#but no one’s pouring that shit on anything without 20 seconds in a microwave

[specialagentskully]

Look.

I’m never going to judge anyone for their sex scenes in fanfic regardless of inaccuracies or undue optimism with respect to particular sex-related mechanics.

But y’all. As an expert in cooking with a wide variety of different fats, I desperately need the OFMD fandom authors to understand that coconut oil is not liquid at room temperature.

#ofmd #our flag means death #fanfic #I’m sorry but it’s true #takes me right out of the moment #not to say it wouldn’t work as lube? I guess? #but no one’s pouring that shit on anything without 20 seconds in a microwave

[lannister-slings-and-arrows]

I and Love and You

The fifth in Rafael Barba/Reader/Frederick Chilton threesome verse written in collaboration with @pascalispretty . Mood board also by the lovely and talented @pascalispretty !! Yep. We did this. Was it necessary? No. Did we enjoy it? Sometimes. Are you going to read it? I sure hope you do and that you like it! Cross posted on ao3!

Part Five of the series So Much Easier than You Realize

Warnings: Total and complete tooth rotting fluff. Schedule an appointment with your dentists, ladies and germs. Rafael is, as always, a bit of a jackass. You will probably have an incurable craving for breakfast food. And the teeniest tiniest mention of daddy kink. Rating: E for everyone because there is nothing objectionable in this at all, I did not think we could actually write something this sweet lol. Word Count: 3725 Summary: Mornings are for cookies and contemplation.

When Rafa wakes up, he spares a moment to sympathize with his growling stomach. More than one moment, if he’s being honest with himself. He isn’t normally an early riser but his stomach wouldn’t be so empty if he’d been allowed to have his bedtime snack and not rudely distracted by his two partners and an ingenious application of his second favorite blue tie. The result is pleasantly sore abdominal muscles and the rare opportunity to wake up in time to see the both of them still peacefully asleep in bed next to him.

Fred’s back is pressed close to his chest and his legs brush against Rafa’s as he levers himself up onto his elbow to look at her on Fred’s other side. Her face is tucked against Fred’s neck and the doctor’s arms are wrapped tightly around her, and Rafa smiles at them both, still asleep in the soft grey early morning light.

Fred shifts, and an irritable frown passes over his face the longer Rafa uses him to balance himself to stare at the two of them, so Rafa quickly presses a kiss to his temple before settling back down with a sigh.

It’s too early to be up, really, but he’s starving and is not getting back to sleep without eating something. He grunts and sits up before pressing another kiss to Fred’s shoulder. He swings his legs out of bed and grabs a pair of grey sweatpants.

Rafa trudges down the hall to the kitchen. There were still Bugles hidden in the back of Fred’s Tupperware cabinet. Oh shit, had he eaten them all? He flicks on the light to the kitchen and huffs a quiet laugh when he finds a sticky note on the door of said cabinet in Fred’s small, precise handwriting.

Sorry, I ate the last of your chips two days ago. In my defense, counselor, you left them in my house and I was having a very stressful day. I made you cookies instead, they’re on top of the microwave. I figured you’d be up before the both of us this morning since you didn’t get your snack. --An Apologetic Psychiatrist who feels like he shouldn’t be apologizing for eating food in his own cupboards.

Rafa runs his fingers over the note a few times, smiling like an idiot, his heart feeling full and warm and about seven sizes larger than it was when he woke up. He turns his head and sees a plastic container (with a green lid because the green Tupperware was for storage of baked goods as Fred was constantly reminding him) right where Fred said it would be, and when he steps over to investigate it further he finds a batch of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. Another note is stuck to the lid.

I know these aren’t your favorite. I know that you don’t really enjoy white chocolate. Consider this my attempt to make sure you don’t eat all of these in one sitting. Please limit yourself to two; you aren’t in your 20’s anymore, Rafael, and it’s not even a normal time for breakfast yet, much less cookies. --A Not Apologetic Psychiatrist who doesn’t want your first heart attack to be in his apartment, thank you very much.

Rafa rolls his eyes and peels the lid off, smirking as he deliberately takes three out of the box. He doesn’t hate white chocolate, after all, and he does love macadamia nuts. And he has always had a problem following instructions.

Standing at the kitchen counter, Rafa eats his cookies with a pleased groan, once again thanking whatever saints or angels his mami appeals to for sending him a partner that bakes. Not that he thinks his mother would have prayed for someone at all like Fred. Fussy, officious, arrogant, snobby, and, well, a man. His mother would have had someone like their younger lover in mind however. Smart, pretty, and willing to stand up to his attitude. Most of the time anyways. Well, what did Lucia Barba always say? You can make as many requests of God as you want to but remember that He has a sense of humor too? She got him a little extra than what her original request probably specified.

Rafa snorts at the thought and brushes crumbs off his bare chest, leaning back against the counter and surveying the kitchen in the growing light. He’s still hungry but he knows he’ll hear about it if Fred wakes up and all of those cookies are gone. And today is supposed to be the one day this whole month the three of them can spend just being quiet together with no plans, no work, and no prior obligations. He’d rather not spend it all dodging Fred’s passive aggressive jabs and her pouting looks and quiet pleas to please just be the bigger man and apologize.

He stretches his arms out on the counter behind him and tips his head back, staring absently at Fred’s kitchen ceiling as he contemplates making his way back to bed and napping until Fred wakes up and decides to order in breakfast. He’s nearly settled on that plan when he catches sight out of the corner of his eye of the bright blue note on the cupboard. He doesn’t remember Fred spending any time in the kitchen before the two of them dragged Rafa into the bedroom to put his ties to a much more interesting use. He must have gotten out of bed after Rafa fell asleep to put this together, and Rafa can’t help the smile that spreads over his entire face.

Rafa slaps his palms on the counter and shoves himself off, making his way over to the fridge to see what Fred has in the way of actual food. He’s already awake; the least he can do is make breakfast.

He finds the ingredients for pancakes easily enough--Fred is a stickler for organization. Rafa tries not to make a mess as he moves around the perfectly arranged and spotless kitchen. He stirs the batter by hand rather than risk the noise of the KitchenAid but pauses over whether or not to put chocolate chips in.

She would be pleased, her sweet tooth nearly rivals his own, but Fred would almost definitely be annoyed. Especially because Rafa has already had chocolate earlier in the morning. With a fond sigh, Rafa puts the glass jar back in the cupboard, though not before tipping a few of the chocolate chips out into his hand.

It reminds him of cooking in Fred’s beautiful house in Baltimore, his sweet girl laughing and dancing around the kitchen in one of Fred’s shirts, barely being any help at all. All three of them adore the big, beautiful house that Fred had shyly shown them--as if they could have done anything else other than fall in love with it.

Fred relaxed slightly when it became clear that his guests found the house as beautiful as he did. Rafa tried to help her in slowing Fred down as he showed it to them, asking questions about particular objects or features and pointing out the things they especially admired. Every sincere compliment kept a gratified little smile plastered on Fred’s face--and there was plenty to compliment him on.

It’s clear that it holds a special place in Fred’s heart. It’s so him, every inch of it reflecting back the man who poured so much time and effort and money into making it a home. From the collection of antique medical texts carefully displayed on the shelves to the exact shade of teal velvet upholstery on some of the armchairs, Fred had lavished attention on the house to surround himself with things he loved and found beautiful. It amused Rafa to wonder if he’d taken that into account when he’d invited his partners over; whether they’d laud the elegant aesthetic he’d established in his home.

Shifting the spoon briefly to give his right hand a break from mixing, he smiles at the memory. He’s never actually admitted to Fred how much he likes playing house with his two partners there. Rafa is fairly certain that the kitchen in the Baltimore house is larger than the apartment that he grew up in and he knows that a wine cellar is an absurd luxury. But it’s a place where the three of them are free to be themselves, without worrying about nosy neighbors and doormen.

Rafa snorts quietly, folding the batter briskly to get out all the little flour bubbles. That pretty well explains how he feels about Fred too. Fred is too high maintenance, too abrasive in all the ways Rafa normally hates, too… prep school, but Rafa can’t help but smile indulgently every time he turns his nose up at a meal that costs less than fifty dollars, or every time he gets that prissy stubborn look on his face, or juts his chin out and point blank refuses to admit that he’s wrong (even though Rafa can tell that he knows that he is).

He never apologizes either. Ever. He’ll be proven wrong, he’ll hurt both their feelings, and the closest to any sort of acknowledgment of wrongdoing that the both of them will get will be a cup of coffee in bed the next morning, one of Fred’s most handsome smiles, and the complete and sudden cessation of all hostilities like the fight never happened. Rafa knows that with anyone else that kind of behavior would be a relationship killer.

Rafa looks over the batter and nods to himself, satisfied with the consistency, and balances the spoon against the side of the bowl. He stares at the oven and frowns. Just pancakes hardly make breakfast. Going over to the fridge, he grabs bacon out of its particular place, rolling his eyes as he does so, and tosses it on the counter next to the pancake batter, reaching under the silverware drawer for a frying pan.

Maybe it’s the way Fred ‘apologizes’ with the perfect cup of coffee instead of actual words. Maybe it’s that same perfect cup of coffee that somehow manages to find its way onto his desk at work when he’s too swamped to go out and get one--just because Fred knows he needs it. Or a sandwich from his favorite deli and a quick flash of that handsome smile on Fred’s lunch break.

Rafa gets started on actually cooking said breakfast, hissing and swearing quietly when he gets a first-hand demonstration of why you shouldn’t fry things without a shirt on. Fred would have more than a few words to say to him about the relative intelligence of what he’s doing right now. He grins. Maybe that’s it--the way he cares while trying desperately to make it seem like every time it’s an inconvenience of the highest order.

Maybe Rafa loves Fred because every once in a while, when he’s very drunk, very tired, or the perfect combination of both, Fred slips a little and calls the both of them by those cute, ridiculous southern pet names that before now Rafa would have put money on being more myth than fact. And how embarrassed he is when it is pointed out to him that he just called a forty-something year old man ‘pickle’.

Fred is arrogant, prickly, particular, and both overindulgent and overly judgmental of vices depending on if he himself shares in them. He is a pain to get along with most of the time and sometimes treats the two of them like they’re made of spun gold--things to be cherished and well looked after and shown off to the best of his ability. He’s a contradictory monster and Rafa loves him.

He has a feeling that the smile on his face is sappy and ridiculous, but as he turns the bacon and settles to wait a few more minutes, he shrugs. There isn’t anyone else around this early to see him; his reputation as a son of a bitch and a jackass won’t be ruined. He loves Fred. He loves her. He loves both of them--sometimes so much it’s hard for him to keep it to himself and wait for them to come to the same conclusion. Their individual faults, foibles, and perfections and the way they mesh with each other and fit so surprisingly well in his own life.

