#but i can't stay when i know these people dont respect me. i dont deserve that

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I am exhausted. I'm exhausted and I can't keep going at my job. I just can't do this anymore.

The last three days at work have been hell.

First day: I show up and there's no one there. I start work an hour after the store opens and two hours after someone else should've arrived. There was no one. So I texted my boss and started all of the prep, but I wasn't going to open without someone else because fuck that. Finally one of my coworkers showed up because he overslept. To his credit he apologized. Then it was just the two of us for three hours until another coworker came in. Two people didn't show up that day. One called out sick and one just decided not to come.

Second day: The worst and the one I'm saltiest about. I show up and the store isn't open again, but at least there's a coworker there. I didn't see her at first because she was asleep. So we opened, and it was just the two of us for FIVE HOURS until someone else came in. It was the three of us for a single hour until one had to leave and there were just two of us. During peak time. I decided to shut down the drive thru because again, two of us, but a manager from fhe gas station (I work in a restaurant connected to a gas station) came over and told me it had to stay open or I could be fired. The way she said it was so fucking condescending, I nearly told her she could fire me and considered walking out. But I didn't. I had to stay an hour later because only one person, my coworker, was scheduled for that hour and I didn't want to leave him alone. It was so busy we didn't have a chance to breathe, but I still managed to finish a couple end of shift things. Not everything, but some. After that extra hour I HAD TO LEAVE and I apologized to the next manager, told him it was just the two of us and told him what I had managed, and that I needed to go. He just said "Okay." He didn't say "Can you wait while I see if there's anything I need you to do?" Or "Before you go can you finish X?" If he had I would've. But he said "Okay." And I had to fucking go. And again, I had done a surprising amount for the fact that there were two of us. To do everything. All day.

Third day: I show up and there are only two of us again. An hour passes and two more people are supposed to arrive. They don't. They didn't call out, they just didn't show up. Finally, an hour and a half after his shift was supposed to start, one of the two showed up. Three of us running everything. An hour before close one of them had to leave, so it was two of us to close. We stayed an hour and a half late. That's midnight thirty btw. We stayed until midnight thirty because people decided not to fucking show up to their goddamn job and I had to pick up their slack.

Then today, there was a manager's meeting. That includes me. In that meeting, the manager from the second day said, to the damn general manager "I know they were short staffed, but so were we, and this is unacceptable" and handed the GM a list of the shit we hadn't gotten done. Y'know, after I stayed an hour late, after running a shift with two people on one of our busiest days. And by the way, he had four people. Four people for a closing shift is a fucking luxury. He wasn't short staffed by any stretch of the imagination, but he had the fucking audacity to complain about me.

I can't keep doing this. Three days like that nearly killed me. On that second day I cried after my shift because it was so frustrating and overwhelming. It's taking such a horrible toll on me. I dread going to work because I'm afraid it's going to keep being like this. I'm afraid I'm going to show up and no one will be there, or I'll have to deal with a rush with just two people, or some asshole manager will call me out at a meeting with every manager for not being able to leave the restaurant spotless after I stayed a fucking hour late, after running a shift with two fucking people. I wish I didn't have to pay rent because I want to quit. This is ridiculous and I shouldn't have to put up with it, but here I am, putting up with it and still getting shit for it. No matter what I do, no matter the shit they give me, I provide service with a smile and I get absolutely nothing but shit in return.

This is why I hate being a fucking reliable worker. I'm expected to do everything and do it perfectly, while other people will do less than the bare minimum and it's tolerated. I'm held to a higher standard, I'm expected to do all of this and not have a single complaint, but people are welcome to complain about me. I wish I could just not care and not work hard and not show up for half of my shifts, but of course I can't. I can't keep doing this, because one day I'm going to have to run a two person shift or deal with a shitty customer or manager, and I'm just going to walk out and not come back. I don't deserve this shit but of course I'm stuck dealing with it, dealing with the crap that everyone leaves me. I work my ass off all the time, then I have one of the shittiest days ever and can't manage to leave the restaurant perfect, and I get called out in front of everyone. Fuck him. Fuck him fuck him fuck him. I've been pissed about this all day which is why I just had to get it out. I can't keep fucking doing this. I shouldn't have to.

#my last job i was treated like shit too whoch is why i left #but it was my favorite job ever and im so sad that i left it but i couldnt deal anymore #one day i came in ON MY DAY OFF so that i could learn how to clean the oven #i needed to learn so that i could do it when i COVERED MY MANAGER'S SHIFT so she could have Christmas with her family #i came in on my fucking day off to help her and that is the day that i learned all the shit she'd been talking about me #one of my coworkers pulled me aside and told me all she'd been saying. she complained to fucking everyone fhat i never did X Y or Z #THE PROBLEM WITH THAT IS THERE WAS FUCKING PROOF THAT I ALWAYS DID THOSE THINGS #she most commonly said that i never did pull-to-thaw. theres a fucking sheet that we always record numbers for and mark if its been done #anyone could look at that sheet and look in the cooler and confirm that i did it so she was just blatantly lying to all of my coworkers #(the reason she could lie was that i mostly worked alone so usually i didnt have coworkers there to watch me) #she decided to take matters into her own hands for. she changed my schedule so that i had to work with her. i was the only one on my shift #WHICH MEANS THAT SHE LEFT A WHOLE SHIFT OPEN. SO NO ONE DID ANY OF THE CLOSING TASKS. BECAUSE I WASNT THERE #our store manager fixed that real quick #what im most pissed about is that she never told me. to my face she said i was doing great. thanked me for running things on my own #but behind my back she said nasty shit about me to everyone else. have the decency to tell me about it #i cant fix anything if i think its all fine. so i left after i learned that. i applied for a new job that same day #after all i did for that bitch. she had the fucking audacity. after all i do at my current job they have the fucking audacity #i like this job. i loved my old job. the tasks were great and the work was a dream #but i can't stay when i know these people dont respect me. i dont deserve that #that fucking old manager chased two other people out btw. theyre understaffed because people fucking hate her #i bust my ass for people that dont care about me and i cant. i cant keep doing this. i shouldnt have to #this is such bullshit

[hannigramislife]

so i have a question that i swear is meant with complete sincerity (i just want to preface that because i know some people send shitty passive aggressive asks and i dont wanna be misunderstood).

I dislike dazai a lot and for most of the same reasons that you do but i also really dont like jgy for basically all the same reasons. I just know you're a big jgy fan but you really hate dazai and i was wondering how you reconcile those feelings? i assume we just have different interpretations of jgy (mdzs is a vast piece of media and there's a lot of different ways to interpret each character) but i've just been getting more and more curious so i wanted to ask. to be clear, i think it's totally okay to like jgy! the same way i think its okay for dazai fans to like dazai, they're just fictional characters. so this is in no meant as an attack or an 'ah ha!' moment. i just sort of don't understand liking one character and not the other when to me, all of their worst traits are the same and jgy has actually done far worse things than dazai (like murdering his own son)

i hope my ask isnt upsetting at all. you mentioned before liking to discuss meta so i really just want to introduce a conversation and maybe understand your perspective a bit better

Firstly, thank you so much for your polite ask!

I just wanna clear something up – I am not a Jgy fan XD. I see where one might think that, but I can guarantee you, I wanted him dead as fuck and I do not condone his atrocities.

Now, I do have some friends who have talked to me about Jgy, and they're Xiyao and Nieyao fans, respectively, so by talking with them, I have come to understand better some parts of Jgy's character, which have made me more forgiving towards some of his actions. Emphasis on some. Like you said, he and Dazai share the same annoying/frustrating traits, like the fact that they're lying liars 😊

I do appreciate Jgy as a character much more than I do Dazai though, that is correct, and I guess it's because of their narrative roles. Jgy has a very solid and interesting position in mdzs – in a world where social standing is such an important part of the story, the genius, bastard son of one of the wealthiest clans is constantly kicked down (lol couldn't resist), because the system has decided he doesn't deserve the same power as his half-brother, simply because of his birth situation.

