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unforth · 6 months

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I had a day off yesterday.

And I can already practically hear the assumptions that such a statement is prompting the reader to make. Those assumptions are wrong. I don't mean I didn't work. I did, for about 8 hours. That's not at all what I mean.

I mean my wife took the kids out at 9:30, spent the night with her mom, isn't back yet the next morning.

There are things I NEED people on this website to understand about parenting. And I've talked about it before, and I'll talk about it again, because honestly the way that Tumblr as a cohort talks about parents makes me sick. Multiple polls have shown that only about 2% of people on here are parents. We're a huge minority, and we're constantly talked over, ignored, or accused of being bad parents (like, personally, I have had people reply to my comments or come on to my posts and tell me I shouldn't have my kids). In my case, being a parent means I'm almost 41, I'm married to @ramblingandpie, and our children are inching up on being 8 and 6 years old.

My entire day, and therefore my entire life, revolves around them. I'm up most mornings at 5 AM, because that's the earliest they're "allowed" to wake up, and so my brain just defaults to being awake around then - better to wake up before them, at least then I get a few minutes in the morning. Between 5 and 7, I sit with them, do my social media, work on side blogs, study Chinese. Then it's helping them get ready for school, then my wife or I or both get them on the bus, and then I work until the last possible minute, which is either when I need to go pick them up for an after school activity or when I need to go down and meet them off the bus. My afternoons are after school activities, chores such as washing the dishes and cleaning up toys, talking with them, working with them, playing with them. Their bedtime starts at 7:40, and my son gets scared if I leave before he falls asleep so I sit with him until about 8:15. As soon as he's asleep, I go fall on my face, sleep as best I can, then wake up and do it again. Overnight, it's hard to sleep deeply, because about once a week someone will wake up in the middle of the night and need help. That could be as minimal as a hug or as complex as having to completely change the bedding on a bunk bed at 2 AM while also comforting a child who is afraid they'll be in trouble, or afraid they're sick, or afraid of their nightmare, or, or, or. Further, if a child is awake, there is always noise. I usually study Chinese with two or more competing sources of noise. I read the same way. My life is loud, and active, and consists of constant interruptions.

I adore my family, and I love my children, but this is terrible for me.

I do all of this as an neurodivergent introvert. My clinical depression is at least medicated, mostly because post-partum depression after I gave birth the first time nearly drove me to suicidal in under a week (we were expecting this and were prepared, fortunately, getting help was as simple as a phone call). The constant noise and interruptions and forced socialibility are about the worst combination of home-life I could be subjected to. I spend far too many early mornings just breathing deeply and gearing myself up to be subjected to the wall of Loud, Boisterous, Needing-My-Attention that is every minute when anyone else in the house is awake.

So what did my day off look like?

I helped get the kids ready to go and did some morning chores. I'd been up at 4:30 AM so I also had already social media'd and studied. Then, while my wife finished the preparations, I started work, and I worked from about 8 am to about 4 pm, straight. I didn't get hungry so didn't bother stopping for lunch. No one interrupted me, no one asked me to look at anything they'd built, no one broke my concentration, no sounds could be heard except those I'd chosen myself.

I'd been out the day before at a local shopping street and listened closely to the things the kids said they wanted, so at 4 I grabbed a couple orders I needed to ship for work and drove to our local downtown, dropped the orders in a post box, then went back to the shops and did some Christmas shopping in the 45 minutes or so before everything closed. I think I'm basically done with what we'll get them - other bigger things will be left to grand parents - so that's a load off, I literally had a stress dream earlier this week about it being 12/24 and having forgotten to do the shopping and having to go to (oh horrors) the mall on the day before Christmas. (Reminder: I'm a Jewish atheist. It's just virtually impossible not to Holiday in the Culturally Christian Hellscape that is the US. Also, my wife is Christian. So.) Found something cute for my wife, too, even tho I already know the main thing I'm getting her. Then, I realized - one of my favorite restaurants is on that block. So. I went there. I sat by myself at a table, only the indistinct restaurant hubbub around me. I read four or five chapters of my book, and ate a savory crepe, and drank lovely fruit tea, and got a scone to-go that I'll eat for lunch today. It was more than I probably should have spent on myself - about $25, including tip - but fuck it. I only get maybe a handful of days off all year, and I'm allowed to indulge a little.

