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thebigbadbatswife · 3 years

Text

One Single Thread Of Gold Tied Me To You

Summary - Everyone is tied to their soulmate with a red thread tied to their wrist. All except Y/N’s, who’s thread is gold. Tired of waiting for her soulmate to come and find her, she decides to go and find them. It doesn’t go quite how she expected it to.

Warnings - A little angst

[A/N] - This is a soulmate au where you and your soulmate are attached by an unbreakable red thread (or, in this case, gold), tied to your wrist. This was inspired by the song 'Invisible String' by Taylor Swift.

Word Count - 4k

As the early morning sun slowly filtered into your room, through your blinds, you carefully examined the thread attached to your wrist. Everyone had one; it was your link to your soulmate. Yours was different to everyone else though. While everyone had red, yours was gold. As you turned your wrist, it caught the sunlight and glistened a little.

Everyone you knew had always been fascinated by it. As was nearly every stranger you met. Why was it gold? What exactly made you and your soulmate so different to everyone else’s? Questions you had often asked yourself as well. Why were you two so different?

Your family had a theory that whoever it was, they were rich. Very rich. That was surely the reason it was gold. Nothing else made sense to them. Meanwhile your friends were completely convinced that your soulmate was some kind of God.

“Come on, Y/N! It’s the only thing that makes sense!” Tracey said before taking another sip of her third glass of wine. Her usually bright emerald eyes were glazed over from all of the alcohol. “Why else would it be gold?”

“You gotta admit, Tracey might be drunk right now, but she has a good point!” Skylar joined in. She took her brown eyes off the blonde and looked over at you before continuing. “Oh! What if your soulmate is like Wonder Woman or Superman or something! How cool would that be?”

You rolled your eyes and took a sip of your own glass of wine. “Stop it. You’re both being ridiculous,” you had told them because they really were being ridiculous. There was no way your soulmate was a member of the Justice League, let alone an Amazonian Princess or the Man of Steel.

You were, of course, curious of your soulmate yourself. Who wouldn’t be curious of the person they’re destined to end up with? But you didn’t think up the crazy theories your friends and family liked to come up with. Instead you wondered things like, what kind of hobbies do they have? What’s their favourite colour? What type of music do they listen to? Were they a cat person or a dog person? And other things like that.

Another thing about the thread that tied you to your soulmate was that, while everyone could see the thread around your wrist, only you and soulmate could see where it led. While you had always wanted to follow it, you had decided that it would be better to focus on having a decent job and place to live first.

During that time a small part of you had hoped that maybe your soulmate would come looking for you, but since they clearly weren’t, maybe you should? After all, you had a well paying job and a great apartment, so why not? Every job was legally required to allow people time off to go search, so that wouldn’t be an issue. It was paid time off as well so you didn’t have to worry about money. You also had a car so you wouldn’t have to spend a shit ton of money on travel. At least, you hoped you wouldn’t. In truth, for all you knew, your soulmate could be in a completely different country. Now that would certainly complicate things.

Shaking that thought away (because there was no way fate could be that cruel), you got out of bed and set about putting the wheels in motion that would allow you to start following your thread

‘ Welcome to Gotham City! ’ the sign read as you drove past it. When you had told those close to you, your plan, they had been super supportive. Now, if they knew where your thread had lead you, you doubted they’d be as supportive. Hell, even you were rethinking things now. Out of all the cities for your soulmate to be in, it just had to be this one.

How did you know it was this city that they resided in and it wasn’t just another stop along the way? It was hard to explain, but you had a feeling deep within your gut, almost like a sixth sense that just yelled “Yep! This is the place!”.

You felt extremely uneasy as you drove through the city. It was night-time as well which did absolutely nothing to help. Honestly, of all the times to arrive in Gotham, night-time was definitely the worst. Well, there was nothing you could do about that now, you just had to keep on going, so you did.

The golden thread snaked through the gothic city and went from the “posh” part of the city all the way to the worst part of the city. The buildings were run down and most of the windows were boarded up. Each turn you took there were shiftier and shiftier characters on every corner. You started to get the feeling that you really shouldn’t be here. Plus you were starting to wonder if you really wanted to know who your soulmate was if they were hanging out in neighbourhoods like this.

You brought your car to a stop in front of a particularly dark and sinister looking alleyway. A particularly dark and sinister looking alleyway that your golden thread lead straight into. Coming to this part of this city was already a bad idea. Continuing to follow that thread to what had to be your certain doom was even worse. Yet, at this point in your mission, you were pretty much committed.

You couldn’t help out a quiet and very nervous laugh as you climbed out of your car. ‘ This is fucking insane ,’ you thought as you stepped out of your car. Before shutting and locking it (though you doubt that would do much to protect it in this area), you grabbed your pepper spray. ‘ I really hope your worth all this .’

As you followed the thread down the alleyway, you heard a sudden loud bang. A gunshot. You stopped in your tracks and you could feel your heart pick up its pace. Your thread lead in the direction the shot had come from. ‘ I really hope you weren’t involved with that .’ Taking a deep breath, you continued down the alleyway.

The alleyway lead out onto another street. There was a small crunching sound as you stepped out onto the street. Taking a step back, you looked to the ground to see what you had just stepped on. The ground was littered with small shards of glass. Looking up, you figured the shards of glass were from the bulbs from the streetlamps. Something had broken them. It didn’t take you long to figure out what, or rather who ,was responsible.

Further down the street, taking on group of ten men, was none other than Gotham’s Caped Crusader. The Batman.

You quickly ducked back into the alley you had just left. You then carefully peered around the wall, so you could watch the fight. You were well aware of the fact that your thread was leading straight toward the fight. Which meant that your soulmate was involved.

You watched the fight intensely, both intrigued and terrified to figured which one of the men was on the end of your thread. There was a voice in the back of your head praying hardcore that it was the hero in the centre of the fight.

Batman was a blur of black and dark grey as he rapidly made his way through the group of men. With a variety of different punches, kicks and gadgets, he made short work of them. During his combat flow, you followed your thread with your eyes and a small gasp left you as you realised who the other end was attached to.

Holy fuck. You’re friends had, kind of, been right. While your soulmate wasn’t Wonder Woman or Superman, like they had suggested, he was apart of the Justice League’s ‘Big Three’. Your soulmate was Batman . At least now you knew why he hadn’t come looking for you. He’d been busy saving the world.

Now you had to figure out how to approach him before he ended up disappearing into the night.

Exiting your cover, you took your thread between your finger and thumb and gently tugged on it a couple of times.

Batman looked at his end of the thread curiously as your tugs had gotten his attention. Then his head drifted upwards, following where it lead till his eyes settled on you.

If he was shocked, he didn’t show it. He just stood there, his eyes never leaving you. Part of you wanted to cower away from the intense stare, but you willed yourself not to. He was your soulmate, and you weren’t a criminal, you had no reason to be afraid.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said, finally ending the silence between you. His voice was deep and almost robotic sounding. Probably some sort of voice modulator to help hide his identity, you figured.

“In Gotham? Yeah, this place really sucks,” you replied, thinking about all the things you had heard about this city, “but I came here to find my soulmate; to find you.”

