use that too if you want. A copy paste phone number isn’t going to convince you any more to remember willpower, which I urge you to remember. All these dead people had willpower. It’s just that they hit a real bad one. Try not to hit the bad one. Remember willpower, you’ve used it before. I have it and I know you have it too.

----------

But if you don't wanna google resources, here are some they sent to the entire office today. i usually align with their resources, they're decent people.

suicidepreventionlifeline.org - Chat or call 1-800-273-8255, available 24/7

crisistextline.org - Text HOME to 741741 for 24/7 crisis support

seizetheawkward.org - Provides various resources such as tutorial videos, information on warning signs and conversation starters

#rip #willpower #suicide #anthonybourdain

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justarturo · 5 years

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Farewell to the first man I truly loved.

Sometime ago, 5 years or so, I started an internship in the HR deparment in a globally known toothpaste company. It was my first job ever and as an anxious person it was really challenging for me to adapt and evolve at the begining of this trip. However I was blessed with 3 wonderful people. People who I love so much until today.

My boss, an estoic, serious, but loving man; his best friend, a fierce, powerful, stubborn woman who craved love and understanding from others, and their other best friend. A childish, kind of goofy, confident man. They were 47, 48 and 33 years old respectively, I was 20. Huge age gap, however we became truly good friends.

My boss, who I will refer as J, was my role model, we clicked on immediately and worked as perfect as any of those swiss clocks they mention in movies. We were an odd pairing. I was a hardworking, anxious, emotionally vulnerable young man, he was an emotionally distant, kind of lax and lazy adult, however as the only members of our team, we delivered some of the best results the area had gotten in years. We were truly a team, and thats how we became friends, and in some way our relationship evolved in work father-work son.

My female friend, who I will refer as Y. Was my confident and ally inside the HR department. She was the administrative assistant and I, as the HR intern, had to work very close to her. We shared secrets, gossip, defend each other in the line of duty and gave each other strength. And up to today, I can tell you with certainty we still do.

My other friend, whose name is V, was introduced to me by the other two people mentioned. At first he didn’t belong to HR but to Supply Chain, however he welcomed me to the company as if he had already known each other for years. I was dazzled by him. His personality, although a little childish, was confident and secure and that truly did a number in me. I decided We should become friends, no, best friends, no, the best of best friends. He was not shy, he was not quiet, he was everything I was not. As he wasn’t in the HR department, it took me a little longer to get to know him better, but after a couple of months, we started to become best buds. And with the company of Y and J, I felt as if I had belonged, not only to the company, but to the group since forever. Truly one of the happiest times of my life.

When I was with V, we laughed, helped each other, we cried, we talked honestly (or so I thought) we shared meals, even when we kind of argue, we would shake it off in no time. Now i know I loved him, I still do, at least the first facet of him I knew.

At the time I had not even came to terms with mt sexual orientation, and I did not consider myself a gay man. Buried deep inside my unconscious I knew I liked men, however this had been a personal struggle I had chosen to repress since I was 17. But when I was with V I did not even had to try to come to terms I was just happy to be close to this awesome man i admire so much and be good friends to each other. I was so happy when he told me his wife was pregnant. I truly was excited, he desired so much to become a father that when that wish started to become reality I was so happy for him. I met his wife at his birthday and loved her, I even remember thinking! OMG she is so nice and smart, we have so many thins in common. Now I dont know if thats good or not. U decide.

For almost two years I was the happiest and most hardworking boy inside the company, but then my worst nightmare came to life, I was moved from HR to Customer Development (Sales) deparment. I was crushed. I missed being J’s right hand, my job, my tasks, my projects, etc. J, Y and V were still my friends but I felts as if something had been ripped from my heart. I got depressed and anxious, I had at least one Panic attack per day, followed by several deppresion episodes, in which I would cry inside a meeting room, hidden frim everyone else. J and Y were so supportive and understanding, they even cried with me. But V was not. He could not empathize with couldn’t or wouldn’t. He claimed that everything was fine and I should be thankful and shake those concerns of mine off of me. He tried to make me happy with presents and meals, but I was truly truly sad. The thing that upset me the most was that a few days before my “promotion” he attended my college graduation with Y. He was so happy for me, he hugged me so hard and I remember hugging him so hard too. I felt so safe. He even bought me an Apple Watch as graduation present. He spent at least 10 Thousand mexican pesos, which is not cheap, to buy me that present. To be fair, his family is loaded, but still, its a lot, he could have simply bought me dinner or some clothes, but he decided to buy me the recently announced Apple Watch. I still have it btw, I treasure it as the last piece of our relationship.