Then I came home. There were no lights on. There was no noise. I had considered doing some more merch work while watching TV on the actual television (my kids are too young for subtitled shows, so usually if I want to watch My Shows I either have to do it on my computer when they're not around, or put them on and read all the subtitles aloud while trying to keep up and process the actual meaning of what I'm reading). But when I got back, the quiet and dark was so goddamn NICE that instead I curled up on the couch and read more of my book. I did that until bedtime - still about 8:15, because I'm exhausted. Then...I went to bed. And I slept long and deep, knowing that there was no chance I'd be interrupted and woken up, I didn't have to be, even in sleep, alert to every noise and possibility that I'd be needed.

I'm still exhausted and burned out, but even one night to myself felt really, really nice.

Saying "Tumblr does X" as a universal statement is doomed to failure, but generally speaking, the parenting posts I see on Tumblr, the ones with tens or hundreds of thousands of notes, speak what's apparently widely seen as a truism on here: that unless someone wants to spend 24/7 with their kids, to be 100% emotionally available at all times, is always kind and patient and perfect, they are a bad parent, maybe even abusive. I remember when covid started, there were multiple posts actively mocking the "oh god, my kids are now home all the time, how am I supposed to do this?" attitude that a lot of parents posted in despair. WhY dId YoU hAvE kIdS iF yOu DoN't WaNt To SpEnD tImE wItH tHeM?

Look at what my usual day looks like.

Look at what my day off looked like.

Do you really think I don't want to spend time with my kids? Do you really think I don't love my kids?

But I'm not a fucking MACHINE. I'm a PERSON. That's what people on Tumblr seem to forget. PARENTS ARE PEOPLE. The same tumblrinas who post ~uwu be kind to yourself rest if you need to, you should forgive yourself for that mistake you made~ will turn around, with zero sense of irony, and post "you're a bad parent if you ever raise your voice around a child."

Expecting parents to be perfect means expecting parents to be inhuman. It also means that a parent can't be poor (can't spend all your time being the perfect parent if you have to work multiple jobs or weird hours!), can't be introverted (can't be a perfect parent if you're not completely emotional available, god forbid socializing is exhausting for you), can't be on the ADHD or autism spectrum (what do you mean you forgot to get your kid to a doctor's appointment once? what do you mean over-stimulation can make you angry? how dare you get angry at a kid!), can't be depressed (gotta get out of bed every single day, gotta always be upbeat, patient, happy, or else that's Evil), can't be (like my wife) physically disabled (what do you mean your hands hurt too much to hold a child's hand? are you denying them touch?? CRUEL). And when the only answer you can offer to that is, "if you can't be that perfect you shouldn't be a parent," then you're saying people who aren't middle class to wealthy, people who aren't neurotypical, people who aren't physically able, shouldn't have children.

And honestly...what the fuck is your problem?

I'm not perfect. I tell my kids to just leave me alone sometimes. I raise my voice, especially when one of my kids starts punching the other, but also sometimes just cause I'm exhausted and Can't Anymore. I've forgotten an appointment by accident and felt like a total fucking idiot, and I've skipped an after school activity because I just wasn't up for taking them. I've served them more unbalanced, unhealthy meals than I can count. I've made many, many mistakes, but I've also done my best, and I love my kids, and I hope that when they grow up, they'll still love me even as they recognize that I wasn't perfect, just as I've come to accept my own parents' short-comings while still loving them very much. They're people, too, and the older I get, the more I understand where they were coming from.

When I fuck up, I apologize.

When they tell me they're unhappy with something I've done, I apologize, and I try to do better. Sometimes I even succeed.

This shit is hard, yo. And it's getting harder every year.

I'm BEGGING Tumblr: you need to start seeing parents as people. The way y'all talk about parenting on here is toxic, and genuinely harmful, and frankly exhausting. You have no idea what the reality of raising kids is like, and you need to shut the entire fuck up.

I had a day off yesterday.

I might get one more before the end of 2023.

I already can't wait. I am so, so, so tired. sigh

(if you actually read this whole rant and even a single word of it resonated for you, please reblog it. I'm tired of never seeing positive posts about parenting while I see negative ones with a bajillion notes.)

#unforth rambles #parenting #momblr #nothing prompted this #i just think about writing posts like this all the time #because the low-level background buzz of how much tumblr hates parents is a constant stressor tbh #and every once and a while i tip over the line end up Writing the Thing #and so here we are again #god i have so much to do today and instead i procrastinate with this #oops

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britcision · 3 months

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Hey by the way if anyone tries to deny Kabru is a judgy bitch I’ll send you the panels of him calling everyone worthless

Respect his duality he’s a good boy who genuinely wants the best for everyone but also thinks he has to do everything himself despite being the Least Qualified Ever because no one else lives up to his standards

He doesn’t even want to look at monsters but oh well every single other person is a piece of shit let’s go get my friends killed over and over again