“You shouldn’t have.” His voice was sharp and serious as he spoke. He also sounded irritated at your sudden appearance, which caused you to frown. That couldn’t be right… could it?

“What?” You hated how meek and pathetic your voice sounded, but you couldn’t help it. Wasn’t this supposed to be a happy moment? One of the happiest in your life in fact. Instead you felt like you were being scolded rather than meeting the person who was supposed to be your other half.

“I didn’t want to meet you. Now I suggest you go home. It’s not safe here.”

What? You couldn’t believe what you were hearing. There was pressure behind your eyes and your throat tightened. You took a shaky breath as you took a step backwards away from him. It quickly sunk in that the man you’d been destined to be with, the man you had thought about since you were old enough to understand the concept of a soulmate, wanted nothing to do with you.

“I-I’m sorry I disturbed you.” Your voice broke as you fought back the tears that threatened to fall. You weren’t going to give him that satisfaction. You then turned around and ran back toward where you had left your car.

As fast as you could, you started your car up and made your way to a safer part of the city. It didn’t take you long to find a somewhat empty parking lot to park in. Once the engine was off, you screamed and aggressively slammed against the wheel as you let the tears freely fall.

You felt like a complete and utter fucking idiot. Of course he didn’t want you. You’d probably just get in the way of him saving the world or something like that. Besides, what was that article you had seen a few months ago? Something about Catwoman and a relationship between the two? While it happened very rarely, some people in the world had been known to reject their soulmate because they had found someone they deemed better. Is that what had happened? Whatever the reason, you could feel your heart breaking.

You had used to think that, out of all the members of the Justice League, Batman had been one of the cooler members. Now all you could think was that he was a massive jerk.

Maybe it was your own fault for romanticising the whole thing and thinking that your meeting would be something out of a fairytale. Apparently fate was far crueller than you could have ever thought it to be.

Bruce watched as she ran away from him, back down the alleyway she had come from. A small voice in the back of his head told him to go after her. To grab her, hold her close and apologise, tell her that he hadn’t meant it. He ignored it and headed off in the opposite direction, back to where he had left the batmobile.

Over his comms, he heard a barely audible sigh and he could easily picture his butler and lifelong friend shaking his head in disappointment. No doubt he was going to get an earful once he got back to the batcave. Well it certainly wasn’t the first time.

As the batmobile pulled up in the batcave, he could see Alfred waiting for him. ‘ Here we go ,’ he thought as he got out of his car and removed his cowl.

“I don’t want to hear it,” he stated as he walked past him and toward the batcomputer. He set his cowl down on the desk. Even as the words left his mouth he knew he had wasted his breath. If there was one thing that Alfred had done consistently since Bruce had started down this path, it was letting him know when he disagreed with something he did.

“Was that really necessary Master Bruce? She’s come all of this way…” Alfred started, but ended up trailing off. There was a small moment of silence before he continued. “You know, I remember a small boy who couldn’t wait to go out there and find…” Before he could finish what he was saying, Bruce promptly cut him off.

“What would you have me do, Alfred?!” His voice echoed off of the cave’s walls and disturbed some of the bats still hanging on the ceiling. Bruce gestured toward his equipment and the display cases that held some rather badly damaged batsuits. All of them testaments to injuries that had come far too close to killing him. “Would you really have me force this life on to her? The dangers, the no guarantee I’ll come home…” He took a deep breath and rested both his hands on the surface of his desk. “She deserves so much better.” His voice was quiet, but still easily heard in the, almost, silent cave.

“With all due respect, sir, I believe she should be allowed to make that decision, not you,” Alfred replied before leaving the batcave, not giving Bruce a chance to respond.

He looked in the direction of the stairs that lead up into the manor. The direction that Alfred had headed in. Was he right? Should he be leaving it up to her to decide what she wanted? But with all the dangers he faced nightly… No, it was better for him to stay far away from her.

Over the following week Bruce found himself distracted. It didn’t matter where he was, what he was doing, he couldn’t focus. And considering what he did once night fell over Gotham, to say being unfocused really wasn’t good was a complete understatement of the situation. He had been having far too many close calls recently.

He couldn’t get it out of his head. The way she had looked at him as he told her he didn’t want to meet her, that she should leave. Alfred’s words echoed in his mind and he found himself questioning the decisions he had made that night. Something that Bruce rarely, if ever, did. Everything he did was meticulously planned and there was never any doubt when he made a decision. Was this what happened once you met your soulmate and rejected them?

Bruce was sure that the rest of the Justice League had taken notice. With how off beat and slow to react to certain things, it would be hard not to. Of course, if they had, none of them had mentioned it to him. Apparently they knew better. For the time being, at least. He was sure it wouldn’t be long before they did try to pry into his personal life.

Which lead him here. On the roof of the building opposite of Y/N’s apartment building. He hadn’t needed to do any extensive research to find her, or learn her name, because he had been in this exact spot a couple of years ago.

Two years ago Bruce’s own curiosity had gotten the better of him. He blamed Clark and his soulmate, a reporter by the name of Lois Lane, for it. He had seen them one too many times in the Watchtower together and had found himself wondering who exactly his soulmate was and what they was like. As a result, he had gone looking for them. Not because he wished to finally meet them, but so he could make sure his soulmate was safe and happy. And she was, so he had left. Only ever checking up on her every now and then to make sure she had stayed that way.

He looked down at the golden thread that came out of his gauntlet and lead down toward the apartment he’d been watching. Both as Bruce Wayne and Batman he had made sure to keep it well hidden. With its unique colouring he couldn’t allow anyone to see it. It would be all too easy for his enemies to find her if they did see it.

He knew that by being here he was easily undoing everything he had done to keep her safe, but, then again, had she not done exactly that when she had tracked him down in Gotham? Besides, and while he would never say it out loud, Alfred had been right. It should be up to Y/N to decide whenever or not she wanted all the baggage that came with him being in her life. Baggage that had driven more than one person from his life…

He shook that thought from his head and got up from his crouched position on the roof. Bruce then leapt from the roof and allowed himself to fall for a couple of seconds before opening up his cape and let it catch the wind that was rushing past him. He silently glided over to her apartment’s balcony.

Y/N was in her apartment alone. She was sat on her sofa, the light from the tv was the only thing illuminating the room.

Bruce was unsure of how exactly to go about this. Back in Gotham he had originally thought of approaching her as Bruce Wayne, but quickly discarded it. Bruce Wayne showing up at an out of the way apartment building was sure to garner attention. As would Batman using the front door, so the balcony had seemed to be the best option. But now that he was here, he wasn’t entirely sure it was.

Should he just knock? That seemed like the best way to go about this. It was going to scare the everloving daylights out of her, but he could deal with that.

He gently rapped the glass of the balcony door with his knuckles. As he had expected, Y/N leapt up from her seat. A bowl and the contents of the bowl followed her and scattered across her carpeted floor. She spun around and when she saw him, the look of shock on her face quickly turned to anger. Her eyes narrowed and he swore that glare would be enough to make even the toughest of Gotham’s thugs would cower at its intensity. Maybe she would deal with his life better than he thought.

After a minute of glaring at him, she turned around and walked toward the lightswitch. At the same time, she gestured for him to enter.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing here?” she demanded as soon as he had entered the apartment and shut the door behind him. The rage in her voice was evident and Bruce was sure he could cut the tension in the room with a batarang.

