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theother-victoria · 1 year

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WHAT ONCE WAS

SYNOPSIS: Accountability is a bitter pill to swallow, but what hurts more is being forgotten by the one he loves the most. As he rebuilds your relationship once more, Scaramouche has a difficult decision to make: have you live in blissful ignorance or admit the truth and risk everything falling apart again.

TAGS: angst w fluff, happy ending bc I’m not that cruel, major spoilers for the “Inversion of Genesis” interlude archon quest, scaramouche is referred to as “Ena” bc that’s the name I gave him, gn reader, 11.7k word count

NOTES: so this is where I’ve been for the past *checks calendar* three months

Here’s the in-depth explanation and analysis behind this fic if you want to read it afterward!

Watch me post this and then inevitably disappear for a few more 🫡

Scaramouche has been acting strange lately.

He’s been unusually silent like he’s pondering something and staring off into space most of the time. When you ask him about it, he shrugs your questions off and says it’s nothing.

“What’s on your mind, Scara?”

“Nothing. Just… thinking.”

And the conversations always end there. He makes no effort to elaborate and eventually, you stop digging for answers. Other than that, he still acts normally. He still has his sharp tongue and attitude. You still get into your daily fights and scuffles with him over nothing. You’d return home from work and he’d return home from whatever he was doing in the city (something along the lines of community service was what you managed to gather from the bits and pieces of information he told you). In a sense, everything was still the same. His sudden radio silence at times was startling, but nothing ever changed in your relationship as a result of it.

… But really, it’s kind of scary how intensely he zones out sometimes.

Then, everything changes one night.

You’re getting ready for bed with him while he stares out the window as usual. If you follow his line of sight, it leads to the Sanctuary of Surasthana. He’s been oddly fixated on that place lately and you haven’t been able to get an answer as to why.

You take a seat on the bed next to him. There’s a look in his eyes that tells you he’s plotting something- that there’s an idea brewing in his mind.

“Thinking again? What nefarious scheme are you plotting-”

You don’t even get the chance to tease him further before he pulls you into a tight hug. Normally, he’s nowhere near this affectionate, preferring to keep his distance even in your close relationship, but now he’s holding you close as if he’s afraid he’ll lose you otherwise.

“...Scara? Is everything alright?”

“Yeah. I just wanted to give you a hug.”

His soft violet hair tickles your neck and you feel his hands absentmindedly tracing circles around your waist.

“Is there a reason as to why?”

“No. Just felt like it.”

You eye him suspiciously. As soon as it started, he pulls away from the hug and flicks your forehead.

“Go to sleep now. I’ll join you in a bit. Just… let me think for a bit longer.

“I love you.”

He says the last part like it’s nothing. It nearly gives you whiplash and you look at him strangely. He’s really lost his mind this time, hasn’t he? He almost never does that.

“What’re you gaping at me like that for? Go to sleep already.”

He lightly hits you over the head with a pillow before you can say anything else. You roll your eyes and with a huff, roll onto your side until you’re fast asleep within a few minutes.

Scaramouche doesn’t join you as he promised. Instead, he continues to stare out the window at the moon, his gaze occasionally flickering back to your sleeping figure. A rare expression of uncertainty crosses his face as he sinks deep into thought.

Is this really the right decision?

Time stretches out over an eternity. Hours pass and the moon rises higher into the sky. Scaramouche debates with himself, unsure of what to do.

This is a decision I can’t go back from.

Throughout his long life, he’s never been faced with a choice as difficult as this. Neither decision ends well for either of you. Deep down, he knew what the correct answer was, yet he refused to consider it for more than a few seconds.

What would he do if he lost everything all over again?

Time was running out. Scaramouche gets up to leave with his mind made up. Lying to himself wouldn’t do anything and Nahida was waiting for him. He plants a soft kiss on your cheek and stares at you longingly one last time before putting his hat on and heading out the door. It closes behind him with a silent click.

Whatever happens next, happens. He’ll witness the results of his actions tomorrow.

The next morning, you wake up feeling refreshed and your mind clearer than it’s ever been. It feels like you’ve been asleep for a very, very long time and you’ve just woken up.

And instantly, you notice something is off.

There are traces of another person everywhere. From the Inazuman-style clothes hanging in the closet that most definitely aren’t yours to the ink-wash paintings hanging on the wall, it’s evident that someone has influenced your life tremendously.

But who? Your mind is drawing up blanks as to who it could be.

When you get downstairs, it’s even more prominent. A pair of slippers that are too big for you by the stairwell. Books sitting on the bookshelf that after examining their titles and summaries, aren’t to your liking but are still there anyway. Traditional Inazuman sandals and shoes are lined up next to yours by the front door. None of it matches the vibe of your house and yet, they look as if they’ve been there forever, weathered and worn with time.

There’s a photo sitting on a side table in the living room that catches your attention. Upon closer inspection, it’s of you and a young man sitting side by side and posing for the camera. His attire is… unique. You can’t say you’ve seen anything quite like it before.

The first thing that catches your attention is the wide-brimmed hat he’s wearing. It’s ornate, with gold decorations and a veil in the back. His clothes seem like they cost a fortune and appear to be from Inazuma, similar to the ones hanging in your bedroom closet. A smirk plays across his face, yet there’s a gentle look in his eyes as he gazes at you smiling at the camera. An arm is slung around your shoulder, pulling you close.

Clearly, you have- or had?- some sort of special relationship with him according to this photo. But you don’t recognize his face. You can’t remember anything about this man. You don’t even know his name.

Who is he?

Someone knocks at the door. Three solid thumps against the wood and then silence. The sound echoes in your ears and you can feel yourself get up to answer the door. Why does it feel like you have no control over your body right now? Why does time feel like it’s moving so slowly?

Why are you so afraid of what awaits you on the other side of the door?

You open the door to reveal a young man waiting patiently. With a shock, you realize he’s the same man in the photo. He has the same fair skin, the same eyes, and the same blunt haircut.

(He’s even prettier up close and in person.)

He’s changed quite a bit too. His attire is different now. He wears an open-chested kimono with a black bodysuit underneath and pleated shorts. The furisode kimono is dyed in shades of blue and white that resemble the sky and small birds are depicted on the long sleeves as if they are taking to the skies. His hat has lost the veil, but it’s more ornate and now resembles a lotus, the metal gleaming in the late afternoon sun. More surprisingly is the Anemo vision pinned proudly to his robes. By the looks of it, it seems as if he built his entire outfit around it.

But what surprises you the most is his face. He seems… unburdened now. Like a heavy weight has been lifted from his shoulders for the first time.

There’s a look of trepidation on his face and a small spark of hope in his eyes as he meets your gaze.

“... Can I help you?”

The spark of hope quickly dies at your response. His face is crestfallen, yet all he does is let out a resigned sigh.

“I’m a lost traveler that’s in need of a place to stay. Do you mind if I stay at your house for a little while?”

You glance back at the photo, then back at him. Under any other circumstances, you would have said no, but this time…

“Of course. But I don’t know your name yet.”

He pauses for a moment. His gaze darts around like he was searching for an answer- or several answers. You’re beginning to wonder if you said the wrong thing before he chuckles and smiles, finally relaxing.

“What you call me doesn’t matter. Call me anything you want.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

He huffs a sigh. Persistent as always, he thinks.

“Others call me Wanderer. Call me that if you’re strapped for ideas.”

“Wanderer…”

It’s an interesting name for sure. In your opinion, it really can’t be considered a name. It’s more suited for a description.

“That’s quite the interesting name you’ve got there, but it’s awkward to say and isn’t really suited for a name.”

“If you don’t like it, call me something else then,” he retorts. You ignore the remark and mentally go through the limited collection of Inazuman names you know of. None of them are suitable until a long-forgotten one hits you out of the blue.

“Hmm… how about the name Ena?”

“Ena,” he repeats to himself, trying the name on for size. To your surprise, you watch as his scowl melts into a grin and his eyes soften. His eyes shine with delight and he lets out a little chuckle.

“Meaning ‘gift from god’. I like it.”

I wouldn’t consider myself that, he thinks. Far from it, actually. But if that’s what you think I am, then I’ll believe it wholeheartedly.

“And by the way, Ena is a girl’s name.”

Your eyes go wide with shock.

“I-really? Wait, I’m sorry for-!”

You’re interrupted by his unabashed laughter at your dumbfounded expression. The smug look on his face tells you that he got the desired reaction out of you.

“You should’ve seen your face! It’s so easy to get you worked up over nothing, you know?”

“Stop pulling my leg like that!”

For some reason, this kind of argument with him over nothing feels… familiar. You push the thought to the side and storm away, huffing and puffing in irritation.

“Whatever. Come inside and make yourself at home. Just don’t make a mess of anything.”

Ena goes quiet and his wistful gaze lingers on the spot you were just a few moments ago. He lets out a drawn-out sigh and an unwelcome, though familiar, feeling tugs at the heart he now knows he has. Was it regret? Sorrow? Longing for something so close yet so far, barely out of touch?

Whatever it was, the full weight of his actions had finally hit him. Karma had finally come back to make him pay. He lifts his Anemo vision up and eyes it. It glows in response and he scoffs.

… He can’t say he misses the feeling of it.

It’s a bitter pill to swallow- accountability and the uncertainty of the future. He glances inside your house and sighs before shaking his head and heading inside.

You’re just as lovely as the day I lost you.

The next day, he has an interesting idea. You were eating breakfast around the table with him not-so-subtly criticizing your cooking skills and you telling him to “make his own if it’s so bad then.” He had scoffed and said he’ll take you up on that offer.

(This scene feels strangely domestic and familiar…)

Ena pushes his (empty) bowl to the side. There’s that look in his eyes that tells you he’s up to no good. How you managed to recognize it after less than a day with him, you have no idea.

“How would you like to travel the world with me?”

You pause and stare at him blankly.

“What?”

“You heard me. How would you like to travel the world? I’m sure you’ve always wanted to do that, right?”

“With you in the way? No thanks.”

He scowls at that and flicks your forehead. You yelp in pain and bat his hands away before turning and staring out the window for a bit.

“But all jokes aside, you’re right. I’ve always wanted to travel the world ever since I was little.”

You pause and bite your lip before giving him a suspicious look.

“First off, why are you offering this?”

He rolls his eyes and laughs.

“I just thought it’d be pretty pathetic if you died without ever seeing the world. Plus, I wanted to-”

He stops himself from saying anything else just in time. You stare at him strangely and he brushes you off. It’s your turn to roll your eyes now as you gather the dishes and begin washing them.

I wanted to show you the places I once took you to that you’ve now forgotten, was what he wanted to say. How will you react now that we’ve started over? Will you react with wonder at the dazzling lights of Liyue Harbor? Laugh and dance happily amongst the wide expanse of grassy plains in Mondstadt? Go silent with awe at the solemn rule of the Shogun in Inazuma?

He silently laughs at himself. He’s become weaker ever since he met you all those years ago. Not like he minded.

You’ve finished the dishes and you’re staring at him with an idea brewing in your head.

“So what I’m hearing is an offer for a free vacation with no strings attached.”

Your tone is mischievous and there’s that shit-eating grin on your face he knows all too well. Ena groans and rolls his eyes in faux annoyance.

“If that’s how you want to think of it, then yes.”

You snicker victoriously and it’s all he can do to not go over and (lovingly) flick your forehead as hard as he can.

“But what about money? A trip around the world is going to cost a fortune, right? Plus, there’s my small business I have to worry about. It’s my only means of income…”

Ena waves a hand at you. “Don’t worry about the money. I’ll handle it. Focus on making sure everything’s in order for the house and your business.”

I’ve got more Mora than I know what to do with, thanks to my time in the Fatui.

He looks over his shoulder at you.

“I recommend you pack your bags as soon as possible. We leave when everything is done and ready.”

The first nation he takes you to is Mondstadt, the land of freedom. A warm breeze brushes your skin as you step foot into the city, carrying with it the scent of dandelion wine and the familiar feeling of well-wishes.

The city is so lively. Children and teenagers chase each other down the cobblestone streets. A crowd of people gathers around a small child selling flowers, the sweet fragrance of them making its way over to you. The colorful banners strung overhead between buildings flutter in the wind. A group of adventurers pass by you and give you bright grins.

“A pair of travelers, eh? Welcome to Mondstadt!”

A bard clad in green sings and plays his lyre to a captive audience by the fountain in the city square. The smell of freshly-cooked food from Good Hunter on your left tempts you and through the door, you can hear the clink of bottles being toasted and the cheers of rowdy but good-natured patrons.

You feel Ena tug on your sleeve. He’s grinning at you mischievously.

“Come on, slowpoke, we’re not stopping here. There’s more to see than just the city.”

The next few weeks pass by in a blur.

Soon after your arrival in Mondstadt, he takes you to the Thousand Winds Temple on the eastern coast of Mondstadt as the first stop. Stone arches tower above your head and you have to crane your neck upwards to see the end of the pillars that seem to stretch upward forever. The sheer size of the temple makes you feel almost insignificant, but ivy and fauna have slowly reclaimed it with overgrowth rampant everywhere. It’s nothing more than crumbling ruins at this point, but it must’ve been beautiful centuries ago.

… Still, you’re a little confused as to why he would bring you all the way out here just to see a dilapidated temple.

“Is there a specific reason why you brought us here?”

“Nothing really, other than that it has quite a long history.”

“I didn’t take you for the scholarly type, Ena.”

“Shut up.”

You begin to curiously explore the temple. Parts of it are locked behind gates and no matter what you do, you can’t get them to budge. You manage to climb over some walls onto what appears to be the stairs and take a seat there. From here, you have a better view of the temple and you try to piece together what it used to look like. Eventually, you come to the realization that it must’ve resembled an amphitheater.

Meanwhile, Ena strides across the arena and comes to a stop, facing the sea. His coming here was purely for selfish reasons.

This was where I first met you. I was on a mission in Mondstadt to investigate some strange occurrences that had been happening. Back then, you were still a student in the Akademiya researching these ruins. We had run into each other accidentally and immediately started arguing over some petty matter and were practically at each other’s throats.

He looks over his shoulder to see you attempting to scale a pillar to reach the elemental monument above and quietly laughs at the sight. He’s glad that you can’t see the fond smile stretching across his face.

You’re still the same fool now as you were back then. Some things in life never change, do they?

On another day, he brings you to Starsnatch Cliff late at night. You grumble and curse at him for disturbing your sleep the entire time, to which he tells you to shut up after being chased by monsters several times.

(You keep your mouth shut after that.)

Ena uses his Anemo vision to quickly fly to the edge of the cliff and avoid the grueling upwards hike. You, on the other hand, are forced to make the trek and arrive several minutes later, panting in exhaustion.

“You’re too slow.”

“Not my fault that I don’t have a handy vision to help me out,” you snap back as you take a seat next to him. The cool evening breeze tickles your skin and you lie on your back to see the stars and the moon. There’s not a single cloud in the sky and you can see the arm of the galaxy that stretches across the night sky in a twinkling display of stars and stardust.

“Now I see why you dragged me out this late. The view is beautiful.”

“I told you.”

You glare at him in response and begin picking the Cecilia flowers that grow on the cliff to make a flower crown with them. Ena only rolls his eyes at the action and lies down to look at the sky.

The second time I met you was here, not long after our first encounter. You were doing the same thing- making flower crowns. When I asked you what you were doing, you gave it to me. Quite the bold move, considering I could’ve ended your life at any moment. Although…

He looks back at you lying sprawled out like a starfish in the grass and holding the finished flower crown in your hands. Your eyes meet his gaze and you wordlessly place it on his head. You giggle at the sight and the blush that creeps across his face as he glares at it.

“It suits you! You look even prettier with it.”

Your eyes shine with a mix of amusement and adoration. To Ena, your smile rivals the brilliance of the moon above and he swears he can feel his heart skip a beat all over again.

Although, how could I have even considered that thought? Especially when you looked at me back then the same way you do now?

Midway through your stay in Mondstadt, he brings you to the famed Angel’s Share for some drinks while subsequently making fun of your inability to hold your alcohol.

“What, can’t even handle wine?”

“Shut up,” you cough out- or rather, slur out with the alcohol getting to you. A blue-haired man sitting at the other end of the table pretends to not hear you, but you can see his shoulders shaking as he tries to stifle his laughs.

With the sweet taste of the tavern’s renowned Dandelion Wine, you didn’t expect it to pack that much of a punch. Your face is already flushed and you can feel just how unbearably warm you are. With a groan, you rest your head against the cool surface of the table and sigh in relief. Ena rolls his eyes and finishes the rest of your drink in one go.

“Seriously, how are you still fine after all of those drinks you had? If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you have an inhuman alcohol tolerance,” you grumble.

A thin glass of apple cider is placed in front of you by the bartender. You instantly recognize it as a drink for sobering up and Ena cackles at the realization scrawled all over your face.

“Come on. Finish that and we’ll go back to our place.”