He’s interesting BECAUSE he’s not one dimensional Good Pure Boy all the time, he’s a judgy manipulative little shit who will eat monsters if it gets him towards his goals, which are “nobody should be killed by monsters actually” and “i want to know what the fuck is going on”

He coulda had ONE honest conversation with Laios and known literally everything about him, Laios has never met a filter

But Kabru was raised for a good chunk of his life (6-18) by Milsiril, and for all he believes elves can never understand short lived people… he picked up the whole “I must be secretive and always conceal my own motivations”

He only breaks under literally the most intense high pressure situation he’s likely to see in his life, which along with being the potential goddamn apocalypse is also a rehashing of All Of His Personal Trauma oh and also Every Suspicion He Ever Had About This One Guy

He’s not more honest because he’s an honest person, he’s more honest because he forgot how sentences work when he finally caught Laios and doesn’t have the bandwidth to play the constant 4D chess in his head that underpins his EVERY INTERACTION WITH EVERYONE EVER until Marcille takes the lion

Kabru’s a pretty good person, with extremely good motivations and goals.

He’s a manipulative son of a bitch who will do anything, anywhere, anytime, to meet those goals, and spends a solid chunk of his time and energy on reading people so he can be someone they like… regardless of his own feelings.

He’s the living The Good Of The Many Outweigh The Needs Of The Few, and solidly puts himself in with “the few” by doing shit he hates because he thinks it’ll help.

Isn’t that more interesting than “oh he would never manipulate anyone, he’s so nice and good all the time”?

#kabru dungeon meshi #delicious in dungeon #dungeon meshi #this was supposed to be short but i am buzzing so #dungeon meshi spoilers #delicious in dungeon spoilers #also tbh why kabumisu has me by the throat #kabru’s sacrificed himself on the altar of his goals for so ling #long even #becoming everything for everyone so they like him and don’t get in his way #he Needs to get back in touch with himself #and stop becoming whoever his latest target will like #and mithrun could not give less of a fuck who kabru is if he tried #which is why kabru can finally drop the act and just be himself while they’re alone in the dungeon #he’s not trying to read and anticipate mithrun half as much as he does laios and That Is Actually So Much Better For His Mental Health #like yes boy give up on trying to please people #it’s a fucking endless pit get you a man who doesn’t give a shit and will tell you not to too #and then even when kabru stopped trying to be someone mithrun would like #that sneaky fuck won mithrun over anyway and THAT is why they are OTP shit

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overthinkingspark-blue · 2 months

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(last seen at the tmnt au comp u _ u)

Yea they have no clue, but at least Swanatello is pretty

#I’ve been sitting on these asks for so long I just decided frick it I’ll just touch up the old sketches #rottmnt #tmnt au competition #tmnt au propaganda #tmnt #hues of mystic neon #the lonely buzz in blue #my art✨

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mamawasatesttube · 2 months

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generally i think tim is the kind of person who just saves contacts in his phone by name. kon meanwhile is the kind of person who HAS to have a fun name for everyone he loves. when they start dating, you know it's serious the day kon changes his own name in tim's phone to "babycakes 💖🔥" and tim rolls his eyes but doesn't change it back.

#rimi talks #timkon #this WILL come back to get tim's ass next time he's driving cass somewhere and his phone buzzes #and he's like can you check who that was? and it's just a simple text from kon like heyy whats up :)! but cass does a full spit take #iced coffee all over the redbird passenger's seat. ''BABYCAKES?????''#tim: .#tim: . ... .... . . .. . .#cass: YOU CALL HIM BABYCAKES!??!???!?! WHEEEZE #tim staring dead-eyed at the road ahead: You Better Clean That Up.#cass texting back: Not Much BabyCakes 😩🎂🍰 What is up With You !!! 🤓👉👌#tim: Napkins Are In The Glove Compartment.#tim: .........................WHAT ARE YOU TEXTING HIM DONT MAKE ME PULL OVER. CASS #tormenting him is her god-given right as his big sister #tim #kon #cass #<- in the tags anyways <3

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cybersanctum · 9 months

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Arcane is an all-you-can-eat-buffet when you love Cocky Buff Women and Angsty Pathetic Men

#and i keep filling up my plate #going back for seconds #and thirds #im chowing down #vi #viktor #silco #jinx #grayson #embessa #jayce #when you could copy paste the character list if u wanted #cuz almost all the women are cocky and/or buff #and all the men are pathetic little meow meows #im seriously buzzing #THIS SHOW #arcane

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majimasleftasscheek · 3 months

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Quick! What's your current fav Kazumaji au you've made so far?

