#but ill try to have it up by friday!!

[opens-up-4-nobody]

As a stranger on the internet (so feel free to ignore or tell me I'm out of line) you might just be going through a grieving process. It sucks, a lot, and I don't really have any advice other than it will slowly get better, but it might help simply knowing.

Grief is different for everyone, and looks different for everyone too. But either way I hope you feel better soon <3

It's very possible, I just don't want that to be the answer because then I don't know what to do

#it feels more like im using grief as an excuse to not do anything and i find it really upsetting #i just dont kno what to do. i have a lightning talk to give tomorrow and i cant get anywhere bc when i try to get anything done i just start #crying and everything feels like a mess that i have no motivation to clean up #just everything. why did i decide to do this with my life? why couldnt i have chosen a functional career path? #i dont kno what im doing. i dont kno how im going yo get things together for my committee meeting Friday #or how ill get thru it without crying. i dont even kno what i want. i wanna talk to my dad i guess but ive never told anyone in my family #when im having a hard time and i dont kno how to do that without making him worry #ugh. tomorrow's gonna suck. so does today. i just want the semester to be over. but then i cant escape my project. so idk what i want #i want sleep for 1000 years or at least until all my problems are gone #unrelated

[forcedhesitation]

*wheeze* slowly, but surely, working on art of them all

#bg3 #myart #wip #I want to make every tav/companion pairing I have a dedicated. fancy piece. #these started with a concept for a wyll drawing that was very...storybook! inspired. #I would have been done all the linework for these two pieces by now had my weekend gone better :/ #I was violently unwell for...about a week and a half? chronic illness bullshit. had started to feel better friday of last week... #...unfortunately fate had it that the weekend ended up being particularly stressful. so the pain returned anew. #it was. somewhat better today. but still not enough for me to really be productive in my free time :( #I will try to complete the linework tomorrow if all goes well. I really would like to start colouring them! #I have delightful colour schemes chosen... #gale/illamin piece has already been sketched in a notebook. once I finish these two- I will begin lining theirs! #illamin's connects to cadence's because they're intertwined like that. but I have yet to finish planning out cadence's piece. #I've gone back and forth on who I should romance with him...the thing with any of the companions is that they are all written to be- #-immensely compatible with each other. so writing a tav FOR a specific companion is a bit hard. often the tav could fit with any of them. #hell. I'm STILL working out details of jantar and corydalis' story & characters. because I can't be normal about this. #that aside- I DO have other. finished pieces...finally. #well. I had some long before... but I didn't want to post them because I wasn't happy with them. #so I went and finished new stuff that I DO like. #4. technically 5 drawings. all horror/horror adjacent in theme. #my extremely detailed hux painting is also NEARLY done. after months upon months of work. #and I continue to slowly chip away at the big scifi themed dbd piece I've had in progress. #I really never run out of things to draw and it's a bit torturous because I never have the time or energy to draw everything...

[arsenicflame]

hit by the 'what is even the point of life anyway' bug again lol

#ooooh it about spending time with ur friends and having fun and BLAH BLAH blah #those things r fun but they are not worth the rest of it #it feels pointless and purposeless and i jst #why do i have to keep trying #whats the fucking point???? #nyxtalks #im trying to find joy in the little things bt. i don't think it outweighs the rest #the fun fantasies of a life ill never lead #the reality i just gotta. work the rest of my life for nothing and never have the energy to do what i like #n not liking things enough anyway to make a life with meaning #you try and you tryand you make tiny changes wnd. its not enough #lol friday depression day is back #shut the fuck up nyx

[skitskatdacat63]

Lmfao my mom was getting on me abt not having enough to do this upcoming semester so I decided ah okay I'll add another class. And that's perfectly fine. But the one I picked results in the majority of my schedule being generally unaffected and still lax, but my Thursday being absolutely fucked.

For reference, on every other day I'd spend like less than four hours in class/commuting(anywhere from zero hours to almost four), but Thursday, its almost 9 hours combined 😭 which is like fine with me, but I think ill despise thursdays after this, AND MY BIRTHDAY IS ON A THURSDAY :(