He ends up having to carry you on his back. You passed out while you were still in the bar and now you’re sleeping peacefully, occasionally mumbling nonsensical things as you dream. Ena grumbles and curses you out all the while, but it lacks any real scorn.

Many months later, I came back to Mondstadt and found you in a drunken stupor here. You had just dropped out of the Akademiya and were worried about what you’d do now and dreaded having to return to Sumeru. You had drunk so much that you passed out and I ended up having to carry you back to your place.

He looks back at your sleeping figure and sighs.

“The past likes to repeat itself, huh? And your alcohol tolerance hasn’t improved one bit since then.”

Really, it made for a comical sight. The Sixth Fatui Harbinger, capable of striking fear into the hearts of the masses, carrying an Akademiya dropout who’d cried and drank themselves to sleep back to their house like some sort of gentleman? Most people would laugh at that.

His hand grasps yours as he looks back on the past that only he remembers now.

Lost in thought, he misses how you gently squeeze his hand in return.

On the very last day of your stay in Mondstadt, Ena waits until sunset to drag you to the Church of Favonius. He carefully led you around the vigilant eyes of the Knights and passersby until you were at the back of the church. You weren’t expecting this to be your final stop and you stare at him, confused.

“Just trust me, ok?”

You don’t get a chance to respond before he scoops you up into his arms and soars into the air with the help of his vision.

“Wha-hey!” you shout as you nervously flail around. “What’re you doing?”

“Be quiet!” he hisses. “Do you want people to hear us?”

Ena quickly sets you down on a ledge atop a spire and you go silent. From here, you have a perfect view over all of Mondstadt, from the sprawling city before you all the way out to the great oak tree in Windrise and the Statue of the Seven shining beneath it, and everything in between. The skies are clear and Mondstadt is bathed in a rosy pink glow.

“Don’t fall off now,” he teases as you lean forward.

“How did you find this spot?” you ask. He looks off to the side as if embarrassed to admit the truth.

“I saw the Traveler and a girl in red up here one day. They seemed to be enjoying the view so I stowed the idea away for later.”

That was half the truth. Not like you’d remember the other half of it anyway.

You were awfully persistent back then, he thinks as he watches you sneeze when a cluster of dandelion seeds blow past, carried along by the winds. Hanging around with a Fatui Harbinger like it was nothing and having the gall to talk to me like we were equals. I seriously thought you had no sense of danger back then. Or maybe you just had a death wish.

One day, you had offhandedly told me that a view over all of Mondstadt could be seen atop the spires of the Church of Favonius. The look in your eyes implied that you wanted to see it for yourself. You thought it was a great idea. I thought you were insane.

But I managed to make it work after happening to see someone else do it. Late at night, we snuck up here together to go stargazing. We had a beautiful view that night. The sky was clear and all the stars were visible. But it wasn’t the sky or the stars that caught my attention- it was the look in your eyes.

For a moment, I saw everything I ever wanted reflected in them.

You swing your legs in contentment as a flock of birds flies past you. Ena eyes you nervously as you sit precariously close to the edge and reaches out to gently grasp your wrist.

“... Is something the matter?”

“You’re sitting too close to the ledge. Move back a bit.”

“Didn’t know you were such a mother hen.” But you do as he says.

You gaze upon him fondly and there it is again- the look that stole his heart. You looked at him as if he was your entire world. He would do anything to have you look at him like that for just a little while longer.

“(Name)?”

“Yes?”

“Can we stay like this just a little longer?”

“Of course.”

The sky begins to darken and the temperature starts to drop. The people of Mondstadt gradually head home one by one until the streets are deserted, but above it all, you and Ena are lost in your own world- one that only he now remembers.

The seasons have changed. Summer has faded and it’s colder now. The days are shorter, much to your displeasure. Almost all vegetation has died out- the tree branches are stripped bare of leaves and a light dusting of snow from earlier covers the ground. There’s a light crunching sound as you walk, leaving footprints behind.

You shiver as a cold breeze passes by and without missing a beat, Ena gives you his scarf. He wraps it around you and tightens it securely before tugging at your coat zipper to make sure it’s zipped up all the way. He nods in satisfaction.

“Keep it. You need it more.”

You pass by a Statue of the Seven and head down some ice-coated stone steps. The horizon is bright and as you look up from the ground, you see why. Liyue Harbor is aglow with warm orange lights and countless paper lanterns float in the air, scattered throughout the sky.

Ena looks over your shoulder at the glowing port.

“We’re in luck. We made it just in time for the Lantern Rite.”

You hear a smidge of smugness in his voice.

“In luck, you say? Something tells me you planned this,” you tease. Already, you can feel a rush of excitement bubbling up as you grab him by the wrist and pull him along with you toward the city.

“Who knows? Maybe I did.”

The entire harbor is decorated for Liyue’s biggest festival of the year. Red paper lanterns and bundles of firecrackers hang at the corners of businesses and houses alike. Spring couplets and squares of red paper with the character for “fortune” are pasted onto doors everywhere you look. A group of children runs past you waving sparklers to celebrate and the mother of one opens the door to call her child in for dinner.

A storyteller tells the tale of how the Lantern Rite came to be as you run through the stone streets. Aided by the folding screen behind him that depicts a panorama of Liyue in the past, his rich voice and reenactments of scenes captivate his starry-eyed audience that hangs onto every word. An amber-eyed man listens intently, a peaceful expression washing over his handsome face as if he is recalling pleasant memories of days gone by. The sweet scents of steamed rice, caramelized sugars and smoke, and various fragrant spices hit your nose as you pass by a restaurant across the street with a long line of people waiting to order outside. A girl with short blue hair runs out of the kitchen, carrying several plates of food to the establishment with the storyteller.

“Excuse me! Coming through!”

A small stall wedged in the space between the restaurant and another building harks its goods to passersby.

“Cheap and tasty chop suey! Special Lantern Rite deal- half off of everything!”

The path curves down from there, leading to the shipping and loading docks of the port. You go past that toward where everyone is gathered. You gasp and momentarily, you go speechless. It’s simply gorgeous. You have no other way to describe it.

Lotus-shaped lights illuminate the pathway and golden lanterns are strung about, bathing you and Ena in an orange glow. Parasols of every shape and color hang from the scaffolding above, casting shades of color across your faces. An old man off to the side adds some last-minute touches to the giant puppet head that will be used for tonight’s dragon dance. You catch a glimpse of it as you pass by and it is a true labor of love, painstakingly crafted down to the tiniest detail. The performers for said dance rehearse the complicated choreography to your left, running in circles and weaving in and out of each other to the point where your eyes hurt from watching. Stalls and vendors sell a variety of goods- street food, paper lanterns to release into the sky, firecrackers, decorations, toys for children, and flowers with auspicious meanings among many other things.

The heavy crowds and sounds of cheer and festivities make you almost forget about the chilling mid-winter cold. Ena disappears for a second and reappears with a bundle of flowers that he swiftly tucks behind your ear.

“Hmm? What flower is this?”

“They’re peach blossoms.”

You shoot a glance at the pale pink blossoms and smile as a thank-you before returning back to the celebration. He stifles a laugh upon your reaction. Clearly, you were unaware of the symbolism behind the flowers.

Peach blossoms symbolize romance. It’s often gifted by young people, as they believe it will bring romantic luck.

(He mentally thanks Nahida for forcing him to go to school. Some of the stuff he learned there was actually helping him.)

To your right, two girls perform on an illuminated stage, one singing while the other plays the guitar to the thunderous applause of the audience. You sneak past the crowd to admire the Mingxiao lantern the size of a parade float that towers above everyone behind the stage. It depicts a gold and red goose (an Adeptus?) taking to the skies, with the jagged peaks of Liyue in blue behind it. A yellow whole moon partially hides behind the tallest one and wisps of fog obscure the ground and lazily wind around the mountaintops.

The energy of the crowd has been palpable ever since you got here, but it increases now as you look toward where everyone else’s gaze is directed at- the sky.

“Hurry, it’s about to start!”

“Over here, over here! I saved this spot before anyone else could get it!”

Mere moments later, a loud boom goes off and an orange firework explodes in the sky. Then another one. And another one. The fireworks show has started and while they are beautiful, you’re having a difficult time enjoying it while everyone else is jostling for a view. Unfortunately, that means you can’t see much of anything either…

You feel a sharp tug at your wrist and look back to see Ena trying to squeeze his way through the crowd without losing his hat and being crushed alive.

“I know of a spot. Follow me!”

With much difficulty and after almost getting your ribs crushed, you break free of the crowd. Ena hoists you onto his shoulders and speeds through the now-empty streets with the help of his vision, carefully avoiding the Millileth stationed.

“You seem to be enjoying this position,” you offhandedly comment as he squeezes your thighs.

“It’s one of the only ways I can get your lazy ass places,” he says, like the liar he is.

(He secretly just likes the feeling of your thighs around his neck.)

He comes to a stop atop a building on the outskirts of the city and from here, you have a perfect view of the fireworks. Some whirl into a spiral while others slowly shoot straight up as they explode in a glittering multicolored shower. Some fireworks tumble like a waterfall and others pepper the sky in rapid flashes of light that have you seeing stars afterward.

“Isn’t what we’re doing right now technically illegal?” you ask while still keeping your eyes on the firework display. He laughs and you can practically imagine him rolling his eyes.

“Would you rather be here or before where we were practically suffocating to death?”

You laugh as well with a smile on your face. Ena squeezes your hand in his (when did that get there?) while he pulls something out. You look away from the show to see him place a red and gold metal canister between you two. It’s rather similar to the fireworks launchers you saw in the city…

“Ena, don’t tell me you-”

“What, it’s not like they’re going to notice one gone! They’ve got a bunch to spare anyway.”

He motions for you to move away from the canister and pulls out a bamboo tube with a conical cap mounted to a stick. He strikes a match and after lighting the fuse, sticks it into the mortar and moves away. You both cover your ears and after a few seconds, it shoots out with a high-pitched whistling sound before exploding in a golden display that resembles the branches of a weeping willow tree.

“Did you steal the fireworks too?” you ask with a wide grin on your face. He scowls at the question and begins to prepare another one for launch.

“No. I bought them,” he grumbles. The next firework exits the mortar and explodes in the sky. It resembles a white chrysanthemum.

You’ve all but forgotten about the official show as you take turns launching fireworks and creating your own (illegal) display. The official show may be more flashy, but yours has a magic of its own that can’t be recreated.

“Aw, how cute! This firework is shaped like a heart!” you exclaim as you watch it scatter in a shower of pink sparkles. The amount of fireworks being launched from the harbor suddenly increases and you realize it must be the grand finale already.

Ena pulls something out again. Two Mingxiao lanterns. He passes one to you along with a brush and some ink.

“The people of Liyue have a tradition of writing riddles on lanterns during the Lantern Rite,” he explains upon seeing your confusion. “Write whatever you’d like- it doesn’t have to be a riddle- and once the fireworks are over, we’ll release them into the sky, ok?”

He watches you frown and mull over what you want to write, face scrunching up into various expressions of contemplation and hesitation. He internally laughs at the sight before returning to his lantern, brush gliding over the paper with confidence.

I wish for (Name) to accept me for who I am.

And as the last of the fireworks explode in the sky, you and Ena release your lanterns in unison, soaring into the sky and joining the lanterns of everyone else. You lean against his shoulder (when did the distance between you two get so close?) and gaze at your lanterns drifting away.

“What did you wish for?” you ask.

“It’s a secret. I’m not telling you.”

“Fine. I’m not telling you mine either.”

You silently laugh to yourself. You had gotten a glimpse of what he was writing and while it may have been written in the old Inazuman script (most likely to confuse your prying eyes), you were still a former Akademiya student and you still had a decent knowledge of languages. The Inazuman language was one you were proficient in before you dropped out and you could get the general idea of his wish written onto the lantern.

How cute.

And as for what you wrote?

Ena couldn’t help but peek when you were writing. With the light of the fireworks, he had seen what you were written and a long-forgotten emotion erupted in his newly-acquired heart.

I wish for Ena to receive the love he deserves.

The last nation he takes you to is Inazuma.

You had spent a few months in Liyue until the weather warmed up, discovering everything the nation had to offer. You had ventured into the Adepti’s abode in Jueyun Karst, visited the famed turquoise waters of Luhua Pool, and explored the countless ancient ruins scattered throughout the land. At one point, with a letter from the Traveler and special clearance from the Millelith, he takes you to the Chasm. There, you had carefully crossed the creaky wooden walkways with high winds whipping you around and had scaled the high peaks covered with ochre grass and trees with crimson-colored leaves. The gaping maw in the center leading to the Underground Mines had tempted you and there you had stayed for a while, staring down into it.

(He contemplated bringing you there because it had a beauty of its own, but ultimately decided against it due to how dangerous it was.)

Now docked at Ritou Harbor after a long passage across the sea, Ena watches as the sleep disappears from your eyes, only to be replaced by wonder as you take in the silent harbor that is beginning to stir. Ships are anchored along the pier and unloaded. The fishermen are coming back as the sun rises above the horizon and are laying out their catch to sell. Purple banners planted along the boardwalk that are emblazoned with the Electro mitsudomoe proudly signify the reign of the Shogun. Maple trees dot the landscape and Mt. Yougou towers above in the distance with a faint green light emanating from it.

Ena’s eyes narrow and he bites his lip at the familiar sights. Returning to his homeland left him feeling conflicted and while nobody would remember him- namely, the Shogun- unpleasant memories still resurfaced. His abandonment, the place he once called home, and especially now, the regret and rage that fills him as he recalls those he considered family and Dottore who twisted the truth into a lie, ruining his life.

But he casts his thoughts aside. His past no longer defined who he was, especially at this moment. Besides, this was your first time in Inazuma. What kind of tour guide would he be if he couldn’t cast his own prejudices aside?

Long ago, when he was still in the Fatui, you had asked him about his origins.

“Scara, you’re from Inazuma, right?”

“Yeah. What about it?”

“I’ve always wanted to visit the nation. Can you take me there someday?”

“Once the situation there clears up, sure.”

He was never able to fulfill that promise with his previous self. Now, he could finally be true to his word, even if you could no longer remember.

Narukami Island dazzles you with its splendor and tradition everywhere you look. Sakura blooms drift along the warm spring breezes in Inazuma City as you pass by stores selling elaborate kimonos and blacksmiths continuing the art of forging that had been passed down for centuries. Ena proves himself to be quite the knowledgeable tour guide, pointing out cultural relics and small facts that you wouldn’t have known otherwise.

Early on in your stay, Ena pays a visit to the Statue of the Omnipresent God near Tenshukaku. He just… stands there. And gazes up at it. In the short time there, a lifetime of emotions crossed his face. Betrayal, wrath, denial, emptiness, regret, and even acceptance.

(You notice that the statue doesn’t look like the Electro Archon at all. What could it possibly be here for then?)

“Let’s go.”

With a light tug at your wrist and a final glance back at Tenshukaku, he leads you ahead without another look back.

The main attraction aside from the city is the Grand Narukami Shrine. From what you’ve heard, the trek there is long and arduous but worth it for its beauty and view over Inazuma. Ena leads you there through Chinju Forest which takes you onto the shortest route. The forest is tranquil and you hear the sound of running water from the large stream cutting through the forest. Blue flowers glow underneath the moonlight in large clumps and tanuki statues are found everywhere. Red torii gates are scattered throughout and mark pathways.

While the forest is beautiful, it’s also a little eerie. The lack of light and silence creeps you out and Ena has the brilliant idea to tell you ghost stories here, of all places.

“There’s a legend of a yokai that lurks in the forest around here,” he begins. “Care to hear the tale?”

You swat at his arm to silence him. He dodges your hand quickly and smiles impishly at you.

“What? Scared already?”

“Shut up.”

You leave the forest, refusing to speak to Ena and ignoring all of his purposeful attempts to rile you up. A blue-haired girl and her brother stand at the entrance to the lavish estate to your right. She pulls out her folding fan, covering the smile on her face at your petty arguments.

The path leading to the shrine is an arduous trek and not to mention slippery, as it had rained the day before. He has to help you up in some parts where there are no stairs, lest you slip and fall. The steps are steep and the path winding around the mountain seems never-ending. After much grumbling and pleading on your part, Ena finally agrees to carry you on his back.

“Thank you…”

“Stop being lazy,” he retorts. You rest your cheek against his shoulder and he immediately goes silent. Your hand brushes against his and in an uncharacteristically bold move, Ena grasps it and squeezes lightly. A light giggle escapes you. His hand is delicate and soft against yours, much like a doll’s.

At that moment, he’s glad you can’t see the blush dusting his cheeks.

But the rumors were right- the view is indeed gorgeous from here. Ena stops at one point and you peer over his shoulder to see the landscape of Inazuma. Jagged boulders float in midair with sakura trees planted for decoration and lanterns to aid shrine-goers in the dead of night. The vast blue sea that seals off Inazuma from the rest of the world stretches as far as the eye can see with several smaller islands and shipwrecks dotting the landscape. Chōchin lanterns hang from the branches of trees, swaying lightly in the wind and scattering sakura petals. Some red foxes are resting at the bottom of the stairs and come up to cautiously sniff at Ena. He leans down to pet them for a bit, allowing you to do the same, before continuing.

