#but i was able to read it online

[painlandpalace]

feeling so crazyballs right now (GO READ THE NEW DEAD BOY DETECTIVES COMIC)

#THE COMIC STORE DIDNT GET THEIR SHIT SHIPPED #SO I DIDNT GET A PHYSICAL COPY YESTERDAY #but i was able to read it online #and ill get it when the store does #anyway . #i was like pretty convinced crystal just woukd not be involved in this run at all and i was sad #BUT THIS IS SADDER #my little scrunklies #dead boy detectives #dead boy detectives spoilers #edwin paine #charles rowland #crystal palace

[andisupreme]

I moved recently to start a new job and part of my commute now involves one of those high capacity toll booths where a two lane road suddenly flares out into 5-7 lanes of total anarchy with no lines anywhere, and then narrows back down to two lanes again, and we're just supposed to sort ourselves out? Who designed this

anyway I dreamed up this helpful anatomical guide on the drive home

#thought of flipping it upside down for it to read correctly but then it didn't feel like the driver pov #oh also yeah aside from generally pulling back from online spaces for the most part I've started a FAST-PACED full-time job #after on and off contract/part time work since 2020 #I am WIPED #all the time #exhausted #I'm told I will adjust and I am trusting these people but holy shit I'm capital B Bushed #you will not see me frequently anymore but do not mourn for me #I am adjusting to my new fish tank... #I will be thriving #by the time I turn 30 next year I will be able to hit my 30s at a run #I'm feeling it mr krabs

[lilybug-02]

Patience and responsibility....that's a promise....right?

Part 27 First || Previous || Next

--Full Series--

An exorcism? In my family-friendly Deltarune? It's more likely than you may think. The backgrounds here were very interesting! Much more complex than how I usually do them (especially that computer).

Player POV:

Feral energy.

#Syke! Chara has no idea how to do sh*t with Exorcisms #in a society where it's literally seen as a blessing of some kind. It is seen as unethical! Your hurting the silly little guy :( #Why is Azzy so hesitant with this festival?? #WHAT THE HECK IS THE ANGELS LANDING DAY??? Azzy get over here- #without a soul?.....I dont know any creatures like that....plants maybe? #That is totally a knock off Mario cart and not a png I found online. DO NOT LOOK INTO THIS #Salt!? owo hehehe #I was very iffy on how much light I wanted here. I kept layering the darkness lmaoo. They kept the lights low in case Toriel woke up. #can you spot the everyman? ;) #hmm your not supposed to be able to read the computer....but I may make an update so people can actually see it?? I hate to leave it grainy #but im a little tired so thats maybe for tomorrow! #thank you all again for waiting so long! #deltarune chara timeline #deltarune chara timeline comic #bread #art #my art #chara #asriel #kris #susie

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Lackadaisy Enrichment

#in our enclosures!! #video linked as source; which i'm glad to see already has a million views and is trending. That's Right #lackadaisy #WHICH i have been reading since at least '07 when i was thirteen my god b/c this animation is based on the ongoing webcomic #like does its influence show up Directly in some Discrete way i can point to in my art? not very easily probably. And Yet. #the inspiration....i wasn't able to be Regularly Only for at least another year / art done Nonprofessionally Online was novel to me #like wow ppl can make & post fanart of w/e they love huh....didn't know webcomics were a thing & i never really read that many since but. #good god the quality of Lackadaisy at its onset is like this is superb?? this person putting in all their talent and effort??? #and Then you get years & years more art and i don't even know what superlatives to throw out abt its quality as it evolves. obsessed w/it.. #if i see a new lackadaisy comic page i Will be acting out. obviously this animation is a delight & also stunning. and fascinating to also #juxtapose as a Translation / Interpretation of the comic in a different medium & standalone snippet of Story #and that we're not even quite there in the comic timeline; Taking Notes abt character info we get distilledly here....genuinely love like #take it back to '07 i'm like oh boy can't wait for the dream team to assemble. then a decade later when it did? Oh Boy. that is payoff lol #namely hooray for stitches and mudbug at the field office for every passing gangster. killing one marigold associate but not the other #which seems like a promising start to shootouts w/the other dream team triumvirate. i adore that in canon so far mordecai freckle & rocky #have met but only over a nice brunch. re: all intentions anyways. anyways i'm like Gifs Must Be Made while i'm also so riled afresh abt the #comic that i've been sooo hype for for over fifteen yrs now babeyyy Deservedly. i've done a couple of rereads & ought to do another.... #For Interest it'd probably take a few sittings to catch up from the start but there is much to be engaged over....this ongoing story that's #historical fiction prohibition bootlegging cats with plenty of focus on characters & several Mysteries. which i'm better at parsing now lol #like one of the more recent rereads like Oh Of Course x (probably) accidentally killed his y & z took the fall & that's a binding secret... #Not [oh of course] abt the circumstances surrounding a's death & how b & c were involved. nor the ''what's marigold's damage'' mystery #which is great. love to not know things. love that we can readily follow all the emergent drama everyone's wading in nowadays. hell yeah #anyways admire my organized approach to gifs here. four shots each Expressions Atmosphere Action Groupshots #sure might've muddled through gifmaking for this anyways but fr being a huge lackadaisy comic enjoyer for now most of my life helps #and its very Overall Inspiration like. just really getting the [you can really just draw stuff out here] going. fr the art's detail & skill #and that enrichment like i'm gonna have a great time following this. And I Have #you don't expect a crowdfunded indie animation in the mix back then but hell yeah fellas #SIGH ok removing a 4th gif that's broken / not displayed despite reuploading then entirely remaking it. if it's a bug i'll try again later