And the narrative stays true to it! Time and time again, he is shut down, even when he goes to Lanling with Nie Mingjue's recommendation letter, even when he kills Wen Ruohen, even when he is married to secure his status, fate has fucked him over. It's like trying to watch Icarus reach the sun because he feels he is entitled to it.

Plus, I'm a huge Nieyao fan XD in a "they could have totally gotten married and lived happily ever after, but nooo; some of us have daddy issues *glares at jgy*"

So, this is the reason my posts have stopped being so antagonistic to Jgy, as I like to live in a delusional world where they've reincarnated in the modern world, jgy has some morals, and 3zun is happy 😇

Now, Dazai, on the other hand, I simply can't stand him. Nothing about his story or personality makes me go even as far as "yes, and?" I don't care for him as a character (though I get how he is appealing to people). I don't understand his actions 90% of the time. Plus, his actions are also frustrating and make me mad.

Like when Chuuya used corruption and he was like, "take me back at the place," and Dazai just left his ass there. "Oh, but that's their dynamic," yes, well, it annoys me. Plus, his whole thing with Akutagawa drives me up a wall because how dare you??? Motherfucker??? His first words to Akutagawa after 4 years live in my head rent-free because you could have shown that you became a better person, but nope. Still a dick. "Oh, he did that to set up the rivalry with Atsushi," you know how Beast Dazai did that? Set them up on a date. Boom. Take notes.

I also personally think Dazai either doesn't get Akutagawa fr, or he simply doesn't care to do so because Akutagawa flourishes with encouragement, it's actually sort of insane to see. Anyways. Went on a tangent there.

So yeah, Dazai is annoying, his personality sucks, he's a manipulative bastard, and he is mean to my baby :(

#the untamed #mdzs #mo dao zu shi #jin guangyao #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #ask #thoughts and feelings

[bwoahtastic]

the kicker with ur innocnet charles and (seemingly) bad boy max AU is that nico and toto are max's foster parents and they're the reason he's been slowly trying to piece back his life.

both nico and toto are very protective of max; nico bcs he sees a bit of himself in the boy (dont get me wrong, keke & sina are best of the best parents but nico just has issues heh), and toto bcs he knws no one deserves the homelife max did and alot of his choices were made with no option..

and max coming bck from meeting lewis & seb and he tries to skirt past how it went but nico and toto are super bristled over these two strangers who dare judge their maxie!? nico totally going on a rant and slipping up by calling max 'his son'.. cue shock and waterworks from everyone

Oh plss!! Mac having been quite recently taken in by Nico and Toto and he is trying to get better! He is seeing a therapist, Nico is helping him to quit smoking (but he has anxiety and sometimes smoking feels like the only thing that helps him) and the tattoos he doesn't like are being lasered away (but he is still keeping plenty, they are part of him). Toto helps him with homework and teaches him to be a respectful Alpha and Maxy loves playfighting with him! And snuggling into nests with both Nico qnd Toto ofc🥺🥺🥺🥺

They care about their new pup so much and when Msx comes back from meeting Charles's parents, they hate how distraught and sad he seems, trying to brush it off but Nico sits him down and asks him to talk about it.

Max muttering what happened snd he gets upset all over again just going "I really am trying to be better, I am trying to be good but it isn't working, maybe I will never be normal' and Nico blows up!

Nico ranting about how these people don't know him and can't understand his story and how hard is trying! Charlss adores him though and is so proud of Max, Nico and Toto know so, and they are so proud of him too! Nico huffing he won't allow anyone to upset his son like.that and that he will call Charles's parents, and Max is just staring at him with wide eyes until Nico realises what he called Maxi.

Max whispering he would love to be their son! Pls all three are crying now and Toto mutters Max already is their son and Max calling them his dads😭😭😭

Nico still wants to go and yell and seb and Lewis but they decide its better if Toto goes, being more calmcand collected to explain Max's situation while Nico stays with Max and cuddles him in the nest!

#asks #abo adoption

[scarrletmoon]

im not trying to start shit so im not tagging this but i'm just thinking about ed/izzy and how it doesn't make sense

like. izzy feels like the shitty ex who's convinced you that no one else gets you and no one ever will, so as uncomfortable as you feel with him, as much as it feels like you're missing something, you don't know exactly WHAT you're missing. plus, you've never had a relationship that's lasted as long as this one, and everyone says relationships are hard work. so maybe this IS what you deserve. at the end of the day, yeah he's an angry little fucker but he's loyal. you know he'll always have your back bc he's dedicated like no one else. and what's a relationship if not respect and loyalty?

except izzy has a very concrete but wrong idea of who ed is. he wants ed to fit a certain mould, which has severely stunted ed's growth and made him miserable.

i get ed/izzy as like, a terrible toxic relationship where two people stay together bc they think they have no one else -- izzy clings to ed bc blackbeard represents everything he wants to be as a man, ed stays with izzy bc he's useful and like, look at the poor guy, you can't just ditch him after 20 years. ed's not HEARTLESS. izzy's good, deep down.

deep, deep down

but then you see how stede immediately sees the best in ed, knows that ed can do better. stede brings out the softer parts that ed's been unable to access for years, doesn't shame him for not being a paragon of manliness or whatever. ed is HAPPY with stede.

and like, stede is a BITCH. he's selfish, obnoxious, shamelessly grandiose and loves being the center of attention, will happily ignore other people's needs to serve his own and also somehow has such terrible self esteem that he thinks he doesn't actually matter at the end of the day

but stede CARES. he never tries to really change anyone to fit an image he approves of. he doesn't go out of his way to harm anyone unless they've harmed him or someone he loves. his loyalty isn't conditional; when he loves ed, he loves him exactly as he is. and i think the reason why he dislikes Jack so much is bc jack turns him into this dumb frat boy who doesn't think for himself and he knows ed is better than that. ed reads it as judgement bc that's all he's ever gotten from others. but stede means it as "there is so much good in you already" rather than "i wish you would change into a shape i approve of"

so like. WHY DO PEOPLE THINK ED WOULD BE HAPPIER WITH IZZY. ed isn't even romantically attracted to izzy? izzy clearly, obviously, is HOPELESSLY in love with ed. but it's worse for both of them if they stay together, as friends or romantic partners. if they stay together, they stagnate. apart, ed can flourish. idk about izzy but maybe he'd be less of a cunt if he loosened his sphincter and learned that he doesn't ACTUALLY have to control everything in his sight

i get relating to izzy as someone who's been in love with someone who'll never love them back, but like. i'm sorry. im so sorry. but you should think better of yourself than izzy. you don't have to be miserable, and part of finding your own happiness might involve leaving the person you've been in love with for years who's never going to give you what you need

not saying you can't like the little gremlin but i'm just very confused about people who impart this softness onto him that doesn't actually exist, and won't exist until he exhibits some desire to change as a person

anyway if anyone comes to this post or my inbox cussing me out for this, im just blocking on sight bc i'm not fighting with izzy fans again who'd rather be cruel than either engage respectfully or just ignore me

if you dont like what i have to say, the block button is literally!! right there!!

#scarrlet rambles #having Thoughts #i dont think any of this should be controversial but i bet it will be! #im already tired lmao

[redhairedgirl95]

Heyy i'm back , i've just found time to relax a little bit and i thought that it would be a good idea to give my review on the latest chapter of atging , which was amazing by the way . So first i was happy radius could spend some time with luna that girl is brave going through pregnancy with her husband away fighting a dangerous war and since radius is away that would make luna regent ? If so she has my respect for running the kingdom while having a child she deserves to be called a queen 👑, but this made me hate the ancestral witches even more not only because of what they did to Bloom and her family but also because because of them radius can't even spend time with his family and tend to his pregnant wife i can't imagine the stress luna felt because of the effects of pregnancy and fearing her husband might potentialy die and that her child might be born fatherless!!! One thing that i appreciated is the other rulers uniting to help radius get away so he could be present for when his wife gives birth and so that he could stay with them a bit longer before going back to the battlefield . But oh i hate erendor with a passion stella just got out from the womb and he already wants to marry her off , it's not because you see your child as nothing more than an heir that others dont love their kids , sky deserves better parents, erendor is so desperate he wants to marry his son to daphne who is MUCH OLDER THAN HIM but Bloom is going to be with him so erendor will be happy either way . Now let's talk about the true star of the show litteraly , STELLA!!!!! this moment felt surreal but one thing is sure that girl is powerfull she has just been born and she's already got her father wrapped around her finger he would kill for her , i know he thought of Killing erendor when he started talking about mariage we have one protective father in our ranks .