Like getting new book recommendations from her--whenever he has the time to actually read something for fun. She leaves them on his home desk with a brief explanation why she thinks he’ll like them. That almost always makes up for the numerous occasions he has gone looking for one of his own books and found it had mysteriously jumped off its shelf and walked itself three rooms over, or managed to find itself completely out of order.

He drains the bacon onto a paper towel covered plate and gives the pan a quick rinse. He loves finding packets of M&M’s in his briefcase or in his suit coat pockets, loves knowing they’re from her and that she braved Fred’s ire to indulge his habit of constant snacking. A habit Fred particularly despises. He loves--most of the time--being a couple minutes late to work some mornings because she got into a nearly incoherent argument with him about what color tie he should wear. He loves that she loves his wardrobe as much as he does.

Rafa loves ganging up with her to tease Fred and loves that she can take some teasing herself. He loves that she just rolls her eyes and plays along when his puckish side emerges and he can’t help but be an asshole even though he can tell she would rather he didn’t.

Rafa starts pouring pancake batter, chuckling to himself when he recalls the mood she’d gotten into the last time his sense of humor had gotten the better of him. While waiting for a table in a restaurant, a strange woman had made a snide comment about ‘men dating women young enough to be their daughters’ and Rafa had been unable to resist feigning outrage and asking what was so terrible about a man taking his daughter out for a nice birthday dinner.

The woman had been mortified, and Rafa had enjoyed the look on her face so much that he’d only hammered the point home further, telling her it was hardly his fault he was a widower and a single parent. He hoped it had taught her a valuable lesson in boundaries. His sweet girl had been so embarrassed but it had been so worth it.

Flipping the first pancake, he thinks about the flaws that come with her youth. She’s always the first one to joke about having daddy issues and Rafa can hardly deny how much he enjoys hearing her call him papi--and Fred daddy--in bed. He just has to try not to think too deeply about it. Not that Rafa really has a leg to stand on where difficult paternal relationships are concerned. But her jokes mask an insecurity and a clinginess that Fred has a habit of overindulging. More than once when he’s been trying to work she’s tried to distract him or cuddle up to him and then gotten sulky when he had to gently but firmly rebuff her.

When he finally finishes work on those evenings, he usually finds her wrapped around Fred instead, giving him a wounded look when he finally emerges from behind his case files. Those looks are wordless guilt trips every time he’s on the receiving end of one--no matter how right he feels in his decision to work instead of play.

And yet somehow she’s worked the same magic on him that Fred has. A flaw that in anyone else would have stopped any idea of a relationship in its tracks is something that he’s come to love about her. Her clinginess comes from a place of emotional fragility and it must be hard to let her partners see that. The fact that she trusts them enough to be so vulnerable around them makes Rafa’s heart swell. He can’t help but love her, even when he’s dealing with her pouting and huffing.

Fred talks about it like Rafa is somehow being ungrateful, that he should drop everything to spend time with his beautiful, smart, young lover, and it drives Rafa crazy. He knows that Fred generally means well when he tries to appeal against his more workaholic tendencies, but he also knows that Fred could retire now and live off his trust fund if he wanted. It rubs him the wrong way when Fred tries to discourage him from working hard because he’s never needed to understand why Rafa works as hard as he does.

He starts stacking the cooked pancakes on a plate on the stove and furrows his brow in concentration. Fred gleefully indulges her in her clinginess, dropping everything to scoop her into his arms or take her to bed. They’ve even taken to napping together with his cock still tucked inside her, as if they can’t bear to be anything other than as close as physically possible. He’s stubbornly blind to the fact that Rafa can’t just drop what he’s doing. If Fred misses a deadline for submitting a journal article the worst that happens is it gets pushed back an issue. If Rafa misses something in his case files or submits something late or fails to prepare as fully as he should, it can ruin lives. Dangerous predators can be let out on the street to offend again. People don’t get the justice they deserve. And even in this day and age, a poor boy with a Spanish name is granted a lot less leeway with employers than a rich boy with a nice American name and family money.

They come from very different worlds, even if Rafa has carefully and thoroughly infiltrated Fred’s, and Rafa loves and hates it a little that Fred forgets that most of the time. Rafa has to always be ‘on’ and can’t afford the same kind of laxness that Fred can.

Sometimes he even has to be ‘on’ at home when he’d rather put his fist through a wall or wrap himself in every blanket in the apartment with a bottle of scotch and pass out. Like when he walks into whichever apartment they’re spending the night at to find Fred in a screaming match with her that he has to moderate. She likes to complain that he and Fred can really get into it like a pair of children, and he isn’t saying she’s wrong—they definitely can—but she and Fred are just as bad. Frankly, the three of them are cut from the same cloth when it comes to being pig headed and it makes for some rather loud and spirited fights.

Like the frequent battles she has with Fred over her occasional smoking habit. They always start out with Fred gently chiding and somehow end up with Fred snidely pulling out his “I went to medical school, therefore everyone else is a moron” voice and her reminding him that he couldn’t cut it as a real doctor and she’ll “smoke a goddamn fucking cigarette every once in a while if she fucking feels like it.” Rafa tries to interfere before it descends to “as much as you like to act like it sometimes, Frederick, you aren’t my father” and “maybe if you knew how to make better choices you wouldn’t be constantly seeking validation from older men,” but he doesn’t always get home in time and instead walks in to the both of them glaring icily at each other or shouting as many deliberately hurtful things as they can.

He likes to leave his courtroom face at work, but it’s generally the only thing that will defuse those battles, or at least calm them down into cold wars. Rafa doesn’t particularly enjoy playing mediator on the best of days, especially not when one wrong word from him will have one or both of them turning on him as another enemy combatant. He likes his occasional cigarette too, and he snacks constantly, and eats terribly; all things that Fred will use to drag him into a fight.

But while he hates trying to calm them down enough to at least stop yelling, he has to admit he loves having people around to yell in the first place. Yes, these fights mean he has to put on his lawyer face when he’d rather get drunk and pass out. But he has people in his life to break up fights between. He can come “home” to people who care about him. People who, when they aren’t screaming, see him come through the door and smile. People who would, and have on occasion, drop what they are doing to bring him something he left at home and needs now. People who drop a sandwich on his desk when he’s working and quietly--most of the time-- leave him to it.

People who care and appreciate him.

Rafa finishes setting plates and cutlery out on the island and starts the coffee maker. He loves having them a few rooms away. He loves knowing that they like him enough to put up with his “shoebox sized apartment”, with him being an incurable workaholic, with the fact that when he gets stressed or angry he lashes out at anyone around him. With the fact that when he does he can be more than a little cruel.

Rafa makes his way back into Fred’s bedroom, wincing as always at how bright it gets when the morning sun fully hits it. He smiles when he sees them still tucked against each other just like he had left them. He loves this view the most.

Rafa grins mischievously. They put up with his innate tendency to be a complete and utter jackass, and that is one more thing he loves about them.

“I just rearranged every single cupboard, bookshelf, and drawer in your entire apartment, Frederick!” Rafa informs the room in general. Loudly.

Fred’s eyes snap open and he sits up, dislodging his sleeping companion without a second glance. His gaze lands on Rafa, who is smirking next to him, and his eyes go comically wide in horror.

“Rafael Barba, you didn’t.”

Tag List: @sassyada, @dreamlover31, @prurientpuddlejumper, @storiesofsvu

#rafael barba x frederick chilton x reader #rafael barba x frederick chilton #frederick chilton x reader #rafael barba x reader #rafael barba #frederick chilton #law and order svu #hannibal #fanfiction #fanfic

[fuck-you-i-am-spiderman]

Rotten OT4 ❤🕷

This was a lot of fun and I took way too long thinking about this 😅

Who washes the dishes by hand and who uses the dishwasher?

Carlos washes the dishes by hand. He'll get anxious about them building up, during their first few nights in the starter cottage they live together fight me he'd still be up at 3am cleaning. Carlos and Evie now have a routine to get the dishes done. Evie helps him by drying the dishes, they listen to music and sing along as they work. Mal and Jay fight with the dishwasher, they're the idiots that try and cram as many dishes into the trays as humanly possible, and then whine when it won't shut properly. 

Who cuts vegetables, fruit, etc by hand and who uses the easy to use chopper?

Mal loves to chop everything by hand, she'll chop really quickly and get excited when she can use the big knife. The others tend to stay on the other side of the kitchen when Mal is wielding her weapons, attacking vegetables with far too much glee. Carlos likes to use the easy chopper because he likes to fiddle with it to see if he can get it to chop any faster. Jay still glares at the vegetables Evie brings into the house. 

Who pours the cereal into the bowl first and who pours milk before the cereal?

Mal eats her cereal dry because she's an animal. Evie likes to eat fruit and granola in the morning, Mal chops fruit especially and crafts apple peel in the shape of a rose. Evie is always making smoothie bowls and snapping pictures of Mal's fruity creations for her Instagram. Carlos loves chocolatey cereal and pours in milk afterwards to create a perfect fusion. Jay pours milk in first and watches with far too much amusement as the other three all stare at him in horror. Jay and Carlos get into daily arguments about Jay being a monster and it only makes Jay do it more. 

Who buys/drinks bottle water and who uses/drinks from the tap?

Carlos drinks straight from the tap and will lean over really far to drink from it. Evie decides it's a safer option to buy a few bottles of water whenever they go grocery shopping. Jay loves getting energy drinks, like those still sports drinks that come in orange or blue raspberry or some shit. He likes bottled water so he can take it to the gym with him. Mal literally forgets to drink. It'll be like 7pm and she won't have drank anything. At which point she'll get three glasses of water shoved in her face and they won't let up until she's drank them. 

Who hoards disposable containers and who throws them away?

Evie throws them away. Carlos doesn't like the clutter and everytime Jay leaves a tower of disposable containers lying around Carlos will go around very loudly throwing them away to make a point. 

Who buys milk in a paper carton and who buys it in a plastic jug?

They all vote for a plastic jug. They go through milk very quickly so none of them tend to like getting cartons. 

Who picks paper bags and who picks plastic bags after grocery shopping?

Jay attempts to carry everything without a bag, he has competitions with Mal over who is the first to crack and grab a bag. Evie loves the reusable bags and freezer bags that have cute patterns on. 

Who HOARDS the plastic bags and who recycles them?

They all hoard them, they say they'll use them when they go shopping but they'll never bring them so they just end up with cupboards full of plastic bags that Carlos insists they still need. 

Who hoards salt/pepper packs, to-go silverware and other to-go condiments?

They all steal plastic cutlery and will purposely grab like 20 packets of ketchup every time they're anywhere in Auradon. They do it because it's fun and everyone is still a little scared of them so they're not going to tell them they can't take 20 packets of sugar. Or when restaurants have the bowls of mints and such and Carlos is just there shoving handfuls into his mouth and Evie's got 10 packets of those wipes that smell of lemon. The workers don't even see Mal with a backpack full of breadsticks or Jay racing away with a bowl of candy he took from the desert bar.

