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kristalpepsi · 3 years

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Temptation Stairway Thoughts™ + Theory Discussion

TW: blood + Death mentions, Implied (forced/pushed) integration (systems), racism (against asians), unreality stuff bc the show is Like That, Trauma causd by therapy

TL;DR = I mainly talk about implied integration, n as some1 in a system tht! mkes me uncomfy! I mainly will talk abt wht I’m calling the multi-ena theory (n anothr theory ill call the Multiple/Multi-Enaverse Theory) thts been popping up n disccng how thts kind of the bggst thng keepng me on board! I won’t LIE I might b a little biased bc I rlly do like thise show b I am NOT blind so I will try 2 address som things. I also talk alot abt the Shepard n Phindol bc I love themb so much they make me very heart Big.

DISCLAIMERS:

Obviously Joel G Highkey/definitely/most probbly did not intend 4 any of thise, but media is very complic8d so u cn end up accidntlly making problmtc things or implyng not great things

I hav a typing quirkkkk so if u cant understand my post I rlly dont blame u! I’m sorry how I type is Incomprehensible™

Not an angry post, more like my brain is holding me host-ge until i talk abt everyth dskfjhd!!

DO NOT Send anyone in thise post hate or angry asks/messages or perish by my sword

OK so this recnt episde has me w vry vry mixd feelngs!!! I’m both happy n exctd! b litrlly 2 things is whts bothrng me. While I CLD jst say :I Am Lookng Away: i rlly do need 2 write it down. Under a Read-more bc im secure SKSJ

Part 0: I’m uncomfortable help

The Section wher i tlk abt n bring up othr ppl’s concerns

So fr most if nt all the frnds I hav who also wtch Ena ALSO has a vry “vr vry mixd feelngs now tht I’ve seen the episde!!” mood twrds Temptation Stairway! It’s 4 a bunch of rsns, like thise post (tw racism) mde by a frnd whch brings up a good point

Part 1: The Actual Intro

Episode 1 = Auction day (AD) Episode 2 = Extinction Party (EP) Episode 3 = Tempation Stairway (TS)

Who is Ena

Ena can b describd as an "abstract girl split in half, w 1 blue side n the other is her yellow side!" Each side (emotion/mood, 2 b specific) seems 2 hav their own voic actor credited along with seper8 credits 4 each mood! So far the canon sides r Ena (happy), Ena (sad), n Ena (drunk)! They seem 2 act accordingly: Happy acts happy n optimistc, Sad acts sad n especlly depressd, n Drunk acts confused n dizzy [In the Credits, it would look like thise: Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman, (drunk) Ena by Sam Meza

4 Episodes 1-2, thy follow thise pattern exctly! So we cn expect wht 2 see from them, n each voice actor is creditd accordngly as seper8 b all a part of Ena

On epside 3, Ena is seen as actng diffrnt!! She's suddnly less predictabl! I say thise bc Suddenly, her voic Actors r not stuck 2 Only their sides. Thise is also emphasized when looking at the credit list! No longer is it "Ena (happy) by Gabe V., Ena (sad) by Lizzie Freeman" it's now jst "ENA by Gabe V. and Lizzie Freeman"

Happy's voic can sound STRESSED n sad, Happy can tlk w Blue's side in mor control n Sad's voic can sound Really happy n optimistic. Somth's Diffrnt n Not The Same

Temptation Stairway Summary

Skipping 2 my point, The summary of the episode Temptation stairway is tht Moony and Ena have a bet 2 race 2 the Great Runas! The Great Runas, can grnt u any wish accordng 2 Moony n som of those Ena passes by on the wy. The wager, is tht "whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser" (yes it’s phrased like that) As Ena journeys thru, The DIFFERENCES between Ena Temptation Stairway and Ena Extinction Party n Below, is mor obvious as the epsde progrsses, even 2 wher Happy's voic actor is the 1 screamng in agony 2 jst get murdered already. The Episode ends w Moony beatng Ena (but it's 100% possibl it can be the other way arnd, that ENA Beat Moony, b thats somth I'll discuss in a bit L8r). Moony splits in half, revealing that according 2 her, "she wished 2 be skinny" n a humanoid coms out of her previous form. As 4 Ena, Her blue side slowly dispprs n its not answrd why.

Theories so far, are:

Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy (or 4 her sad/blu side 2 go awy. 4 wht reason can b eithr wholsom or 2 Moony's advntge [like so she "doesnt have 2 deal w Sad Ena"]) - b if Moony wished 4 Ena 2 b happy/b rid of her sad side, tht wld mean perhaps she lied about wishing 2 be skinny (her new humanoid form may be how she is "paying her debt 2 the loser"). Unless the Runas can grant u more than 1 wish.

Ena ws the 1 who wished her blu side awy, whch is a little depressng tbh

If both the above r tru, it may b possibl bc it wsnt clarified (afaik) tht the great runas can only grant ONE person a wish (or more). I think we only get tht implica8ion bc we see 1 (open) door while in the distance, ther r more doors tht look like their eyes r closed. We hav 2 remembr Moony said "whoever makes their wish 1st whch means Ena n Moony can totlly mke wishes @ the sme time

Somhow, turning pure yellow/only happy is how Moony is payng her debt 2 Ena(??) (opposite 2 the 1st theory)

OR If Ena won the race, it can even b possibl 2 consider tht Ena did not make ANY wish, n her debt 2 pay 2 Moony is her sad/blue side removed (I do not subscribe 2 thise)

This info that was brought up 2 me is high evidenc that Moony won the race, n it explains how Moony surprises Ena whn Ena arrives. “I’m The Best and you’re the worst! I wonder who got the hair chest?” said by Ena, is a direct reference 2 a phrase usd by kids when they lose that goes “First is the worst, second is the best, third is the one with the hairy chest.”