noooooo don't make me choose I love them all so much kldjkljdsflkd

if I had to pick, prolly the spirit!AU 👀 1) I love my bbygorl Ms. Hannya and 2) I really like imagining all the like major decision's Majima's made in his life having the backdrop of someone losing her mind trying to protect him but he's too stubborn to care about his own wellbeing

#runners up would prolly be the monster!au and the uhhh office!au mostly cuz it's been buzzing around me brain bits lately #those are all domestic fluffy stuff so I'm very into that #yakuza #ryu ga gotoku #majima goro #ms. hannya #my art

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edgarallanpoestan · 11 months

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sorry that i cant listen to scum by lovejoy without thinking of genloss. as if its MY fault that "i feel ive reached the end before ive reached death" and "youll still flinch when his blood pool touches you" and "maybe hell be jesus. maybe hell be jesus this time" and "i know its stockholm that youre stuck on" and "all i could see was horizon. that claustrophobic horizon" and the abrupt shifts from gentle to aggressive

#bee buzzes #generation loss #genloss #lovejoy #literally might take up web weaving solely bc of this #like. i have a web weave in my brain i have an animatic in my head i have a dozen fics spilling from my fingers that dont exist yet #but fuck if this combo specifically doesnt do smth to me creatively

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habunshu · 15 days

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Young Clive playing a small music box for baby Joshua | “The Art of FINAL FANTASY XVI” (art by Kazuya Takahashi)

#the soft colours the texture the composition of this means everything to me #i’m going so crazy over my ffxvi art book finally being here my phone camera roll is full of images from it #final fantasy #final fantasy xvi #ffxvi #final fantasy 16 #clive rosfield #joshua rosfield #concept art #kazuya takahashi #my poster book from SE for this game also came and i’m buzzing to put them all up there’s like 40 posters

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tequiilasunriise · 10 months

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The sheer soulmatism of Lenore and Annabel fucks me up so bad everytime I think too hard about it okay sit down y’all.

The way they were immediately drawn to each other even though they had no memory of anything! No reason to immediately become so attached and protective and trusting! Not even death could part them, it’s almost like reincarnation in a way. The sins of living and the pain that comes with being alive washed away not by holy water but rather split blood, and in this new life they’re reborn into a blank, clean slate. Even in this memoryless ‘next lifetime’ they still choose each other without hesitation, without question, and I am on my knees sobbing.

The parallels of Annabel fainting! Annabel fainted when she learned that Lenore was actually alive, and Annabel also fainted when remembering how she died, and by extension, how Lenore died too (not related to soulmatism but in one scenario her lover caught her despite the injury, and in the other Lenore had no such hinderance but failed to catch Annabel regardless and that parallel kills me so softly). The soulmatism that is reacting the same exact way when you learned she lived vs remembering how she died, the soulmatism that the love is still the same. Oh how the love is still so tragically the same, crossing that threshold of death, despite the unhappy ending you shared. Annabel faints because it’s learning you have a second chance at love vs remembering how that same love was ripped away and I am no longer on my knees but laying facedown on the floor.

(The way Annabel looked at Lenore before collapsing in both scenes but with DRASTICALLY different vibes of disbelief like okay yeah sure, sure okay mhm just smash my ribs and rip my heart right out why don’t you?)

Now, NOW, the thing that truly ends me? The crazy red/blue symbolism these two carry.

Lenore is the embodiment of red. Her thoughts come in red print, as do the ribbons she was wrapped up in. Her fiery (pun intended), confident personality, her pure raging defiance rallying those around her. What’s more, Lenore’s anger and bared teeth is painted red the same way her love is, because red is not just the color of anger. Red is love, and Lenore, my god, she cares so openly about the people around her that her heart’s just painted bloody and brazen on her sleeve. Born from self-made infernos into the person she was always meant to be- flirty, quick-witted, taking what she wants when she wants- she is a young Montague wrapped up in her family’s house colors trailblazing down her own paths.

(But unlike dear Romeo who scaled a tree to look upwards towards Juliet on her balcony, Lenore was in a tree looking downwards at her counterpart, and this parallel is so important as the scene is clearly a Romeo/Juliet parallel but without the sweet sappiness but rather tension and just like, 1000x more interesting ‘can I trust you fr fr-ness’.)

Annabel is the embodiment of blue. Her thoughts come in blue print, and her ribbons are a deep blue to match. Blue is the color of calmness, and she seems so tranquil with a gentle yet firm confidence that puts people around her at ease. A natural born leader with such cool-headedness. Oh, but underneath that mask? Sadness. SO MUCH sadness, Annabel is an ocean of it, she’s a peaceful smile with a melancholic heart shot through. Young Capulet holds not pure innocence like her Juliet-counterpart but rather a deep rooted loneliness, like guys, Annabel is actually just so fucken SAD I think we really need to address this more yes she’s a total girlboss but also Annabel is the personification of hollowed out loneliness that comes with your beloved being ripped away from you.