[silusvesuius]

unleashing the same hellscape i did on my notes app here it's my nelvas thinking dump i wrote just for fun and to keep track of what i view them as up 2 this point. Might change my mind on it later on it has a lot of things written in brackets for no reason . it's like ~2500 words long which isn't much but i think i said everything i've had in my mind for now read it for fun if you like to have fun leik me :) And talvas :) And nelothxP

retyping what i said in the tags of those last text posts and rearranging those thoughts a bit: in my train of thought that's been going steady since early 2024 i'm almost certain that neloth might see talvas as the epitome of being morally Clean (before that changes because of neloth's influence over him) and generally pure as a person. pure not used in the Pervert way; neloth is just a veeery big fan of talvas having absolutely no backbone and being very docile when it comes to him. which is r expected traits 4 someone if they find themselves under neloth's thumb as an apprentice, but it being written that he isn't at all catty and defiant to his face is cute. all talvas manages to do is shit talk neloth to others and pray neloth doesn't find out he meant the things he said but also can’t help feeling bad about it, even though neloth doesn't and wouldn't care, if he found out. neloth is happy with being an obnoxious & disgusting person. truly.. him growing obsessed with talvas' docile and innocent nature doesn't necessarily have to add up to him wanting to Taint or Ruin him (and if it happens ((it does)) it's not done on purpose, neloth can't hold that much control and power of his actions in that specific department). he encounters difficulties when he realizes he actually wants that Elven Twink.. it's too far gone to fix anything after he's tampered with talvas' patience and stability, and even then he can't be honest with talvas about anything, because he still wants to hold a great deal of power over him (neloth essentials for survival).

Might be the type to just want talvas to magically(haha) think it's okay that his wizard master desires him and expect that energy right back without talvas actually acknowledging it because it'd make neloth feel insanely cringy and embarrassed.. humiliated.. EVEN. but that's just in a deep deep dark corner of his mind, he isn't stupid. when trying to gain 'access' to his apprentice ("*His* apprentice" is also kinda funny way of viewing his mind too. just cause talvas is working as an apprentice under him neloth probably already feels a concerning sense of ownership over him that makes him feel very good) he can't even make the signs of interest be apparent to talvas because he's insanely inept at being Soft and honest for obvious reasons. he can tell what possibly could make talvas warm up to him even after he treats him like shit for eons but there's no way he's bringing himself to do it (change is embarrassing, especially in their formal dynamic, and especially at his age). so it's a half-assed attempt (actually he's trying his hardest🙄) to try and make talvas be (at least) less afraid of him. not that talvas has any other place that we know of that he "Belongs" to, he just sticks with neloth regardless of anything. neloth watching him as he sleeps ensues . Guys what do i do to make my apprentice let me hit because all of the eye contact i do with him while gripping his arm or petting his knee isn't helping. 