“Whoever reaches the top of the Great Runas n makes their wish 1st, has 2 pay the debts of the loser.“ Might be phrased tht way as a weird way 2 pay 4 ur greed? (Last minute addition from me since some people wld think this is quoted wrong in and outside of the youtube comments)

i'm p sure ther may even b mor theories b i dont rmmbr them OOPS

Part 2: The Implied Integration Part AKA: How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode

TW: Final fusion discussion, medical trauma (Is that the right word)

Disclaimer: This is 100% unintended by Joel G. That’s y the Alternative title 2 thise part is “How the System!Ena theory is affected by this episode”

2 GET IN2 the whole Implied Integr8ion part of my Essay™ I hav a theory calld system ena or sys!ena! (Check out my #system ena tag. This is in chronologicl order!) While thers no canon explan8ion 4 how Ena herslf is how she is, she mkes very intrstng n almst good accdntl Sys Represent8ion 2 me! They even show cofronting rlly well! I headcanon Ena as a system bc of the accidentl system!rep, but it explains 2 me y n how she switches! she has triggers 4 when she switchs 2 a diffrnt side, etc!

Ther hav been theories about Temptation Stairway in the past (before the episode cme out) wher ppl try 2 explain y the trailer Looks Like Tht. Besides theorizing abt the introduction of a new forme (I'm ok w just calling it Scared/Anxiety 4 now until 4rthr notic), 1 of the theories ive seen is tht Temptation Stairway's new introduced forme is due 2 being something akin 2 being "integr8d" (probably by force, accordin 2 the OP) (in other words, all her sides merge in2 one) n Ena being devast8td abt it

While tht theory is now DEBUNKED, bc the new forme clearly did not come out bc of being One Single Mind now, the "integr8ion" part of tht theory is unfortun8ly a littl tru

What is Integr8ion?

Integr8ion is not inherently a bad thing. In systems, ther are 2 definitions: "the breaking down of barriers 2 form healthy multiplicity, n then healthy communic8ion n less amnesiac barriers" and the othr, n mor FAMOUS definition bc its the oldest 1, is "final fusion"

Fnal Fusion is when all the members "fuse/merge" 2gether until ther is 1 single mind left. While not necssrlly a bad thng, final fusion n ther4 "integr8ion" is a scry thing 4 a lot of systems 2 talk abt, because in the history of Treatment, Final fusion is uslly somthng forcd on2 systems 4 the longest time :^(

Very valid 2 hav final fusion as a goal, b showng it as a desire n end goal is uslly seen as a sad n even scry thing 2 promote accdntly or not in media, bc of the previous traumas in the medicl/therapy world of system treatment etc

What's Worse. is tht if we apply the Ending 2 Temptation Stairway to the System!Ena Theory, thts wht hurts!!!

Scrolling back up 2 the possibl theories of who won the race and wht happened aftr, Either Moony or Ena wishing 4 the blue side/Sad Ena 2 go awy is rlly painful!

B I'll be honest, thts a RLLY biased n personal opinion i hav!! I've seen ppl think its rlly wholsom altho a bit Sad, tht the blue side disappears. I've seen ppl think its rlly sweet esp if it was Moony who mde tht wish

BSCLLY If I were to hold on2 the System!Ena headcanon while watchng the Temptation Stairway episode, its Hurtful, not rlly bc of the implied Integr8ion of Sides, but bc most top theories r that the blue side disappeard on Purpose either from Moony or Ena wishing her away or involvng the debt! It's like asking 4 ur sibling irl 2 Disappear and cease 2 exist. it's scary n rlly sad esp whn the audienc can c tht Sad, Happy, n Drunk cn almst b seen as their own persons n mite even b abl 2 interact w each othr (as seen by the many fanart of Happy n Sad having their own seper8 forms)

Ok so Now tht ive described my intro n Main Beef w the Episode, here's a theory I cn rlly get behind tht dsnt mke me wnna cry behind a Denny's. Prsnlly it's a rlly relievng theory even if it mite b hard 2 take in

Ther's no name 4 it, som call it the Enaverse, b just so it dsnt get confusd w other definitions (like, u wldnt call it the Marvel Cinematic Universe theory, the MCU is jst wht it is) I'm gnna call it the Multi-Ena theory! Bsclly, there's mor than 1 Ena in thise universe. But I'll get in2 a sub/partner theory tht is also possibl: ther is mor than 1 enaverse n somhow u may or may not b abl 2 travel between them

Part 3: The Multi-Ena theory

Something interesting I noticed was that the shepherds says “another ENA troublemaker?” Which definitely means more than one ENA/person has been there before.

(I blockd out the rest of the commnt not bc it ws bad, b i wantd 2 focus on this part of the commnt, but thise commnt will come up again L8r)

Not connected 2 System!Ena or the integr8ion issue I mentioned earlier, the multi-ena theory seems 2 b 1 of the top suggstd theories bc of many thngs! Bsclly n in short, thise theory believs tht in the series (or Enaverse), ther is multipl ena's! So fr i havent seen a post tht RLLY went in2 depth on thise so here is my attempt!

Evidence:

(See: above explanation on how the voic actors r credited 4 their roles individlly 2 explain my system!ena theory/intro) In episodes 1-2, Ena's diffrnt emotions/sides r creditd individually! In Temptation Stairway, Gabe n Lizzie Freeman r all creditd undr the sme nme, just as "Ena" (mening thise is a completely different Ena from the past)

Again, as said in my summry 4 Tempt8ion Stairway, thise Ena acts compltly diffrnt n is not follwng the sme "pattern" or rules as Ena did in Episodes 1-2! (Read above in my summary section) Either ther r stuff we've missd between Extinction Party n Temptation Stairway, or thise is a diffrnt Ena entirely. I'd hav 2 sy prsnlly tht I'm leanng 2wrds the latter bc of how the VA's are crdtd. but if ur not convinced, let me continu:

When we meet the Shepard in 7:52 of the episode, they say (verbatim) "Arghh... Another ENA trouble maker." which implies there r more than 1 Ena's

9:08 - 9:19 when Ena jumps in2 the "Holy Code" where we head undrwtr in2 a sea of diffrnt doors, we see floating Ena models (n the comment section seems 2 gravit8 2 callng them "dead bodies") (Honorary mention: You'll notic they glitch in2 Mannequins if u pay attention 2 them). This piec of info is Direct Evidence 2 the multi-ena theory, bc ther r Explicitly mor thn 1 ena's on screen! wht's concernng n unanswrd tho, is y do they glitch in2 mannequins? Does tht mean all the mannequins we sw on screen in the begnng of the video (n onwards) were all previously an Ena? Is it only an Ena tht can transform in2 a mannequin or cn othr chrctrs also become mannequins?