#she doesnt like the fact that im practically free on Fridays #<- online class that doesnt meet on that day #so ah i hope this balances out sjkfkflg #the way scheduling in my school works has such a weird affect #my mon/wens/fri are gonna be so chill and then tues/thurs is just....something #it makes it worse bcs one of my classes only takes place for a section of the semester #and that class is mon/wens so im only gonna be online after that #though i still think ill have to meet w that professor bcs there is in fact reasoning for that class to be so short lasting #but tues and thurs is just stuff that ill never get any reprieve from lol #four classes in one day. we'll see how it goes 🥰🥰 #also thurs will be interesting bcs i will have two classes just abt middle eastern politics #i came across a class on the arab-israeli conflict and wanted to take it bcs its obv very relevant rn #and then the one i just scheduled is also abt middle eastern politics so i really am going to be thru the ringer #not that its a bad thing at all!! i just mean its interesting how relevant this semester will be and how im just getting intensely informed #anyways i think the way i schedule would be a nightmare to anyone else #i try to schedule every class after 12(or 11 at least) so then all of them are crammed right after one another #and i wake up an hour before class and leave myself that meager time to get ready and commute lmfao #my friend asked me when i eat lunch. and im like uh ;;; never? 🥰 #lol dw i do eat but like i treat my time on campus like how can i pack this as densely as possible #i dont like sitting around by my lonesome it makes me depressed dhfkkg #also i think i will actually kms with all the writing im goong to have to do this semester #that is my reasoning to my mom abt why she shouldn't be pissed at my supposed lack of activity #like im taking so much thats emphasized with writing. dont worry i will be in fact budy #*busy #catie.rambling.txt

[kevin-sedai]

The vibe really deteriorated as the day went on, and now I'm sitting in bed, awake, feeling like garbage

#it was an okay weekend but i was jittery and numb for most of it #tried to write christmas cards for the first time in 2 years. cried while doing so and then had to lie down after i did 5 #i got frustrated with the story i'm writing and considered dropping it or deleting the whole thing #spent friday alone pretty much all day which normally i'm fine with but for whatever reason made the loneliness really hit hard this time #spent all thanksgiving day waiting for a familial confrontation #got asked by my 6 year old nephew how old i was and then he followed up with 'well why arent you married what are you doing' #which i'm pretty sure is something he heard in a conversation someone else was having and he repeated it bc he's 6 fucking years old #which btw i don't hold against him or am mad at him about bc he's an innocent kid #but that made me feel really shitty #spent an hour today panicking about this dog virus #and in between all of that i was self diagnosing myself with mental illnesses #which made me feel awful bc it made gaslight myself in thinking maybe i wanted one? #which is so fucked up to the max and i'm so sorry for even putting that here #but i put this all here bc i could never have this conversation with people irl #they'd get too worried or they'd think i'm overreacting or i need to date or need to do something with myself besides read #i'm so sorry everyone #i'll try to be better #i just had to put this out somewhere #and i didn't put this in a journal bc my last entry sounds so teenagerish out of context i don't even want to look at it #anyway i have to try to sleep i have to go into the office early tomorrow #i'm sorry guys #i really am😔

[shirkers2018dirsanditan]

i have been so terrible lately. i stayed in bed until 3 pm today……….yesterday i worked and i overslept so i didnt get to do yoga……i’ve been so inconsistent this month its so bad. and i really like this calendar for the most part and i have some good substitutions. i need to wash my hair and the game is at 7 so i think. im going to miss yoga again and maybe ill be disciplined and do some catching up before bed. i want to do today’s video too its a full 45 min practice….but im off tomorrow for the holiday so maybe i’ll just aim to go to bed early so i can get back to waking up early in the mornings.

#i have to wash my hair so i think ill do that instead of yoga before the game #i also just ate and had tea and when i do yoga too soon after that i feel like im gonsn throw up #and i need to eat again because i also have not been eating much these past few days :/ #i need to do yoga FIRST THING one because its a nice start to my day and two because otherwise i dont do it 😭 #but man i need it…. #when i fall off i pay the price #i did catch up on two videos on friday though #tomorrow’s practices are just meditation #maybe ill just try to do all the videos i missed this month lmao #sheesh

[toastsnaffler]

yayy new undertale newsletter :-)

#cant sleep anymore so im just having breakfast now bc might as well #one of my coworkers had a papyrus shirt on the other day and i was like omg.. undyne-papyrus fan solidarity 💪💪💪💪 #same guy who whistles tracks from the undertale ost in the lab sometimes 🫡 #man i wish id slept better. i feel kind of terrible on meds in the afternoons when i havent slept well. not looking forward to that #not sure if this higher dose is interfering w my sleep bc i have been very anxious anyway.. but at least its friday #just gotta make it to tonight and if i dont sleep well again at least its the weekend so it doesnt matter as much #everything in my head is jumbled up and my body isnt cooperating with me aurggh. well what can u do #ill try and sleep for 15 minutes and if that doesnt work ill just play elden ring until i need to get ready for work #.diaries

