#but im like i cant wait til its over | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

vitamin-zeeth · 3 months

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experiencing fhjy while currently being in the equivalent of junior year is so. Yeah that's what it's like that's how school treats you that's how I'm feeling RIGHT NOW. I love how perfectly accurate it is and I also hate it so much because they don't deserve to go through this shit

#like fuck man #im currently fucking struggling through school clawing my way to exams so i can stop dealing with all this bullshit and have a life #and i cannot WAIT until its over cause next years gonna be the chillest #but fuckin hell man some of these moments #adaine struggling cause the school just won't provide the resources she needs. fabian dealing with a 150% workload + ecs.#kristen being genuinely gifted but finding the paperwork so awful that her grades are plummeting.#gorgug being told he cant do what he wants to do because they want to keep him focusing on the path he chose when he was 14.#riz trying to keep his friends together because if they separate he doesnt know what hed do #ough #kristen especially is resonating with me HARD her entire energy is so fucking relatable rn #its giving burnout its giving tired undiagnosed teenager its giving doesnt know wtf theyre doing #shes strongly considering dropping out but then looking back and going FUUUCK I KNOW I GOTTA JUST PUSH THROUGH #shes hating the work its making enjoying the subject harder shes needing a break and nobodys willing to give her one #shes so me this year actually. realest ever I'll defend her til i DIE #d20 #fhjy

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piplupod · 1 year

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today is absolute garbage but i am going to try to do some painting on my project nonetheless, doing my best to attempt to claw my way out of the suicidality goop

#funny how ppl are like ''stay alive for xyz things!'' and that doesnt work for me #like sorry but that is not making up for all the dogshit I've got going on dbdjdl it doesnt come anywhere close to balancing out the scales #if i am staying alive it is entirely my choice made out of stubbornness and occasionally spite #only reason i havent offed myself yet is bc i dont want to hurt people (even that doesnt convince me sometimes) and-#-i can always do it tomorrow. like why not just stick around until things get truly too fucked up to keep going #I'll make art while im around and hopefully leave behind some kind of positive mark on the world fjfkdl #also fucking... jack stauber's ''dinner is not over''#like yeah dinner isnt over yet. and it wont be until i cant stand another bite. and then i can have dessert. gotta wait til dinner is done!#like do i see there being any way for me to exist in the world? no djdksl not at all #i cant work and disability is not livable and theres no disability housing available rn so fbfjdl its not realistic #but im going to stick around until i get to the point where it isnt feasible to be around anymore dhfksl #and if the situation changes for the better then great I'll keep trucking along #but i genuinely dont think im making it to like... 30. 25 is iffy. 23 is fuzzy. its just not realistic with how society is set up currently #but! doesnt matter! just working with what i have in the present and I'll just keep trucking until i cant anymore dbfjdl #suicide tw #pippen needs 2nd breakfast #sorry this is wildly mentally ill but i am just kind of ... hoping maybe it'll help someone else #all i see for suicide prevention is ''you have so much to live for!'' and that doesnt rly help ppl in my situation #i KNOW I've got a lot to live for but it's simply not realistic nor does it make up for the fact that life is utter dogshit dhdjdl #so i just try to approach it from an angle of almost like... not caring #like I'll keep doing what i can until things get too hard and then I'll take my leave 🤷 sticking around until then!

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odysseys-blood · 2 months

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steri strips are amazing bc this shit refuses to fall off

#cliffnotes/.txt #i took off the larger bandages over the cuts late last week bc i was getting real itchy from the adhesive #bc the sheet didnt say anything abt those and just to leave the strips til they fall off or the doctor removes them #and they will not come off so ig im waiting til the doc takes em off #i wish i could remove em myself tho just bc i dont like the idea of 2 week old dried blood being on m and i cant wash it ogg #*off #its not much at all #but still

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penguin--person · 8 months

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ououghhggg fuck everything and everoyne