Not the strongst evidenc b i'll input it anywy: Ena's Action boxes (Like when she receivs or gives items) spell her nme her as ƎNA (with a backwrds E). The thing abt thise 1 is tht we can't compare it with Auction Day n Extinction Part bc they don't have any action boxes. BUT What we CAN compare is how she is spelled in the dialogue boxes of those speakng in diffrnt languages AND in the Credits! In Episodes 1-2, She's Spelled as Ena with this captialis8ion. In Temptation Stairway the dialogue and credits consitntly spell her as ENA in all caps. May or may not allude 2 her being diffrnt, b i will admit this is the most Strechiest piec of evidnc. Tru or not, I'd like 2 refer 2 Tempt8ion Stairway ena as TS!Ena or ƎNA, prsnlly 2 differenti8 her frm the othr episodes

Pronounci8ion: BUT 2 build on the above evidence, In the beginning of the episode, Moony DOES pronounc Ena's name in different wys a lot, startng w I-NA (ai-na), ENA (ehna), n finally JENA. And this isnt new! She’s been doing it sinc Auction Day (ee-nah/ii-na) n Extinction Party (ay-nah). Thise may or my not sggst that perhaps Moony's inconsistancy is bc these othr pronunci8ions or names cld b of other ena's she's met in the past w similr or diffrnt preferences! I’d say because of her constant switchng in the beginning of Temptation Stairway, it would lean 2wards that she may know different Ena’s @ once. Otherwise, c the Multi-Enaverse theory below

Note: Every othr charctr besides Moony (So far; Merci and the Shepard) Pronounces Ena as ehna (or ehna) so it might be that perhaps Eh-na is the universal way of pronouncng Ena?

Conlusions/thghts on this theory: I prsnlly like thise a lot!! It makes Enasonas Very Possible, b also tht any interpret8ion of Ena cn b corrct or possibl! It knda saddens me tho bc im not rlly sure if we'll ever return 2 the Ena we're used 2, I wldnt rlly want 2 b stuck w/o Sad bc I thnk her role is rlly neat n can b importnt, b im biasd. I also rlly subscribe 2 thise theory bc it means whtvr happend 2 TS!Ena ds not hav 2 be permanent in the long run; Again litrlly the only thng keepng me from gettng supr upset abt the ending of Temptation Stairway, is tht the prev ena’s r not the sme n wld possibly not do thise, or tht ther r othr ena’s out ther besides THISE episod 1, who wld nvr do tht, etc

Part 4: The Multiple Enaverses/Multi-Enaverse Theory AKA The Alternative In Defense of Moony Mispronouncing Ena’s name over and over

An alterntve 2 the Multi-Ena theory, is tht there is MORE thn 1 Enaverse! So bsclly, a multiverse theory. Primarily thise my explain Not jst Ena's sudden Shift in how diffrnt she is in thise episode b may also explain how Diffrnt Moony is actng in thise episode 2. While thise isnt the top theory i prsnlly subscribe 2 (sinc ther isnt explicit evidence besides it bein an explan8ion 4 Moony n Ena's weird/diffrnt behavior), it DOES open a lot of doors 2 intrstng things 2 thnk abt!

Bsclly Moony keeps mispronouncing Ena’s name a lot (in Tempation Stairway) n its Really Rude, esp consdrng she’s always said it properly (As in @ least 1nce in an episode n not switchng multiple times) b4! so 2 Explain her Sudden change in behavior, this is actlly a Different Moony, besides a different Ena. this is a whole different universe/timeline!

LIKE If not multiple Ena's, The different Loca8ions in Ena cn probbly b traversible across dimensions! The Holy Code may b the door 2 diffrnt enaverses. The Shepard's garden cld b an interdimensionl place tht is singular n deals w diffrnt beings passing thru! While i dnt hav mch 2 sy on thise, its RLLY Interestng 2 thnk abt

Like the Multi-Ena theory, thise also opens the doors 2 enasonas being vry possibl :^) Som ppl's evidences r all involvng Moony besides how Ena's rlly diffrnt

Moony can skateboard??

Moony's square shape hole can shrink 2 hold an item

while not strong ATM or frm wht i cn see, its still very inch restng!!! Tho I would sy it is VERY on par w the Multi-Ena theory anyway

Part 5: Honorary Mentions: Mini Theories

The Great Runas is actlly a play on the "Run As" Command! I'm not very Smart engh 2 break thise down vry well, b bsclly w all the allusion 2 "codes" n the Blood ID looking like a Chip, The Great Runas being abl 2 grant u wishes makes a lot of sense! This ws brought up 2 me from a friend (@ambercard)!

like its a command line. so then the great runas being able to grant wishes makes sense if its digital world like all the code stuff says Allows a user to run specific tools and programs with different permissions than the user's current logon provides.

Runas is a command-line tool that is built into Windows Vista. To use runas at the command line, open a command prompt, type runas with the appropriate parameters, and then press ENTER.