Side note : the part about no paternity tests needed is NASTY!!! Why did you do sky dirty like that ! . Anyways another masterpiece from you i am not suprised i look foward to reading more from you byyye 💞

my darling, how I love receiving your in-depth reviews! They make the writing process so much more rewarding! <3 <3 <3

to answer your questions/comments

that would make Luna regent if he stayed away for long, but, being connected to the Suns of Solaria, Radius cannot, in fact (at least in my lore), leave his realm for long. Or he would get sick and, eventually, die. Technically she is regent when he's away, but she talks to him before she has to make any major decision. She is still a foreign Queen

Ancestral Witches, more like Ancestral B*tches

I believe all the rulers HAD to lend a hand to one another in some way ... otherwise the alliance would be useless. Most of them are friends or friendly acquaintances - Erendor was kind of a hero for Radius when he was younger. Not so much now

Because Erendor is Erendor. The one we've learned to loathe in the series: the one who wants to force Sky to marry Diaspro, who humiliates Brandon in front of all of Red Fountain, who doesn't' care that his son loves Bloom ... - yep, Erendor is mostly sh!t

she has come! the STAR, the one and only! and everybody loves her <3

gossip is nasty as heel in the Magic Dimension! Tabloids do their dirty work in every universe

Thank you so so so much for always being the kindest and I'm so sorry you'll have to wait some time before I can publish another chapter. Work is crazy and I'm one of those people who cannot write if she isn't comfortably sitting in front of her computer. writers who can write on your phone, I applaud you!

Talk as soon as possible <3

#giulia speaks #screaming into the void just because #giulia answers asks #winx club #shining in the starlight #thisisdzulia on ao3 #writing #radius and luna #lovely reviews #divorcedlovers #all that glitters is not gold #atging #chapter 9

[choclateteez]

🥊💥4* Town Conflicts pt. 2!💥🥊

IM ALLLIIIVEEEEEE!!!!

Im so sorry yall!! University has been KICKING MY ASS.

I just finished exams and everything, this years been a colossal mess (nearly died lol) BUT i couldn't forget about this so i managed to finish this up before the end of the year! 

I promise I have more in the tank, please bear with me and tysm for your patience!!😭😭🙏🏾

🧡Aaron Z🧡

With others

Z is a pretty peaceful guy in general

He doesn't like confrontation, doesn't like to get violent

As quiet as he can be, he doesnt let some things slide

If someone throws a comment here or there, he can ignore it easily

But dont test his patience

Hes a huge advocate for a little something called personal space

He cant stand it when strangers or people he's not comfortable with are inside his bubble

If you pester him, harass him, or stay too close to him for too long, he will not hesitate to push back

literally

He would never start a fight, but he sure can end it

I mean, have you SEEN this dude? 

6’3, lean, muscular, you're pretty much asking for an L

He’s a one hit wonder. One punch and youre gone (Jesse knows this all too well…he tried waking him up once…)

“I began to pass out…and then my head hit the wall, bam!”

With 4*town

He's pretty chill with 4*town out of the rest of them

The only thing he could really complain about was when the gangs energy was way too high for him to be comfortable with

Don't get him wrong, Z loves a good time. But when things are getting a bit too hyper, and the others try to rope him into the chaos, it's a bit too overwhelming

And that ended up with them "accidentally" leaving him out of stuff because they thought he was a downer. Especially when 4*town had just started

He was already a bit lonelier than the rest, as his popularity took a slower time to gain than the rest. This didn't help his insecurities in the slightest

Not only did it hurt the hell out of his feelings, it caused him to be more closed up towards the rest

Aaron T was surprisingly the one who noticed the negative impacts it was making on him, and he felt incredibly bad

He tried the "helping without confronting" tactic, a lot of which included him asking Z if he wanted to help him with his latest prank

Although reluctant, Z slowly started feeling a bit more appreciated

Even when he was the butt of the prank, T made him feel like he wasn't so invisible as he sometimes felt

Soon, even the other guys started asking if he'd help them do revenge pranks, started inviting them more often

And of course, gave him a well deserved apology

Turns out, he got a lot of it wrong. Apparently everybody thought he didn't like them because of his constant nonchalant expressions??

All this because they made assumptions about his feelings only from his face?

"...i'm surrounded by idiots." "WE'RE SO SORRY😭😭"

💙Aaron T💙

With others

He loves a good tussle

If you give him a reason to, he'll be delighted 

T wont fight for small reasons, obviously, but he is the perfect definition of "fuck around and find out"

Just don't do anything creepy or rude, and you stay on his good side

His biggest ick/pet peeve are creeps and stalkers, unnecessary paparazzi

Notice the unnecessary. He's not shy around cameras, and if his lovely fans want some content, who is he to deny them?😌

However, if there's hidden paparazzi, or people who follow him or his friends around, he can't stand it

He finds it gross and extremely disrespectful

And it makes him unbelievably uncomfortable. He hates having to feel as if there's always someone watching or taking pictures of him when all he wants is a damn coffee 

With 4*town

T admits that he can be a bit of a handful sometimes

But jeez, sometimes the gang needs to accept the fact that he prefers to interact and actually do things with other people

Being an extrovert is hard y'all

Especially when all of a sudden every single person in your group needs alone time

And he understands that. He'll respect their wishes every single time without fail. He'd throw in a whine or two, but he understands their needs.

But they never seem to understand his..

When he needed company, all of a sudden everyone thought he was being too much, or being clingy

He has the urge to shake their shoulders and tell them that he wasn't asking them to plan a party with him, he just wanted to go get some damn groceries with some company

Was that too much to ask?

He thanks the Lord that Tae Young was there for him a lot of the time

He seemed to be the only one willing to be with him all the time

Tae Young noticed this pretty quick and all it took was one convo with the rest of them, and boom

For Z, it was like sticking his toe in the water when it came to hanging out with T, and then he found out just how fun his company was

And as stoic as Z is, T found himself latching onto him more frequently. 

As for Jesse, he ended up being the brunt of T's pranks a lot, but he finds it endearing in a way.

Robaire found T absolutely hilarious, and has grown to treasure him more and more every day

#4*town #4town #turning red #4town aaron t #aaron z

[maiko1]

Hello! Can I request female reader rejecting gojo's confession with reasoning that she doubts he really loves her and she has Philophobia so she just kinda ghosta him?

Ty! I'm excited!

<333

Hello! Thank you for requesting <333333

Gojo x f! Reader (angst) -swearing

(if u wana request, make sure to read this first <3)

"...sorry but I can't.." you left the park leaving gojo behind. How can a crowd place became so quite after this incident?

-------

"yo y/n!" you stand up when you heard his voice. "hey, satoru" you waved at him. To your suprise, he didn't wave back. "you wana meet me?"

"you guessed it! How about we grab some drink first?" well, you are kinda thirsty so you nodded and follow him. "so, how's the kid?" you ask walking beside him. "well, megumi kept causing trouble and tsumiki... ah yes. She miss you and wanted to play with you again soon." gojo laughed remembering the time he came back to his dorm and saw y/n full of silly makeup.

"sure, if I end up having a mission here again, I'll come and stop by to play with tsumiki" you smiled, gosh your smile just make him melt. "I'm hurt... You know.." he pout when he realised something.

"ugh you are such a baby. How are you satoru?" you punch him playfully. "I'm doing great! You gotta see when I was fighting a special curse. It goes like woosh, and then the way curse fly and attack me its just like an amazing fight for me!" you laugh at his silliness. "gosh ur so childish satoru." you rolled ur eyes.

