#but recent events have been A Lot

[journal-from-the-heart]

i think, for trauma survivors, especially those who were emotionally abused, invalidated, or gaslit, it is really important not to underestimate the significance of speaking bluntly about what happened to you. Forcing yourself not to beat around the bush, not to downplay what you went through with your words. say what happened, without any caveats, without any “but it could’ve been worse”, “but i might just be being overdramatic”, “but it wasn’t really THAT bad,” and so forth. sit with the discomfort until you can begin to let yourself realize that it WAS that bad, you WERENT being overdramatic, and even if it could’ve been worse you still didn’t deserve it. It’s almost like a form of reclamation, taking back your memories, taking back your life, even the difficult or gross parts, and refusing to let anyone change the narrative or tell you how you should feel anymore, even yourself. and it hurts and it’s scary and it feels weird and awkward and sometimes you want to convince yourself you’re lying, but i think sitting in those weird feelings and letting yourself admit that you really did go through trauma puts the power back in your hands to process things and be compassionate to yourself while you heal

#like. recently i’ve been reflecting a lot on this trauma i have with this absolutely godawful english teacher i had in grade 7 #he was an absolute creep and even though he never touched me i knew he touched other girls and made even creepier comments to them #than he did to me. and i never really had time to fully understand the gravity of the damage he did to me because i was #so focused on the fact that it could’ve been worse and he never even actually touched me or got that close to me save a few times #but yesterday as i was reflecting on this i finally got myself to admit. i was terrified of him and i was terrified for every fucking minute #that i spent in that class. and i was a child who never should’ve had to deal with that and it’s clear that i still have a lot of problems #from that whole event. and the more times i repeat that and get myself to understand it. the more i’m able to be compassionate to myself now #and patient with myself in the things i struggle with as a result of what happened #childhood trauma #trauma #cptsd healing #cptsd recovery #cptsdawareness #trauma survivor #trauma recovery

[radio-4-is-static]

さよーならまたいつか！ | Kenshi Yonezu

誰かと恋に落ちて また砕けて やがて離れ離れ 口の中はたと血が滲んで 空に唾を吐く 瞬け羽を広げ 気儘に飛べ どこまでもゆけ 100年先も憶えてるかな 知らねえけれど さよーならまたいつか！

///

Fall in love, only to be crushеd once again And eventually, go our sеparate ways Blood seeps in my mouth without warning And I spit into the sky Spread your wings and soar Fly away to wherever your heart desires Would we remember in 100 years? Who cares? So long and see you again!

#さよーならまたいつか！ #sayonara #sayonara mata itsuka ! #米津玄師 #kenshi yonezu #音楽 #gif #my gifs #god this mv is so much fun ! #amidst all of the destruction #shattered glass & flying chairs #there goes kenshi yonezu #strolling around #the further back it rewinds the more confident & cheeky he becomes which is such an interesting contrast not just to the events in the mv #but the kind of biting yet light lyrics in the song itself #sooo good !!! #i've been reading a lot of the interviews he's done recently & i gotta give him kudos for questioning why he was approached - as a man - #for a tv show about female struggle for recognition & acceptance in a male dominated field #how he then incorporated the stories of his female friends into the song & acknowledged advantages he may have #he also touches on some other topics like the transience of the human condition & how it matters in one on one relationships #idk ! i liked his perspective 🧐 #also ! on the root beer discourse !! #pleasantly surprised that he enjoyed it so much 😭 #i am very much pro root beer #most of my friends sadly are anti :( #but i would drink sleep & breathe root beer if not for the sugar content #now i just wonder if he tried just the plain stuff or a float #it makes a big difference you see

[alliellama]

due to the most recent events in the game i've decided to compile every card where a character is depicted crying/teary-eyed (in any serious way, silly way or happy way). for no other reason other than i want to and i was kind of curious as to how many there are. cards under the cut have fun !!!

(some of them are like.... they're TECHNICALLY not teary eyed. but they look close to tears enough they may as well be)

leo/need

saki:

honami:

shiho:

more more jump!

minori:

vivid bad squad

kohane:

an:

akito:

wonderlands x showtime

tsukasa:

emu:

nene:

(her eyes are red-rimmed as if she had been so i'm counting it..... have not read the canary event so i am not sure if she was u_u)

rui:

nightcord at 25:00

kanade:

mafuyu:

ena:

mizuki:

#made this mostly bc we have been getting a lot of angsty events recently with anguished faces and i was like. hmmm i wonder #most of them have just been a couple of tears in the eyes. maybe a few falling #the only card with full-on crying is an's recent........ :( #allie.txt #project sekai #hatsune miku colorful stage #project sekai colorful stage #prsk #pjsk #proseka #pjsekai #so many facking characters to tag augh... #saki tenma #honami mochizuki #shiho hinomori #minori hanasato #kohane azusawa #an shiraishi #akito shinonome #tsukasa tenma #emu otori #nene kusanagi #rui kamishiro #kanade yoisaki #mafuyu asahina #ena shinonome #mizuki akiyama

[companion-chronicler]

Companion description: A very passionate zombie. It holds a skull in its hands, very Hamlet-esque in its attachment.