After I was promted everything went spyralling, and we kinda grew apart. He tried to make me happy but failed to acknowledge my pain, I refused to let him try to make me forget and move on, and failed to acknowledge his attempts of helping me. We started to argue more and more often about stupid shit. Truly. We are both, prideful stubborn guys. And that really started to mess up our friendship. At the time I started to notice this very attractive lad in the Marketing deparment named F. I was truly infatuated by his appereance. He was truly a 9 in the hotness meter, and decided to get closer to him. Opened up about my orientation to two other friends outside the company, but decided to keep it hidden from J, Y and V, and truly anyone else. I asked this guy out even tho I knew he was in a relatonship at the time. Luckily for me, he was an asshole, so I just moved on. Soon I decided to quit the company as I was truly and deeply depressed. J and Y although sad, were supportive, but V was truly not. He got mad, we argued several days in a row, he said I was being stupid and a lot more shit. The week before my departure, we had came to terms, or so it seemed and chatting it slipped that I liked the F dude and that I had asked him out. Shockingly for me, he was TRULY supportive, he said that it was ok, that There was not anything wrong with me and he was glad I’d told him. It shocked me because he came from a very traditional catholic family, who usually mock gay, women, etc. You know.... catholics.... anyway. I thought this would help us to still be close or even closer after I left the company. However it did not change the fact we grew apart

After I left V started to avoid long whatsapp conversations, long phonecalls, dinner plans with Y, J and me, and if he accepted to attend, he would usually be quite passive agressive and throwing shade to my decisions and current life outside the company. As I was depressed I did not even fight against or for him. I just let it go until One day In a casual conversation he said “i was sad, but now I’m over you”. It hit me like a bomb. First this comment made me realize how much I loved him, truly, and discover how much I craved him in my life. Not only as my friend, but as a man in my life. Second it deeply saddened me to discover this as he hAd discovered he was no longer interested in having a deep connection with me. It was then I knew we were like a couple. An emotionally built couple. We had built a relationship between him and me that was as intense and meaningful as any of my other friends with their respective partners. There was nothing sexual about it, at least not consciously, but we loved each other. Sadly, it was not an authentic love, it was a possesive selfish kind of love.

Nowadays we talk twice a year top. Sometimes I miss him more, some other times I’m able just to remember to what once was and what could have been without hurting much, as I have evolved now to a more mature and empowered paychologist with a clear pad for my personal and professional life. I do not regret leaving the company, I only regret that we could never speak up and open up and letting him now I wasn’t quitting on him. Maybe it could have been different if I had. Nowadays, I’m somewhat afraid to let people in and to try to build and seek for a relationship with other man, because it truly hurts looking back. And hopefully writing about this will help me give closure to the V & A never happened relationship and ruined friendship.

I loved him. I think I still do, but I love myself more.

Ps. Forget my spelling and grammar as the post advances, My eyes were a little watery when I got deeper into my memories.

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saviormysticmeme · 7 years

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Okayyyy I read your rfa reaction to witch MC and omg YES IT WAS FUCKING EVERYTHING PERFECT 10/10 would you be able to do one focusing on crystal healing specifically please? (Btw the sevens part in the bath oh my gods yes just yes)

For starters: I am so so sorry because I’m pretty sure you sent this after my first HC which was the Witchy MC on which must have been like 2 months ago and and and basically I’m so sorry for the wait

When I first read this prompt I was like “Oh man gotta research my crystal stuff” Cause I just know all the go-tos like the Quartz family, and Hematite and such and I wanted to look into and find more unique ones but I haven’t and ahhhhhh