As you ascend the stairs winding around the mountain, you pass through countless torii gates with red tōrō lanterns and shoji lamps decorated with the symbol of the shrine flanking your sides and realize the shrine must be just up ahead. And indeed, that hypothesis proves to be true as Ena finishes climbing the last set of stairs and stops in front of the shrine. He takes his hat off and you hop off his back.

The shrine is awe-inspiring. It’s larger than you thought it’d be and built from red lacquered wood with chōchin lanterns hanging from the eaves of the roof. Two thick shimenawa ropes with shide papers attached to them stretch across the entrance and the small body of water the shrine is built upon reflects the early morning sky above. Sessha shrines line the outskirts with various offerings and resemble miniature versions of the Grand Narukami Shrine.

As you take in the sights of the shrine and the view of Inazuma from above, Ena looks around cautiously, hoping that a certain meddling pink kitsune wouldn’t show up.

What a nuisance that’d be, he thinks as he squints against the sun’s rays. He quickly picks up on your confusion as you look around, unsure of what to do.

“Relax,” he says, taking your hand in his. “I’ll guide you through the whole process.”

Ena leads you through everything, from purification to burning incense. At that stage, he had asked you if you had any injuries. You had looked at him strangely and he explained that some people fan the smoke toward themselves for healing purposes.

“Oh, that’s interesting,” you said. “But I’m fine, so there’s no need to.”

You miss how he fans the smoke toward his heart when you turn away. He stares at his Anemo vision for a split second before returning to your side.

You’re staring at the large bell attached to a bundle of multicolored cords hanging from the ceiling. He steps forward and shakes it, making the bell chime loudly. You watch closely as he drops some Mora into the offertory box before bowing twice, clapping twice, and then standing straight with his hands joined in a prayer position. You then do the same, albeit with less confidence.

“Hey,” you whisper. He peeks an eye open. “What do I pray for?”

“Anything,” he whispers back. “Good health, fortune, success at school-”

You roll your eyes.

“- or even luck in romantic relationships.”

You look off to the side at that one, hoping he doesn’t see how the tips of your ears are flushed.

Ena closes his eyes again and thinks for a bit about what else to pray for. He had already wished for acceptance from you during the Lantern Rite. Just now, he had prayed for your health and the safety of Sumeru, along with wishes of well-being for Lesser Lord Kusanali. What else was there?

(He had contemplated praying for Dottore’s downfall but ultimately decided that wouldn’t be appropriate within a shrine setting.)

Pray for (Name) to fall in love with you again, says the voice in his head. You did tell them that praying for romantic luck was common among shrine-goers, so why not do that yourself?

Ah.

Ena feels his face heat up and his heart starts pounding rapidly. With a light shake of his head, he clears his mind.

I wish for (Name) to fall in love with me again. I have already lost Niwa, Katsuragi, the rest of my family in Tatarasuna, and the fledgling child who was just like me long ago. After wandering across the world for several centuries, I long for a place to call home now.

Archons above, I am a changed man now. Please, allow me to have the simple joys of love and solace.

Your trip is nearing its end. The days are much longer now and the weather considerably, almost unbearably at times, warmer.

Now in the last leg of your journey, Ena gazes out at the sea aboard the boat carrying him to your last destination, Kannazuka Island. The last time he went back to Inazuma was during the Vision Hunt Decree to retrieve the Electro Gnosis and that was on orders from the Tsaritsa, plus that was restricted to Narukami Island only. Ever since the disaster that had befallen Tatarasuna, he hadn’t gone back out of fear and shame.

And that is who he really is. A man who was ashamed of his past and afraid of witnessing the consequences of his actions. Ignorance is bliss, yet that belief was unable to prevent the shield of scorn and egotism he had built up for himself from crumbling down in an instant in Sumeru, the cracks that had been forming for a long time now exposed and the truth finally revealed.

How pathetic, mocks the voice in his head that never seems to go away- perhaps the only remnant of his former self. Look at who you’ve become. How weak. What a disappointment. Such activities are beneath you, yet why do you indulge them with your divine presence?

Shut it, he thinks. Enough of you. My roots may be divine, but they have no influence on who I am today. I am a different person now, whether you like it or not.

Ena looks around him and sighs. He had sworn to never return to this nation that he harbored only bitterness and bad memories toward. He had cursed the Archon’s name and denounced her reign, laughed at her frivolous pursuit of eternity, yet here he was once again.

The prodigal son had finally made a return home.

Love really makes people weak, doesn’t it?

The boat gently comes to a stop against the shoreline of Nazuchi Beach. Rotting shipwrecks and driftwood litter the white sands and warm shallow waters. Faded and frayed war banners lie half-buried in the sand with arrowheads embedded everywhere you look- the only remains of the several bloody wars that were waged here.

You hop off the boat, eager to explore what lies ahead, while Ena lingers for a bit to gather his thoughts. Already, he can see the familiar silhouette of the furnace and its purple glow in the distance. An unfamiliar feeling of dread settles in his stomach, twisting and turning anxiously. But dallying and wasting time will not change the outcome of anything.

And so with bated breath, he leads the way. Passing through the entrance that leads to Tatarasuna, the full scale of the site becomes apparent. In the middle, a floating rock formation hovers above the water and is linked to the rest of the island via walkways that are now rotting and falling apart. A strange purple glow radiates from the center. The houses built have long since been abandoned, their windows dark and empty. Hovering above it all is the Mikage Furnace. Although it was shut down a long time ago, small sparks of Electro are still intermittently emitted from it.

The ancient machinery quietly creaks in the wind. The air feels electric with the heavy concentration of Electro energy present, making his hair stand on end. Carts filled with iron ore lie off to the side, looking as if they were haphazardly abandoned. He can’t help but feel a little remorseful at the sorry state the place is in now.

There is one last task for him to finish here- one that he should have completed long ago.

Better late than never, he thinks as he rummages around for a sword of some sort that may have been miraculously left behind. Most of what was here has been pillaged by the Fatui; he recognizes their handiwork- sloppy and inconsiderate, but by a stroke of luck, he finds one.

Meanwhile, you investigate what’s nearby. Soon into your investigation, you find some yellowed notes scattered about. The age of the notes has made the words rather difficult to decipher and the elements have worn away much of the original content.

… We at last made a single nagamaki. We call it the Daitatara Nagamasa. The Inspector was in high spirits, and he and the Vice Armory Officer… Nozomu was so taken by the beauty of the Daitatara Nagamasa that he drew a picture of it.

The Inspector flew into a rage and slashed Katsuragi. The great blade cut deep into the flesh… cast his own nagamaki into the furnace’s flame… Nozomu could not abide by that order, and drew the completely melted weapon out of the furnace… He was horribly burned.

… Nozomu died that night. I daresay that while Sir Katsuragi may have committed malfeasance, it was out of the goodness of his heart.

“(Name), can you go pick some flowers for me?”

His question comes suddenly and unexpectedly. You look up from the notes you are reading. He holds a rusted sword in his hand and gives it a few experimental swings. You soundlessly nod and disappear.

There are some old polishing stones lying beneath a table and he gets to work. It’s the first time he’s touched a blade in 500 years, yet in his mind, he’s transported back to the moment he learned how to forge and polish swords under the watch of Niwa and the others. Their gentle guidance from ages ago resurfaces, guiding him through the sacred process. Bit by bit, the rust is scrubbed away and its original sheen is restored. It is difficult work, but it’s cathartic. It feels like he’s making amends for his past actions.

After wiping away the last few drops of water, the sword is now finished. It shines brilliantly without a speck of rust showing. The handguard and hilt have been cleaned thoroughly and it looks as good as new.

Ena walks over to a grassy spot near the water and digs a small hole, where he places a few items before covering it up again. Some small candies, cigarettes, six coins for safe passage to the afterlife, a white kimono, and a pair of sandals.

He drives the sword into the soft earth. He tugs it a few times to ensure it won’t budge before pulling out some sticks of incense and lighting them. The woody smell with hints of spice and resin is carried through the air.

On your way back now, you smell something spicy and familiar drifting from the direction of the furnace.

Incense?

“I’m back now,” you call out. “What did you need these-”

The lit incense sticks, the sword stuck in the ground, his head bowed. The realization hits you instantly.

So this is why he asked me to gather flowers. It’s a memorial- a grave.

Dendrobiums, stalks of Naku Weed, Sea Ganodermas you had harvested in the shallow beach waters, and deposits of Crystal Marrow are arranged around the symbolic tomb in the best flower arrangement your limited skills could make.

“Thank you,” he whispers as you kneel next to him.

“Who is it for?”

“Everyone,” he says, gesturing around him. “It’s for everyone who was here.”

Ena looks up from the ground and for a second, he thinks he’s gone back in time. The sun shines, bathing the abandoned mine in golden light. The fires in the furnace are stoked and plumes of smoke drift out of the tall chimney. Katsuragi smelts the red-hot steel in the tatara while Niwa hammers and folds the cooling metal. The residents of Tatarasuna, people from all walks of life, children and elders alike, live their lives with joy and pride.

Ah, it’s been so long since he’s last seen them, yet he can still remember their faces clearly as if he never left.

One of them- a child- sees him out of the corner of his eye. He says something- no words can be heard but Ena reads his lips.

Look, Kabukimono is back!

One by one, the rest of the residents take notice of him. They each bear varied expressions on their faces weathered by hard work- some cover their mouths with their eyes blown wide in surprise, others heave a deep sigh of relief with smiles stretching across their faces, while others have tears of joy prickling at the corners of their eyes.

Archons, it’s been so long since I’ve last seen him.

Tell us what you’ve been up to lately! I’m sure you have many stories to share.

My, look at how handsome he is now!

The ward we took in has now finally grown up.

It makes me so proud to see him like this.

There’s a tight feeling in his chest as he stumbles forward toward the sea of familiar faces, beckoning him with warm smiles and welcoming arms. He lurches forward again, and three pairs of warm hands as fleeting as a feather lightly brush over his shoulder, steadying him. Looking up, he sees the familiar faces of Niwa, Katsuragi, and Nagamasa. They beam at him, not a hint of betrayal or anger present in their smiles.

Ena’s heart seizes up in his chest. What does he say in a situation like this?

Did you find your heart at last?

“... Yes,” he finally answers.

“It was here all along.”

We’ve missed you.

Crying is for the weak. It is a useless display of emotions. That is what he has told himself repeatedly throughout his life.

And yet, he can’t help the tears that threaten to spill over.

He rushes forward, longing for one last chance to make amends. They surround him in a warm embrace, murmuring words of reassurance as the tears finally spill over.

“I’m sorry!” he chokes out. “I should have been there! I shouldn’t have run away!”

A strong gust of wind blows through the clearing and the ghosts of Tatarasuna waver, their images beginning to fade and dissipate in specks of golden light.

His blood runs cold in terror.

No, not yet! There’s still so much I want to say- so much I want to apologize for!

The sound of gentle laughter is carried along with the wind and as the last of their shimmering visages fade away, he hears their final words.

What do you mean, Kabukimono?

We forgave you long ago.

It was never your fault to begin with.

You are our pride and joy.

This is goodbye now. But we, the residents of Tatarasuna you considered family, will always be with you.

We can now move on safely to the afterlife.

We can now rest after seeing our little Kabukimono at peace with himself.

Thank you for returning home one last time.

The last of their afterimages vanish, leaving nothing behind. The sun retreats behind the clouds once more, the clearing now cloudy as it was before. But at last, Ena feels at peace- as if a great burden had finally been lifted from his shoulders. The unfinished task from centuries ago had finally been completed.

“Let’s go home now, (Name).”

Ena has been acting strange lately.

On the way back, he kept pacing back and forth. He had kept toying with his Anemo vision and staring at the sky. When he thought you were asleep, he would hold you tightly in his arms as if he was afraid to lose you. You would catch him with his hands clasped together and praying when he thought you weren’t looking.

But praying to who exactly?

At last, you are at home in Sumeru again. It is late at night now, and the streets are silent. Most of the residents are asleep except for a few late-night stragglers coming home from work or the tavern. That night, you fell into a deep sleep and for the first time ever since you were a child, you dreamt.

But much to your surprise, you see Ena and Lesser Lord Kusanali in your dream soon after falling asleep. This feels vaguely familiar and something tells you this was done on purpose.

“Welcome back,” she says. “How was your trip?”

“Fine. I enjoyed it,” he responds.

She giggles. “That’s good to hear. I take it that your goal is complete and that you got to tie up some loose ends?”

“You could say that.”

The little Archon turns her attention to you now. Her eyes peer at you curiously and you get the vague feeling that she can read your mind.

“You must be (Name). You’re a smart cookie- smarter than people give you credit for. I’m sure you’ve wondered what you and Ena are to each other at least once by now.”

“There’s been a few hints dropped here and there throughout our journey that made me question the nature of our relationship or who we once were,” you admit.

“But I can’t help but wonder what happened to… ”

You gesture at the space between you and Ena.

“... Us?”

A translucent green box materializes between her hands. It glows and floats, emitting specks of Dendro energy intermittently.

“Please suspend disbelief for a moment, as what I’m about to say may sound unrealistic. This box you see here is a copy of his memories from his creation up until recently. It contains the true, unaltered version of history.”

Creation? Copy of his memories? The unaltered version of history?

A thousand questions swirl inside your mind, waiting to be asked, yet they all dissipate at her next question.

“Do you wish to remember the past?”

You hesitantly look at Ena. He turns away as if he is ashamed of meeting your gaze.

“This decision is all up to you,” she adds. “Rest assured that whatever you choose will not affect your relationship with Ena. He has told me that himself.

“But please bear in mind that in his past life, Ena was what many would consider as ‘evil’. He had committed countless crimes and many people had died because of him. With this preface, do you still wish to remember the past?”

You glance at Ena again, who is still avoiding your gaze. The delicate balance of your relationship hangs on the line. Was it even worth knowing the truth? You were perfectly content with the way things were as of now.

… But the voice in the back of your head urges you to dig deeper and uncover the truth.

“I still do. Please, show me everything.”

Ena winces slightly, bracing himself for the worst.

“Very well then.”

The green box slowly drifts toward you before suddenly slamming into your chest. You let out a choked gasp, your vision slowly going dark as all his memories begin to flood your mind. The last thing you hear is Ena’s concerned question.

“Will they be alright?”

“It’s the same as when you regained your memories,” replies Lesser Lord Kusanali. “They’ll be in for a shock but will ultimately emerge with a newfound understanding of who you are.”

“Set him free?”

“A puppet? What’s he doing here…”

“You’re a human as far as I’m concerned.”

“What a fine blade! Nagamasa will be thrilled.”

“He took it straight from the chest of one of his innocent servants.”

“What a joke… it’s just ashes… nothing left but ashes.”

“Are you deaf or just stupid?”

“Hey!”

That’s the sound of your own voice. In the midst of his memory space, you freeze. The version of yourself you see is one from several years ago, back when you were still in the Akademiya. The sight of the green uniform and beret sends a wave of nostalgia through your heart. Ena resembles the version of himself you saw in the photo at your house- dressed in shades of dark purple and black with accents of red and gold.

“What did you want to tell me? You dragged me out here late at night so it better be worth-”

“I hate you.”

“Excuse me?”

“I hate you,” he repeated. “Everything about you annoys me greatly. You can’t handle your alcohol, yet you still insist on having drinks every week. I can’t tell if you’re idiotic or-”

“It’s Mondstadt, what else am I supposed to do here? And why is it that you carry me home on your back each time without fail?”

“Because you’d look pretty pathetic otherwise. I’d get secondhand embarrassment if I didn’t do something about it.”

You rolled your eyes at his remarks.

“Your taste in music sucks and you always have the strangest ideas. Seriously, where do you even come up with-”

“If you think they’re so strange, then why did you agree to dance with me in the town square yesterday? Entertain my silly idea of participating in the festival that was happening last week even though, in your opinion, you thought it was ‘stupid and a waste of time?’ Although, it looked like you were having fun as well…”

“...That’s beside the point. You also talk too much. It hurts my ears just listening to you sometimes.”

“Is that why you were glaring at the guy I was chatting with the other day?”

“No- I mean, yes.”

The look on your face tells him you don’t believe his blatant lie one bit.

“I can’t think properly when you’re around me,” he snapped in an attempt to change the subject. “You make me feel strange and I hate it. Whenever your eyes linger on me, I feel strangely exposed. When you touch me, my skin burns and I can’t breathe for some strange reason. You wear your heart on your sleeve but you’re also difficult to understand. I can’t figure you out for the life of me. You cry and laugh when you’re mad, but when you’re actually upset, you hide your tears and go silent. You’re a walking contradiction, which makes me even more confused as to why I feel this- hey, why are you laughing?”