“I came to apologise,” he said, his voice gentle despite how distorted his modulator made it sound. Y/N scoffed immediately. He didn’t blame her. If he was in her shoes, he wouldn’t believe him either. After all ‘Batman’ wasn’t exactly known for making apologies.

“Yeah right.” She rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

“I’m being truthful. I… I shouldn’t have said what I said. It wasn’t right.”

“Then why did you say it?” A fair question and one he had an answer to. Before he even said it, Bruce was aware how cliché it sounded.

“I wanted to keep you safe. This life isn’t for everyone.”

“So without even meeting me, you decided that it wasn’t for me.” She shook her head. “That’s not your decision to make!” she yelled at him.

“I know. It’s been pointed out to me before.” In fact that night in the cave wasn’t the first time Alfred had told him that. “But that’s why I’m here now. To give you all the information you need to make that decision.”

You listened intently as Batman explained the dangers of the life he was leading. The dangers that effected the people in his life in one way or another. He also made it a point to reiterate the fact that when he left at night or was summoned by the Justice League there was no guarantee he would return. You asked the occasional question, but for the most part you just listened to him to talk and let his words sink in.

You got it. You understood the very clear concerns that Batman had about this whole thing, they concerned you as well, but you weren’t about to let it deter you. You wanted to know your soulmate. Even if it ended horribly, like he was saying it would, you felt it in your core that you would regret not knowing him, especially if the worst truly did happen. And you told him so.

“Even if you’re not wearing a mask, this life is dangerous. Anything can happen.”

“Anything could happen to me when I leave my apartment each day.”

The superhero life wasn’t special in that regard. As you spoke, your voice was a lot calmer than it had been earlier. In fact, as he had spoke and explained you had found your anger slowly fading. You still wanted to slap the jerk superhero before you, but that was a considerable downgrade from your overwhelming need to deck him when you first saw him standing on your balcony.

“It won’t be easy.”

“I’ve never backed down from a challenge before.”

You admired his commitment to deter you, but it wasn’t going to work. You were too stubborn to let it. Something you were positive he was learning very quickly.

“There’s nothing I can say to convince you that this is a bad idea, is there?”

“Nope.” You made sure to pop the ‘p’.

Batman sighed deeply. You watched as he looked away from you and toward the golden thread that linked the two of you together. You could almost hear the gears in his brain turning as he thought. Then he was looking back up at you.

“In that case then.”

You watched as Batman brought his hands up to his cowl. Your eyes widened and you couldn’t help the small gasp that left you as he removed the cowl and revealed his identity to you. Bruce Wayne. While you didn’t live in Gotham City, you were well aware of Gotham’s favoured son. You would’ve had to have lived underneath a rock to not know who he was.

And apparently your family had been right on the money, literally. Not that you cared about the money, you weren’t superficial like that. Personality was far more important than the material items someone may or may not have. In your eyes, at least.

You both stood in silence, his blue eyes studying you, probably trying to gauge how you were going to react. To be truthful, you weren’t entirely sure how to react. Except maybe…

“Well, it’s… it’s nice to meet you Bruce Wayne. I guess this is the part where we forget about what happened and start over?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“It is.”

Yeah, sure, this was probably going to end horribly, but you were looking forward to the adventure that lie ahead.

#bruce wayne #batman #bruce wayne x reader #batman x reader #bruce wayne x fem!reader #batman x fem!reader #bruce wayne imagines #batman imagines #soulmate au #my writing

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dented-nado · 5 years

Note

Can you do the Halloween prompt 69 (.. I know. but I was thinking about Batman having holy water in his belt) with superbat or something?

[[jalksjflksa thank you for the request! And absolutely, here’s prompt 69.... “I told you I carry holy water around for a reason!” with Superbat!]]

Words: 856

“How do you even keep track of all the things on your belt?”

Bruce groaned into his boyfriend’s chest. “Why do you always start asking a ton of questions right when we’re going to bed??”

“I’m sorry! When it's quiet I just start thinking of the things I’ve been meaning to ask.” Clark replied throwing his head back against the pillow dramatically.

Bruce grumbled and went silent, hoping for once, just this time… Clark would get the message it was time for sleep and not for a game of twenty questions.

“But really though, sometimes it feels like you have everything on there.”

Bruce let out a steam of air through his nose and turned his head from its very comfortable spot on Clark’s chest to his shoulder since apparently he was not so lucky as for them to just go to sleep like he had planned.

“Combination of a numbering system, the fact I’ve been involved on every part of the design, and a lot of training and muscle memory.”

“Is there anything you don’t have on there? Like really, not joking, what do you not have on there?” Clark rubbed his cheek against Bruce’s as if trying to quietly apologize for his mind still running a million miles per minute.

Bruce rolled his eyes and begrudgingly allowed the show of affection and the continued barrage of questions. “There’s plenty of things not on there.”

“Like what?”

Bruce sighed.

“A coupon for getting you to shut the hell up.”

“Bruce…” Clark chided.

“What do you want Clark?! I comprehensive list? Out of everything that exists on the planet? The universe??” He exclaimed before huffing and closing his eyes again with a frown.

He was met with silence as Clark’s hand grazed thoughtfully and soothingly along Bruce’s back.

Maybe… at last… they could.

“A straw.”

Bruce’s eyes flew open into a glare, but Clark was now grinning. This asshole was doing this on purpose, wasn’t he?

“…Yes, several.”

“You have straws on your belt?” Clark announced like it was the most entertaining thing on the planet.

“Tim used to stick them in cans he was drinking out of.”

“So you carried them with you?”

“Yes.”

“Awww.”

“Shut up.”

Silence for one blessed moment.

“What about goldfish, are those rumors true?”

Bruce let out a thousand sighs in one breath. “Yes Clark.”

“Really?!” Clark beamed at him even wider and Bruce’s eye lids twitched in irritation.

“Yes. Dick used to like snacking on them, so I’ve kept them on ever since. The others like snacking on them too sometimes…”

“That’s really sweet Bruce.” Apparently the knowledge Bruce carried goldfish with him had earned him a forehead kiss from Clark.

“Please be quiet.”

“…Pepper spray.”

Sigh.

“Duh.”

“Bug spray.”

“Yep.”

“Sunscreen.”

“Now that Batman has to be out in the day for the League, hell yes.”

“Nutter Butters.”

“What? No.”

“You should.”

“Why?”

“I love them.”

“Okay. Fine.” Bruce grumbled. “They’re bad for you though.”

“I’m Superman.”

“Oh yeah…”

Finally, perhaps, some sleep. Some sweet release from thinking or doing anything for a few hours, just calm, warm happy…

“Holy water?”

Bruce wanted to kick Clark off the bed.

“Clark..!” He warned.

“Last question! I promise, then sleep.” His boyfriend pleaded, wrapping his arms around Bruce and kissing his head in apology.

“Why did you think of holy water?” Bruce grumbled into Clark’s shoulder.

“I dunno, it just popped in there.”

“Fine. No more questions after this. Yes, I carry holy water with me.”

“What! Really? Why?” Clark immediately questioned.

“I said no more questions!” Bruce growled.

