#but i have to remind myself that i'm not a huge asshole & I'm just a shut-in | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

performing-personhood · 2 months

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I learned a kind of funny thing and I need to tell you bc it's important, cmere. Lean in so the others can't hear okay?

Ok so like

I know that the reason we are the way we are is because at some point we took up some space - as people do - and someone turned to us and went "whoa, excuse you! What do you think you're doing" or something, right? And they were, like, surprised and offended that we took up space and told us to stay real small and subservient? And we were pretty young, you and me, and we didn't really grok Peopling yet and so we assumed that everyone else was going to have that expectation too?

Okay I just learned: that isn't true at all, that person was just an asshole.

Babe. BABE. This is big.

Ok do you realize ??? that most people when they're around someone - anyone, this is important, it's an unconscious reflex and happens rather automatically - and that person is like "I have an opinion and desires and also some needs and I am going to express them openly" Did you realize, because I didn't, that most people completely intuitively go "oh! There's another person here! Lemme just scootch over so they fit better :)" PEOPLE MAKE ROOM FOR YOU.

People don't ignore us, when we're silently having wants and needs and waiting our turn to be noticed, they just have similar very loud brains and have no idea because beung corporeal is Distracting™️. Not only do people just need a reminder that you're there, they're totally happy to accomodate. In a distinctly "ope! My bad, lemme just- here-" sort of way.

My spouse has a loud brain and drowns it out with Mario Kart. I've spent most of my life quietly entertaining myself in all of these instances, because at some point someone told me I was supposed to "go play" and nobody wanted to play with me so I entertained myself right? Okay. Well I recently had a sea change and decided I was gonna pop my headphones in and watch TV on my tablet when he was doing his Mario Karting. Because the boy will easily go for four hours and I just spontaneously realized that it would actually be ridiculous if he got butthurt at me for putting some quiet tv on for myself instead of watching a grown man play the same video game for hours.

You know what happened? Not only did nobody's feelings get hurt, but I have never made it more than twenty minutes into a show before he ends a match and switches the console off. And I have never asked him to do so. When I'm over there doing my own thing with my own TV show like a person instead of just scrolling on my phone trying real hard not to exist, somewhere in his unconscious he goes "there's a whole other human being on the other end of the sofa from me. I want to turn this off and engage with that person!"

Okay do you understand what I am telling you??

When you behave like a human person and treat yourself like a human person, other people also instinctively treat you like a human person and they're happy to be reminded that they get to engage with you. The person in our past that reacted differently and got mad at us for being a person, plainly and simply: they were just being an asshole to us.

The people we love want to engage with us. Almost all of them!!! And not only that?? Most other human beings feel the same way.

Huge. Big huge.

Don't take my word for it baby cakes okay, take a sec and muster up the courage (it'll be scary the first time, but the thinking about it is always scarier than doing it I swear) and then get back out there and practice being your very own human person occupying human people space, around someone who loves you, and just... watch what happens. The first time someone warmly, graciously, voluntarily accommodates you is the greatest feeling a corporeal being can experience, and you deserve it too.

#recovering people pleaser #recovering from abuse #recovering from trauma #recovering codependent #recovering from cptsd #cptsd recovery #actually cptsd #just neurodivergent things #actually neurodivergent #mental illness #things I learned in therapy #therapy works

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xzhdjsj · 15 days

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Ranking Sakuverse Characters!

I've seen a couple of these on my feed and thought I'd give it a try :))

- Zaros

I honestly don't know how he made his way to the top. When he was first let out of saku's basement, I raved about how much of an asshole he is and that I'd never like him but uhhh that didn’t quite age well did it?🤡 I also LOVEEEEEE fantasy settings so he definitely has my attention there.

- Andrew

Would've been number 1 if it wasn't for that menace of a man (seriously help me) Andrew was the first character I was introduced to and I love him too damn much. Forbidden romance always had me running laps and the way this man speaks AGHEHWJEJWJKSWKKWKSKW ACCENT>>>

- Xanthus

He's a vampire and I. LOVE. VAMPIRES. (No, I have not seen Twilight tho) Like come over here and take all my blood idc (I have iron deficiency💀) But on a serious note Xanthus is such a cool character and his story is a genius concept! Can't wait to see him beat Audric's ass🙏

- Isaac

Pookie wookie Isaac! I loved the slowburn of his story and I really enjoyed his chatacter development. He's so thoughtful and sweet too🥹 Deserves all the kisses!

- Jonah

As everyone has been saying GAMER BOY GAMER BOY GAMER BOY GAMER BOY +he gives me huge malewife energy! Need I say more?

- Elias

Another gamer boy, only partially but it counts! I especially enjoyed when he forced batista to call him pretty😭 like yes baby you are pretty DEMAND TO BE CALLED A PRETTY BOY! I also loveee his ear piercings! He's one of the reasons I got some myself🤭

- Kayson

Oh I love this idiot, he's another character that gives me malewife vibes. He's so supportive and sweet! Everyone deserves a Kayson in their life!

- Dontis

I didn't expect him to be this far down on my list😭 Dontis is quite the character. He's unique and I definitely feel his charm radiating through my screen. (He better make it out alive or I'm going to start a war) Oh and also accent>>> (Can you tell I'm a sucker for accents?)

- Rowan

GOLDEN RETRIEVER BOY. He's so damn sweet and I can't wait to see how his story progresses!

- Asirel

I spell this man's name wrong on a regular (Azirel/ Asriel) so if you've seen that look the other way pookie.

His motives and his relationship with pet is interesting and I wanna see what happens next!

- Cevyk

Just a silly, goofy guy (not really) The skin peeling caught me off guard but I think its very creative. I mean he's a demon what were we expecting when we sold our soul😭 This is another story I can't wait to see develop in the future!

- Alex

No. Absolutely not🧍‍♀️ I loved him at first but god that whole argument to break-up segment really freaking hurt me. So now his dumbass at the bottom

Extra

Tried to watch Luca vids but his voice reminds me of someone I used to know😭 I got war flashbacks and quit💀 but he seems like a cutie patootie!

#zsakuva #sakuverse #asmr #zaros #zaros atha’lin #andrew #andrew marston #xanthus #xanthus claiborne #isaac #isaac rhoades #jonah #elias #kayson #dontis #rowan #asirel #cevyk #alex

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thesoftboiledegg · 1 year

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Man, I did NOT realize how much I missed Morty until I watched "A Rick in King Mortur's Mort." If you've spent thirty seconds on my blog, you know that Rick is my favorite character. I like Morty, but I don't specifically watch the show for him. But his dynamic with Rick is brilliant, and separating them by putting Morty in the background could've been a fatal flaw if season six didn't start turning it around near the end.

When other characters appeared on the screen (especially in group family scenes) I thought "OK, let's not take too much attention away from Morty." I never thought I'd hear myself thinking that. I think that season six is great overall, but that actually made me look at it a little more critically. This show just does NOT work without Morty. Developing the family dynamic was great, but I'm hoping that the show will start focusing on the core characters again.

Anyway, this was a good episode. Like Morty, I kept waiting for the reveal that Rick was just being an asshole and letting Morty talk himself into a disaster so that Rick could save him and then hold it over his head for ages. I wasn't too worried since Rick's been changing so much and going to therapy, but it still crossed my mind.

Maybe Rick's still following Dr. Wong's instructions: being patient and watching events unfold instead of immediately reacting with anger.

The callback to the infamous "The Vat of Acid Episode" blew me away. I didn't think the show would ever even mention it again. That episode was Rick at his worst: an abusive, sociopathic monster who emotionally destroyed Morty under the guise of being nice. So much of Rick's affection in seasons 1-4 was fake or manipulative. He did care for Morty, but boy, he didn't hesitate to smack him down and remind him who was the Rick.

I loved how the end of the episode paralleled the start of "The Vat of Acid Episode" perfectly. It's like this scene with Rick and Morty saying "I love you," grasping each other's hands and jumping willingly into the lava together undid all of Rick's cruelty.