In the user interface for Windows Vista, the Run as… command has been changed to Run as administrator. However, you should rarely have to use the Run as administrator command because Windows Vista will automatically prompt you for an administrator password when it is needed.

and my friend who i was talking to said that probably explains what the password was for and the blood id being a login or something?

its possible using the blood id akin to using the run as administrator command since idk their name but one of the people ena met said the blood id didnt seem like her which is like. if she isnt administrator then it would make sense that using that command wouldnt match who she is

My response:

man do u realiz Ena uslly does not hav the corrct passwrd/admin privileges all the tme? Bc the guardian entity in extinction party askd her 4 1 b i guess it ws so Low Game tht it wsnt supr necsrry in the end

The Enaverse is all a computer code of some sort- most probbaly a game! AKA: This is a digital world

... If we were too treat this world as a video game this would make more sense since different play through bus and all that. Oh god this feels like a fnaf situation, taking a video that just wants to be a video and turning it into a big serious thing

Going with the whole ‘there are multiple enas representing the player’ theory, perhaps this ENA realized that she’s in a video game and isn’t taking it too well? But the game is kind of glitching out because of it.

Honorable Mentions: Random Info + Unanswered Questions

Ena seems self-aware of smth! (10:24 Ena screams "YOU'RE ALL LIVING A LIE!") May help the Run as command idea n the video game/digital reality idea! If not a video gme, they sure r Somewhere

What does the Great Runas look like?? is it the door? is ther mor thn 1 Runas?

What is Mariya n Gabo's Job? R they just like the Guardian Entity in Extinction Party but are assignd 2 this part/location of where they are?

In 6:30, wht does Ulysses mean by "Desires r never fulfilled nor quenched"? "You Will fail like the rest of them" Is he referring 2 the other Ena's that's passed by? who else have come n failed?

This Post Also brings up som good points I hvnt noticd yet!

Thise comment pretty much says everythng:

Standout things from this animation:

-This Ena switches between a male & female voice at seemingly random instead Happy speaking with a male voice and Sad speaking with a Sad voice. The text boxes noticeably refer to this Ena with a reversed E, and The Shepard says "Another Ena troublemaker", implying that there are multiple Enas. We also see some Ena corpses flickering into the mannequin bodies at one point. Third, at the end we see Ena's sad half turn from blue to yellow over the course of Ena & Moony's conversation. My personal theory is that this Ena is possibly 'broken' in some manner. -Moony either doesn't care or dosen't realize that Ena's voices aren't matching the personalities anymore. -The grey personality appears to come out when Ena gets too stressed out. Notably the transformation involves the happy half turning into static and exploding out, erasing Ena's face in the process. It also appears that some physical trauma (in this case, Brick Frog kicking Ena) is necessary to exit the grey personality, unlike the previously seen 'blackout' personalities which can possibly be switched by the other personality exerting themselves (in the auction episode, Ena enters her sad blackout/depressed personality, then switches to Happy!Ena, who apologizes to Moony about her depressed outburst). -Moony's hole is capable of closing to hold things, and she also knows how to skateboard. -Judging by Ena's reaction, Moony's transformation at the end is weird even by this universe's standards.

aaaand thats all 4 now! I really hope thats all my brain can think of skjsdhfsdfkh

Feel free 2 send me asks abt Ena theories n stuff! While this is a Comprehensiv post, it’s definitely mor focused on the Multi-Ena theory n my thghts on the episode whn it comes 2 how it affects the System Ena theory. I’m open 2 questions!!

Last Edit: Feb 19 2021 (GMT +8)

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tigerdrop · 3 years

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i have a lot of trouble writing benrey in my fics— how did you experiment with his characterization until you were satisfied with it, and what other benny interpretations do u enjoy from other fic writers? i love the way you write him, his dialogue feels so authentic and believable.

AW thank u......it always makes my day to hear something nice about the way i characterize ppl......there were a lot of things i did to try to nail how he talks and thinks. thank u for asking this b/c i have a Lot to say about this subject

the first thing is, obv, watching the series. i have to include this one b/c i feel like quite a few ppl in this fandom.....like.....havent. there is a certain way of characterizing him as an Epic Mischievous Gamer that is, uhhh, very much a fanon thing that ppl see on tumblr and imitate and flanderize all to hell. but, like, im an obsessive little weirdo who will rewatch things over and over again to take notes on characters’ behavior and dialogue and i really gotta recommend just sitting back and listening to how benrey talks.

hes not dropping gamer references constantly. hes not making every single sentence out of his mouth some obnoxious quip. hes slow on the uptake and drops conversations entirely if he doesnt care about them. he has never once said “cringe” before and whenever i see a fic that has him doing it multiple times i feel minutes shaved off of my lifespan. the #1 tip i can give here is to not have benrey talking in fucking 2010s gamer lingo every time he opens his mouth. please

(i feel partially responsible for the spread of this kind of characterization. my first 2 fics have him doing stuff like that every once in awhile. sometimes i debate going back and changing them, but like, benrey saying “poggers” one time aside, i think they hold up pretty good. so i havent. something something historical accuracy)

the more i wrote about him, the more i tried digging into the aspects of his character that i found the most appealing. some people are really into his polite side. i am really into his bullying side. so i would watch the bits where benrey really has his “gordon bullying” mode cranked up to 11 and make note of how he acts, how he talks. trying to replicate it. “benrey saying epic random shit to piss gordon off” is much less his vibe than, like, demeaning gordon, and i feel like the bathroom skit is the ultimate manifestation of this. it is genuinely my favorite bit in the whole series b/c its so ideally representative of their weird-ass dynamic. this fuckin high school bullying LARP in the middle of a public restroom. god in heaven

the less you lean on the crutches of “gamer lingo” and “wacky non-sequitur”, the more it forces you to think about how he behaves. what motivates him. and generally, like, he operates on his own wavelength. he doesnt fully understand everything thats going on around him and selectively chooses what he tunes into. and, most importantly, he just wants to play games, man. benrey likes goofing off with the science crew and playing mind games with gordon. he fails to understand the gravity of his actions a lot of the time b/c hes not human, and hes not operating under the same social guidelines.