#fuckinggg i was right there while you fought tooth and nail gasping in the gas mask thrashing til you disappeared .#ssay youre not scared or whatever shit tahat you know its cause i cared and say you know i love you and that hope was just not there #or whateverrrrr i dont knowwww #but inknow i know that when youre gone youre gone i cant bring you home but i want to believethat youll remember me when youre just memmor #or whatever shittttt #whatever shit whatever roots int he ground or uploaded to the cloud or warm inside our hearts whatver over the rainbow. can i stop by and s #y hello!!!!#and sorry ifucking guesss id take it back if i could but i know to love one from too far to call is not to love at all. or whatever. to who #is it i talk. but i know iwant to believe that you can still hear me when youre just memory. ahh ooh ahh whateverrrr what the fuckkk who #caresss fucking hellll fuckking hell say you know its ok and till all be over soon . id never let a bad thing happen to you . now goodnight #i love you !!!#and evrybody dies or some stupid fucking shit fighting for their lives just trying to survive. but i know why we say that theres a better p #place tthat waits beyond the grave and i know thtat im wrong that theres just no more you but as long theres no proof. then i #know we'll meet in sweet dreams after yuoure put to sleep or whatever the fucking shittttt #whateverrrr who give as hittt twhateverrrrn whaateverrrr who care who care whatever hwatvever #vent #iguesss i dont knowwww ničeeeeee .... niče y girl nič eeee #eda looks so much like her #so so much #meows too. also loves treats. holds her tail up high. likes water. whateererrrr

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alm0staliv3 · 11 months

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this last week has been the absolute Worst for me mentally and also made me feel like I'm despicable as a person and don't deserve anything nice and I'm not even that glad it's over for multiple reasons

#so the last half a year me and my friends were expecting to go to this animation festival in zagreb in june #we'd hoped our uni would sponsor us but that didn't work out #whatever #but another thing was that i am Not From Here and i need Visas to travel Virtually Anywhere in europe #and my passport had expired so i waited for 3 months to get a new one (thats how long it takes normally through the consulate of my country)#basically i got it like a week before the fest and the croatian embassy was booked til JULY. no visas for me.#plus i found out my id had expired too so i couldn't even get another Schengen visa or to go Anywhere At All before i renew it #which also takes a month and a half because foreign citizens don't deserve things done quickly i guess #so i didn't go and two of my friends went to the fest anyway #the festival week was absolutely excruciating to get through with constant reminders that they're there and im not #a wild mix of fomo and envy #and i obviously dont want to shit on my friends for sharing how the fest was going because i genuinely want to be happy for them #and they have all the rights to share and get positive feedback from people they love #but i cannot find enough virtue in me to support them in spite of my Unfortunate Situation and #i fully believe that im not a good friend or a good person in the first place because of that #they came back last night and i cant even respond to their “so sad its over” stories with genuine sympathy because im still #so fucking bitter. that i was not there with them. and they had fun. and i didnt.#why am i like this and how can i stop being so fucking disgusting at this point i doubt if i even deserve any friends #why cant i just be happy for them.#lets hope none of them see this #feel free to reply #lord knows i need any support i can get i am Not Well #vent #personal #ellis.txt

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spideysatan · 11 months

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i did what i said i wouldnt do anymore: read old messages and looked at her recent posts.

#it still hurts. worst of it its that i cant have closure? like. sometimes i just wanna send a message and say why THE FUCK did you make me #fall for you.#to just.... stop talking to me like im nothing.#like i didnt spend hours awake talking to you.#and even more hours waiting for you to send a message.#it hurts so badly still.#i cry and i cry and then i feel fine and then i cry some more waiting for the days i'll feel fine again.#while she lives her life like i meant nothing. as if it wasnt her that told me she was lucky to have met me.#as if all of myself that i gave to her meant nothing. i meant nothing. no more than i toy she got to use til she got tired.#and moved on.#im so fucking tired of crying over her.#maybe its all my fault tho.