Anyways, I was out with a few witches tonight and we made cute little gem charms for love and I was like “It’s a sign. Time to write the fic, Jackass” So here we are

Anon, if you see this please let me know because I’m gonna feel really bad if you never got to see it (TᨓT)

RFA + Crystals

Yoosung

You made him a charm, he could decide to put it on his phone or bag, or anything really

Actually you could have even made him a hair clip oops

Anyways, you had put a bunch of Tiger’s Eye stones on a wire and bent it into the shape of a star before adding a little strap to it

His eyes lit up when you gave it to him

“Whaaaa? For me?” He clenched it tight in his hand and pulled you into a hug. “Mc you’re too nice to me!?!?”

You chuckled as he pulled away, his eyes looked wet like he was about to cry

“It’s Tiger’s Eye!” You began to explain as he tied the strap to his phone case “It’s for motivation and success! So I figured it’d help you with school and with LOLOL.”

His eyes shot back to you again, even wetter.

“Y-Yoosung you don’t have to cr-”

It was too late

He pulled you into another tight hug “I’M DATING THE MOST THOUGHTFUL PERSON EVER” He wailed as he squeezed the living daylights out of you.

“Yoo…sung…pls” You swear you saw your soul leave your body

The blonde boy just smiled as he pulled back, only to dart in for a quick but deep kiss on your lips.

Jaehee

“Jaehee! Hold your hand out I have a surprise for you!”

She just stared at you for a minute before closing your eyes and putting her hand out, open and waiting to receive.

You ignore the open hand though and slide a Bracelet made of Rose Quartz beads on to her wrist

Her eyes open and she looks at the light pink minerals

“Mc? This is so pretty…It must have cost a fortune I can’t accept this!”

“Jaehee not at all, I made it myself!” A proud smile grows on your face as she stares at the bracelet in awe

“Well then…what did I do to deserve such a wonderful gift??”

Your eyes and smile soften as they meet your girlfriend’s. “Well, Rose Quartz is supposed to be really soothing, you know, reduce your anxiety and stuff. I know you worry a lot..about our future in with the cafe and about plenty of stuff I’m sure you try to not tell me about..”

She looks towards the ground, a bit guilty

“Don’t worry!” You reassure her. “I know you just don’t want to make me worried to. But in those times when you don’t want to ‘worry me’ I want to make sure you can relax a little more and worry less…So when you wear that bracelet I’ll feel better knowing I’m helping in at least some way”

Jaehee just stared at you for a moment, mouth slightly agape. After a moment of silence:

“Mc….I know this bracelet will help, because from now on whenever I look at it I’ll remember that we’ll always have each other. That no matter what worries are troubling me…I’ll have you by my side. And if we have each other…well then there’s nothing that can worry me that badly.”

You were ready to cry

Gdi Jaehee this was supposed to be a gift for you not a motivational speech for MC pls

You two just stared into each others’ eyes for a moment before leaning in for a soft, reassuring kiss.

Zen

You made him a necklace. It was simple, just a black cord with one stone hanging off of it.

“What is this?” He mused as he rolled the wire wrapped stone in his fingers.

“Blue Lace Agate.” You said with a smile

Honestly Zen was pretty well rounded and healthy aside from his smoking habit

You had a hard time thinking of a stone he could use

But you remember Blue Lace Agate

It’s said to aid in easing stress on the shoulders, neck, and most importantly, throat.

Zen spent hours in rehearsal singing and monologuing, and sure he always drank his hot honey water and did warm ups, but some extra metaphysical cushioning couldn’t hurt ^^

A sweet smile plays on his lips as he turns the stone over and over before turning to you

“Mc…would you do me the honor?” He held the necklace out for you and bent his head downwards

You smiled as you clasped it behind his neck

When he tilted his head up your faces were inches away from each other

He leaned in and placed a soft kiss on your lips while your hands were still on his neck

Jumin

You marveled at the chain once you finished

It was an average silver chain at first, but you managed to tightly wedge and place small Hematite stones in between the coils

The black and silver combo was perfect for Jumin, as well of the anti-stress properties of Hematite.