if we were to go back to how that spark is ignited in neloth swamp of a heart, brain… idk, it has to be when he realizes talvas' capability of forgiveness and 'Sucking it up' instead of lashing out at neloth after .. anything, but perhaps physical abuse in particular. neloth a 100% has absolutely no problem putting his hands on anyone, especially someone he sees so often, such as talvas. not that talvas really annoys him (his clear and voiced obedience pleases neloth as anyone can tell), but he just doesn't see it as too much of a big deal. the physical mistreatment that happens once in a blue moon isn't intense enough to scare off talvas for sure anyways. neloth is a bitch so all he can so is smack him at the back of the head (talvas finds it very normal) and slap him if he's feeling festive (something talvas finds kinda extreme but not that it happens often. he sometimes feels like he deserves it, or that neloth is warranted to do as he pleases. he tosses around it being justified or pitying himself, though). May be possible that neloth would realize he Like Likes talvas once he slaps him, mayhaps, for the first time, but talvas' immediate reaction to being treated like that is just sadness mixed with feeling shame for tearing up/crying in front of someone he respects *bishoujo sparkles sfx*. talvas is a delicate soul so he can't hold warranted emotions like that for long, and even tho it's expected of him to be making eye contact w/ neloth in a setting like that, he wouldn't be able 2 bring himself to do it because looking at neloth would make him wanna burst out in tears like a weeeee baby. Booo hooo.. talvas is the 19th century (4th era) damsel that runs out of the ball in tears after no young cavalier invited her to dance. watch this bleed into the most awkward and silent week of neloth's entire life because talvas doesn't even really feel like speaking to him or looking at him, but neloth doesn't wanna brute force the usual respectful etiquette out of him cus he thinks that's just gonna make talvas hurl himself down on some rough rocks at the seashore. Good thing talvas is very spineless and forgiving (especially in relation to neloth… i mean.. who r YOU to not forgive him) so that might just last a day or two. the hurt always stays tho. neloth this is why talvas doesn't wanna smash you.. you might've made some conclusions about what elven twink you like but talvas is just even more scared of you now. was your Pervert awakening worth it. and even if we do backflips and jump thru the point where everything is too far gone for either of them to go back, dude is still too afraid to make out with his apprentice. Deserve. but why though because talvas wouldn't refuse. for what reason? we may never know

^^^ this makes me feel like i love seeing characters i reaaaalllly love (elenwen and talvas in this case) as enigmas in situations where they're confronted with something so ""Intimate"". elenwen's stance on this is final tho cause she's a grown ass woman and there's no way you could reshape her brain. ulfric left her mind plane in SHAMBLES. talvas has more right (in the literal sense) to be erratic or inconsistent with his actions. maybe he likes to be desired. Also i strongly believe that talvas has probably never been in love (for any reason rly but it's mostly him not having actual time for it + not seeing it as something that is important to him at that point in his life)… i want neloth to be his first experience with Love so that it ruin his view on it forever. can't get myself to say he'd be in love with neloth at any point though. From his standpoint it really should feel empowering and 'nice' that neloth wants him in many ways (ew).. cause that's a man with status.. power.. ability to do anything rly . talvas is in no condition to be playing mind games with him or anything tho so don't get that idea. he's not strong enough of a person to be Tricking anyone or to be Playing with anyone's feelings. neloth would be immune to that, too. neloth can just kinda tell talvas is too good and … UNTAINTED. talvas wants to see the best in everyone. too bad he genuinely detests you, neloth.. so: he doesn't actually love neloth but wouldn't be happy to see his tombstone either. SO (PART TWO): if you time it right he wouldn't be against getting Freakkkkyyyy with you okay?but no promises