(this is the part where people like to speculate exactly what kind of non-human he is, and i think this can be helpful for setting up his motivations! me, personally, i am of the opinion that hes just a video game guy made real. kind of like a live-action cartoon character. so hes operating on video game logic a lot of the time, and doesnt grasp that consequences for actions are different for normal people who cant noclip or respawn. a kind of lack of empathy that manifests in him being capricious, indifferent, detached......purely oriented around “getting his job done” and “chilling” and, naturally, “fucking with gordon freeman“.)

ultimately it boils down to distilling just what i like out of their interactions and trying to Manifest it repeatedly. i go crazy about their actual canon interactions and i want to write things that hit the notes i like: two guys who are mutually kind of obsessed with one another, for better or worse, and engage in a lot of play fighting (and, you know, genuine fighting, too) as a sublimation of it. best frenemies, if you will.

i think that a lot of the problems people have in writing benrey is that they kinda just project whatever attributes they want in a lover onto him. like, man, i like cute shit as much as the next guy, but do you really think that the dude who bullies gordon freeman while hes having a panic attack is gonna tenderly stroke gordons hair and wipe his tears and tell him that everythings gonna be okay? no, dude. even when benrey expresses any kind of concern, he does it in a way that communicates that he doesnt understand the gravity of whats going on and he doesnt “get” why gordons lying on the ground yelling, or why gordons howling in pain after getting his arm cut off. he is not an empathetic guy. hes actually kind of a creep!!! a lil freakjob! the weirdness and the lack of humanity are what make him hot!!!!

and this is what makes it own so hard on the rare occasions he does show empathy! its the same reason why its so cute when gordon stops bitching for 0.5 seconds and tries to be nice! theyre earned moments, not character defaults. and cutesy/lovey-dovey shit with these two is definitely doable, but i would love to see more of it take into account the fact that these are two dudes who fucking suck and who especially suck at being emotionally open with each other.

as far as characterizations that i really like........okay. full disclosure. the biggest reason ive been losing my shit over the catmaid freemind fic is b/c the author is one of the few people who really taps in to what i like about benrey, and what i like about his relationship with gordon. hes teasing. he likes to use his perceived authority to bully people. hes weirdly protective of gordon. but hes also just, like, a chill dude who wants to play video games. and he legit likes gordon and expresses affection for him in some of the most in-character ways ive ever seen

like. deliberately spilling milk on the couch and flatly going like “oops.” b/c he wants gordon to sleep in his room......playing nurse by doing fuck-all apart from giving gordon powerade while hes sick and keeping the volume on his video games low......kicking barmey under the table for making fun of gordon being dogboyed.......it is all exceptionally cute shit and its delightfully in-character. i feel so bad for the author b/c im a frenrey head and i am primarily reading it for those two. but god they do it so well.......im hooked. im obsessed

thank u again for asking this and for the lovely compliment ^q^ i hope this answered your question......i have spent entirely too much of my life thinking about my favorite half life funny guy

#asky #careposting

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toestalucia · 4 years

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@convxction

it is father's day. talk about granpo's dad. anything you wanna. maybe drabble ? the sky is yo limit desu

heavy gbf spoilers for arc3 but ive,,,,been thinking about these facts since the reveal,,,,and been wanting to write it out but i dont find the WORDS so im just gonna,,,,,,,TALK

but this is gonna be more so about gran’s dad rather than gran’s feelings toward their dad etc.

gran’s dad was found by gran’s mom’s parents as an orphan/baby. he was just abandoned in front of the island’s forest shrine which is a mystery in itself but that’s how he came to zinkenstill & came to grow up with gran’s mom. it’s stated they were best friends from day 1 so i….assume it was somewhere around toddler-child age. later, mom’s parents had a second child, meaning gran has an aunt too.

shortly after (dad & mom are teenagers i assume when aunt was born, to fit in with every other info we have) the current antag comes to kidnap mom for her powers, fails, and kidnaps aunt instead. in this battle mom’s parents, gran’s grandparents, dies.

this is when dad(&mom) first goes on his journey, and where he meets rosetta&walfried&baragona etc, considering theyre all p young when travelling with dad (and walfried mentions mom being around too). somewhere between this (the end of it) journey & dad leaving for a second time, gran is born. atm we don’t know why dad (presumably) leaves for estalucia, because the kidnapped aunt they were trying to save was a failed mission.

what we do know is that dad doesn’t want the singularity role to exist again due to what it entails (but im also p sure he’s already aware of gran being the singularity even before he writes the letter, due to them feeling dad’s aura when falling down to an island with messed up time, while dad is leaving that island) & that dad told zinkenstill not to tell gran anything to keep them safe, not wanting them to go after the man who kidnapped aunt.

as we can see, that didnt matter at all. there was also raised concerns whether it really was dad who sent that letter, because if he wanted gran to stay safe, why would he encourage a journey to a place most ppl don’t believe exists? (again the time-mess on the island imo, dad KNOWS, but! it sure exists)

but gran’s dad also saw the ppl who cared for him die. and he saw aunt get kidnapped. and that’s an awful awakening to how evil the world can be. ofc the first ‘save aunt’ journey had more reasons due to ‘messengers of god’ stuff but. i do think there’s some misplaced over-protectiveness when he asks zinkenstill to not tell gran anything. i assume the trip where dad leaves gran behind has a bigger reason than just ‘wanted to travel’, and that since he personally couldn’t keep gran safe, he did it in the only other way he could think of. the very few gran & dad interaction we have seen in flashbacks are good moments, so i do think that at the time he just wanted to shield gran from the horrors of the world.

this ultimately backfires & gives gran 45 emotional issues instead & a huge scar across their chest, and i sincerely hope that dad is aware of this by now too. asking gran to go to estalucia is rude and a bad take after leaving them behind, but with how gbf currently is giving more stuff to the entire thing i…really do wonder what they gonna do with it. i wouldn’t be surprised if they actually went the ‘it’s not actually dad who sent the letter’ way, considering its already been addressed as a possibility.