Well...not quite. Which brings me to the one issue that I have with their relationship development: the show keeps acting like they needed to come to a mutual understanding, like their issues were partially Morty's fault. 99% of their problems came from Rick's bullshit.

Rick IS taking accountability, admitting that he fucked up and trying to do right by Morty. However, I think Morty needs to tear into him. In fact, it's a little unsatisfying that he doesn't. Rick needs to know how much he hurt Morty because that's the only way that Morty could ever find peace and Rick could even begin to atone for it.

I don't think Rick's trying to dodge responsibility. If Morty finally unleashed his rage, I think Rick would stand there and accept it. Maybe Evil Morty was supposed to be C-137 Morty's stand-in when he tore into Rick at the end of "Rickmurai Jack," but it's not enough because C-137's got personal issues with Rick that no one else has.

Rick's my favorite character, but--he deserves it. He took his shit out on that kid for way too long. Even once would have been too many times. I wish the show would let Morty seriously confront Rick about everything that he did.

Also, Rick's still got a lot of work to do, but this episode left me wondering where they could go from here. Either Morty's going to start seizing control, or something huge is going to happen that shakes up the status quo.

Still, I enjoyed the sweet moments in this episode. Rick calling Morty "little junebug" was so unexpected, but so loving and sincere. He's called Morty "buddy" and "kiddo," but that's the first time he's given him an affectionate nickname like that. Sounds like something that he would have called Beth when she was little.

I was wondering when Rick and Morty would share an emotional hug (as opposed to the spontaneous one that they shared in "Get Schwifty" all those years ago), and there it was. Not the scenario that I expected, but Rick and Morty hugging while Rick assures him that "we're going to make your dick so fake" is perfect for this series.

And again, Justin Roiland does a great job. I love how he captures the gentle undertones in Rick's voice.

Between Rick (basically) having two daughters in the house, trying to give Beth parental advice and showing Morty affection, it seems like he's learning how to be a father again. The way he extends his arms to Morty while shushing him looks so natural, like when he gently turns on Morty's goggles for him in "Full Meta Jackrick." He's reclaiming in his 70s what Prime Rick tore away from him in his 30s.

I also liked how this episode kept things fresh by returning to Earth's solar system. When Rick and Morty can visit infinite planets in infinite universes, what else is there to do? Return to an "ordinary" setting that they haven't spent much time in. This episode reminded me of "Something Ricked This Way Comes," which Rick mentions directly--another great callback to earlier seasons.

I noticed that Morty and Rick are continuing to gradually switch places. Morty's the one who suggests that they move to another dimension, and he says in the beginning that he wouldn't be too upset if he never saw his family again. Glad to see that he hasn't regressed back into being a passive little boy, which I was worried about.

Overall, this was a solid episode. I would've done a few things differently, but the writers have done a great job of pushing the show's boundaries and transforming the characters. Still, this upward growth can't go on forever, which makes me a little worried about what's coming next.

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #morty smith #rick and morty season six #rick and morty season 6 #rick and morty s6 #a rick in king mortur's mort #review

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hacked-by-jake · 3 months

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Hey, lovelies. Well, I disappeared more often in the last months so I didn't thought about saying something. But, I actually got a few asks and messages about where I am and if I'm okay. I wasn't expecting people to do this, to be honest, as I said, it happened several times by now. But now I decided to leave a few words so people can stop wonder and worry. (Thank you for doing so, it means so much to me. 🥹)

Long story short, I'm currently in a very bad mental health phase again and I'm lacking the energy and capacity to be here more again. I would love to, but right now it's just hard. So I had to step away for a moment. Life is an asshole xD I have to figure out a lot currently and to deal with some things. But otherwise I'm still surviving.

A huge and insanely big thank to everyone who wrote to me through asks or dms. You truly made my days so much better and I really wasn't expecting it. Otherwise I would have left a short post. So, now it's here. But I'm grateful for your words!💚💚

I queued my weekend posts also for the two next upcoming weekends because I do not want to drop this little ritual.

Can't tell when I will be back. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a week. I don't know. I wish you all the best and I hope your days will be filled with love and happiness. Remember to take care of yourself and stay healthy and safe! 💚

Last little note, I try to remind myself about it but sometimes it hard, but I want to tell you: You're not alone. Never. It might feel so, but you're not. There will always be a person who understands your struggles, I promise. You can be proud of yourself. 💚

#hbj talks #personal #not dw #little info #<3<3<3<3<3

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jodragen · 6 months

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This might be more ramble-y than normal, but I need to get it out of my head.

I feel like I'm not allowed to enjoy things. Every time I start feeling comfortable enough to express that I enjoy a video game or like a minecraft smp, some one always comes to me and tells me how nasty of a person I am for liking said thing. I know a lot of this is down to people's opinions, but it still just ruins things for me and I find myself hating the thing I onced loved.

I'm really tired of this, and it sucks because I feel like I have no safe place what so ever.

I'm still brain broken over watching fall out over a thing that didn't involve me but reminded me of drama and trouble I had in the past. Now, it's affecting my ability to enjoy things again, and it sucks ass.

I wanna be able to watch my favorite creators and play cute games without the fear of being called a monster or that I support something I don't. The fact this has happened in the past doesn't help my mind set now a days. I'm always waiting to be attacked for my artwork or some head canon I post.

Also like, I'm a full adult, and I enjoy thinking like an adult. If I think two characters should kiss, I'm gonna express this in art or more rambles. Listen, I am aware of boundaries, and I adhere to them when they are clear. But I won't be limited by 'oh it's implied they don't want that'. No, I am an adult, and i am making this for me, not them. I am choosing to share it with people, and if someone doesn't like it, they can message me about it if they own the characters. No white knights, you guys help no one and make a huge ass mess.

Also, I am human! Believe it or not. This means I'm gonna make mistakes, I do learn from them because that's what mistakes are for, to learn things from. However, you guys can't help others learn but just going 'that bad, you evil' when someone makes a mistake. Just makes people mad at you. Be kind and try to explain why you think it's a bad thing. It's most likely a misunderstanding and can be easily fixed if talked about calmly. Yeah, I'm aware there are assholes out there, but if you treat everyone like they might be an asshole then you ain't gonna help anyone learn from mistakes.

I have had a very long and not fun year, full of stuff I'm not really wanting to go into. I just wanna feel happy and share my art and joy with people. I'm tired of it being taken away by people who think they control things. If you don't like what I have to share, block me and move on. I'm aware that I'm most likely hated by a lot of people, but I'm still doing my best to support others and be kind to anyone who comes to chat with me.

Ok I think that's enough ranting out of me for today.

Y'all have a fun time, and enjoy the rest of your scrolling! Don't forget to have snacks and a good drink to stay hydrated with.

#just rambling #pirates smp #empires smp #secret life #mcyt #scott smajor #willowmvp #fwhip #mythical sausage #geminitay #xisumavoid #jodragen #there is more creators I'd list but these are ones i enjoy and draw the most #listen I'm very tired #let me rant to the aether

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hetalia-club · 1 month

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Finally i don't feel alone in thinking the fandom is toxic, because I had to deal with a horrible amount of ableism (for literal disabilities I have and apparently someone thought I was incontinent and basically compared incontinent people to diaperfuckers) and even still I have to hide behind anon due to the fact the fandom also has a problem with stalking too, since i have been stalked by people who made private accounts around me and screenshotting everything I said to the point I had to actually talk to someone from the Trevor Project because I genuinely did not feel safe

apologies for the rambling, this fandom isn't normal about disabled people

Honey I'm so sorry :(. Yes people are mean and something about this fandom normalizes it. Idk what it is exactly. People say it's 'always been this way' and while that's true it HAS gotten WORSE. mainly because the fandom is smaller and the assholes just sort of all form a cult together and thrive off each others negativity. They say the people with the worse opinions are the loudest and that couldn't be more true within this fandom.