You two buyed a drink and sat near a park. "how about you, y/n? Anything interesting happen in kyoto?" gojo can't stand silence so he loves to start a conversation first. "mhmm... Let me see, nope. Most of the time me and utahime stay at school while mei mei finish the mission. Oh can't forget about the fact she say 100 things she hates about you."

"ouch. Ugh utahime just can't accept the last time i remind him not to cry." you and gojo started to laugh. "your so mean to my senpai. What if I snitch?" gojo end up pinching ur cheek. "you wouldn't...."

"whatever, anyway. What do you want?" gojo gasped when you said that. "do u not like my company?!" you sigh at his dumbness. "no you idiot, I have a mission for the next two days, I gotta collect information from Yoshinobu sensei."

"alright, alright. The reason why I wana meet up with you is." he stood up and took something from his pocket. It was an expensive ring you ever seen. "y/n..." no.. This is really happening isn't it? Fuck... I know this day would happen.

"will you... Be my one and only ?" you went quite as you stood up from ur seat, people in the park looking at you two. "satoru. I can't do this." both of you went quite. "wha-" you grit ur teeth. "i cant, I can't accept this. Satoru, after this, I would like for you to find another."

"w-wait y/n! Why? I thought since we became friends for 2 years I thought you had the same feeling as I am. The way you are more happier when ur with me.. The way you laugh differently when ur with me.... So then.. Why? Why are you rejecting me?"

"satoru. We don't belong to each other, I know you love me but I just couldn't. You deserve better." you left the park leaving him standing there.

Gojo pov because y/n went back to kyoto so there's nothing much happening there.

'Right. How can I be so dumb? Why did I choose to confess when i knew she has philophobia? (fear of love) I'm so dumb. Fuck, I should have stay quite.'

(Gojo went back to his dorm after a whole mess.)

"ah big brother! I heard you meet up with miss y/n!" tsumiki said as gojo entered his dorm. "yeah. How did you know?" tsumiki pointed at megumi who's pretending to be busy. "will miss y/n come and play with me again?"

Gojo went quite and pat tsumiki head. "no, I don't think so. Maybe not.." gojo said as tsumiki frown. "awe.. Okay, if you say so.."

He couldn't be sad forever. He has kids to take care of, 'fuck satoru, stop being selfish and respect her desicion. I dont need another woman. I'll be okay without a partner anyway... Right?'

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu sorcerer #gojo satoru #jjk angst #gojo angst #jjk headcanons #jjk imagines #jjk gojo #jjk fanfic #jujutsu gojo #gojo x reader #gojo x reader angst #satoru x reader #gojo x you #gojo x y/n #gojo imagines

[mytragedyperson]

OK tumblr apparently hates me because twice now I've wrote out a relatively long slightly ramble post and it's let me click post and then just not posted, and as far as I can see there not in my drafts so, instead of that post, I will be watching all the episodes of bsd 5 tomorrow and just noting down any thoughts I have, probably mostly appreciating Ranpo and making fun of Fukuchi, because that's fun to me. However there are 2 thoughts that won't leave my head and so tumblr gets to have them.

So first of all I've seen manga panels of Dazai getting shot and presumably dying, which I guess is a spoiler but has also been all over tumblr and it looked like it was on twitter too. Quite frankly, I'm not buying it, and not just because I love Dazai and am living in denial. I've already been burned by BSD in this department of being convinced a character is dead and then bringing them back. I am, of course, talking about Margaret. I thought Akutagawa had killed her and then, a season later, she was brought back, albeit in a coma, to further a plot. Also this is Dazai, if anyone could come back from being shot in to head it's him. For all that he's suicidal and has no will to live, hes really bad at dying, which is good for those of us who like Dazai and I won't complain about that. The only people that have died and stayed so far are Oda and his orphans and Rando (I only watch anime). There may be others but I can't remember them. There were a couple characters who appeared in one episode and were killed off in the episode but everyone else has simply said no to death, which I can respect. Honestly they could get his body out of the prison and have a whole like funeral/memorial scene with all of the characters mourning him and I still wouldn't be fully convinced he's dead. So maybe it is slight denial but I stand by what I said.

My second thought was that I still feel sorry for Bram stoker. I dont care what terrible things he's done, he doesn't deserve the fate he's been given. I can just imagine Fukuchi going on and on about his plan, sounding so confident since he always has turn back time as a backup plan, and he just can't escape it. He's stuck forced to listen. That's the true evil right there.

Also I have a lot of thoughts about how Fukuchi is actually not a good villain, as in I'm not intimidated by him and don't truly see him as a threat. Like his sword is a threat, moreso when he weilds it, since he makes it more effective, but the guy himself? He should be more of a threat than he is. I'll address that tomorrow as I rewatch the episodes because its a big part of my mental commentary and making fun of Fukuchi hours. He might actually be one of the worst villains in the show. I'll address that on a later date. Another thought I'll be addressing tomorrow is my theory that Fyodor is the true leader of the Decay of Angels. Like if they had to listen to one of them regarding a plan they'd listen to Fyodor over Fukuchi. They just can't be bothered with Fukuchis attempts to murder or control them with the sword. Also, bing is my search engine and when I looked up who is the leader of the decay of angels? You know to double check it was Fukuchi, it had his name but the picture next to his name was Fyodor so do with that what you will. Anyway no more thoughts head empty.

Also if anyone has asks regarding anything to do with the BSD anime, I'd be happy to answer them because thinking about/discussing BSD is fun and I do have opinions on a lot of things

edit: change of plans. while i do still plan to do this it's gonna take a little longer. I have a blog, not a tumblr one, though, that I basically never use, so I'm gonna use that to note down any thoughts, opinions and just things in general that I feel like noting down. After I've done that, I'll share it here. Again, asks will be open and this will probably take me a while so, if anyone wants to discuss the BSD anime, feel free to send asks or messages or comment or whatever

#bsd #bungou stray dogs s5 #bungou stray dogs #bsd 5 spoilers #bsd manga #bsd manga spoilers #dazai osamu #fukuchi ouchi #bram stoker

[dinodogs]

Hi!! so theres a lot of negativity going around lately and I really wanted to share my experiences as someone who essentially grew up as a furry, and attended a lot of cons in my youth.

I went to my first con at around 11, chaperoned by my mom and a friend. I went in a shitty home made fursuit that fell apart a year later, but I was sooo proud of it at the time. I think about that con experience a lot, I think its probably the best one I'd ever had. Despite me being very visibly young, I was treated with respect. I tried to stay out of the way and not be an annoying kid because I'd heard con horror stories. It was the first time in my life I felt truly welcomed by a community, I was allowed to participate in games and panels and it was such a wonderful experience. Around the time of the fursuit parade I had no idea what to do and was really anxious tbh. I couldn't bring my friend with me, she had been my rock through the few rough patches of the con, and I was kinda stranded not knowing what to go or what to do.

A group of older furries ended up coming over and volunteering to chaperone me through the parade. No, they were never asked to do this, they willingly volunteered and its still one of my all time favorite con memories. They took me through the parade and made sure I made it back to my mom and friend safely. I honestly think about them a lot, I dont know any of their names but I hope they're all doing well now.

That con was a huge turning point in my life, after spending a whole weekend hanging out with others and having fun and meeting people I got really into creating furry art and art in general. Not to get all corny, but the furry community is the only place growing up that I felt like I truly belonged and a large part of it was that con being so welcoming.

I didn't get the chance to go to many cons after that, that con is still the only out of state furry convention I've gone too, i went to some comic cons but I didn't get the chance to go to another furry con till I was 16 and a local con opened up. I had so, so much fun at that con too. I was a bit older and a bit more mature so I got to take part in the community even more, and despite being younger I was treated with the same respect I was when I was even younger. This time I went with my aunt and the same friend from before.

It was just as great of an experience, this time I even had a less awful fursuit, and theres sooo many stories I could tell from that weekend. The only bad experience was when an older adult invited my friend (also 16 but to be fair she looked 19) to an 18+ room party, after which we both got stickers that stated we were minors on our badges.