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savethepinecones · 11 months

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hm

#i havent worked in a bit because my brain hates me and ive just been canceling my shifts til i had the energy to go through the whole leave #request process #and i finally was able to get that requested a couple days ago #and i had yesterday and today off regardless but i just tried to cancel my shift for today and i cant log in #which i think means either the leave got approved already and they havent notified me yet or they decided to let me go #and i cant get into my work email and i havent checked it in like a week because i havent been working #but its entirely possible that they sent me an email about this since i checked it last but now i cant see it #so like i just have to wait i guess???#and like i cant even be that upset about it if they did let me go cuz like i havent worked in over a month i get it whatever #but i really dont like this whole not knowing thing #it is not helping #also its almost 7 am and i have not slept oops #and like they did mention that if the leave gets approved i wont have access to my work accounts until im approved to return #so its also possible that it got finalized over the weekend and theyre gonna email me on monday #but also i may have just lost my job and i wont even know for sure until like tomorrow #also also i used up my inhaler and i keep trying to call in a refill but i never get the notification that its ready to be picked up #like hello i would like to not be wheezing regularly thank you #sorry for the rant im just. oof rn #im trying to get my meds adjusted so i can get back to work because i cant do shit rn #but i may have just lost my insurance and i havent had any income for a month so im a little worried i wont be able to afford the meds #like the stuff that theyre having me try now is doing absolutely nothing so im gonna have to try something else #and theres no guarantee that the next one will do it #but i cant handle doing the whole job hunting thing as i am now #so like if i lose this job im just kinda stuck for a bit #and like if i didnt have to worry about paying for meds out of pocket id have enough savings for a couple more months #but if i lose my insurance idk how long my savings will last #and like im for sure not gonna lose my housing so its not as bad as it could be but im still stressy #which is not helping my mental health #which is the reason i havent been working #i just feel stuck idk

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tgirljoker · 2 years

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sigh

#okay i dont usually do this but i cant talk to anyone about it so im just. hanging out #im so paranoid and i have been for weeks its actually the worst #idk just. i feel so alienated and the worst part is not knowing if im just making shit up or if everything is normal #and everyone i know is already sick of listening to my issues #it always gets bad like this during the start of school too #i dont even know dude i just think everything would be alright if i was either a lot better off or if i werent at all #and the second one is more attainable so #i want to stop thinking #everything just feels so inconsequential i suppose #in all honesty #im scared i might do something to myself but i cant talk to anyone about it so im just. waiting til something sends me over the edge #the scariest part is that i know im capable of it too #just. giving up and doing it #i dont want to feel like that again #but theres nothing i can do except just walk on eggshells like usual #i dont know what im gonna do if i reach that point either #im so scared of what im able to do to myself #sigh. sorry #i might delete this later #i dont even know what im hoping to gain from this #i dont like journaling as a form of coping and this isnt any different #i dont even really feel better i kind of just want to cry #sorry im done for real this time

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shojoboy · 2 years

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YIPPPEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

#its been unavailable for over a week ive been checking like twice a day to not miss out......#(cant put llinkplus books on hold so i have to wait til its on the shelf)#-_-#im really putting off having to read wha online but after this im gonna have to huh. not waiting for #books twice a year #its so nice reading the physical copy tho ToT ive been spoiled #wha

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rodrickheffley · 2 years

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finally wrote coming out drafts to my parents

#i say at 8 months on t #i just am sooo avoidant abt it every time i would think of it id get too stressed then i forget abt it for a while then its a bad time #but im volunteering rn and im just like sitting here so i did it #cant send em yet tho cuz my dads birthday is on monday and i wanna wait til after that so i can call him #cuz ik its gonna take me a long time to be able to read their responses #also i want my sibling to read them over #mostly im worried abt what they r gonna think of my name choice. my mom is the type of person to voice her judgment on it #and i feel weirdly guilty abt changing my name idk

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arillusionist · 4 months

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grishaverse dashboard simulator

🤯 conspiracy-theories follow

theory: the sun summoner is definitely still alive. all we know is that she “gave up her life to save ravka” but how? have YOU ever heard of a grisha dying from using their powers?? it just doesnt make sense.