even if @ some point talvas develops indistinct feelings towards neloth cause of neloth's own incessant weird-mild advances it wouldn't have to mean he just likes old men permanently now. actually it kinda does. i can sorta feel it rearranging his braincells and making him unable to normally interact with people in his age range. he probably already had a hard time talking to others in hopes of developing a friendship just cause he's timid but after neloth's nonstop abuse and Accidental romance mind games he morphs into a whole new type of guy. it's hard to notice at first but he'd probably just start to leech off of neloth's prissy and unbearable personality in a natural course of things + neloth is the only person he sees and talks to on the regular pretty much. < this can just be reworded as just the cycle of abuse and whatnot. if he notices an opening in the abilities and Smarts of another person, especially someone his age/younger, he will automatically see them as umm…stupid. and also insult your abilities to your face if he snaps. he strikes me as the type to be afraid to say what he really thinks (another consequence of being glued to neloth all the time when all talvas does is act like he totally respects anything he says) and gets scared if anything slips out his mouth but is proud in letting the "Truth" be known because he already figured out you're a lesser being than him. he's just cloning neloth's verbal abuse braincells though he would never put his hands on someone. his desire to be mean and see himself as superior stems from neloth always disparaging him obviously.. talvas 4 that reason is very self conscious of his abilities and doesn't rly think he's all that useful or talented. his self doubt then would play into how he doesn't know when to believe what others are saying to and about him.. i wanna imagine that talvas is very oblivious to neloth's weirdo status just cause he partly doesn't even want that thought to cross his mind. i bet everyone but him sees it and finds it gross😕 but nobody in the vicinity is strong enough to tell neloth that he should be ashamed LMFAO. if you would try and even hint to talvas that it's happening he'd never take you seriously and just get mad. he's protective of neloth's image more than neloth himself is; not that people knowing neloth has abnormal sodomistic inclinations toward his apprentice would make his public image worse than it already is (everyone already thinks he's weird so it's not shocking at all) but talvas still wouldn't wanna hear it cause he thinks it's just false. maybe he's just ashamed that he's being brought into the whole thing. also because he doesn't wanna face the reality EJI23JRIO32KJ Well talvas when neloth makes an actual move on you don't say that we didn't warn you.. we're all waiting till neloth's status as an obvious apprentice-pervert becomes obvious to you

even if he's willingly ignorant of the fact he still thinks of the 'accusations' a lot when he feels like it. and unknowingly begins feeling even more uncomfortable in neloth's presence. heart starts beating faster and everything. neloth could come up to him meters away and talvas would still cover his mouth in realization and be like "i knew it… the DB told me but i didn't wanna believe it …..😦 so you really do like young men … and you're in love with me ..😨" *Neloth wakes up from this fever dream drenched in sweat* < neloth doesn't want (obvi) talvas to react that way at any point because he himself would just get scared so they'd just be staring at each other wide eyed. but talvas jumping into his advances isn't what he wants either (that'll also scare him). neloth is still relying on talvas' politeness to let him do as he pleases. but it is impossible for talvas to let it slide without questioning anything regardless so🤷‍♀️ take your few Ls and move on. neloth just wants talvas to sit on his lap. wants to spoonfeed him soup. he's so romantic. he also wants to(sniper on rooftop blows my head to bits). neloth is actually a pretty touchy feely person when he's feeling Frisky (=deranged about talvas). I'm certain his favorite part of talvas' body is his legs. talvas has beautiful young man skipping leg day legs. so nothing special at all but neloth wants to touch them lol.. let your master wizard squeeze your calves and he might just be occupied enough like a kid playing with a fidget toy to not abuse you verbally for 3 seconds. as i said befoar neloth is unpleasant with his touch because he doesn't know how to be soft + doesn't even want it to necessarily feel very 'rewarding' as to not pamper talvas. petting talvas kinda turns into a nervous habit for himself and an instrument of some sort of Reassurance 4 talvas when he wants him to know he’s not mad, for example. non-vebal confirmation. talvas still finds it weird but thinks it’s a charm point too. neloth wouldn't even be against touching him familiarly in front of others but only in a "older male figure" ways ex. touching his knee or putting his hand at the back of his neck (talvas sees it as some sort of disciplinary tactic though). physical touch that matches neloth's age and is enough for it to be seen as not necessarily romantic / overtly weird. 