[tkbrokkoli]

how are my mutuals doing

#not fandom related #personal log stardate #i was busy the last few days writing a report for class. on friday i spent 9 hrs w writing 😬 im drained now from the past few days #exams start in 2 weeks so i basically have to spend all my free time studying starting from today ugh #ive been on T for a little over 2 weeks now haven't noticed any changes so far except maybe some ~sensations~ considering voice and #bottom growth. my throat has hurt a bit for a few days but i might also just have gotten a cold. i feel however like my voice is a little #deeper right after waking up and trying to speak deeper than my usual speaking voice has become a bit easier. i have to put effort into it #though. also bottom growth idk if the sensations are just a usual phase of sensations dowm there that i sometimes get anyway #or if it's actual bottom growth. i could be imagining the voice and bottom growth stuff. that's how tiny the changes in sensation are #still it makes me euphoric 😁 #i haven't talked to my family abt trans stuff again and there's a slight tension between us that im not sure what to do w #but im seeing my therapist this week to discuss all of this #i don't have any health updates bc i haven't seen that doctor again yet my next appointment is in april and since I didn't get a call from #them i suppose nothing is urgently bad so i hope it's all just fine but ill hear abt it in april

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so. #literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

[boyghcst]

-

#it’s so weird how u can just feel two extremes and both r just so real #like often ill feel so suicidal and angry and upset etc but then other times I just feel so hopeful for the future and happy w my group #of friends #n both can b true but I just kinda get scared of when I feel rlly depressed n stuff bc it just feels so unbearable #n I just feel so out of control #idk last week was a p good week while socially exhausted #it was acc good to socialise and have fun etc #but idk I get my ups and downs so frequent idk if it’s normal to feel this way #but while im ill I’ve got an interview for college on Friday #trying again idk if ill even get in tbh #and im probably gonna drop out lollllll lit dropped out 4 times already #n every year I try but I’ve been out of work/education since late last year n I just feel I need to do something #even tho I struggle w my mental health a lot n just functioning like going outside and socialising and loads of ppl and noises it’s just #v overwhelming so idk if im just making another mistake but I picked a different course this time and it’s lower than my last so I’m hoping #they’ll give me a shot ig im worried they’re gonna judge me for dropping out so much but tht was care #and I just don’t wanna work w children / care anymore #and ive done social sciences before just the foundation level so I wanna progress #journal

[k-atsukibakugou]

any time ive had to sit down and write this year has been ruinedddd lmao

#first we had to move bc NOT NAMING NAMES (ex father in law) had a cute little bender and made that house Uncomfortable and Unsafe #so then i was busy moving #and then every day i had off last week i ended up getting called into work #and then today i only have a late/short shift but our fridge broke so i need to help roman bring the new one up #and then friday im off again so im going to try and get some stuff done on the drive down #but TECHNICALLY/LEGALLY i cant use my computer while “supervising” my partner driving bc its like a distraction and bc theyre on their L's #i cant be distracted either #like the way the licenses work while someone is on their L's the supervising driver adheres to the same laws as the learner #so i cant be drinking/on my phone or if we get pulled over it affects them too #its strange to explain but thats how it is lmao #ive never been pulled over on the drive but idk i might try to do some stuff and if i see highway patrol ill shove it under the seat lmao #DAMN IM A CHATTY KATHY TODAY #「mercury speaks」

[junkie-virus]

(muttering) i dont want to die i just need to go outside i dont want to die i just need to go outside i dont want to die i just need to go outside i dont want to die i just need to go outsi

#ro rambles #think im going stir crazy but also maybe its the sleep deprivation. #i am sleeping in 2-4 hour intervals #usually on the lesser side #i only get the 4-6 hour-ers when its day out. #this of course means i do not eat much #also a horrid contributer. #this is fine #ill start going out again when my group therapy starts up again #which is facilitated by a lady who said vaguely transphobic shit to me #she didnt habe mal intent but also that means i have to educate a cis person against my will #a WHITE cis oerson at that #ohhhh i experience a million little agonies #im too scared to go walk outside but i think maybe at this point i should just try #on the brighter side im going to my aunts friday and usually i sleep better there #have actual bed as well #nicer environment

[finniigan]

I finally made use of last months vip pirate pack :> plus i had a bunch of plant pieces (and i ordered some coral off bricklink a while back just to meet minimum order price lol), so i decided to go for an overgrown shipwreck!

The hammerhead is from a mini submarine set my brother got for me a few years back, the translucent coral is from a spongebob set lol, map from indiana jones and the boulder/washbasin/crate are from a castle set. Pretty much everything else is from the pirate pack (besides like plates and studs etc).