Also the ability to go fully anonymous on this sight is both a blessing and a plague. I do feel that there SHOULD be a way to find out who the anon was. I myself have been consistently harassed by a Spain kin for almost 5 years. It used to really get to me and it doesn't anymore. I truly just no longer give a shit. I went on Hiatus for 2 years and they CAME BACK! Like they were waiting in the shadows and like a bond vilian just turned in their chair and were like "well well well...". It's just kind of funny if you think about it I live rent free in their dome and they don't even know me. An I can't block them because they are always on anon. So I just delete it and carry on with my life. Last year my therapist diagnosed me with Avoidant Personality Disorder and it answered a lot of questions I've always had about myself. Which means I am an extremely shy person chronically so. I take things to heart even if I shouldn't. I feel things very deeply for myself and for other people and animals. My therapist taught me some tools to try and help me deal and I got an increase in my meds. One of those was to not watch the news or actively sought out negative events because those destroy me. I just can't take it. It's a huge trigger for me and I wish it wasn't I don't like the idea that I make it about me' in some way. It doesn't really do much but it numbs me a bit and makes me care less. It still affects me sure but I feel too unbothered to care. My AI covers have been a HUGE stress relief for me and a good distraction from my feelings. But again it's just a distraction. They are little boosts of serotonin to make and it makes me happy and it makes me even happier when someone enjoys it.

The reason I tell you this is to help you understand that no one really gives a shit. That sounds harsh but please let me elaborate on that. I mean I have straight told people "I am legit too shy to function and I do not like to talk about certain things because it gives me major embarrassment that can last actual days. Can we find a new topic or maybe pivot." but they don't actually listen to me about it. And I understand that it's hard to remember everyone's little quirks but to constantly have to remind people and for them to just "Oh yeah sorry... anyway like I was saying" really stings. Because of my disorder you can imagine I have an extremely hard time speaking my mind and standing up for myself. I want everyone to like me I don't want anyone to dislike me to a fault. I will ignore my own feelings and emotions to let others speak about what makes them happy even if sometimes it does sting. So I actually very much do know exactly where you are coming from with that. Just please remember that these are strangers online. Yes they can say hurtful things but the second you close teh app they disappear. They don't actually matter. And YES I am fully aware that this is easier said than done please believe me on that.

This fandom does have a serious issue with ignoring and disrespecting others disabilities. Especially some that are not really heard about/normalized much like yours or mine. I 100% know everyone thinks I'm lying about my personality disorder being a real thing If they don't want to understand me I can't make them, which sucks but I have no control over that. I wish it were not that way but we can't change other people and the way they think/ act but we can work on ourselves and how we process harassment. I wish you luck anon, you're never alone on this bitch of an earth, love you <3

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wuffgang-ameowdeus-moozart · 3 months

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Oh no I am an anxious wreck once again. What now?

Here are a few tipps and tricks that help me personally to deal with anxiety (plus some I know work for others). Please feel free to add your own coping mechanisms in the notes!!!! Even though I technically know means to calm myself down, I always forget everything when I'm in the thick of it, so while this is mainly a reminder for myself I hope this list can help at least one other person as well :)

First of all: emotions are hard, and they are overwhelming, and shaming yourself will not make it better. Chances are it will make everything worse, actually. So don't you dare feel bad for needing help even with the "easy" stuff, or for not being able to endure as much as your peers, or even for half-assing stuff sometimes. It's fine. Like, for real. I promise it's okay. You don't need to always be at your best. You don't even need to be at your best most of the time.

What helps me personally is imagining that these struggles are affecting another person close to me. If my best friend were to call me because she needs help answering an E-Mail, or even to cancel last minute because she feels too overwhelmed to leave her house right now, I would never make her feel like crap because of it or talk about her behind her back or anything else your brain may be trying to convince you of. I know that she is at least as good a person as me (probably better tbh), so if I wouldn't do any of that, she certainly would never. In fact, believing these thoughts is actually a disservice to her, who did nothing to deserve these mean remarks (quite the opposite actually). Basically, try to twist and out-logic your own brain into being less of a cunt to you. Try guilt-tripping yourself into being kinder. The bad emotions are there anyways, might as well use them to your advantage. I can speak from experience that being anxious is a bit less unbearable if you aren't being a self-obsessed asshole on top of everything else

JUST FUCKING DO IT

If the source of your anxiety isn't a particular task you have been procrastinating on, or is something you can't just do whenever (f. ex. a job interview that's two days away), feel free to skip this part ^^

If you are still here: I know it can feel like actual hell to just do the thing. If you immediately want to click away after seeing this title I don't blame you. I mean, I am currently writing a huge ass post about anxiety instead of answering the two (2) E-Mails literally making my hands tremble. But the truth is, doing the thing is actually never as bad as it seems. Here's some stuff that maybe can help:

-> Remember that it's never been the end of the world before, so surely it won't start being it now. If you've already been through a similar situation: remember that it isn't the first time you've felt this way; remember that doing the thing wasn't as bad as you'd feared and, most importantly; remember how you felt after doing it. If this is the first time you feel like that, I'm sorry. I promise you aren't stupid for "overreacting", and I promise it will feel at least a little bit better if you just get it over with. And when you've managed the first time, you can now use that as an example instead of taking some stranger on the internet on his word. Worst comes to worst, you can still anon hate me (jk please don't)

-> Rewarding yourself. Remember that putting yourself down tends to make things worse. Allow yourself to be proud for your achievements, yes even the small ones that most people barely even think about. Because sometimes shit is just hard, but you still did it, and that's fucking awesome !!! For me personally just the knowledge that my anxiety will lessen (and I will probably get some good sleep - emotions are so fucking exhausting) is enough most of the time, but you can also give yourself a little treat afterwards. You've earned it!

-> Hide it in between chill tasks. Like right now, I'm writing this instead of my fucking E-Mail. I am a bit calmer since this is distracting myself from the daunting task of typing a few words. So I am now going to open my mails on another tab, type this shit, and send it. And I know that when I did that I will feel better about myself. And even if I fuck up somehow (how you ask? i don't fucking know), I will immediately have this task to come back to so I don't have the chance to overthink it. I FUCKING DID IT I AM THE CHAMPION OF THE WORLD

-> If you have a bunch of stuff you swore yourself you would do (a bunch can also mean like 2 btw) starting can seem even more daunting (even if it is, as aforementioned, "only" two). So I am very happy to present written lists my absolute beloved. In my experience, stuff is a lot less overwhelming if it isn't only living inside your head. You get a feeling of accomplishment when you can cross something off your list. You don't have to keep panicking about forgetting something (since everything is already written down on your list.) You can even break down bigger tasks into smaller more manegeable ones (f. ex. instead of "clean your room" -> "1. do your bed; 2. fold your clothes; 3. etc etc".) It's great because even if you don't manage the entire big task you still feel less like a failure since you've got proof of all the small accomplishments you did manage. Plus it's easier to continue on another day since you know exactly what you have to do and have proof of everything you already managed as a motivator.