Its so incredibly important to have space kids can just be kids, where young furries can take part in the community and feel welcomed. I get it, kids can be annoying, and I get that some parents try and shove the responsibility of their kids onto others. Which sucks and I've actually had happen more then once, but just because some kids misbehave or some parents suck doesn't mean every child or every teenager deserves to be barred from a space thats supposed to be welcoming.

I get wanting to party and discuss adult things but yall have your spaces. Its what room parties and after darks are for. I get cons (especially on in vegas of all places) being 21+, I very much see the benefit of a lot of cons being adult only, but barring kids from the space just feels sad. yknow? Kids are humans too, kids deserve to have fun weekends and spend time with their friends and dress up as giant animals and hug and take pictures with their favourite fursuiters.

It just makes me sad to think i could've missed out on such an amazing experiences cause some adults dislike kids or can't handle being normal around them.

#personal #loooong post #furry

[babygirlsthoughtsexactly]

To her..

girl... how my heart breaks for you.. If you ever make it out (and I pray you do) there will come a day that you will look back and know that you are worth so much more and yes you deserve more. Actually, I truly believe that people deserve the exact same love that they give. Arguments are fine, actually disagreements are to be expected in any relationship in your life because they are natural. Every single persion is different and we all have different opinions but IT IS NO FUCKING OKAY FOR ANYONE TO USE TOOLS H AS TERROR OR ACTUAL HARM for the sake of an argument. Its possible, because in my heart I have been to places that \\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\ o\ne should have to be and I still wasnt violent. That behavior is NOT OKAY But really I wish I could say so much to you because I have been you. I was recently in a situation(and even though I can see so many similarities, there are always two sides to a story and the truth probably lies in the third party or God) similar to yours and every single day I wondered if that was going to be the day because I knew in my heart that if I stayed in that situation that I was going to die (either he would kill me or I would kill myself) ((and sorry to be so brutally honest but if there is one thing that you should know about me its im !00%real.. Id rather hurt your feelings then lie to your face ) but little by little I had let my feelings of self worth become so low that still to this day I can't face the things I have done. Looking back all of it was done just to feel something in return .. anything. and for what?!! ha I probably would have committed actual fucking horrendous acts if he would have commanded. See now I know that the word for that is SICK. I have and in so many ways still are SICK. Just a few KEY points that have crossed my mind today that I wish I could tell you..

1. You are Loved. My mom used to tell me this. Im really the first addict in my family and I have been blessed by one fucking amazing mother who I know I dont deserve sometimes and I pray that i one day will grow to be for my own kids. it is important to know this when it feels like your alone, and if nothing else YOUR BABIES ( #?) will ALWAYS LOVE YOU!43

2. LOVE SHOULD ALWAYS HAVE CIONDITIONS. While in my past situation( you will probably hear me refer to this as my PAST life which I still pray that I dont end up back in) I use tio think that love that love should always be unconditional, but it's not true at all. Yes, we definitely should always love people where they are at, BUT NOT EVERYONE WE LOVE DESERVES RECIPROCATION FROM US. Actually I have learned that in your situation (and my past) that the one who we are loving unconditionally is not even capable of the same love. Yeah, you are right (cause I know youre probably making some type of excuse for him by now.. at least in your mind) but hands down this individual is just FUCKING SICK. They know that they don't deserve the things or the people that they have so they show their appreciation by treating the people who love them like absolute trash while treating and going absolutely out of their way just to treat some random stranger like Royalty!! What you have to be able to do in order to see the whole box is remember.. a narcissist only cares about themselves so everything that they are doing is purely SELF MOTIVATED. SEE... SICK. I have though about making a list of conditions that I will require of any person in my life and it would definitely start with something like..A. Here is what I expect from you and this relationship (including RESPECT) or I choose (and I know that even though you feel like you don't sometimes) not to include to have you as an active part of my life. Whew, imagine all the heartache, tears and WASTED TIME you have could have saved if you had told yourself this before you fell for all the lies you feel stupid for believing.

3. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOU FELL FOR IT.. There is a really young artist Avery Anna, shes a narcissistic abuse survivor such as my self and these are the words in some of her lyrics. If you sit back and think about it the truth is we are probably are just used to taking all the blame.. all the time. Everybody plays a part in some way sometimes, that's logic.

Okay well to be honest I need a break to deal with life on life's terms so to be continued later hopefully.

Mood rn: Disappointed. In myself and in life 😔

[leviathanverse]

Sending with all my might afzer dying to school

this don't know what the hell is wrong with these people, but you can do whatever you want. Lgbtq? Lgbt or not, i dont know how many letters there are now but you can like any post and not know they are transphobic or idk. Like kts just 50/50 if a person here is lgbt or transphobic or whatever,

I'll elaborate further when im fine and not near death(i can't walk)

But you can do whatever u want if they arent mdni or have some dnis

These people need to get a brain (the anons sending those long horse romance story text)

Thank you for the nice words. I follow people who are LGBTQ+ or are not part of it. The number one rule is to respect others for who thwy are. That is a golden rule.

I am just a mere human being like everyone else. I have a mind and body like everyone else. I follow people because they are unique and have skills I wish I had. I respect them. To judge someone based on likes and follows isn't right. Not to mention thinking/ accusing them to want you dead. It's like saying a banana is actually a lemon.

Some people have decided to not support LGBTQ or not accept it. That's reality. I have stayed silent, but many of my friends don't care who I support or not. They love me and respect me for who I am.

Golden rule: Respect and treat others how you want to be treated and respected.

Everyone is more than welcome on my blog! I am not a bad person just for sharing my opinion, view on the world itself and beliefs.

We are all different and unique in our own special ways. People are changing constantly, because they are figuring out who they want to be.

Again, to everyone in the LGBTQ+ community, I don't mind if you are on my blog. This is a safe place, as long as there is no anons- like previous asks about the Calcium cat- telling me what to do that I don't want to do. I am who I am and nothing can change it.

Everyone is welcome on here! I am a kind person, but I do not tolerate bullying or hate asks as I have a limit.

Again, thank you for the nice words, anon. I might sound transphobic, but I believe the golden rule I have mentioned above.

I believe in Karma. Those who have treated others poorly will receive what they deserve. You can tell me who you are, and I wouldn't judge you. You know why? Because I am a kind person that doesn't want anyone to get hurt or killed.

Have a good day or night!

[sedatedinterpellation]

123123

the new year's eve is now. i dont know how hard it is to be myself anymore because i didn't feel like i had a break this year.

can i really do try to start all over again? can i find parts of myself i already declared lost long ago? can i wake up and decide it's time to stand up above these things later? i loved so much i hated to feel being unloved even for a second. it scared me deeply. i went through places i wouldn't even go without a gun! all for the love i knew i wanted, but was it really what i needed?

to my boyfriend, i hope you knew how hard it was to sleep the entire month after we tried going no contact. the entire december i was crying over things you refuse to give answers to. how can you mean so much to me and i mean nothing to you at all? i chased things that used to make me feel good and it led me to nothing but resonant echoes of whati used to be. i do not know how or who i was before i met you now because our happiest days was my happiest moments of my life ever, the love of my life sleeping beside me, hugging me, kissing me, saying they love me, caressing me. those were moments you gave me that i chersih deeply in my life. the life i once despised. the life i once conisidered to end at 19.

how can you leave me at the wosrt point of my life? how could you feign ignorance on the fact htat in the moment i needed you the most, you wanted to throwm e away like used tused tissues? it hurts so much, it used so much of myself to make me lovable for you in the way you loved even if that was not how i really wanted to be loved. it hurts so much because i loved you so much. does it feel the same way for you too, yvan?

to my best friend in college, i'm so sorry for letting you down. im sorry i couldn't get out of a situation i could get out of even with your relentless guidance, even if i constantly told myself and everyone im gonna get out of the way and focus on my feelings. im so scared ofd even reaching out to you even if i fel so suidcidal because i respect your request that you're gonna keep your distance away from me muna. im so scared because i miss you real bad and if i tried to reconcile with you, will i be back to where we used to stand, tal? im not taking the things you did against you, for i understand. i always will.