there'ssssss no saving talvas after such a powerful person gets his hands on him. any will to leave would leave HIM either out of fear or out of attachment and neloth wouldn't just let him go (Alive at least) since he knows the things he knows. if talvas were to escape i'm a Truther of him not feeling in place and wanting to go back cause it's the stability that he's used to. but tbh if he encounters neloth on accident anywhere he's gonna start running. I was drinking tea while writing this and started choking on it i just nearly died writing this are youhappy. anyways, nelvas is a never-ending abusive relationship that doesn’t even have High highs, all it has is low lows. neloth always mistreats talvas for any reason but is never genuinely kind from the heart or out of remorse. .. hmm……yeah. I forgot to type this back out from my posts tags > talvas might just start viewing neloth as fuck crazy and demented after he Finally notices at least one molecular sign of gay attention from him . like ‘Oh wow Master Neloth obviously doesn’t get any female attention or anything cus he’s a sick fuck why does he have to search for it from me Can varona take the hit for me 🥺 *sees her dead body being dragged by the DB* hmm i guess not well i’ll figure something out i guess’ (he doesn’t) also the dialogue talvas has with varona after he steals neloth’s book trying to conjure some bs up will always be so cute to me he’s so defensive and afraid of neloth finding out. Him trying to decipher neloth’s handwriting is cute TOO ik their 19th century love letters to each other would go crazy and make sense to anyone but each other but i’m not gonna talk about 19th century girl talvas x neloth rn it’s too much . what ever. i think i’m done thank you i should just go back to drawing them as grecian pottery red figures or smthj Fun stats for you 4 getting to the end: times the word ‘abuse’ is used: 6

#text #i've been putting more meaning(?) into the nelvas-es i've been drawing lately so i wanted to see how it would reflect in words #the fact that dis will show up in tags will haunt me a little bit but if i add asteriks it will be incomprehensible LOL #i hope this isn't too hard to understand when reading bc i know i have an easier time reading stuff like this instead of 'snobby' writing - #- bc i like knowing how the thoughts were brewing as they were written down. #but it may not be the case for all people. #what do U think of it. #i think what i;ve always liked the most in being able to talk w/ people Online is getting to know their thoughts on the same thing #more than anything else #i literally sucked and spit out all of the skajrim lore factors out of their relationship pretty much (not that it had much in the first - #- place) so it's just a reading on a possible scenario with the characters i was given #i mean characters i put in the soup pot decorating the middle of my brain #this is december-may 2024 facts for now #just so i remember #abuse // #< OKAY #log #< is gonna be my tag for this type of thing if i end up saying more because i already started torturing my notes app with what i think of - #- civil war characters #tumblr is pussy so it made me reformat the paragraph breaks i made. they don't rly matter anyway but still

[andrasta14]

God, rewatching Angel is always so brutally bittersweet. Every damn time there's a happy or touching moment my heart has to cry the refrain of "but most of them will be dead in just a few years".

Doyle. Cordelia. Fred. Wesley. And still others.

That's the knowledge Angel will have to live with for the rest of his undead life, that the price of choosing to fight the good fight at his side got his best friends killed in the end. His friends who, unlike him, hadn't taken up the fight because they had a dark past to atone for, but just because they'd wanted to help people. Because they'd wanted to give their all to beat back the dark, even at the cost of eventually snuffing out their own light in the world.

And the thing is they wouldn't even have regretted it, in fact they chose it again and again at every step, because that's the kind of heroes they were.

Yep...this show is so brutally bittersweet.

I'm fine, this is fine. T_T

#my random ramblings #me working my way through rewatching my old dvd boxsets because my laptop isn't working #angel the series #angel the vampire #cordelia chase #wesley wyndam pryce #fred burkle #whedonverse #I can't believe it's been so many years and I *still* haven't gotten around to reading any of the comics #there are so many of them at this point that it'll take me years to be able to afford to buy them all #they must be available online for free somewhere but again...my laptop still isn't working *sigh* #A14

[aesrot]

why is it so hard to find good info abt cluster b and/or their symptoms -.-

#lua talks #trying to find out if what i experience is actual paranoia or not #bc even tho i often have thoughts of being watched and that im endangered; they're not as strong as the examples i found online #and the stronger thoughts are related to people close to me rather than strangers (which i do experience but a lot less intense) #and its almost always triggered by rsd/social anxiety; which makes me think that it might be just those rather than paranoia #also read up on bpd but its so hard to find good info abt it #man i cant wait to be able to afford help. hope i can find a good doctor tho :') #anyways #another day finding out another way i may be mess up #tbd #maybe

[vehemourn]

emo dog era

#k #my art #emo dog #posting this shit online and actually trying to sell it is what keeps me humble <3 #makes me realize maybe im not the godlike all-appealing artist and designer i so thought i was LOL #but eet ees okay.. when i started working on this guys ref i knew there was like an 80% chance he was going to flop because i just. havent. #been able to sell anything for a really long time #so i already have werewolfification ideas for him #i miss the emo dog community so bad sometimes T__T. so so so bad. #digression. whatever this is my tumblr post and its YOUR!! fault for reading this far in the tags :/ #emo #dog #canine #furry #furry art #furry oc #furry artist #ugh. im tired of taggigng gootbye.

