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#but this kids! they've been thru enough
gurinpotte · 4 months
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love me in the snow, love me in the sun, love me, the beige skin among the flowers of red" ∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄∾⋄
Inspired in part by beloved Gravity, by @katnissmellarkkk and by Roi, by Videoclub! The song doesn't have the everlark vibes per se but the lyrics are so cute and very snapshot like. The fic is perfect, very natural paced and full of longing, 100% recommend!!! Please do zoom in for hi-res, gave my life and tears for this one 💖
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sungbeam · 2 months
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nonidol!jeong yunho x f!reader
yunho might have been the superstar out of the two of you, but you have always been the center of his universe. (you — it's always been you.)
▷ genre, warnings. bffs2l, childhood friends 2 lovers, pining, popstar/singer au, swearing, fluff, humor, angst, hurt/comfort, kissing, mentions of alcohol, mentions of anxiety/nervousness, they physically cannot be apart for too long sorry they've got Attachment Issues low-key..., one kiss (is all it takes—)
▷ word count. 16.3k (guys,, this was supposed to be only like 6-8k i swear 😭)
▷ associated tunes. keep smiling (demxntia), gone too long (lullaboy), tear in my heart (twenty-one pilots)
a/n: hope u guys like this :'))) i had one of the scenes from here stuck in my brain for awhile and so i had to build the rest of the fic around it, and it turned into this monster, so uhm yes... also much love to @jaehunnyy tysm for reading thru it for me 💖
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THE DAY YUNHO'S ALBUM hit the Billboard Hot 100, you knew that you were going to need a lot more hands on deck than just you, your roommate, and Jeong Yunho himself.
“There's not enough albums, not enough time in the day, not enough of you!” You exclaimed with your fingers shoved into your hair as you took in the landscape of chaos before you on your living room floor. “Yunho, why couldn't you be ambidextrous?”
His eyes widened, body frozen where he was shoving a slice of beef jerky into his mouth. “Mwe? Pwhy are pyu yellinh ap mwe por?”
“I'm not yelling at you; I'm just wondering why you weren't born with eight arms instead of just two.” There were simply too many albums for him to sign before his agent came to pick them up in two hours, and there were also too few albums for the amount of demand. You always knew your best friend would make it big one day, but you also thought he would have had a whole team by that time.
Technically, you were his team—you, your roommate Trinity, and Mingi who was at his grandmother's for the long weekend. Mingi was five texts away from driving back down to help you guys four hours ago though. But his family needed him right now, and Yunho was firm in ensuring Mingi didn't have to come down and help. We got this, he'd said. It'll be easy, he also said.
Sure. Easy.
“We can't just forge his signature?” Trinity joked in a sleep-deprived daze as she leaned back against the couch cushions. Her mouth opened wide in a yawn. “I'm kidding. Let's not ruin his career.”
Yunho swallowed his bite. “That would be nice.” He cleaned his fingers on the Wet Wipe he had handy by his thigh, then picked up his black Sharpie, spinning the writing utensil between his fingers. “Now where were we? Album number fifty-six—?”
This had taken place just four months after Yunho released his second album, Aurora. It had been nearly a year and a half since Yunho debuted himself onto the music scene, and it was about time people finally began to recognize your best friend for all that he was—multi-talented, charismatic, handsome (on some occasions; you wouldn’t let him catch you slipping up there, though).
Within the next year and a half, Yunho skyrocketed into further altitudes of fame.
There were plenty of changes that occurred, many evolutions to Yunho's team and additions to his discography, but you were always a part of it. Even with your own career dealings, you would drop anything to be there for him, and him for you. Between the morning show interviews and late night recording sessions, there were also the research presentations and study session pick-me-ups.
“Are you sure you don't wanna come with?” You asked from where you were stationed in front of the bathroom mirror, putting on the final touches for your look this evening.
You could hear Trinity's fingers clacking away at her keyboard at the speed of light through her open bedroom door. “I'd love to, but I unfortunately did screw myself over by procrastinating on this paper. Have fun though, and tell Yunho congrats for me.”
Tonight was the album release party for Yunho's third full studio album entitled Youth. It was something he had been working on for years now, only recently having become satisfied with the tracks he chose and produced for it. Due to his sudden rise in fame, the release party was said to be hosting a myriad of big name celebrities and figures in the music industry. And of course, you. You were no one special, in hindsight, but Yunho couldn't begin to imagine celebrating a milestone without you by his side.
By eight o'clock, you were ready to head out.
You bid Trinity goodbye as you hustled out the front door of your apartment and down to the street below. Yunho and Mingi and everyone else would already be at the party; you would arrive on your own via Uber. You wished you could've been with him to get ready like all the other times, but your schedule had been unfortunate as of late. You were lucky enough to have gotten off of work this early.
As you sat in the backseat of your ride, you anxiously fidgeted with your phone in your lap.
(You were, without a doubt, excited to arrive at the party. Due to yours and Yunho's ever-busy and ever-conflicting schedules nowadays—yours because of work and PhD candidacy stuff, Yunho's because of rehearsals for his upcoming world tour—it had been awhile since you were able to hang out in person. You missed your gentle giant of a best friend.)
A loud vibration from it made your heart leap into your throat, and your face lit up in the dark with the incoming notification.
rockstar 🤟: pls tell me you've left the house
You snorted and typed out a swift reply. If I told you I was still in my pajamas…
rockstar 🤟: then i would call u a liar cuz u don't go to work in pjs, weirdo rockstar 🤟: just getting antsy tbh rockstar 🤟: need my star here w me :’)))
You couldn't help the touched pout that came to your face. I'm almost there, don't worry. And who are you calling a star when that's you? He always got a little sappy when he was nervous.
rockstar 🤟: im literally not having fun here without u hurry up :// your phone: isn't this UR album release party 😭 yun, why aren't u having fun? rockstar 🤟: just hurry up your phone: aish okok 🤧 eta 8min mr. impatient
You knew it was the jitters making him say things like that. Once you got there, you hoped you could help reassure him that he could stop worrying for just a second to enjoy himself. Even if Yunho worried about the album and what people thought, you were just as nervous. You hadn't even heard the entire thing—he’d been cheeky and didn't tell you he added a song to it last minute, but you'd listened to everything else.
You just hoped that people would continue to celebrate him and give him the love he deserved.
When your Uber driver pulled into the drop off loop at the front of the venue, you thanked him on your way out and threw the strap of your small purse over your shoulder. Already, however, as you were met with the residuals of flashing camera lenses and frantic paparazzi calls just a little ways down the driveway, the anxiety slowly began to settle in the pit of your stomach.
You could see the celebrities going up the entrance with people asking them to pose for their cameras, to say a word into their recorders.
Immediately, you turned on your heel and began slipping your way to a side entrance. The last thing you wanted was for dozens upon dozens of people to be staring at you, wondering who you were and why you were important. There were definitely people who knew you—you were plastered all over Yunho's social media because that was just what best friends did. But compared to everyone else walking up that driveway? Not a chance. You were nobody, and that was ay-okay to you.
Just as you thanked one of the employees coming out the side door for letting you in, you felt your phone buzz in your hand again, this time with an incoming call.
You picked it up and squeezed it between your ear and shoulder. “You're gonna need to speak up—the kitchen is super loud.”
“You're here finally!” Yunho said to you through the phone. “I was starting to get worried.”
You chuckled as you ducked out of the kitchen and into the main lobby to get to the elevators. The party was taking place somewhere on the seventh floor… if you could get there without getting lost. “Hey Yun, do me a favor?”
“Sure.”
“Calm down, man.”
The elevator sang its arrival and you stepped inside to the sound of Yunho sucking in a deep breath, then exhaling slowly. “I am calm… wait, are you in the lobby? Let me come down and get y—”
“I just got in the elevator, so don't worry—and I really don't think you should be leaving your own party, rockstar,” you teased. “Man, Mingi and Hwa really pulled out all the stops for this place,” you marveled quietly as you gave the elevator carriage a thorough look. It was made of marble and mirrors, every surface polished and crisp, like that of a tailored suit if tailored suits were made of crystals.
“Yeah, it's really great,” he agreed. “Remember the release party we threw for Crescent?”
A fond laugh tumbled out of your lips as you stepped out of the elevator and onto the seventh floor. Your mind filled with memories of his debut album's release party hosted in yours and Trinity's living room with three extra large Domino's pizzas, root beer floats, and a cheap disco ball. It had been a party for four that night—you, Yunho, Mingi, and Trinity—but your friends didn't need the fancy shit to have fun. “Definitely leagues away from this.”
There was a bouncer at the far end of the hallway, and you were certain now that you were in the right place.
“I kind of miss it,” Yunho murmured. You heard the sound on his end shift, simultaneous to watching the doors in front of you crack open and see Yunho's head pop out into the empty hallway.
“I kind of miss it, too,” you said into the phone, your eyes locked on his and a smile blooming over your features at the sight of your best friend, in the flesh.
There was a tender gleam in his eyes as he took you in and said something in a low tone to the bouncer. He stepped out into the hallway, letting the doors behind him shut fully.
“Slowpoke,” was his greeting to you as he scooped you into his embrace. The smell of his cologne was something familiar and delicious, and permeated your senses.
“Worrywart,” you quipped back, wrapping your arms around him to reciprocate.
When you both pulled back, he kept you at arm's length so he could take a better look at you. “I can't believe you're calling me the worrywart! I do recall that one night when Aurora hit the Top 100—”
You silenced him with a look and a playful punch to his shoulder. You pressed your lips together to suppress a smile as he tilted his head back in a jovial laugh. “Quiet, you. For once, I can't believe you're more nervous than I am.”
He gave a sheepish grin, fussing with the unbuttoned collar of his dress shirt, adjusting the chain he wore on his collarbones so the clasp sat right at the hollow of his throat.
You softened. Oh, he was really nervous.
“This album's just big for me; you know that,” he said, almost like he was trying to brush it off.
“I do.” The two of you began slowly making your way back towards the party doors. “Though, I'm excited to hear this mystery song that you snuck on there. I'm sure everyone will fall in love with the album, just like I did.”
He peered over at you then, and you couldn't understand why you were unable to read his expression then. It was… different. “Really?”
You blinked. “Of course,” you replied automatically. “I mean,” you added, “it's you, Yun. What's not to love?”
Yunho seemed speechless for a second, but moments later, he was breaking into a soft-cornered smile. “You always know what to say, Yn. Come on, there are some people who are dying to meet you.”
“Dying to meet me?” You laughed as the bouncer let the two of you into the party.
The party room was a rented out lounge space with wraparound windows that looked out at the skyline in the valley below. The main lights were kept low and warm, illuminating strategic places throughout the space to highlight the prohibition-like interior design. It was something out of a 1920s speakeasy with its velvet couches and dark mahogany wood finishes.
Yunho took you over toward the side of the room to get food first. There was a variety of snacks and small bites on the buffet table, and there was a bar counter shoved into the far corner where a bartender served drinks.
“I've pretty much socialized with everyone in this room already,” Yunho murmured to you as he shoved his hands into his pockets and grinned. “Meaning I can bug you for the rest of the night.”
Your eyebrows shot up. “There has to be, like, fifty people here. We still have the whole party left.”
“Yeah, but I have more fun with you anyway,” he said with a shrug. He reached for one of the little serving cups that held a little roll of rice armed with a slice of wagyu beef on top, all wrapped together with a strip of nori. “Now these—these are fucking amazing, dude. You have to try one.”
You snorted, but grabbed one of the little cups. “How many of these have you eaten already, Yun?”
He tapped his cup against yours like he was clinking glasses together. He chuckled, averting his gaze. “We don't have to talk about that…” His eyes caught onto someone nearby, and he perked up, shoving the entire bite into his mouth so he had a free hand to flag down whoever it was. “Mmh!”
You nearly choked on your own bite as you watched your best friend, who's cheeks were stuffed like a chipmunk's, flap his arm around in the air to get this person's attention because his mouth was currently occupied.
You turned your head to see who he was waving over, and nearly choked again, having to cup your hand over your mouth to prevent rice from falling out. Your eyes widened an alarming amount. “Mmno—!” You mumbled through your bite.
“What? I can't hear you,” he snickered. “Hongjoong hyung! There's someone I want you to meet.”
You made a crazed gesture—no, no, I'm not ready! How dare you ambush me with social interac—you swallowed the food in your mouth as Hongjoong made his way over. You had never met the famed Kim Hongjoong—legendary producer, prodigy musician, favorite model to ever strut down the Paris Fashion Week Runway. He dropped off the grid for a brief three-month hiatus until he suddenly reappeared, but in your best friend's Instagram story. At some point, Yunho had met Hongjoong and won his favor. Then again, it was easy for Yunho to win over anyone's favor.
No one really knew why Hongjoong disappeared like he had, but some speculate it had something to do with his new relationship status: single.
You were always starstruck seeing Hongjoong on Yunho and Mingi's social media, as well as Hongjoong's own platforms. Tonight was no exception.
Hongjoong's hair of the season was a simple light brown that complimented his skin tone and the warmth in his smile. You were used to seeing him in more extravagant garb, but tonight, he chose something very simple, but chic like Yunho.
Yunho and Hongjoong clasped hands in greeting. “What's up, man?” The latter chirped, eyes flickering over to you as you attempted to behave normally.
Yunho gestured toward you, his eyes twinkling as he swept his arm around your shoulders to bring you forward. “This is Yn. Yn, this is Hongjoong. He's the one who produced the album—”
“Now, don't downplay your own efforts, Yunho,” Hongjoong cut in with a knowing look. “You produced so much of it on your own; I fine-tuned and made a couple tracks, but the rest was all you, man.”
“I always tell him he's far too humble,” you agreed.
Hongjoong sent you a smile, extending his hand out. “Great minds think alike, Yn. It's very nice to meet the person this guy doesn't ever stop talking about.”
You laughed good-naturedly and saw Yunho's flushed sheepishness out of the corner of your eye. You shook Hongjoong's hand with a firm, confident grip. “Nice to meet you, too. You're—you’re incredible, by the way. I remember when Yunho posted a photo with you, and I literally screamed his ear off over the phone.”
Yunho winced and held a hand up to his ear, as if remembering the physical sensation of that phone call. “Yup, definitely damaged my eardrum that day.”
“Well, thank you; I'm flattered,” Hongjoong replied pleasantly. “So I'm assuming you've probably heard as much of the album as I have then?”
“I'm sure you've heard the whole thing,” you said. “Yunho has withheld one of the tracks from me, but I've listened to all the rest.”
He cocked his head to the side. “Oh? Which track did—oh.” As he and Yunho made eye contact, you watched as a silent understanding passed between them, and Hongjoong's mouth tugged upward in a teasing smile. “That song.”
You blinked. “What does that mean?”