to my exes, chriziane and disney. thank you for being able to show up even if you didn't need to. what i felt when i talked to you two, the past muses of my lives i used to be was cathartic. but as liberating as it was, it was painful as well. if my past lovers can do this, why can't my current one extend the same amount of compassion to me?

ziane, sorry for being able to give you the closure we both deserved so long just now. i just somehow found it ironic that i am chasing for something i never was able to giv to us: closure. and it's nice to see how much you've changed through time. you aren't static anymore, you express yourself better now; i hope things stay that way and i am rooting for you to be happy and sufficient.

disney, im so confused on how we are supposed to be functioning because i wasn't used to this kind of kindness from you. but you told me that doing good things doesn't have to come from anything. and you were right, that's how i used to be before. thank you for reminding me who i was and how far i strayed the path of whoi was supposed t obe.

i had all of these people and more around me and i still wanted to have your love, yvan. i put you in a pedestal too high that you had no choice to look down on me, it put me in a situation where i felt smaller, i felt worse, but at the same time your presence in my life gives me relief on how the happiest moments i feel like was my heaven in the hellish life i live in. you were the light ad the end of my tunnel and the poison that will kill me as well.

to my friends in quezon city, im so sorry guys that i wasn't able to see you guys this year, it pains me to have less time with you guys due to how volatile my life is this year. on the next, i will have you guys back on my life! please give me time to remember myself and who i was before all of this ahppened. i will be back.

to my friends im pampanga, im so sorry that i failed to see how much you guys loved me for who i was, unlike the man i saw as my greatest love of all. its ironic.. its stupid.. its saddening toknow you guys saw my descent into madness and i still dont know how to rise up from the ashes with grace. please extend the love and support you can muster up for me as it is the only thing that will make me happier: to be with you guys again.

to rhazelle, you are amazing. i already cried at you kaninang madaling araw and you're just the best person i had in my life after my ex. thank you for being there!

to myself. im sorry you're in this sorry state right now where you consider dying as the best option right now. i hope you never push that plan thoruhg. i hope you never check out that rope. i hope you never find a spot to haneed. now, my task is done. i hog yourself from. i hope you forgive yourself for doing only the best that you could. i hope you hold the same amound of understanding to yourself that you give everyone else. i hope you havee it in you to do better, feel better and look better. i hope you can have everything you have in my life that i wasn't able to have this year. i hope everything in your life goes your dway. i hope things around you, hte poelpe around you makes you think that life is so good to have. the privilege you have by being born in the same time as everyone you have encountered is a gift i hope you can realize you have so much more than the people is worth living. i hope you get everything what you need and more.

i love the people that i helped to get through things because they are now the ones who are doing their best to help me get back on my feet, even if i ma not used to being mothered, it definitely feels so good to have what you give be given back to you by the people i mothered.. reciprocated. appreciated. cherished. loved. taken care of. i want it to go on endlessly, back and forth ebbing and flowing like the waves, waxing and waning like the moon!

please give yourself kindness again, karl!

everyone, friends, cousins, people i shared pleasant memories with, please forgive me for being incompetent this year. i did not know someonee like me can run out of love.

[twntyfiveotwo]

everyone told me it was just a phase when i told them i missed you

but it's been a year. it's been a whole fking year. i tried so hard to persuade myself that it was only a process of grief - granted, because i know i can't keep you around as a friend when my feelings to you are more than friends. is it really? do grief processes take so long to get over? cause im tired. im tired of missing you, im tired of wanting you back, im tired of wanting to be her. heck, tbh i dont even want to be her lmao. if it wasnt for the fact that she's the one by your side, she's not one of those girls i inspire to be like. honestly, this is not coming from a place of hate because i find her really gorgeous physically, and i am sure she is happy/proud of the person she is. we're just different, and we have different tastes in the things we enjoy or like. that's it. at this point i dont even relate to the song "heather" anymore. i dont want to be fking heather. all i want is to be loved by you. but that is just a want, and santa claus dont exist in real life, am i right.

it's going to be 2024 in a few days. and im done. i dont wanna miss you anymore. im going to push myself into acceptance that this friendship is over whether either of us wants it or not. "i wish nothing changes between us". ha, how selfish of you to ask that from me knowing FULL WELL i've always loved you. or maybe you didnt know because i was jumping in and out of relationships non stop. trying to fill a void inside. but you knew at one point that i did love you, and maybe you didn't love me. or maybe you did but you never had the courage back then. but does the truth matter? no. because whatever the truth was back then, that truth stays there. and the present truth is that we are both in our own long term relationships, we have found our own persons. i wont even doubt, i really think she deserves you much more than me. pft, i dont mean it in the altruistic way because i'm no longer the same person as i was in the past who is always trying to be morally "right". idw to pretend and shower her w praises because i've finally learnt to be honest w myself. i dont give no fks about her. no disrespect but idk her. all i care about is you. and the only reason why i no longer talk to you is because i respect YOUR rs, and i dont want to cause you unnecessary stress.

at the same time, it also took me years to realise i've always loved you. i constantly tried to ignore the tingling feeling in my stomach everytime we met up as friends even when i was attached in the past. i still remember, i got together w my first boyfriend on my bus trip home after you rejected my confession. and then since then, i was just constantly jumping in and out of relationships/situationships. and always talking to you when i get my heart broken, drinking my butt off. where did you even get the patience to deal w my bullshit all the fking time. i got to say hats off to you. ha... but it doesnt matter anymore.

you know what made me realised that i miss you and not the memories we shared? because i actually dont have any vivid memories of us in my head anymore. it's all blurred. i remember crashing your house, i remember us watching a horror movie in the theatres together, i remember you calling me out for being plain stupid. but they're just sweeping memories, i can't remember any specific actions or a specific memory of us. what i do remember, is how safe i feel with you. how gentle you always were with me. how the people around me pointed out that it was the first time they saw me looking happy after my depression. i meant it when i said you felt like home to me. because i cant forget this feeling, and i cant seem to find this feeling w anyone else. but HA darling boy, you're someone else's home now. and i wish you happiness. but i also want you out of my mind. im sick of you creeping into my head when i have nothing to keep me busy. and i mean even on days when im busy and there are pockets of free time you would pop up too. it's draining, it's exhausting, knowing full well you appearing in my mind or my dreams doesn't mean that i get to see you irl. i had this insane thought whereby i would camp at your house void deck to see a hint of you before 2023 ends. but i think i would save myself from the embarrassment of acting like a stalking creepo. i want to let you go, i want to let you out. not for you, but for myself. because this is plain torture. because you living in my head rent free throughout 2023 has been causing me constant pain. im always upset. and ive been hurting innocent people over it. it's not fair for me, it's not fair for them. i want to breathe, i want to sleep at night in peace. i dont want to pray in desperation before my sleep wishing that you would appear in my dream, when there is a lucky girl out there who is sleeping with you right next to her. pls just go, pls be gone. let 2023 mark the end of our long, bittersweet friendship.

thank you for teaching me to never be self-deprecating to myself.

thank you for making me feel loved even if you never really did love me.

thank you for always being there.

"hey now" always sounded so gentle when it came from you, i will be forgetting those words and how they felt for me.

i will stop looking for shadows of you in every song i listen, every game i play or every place i visit.

we had 6 years of memories.... it wont be easy but i will try to not think about you.

you were my finest scenary, my home. but it's time i move on and live a life of my own without your shadow.

i loved you, always did, but i hope not anymore.

i will try to stop loving you from now. may you always stay loved by someone else.

and i know you would continue to stay the happiest, even without me around. because you've got her now.

farewell, always.