[okkennymay]

Commission for @sophronns​ 

[SLAMS HANDS ON TABLE] MAN I LOVE EXPRESSION CHALLENGES! 

Oooooh I got a lovely batch of commissions once again and I couldn’t be happier!~ Had to take a moment to catch my breath after responding to so many wonderful people and getting WIPs done for most of them, so that I may settle in for the long haul, flipping between commissions, my own projects and resting in attempt for a healthy work life balance! Thank you to all who signal boosted by reblogging, it means a lot to me yah’ll think price sheets worth passing around~ 😊💖 

#Commission #Expression challenge #Kennys commissions #others ocs #OKKennymay #Sophronns #Trying to get into the habit of posting more regularly #I gotta tell myself it doesn't have to be a whole pile of things everytime esp 'cause that drains the heck outta me and then I vanish again #Nor just because I post something does it mean people will be angry with me just because I was online but didn't respond to them yet #and if they do well clearly theyre not very nice #just remember how many have been so patient and welcoming- just happy to see me when i'm able to appear that's what I need to remember #So many affirming voices telling me it's okay to slow down and take it at my own pace brings me such peace to my worrisome mind #Kenny out here spilling his guts in the tags again for those who care to listen #Thank you for reading

[todayisafridaynight]

i HAVE to keep the daigo plush locked away lest i squeeze it every five minutes to alleviate the cuteness aggression i feel whenever i see it

#snap chats #being without my computer charger has been maddening #that makes me sound terminally online and its because i am. its also cause all i ever wanna do is draw :(( #AND I ESP WANNA WORK ON MY COMMS NOOOOO FUCK #i mean i was at least able to read through yakuza’s bias vol 2… so theres that… #MY SCHOOL STORE DIDNT HAVE LAPTOP CHARGERS i had to order one… hopefully it gets here Overnight like i asked….. if not ill kill #anyway. daigo plushie so cute :(((((((((((((((( #mine cute too but theres just something especially squeezeable about daigo #alas.. thats what the aoki plush’ll be for. my personal stress toy ☠️☠️☠️☠️ #lowkey i wish i also got ichi but then i remenbee they made him pale as all hell and Yeah Im Not Putting Money To That #THE SMALLEST BIT OF A TAN I BEG YOU RGG WHY IS HE SO PALE IT DONT LOOK RIIIIGHT :(((( #anyway.. i have my last class in half an hour… lemme drink this tea… #also Lowkey obsessed with my outfit today.. its that butterfly shirt + gold accessories since theyre monarch butterflies #tho Lowkey 2x the black and yellow remind me of the watase blokes from gaiden…… wack….. #ok bye its tea time #help one of my roommates just came home and she just announces like. ‘man those edibles were. OUGH’ #calling my dad to pick me up nooo im a lame straight edge dont talk about drugs around me ill scream and cry LMAO #ok im done byebye lemme drink this good god

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

AHH

The fucking hiring agency website man istg

They fixed my legal name on the tax forms

So I managed to get those filled out

And now its just stuck in a never ending loop of reloading the page and when it does load nothing works

#i mean it appears to have saved the information #so im gonna say its probably fine #but goddamn could we have done this in person instead of online #this website is awful #also i couldnt read the explanations for each section as i was choosing things cuz of the way its formatted #so i had to google the ones i wasnt sure on #i havent had to fill one of these out in four years (closer to 5 actually) so i wanted to make sure i was selecting the right things #it all looks good tho #i was able to review it and make changes before i submitted it #but goddamn this fucking website #if youre gonna have people do all this shit online maybe have a better website