He glared at your figure shaking with laughter and a clear expression of understanding written all over your face.

“Nothing, it’s just… I think we both know why you’re feeling this way, Scara,” you whispered as you leaned in to cup his cheek. He shied away from your touch but still accepted it.

“Don’t make me say it,” he grumbled quietly. “It’s embarrassing.”

He closed his eyes and leaned into your hand cradling his cheek.

“But it’s the truth, is it not? In that case, what is there to be embarrassed about?”

“But…”

You’re so close to him that he could feel the soft exhale of your breath tickle his cheek. He looked away, avoiding eye contact with you, but he could still feel your burning gaze of adoration on his skin.

“Say it,” you breathed. “I want to hear you say those three words, Scara.”

“... You are the one I hold dearest to my heart,” he finally whispered. “You are my first and only love.”

The gap between you closes. He saw the moonlight reflected in your irises clearly and your eyes glimmering with hope, heard the way your breath hitched in anticipation. As his lips brushed against yours, he finally whispered those three words you’d been longing to hear.

“I love you.”

With a start, you are brought back to reality. Lesser Lord Kusanali and Ena watch you with concern in their eyes.

“Welcome back,” begins the former. “How do you feel with this newfound information?”

“A little overwhelmed,” you admit. “But everything makes much more sense now.”

You turn your attention toward Ena, who eyes you warily much like a stray cat would.

“Well then? What is your verdict?” he snaps harshly. “Going to abandon me the same way my mothe- my creator did?”

“Quite the opposite, actually.”

You mull over your words momentarily, wondering where even to begin.

“What do you do with a broken doll?” you finally ask. Ena looks at you strangely, like he wasn’t expecting you to open with that starter of all possible options.

“Do you fill in the cracks with gold to embrace its flaws? Paint over it to hide the defects underneath? Give it a newer and stronger shell? Or perhaps discard it entirely in favor of a new one? From what I saw, you’ve cycled through all those options haven’t you, Ena?”

He looks away.

“Like the Inazuman art of kintsugi, you tried to embrace your defects when you were still known as Kabukimono. Despite being considered flawed, you still attempted to show how beautiful and strong you could be. During your time in the Fatui when you were known as the Balladeer, you hid that part of yourself underneath a veil of arrogance, hating how weak you were despite said weakness being something your first self saw as a sign of strength more than anything. As the Everlasting Lord of Arcane Wisdom or Shouki no Kami, the Prodigal, you quite literally gave yourself a stronger shell in your attempt to ascend to godhood. But despite the grandness of it all, it was nothing more than a cheap veneer on the same self-loathing that brought everything crashing down when you were so close to everything you had ever hoped for.”

You reach your hands out and intertwine them with his.

“In such cases where all other options have failed, starting over is the best decision. The neglect and decay that have accumulated over several hundred years will be purged and a new healthy base made from only the purest of white wood will be used.”

You squeeze his hands lightly.

“Sometimes, you have to let those parts of yourself go. Otherwise, you will never obtain happiness. By discarding who you once were, you’ve healed and learned how to atone for your actions.

“You’ve changed for the better, Ena. The metaphorical blood on your hands has been washed clean. So then why should I abandon you? For abandoning you who I once loved, still love, and will continue to love means invalidating all your past struggles and how much you’ve changed. What kind of lover would I be if I did that?”

Lesser Lord Kusanali claps and smiles.

“That was a good use of metaphors, (Name). I liked it!”

Ena lets out a long sigh of relief and tips his head back. He hadn’t cried ever since his creation 500 years ago but now, he was filled with the overwhelming urge to cry. There’s a burning sensation at the back of his eyes and he fights the urge to release everything he had been holding back.

Is this what people called tears of joy?

“Thank you, (Name).”

What once was has now been rediscovered, no longer consigned to a thing of the past. That which he had longed for was now finally in his arms. Ena closes his eyes and pulls you into a hug. It’s a wonderful feeling- forgiveness and love.

Maybe, just maybe, he can now finally be at peace with himself.

#favoniuslibrary #genshin impact x reader #scaramouche x reader #wanderer x reader #genshin x reader #genshin fanfic #genshin x you #scaramouche x y/n #wanderer x y/n #victoria.writes

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kyriethesquishysquid · 8 months

Text

Betrayal Never Felt So Good (König/Fem!Reader) Chapter 3

You can find Chapter 1 here, Chapter 2 here, Chapter 4 here, Chapter 5 here, and Chapter 6 here!

Word count: ~6k

Rating: Mature

A/N: Some use of Y/N and Y/L/N. Feral and jealous Possesive!König. LOTS of smut and tooth-rotting fluff! Literally all smut and feels. Reader is still morally grey and morally questionable. Reader has confidence issues that may be expanded upon later. Continued COD and military inaccuracies galore. Once again written in less than 24 hours so please forgive any mistakes! Also, I have my own canon idea of what König looks like and I’ll post a lil sketch later!

TW: Descriptions of stalking and obsession, hurt/comfort. Low self-esteem, self-confidence issues, allusion to past trauma. SMUT! Oral, fingering, rough sex, dom/sub tones, mild choking, size kink, multiple orgasms, unprotected sex, and creampie. LOTS of emotions and feelings. Pet names (in English and German), bad German translations bc I’m STILL a lame monolingual American, and STILL no beta because we die like jackass Graves.

Crappy Translations:

Maus - Mouse

Mein schatz - My darling

Meine leibling - My love

Süßes mädchen- Sweet girl

Scheiße - Shit

Du könntest die Welt in die Knie zwingen, mein kleiner Maus, und du merkst es nicht einmal - You could bring the world to its knees, my little mouse, and you don't even realize it

The moment König shut the door to his room, you were thrown up against the wall. He didn’t give you even a second to react before his mouth was on yours, biting and licking as if he’d die without it.

“K-König,” you breathed.

You were planning on pushing him away, demanding he talk about the admission from before, but the instant your palms touched his chest you lost all your fight. God, his muscles were tight beneath your hands. All you could think about was how good it felt to lay on that solid chest, how your nails dug marks into the skin there mere months ago. He chose that exact moment to slip his leg between yours and the height difference was great enough that you were pressed tight against the wall by his massive thigh.

“Oh fuck!”

He let out a low groan as he lifted his leg again, one hand sliding down to your hip to pull you into the motion. Your eyes rolled back as a desperate noise left your throat, high and whiny. You couldn’t count the number of times you’d dreamed about riding his thick thighs and it was even better than you’d imagined, his tense muscle pressing in all the right ways.

“I’ve missed hearing those beautiful noises, mein schatz,” he hummed lowly, “My imagination and hand were a terrible substitute.”

If you weren’t giving in already, that right there would have done it. Hearing him admit that he jacked off to the thought of you… oh, it checked all the right boxes. The mental image of his in his bed, jerking his cock and whispering your name nearly sent you over the edge.

“I- I still- Fuck, I still want an- an explanation,” you whimpered between moans.

König chuckled low and deep, the vibrations rumbling through your chest as he set a devastating rhythm against your core. Each bounce of his leg pushed the seam of your jeans against your clit in the most tantalizing way.

“I will tell you everything your little heart desires,” he promised, leaning down until his lips were pressed against your ear, “After I get to taste that sweet pussy and feel you come for me, ja?”

A little gasp escaped your lips when he suddenly dropped to his knees in front of you. Deft fingers began undoing your jeans while his other hand slid up under your sweater, lifting it inch by inch as he ghosted over every dip in your abdomen. When his lips came to press little kisses along your soft belly, you instinctively tried to wrench away, only to be strongarmed into staying right where you were. God, as much as you were self-conscious about your extra plush, he made it almost bearable.

“Mmm, I never thought I could miss something so badly,” he groaned.

Your cheeks flushed under the praise. Careful not to lift his hood too high, you slipped under the material and ran your fingers along his jaw, shivering as the prickly stubble scraped across your palm. It was insane how comfortable and easy it was to fall back into this, how much you were willing to look past just to have these little moments.

“Me either,” you admitted meekly, heart lurching in your chest at the look in his eyes as they met yours.

As he tugged on your jeans, you lifted your hips and helped wiggle them down, letting out a sigh of relief once the constricting fabric went flying across the room. In the next breath, he had your sweater bunched up over your chest while pressing open-mouthed kisses over your thighs.

“Shirt and bra off.”

You quickly complied and were rewarded with the most animalistic growl, one hand covering your breast while the other lifted your leg. The sudden shift nearly sent you off balance but König was quick to catch you and press you back against the wall. Once sure you were stable, he wasted no time hooking a finger into your panties just to jerk them aside and dive in without preamble.

“Jeeessuusss, wa-warning next time!” you gasped out weakly.

His muffled laugh was the only response you got, tongue busy tracing gentle circles around your clit while his fingers pinched and squeezed your sensitive nipple. Fuck, you’d almost forgotten how good he was at this. Brows furrowing, you let your head fall back against the wall with a little thump and sunk your hand into his short hair. It was hard to believe you were finally getting to feel him again, to have him worshiping you between your thighs like a man possessed. He knew just what to do, how to flick his tongue at the perfect pace to have your sanity cracking at the edges and your body bowing to his whims.

“F-Fuck! Plea-Please, more,” you whimpered, tugging at his locks as you trembled against him.

He said something but you couldn’t hear him considering he didn’t even bother leaving your pussy for half a second. It didn’t really matter anymore once you felt his hand trail from your thigh to your cunt. Your breath caught in anticipation while he slid a single digit up and down your slit, collecting your arousal leisurely until finally- finally- he pushed into your core.

You nearly fell then, body instinctively arching into him and his touch, but, as always, he was solid and secure, keeping you safe while never breaking his rhythm. Having even just one of his fingers in your again was like heaven. The few times you’d gotten yourself off, your fingers were nothing compared to his. He easily reached that sweet spongy spot along your wall that drove you crazy and knew exactly how to stimulate it.

“Have to work you open slowly, süßes mädchen, wouldn’t want to hurt you,” he purred softly.

You stupidly nodded in agreement but then, all of a sudden, he froze, leaving you whining desperately.

“Wha- why?” you groaned.

When you looked down, you found his bright blues narrowed, looking up at you in a way that you couldn’t decipher. That was… concerning. All the lust evaporated from your mind, leaving you concerned and afraid as he held your eyes intently.

“König, what’s wrong?”

“Nobody else has touched you, have they?” he hummed, a hint of danger lacing his tone.

You couldn’t help but laugh, earning a glare from the Austrian.

“What’s funny?”

“König, no, there hasn’t been anybody else,” you explain softly, tracing your hand from his hair down to his lips, flushing when you found them wet, “How could there be? I told you you ruined me for other men.”

“Meine leibling.”

There were so many emotions in those two words.

You had to smile as you replied, “You really have to teach me German so I know what you’re saying to me.”

His hand wrapped around yours and pulled it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to your palm with a little murmur.

“It means my love,” he explained.

Suddenly, it felt hard to breathe. Why was he so damn sweet? It was hard to bear, and yet you didn’t want him ever to stop. Before you could respond, he buried his face between your thighs with a growl and thrust two fingers into your heat.

The world blurred behind tears as you focused all of your attention on that deft slick muscle flicking your sensitive nub like a toy. Just when you thought it couldn’t get better, he finally started finger fucking you, curving his digits to push against your g-spot with every thrust. The pressure was almost unbearable, the need to come stringing your entire body tighter than a bow. You were almost sad with how fast it was coming to an end because you could honestly live with the feeling of his mouth on you for the rest of your life.

“Oh! Oh fuck, König, pleasepleaseplease-”

Your voice cut off with a sharp keen when your climax hit suddenly. Slamming your head back against the wall with parted lips, you tried to moan or gasp or do anything other than scream silently at the ceiling but the pleasure was stifling. You could feel the breath he took in as you pulled him closer to your cunt by the roots of his hair. It felt like you’d been edged for the past two months and now, that he was finally allowing you bliss, it was too much. An almost psychotic giggle escaped as his name finally fell from your lips in a cry that you’d most likely regret in the morning. If he had neighbors, they were no doubt getting a surprise X-rated show tonight.

Ever the giver, he didn’t pull away until you were whimpering and pushing him, every stroke of his tongue like a double-edged sword; pain and pleasure perfectly rolled into one. The instant he was on his feet, you jerked him down into a hungry kiss, moaning lewdly into his mouth as you tasted your arousal on his lips.

“Need to see you, please!” you begged as you tugged at his shirt.

It took him next to no time to comply, seemingly just as excited and only slowing down to ensure his hood wasn’t coming off before he was completely naked. Despite having just come, you could feel your body craving his in the most intimate ways. Fuck. He could make millions being a model. There was no denying he was the embodiment of masculinity, every muscle on his body thick and solid with a testament to how hard he worked his body. Before he could do anything else, you reached out for him. Your fingertips traced invisible lines across every dip and rise of his muscle, paying special love to each scar that adorned his body, lips following everywhere your eyes went. He was trembling, obviously tense but willing to let you worship every inch of his skin.

A quiet moan of appreciation slipped out as you kissed down his adonis belt and traced your tongue around the base of his cock. He was still fucking huge, of course. At first, you’d thought maybe it was the newness of the situation that made him seem so big in your eyes but there was no denying his size with it right in front of you. Just the sight made your cunt throb in need. As you went to touch him, he caught your wrist in a vice grip.

“If you touch me up anymore, I’m going to come and I refuse to do that before I feel you around me,” he hissed.

Biting your lower lip, you nodded in understanding, letting him guide you to your feet silently.

“Mein Gott, I need to be in you now.”

Without warning, he picked you up onto his waist and carried you over to the bed, tossing you gently onto the mattress before climbing over you. Another biting kiss left your lips so swollen and sore that you knew you’d have to come up with some lie for it tomorrow; And for any other marks that might appear on your body.

“Turn over,” he instructed, pulling your thighs to the side.

You did as asked and let him position you how he wanted, which turned out to be face down ass up. Big hands palmed your cheeks with a throaty groan, squeezing and spreading, leaving you wide open to his gaze. It was embarrassing to be so exposed but the little noises he made in response were encouraging.

“Du könntest die Welt in die Knie zwingen, mein kleiner Mus, und du merkst es nicht einmal,” he sighed quietly, “You want to know more, ja?”

Reality settled in around your lust-addled brain for just a moment but it was shoved quickly aside when he gently began to push three fingers in.

“F-Fuck!”

“It started six months before we met, when we were contracted to gather intel on Shadow Company,” he explained slowly as he stretched your walls thoroughly.

You almost told him you didn’t care about it at that point but there was still some semblance of a brain in your nervous system so you let him talk.

He let out a little breath then continued, “I’m really not exactly certain as to why but, when I saw your picture, you called out to me; so beautiful and bright, the exact opposite of everything I’ve grown used to seeing. That sweet little smile and those cherub cheeks, so full of life and kindness. And then I read on, learned more from your file about your past before joining Graves. You’ve experienced so much destruction, mein schatz, and yet you still have the light in your eyes. I told myself to let it go but I couldn’t. Not after seeing that.”

He paused as he shifted his wrist and positioned his fingers deeper into your core with a grunt.

“At this point, I’m sure it’s no secret that we have agents inside other factions, and I used them to get to know you more. What you were really like, how you interacted with everyone, what you liked- More and more until I was in too deep.”

There were so many emotions to sort through as he talked but the way he was curling his fingers made it more than impossible. You couldn’t resist wiggling your hips at him with a whine.

“Please,” you groaned, “Keep talking but fuck me!”

A sharp slap echoed through the room and the pain quickly blossomed across your cheek, making you clench around his fingers. You almost wiggled again just to feel more of that sting.

“All in good time. You need to learn patience, maus.”

“Fu-Fuck, I have patience but I went two fucking months without this and you expect me to just-”

Another slap and another cry from your lips found your head dropping in defeat. König was the master of patience, as he’d proven multiple times before, and you knew you weren’t going to get anywhere with him until he was ready.

“As I was saying,” he retorted sternly, “I admit it was not fair to have such an advantage against you when we first met, but I wanted- no, I needed to know how to treat you right, in all the ways you loved. Part of me knew I should leave you alone. You were too good, too perfect. I’d just ruin you. You deserved better, but I’m not a good man, schatz, and I am selfish. When I found out we were moving against your team with the orders to kill as necessary, I knew I had to take you, for your safety and my own conscience. And then- then I had you. It was the most maddening experience, seeing you so weak and small, at my complete mercy and whim. Just the thought that something could have happened to you…”

He trailed his words off with a deep growl that sent your hair on end.

“I would have killed them had they tried to touch you.”

Your eyes widened at that. Was he serious? He would have killed his comrades to protect you? Someone he hadn’t even met yet?

“I had planned to just let you out safely once we secured another information source, but scheiße, imagine my surprise when I found you so receptive to me.”

Lips trailed soft kisses over your soft globes, leaving little love bites in their wake as he worked up your spine. Shivers crept across your skin and you leaned into the touch eagerly, your body craving anything and everything he would give.