Who lets the garbage overflow before throwing it out?

Mal. Jay definitely doesn't help. They have trash throwing competitions and then there's just a litter of trash scattered around just shy of the trash can. Carlos throws it out because Evie refuses to, she spends a lot of time lecturing Mal and Jay for letting it build up. 

Who gets annoyed when someone doesn’t use the clips for the potato chips?

Evie. She bought them for a reason and its something constantly brought up during one of their house meetings, along with why Mal and Jay never use the chore wheel and pleading with Carlos to stop tinkering with their toaster. 

Who uses paper plates?

Surprisingly Evie. The got a bunch of fancy plates and she doesn't want to use them. But also, she works a long time in her studio and needs something quick and disposable when she's really in the throws of it. 

Who uses coasters?

Evie and Carlos use coasters. They spent time picking out these really fun designs. Mal doesn't use them, says they're a waste of money. Jay puts things right next to the coaster. 

Who licks the spoon/butter knife after they use it?

Carlos and then Mal chases him around the kitchen to get it back. 

Who loses the bread ties?

Jay. But he doesn't lose them, he literally just takes them, it's almost like a force of habit but it's his natural instinct to grab it and he doesn't realise he's done it until Evie is frantically searching the kitchen for ties and Jay finds some in his pocket. 

Who kicks the ice under the fridge when it falls on the ground?

Mal. She be vicious and they can't stop her. 

Who constantly cuts/burns themselves when they cook?

Again Mal. It's not that she's bad at cooking, she's not. It's just that she doesn't really pay attention to how far away things are or she'll just go to touch a hot pan because she wants to just grab the food and get it sorted. She's an impatient cook and it leads to accidents a lot. Because she speed chops and tries to do everything in a very artsy way she'll slice her finger and Carlos is scrambling to wrap her hand in a cloth whilst Mal barely bat's an eyelid. 

Who organizes the spice rack?

Mal and Carlos. They debate over it for a while but ultimately decide on a good organisation system that please them both. 

 Who uses the microwave more?

Jay. He'll just shove whatever he can in the microwave and call it good. Evie has stopped wrestling him for the toasties he insists on microwaving and then pleads with Mal to cook them a more substantial meal. 

Who stops the microwave one second before time's up?

Mal. She's impatient and wants her food done. She doesn't like waiting and she'll leave it blinking as she waltzes away with her food. It's one of Carlos's pet peeves. 

#Descendants #Rotten four #Marlos #Jal #Carvie #kitchen ask game #This was really silly and fun to think on #spideysparrow 💜

[klaineanummel]

eighteen going on extinct 2/20

Kurt Fabray just wants to relax after a tough week at school, but that is shown to be impossible when he realizes that his absent father has once again blown into town. Not wanting to spend more time around him than necessary, Kurt goes to his old babysitters house, the one place he feels safe when his father is in town. While there, he stumbles upon a secret he knows he was never meant to find out - one that could change the entire course of his life.

An AU very loosely based on Mamma Mia.

I completely forgot to mention this on the first chapter, but a million thanks go to @mailroomorder. I really don't know what I would do without you. You take every single one of my fics and actually make it readable. I literally owe you a million thanks for all you've done for me, not only for this fic, but throughout the years. I love you <3 <3 <3 <3

Hope you enjoy!! :D

Previous Chapter  |  Read on AO3

It takes a while to get to the south side of Lima. The bus system is shit, and he has to switch buses twice to get where he needs to go, and even once he’s there he has to walk a good ten minutes before he reaches the Berry-Hudson house.

He kicks a stone as he walks down the sidewalk, admiring the lack of graffiti on the building walls. All the houses over here have nice yards and are separated by fences. Some even have pools.

Where he lives, the nicest place you can get is an attached home, but they’re all rentals. He and his mom lived in one for about a year when he was seven, back when she was dating Big Steve. It didn’t last long, but it had been nice to briefly live somewhere other than an apartment.

Finn and Rachel’s house isn’t as big as some of the others on their street, but it’s still bigger than anything Kurt’s ever lived in. He pushes the gate open, glancing at the pruned shrubs that line that walkway up to their front door. He wonders if they take care of those themselves or if they pay someone to do it.

He knocks on the door, shoving his hands in his pockets. He hasn’t been here in a while, which sort of makes him feel like he’s taking advantage of their hospitality.

Finn opens the door, smiling that dopey smile of his and instantly getting out of the way.

“Hey, man,” he greets, patting Kurt on the back as he walks into the house. “Long time, no see.”

“Uh, yeah,” Kurt says, taking his shoes off as soon as he’s in the house (it may have been a while, but he still remembers Rachel’s house rules). “Sorry about that. It’s just…”

“Don’t worry, dude,” Finn says, still grinning. “We’re just glad you still felt okay to call. Come on, we just finished making supper.”

Kurt nods. “Cool,” he says. “I, uh. I brought Coke. I know Rachel doesn’t really drink carbonated stuff, but-”

“Thanks!” Finn starts to lead him toward the dining room. “Just means more for you and me, right?”

Kurt can’t help but smile at the endless optimism that the man exudes. He’s already feeling better than he has all day, just from being around him for a few seconds. He really needs to come here more often.

Rachel is just placing some cups around the already-set table when he walks in. She’s just as tiny as ever, and her smile is just as big as it always is when he comes over. “Kurt, hi!” she greets hurrying over to him and wrapping him in a big hug. “It’s so good to see you.”

He hugs her back, still feeling a little strange about being so much taller than her (he can’t even imagine how Finn must feel). He remembers when would accompany Finn when he’d babysit Kurt, and how Kurt used to wish he’d one day grow to be at least as tall as Rachel.

“We made a broccoli casserole, but Finn also has some hot dogs in the fridge he thinks I can’t see,” she winks at him. “We can heat some of those up in the microwave, if you’d like?”

Kurt instantly shakes his head. He’s already had hot dogs twice this week. “Broccoli casserole sounds perfect.”

“Wonderful! Oh, I forgot what a perfect guest you are. You really do need to come around for dinner more often.”

Kurt can’t help but smile as she leads him toward the chair at the end of the table. “Yeah, I’ve been meaning to come around. It’s just been so crazy with my job and school starting up and everything.”

“That’s right,” Finn says, coming out of the kitchen with the casserole dish in hand. Rachel sits on Kurt’s left, and Finn takes the seat to the right. “You’re at McDonald’s, right?”

Kurt shakes his head. “Wendy’s. McDonald’s let me go.”

Finn sets the casserole dish down, and glances at Kurt. “Did they have reason to?”

Kurt shrugs. “The GM was dating my mom, but he cheated on her. I skipped a shift to console her and he said that wouldn’t fly. So… technically, I guess.”

He watches as Finn and Rachel exchange a glance; the same glance they exchange every time he mentions his mom.

“Well, it’s good you got another job, then,” Rachel says, eyes still on Finn. “I prefer Wendy’s anyway. Better vegan options.”

That’s not true, and they all know it, but Kurt just nods and says, “Yeah.”

Rachel starts serving the casserole, and Kurt barely manages to wait until it’s all scooped onto his plate before he digs in. He hasn’t had anything like this in so long. Eric, the GM at McDonald’s, used to cook dinner for his mom sometimes and she’d bring back leftovers, but since he fucked off it’s mostly been take out and quick meals. It’s not like either of them really has the time to cook.

“So,” Rachel says as Kurt shovels food into his mouth. “How’s, um. How’s Sebastian?” Kurt glances up at her and sees her smiling tightly. “Is that still… happening?”

Kurt shakes his head, and he can see her shoulders slump in relief. “He moved away, for college. Got into Yale.” He shrugs, stabbing a piece of broccoli with his fork. “Finally realized everyone else was right and he really was too good for me.”

“Hey,” Finn says harshly, causing Kurt to jump. “That’s not true, okay? If anything, you were way too good for him.”

Rachel is nodding along. “His parents were my neighbours growing up, and sometimes I’d babysit Sebastian when he was younger. He was always a little brat.”

That makes Kurt smile. “He didn’t take too well to not getting his way, did he?” he chuckles, thinking back on the time Sebastian tried to get Kurt to go down on him when he really didn’t feel like it. He’d stormed out of his room in a huff, only to return two minutes later saying that this was his house and Kurt needed to leave.

It wasn’t like it was the best relationship, and Kurt is well aware of that. Still sucks that everybody saw it before he did.

They chat casually for a while. Kurt pulls the Coke out of his bag and Finn goes to get them some ice. Rachel ends up pouring herself a half-glass, though her face scrunches up as she drinks it, which makes Kurt and Finn laugh.

Finn tells him about his middle-school students and how they’re currently writing their own plays. He’s so enthusiastic as he talks, hands gesturing wildly, the grin never leaving his face. Kurt wishes that he’d attended West Lima Middle School instead of North; he really would have liked to have Finn as a teacher.

Rachel briefly talks about how she’s considering going back on the road for a national tour of Wicked. She’s mostly been producing plays lately, but apparently she’s been feeling the performing itch.

Although he thinks Finn is awesome, and knows he’s the best teacher ever, he really admires Rachel and the work she does. Even if McKinley High School and North Lima Middle School didn’t really have drama programs, he’s always been interested in acting and singing. Rachel helps put on most of the productions that come to Columbus and has gotten several smaller theater companies off the ground; plus, she used to be on Broadway. He’d love to step into her shoes, even just for a day.

He listens intently as Rachel talks about the audition process, and how it’s down to her and two other girls for Elphaba, though she’s sure she has the role in the bag. He loves hearing her talk about the theater world, even the inanest aspects of it. He once listened to her talk for an hour about what brands of make-up were better to wear on stage.

When she’s finished, a bit of a silence falls over the table. Kurt is too awed by her stories to say anything, but Finn seems to have something else on his mind.

After a few minutes of silence, during which Kurt scoops himself a little bit more casserole, Finn turns to him and asks, “Kurt, why did you call me tonight?”

Kurt pauses, his fork full of broccoli and potatoes halfway to his mouth. “Um.”

“You said there was a situation, but you didn’t explain.” He turns a little in his chair. “Is it your dad? Is he back?”

Kurt sighs and places his fork on the plate. He slumps in his chair and runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah,” he says quietly. “Totally blindsided me. He was there when I got home from school. Drove down from LA to ‘see me,’ or so he says.”

Rachel reaches a hand out to take his. “Does your mom know you’re here?” she asks.

Kurt shakes his head. “Told her I was with some friends, just didn’t say who. I didn’t…” he glances at Finn, then looks down at his plate. “Puck gets weird when I mention you guys.”