-> Accept help. Be on the phone with a friend while doing the thing (if possible, of course). Ask your friends to be your hypeman before and after doing the thing. Get reassurance from other people. Go to your friend's house to ask them to read your E-Mails, summarize them verbally, and then type an appropriate answer for you (can you already tell me and electronic mail aren't in the best of terms?) Making things harder on yourself on purpose isn't being strong it's being stupid

-> already mentioned it a bunch of times, I know, but the thing that really helps for me is comparing with past experiences. I know I will feel better after I do it because that's always what happens when my brain blows things out of proportion. I know I can do this because I did even scarier stuff and it went well. Or even: if I manage to do this seemingly super scary thing, I will be able to use it as a motivator for smaller stuff in the future. I mean, what even is a fucking E-Mail in comparison to going to a social event on your own ??! (seriously, do it. in my experience it's surprisingly easy to find friends if you look pathetic enough, plus a lot of things seem a bit less paralyzing in comparison)

-> I turn it into a competition, or a game. If I do the thing I win. If I don't do the thing the anxiety wins. And I refuse to let that happen because I'm competitive AND a sore loser <3 so I do the thing. and then I feel a bit better

JUST DON'T THINK ABOUT IT. THINKING IS THE ANTITHESIS OF DOING. (which you can also use to your advantage, à la better to think about that unhealthy coping mechanism and why you shouldn't do it than to stop thinking about it and actually doing it instead. But that isn't the point right now)

DISTRACTIONS

Sometimes there just isn't anything you can do. Sometimes all you can do is wait. Sometimes you don't even know why the fuck you're feeling like that. And that fucking sucks.

I know there are some people who need an absence of stimuli in order to calm down. (If that's you, please leave some of your own pointers in the notes! I don't really have any ideas for that one tbh)

For me, the opposite is the case. I can't count the times my mom has told me to "try meditating!" or "don't do more than one thing at the same time it'll only stress you out even more!", unaware that giving my thoughts free reign would make everything so much worse.

I need to overwhelm myself in order to be able to forget about my anxiety for a while. Sometimes doing a task I've been dreading is easier after distracting myself for a few hours (being anxious is very tiring so if you let it run its course in the back of your mind for a while you'll have less energy for it later ^^). Here's some stuff that could help (though it should be noted that a) not everything will work on everyone and b) sometimes it just doesn't work. even if it worked the last five times. Don't ask me why it is what it is):

-> Do something (really anything) while listening to a video essay/podcast/audiobook. That's my go-to classic. Feel your mind slipping away from whatever you're doing? Force yourself to really listen to what is being said. Sometimes it helps to mouth the words along to my audio of choice (while still doing your thing at the same time!!) Speed it up (I've usually got my stuff at 1.75x or 2x). Assume that pretty much everything listed below can be done while having this as a second layer of distraction

-> Learn something new. I was literally just teaching myself the tabs for Every Breath You Take by The Police and 26 by Paramore on the guitar before starting this. I tried learning finnish and irish for a while there (learning vocabulary, trying to translate sth, learning grammar, etc.). Sometimes it can take a bit of time to get into it, but once you're there it's easy to lose yourself in it (in my experience at least.) And you can always start another video essay in the background!

-> Baking. I usually do half or fourth the recipe to a.) waste less ingredients; b.) have less stuff to eat so you can go bake more stuff sooner; and c.) feel less bad if it doesn't turn out how you hoped. Plus you can also make yourself more likeable by giving some to your neighbours ;)

-> Comfort book/series/movie/etc. I'll be honest, this one almost never works for me, but I know that for some people it does so on the list it goes

-> Take a walk. Touch some grass. Go outside. Personally have very mixed feelings towards this one. Used to do it all the time during lockdown (walking nowhere for literal hours while listening to music), but when it doesn't help it makes things much much worse (in my experience) So maybe be a bit careful? If you want to get away from your thoughts this is...bad. But otherwise (like if you just have the feeling of anxiety without a specific reason) it's worth a try

-> Do maths. I'm serious. For a while there I couldn't sleep, so I'd go on the net, search for equasion exercises, and just go wild. Don't look at the answer: this isn't the point. It's something with a fixed procedure and no consequences if you mess up (you won't even know if you mess up). Maybe instead of equations you find long division more relaxing. Just try not to think of school, put the pressure away, and give it a go.

-> Go to your comfort place. This is also a bit of a tricky one. First of all, not everyone has one of those. Or maybe you can't really go there (like, I always calm down when I'm at the beach. I adore the ocean. But I don't have sea anywhere near me, so sucks to be me i guess). But if you do have a place near you it's worth a try. Sometimes after a particular stressful therapy session i just...go chill at the library for a while. It helps :)

-> Blorbo scrolling. I personally prefer looking at a bunch of art and comics (visual stuff) since i don't really have the concentration to read when I'm anxious, but see what works best for you <3

-> Menial tasks. I love them. Sorting stuff that actually doesn't really matter (like taking all your books from your shelves and trying a new way to organize them). The already mentioned maths exercises. Washing the dishes/putting them back in their place (you can combine that one with the baking hehe). Volunteering work can also be pretty helpful: they often need help with menial tasks plus you can feel good about yourself for helping. Recently started helping at my local animal shelter and it's actually pretty great !

-> Sports. I personally hate sports and always feel worse afterwards, but so many people talk about it that it must be of help to someone out there. What I used to do when I got suddenly overrun by emotions is taking my skipping rope and jumping as fast as I physically could til I felt a bit better (and sweaty ew)

-> Sometimes I like starting a small project; depending on the mood either with no pressure to finish (or intention to show anyone ever because eww), or posting it in hope for praise that'll make me feel a bit better about myself heh. Just something else I can focus on. (ex. g. I've got a meeting I'm nervous about tomorrow so I started writing this huge-ass post) Just remember: IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE GOOD!! JUST CREATE! I PROMISE BEING CREATIVE AND/OR DOING STUFF IS AWESOME!! (or if nothing else at least frustrating enough to overshadow the anxiety lol)

-> In the wise words of mother mother: Dance and cry, and cry and dance and cry. (And sing. And scream. Or get out that skipping rope. Just let it out my dude.)

-> Watch a show in a foreign language faster (like 2x speed) and with subtitles (less time to read, more required focus, less brain power to panic)

-> immersive reading (audio + text); especially effective if you do it in a language you are currently learning or one that is similar (but not the same!) to your native tongue (f. ex. portuguese and spanish)

-> Try sleeping. Doesn't always work, but at least it wastes time.

I THINK I'M ABOUT TO HAVE A PANIC/ANXIETY ATTACK

-> Strong sudden stimulant. Like smelling a very strong perfume or taking a freezing shower.

-> Just. Let it wash over you. It sucks, yes, but it'll be over. Try keeping calm. I know, easy to say when you yourself aren't currently going through it, but anxiety about a future attack will not, in fact, make things less worse. Once again, remembering past attacks can help as well? It didn't kill you then, it won't kill you now. (My therapist suggested using a mental image, like huge waves or something. I personally don't do that but maybe it'll help)

-> Cover your ears and listen to your heart. Key point: this is NOT aiming to drown out noise, but to ground yourself by listening to your own body (bloodstream and creaking bones etc) (ty anon <3)

-> I'm not sure whether this'll work with panic attacks as well (according to google one of the key differences is that these don't really have a trigger and just....happen) and it probably won't be viable in every situation. But just. Be enough of a spiteful little shit to turn your breakdown into a powermove. (The distressing emotions are there anyways might as well make use of them). You told your teacher you get extreme anxiety when you have to speak in public and they ignored you because the school system actually hates kids? Look them right in the eyes as you start hysterically sobbing so they feel really bad, maybe be extra subdued the next few lessons. As far as you know it'll get you a few pity points that'll make a difference in your overall grade! (Pretty sure I got a better grade in my arts finals than i deserved) Someone knowingly breaks a boundary you set because "oh you've been doing so well" and "it's an irrational fear so it isn't real anyways" or whatever they tell themselves to justify it? This is your chance to make them really see how what they did is wrong (and hopefully will make them think twice before pulling shit like that again). If you warned them, they are literally asking for it. And it'll seem that much more impressive when you are having a good day for once and manage to get through it without one (you've earned that extra credit). Maybe I'm just a bit of a vindictive person, but reframing the narrative like that in my head gives me some semblance of control, which makes it all a bit less scary.

IT DIDN'T FIT ANYWHERE ELSE BUT IS STILL IMPORTAT

This is mostly me reminding myself that it's fine tbh. Because it is.