+ 3 determination

#mod here: don't count me as dead yet. I've been well known for reanimating myself in other circles. #I can't don't and won't speak for everyone in the epprbcu. but neither can *they* speak for *me.* #so to those who have been saying that recent events mean the end of the epprbcu: don't be so sure. #whatever comes. I'll still be here. #spirit of the blog isn't it? #that goes for RP too haha. though I get that the inclination for that might've faded for a lot of people. #daily companion #epprbcu #exclamation point pfp rpg blog cinematic universe #punctuationverse #!cu #exclamania #phantom

[oscill4te]

deviantart changed their search engine so that you cannot look up art just by searching up a person's username. this sucks and means if your account(s) was banned over a decade ago, you're probably not going to be able to access that art or those old journals anymore, unless its archived already. dayum =[ ive gotten banned so many times due to not being 13+ lol, they rightfully enforced that rule very well.

#its okay though. its not good to ruminate in the past anyways!! #not extensively at least. #if i could go back in the past id ask younger me to archive her art and journals. save the notebooks #but its okay. again. rumination isnt good. ive been doing that a lot recently. time to live in the present. #im drawing some old ocs to idk. get over that loss i guess. #i wanna draw the ones i remember before i forget completely one day #i dont know why it matters so much to me. they are just technicolored animals drawn on ms paint; no? #well. it does matter to me. so XD #i should be happy with what i have archived. i did do a bit of archiving as a teen and it genuinely its nice that i did that for myself #the internet will never reliably back up your stuff. devices break. notebooks get lost. bwah. :p loss is normal. #if i ever visit my parents i want to hunt for my laptop.. its lost in a sea of.... :( hoarding #it might not even work anymore. it could be gone even #its not as sad as im making it out to be lmao. i guess i just forget what i was like in the past sometimes #even in therapy an event that happened when i was 17 came up.. i barely remember who i was at that age. lots from that time is gone. #i guess i dont have to remember. who ever i am -now- matters more than a hypothetical past me........... #but that past me got me here. and im so thankful. want her to be find peace for once. i want to at least know her. all versions of her. #divided sense of self = lmao. this all sounds so woo

[sweetandglovelyart]

Would anyone be interested in hearing about my various Kirby OCs? I’ve only drawn a few of them at this point, but I have a lot of them and have come up with what I hope are interesting backstories for all of them. If anyone is interested I might make a post giving a summary of every OC I have so far, and then I’ll eventually draw them.

#text post #Kirby #Kirby OCs #I think that the only OCs I’ve done a decent drawing of have been my Metadede kid and my Taransusie kid #but I have a bunch of Kirby OCs a lot of them are just family members of canon characters #I have two OCs who are Bandee and Sailor’s moms (they’re siblings in my AU) #they’ll show up in Knightfall in Dream Land so we’ll see them there #I also have two OCs who are Adeleine’s dads (she was found by two Waddle Doos as a baby and adopted by them) #and I have some OCs who are Taranza’s mom and dad and Sectonia’s mom and dad #I showed their moms in the most recent page of Knightfall in Dream Land but I haven’t drawn their dads yet #Taranza’s mom is the only one of the four who’s still alive during and after the events of Triple Deluxe #and she has a backstory that’s just as tragic as her son’s backstory #and I think the last OC I have right now is Susie’s mom #I always kind of wondered if she has a mom since we’ve only seen her with her dad #in my AU Susie’s mom and dad got divorced at some point after she disappeared #and when Susie reunited with her father she thought that her mother was dead #but her mom is still alive and at some point I’ll have the two of them reunite #anyway those are all my OCs so far it’s the Metadede and Taransusie kids and then some moms and dads lmao #would anyone be interested in hearing more about all of them?

