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darkwaveho · 2 years

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Security breach

Stranger Au

Parings: Natasha Romanoff x Black!Reader

Summary: While a mission you’ve done many times before somehow things feel different this time around.

Warnings: Angst, Violence, scar mentions, description of wounds, cursing, blood, Torture, death, psychological trauma, hurt- comfort? , mentions of vomit, brief details of a dead body. knife use, spitting, description of burning flesh. I think that’s it idk, let me know.

A/n: I’m posting this and running away tbh I was trying to hold off on this as long as I could. I didn’t go too much into details. I got a little lazy. so, if I bring up something later that’s not in this part don’t be confused or anything. If you haven’t seen Agents of Shield, I suggest you go watch it. Okay, bye 🏃🏽‍♀️

Part 6| |Part 8

You were currently on a mission to retrieve high level weapons. which you’ve done a thousand times by now. you stick to your motto ‘get in and get out’ no stalling, no mistakes, anything can happen within a second. maybe you’ve become paranoid over the years with hearing stories about agents and them meeting their demise. You haven’t had any near-death experiences yet and you hoped for it to stay that way.

you wanted this over with more than any mission. you missed Natasha and the faster you got done with this the faster you could be in her arms in your room. she sent you a cute text this morning using her usual emoticons and telling you she was on her way to pick Steve up for a mission of their own. you still haven’t met him in person yet, with different scheduling and everything and you just never got paired with him since he started working for shield.

Walking through the rusted halls of the warehouse was unusual to say the least, something felt off you just couldn’t put your finger on it. or maybe you didn’t want to because you just wanted to get in and get out. as long as you completed your objective everything would be fine. nearing a rusted metal door, you open it slowly silently communicating with your fellow Shield Agent that was currently watching your back while roaming this building. you both search the room looking for the object you were tasked to retrieve. when you find it, you use your coms to notify the team. “Okay, everything is set up just-” your coms go static as try reaching out to the main base of shield. you turn to the figure standing next to you. “My coms are fried. Jay, can you try getting in touch with the main base.”

“Looks like mine are fired too. Let’s just get this over with and find out what the hell is going on. besides I know you’d rather be in your room with your sexy, mysterious, Russian, assassin girlfriend. she ends with a bump to your shoulder.

you laugh at the mouthful of words she just mashed together to describe Natasha. “Will you keep it down?” you look behind you Nat always told you to be more aware of your surroundings. “And she’s an ex-assassin.” you smirk at your snarky response. she stares at you for a moment. “I see you didn’t deny her being your girlfriend. you two finally made it official?” she gloats knowing the answer already. Natasha hasn’t really made an effort to get to know her, but she knows of her. she’s met her, but as far as friendships and relationships Natasha wasn’t too vocal driven when it came to those things. you were hoping one day she would be able to at least call Jay her friend if not more like the same way you do. Jay was just about to scold you for not telling her sooner when her attention snaps to the steel door behind you both.

Gun shots ring out through the metal walled room. you snap your attention to the sound seeing fellow shield agents on the ground. dead. you look the culprit in the eyes with your gun drawn. “Ward, What the hell are you doing?”

“Agent Y/L/N I’ve been wanting to get my hands on you for a while now. But that’s very hard to do with Romanoff.” what the hell was his problem? he killed fellow shield agents just to confess his feelings for you? You need to start trusting Nat’s intuition, she never liked him. he can see Jay’s finger just itching to shoot him.

“You know, I never fucking liked you, you always felt like a slimy snake.” he’s unfazed be her insult and narrows in on her.

“Ah, ah, ah, Jay don’t be stupid, you’re out numbered. Now drop the weapons so we can get through this as smoothly and quickly as possible.” you and Jay look at each other deciding on what to do. If ward went dark, then surely shield was on it and you both would be out of here in no time. you both comply with his request and push your weapons across the floor.

“You’ve actually made my mission easier.” A swarm of even more agents follow behind him with guns pointed at you and your best friend, more like sister, Jay. he instructs the agents to restrain you to the metal chair. he halts the agents movements when the attempt to place Jay next you in the other chair. when the restraints are secure, he pulls up a chair sitting across from you and leans forward on the old metal table.

“Now a little birdie told me that you’re the only one that knows the code.” he nods towards the briefcase. it was true you knew the codes, Coulson somehow trusted you enough to know them. you missed him, a lot. after the battle of New York, it took you some time to even come to terms with his death. you resented the government, and the head of shield. just a bit even if it wasn’t their fault or if it was out of their control to keep Loki here on earth and pay for his crimes.