“But…”

“No, I have a very good reason for it now unless you want to sleep on the couch, and leave me here cold and alone... Shut. Up.”

Clark closed his mouth finally, despite his thoughts still dancing all over the place, but he finally allowed his tired Bat to fall peacefully to sleep.

—-

Bruce didn’t answer him about why he carried holy water for weeks outside of “Its necessary.”, Clark had to believe him, it was Bruce. But for one despite the insistence he hadn’t really believed such a thing actually had any application. Even for fighting something like demons there seemed like better ways.

That was until he had been stuck trying to push a vampire away from his neck, unable to force it back even with all of his strength, he dammed it, figuring it had to qualify as a magical being. His amazing always prepared bat came swooping in at just the right moment, dumping a whole bottle of holy water on the creatures head, weakening it and causing it to wail as their skin began to burn.

“I told you I carry holy water around for a reason!” Batman growled as they gained the upper hand in their fight.

“Point taken.”

But that night, Clark was struck with another thought, another question he just couldn’t put out of his mind no matter how hard he tried. So he asked:

“What if the vampire had been atheist or something?”

Bruce just turned over and stole all the blankets from Clark, deciding he didn’t deserve them.

#flareontoast #superbat #superbats #clark x bruce #batman #superman #clark kent #bruce wayne #fic #my writing #prompt fill #halloween prompts

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becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot · 4 years

Video

youtube

2014 Brave New Voices (Finals) "Rape Joke" by Los Angeles Team Get Lit

Knock, knock. Who's there? Rape joke. Rape joke? Rape joke who? Rape joke who's not fucking funny. Don't worry, we're good victims! We won't cry too loud, or demand your attention, or ask for trigger warnings. Men like to use the excuse "boys get raped, too" when they hear women talking about their personal experiences. First, "boys get raped" should be it's own sentence. If you're only acknowledging their trauma to silence female survivors, then you're a scumbag. Second, all the male survivors we know would kick your teeth in for saying that. And your friends who aren't survivors can't sympathize with you until they know all the gory details- Please. Get your porn somewhere else. And once you do get their sympathy, it sounds like: "Someone catcalled me once, so I totally get it!" "Someone stepped on my foot last week -- it was a man. I just felt so invaded!" And to the boys who write poems: "To raped girls: Don't worry! There's good men out there. The light at the end of such a dark tunnel!" They'll hold your hand in court and everything. Thank God I'll get some thoughtful dick someday. You know, those poets will tell you, "Violets are growing in the shadows under your eyes." They're not violets. It's skin. I know it's skin. It's good skin. It's gonna be skin regardless of what metaphors you attach to it. You'll be there when I cry (until my eyes get puffy and red). You won't be tearing off my lace panties (because they were expensive, and they make me feel like I'm worth something). Once you figure out that the only time I deep throat is with the feeding tube at the psych ward, you'll be gone. And if you do want a healing relationship, how do you talk about it when the language is rooting against you? "Hey, wanna bang?" "Screw." "Nail me!" Everything is so violent! How to flirt with a rape survivor: Approach slowly and cautiously. Do not make any sudden movements or loud noises. "Hey, baby, I've got anxiety, depression, PTSD, and crushing sexual insecurity!" "You wanna come back to my place and hold my hair while I vomit?" And then there's feminists who feel entitled to our poetry and narratives because, as they say: "Under the Patriarchy, like, ALL women are constantly threatened by rape." What does that make us? Hold on, Belissa -- I'm turning into a statistic! Holy pepper spray, Batman! I can only see in binary! The ones look like penises! Quick! You've got to pull it together for -- Slut walk! Truly, nothing helps rape survivors of all gender, ethnicity and economic level than rich white girls walking around half naked while collaborating with the police. Because the cops, historically, are so good at supporting victims and catching rapists. Getting real tired of slut walk slogans, too. "Don't slut shame me"? How about, "Do not refer to me as a slut. Ever." "Real men don't rape"? Oh, shit! Must have been a ghost, then! "Consent is sexy"? Lingerie is sexy. Consent is a basic human right. You guys are supposed to be the adults we look up to, but we went through our moon goddess phase in 7th grade. Humor helps trauma. We just want to know that you are laughing with us. We can joke about it because it is ours to joke about, similar to how our bruises are ours to poke at, and yours to keep away from.

#tw rape

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tiptoptab · 6 years

Photo

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Holy pepper spray batman! Today I reached 500 FOLLOWERS WAT! As a thank you I wanted to share the latest project I’ve been working on, which is this PowerHouse eyeshadow, I hope you guys like it!

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#mycc #tiptoptabcc #s4 #ts4 #s4mm #ts4mm #s4cc #s4mmcc #sims 4 #maxis match #simblr #ts4cc #ts4mmcc

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lfthinkerwrites · 5 years

Text

Like Father, Like Daughter, pt. 3

Title: From the Case Files of Edward Nigma, PI

Fandom: Batman

Rating: T

Summary: Ellen gets a lead on where Marisol is being held and unknowingly attracts the attention of a potential ally.

Previous Chapters: 1/2

AO3 Link

12:15 AM

Bolton emerged from the apartment building with a smirk. Sanchez wouldn't be a problem anymore. As he walked to his car parked across the street, he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed a number. His call was immediately answered. "This is Dr. Hugo Strange."

"It's me," Bolton answered.

"Well?" Strange demanded.

Bolton grinned. "It's all taken care of."

"Good. You can be competent when the occasion calls for it. Is that all?"

Bolton frowned. "Don't you want to know-"

"Absolutely not. I've given your 'colleagues' the necessary tools, but that is as far as my involvement goes. Neither myself or the Mayor can be connected to this in any way. Clean up your mess with as little fuss as possible." The call disconnected with a click. Bolton scowled. Would it kill the good doctor to show him a little appreciation every once in a while? He shrugged, then dialed another number. This time, the phone rang three times before it was answered.

"Bolton? That you?"

"Yeah, it's me. Where are you guys?"

"We're still at the place on 55th."

"Kid been giving you any trouble?"

"Nah, we've been keeping her doped up on that stuff we got from Strange."

"Good. Meet me at the old shelter on 45th and Marshall in an hour. There's been a couple of dead junkies found down there. We'll make it look like an overdose." A noise suddenly caught Bolton's attention. "Hold on a second." He whipped around. No one was out on the street that he could see, but there was an alley located between the apartment building he'd left and the next. Bolton walked into the darkness, one hand going to the pistol on his belt. Nothing but trash cans and a large dumpster. He had taken maybe ten steps in the alley when he heard a rustling behind some garbage cans to his left. Bolton pulled out his pistol. "Come out!" A black flash ran past his feet. Bolton cursed and took a step back, only to relax when he realized that it was a stray cat. He shook his head and walked back out to the street, returning to his phone call. "Sorry about that. Anyway, we're good to meet in the narrows, right?"

"Yeah, but Bolton...she's just a kid. Do we have to kill her? It's not like she knows who we are."

"She's a liability, Morton. Besides, Sanchez has to learn a little lesson about shooting his mouth off. I'll see you in an hour." Bolton hung up his phone and walked off towards his car, without another look behind him.