I might do little weekly builds cos i miss playing w lego (no one look at me being 21, cringe culture is dead and i didnt spend 5 hours organising all my childhood lego only to not use it xD)

(I have art queued for next week so yall can forgive a bit of self indulgent legoposting)

#finn.txt #not art #lego #legoposting #srsly tho it was so fun organising my lego #it was in a huge plastic box and i bought a bunch of those like organisational boxes with little compartments #and it feels so good to have it all neat n tidy :333 #unfortunately i cant buy any new sets until at least end of january cos i just started my new job and all my paychecks have to go on like #adult shit. paying rent . catchinf up on christmas gifts and all sorts. buying plane tickets and putting money aside to visit my friend #and then even in january imma ration it. cos i wanna buy like the customisable clone trooper armour so i can cosplay my oc :] #and then after that. jedi robes!! #anyway finn week begins tomorrow (like star wars finn not me lol) so ill try post art for at least half the prompts if i can #gonna draw as much as i can today cos i only get home from work like after 6pm and most of my free time goes on cleaning or cooking #so the first time ill be able to draw is probably friday evening aka at the very end of the prompts T.T

[arosebyan0thername]

Not speculating on a real person, but what if, yknow?

#personal #there is this girl i went to high school with #very nice and cool and sweet and pretty #and mormon #but like also a little bit emo???? #she listens to twenty one pilots and paramore and she dyes her hair red and purple and platinum blonde #cam and i kinda maybe think she might be queer???? #i know i always say you dont get to speculate about the sexuality of strangers on the internet #but this girl is not a stranger and also id never question her about it but i would be willing to listen if she were questioning #and wanted to talk #i am trying to very slowly become friends with her #i mean we definitely knew each other in high school and we were both in theatre and choir so we did hang out #but we're not friends to the point where wed like invite each other to our birthday parties or anything #trying to get closer purely so she has someone very queer to talk to if she ever feels the need #and if not then shes still cool and fun to be around so ill still get a friend out of the endeavor #we're both going to see hozier on friday #but i dont wanna necessarily ask to meet up bc i have a GA ticket and idk what kind of ticket she has #and id hate for it to be a worse one than mine and we have to separate #and also i dont have a ride and wouldnt want to impose myself upon her

[lizeon]

watched a full hour and a half of tempus playing poker and i still barely understand how that game works

anyway congrats shinri on winning everyone else's money and also bettel's car i guess

#was bettel's car in the pool after he ''bought'' it back from hakka? probably not but i think it'd be funnier if it was #everytime altare dealt cards i was watching chat to find out who had the best hand #also bettel's poker face sucks lmao #holotempus #holostars #i wish i had the money to buy all their plushies TT_TT #i am considering buying at least 1 and if i get 1 it will be ricrowdo #if not i will probably buy keychains at least #i wonder how long they'll be up the preorder period lasts awhile but i think its possible to sell out before the end? #i get paid again on friday i will check then i think and if i miss out oh well TT_TT #also also i was trying to see how much buying 6 keychains and a hakkito plush would be with tax and shipping and the site kept fucking up s #im gonna have to check later anyway lol #vtubers #yeah ill throw this in my tag sure

[thereaderinsertlady]

Hiiiiii, long time no see!! How have you been?

I’m curious, you’ve written so much over the years (every time I go to your page, I’m always amazed you have like a 100 plus works while I’m struggling to finish my Second Shroob Invasion - I’m so close to the ending). How do you manage the workload of requests/commissions? What helps you when you’re writing?

Thank you so much!! :) You’re the best! (There shall be more Shroobs coming your way).

992nd3 hi there! Sorry I didn't answer sooner lol. It can be pretty damn difficult to manage everything and still make room for myself sometimes, though I manage to get by. I'll have days where I dedicate 5-10 hours to just writing alone, waking up at around 10am-ish and going to bed at 3am. I usually do commissions first at the start of the day, but sometimes I'll need motivation, so I go over to the regular requests or my multi-chapter fics and work on that instead. Though, mainly my friends have been helping me keep on track and motivated (and stopping me from going absolutely insane lmao). As of currently, every other day, I'll spend either 1-4 hours hanging out with them on discord sort of near or after dinner time, then end the day off with more writing until I get tired enough to go to sleep. Sometimes I'll write while on call with them too. The main thing that helps me write is playlists that I've listened to before, or other familiar music. I'll also set a mini goal for myself and try to write that amount in a day (like.. write 2,000 words or smfn). I sort of spread my attention out to multiple fics at once (Dear Detective, AVC, The King’s Jester, Dichotomous Key, the commissions, one or two general requests,) but work on them one at a time (if that makes sense)

#also yippe shroobs! #i love your writing sm 9esnoe ❤️ #the main reason why i have over 100 works is because most of my works are very short #for regular requests i try to write around 1k words. sometimes ill write more. sometimes ill write less(like in the questober challenge) #questober was HARD ngl. i think i ended up writing just under 30k words for it #one of my main goals ive been tryna reach is 1million words posted on ao3. i think im at 730k right now #i also have dnd with my friends on fridays rn around dinner time. i play as a cute littel Plasmoid! #i may also do smfn self indulgence every now and then (see the self indulgent series lol) #if i am struggling on something too much an nothing else seems to help i like writing small clips and scenes too whether its related or not #i may also also go read someones fic to get motivated