🌝 ruinsruiners follow

Bitch shes a SAINT. All saints die. Move on lmao

🐺 awooga10384 follow

alina was different and u know it just bc she was a “saint” doesnt mean she had to die op is right and ur being an asshole get off their post

☀️ starkovers follow

not you calling her alina like you know her personally… put some respect on her name bruh

🐺 awooga10384 follow

wait til u find out not everyone is religious and ravkan and doesnt use sankta labels n shit

☀️ starkovers follow

the way i literally never even mentioned religion… the lack of reading comprehension on this site is insane

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⛴️ wraithupdates follow

Friendly reminder to DNI if you think the Wraith and D*rtyh*nds are together! We do not welcome you guys on this blog :)

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🌤️ saintlydays follow

drew some fanart of sankta anastasia i hope you guys like it!! i drew her with a bleeding eye because shes the saint of sickness and when my mom was sick her eye started bleeding for like 2 days straight lol but i prayed to sankta anastasia and she made my mom get better even though her eye is permanently damaged and my sister and dad could not recover and they passed away after like 5 days of pain (we stabbed them to put them out of their misery)

#sankta anastasia #saint anastasia #saint #sankta #saints fanart #sankta fanart #sankta anastasia fanart #saint anastasia fanart

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🍺 giddyuphorsey follow

tired of yall stereotyping kerch as a dark and gloomy place… not all of us live in ketterdam or in the north in general. its extremely offensive to us so please fucking stop.

💎 ravkasbeauty follow

womp womp

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❓ grishapolls follow

🔥inferni-heart follow

Sturmhond is a privateer…

🧟‍♀ razorskull follow

who gaf

🔥inferni-heart follow

Shut up you dirty kerch ketterdam gang member money worshipping heathen

🧟‍♀ razorskull follow

it was never that deep but okay..

201 notes

🦴 shadowsandbones follow

not trying to b racist or anything but why do grisha always act like they’re better than anyone else… and why doesnt anyone ever call them out…

1,121 notes

🦐 merchingaway follow

JUST FOUND OUT THAT WYLAN VAN ECK’S BOYFRIEND IS DIRTYHAND’S EX LMFAO WHATTTT

🫠 theseventhsoldier follow

guys im shu can someone please tell me that dirtyhands is not what i think it means… i keep seeing that name all over this app and im so confused

🦐 merchingaway follow

trust me its not but based on this new info…

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💣 boomboomboom follow

JUST TRIED A ZEMINI PIE FOR THE FIRST TIME MY LIFE IS FINALLY COMPLETE 💞💞💞💞💞💞

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🪴 green-skies follow

Funny how people keep hating on Kerch when Fjerda is RIGHT THEREE

💎 ravkasbeauty follow

as a heartrender whos grisha mom got captured by a fjerdan ship: womp womp

🧙🏾‍♀️ zowaaaa follow

also op is kaelish so like… why tf are they talking lmao

💎 ravkasbeauty follow

right!! also fjerdans are barely on the internet (too many grisha here for them lmao) so its not really funny bc they cant see it

☀️ starkovers follow

kerch on the other hand… most chronically online mfs i’ve ever seen

12,347 notes

#this is post ck but pre kos ig because i havent read that duology yet #i am dying to read it so i will soon #grishaverse #the grisha trilogy #six of crows #alina starkov #sturmhond #nikolai lantsov #inej ghafa #kaz brekker #jesper fahey #wylan van eck #shadow and bone #dashboard simulator #is that all... it better be #oh “boomboomboom” is not supposed to be wylan btw #kanej #wesper

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actualbird · 7 months

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do you think the nxx ever cries or just… don’t deal with their emotions in a healthy way? they must be so emotionally repressed!