“I’m not telling you anything.” you say sternly.

ward sighs at your response. “I was hoping to do this smoothly y/n.” he takes his gun out and shoots Jay in her leg. you move to help her after the shock has worn off. “Jay!” you halt your movements when you feel the stinging pain of the restraints dig into your skin. Ward turns the gun on you. “You see what you made me do? I don’t like seeing you in pain y/n, but I will if I have to, for the greater good of course.” for the greater good? what the fuck was he talking about? Jay finally chimes into the conversation “Don’t tell him shit y/n!” she says through gritted teeth. you had a feeling even if you did tell him the codes, he would never let you and Jay out of here alive. “Yeah, y/n don’t tell me shit.” he pouts at you mockingly while softly shaking his head. At least not too soon, it takes all the fun out of ripping it out of you. He gives you a sadistic smile.

“Ward, what the hell is this all about?”

“It’s about Hydra, it’s always been about Hydra.” you knew he was a little weird, but you never expected him to be this crazy, Hydra was dead. shake your head denying his claims. “Hydra is dead.” you speak with confidence.

he hums. “Yeahh, looks like Captain America, and Peggy Carter didn’t check for a pulse, because Hydra is still alive and in fact you’ve been doing all the dirty work for Hydra under shields name.” he sees the way his words upset you.

gives you a fake concerning pout. “I’m sorry.” when you see truth to his words you get enraged. you were living a lie; everything was a lie. “You’re fucking sick! Working with hydra this whole time? You were nothing before shield!”

“Shut up.” he grows annoyed, you know you’ve hit a nerve and you’re going to poke at his insecurity even more. “You’re a coward.” Jay notices the shift in his expression not liking it. she really didn’t have the energy to much, she’s been bleeding out the entire time. “Uh y/n maybe you should-.” she started to tell you to cool it a bit with the insults, but your voice overpowered hers before she could.

“You had nowhere else to go so you jumped at the chance to belong somewhere.” he interrupts you. “Shut up!”

“You must’ve been so alone and at your lowest to willingly join Hydra!” he storms toward you and hits you a couple times. you fall to the floor thinking he was going to continue his attack. but he moves next to Jay. “You want to talk about being so alone? he stomps on her wounded leg, as she cries out in pain. you try pulling against the restraints. “Where the hell is Romanoff? hm?” he asks you with sarcasm dripping from his words. “You think she’s going to save you? he grabs a baton stick from one of the hydra agents as he looks to you. you thought he would focus back on you, but you were proved wrong when he started beating Jay over and over with the metal stick. the cries, the pleas and the sound and the contact of the stick hitting her body made you sick to your stomach and there was nothing you could do.

“Ward stop!” you plead seeing how unhinged and real this moment is.

“Ohh there is no stopping now y/n.” he says sinisterly before he continues on with his sadistic rant. He walks in front of you with the baton you brace yourself for the impact that never comes. “All you had to do was tell me the code.” he whispers close to your face.

“Y/n don’t give it to him.” you look at Jay; she knew you were about to cave from the pain and mostly with seeing her like this.

“I told you I don’t like to see you in pain, but for the greater good I-” he stops talking when your spit makes contact with his face. you want the focus on you. you’d rather take all of the hits instead of Jay especially seeing her already wounded from her leg. so, you try to provoke him.

“You’re a pussy. there is no greater good. you allowed yourself to get manipulated! You dumb ass!” his fists make contact with your face. he kicks you while you’re down on the cold concrete floor. he kneels down in front of you and pulls out a knife. he instructs the idle hydra agents to hold your hands down to the rusty metal table. he cuts the fabrics to your sleeves having your bare skin on display. he drags the knife across your skins lightly just to toy with you a little and when you least expect it he add pressure to the knife as it breaks through your skin. you held on as long as you could he didn’t stop on that arm he made sure to do the same to the other one as well.

“You still don’t want to tell me the code?” he says calmly. you don’t respond to him. he nods and switches up his tactics. pulling out a lighter and grabbing a steel cup that’s been here for God knows how long. he lights the lighter holding the flame above the rim of the cup.

“Hold her still !” he hisses to the other agents when you squirm trying to break free somehow. tears fall from your eyes when the hot steel touches your skin. you try holding out for as long as you could. Ward was actually surprised you could last this long, but the burning sensation is nothing you’ve ever felt before and of course, you crack. “Okay! okay! I’ll tell you the code!” he removes the cup immediately and waits for you to tell him. you attempt to catch your breath. You speak faster than you can think spewing out the numbers truthfully. when you stop saying the numbers you notice him not even bothering to open the code to open the briefcase. he notices your curious expression.