As soon as she was sure the man had gotten into his car, Ellen peeked out from her hiding place behind the dumpster. That was too close. She'd tried to stay as quiet as she could when she heard the man come out from the apartment building, but when he had mentioned Marisol, she couldn't help the indignant squeak that had come out. If the Old Man were there, he'd have something to say to her about that. She watched his ugly red car start, then pulled her bicycle out. As soon as the car was in motion, Ellen followed. She was able to keep sight of the car as far as a block down 11th street, but a light turned green and it sped off, faster than she could ever hope to catch up with.

"Damn it!" she swore, smacking her palms against the handlebars of her bike. Well, she really should have seen that coming. What was that address she'd heard him say? 45th and Marshall? Ellen bit her lip. That was in the middle of the Narrows neighborhood. She'd never been allowed to go there in the day, let alone in the middle of the night, God only knew what was down there-

Ellen set her jaw. Marisol was down there. And if that man got there before she did, Marisol would die. Ellen wouldn't let that happen. Swallowing her fears, Ellen made a left turn on her bike, down Marshall. Hold on, Marisol. I'm coming.

Ellen noticed the further she pedaled down Marshall that the buildings were becoming gradually more run down. She crossed the intersection of Marshall and 25th and knew she'd officially entered the Narrows neighborhood. Her heart beat in her chest from the exertion of her bicycling and from the thrill of being in such a notorious place. The only people she could see out on the street now was the occasional homeless person. It was Saturday night-well, Sunday morning now, she guessed. Where was everybody?

She'd reached the intersection of Marshall and 27th when she hit the breaks on her bike. Right in front of her were two men, huddled under a street light. They looked up at her with surprise. "What the Hell-it's a kid!"

Ellen swore and tried to go around, only for one of the men to block her. "I need to get through. Get out of my way!"

"What're you doin' out so late little girl? Wait, are you wearin' a mask?"

Ellen narrowed her eyes at the men. "None of your business!" She tried to go around again, only for the man in front of her to knock her off. She fell to the pavement with a grunt.

Another one of the men walked up to her. "We'll take your backpack too, little girl. Hand it over."

Ellen glared up at the man. "Screw you!"

The two men laughed. "Maybe when you're older," The first one said. "The backpack. Now." The man pulled a switchblade out from his pocket and Ellen's eyes widened under her mask when she saw the blade. "Don't make me ask again, little girl."

Ellen slowly pulled her backpack off. "You're making a big mistake, asshole," she said. "Did you see the question mark on my shirt?" She pointed at it for emphasis. "I'm the Riddler's kid."

The men exchanged a look with each other. "The Riddler?" one asked the other. "I didn't know he had a kid."

"He doesn't. Least, he didn't when I ran with his crew back in the day."

Jesus Christ, did every jackass in this city know the Old Man? Did he have some kind of beacon on him that attracted other assholes to him? While the men were talking with each other, Ellen unzipped her backpack and pulled out a hammer and a can of pepper spray her Gramma kept in her bedroom in case of emergency. She placed the pepper spray on the ground for now, then tightened her grip on her hammer. She crouched up, her eyes on the knees of the man closest to her. The man further away noticed her, however. "Oh shit, dude!"

Before the other man could react, Ellen lunged forward, swinging the hammer with all her might at the man's knee cap. It connected with a crunch and the man let out a scream of anger and pain. "Fuck! You little bitch!" he collapsed to the ground, his hands hugging his wounded knee to his chest. "Fuck, you broke my knee! Tommy, get her!"

The other guy lunged for her and Ellen jumped back, barely escaping his grasp. She reached down to grab the can of pepper spray and when the man charged towards her again, sprayed him dead on in the face. The man let out a shriek, covering his eyes with his hands. "Fuck! Denny, you're on your own, man!" The man ran down the street as fast as he could.

Ellen stood there, shaking a bit from the adrenaline. Holy shit. She'd taken on Narrows guys and she'd survived. Hell, she'd won. She let out a shaky laugh. If the Old Man could see her now...The first man, Denny, looked up at her, afraid. "Who-who are you?" he asked.

Ellen opened her mouth to say something, only to close it when she realized she didn't know what to say. Every superhero had some kind of catchphrase, didn't they? What should she say? 'Riddle me this-' no, she didn't want to copy the Old Man. 'Let's get dangerous?' Nah, been done before. 'In the name of the Moon, I will punish you?' No, too anime. Finally, she squared her shoulders and said in the deepest voice she could manage, "I'm Enigma, chuckle fuck!" She'd have to work on that. She then sprayed Denny in the face with her pepper spray, trying not to laugh at the shriek he let out. She then placed the pepper spray and the hammer back in her backpack, put it on and walked over to where her bicycle lay on the ground. She pulled it up, hopped on, and continued her way down Marshall, her heart soaring. If she could handle those idiots, she could get Marisol out, no problem.

She didn't realize that from the rooftops, someone had been watching her and was now following her.

Stephanie took another look down at the streets through her binoculars. "It's 12:45 and there's no sign of life, Oracle. I'm gonna stay here fifteen more minutes and then head up towards the West End."

"Good idea," Barbara said through the communicator. "Bruce doesn't want us patrolling this close to the Narrows anyway."

"And since when have I ever done what Bruce wants?" Stephanie joked. She put the binoculars back in a compartment on her belt and sat down on the roof of the building she was perched on. "Speaking of, has he spoken with Jason?"

"He's tried," Barbara answered. "But you know Jason. It didn't go well."

Stephanie didn't know Jason at all actually. She'd never met him when he was a Robin and after...she shook her head. And she thought she and Bruce had their issues. At least she'd never killed anyone. Jason didn't have any issue with her that she knew about, but that didn't mean she wanted to cross paths with him. "Great," she said. She sighed. "At least the rest of the city's quiet tonight, right?"

"Right," Barbara said, and Stephanie could tell she was glad to change the subject. "I just got done talking with Cass. She took down an armed robbery at the Fine Arts museum about an hour ago, but other than that, it's been a pretty low key night."

Stephanie huffed. "Cass has all the fun, I swear-" a sharp, pained cry caught Stephanie's ears. She turned towards the sound. It was coming from the Northeast, maybe two blocks away. Marshall and 27th. The Narrows. "Hold on, Oracle. I just heard something."

"What?"

"I'm not sure, but it sounded like someone's in trouble. I'm gonna go check it out."

"Where exactly are you going?"

Stephanie hesitated. "Marshall and 27th. I think."

"Batgirl, that's the Narrows."

Another shout reached Stephanie's ears. "Oracle, if someone's in trouble, I have to check it out. It doesn't matter where they are, right?"

Barbara sighed on the other end, which meant Stephanie had won that argument. "OK. But be careful. If you see Red Hood, don't engage. Just leave."

"No need to tell me twice," Stephanie said, pulling out her grappling hook. She aimed it at the neighboring building and took off, running across the rooftops. She made it to a building that overlooked 27th and Marshall and looked down to the street. A badly dressed man was lying on the ground, clutching his knee in pain, next to a bicycle that kay on the ground. He wasn't alone though. A slight masked figure stood over him. Stephanie realized that it was a girl. Stephanie leaned over to get a closer look and almost fell off the roof when she recognized her. "Oracle," she breathed into her communicator. "You're not going to believe this."

"What is it?"