im so sorry but this is worded in a way i find absolutely hilarious omfg. do they cry or do they suck it up til the end of time? KJAHVSJFHAVSLFSFKJA

i like to think they Do cry, but my god it takes a Lot. this goes for All of them. like, we've seen in canon when the nxx boys and rosa cries, and it's usually during/after very high stakes or very emotional situations. some examples off the top of my head are

marius cries in SSR Unconcealable, the card where mc gets KIDNAPPED and then both of them get TRAPPED IN A FREEZER FOR A HOT SEC

mc cries in SSR Peaceful Place because she thought luke got shot and DIED,

luke cries in his Blossom Chapter Personal Story 4 because he thought mc DROWNED AND DIED

artem cries in SSR Two Hearts as one because he got so emotional acting like he was choking mc

vyn cries in...well, several cards like SR False Tears and SSR Neon Melody but those were 1) not exactly a "healthy" way of dealing with emotions or 2) caused by pepper spray KJHVSKJDF. im behind on vyn's cards, idk in which ones he cries honestly due to genuine in distress

so like, they DO cry. but it seems to take rather a lot to get them there. the flipside is that they also cry when overcome with immensely positive emotion (like, mc was on the verge of tears when luke finally proposed in SSR Orange Scent) so at least theres that!!!! but it's not much, chief....

all members of the nxx team all are IMMENSELY repressed. i think the most emotionally healthy of the team is DAVIS, which isnt a good sign, given that hes not even human

anyhoo this ask inspired me so

here are some misc headcanons on the nxx team and crying

i hc that luke as a kid was Such a crybaby. he'd cry over everything: when he saw a sad movie, when he saw a happy movie, when he saw a dog being walked but the dog was so dang small, when mc cries and his high empathy kicks in to make it Our Cry Session, just...he cried over IT ALL. he was just a very emotionally sensitive child, even to emotions from others. he eventually got emotionally steadier as he grew up but i think there are innocuous movies that, due to him crying over them as a kid, still make luke cry as an adult

[nxx movie night]

marius: man i love this movie, absolute classi---WHY ARE YOU CRYING??

luke: because ANYBODY can COOK!! EVEN A RAT!!!!!

mc, silently glaring at marius over luke's shoulder as if to say "Don't You Say A Mean Word To Him Right Now": O_O

(yes, they were watching ratatouille)

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vyn has mastered crying on cue and can do it at the drop of a hat, but when he REALLY TRULY ACTUALLY is hit by the genuine need to cry for any reason, be it positive or negative, he cannot stop it at all until its run its natural course.

which is just AGONIZING for him, surely, but this is the price he has to pay for the power of being able to cry on command: not be able to stop when it's for realsies

marius: HAHA, CRYBABY

vyn: //throws a book at him because just cuz he cant stop crying, doesnt mean he cant attack

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it slightly pisses everyone off a teensy bit that artem can cry artfully.

like, the single tear. the lines of silent tears streaming down his face. even the more desperate sobs. doesnt matter whether theyre stage tears for another play or if theyre during high stakes situations, artem seems to naturally cry in a cinematic manner

artem: //shedding a few tears because of the stress of an nxx operation or something

luke: hey it's okay, everyone's alright

luke internal thoughts: why is he so pretty while crying?????? .....wait what

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and lastly, marius can hold back tears like nobodys business. like luke, he was a huge crybaby as a kid. but unlike luke, he held it back so much that when he DID cry as a child, it was REALLY CRYING. like wailing, like sobbing. it's heartbreaking to watch

so via his Entire Life Of Repressing Weakness And Related Emotions, he became rlly powerful at holding back the need to cry. it only happens during VERY EMOTIONALLY INTENSE scenarios ORRRR

during horror movies

because hes such a horror weakling and he gets so spooked that tears literally come out

mc: how did that jumpscare make you tear up but not the intro scene to Up

marius, hiding behind a pillow to avoid any more jumpscares: im a man of endless mystery, miss

thank you for the ask :D

#asks #anon #tears of themis #tears of themis headcanon #luke pearce #vyn richter #artem wing #marius von hagen

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nikolais-eyepatch · 3 months

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HI AFSA!!!