Hongjoong flourished his hand as if to wave away the thought. “He just wanted it to be perfect, so we were working on it up to the last second. Nothing terribly concerning.”
Ah. You relaxed, but the curiosity still lingered in your mind's eye. “I'm sure it's great, nonetheless.”
“Oh yeah, you're gonna love—”
“Oh-kay! That's enough about the song,” Yunho chuckled nervously as he grabbed your shoulders and began steering you away from a clearly amused Hongjoong. “Let's go say hi to Mingi, hm?”
You threw him a look from over your shoulder, but went along with him toward wherever he'd seen Mingi wandering around. “What has gotten into you tonight?” You teased, though, you also hoped to know why he was so jittery. He wasn't even this nervous about dropping his debut album.
Yunho showed you a bright smile, the same kind of golden-retriever expression that the media knew him well for. It would have been enough if you didn't know him. “Again, it's an important album to me. And the song I added last minute is on the deluxe version, so I wasn't really confident in putting it on the original release.”
“Ah,” you murmured. You reached up to pat the hand that rested on your left shoulder reassuringly. “I'm sure it really is a great song, Yun, and I'm not just saying that. You can make an awful omelet, but you can't make an awful song.”
Your best friend bursted into laughter at the latter comment, and your heart soared to see the genuine smile on his face now. That was your Yunho shining through. “You're right—if I can't scramble eggs, at least I can write a song.”
Over the next hour and a half, Yunho took you on a tour around the room, jumping from friend to friend to introduce you to more of his world. For the most part, however, it felt like an excuse for you to bond with all his friends in teasing him about something or other. But he seemed content enough to see you getting along well with the other people close to him.
He had met plenty of your friends at your work, so it was only fair that you got the same opportunity.
At some point while you were with Wooyoung and San discussing all of the rehearsals for Yunho's upcoming world tour, Hongjoong summoned everyone's attention to announce that it was time to listen to the album. It would be a rather casual affair with the Youth album playing in the background of the party, but you were certain people would minimize their conversations to listen in.
You craned your neck to peer around the crowd to see where Yunho had gone off to. “Wait, guys, did you see where Yunho went?”
Wooyoung and San joined your search, but quickly hustled you into a nearby booth to sit and enjoy the album with your drinks. “He'll find us,” Wooyoung assured you as the three of you slipped into the leather seats. “He wouldn't miss this.”
“He'll at least be here by the last song,” San said offhandedly, his eyebrows wagging up and down.
Your lips parted, your face morphing into feigned offense. “Wait. Did he let you guys listen to the deluxe edition song, too?”
“Maybe,” Wooyoung giggled.
San cooed at your pout. “Awwh, don't take it to heart, Yn-ie. It was supposed to be a surprise for you.”
You raised your drink to your lips, sighing before taking a sip. “Everybody talks about this damn song as if he wrote it for me.”
Unbeknownst to you, the two others at the table exchanged pointed looks between one another when you were looking away. It was a wonder how Yunho was able to keep this all a secret from you. Though, even San and Wooyoung knew how busy you could get nowadays, so perhaps it really was just that easy. Plus, they had all at one point or another been privy to Yunho’s feelings—
“Speak of the Devil,” you perked up at the sight of your best friend emerging from the crowd with the others—Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Mingi, Jongho (vocal coach and album feature), and Yeosang (PR management)—in tow behind him. “We were wondering where you had gone off to.”
Yunho grinned as the lot of them squished into the circular seating arrangement with you, San, and Wooyoung. “Sorry, had to go round everyone up. The album should be queued up and ready to go.” He chose to sit on the end of the booth to your right while everyone else filled it up from the other side.
You offered him a sip of your drink, and he gladly took the glass from you. “So San and Woo were just telling me about how their tour prep is coming. You guys are leaving—what was it—two weeks from now?”
He hummed, smacking his lips as he set the glass back down on the table. “Yeah, it should be just about two weeks,” he said. His arm came up to rest against the back of the booth seat behind you. “You know, you can still come to the first stop with us…” This was said with a very pointed look at you from Yunho, followed by similar expressions from everyone else around the table.
“And you know that day’s when my supervisor holds quarterly meetings that are mandatory,” you shot back. As much as you hated the timing, the day that Yunho and the team planned to fly to their first stop on his world tour, you were required to be present for a very important meeting at work.
The Youth World Tour was something Yunho had been looking forward to and preparing for a long time. Besides working on the Youth album itself, his working hours extended over the past year or so to get ready for this major milestone. You would definitely be able to meet up with them at one of the tour stops, you just weren’t sure which one yet.
Things at your workplace were a little rocky as of late due to shifting management, but you would play it by ear. For your best friend, of course you would make it work somehow.
Your ears pricked up at the sound of strings strumming overhead and your heart leapt out of your ribcage for a moment. “Oh my god, I love this song.”
“You and me both, Yn,” Hongjoong chuckled across the table from you, reaching over so you could bump fists with him, “you’ve got good taste.”
“You’re only saying that because you wrote this one specifically,” Yunho sputtered out a laugh while rolling his eyes.
“It’s a good message,” you said, picking up your drink to take a generous gulp of it. There was a little left at the bottom of the martini glass and you swirled the liquid around before handing it over to Yunho to finish. “I think this one will definitely make it onto my work playlist.”
Yunho draped the back of his hand over his forehead, setting the now empty glass on the table. “Wow, relegated to the work playlist. Is that all I am to you?”
“You are a mood maker,” you pointed out with a teasing smile.
“Bro, you're complaining as if Yn doesn't put her work playlist on for everything she does.” Mingi arched his brows over the rims of his sunglasses. (Why was he wearing sunglasses indoors and at night? You didn't know; he said something about looking cool.)
Wooyoung chuckled. “What? So let's say you're trying to sleep—”
“Yah, I have a different playlist for that! I'm not completely unreasonable.”
“Completely,” Yunho and Mingi said at the same time, then looked at each other with wide, excited eyes. They bursted out laughing at once, too, leaving you to deadpan at the two clowns to your eleven o'clock and three o'clock.
You sighed. “I hate you guys.”
That only made them laugh louder, spurring on the others to crack smiles and for you to do the same.
Yunho calmed slightly, his cheeks hurting from smiling. “Aw, you walked right into that one, Yn.”
“So you're saying you are, in some capacity, unreasonable—oh my god, don't hurt me!” Mingi shrieked as he shoved Yeosang's body in front of him like a human shield as you lurched forward and threatened to grab him.
Yeosang sent Mingi a dirty look as he wrestled out of his neighbor's hold. “Dude.”
“Jongho, protect me.”
The vocal coach popped the olive from his martini into his mouth. “If you can't handle the heat, hyung, stay out of the kitchen.”
You nodded, raising your pointer finger up. “Exactly.”
For the next hour, you and your friends shared good company and conversation, while also commenting on, praising, and enjoying the tunes from Yunho's Youth album. There were a good thirteen songs featured on the album, and while most of them were inspired by real life, you remembered the days and nights when Yunho would break out the white board under his bed to draw out a concept map of the storyline he'd created in his head for some songs. It was like a miniature Easter egg hunt for fans to piece together from album to album.
When the clock hit nearly midnight, you recognized the song that marked the end of the conventional album—track number thirteen, 22. It was a song that reflected and lamented on his early stages of adulthood, all the goods and bads, all the hopes and dreams he had left. It was something that tied the regular album with a satisfying bow, but you were also giddy to hear the secret fourteenth deluxe track.
But as his ethereal voice from 22 faded out, the same guitar chords from the first song of the album began to play.
Everyone at the table paused in confusion.
“Uhh, I thought you were revealing the hidden track tonight, Yunho?” Seonghwa asked from across the table.
Yunho tilted his body out of the booth to peer into the sound booth at the very back of the lounge, a furrow in his brow. “I thought I was, too,” he said as he stood up. “I’ll be back in a sec.”
Before anyone else could say anything, Yunho disappeared past the door to the sound booth. You frowned as Hongjoong excused himself to catch up with him, mumbling something about helping with any technical difficulties.
In retrospect, it wouldn't be the biggest deal if you didn't get to hear the song tonight. You would simply listen to it when the deluxe album dropped in about a week, but you wouldn't deny that you were a little disappointed. Everyone else at this table had already listened to it—why had Yunho not shared it with you yet? Did he think you would judge him or not like it? You didn't think you were ever so harsh a critic, but that would explain why he was so nervous all night.
Regardless, you remained positive.
When Yunho and Hongjoong returned to the table, the rest of you all looked on to them expectantly.
“Something wacky is going on with the system right now and won't play the file for the hidden track,” Hongjoong huffed. He passed Yunho a sidelong glance, and you saw how Yunho avoided his friend's eyes like the plague. “Sorry to disappoint, Yn.”
Everyone's attention whipped toward you, and you straightened like a deer caught in headlights. “Oh, uhm, it's no biggie,” you said. You glanced over at Yunho who, if anything, seemed guilty. Or maybe it was just something apologetic. “Really—I can wait for it to drop officially.”
You didn't like how the air seemed to shift during this exchange, as if all the other boys were sitting on the edges of their seats, faces morphed into mixed ranges of confusion and disbelief.
You cleared your throat. “Anyone want more drinks?”
As the night waned and the party came to a close, you found yourself being helped into another Uber car to head home. After the supposed tech glitch, the remainder of the party passed by without a hitch. At the very end, Yunho popped open a theatrical bottle of champagne for all his guests to close out the celebration.
The backseat door closed just as Yunho ducked in with you, his hand waving out the window to San, Wooyoung, and Jongho passing by along the curb.
The alcohol had gradually made its way to your brain, and there was a light buzzing at the base of your skull that made you feel all warm and fuzzy. You yawned, leaning your head against Yunho's shoulder.
He chuckled, one of his hands coming up to gently pat your head. “Tired?”
“Mhm,” you hummed as your eyelids fluttered closed. “You didn't have to lie, y'know.”
You felt his shoulder tense under your cheek. If only you could feel the rapid beating in his chest, then he'd be as good as done.
“I don't know what you're talking about,” he replied innocently, nimble fingers running over the chain links of his wristwatch.
Your eyes cracked open slowly. “Yunho.”
A beat passed, then he sighed. “Are you mad?” He asked quietly and his hand nearest to you found yours as he began to mindlessly inspect the chipped nail polish on your fingertips.
“No, silly. Why would I be mad?” When he didn't respond right away, you let out an exhale of your own. “I mean, I could tell you were nervous about me listening to the song all night. And if you weren't ready for me to listen to it yet, then I totally get that, and I'm okay with waiting. I just would rather you tell me that instead of make Hongjoong lie for you.”
He stopped playing with your fingers. “I'm sorry, for the record. Thank you for understanding.”
You hummed in reply.
The drive continued on with the accompaniment of a random radio station playing on low volume. You weren't going to fall asleep just yet with the alcohol still working its way through your system, but you kept your eyes closed nonetheless.
“I missed you, you know?” Were his first words to break the next silence.
A small smile wormed its way onto your face. “I missed you, too. I feel like we haven't seen each other in forever.”
He chuckled, the low sound rumbling through his chest and into your ear. “Texting can only take us so far. Isn't that crazy? We can't even survive a week without hanging out, but we're… we're about to be separated for so much longer timewise and distance-wise.”
You grumbled. “Don't remind me—wait. Has it really only been a week?” You peeked one eye open, a frown coming to your lips. “No way.”
Yunho smiled, shaking his head. “Believe it or not, stargirl. It's been only a week.”
“In-fucking-sane.”
“You're telling me.”
“How are we going to survive?” You pondered aloud, genuinely. If you couldn't fly out to see him within the first handful of tour stops, you and Yunho at the soonest wouldn't be able to see each other for three weeks. And if you couldn't escape your work duties and your PhD responsibilities, then it would be longer than that. “You're gonna have a closer relationship with your Valorant account than me.”
Yunho snorted. “I already have a closer relationship with my Valorant account than you.”
“Shucks.” You breathed out. “Guess I'll just text Hongjoong then. You know what he told me tonight when we were exchanging numbers? All eight of you nerds have a group chat and he gets ignored like a mom in a family chatroom.”
Your comment made a laugh tumble out of Yunho's mouth. “Did he make that analogy?”
“No, Seonghwa did when he overheard.”
A wheeze. “That tracks.” Yunho licked his lips as he turned his head slightly to glance down at you leaning on his shoulder. With his free hand, he warmed his palm over your head like he could keep you here forever. “So what's this about texting Joong?”
You shifted your position to get more comfortable and clung to his arm to press yourself closer. There was still a little ways to go before you reached your apartment. “I told him offhandedly that I wanna pick up a new hobby… something about crocheting or something, and apparently that guy is like… amazing at everything, so he's gonna help me out.”
“Ah.” The sound was quiet. “I'm glad you guys got along.”
You smiled to yourself. “Me too. He's really cool.”
“Not cooler than me though, right?”
You blindly reached over to pat his chest in warm reassurance. “Don't worry, big guy. I guess you're still the coolest guy I know.”
He clicked his tongue at you with a weak chiding, “Yah. You only guess? Don't tell Mingi that.”
“Oh, I wouldn't dream of it.”
The Uber eventually pulled up along the curb outside your apartment complex. You lifted your head up from Yunho's shoulder and woke yourself up with a good stretch of your limbs.
He helped you out of the car, handing you your purse when you finally got your bearings. “Are you sure I can't walk you up? You look like your knees are about to buckle,” he chuckled.
You shook your head. The cool evening air was helping your brain to sober up. “No, no. Don't worry about it—I’m not as drunk as that one year.”
“Dear heart, how could I forget,” he teased. “Mingi still has the recording of when you begged to be bridal carried.”
Your face warmed at his mention of that memory and you wrinkled your nose at him. “I was gonna say ‘I love you’ along with goodnight, but I suppose not.”
Yunho froze. “What?”
Maybe you really weren't sobering up, because you didn't catch his strange reaction. “Nevermind,” you said flippantly. “Love you, Yun. Good night. Get home safe!”
He seemed to unfreeze, his lungs filling with breath again. A soft smile melted onto his pretty lips as he looked on toward you with a warm fondness. “Love you, too. Good night, Yn.”
He remained where he was outside the car door as he watched you dig your keys out from your purse and open the complex door. When you had one foot inside, you stopped, and turned back to him with a big grin on your face. “Hey!”
“Hey?” He laughed.
“I'm proud of you.”
For the thousandth time tonight, you made him lose his breath, his hold on reality. He swallowed—he wanted to kiss you. “I love you. Get some rest, stargirl.”
You waved to him in reply and he waved back. Then you disappeared through the door and left him there, his heart full and beating fast, the longing in his chest weighing heavier than before.
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When you and Yunho were thirteen, you spent the longest period of time away from each other for the rest of your lives. It measured to about one summer break long when Yunho flew to South Korea to spend the entire vacation there and you could do nothing but chat with him via good, old fashioned e-mail.