-> Remember that you can just do shit. I don't know how else to say this, but sometimes my anxiety makes it feel like hiding away in my room is my only option. But that's not true! There is so much stuff you can do, I'm always in awe for a while when I get this through my thick skull once again. Like, you can just go to places. You can just write to your friends. You can just start a chat with that cool mutual you're too nervous to directly interact with. You can move. You can change jobs. You can redecorate your house. You can get into a random train and only get out at the last station, wherever that may be. YOU CAN JUST DO SHIT?!?!?! ISN'T THAT FUCKING AWESOME?!!!!!!!!

-> Extreme emotions can have unpleasant physical side effects. Sweating. Body odor. No appetite and/or extreme hunger cravings (sometimes at the same time??). Diarrhea. It sucks (especially when it continues on for multiple days and your oh so kind peers make sure to constantly remind you of those physical symptoms you are already overly aware of). But it's normal and it's fine. It doesn't make you gross, I promise.

-> THIS TOO SHALL PASS (that's it. Sometimes it's good to remind yourself. This too shall pass.)

-> Sometimes I just do small harmless shit to prove my anxious lizard brain wrong. Randomly say hi on that group chat you haven't entered for months. Create something you aren't really happy with and post it anyways, just cuz you can. Go do something on your own. The more you prove your fears wrong with little things like that, the easier it gets (especially if you have to do bigger scary stuff). Spite can be your best friend. (Plus easy way to gain more points in my mental competition hehehe)

-> Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you will fuck up. You will barely be able to say a word in the social event you forced yourself to go in order to meet cool people. You will be so obviously anxious at your friend's birthday that she will still remember that over a year later (despite your best efforts to hide it at the time). You will get an anxiety attack because of something you thought you had already gotten over months ago. And it sucks, but more importantly, it's fine. This too shall pass. This is another reason why the previous point is so important: it's harder to hold these incidents over your head if you have so many other experiences where you managed to prove yourself.

-> YOU get to decide when you want to try confronting a fear. Nobody else can do that for you, no matter how often they mention "exposure therapy" and shit (it's about the control once again. in my experience it's important for it to be your choice). Occasionally hiding away doesn't make you a failure. There are always more chances, it's never too late to start. Already mentioned it a bazillion times, but this shit is exhausting and you are well within your right to stay in your comfort zone and rest.

-> I don't know if it's just a me thing but self reminder to avoid lactose and gluten when overly anxious. (i never do but i am aware of it that should count for something)

-> gender-affirming stuff can help ^^

-> Not viable to everybody, but sometimes I just delete all social media from my phone. You can still go there through browser of course (that's where I'm actually currently writing this) but just not having the icon on the phone can already feel somewhat of a relief (social media in this case also including messaging apps like discord or WhatsApp or fucking electronic mail my beloathed). That's actually what I am planning to do immediately after posting this thing that came out a bit more personal and stream-of-conscousness than initially planned. You won't even be able to tell cuz I never tag my queues hehehe

-> mentally dunking my stupid anxious lizard brain into salt water rn. Fuck you. I'm posting this. I'm leaving my house tomorrow instead of calling in sick. I'm winning.

#i apologize if there are spelling errors or sentences that dont make sense (my focus is a bit shit rn lol)#once again hope this can help someone? plus always open to more suggestions etc etc #it feels a bit hypocritical to be posting this rn tbh since i am not dealing with my anxiety that well atm tbh #but then i look back to how it was like two years ago and actually i *did* improve even if only a bit so like fuck you too lizard brain #i hope you get to look out of your window and realize that you too have come far <3 #i love being a lil cheeseball hehehehe #anxiety #actually anxious #actually anxiety #uhm idk how else to tag this i guess ill rely on rbgs lol

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sirianasims · 4 months

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What is your single best piece of writing advice?

Ouch, starting 2024 out swinging there 😂

My best writing advice that is actually my own is:

Only Story

This is the phrase I keep saying to my writer friend to the point where I may get a tattoo of it some day, and the one that guides me home when I get lost.

Only Story is a way to focus my ADHD ass on what is important and keep writing.

Only Story means focus on storytelling. To me, at least, the narrative is the core. Humans are natural storytellers, it’s how we communicate. Style, language, writing skill and so on are important, but secondary. Don’t worry too much about it. Just tell your story and the rest will follow. You will get better at telling stories over time, and then you can eventually trust fall into it.

Only Story helps me pull back from obsessing over or endlessly adding irrelevant details. Strip away anything that doesn’t serve the story. This doesn’t mean that you can never add things unless they advance the plot or develop a character, but it helps to reduce clutter. By all means, add that superfluous side plot if you want to, but make it a conscious decision.

Only Story is how I get back to writing whenever I start second-guessing myself and worry too much about whether I'm good enough, whether I can even call myself a writer, whether anyone will ever care. It helps me reaffirm my purpose - to tell the story. I don't write to get followers or likes, although feedback is always hugely appreciated, but I write because I have stories to tell.

Only Story also reminds me to keep writing, because that is the only way I'll become a better writer. Every time I write a story, I get better at writing a story. The story may not be perfect, but it will be a story. And so will the next one.

Go write it.

You said single, but I am all about handing out bonus content so you get this as well; Dan Harmon's take on writer's block from an AMA on Reddit.

My best advice about writer's block is: the reason you're having a hard time writing is because of a conflict between the GOAL of writing well and the FEAR of writing badly. By default, our instinct is to conquer the fear, but our feelings are much, much, less within our control than the goals we set, and since it's the conflict BETWEEN the two forces blocking you, if you simply change your goal from "writing well" to "writing badly," you will be a veritable fucking fountain of material, because guess what, man, we don't like to admit it, because we're raised to think lack of confidence is synonymous with paralysis, but, let's just be honest with ourselves and each other: we can only hope to be good writers. We can only ever hope and wish that will ever happen, that's a bird in the bush. The one in the hand is: we suck. We are terrified we suck, and that terror is oppressive and pervasive because we can VERY WELL see the possibility that we suck. We are well acquainted with it. We know how we suck like the backs of our shitty, untalented hands. We could write a fucking book on how bad a book would be if we just wrote one instead of sitting at a desk scratching our dumb heads trying to figure out how, by some miracle, the next thing we type is going to be brilliant. It isn't going to be brilliant. You stink. Prove it. It will go faster. And then, after you write something incredibly shitty in about six hours, it's no problem making it better in passes, because in addition to being absolutely untalented, you are also a mean, petty CRITIC. You know how you suck and you know how everything sucks and when you see something that sucks, you know exactly how to fix it, because you're an asshole. So that is my advice about getting unblocked. Switch from team "I will one day write something good" to team "I have no choice but to write a piece of shit" and then take off your "bad writer" hat and replace it with a "petty critic" hat and go to town on that poor hack's draft and that's your second draft. Fifteen drafts later, or whenever someone paying you starts yelling at you, who knows, maybe the piece of shit will be good enough or maybe everyone in the world will turn out to be so hopelessly stupid that they think bad things are good and in any case, you get to spend so much less time at a keyboard[...] Happy hunting and pecking!

#answered asks

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aita-blorbos · 8 months

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(FANFIC)

AITA for using my brother's depression against him in an argument?

Okay, I know that sounds bad, but hear me out here. I'm (???M) currently traveling with three of my siblings, who, for the sake of anonymity, I'll refer to as S(???NB), P(???M), and M(???F). It should be noted that among all of us, P is the youngest and M is the eldest~

I won't tell the full story here as it's not too relevant, but to put it simply, P dealt with some serious shit in the past that resulted in him becoming sick, and M dying (she got better) due to his attempt to cross himself out. It should also be mentioned that our "parents" as he decided to call them, though I'd barely refer to them as such, also left the world in a similar way, though their method was more… effective. This was a very, VERY long time ago.

Soo, anyway, we showed up at S's place hoping to pick them up and take them with us on our trip, and that all worked out fine, but we decided to take a rest for a while to get settled. Turns out, get settled was quite the opposite of what we did! M ended up almost passing out from heatstroke, (something I didn't even know we could GET!) says she's felt similar before around water, (her near-death experience was rain-related,) and S tells her that sounds like PTSD. PTSD!!!