UHM, okay so i read that your in need of some requests??? if so, i'm your gal!!!!

may we get some dazai x gn reader, where the reader is clingy but is shy to start getting cuddly with dazai because they don't want to upset him with their clingyness??

tysm, have a wonderful day<3

omggg hiii! I love this sm sounds like me...I'm screaming rn , love u! stay safe love! Help this is kinda good-

Im gonna make this into hc's! and maybe a scenario? mhm yeah prob.

starting off I'm gonna go like this, you and dazai are cute together! you show obvious signs of caring of his well being verbally (for now) while he does it physically.

at first he dosent mind

as long as you love him and let him he's fine! Is what he tells himself...

but soon he starts getting touchy...and he notices that your tense, but he excuses it

you guys, it's dazai

he's one clingy man, he loves everything about you, your face, laugh, personality- he loves you!

but it gets to a point where he's like 'huhhh?!!!'

so whenever he intiates his touches he notices you just shy away, was it him?

eventually you talk it out and he has a whole 'what? no! don't be shy, doll! just do whatever feels right!' he lowkey says that cuz he cant wait til its mutual

now the two of you have established that problem! yippe!

only problem...he wont take his hands off you!

work? Hes distracting you with whines and pouts about how come you don't love him! Course you do, he's just dramatic!

eating? he's making you have some sort of contact- hand touching isnt enough- he needs to be on you or have you on him!

Like he won't even let you use the bathroom atp ( 🙄 )

Since u decided to be affectionate back whenever your litterly not touching for a hot sec he's so over the top! Ughh!

"Oh so you don't love me, belladonna?! I see how it is!" Dazai whines as you get off the bed trying to cling on to you, complaining.

" samu? What do you mean? " you question as you unwillingy get out of bed to try and retrieve the blanket that mysteriously ended up on the floor; most likely due to the man on your bed shuffling in the night.

As you pick it up and carry it as you walk to the bed you see an annoyed dazai as he crosses his arms and stares at you and you without saying know what he means.

With a loud sigh you comment "only for the blanket" as you get in the bed and wrap yourself around the blanket as you offer some to Dazai

He still doesn't budge as he stares at you and you just state at him as you inch closer and you put an arm around his waist as he sits on the bed meanwhile with you laying down, cold and shivering...man you should really turn on the heater, falls cold.

You then feel him slightly move as he decided to finally join you; though once he does he buried your head into the crook of his neck as he puts his chin on your head then slightly tilts his head as he smells the familiar scent of your shampoo then whined "bella...your so cruel...leaving me like that...you shall make it up by doing this with me.." Is the last thing you hear before you drift back to sleep again as you feel his hold get tighter and a sudden shift in movement as you feel a soft warmth on your forehead as you hear something along the lines of 'you're forgiven ♡'

#bungou stray dogs #bsd smut #bsd x reader #bsd fluff #yandere bungou stray dogs #bungou gay dogs #dazai x reader #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs dazai #dazai osamu #dazai x you #osamu x reader #Osamu

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quodekash · 12 days

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forgot to do this til now, here's my we are ep 2 thoughts (once again just taken directly from me spamming my friend about it on wed night)

this looks like smth out of a dream sequence but theyre genuinely just trying to get their friend to fuckin wake up lmao

I love peem so much tho

best character fr

LOOK AT HIM

LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GUY

everything about this is just so real and I love it so so much

a shirt worthy of hsm's chad danforth

also: ill never get over winny’s tied back hair, i just love it so much for no reason

...what does his shirt mean

“vibrant starry tapestry” and “discover the power of grassroot movement”

my friend suggested that its about weed and I have no other contributions so im forced to believe the shirt is about weed unless anyone else has any inkling of an idea