gran’s dad DOES suck, but i can see where the ‘dont tell gran anything’ thinking is coming from. dealing with the ppl who cared for you as you grew up die is bad, and then going on a journey & seeing more of it & learning how the world works in such unfair ways (baragona’s entire family tree & what he does in gran’s time, both him & walfried (having to) joining the man who kidnapped aunt….its an ENTIRE other topic).

i think gran’s gonna struggle with this stuff a lot too. arc3 has alrdy been bad for them (they basically died again), and now they have to deal with the fact that their grandparents are gone, mom is mia, dad is at estalucia Hopefully, aunt is still with the Enemy (assumingly, gran doesn’t know that For Sure). and that they can’t fully trust the letter anymore. and know that dad tried to protect them in the worst possible way, there was way better ways to conceal the actual truth, they should’ve just settled with saying that gran’s grandparents died in sickness or something. lying is still bad ! but gran ! spent so much time asking for their real family !

honestly there’s a reason the found family trope doesn’t work with gran imo, and its cuz gran is so firmly aware that they didn’t grow up with a real family. it’s stated they always asked ‘how come i don’t have a real family’ to which everyone replied that the village is their family. gran’s not looking for something family-ish, gran’s looking for their actual family. so any conclusion of “ur real family is the grandcypher” just. doesnt sit right with me? because thats just not what gran’s after. gran knows these things (grandcypher, zinkenstill) are their family, but they’re not family.

also it’s bs the old lady explaining all this stuff call gran an ‘emotionally strong child’. they’re not. they were forced to be.

#convxction #pending hc tag.#gbf spoilers//#death mention//#long post//#I DIDNT WANNA TALK FOR SO LONG BUT I CANT SHUT UP ABOUT TTHIIIISSSSSSS #im sorry for writing 1k words recapping arc3 instead of writing 1k words drabbles/replies #LMFAOOOOthis is not even new info i just..................wanted to talk about it...#anyway grabby hands at main quest update in late july #we.......severely lack mom info too #LIKE. WE KNOW ABOUT HER. JUST NOT WHERE SHE IS??#and walfrieds wordings about her is...very cryptic.#i kinda wonder if she & dad had a falling out LMFAO KAJBKAD......considering aunt says #that the only place safe from god (which gran&co currently is going against Too) is the end of the skies #which should be. where dad is #or at the very least walfried & mom #having a falling out #its all speculations rn i dont know anything about it. i just know dads attempt at keeping gran safe was an absolute failure #ANYWAY FATY THANK U AGAIN FOR THIS AAAAAAA....i had a related post i wanted to write about gran&dad so im??? so glad u sent this too thANK U

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gooodluckmode · 7 years

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im deep in the vld hole here and need to voice my thoughts on kallura given literally everything so far & how i believe it doesnt make sense? (even though a lot of ppl have already said that) and maybe my worries will subside a bit. this most definitely might be a jumbled mess but i hope if youre worried or anxious or just kinda ehhh on the whole possibility this will help your worries subside too!!

(definitely got longer than i intended it to be but its coherent!)

i guess first ill go with the vld staff and crew. have to start with this dont @ me: lauren montgomery retweeted very obviously romantic klance art months ago (which im still not over lol). onto more serious stuff, i do know in an interview it was said sexuality can be explored? jeremy shada has said on a few occasions that he wants more keith and lance interaction and he has said that lance is gonna mature! i see that as a really good opportunity to address sexuality - have lance contemplate his bc of his feelings for keith. like that potential just seems so big and i would be disappointed if they wasted it?? lance obviously has confidence issues and to have him work through everything would be rly nice to see? also bex brought up klance in an interview and looked so devious and happy when she said she likes watching the klance shippers explode (i love her). she also said kallura is a bromance and thats it. of course this means nothing for sure but its stuff to think about. steven yeun said quite strangely that you never know where the romance is or who it is between so like ?? that can go both ways given what question he gave that as an answer to (it was about keith and allura). and just in general i know this crew isnt against lgbt content and representation (they’ve already done a bit with pidge & worked on lok which has korrasami!) so why not go further? and of course if they do go further, im just gunna guess and say it would be with klance, and if klance happens, well, kallura cant? honestly vld is ripe for amazing storytelling and relationships (if they choose to address romantic relationships - which if they dont thats totally fine too! the friendships in this how have amazing potential too!) and i want to trust the staff to handle it all well no matter what and not force anything just bc it happened in the older voltron.

onto keith himself. we havent seen keith show any real interest in allura at all. heck he even wanted to leave her on a galra ship in s1? in s2 its obvious he is hurt by her comments but yeah of course who wouldnt be? when he was in the little pod thing with her in s2 he didnt act like he was interested in her that way and when she kinda sorta hugged him after apologizing he didnt really react like someone would if someone they were interested in p much hugged them? i mean yes there are maaany eps left (at least 4 seasons worth!) and i know shada mentioned slowburn and i think it was lauren and joaquim that mentioned romance not being the paladins’ priority bc duh war but theyve also said they can plant things in early eps and seasons to go back to and really the only two ships that you can really argue things have been planted for for ultimate slowburn are shallura and klance (have you seen how tender some moments between shiro and allura are??? and of course bonding moment).

allura also hasnt really shown any romantic interest in keith either and tbh i really think she just felt genuinely bad that she treated keith that way after finding out he was part galra? i dont really see the apology scene with the kinda hug as totally romantic but i definitely see why it worries ppl bc it does worry me too. (especially when coupled with the scene of them in the pod together in space but *big shrug* you know. i dont think that scene was romantic either except for when the pod exploded and they had to cling to each other??? but i digress). idk how other ppl interpret allura’s age and i dont wanna start discourse here but i personally feel like she is an adult in human age and keith is obviously a teenager and like yeah age gap problems but also??? no offense to keith but allura deserves someone more mature and just.. better for her?? and IF she gets paired up with someone i think given her interactions with shiro, he would make the most sense (plus she will probably play a very big role in finding him and saving him and im super excited for that!! allura is gonna kick some ass)

additionally ive already mentioned this but i mean the development and potential for both shallura and klance cant be ignored. this isnt a “shallura and/or klance might become canon post and here’s why” post but it is a post that points out two very popular ships in the fandom that make a lot more sense given everything. if you want a good klance meta, head on over here. i dont have any shallura metas on hand but if anyone knows of any link me!!