The look they exchange tells him they know exactly what he means by ‘weird’.

“How long is he staying?” Rachel asks.

Kurt shrugs. “Who knows. Mom says he’s on his feet, that he isn’t here for money, but I don’t trust him. He’s got a fancy new motorcycle, but that doesn’t mean shit. Last time he brought me $300 season passes to see the Buckeyes, but still begged mom for a couple grand to help him ‘get back on his feet,’” he lowers his voice and puts air quotes around the words. He shakes his head. “She wants me to be nice to him because he’s my dad, but I don’t think that’s enough. Just because he donated part of my DNA doesn’t mean he’s my father, you know?”

Finn and Rachel exchange another look, which Kurt ignores. Instead, he continues his rant.

“It’s just stupid. She never takes shit from anyone. When Eric cheated on her she kicked him so hard in the balls that he limped for a week. One time a boyfriend stole ten dollars from her purse and she punched him right in the nose when she found out. But with Puck? It’s like she turns into this pathetic schoolgirl with a crush that she just can’t get over. He can literally do whatever he wants, and she’ll never see the truth that he’s a deadbeat asshole who could give two shits about her.”

“She was always like that with Puck…” Rachel says, shaking her head. She smiles at Kurt and squeezes his hand. “We know it’s tough for you to be around him, so please, feel free to stay here as long as you want, okay?”

Finn nods along, and Kurt smiles. “Thanks, guys. You know, for letting me come over, and for letting me rant.”

“Any time. We mean it.”

They finish dinner soon after that, and Finn suggests they watch a movie. He lets Kurt pick, claiming that Rachel will just make them watch “A Star is Born” for the hundredth time. Kurt picks “Yentl” just to mess with him.

Their TV is a lot bigger than Kurt’s, and their sofa is softer. Kurt curls his legs under himself and thanks Finn halfway through the movie when the man passes him a throw. He pulls the throw close to his body, feeling cozy and safe.

He always feels safe in the Berry-Hudson house.

When the movie ends, Rachel suggests they play a board game, so Finn pulls out Sorry! They play a few rounds, laughing and teasing each other. Rachel wins every round to absolutely nobody’s surprise.

By around eleven Rachel admits she’s ready to call it a day. She gives Kurt a kiss on the forehead and thanks him for coming over, reiterating yet again that their door is always open for him. Finn says he thinks he should head to bed, too, and Kurt reluctantly says that he has a shift in the morning, so he should probably hit the hay, too.

The guest room is all set up for him, just the way it always is. The blankets and pillows are piled high, and Kurt already feels his heartbeat speeding up at the thought of sleeping in the queen-sized bed, as opposed to the twin he has in his room at home.

Finn bids him goodnight, leaving him alone. He smiles as he changes into his pajamas, thankful for the millionth time for Finn and his wife.

They’ve always been good to him. Finn was always his favourite babysitter when he was a kid, and he was the only one who kept in touch even when he stopped needing someone to babysit him. The first time Kurt called Finn after a fight with Puck, Finn came to pick him up and brought him to his house. Kurt was only thirteen at the time, but Finn made it very clear to him that he was always welcome to stay with him and Rachel. No matter what.

Sometimes, as a young boy, Kurt used to dream about Finn being his dad instead of Puck. Not that he wanted his mom and Finn to be together – Rachel and Finn were obviously soulmates and he’d never wish for them to be apart. No, he just liked the idea of having a dad who was around. Who wanted to spend time with him. Who cared for him and spent time with him without expecting anything in return.

He gets into the bed, his phone in hand. He unlocks it, finding a couple of messages from his mom asking him where he went. There’s another message from his boss, asking if he could come in half an hour earlier. Kurt rolls his eyes but texts back that he can, trying to mentally calculate how early he’ll have to get up to make that work.

Just as he’s setting his alarms he gets a notification warning him that he’s at 20% battery. He groans and pulls himself out of bed, going to his backpack and digging through it.

Fuck.

“Great,” he says as he pulls out the last piece of clothing. Of course he forgot his charger. Just his luck.

He sighs and heads out the door. He knows Rachel has an iPhone, too. Knowing her, she’ll have at least two extra charger cables.

He reaches the door to their bedroom and raises a hand to knock, but pauses when he hears them talking inside.

“- you’ve respected her decision this long, but this isn’t good for him. If Puck is actually going to be sticking around for the long run-”

“We don’t know if he is, Rach. He’ll probably just hang out for a week or two, like he always does, and then admit he needs money. Quinn will give him money, because for some reason she always does, and then he’ll be out of their hair. That’s how it always goes.”

“What if it doesn’t go that way this time, Finn? I don’t—” Kurt hears her sigh. “He’s such a good kid. I know he acts tough, but we both know that’s not who he is. I don’t want Puck messing up his life any more than he already has.”

“I don’t either, you know I don’t, but I just don’t see how it would make a difference.”

“You don’t – Finn, if you could prove your paternity we could try and get joint custody. He could live with us two weeks out of the month. That’s two whole weeks he wouldn’t have to be around that… that man.”

Kurt’s eyes widen, heart skipping a beat.

“He’s not mine, Rachel,” Finn says. “We’ve known that for years.”

“We don’t, though. We never got the test done because Quinn insisted and we wanted to be respectful, but this has gone on long enough. I can’t just sit idly by anymore! Even if Puck doesn’t stick around this time he’s going to keep coming back, over and over again. That’s what he does, Finn. You know that as well as I do.”

“She doesn’t want me to, Rachel. She made it very clear that Kurt wasn’t mine. It would be a dick move to ask for a paternity test now.”

“I just want to be sure, Finn. I hate thinking of him in that house with Puck. I hate it.”

“Me too, Rach, but there’s nothing we can do. Quinn made it very clear –”

“Look, Finn, I think Quinn is an amazing mother. I’ve said that since day one. She’s done an incredible job raising Kurt by herself. But when it comes to Puck, she doesn’t know how to set boundaries. He’s always been her weak spot, and he’s always going to be her weak spot. It’s not good for Kurt to be in that environment, and I’m tired of ignoring the fact that there is a chance that you are that boy’s father.”

The words ring in Kurt’s ears, amplified by the silence that’s fallen over the house.

His breathing quickens.

Finn speaks after a few moments of silence. “I’ll think about it, okay?”

“Okay,” Rachel replies. “Thank you. That’s all I ask.”

Kurt forces himself to move, heading right back to the guest room, heart jackhammering in his chest. He’s clutching his phone tightly, and his breaths are coming quickly.

He always knew his mom and Finn dated in high school, before she got pregnant with him. She’d told him when he was five and he asked her how she’d met his favourite babysitter. He’d never really known the timeline of their relationship, though.

He climbs back into bed, placing his phone on a pillow next to his head. He feels wide awake as he stares up at the ceiling, this new discovery coursing through his veins like a particularly powerful drug.

The very idea that Puck might not be his dad brings him a joy he cannot even imagine. There will be nothing left connecting him to that asshole. His mom can keep him around if she wants, but Kurt won’t owe him anything.

Holy shit.

He smiles to himself at the thought of finally being able to officially tell Puck to get fucked. He can just imagine slamming down the paternity test in front of the man and telling him to have a good life.

He pulls the blankets closer.

Well, fuck.

Chapter Three

#klaine #klaine fic #klaine au #klaineanummel fic #fic: egoe #multi chapter

[thenobullshtblog-blog]

I Yam what I Yam.

Sweet Potatoesssss are the first thing I’m gonna show you how to make. Although I didn’t buy these with yesterdays trip to the Shop of Rite I did get them last week. Again, fairly in expensive, I want to say they are roughly 79 cents per pound? You may also see sweet potatoes listed as “yams” or “sweet yams” don’t worry, they are part of the same family with nearly the same nutritional value (it’s the equivalent of comparing yellow bell peppers to red bell peppers).

*disclaimer* I know this prep seems extensive in terms of instruction but I really have a lot of instafriends that have no idea how to cook AT ALL. Theres nothing wrong with that. Everybody has to learn, and they all start somewhere. If you’re more experienced and are just looking for the choice of spicing-skip through. If you need the extra help-I gotchu fam.

Prep time: 10-15 mins (say wahhhh)

Cook time:20-40 minutes

Ingredients you’ll need:

2 generous sized Sweet potatoes (I normally pick ones that are about the size of my two fists put together sidebyside.)

Olive Oil (preferably the non thotty kind-Extra Virgin)

Minced Garlic (I buy the minced garlic in a jar, it’s so much easier to deal with)

Cinnamon (ground cinnamon, any brand)

Nutmeg (ground nutmeg, not required-highly recommended)

Dill weed (dried, any brand- comes in a small spice jar)

Paprika (regular (not smoked),any brand)

Salt (table salt)

Pepper (ground)

Vanilla Extract (I prefer McCormick, but any will do)

Butter (I use Land O Lakes-if you use country crock, or I cant believe its not butter gtfo my blog, please)

Cooking Items you’ll need:

Cutting board

Chef Knife (used for chopping and dicing)

Spoonula (the silicone spatula things, yes that is their technical name)

Aluminum Foil (or if you call it tin foil)

A standard sized baking pan (make sure it has the sides on it, not the flat cookie sheet)

Before you do anything with the food: Wash your hands, dirty ass.

Preheat your oven to 400degrees.

Cover your baking pan with tin foil

Take your potatoes, and give them a good rinse under running tap water. use your hands to help scrape off any extra dirt that isn’t easily falling off.

Pat the potatoes dry with a paper towel, make sure your hands are completely dry before handling the Chef Knife. (Don’t be a fu*king Susan and pick up a knife with wet hands-serious party foul.)

Cut the tips off the potatoes..just the tip.

Cube the potatoes (if you don’t know what this means, slice the potatoes into roughly 1 inch slices, so you have little potato wheels, take those wheels, lay them flat and cut them into quarters or 6ths so you have little cubes or wedges-they obvi won’t be perfect cubes.)

As you cube the potatoes, throw them on the foil lined baking pan

Once you’re done cutting them up, you’re going to take all the spices and literally just throw them on top of the potatoes on the pan. Seriously.

Okay I NEVER use measurements or a recipe, #fact. I base every amount of spice I use on smell and just knowing what the flavoring of each spice is. I truly feel like this is the best way to cook things that you enjoy eating-a recipe may call for a dash of cinnamon but maybe you fu*king love cinnamon and want half the jar. Do it. Its your food. You can make it taste however you want. Use a recipe as a guideline until you get more comfortable with the taste of certain spices and their potency.

For all intent and purposes I will try my BEST to give you amounts of each ingredient. YES I did list the ingredients twice in this blog BECAUSE the few times I did use an actual online recipe I hated having to keep scrolling up to see what I needed vs the directions on how to use it, and it was just a bitch. So here you go, I saved you some scrolling.