Now that the two of you were older, even a couple days dragged on like an eternity. And because of your clashing and stacked schedules, a couple days almost always bled into a week.
A week since the release of Youth marked the inevitable release of its deluxe edition and the ever mysterious fourteenth track.
“Yn, wait, can you just help me finish this set of primers?”
You were this close to escaping the lab before one of your colleagues caught you. Taking a deep breath, you resolved to turn back and help them out. One less thing to worry about later, right? You could still listen to the track once you got home.
Except you couldn't, at least not right away. You saw the email on the bus ride home:
Hello TAs! One of your peers has unfortunately been involved in a motorbike accident early this evening. We have been informed that they will recover to full health, but because they are hospitalized, we will need to redistribute responsibilities regarding grades and as to who will cover their TA sections…
You skimmed down the email's contents, knowing you wouldn't be the one filling in as an actual TA. Because you were a first year graduate student in your first quarter, you opted to start off with grading work for now. But even if you didn't have to deal with a whole section of undergraduates, you could feel the blood drain from your face.
“You've gotta be shitting me,” you said, then slapped your hand over your mouth once you realized you'd said that aloud. You mouthed a sheepish “sorry” to a parent and her child nearby, then ducked your head to look at the contents once more.
There was no way they wanted—no, needed—all of those graded by tonight.
This was cruel and unusual punishment, but you knew you were going to do it anyway.
By the time you finished grading, shoveled dinner into your mouth, and took a therapeutically scalding hot shower, it was sometime past two in the morning. Thank fuck it was Saturday.
It was less than twelve hours later that you settled into the passenger seat of Yunho's Lexus sedan with a pair of shades covering your dehydrated, puffy eyes from the world and whatever paparazzi was stalking his car. Yunho glanced over at you with barely concealed amusement. “Well, good morning, princess.”
“You can't see it but I'm glaring at you,” you grunted as you strapped yourself in with the seatbelt. “I can't believe you wake up before noon now.”
“Unfortunately,” he chuckled, peeling his car away from the curb. After an unsatisfactory six hours of sleep, Yunho had woken you up with the obnoxiously loud sound of your phone ringing. You managed to negotiate for him to pick you up in two hours rather than half an hour—and now here you were. You never truly considered yourself a breakfast person and you would have happily slept all the way to lunch, but even through the exhaustion, you wanted to see him as much as he wanted to see you.
He would be gone by the end of the week, after all.
You leaned your head back against the headrest. “I used to have to lure you out of bed with the smell of bacon. Remember when you ate that entire plate of raw-ass bacon and pancake batter that Mingi made?”
Yunho let out a loud laugh that made you smile. He glanced over at you. “Bro,” he sighed, shaking his head, “you know I'll eat anything. Oh my gosh, I will never forget the horrified look on your face when you came out of the bathroom and found out what happened.”
“You looked like a kicked puppy when I told you that you shouldn't have eaten raw bacon,” you snorted. You'd felt so awful that Yunho was such a good eater who didn't complain; he didn't have any negative side effects afterward, thankfully, but you swore to never let Mingi in the kitchen or to let Mingi feed Yunho ever again, so long as you lived.
There was a café a few minutes drive from your apartment complex that the two of you liked to go to. It was a little hole in the wall, located on the second floor above a pet shelter, and the entrance could only be accessed through the stairs in the next-door alleyway.
Yunho adjusted the beanie over his bangs and you shifted your sunglasses up to the top of your head as you entered the establishment. There were a few people seated in the area to the right, but something you liked about this place was its hidden gem quality. (And the drinks and food they served, of course.)
“Hi, welcome in!” The barista behind the counter called before ducking behind the espresso machine. “Give me two seconds, and I'll be right with you.”
“No worries, take your time,” Yunho chirped back as he scoured the menu, eyes squinting and tongue darting out to wet his lips.
You had a general idea of what you wanted already, and you let Yunho know what it was before slipping off into the restroom.
By the time you emerged from the back hallway where the washrooms were, Yunho had finished ordering and was standing by one of the open two-seater tables by the far window with the soft autumn sunlight painting over his features. For a second, you stood at the opening of the hallway, just admiring him. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep making you envision the sunlight dancing around him as he sat down in one of the seats.
Heat rushed up your neck as your eyes met across the café. Gazes locked, you stood frozen, but a smile bloomed on your best friend's face like the coming of spring. It was the most beautiful thing you'd ever seen.
And then he made a face, cocking his head to the side like a puppy with a question. 'Why are you just standing there?’ He seemed to ask.
You shook yourself out of whatever strange daze you'd slipped into, then walked over to join him.
“You okay?” He asked as you took the seat across from him, a teasing lilt to his voice, yet there was still concern in the curve of his mouth.
You waved said concern away. “Yeah. I think I'm still waking up or something.”
“Ah,” he nodded in understanding. He frowned. “What time did you go to sleep last night?”
“Like… some time past two.” On cue, you let out a large yawn, lifting your sleeve up to cover your mouth. “It's okay. I'll just sleep early tonight or something. One of the other TAs got into an accident, so we just had to do some make-up work and I just happened to get home late as it was.”
You could already see the guilt manifest on his face for waking you up, and you were swift to add, “I'll be fine with food and coffee, so 's alright. What about you? How'd you sleep last night?”
“I slept decently,” he replied, leaning forward to rest his cheek against his fist. “I didn't end up dropping the deluxe album, so it was a little more restful than—”
Your brain took a second to catch up. The… the deluxe album… oh. Your eyes went from half-mast to wide open. “You—you didn't release the deluxe? Sorry, I was so busy yesterday that I didn't check my socials.”
“Don't worry about it,” he said with a sheepish smile. “But yeah, I told my manager that I still wasn't ready to release it to the public just yet. I don't know when I'll postpone it to, but it probably won't come out until while I'm on tour.”
Ah. There was that disappointment settling in the pit of your stomach again. This wasn't about you, but why did it seem like he was avoiding your eventual listening to this song? He was almost always sending you audio files without prompting, so what made this one different?
Nonetheless, it wasn't your song. You would respect Yunho's privacy if he wanted to keep this one to himself and his friends.
You unconsciously rubbed your arm. “Oh okay. Yeah, I mean—take your time, Yun. I'm glad you don't feel pressured to release it when you aren't ready.”
His expression softened to something tender that made your chest feel fuzzy. “You'll listen to it soon, I promise.”
The barista called out Yunho's order number, and your friend stood up to go retrieve it. You sighed as you fiddled with the sleeve of your shirt and peered over your shoulder as a pair of newcomers asked him for his autograph and a picture. You watched the pleasant smile spread on Yunho's face as he conversed with them as easy as breathing air, alongside the faint blush over his cheekbones.
No, you didn't know what had gotten into you this morning.
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“No, no. You have to loop it through this piece here—yeah, there you go.”
You were so concentrated on following Hongjoong's directions that you didn't even register the sound of Yunho's front door opening and closing. Hongjoong clicked his tongue and scooted closer so he could direct your hands and the crochet hook himself.
“Uhm… hey?”
Both yours and Hongjoong's heads whipped up at the sound of Yunho's confusion. He stood at the entrance to the living room area where, scattered all around you and Hongjoong, were clothes, toiletries, and other essentials laid out for Yunho to throw into his bags.
Tonight marked the evening before Yunho and the team were to set off on the Youth World Tour. Tomorrow, they would fly out sometime in the afternoon, which meant that you would have time to send them off before heading to work and class. However, because you hadn't seen Yunho since this past Saturday when he dragged your ass out of bed for breakfast, you invited yourself over to his apartment to oversee his packing. Hongjoong just so happened to be swinging by Yunho's apartment and you asked if he was up for an impromptu crocheting lesson.
Hongjoong arrived some time while Yunho ran out to the Chinese place down the block to grab dinner, and the two of you had been hunched over the ball of yarn and hook ever since.
“Oh, you're back!” You exclaimed. In your distracted state, Hongjoong took the opportunity to take the crochet piece from you and subtly fix the mistakes you made.
Yunho's brows creased, eyes darting from you to Hongjoong as he slowly placed the takeout bags on the semi-cleared coffee table. “Yeah… Joong, when did you get here?”
You leaned forward to help clear off the rest of the coffee table and to also assist in unpacking all of the takeout containers. Yunho shucked the baseball cap he was wearing off to the side, carding a hand through his dark locks.
“Like… seven minutes ago,” he replied cheekily. His mouth curled into something mischievous as he locked eyes with Yunho. “I can leave, though, if you wanted to be alone—”
“Hyung—”
“I'm messing with you,” he snickered as he handed you the yarn and hook. “I only came by to drop off the emergency backup files hard drive and to give Yn-ie a sneak peek of her crocheting lessons to come.”
(Yunho's eyes narrowed a millimeter. Yn-ie?)
You set the unfinished crochet square down on the couch to walk Hongjoong to the door. “Are we still on for tomorrow, by the way?”
“What's tomorrow?” Yunho twisted around where he was seated on the floor to watch you and Hongjoong make your way to the front door.
“You,” said Hongjoong with raised eyebrows at your best friend, “are going on a plane with everyone else. Because I'm not leaving until the day after tomorrow, Yn and I are bonding over lunch after we see you all off.”
You and Hongjoong finished up finalizing plans in the doorway, followed by amiable farewells. Yunho called out a “good night” to his friend as Hongjoong slipped out the door, and left you and him to the apartment by yourselves.
You claimed the spot on the floor next to him and accepted the pair of wooden chopsticks he extended to you. “I'm sorry if I wasn't supposed to invite him in. I probably should've asked,” you said sheepishly as you snapped the chopsticks apart.
“Oh, no, he's been over quite a few times, so it's all good,” he replied swiftly. “I just didn't expect you two to be so close.” He added a laugh at the end that sounded more nervous to him than it was supposed to.
“We've been texting back and forth, but I guess so. Nothing like the two of you,” you jested, lifting your eyebrows up and bumping your elbow against his.
Yunho grinned. “What's that supposed to mean?”
“You guys spend all that time together in the studio—WHA—NO! Keep those hands to yourself!” You shrieked, rolling out of the way to dodge his hands that threatened to tickle you into submission. Yunho had thrown his head back in a carefree laugh, a beautiful expression in itself, that had you reciprocating.
When you were sure he wasn't going to attack you (affectionately), you scooted back over to your original spot next to him. He smiled to himself at the sidelong glance you casted him, and he went and grabbed one carton of rice for himself and the other for you.
“Thank you for dinner, by the way,” you told him as you opened up your carton, his somehow already opened and spilling over with food.
You once again caught him with his mouth full, and Yunho swallowed the bite of food he had before replying. “Yeah, man. Of course.”
“I swear that I will definitely get the next meal we have—”
“Yn.” He touched the back of his hand against your arm to draw your attention to him. “You literally were the one to make sure I made it out of college alive, like, I can never thank you enough for how much you did for me then and continue to do for me now.”
You swallowed, suddenly blown back by the way he looked at you right now. “I did it because I care about you, Yun. It's not something I expect to be repaid for.”
“I know,” he said with a nod, lips pulled into a tender smile that made your stomach do flips. This was the look no one else got to see from him. Sure, he could fill stadiums of people who would see his big, bright grin that shone brighter than the sun, but… but this one, this smile, was yours. “That goes the same toward this meal, okay?”
Yunho notched his finger under your chin and tilted your head up slightly to meet his eyes. “Don't worry about it.”
You set your carton of rice and chopsticks on the table, he copied your movements, and you wrapped each other in your mutual embraces. The startling realization that you wouldn't see him for longer than a week from tomorrow onward rushed toward you like the coming of a tide to shore. Before you knew it, the water was up to your knees, and you—what were you going to do without him here?
“I miss you already,” you whispered.
You felt him squeeze you tighter, nose pressed against the side of your neck. “I won't be gone too long.” A promise.
“Thank god Seonghwa and Wooyoung can cook.” At the sound of his snort from above your head, you squawked out in your defense, “Who else is gonna make you bacon and pancakes in the morning when you’re dead tired?”
“Hey! I can fry bacon, I’ll have you know!”
You pulled away from him so he could see the look of pure disbelief on your face. “Okay, rockstar. I believe you.”
He scrunched his nose up at you. “That’s not very convincing.”
“I’m glad we’re on the same page.”
Yunho scoffed, reaching over to flick your nose. You let out a sound of indignation and rubbed your nose, a scowl on your face at Yunho’s very pleased expression. And even if you were currently conspiring on how to get back at him, you couldn’t help but resolve something right that second—you would do everything in your power to see his show in two weeks’ time—to see Yunho in two weeks’ time.
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The thing about cheap plane tickets was that the cheaper you bought them, the less “amenities” that it came with. The one you’d purchased specifically for two weeks in the future did not allow you a refund. This meant that if something were to arise, you would be a good several hundred dollars poorer, and your plans to surprise Yunho at his show would fall completely through the floor.
Good thing you weren’t about to let that happen, right? …Right?
“You’re sick.” Those were your roommate Trinity’s first words to you as you stumbled out of your bedroom and found her perched on one of the stools at the kitchen counter. She fixed you with an unimpressed look as she stirred around her morning coffee.
“I’m not—” Your own response was cut off by one very untimely cough into your elbow. You wrinkled your nose at the metallic taste at the back of your throat. Great. “—sick.”
“And I’m Oprah,” she deadpanned.
“You could be.” Did you really sound as much like a dying walrus as you thought you did? Holy shit.
She stood up from her stool, setting her coffee cup on the counter, then walked over to you to direct you back into your room. “I’m not permitting you exit from this apartment until you're better. Back to bed with you.”
“But—”
“No buts! If you wanna still be able to fly by the end of this week, then you have to get better, Yn.”
You really, unfortunately, could not argue with that. Nearly a week and a half had passed since Yunho started touring. Opening night had been a massive success, as you’d seen the broadcast and read the reviews on social media. In the concert photos and videos slowly being released online, there was no doubt in your mind that Yunho belonged onstage. He was radiant as a diamond in each depiction of him, and he sounded better and better each night.
Suffice to say, you were beyond proud and happy for him.
In order to make your surprise successful, you informed Yunho’s team of your plans so they could help you get into the concert once you arrived. Your part consisted mainly of finishing all of your work ahead of schedule so you weren’t swamped when you got back. It was nearing the end of the term, meaning there was lots to grade and study, but when you had a goal, you were determined.
The only downside was that, between the long days and nights of work, your body couldn’t fight against the swift rush of early winter air that swept through the city in the past week. Your working hours stretched out longer and longer until your body just… gave up. Or at least, it was giving up.
After calling in sick to your workplace, you crashed back into bed for what you hoped to be a restful nap. Maybe when you woke up, this would all just turn out to be a 24-hour fever.