[indigo474]

May 4-

was told a girl on my team absolutely hates my guts and wants a new super. I KNOW i have been nothing but supportive. she has been weird with me from day 1- i scare her- its funny a few months ago i would have been very upset to hear she hates me. now, i know it's her and not me- and guess what- i'll continue to be supportive. my hope is she leaves the company. It does feel like a slap in the face. I have been nice and respectful and supportive and everything i am suppose to be and you still find a reason to hate me- even lie about me. it's a learning lesson. i'm not going to change who i am because people cant receive the love and light i give. it makes me want to help them more. i'm so sorry you are down and dark- you too deserve love and kindness and i hope you realize that. she's not the first person to have the wrong idea about me and she won't be the last. I need to make sure i stay true to myself and know i did everything i could to try to help her. we had a meeting this week and i handled her pretty good. I stuck to the facts and tried my best to present myself in a professional way. It went well. Perfect NO. BUT I can be proud on how i handled myself. she cried. I dont think she expected me to be as forthcoming as I was. Do i like her. NO. DO i want her gone. YES.

kika's eye is worse. she is going to need surgery and i wonder if it bothers her. those times when i see her and she is restless. she's afraid of the rain. i squatted 185 this week and failed at benching 105.

currently NOT talking to any men. A guy struck up a conversation with me today at the market. I hope i wasn't rude but i was not interested. I almost wrecked my car again. i need to slow the fuck down. especially when its raining- i need tires again. 2 tires and this is how it's going to go- i'm always going to need 2 tires.

i managed to save every fucking child support /alimony payment. every single one. i was accused of "doing something" with the money. Yeah, i'm doing something with the money. x and his brother could be millionaires a few times over- such dumb people. i wish my kids could see me- me now. i think they would be proud.

I'll run tomorrow. i work Saturday. i'm seriously thinking about a 2nd job-weekends. i don't know if its possible because i still have to work on weekends. but not every weekend.

still learning life lessons. A good thing. i know what my intentions are. I think most people know i'm coming from a good place. some people can't handle my light- and that is OK-i'm not meant for everyone.

[arckyy]

Day 37

I came looking for you again. I just dont know why i feel so worried. I just can't leave you alone. Fear that you'll do something to yourself. I've always wanted you to depend on me. To look for me when your world is about to fall apart. I've always wanted to comfort you. You're a strong women. But there are times where it gets too much for you and you spiral back into the darkness.

I promised you that i'll take care of you. I promised you that i'll change to become better for us. But now i dont know if things can be repaired. But i still want to try. I'm so scared that you'll leave one day knowing that i can't control myself when it comes to love. Would go out of my way just to see you and make you happy even though you wanted to be alone. Fear of you finding someone else. Looking for comfort in someone else.

At this point, I really want to keep you in my life no matter what. But i know if you'd do anything like booking ride hitch, I would start having alot of questions appearing in my head. I would start overthinking as usual. Even staying as friends, I would still ask you out every single day. Still showing my love towards you but that would break me knowing that we're just friends and we're never be able to live the dream about having a family together that we talked about when we first met. But i'd still show it to you anyway. I deserve to get hurt.

My heart only has room for 1 person. That person is you, Dee. There wont be anyone else. I desperately want to hear from you. Desperately want to know how you're feeling. Desperately want you to be happy. But you really want your time alone. I have to keep telling myself to respect it. To leave you alone and give you some space. Maybe everything will be back to how it was, Or maybe not. I want to earn that. I dont want it to be handed to me. I want you to break me and help me build myself back up again and again. Each time i stand back up, Break me again and help me build back up so i will be the person you want. The person you need. The person you can rely on. I promise you that you'll never be alone again. You can depend on me and i'll always be there for you whenever you need me. Making tons of excuses to other people so i could spend time with you. There's nothing that matters to me more than you, Dee. I hope you can see that

I love you till the end, Dee. I'll wait for you until you're ready. But please, Whenever you need me, Please look for me. Please find me. I desperately want to hear your sweet sweet voice. There are times that i will look for you. looking for my comfort zone again. Afraid to get uncomfortable with myself. Just know that those are the times where i needed you most. Not to talk about the things in my head. But just to have our heart to heart talks. Laugh and have fun. Hug each other when we both desperately need it. Looking at the moon together as you're holding me close to you. I'll never let my own head get in between us again..

[kiribaku-queen]

The Blood King and his Queen [7]

Pairing: Bakugou x reader

Romance, Angst, Drama

Word count: 2.4K

Summary:  From being a mere servant girl to marrying the scariest prince in existence, your world changed right before your eyes. Exchanging places with the princess, you knew, wasn’t going to be easy. But could you have found love on the way? Or was it never meant to be?

A/N: I hope you guys really enjoy this chapter because I think its my favorite chapter so far! FYI, if I don't update this series in a while, it'll be because I am working on an 18+ oneshot for a collab for Bakugou's birthday. So if that does happen, the regular uploads will happen after Bakugou's birthday. And let me tell you, its going to be S P I C Y~

But I can't express how surprised I am by all the love I'm receiving! I really wish I could respond to all your comments, but again, this is my side blog so I can't comment! If ya'll want to follow me on my main... please dont. LOL not to be mean or anything but I don't use my main at all and I don't post ever so there's no point in following me there :)

PLEASE ENJOY AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE ADDED TO THE TAG! JOIN THE FAMILY!

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Your heart physically dropped when he said that. You felt sick. Your palms were sweating and shaking. The air around you grew dense and you felt like you couldn’t breath. You couldn’t move for that matter.

Ruin?

What would he do to you if he found out that you weren’t really a princess? That you were a fake lying to him this whole time. It made you sick, just imaging every cruel thing he could do once he found out. But then you remembered, he wasn’t like all the rumors you heard. He was different. He was kind and understanding. He wouldn’t really ruin you if he found out, would he? You shook away the thought. The more you think about it, the more you were likely to get caught.

You were completely exhausted from all that labor you produced in a week’s time. Town after town, you were able to help his people even if it was just a little bit. But it sure depleted a lot of energy out of you. You don’t know if you’ve ever been this drained before in your entire life. It’s not like you had to do hard physical labor back at the palace. This experience was hard on you but also gave you insight on the prince and his kingdom.

Completely drained of your energy, you sat down on one of the tree trunks his soldiers brought for you at the camp not far away from the village you were at. The impoverished village didn’t have enough shelter as is, so you were left with no option but to set up your own shelter. It wasn’t a big deal to you anyway since that’s how you’ve been spending your nights so far.

All the soldiers had gathered around to take a breather for the night and drink away the stress. You weren’t a drinker, but enjoyed the atmosphere the soldiers created: fun and rowdy, like they didn’t give a care in the world. They were dancing on tables, clinking their drinks together, singing songs while hooking their arms around each other’s shoulders.

You laughed at the sight and stretched out your arms. How you wanted to continue the night away but your muscles were soar and aching. A physical exhaustion that you weren’t used to and didn’t want to get used to.

Bakugou was watching his crew from the door, arms crossed and enjoying his crew have fun. He was never the one to be center of attention, so he had his own fun from the back. He saw the way you extended your arms, faced wincing from how sore you were. Cute. It was your last night of volunteer work, why not end the night with something special?

You felt the Blood Prince’s breath sneak up behind your neck, sending chills down your spine.

“Tired?” he asks.

“Maybe just a little,” you admit. You look up at him and he’s giving you those soft yet piercing eyes. He goes to sit next to you and everything is just… peaceful. In that moment you felt content. You felt free. If this was how life was out of the palace, if this was more to life than just serving a spoiled princess, then you didn’t want to leave.

“I am impressed, princess,” Bakugou spoke. “This whole trip, you never, not once sat out. You helped the whole time. Are you sure you’re a princess?” he side eyed you.

“If I am not a princess, then what am I?” you asked back. (y/n), what are you doing? You could expose yourself and everything would be ruined! But for some reason, you wanted to be selfish. You wanted to know his reaction and how he would respond. Maybe you would give up your whole mission for him.

“An innocent and hardworking beauty that is not a princess. She is my future queen who will help me restore this kingdom.” He came closer to you, meaning every single word. Your eyes softened and you got emotional, almost to the point of tears. He’s smiling at you, but suddenly gets up. But gestures for you to take his hand. Of course you did.

“I want to show you something,” he says and leads you away from the crowd of people and into the woods.

You two were walking for a while, your hand in his the whole way. He hadn’t told you where he was leading you to but it had to be something special if he was dragging you to what seemed like all across the country to get to your destination.

“Your highness, are we almost there yet?” you asked, fatigue hitting you once again.