1.5 tablespoons of Olive Oil

1.5 tablespoons melted butter (put some butter in a small dish and pop it in the microwave for literally like 7 seconds and then pour it on top of the potatoes)

½  teaspoon of vanilla extract (vanilla extract is an extract, which means its highly concentrated. Less is more)

1 spoonful of minced garlic (literally just dip a small spoon into the jar, pull it out and bam. usually the equivalent of ½ tablespoon)

¼ teaspoon nutmeg (nutmeg is a VERY potent spice. Use sparingly until you figure it out)

1-1.5 tablespoons cinnamon

½ tablespoon of the dried dill weed

½ teaspoon paprika

Salt and pepper- a light sprinkle over the pan. (don’t be an animal. Your food shouldn’t taste like salt)

Once you've thrown all the dry and wet spices/ingredients onto the pan/over the potatoes-take your spoonula and mix that shit in. Reallyyyy well. You want to make sure every potato has a generous covering of everything. You don’t want one potato to have like half a spoonful of garlic on it and the rest of the pan is bare-its gonna taste like dogshit if you do that. Mix and incorporate everything together really well.

Now that you’ve mixed everything-pop your pan in the oven (on the middle rack), and set a timer for 20 minutes. (Usually I take this time to clean my mess up, multitasking for the win)

After 20 minutes, with your oven mits, open the oven-pull the center rack with the pan on it, half way out so you can reach the potatoes with a fork without burning yourself .

Stick a fork in a few of the potatoes-your potatoes should be “fork tender” meaning, you can stick a fork in them easily with little to no resistance. It should almost feel like sticking a fork in butter. If you can’t break through easily and they seem hard- push the rack all the way back into the oven, close the oven and set a timer for another 7-10 mins.

If after another 7-10 minutes, they still aren’t quite done-only put them back in for 5mins at a time.

Usually your potatoes will cook to perfect temp within 20-40 mins. I know 20 minutes difference seems super variable but it really depends on your oven (gas or electric) and how many potatoes you had on the pan/how big the cubes are. So, just keep an eye on them until you do this a few times and get to know your oven.

Okay, finally they’re done-pull them out. Let them cool for about 10 minutes and then dig in.

Healthy, and delicious. If they’re not delicious, you probably low key fu*ked something up- oh well, they’re still edible! Try again next time. That’s the beauty of cooking, you always have more opportunities to perfect, and get it right.

Comment if you’ve tried them and let me know what you think!

#badpuns #sweetpotato #recipie #foodporn #healthyeating #mealprep #lifestyleblog #letsgetweird

[megabadbunny]

The Great Cookie Exchange 2k17: White Chocolate Cheesecake Cupcakes!

(lightly sweet with a delightful burst of tart, surprisingly easy to make! feat. Oreo cookie crust, stabilized whipped cream frosting, sugared cranberries, and white chocolate Christmas trees covered in edible glitter!)

Thanks to @chocolatequeennk for coming up with the cookie exchange idea, and thanks to @goingtothetardis for convincing me I could try my hand at cheesecake and it wouldn’t be a horrible disaster! :D To be fair, though, one of my favorite things about this dessert is that, while it is time-consuming and dirties a fair number of dishes, the steps themselves are actually pretty darn easy! I cobbled the dessert together out of several recipes I found online (sources below) for the sake of bringing something a lil different to my office holiday party yesterday; they were super effing popular and I received a truckload of nice comments. So if you a) are picky about sweets b) like cheesecake c) are interested in making seasonal/holiday treats that are pleasantly nondenominational (not into Christmas? Then those are wintery holiday trees!) and d) want for people to heap compliments on you, make this recipe, my buddies, my guys. <3 <3 <3

I would highly recommend making them with a friend, mostly because baking is so much fun when you do it with company. :D

The Recipes (AKA What is, How do???)

I would recommend starting with the sugared cranberries (source recipe here), and I would recommend making them a day in advance. Here’s my altered version of the aforementioned recipe:

4.5 cups sugar (3 for simple syrup, 1.5 for coating (or more if needed)) 1.5 cups water 2 cups fresh cranberries

First, make a simple syrup by stirring together your water and 4 c. of sugar in a medium saucepan over medium-low heat until the sugar dissolves and the water comes to a boil. Keep stirring and boiling until the mixture goes from opaque to transparent and has a slightly thicker texture when you lift your spoon out--like a thin syrup.

Remove the syrup from heat and let cool for a few minutes, then pour over cranberries in a bowl. The cranberries need to sit in the simple syrup for a minimum of 4 hours, but I would recommend letting them sit overnight, stirring occasionally.

4 hours later/the next day, drain the cranberries from the simple syrup, pour your remaining 1.5 c of sugar into a bowl, and coat the berries in handful-sized batches, rolling them around in the sugar-bowl with a fork until they’re evenly coated all over. (You might end up needing more sugar, since it starts to stick together and refuses to get coat-y after a while.) Place sugared cranberries on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper or wax paper and let dry for at least two more hours, and, voila! You’ve got lovely sugared cranberries!

Next up--or perhaps more accurately, simultaneously up--is the white chocolate Christmas trees, if such a thing interests you! The cupcakes are just as good with or without, tbh. I would recommend using Ghirardelli’s white chocolate melting wafers--they melt more evenly than white chocolate chips (significantly less risk of scalding), they hold their shape better than the chips, and they’re just so much effing tastier than any other candymaking chocolate I’ve had. The total amount you need depends on how many trees you want to make, but I can tell you off the bat that a 10 oz pkg of the Ghirardelli will make about 20-24 of the trees I made. (Srsly the Ghir’s are just so yummy, especially tasty while melted--dip some pretzels in the leftover melty goo, nom nom nom such a good treat!!!)

You can use pretty much any Christmas tree candymaking mold of your choice; I used this one. I also recommend using disco dust if you’re in an edible glitter mood. (I would ONLY buy either the original Disco Dust or the Sunflower Sugar Art variety--others will claim to be the same but many of them are actually regular craft glitter repackaged as “technically nontoxic glitter” for cake-PROP-decorating purposes. Boo!!!)

While your simple syrup for the cranberries is cooling, sprinkle a little bit of your edible glitter in the cavities of your candymaking molds by dipping a (clean, dry) index fingertip in the glitter and rubbing your thumb and forefinger together over the cavities so the glitter falls in. (You’re gonna get glitter everywhere no matter what; I’m sorry in advance.) Melt a handful or two of your white chocolate wafers in a microwave-safe bowl, in intervals of 30 seconds at 50% power, stirring between each session. When the white chocolate is smooth and liquidy enough to pour (no more chunks!!!), pour it into the molds, doing your best not to overflow. When each cavity is filled, gently tap and wriggle the mold--this distributes the chocolate more smoothly and also helps to eliminate pesky air bubbles. Stick the mold in the freezer for 15-20 minutes. When removing, check to make sure the chocolate is pulling away from the edges of the mold--that means it’s ready to come out. Turn the mold over on a plate or piece of wax paper and gently shake and tap the mold until the chocolate falls out.

If your chocolate overflowed out of the mold, it might be a little more difficult to get out, and you might have to trim it with a sharp knife afterward. Just use extreme caution, puhleeeeze

And now it’s time for the big to-do: the cheesecake cupcakes! You can also make these a day or two in advance, if you like--they refrigerate quite well! The recipe makes about 16 regular-size cupcakes, or at least that’s how it turned out for me.

The original recipe is here (just disregard the section on the raspberry stuff); my personal tips follow:

- DON’T OVERBEAT THE CUSTARD. Only beat it until it is just blended. Aka, use a hand- or stand-mixer, but with extreme prejudice. Over-beating makes the custard more likely to crack in the oven. Not that that happened to me, or anything... 0:) (Don’t worry tho, even if they do crack, you can just hide it with delicious toppings! They’re still tasty!)

- I would almost always recommend buying store brand cream cheese over Philadelphia. The flavor is richer and they’re easier to soften.

- A quick and fairly easy way to soften the cream cheese? Stick the still-wrapped blocks in your bra/cami/back pants pockets while you’re working on the other stuff. #noshame

- When crushing the Oreos, definitely remove the filling, like the recipe suggests. You might be tempted not to, for the sake of saving time, but since I tried it both ways, I now know that the filling makes the Oreos more difficult to crush, since it makes the cookie bits stick together more. Additionally, if you don’t have a food processor and need to crush the cookies the manual way (it meeeeee), put the cookies in a baggie (be sure to squish out all the air before sealing!!!), lay them down on an old towel, place another towel over the baggie, and go to town with a rolling pin. The towels protect your surfaces from getting bashed and make the sounds a lot easier on the ear!

- If you’re making regular-sized cupcakes (as opposed to minis, like the recipe indicates), you’ll want to scoop a tablespoon of cookie crust into each cup and pack it down; on top of that, spoon custard into each cup until it’s about 3/4 full. (The cakes will puff up while baking and then sink after, or at least, that’s my experience.) I had the best luck baking the cupcakes on a lower shelf in the oven, at 325 degrees, for 15-20 minutes. They’re done when the outsides are set and the middle is still a little jiggly, or when you touch them and the batter no longer sticks to your fingers (they’ll be just a lil springy to the touch).

I don’t have pictures of the baked cupcakes, for reasons...? But hey this is what the batter looks like! :’D

While the cupcakes are cooling, you can make the stabilized whipped cream!

It so tastyyyyyyyyyyy, sigh. And unlike regular whipped cream, which collapses on itself like a delicious but dying star after a couple hours, this shit holds the fuck up! Like seriously I made it days ago and it’s still truckin’. Find the recipe here!

Once everything is set/cooled/etc. (i.e., the candy is out of the molds, the cranberries have formed a semihard sugar shell, and the cupcakes are cool to the touch), it’s time to start pipin’ and decoratin’! I used a small open-star frosting tip to pipe the whipped cream onto my cupcakes, making a small swirly circle in the middle and then little dollop stars around the outside.

Then I dropped several sugared cranberries on some of the cupcakes (in the center, atop the nice lower swirly bit), and for others, I nestled a tree right smack dab in the middle, using cranberries in the front and back to prop it up (and add that delightful little burst of color/flavor!).

Anyway, that’s about it! Just make sure you have a tall enough container to store the tree-cupcakes in, keep them all refrigerated while you’re not eating, and voila! Delicious fancy fairly-easy-if-a-bit-time-consuming cheesecake cupcakes are yours to share as you please! Or don’t. They are shockingly easy to eat.

Thanks and have a happy holiday!!! <3 <3 <3

#great cookie exchange #with cupcakes!!! #cheesecake cupcakes #white chocolate cupcakes #christmas cupcakes #mbb bakes #cuppitycakes #kitchen witchery

[darkfromday]

left out to freeze (8)

Prompt: Day 3 - Winter

Pairing: Clearnightshipping (Serena/Yuugo)

I've written 9/20 of my total fills, so I'm at an okay pace now. (Which means I will be writing these into next week agh.)