I mean, we were all shocked. M tried to ask P some questions about everything but he clammed up and refused to talk about it, though M seems pretty sure he's gotten some sort of trauma as well… Which I guess wouldn't be surprising considering what his end of the bargain was. And, I dunno… I thought I was starting to get over what happened, but with that all out in the open it kinda felt like we were right back to square one, haha~

Aaanyway, just now M confessed to listening to one of our creator's voice memos from long before they died, she found it in S's place, and ended up getting so mad listening to it that she accidentally crushed it in her hand. P is a HUGE nerd, so of course he started complaining about how that's a "important part of history" she destroyed, but personally I don't think they would have said anything worthwhile.

When I said that though, P got MAD. Like, REALLY mad. He accused me of not having the mind to appreciate anything they were saying! Which, of COURSE I don't, unlike HIM I was never a suicidal asshole with a god complex like them! I told him that, then he had the audacity to call us ALL their children, so I kindly reminded him of how they abandoned us and left us to rot. But surely that's fine, right? He's so much like them he could probably understand perfectly!

That shut him up, but then M yelled at me. P gave her PTSD and she's taking HIS side. She's way too forgiving, no way is she gonna have a fair opinion! But when I said that, she accused me of not having the empathy to have one either, as if empathy has anything to do with him being the cause of her DEATH. She— she called me the idiot! I'm not the one trying to fix my shitty little brother that murdered me! But apparently he's made "progress" that I've seen myself, and she's not gonna let being mad get in the way of healing or whatever. She said things are "different" now, said she wasn't gonna stand for the insinuation that she was stupid for wanting to fix things and just stormed off with P.

S was there for the whole thing, and they won't talk to me now. M and P have been gone for a while too, and I'm too mad to chase after them. Personally, I don't think he's made much of an effort at all. Sure he apologized and is less of an ass now than he used to be, but that's never gonna make up for what happened between them— between us! Is there just something about this I'm not seeing here?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality #suicide mention

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yourtoradorasextendedwarranty · 1 year

Text

I can't in any capacity say that I'm an ally to anyone. That's not me being an asshole. That's not me being a bigot. I'm an ally to no group. I'm a friend to people. And I care about people. Someone asked me about one of my asks where I got called a transphobe and a homophobe and it reminded me about the topic in general.

Fact is I don't care what color you are. What religion you belong to. What sexuality you are. What Identity you assume. If you are not a dick to me or to people that I care about, I won't take issue with you. What's weird though is to be called homophobic when a lot of my friends are lgbt. And this is not one of those, "Well I have a black friend" moments. I legit have friends from varying walks of life. One of my best friends from college was a gay black furry. And one of my favorite past times was picking on him in playful ways. Why? Because if was always fun to see him flustered and he actually thought it was funny. Am I gay? No. I'm comfortable in the fact I'm straight. And my friend knew that.

There are going to be a lot of things that people say that I don't agree with. Does that make me hateful? No. It just means that I have my own views on things. I however understand that if I WAS hateful towards certain groups, I'd have to be bigoted against a huge number of my friends. Like my college buddy from Sri Lanka, his friend and our roommate who's have Korean half Black. Several of my ex GF's who've been bisexual. Even friends of mine who are lesbians whom I've defended in public after they have been accused of being transphobes for, and I'm not kidding, "No being willing to suck the dicks of trans women". That's not a fucking joke. And it's sick.

I've made posts about how I'm not an extremist because I'm not. Fact is, and I mean this, I should not be considered an bigot because I don't worship a movement. No one else should either. And on my blog I will cover a lot of topics. Like:

-Groomers -Gun Laws -Radical Feminism -Black Representation in TV and Movies -Race Swapping -Capitalism -Communism -Socialism -Anarchy -State and Federal Powers -Etc.

And there will always be more. I'm not transphobic. I just want kids left alone. I'm also not homophobic, but again leave kids alone. If you are an adult you can love another consenting adult. I take ZERO issue with it. And I never will take issues with it. My only focus on any of that stuff is quite literally "Let kids be kids. Let them figure out who they are without pushing them. Don't sexualize them ever." Simple rules to live by. Anything else? I'm willing to have a discussion about. Hell I've been on record losing my shit at least in one of my reblogs borderline making promises to deal with anyone who would threaten any of my friends/family irl because they are LGBT.

What many don't understand about me is that I'm an angry ginger who is actually pretty moderate on most issues. And it's only in cases where people belong to cult like mentalities that anyone can even REMOTELY consider me hateful or radical. More so when we consider that the only people I actively hate are those that actively seek to harm others. And not just in a weird way that won't do anything. I'm talking people that WILL or would enact actual violence onto people I care about. Like the FBI. Or Antifa. Or real extremist white supremacist's. Or segregationists leftists who have called some of my non white friends "house N-". I typically don't give that word any power myself and most of my friends don't, but believe me when I tell you, I'll make you look like a punk and I won't even have to touch you.

So even the notion, that I'm X type of bigot is hilarious to me. And no amount of this, "Bow to me and my ideology or you are a bigot" will make me change who I am to my friends, my family, and the people I care about. I worship no one. And I will never bow to your cult like ideals. And maybe one day, someone like the person who sent that ask will find it justifiable to kill me. Who knows. I certainly don't. All I do know is that I'm a very caring person. And a lot of the time the stuff I mean get's lost in translation. What I say might be interpreted one way by one person and another by someone else.

That's just reality. But if you can't even come to me and ask for clarification, or you just expect me to placate someone because of the group they belong to, then you are barking up the wrong tree. You are not my friend. You are not my family. And a number of you are people that would actively endorse having me end my own life, or wishing someone would end my life for you.

Why? Because you are tyrants. You believe yourselves gods and that your "moral rights" are and should be everyone's "Moral rights". You will not rule me. You will not control me. You will not make me worship you as if you were gods. I am me, and only me. And I will live me best life not just for myself, but for the people I hold dear.

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valleyfae · 2 years

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baby looking for inspo? i'm HERE

see now you know im obsessed with step everything and my entire personality is dark or daddy issues-esque fics so im sure you're already expecting what's to come

mean manipulative dark best friend's dad seb who wants to turn you into his little girl. secret perverted touches, him pushing you into dark corners when your bff is there, hand over your mouth telling u about all the bad things he wants to do to you 🥰 i love me a sick fuck

step dad charles blackwood disciplining you? telling you it's for your own good? lots of slapping from his side because he LOVES inflicting pain he's a total sadist and a very very strict and mean dom and he has one dirty twisted mouth he loves humiliating you and how touch starved you are. YOU GET ME??

and random but i have very normal feelings about the chest hair they are very normal im not insane about it AT ALL

older mentor nick fowler and you being the new naive young intern who he decides to take in basically? show you the ropes? he has lots of anger issues and he gets off on seeing you cry because of him. hes a cocky asshole im sure you can guess where im going with this 🤭

okay and here's another; yandere steve kemp just wants a doll for himself. like a pure pretty little girl to corrupt and destroy and to treat like a princess at the same time. dress her up in pretty clothes and slap and throw her around if she ever tells him no. mean and manipulative and praise in the most condescending way. also likes to threaten you with how he'd give you the same treatement that he gives his other girls if you piss him off 😵‍💫

these are all literally just random thoughts i have for no reason. do with them what you will they're all yours now <3

love you 😽

“My whole personality is dark or daddy issues-esque” you’re killing me baby oh gosh 😭

There is a lot especially for Steve!!! 1k word rant under the cut hehe enjoy

I’m whimpering and squirming… he’s such a perv ekkjkhkgj cupping your cunt under the table during dinner, going through your things and stealing your dirty underwear, insisting on taking pictures of you two while swimming but just videos you and zooms in to take photos of just you, stuffing his fingers in your mouth and covering the whole bottom of your face to shut you up. His voice is deep and gravely as he whispers the most vulgar, disgusting things. He has a collection of paddles and floggers and, of course, has way more than necessary amount of tough, expensive belts. He has a huge sir kink >.< he is not afraid to be vocal or grunt and moan, growling the most filthy things while pinning you down and fucking you into oblivion.