“I have another confession to make y/n.” he leans forward in the chair. “We have a way to get in the briefcase without the code. I was honestly just stalling. I wanted to see if you would give me the code on your own free will. I wanted to see what it took for you to break, I thought you would be a perfect candidate for hydra, but I can clearly see you’re not interested, nor do you even have what it takes to be a true believer.” he sighs as you stare at him.

“You’re insane!” he didn’t even have to do all of this he could’ve took the briefcase and left he just did it to see you break.

“You want to talk about having nowhere else to go? let’s see how you like it then.” you pinch your brows not knowing what he was going to do but the way he said it made your skin crawl, it actually made you panic. he looks around the room, when his eyes land on something that lights up in his demeanor you try following his line of sight. this whole thing was just a game to him. he pulls out his guns and doesn’t think twice or hesitate to shoot Jay right between her eyes. your body flinches from the echoing sound of the gun. he looks back to you tilting his head and decides to break you further as you move around trying to free yourself from the restraints. He shoots the gun two more times. “Oops, my finger slipped.” He says with no remorse behind his words.

your body goes cold, your tears blind your view which you don’t know if you should be thankful for or not. “J-ay” you know she wouldn’t be able to survive that, but you won’t believe it, not even with the splatter of her blood that flew on your body. So, you call her name again. “Jordan.” no answer. “Jordan get- up” your voice breaks by the end of your plea. Ward watches you silently, he clearly shows pleasure with your reaction. he lied, he did like to see you in pain and this was getting him off. “I’m going to fucking kill you!” you scream through hot tears streaming from your face. you ignore the pain from the wound he inflicted on you. this pain was much more stronger than any torture effects someone could ever put you through.

“Enjoy your time with being lonely.” he whispers as he steps away from you grabbing a bag. he goes into it and pulls out a bottle of water. he holds it up to your line of sight before putting it on the metal table across the room. “I’m feeling generous enough to leave you with some water.” he eyes you over one more time. “I have some snacks in here as well that I could give you, it just depends on how bad you want them.” you spit at him again. “Fuck you.” you say harshly.

He chuckles as he wipes his face. “Well, I was hoping you would, but I guess I need to take a hint.” he ends his reply with a tight-lipped smile before he and the hydra agents leave the room, and you can hear the faint click of the door from the outside. you had no weapons, no way to have communication, you were battered, bruised, damaged, and grieving. you cry, scream and shout all the way until the point of exhaustion.

When you awake the room is dark there was never really any light coming through the small window too small for you to crawl through and escape. you get the willpower to look in that direction. releasing an uncontrollable sob, she was gone. your best friend was gone and died right in front of you. she died because of you. when you finally calm down enough you settle for staring at the corner of the room, you didn’t have anything to cover her lifeless face from staring at you. it wouldn’t matter anyway you’ll forever have this image in your brain.

you lose count of the time, you lose count of the day, you grow hungry and tired as your best friend starts the process of leaving this life completely. you don’t count how many times you’ve thrown up from the smell in this confined room, you were honestly waiting to be saved. no one forgot about you, did they? Natasha wouldn’t forget about you right? you start to think maybe she did forget about you. you start drifting away again, you can faintly hear movement and voices. your body falls limp being freed from the restraints.

you feel the touch of someone else telling you to open your eyes. “Hey, kiddo stay with us.” you only have enough energy to crack your eyelids a little and what lies on the other side gives you confirmation that you’re crossing over to the other side. “Coulson?” you say weakly before passing out again.

///

It took 3 weeks. 3 weeks to find your location. you want to be angry. you should be angry, but a lot went on outside of the confined walls that you got familiar with these past 3 weeks. Shield was compromised, Shield had been compromised since the day it was formed. You were working for the enemy this whole time. In this case, you turning over a new leaf was just dropping that said leaf and picking it back up from a pile that you thought was a new one but its the same tainted toxic leaf.