In this setting, imagine that Serena and Yuugo have been recruited as Lancers during the Junior Youth Championship and are waiting out Academia's invasion in a safehouse with other tournament non-participants.

(All degree mentions are meant to be in Fahrenheit. 'Murica. (lmao))

Please relax and enjoy one of my favorite rarepairs.~

"Want some hot chocolate?" Yuugo asked excitedly. He was hopping from foot to foot as he watched the drink machine mix, pour and stir a cup.

Serena just gave him a weird look. "No thanks. I'm warm enough. You know, since you've grabbed or turned on every source of heat in this house for us."

He just stuck his tongue out at her. "You're welcome, Serena, for making sure we stay alive in this blizzard."

"You're kidding, right? It's barely twenty-seven degrees outside. My Fusion bedchamber was colder than this."

Yuugo didn't say anything for a bit, which was odd enough--but when he gave her the finished cup of hot chocolate he'd been practically salivating over, Serena knew she'd put her foot in her mouth somehow.

"What? What's wrong?"

"Nothin'."

Ugh. "Come on, Yuugo."

He was staring out the window into Maiami, watching the people pull on gloves and huddle together to trudge through the snow. "It's just... I forget sometimes that you're basically a soldier, you went through all this endurance training and shit. So stuff like this... you're not even uncomfortable, because you're used to having supplies even in the worst of weather."

Oh. Damn it.

She in turn sometimes forgot that her fellow newly minted Lancer was (still) an orphan. Though she hadn't been fond of her circumstances, at least she'd had some...

"I thought... well, that Rin took care of things for you."

Yuugo shrugged. Since he was wearing seven blankets, his shoulders barely moved. "She made sure I was fed and safe from Security, yeah--but she's still my friend, not my mom. There was only so much we could do for each other. We couldn't always find shelter or warm clothes or nice people to stay with, and so sometimes in the winter we just, you know...."

Froze.

Serena's hunch had been right. She'd stuck her foot so far in it that her ankles were probably in her mouth too.

No wonder he doesn't mind being stuck in this safe house while we wait for the tournament to be over. There's food, and space, and blankets... and he doesn't have to worry about extremities breaking off.

"...Sorry."

"It's fine, you didn't know." His bright blue eyes narrowed. "Hey, don't start feeling sorry for me or anything--"

"Who, me? Never."

The only problem was, how was Serena supposed to make fun of him for lovingly cradling hot chocolate packets and jamming the plus button on the heater when she knew now why he was so enthralled with all these basic requirements for winter survival?

Plus, now Yuugo was running back and forth between the heater, the stove and the microwave, marveling at how fast and efficient they all were. He looked stupid and--and adorable at the same time.

"I'm still not warm," he whined now, jiggling in place and looking absolutely pitiful.

But no less adorable.

That decided it.

"Oh, fine, come over here," she said exasperatedly. "If we sit close together with all our blankets we'll be warmer."

"Really? WAHOO!" Yuugo leapt up into the air, practically clicking his boots together under all those blankets without falling down somehow. He practically zoomed over to sit down with her on the couch.

A second later, though, he got a glint in his eyes and a curiously hopeful look that Serena didn't like...

"Hey--to stay warm, can we... cuddle?!"

"No."

#arc v rare pair week #Arc V #YGO #clearnightshipping #Serena #Yuugo #the two I never use the right character tags for lol #lateposting 2017 #oh well #my life sucks and will always suck and I have accepted that #sort of #Darkday writes fanfic

[salt-sass-and-lyrium]

Long post, tw mentions of child abuse

So here’s this thing that’s been  bothering me

As much as I dislike (well dislike is the wrong word, more like ‘prefer not to deal with at this point in time’ ) children, I dislike shitty/lazy parenting anymore

Story time:

I went over to my cousin’s house on Saturday so she could do my hair. Not my preferred option but she does a decent job and is cheap and Mama’s on a budget so. Anyway, cousin’s house is really more accurately my great-aunt’s house, and there so many fucking kids. And they’re all young kids. The oldest might be 12? But there’s like 8 of these little shits.

And while I’m sitting there, mind my  own business getting my hair done, I just keep seeing my cousin do what I can only describe as “shitty parenting”. Example, one of the kids, granted one of the older boys, was hungry. It was about 8am at that point, so understandable he wanted breakfast. He asked his mom if he could have something for breakfast. I heard him, even with my headphones in, so I know she had to have heard him. But, she pretends like she doesn’t. So, he repeats himself. And again. My cousin SNAPS at him, screaming “WHAT?!” and he repeats himself “Can I have something for breakfast” and she just ignores him.

Red flag number one, right?

Eventually, kid goes and tries to make oatmeal. Now, these are fucking kids, and oatmeal, even instant, is finnicky and easy to turn into a sloppy mess. He’s never made oatmeal before and doesn’t know how. Instead of walking him through it (Boil some water in the microwave, put the packet in a bowl, pour the water, a little bit at a time over the oatmeal) she just starts screaming at him for not knowing how. 

How the fuck is he supposed to know how if he’s never been taught? Okay, whatever. Red flag number two.

While this is going on (she’s still doing my hair, mind you) the younger kids (about 2 and under) start getting up and moving around. They’re still in diapers, still learning to really walk and climb stairs, etc. And JFC she and my other cousin (the other mom) just fucking screamed at these kids.

Actually, let me back up a second. The house is gross. The house is a fucking mess. I’m not one to tell people how to live, but I grew up with a neat freak, so seeing just... filth, around kids, practically babies, doesn’t sit well with me. Anyway, there’s a lot of random shit floating around, and babies being babies, of course they gravitate towards it. Young kids (most of whom can’t even really talk yet) are gonna grab whatever they can get their hands around. If they can pick it up, they will. It’s just how fucking kids are, right? So needless to say, when there’s so much junk, of course the kids are going to get into shit. Cousin had a box of some packets of something (not sure what, think it was some hair products) on the stairs. Kids are climbing the stairs, come across a box, pop the lid off of it and start dumping it out, picking up the packets of whatever it is, tossing them, etc.

Now, a normal parent would probably take the box and put it somewhere where the kids can’t get it. Instead, cousin (who’s doing my hair) starts screaming at the babies, and gets one of the older ones to pick everything up. She does, and, being like 2 puts it back on the stairs because that’s the only place she can reach. And of course, the babies get back into it, because they’re fucking babies.

Rather than just take the box or let it go, cousin just screams at them. Over and over each time they get into the box. “WHY WOULD YOU GET IN IT AGAIN?!” Idk, because they’re like 1? 

Red flag number 3.

One of the babies is just screaming. Not that anything is wrong with her. She just stands on a chair (mind you this is a baby so I wouldn’t have fucking let that happen) and screams. Like, top of her lungs shrieks. No one seems to think this is out of the ordinary. This goes on for probably 20 minutes or so, ear splitting screaming (presumably for attention) and no one does anything, until I’m like

“Uhhhh...” and guesture towards said baby. THEN my cousin picks her up, gives her some kisses, and then puts her down a few seconds later. This seems to appease her for a bit, then she starts screaming again.

Red flag number 4

I should note, there’s not a toy in sight. Just junk and kids. So, they’re probably just fucking bored.

I feel like ass and I’ve gotta work in a few hours, so I’m mostly just trying to block the situation out. Things calm down for a little bit, until cousin gets into a just violent screaming match with my great-uncle, over a phone charger, iirc. Like, the kids are just sitting there, while they’re screaming, shouting obscenities at each other, slamming doors, making threats and so on.

Again, this doesn’t seem out of the ordinary for anyone.

Red flag number 5.

I should take a minute to note that a lot of this isn’t really out of the ordinary for me either, as I grew up in a similar environment. BUT, if there was a guest over, even if it was family, my mom was suddenly the most loving parent in the world. Everyone was on their best behavior. I’m a guest, this seems to be normal behavior.

Now, let me rewind for a second. Most of the kids are still in diapers. Some are kinda potty trained, but not really enough to be out of diapers. So, they poop on themselves. It happens. They’re babies. I realize this is the case because I look up and some of them have grabbed clean diapers and are walking up to the mom’s wanting to be changed.

Do they get changed?

NOPE.

Red flag number 6

Apparently, leaving them in their diaper is going to ‘make them get tired of shitting themselves’. It’s also going to put them at risk for infection, especially the girls. Not to mention diaper rash and sores. The kids get more insistent, and I go “Uh, do they need to be changed?” and they finally spring into action to change them on the fucking dining room table. No towel or blanket down, nothing, just changing dirty diapers on the dining room table. Alright, not everyone can afford a changing table, nbd. But still. So she changes them and I’m expecting her to go get a towel and wipe down the table. Does she?

NOPE.

Red flag number 7

So while I’m processing that little gross tidbit, my cousin, decides she doesn’t feel like walking up the stairs to get scissors and a flat iron to finish off my hair so she starts screaming at one of the older kids to get it. Now, given how the rest of the house looks, I can’t imagine her room is any neater, and the kid is having trouble finding them. So, rather than go upstairs and find them herself, she just starts berating him “Are you slow? You must be fucking slow! The scissors are in the drawer! You’re just slow, aren’t you??”

Spoiler alert: Scissors weren’t in the drawer

And the kid is growing more and more upset because he can’t find it in the places she’s looking. Instead of entertaining the idea that she may be telling him to look in the wrong place, she just shouts insults at him. After a bit, I guess I start to look visibly uncomfortable, so she shuts up, and goes and finds the scissors (not where she was telling him to look, of course). Doesn’t apologize at all.

Other minor things:

We had a metric ton of rain that weekend, so there was flooding and warnings of flash floods. The older kids see this on the news and are understandably scared. No one bothers to tell the kids “That’s not in our area, don’t worry” (I eventually check and inform the kids of this, and you could see the relief on their faces).

I hate when people don’t pick up kids properly. My cousin kept picking up the babies by the fucking arm. And I don’t mean pulling them to move them out of the way or something, I mean lifting them from the floor to the table just by the arm. They’re too heavy and too wear for that, you’re going to fucking dislocate her shoulder

The mom’s casually talking about a gang shooting in front of the kids, in graphic detail. No one seems to think this is out of the ordinary.

One of the mom’s talking openly about drugs (granted, just pot) in front of the kids.

The sheer amount of profanity. Now, my mother - to this day - doesn’t swear. Very very very rarely slips up and swears (seriously she doesn’t even like the word ‘lie’. We have to say “fib”. Even to this day, as adults) . Even when she’s screaming, the odds of hearing a 4 letter word come out are pretty much nil. So, hearing a parent just drop swears in front of the kids, many of whom are still learning to talk, is amazing to me.