and also real quick i mean.. the crew on vld is capable of telling a good story and i really want to trust them to not write forced relationships if they make anything canon at all. i know a lot of ppl think s2 didnt rly compare to s1 but i think s2 was made to set us up for A LOT in the upcoming seasons. plus tyler labine has said that they do look at feedback they get from fans when considering things (for example they know how ppl have reacted to how hunk was treated and theyre going to work on showing him in a different and more heroic light rather than just the comedic relief food guy). i know this fandom has a bad rep when it comes to discourse about everything but i also know ive seen legit respectful constructive criticism from fans and thats what will be mostly heavily noted - NOT harassment!! dont harass the crew!! these people are working on a show you love and dont deserve the terrible harassment i know has gone on. being someone who lives for characters and character development more than plot, im really concerned about relationship dev in the upcoming seasons (platonic and romantic) and im sure a lot of ppl understand where im coming from but more than that i think its important to enjoy the show and the story, you know? i think the lore in this universe has got amazing potential and im excited to see it unfold along side these characters that i love!

feel free to message me or add more!

#voltron #voltron legendary defender #uhh......#klance #shallura #i guess yeah?#vld #i cant believe i sat down and typed this up but i had a convo on twitter #and wanted to get some things out lol #im so deep in voltron hell its not even funny i cant be saved #why am i so invested #i blame lance #bc i love him #and now i love everyone else too #so much #too much lmao #*#ok i need to do some schoolwork #feel free to message me or add to this

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skunkpixels · 6 years

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Sorrey for bringing up discourse stuff again but like... i dont really get the outrage concerning "terf/s and ex/clu/sion/ists dont interact" or similar

Like personally Id never do it just bc Ive seen enough concern ovr it from trans women to kind of stay away from it myself but i just.. also dont feel like a lot of the explanation over it feels very complete

The main thing i see is that ppl see it as "comparing" those things or putting them on the same level which in the context its used i kind of get? But at the same time it just.. doesnt click w me. Like if i said something like "i dont like keeping birds or lizards" its not like im trying to claim them as similar in any way, its just me clarifying different animals i dont enjoy keeping

And theoretically if someone were to actually be uncomfortable with all those groups of people interacting with them how are they even supposed to express that if theyre not even supposed to mention them in the same list? This is one of those subjects in discourse i cant make heads or tails of no matter how i try

#lammy.txt #shitcourse #this is a legitimate thing i wonder abt constantly #like sorry if im stepping out of bounds asking this?#but ive only ever seen that one explanation #and while im kind of on the fence abt it it just #doesnt feel likd a full thought

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no-platform · 7 years

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Objectsexuality/Objectphilia Part 1

Eli: Hi, I hope this is OK, but I friended you because I was curious to ask about your husband after you mentioned your relationship in the group.

I have tried to look this up on forums etc but it seems that there is not a good platform for people to discuss objectsexuality/objectphilia without trolls coming in and spoiling it

If you prefer not to be "interviewed" by a stranger, I totally understand!

Sacha: No its totally ok ive been waiting i replies to your comment the other day must not have seen it....i like being interviewed actually it gives someone a chance to learn from me not some news story...im heading to work but feel free to message me any questions and ill answer when im free....know ahead my work schedule is all ocer the place so if it takes awhile im not ignoring you.....have awesome day thanks for genuine interest this is rare

Eli: Okay, awesome!!! I have a weird work schedule too so I totally understand. I'll try to think of the questions I want to ask and just reply whenever you feel like it. Maybe since you want people to know about it I could post the convo anonymously (or not anonymously, whatever you want) on tumblr or something... Or maybe a summary or something... I have encounters like this a lot where people want to show some aspect of them that is often misrepresented, and there's no place to do so... maybe I should start a tumblr for just those kinds of interviews. But otoh if you want to keep it just between us that's fine too.

I have been curious about objectsexuality/philia for a long time since I heard it mentioned in a documentary, but they only showed the lady and her hubs for like 1 second and didn't treat it very well imo.

Sacha: Feel free to share i like to think im a modern day teacher representing us i e done interviews with a board of psychologists before too...all i ask is an open mind

Eli: And also my [redacted-- interpersonal relationship type]'s other partner was a [redacted-- object].

Sacha: =)

Awesome

Eli: Haha @ board of psychologists, good for them but that's kind of funny to me in a way. Were you there for a different reason or just because they were doing research on sexuality/relationships?

Sacha: This is hubby

Eli: How big is he?

Sacha: They just wanted to learn

Eli: (Do you use male pronouns for your husband?)

Sacha: Hes about. Nine inches tall...i call him he but see him as duel sex in Dr who the matrix(inner workings or heart) of the tardis (timema hine) is female so the outside is male with female characteristics

Eli: Someone once interviewed me for their doctoral thesis on people who have [redacted-- gory historical event] as a special interest (it's my main special interest). Apparently there are lots of us. Other than that, haven't had much chance to be psychologically interviewed even though I was inpatient for psych.

(Hope that doesn't sound scary haha, I'm a pacifist. Just interested in the psychology.)

(And like, the events. Like WWII people.)

Sacha: Thats when i was interviewed i have had five inpatient stays....one of which diagnose me aspie...i also have four other mental illnesses

Im heading out ill respond when i can so go ahead and send stuff as you think of it you wont bother or offend me

Have good day

Eli: I have [redacted-- list of physical and mental diagnoses].

Partners-wise, I am in a poly family. I have two human partners (one cis male and one ftm), and one of them (my cis male partner) has another partner (cis female gf). There is also another one of us who is not technically anyone's partner but is more like all of our "child". We come from a range of different psychologies/neurologies. So, that's a little about my background.