[dearmrsawyer]

sawyer was sick over the weekend so we got some blood tests done and it turns out she is diabetic, she stayed at the vet a couple of nights, it was really strange to be alone in my room those nights. i spend more time with her than anybody. then we were supposed to pick her up thursday morning and they said to come in the evening instead because her glucose was v low. the vet asked me to find a glucose sensor to bring with me that evening, it was a public holiday so i had to find a pharmacy that was actually open. when we went to get her we waited 90 minutes and the sensor was being weird so they said come back later. finally brought her back home at 11pm and the sensor still wasn't working, had to go buy another sensor and bring her back this morning to switch them out, had to leave her there for a few hours so they could switch them and make sure the new one worked, then come back in the afternoon. i've had like no sleep at all this week, its a miracle i kept my eyes open to get training to give her insulin. she's so much better since she came home, even though she's not stabilised yet she very clearly feels heaps better ❤ it was such a relief to have her sleeping on my bed again last night. i was still up all night because i felt like i needed to keep an eye on her because i didn't have the monitor. we'll be in and out a lot over the next couple of weeks while they fine tune her dosage and monitor her levels.

#i want to know when i get a break #had planed to use this week to catch up on the prof development course i enrolled in months ago that started the day before nonna passed #i hoped it would be a chance to really apply my mind to something because i feel like my brain is utterly degenerated #after the time i took off this week for this i won't be able to do any of it before it closes i'll just have to download the modules #and read them in my own time without doing any activities/participating in discussions #have to keep canceling my dental check up because things keep coming up #i've also spent the last few weeks trying to link my online tax account to my government services account but it says all my info is wrong #no matter what i give them #what do i need to do #my life updates are so miserable. i delete so many of the posts i start because they just depress me #i deleted two earlier this week #feel like i need to get something out so i keep coming back to try #i still haven't asked hr about whether we have that counselling service thing because i keep forgetting bc i always have so much to catch u #on #i'll try to remember to do it next week #tp

[maskedchip]

yknow at this point i have drawn so many images i can draw pretty fast now. i think that's the best outcome after years of tormenting over how slow of an artist i was. mainly bc i really had no idea what i was doing, so i would spend HOURS on just a full-body character design or something of the like. of course all the practice and time spent studying anatomy or color makes things easy now (also obsession but we already know about all that)

i think its hard to learn that not all your art is precious and by that i mean of course u cant create masterpieces in a day and shouldnt torment over not being able to get something right the first time. the silly doodles all count towards something. i joke about having perpetual wips but i think my favorite thing is saving past ideas and reworking them later just to see how they changed. bc art, like people, is so dynamic. constantly changing.

and the best feeling is making the art u imagined years ago come to life or you get a bit closer to producing the work that you saw in your head. mmmmm growth.

#i think it took years of pain and frustration and i still feel uneasy about my art but i aim to improve always so i think thats a good thing #like these days i dont really care about quality or what the people will like. i just draw whatever idea and post for funsies #and i want to be able to do that for a long time 😭 #all my vent post are about art bc i dont wanna be too personal online LOL but I FEEL BAD I JUST HAVE A SERIOUS CASE OF IMPOSTER SYNDROME #SORRY #but yea i read every tag and the essay length ones always make me happy like thank you. <3 for simply looking at my art. it means a lot #im at a weird part of my life sorry if i get all sentimental and wistful i just. woa. art 🧍‍♂️

[wayfinderships]

Good morning gamers! :D Hope you're all doing well!! As for me, I actually wanted to ask something!

👉👈 Do any of y'all have any Manga Recommendations? No genre in particular (though I'd appreciate if the series is already completed but it's not required!), I've just missed reading some manga

#pan rambles #A pal gave me one about a week or so but I read it quite quickly-agksnfk #At least the only chapters that I was able to find online #😔And now I'm back to searching for a new manga to read #Oh also length doesn't bother me. I'm the fool that has read O.ne P.iece like 3 times- #But yeah! if y'all have any recommendations then I'm all ears!

[northern-passage]

Genuine thought as a fellow trans dude, I’ve seen a lot of (obviously non-serious) questions on other blogs about characters’ genitals such as “how does it look like?” and similar, and I think we all know & understand that such questions are extremely inappropriate to ask and (I hope) no one would actually go around asking these questions irl. Idk, I think we should treat trans characters just like cis ones, without any special “precautions”, so to normalise them and not make cis people treat them like fragile boxes, a thing which happens to a lot of us irl. Hope this doesn’t come off as an attack or anything lol.

no worries, i didn't take this as an attack at all. i actually agree with you, that's why i mentioned feeling conflicted about it and also mentioned that i've changed my stance on how i felt about handling Noel and Clementine in game and in explicit intimate scenes.