[funkbun]

artfight actually inform people about things relating to the event On The Website instead of only talking about it on ur discord server challenge

#in past years Team Picking was opened like a week before the thing starts. but tomorrow's the 30th and there's still no team picking.. #they mentioned on their server that they'll tell ppl about it 24 hrs before july #so at ''best'' we can pick our teams the day before it starts. or at worst we have to pick our teams While the event is happening... #i dont blame the mods since there's been a lot of stuff going on with them recently but also i just wish this year had better planning #and again i really just think they should've made a news post on The Literal Website telling ppl about the team thing #instead of only telling people on their server. cause not everybody's going to be able to see that

[jamesrodayrodriguezpresents]

Scott Fish Bowl Live Draft LA

(x,x,x,x,x,x,x,x)

#james roday rodriguez #SFBLA #SFB13 #scott fish bowl #that's one of the several fanatasy football leagues james is in if anyone is wondering #and this was a live drafting event #he's in the “Randy's Donuts” division this year hence the donut balloons #anyway #despite having listened to him talk about fantasy football for many hours now thanks to the several podcasts he's been on #i still understand very little about the actual game itself #i included a shot of his picks for anyone in the know #lots of bearded white middle-aged men wearing baseball caps and grey t-shirts #made scrolling through the tag lots of fun lemme tell you #lots of “oh there he is in the background eh whatever”'s #photo #fantasy football #liz loza #jennifer piacenti #there's probably more photos on insta but since they got rid of the “recent” hashtags i can't search anymore ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[skunkes]

If you were truly an abandoned project like you say. You wouldn't care so much. Even in your comic you mention you being worse for "the next person" you already are thinking of another person. That's not a bad thing. You're young. And by God you have some fire in you. I hope you become happier with yourself. I hope good things happen to you and the people around you will cheer for it. -💛🦭

thank u... im actually flopping between it rn... though i know i dont have the actual power to decide to be done with it, bc life is full of unexpected events, and i am young, but my line of thinking was, well because it would be so much more of a hassle for a next person, its best to just remove that hassle from the "market" completely lol...

but its out of my hands in either direction. i already wasnt expecting much as just the one time was such a rarity. now its just made the whole ordeal much much more difficult for all parties...aroo...anyway thanks again

#skunk mail #Anonymous #ykwim...i keep wanting to make ''good luck getting in now !'' jokes but they dont work #because well who's even going to bother. took long enough the first time #and also because what a gross thing to say and assume. that anybody would deal with me. ykwim... #and FINALLY because even despite being so sucks ive come out of this even more unrealistically picky despite already #having severely limited options. like ok man have fun with that. #best to just continue to isolate until i can fix myself which has been set back a LOT after recent events #this isnt fantasy romance nobody is going to be patient with me. i have to do it alone and the work will never be done. so...why bother #hope tht makes sense...! #i keep climbing out of the pit and convincing myself i do deserve it! i am kind i am loving im so good at loving #but i fall back into it bc the issues outweigh all of it. all of it. too much bad in me

[solarisgod]

Like the other psa post we made about not wanting anymore of people to ask us how we're doing / how our day is since we're technically never going to be truly okay unless my abusive mother is out of my life, I don't know if this is a permanent thing to add onto the guideline or not as well, I think I will say this anyway that for the time being, if people can be sure to trigger tag or place a warning of " child distress " where out of any context in illustration, audio, or writing a child ( either as a muse themself or muse's childhood self ) is in physical or mental distressful position / state, especially if they're described as crying; that would be extremely much appreciated.

On an additional note, because we do explore and interact with Micah's childhood self and their child alter, Mimi, quite often and they had experienced various forms of distress across their life and in childhood, we will use this specific tag, #child distress cw. As most people know, Micah is often in a distressful position / state across the series ( prominent example was across July - August after the massacre event, Micah was at their most vulnerable state ). We will be using #distress cw if anyone needs it at all or at times if they are not at a certain mental / emotional state to read / see an intense piece involving Micah or other Starwakers.

Lastly, the Starwake System is an intense system of individuals who have their extreme experiences at time, even for a quick moment. We will never reduce or remove the intensity that any Starwakers would think and feel and behave for anyone because we wouldn't do their characters justice by not following any aspects of them ( personality, mental health, etcetera ); it would be wrong to water down parts of their identities, so this is a gentle reminder that as that is the case, we can and will at least provide warnings of distress and any other applicable sensitive contents when necessary.