"You remember when Damian and I ran into Nigma and his kid at Jezebel Center last December? Well, his kid is here. I think she just took out a guy who tried to jump her. And she's wearing a mask and a costume."

"You're joking. Please tell me you're joking."

"No way. It's her." Stephanie watched as the girl, what was her name, spoke to the man. She could just make out the girl calling herself Enigma and calling the man lying on the ground a 'chuckle fuck' before she sprayed him with what looked like pepper spray. The man yelled out in pain again and Stephanie shook her head. "Holy cow. Think Nigma knows what she's up to?"

"I don't want to be the one to tell him if he doesn't. What's she doing now?"

Stephanie watched Enigma pick up her bike and hop back onto it. "Looks like she's going down Marshall. I'm going to follow her and see just what she's doing out here."

"Good. I'm calling Bruce to tell him what's going on. The last thing anyone needs is for Nigma's kid to get herself on the news for breaking the Costumed Criminal Ordinance. Or worse. When it's safe, catch up to her and get her back home before anyone else sees her."

"Got it. Batgirl out." Stephanie hung up and quickly began to follow Enigma from the rooftops. Seeing her like this brought back memories of Stephanie's first days on the streets as Spoiler. Except, her motivation for putting on a costume was to prevent her father from committing crimes. What was Enigma doing out here? Did Nigma have any idea where his daughter was and what she was doing? Did he care? Stephanie followed Enigma for over fifteen blocks until she came to a stop on Marshall and 44th street. Enigma pulled over to a side street and pulled her backpack off. Stephanie watched her lock her bike to a street lamp before she put her backpack back on and walked up the street to the old abandoned homeless shelter. The old abandoned shelter that had two parked cars outside of it. "Oracle," Stephanie spoke. "I followed her to the old shelter on Marshall and 45th. There are two parked cars outside and she's walking around the building trying to look through the windows. Something weird's going on down there. What did Bruce say?"

"He's not happy. He tried to get ahold of Nigma, but he's not picking up. He said, and I quote, 'get her out of there.'"

"Sounds like Bruce." Stephanie watched as Enigma tried in vain to jimmy open a boarded up window. "I'm going down now." Time to find out just what was going on.

The thrill of winning the fight with those two idiots had worn off the moment Ellen caught sight of the abandoned shelter and the two cars that were parked in front of it. Neither of them was red, so that meant she'd beaten the Ugly Man there. She hoped that meant Marisol was still alive. There were no lights on in the building that she could see, but the windows were boarded up now. Ellen walked up to the front door and, screwing up every bit of courage she had, she turned the knob. Locked. Damn it. She should have expected that. Ellen took a step back and glared at the doorknob. More than anything, she wished she knew how to pick a lock. She'd have to try to get one of the windows open. Ellen walked around the side of the building and picked a window that was just at her level. It, like all of the other windows, was boarded up with pieces of wood nailed onto the frame. Well, she could fix that.

Ellen pulled her backpack off and set it on the ground. She opened it and pulled out her hammer. Hammer out, she got to work to try to pull out the nails. They were in deep, so it took considerable effort on her part to pull even one out. As she worked, Ellen thought about just how she was going to manage to get Marisol out without being caught. Hopefully, the people who were guarding her would be just as stupid as the guys she'd fought earlier tonight. But what if they weren't? Ellen frowned as she finally succeeded in pulling one nail out. Ok, maybe she could distract them somehow and get them out of the shelter. Then she could get Marisol and they'd make a break for it. But wait, the creep from outside her apartment had said something about making her death look like an overdose. Did that mean she was drugged? Marisol was taller than Ellen was, how was she going to manage to carry her out if she was drugged? How would she get her on the bike without her falling off? Ellen paused in her work and considered her options, biting her lip. There was a pay phone just up the block and she had about two dollars in change in her sweatshirt pocket, she had a location and proof now that Marisol was in danger, maybe she should call the Old Man-Ellen shook her head. He'd be too busy throwing a tantrum over what she'd done to listen to her. And anyway, by the time he could get here, if he decided to care, that creep would be here and it would be too late for Marisol. Ellen was on her own. With that thought in mind, Ellen returned to her work, pulling out another nail. That was half of one board. It was starting to come loose now. Once Ellen got it off, the next should be easier, she could sneak in the building without being seen and figure out her next step from there-

Ellen felt more than heard the presence of someone behind her. Gripping her hammer tight, she turned around ready to fight them off, only to have her mouth drop open in shock when she saw just who it was. "You-"

Batgirl raised a finger to her lips. "Don't make a sound."

Ellen squeaked a bit but quickly nodded. She couldn't afford to get caught now-well, too late for that. Any other time, she'd be thrilled to see Batgirl again, she could feel her face flush now, actually. "What-" she whispered. "What are you doing here?"

Batgirl raised an eyebrow. "I could ask you the same thing," she answered. "Does your Dad know you're here?"

Ellen frowned a bit at the mention of the Old Man. "As if!"

"Does anyone know you're here?"

"You now, I guess," Ellen shrugged. "I can explain."

"I'd love to hear it."

#from the case files of edward nigma #PI verse #riddler's daughter #stephanie brown

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t3a-bag · 4 years

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Holy pepper spray, Batman!

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geekade · 7 years

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Welcome to the D-List: Condiment King

There are plenty of villains with seemingly absurd gimmicks: Riddler has riddles, Boomerang throws boomerangs, and Codpiece…well, Google him sometime. Some gimmicks have stood the test of time, while others have failed miserably (see NFL SuperPro). Just because a shtick is silly, however, definitely doesn’t mean that it’s boring.

Condiment King is exactly the kind of supervillain that you’d imagine – he relishes in food puns and wields condiments as weapons. Though he has upgraded his equipment over the years, he has never been taken seriously and has barely been utilized. Holy guacamole, it’s time to spice up the D-List with Condiment King.

Condiment King was created in 1994 by Paul Dini and Bruce Timm, and first appeared in the Batman: The Animated Series episode, “Make 'Em Laugh.” Condiment King’s true identity was Buddy Standler, a stand-up comedian. Buddy donned a pickle-shaped hood, built ketchup and mustard blasters, then tried to rob patrons at an upscale restaurant. However, this was not a scheme consciously concocted by Standler – he was brainwashed by the Joker. I remember watching this episode as a child and thinking it would be impossible for this villain to ever be taken seriously, but it didn’t matter, because he never reappeared in the cartoon. Thankfully, however, Condiment King was not forgotten.

Chuck Dixon and Marcos Martin brought their own iteration of Condiment King into comics with Birds of Prey #37 in 2002. This version of the villain was named Mitchell Mayo, and the young man assaulted police officers at the Gotham City Restaurant Fair by spraying them in the face with ketchup and mustard. An inept fighter, Mayo was swiftly defeated by the then-Batgirl and Robin, and was remanded to Arkham Asylum (sounds like he got himself into quite the pickle).

Wait, what? Isn’t Arkham for violent psychopaths? Sure, Mitchell was a dip, but was he a real threat? The guy was guilty of ruining clothes, whereas other Arkham inmates had committed mass homicide. In a ridiculous twist, Mayo was able to refine his craft while within the Asylum; he worked in the kitchen where he concocted deadly recipes. Why was a villain whose shtick revolved around food allowed to work in the kitchen of an insane asylum? Because comics! When Mitchell escaped, he got into shape, learned how to fight, and upgraded his costume and gadgets (he was as cool as a cucumber). He had also been exposed to Joker toxin, which likely added to his already blossoming instability.