I know I barely talk about Charles, but he is one of my favorites 🤧🤧 all my favorite things ever. I’m the biggest obedient pain slut masochist, and the things he would do just turn me on to a disgusting degree. I love mean and strict doms and them being cruel for no reason and treating you like a toy to use and hurt. OMG MY FAVORITE LINE “it’s for your own good” 🥺🥺 I’m weak!!! All of the impact play and breath play ahhsfksglhsk!!!! Charles does the occasional paddle or belt, but he’s more traditional (maybe that’s the wrong thing to call it lol). Anything handy and close by will do, even though he has a strict schedule, which includes proper discipline and regimens. He finds you getting off in your room? Bent over your bed using the back of your hairbrush. In the kitchen? Bent over the counter using the back of a wooden spoon, and so on.

I really shouldn’t expose myself right now :/ but I’m going to lol. The whole paddle, hairbrush, just Charles spanking in general reminded me of this couple wksjahasjh so last year or so I found this clip from a video and as one does I showed my friend and she found the couples ph account. Porn has never really turned me on and I never really enjoyed watching it I don’t know BUT THIS?!!?!!? They only had one typical porno and the rest were just discipline and punishment spanking videos. And I forgot about them. I’m literally creaming my pants just thinking about it… full on nutted everywhere </3

Some people go crazy for chest hair and I mean if it fits with the whole package, or the specific person, it can definitely do something but Seb doesn’t need it whatsoever 👍🏻

OLDER MENTOR NICK *sobs* DECIDES TO TAKE YOU IN *sobs harder* DACRYPHILIA *sobs even harder and profusely whimpers* why doesn’t he love me :(( I need him :( oh… you really went there with the anger issues, didn’t you? You little fucker :|

I wanna be Steve’s favorite basement pet!!!!!!! I will do anything for him. I’m thinking breeder!Steve so sorry if this is a different direction than you were going. Steve running the most successful underground dark web breeding I don’t know what to call it. He never picks favorites, and he promised himself that from the beginning, but there is something so pure about you. The fear in your eyes so rare and beautiful he nearly can’t hold back his urges. Your confusion is evident. Just looking at you, he knows you haven’t been touched before.

He hands down has a piss kink, both ways around. He makes you hold it for as long as possible, then totally humiliates you when you can’t control your bladder anymore. And on the other hand, he’ll sit you beside the tub and degrade and humiliate and call you a ‘brainless mutt’ while going all over you… I’m so very sorry lmao.

Back to where I was, I guess? Being so frightened and shy once you arrive, crying every time Steve gets near you, not sleeping or eating, and just staying in your cage until you’re ripped out. One night he loses control and carefully gets you from your cage to bring you back to his room upstairs. No one notices, including you, due to everyone’s nightly shot. Waking up in a different cage at the end of Steve’s bed with a sore throat, dried cum all over you, and some marks and blood on the backs of your thighs and bum from his crops :(( naive and easily manipulated, you become Steve’s most prized breeding toy. You follow him around and let him do whatever he pleases.

His praise can sometimes be you’re doing such a good job, pup. But it always has to be mixed with some of these: dirty little pup has gone fucking brain dead, huh? Just love getting ruined, don’t you? Good little mutt’s so obedient she’ll take anything given to her. Pathetic little pet.

Twice a week, there are inspections. Strapped down to his examination table, he checks and makes sure your holes are healthy, and you’re in good condition for breeding and selling. All the other girls have plain black collars with their tracking numbers, but Steve has put you in a handmade leather collar with a little bell and bow attached. He sometimes lets you sit in his lap while he works or on the couch opposed to kneeling on the floor, but when you get too comfortable and forget that Steve hasn’t given you specific instructions, he threatens to not even let you leave the basement like the others and accept Mr. Fowler’s generous bidding and sell you to him.

You are an angel!!! These concepts are absolute perfection (sorry I went a little crazy) 🤧🤧

Love you <3

#fran’s concepts #fran's mail #dark.fran #dark bsf dad!sebastian stan #stepdad!charles blackwood #nick fowler #breeder!steve kemp #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan smut #steve kemp smut

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christlois · 6 months

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//I just wanted to say, back in my Black Butler days (Which was WAY back like 2009-2019) I used to be a HUGE fan of Ash/Angela in particular, they were my first muse and for that, they still hold an EXTREMELY special place in my heart and sometimes I honestly kinda wanna go back to writing them lol //They were my favourite chracter, and Alois is/was a close second, I wrote cringey fanfic, had based and created a whole OC off a kinda "Combination" of them who I still use today, and also RPed him for a time back on a few ancient forums and Google+ when that was a thing still (I'm ancient lmao) //but overall the former ESPECIALLY barely had ever gotten any content - especially good, genuine content made from love rather than half spite "Look at this asshole" - and putting aside my surprise that the Black Butler fandom is still alive and kicking, i just stumbled across your blog and while I'm not sure entirely what Christlois is about (Please do feel free to give an explanation!) I just wanna say, a combination of my favourite things from my Black Butler days: Being Ash/Angela, Alois, THAT SEASON ONE AND TWO GET SOME ATTENTION, SERIOUSLY THEYRE STILL SO FUCKING GOOD!!!! ill be honest the direction it took with season three onwards kinda was a part of why i fell out of love with the series and just the existence of catholicism/priest aesthetics as a whole lmao) //For the longest time the memory of the Black Butler fandom had left a VERY bitter taste in my mouth since being around in it's heyday as an Ash/Angela RPer was certainly an experience lol, but just looking through your blog, though I don't exactly know what it's about, is such a sweet taste of nostalgia that while I don't exactly find myself missing the community, I miss the characters and story established by the first two seasons greatly. :,) It's kinda odd to say but I was almost certain that Ash/Angela would just fade into obscurity with offhand mentions at best, no one to love and care for them, and so glad to see that someone is caring for them where I couldn't anymore! //While I still find myself coming back to the priestisms (Leonard's 1.3 verse.... *Cough*) after all these years, it's honestly been a nice reminder on just how much these Ash/Angela and Alois have impacted my writing, both in muse writing and creative! Either way, thank you so much for your care put into this and please pardon the long message sfkdhbfkhkdfh

HI HELLO THIS IS SO SWEET OH MY GOD!!!

Where do I even begin? First of all THANK YOU!! I love these angels so bad, and YOU understand. They're a fascinating evil and a very interesting character concept. It's really cool that you roleplayed with them and I bet you had a ton of interesting headcanons and developments, more so than we got from the show! Because the thing is there is not a character as neglected by the fandom and the media as Ash and Angela. For their presence in Season 1, they are never talked about...

And that's not fair! They're so fascinating!! And thank you so much for the ask, genuinely, lenght doesn't bother me at all, and it's nice my mildly sacreligious blog brought some feeling of nostalgia.

ONTO THE INFO DUMPING! You're going to love this!

So Christlois is basically the universe of one specific fic, that being this one , written by me and co-written by @eemoo1o . It's basically a story about Alois turning his back on Claude and instead being swayed to Ash's side, becoming Ash's little puppet as opposed to Queen Victoria. It's mythological, theological, philosophical, and also really really disturbing JFJKSDF there's sebaclaude, sebastian being ciel's weird dad, alois being in-characteredly toyed with (poor boy), and ashgela being a total bastard.

here are some other goodies you might have seen, some animatics about it: part 1, part 2, and an anime opening, and an original song piece (I know...I'm very intense about this hgshdf).