“I never expected to be allowed to touch you,” he whispered against your shoulder, “A literal angel. So perfect and willing to accept a monster like me. I truly considered just keeping you there, hiding you away in my quarters for the rest of time, but things went wrong.”

A twinge of guilt tightened your stomach in a different, more unpleasant, way. Daniel had found you in König’s room, thankfully dressed and prepared, and you couldn’t resist lest you have a target on your back for the rest of your life.

“Every day you were gone, I checked on you. I had them convince Graves that you were too fragile to go back out on dangerous missions, that you needed rest for your physical and mental health. If I couldn’t have you here to protect you, I was going to do my damndest to do what I could from afar. I’ve always had your best interests at heart, meine leibling, always. While I may have gone about it the wrong way, I don’t regret it for one second; Because now I have you. I’m no good but, gottverdammt, you make me want to be better for you.”

“König, I-”

Pulling his fingers out, he silenced you with another smack, a rumbling laugh filling the air when you squeaked in pain.

“Later, leibling, but right now, I need you.”

You nodded in understanding and prostrated yourself further, lifting your hips to help him get a better angle.

He groaned lowly and squeezed your hip tight, the other hand dragging his cock up and down your cunt, coating himself in your slick until he was thoroughly wet.

“You’re going to be the death of me,” he sighed when you pushed back against him.

“Then you’d best take me with you,” you retorted.

If he responded, you couldn’t hear it over your own moan when he thrust in. Brows furrowing and mouth gaping, you cursed him softly as he caught you off guard. There was no waiting, no patience. This was raw animalistic need. Two more thrusts and he was balls deep, stretching you in the most primal way and leaving you gasping for breath.

“I’m sorry, meine leibling, but I- I couldn’t wait,” he whined softly, “Relax, you’re doing so good for me, taking me so well.”

You couldn’t manage even a single coherent word, just his name and foul curses leaving your lips in quiet little whimpers.

“You okay, maus?” he asked as his hips stilled.

“Fine! I’m fine, just- fuck, keep moving,” you cried.

He held your hips still and instantly gave you what you asked for, setting a punishing pace that made your muscles cry out. It felt like he was in your guts, stretching you to the limits and keeping a perfect balance, tipping precariously between ecstasy and anguish. No doubt you’d be covered in bruises tomorrow, internal and external. Fuck, your ass might even be too sore to sit from taking the brunt of his weight. Decidedly worth it.

It didn’t take long to feel that pressure building up in your lower belly again, his cock filling every last inch of your cunt, head dragging across your sweet spot with every slam of his hips. Without thinking, you shot a hand between your thighs and rubbed your clit viciously, lips parting in a pornographic-level moan.

“K-König, feels so good, please, don’t stop!”

“Oh fuck,” he moaned huskily, “That’s right, good girl. Come for me. Wanna feel this needy little cunt soak me.”

His growls were lost in the cacophony of your moans and the sound of skin slapping skin. Clenching tight around him earned a brutal smack and that was all it took. For the second time that night, you felt the overwhelming waves crash through you, prying a broken whine from your mouth as tears of bliss streamed down your cheeks. It was too much, not enough.

“Y/N, lift up and look back at me,” König demanded suddenly.

He stilled long enough for you to push up onto one arm and he instantly grabbed your jaw, wrenching your head back until he could smash his mouth onto yours with a sigh. Slowly, he began to move his hips again, and you welcomed his tongue against yours, the hectic fucking turning into something more sweet, romantic.

“Now these, these are the tears I love. You look so beautiful when you cry for me,” he cooed quietly, “My perfect little girl with those cock drunk eyes and that sweet little smile. I could stare at you like this forever.”

“Mmm, wanna be here forever,” you whimpered back.

When he released your face, he didn’t let you collapse back down into your downward dog, instead, he hooked his arm around your neck and held you up, resting his head atop yours while subtly restricting the flow of blood and oxygen without being too much.

“Of course, schatz, who else will fuck you like this? Who else could shape this tight little hole like I can?”

Though you knew he was teasing by the tone in his voice, you couldn’t help but whine, “No one! No one could ever make me feel this good. Only you, König, just you! I’m yours.”

A familiar snarl was your only warning before he picked up the pace.

“Ja, that’s right. Mine! No one will ever touch you again. I’ll kill anyone who tries! You. Are. Mine! Mind- body- soul- forever!”

The scream you let out was demonic and burned your throat raw with the force, but it still didn’t feel like enough- not enough to convey how good he made you feel or the way you felt for him as a whole. Nails digging into his forearm, you clawed onto him for balance as your legs began to wobble, your entire body giving out under the onslaught that was König. He finally released his hold on your throat only to dig his fingers deep into the plush of your hips.

“Y-Yes!” you gasped out when he finally let you rest on your forearms once more, one hand tangling into your locks, “And- And you’re mine. Meine- Meine leibling.”

You knew you butchered his mother tongue but it was worth the whimper he let out and the bruising grip on your hip. Now completely free of restraint, you don’t hesitate to fuck him back, throwing your hips back to meet his thrusts and squeezing your tight walls around his cock.

“Ahh, I’m going to come, maus. Gonna- Scheiße!”

“Fuck yes, please! Pleasepleaspleaseplease come in me, König. Wanna make you feel good, baby! Wanna be good for you.”

Your face was suddenly slammed down against the bed, one massive hand pinning you down as he rutted into you with abandon until, finally, he buried himself as far as humanly possible in your cunt. You had to smile into the blankets. So many men were quiet during sex, oh, but not your König. The noises he let out were delectable and you soaked them up like sunlight, as if they were necessary to your survival.

“Oh, Süßes mädchen, you are good for me,” he panted through moans, “Always so good for me. So- So tight and willing and perfect- ah!”

He collapsed over you with a groan, elbows digging into the mattress on either side of you, holding him just off from crushing you. Sweet and soft kisses rained down across your neck and shoulders, pulling quiet little mewls of contentment from your mouth until he placed a sharp bite under your ear.

“Fuck!” you groaned with a laugh, “I guess I should have expected that this time.”

A deep chuckle rumbled against your back as he replied, “I enjoy marking you, leaving little reminders that you’re mine.”

Your heart thumps hard against your chest. The need to hold him grew unbearable and you quickly wiggled beneath him, earning a groan from you both when he finally pulled out and you felt both your and his cum leak out over your skin. Once on your back, you wrapped your arms around his neck and tugged him down. You wanted to be the one getting laid on this time. His weight was a comfort, a weighted blanket if you would.

“Maus, I-”

“You’re not going to hurt me,” you replied softly, feeling deja vu from repeating the same words he used before, “Please, I- I need this.”

His eyes were swimming with all sorts of emotions but he finally relented with the smallest of nods, allowing you to pull him down to settle over you. Only the upper half of his torso was on you, his head resting against your breasts and feet hanging off the end of the bed, but it was enough. You waited until he got comfortable before running your fingers under his hood, gingerly scraping your nails against his scalp and neck.

“I don’t know how I feel about everything you said,” you admitted softly.

The way he tensed up made your chest hurt, urging you to quickly continue and soothe his nerves.

“But I’m not mad either,” you whispered, “It’s… unconventional but also insanely flattering and… romantic? I don’t think I’ve ever had someone want me that much. It kind of scares me that I’m gonna let you down, you know? You-”

“I know. I know what you’re going to say, how you think of yourself, but meine leibling, I’ve seen the good and the bad, and I love it all.”

Love. Oh, there was that powerful word again. You were torn. Logically, you knew he didn’t know you enough to love you, not real you and all your problems. How could someone so powerful, smart, kind, and beautiful as he really want something like you? You knew you weren’t the worst of the bunch, but you also knew there were many better than you too. And yet, another part of you wanted to accept it so badly that it hurt; believe that someone could truly see all your flaws and still love you.

As if he could sense your thoughts, he lifted up onto one elbow and his other hand came to cup your cheek.

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he urged softly.

Tears clouded your vision and you tried to blink them away unsuccessfully, letting out a huff of frustration when they fell.

“What happens when you finally realize I’m not as perfect as you thought?”

Your words were broken, throat tight and burning with each syllable. It was painfully obvious you were close to breaking and you hated showing it.

“That is not possible,” he assured you kindly, thumb tracing your lower lip tenderly, “You are the most beautiful, most intelligent, and sweetest person I’ve ever met. Even if there was something I found issue with, we would work it out, schatz. Scheiße! What am I even saying? You should be running from me, not questioning if you’re worthy of being with me”

“I- I don’t-”

With a little grunt, he suddenly lifted onto his knees and cupped your face.

“Do you want proof?” he demanded, “I will give you proof, mein schatz, whatever you need.”

“Mm?”

You were still dazed from his touch when he pulled away and it took your brain far too long to realize he had taken his sniper hood off, leaving him bare-faced, and it felt like your heart stopped beating.

Other than his eyes and mouth, this was the most you’d seen. Nothing you’d ever pictured came even close to reality. Breathing suddenly became something you had to consciously think about as you reached up to touch his face in awe. He was stunning, not in a supermodel way but in a rugged way that made your fingers tremble and your body ache. His dirty blonde locks were cut in a slightly grown-out crew cut, matching the prickly blonde shadow lining his strong jaw and the thick blonde brows furrowed over those gorgeous soft blues. His nose was on the larger side and seemed as if it’d been broken one too many times, topped off with a little scar over the bridge by his eyes that you mindlessly traced. Those plump lips you’d spent so much time kissing were downturned in a serious frown, the scar above his top lip made more prominent by the motion, and it was then that you finally realized you’d been sitting and staring at him without saying a word for far too long.

Honestly, though, there didn’t seem to be any right words to say. More than him being attractive, your brain was just dumbstruck by the sheer sense of trust he was showing. The tears you’d fought so hard to banish returned with a vengeance. What had you done to deserve this, to deserve someone who wanted you this much? A little voice in the back of your head said that you hadn’t, nothing you’d done had earned someone like König and this had to be some cruel joke. But oh, the look in his eyes, it suffocated that flicker of self-hatred before it could spread.

“Oh, meine liebling, are you-”

Hearing him call you that while being allowed to see all the intricate emotions in his expression… it was too much. Grabbing him by the back of the neck, you jerked him down into a biting kiss as a sob broke forth. You had to do something to try to express your thoughts.

“König,” you whispered brokenly, “Fuck, do you even realize how beautiful you are?!”

He let out a little chuckle against your lips and murmured, “I know I’m not unattractive but I think you are overselling it a little, ja?”

“Not. One. Bit,” you breathed between kisses.

With all your strength, you managed to push him back onto the bed and climbed over his waist, pinning his arms out as you looked over him in full. You knew he could easily overpower you and move you if he wanted, but he seemed content to let you get your fill. You couldn’t get enough of seeing him, your hands absentmindedly tracing designs along his arms and pecs as you reveled in all of the coalescing emotions.

“God damn, and you really want me?” you sighed wistfully, “Are- Are you sure?”

He easily broke your hold to rest his hands on your sides, slowly stroking up and down from your ribs to your hips and back. The motion was soothing, tender.

“I know you’ve been taught to think negatively about yourself, but I promise I’ll spend the rest of eternity reminding you every day just how loveable you are, as long as you’ll let me,” he replied before a devious smirk curled up the edges of his lips, “In fact, let me start now, hmm?”

Leaning forward, you caught his lips in a soft kiss, only for a squeak to escape when he pulled your hips down against his, giving you an intimate feel of just what he had meant by his words.

He growled, forcing a cry from you when he sunk his teeth into your sore lower lip and mumbled, “You see what you do to me? One look at you and I’m lost. How can you question this when I have the physical evidence to prove it, hmm?”

Your face flushed warm at his words but you weren’t given a chance to reply before his fingers slipped down between your bodies, tearing out a shaky gasp as his fingers stroked your sensitive nub.

“I hope you’re ready, maus, because you’re not leaving my side tonight. When I’m done with you, you won’t be able to walk tomorrow.”

…

“So you heard it too?”

“Yeah, can you believe it? And did you see the marks on his arms?!”

“I just can’t believe someone actually fucked the colonel. I bet she ain’t walkin’ right t’day. I dunno if you’ve seen him in the showers but…”

“Fuck, I know right?! It’s not fucking fair. The anti-social beast gets hung like king fucking kong and he doesn’t even use it. Well, not before last night anyway.”

You tried oh so hard to focus on your lunch and not the explicit conversation about the sex with your Austrian lover last night, but it was hard to ignore. They weren’t exactly being subtle. If only they knew how right they were. You’d done your best to hide it and took ibuprofen to help reduce the tenderness in your muscles, but there was no denying the way your legs and pussy were aching to the high heavens from his brutal treatment. Not that you were complaining. You’d take that pain and worse any day of the week as long as it was from him.

“Oh shit, shh! He’s here!”

At that, your head jerked up instinctively. Your eyes searched the cafeteria curiously until, finally, you spotted him carrying out his lunch. A little smirk curled up your lips as spotted the many claw marks along his forearms and you had to chuckle to yourself. He just had to wear a T-shirt instead of his usual thermal, didn’t he? You were almost certain it was on purpose, as if he was peacocking that last night’s escapades. It was kind of cute and, honestly, quite arousing.

“Who do you think it was?”

“I dunno, man. It has to be one of Shadow Company because why else wouldn’t it have happened before?”

Your lips fell and you quickly turned away from him, trying to avoid being too obvious when he turned around. As much as you wanted to spend the rest of your time with KorTac being draped all over your lover, reality was a major cock block. Until you were out of Graves’ grasp, you had to be careful.

One last look found his eyes trained directly on you and your heart jumped into your throat as he walked right at you.

No. Fucking. Way.

“Y/L/N?” König asked as he stopped by your table.

It was painfully obvious how red your face was by the heat emanating from your skin. Doing your best to keep a calm demeanor, you nodded once.

“What can I help you with, sir?” you asked, cursing the way your voice shook.

“When you’re done here, meet me in my office,” he instructed, “I need to talk with you about a report you filed on one of my men last night.”

Oh. Maybe this was actually serious. You felt a little foolish for even thinking he would chance exposing your relationship like that in public.

“Of course, sir, I’ll be there as soon as possible,” you assured him.

And then his professional facade slips, the little wink he sent your way making your thighs clench, and you nearly screamed at him for getting you so flustered when he got to hide behind his hood.

“See to it that you do.”

With that, he stalked away, your eyes following him in disbelief.

“What an asshole,” you breathed out quietly, unable to stop the goofy ass smile plastered to your face.

You wasted no time demolishing the rest of your food, your mind going a million miles an hour about what you could expect once you saw him. The mental image of being forced over his desk was enough to make the remainder of your food entirely unappetizing. You had a different kind of hunger to satiate.

#könig #könig cod #könig x reader #könig fanfiction #cod fanfic #cod smut

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multifandomlover01 · 4 months

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How Far Have I Fallen? How High Shall I Soar?

Spencer Reid x GN!BAU!Reader (Fem coded bc apparently I can't help myself)

Warnings: canon typical violence and abuse such as beating, man being very much not nice to person (also mentions of stalking and killing), some description of it afterwards (nothing too graphic), traumatic experience in general, description of kissing/french kissing, slightly sub!Spencer bc it’s based on early seasons Reid and I have a thing about it

WC: ~4.6k

Summary: reader gets kidnapped (there's the exclusive camera video feed to team; two different locations), and the kidnapper tries to force them to choose a team member to die and Reid freaks out and realizes just how deep his feelings for them are. Fluffy care afterwards ensues.

Disclaimer: posting bc general idea is done but there are time skips/gaps in the story… but don’t worry about them, just go with it

Inspired by 2x14 and 2x15 (similar situation but it’s not Tobias, it’s a different person but I guess timeline/placement could be the same)

gif credit: idiotlovers

You sit in a chair with your wrists and ankles bound with rope. Your clothes are dirty and torn and you have bruises on your arms and face.

Your captor plops tripod with a camera attached to it down in front of you and turns it on. He walks back over to you. He stands behind you, placing his hands on your shoulders, making you cringe. He wore a mask so the BAU couldn’t identify him. He'd been smart about setting up a location that the BAU could track and get to but not be able to link to him specifically. They had no idea who he was. And he planned to keep it that way.

“Your team has seven members on it. Pick one to die. The others can live.” He says calmly, and his tone is a stark contrast to the words he is speaking.

“No.” you shake your head, horrified at the notion. You try to lift your head to turn to face him but you are too weak and tired. Instead your head just kinda hangs a bit.

“Do it. Or I’ll pick one for you. Or…maybe I’ll just kill them all.” He leans down to whisper in your ear.

“Kill me.”