It’s supposed to absorb negative energies and turn them into positive ones, and even promote healthy blood flow to prevent headaches

You waited on the couch, chain held in your tight little fists, eager for Jumin to walk through the door

As soon as the lock of the door undid itself you jumped up

“Honey!” You exclaimed as you took his hand, giving him a bit of a shock

“Kitten? You’re exci-”

“I made something for you!” You didn’t even wait before putting the chain in his palm “I thought it’d be a nice new chain for your pocket watch, I remembered you saying you weren’t a fan of the gold one..”

“Kitten…it’s beautiful” He said staring at it. “Where did you buy this?”

“Well I got the chain from the jewelry store down the street, but I put the Hematite in myself.”

“Hematite?”

You read off your mental notebook of Hematite’s purposes and explained that you thought the black and silver was also a nice color combo

“You’re so thoughtful” His half lidded eyes fell on the chain as he ran his finger across it. Eventually he pulled out his pocket watch and swapped the chains.

He continued to muse with it for a second before looking to you, a grin on his face.

He put the watch away and cupped the sides of your face in his hands

“Thank you, Kitten” And you two shared a passionate kiss

707

If you could you’d dress Seven in all the gems

He needs all the healies for his feelies

But you figured you’d try to pick one stone

And you know one stone that is basically the grandaddy of dealing with grief, pain, and overall internal healing

Amethyst

You went to the local Health and Wellness store and browsed, looking for just the right piece of Amethyst.

You ended up seeing an already made ring

It was a gold ring with a messily cut piece of amethyst. Rough around the edges, varying shades of purple, a little cloudy but when you held it up to the light you could see it was a little translucent in some parts.

It was perfect.

You had the clerk wrap it and you practically skipped all the way home.

“Saaaeyooounng~~” You called

He poked his head from around the corner “You rang?”

You all but ran over to him, excitement pulling the corners of your lips up. “Close your eyes and put your hand out”

“Oooooo a gift?” He sang as he closed his eyes. “Gee I hope it’s not a kiss or anything~”

“Why would I have you put your hand out for a kiss??”

“I don’t know, so you can hold my hand while you do it?” His smirk turned into a joking pout. You rolled your eyes and ended up giving him a peck on the lips while you placed the little wrapped box in his hand

“oooOoOoOOOo” He started unwrapping it, his fingers working fast, but delicate enough to manage to not rip the paper anywhere aside from the tape.

Once he undid the box he marveled at the gift

“MC….are you proposing to me?” He giggled as he held the ring up to the light

“Not quite yet” You rolled your eyes for the second time in the last minute, but returned to his gaze with a smile.

He put the jokes aside

“Mc…it’s really beautiful..But why?”

“Amethyst is supposed to help with, like, everything. It cleanses your aura, allegedly improves memory and clear thinking, helps sleeping, and balances your energy to be more calm or energized depending on what you need….But most of all it helps with inner healing”

You see a small glint behind Saeyoung’s eyes, a spark, a memory of something painful.

His smile shrinks a bit, but you decide to press on.

“It’s supposed to relieve feelings of guilt, of sadness…of pain.” You took a small step towards Saeyoung and slowly wrapped your arms around him. “I just want you to be happy, Saeyoung.”

The world was quiet for a moment and Seven didn’t move.

You were worried you might have overstepped his comfort zone by bringing up the past

But

Slowly he wrapped his arms around you as well and pulled you in tight, his lips by your ear

“Thank you, Mc”

You stood like that for a moment, just holding each other.

Eventually one of you pulled back a bit, but only for you both to meet somewhere in the middle where your lips pressed together in a loving kiss.