I got there at about 7, left after 9ish. No one had been given any food or water during that time. I watched one of the younger kids walking around grabbing random cups and drinking from them, essentially scavenging for food. Didn’t raise any eyebrows on anyone but me. One of the older kids was begging me for my McD’s breakfast sandwich (I thought I was coming down with something, also I was still eating it, so I said no). Mom hears the kids begging for food, for my food, but still made no attempts to feed them.

And it just... doesn’t sit right with me. I’m sure the kids aren’t being starved or anything, but... how fucking lazy? You have a kid begging you to change their diaper and you laugh and refuse. THEN when I say something, you change them on the fucking dining room table, without wiping it down before or after. You can’t be assed to pick up a box off the floor, but scream at the kids for getting into it? You have kids asking for food and you just ignore them? JFC. 

This (the cousin who was doing my hair) is also the same cousin who I had this exchange with a few years ago:

*I wouldn’t give her son (who’s notorious for breaking shit for no reason) my DS to play with, because 1. he breaks shit for no reason 2. I was literally currently using it* Cousin: You need to stop being so mean all your life Me: I’m not being mean, I just don’t want to give something expensive to a kid who’ll probably break it Cousin: *doesn’t argue the ‘probably break it’ point* Well, what are you going to do when you have kids? Me: Who says I’m gonna have kids? Cousin: Well, you have to have some kids? Me: ... Why?

And mother of God the uncomfortable silence.

I hate that it’s viewed that people are just supposed to have kids. Why? Why is everyone supposed to have a kid. We’re not exactly hurting for global population. And it’s not like my cousins wanted kids. All of them were accidents. ALL of them. But they had them anyway because, well apparently you’re supposed to.

Which is bullshit. There’s more to life than shitting out babies, not to mention: some people just should not have fucking kids. My mother was one of those people, she’s just not a person capable of much affection, or patience. Two things that are pretty key when raising a child. (Also she apparently hates infants and is freaked out by pregnant women - despite being pregnant at least 7 times herself - but that’s a story for another time). My cousins are those people. They’re young, they’re too concerned with themselves, and don’t seem to grasp that you actually have to pay attention to kids. You can’t just ignore them until they go away. 

Anyway, idk how to wrap this post up, but let me stop ranting

#abuse #child abuse #at least it's abuse imho but idk I should probably do something about it #long post #personal

[kxzgillanbv]

Darvillan-4/14/2020

Chatzy: Arthur’s Place 

Domestic Life

@bayviewarthurdarvill

Arthur: Arthur entered the kitchen to find Karen trying to make cookies. "Oh no no no.....you aren't allowed to bake here" he said

Karen: "Arthur I fell asleep because I was all by myself, had you been there it would have been better"

Arthur: "Still....you make me nervous with your cooking skills. I remember you trying to cook when we were on Who together"

Karen: "Hey! I am doing much better. All I did was fall asleep." she said pouting on the countertop

Arthur: "And nearly killed yourself in the process" he said

Karen: "Hey I'm alive, I woke up" she said shrugging her shoulders looking at her nails

Arthur: He gasped as he stared at her in disbelief. "And if you hadn't woken up and I lost you?" He asked quietly

Karen: "Well I did, I woke up and I'm alive and here and really wanting to make those Caramel bars for us."

Arthur: He gave her a scathing look. "Fine but I stay here"

Karen: She looked up with her eyes lighting up "wait seriously?"

Arthur: "Yes seriously"

Karen: "Okay but you're going to help too"

 Arthur: "Oh no" he shook his head. "I don't bake. Ask my mum or sister"

Karen: "Oh yes you do, you know your way around a chocolate syrup you can learn your way around a cookie bar"

Arthur: He pouted slightly. I've never made chocolate syrup before" he protested

Karen: "You like you to use it though" she said winking at him "come on it will be fun" she said taking his hand in hers "pwease" she said pouting back

Arthur: He grinned when she winked before she took his hand and gave him the wide innocent eyes that were anything but. "Alright. I'll try" he conceded.

Karen: "You're the best" she said kissing him softly "okay so we have to get all the ingredients together so I'll do that and you and get some good music playing because this is happening and we need a soundtrack to this adventure ok?"

Arthur: He watched her walk away from him to collect all the ingredients before he went to the living room to find some odd to play while they were working before remembering his phone had music on it and he put that on shuffle and hooked it into the Bluetooth speakers so the mellow jazz played softly in the background.

Karen: "Look at you playing the songs we love" she said getting the bowl out and setting the ingredients on the counter top "okay so first ingredient is 2 1/8cups all-purpose flour" she said taking the flour and measuring it out "simple enough, right?"

Arthur: He watched her as she set the bowl and ingredients on the counter before measuring out the flour. "Looks simple enough" he said as he looked over her shoulder at the recipe in the book.

Karen: "Oh could you preheat the oven to 325 degrees F and I'll get the pan ready for when we have to put the mixture on it?"

Arthur: He went over and turned the oven on to preheat at the correct temperature before going over to the sink to wash his hands.

Karen: "Okay so next we have to mix up the flour that we previously poured out and then add baking soda, and salt to it" she said before doing that with the whisk "baby do we have an electric mixer?"

Arthur: He nodded. "Let me see where I put it" he went looking in the cupboard under the counter for his electric mixer. "Here it is" he produced the mixer and set it on the counter.

Karen: "Good we will need that bad boy" she said laughing looking at the recipe again "okay so we need to melt some butter and then pour the other ingredients into a bowl then use the mixer and add in the chocolate chips as we go? Or after?" she said looking at the ingredients before grabbing her reading glasses "after they are mixed we have to add in more chocolate chips"

Arthur: He smiled. "I want to add the chocolate chips. I want lots of chocolate chips in the mix"

Arthur: He smiled. "I want to add the chocolate chips. I want lots of chocolate chips in the mix"

Karen: "Okay manchild, you can do that" she said laughing before starting the mixer

Arthur: He stuck his tongue out at her for her comment before going to get something for them to drink from the fridge.

Karen: "Careful baby" she said teasing him before saying "okay you can add the chocolate chips now"

Arthur: He grinned as he came back over, setting the two sodas on the counter before opening and pouring in the chocolate chips without measuring them out.

Karen: "Kisses before you dump the chocolate" she said before kissing him deeply

Arthur: He kissed her back, wrapping his hands around her and pinning her to the counter. "This is how cookies get burned" he whispered against her lips

Karen: "They aren't in the oven yet" she said smirking along his lips

Arthur: He smiled but pulled away. "Plenty of time for that later, after the cookies are out and the oven is turned off"

Karen: She whined for a second "Okay baby" she said along his neck

Arthur: "I told you that you weren't going to burn my place down" he said

Karen: "I know but still" she said before looking at the rest of the recipe "So next we have a medium microwave-safe bowl, combine the caramels and heavy cream. Microwave on high until the caramels are melted, stirring every 20 seconds. This will take about 2 minutes." she said reading from the cookbook "this should be ok"

Karen: she said getting the other bowl and then placing it in the microwave.

 Arthur: "You didn't tell me there was chocolate and caramel" he whined.

Karen: "What? I mean honestly, what did you think was in a Salted Caramel Chocolate Chip Cookie bar?" she said chuckling

Arthur: "I told you I don't bake for this reason" he threw back at her with his tongue stuck out.

Karen: "Why can't you stop sticking your tongue out?" she said looking at him before smiling and then saying "we have to press the cookie dough on the pan that's to the side and then we have to add the caramel in a thin layer on top with some salt evenly distributed, sounds simple even right?"

Arthur: "Because I can" he grinned and for good measure stuck his tongue out at her again. "Sure it sounds easy" he said but in actually it would probably be anything but

Karen: "I mean if you keep showing that tongue I'll put it to good use" she said raspy and playful "we are trying to make deliciousness not gross things."

Arthur: "I'll show you how good my tongue is tonight" he promised with a wink before looking at her doubtfully.

Karen: "Good, do we have vanilla ice cream?" she said blushing

Arthur: He frowned in confusion. "I think so. Let me check" he went to look in the freezer. "Right here" he said, holding up the container.

Karen: "Perfect we will need that after these bad boys come out" she said before going to place them into the oven for 30 minutes and then we gotta take them out and place them on the wire rack, until cool then we gotta put them in fridge for 30 more minutes then voila we can eat them."

Arthur: He put the ice cream back and closed the door of the freezer as he listened to what she was saying. "Okay" he said, before reaching for the side and holding one out to Karen.

Karen: "Okay so let's put them in the oven, hit a timer and then we should be able to have these for dessert if you want!"

Arthur: "Well what did you have in mind for dinner?" He asked her

Karen: "Let's order something, I think we did a well enough job of cooking and what not?"

Arthur: He grinned. "Pizza or Chinese takeaway?"

Karen: "Pizza, let's do Captain's!" she said kissing him

Arthur: He kissed her quickly. "Okay. What kind?" He asked her

Karen: "Extra cheese and sausage" she said smiling "we can build a fort in the living room with pillows and watch old films?"

Arthur: He ordered the kind of pizza she wanted as well as a couple of sodas for them before nodding at the question. "Sure"

Karen: "Great! Oh and we have thirty minutes of possible, snog time."

Arthur: He smiled. "Keep half your attention on that timer" he teased.

Karen: "It's on my apple watch, so you know it's going to be bad" she said looking at him nudging her nose along his "Shirt off"

Arthur: He closed his eyes and kissed her lightly before pulling his shirt off as she asked. "Your turn" he said

Karen: "You do it" she said smiling at him, kissing his neck "I'm a lazy baker"

Arthur: He grinned. "Lift your arms then" he said to her.

Karen: "Okay" she said lifting her arms and looking at him

Arthur: He pulled her shirt off so she was in her bra. "Gorgeous" he smiled.

Karen: "You're one to talk, and we have like fifteen more minutes so..couch or bed or counter top?"

Arthur: He hoisted her up and set her on the counter top. "I'd say this explains my answer," he teased.

Karen: "Good" she said kissing him sweetly dipping her tongue into his mouth sliding it along his "so good"

Arthur: "This is wonderful babe" he grinned before kissing her deeply again.

Karen: "Imagine how good those cookie bars are going to taste?" she said as the smell of the kitchen became intoxicating "it's smells so good in here"

Arthur: He could smell the cookies and his stomach growled loudly. "They smell delicious"

Karen: "Don't they! And we made them!" she said so excitedly "like baby, we made those"

Arthur: He smiled. "That is true. We should make a whole bunch of other things now" he grinned at her enthusiasm.

Karen: "Whoa hold your horses there, we have to see if we did these right you know?" she said before saying "shit we are supposed to be watching them and looking for a light golden colour..."

Arthur: He pulled away without responding, opening the oven door to check the cookies. "We're fine," he smiled.