“You said you weren’t one of them. Why sacrifice yourself for them? I asked you if you were like those other scum sucking feds and you said no.” (lol no real explanation given for this line’s inclusion here, it’s taken from the source material/episode; could have it be that he'd stalked you. He hates feds but you don't seem all that much like a fed so you intrigued him and so he became obsessed with you, hence why he stalked and kidnapped you. He thinks you're on his side against your team because you'd told him that but that's just what you thought he wanted to hear at the time and you were going along with him so as not to upset him but now that he'd threatening to kill your teammates, your family, you have to protect them)

“I lied. Kill me. I’d die for them, any one of them, all of them. I’ll sacrifice myself before I let you kill any one of them.”

“There must be one of them you’d be willing to let go of. Come on. Not a one?” He teases lightly as he circles around to face you, but at an angle so the camera's view of you is not obscured.

“Not. One.” You grind out as you look up at him.

“Not even your boss? You don’t hate your boss?”

“Enough to pick him for you to kill?! No!”

“Come on! Just pick one or I kill all of them!” He said as if he hadn't planned on killing all of them eventually one by one anyway.

“I can’t! Please don’t make me!” You plead with him. But it’s a futile effort. He’s adamant.

“Choose one! If not your boss, perhaps the genius chatterbox, then?” He smirks.

Your blood runs cold as he says this. “Don’t you dare touch him!” You snap. Had he been stalking all of you? The entire team?

“Oh? Or what?” He scoffs as he grabs your chin, making you look at him. “You’re restrained here, sweetheart. What will you do to me if I kill your precious little boyfriend?”

“He’s not my boyfriend.” You murmur.

“And now he never will be because I’m going to kill him.”

“No! Please!” You sob. “Don’t hurt him!”

He turns your head, making you look at the camera.

"Say goodbye." He whispered in your ear. His hot breath against your skin made you cringe.

You whimper softly.

"Do it. Say goodbye. Tell him you love him. You won't get another chance." He is taunting you now.

Tears fell from your eyes. You shook your head.

“Do it!” His grip on your chin tightened.

You took a shaky breath.

“I-I love you, Spencer.” You spoke and looked directly into the camera.

He lets go of your chin and goes over to cut the camera off.

He goes over to a chest and opens it.

"Wh-what're you doing?" You ask, tears falling from your eyes.

"Preparing." He grunts and you hear him clinking around in the chest.

"Please...just kill me...don't...don't hurt anybody else. You have me. Do whatever you want with or to me but please leave my team alone."

"I'm afraid I can't do that. My mission is to wipe out the scourge upon our country that is the federal agent. I had hoped that you'd be on my side...but if you're not...so be it. I'll do it without you. I'll do it without your approval."

"Why are you so obsessed with me and what I think? What's so special about me?"

"You were different!" He stalks over to you, standing in front of you.

"How? Because I'm not some trigger happy jackass? Is that all you think feds are? We are a very diverse group of people."

He strikes you hard across the face, causing you to gasp.

"Don't talk back to me. You feds are all more alike than you think. You're a drone. Just like the rest of them, not capable of independent thought. You're a puppet on some strings, being manipulated by your masters."

If you didn't already think this guy was seriously disturbed, you certainly did now. You knew not what masters he was referring to but figured it could be some kind of conspiracy he believed in.

"I don't...have any masters...unless you mean the government itself but...I'm just trying to help people. I save people."

"You're so brainwashed that you're blind to your true purpose." He crouches down to get in your face.

"My true purpose is to help people."

"That's just what they want you to think you're doing."

"So what am I really doing, then?"

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you. You're too far gone."

"Try me."

"You're being manipulated and you don't even realize it."

"Manipulated by what? The government that I work for?"

"That which controls the government that you represent, yes."

"And what...controls the government?" You ask reluctantly, sure that the next thing out of his mouth was going to be something batshit crazy.

"A black cabal."

Aaaand there it was. You actually chuckle a bit, which earns you another hard slap across the face.

"There is no...black cabal. I don't know what drugs you're on, buddy. But that's just not true."

"It is true! I know it is! You...you're just too blind to see it." He huffs as he pushes himself off of the chair and away from you. "You'll see! After I eliminate its agents, it won't have a leg to stand on!"

He continues preparing before he leaves the building.

"No! Wait!" You try to stop him but it is useless. He's disregarded you now. You're nothing but a useless drone to him now. After he killed your entire team, he'd probably kill you too.

You try desperately to free yourself from the ropes that bind you but it is no use. They are very tight around your wrists. You are just left there, bound, ruminating on what could possibly be happening right now. Is your captor going to succeed in harming your team members, your family? Are they safe?

The video feed cuts off on the monitor in front of the team. A subconscious and collectively held breath is released.

“Reid, we need to get you to a secure location and put a guard on you. Just as a precaution. We know good and well what he’s capable of.” Hotch says, already pulling his phone out to make some calls to ensure Reid was safe.

“N-no, I need to help find Y/N!” Spencer protested, still reeling from the confession he just heard. He was shaking and he didn’t even realize it. Seeing the person he loved bruised and beaten and being held captive by a perverted madman broke his heart and made his blood boil.

“We need to make sure you’re safe.” Hotch told him, trying to be proactive about the situation but also upon seeing Spencer’s reaction, trying to be sensitive to him and his obvious feelings.

“I need to make sure Y/N is safe!” You were the only thing on his mind. Your safety came before his in his books. If the unsub wanted to come after him, let him come, Reid thought. He’d be in for quite the surprise. Reid was smart and he was pissed, a dangerous combination.

Hotch sighed. He could see how distressed Spencer was. He never knew Reid felt the way he did about Y/N. Spencer himself didn’t truly know how deep his feelings ran.

“They’ll be fine. We’ll continue working on it. Garcia will continue trying to locate them. We’ll find them.” Hotch tries to reassure Spencer but knows there’s a slight possibility that they might not and that he’ll lose a valuable member of his team.

“Please…we have to find them.”

“We will, Reid. We will. I promise. But we need to get you to a safe house right now, ok?"

Spencer reluctantly agrees to be taken to a safe house. He is loaded up into an SUV and taken there by Derek. He is silent nearly the whole ride there, which takes about an hour. Derek glances at him every so often, a look of concern on his face.

"You ok, Reid?" Derek takes a chance to ask.

Spencer looks over at Derek with a solemn expression.

"No. I'm not. Y/N's been kidnapped, beaten. And instead of working on saving them, what am I doing? Hiding? It doesn't feel right."

"You really care for them, don't you?"

"More than I think I realized." Spencer whispers as he and Derek share a look before he goes back to looking out the window.

"We'll save them, ok? I promise."

"We'd better. I don't know if I could live with myself if anything happened to them."

Eventually, they get to the safehouse. Derek helps Spencer unload his bags. The safehouse is a depressing sight. It is a ramshackle building in the middle of nowhere. It looks like no one has used it for quite some time. Who knows if the government pays people to take care of these places. They need to be looked after, though.

Spencer collapsed into a chair while Derek checked out the place, making sure everything was locked up tightly. The electricity worked. The water worked. There was apocalypse prepper type food that was still safe to eat. It seemed like they were set.

You collapsed on the ground, dropping the shovel.

“Dig.” The man orders you.

“I…I can’t.” You murmur weakly.

“You’re weak. Pathetic.” He growls as he kicks you in the stomach. You groan. You then hear footsteps. You quickly grab the discarded gun that was on the ground, you aim and shoot him.

Despite your weakened state, you were still an expert marks(person?) and you were indeed able to effectively kill him with that one bullet.

“One bullet left, you son of a bitch.” (He'd made a comment or taunted about there not being even one bullet left to shoot him or yourself with. You insisted there was exactly one left and that you’d kill him with it...Clue vibes?)

“Y/N!” Spencer shouts, his tone is frantic after hearing the gunshot.

“Over…here!” You shout back weakly.

He rushes toward you.

“Y/N! Oh, thank God you’re ok.”

He engulfs you immediately in a hug as you stand up and stagger towards him.

“Thought you didn’t believe in God. Thought my own wit and merit got me out alive.”

“So you both can get credit, then. Now…just…shush and let me hold you.” He murmurs as he buried his face in your neck as he has his arms wrapped around you tightly.

“Thought you hated physical contact.” You whisper softly.

“Never when it comes to you and certainly not right this moment. I thought I told you to shush.” His tone is light and teasing.

“You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my father.” You chuckle weakly.

“You’re right. I’m not…but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care about you.”

“You care about me?”

“Always have. I’ve been foolish for not demonstrating it more to you.”

“Oh, I think you demonstrate it enough.”

“No. I don’t. What I feel for you is…indescribable. It simply isn’t possible to convey to you in words or actions just how deeply I’ve…fallen in love you with.”

You pull away from the hug, looking up at him in disbelief.

“You’ve…fallen in love with me?” You had to make sure this wasn’t all a big joke being played on you.

“Wholly and utterly.” He looks down at you with a soft gaze in his eyes. He holds your hands in his, being careful of the rope burn. He brings your hands up to his lips and kisses your wrists.

“Y-you mean that?” You asked hopefully, your heart soaring at how tender he is being right now.

“Absolutely. Did you mean it when you said it or…did you only say it because you were forced to?”

“I meant it.” You say sincerely.

“Really? You did?” Spencer could see and hear the sincerity on your face and in your voice but he needed you to confirm it verbally for him. “You…you love me?”

“Completely and absolutely.” You mirror his response.

“I really want to kiss you right now. Can I please kiss you? I know you’ve just been through a trauma so the timing isn’t great so feel free to-“

“Spencer.” You cut him off.

“Y-yes?” He normally felt very sad and disheartened when people cut him off but he knew that you weren't doing it to be rude. He was doing more than rambling right now, he was spiraling.

“You can kiss me.” You smile up at him.

He brought his hands up and cupped your face. His hands were big on your face, making you feel smaller than you already were.

“I love you.” He whispers, looking into your soul as he looks into your eyes.

“I love you, too.”

He leans down and you lean up. Your lips meet his. They were very soft. The kiss is tentative at first but then he presses more firmly into it. You press back. He presses even harder into it. He’s kissing you like he’d die if he didn’t. He’s kissing you like it’s his sole purpose on this Earth. He kisses you for as long as his breathing capacity allows him to, pushing it to its limits, making his lungs burn almost before he pulls away, panting heavily.

“Let me…um…t-take you back to the hotel?”

“Or you could kiss me like that again.”

“Y-yeah…or I could…do that. That…that’s a good…idea…” he inches closer and your lips connect again. It feels like heaven for both of you. You wrap your arms around his neck.

“You know…you’ve been through…a trauma. Maybe…we shouldn’t…be doing…this…” he says in between kisses.

“I love you but please shut up and keep kissing me, pretty boy. I need to feel you. I need to make sure you’re alive and that I’m alive.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Your lips reconnected. Your tongue runs along the seam of his lips and he eagerly parts his lips to allow you to slip your tongue in. Your tongue caressed his tongue. He had to suppress a moan at how good you felt against him like this. He might've guessed he'd be such a whore for you but it still shocked him how he felt like he absolutely wanted to melt into you right now.

He felt no shame in allowing you to take your frustrations out on him through the kiss. You'd been through a trauma. He knew you needed it. It helped that he was naturally submissive and that he had been head over heels in love with you almost since the day he'd met you. Whether or not he knew if you were more dominant or submissive, he certainly knew what you were capable of now. You seemed to be desperately trying to keep him as close to you as possible as you tried to feel as much as him as you possibly could. Spencer wondered if this feeling was as addictive to you as it was to him. He craved more of you.

The two of you soon just became a cacophony of little moans and whimpers as you lost yourselves in each other. You two couldn't seem to get enough of each other. You seemed to be feeding off of the other's energy, letting it fuel your own.

"We...really...should...get back to...the hotel..." Spencer murmurs in between kisses.

You whimper. You felt like you needed him near you like you needed air to breathe. You'd simply die if he wasn't near.

"Shh, shh. It's ok, it's ok. I've got you. I'm not going anywhere." He whispers as he caresses your face.

"Don't leave me, please. I need you." You cling to him.

"I won't leave you. I'm right here, ok?"

“You promise?” You murmur into his chest as you rest your head upon it.

“I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“Don’t say that.” You nudge him.

“Well it’s true.”

“But I don’t want you to die.”

“Guess I’ll just have to keep my promise, then, and stay right here with you. I won’t go anywhere. You can come and stay in my room for tonight, yeah? I can stay right by your side…all night long. How’s that sound?”

“Ok…”

He led you to an SUV after you'd been checked out and cleared by a medical person and opened the passenger side door for you, helping you in and even buckling you into your seat before going over to the driver’s side. He didn't often drive but he was able to, he had a license. But for you he'd do anything. And you certainly were in no condition to be driving right now. He glanced at you periodically as he drove to make sure you were doing alright.

"We'll get you to the hotel. We'll get you tucked into bed and then you can rest, ok?"

"Ok," You smiled as you curled up in the seat to rest. Spencer was going to lecture you about the proper way to be seated in a car but decided against it. He drove ever so carefully as there was precious cargo on board, a baby on board, if you will. He wonders if Hotch still has his sticker from when Jack was born and if he'd let him have it...as a joke, of course.

He drives very cautiously to the hotel and parks the SUV. He looks over at you to see you have fallen asleep. He smiles softly at the sight before unbuckling his and your seatbelts before getting out of the car. He goes around to the passenger's side and opens the door. He nudges you lightly.

"Y/N...we're at the hotel." He whispers softly so as not to startle you.

You stir. "Hmm?"

"Hey." He says softly. "We're at the hotel. Do you need help getting out or walking?"

"I'm not a baby, Spencer." You chuckle lightly, joking somewhat.

"Right...right...of course you're not. I know that. I didn't mean to imply that I thought you were."

"It's ok. It's sweet that you care, I guess." You smile as you start to get out of the car and he helps you.

You walk hand-in-hand into the hotel lobby and head for the elevator. Spencer flashes his FBI badge at the receptionist who gives you both a quizzical look. Spencer looks over at you as you stand in front of the elevator to make sure that you're doing alright. You are. You look tired but you're alive and doing ok and soon you will be sleeping.

You enter the elevator when the doors open and Spencer presses the correct floor button. The elevator ascends. When the doors open, he leads you towards his room.

"Is there anything I can get you from your room?" He asks as he gets his room key out and opens the door.

"Um...maybe some melatonin. Oh, but I don't have my room key on me. That'd be back at the precinct in my bag that I carry." You think as you enter his room

"You certainly could use it. and that's ok. I'll just go down to reception and ask for an extra or a master key. Anything else? Clothes? A stuffed animal perhaps."

He had said it so non-judgmentally but your eyes snapped to him.

"Wh-what?" You asked, slightly panicked.

"You do pack at least one stuffed animal for cases, don't you?"

"How...did you know that?" You asked, suspicious of him.

"I'm an expert profiler." He shrugs as he smiles

You narrow your eyes at him, not quite believing that that is the reason.

He chuckled. "Ok, fine. I may have saw one one time when I was putting your bags away on the jet and one wasn't zipped properly and I went to zip it and...I felt something soft and then investigated. I know I shouldn't have. That's your personal property. But It's ok. I'm not judging you."

"Really? You're not?" You ask hopefully. You were always so afraid of being judged.

"Not at all. Stuffed animals can actually provide a great sense of comfort, especially during times of stress. It may be just the thing you need right now."

"Yeah, ok. I um...I keep them in my blue suitcase. It's by the closet. Clothes should be in the closet itself. A t-shirt and a pair of shorts should be fine."

"Got it. Anything else I can get you?"

"No. I think that's it."

"Alright. Why don't you strip out of those dirty clothes and hop in the shower. I can bring you your toiletries bag too, if you'd like."

"I'd like that, thank you."

"Alright. I'll be right back, then, ok? I have to go get an extra key for you room from reception downstairs. But then I'll just be right across the hall for a minute, ok?"

"Ok."

He left the room. You stepped into the bathroom. You slowly stripped out of your torn and dirty clothes, leaving them on the floor. You look at yourself in the mirror. You have bruises on your face. You face is pale. There were bags under your eyes. You looked like hell. You wondered why on Earth Spencer would have kissed you as much as he did with you looking like this.

You shake that thought from your mind and replace it with another. Spencer cares about you. That much was obvious. You start the water in the shower. You wait for it to warm up and while it is warming up, you hear Spencer come back into the room.

"Y/N? I have your clothes. I can just crack the door open and slide them in on the floor."

"Alright."

He cracks the door open and slides the clean clothes into the room. He then slides you toiletries bag in.

"I will put your melatonin and your stuffed animal on your bed, ok?"

"Ok."

He closes the door and you grab your shampoo, loofah, and soap from your bag before you step into the shower. It feels good to get all of the caked blood and dirt off of your body. You allow the warm water to seep into your skin. You grab your shampoo bottle and squirt some into your hands before carding your fingers through your hair and massaging your scalp. An image of your captor grabbing your hair and pulling you by it flashes through your mind. You soothe your head subconsciously even though you had not just been caused physical pain. As you continue to massage the shampoo into your scalp, running your fingers along it and scraping your nails against it, you inadvertently grasp your hair after you've scratched too hard at your scalp as the image and feeling of you being dragged by your hair plagued. You winced once you felt the pain and let go. You drop your hands from your head and stand still for a second. You cannot resist the urge to bring a hand back up to your head to rub at it. You do this at an increasing pace and then suddenly stop.