(It was not a 24-hour fever.)
You didn't even know what time it was when you woke up groggy and your head pounding like there was an active construction site taking place in your skull. Your bedroom was dark, and the world outside your window was also dark. The sound of your phone ringing drilled into your cranium, and you groaned as you felt around your mess of blankets and sheets for wherever that damned thing was—
“Hello?” You croaked into the receiver when you finally grabbed ahold of your phone.
There was a pause on the other end, and you were about to ask who it was when they responded. “Oh my god. You're sick.”
Your heart leapt into your throat at the sound of your best friend's voice and you shoved your face into the pillow. “I'm not sick.”
“Yn, sweetheart, you literally have the sexy sick voice.”
“You think I'm sexy?” You asked in a drowsy, unwell daze. “But anyways, I'm not—” You lifted your face into your elbow in time to practically hack out your lungs. You groaned. “Okay, maybe I am sick.”
Could things get any worse?
You could hear the frown in his voice. “You sound like my worst nightmare.”
“Am I sexy or your worst nightmare? You need to pick an adjective.” You whimpered as you struggled to pull yourself up into a sitting position.
“At least I know it did nothing to that attitude of yours,” he laughed. He sobered for a moment when he heard you groan as the blood rushed to your head. “Hey, do you have meds with you? I can order some and have them there in half an hour.”
You waved him off, even though he wouldn't be able to see. “No, it's okay. I should have taken an ibuprofen before I crashed. I'm sure we've got extra Nyquil around here somewhere…”
You attempted to stand up, a swear falling from your mouth as the vertigo hit you and sent you tumbling back down onto the edge of the bed.
“Yn, I'm sending you medicine—and dinner. That one bistro near your apartment is still open, right? I'll let Trinity know that deliveries are on the—Yn?”
You lifted your head and broke out of your return to unconsciousness. “Hm? Sorry… I did not hear anything you just said.” You rubbed your hand down your face and scooped your phone up to make your way out of your room. You somehow made it to the door, and you leaned against the doorjamb as you pushed out into the dark hallway. “You don't have to send anything, Yun. Trinity's studying for her law school finals, so I don't wanna bother her. Plus…”
You opened up the medicine cabinet in the bathroom and bit back a sigh of disappointment. No cold medicine. There was pain medication, at least, so that should hopefully help you fall asleep again.
At your lack of words, Yunho asked, “No medicine?”
“No, I have some medicine,” you countered. “Just—not the right ones.” Before you could swallow any pills, you hacked out another lung into your elbow; you swore your coughs were sounding worse and worse.
“You know what? I'm flying home—”
You slammed the pill bottle on the bathroom counter. “Don't—what? Yunho, do not fly home. It's literally just a little—” You coughed, “—cold. You have another show in two days. If you show up on my doorstep, I'm not opening the door.”
From the silence on his end, you knew he wasn't in total agreement with you. Maybe the bottle slamming was a little much, but his statement had surprised you. It didn't make sense for him to drop everything for you when you were experiencing something so trivial as a cold.
Not unkindly, you said to him, “I appreciate the concern, but you have bigger things to worry about and care about.”
“You will always be the most important thing I care about.”
His admission was so sincere that your heart gave a violent palpitation in your chest. You struggled to swallow, and it wasn't just because your throat was sore. “And I feel the same way about you,” you murmured, “but I can take care of myself, okay? I'll be back to normal in no time.”
You heard a sigh from his end. “I know; you're right. I just… wish I was there with you right now.”
You could understand that—it was how you felt. But some things couldn't be helped, and Yunho needed to be where he was and you needed to be where you were. You could hold down the fort while he was gone taking over the world by storm.
You closed the bathroom door to give an extra barrier between your voice and where Trinity was studying in her room. After knocking back a couple painkillers, you seated yourself on the floor with your back against the bathtub and your knees pulled up to your chest. “You know what's kind of ironic?” You coughed into your elbow and wrestled down another one bubbling up in your throat. You shouldn't have been speaking so much, but you could deal with the repercussions later. “I think I freaked out when you said you were going to fly home, not just because that's insane, but also because I was going to surprise you by flying out to your show in a couple days.”
He sucked in a breath. “You were gonna come surprise me?”
“Yeah,” you muttered, swiping at your nose and tucking your chin to your knees. Then you had to go and screw it all up, and you couldn't even get your money back. You pretty much accepted that you weren't going to be better by the time the day rolled around, especially not for travel. “I'm sorry I couldn't come see you.”
“No, don't be sorry!” He cooed. “I'm—I’m really sorry you're sick and I'm sad you couldn't make it, but… but think of it this way, hm? As soon as you get better, I'll fly you out to whatever city I'm in and we can hang out and you can come to the concert. All you have to do is get better for me.”
You didn't know if your schedule would allow after this setback, but you were going to remain optimistic. With a small glimmer of hope peering through your chest, you replied, “Okay.”
“Okay,” he said, and you could hear the fond smile in his voice.
“By the way,” you began, and had to clear your throat from how congested it was getting. Maybe some hot tea would do you good. You clambered to your feet to get out of this bathroom and do just that. “Was there a reason you called originally or was it just to say hi?”
A beat of hesitation passed between your question and his answer. “Ah…” There was a wince in his voice, “I, uhm, called because I wanted to know if you'd seen something online, but obviously you haven't 'cause you were asleep, but…”
Seen something online? Your movements with your electric kettle paused. Had someone posted something about Yunho? “What is it, Yun?” Who's ass did you need to beat?
“Seonghwa hyung found out that someone leaked the hidden track online a few hours ago.”
You leaned your cheek against your palm, eyebrows knitting together. “Shit, dude. I'm so sorry,” you said with a frown. That meant some rando on the internet had hacked into someone's files and leaked the song.
A sharp exhale from Yunho's end. “Yeah, I dunno. We're working on getting it taken down right now, but in the event it can't be done soon enough, I think I'm just gonna release the deluxe version in a couple hours.”
It seemed by his response that it wasn't the hacking that was his primary concern. Leaked, unreleased songs happened to every major artist in the industry, and it had most definitely happened to Yunho before this. But this time… this time felt different. You knew how hesitant he was to release this, and having the track get released to the public on terms that weren't his? Well, that just wasn't fair.
“You don't,” you said softly, reaching for a mug in the top cabinet to plop your tea bag into, “have to release it officially right now. You can still wait until you're comfortable.”
You heard sounds of shuffling on his end, followed by the sound of a door opening. You thought you heard Yeosang's voice as he murmured something to Yunho. The exchange was swift, but it reminded you that your time with your best friend here was limited.
“Do you need to go?” You asked, trying to cover up your hope that he didn't have to with nonchalance.
He hummed. “It's okay, I have a few minutes left. They want me to 'okay’ a couple things out on set, but that can wait. Uhm… as for what you said about releasing it—I,” he sighed, “I think this was the push I needed to finally drop it, y'know? I think either way I was going to be scared for—for people to hear it—for you to hear it. But uhm… yeah. That's all I wanted to say. I think it'll probably be released whenever you wake up.”
You poured the hot water of your tea bag, setting the kettle down gently. Letting the steam rise up to help clear your congestion, you could finally think a little clearer now. “I'm sorry this didn't happen on your terms.”
“I appreciate that. I hope you like the song—I… I really hope you like the song.”
A smile tugged at the corners of your lips. “I'm going to like the song, rockstar. You have nothing to worry about, I promise.”
He let out a small laugh and the sound of his happiness, however big or small, made your chest feel heavy. “I’ve missed you so much,” he rasped out. “So much.”
You pressed your forehead to your fist, willing the prickling feeling of tears at bay. “I wish I was there—I’ve wished I was there with you the moment you left. But I'm so, so proud of you. I know I've said this before, but you belong on that stage, Yunho. I'll be there… I'm always there in spirit.”
“You can't say that and expect me not to fly my ass home right now.”
You sputtered out a laugh, which was probably a bad idea, because it led to an utter disaster of a coughing fit. When you finally managed to get a reign on things, you picked up your mug of tea and took a couple ginger sips. It was still piping hot, but whatever scalding temperature it was at somehow soothed your throat and your head.
You set the cup down. “Again, I'll be there in no time, I promise.”
“You swear on your life?”
You sighed, but you pressed your lips into a smile. “I swear on my life.”
Yunho's departure from this call was imminent, and so you made further promises to get plenty of rest and to take care of yourself. You only did so when he promised to do the same for himself. Just after you both hung up, you received a text message from him: Stay up for five more minutes!! The delivery's almost there.
You huffed out a rough-sounding laugh, and bit your tongue around a smile. Of course he had still ordered you stuff. You shook your head to settle on one of the kitchen stools to nurse your tea and wait for the delivery to get here.
When the driver was safely out of bounds of your door, you poked your head out into the hallway to grab the paper bags seated on your doorstep. You had only expected medicine and maybe dinner, but not only were there cold medicines, orange juice, and hot soup from the bistro down the street, but there was a bouquet of flowers there, too.
Butterflies fluttered in your stomach as you pulled everything into the safety of your apartment. Damn Jeong Yunho and his gestures. It didn't mean anything—they were just Get Well Soon flowers, but why did you kind of wish they were more than that?
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The Youth album's fourteenth track entitled your space hit the charts at number two. By the time you woke up, still sick as hell, the track had been officially released for about eight hours. You rolled over in bed to guzzle down half a bottle of water and cold medicine, then grabbed your phone.
It seemed that social media blew up while you were asleep. The deluxe drop was trending under a couple different tags, and based on initial skims, you were happy to report that most had everything good to say about it.
Though, some of the commentary made you pause. He has to be seeing someone, said one user. Look at these lyrics. These could only be produced by a man in love.
You had to swipe out of the app at that point. Instead, you went over to yours, Yunho's, and Mingi's group chat together where Mingi and Yunho had waged a meme war while you were asleep after Mingi wished you a “Get Better Soon” message. You sent back your own meme in response and opened your music streaming app to find track fourteen.
The boys would probably all be asleep by now, so they wouldn't respond any time soon.
You found your space exactly where you thought it would be, at the very bottom of the deluxe album. You sat yourself up against your headboard, plugged your earbuds in, then hit play.
If only you knew how much it would rock your world.
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Hongjoong was never wrong about his hunches. It had been about a week and a half since you came down with an awful cold and couldn't make it to your intended surprise show, and slightly less than that since the deluxe album dropped. Even before the tour started, life was a whirlwind, but now that the tour was only ramping up further from this point, it had been nothing short of a total rush.
Different cities every week, at least two nights a city—all of it took a toll on both the staff and artist involved. Hongjoong's hunch, however, regarded the artist in particular as he watched said artist keep his smile up to say goodnight to the remainder of the stadium workers who lingered for cleanup. Yesterday was their last show date in this city, and today, Yunho and his team had come by to help load everything up for transport to their next destination. Tomorrow, they would fly out and be in the next city to begin preparing for the next round.
But as Yunho began making his way toward the exit where Hongjoong was waiting for him, it was impossible to miss the immediate exhaustion that flooded his features. He carded a hand through his hair as he checked his phone, then pocketed it in the back pocket of his pants.
“Hey,” Yunho nodded to Hongjoong as he met him at the exit and they both walked out into the chilly evening together. There was already a car waiting at the curb to take them back to their hotel—there was still so much that needed to be done before they left for the airport tomorrow.
“Hey,” he said back. “Everything okay?”
Yunho glanced over at him. “Huh? Oh, yeah. I'm fine; just tired. I think it's a good thing I started packing before we came here earlier,” he mused. For him to pack early? A miracle.
Hongjoong bobbed his head in understanding. “Yeah, I get that, but that's not really—you know you can be honest with me, right? I know this has all been… a lot.” And Hongjoong would understand; he had been in the public eye for so long now, and all of that could be so incredibly draining. From catering to fans and journalists and sponsors, it could be difficult finding himself amongst all that mess.
Plus, Yunho had the added bit of being away from home for a very long time. From what Hongjoong understood, Yunho only used to tour relatively close to home, and when it was farther, it was during his school breaks. He also knew that you were an integral part of Yunho's sanity, and that even before he reached this level of fame, you were his rock, his anchor, his ground control.
Being away from you for so long was beginning to show. When Hongjoong brought it up offhandedly to Mingi, Mingi was swift to agree.
“I—” Yunho began as he slipped into the passenger seat and Hongjoong into the back of the car. He murmured a soft greeting to the driver before strapping himself in with a seatbelt. “—it definitely has been hard,” he admitted with a sigh. “I don't know, Joong. You know that rush you get while onstage, but it just comes crashing down a couple hours later? Like the adrenaline leaves you all at once and all you crave for is home?”
Hongjoong pursed his lips, watching Yunho lean the side of his head against the window as he watched the world pass by. “Yeah, I do,” he said quietly. “The moments between all the rush and excitement, you're no longer distracted from how much it all is.”
A nod. “Yeah.”
“You miss her?” It was less of a question and more so a statement. Hongjoong's hunches were never incorrect. It was both a blessing and a curse.
Yunho's quiet was answer enough.
Hongjoong played around with the back of his phone case. He knew you had listened to the song—he’d asked Yunho and you'd texted Hongjoong, too. Yunho reported that you gushed about the song and affirmed him in all his choices and lyricism as always, but he was certain that you didn't get it. But when you had run to Hongjoong questioning your own feelings and if Yunho had been scared to tell you if he was in love with someone, Hongjoong could confidently say that you did get it, just not one hundred percent.
There was still miscommunication in the message, but he knew that was only something that the two of you could sort out.
“Have you guys talked since last week?”
“Yeah, we have. She's been…” He pushed a breath out of his mouth, “... She's been working her ass off trying to make up for the amount of time she was sick. I don't even know how she isn't getting sick again. I mean—all the shit she has to weather through—I wish I could help.”
And he couldn't, not like how he wanted to, not from so far away. Maybe that was what was eating him up inside the most, besides the fact he believed his feelings to be unrequited.
The car pulled up to the back entrance of the hotel Yunho and his team were staying at for the time being. The two of them thanked the driver on their way out, and they were swiftly greeted by employees coming out of the back for their breaks.
When they reached the warmth of their hotel floor's hallway, Yunho said to Hongjoong, “I miss her so much.” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his Youth World Tour hoodie, eyes lined in silver. “I worry about her so much, too. I'm sure she worries just as much about me and I know that she's more than capable about taking care of herself—’cause god, she was the one who kept me afloat all these years, and I—”
I love her.
He slapped his key card against the reader and shoved into his hotel room with Hongjoong trailing after with a sympathetic frown on his face.
“It just feels wrong sometimes when I can't be with her. Is that crazy?”