“Natasha wait- she doesn’t look the best right now maybe you should come back when she’s awake or something. I’ll call and-” It’s quiet for a moment until the sound of a loud echo has people turning their heads and preparing to jump in if needed. she slapped Clint. how could she not for what just came out of mouth. she hasn’t seen you in weeks. barley eating settling on the bare minimum water and a snack. she hasn’t slept. she’s never felt this sleep deprived since she first escaped the red room. “I don’t care about that right now, she needs me in there who knows what kind of shit they put her through. I swear if you don’t move out my way Clint, you’ll end up with more than just a slap.”

her voice is stern; he’s surprised she’s not yelling. She’s internally screaming and having a breakdown and it will probably come to surface once she sees how bad things really are with you behind that door. she’s staring him down. he hasn’t seen her blink at all in the last 2 minutes. he clears his throat and moves from in front of the door. Natasha instantly rushes in the room. and to say the air was knocked out of her was downplaying things a stark contrast to the breathing tube that was down your throat right now. the bruises, cuts and burn marks. you were left to die in that abandoned warehouse.

she takes a breath for the first time since she’s been in this room. and finally gains the courage to step closer to you, seeing everything up close tugs on her heartstrings even more. she’s blaming herself. for not being there, for not finding you sooner, for moving into new territory with the Avengers Initiative. although you never spoke against her joining the team and stepping back from regular shield duties, she still felt guilty. she felt guilty for trying to be better even when you just encouraged her to keep going, to keep saving the world when it gets too much for the simple small people. she gets angry at whoever was assigned on this mission with you. what the hell were they doing? If she was with you there would be no second guessing, no hesitation, no doubt that she wouldn’t do everything in her power to protect you. to have your back throughout anything she would have your six covered. but she also knows the circumstances. are different no one could’ve predicted this happening. predicted Hydra.

clint finally decides to enter the room shutting the door behind him; he’s surprised Natasha left it open. he breaks the silence, his eyes water seeing you like this.

“Nat it’s okay to let it out you don't have to hold it in. maybe you should take a seat you’ve been standing in that same spot for hours.” ...nothing. he moves closer to hold her hand hoping it will ground her and bring her back to reality.

“Nat-”

“No, don’t touch me.” she snatches her hand away from his not wanting comfort, she doesn’t deserve it right now. if she deserves it at all, when you’re the only thing on her mind. the only thing that’s been on her mind for weeks. If anybody deserves comfort, it’s you.

“I know she’s hurting and you’re hurting because of it but you have to take care of yourself too. At least order some food and eat. please! she wouldn’t want you to be neglecting yourself like this.”

“My Girlfriend is sitting in a hospital bed with bruises, cuts, marks, and skin that I don’t even recognize, and you want me to have a fucking buffet meal in front of her?”

“While she’s laying here unconscious and with machines hooked up to her?” she was finally letting out some anger letting out her emotions.

“No, that’s not what I’m saying Nat....you need to be strong and be there for her when she wakes up. she’s going to need you now more than ever.”

“Can you at least sit down or try getting fresh air by the window? staring at her like this. In this state isn’t healthy.” she ignores him as much as she wants to, she can’t tear her eyes away from you afraid that if she does, you’ll disappear. that you’ll leave her.

“I’m staying with you. Now.” he grabs two chairs and sits them beside each other “Sit your ass down! I’m calling the kitchen to bring you up a peanut butter sandwich, at least.” she doesn’t protest and sits down on the chair with weak knees and waits for the food to arrive. she finally eats. After a few minutes of silence apart from the beeping machine. tears start taking over her view of sight.

“Clint I can’t-.” she turns to face him with her bottom lip quivering. “I know and you’re not going to.” he brings her into a much needed and overdue hug where she cries her heart out to the point of her being exhausted.

When morning comes Nat wakes up to her natural instincts kicking in, jumping up from her seat and grabbing a manly figure. “What are you doing?” She pulls the doctor by his coat and presses a scalpel against his neck.

“Nat calm down! when the hell did you get a scalpel?” Clint jolts awake to the scene in front of him. he was slightly delayed not really hearing the moment Nat turned on her black widow mindset.

“Don’t tell me to calm down! I need to know what he’s doing to her.” she has to be more aware now. More than ever now that hydra was back-. now that hydra is out in the open, since they never truly left. she still can’t wrap her head around it. she can’t trust anyone and assume they have good intentions.

She turns her attention back on the man. “You need to announce any and everything you’re going to do to her so I can watch you and be aware. You got it?” the doctor quickly nods his head yes to be released from the widow’s grip.

“I- I apologize I was just removing her breathing tube; she should be fine to breath on her own now. I didn’t mean to upset or scare you.”