Your hair is shampooed so you slowly reach for your soap and loofah. You lather the loofah up with the soap bar. As you clean your body, you make sure to clean the last bit of dirt and grime from it. You wish to fully cleanse yourself from the awful trauma you'd just endured. You hand skims over the bruise on your calf from where your captor had kicked you harshly from behind because you weren't walking fast enough in the cemetery.

Once fully cleaned and showered, you turn the water off and exit the shower. You dry your hair off before wrapping the towel around your body. You dry your body off completely before putting the clean clothes on.

You exit the bathroom. Spencer looks up from his book at you as you do.

“Hey.” He says softly. “Feeling better? You’re looking better.”

You smile and nod as you approach your bed. You take the melatonin gummy and grab your stuffed animal before climbing into bed with him.

“Oh um I uh I thought maybe you’d want to uh sleep in a separate bed…you know…for comfort.”

“I’m comfortable right here.” You whisper as you snuggle up to him. “This ok with you?”

He looks down at you as you rest your head on his shoulder. His cheeks tinge pink.

“Y-yeah…more than ok. I just wanna make sure that you’re comfortable.”

“Well I assure you that I am.”

“Good. Would you like me to read to you? Might help lull you to sleep. It helps Morgan.” He chuckles.

You chuckle too. “Yeah. You can read to me. I like hearing you talk.”

“R-Really? You do? You mean that?” He was surprised. No one liked to hear him talk. People often cut him off or simply walked away from him when they got bored of his talking.

“Mhm. I do. I like your voice.”

He smiled at your compliments before he began to read aloud. Granted it wasn’t light reading. It was a book on Quantum Physics but you didn’t seem to mind. You found his voice to be very calming. You didn’t mind what he was saying and you certainly weren’t going to stop him.

As he lay there with you in his arms while he caressed your arm, he couldn’t help but think that this felt incredibly right. Like this was where he was meant to be and this is where you were meant to be. You were meant to be in each other’s arms. He looked down upon you as you rested your head against his chest. He admired your facial features. You looked so peaceful. He was glad you were able to rest comfortably in his arms after what you’d been through.

As you laid there resting peacefully in his arms, he couldn’t help but think how incredibly hard he’d fallen for you. It astonished him. He loved no one more than he loved you (with the exception of perhaps his mother). You were everything to him. And now that he knew that you loved him back, he couldn’t help but think how high he could soar, how much better his life could be now with you in it in a much more intimate fashion. Why, he’d be unstoppable loving you with you loving him.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid fic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fic #criminal minds fanfiction #tw trauma #trauma #tw kidnapping #tw abuse #kidnapping #abuse #kidnapping cw #cw abuse #cw trauma #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds fanfic

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7habitsofhighlyeviceratedpeople · 1 year

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SERIOUS EDIT: idk what i was on when i posted this and i seriously regret it i don’t even have an explanation (or at least one that doesn’t sound like en excuse) but just disregard it i’d delete it but it’s been reblogged and i rlly wish i never said this bc it’s nothing like what i think i wanted to say.

I don’t condone certain aspects of the Outlast lore edit: please read my reblog regarding what i say about Outlast 2 it’s not relevant to my point, plus this is just a rant about something stupid and specific plus i have no idea what i’m talking about regarding Outlast 2 for the most part plus i’m being hypocritical (namely the jessica thing i think it could have been done better and CSA didn’t rlly have to be a part of it to show religious trauma but i get it when you look at the big picture of Outlast and Outlast 2, it just could have been infinitely less graphic and still held the same weight) but literally it’s going too far saying shit like FOR EXAMPLE “making Richard Trager a rapist was unnecessary” Id argue it’s one of the only characters that like actually makes sense from a lore perspective and if you rlly get the character you’d understand why it makes sense. Idk how to say this without sounding like it’s a feature i enjoy about the character, I obviously don’t but like i cannot stand seeing my favorite characters misinterpreted and along with Eddie, Trager is one of the most misinterpreted characters in Outlast. He literally has 0 reedemable qualities, he’s an outright rich prick who never had to face any consequences his entire life, he’s been privileged since the day he was born, and anyone who tries to act like he has a good bone in his body is so wrong. I hate to say it (no i don’t lol) but he’s just plain evil and i love him for it. He’s not real, his actions have never hurt a real person please keep that in mind. The main story wouldn’t have happened the way it did if he never did what he did, they’d have to come up with a whole other backstory for him AND a reason women were removed. It’s a horror game with dark, explicit subjects due to the fact that they’re exploring such a unique subject, with characters who are mentally ill, affected by the engine, both or just plain terrible people and it obviously would have things that may trigger or make people uncomfortable, and that has to be up to you to decide to not think about it or indulge into content that might do those things. Do not bring cancel culture into fucking Outlast, do not try to babyproof it. Go watch other forms of media with lighter subjects and characters instead of acting like it’s the developers fault for creating characters and plotlines with the whole point to scare people, shock them, make them uncomfortable, etc or remaking the characters into something they’re not bc it doesn’t fit your idea of them. Rant over if I see one more person misinterpret Richard Trager i will start taking peoples eyes. (also more rants abt Rick’s character coming be prepped)

edit 2; this is being wildly misinterpreted as a discussion post or place to argue or share opinions and im not saying you can’t bc it’s a public post but the point was simply to share smthn i wanted to rant abt (for a reason btw) and i worded it pretty bad bc the point i was trying to make can be summed up way better by other people who agree with me in the reblogs and wish i didn’t post it. would appreciate no more reblogs and for those who reblogged before i turned them off pls also turn off reblogs if you see this por favor <3

#team rick #the murkoff account

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literaphobe · 2 months

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I cant get over M whispering "you'd be perfect for me" to A while rolling her hips HOW DID SHE GET SO CONFIDENT???

HEHEHEHEH well regarding ur question it could be rhetorical but im breaking it down bc thats always fun heheh SO. as is evident. in tvl marinette is simultaneously more comfortable around adrien (due to having dated him) and also more awkward around him (due to having broken up)

but in her mind she didn’t break up with him because she lost interest or anything, and the break up hit him pretty hard and hurt him A LOT. and post break up tvl Marinette has always wanted to try and like. make it somewhat better, help him feel happier, etc etc. bar… actually dating him again. hence why she’s a lot more cautious with him than she is in her friendships w alya and nino. this has always been how she is to an extent w adrien but it just turned up More when tvl adrienette broke up - hence the whole scene where he asks her to be More Comfortable around him, and to be as mean as she wants, to scold him when he messes up instead of coddling him

ANYWAY. when ur gf breaks up w you out of the blue and never really gives you a very satisfying explanation or anything that lets u understand WHY it happened—you’d fill in those gaps from time to time. especially when said ex gf talked very loudly about how the committed casual sex she’s been having w some unknown guy whose identity you aren’t aware of is SO GREAT AND AWESOME AND EPIC

so yeah when tvl adrien is insecure about their break up that throws ALL of tvl Marinette’s logic and apprehension out the window and her One Track Mind will do or say anything to reassure him. also he had just recently explained that he DOESNT have a gf and also she found out that he knows he’s a senti. which had been a secret she was keeping from him. so that like. lowered her guard slightly too. mix everything up together and you get her VERY eager to prove to him JUST how desirable he is in her eyes

#ask #tvl #tvl ch8 #nsft #just in case

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golbrocklovely · 4 months

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you know, I thought i might of been annoying with the amount of asks i send you, and that still might be true but people apparently love me… so im sticking around 😂 gotta build this aussie anon fandom… buy the merch (its just a tshirt with koala ears on the anon icon and ‘xplr me daddy’ across the shoulder blades)

also absolute fkn ditto to your post abt snc needing a villain era. especially colby. I learnt just the other day that apparently he goes thru this m drama every time he’s snapped with a girl. like every time, for years. that’s gotta be so horrible. like imagine being the constant reason your friends or dates get harassed online just for being around you. you’d feel like poison. i truly hope he finds someone who couldnt give two flying quacks abt that stuff. heck, if it were me (lemme dream, alright) and i knew this wasn’t just a once off thing… i was going to say my acct would be private and i’d have ‘message from strangers’ turned off… but i already have all that… Colby, I’m ready!!! lmao i jk i jk (or do I 👀)

anyway, back to colby fighting in the clubs. you said he’s possessive… im curious about that. like in a protective way over the people he cares about, or actually like “this is my person, back off” type? either way, hella shmexxyy

- aussie anon

omg this is such a long response so i'm sorry in advance lol

haha no you're totally okay to keep sending in asks. no one has a problem with it, especially me :)

and omg an "xplr me daddy" shirt would be hysterical and i'm surprised they haven't done one (even jokingly) before lol

and yes, it's not just girls colby is interested in either. it's EVERY girl - date, friend, stranger - it doesn't matter. if fans can find out who she is, they will send her hate. or at the very least bombard her with questions as to how she knows colby, what's he like, ect. it's honestly very embarrassing to be in this fandom sometimes strictly bc of that type of shit.

i've talked about how i've felt on colby's love life ad nauseum on here, but i don't mind speaking on it more. i genuinely believe this fandom needs a HUGE reality check. bc there are too many ppl in this fandom that believe they have a say in what he does with said love life. and now it's bled over into sam's.

the golden child apparently can do wrong now lol

like on xplrclub, they literally APOLOGIZED (half-heartedly, but still said sorry) for the pics of them with the girls leaking over new years. and that's just fucking bonkers to me. there is no reason two 27 year old men should be saying sorry to a bunch of random girls they have never met before and don't even know exist bc they are going out and having fun and dating. and what makes it worse is snc felt the need to do this. they don't need to explain anything to us, especially about their private lives.

and the amount of fucking fans i saw saying "well if you wanted to have a private life, keep it private. don't post things." and it's like…… idk how many times i have to say this, but SNC ARE NOT YOUR FRIENDS. them not telling you about a girl they are fucking with is not a betrayal. they don't know you. they couldn't even pick you out of a line up of two ppl. stop thinking your opinion is neccessary, especially when it comes to their personal lives. you aren't owed an explanation. idc if you've been in this fandom for years, given them tons of money, have a fan account dedicated to them on every site, repost their content all the time - NONE of that matters. you are a random person, you are a statistic. a view count. and while yes, snc care about us, that doesn't mean they KNOW you or that your opinion is VALID.

you wouldn't like a random person coming onto your account and bitching at you about your life choices, right? so why do you think snc deserve that? bc they're public figures? NOPE, not a good enough reason. you want to bitch at them about content and the choices they make on that? that's fine. but private, personal shit they do is none of your concern or business.

and i know there are plenty of fucking ppl that will call me a hypocrite bc god forbid i talk about snc's love lives - but reality is i know my opinion isn't worth shit. i'm not coming up into their comments, @ ing them every chance i get, just to give them my two cents. i do my best to keep it light hearted and silly. none of what i talk about is serious or direly needed info. which is also why i do it on a site they aren't privy to. they're not on here. me complaining into the void doesn't effect them. and i'm also extremely aware of the fact that i don't know everything. i don't know the full story, never will, and i'm not OWED it either.

sorry, that was a really long rant. but i'm just…. so done with the fandom rn lol i've been reading ppl complaining for too long about shit they don't deserve to complain about and it's just annoying at this point.

but to bring it back to your ask - i hope colby, and sam too, find a girl that fucking PARADES that she's dating him. of course, with colby or sam's consent. if i was dating one of them, i would rub in these fans' faces, and i mean that wholeheartedly. aww, you're upset i'm fucking your man? TOO BAD WOMP WOMP lmao

and as for colby being possessive, he's said it in some tweets in years' past. he's tweeted out before "Im such a protective, jealous person wow" and "I'm overly protective" followed by someone asking him "so that means if you had a girlfriend you'd protect her a lot" and he replied with "protect her with my life". so, i see him as being a very loyal person, who is protective of the ppl he deems as "his", so to speak.

in a relationship, my guess is that while he's not obsessive or demanding, he is very much like "you are my girlfriend". i don't see him to be the type to say you can't talk to this guy or be friends with these ppl, nothing like that. but he reads to me like the type to keep his arm around you while at the club, that way any guy that sees you know you're taken by him.

also side note, i know as a woman i should be like i'm my own person, i'm no one's but my own, blah blah blah. but a guy that's just a twinge bit possessive is hot. i'm sorry, it's my red flag and i know it is sksksks

#ask #personal #colby brock #sg ll #cb ll

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slashersangel · 2 years

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•poke• can i request something pwease? :0

Don't call me cringe 🙄 aight? But, y'know those stories where the vampire gets the human chick pregnant and they were like "oh ..well I never I could do that, hurray new addition" n right? :D I beg for poly lost boys (you may include michael this time) and soft fem reader headcanons or maybe this can be a drabble/oneshot maybe? anywayd I wanna know how they will react to their soft fem s/o being pregnant and it's one of theirs owo ♡♡ Like maybe david is like mad bc he's like "we are vampires, we cant reproduce. Who have you been with?" etc

Thank you bye, sorry if its too much or something but thank you ♡♡ :D

ooooh i hate pregnancy tropes (if you saw the bo sinclair posts no you didnt) but for youuu I guessss i can do it, just this once…..

tw!: very brief talk of sa!

Poly!Lost Boys + pregnant s/o!

You had missed your period, at first you thought it was just a fluke and you’ll get it soon, but the whole month was filled with anxiety just waiting for your period to come.

The boys could sense it, and smell the anxiety all over you. They tried asking what was wrong but was immediately shot down with a lame excuse about family or friends. They tried taking your mind off the fact, but nothing seemed to work.

It wasn’t until you had to cancel on them that night for them to he really concerned. In reality, you had to go a get a pregnancy test, a month and a half without getting your period.

You did and it came out positive, to simply put, you were not ready for it to be positive. You had a panic attack to say the least. When the boys pulled up to your house, they could smell your fear and anxiety from a mile away, so they quickly made their way inside and to your bedroom.

Michael, Paul and Marko checked all around the house while David and Dwayne went straight to your room to find you coming down from your attack.

They kept asking you what was wrong but you refused to tell them, it wasn’t until the others came back, Michael holding the pregnancy test in his hand. Now, they’ve all watched their fair share of your favorite movies, which so happened to have a couple of explanations of, or the tests in them, that and you had to explain to Paul when he was utterly confused.

David stormed over to Michael and ripped the test out of his hand, then he went back over to you, he was upset, but not fuming yet. He was asking questions, not accusing you of cheating, but asking if you did or had been with anyone else, how long you have known.

When you didn’t answer how he wanted, that’s when he started to get pissed. If you had cheated, he just wanted you to come clean as simple as that. He’d find the person and they’d have a horrible death, and of course he’d have to teach you a lesson, but as long as you knew that you always belonged to him, he’d understand if you wanted to explore your options. (not really but you get the point)

But when you swore you didn’t cheat, he saw red. He thought you were lying, hell they all did, they were all angry in their own way as well and they all thought none of them could get you pregnant, so it had to be someone else. Someone that wasn’t them.

Maybe, in their mind, you, their sweet precious girlfriend, who could never do any harm, were taken advantage of. You’d easily help anyone, and with your softness, anyone could harm you without any of the boys with you, and the thought of that had them fuming,

Then, Dwayne, the ever so smart on, recalled what Max had told them before he died. A half vampire can get a human pregnant, it was rare but could happen. Then he announced it to the room. David, who couldn’t see past the blinding rage at first, didn’t hear it. But then it sunk in. Michael hadn’t fully turned yet, you were still human, and you and Michael had definitely done the deed many times, last month for example.

You had said you had your suspicions for about a month, so everything adds up. Everyone had their own moment to process everything. The boys didn’t think they wanted a baby, Michael on the other hand, yeah he was still young, but if you wanted one, he’d be such a good dad.

Paul and Marko barely remembered the last time they had took care of one, if he ever did. Dwayne just remembered Laddie, who went with Star once Max died. And David didn’t want a kid running around, especially in the cave, which was no place for a young child.

You were the first one to speak. They heard a soft, “Please don’t hate me.” come out of your mouth and they all broke, immediately coming to your side and telling you words of affirmation to get you to stop the sobs coming past your lips. They kissed all your tears away.

They come to terms with you being pregnant fairly quickly. If you want to keep it them they won’t say anything about it, if you don’t, they’ll accept that too.

And David apologizes for yelling at you once the two of you were alone, which causes you to cry all over again because he was just so mean, and how could he ever assume that you’d cheat! That was so rude! Which he had to promise not to yell at you again (good luck with that) and he had to make it up to with you all the cuddles and kisses you wanted. Even as a vampire; he knew not to piss off a pregnant lady.

dont ask for a part two i will not make one<3 hope you liked it cause i didn’t >:(

#the lost boys #david the lost boys #dwayne the lost boys #marko the lost boys #paul the lost boys #the lost boys x reader #dwayne x reader #marko x reader #paul x reader #the lost boys 1987 #michael the lost boys #michael emerson x reader #michael emerson

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timaeusterrored · 1 year

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(More post space station bc I can)

Kerry wasn’t allowed to move. Well okay that was dramatic, he could, but V reacted to him leaving his eye sight. He’d tense up, grab his arm, or watch him to make sure he wasn’t going far. It was getting to a point where Kerry was just making phone calls in the bedroom, but made sure they didn’t escalate as to not wake V up or alert him.