Mitchell made a giant mustard-gas bomb and was ready to detonate it inside a local mall, but Blue Beetle, Black Canary, and Robin arrived to stop him. Mayo managed to spray them with spicy condiments, which only irritated the heroes. Sadly, Condiment King was taken back to Arkham after Beetle knocked Mayo unconscious when he blasted the villain with milk (sounds cheesy to me).

The incident at the mall really showed Condiment King as a villain confident with his ability to cause destruction, and honestly, I think that he was defeated too easily. He briefly had the advantage during the fight with the trio of heroes, and with more practice and experimentation, Condiment King could have been a more formidable opponent. His new look was certainly more threatening, and I believe that Mayo was capable of much more mayhem than the writers allowed.

Later, Mitchell broke out of Arkham once again and tried to rob a bank. He threatened everyone with a spicy bomb, warning those who had asthma that it would be particularly unpleasant. It was apparent, however, that Mitchell was very unstable, and his costume was falling apart. Batman and Robin defeated him very quickly, and I suppose that since he was becoming such a deranged individual, his potential for capably altering condiments and creatively causing chaos was diminishing.

Condiment King later worked with a group of criminals under the leadership of General Immortus. His work with the team was short-lived, however, because a teammate seemingly killed him when he shoved a ketchup bottle into Mayo’s head through his mouth (that must have really soured their relationship). Geez, that was uncalled for, but I suppose you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs.

Certainly, Condiment King was created intentionally to be silly; he was never supposed to be a serious character in the cartoon. Comic book writers knew that this villain had potential, but they did nothing more than lightly pepper him into the books. Although he was given his own unique persona once he was brought into comics, no writer has granted Condiment King any depth or developed him into a serious threat. I don’t expect Condiment King to ever ketchup to the infamy levels of Joker or Black Adam, but the guy certainly has the ingenuity and potential to complete a successful crime at least once (lettuce see it, DC). After the “New 52” was revamped into “Rebirth,” Condiment King appeared very briefly in an issue of Batman. It’s clear that Condiment King is somehow still alive.

Outside of Batman: The Animated Series and DC Comics, Condiment King has appeared in the video game Lego Batman 3 and The Lego Batman Movie. I was surprised and excited to see him in the movie, but he appeared alongside a slew of other D-List villains and did not contribute much to the overall plot (which is something I’m still very salty about).

I’m happy that Condiment King has been granted appearances outside of comics, but I hope that a writer decides to utilize him in a greater capacity. I’ve eaten some pretty spicy food, so I know firsthand how harsh and irritating it can be. Maybe Condiment King can disguise himself as a chef and mix mind-control chemicals into meals. Maybe he can create deadly ice cream that causes a killer brain freeze. I believe that there are plenty of great stories featuring this villain waiting to be told (but only thyme will tell). His recent appearance in both a comic and a movie mean that this character has not been completely forgotten, and I’m glad, because Condiment King deserves to add his own unique flavor to the DC Universe for years to come.

#articles #Comics

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pleasant-writings-blog · 7 years

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Rape Joke Belissa Escobedo & Rhiannon McGavin RAPE JOKE LYRICS Knock, knock. Who’s there? Rape joke. Rape joke? Rape joke who? Rape joke who’s not fucking funny. Don’t worry, we’re good victims! We won’t cry too loud, or demand your attention, or ask for trigger warnings. Men like to use the excuse “boys get raped, too” when they hear women talking about their personal experiences. First, “boys get raped” should be it’s own sentence. If you’re only acknowledging their trauma to silence female survivors, then you’re a scumbag. Second, all the male survivors we know would kick your teeth in for saying that. And your friends who aren’t survivors can’t sympathize with you until they know all the gory details- Please. Get your porn somewhere else. And once you do get their sympathy, it sounds like: “Someone catcalled me once, so I totally get it!” “Someone stepped on my foot last week – it was a man. I just felt so invaded!” And to the boys who write poems: “To raped girls: Don’t worry! There’s good men out there. The light at the end of such a dark tunnel!” They’ll hold your hand in court and everything. Thank God I’ll get some thoughtful dick someday. You know, those poets will tell you, “Violets are growing in the shadows under your eyes.” They’re not violets. It’s skin. I know it’s skin. It’s good skin. It’s gonna be skin regardless of what metaphors you attach to it. You’ll be there when I cry (until my eyes get puffy and red). You won’t be tearing off my lace panties (because they were expensive, and they make me feel like I’m worth something). Once you figure out that the only time I deep throat is with the feeding tube at the psych ward, you’ll be gone. And if you do want a healing relationship, how do you talk about it when the language is rooting against you? “Hey, wanna bang?” “Screw.” “Nail me!” Everything is so violent! How to flirt with a rape survivor: Approach slowly and cautiously. Do not make any sudden movements or loud noises. “Hey, baby, I’ve got anxiety, depression, PTSD, and crushing sexual insecurity!” “You wanna come back to my place and hold my hair while I vomit?” And then there’s feminists who feel entitled to our poetry and narratives because, as they say: “Under the Patriarchy, like, ALL women are constantly threatened by rape.” What does that make us? Hold on, Belissa – I’m turning into a statistic! Holy pepper spray, Batman! I can only see in binary! The ones look like penises! Quick! You’ve got to pull it together for – Slut walk! Truly, nothing helps rape survivors of all gender, ethnicity and economic level than rich white girls walking around half naked while collaborating with the police. Because the cops, historically, are so good at supporting victims and catching rapists. Getting real tired of slut walk slogans, too. “Don’t slut shame me”? How about, “Do not refer to me as a slut. Ever.” “Real men don’t rape”? Oh, shit! Must have been a ghost, then! “Consent is sexy”? Lingerie is sexy. Consent is a basic human right. You guys are supposed to be the adults we look up to, but we went through our moon goddess phase in 7th grade. Humor helps trauma. We just want to know that you are laughing with us. We can joke about it because it is ours to joke about, similar to how our bruises are ours to poke at, and yours to keep away from. SHARE THE LYRICS BACK TO TOP LISTEN TO “RAPE JOKE” Dev Hynes & Starchild Debut VeilHymn Project With New Track “Hymn” Brave New Voices/Youth SpeaksBELISSA ESCOBEDO & RHIANNON MCGAVIN Rape Joke

Brave New Voices/Youth Speaks BELISSA ESCOBEDO & RHIANNON MCGAVIN

#poetry #amazing #love #reality #13 reasons why #13rw #riverdale

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marcuserrico · 7 years

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Holy Easter Eggs! How 'The Lego Batman Movie' Celebrates the Caped Crusader's Big-Screen History

Batman v Superman in ‘The Lego Batman Movie’ (Warner Bros.)

One triumph of The Lego Batman Movie is its ability to simultaneously satirize and celebrate the legacy of the Dark Knight, a rich history spanning eight decades of comic books, TV shows, and, especially, films. From Will Arnett’s Christian Bale-inspired gravelly growl to callbacks to the 1940s serial, The Lego Batman Movie is overstuffed with cinematic references and inside jokes. Here are a dozen of our favorites to look out for as you head out to see the film this weekend. (Caution: There are a few minor spoilers below.)