“Almost,” he responds, continuing to look ahead. You huffed and held on tight to his hand so you didn’t get lost or left behind. After a few more minutes of walking, you felt the air get hotter and thinner. Bakugou smiles in front of you, looking excited.

“We’re here,” he announces. He pulls back these huge leaves, revealing a natural hot spring. The water was clear enough that you could see right through it, steam rising from the water, and rocks surrounding it, creating this gorgeous, peaceful atmosphere. Your eyes lit up and a loud gasp escaped your lips.

“How did you find this place?” you asked, getting closer to the hot spring.

“You like it? None of my men know about this place,” he says.

“It’s beautiful!” you continue to gasp, feeling the water with your hands. The heat of the water made you giddy and you couldn’t wait to hop in.

“You deserve it,” Bakugou comes up to, whispering in your ear. His statement made you blush, but this time, you didn’t hide it. He smirks behind you and you heard something falling to the floor. You dare turn around to see Bakugou shirtless, discarding his clothes one by one. As if your face wasn’t hot enough, steam was coming out of your ears with embarrassment.

“What are you doing?” you freaked out, turning around immediately.

“Getting in,” he said in the most obvious tone of voice.

“Together?”

“You’ll be on one side and I’ll be on the other,” he points out a huge rock, separating the hot spring into two pools. That seems a little better, but the idea of soaking in a hot spring together with the prince was nerve wracking.

“Princess, you can enter first, if that makes you feel better,” he suggested. When you turn to look at him, he already had his back turn out of respect for you.

So you undress and enter the heated water, noticing that all your muscles relaxed and the aches started going away as soon as you hit the water. You lean the back of your head on the rock and allow yourself to fully relax and destress. You could hear water splashing from the other side of the rock, indicating that Bakugou had also entered the water. Humming in satisfaction. You grew deeper and deeper in the hot spring until your nose was sitting on top of the water.

“Princess, I realize that I don’t know your name,” Bakugou spoke. Your name? You stayed silent. Was it wise to use your own name or should you continue to play as the princess?

“(y/n).” you decided.

“(y/n),” Bakugou repeated, elongating your name as if he stopped saying it, it’d disappear from him forever. The way your name left his lips felt like butter to him. He couldn’t help himself from repeated your name over and over again in his mind. You giggled and looked over the rock, arms crossed and head resting over them.

“Your highness, allow me to scrub your back,” you offered. Bakugou waved his hand while shaking his head.

“Nonsense. You shall not attend to me. We’re here to relax,” he had to remind you. But you insisted.

“But I want to, Prince Bakugou,” you pouted, jutting out your bottom lip.

“The high and mighty princess wants to wash the blood Prince’s back?” he questions playfully. He glances back to see you resting on top of the rock, giving him your big doe eyes.

“If you insist,” he gave up. He turns his back again, making sure to give you the privacy you needed to be able to come over to his side. You make your way over to him, covering your breasts in case. When you got settled behind him, you started washing his back.

You expected Bakugou to have scars from his many battles he’s had, but you didn’t expect his back to be covered in decolored and deformed wounds. Unknowingly, your hands went up to caress each scar.

“Does that frighten you?” he asks.

“Not at all,” you tell him honestly. “I think it makes you very brave.”

A comfortable silence fell upon you. Only the sound of water running and insects in the background could be heard. That was until you felt poke your butt. The hairs on your body hiked and you screamed as loud as you could, rising from the water in panic.

“Princess!” Bakugou instinctively put protection mode on, shooting up from his place to see what the danger was. You immediately clung to him, Bakugou wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you close. What Bakugou saw wasn’t an enemy but rather, a wild Japanese macaque monkey poking his head out of the water.

“Shoo!” Bakugou scared the monkey out of the water and back into the forest. Bakugou grunted and relaxed his shoulders. “Damn monkeys. I thought they only came out during the winter season. Are you okay, prin…cess,” he looked down at you only for you to look up at him with your exposed chest fully pressed against his chest. Now this could easily be the most embarrassing moment of your entire life. Your face heated up with embarrassment and you let out another scream, using all your force to slap him across the face. Bakugou wasn’t expecting such a reaction and it caught him off guard. You put for much force into the slap that Bakugou flew back and fell into the water. You ran out of the spring, covering up as fast as you could.

Bakugou had never been so flustered in his life. He was a blushing mess and now the image of your naked breasts on him could not escape his mind. He needed time to calm himself down and a certain friend from getting too excited.

When you both had returned back to the rest of the crew, everybody had been knocked out cold from the alcohol. Thank goodness, because they couldn’t see how awkward you two were at the moment. That night, you slept in the tent again while Bakugou camped outside.

But you couldn’t sleep. How could that situation happen to you, out of all people? You weren’t sure how much he saw of your naked body. Maybe he didn’t see anything at all. But you saw the expression on his face, he definitely saw something. You covered your chest and closed your eyes. To think that a man saw your body and it wasn’t even your wedding night.

You felt the wind enter your tent, the chill making you shiver. If it was cold inside the tent, it must be extra cold outside. Bakugou was sleeping outside. You bit your lip in confliction. You wanted him to be warm but that means you had to confront him. Ah, fuck it. You opened your tent and saw Bakugou resting on the grass with his cape wrapped around him. And it wasn’t doing a very good job because you could see him shivering. He couldn’t hide it no matter how hard he tried.

“Would you like to come inside?” you invite him in.

“It’s for you, princess,” he reminded you.

“I understand. But it’s too cold to be sleeping out here. Please. I insist,” you urged. He opens one eye and sighs.

“As you wish, princess,” Bakugou gave in. You scooted over to make room for the large man to sleep next to you. Bakugou made himself comfy but he was a tad too tall for the tent that he had to have his legs hanging out. The opening of the tent revealed the big, bright moon overhead.

“I’m sorry for hitting you,” you apologized. Bakugou just lets out a breath.

“It’s whatever. I didn’t see anything, by the way,” he reassures you. Embarrassed again, you unconsciously covered your chest.

“You sure?”

“Erased from my mind,” he says as he closes his eyes and moves his hands around his head, as if he was erasing his memory. You laugh at his antics, more comfortable with the mood that was created. Bakugou laughs with you and turns to you, meeting eyes. This is the nth time that his heart leapt when you stare at him with those innocent, childlike eyes. He clears his throat and all of a sudden, his ears got red.

“The moon is beautiful, isn’t it?” Bakugou professed. You blinked in confusion. You weren’t sure why he said that. Glancing up at the moon, you guess you could say that it was beautiful. It was a full moon, and shone brightly above your heads. You weren’t versed in the poetics so you couldn’t comprehend the message the Blood Prince was trying to get at you.

“The moon is especially beautiful tonight. But isn’t the moon beautiful every night?” you responded.

Bakugou looks are you in mortification. Fuck, did he just get rejected? His ears got hot and he covered his mouth with his hands.

“Yeah… yeah it is,” he agreed, embarrassed. He took a deep breath in and back out again to calm his beating heart. You look over at him to see him a little distressed. You softly smiled, another side you got to see of him. It was cute. You could feel your heartbeat starting to pick its pace up and that’s when you realized. Gathering up all the courage you could muster, you leaned over to kiss him on the cheek you slapped.

“Good night,” you quickly say, then turned over to face away from him. Bakugou stops everything in his tracks and is frozen. He couldn’t help but smile and fall asleep next to you.

The moment you made the decision to kiss him was when you knew that you wanted to be selfish. You wanted to become his queen and rule his kingdom together. You were going to forget your past life. You were going to forget this mission you were on. You were the princess now. That was his truth and you weren’t going to change it.

A/N: For those who don't know, the phrase "the moon is beautiful, isn't it" or 月が綺麗ですね is a more poetic way of saying "I love you" in olden Japanese. And then the response to that would be "I can die happy" or 死んでもいいわ. Just for reference.

As I said before, I absolutely love this chapter and I really really REALLY want to know your reactions and thoughts!

Spoiler: drama starts in the next chapter :)

If you'd like to be tagged, please let me know in the comments or DM me! and if you'd like to be tagged when my 18+ oneshot comes out, let me know too! I love you all!

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