Hongjoong settled a warm hand on Yunho's shoulder as the latter sat down on the edge of his bed. “It's not crazy,” he said. He'd felt like that about a person, once upon a time. After everything Hongjoong had gone through with his last relationship, one might think he didn't believe in love, but he was still clawing for it. He wanted something that he could see manifesting between you and Yunho. He wanted to help you reach that.
He sighed and sat down next to him. “It's completely valid to feel this way, y'know? She's been a huge part of your life and your passions, and for you to see all this without her seems incomplete.”
Yunho nodded. “Yeah.”
“You can go home whenever you want, you realize that?” Hongjoong asked. “We have time built into each week to give you rest days, man. We can make that work.” It might be a little tiring for so much travel, but one trip back wouldn't hurt, especially when it could help his mental state more than simply powering through.
“I know,” he replied. “I don't… I just feel like I want her to see that I can do this, that she didn't put her trust and energy into someone who would fall so fast—”
“Do you seriously believe she would think about you that way?”
Yunho's expression shuddered, and he let out a shaky breath as he shook his head.
Hongjoong arched his brow. “Exactly. She would never fault you for needing a break. Being human is not a sign of weakness, Yunho. She's your best friend—I think she has more forgiveness and compassion for you than that.”
Yunho swallowed. Of course what Hongjoong said was right. You wouldn't look at him any different if he needed a break; it was just a thing about being kinder to himself. But sometimes it was hard to put that into perspective, and perhaps he just needed someone to do that for him.
With no good choice made without a decent night of sleep, Hongjoong bid Yunho goodnight.
As soon as Hongjoong slipped out of his friend's room, he sighed and mentally calculated what time it would be where you were. You should have been awake.
And awake, you definitely were.
You would be lying if you said you hadn't been listening to the song your space on repeat for the past week and a half. Even as you sat in one of the campus dining halls doing work and eating your crappy sandwich for lunch, your headphones were spilling with your best friend's gorgeous croons.
You questioned everything at the same time. You'd figured out two days after you first heard it that you were in love with your best friend.
The lyrics had resonated with you, and you had come to the startling conclusion that you felt the song's meaning toward Yunho.
All you could do since was freak the fuck out and tell Yunho that the song was incredible. You didn't know who the song was for or about, but you knew it was important to him because of how scared he was to release it. Had he been scared to tell you he was in love with someone? Why?
Sometimes you found yourself tearing apart the lyrics like a rabid trash panda.
I couldn't ever leave you behind They couldn't ever take me away Baby, if I could pick a heaven on Earth It would be anywhere in your space.
You broke away from your work and sandwich to the sound of a text notification. Suddenly remembering how loud your vibration ringer was, you silenced it, then opened up Hongjoong's message: I know you're probably moping and eating a shitty sandwich—what. You glanced down at said shitty sandwich that sat in its equally sad plastic container. How did he know…? —and he's not doing well either. He's miserable, dude.
Everything slowed for you, and it was no longer about your so-called epiphany. You felt your entire body and mood drop at the news. You'd seen social media posts commenting on Yunho's stage presence and brightness never fading, but there were always the one or two who noted something along the lines of him seeming too tired or that perhaps he didn't have enough stamina for this.
The latter comments made your blood pressure spike, but there was, unfortunately, some truth to it. You just didn't think it was this bad.
You pressed the backs of your knuckles against your eyes. You hadn't been doing the best, clearly, and you knew that it was largely because you missed him. Being away from someone you considered home for so long meant that you were bound to get homesick.
You didn't know what to do. There was so much work to be done, and you had just caught up. On top of that, you were short a few hundred dollars from the last time you tried to fly out.
Another message buzzed in from Hongjoong: I think you guys really need to talk.
The organ in your chest rattled around in its cage; it longed to be with its partner. You were starting to understand that now.
The song playing in your ear was slowly petering out, and all you could hear was his voice.
And I've kinda been wanting to ask if we can Skip the 'why’ and get to the 'our’ Because baby, I love your space But I love ours more.
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Yunho had not flown home that week. Some emergencies had sprung up as soon as they landed in their new city, and all bets were off to be able to go home. All that he could do was buckle down and get comfortable. Even so, he knew how to make the best out of a situation.
As he stood at the very center of the main stage, he held a hand up to shield his eyes from the bright spotlights shining down on him now.
“Is that better?” Hongjoong's voice echoed throughout the near-empty stadium.
From one of the balconies, Jongho cupped his hands up around his mouth to scream at the top of his lungs, “LOOKS GOOD, HYUNG!”
“Jongho,” Yunho chuckled into his microphone, “did someone not get you a headset, bro?”
A beat passed, and then, “NO.”
Mildly amused laughter cropped up around the stadium in reaction to the youngest's troubles. It was little moments like these where Yunho could forget for one second just how tiring all of this amounted to become. His smile was genuine, and his tongue darted out to trace his teeth—
“Jeong Yunho, put your damn tongue away.”
Yunho's eyes went as wide as saucers, his expression morphing into something like childlike surprise as he immediately retracted his tongue into his mouth. But in the split second it took his brain to process the words that had been said, he also recognized the voice who'd said them. From the big screen, any one of the staff members or you could see the way his face stretched into the widest grin possible, his eyes lighting up like spotlights.
He lifted the mic in his hand up to his lips as he tilted his eyes up to the sound and lighting box far up in the stands. From where he was onstage, he could just make out the shape of you in the box next to Hongjoong—the sneaky bastard. “Ln Yn, get your ass down here right now,” he said, hardly able to contain the excitement in his voice.
You didn't need to be told twice.
You raced down the stadium steps from the box, your legs carrying you as fast as humanly possible without falling. Yunho leapt off the stage and left his microphone behind to meet you in the middle.
Somewhere between the pit and mezzanine, you flew into his arms and he caught you, spinning you around. The glee on both of your faces was enough to make everyone stop and appreciate the tangible love before them. Tears pricked at the corners of your eyes and you pursed your lips to subdue them. You squeezed him as tight as you possibly could; his arms held you firmly around your waist, head tucked into the joint between your neck and shoulder.
“You're here,” he croaked with tears in his voice now. You heard him sniffle, and only held him tighter. He felt the added strength and let out a sob. “I missed you so much.”
Oh, for fuck's sake—you started bawling like a baby. “I—” you sucked in a breath, “—I heard—so I booked a flight—”
This only caused his body to tremble harder. “Oh god… Yn… I…”
You sniffled and brushed your hand over the back of his head in an attempt to get both of you to calm down. “Hey, don't worry about it, okay? It doesn't matter; you know I'd drop everything for you.” When his only response was to press his wet eyes against the heat of your neck, you blinked away your tears. “Plus, I missed you, too, rockstar.”
Yunho let out a watery laugh, gently setting you down onto solid ground. You both looked like a hot mess and a half: snot dripping out of your noses, eyes red and drowned in salty tears. The adrenaline rush from the surprise had trickled out of your system, but your heartbeat continued to rattle around in your chest with reckless abandon. His messy, damp hair; the wobbly shine in his dark brown irises; the way he smiled at you with that something on his face… he was everything to you.
“Glad to know the feeling's mutual,” he said, nudging you with his elbow, then pawing at his eyes to wipe the tears away.
“Good to see you, Yn!” San piped up from the stage with his microphone. He had picked up Yunho's microphone from where he'd abandoned it to come meet you.
You laughed, lifting a hand up in a wave. “Hey, San! Hi everyone!”
Chimes of greetings from all the other boys and staff members cropped up from all around the arena.
Yunho brushed a hand through his hair and wrapped an arm around your shoulders. “Did all you fuckers know about this?”
Mingi was perched on the ledge of the stage. His grin seemed to be the widest after watching your reunion. He tugged the microphone attached to his earpiece closer to his mouth. “Don't tell us you're not grateful now.”
“Nah, I'm just surprised Wooyoung was able to keep his mouth shut.”
Wooyoung didn't need a microphone to let you all know of his offense. You could hear his squawk of disapproval all the way from where you stood—crazy how acoustics worked.
Yunho heard your laugh from beside him, and he glanced over at you to catch the fond look on your face. He hadn't stopped smiling for the past five minutes, and it didn't matter how much his cheeks hurt. You were here; that was all that mattered.
“This place is—” you marveled as the two of you began walking down the stairs together toward the stage. The backs of your hands brushed against one another, breaths away from touching, from lacing, from being together. “—huge. It's so much more—” You felt your lip wobble again, “I don't even know why I'm getting emotional. It's all you dreamed of as a kid, wasn't it?”
The tears pricked at the edges of his eyes again, and the two of you looked back at each other with equally wet eyes and bright smiles. “Yeah,” he nodded, swiping at his eyes.
“You deserve it.”
“All thanks to you,” he said with a sniffle, hugging you to him again. You were solid and real beneath his fingertips—he was so happy you were here. This was where you belonged; none of this felt right without you.
When you finally reached the bottom of the pit, Yunho had to run back up to the stage, and you went through the aisles until you found your perfect seat. It wasn't long before Mingi bounded up the steps to come join you. He brought you in for a long awaited hug of his own.
“What's good, Yn?” He asked with a soft chuckle as he pulled away and settled in the seat to your left.
Just ahead, Yunho appeared onstage with his microphone in hand, and the two of you lifted your hands in sync to wave to your best friend.
You adjusted your bag in your lap, and clasped a hand on Mingi's shoulder. “This is surreal. Does it feel surreal?”
Mingi's lips pulled into a smile as nostalgia made his vision cloudy. “It does, every single time. I'm glad you're finally here—we’re all very happy that you're here now.”
You bumped your head against his shoulder and let it rest there for a moment, and his hand came up to gently pat your head to tell you he understood. You didn't need to say anything.
For the next hour and a half, you and Mingi got to watch Yunho and everyone else run through the last of the day's lighting checks. Periodically, someone else from Yunho's personal team would come and sit with the two of you, then leave quickly when they had something else on their to-do list.
At last, when the session wrapped up and everyone was sent to go home for an early night, you rushed down to meet with Yunho again.
He waited for you to be at his side before leading you down toward backstage. “There's a couple things I need to grab in my dressing room before we can head back to the hotel.” A thought suddenly interrupted his thoughts and his eyes widened. “Do you have accommodations? Please tell me you do.”
“Don't worry—I promise I'm not sleeping on the streets,” you teased. You'd figured all of that out pretty last minute with Hongjoong and Mingi's help.
Yunho nodded, a smile coming to his face. “Okay, good. I was gonna offer my room and I could sleep on the pullout couch.”
The thought of sleeping in the same room as him made your skin warm, and if you hadn't realized your feelings for him before, you would be confused as to why you were so flustered at the thought now. It wouldn't be the first time you had a sleepover. But this would be… different. Oh lord.
The backstage hallways were scarce and dimly lit in order to save energy, but it was enough to guide you and Yunho's way to the star dressing room. You swallowed as you reached the door—the facade plastered with a pretty, gold star with his name on it—and followed him inside.
“Hey, Yun?” You asked him as you lingered by the door and he rushed around to grab his things. The room was decently spacious, and definitely larger than all the other ones from his past tours.
“Mhm?”
“Could we… talk about something?”
He glanced back over his shoulder as he threw things into his bag. “Yeah, ‘course.”
You toed at the polished ground, fingers twisting and wringing in front of you. “It’s about the song. The, uhm, the your space one.”
His movements paused. He looked up and connected gazes with you through the vanity mirror in front of him. Yunho cleared his throat and ducked his head to zip up his bag. “What—what about it?” He asked, shouldering his bag and meeting you back at the door.
He seemed unable to look you in the eyes directly now as he closed the door behind the both of you as you stepped out into the empty hallway.
“I just,” you stammered. Blood rushed up to your face and you could hear your heartbeat thundering in your ears. “I needed to know—I didn’t need to know—it’s your life and your song, and you have every right to have feelings for someone without me knowing. And I think I’m asking this for selfish reasons, but… are you seeing someone?”
The question caught him off guard, his eyes blowing wide open. “Wh—no. No, I am not seeing anyone. Why do you ask?”
“The song—I know I shouldn’t be indulging in what people on the internet say, much less in the opinions of those who don’t even know you, but I couldn’t help but agree with them when they say the lyrics, the—the feeling of the song—you’re in love, and I—” Your breath caught in your throat as you choked on the words lodged there: And I am in love with you.
Yunho pushed an exhale out of his mouth and stepped toward you. So much shone in his eyes right then, and it didn’t matter how much light there was in this damn hallway, his eyes would always glitter like twin diamonds. “I am in love with someone. Yn, I’m in love with you,” he said. “I thought that the song would make it obvious, which is why I was so scared for you to hear it, but I realize now that this was just something I should have said outright.”
Your heart fluttered in your chest and it wasn’t from the nerves anymore. God, your knees felt like buckling from the force of the tenderness in his eyes alone. “You’re—you’re in love with me?”
“I am,” he nodded. He slowly reached for your hands and clasped them within his own. “I’ve been in love with you since that day you ran out of Science Olympiad practice to come to my audition; I’ve been in love with you from the moment you yelled at me for not being ambidextrous and I had beef jerky in my mouth—”
“I did not yell at you!”
He broke out into a cheeky, yet fond grin, his hand coming up to cup the side of your face with his hand. “I’ve been in love with you for so long that I can’t imagine what life was like before I was in love with you—and yes, you did yell, but you can yell at me as much as you like, and I would still be head-over-heels for you.”
Your lip curled in on itself at all of his words, at everything he was revealing to you now. You wished you had known—oh, god, you wish you had known. You didn’t know if things would have been different, but for some reason, you had a feeling that all paths might have led here nonetheless.
You squeezed his hand between your own now. “You’re everything to me, Jeong Yunho,” you rasped out, unable to put strength behind your voice for fear of all of the emotion about to spill out. “And I’m so stupid for taking so long to figure it all out, but I’m in love with you, too, and I’d be damned if I let another day pass without you knowing that.”
Something washed over him in that moment, and he laughed, leaning over to cup the back of your neck and rest his forehead against your own. It was ridiculous, the fact that both of you were giggling and smiling at such a precipice of emotion, but it felt right.
You could feel the warmth of his breath against your lips as he murmured, “Fuck, I wanna kiss you so bad.”
“Then come kiss me, rockstar,” you said, looping your arms around his neck. You drew him down to your mouth and felt his body mold against your own. Every crevice and curve slotted so perfectly with one another, and the heavy longing in your chest slowly eased.
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“You guys have been incredible for me tonight—” Yunho beamed as he walked toward the front, center stage and looped the electric guitar strap over his head to the sound of the roaring crowd, “—so I've got a little surprise for you.”
One of the staff members had set out a mic stand and bottle water for him, and he approached both items to fit the microphone into place. Tonight was the Friday night concert being held in this city, and the energy was dialed to one thousand in all the best ways.