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immykidsmanager-blog · 5 years

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Acting in Trump’s Gilead (An Actors Blog)

Advertisers and marketing professionals spend their days (and probably a lot of sleepless nights) wondering about and/creating buzz around the next big thing… but being able to identify a trend is not just their job, it’s also the job of the actor. Knowing that wider ties, and longer hems, often coincide with automakers manufacturing cars in shades of pink and turquoise is an example of identifying a trend. How do I know that? When you live long enough you start to see everything come back around. Now, to me a trend - is different than a fad. A trend will stick around for a while and then reappear in an updated form at least every twenty years or so. But a fad is something that is with us for a year or six months and then disappears just as quickly as it came - probably never to be heard from again. For example, it’s been a while since my kids mentioned Fidget Spinners. I’m sure those useless pieces of Chinese rubberized plastic will sit idle at the bottom of my kids desk drawer until i secretly toss them out. That obsession has given way to their current addiction; slime. I’m hoping slime is just a fad too - or a phase they grow out of at least, kind of like my mom’s approach to me being in to dudes. Sorry Mom, guess that was more of a trend that was here to stay.

As an actor what do you do when you’re not part of a trend? By that, I mean your “type”…your race, your age, your sexual orientation, even your religion. It might sound callous to break us all down into categories, but that’s what our brains do every single day as we file away and classify every new piece of information we encounter.

It’s no surprise that 2018 was definitely the year of the Asian actor, and it’s about time. An Asian actor hasn’t gotten an Oscar since Haing S. Ngor won in 1984 for “The Killing Fields.” You might say this all started with the popularity of Crazy Rich Asians and I would agree, but what led to that? With my 20/20 hindsight I would say that George Takei and his autobiographical play about his childhood experience being held in a post World War II Japanese internment camp shined a light on the Asian immigrant experience. It also doesn’t hurt that he has a hugely popular #Twitter feed dominated by daily anti-Trump tweets.

Another 70-ish celebrity with daily anti-Trump tweets is Cher who happens to be having the best year ever. She’s doing movies again, has an amazing new album of ABBA covers, a broadway show about her life, and is about to embark on a huge European tour. Is Trump the recipe to new found relevance - or is ageism finally dead in Hollywood?

On Sunday I kept seeing Carol Burnett in my news feed. She was definitely trending. I thought OMG did she die or something?! I was Immediately relieved to figure out that she was just being honored at The Golden Globes and not actually dead. So if Carol Burnett is in the news again what does this mean? If I were her manager what would be my game plan?? …what’s next? Maybe nothing. She’s got like a gazillion Emmys - she doesn’t have to do a single thing, but that’s not usually how successful people think. What this tells me is that there’s about to be a lot more roles for older actresses in #Hollywood. Perhaps at first for the A-listers but hopefully that trend can trickle down to the commoners like us too.

A few years ago my kids went in for a sitcom pilot audition that was starring Ms. Burnett playing a famous retired actress who was renting out part of her home to make some extra income. Then they went in for another one with a similar premise with a cast lead by Candice Bergen. Not sure if either pilot was ever made… but then the reboot of Murphy Brown happened and I assume the Bergen pilot died a quick death in the script pile at ABC Television Network. Anyway these projects are out there, which is a good sign that ageism is a dying fad. How ironic is it too that Jessica Lange has had a career resurgence doing campy horror just like her character in "Feud" (Joan Crawford) had in real life.

I asked my kids’ agent why my son always got more auditions and more bookings than my daughter. She said writers just don’t write for little girls the way they write for little boys. This is the same argument that’s been made at the very top of the food chain by Oscar winners like Jennifer Lawrence. Often we roll our eyes when someone as successful as she makes this claim but the amount of opportunities for women is just not the same as for men - and it has been even worse if you’re past a certain age.

So for the non-famous, for the everyday working actor, what can we do when a trend is not working in our favor? Make lemonade? No - Make Movies! My friend, Sarah Megan Thomas, has done just that. Instead of complaining that only 32% of all speaking roles in films belong to female characters, she wrote, produced, and acted in three of her own female driven films; "Backwards," “Equity,” and her third film “Liberté”. In each project she has immersed herself into three very different worlds focusing on the roles women play in: Sports, on Wall Street, and in WWII. Not really since “A League of Their Own” have we seen a film explore the feminine experience during war. This subject is very close to my heart since both my grandmothers worked for the war effort - one making bullets and shells in a gunpowder factory, and the other on an air force base. Both my kids had roles in her film Equity, so we saw firsthand that not only is she creating jobs for actresses but her crews are also heavily comprised of women, with all three films having female directors.