Karen: "Okay good get back over here" she said kissing him before laughing "my goodness we could have nearly burned them again"

Arthur: "I told you that wasn't allowed" he teased as he came back over. Before he could kiss her again, the doorbell rang. "Pizza's here" he said before going to open the door and pay the delivery boy.

Karen: "Babe your shirt" she said tossing him it before smiling and biting her lip

Arthur: "Always ice" he said as he brought the pizza to the kitchen. "I think the cookies are done" he said

Karen: "That's what I was thinking but you know sometimes you add ice to soda and all of sudden you have watered down soda and it's just nasty." she said before she put on the oven mitts "okay moment of truth!" she said opening the oven and pulling out the pan "they look good! Like we did it" she said putting the pan on the wire tray so it could cool to room temperature, like the recipe said. "So far, so good! I'm going to drizzle that last bit of melted caramel on it so it gets really caramelly if that's a baking word?" she said laughing.

Arthur: Arthur smiled before watching her pull the cookies out and setting them on the tray to cool. "Save some of that melted caramel for later" he winked

Karen: "For naughty times, sailor?" she said smirking at him across the counter. "So what film are we watching?" she said before heading over to the living room making parts of a pillow fort. "because I can start the film up?"

Arthur: He grinned as he poured the sodas into the glasses. "We could always watch Jumanji" he grinned, "the ginger in there has a pretty impressive arse and legs" he teased

Karen: "Well I mean she's pretty hot, but you have to watch her kissing someone else"

Arthur: "In the grossest kiss ever" he said

Karen: "Oh I thought we were doing the third one, that's a hot kiss, fun fact DJ didn't want to stop"

Arthur: He frowned at that, not wanting to think of his girlfriend kissing another man.

Karen: "Hey I just wanted to see you get jealous for a moment"

Arthur: "Well it worked" he said shortly, sure his jealousy was clear on his face.

Karen: "good I'm glad" she said smiling at him

Arthur: His frown deepened as he brought his plate and drink into the room. "Why exactly is that a good thing?" He asked shortly

 Karen: "I just like to know that you still get jealous.." she said "I don't know.."

Arthur: He sighed. "Of course I still get jealous. I have this deep seeded fear you'll decide that you want someone else so I get jealous" he said

Karen: "I will never decide on someone else" she said kissing him "never"

Arthur: He returned the kiss before sitting down on the couch, crossing his legs under him. "Well, dig in" he said

Karen: She smiled and kissed his cheek "love you " she said eating the food

Arthur: "Love you" he said quietly before taking a bite of pizza

Karen: "Okay so Jumanji?"

Arthur: He nodded as he chewed on the bite of pizza in his mouth

Karen: "Okay I'll get it up" she said "Alexa, play Jumanji Welcome To The Jungle"

Arthur: He settled in to watch the movie, preoccupying himself with the soda in his hand as the kissing scenes came up.

Karen: "It's so gross!" she said laughing looking away from the screen burying her head in his shoulder

Arthur: He cracked a small smile. "Told you" he said before looking at the screen

Karen: "It is really gross, like imagine me being in that scene, honestly it was so gross!"

Arthur: "I'm sure it was" he said as he was re-engrossed in the film.

Karen: "Yeah just gross.." she said looking at him

Arthur: He watched the movie, getting up long enough to refill his drink.

Karen: "Oh we have to put the cookies in the fridge" she said looking at him

Arthur: "Okay. I'll do it" he called from the kitchen

Karen: "Thank you" she said eating a loose piece of sausage

Arthur: He put the cookies in the fridge and refilled his drink before coming back into the livingroom

Karen: "Oh I'm kicking major arse now" she said cuddling up to him

Arthur: He smiled as he settled in and watched the movie again.

Karen: "You good?"

Arthur: "Yeah" he said as he was momentarily pulled out of the movie

Karen: "Okay just making sure"

Arthur: "I'm fine" he repeated

Karen: "Good, so I was thinking about possibly getting a animal"

Arthur: "What sort of animal?" He asked her.

Karen: "I think a cat? But I also want a dog" she said "I love your cats so maybe add another into the mix?"

Arthur: He smiled. "They may not appreciate it much," he said.

Karen: "Maybe a dog?" she said sweetly

Arthur: He considered that. "Maybe? I'm not much of a dog person but we could try"

Karen: "What about a bunny?"

Arthur: "Do you know how to take care of a bunny?"

Karen: "No but it could be fun?"

Arthur: He shrugged. "Maybe"

Karen: "Yeah..." she said looking at him "hmm let's watch this a bit more then we can try the cookies"

Arthur: He focused on the tv again and was drawn back into the movie as they sat there.

Karen: She rested her head on his shoulder and held his hand

Arthur: He ardently began to play with her fingers when she interlaced their fingers together.

Karen: Karen looked at him "so the caramel..."

Arthur: "Yeah?" He asked, looking at her

Karen: "were you thinking that was going in our coffees?"

Arthur: He rolled his eyes. "Of course not. Were you?"

Karen: "Nope" she said looking at him caressing his hand

Arthur: He began playing with her fingers again. "Okay" he said after a minute of silence passed between them.

Karen: "Yeah?" she said looking at him before cuddling him and sighing "this is nice, you and I, domestic life"

Arthur: He nodded. "I like just staying in like this with a quiet night of movies and dinner"

Karen: "could you imagine us, married, maybe a kid on the way?"

Arthur: He nodded. "Yes I can" he said honestly

Karen: "the simple life all the time?"

Arthur: "Yes" he said again

Karen: "I would love that"

Arthur: "So would I" he admitted softly

Karen: "you know what else we should get?" she said looking at him "ice cream and cookies" she said getting up and heading to the kitchen to dish them their sweets.

Arthur: He turned the movie off and cleared away the dinner dishes, bringing them into the kitchen and placing them in the sink after rinsing each one. He then took the pizza that was left and put it in the fridge along with the rest of the soda.

Karen: "So what do you want to do try them on the count of three?"

Arthur: "Sure." He got a knife out of the drawer to cut them

Karen: "okay" she said looking at him "this is so exciting! It's like when we kicked Matt's butt at bowling, we make a good team you and I."

Arthur: He smiled at the memory. "It was your spaghetti arms that won us the bowling game" he teased

Karen: "It was my ginger magic" she said chuckling before saying "okay count of three, one, two, three" she said before taking a bite "wow! I mean like wow!" she said with her mouth full of cookie "Ratty I think we did it!"

Arthur: He tried a small piece, afraid of how sweet it would be but finding it wasn't too bad. "It's really delicious"

Karen: She kissed him and teared up a bit "we really did it"

Arthur: "And without burning the house down"

Karen: "See I just needed my better half"

Arthur: He smiled slightly before cutting the rest of the cookies into squares.

Karen: "So these will be good up to a week it said" she said dipping the cookie in the ice cream

Arthur: "I'm sure we can eat them all in a week, otherwise we can give them to friends"

Karen: "Hey I'm certain I will be able to eat these delicious bars of heaven for sure"

Arthur: He rolled his eyes at her as he placed them on a plate and covered them.

Karen: "Why are you rolling your eyes at me?"

Arthur: "Because you're weird"

Karen: "you act like that's new information to you?"

Arthur: "No, I act like I always have when you do something weird"

Karen: "Okay point taken." she said laughing 

Arthur: He laughed quietly.

Karen: "Okay so now that the deliciousness is out of the way, what did you wanna do with the melted caramel?"

Arthur: He flushed. "Cover certain parts of you in it and lick it off you

Karen: "So like the chocolate like two weeks ago?" she said smirking "you dirty man"

Arthur: He nodded. "Yeah" he said with pink cheeks at his embarrassment

Karen: "What am I ever going to do with you?" she said kissing him

Arthur: He returned the kisses. "I'm a bit of a sex addict" he told her

Karen: "Are you being serious?" she said looking at him

Arthur: "I was joking. It was meant to be taken as a joke" he said quietly. "I need some tea" he pulled away to go make himself something to drink

Karen: "Ratty...' she sighed and watched him leave her side.

Arthur: He filled the kettle with water and set it on the stove before turning to look at her. "What?" He asked her, crossing his arms in front of his chest

Karen: "I'm sorry, I'm still navigating how your humour works again, you say things so dry sometimes that sometimes.." she said with her eyes welling up "that sometimes I don't know if you are joking or not."

Arthur: He shook his head and turned away again to pull a mug from the cupboard for himself. "And if I hadn't been? What then? You'd have left and found someone who was boring and dry and what? Didn't make jokes about things like that?"

Karen: "No I wouldn't have. Thomas, I wouldn't have bolted because of something like that."

Arthur: "Well you sitting and asking if I am serious makes me wonder"

Karen: "Makes you wonder what?"

Arthur: "About you thinking that I'm some sort of freak who can't control himself, like I'm unable to function if I'm not constantly getting in a girls knickers"

Karen: "That isn't true at all, I wouldn't think that about you"

Arthur: "Fine" he said with a shake of his head

Karen: "Talk to me" she said looking in his eyes "Ratty just talk to me as to why you would think I would think that way about you?"

Arthur: "Because I watched your face change when you asked if I was serious. I've seen that look before and it tends to proceed a woman walking out of my life when I say something by way of a joke and they take it wrong

Karen: "I am never going to leave you" she said kissing him deeply "I won't leave you."

Arthur: He sighed but just nodded as the kettle whistled and he removed it to pour the water into the mug over the tea.

Karen: "Arthur, I'm serious, and had you been one then we would have gotten through that and it would be fine, I'm here, beside you through everything. You never have to worry about me supporting you, or not supporting you, I'm here for you one trillion percent, I wanna be here with you through every good day, every bad day and all the things in between. And I'm serious about wanting to marry you in the future and I'm serious about wanting to have our children" she said gesturing between them "I will never abandon you."

Arthur: He stood there and listened to her as she spoke, wanting to believe what she said but having seen it once too many times before with former girlfriends. "Okay" he finally said quietly.

Karen: "No I need more than a okay, I know you are in your head, baby, I'm here for you" she said pressing her forehead to his "together or not at all, remember?"

Arthur: He nodded again. "I remember" he said softly.

Karen: "Good" she said "you should drink that before it gets nasty and cold." she said kissing the tip of his nose.

Arthur: He brought the tea up to his lips and took a sip, groaning softly at the taste as his eyes closed

Karen: "Well how is it?" she said heading his groan "cold? warm? or worse lukewarm? "

Arthur: "It's hot, which is exactly how I wanted it"

Karen: "Good" she said smiling before getting herself some "want me to make breakfast in the morning? Bangers and mash?"

Arthur: "That sounds good. It's been a long time since I had bangers and mash" he smiled at her

Karen: "Good then it's decided" she said kissing him "finish with that tea and we can use the caramel." she said against his lips before putting her cup in the sink and headed up to his room.