“Well, that’s great news! see Nat she’s fighting.” he smiles turning to Nat while the doctor gets everything prepped.

“Damn, right she is.” she releases a breath of relief and holds your hand tightly.

When you come to again you can tell you’re in a new surrounding and you feel warm. You feel the warmth of a hand that has a vice grip on you and if you were more aware of your senses and had the strength you would snatch your hand back. But its familiar, you know before you open your eyes that Natasha is the culprit of the vice grip. she found you, she came back for you. finally getting the strength to open your eyes more you find her sitting by your side staring out in the open space. you decide to let her know you woke up by attempting to squeeze her hand, which you fail at, but she still feels the twitch of your bruised fingers against hers.

Natasha jumps out of her seat at the feel of your finger twitching in her hand. she really wanted to launch forward and never let you go. “Hey, I’m here.” she gently pushes her face into your neck, it wasn’t your normal scent, but she didn’t care.

“I’m here.” she leans back inspecting your face once more. placing a gentle kiss to your cheek that’s not bruised and goes back to her previous position. “You’re safe.” she mumbles into your skin quietly over and over again until the door swings open tearing her attention away from you. it was Clint, he stops in his tracks seeing you awake, he quickly tells Natasha that we would go find the doctor or a nurse to check on you.

It’s been a few days since you’ve woken up from the pits of emptiness and darkness. you haven’t said a word, not one word. you barely blink, you don’t eat the food being brought in for you by the nurses. They have to settle on giving you a feeding tube. You ignore Clint. You ignore Natasha.

“What’s wrong with her?” Maybe it was insensitive to say it that way and to say it in front of you instead of pulling the doctor aside, but she didn’t have time to be coy. she needs things to be straightforward. she didn’t want anything sugarcoated, not after everything that’s happened within the last few weeks.

“She’s in a state of shock.”

“What needs to happen for her to get out of it?”

“I’m afraid there’s nothing we can do. she has to do it on her own.”

“It’s not uncommon, especially in the situation she’s been in, just be patient and give it time.” That wasn’t going to ease Nat’s mind, she was grateful that you’re up and that she can see your eyes again, but to see you in that bed damn near lifeless is killing her. “And what if she doesn’t snap out of it?”

He gives her a sympathetic tight-lipped smile. as long as she’s known you, you have always been strong enough to fight through challenging obstacles. was she insane for thinking that you could surpass this? she wasn’t prepared for the worst or what would potentially come out of the doctor’s mouth next. Natasha is finally pulled from her spiral when the doctor responds.

“Then we’ll discuss other options.”

She doesn’t care for his lack of detail and neither does Clint he speaks before Natasha has the chance to. “Other options like what?”

All you can think about is that moment you watched your best friend die, the moment you smelled your own flesh burn, the moment when all you could smell was the deteriorating body of someone who brought so much life and sunshine to wherever they went. You watched that sunshine and life literally drain and leave her body for days. 21 days to exact. Despite you not speaking Natasha still talks to you every day. About any and everything she can think of. she even talks about a new conspiracy theory for one of your shared tv shows that you two love to watch when you have the time. hoping that would get you to at least look at her instead of through her. It doesn’t work. nothing worked but she didn’t want you held hostage in this hospital. you both would have to find a new place to stay since shield was the only place you two could call home.

Clint welcomes you and Nastasha to stay at his house for as long as you both wanted. since shield wasn’t your home anymore, or rather hydra infected your home like a virus downloading onto a computer. slowly damaging the hard drive before shutting everything down all at once. she tried to repair you as much as she could but there was no repairing you. there was no repairing what happened to you and definitely not what happened to Jay.

today much like any other day you felt low. you were back in that cold metal room. confined to that chair and on the floor next to you was your decomposing best friend. Natasha comes into the room when it’s time for your medicine she normally leaves after, she couldn’t see you like this any longer she was near her breaking point of shutting down herself. she injects the needle into your IV drip and does her other routine check-ins to make sure you’re comfortable. you stare out into open space, the only indication she has that you’re still on this earth is the faint rise and fall of the blanket laying on top of you. when she’s done with everything, she needs to do to care for you she leans down to your level.

“I love you, Angel.” it took a lot from her to say those words. you never pushed her to say them even though you said it without any doubt, you knew you were in love with her. Natasha learned more about her feelings throughout the relationship, but she still never said the words flat out, until now. she kisses your cheek as she turns around to leave but she stops in her footsteps when she feels your hand in hers. gripping her as tightly as you can.