He held onto the microphone with one hand. “This song is dedicated to—written for—my best friend in the world, the love of my life, my stargirl. I'm sure you know it—you crazies debuted it at number two on the charts—this is your space.”
His smile tugged up wider at the reaction he received. If anyone in the crowd didn't know the song, they were about to fall in love.
Yunho laughed, shaking his head, as he began checking to make sure his guitar was tuned with practiced, nimble fingers. “Oh, by the way—” he pointed up at the accessory he wore, the crocheted headband holding his hair up and out of his face, with a row of stars across its band, “—she made this for me. Isn't it cute?”
The stadium echoed in choruses of “aw” and cheers.
He could only duck his head with a smile, eyes twinkling with fondness and tenderness at the thought of you. You were in the crowd, but you could be up here with him in spirit. “Yeah, that was me, too.”
After you and Yunho left the stadium yesterday, hands intertwined and a new page in your relationship turned, you’d gone back to his hotel to share a restful evening in one another’s presences. You revealed later that night that you spent the four or five days you were bedridden practicing your crocheting skills until you were able to make him a headband. A row of three stars studded the length of it—stars for your rockstar.
Yunho struck his fingers down the strings of his guitar with a gentle rocking motion from his opposite hand to let the sound reverberate around the stadium. The crowd cried in love as his soulful, beautiful voice filled their ears with love of his own. And as his fans filed out of the stadium for the night and headed home, Yunho could finally return to his home. Because you were here now… no matter how far, no matter the distance, the two of you would always find a way to be in the other's space.
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a/n: pls remember to reblog, comment, and send asks if you enjoyed!
atz m.list
permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @outrologist @rikizm @tinkerbell460 @meosjinn @hyunjaespresent-deobi @stayarmytinyzenmoa-l @floatingpluto @gyulfriend @jaehunnyy @shakalakaboomboo @soonyoungblr @justanotherkpopstanlol @kangfication @pxppxrminty @fluorescentloves @haechansbbg @jaerisdiction @super-btstrash-posts @jundundun @http-gyu @mvvnsseul @mars101 @kflixnet
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hainethehero · 2 years
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TED TALK: STRANGER THINGS 4: STEVE & NANCY
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It's not even the fact that I write Harringrove fanfic or that I really ship Steve & Billy because I felt like Season 2 really set them up as enemies to close friends with sexual tension here and there (cough x2 bathroom scene).
But I sincerely hope they're not making them get back together again.
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First of all, THIS 👆 is the scene right here that symbolized Steve really letting Nancy go. He missed the idea of being in love and being in love with her. But after season 2, he accepted that she'd wanted Johnathan and had MOVED ON. It showed maturity on both their parts, but esp. For Steve who was going thru this character development of douchebag jock to reliable friend and a goddamn HERO to those kids! Making them get back together ERASES that.
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Steve has been a comic relief character for quite some time and I'm kind of tired of it. Season 4 opens with yet ANOTHER scene between him and Robin and ONCE AGAIN, he's looking for someone to date. Brenda, Linda, Heidi etc. It's insulting to the growth his character has gone through.
Why not show him coming into his own? And realizing that he doesn't need to be with anyone? Or maybe he realizes his worth? And that maybe he's not totally useless & one dimensional (the way they portrayed him in S1?
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And not only that, but think about how much this voids everything that happened to Nancy and Johnathan in S1, 2 and 3! Nancy and Johnathan worked through a lot of their own issues and eventually got back together again. So now what? Does this mean that Johnathan didn't really mean that much to Nancy even though they've been through hell together? And what about Nancy?
It's a cheap and tacky way of turning Nancy's character into a total badass, & then turning right around in that same light and totally decimating her growth by implying that because she hasn't been getting enough time & commitment from Johnathan, she'll now set her sights back on Steve.
It's bullshit.
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spotsupstuff · 9 months
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Kept meaning to ask. I've been curious about ancient hair (?). Like is there anyways to cut it? Is there a special process? Since it seems so much more.. attached then ours. Do certain regions prefer longer hair? Is it possible to dye it?
i've talked about it once before (here, in case u haven't seen it yet), but true dat i haven't really gone into as much depth there
it still def is more attached than ours and it's quite... literally the actual anemone part of the whole Ancient, probably the most blatant show of their ancestry/evolutionary past. just because of that it would be most likely left completely alone in most places where they r hanging on to the tradition (like most of lower circles with their continued worship of the Folk Gods. Iterator colonies that more or less do this as well are Suns' and Haboob's)
But! the global religion is everywhere, pricks as well and if the masks are any indication, these guys liked their individuality so all that customization has got to be real
since they are already cutting off hands like nobody's business (and it's not Too strange for someone in the lower circles to show up without a limb that they've lost in the name of escaping some predator, rather than dying to 'em- thankfully they've got solid enough regeneration abilities), they wouldn't really have beef against just taking a knife to the "hair" and straight up just chopping it off
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going to a barber isn't so unlike going to a butcher or a sushi cook, i guess 👁👁 except there's got to be some anesthesia or smth like that involved cuz dear gods.
next step would be cleaning the wounds, bandaging them up and after the tube body of it + the tentacles inside heal up enough the bandages come off n Boom, haircut! the wounds could be potentially cauterized to prevent any further healing unless the "hair" will be cut above the area
for dyeing, i suppose either directly painting on it with some special paint could do, by all accounts they could actually get tattoos on their "hair", something similar to mehndi (would track with the RW inspirations), with the technological advancements this world has they might have something more chemically oriented that would stimulate the pigment in a certain way? who knows, these bitches weird, they might as well (i can see the first three as acceptable n not that unusual for lower circles, too)
as far as hair customization goes, there are also the fuckin
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lil hair decorations. they deserve a lil shout out too
things can mean smth (like the beads with Inkling standing for each of her kids, she's very proud n happy for having them in her life) or nothing much really (like with granmama Sparru). i imagine that some of these could be crocheted! the elderly/stay at home would be the ones to wear them most often cuz they don't run into the risks of getting the things damaged/caught on something while running thru fields or forests or whatever like younglings often do, but there's no reason why a different age group couldn't wear them too (most likely very low circle oriented, if only cuz the high circles have their golden bone masks that often cover the "hair")
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angelsdean · 1 year
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my toxic trait is over analysing things which is probably why my brain has always defaulted to thinking that misha seemed genuine a year ago with what he said (twice!) & then it spread way too far & even wb being like "it's cool!" wasn't enough because it wouldn't have just affected him? there would've been implications towards certain people, & he was going through a divorce + custody arrangement. idk i guess i just don't see it as black & white as some others (sry for the not very fun ask! 😅)
don't worry lol but literally same i don't think it's very black and white as ppl make it out to be and i think it's ridic to think there's Not a possibility that he was lying abt being straight like, we'll literally never know but it's Not impossible to think maybe there are Reasons he would not want to deal with an Official Coming Out of any kind.
disclaimer for tinhatty thoughts ahead lol:
but seriously. IF he were to publicly come out as bi that Would lead people (esp tabloids) to speculate More and Dig into his personal life. and IF say he IS in some kind of relationship with his ex-costar who is seemingly straight and in a seemingly monogamous marriage AND they've also both got kids AND misha was going thru a divorce and custody things.....i mean, it's complicated. and if that all came out it would be messy. and it's not just his life that would be affected IF he were in some relationship w/ jensen or a poly relationship w/ jenneel. A LOT of people would not understand it or be okay with it. like, it's easy to be accepting of polyamory and different kinds of relationships in our little queer internet bubbles but the majority of the general public is still very not okay with these things and it's not really normalized. i know from personal experience just talking to very liberal friends and family abt the topic of polyamory, it's still something a lot of people can't really wrap their minds around. so IF all of those things were true, it would definitely be easier to just, lie and say you're straight to avoid inviting all that speculation and digging into your private life which also involves other people.
personally i think misha has always liked living in an ambiguous space re: his sexuality and for years felt comfortable hinting and insinuating things but never outright stating anything. and i think he thought he was safe doing that at like cons and that his fans would Get It. but then things spread like wildfire last year and people ran too far with his little comment. when it was happening i was watching it all like, ok but he was clearly making a little joke. like who hasn't made a Risky Comment and then passed it off as a joke like lol jk (but *wink wink* tho). and i kinda played along like "lol he came out" but then i saw it going soo far and then it started getting picked up by news sources and i just Knew. i knewwww the denial was coming because it was SO clear to me that that was Not meant to be an Official Coming out.
whether he is or isn't straight or bi or whatever, we'll never truly know. because people can lie for any reason and often do! esp if it's to protect their privacy, which everyone has a right to, even celebs. even celebs you might not particularly like. so IF there's more going on behind the scenes, definitely not surprising to me that he'd bite the bullet and publicly come out as straight if it'd keep people from poking around his private life. because you Know if he'd run with it and "stayed bi" tabloids would be speculating for eternity of if he was dating a man or who past male partners could have been and it would take like .2 seconds to stumble upon cockles things and next thing you know it's front page gossip like "ooooh did they have an affair?? are they still dating?? is jensen CHEATING ON HIS WIFE?" blah blah blah and i'm sure none of them would want to deal with that. IF there's anything going on with them. allegedly. don't come for me. these are all purely hypothetical scenarios.
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liauditore · 8 months
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For the shipping bingo, poly team ZITS (Zed Impulse Tango Skizz)? Or any combination of them if you don't know one of em well enough.
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i've actually seen a decent amount of zits stuff but with life smp zed-less i don't think i fully Get the vision so here's an impulse/skizz for your troubles 🙏🙏
so in general i have this thing of not really labelling any of my pairings as strictly romantic or platonic or so forth cus i like it when people see what they want to see and I have trouble defining the difference even irl lmao
but that being said these two ESPECIALLY. what is. going on. with these freaks.
see the thing is i really can't see the two of them doing anything romantic but if one of them found an orphan they'd totally raise the kid together and let them call them both dad, y'know?? like they'd totally make suggestive jokes around eachother but when someone asks if they're a Thing Impulse would be like "haha what?? you think so?? is that what we look like??" and Skizz would be like "HUH????". they've seen each other date other ppl and neither of them feel any jealousy, it's just a thing that happens, and no matter how many break ups both of them go through they can't seem to get rid of the other one.
you can really feel the history these two have together and even when they're separated you know they're never far apart.
i like to think they've seen eachother get thru several relationships and each time it's just like.. a thing that happens. both of them have been thru so many divorces but can't get rid of each other.
they also just balance each other out really well idk how to describe it but Impulse is like.. mischievous and crafty and a little bit of a grudge-holding bitch whereas Skizz is loud and hot-headed and just hits all the himbo notes at once.
extra: i think tango would ride on both of their shoulders. Like pikachu. Impulse begrudgingly lets him do it whereas Skizz doesn't really even notice when he climbs on. It's just a thing that happens sometimes.
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icy-watch · 5 days
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Good lord, Icy. What have you been drinking and where can I get some?? I mean, when you start analyzing the wood?? Hello??? And you mention the Underworld??? 😭 Okay those meanings are kind of insane, maybe hold onto them. Interpretive freedom and all. Is it too late to convince you this has nothing to do with Wukong (as if all of LMK hasn't already had to do with him) and is just a reference to the opening theme lyrics Familiar Tales, New Adventures? XD I referenced it before because I knew it was sneaky enough heh. Last episode, Mac dragged in the Not-Mayor like your street cat bringing dead things into the house, this episode he is the house cat caught 10 seconds before disaster tied up in a ball of yarn. Kidding kidding, but true as well. Remember the "tied up in his own shadows and chains?" Yeah, weird. So apparently (and keep in mind, sometimes flashbacks can be biased!) that bit really did happen and Wukong was there to see it. It's not just everyone they've fought against, it seems to be...a memory almost, wouldn't you say, Icy? Macaque tied up like that, the tear/blood drop I promised you? The especially evident "Monkey, no violence!" you hear after? Tripitaka and the fillet??? Also Wukong's face when seeing his friend <3 <3 <3 and his instinctive yell when hearing Tripitaka OOOH 👀 omg. I'm all over that. Does it still bother him? I mean with how often the headband dug into his head, how much it hurt, oh he's got lasting issues. Rip </3 your turn to get trauma triggered. Oh yeah, also the translation. Mac here says, "You're nothing!" Like, I think I said it reflected what he told MK in The Winning Side. As a theory for what he told Wukong. "Your staff's gone, your power and freedom's gone. You're not the Monkey King, you're nothing!" if he found him with the pilgrims. But his line and Nezha's are taken from previous episodes, so are they meant to be parallels of the further/not recent past or, just chosen from there? We're pretty split on how Mac reacted tbh, and the Chinese dub has him say "You abandoned me!" which changes the meaning entirely. And falls in line with Shadow Play. The new characters' lines are pretty solidly from the past so eh. Maybe both. I talk a lot about the monkeys (and I'll probably refer to them as shadowpeach for convenience's sake when speaking of their scenes together despite it being a ship name, their duo name is eclipse/sundial duo but we're all just too used to the former.) anyways, this is meant to say that this season, for the sake of a certain someone in your note's favorite antagonist, I will be rewatching s4 to sort them out :P I think its worth the effort, what with fandom repeatedly being extra weird with your fav, I get it, so may as well explain what the heck might be going on.
Little teenage Icy went thru a witch phase to try and curse people. I learned about different woods and stuff. My tarot knowledge came out of this time in my life too.
Miiiiiiight be a little too late lol.
Oh, that's interesting. Memories. Hmmmm...
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miamierre · 1 year
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1, 4, 9, 11, 14 ❤️💙 for piarles, obv!!
annaaaa u always come THRU i love u to piecesssss
Who would end a heated argument by defending their actions with ‘because I love you!’ ?
OHHH THIS IS A GOOD ONE!!! i think they both are definitely guilty of this, especially when they start dating. they do everything for one another out of LOVE, even if it's stupid/reckless/nonsensical/etc so this is THEE excuse. but PRE-RELATIONSHIP i think this is definitely pierre. like. he's been in love w charles for so long, but he knows charles doesn't feel the same so he tries to like. put a bit of a barrier between them bc theyre so close that it's already pushing the boundaries of pierre's "i can be friends with you without falling more in love with you" whole mindset. but charles NOTICES. (of course he does theyre unhinged abt each other always.) it just blows up into this huge thing of i thought you knew me better than that and if something has changed, don't you owe me that and all the real big drama stuff. and pierre just. he's so frustrated that charles won't stop trying to get closer. so he just. "IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU." and then they start kissing so it all works out <33
4. Which one is more protective? Who needs to be ‘protected’?
ohoho i think they're both equally protective of one another but honestly it depends on the circumstance. right now? i think pierre is v protective of charles/feels like he has to protect him w/all the shenanigans happening at ferrari rn. he knows it's a nightmare, and that charles is getting the short end of the stick etc etc. and charles is too dedicated a worker to REALLY complain so of course pierre is like "i got u baby <3".
but also. we've seen in the past that charles is VERY protective of pierre too. the spa interview from 2019 says it all, right? he knows when to step in. it's all about the moment - they are yin/yang, after all, so it kind of tracks that this kind of feeling is fluid between them.