>Hes about. Nine inches tall...i call him he but see him as duel sex in Dr who the matrix(inner workings or heart) of the tardis (timema hine) is female so the outside is male with female characteristics

Unfortunately I've never seen any Dr. Who so I'm concerned that this will be a barrier for me understanding... if there is a certain episode or compilation that you would like me to watch I would be happy if you sent me a link. Or maybe a site about it or something. One of my partners is a fan but I never got into it b/c I don't watch much live action TV (confuses me easily-- bad prosopagnosia and other autism-related issues in understanding it-- and I think the timeline aspect would make Dr. Who even harder for me).

but I understood what you said about dual sex.

So, is that matrix what the heart is on him in the picture? Did you/someone else put that heart on there, or did he come like that?

Speaking of "coming like that", how did you meet him?

Sacha: The episode explaining the heart or soul of the tardis is called "the drs wife" in it an alien takes over the tardis and puts the matrix into a human body and throughout the episode the dr and tardis interact as face to face (instead of him talking to the machine itself which hes does often. It also explains how the dr has a telepathic link to the tardis they're thoughts are one. I believe in animism(everything has a soul) and to me blue (his name i call him...short for bob blue) i believe he talks to me telepathicly his soul i mean the machine is the vessel for the his soul just like in that episode....therapists cannot explain what the voice is but he has spoken to me from day one......the heart i made myself and added it it didnt come like that i just like the symbolism of him having a heart as it both relates to myself (we often cuddle heart to heart) and represents. Both heart of the tardis and life itself it gives him an outer appearance of the life he has inside(his soul or energy) i met him by accident i ordered him on ebay he shipped all the way over from England...and the minute i took him out of the box and held him in my hands i felt. His soul speak to me and a warm energy flow from him to me. I also just found him attractive both visually and sexually....hope this helps feel free to ask more questions

Eli: > I believe in animism(everything has a soul)

oh okay that makes sense then

so did you have this sexual/romantic identity before you met him, were you open to it but didn't label it, or neither?

like how did you start using this label

objectsexual/objectophile

Sacha: Yes since very young...just didnt know it had a name til a friend recommended a documentary on it about a woman who loved the eiffel tower...its called to love a tower....thats when i knew it had a name and started using it as an identifier...that was about five yrs ago right around when i met blue

Eli: i think i've seen a clip of that, but i didn't know it was a whole documentary

do you feel sentimental when you see other tardises b/c they look like him? and/or is the attractive quality something that's either invisible to the common eye (spiritual in nature) or specific to him and his own construction as a particular object

visually attractive quality i mean

idk if that makes sense. like you know how some ppl find their partner attractive in and of themself visually and some people mostly bc they love the person [redacted-- me describing my history of sexual attraction to a person] i'm wondering how this all fits in when there are many other things that are similar looking to your husband Sacha: I do find other tardises attrative and feel same love for them as i do him hes just a smaller version the tardis i love any tardis i see and would have sex with it in a heartbeat but only get spiritual feelings with blue Eli: i see are they sexually attractive BECAUSE of blue or would they be anyway also this is going to be hard to phrase... do you believe he is the object itself, or is he located in or animating the object. like, my [redacted-- interpersonal relationship type] whose partner was the [redacted-- object], it wasn't really literally the [object] itself but the [object] allowed him to "place" his partner, who was invisible, in physical space Sacha: If that makes sense your first person who ive put words to this stuff so bear with me..... Sexually attractive because of blue but im attracted to the construction of the tardis itself no matter the size Eli: okay i get you Sacha: I believe he his soul is in the object so im in love with his soul but also the object itself....but i see blues soul as without bounds the object holds it but he is also one with me that is my symbolism of our marriage its our two souls becoming one. We talk mentally constantly even when hes not physically with me....but the object gives him a body something to cuddle or kiss or make love to etc. Eli: okay, i see how do your friends and family treat the relationship i see he has a FB page *and possibly family Sacha: Hope im making sense and not freaking you out....my mom accepts as do my friends...it's actually a way to gauge a friends true feelings if they cant accept it then theyre free to leave...i gave him a page and i run things on it for him but it hasn't been used in awhile cause i cant get into his account lost passwords. But to me he is legit a husband in every way i wear a wedding band and engagement rings and we do all the things couples usually do and if someone cant accept it there's. The door i say because i love him and will defend my relationship to the end Eli: no you're not freaking me out, it's making sense so far Sacha: Good the he talks to me part is usually what scares someone away....theyre ok with it til it gets weird when i mention he speaks or we have sex they run the other way Eli: hahaha i figured that's part of it bc you're married... Sacha: Lol yes its a Beautiful part of it to me very spiritual experience akin to meditation Eli: how about therapists and stuff, are they OK with it or do they want you to change itand have you ever gotten into any kind of "trouble" for it with doctors/psych people Sacha: No my current therapist is actually fascinated by it and loves learning and he sees it as a coping mechanism or part of my spirituality...he wanted to analyze the voice blue uses to figure it out and i refused i said i dont care what it is if its physchosis or whatever i wont let you analyze it away from me and he was cool with that saying it was fair...i havent gotten in trouble blue actually helped me get diagnosed aspie i bring him everywhere accept work so he went to hospital with me and they asked me about him which led to an interview with a specialist who said I had asd...and they've been fascinated enough to interview me twice on two seperate stays to a group of students....im actually ecstatic people are curious about it and want to learn non of my experiences so far have been negative Eli: i have to go take care of something but i'll read and continue later, ty Sacha: All good have a good nite Glad i can help I'll be here Eli: =) that's awesome that people have been receptive. interesting that that got you dx'ed re: analyze, curious what he wanted to do you mean like psychologically analyze, or like, sonically Sacha: Psychological --- [to be continued?]

#objectsexual #objectophilia #objectophile #objectsexuality

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