#𓁹 ༑ ࿐ྂ ⩇⩇ : ⩇⩇ ⚠︎ [ 𝙴𝚇𝙸(𝚂)𝚃 : 𝙶𝙾𝙳 ] * ‹ PSA . › #[ vvvvv warning for child distress + abuse implication and ptsd description ] #/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// #[ child crying has always been a trigger of mine due to having a younger brother and having an abusive mother... well ] #[ it's bound to become a trigger ; but I think after what happened on Thursday ; it's worsening ] #[ as Friday morning ; I just started crying after hearing a child client cry outside the classroom we were in ] #[ as I experienced quick vague flashes of the Thursday event ] #[ and somehow I managed to push it through and could still work even in a draining position ] #[ usually I'd dissociate but this is the first time I'd experience crying and flashbacks ] #[ so I want to kindly ask - if possible - that any instances where a child either as a muse or as an adult muse's childhood component ] #[ would be in a distressful state / position for any reasons would be tagged + warned for the time being as this trauma is still recent ] #[ that'd be a lot appreciated ] #[ while we want to remind people the Starwake System is an intense system of characters and we do focus on Mimi a lot ] #[ in our writings and metas and inspo that we reblog so we will always be sure to use triggers for anything necessary ] #[ but thank you so much for giving this a read ; it's most appreciated. please take care. ♡ ]

[clanborn]

I’m obsessed with your alaska cats they are so cool 👍

Tysm <3 I haven’t posted about them in a while I need to get back to dropping their Lore

#been kinda burned out recently writing wise but i need to get back to talking abt them #especially since i plan on dropping Event Horizon in february #and i’d like to have a lot of lore info out by then #ask #anon

[seiwas]

so thankful for ur COL series bc atleast in this universe gojo gets to be loved and cherished like he should instead of being constantly used a weapon 🙏

omg nonie hello 🥺 thank u so much for reading it 🥺🥺 and truly, col is where gojo's really at to me 😭 i feel like i've lived in that universe since he got unsealed 🥺 i have so many thoughts about his character & that lil line that was dropped 😭 but the tldr of it is rlly just, i just want him to have a good life 🥺

#this is honestly sparking a bit of col feels back in me ! i told myself i'd put col in the backseat this year so i can focus on other wips #so i've admittedly been kind of out of it #tho recent events have been making me miss them lately 🥺 #maybe ill pick it up and write them again soon 🥺 #i have a lot of stuff outlined and planned for col !! #anon #ask #rep #shotorus.feedback #jjk leaks #jjk manga leaks

[original-missif]

Hey I've been going through your NFHCC AU tag and I absolutely need to know when Eliot decided to tell Nate and Sophie hes a triplet. Like, did they run into them on a job and are they confused? Or did it just randomly come out one day?

Oh man, I can't believe I have an actual answer for this rather than just speculation. Thank you for asking ^u^

This is a bit of a spoiler for The Hitter Job, Extended Edition, but Nate and Sophie aren't actually the first ones to discover Eliot's blood relations. It's Hardison!

After discovering that Eliot Spencer has only existed for just under 2 years, Hardison, in innocent curiosity, digs in and discovers Eliot's real last name is Stone, and he has two brothers. He doesn't immediately go to Nate with the information, because the deeper Hardison goes the more information he gets and the picture this new information keeps getting worse. Only when Hardison feels comfortable and able to tell Nate about Eliot and his secret brothers and last name (amoung other more upsetting info) does he actually do so.

So for a while only Hardison and Nate are aware of Eliot's brothers and father, and they keep it that way. Nate is, of course, hurt that he didn't know this about one of his kids (it's a similar emotion to when he met Archie) but Eliot is almost 18 and Nate knows how easy it would be to loose the trust Eliot has in him, so he says nothing about it. I don't think it's until a job almost a year later, when the Stone triplets are all 18, does the Leverage team accidentally cross paths with both the Librarians and the Cebu trio.

It's a mess lol, but the mess ends with Eliot, Alex, and Jake all reuniting after 3 years of being apart, and the Leverage team and Librarians (as well as Kai and Ernesto) finally meeting their respective triplet's brothers and friends and guardians.

So while Nate finds out about Eliot's brothers before Sophie, and while Sophie isn't exactly happy Nate kept it from her, Sophie Devereaux (and Parker as well) is absolutely the one who understands why Eliot changed his name and never told her or Nate about his brothers. And while both Nate and Sophie aren't glad they find out by accident and not because Eliot chose to tell them, they understand why he didn't, and most likely never would have had the crossover not happened.