9. What are their thoughts on having children?
[studio audience laughter]
3 kids. ten fat babies. im not even gonna elaborate besides the fact that 1) pierre wants to put SO many babies in charles, and 2) charles WANTS to have so many of pierres babies. its just. theyre both such family men. the moment they retire from f1 they somehow appear in the public eye with odette and everyone is like "???? when did this happen???" like they werent counting down the days they could actually settle down and start this family of their own.
11. Do either try to hide their emotions if upset? Can the other still tell?
i think charles definitely tries. he's very PR trained w/ferrari so he's good at keeping it all in. but pierre can read him like a BOOK. the hidden emotions never last long, anyway, bc charles can't keep anything from pierre no matter how hard he tries, but he tries all the same. pierre does it a little bit too but imo charles is the main offender here.
14. How do their personalities compliment each other? How do they clash?
theyre both the same brand of idiot! silly, devoted, competitive to a fault. i think they've been friends long enough that their personalities have grown to fit together like puzzle pieces.
as for ways that they clash? i think the competitiveness can become a little ugly - not malicious, but all-consuming, yknow? so lost in the sport/pursuit of something that it becomes more important than the basic things, which means they worry about each other too. they'll never say "stop competing" n shit because. it's them. they know each other by heart. they will never impede each other's desire to win. but...it's one of the ways they butt heads bc they're SO alike.
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hogsnout · 2 months
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I wanted to draw where the pheromone glands on Wormeaters are... There are different social taboos on smelling others.
Strangers sniff each other on the neck area, mutually. These are called (in truf-speak) breath-spots, and sniffing breath-spots is equivalent to small talk: you get surface level information about the Wormeater's well-being and immediate material needs from smelling their breath-spots.
Friend and family members are permitted (and expected!) to smell each other's joint-spots on their forelegs and hindlegs during communal grooming. More sensitive information is communicated through these spots, mainly things a Wormeater would consider "personal," that is, less "I am hungry" and more "it's been a long time since I've been cuddled and I'm feeling sad about it" types of expressions.
Higher ranking Wormeaters assert their authority by smelling the hindquarters of their subordinates. Not in a cruel or demeaning way (as Scallop assumes it is), but because that is how mothers and fathers check the development of their offspring, and make sure they're eating well, and perceive when they've started puberty. Partners also do this kind of smelling, it's kind of a dom-sub kink thing, but how Wormeaters understand dominance and submission is a lot different from how humans understand it.
For Scallop, who inherited his adoptive parents' strong cultural sense of modesty, this is all very alien! He goes thru the common 19 year old's struggle of being simultaneously touch-starved, and terrified and disgusted by the kind of intimacy he sees around him (but is that really common..?). It is both intoxicating to be able to finally communicate with people who are like him, and so scary that doing so means letting go of everything that he thinks makes him human.
Imagine that you are a little alien who grew up surrounded by humans, and your whole life you have been plagued by the fact that you smell kinda fucking rank. And other kids make fun of you for it and call you dirty, and you try to argue that they stink, too, but none of them have strong enough noses to perceive it. But it remains this shitty thing that you're ashamed of. Until you finally do meet people like yourself, and realize that this shameful aspect of your body is actually integral to how they communicate, and your experience of what communication can be suddenly vastly deepens and expands, and it's such a relief, but also kind of terrifying! Because all communication involves vulnerability, and none of these people understand why this feels so vulnerable to you, and you can't even hide your anxiety from them, because they can smell it.
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mayra-quijotescx · 8 months
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I gave zero days' notice and peaced the fuck out from employment with them exactly three years ago today but if I ever stop giving HPL shit, either they got completely overhauled* or I died. So let's get into it!
I've been going downtown at least once a week for the past month to help sling water bottles and fill plates with our local FNB, who you may know from 1. refusing to let people suffer the slow and painful social death penalty of starvation for being unhoused and 2. having our walking bruised ego of a mayor declare war on them for same. The group took their 56th ticket last night. For more info, check out this excellent Texas Observer article.
And every time I went I noticed that Central had fancied itself up; new bike racks, orderly clusters of tables and chairs, big fuckoff flatscreen displaying Library Updates...
...and I also noticed that it looked mighty closed for 7PM on a Wednesday.
So I got nosy and I pulled up the hours tonight. And uh.
You could say they've changed.
Here let me just
OLD SCHEDULE (barring natural disasters... it did happen) Monday thru Thursday: 9AM to 8PM Friday: 9AM to 5PM Saturday: 10AM to 5PM Sunday: 1PM to 5PM
it was also an emergency cooling center back then and isn't now but ohhhhh we won't get into that because I'll never shut up
NEW SCHEDULE Tuesday thru Thursday: 9AM to 6PM Friday: 9AM to 5PM Saturday: 10AM to 5PM Sunday and Monday: CLOSED
like
excuse me
Now I understand that the system has been hemorrhaging workers for years due to mismanagement by a business-class administration creating a work environment so toxic it could give the gnarliest sludge in the port imposter syndrome, so this could be a literal inability to retain enough staff to keep the main branch open, but admin has also been shamelessly vocal for years about how much they despise the local community (which is the downtown unhoused community) and wish they could be more choosy about who they serve as a (begrudgingly) public service, so this is equally likely to be a policy choice to further cut off who I cannot stress enough is their main patron base at that location and who will continue to be, barring outright revolution, whether the precious petty bourgeoisie who made the baffling choice to all take public service positions like it or not.
Anyway, they can quit bellyaching about wanting more families at their ~public asset~ (snarl chomp growl biting them biting them biting them) because even with the original hours, my former coworkers and I puzzled over how to get even families willing to pay for parking to brave the freeways and traffic to get to us before closing. At 8PM. Now? Virtually the only way someone with kids is getting there before the gates get slammed shut is if they're sleeping outside. And those aren't the families the gossamer-skinned Apple-exec LARPers in admin want to serve. So they can truly shut the fuck up about Making Central Family-Friendly(TM).
And FNB doesn't start distributing until a solid hour and a half at most after closing time, assuming the library was even open that day to begin with, so they can shut the fuck up about it ~making them look bad~ too. Just my $0.02, adjusted for inflation.
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*Harris County Public Library workers, if you're reading this and willing/able/planning to launch a hostile takeover of the HPL system, I will support you in every possible capacity, up to and including giving my life in the line of duty. Call me. My one condition is that I want to plant a giant trans flag in the middle of the Central Plaza when we finally liberate it from the tyrants. And I want the director to watch.
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alphaketoglutaricacid · 3 months
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First pass on designing K'sante's and Yone's parents for my yosante fic that may or may not happen. My thoughts on them under the cut
K'sante's Mom
Family fled the noxian colonization of the northern cities of shurima and traveled around state to state before settling to nazumah when she was a kid
Wanted to become a monster hunter but found it hard to find mentors. Elbowed her way in through the years and became a very respected monster hunter.
These days she works w repurposing monster parts into dyes, fibers, leathers, food, and weapons. Very well respected still in the profession but the morbidity rate of the field is high and she wanted to be able to see her son grow up
Very sharp and percieves things that go past others. Kind of a dry sense of humor thats an aquired taste
She has high expectations of k'sante as a kid so he had nightmares of getting an A- instead of an A+ at school (this never happened. Bc K'sante was a once in a century talent theres no problem but if he was even slightly mediocre there would've been lmao
No son of hers is gonna believe in religion, god, or kings bc she practices the ancient tradition of r/athiesm.
K'sante's Dad
Comes from a long line of monster hunters. Hunted a bit in his youth but his true passion was botany. He got pretty bored of hunting for awhile and was going thru the motions until he met K'sante's mom. She worked so hard n was so passionate he started liking it again.
K'sante's mom convinced him to pursue his passions so now hes a very well respected academic working in the real interesting feild of the ecological interactions of fauna w the local magic enhanced monsters. Also knows a lot about the history of the medicinal herb trade. He's kind of a black sheep of the family as a result. His fam loves him but can't understand his choices.
A "chill dad" but maybe a little too chill? Theorectially he'd be okay w K'sante taking ten years off to find himself and its like man. Maybe you should be less cool with that?
Very sweet and gifts K'sante many rare plants even tho he kills them within a month. Otherwise a fantastic and thoughtful giftgiver that makes you cry but hes convinced K'santes just not past the learning curve yet.
K'sante had access to a lot of academic texts as a kid because of him. He was kinda a snotty kid the way u get when ur really smart and don't have the understanding that as an adult you accept some of the bullshit of living. He didnt get along w kids his age bc he was like these kids dont even read foucoult :/ and K'santes dad was like son..... why would they...........
Yone's Mom
Formerly a swordsmaster that married and decided to settle down to raise a family. She fell apart when Yone's father died and drank a lot. When yasuo was born she resolved to pull herself together to raise him properly. She tried to get back into the sword fighting business as a teacher but found the world moved on without her and she has a lot of resentment over this.
Was away working a lot so a lot of raising yasuo inevitably fell onto yone's shoulders. He resented her a lot in the way you really only can as a kid before you can conceputalize your parents as people so instead they're a laundry list of the ways they've failed you. He hated that he was her splitting image leading to some questionable fashion choices (the beard). He feels bad about it now but doesn't entirely know how to mend that relationship. They eventually rebuild their relationship but Yone's mom understands there'll always be a part of Yone that hates her and shes okay with this.
Yasuo loves her though, thinks shes awesome and they were outcasts together. This was still not enough for him to like, tell her hes still alive out of shame after doing all that. Yone percieved himself as the dutiful son but in reality they both just suck so bad as sons. She's fond of K'sante cuz she views him as her sole son (in law) thats not a fuck up.
Eventually irelia comes to their village in the middle of nowhere and is like master..... I know you've been retired but we need your expertise for da war... and like a retired gruff GI shes like I knew you would find me no matter where I ran..... The Noxians are like holy shit why are there three of these annoying fuckers running around. She says those stupid one liners yone n yas say. Yone gets so embarassed by this that he retires his corny one-liners forever. Now he just doesnt speak when fighting.
She and K'santes mom are super close bc theyve both suffered enormously over noxian colonization and it was cool for both of them to find someone who could understand it in another part of the world.
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dictee · 1 year
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there will prob be several reasons it has to come to armand doing the thing but i think:
they're so completely dependent on each other emotionally, they've seen each other at their worst and have been through too much i mean after all the serial killings and her years away when claudia walks thru the door louis doesn't ask her anything he's just happy she's back and she stays with him even after he's fully recovered even though she'd prefer to leave town. even after the finale i don't think a madeleine or armand is just going to make them never see each other again
even if they separated and lived apart like normal adult kid/parent or siblings they still have the mental bond so armand will never have louis to himself while she's alive and unlike lestat he'll KNOW when they're in each others heads
honestly after charlie and bruce (and tbh witnessing the trainwreck that was loustat) im not sure claudia will have romantic aspirations even? when she wanted romance she had just had a nice childhood with parents who were clearly loving towards each other, after she's seen what they became and whats out there, idek if she'll really want that? and since they're not changing madeline's age i think she's meant to be a platonic replacement companion which to armand just isn't strong enough to remove her from louis's life
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(answering these en masse) yes codependency slay. i agree theyre too tangled up in each other to be separated but i think even without /before armand it will be unhappy. even when they're happy in paris in the books they're very much still haunted by claudia's unfulfilled desire--at best theyre able to ignore it. so i think like in the book armand might cast their attachment as something louis needs to be rescued from.
and then re madeleine: i don't know if it makes sense for her to be a purely platonic companion either bc i just don't know how that could ever match the intensity of the trauma/parent/sibling bond she has with louis. which is not to say non-romantic relationships cannot be intense obviously. but i think her relationship w madeleine will similarly blur lines wrt human designations. i also dont think her deep desire to have someone who belongs to her and her alone has gone away, even if she’s more hurt and wary now. whatever route they take w her i think it will be weird and uncomfortable and louis will be DEEPLY. jealous of her as much as claudia will be jealous of armand like it will be verrryyyyy messy . excited
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jeysbvck · 1 year
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Update on the boyfriends please bc I keep seeing things and I need my Shanny to explain what it all means 👀
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hiiii my ash, my babe!! i would be more than happy to update you, buckle up bc it's me talking about buddie so this will get long🤭
to recap; last week buck got hit by lightning (after working two lightning strike calls, one father, one woman in labour on her way to hospital 👀) AND DIED. BUCK WAS DEAD IN CANON FOR A WHOLE WEEK. before buck got hit by lightning, we had eddie call him cowboy (the last thing eddie said before buck died was "go get em, cowboy" so i mean...) cue eddie running up the ladder screaming buck's name, asking him if he can hear him, ATTEMPTING TO PULL HIS HANGING LIFELESS BODY TOWARDS HIM before lowering it down where bucks dad i mean captain could rest him on the gurney. cue eddie flying down the ladder (all while he'd just been yeeted off the controls by the same lightning strike), pushed captain out the way to get to buck, but captain wouldn't let him see buck and instead told him he's driving.
cut to last night; we had eddie take over cpr after getting to the hospital, he got bucks heart started again, then he shouted at the nurses to "DO MORE" when they said they'd "do their best" 👀 now, we didn't see eddie too much this episode, because it was all about buck realising he is enough thru his coma dream, but we got some GREAT buddie stuff regardless (and i will die on this hill!!!) SO...the first thing buck remembered when he woke up in his coma dream was Eddie having his back, most notably, calling him cowboy. then we have a lot of unnerving scenes to do with Bucks backstory (which i would happily get into but rn it's Buddie time!!) we spend the episode flipping between coma Buck world and the real world, and in the real world we see that Chris (buddies son) has forced Carla (a care aid & friend), to take him to the hospital because he HAS to talk to Buck, even tho they don't allow kids in the icu. So Eddie and Carla sneak Chris into Bucks room and cue the tears as Chris tells Buck "wherever you are, you have to come back now." and the camera flashes to Eddie, who has tears streaming out of his eyes, who can't even look at Buck and his son.
back in coma world, Buck is at his loft, this is not his world and he knows it. (like it's a wonderful life, although i haven't seen it). He notices there's a statue of the ferris wheel from the pier in his loft, and he hears Chris screaming his name as he flashes back to the tsunami that he and Chris were in at the start of s3 (one of the best story arcs ever and integral to Buddie/Buddifer). A few more things happen, blah blah blah, he goes to find Chim (brother in law in the real world, also works at the 118), and he doesn't know him etc, but he tells Chim "I know why everyone calls you Chimney" and that makes Chim basically believe him (we don't know why they call him Chimney, they've teased it so much tho!). we find out a couple of heartbreaking things, but ive rambled way too much so the main one for this point is - Eddie lost Chris to a major custody battle with his parents, and they took Chris back to Texas.