The Joker’s Squashed Schemes In the opening moments, the Clown Prince of Crime boasts to the pilot of a hijacked plane that his latest plot against Gotham is foolproof. The pilot immediately calls out the Joker, pointing out how his previous big-screen endeavors were thwarted by the Caped Crusaders, alluding to both 2008’s The Dark Knight and 1989’s Batman.

Pilot: Batman will stop you. He always stops you.

Joker: No, he doesn’t.

Pilot: What about that time with the two boats?

Joker: This is better than the two boats… Trust me, Batman will never see this coming.

Pilot: Like the time with the parade and the Prince music?

Batman’s Phases During an early scene in stately Wayne Manor, Alfred catches Batman staring longingly at photos of his lost family. “Were you looking at the old family pictures again?” the devoted butler asks of his brooding charge. “I’m concerned… I’ve seen you go through similar phases in 2016, 2012, 2008, 2005, and 1997, 1995, 1992, and 1989… and that weird one in 1966.” As he ticks off each year, we see Lego-fied versions of the corresponding films: Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, The Dark Knight Rises, The Dark Knight, Batman Begins, Batman and Robin (complete with Clooney’s Bat-nipple costume), Batman Forever, Batman Returns, Batman, and the 1966 Batman movie based on the vintage TV series (which is shown in live-action — a scene featuring the created-for-the-show character King Tut, who also figures in The Lego Batman Movie).

‘The Dark Knight’/’The Lego Batman Movie’ (Warner Bros.)

Later, in a similar montage, the new Gotham police commissioner, Barbara Gordon, gives a presentation about how Batman has been patrolling the streets a “very, very, very, very, very long time” without stopping the crime problem. Bricky vignettes of classic comic covers, and movie and TV scenes flash by from his 78-year-history, including many of the movies mentioned above as well as his debut issue in Detective Comics, Batman: The Animated Series, Frank Miller’s The Dark Knight Returns graphic novel, and the Caped Crusader’s earliest screen incarnation, the 1943 Columbia serial.

Batman’s Phrases The film’s dialogue is peppered with references to Batman’s previous screen outings, and one of the zaniest comes during the opening battle between the Dark Knight and the Joker’s army. Before launching his attack, Batman says, “Let’s get nuts” — just like Michael Keaton did in this scene in Tim Burton’s 1989 Batman.

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Related: Yes, There Is a Condiment King: A Field Guide to Oddball Characters in ‘Lego Batman Movie’

The Jerry Maguire Connection Batman unwinds after a tough day of crime fighting by watching rom-coms in his home theater. One of his favorites: Jerry Maguire, especially the famous “You complete me/You had me at hello” exchange. This is a nod to one of the most memorable scenes in The Dark Knight, when Batman interrogates Joker, prompting the immortal rejoinder, “You complete me.”

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Batman v Superman Beginning with the opening credits, a running joke throughout Lego Batman is the Caped Crusader’s perceived rivalry with Superman. During his initial confrontation with Joker, Batman insists that “Superman is my greatest enemy,” which the Joker dismisses. Later, when Batman comes calling to the Fortress of Solitude, he tells Superman, “I’m not here to throw down or anything…” to which Supes retorts, “I would crush you.”

‘Batman v Superman’/’The Lego Batman Movie’ (Warner Bros.)

Speaking of Superman Aside from liberal callbacks to the Batman filmography, Lego Batman also pays homage to 1978’s Superman: The Movie. The Fortress of Solitude, modeled after the Christopher Reeve film version, features a doorbell chime using John Williams’s seminal score. Batman triggers a hologram of Superman’s dad, Jor-El, which looks like a Lego Marlon Brando. And Lego Batman‘s main plot is a direct result of General Zod being exiled to the Phantom Zone, which figures in both Superman and Superman II.

Superman answers the door at his Fortress of Solitude (Warner Bros.)

Squad Goals A more recent movie skewered by Lego Batman is 2016’s Suicide Squad. During Joker and his cronies’ initial attack on Gotham, Killer Croc swims under a nuclear reactor, affixes a bomb, and then exclaims, “Yay! I got to do something” — a dig at the character’s unimpressive showing in Squad. Later, when Gotham is faced with a bigger menace, Batman pooh-poohs the idea of recruiting some of his rogues to help in the fight: “Using villains to fight villains? What a dumb idea.” Finally, at the end, Barbara Gordon/Batgirl, tries to convince Bats that he needs a team. To which he retorts: “Who? Seal Team 6? Fox Force Five? Suicide Squad?” [And big props to the screenwriters for slipping in that Fox Force Five mention; of course, Pulp Fiction/Fox Force Five alumna Uma Thurman also played Poison Ivy in Batman and Robin.]

Holy Hoarding, Batman The Batcave is bursting with Bat-gear, and it will take repeated viewings to catalogue all the cinematic vehicles parked there. But we spotted several the first time around, including the Batsub from Batman Returns, several Batjets, and nearly every iteration of the Batmobile, from Christopher Nolan’s Tumbler of the 2000s, to the various versions from the 1980s and ’90s movies, to Adam West’s 1966 classic. There’s also a container of “useless” shark-repellent Bat-spray from the ’66 Batman.

Batmobiles in the Batcave (Warner Bros.)

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Batman! Along with the Nolan-Bale Dark Knight trilogy and the Burton-Keaton Bat-flicks, Lego Batman really embraces the camptastic 1960s movie and TV show starring West and Burt Ward. The soundtrack is loaded with cues of Neil Hefti’s seminal “Batman Theme,” from a sample during Batman’s villain-dispatching song (watch below), to the horn on the Batmobile, to the way Batman says no-no-no-no-no-no.

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Aside from all the ’66-spawned sight gags noted above, there’s a meta moment before Lego Batman and Robin tangle with the baddies at the film’s climax where Batman says, “Together we’re going to punch these guys so hard words describing the impact will spontaneously materialize.” Pow. Bif. Boom.

Two-Face Is Back, Baby One of the great wrongs Lego Batman rights is giving Billy Dee Williams the opportunity to finally play Two-Face. Williams was cast as Harvey Dent in the 1989 Batman movie with an eye to eventually playing the villain in a sequel. But by the time that era’s Caped Crusader got around to fighting Two-Face in 1995’s Batman Forever, Tommy Lee Jones had been recast in the role.

Billy Dee Williams as Harvey Dent in ‘Batman’ and Two-Face in ‘The Lego Batman Movie’ (Warner Bros.)

Bane Lego Batman’s Bane is much beefier than the Dark Knight Rises version, but he still sports that fur-lined coat and speaks with a weird accent in homage to Tom Hardy’s character.

Tom Hardy as Bane in ‘The Dark Knight Rises’/Bane in ‘The Lego Batman Movie’ (Warner Bros.)

The DC-Marvel Rivalry Lives OK, this one’s not specifically a callback to another Batman-based movie, or even a DC film, but we had to flag nonetheless. As the original crime-fighting tech billionaire, Bruce Wayne doesn’t have time for pretenders. Thus, we get his secret password for entering the Batcave: Iron Man sucks! Burn.