however, for me the problem comes from the fact that people... don't ask these kinds of questions about cis characters? i suppose people do get cheeky "who is the biggest 🤪" asks but i would hardly compare the two. to be a bit crude, no one is going to be asking if a cis character has a dick or not, or "what does it look like". of course it's natural for people to be curious, and i honestly encourage the open discussion and am happy to see trans bodies being talked about more in a positive way, but not everyone is going to be comfortable with it due to the inescapable transphobia online and in the community. sending me that kind of ask is like sending out an invitation for a debate or a discussion that i don't necessarily want to have. i also just don't think people should default to asking a random IF author on tumblr dot com to describe what bottom growth looks like.

and with most of these asks typically coming from someone who is anonymous, i have no way of truly knowing what the tone is, what their intentions are or why this is being asked - is it another trans person? or maybe someone who is just genuinely curious? or, more likely in my experience, is it someone who is going to immediately follow up this message with something transphobic after i answer? do i want to roll the dice and find out?

so while i agree with what you're saying, it's important to consider the context and the reality we live in. the IF community is not kind to trans people or trans characters. and as a trans person, my first priority is protecting myself and my mental health. so what i mean when i say "precautions," is that those precautions are for me, because i've had to deal with transphobic harassment here for years now, and i try to mitigate it as much as i can. it's also for my personal comfort - again, to be blunt, i'm simply just not comfortable discussing a trans character's genitals with anonymous strangers on the internet. it makes me feel vulnerable.

also i do want to say i didn't mean for any of that to come across as a dig at other authors - if you're comfortable answering those kinds of questions, that's really only something you can decide for yourself. like i said, this is just coming from my own experiences in IF and for my own personal comfort - i have previously talked a lot about trans stuff and gender and sexuality here, when i'm feeling up to it, but it is something that is very draining for me and can also be very upsetting.

basically: i do agree that it's important not to other trans characters or treat them any differently than cis characters, but i also think there are ways to do it that don't require me answering invasive questions or questions that i don't feel comfortable with as a real life trans person, you know what i mean?

#hopefully this better explains what i was trying to say #again no worries anon i've had this exact conversation before with other trans people #and it's something that i don't think has a perfect solution esp with the current... climate #and especially online with the anonymity it makes these topics really touchy. you don't know who is reading this or who is interacting #if it's sincere or in bad faith #things have changed a lot in the IF community for the better but it's still not safe and i always advocate for an author to protect #themself first #back when i started tnp it was not at all common for ppl to list characters as cis #really it was only nb or trans characters that got listed in that way #and it's why i chose not to do that and why i wanted the player to find out lea and merry was trans at the same time as the hunter #same with noel and clem and their privacy #giving them that agency was important to me #and it's still important to me now #but i got a lot of harassment because of that. the lea reveal didnt even end up in game it was on the blog and it was weeks of harassment #afterwards that still makes me anxious to this day whenever i talk about lea's transness #so basically like. it comes down to what someone is comfortable with and what they're mentally able to handle #edit: thinkin abt it more &im going to be honest if someone sent me an ask that said ‘what does it look like’ i would be very Not Happy #like cis people & cis characters do Not get treated that way so why would i allow it for my trans characters #so i stand by saying that these asks are inappropriate like. i obviously dont know the context of what ur referencing #but that’s a hard no from me personally either way #to me as a trans person that question in itself is othering and objectifying #ask #anonymous

[murphyslawyer]

why didn't that idiot just fucking kiss me in Rome? I think I'm going fucking crazy

#Johanna speaks #this is about the german roomie btw :) #i want to marry her #<- tumblr just suggested me this tag and I will neither confirm nor deny those allegations 🥴 (😭😭😭) #I genuinely don't get how people are okay with just interacting online because every time I try to talk to her I feel like I'm overstepping #I'm not great with social cues irl either but not being able to see her reaction makes me feel like I might be acting like a weirdo #so I end up not really interacting as much as I'd like. I KNOW I am probably overthinking but I really don't want to make things weird #I might still be reading too much into it. I sure fucking hope not but it wouldn't surprise me if this was yet another one-sided thing #I maintain that she nearly kissed me back in Rome tho lmao #anyway everyone wish me a very happy go to Dublin in August and make out with cute german girl pls 🥰 #L