This is a major thing for the Buddie of it all, because in 4x14, Eddie confesses to Buck that he made him Chris' legal guardian a year ago, after he almost died (3x15), but he didn't tell Buck for a year. We know from 3x15 (Eddie Begins) that after his wife and Chris' mum left, his parents tried to take Chris from him, and he alluded to Buck that they would probably fight Buck for custody, but that "nobody would fight for my kid harder than you, and that's what I want for him." So the fact that in Buck's subconscious, Eddie's parents went for a custody battle, and won, because Buck hadn't joined the 118, Eddie hadn't met Buck (or Bobby the captain, for reasons I haven't gone into right now), and that Buck hadn't introduced Eddie to Carla, is a MAJOR thing.
Then, we have Buck trying to escape his coma dream, he wakes up and everyone's happy. He knows he's enough, and that he's the heart of the 118, and that even though he had his parents love and attention (the way he SHOULD have it) in the coma dream, it wasn't worth the sacrifices that came with it (his sister still being in an abusive relationship, Bobby being dead, and Eddie not having Chris), and that HE is the heart of the 118 (which we all knew anyway, he just needed to know it!) But during the trying to get out scene, they have Chris, who even isn't in LA in coma world, ask Buck if he can "help him look for his dad" (Buck replies, "I can't, you're not real. I'm always gonna feel guilty for this" although i am paraphrasing)
This got way off track, yay ADHD🙄 but basically the entire episode was centered around family (parents & siblings), and it's very telling in an episode where they confirm in canon that Bobby (captain) and Buck ARE father & son (Bobby's stepdaughter says; "Mom brought two kids into the relationship, you brought one." & Bobby laughed and replied, "Yeah, I guess I did"😭😭) that they basically confirmed that Hen and Chim are adopted siblings to Buck (add in that Chim is his brother-in-law, technically), that Chris was also in the dream, BUT THERE WAS NO EDDIE. Because, Buck IS Chris' dad. and EDDIE does not fit into the box of "siblings or parent" in Buck's life. And when we did see Eddie in the real world, he was barely holding it together, and he was dressed in all black. 👀
I could literally talk about this forever, and there are more theories and thoughts I have for what we could possibly see/foreshadow for the next episodes of Season 6, but instead I'll leave you with this adorable picture of Buck looking at his sister while he hugs his son.😭😭😭
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jadedaceofspades · 8 months
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Hey follow up because I'm weird like that.
Great. Good. Not the depressive part, but the letting go part. Please shout. Please yell. That's like, I don't know, a load of fly larvae coagulating inside your body like that one science experiment I did in elementary school with the rotten egg. A lot in life is rotten eggs. There's gonna be fly larvae from who knows where feeding off of it, and they're tiny and buzzing and not pleasant to keep like a pocket warmer that's alive and wants out of its casing and it's not rice inside but fly larvae, so it's got to be thrown out. You gotta toss it. Maybe you liked it once because it had been rice or you didn't know it was flies and it was just in your pants one day or whatever, this is incoherent, but the flies have got to go. They've got to go, and flies are never present and it's disconcerting to see so many just blow out of an unassuming pant pocket, but that's just life sometimes. The flies gotta go. Do what you've gotta to get rid of them.
Very incoherent analogy, but I'm out of it, but I want to ramble.
So I saw your post about CoD and some other things that are in that burst reblog chain I just went thru because vibes and same and all that. And I just thought it was nice. Saw you like the Makarov thing I reblogged. I'm going down a rabbit hole with one of the newer characters, that Phillip Graves guy. I got Southern Charmed by another evil fictional CEO. That keeps happening. I've noticed a pattern from Augustus Sinclair in Bioshock, and I know it started from Fallout New Vegas, which brings me to my next piece.
For some inexplicable reason, I find the 'problematic' fandoms neat. I mean the shit where obviously the subject matter of the media isn't for kids. The modern 12 yr old should not be playing Spec Ops The Line or know who Andrew Ryan is. Characters are assholes, stories are bleak and don't apologize and shit and I think that's...nice. Like no one in the actual material pretends that they're a good person, or if they do, the game doesn't pretend they're a good person. The moral is what you make and all that shit. And shit's problematic. And, excluding Fallout's portrayal of indigenous people and the racism inherent across the material I indulge in all together, I find that the whole basis of them being so "icky" for a younger audience, or at least that's how my brain rationalizes it, makes it safer for me to indulge in. Because I won't find so many rabid antis or kids in general to tiptoe around. And even if I do, they're kids who are aware they're not supposed to be here in my space and are aware of themselves enough to know there's just some shit they shouldn't see and that that is their problem, not mine.
Maybe it's the fact that I've always felt wrong. Like I'm not natural to the species of human I've grown up around and amidst. And it's not just the 'emo' kind of otherness. I'm a Muslim who doesn't wear a veil and is open at the fact that sometimes my religion is questionable at best and rancid at worst. I'm an Asian in an Asian country who thinks her male cousin should be allowed the purple butterfly bag tag as a kid's meal toy choice and have to make excuses as to why that is, citing the history of the colour purple being traced back to European royalty for it to be novel enough for an answer. I feel like, sometimes, I might contaminate whatever younger generation is around me simply for existing. I'm trying to be better, but that feeling of wrongness will always be there, popping up in the presence of others who might still have a chance, who aren't wrong like me, who are normal.
And it's nice to be able to fall back on a space where, even if I am rancid, I won't be contaminating the little children if I so happen to like the same things as them. Fallout New Vegas isn't a hot new thing. Bioshock is a quiet, stagnant shell of a firecracker that goes off only occasionally, but not enough to attract the hoards that come to TF2, for example, its release year peer that shoots up whenever Overwatch chokes itself on a banana. Current 12yrs aren't playing Spec Ops The Line. The circus of my interest is contained to other monsters like me, who the little children will ignore, by virtue of our tent being so unappealing to them or overshadowed by grander other things that are current and important and don't involve war crimes for shallow, sometimes even out of touch PSAs other media following it has done better.
And then I paint myself in the sort of shit they'd be appalled by, languish in the mud pit of these immoral things, out of spite. I'm currently hashing out a fic that might get me cancelled if it were written for Steven Universe. Death threats from the Owl House, or even from Hazbin Hotel somehow. But no, I'm writing it for Bioshock and New Vegas and my blorbos are disgusting old men most would be happy about living terrible lives if they existed in real life, which is the metric of measurement used by those outside the cesspit. I'm safe in that my space is a mud pit and mud is not unexpected.
Is this pretentious? Oh yes. This entire thing. Is pretentious. Is it unhealthy? Most likely. But it's...nice. It is pleasant.
I may have wasted your time. Call of Duty is a passing pleasure at the moment and my Southern Charmer is unfortunately, by his own purposeful merit, not a fan favorite so I am wallowing. He's my little skrunkly for the moment. Did you play the original games? What was the fandom climate like in the ye olden youth of its age? CoD is cited as the boost for a lit of things in gaming history. Booster of gaming from its niche hidey hole in the back alleys of subculture, some might say.
Have a good one and have some ice cream. This was weird. Good night.
Ramble away, I don't mind lol
The things with certain fandoms for me is that... Like, once I find "my people", I'm okay, but like... can't do that if I don't talk to people, but with the Ghost fandom, especially, it was almost like if you weren't a part of a group in the fandom, you were never talked to. Like, ever. And that sucked because there are more people to talk to beside the 5 people in your circle when there are thousands and thousands of other fans.
And when it comes to "problematic" fandoms... I really, REALLY enjoy the media that the fandom is immersed into; like Hazbin Hotel, Helluva Boss, and others. And in these fandoms I meet all types of people and I do try to participate with headcanons and such, but like... sometimes the rotten apples of the fandoms make me psychotic and I just know I have to leave for a bit and then come back when shit dies down because... Yeah, it won't be good for me. +
I never played any of the games because I don't have any of the systems, but I'll watch the "cut scene movies" on YouTube.
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thousand autumns donghua, episode 11~
I READ THE TITLE Y'ALL!!! I ACTUALLY READ THE HANZI!! I AM WAY TOO PROUD OF MYSELF HAHAHA!!! ahem ANYWAY~ one of my fav things about donghua and cdrama is when there's lots of ppl in a scene and the background is full of them all going '走 走 走!' and '来 来 来!' like it's just….very comforting bg noise?? like ppl singing in the pub or ur parents chatting with each other when ur falling asleep as a kid. I MUST ROMANTICISE HUMANITY, IT IS MY FATE ;A; ooh gambling!! lmaooo everyone is betting on ruyuan kehui and yan wushi's fight!! that's hilarious omg 🤣 OH HI BAI RONG!! i was only teasing u before, i rly do like u girl!! just go easy on poor shen qiao ok??? he's been thru so much ;A; these dramatic motherfuckers i swear THERE'S EVEN A FUCKING HAWK SCREECHING BY, WTF IS HAPPENING annoying beard guy from before: FIGHT WITH ME, OLD MAN!!! >:( yan wushi: lol i don't fight with peasants OOOOHHHH they throw off their robes so dramatically!! do u undress that way for bed as well?? i pity whoever does their laundry tho 😔 WHOOOAAAA HOLY SHIT THIS FIGHT SCENE IS INCREDIBLE IT'S SO EPIC WHY ARE THEY EVEN TALKING??? JUST KEEP FIGHTING THIS IS AMAZING!!! WOOOOOOOOO!!!! DAMN!!! HE STOPPED THE SWORD WITH HIS FINGIES!!! RUYUAN KEHUI DID SHADOW CLONE NO JUTSU??? AND THEN THE OLD MAN DID THE PHOENIX DESCENDING THING??? AND HE THREW THE SWORD BACK TO RUYUAN KEHUI AND THEY'RE LIKE ZIPPING AND AROUND AND WHOOOOOSH AND KRSHSH AND BAM AND RRRRRRR AND WHOAAA 🤩😵👀 bai rong: tee hee, i wanna seduce u~ shen qiao: no :( i won't hang with u if u continue this :( i tease, but good for him, setting boundaries for himself!! it's important and healthy!! never feel bad for setting boundaries with others! :D awwww shen qiaaaooo he's such a good guy ;A; WHOA WHAT YAN WUSHI WAS STANDING ON A……..VINE??? WTF?? THE OTHER DUDE WAS STANDING ON A SWORD??? oh crap the old man's heart is about to give out!! he's getting too decrepit and ancient for this!!! SOMEBODY HELP GRANDPA TO HIS CHAIR!! 😱 wait his…..his 'evil spirit' is broken??? forcibly use qi?? what does this mean??? wAIT DID HE DID HE TAKE A HIT FOR SHEN QIAO??? oh noooo ;A; lmao they've apparently been fighting for more than two hours, just enough time for a single lotr film 😂
WAIT RUYUAN KEHUI STOLE EVERYONE'S SWORDS lmao that's fucking hilarious!!! 🤣 oooooohhhhh yan wushi doing his phoenix descending ;A; he's SO fucking badass, like literally, he is SO FUCKING COOL. incredible!! i don't blame shen qiao, i'd sleep with him too! he's just awesome 😳😳😳 BEAK VS SWORD, WHO WILL WIN????? i'm glad they're fighting out here away from town, otherwise they would have destroyed all the buildings and killed everyone 👀 LMAO the guys in the audience all cheering and complimenting them, they're so cute ;A; bai rong: i can't believe it was a TIE, right, shen-langjun?? ……..shen-langjun??? shen qiao: *already left without saying anything* yan wushi has decided to put himself in cryostasis to avoid his problems!! 😔 (if only i could do the same….. 😒) duan wenyang: i will now kill u while u can't fight back, like a brave person would!! >:) shen qiao: GET SHILLELAGH'D!! 🍀 *irish folk music in the bg* awwww he's trying to help the old man with his poison ;A; he's so sweet ;A; bai rong: hey what if i kill ur friend for my own benefit?? >:3 shen qiao: ……no >:( OH NOES now THEY are fighting as well!! my mans bashing clones like my cats go after bugs lmao 😹 awww even tho he's hurt he's still trying to protect yan wushi with his life ;A; oh my godddd ;A; lol even bai rong can't believe he'd do this for the old man!! that's adorable ;A; yan wushi: trying to help me?? UNACCEPTABLE!! ILLEGAL!! I WILL THROW U OFF A CLIFF TO TEACH U A LESSON!!! aaaand shen qiao is being strangled for the……fourth time so far?? lol OH SHIT HE HE COUGHED BLOOD ON YAN WUSHI'S FACE!!! AND THAT WOKE HIM FROM HIS QI DEVIATION THING!! 😱😭 DFGHAJDSHGDS SHEN QIAO IS CARRYING HIM ON HIS BACK LMFAO like it's really sweet but IT'S ALSO HILARIOUS I'M SORRY 🤣🤣🤣 shen qiao: well i'll be heading out then :) try not to die :) yan wushi: yeah whatever bye 😒 yan wushi, thinking: i can't believe he's just going to leave me like that, after bleeding on my face i thought things would be different, he even carried me on his back??? 🥺 doesn't that mean anything to him?? 🥺 is it something i said??? 🥺 does a-qiao already have someone?? 🥺 i should kill them--- old man pls
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insomniactalks · 2 years
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I just watched season 1 trailer and it was clearly showed that there’s going to be a love triangle plus the posters and season 3 trailer it was just one clip that may have seemed like a love triangle but I think it was put in the trailer to make us think so but it really isn’t , I feel like they would’ve made it more obvious, so many shows always make it obvious for love triangles
So sorry for the super late response anon! 😅But yes, I agree. They've always been a bit more obvious in terms of promo on the show when it comes to the love triangles, hence Nini in b/t Ricky and EJ in S1 promo, and Ricky in b/t Gina and Nini in S2 promo. The only things they hinted at for Ricky in the S3 trailer was him possibly not taking the audition process seriously again, and being a part of a Gicky/Portwell love triangle. Ricky is the main character, and yet his storyline is the biggest secret so far. I definitely think he's going to go through a major discovery during summer camp, in a completely new environment outside of what's home to him (East High and SLC). I don't think Tim intends to have Ricky go thru relationship/girl drama 3 seasons in a row. He talked about identity being a major part of this season here, and that could mean different things for different people, but I sort of took it as maybe Ricky finally finding an answer for whether or not he's a "theater kid" or "a skate rat". That's something that he struggled with in the first 2 seasons, trying to figure out where he fits in. He might just find an answer to that this season. 🤔 Besides, I feel like EJ, Gina, and Ricky already have enough internal/external factors to work through themselves without being tangled up in an another love triangle.🤷🏽‍♀️
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