This really got away from me, but my point?

Lenore, the embodiment of red, has blue eyes.

Annabel, the embodiment of blue, has red-adjacent eyes.

FORGET LAYING ON THE GROUND IN TEARS I AM CURRENTLY CLIPPING THROUGH THE FLOOR AND HEADING STRAIGHT GAY TO MY GRAVE IN THE BACKROOMS!!!

YOUR HONOR THEIR EYES ARE THE GODDAMNED COLORS OF THE OTHER’S MOTHERMARYFUCKING S O U L LIKE WHAT IN THE JESUS H CHRIST BUMBLEBY SOULMATISM IS T H I S S S⁉️⁉️⁉️

#hey sorry fer such a long post but can you tell these two make me severely mentally ill #the bumblebyism of it all… eyes reflecting the color of ur pther half’s soul #if i had had a nickel everytime i crossed this trope i would have three nickels now gods #bumbleby sulemio and white raven SIGHHHH #everyone thank my rwby roots if u haven’t realized the eye soulmatism until now (but i doubt it i mean. its so obvious like. my god.)#white raven… gnawing on a tree branch… please imma fast passer but i still need MOREEEE #skittering around in a circle like a wild beast i need need NEEDD more of these two my god #white raven #nevermore webtoon #annabel lee whitlock #annabel lee nevermore #lenore vandernacht #gods her last name trips me up to spell everytime #lenore nevermore #should i tag this as bumbleby #u know what? yeah yeah i will why not #sorry fellow beekeepers but yall needa see this bc bumbleby eyecolor soulmatism mention #bumbleby #buzz buzz motherfuckers

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marblerose-rue · 7 months

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click for better quality!

must be fall

#my art #eye contact #tw eye contact #scopophobia #scopohobia tw #furry #sfw furry #oc #let me know if i need to tw tag this more or give me the proper tags if im not using the right one!!!#i do not remember my oc tag bc when i went to look NOTHING would pop up . so maybe i'll edit this later and see #I HAVENT DONE ART FOR [ME] IN A REALLY LONG TIME which is why ive been working up to posting this AHBDFKU #BUT YEAH i am really happy with this. im having a fun time switching between the first sketch and the final product #im also eating a bag of blue raspberry sour patch kids like my life depends on it theyre so good #my hair is also getting pretty long i think and im debating on just letting it grow out or buzzing it again or a Short haircut #we'll see i'll probs figure out by the time october is over #ive been stalling the last 30 minutes to post this LMAO

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dawaytoamarillo · 14 days

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Unpopular opinion mayhaps, but I always thought that the actual reason Tank crashed Johnny's birthday party wasn't just so he could antagonize him, but that it had more to do with Ripp than with Johnny.

Because Ripp has friends and Tank doesn't, because Ripp can sneak out, and hang out with these friends and go to parties and Tank can't. Because in his mind he has a strict code of what he's allowed to do and what he's not allowed, and shouldn't absolutely do, as it is implied in the gba game

This is a direct result of Buzz's militaristic education, of course, which consequently prompted Tank's desire to please his father and his fear to disappoint him.

However, even though he wants to please his father, I believe that he actually doesn't enjoy nor does he look forward to all the training that Buzz's makes him go through. No, I rather think he secretly hates it (though he will never admit it out loud, at least a young Tank, that's it) and that he's already aware of the fact that that he didn't had a normal childhood and isn't having a normal adolescence either.

So he resents Ripp and he's jealous of him because he's able to break the rules, not only that; he's determined to break them. And Tank isn't; he probably feels like he's in too deep already.

So yeah, my headcanon is that he crashed the party to fetch Ripp and take him home with him. Because if he doesn't get to have fun his brother shouldn't either. He also wants to fight Johnny, of course, but like I said I don't think fighting him was his main motivation here

#ramblings #it is so very sad and tragic #bc if these two worked together I'm sure they would be a lot less miserable than they're at the start of the game #Buzz has ruined these boys completely I'm afraid #the fact that in the psp game Ripp ended up giving up completely his dreams and resigning himself to work in the army too #and Tank is confirmed to have developed anger issues in the psp game too #I think that that says it all #Worse of all is that Buzz most likely doesn't care #ts2 #tank grunt #Ripp grunt #johnny smith #Buzz grunt #Grunt family #the sims 2

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