“I love you too, Redd.” you say dryly, not using your voice for what felt like years was beyond uncomfortable. she turns around to face you with tears in her eyes. “Stay.” you say while squeezing her hand again. she nods once and carefully gets into bed with you. she gives you enough space in the bed not wanting to smother you or overwhelm you after finally breaking through your stagnate state.

Your sleeping schedule was ruined as well, because how could you get a good nights sleep when you thought your mind was playing tricks on you? You jolts from your sleep and Natasha is quick to check in on you. She rarely slept anyway always checking your heat beat. Always looking for the subtle rise and fall of the blanket. She sits up waiting for you to gather your thoughts. She doesn’t reach out to touch you. She did that once and you completely panicked. You finally get the words to come out as you remembered something that happened that day.

“I-I saw Coulson, he helped me and then I- just remember darkness.” Natasha gives you a tightlipped smile, you had the hardest time with Coulson’s death.

“Baby, Coulson’s dead, remember? maybe you-” you cut her off with much hostility laced in your voice. “Maybe what? hm? you think I’m crazy?” you say with a hard gaze. “You think I’m going insane? I know what I saw!” Natasha tries de-escalating the situation as best as she can. “I’m just saying you were trapped in that room for 3 weeks going in and out of consciousness.” you shake your head trying not to put images to her words. you try and you fail. it became too much for you.

Natasha steps into action when you start slapping your forehead repeatedly. “No, no, no.” you mumble under your breath. she takes you in a strong embrace as you both sink onto the bed, she rocks you back and forth trying to sooth you as best she can. “I saw him Nat, I saw him, He came to help me.” you sob the last few words. you were nearly on the verge of death when Coulson showed up. he would’ve taken you with him if Natasha, Sharon and the other agents wouldn’t have showed up. “Shhh okay, I believe you. I believe you.” you look up at her through thick eyelashes. “You do?” she nods as her eyes go teary as well. “Yeah.” your lips quiver as you try pushing the words out of your mouth. “You don’t think I’m crazy?” she kisses your lips.

“No, angel, you’re not crazy.” she was so caught up in everything she forgot to think about how Nick died right in front of her eyes, but that was deemed to be some sort of Houdini trick so she can’t say whether you saw Coulson or not. but it wouldn’t be the craziest thing in the world. The first day after your breakthrough was a rollercoaster one that Nat thought she was prepared for, but she didn’t know how to handle this. this wasn’t an easy fix. between the many arguments, the mutual tears, and mutual frustrations it was clear that Natasha couldn’t do anything to help you on her own, you needed help from a professional.

Helping you bathe was the tip of the iceberg upon seeing your wounds and your skin for the first time since that day. you wanted to see the damage underneath the bandages. Natasha thought it was a bad idea and she was correct. upon her denying your request you started unraveling them yourself and what your eyes were met with had you breaking down on the bathroom floor.

Natasha catches you and comforts you for as long as you allowed her to. until you get annoyed with her touch. other times when it was time to change the bandages and let your burn wounds get some air, you wanted to keep them hidden. Not wanting them on display, not wanting the kids to see them. not wanting to feel the pain of remembering that feeling on your skin. it made your skin crawl, it made you panic. So, Natasha made a compromise to give you loose long-sleeved shirts, jackets or flannels depending on the weather, to keep them hidden.

Natasha didn’t know what to do. some days you wanted her comfort, her touch, and other days you wanted to tell her to fuck off and stop treating you like you were broken. The words never came out while you were being held hostage by your own mind. now that you were more aware and alert to move your own body, things got difficult. you still refused to eat some days. somethings just made you sick to your stomach; you couldn’t stand the smell of meat.

You couldn’t be around when Laura cooked. the sight of the flame from the stove triggered you. it taunted you with that lighter Ward held to your skin. it seems like you really just gave Natasha a hard time trying to help. somedays you allowed it and welcomed it and the other days you got so erratic that Laura had to step in and take over instead. you hated watching yourself through the mirror you were no longer the same. you were staring at a stranger.

It was going to take a lot of blood sweat and tears to even get you close to being normal again. really you would describe it as tolerable, you want to be tolerable again and not feel like a burden. to not feel broken and feel like shit for not doing enough to save Jordan. you hated this new person. all the things you used to love, you hated, because now it was added on to the long list of triggers. You were in fact broken and it all stemmed from a security breach that shield allowed to take place right under their nose.

#natasha romanoff x black!reader #natasha x fem!reader #stranger au #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff angst

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