As Heidi Klum says “You’re either in or you’re out,” and as the former titans of film and TV are being dethroned by sex scandals, women are rising up to take their rightful place. We saw the peak of the #MeToomovement at last years Golden Globes. This year we saw The Hollywood Foreign Press reaffirm the strength of journalists, and vow to not let governments make them the enemy of the people. We also saw an Asian actress not only host the show, but win the award for best dramatic TV actress. So… is an awards show the barometer for what’s trending - or just the moment when enough people come together on a network TV platform to oppose Trump’s Republic of Gilead?

Speaking of critically acclaimed television series, sometimes I have a hard time telling the difference between a plot point from “The Handmaid’s Tale” and an actual Tweeted proclamation from the baby king himself. Here’s a list. Can you tell the difference?

Women should be punished for abortion. Total and complete shutdown of Muslims entering the United States Transgender people banned from military service The Press is declared “The true enemy of the people” Separating immigrant children from their parents at the border Calling for the firing of NFL players who kneel during the National Anthem

Sounds like we’re all gonna be hanging on that wall of his!

Like it or not, Trump is an equal opportunity offender and every group that he attempts to marginalize seems to rise up and have their place in the sun. He discriminates… then whoever the oppressed group is…African Americans, Muslims, Women, Gays, Native Americans…that group is suddenly trending. We are lucky enough to live in a time when we are celebrated for our differences and the entertainment industry is finally responding. As soon as Trump offends, then I start to notice that minority group in more roles in commercials, TV, and film. Writers are now creating more diversity in their characters and in the stories they tell. So if you are an actor in one of these minority groups - you’re probably trending. This trickles all the way down to child actors too. Now I notice a lot more diversity in the acting pool at castings than I did 5 years ago when we had a president that rarely used Twitter - and if he did it was never used to offend anyone.

So now what? You’re part of a growing trend. How do you take advantage of a trend in your type? Well, first leaving your apartment is a good step. In the brief window where #GayDads were everywhere we did just that. It was about 2011 and the fight for marriage equality was in the news every day. As courts ruled and legislative branches voted in our favor state by state and eventually sea to shining sea, we made it our mission to attend every equality march, rally, and #Pride Parade in NYC and DC. We wrote letters to state senators, appeared on the local news and in the “failing” New York Times! We did print campaigns for Marriott and MetLife. Marriott even gave us our own float in the New York City Heritage of Pride Parade! I can’t begin to count the number of reality shows we were interviewed for. We actually filmed segments on two shows, one for Oprah and another for a Jerry Seinfeld comedy show on marriage, neither of which actually aired, but the point is we got “out” there (pun intended) and milked that trend for all it was worth. All you can do is create opportunities for yourself when you’re lucky enough to be part of the zeitgeist. Now if you’re gay and married, the only way to get exposure on social media is to take your shirt off and take a #BedSelfie with your husband. Aside from the occasional GymSelfie for my own motivational purposes - that is really not us, so hopefully sexy couple pics will die out soon. I can’t compete!

So if you’re not part of the “in” crowd my biggest piece of advice is to not start taking naked selfies with Ricky Martin’s baby, just BE YOURSELF!!! In college I spent a lot of time playing roles that I would never play in the real world, and I would compete with actors for those roles that I would never be sitting across from in a real casting office waiting room. When I first moved to New York, I wasted so much energy trying to be something I wasn’t. I look back at my old black and white headshots and I remember the photographer trying to make me pose like a soap opera hunk - which I wasn’t. Soaps and teen dramas were big business then. I was young but my hair was thinning, so I couldn’t be the hot teen and I was still too young to play the dad. I definitely wasn’t trending! I should’ve just shaved my head already and embraced roles like the comic book villain born out of a botched laboratory experiment. That would have been so much more fun! So as they taught us at @University of Cincinnati College-Conservatory of Music - CCM… get out of your head and just beeeeeeeeeee……..(deep breath)

Sooner or later everything comes back around…. even you.

I’m My Kids Manager

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