Oh, and this! its unrelated but also I think you'd enjoy it!!:

youtube

#christlois #asks #thats so kind of you omg

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itzcherrybonbon · 8 months

Text

Obey Me OC: Makoto Gushiken ~ ✰

[The design is innacurate in Gacha but- just take it-]

-"Age?"

-"I'm 20!"

-"Birthday?"

-"July 3rd"

-"Nationality?"

-"Japanese!"

-"Sexuality?"

-"I'm straight, but I do support LGBTQ fellows!"

-"What about your pronouns?"

-"She/Her..?"

-"Things you're fond of?"

-"Wellll, I really like chocolate, photography, diving into mysteries and solving them, haunted places, nice and kind of airheads type of people..like Mammon, otome games..And I'm a huge fan of roses, dresses and cute aesthetics. Let's see, what else..Oh, I also really love mythology, especially Greek mythology. I hope I didn't forget to mention anything else..-"

-"How about things you dislike?"

-"I dislike messes, a lot. I always make sure to keep my room clean and everything to stay organized. I also really want to stay away from rude, disrespectful assholes. The nerve some people have..Lucky for them, I'm patient with others. And very much a pacifist. I don't want to get myself in too much trouble. Another thing I hate are..well, guns. The sound of them also..Loud noises in general trigger me. Oh, and I can't really handle alcohol or spice well-"

-"Favorite song?"

-"Hmm, Jenny by Studio Killers!"

-"Thoughts on everybody?"

-"This will be long..Well, I'm gonna start with:"

Diavolo

"Well, I'm really fond of him! I love spending time with him whenever I can. He's such a gentleman, I respect him and look up to him a lot. His friendly attitude reminds me of how protective my dad is..Ahh, I miss home.."

Lucifer

"I don't know how to feel about him. I don't even know if I should trust him..First he protected me from Levi and..just when it seemed we were somewhat on the right foot, he nearly killed me. I probably shouldn't have stepped in, but I had to protect Beelzebub and Luke! Had it not been for Diavolo that day, I wouldn't be here right now. Ever since then, I've been even more uncomfortable and wary of Lucifer."

Mammon

"Assigned to keep an eye on me? More like the complete opposite, I've become this airhead's babysitter ever since I've stepped foot here. For some reason he spends more time in my room than in his, he's even beginning to sleep here now. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he likes me. A lot. That's cute..

To be honest, it's true that he may be kind of stupid, but that still doesn't give the others the right to treat him this badly. I hate it when the others call him names, jokingly or not. So I've been giving Mammon validation ever since. He gave me a nickname too, the guy has been calling me "Maki" a lot recently. Well, isn't that sweet..♡ "

Leviathan

"I'm still trying to get closer to Levi, I think the pact we made is a good start to a nice friendship? He's kind of hard to get along with, but I'm sure he'll open up eventually! I'll keep trying to get into more anime and be extra nice to him! Looking forward to playing videogames together one day. The day of the competition though..When he turned into his demon form and tried to kill me..That was really scary, but I was kinda asking for it, right..? I'm grateful Lucifer saved me. At this point, I've had near death experiences twice in a row. I'm scared for the future, I might not be so lucky next time. But, I'm determined to go back when this all ends and see my parents, so no way I'm going to die here!"

Satan

"We're not that close yet, I'm trying to decide whether or not it's a good idea to trust him. The guy is as mysterious as a snake, I can't tell what he's plotting in his mind. But I know I need to be close to him somehow, how else am I going to make a pact with him? Anywho..he seems like the second most mature and smartest beside Lucifer. In that case, this will be harder than I thought."

Asmodeus

"For the Avatar of Lust..Asmo is really sweet, actually. I really like his company! And he's really good at doing his make-up, maybe he can give me some tips? I'm positive we can get along really well, as far as I've seen he's really such a sweetheart!"

Beelzebub

"Honestly, I think he's another one of my favorite people here. He just..reminds me so much of Kuro..

...

Beel is really sweet..For some reason it breaks my heart when he says "I'm hungry" everytime. I don't want him to starve, even though he's just like that because he's the Avatar of Gluttony. I make sure to share every snack I get with him, I know he'll appreciate that a lot. Being in his presence makes me feel like Kuro is still here with me..heh.."

Belphegor

"Hmph..I'm genuinely not surprised to hear about how he got locked up there, knowing how Lucifer is. I am determined to help him, he deserves better than this. And Beel deserves to see his twin again, it's unfair for them to be separated like this. Sometimes I wonder if Lucifer ever thinks about the happiness of his younger siblings. Because this isn't what older brothers are supposed to do. I hope he learns his mistake once Belphegor talks to him..I'd really love to see all the brothers get along like true siblings, and actually show respect to eachother. I trust Belphegor, I think he knows what he's doing.."

Barbatos

"I don't really have much of an opinion on him, unfortunately..- We haven't interacted much. I hope it's okay to trust him."

Simeon

"He's really friendly, and our interactions have gone pretty well! He seems to be fond of me, a lot. But despite that, he's also got this mysterious aura..I'm not sure if I'm just being paranoid or my instincts are right. Guess I'll stick around and find out."

Luke

"He's really adorable, and very much talkative..A little too talkative..But hey, that's okay. I know he's a reliable kid, and trustworthy for all the matter! I'm just a human, but I'm going to protect him and try to be there as much as I can. To me, he's already like a little brother! I adore him a lot"

Solomon

"Something about Solomon feels rather off, if you ask me..I'm glad I'm not the only human here but..I wonder if it's okay for me to trust him? Though, our friendship so far is going pretty well. Then..maybe I'm just being paranoid. Come on, Makoto, keep up the positivity! Me and Solomon make a good duo, I'm glad about that! When we go back to earth, will we still be friends I wonder..?"

..........................................................˚ʚ♡ɞ˚.........................................................

Fun facts:

-Makoto's mother is a paranormal investigator, and her father is a private detective. She learned a few things from the both of them, and this is the reason she shows interest in mysteries and haunted places.

TW TW TW TW TW!! TW FOR MENTION OF SCHOOL SHOOTING AND DEATH

You have been warned!

-Makoto had a little brother, 4 years younger than her. His name was Kuro. Sadly, the school Makoto and Kuro attended was suddenly shot one day. While they were trying to escape, a masked man found them and pointed his gun at the children. Kuro stepped in to protect his older sister and got shot in the head, and another time in the stomach. Makoto got shot in the stomach. Before the man could shoot Makoto a second time, three policeman had surrounded the man and arrested him.

The injured kids were taken to the hospital immediately. Makoto survived, but Kuro didn't make it. The Gushiken family was devastated, but Makoto struggled the most. Her parents took her to therapy, also taking the opportunity to get some therapy themselves. The homelife wasn't going well ever since Kuro's death. Makoto's mother started to drink, and her father tried to make his wife snap out of it by reminding her the tension in the house wasn't good for Makoto.

Makoto's mom soon found healthier ways to cope with the grief.

-Yes. Yes, Makoto does *like* like Mammon.

-Makoto is a fan of manga and small figurines, as well as telenovelas.

-She cares a lot about her looks, taking her time to style her hair and do her make-up. She likes staying pretty ♡

-Kuro used to ask his sister for food when their parents were too busy, so Makoto would make him snacks. She gets reminded of that bittersweet memory when she makes snacks or buys candy and shares them with Beel.

-Makoto always wanted to learn to play the piano. The piano is her favorite instrument.

-She's really, really touch starved. She wants to be hugged constantly and cuddle with someone, but is a little too shy to ask.

-Mako has stomach rolls, the baby is really insecure about them :(

.........................................................˚ʚ♡ɞ˚..........................................................

@amberheavendremurr Ding Dinggg! My MC's info is hereee! :33

Enjoy!

#cherry rambles #obey me #obey me mc #makoto gushiken (obey me mc)#yes y'all i'm into obey me thanks to amber <3 #will she survive? who knows!#tw!school shooting #tw!mentions of death

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