#the crossover event is one of the worst days of eliot's life #because it's everything he was forced to leave behind and stay away from #and he's only been able to get updates on his brothers recently when he starts therapy with col. baird #and for jake and alex he totally dropped off the map so they're not happy but are happy and it's a lot of emotions they weren't ready for #it's also the most confusing day ever for parker cassandra and zeke and kai because there's 3 of them?????? #parker and zeke watched US (2019) or have met doppelgangers and aren't totally convinced one of those options isn't whats really going on #when sophie learns jacob is an art prodigy she's so happy #finally another art nerd to talk about art with. and he's so polite and such a gentleman #and thats how jacob stone outshines eliot spencer in terms of ways sophie can talk to teenagers #kai learns that eliot and the team are all criminals and has to fight every urge she has to call the cops on them or arrest them herself #all because ernesto said they were obviously very close to alex's brother and they didn't see them doing anything illegal #cassandra and hardison and zeke immediately click because science and technology nerds #and jake gives eliot the BIGGEST LOOK because zeke was bad enough before but now eliot has introduced him to other criminals #and worse still is that zeke has heard of parker and is 100% for teaming up with the criminals to do crime #i feel like ernesto is in that awkward between teen and adult stage so he just hangs back to watch out for kai and alex #who is trying very hard not to freak out and not punch eliot directly in the face #nate ford's home for criminal children au #leverage teens au #almost paradise #the librarians #ckane triplets #stone triplets #ask #takemyhand-bitch #reply

[threadsun]

I'm gonna write more pirate au and that royalty au intro post after dinner >:3c

#sunshine #I had an... Eventful day today #We recently discovered I have DID and I've been working with my therapist to learn Who The Fuck Is In Here #so it's been A Lot To Handle #and I'm still learning a lot about myself and my brain and whatnot #BUT I'm still excited to write tonight!!!

[hecksupremechips]

Idk man I just need to hold hands with Kai Satou and I’ll be good

#yttd #he needs kisses yeah #ive just been watching his fondness events from your time to shine and theyre kinda making me feel things like damn i didnt expect #them to be as good as they are i guess it really shows how good these characters are man 😩 #the nao ones really got to me cuz she calls him silly and kind and hes like 🥺🍳 just like absolutely clueless what to do with himself #he doesnt know how to socialize or receive compliments hes so unused to that shit #its like dammit give this man some kisses right the fuck now 👺👺👺 #then idk he just has a really stupid sense of humor and chases reko around to tell her ghost stories cuz he likes them #and because he likes to be a menace #he accidentally becomes kannas mom and he wears a bucket in his head to match her #idk like i already liked him a lot when i initially played the game and then like recently introduced a friend to it #and she LOVED kai which was unsurprising to me lol and i was just like. yeah actually kai fuckin rules #and his past story made me feral and then yeah i discovered these fondness events and im like #okay so yeah hes the best character #or at least my second favorite character i still gotta keep shin on his pedestal #aaaaghhh its really hard deciding my favorite characters in this game theyre all so good like even the characters im not crazy about #are still really fucking good and yeah just like everyone feels important and well developed its very good #anyways i have such a type for pretty boys with big autism who were raised to be assassins but now theyre house husbands

[slugandthorn]

Putting my journal down realizing maybe I shouldn't make a written plan to socialize more efficiently

#.txt #Is efficiently the right word. Diary entry incoming. #Going back and forth in recent days with feeling okay with one sided social stimulation and that's just kind of how my brain works #And recognizing I will not look like a well rounded person because I'm not able to maintain other people's interest in an acquaintanceship #It is likely. At least some part due to like labor isolation and all I do is work I do not have life events to interest people #All I can talk about is video games but incredibly limits the social pool because I like bad games. #And also to some degree distrust and the assumption my presence is unwanted. Which I've been working on a lot! #Today in particular is probably just a bad day. #And I have been very focused on life plans for the past week or so which has become very daunting #Planning on starting a business this year. Which is probably why I'm stressing about being able to reach people. #As it will become financially relevant and not just a personal failing I have accepted. #Reasonably it is probably a therapy thing to address being so afraid of other people. But I do not want to go to therapyyyy I'll do it. #Myself. #Normally. #Not dipping into woe is me I have no one territory at least as bad as I did when I was younger. Recognizing a pattern that I am enacting. #My responsibility to improve. Yada yada. I just wish it was a bit easier to feel my like. Presence. #And the constant improvement mindset straying into never good enough is very difficult to avoid. #And it's not a matter of being a good enough person to have close relationships. But I think its easiest to ascribe personal failure #When you are unable to do something. Well the most likely culprit is probably never leaving the house and being undiagnosed. #Which I can arguably do things about. #Also I'm tired. But I'm going to work on my resume tonight anyway and hope tummy pain passes and maybe talking to people will be easier #Another day.