V was like a ghost in his apartment, he barely left bed. Which Vik said was normal since V was probably overwhelmed and trying to adjust to several different things at once. One of which was losing Johnny, oh yes, Kerry caught him on several occasions looking around the room as if looking for him before settling back in. Kerry knew the pain of losing Johnny all too well.

But as much as he loved V, and was so fucking happy he was back and alive, he was going fucking insane with the silence. Staying in was no big deal, Kerry didn’t mind that. But he couldn’t stand V not talking, not moving, like he was gone even though he was here, so he did what anyone would do. He invited Judy over, because holy fuck he needed someone to talk too and someone who was close enough to V to possibly get him to say something.

V’s head was rested in his lap, his eyes closed. Kerry could never tell if he was actually sleeping. Not that it really mattered. He looked up when he heard Judy walking up the stairs, waving silently at her. She waved back, then mouthed, ‘Is he asleep?’ Kerry nodded but waved her in anyway.

She toed out of her shoes and stepped into the bathroom for a moment, before coming out in comfortable clothes, putting her bag next to her shoes. She slowly climbed into the bed, sitting at the foot of it. Kerry was surprised that V didn’t wake up, or even open his eyes. When he looked back up, Judy was giving him a knowing look.

“Y’know.. when he said he was sleeping with Kerry Eurodyne.. I thought he was joking.” She said softly, making Kerry snort. He could see that, especially with the state V had been in by the time the two met. Just another hallucination, maybe a Johnny memory confused for his own.

“When I realized it was true.. I got worried.” Kerry could also understand that. It didn’t take a genius to know Kerry wasn’t exactly the best person or partner. “I didn’t trust you at first, even when we first met.. but he was so happy, and the way he talked about you.. I never said anything.” Kerry looked back down at V, who was sound asleep, face half hidden in his thigh.

“And now?” Kerry asked, he never thought he’d want anyone to like him this much. But Judy was V’s best friend, and Kerry knew she was one of V’s important people.

“Now? Well, you paid a shit ton of money to get him out of an Arasaka Space Station, you’re pushing back concert dates and album releases to stay with him, you haven’t left here at all, to stay with him. And you’re looking down at him like someone is gonna take him again, which they aren’t.” She pointed out, and yeah okay maybe Kerry has had nightmares of someone taking V away again, but that was besides the point. “I know he scared the shit out of all of us.. pissed us off.. I thought after he went missing.. you’d move on, forget about him and us. And you’re here now.. hell even Vik likes you now!”

Kerry was speechless. He had been fucking pissed when V just went missing with no explanation, sent him awful things out of anger, but he could never forget V. Or Judy, or River and Panam. He knew why Judy would say such a thing but he was lost for V, and thought he’d never recover.

“And Vik said he doesn’t like you going far from him. So I’d say you’re good to keep around.” Kerry chuckled again, feeling V shift once more and nuzzle into his thigh.

“I was so fucking scared… I still am.. I have nightmares of ‘Saka taking him away again, doing god knows what to him. He sounded so fucking scared, Jude.. when he called me again. Part of me never wants to let him go, just keep him here where he’s safe with me..” Judy had seen him pull a gun with zero hesitation on the doctors who tried to touch V once he was out. How he was full on ready to shoot anyone that tried to take V away again.

“You love him?” Judy asked suddenly, and Kerry honestly hadn’t thought about until now.

“I do…” he whispered, feeling a love he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

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m80495 · 1 year

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|| OutOfCombat ;;

Every day I think about how bad Mercury is at expressing his emotions. Even when he tries so hard. Readmore bc it got a little long sorry he’s running on a hamster wheel in my brain folds

Obviously with his upbringing he's NEVER had a good outlet for it, but he's just so goddamn emotionally constipated it's insane.

The moment that immediately comes to mind is the Battle of Haven in V5 (everyone’s favorite scene in everyone’s favorite volume :eyeroll:), specifically after it’s over and the Heroes Have Saved The Day or whatever and Emerald is about to have a meltdown on the floor. And Mercury just goes “Emerald, get up, we need to go. Emerald...” and like he’s whispering and his voice is still a little aggressive but you can tell he’s trying to be soft and gentle with her because he knows that’s what she responds better to and it gets me eeeeevery time. He cares for her so much in his stupid little repressed Mercury way. He just wants her to get out of there and be safe.

ANNNNDDDDD. He defends her from Tyrian later in V6E4(I think). But before he even does his little “Back off, freak.” thing he’s trying to get her away from him before the confrontation starts. “Emerald, come on.” because he knows Tyrian is just gonna get in her head and make her upset (because it is evidently not that hard to upset her). When Emerald turns and does her “I will cut off more than just your tail.” line, Mercury behind her is like O_O cause he’s like ahh great now I gotta make sure she doesn’t kill herself trying to fight Tyrian. (Tyrian meanwhile is unfazed because he is Tyrian. That shot of him cutting his face against her weapon and Emerald’s little OnO face lives in my head rent-free.) AND MERCURY’S HAND ON HER SHOULDER IS SO GENTLE. And he doesn’t take his hand off her shoulder until they turn around!!!!!!!!!! UGH oh my GOD. (Also, just as a little note, Emerald leans just the slightest bit against Mercury’s hand and turns so slightly towards him, but when Salem touches her on that same shoulder minutes later, she tenses up something fierce. I’m just mentioning that for me.)

This has nothing to do with the rest of the post, but I’m mentioning it anyway because it came to mind. Mercury is the first person to realize how enraged Salem is when Hazel tells her that rwbyjnr&qrow are being led by Oz. He’s the first to realize the atmosphere completely changes, the camera focuses on him when the windows start shattering. Tyrian and Watts start talking while Mercury is like uh ohhhhhh. He knows rage when he sees it. My poor boy. He’s the first person to be OUT of that goddamn door.

And then there’s That Scene in V6E9(lol 69). I fully believe Emerald is the only person he’s ever, ever opened up to about ANYTHING in his past. That scene is SO emotionally charged. Actually wait before I talk about it I need to point something else out. Mercury doesn’t ever really talk to anyone else in the show except for Emerald. And when he does he’s threatening/intimidating them. (The scene where they visit the Branwen tribe comes to mind. “Hey, ugly!”/”I was hoping you’d say that.” (irt cinder “Make him [cooperate].”)/“We’re the guys you should be afraid of.” etc.) (Or the scene with him and Ruby in V3, “polarity vs metal, that might be bad”/ “let’s just keep this between us friends” etc.) But every time he talks to Emerald, he’s much more casual. And he talks to her less when there’s other people around (V3, the scene in the ambulance, the scene where he’s repairing his legs.) but she’s still the main person he talks to. It’s evident in V6E9 too where he casually calls Cinder “a pain” and the tone of his voice with his “Just made sense.” and his subsequent explanation. He’s talking about how he was raised from birth to kill people, and how he killed his dad, but he’s using the cadence you’d use to talk about the weather.

This is neither here nor there but I think it’s very sweet and cute that Emerald is just kind of hanging out while Mercury works out or trains or whatever the hell he is doing in that scene. Yarrgh! Hiyaa! Grunt noises! And Emerald’s just sitting there. They feel comfort in each other’s presence, your honor! (Remember in V3 when he was doing pushups on the floor and she was playing on her scroll laying on the floor beside him? UGH THEY’RE SO SPECIAL TO ME.)

He’s nonchalant about it at first but we see pretty quickly he has a short temper. “Hey, what’s your problem?” He opened up (in his own Mercury way) and Emerald didn’t respond the way he thought she would, so he’s immediately on the defensive. But she isn’t aggressive (yet) so he backs off again. “Salem’s promised us everything.” and subsequent lines are again said casually. And then Emerald calls Cinder ‘family’. For someone like Mercury, who has likely only had bad experiences with ‘family’ (and there is NO way Cinder treated Mercury the same way she treated Emerald, like there’s no way, from the way he talks about her, he does not give two shits about that woman) he does not respond well to it. “Wake up already.” He sees through Cinder’s act of ‘caring’ about Emerald when she’s really using the two of them to further her own goals. I don’t think he’s fine with it, but he puts up with it because his ultimate goal is to be “top dog” in “Salem’s new world”. Cinder just also happens to be part of that. I’m also not convinced that’s the first time Mercury has tried to have the “Cinder doesn’t care about you/us” conversation with Emerald, it is way too emotionally charged on both sides. They’ve talked about this before I KNOW it.

I think it’s also important to note that Mercury is not the one who starts their dinky little slapfight, Emerald throws the first blow and nearly every other attack. She doesn’t even land any of her hits, Mercury effortlessly blocks and dodges his way out of all of them. “I’m sorry you didn’t have a mommy that loved you! But I had a father who hated me.” He physically stops the fight so he can say that. I do think he really is sorry that Emerald didn’t have a loving family, but I think he’s also, like, hey, I didn’t either, so tough fucking shit. It’s the difference between having no family at all vs a family that was actively abusive. I think Mercury would’ve rather had nothing at all than Marcus Black for a father, and Emerald would rather keep clinging to Cinder (who literally has hit her before and actively manipulated her) than have nothing at all. He’s trying to help her recognize that her circumstances are, uh, bad, but he’s so aggressive and frustrated that she’s not getting it, that it just turns into him being, um, not-gentle about it, because that is the only way he knows how to do it. He doesn’t know how to be soft and gentle about it, especially when it’s something that hits so closely to home. He’s been through this cycle before, and he can see both himself and Emerald trapped in it, and it frustrates and probably enrages him to no end.

Regardless of his frustration, he barely even tries to fight back. He knows he doesn’t have to, because he knows he can beat her in a fight. “Every day of training was a beating.” He’s literally just walking forward, hands at his sides. He’s doing nothing but intimidate her because he doesn’t want to fight her. He wants her to back down. He doesn’t start ‘fighting back’ until “This is a crutch.” with an extremely telegraphed punch, and “This makes you weak.” with a telegraphed high kick that barely even gets close enough to Emerald for her to even need to dodge from it. And those are the only two ‘attacks’ he throws out that entire time, and they are telegraphed, and easy for Em to block/dodge. He spends the rest of his little speech just circling Emerald with his hands up. Mercury spilled his guts out to Emerald, probably the first time he’s ever opened up about what happened to him in his LIFE. And that’s something that can be so personal........

And that’s why he’s so frustrated when Tyrian interrupts them. Because he’s an extremely private person, and someone he hates just overheard him unlock his Tragic Backstory to Emerald. And then get his ass handed to him both verbally and physically by Tyrian, he’s humiliated! He just tried to open up, and for what? I don’t think Tyrian was making fun of him, per se, but he did absolutely nail all of his insecurities right to his face. To be honest? I think Mercury sees a lot of Marcus in Tyrian. Marcus the assassin and Tyrian the serial killer. Kind of a tangent but I think it’s interesting how he doesn’t even try to fight back against Tyrian. He sees pretty quickly they’re unevenly matched and he just... stays there underneath him, staring at his stinger. Mercury doesn’t pick fights he can’t win...

I want to say something about Emeralds “Mercury, I wanted to...” thing because she definitely was coming to follow up on their fight, but Mercury is literally paralyzed with fear watching Salem create the winged monkey grimm (Beringel?? I cant remember what theyre called off the top of my head rn). We could’ve had them try that conversation again in private in V7 but CRWBY hates me specifically.

We didn’t see Em and Merc for the entirety of V7, and I can’t help but wonder what on earth went on between them during all of that. I feel like, from what we know from V8, with Mercury leaving Cinder to work under Salem directly, he had to have told Emerald before he did it. I think he made one last-ditch attempt to get through to her about Cinder not truly caring for who she is as a person, only caring about what Emerald can do for her, but again couldn’t reach her. So he decided to just leave, to prove it to her that Cinder never cared. And the thing is, too, Mercury outlived his use for Cinder. He had that fake leg trick at the Fall of Beacon, but aside from that, Cinder just uses him as muscle. And she could just as easily find anyone else with that ability, someone who has a semblance, too. I think Mercury actually might’ve been a little worried he’d get left behind (even if he didn’t quite realize it) when he decided to work under Salem directly. I dunno. Wait I’m going on a tangent again okay focus Combat focus we are talking about Mercury’s soft side. Okay maybe not soft just less rough than the rest of him. ANYWAY

As far as V8 goes, I don’t think Mercury has completely given up trying to get it through Emerald’s head that Cinder is bad for her. But I do think he tries a little less cuz it kills him inside to see that cycle happen and feel powerless to prevent it but he at least has to try. In V8E6. After Emerald brings Cinder back to the whale. She was just trying to help. “I think she’s had enough help.” Mercury is now bold enough to shittalk Cinder to her face, why’s that, I wonder, hmmmm??????? “Would you stop trying to protect her, already? She doesn’t care about you.” Where’s all this coming from? Huh? Oh, Cinder’s mad. So she tries to kick them out. And Mercury’s like SURPRISE BITCH I don’t work for you anymore. When he says that. Emerald doesn’t even look surprised at all. I just knowwww Mercury told her beforehand!! Like I said! She’s just like :(... meanwhile Cinder is like !?!?!?. I might just be brainrotted but Emerald leaves without waiting for Cinder to leave first, she follows Mercury instead, and I think that’s a nice little detail. Later in that same episode, when they’re all gathered, Mercury looks over to where Emerald is kneeling, just to check on her. I think that is also a sweet little detail.

And Then Volume Eight Episode Seven: War Happens. “He’s a prisoner, Em, he’ll say what he thinks will get him out.” I’m sure you know all about saying what you think will get you out of a little pain and punishment, don’t you, Mr. Black. Also I screamed when he called her Em. And I want to mention. Emerald did not go to Cinder with this. Emerald went to Mercury with it first. Emerald did not tell Cinder a single thing about the lamp and Jinn, she told MERCURY. MERCURY!!! I think, even if it’s just the slightest, smallest bit, he did get through to her just a little bit by telling her Cinder doesn’t care. “I know better than to disobey Salem.” I think that might’ve been a dig at Cinder actually. But also he knows the price of disobedience. So.

His voice drops so much between “Look, even if what he said was true, we can’t stop Salem.” Mercury is just as afraid of Salem as everyone else is, he just puts on airs to seem like a detached cool tough guy. “Big guy’s not gonna pick fights he can’t win. Neither should we.” Mercury knows that well, and it’s showed in so many aspects of him. He stops the fight with Pyrrha when he gets what he needs. He almost singlehandedly defeats Coco and Yatsu at Vytal. He loses on purpose to Yang at Vytal. And he kinda does kick ass during the battle of Haven. He intimidates Emerald into not fighting in V6. He doesn’t fight Tyrian back. And he takes whatever orders are given to him by Salem. He knows what it’s like to lose a fight and he does not like it.

Tyrian coming up to retrieve Mercury to take him to Vacuo... that scene is so... ough. Mercury tenses up SO much when Tyrian grabs his shoulder I can feel the tension in my own muscles. Mercury has so many second thoughts in that one short moment where Tyrian talks about Salem ending the world, and you can see it all over his face! I want to cry. “Come along, Mr. Black.” I just know Mercury hates being called that more than anything. I knowwww that’s what people In The Know called Marcus. I mean, hell, he probably had to call Marcus ‘Mr. Black’ on occasion. When Tyrian shoves him forward, he looks back at Emerald. But Tyrian keeps him going.

And then, finally, the last time we saw Mercury Black, literally almost two fucking whole years ago now, was him in the manta about to fly out to Vacuo. And he exchanged that LOOK with Emerald. (That Look is still my phone lockscreen to this day.) So many silent thoughts are communicated just through his nod. You’ve got this. You’re gonna be okay. I’m gonna be okay. We’re gonna be okay.

Reader, they are not going to be okay.

#I just have lots of feelings about mister Mercury Black #I feel like the wider fndm as a whole doesn't understand him and his circumstances #So it's easy for them to write him off as Just Some Asshole #Which like. OK. Yes. He is very much Just Some Asshole. I would agree that not even CRWBY really gets what they want to do with him #But I'm not CRWBY and I'm taking custody of him and I'm deciding that Actually Yes. It IS that deep.#It IS that deep and it always will be.#He's my scrunkly oinkly blinkbo whatever the fuck #I got nauseous several times writing this post. God. He is so special to me #OUTOFCOMBAT | OOC #TXT #META: MERCURY #HEADCANON: MERCURY #Is this meta? I don't think I know what Meta means #anyway. Sorry about the category 5 mental illness event #I just have lots of thoughts and feelings and emotions and and and and and

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