#but he's also the most empathetic and kind and considerate person on that station

[autisticempathydaemon]

If you're still doing the matchups, I'd love to get one, thanks. This is such a cute and fun idea, and I've loved reading them. Thanks for doing this!

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why? Queencard by (G)I-dle. It's mostly in Korean, so I can't understand most of the lyrics, but it just makes me feel so happy.

What is your Enneagram type?

5

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depends if it's something I'm vaguely interested in or not.

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

I don't remember, and I asked my mum and she can't remember any details either

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Get waaaay too tired because I've stayed up too late 😭

Aside from that, my fave Redacted sleep aid

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

Daisy maybe, I like the sound of it.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

Anything Adam. Something about him just scratches that weird little itch in my brain just right.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

Sam maybe. I haven't listened to most of his audios, so haven't got really invested. Also the overhype for him in the fandom has kinda made me sick of him.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

None really, I don't rewatch stuff a lot, and my memory isn't great, so that doesn't help lmao.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Guy, maybe. He's so fun and I love him so much, but I don't think I'd want to date him.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

Nope, I just get really quiet when I'm sleepy.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

A slurpee and a sweet pastry of some kind, probably.

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 

I've made one that I add all my musical hyperfixations to as they occur. It's sooo good (imo anyways).

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

I try not to feel guilty about anything that I really enjoy. I guess boyfriend asmr could count, since it's not something I'd discuss with anyone unless I knew they were also a fan.

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

Idk, I'm just a person at war with their brain (ADHD) and their body (gender dysphoria)

Thanks again! ❤❤❤

Type Fives seem to be characterized as independent, thoughtful people in their own heads and thoughts. That tracks with what I know of ADHD and your quiet temperament when you become tired, and because of this, I like Huxley with you.

I feel like people can take Fives, like Honey, and mistake their stoic or introverted nature for misanthropy or arrogance; Huxley would know better. He strikes me as a very chill, flexible ambivert, nature thriving in clamor or silence, you know? He’d be a supportive, steady presence by your side- your rock, if you will, which all neurodivergent people could use (I say from experience).

Being with Huxley would be just so perfect, as perfect as a relationship could realistically be. He’s so thoughtful, considerate, and empathetic; he’d be a great person to have around when suffering from dysphoria, always willing to listen and knowing what he can do to help. Since he’s also so chill and so nice and so genuinely interested, he’d love to hear you talk about boyfriend asmr or whatever you might be hyperfixated on. He’d be one of those people who sincerely listens to infodump and becomes an expert on those subjects just to engage with you and what you love.

Song:

Ooh, who said it's true/ That the growing only happens on your own?/ They don't know me and you/ I don't think you have to leave/ If to change is what you need/ You can change right next to me

I’m a sucker for Huxley and songs with growing/nature-centric word choices; what can I say? Huxley strikes me as a chill, acoustic, indie kind of guy who loves some solid, stellar vocals, so this Ben Platt song works well with that. I also love that this is a really realistically romantic song that has a sentiment I could see Huxley expressing, you know? It has this imagery of two people like vines or trees in a relationship, growing together, becoming intertwined, supporting each other over them.

Runner-ups:

Lasko is a runner-up because I’m a Lasko kinnie, I’m autistic so Lasko is autistic, and there’s no cuter ship than the ADHD/Autistic ship, you know? They work! Ollie is a runner up for more legitimate reasons in that he has a lot of the same supportive, sweet traits as Huxley- just not as much.

note: thank you so much for waiting and playing~!

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

#redactedasmr #redactedverse #redacted asmr #redactedaudio #redacted audio #redacted #busybee matches

[commsroom]

Shut Up and Listen is one of my absolute favorite episodes, and I will never, ever get over its sense of catharsis or impact with regards to Eiffel’s character development, when a lesser show could’ve easily brushed off any of those things as “just jokes.” But I always find it upsetting to see it framed as Eiffel “getting what he deserves” in some way, because it’s not about that. It’s about this:

And yes, I think he definitely has RSD, but it’s something more specific than that. It’s that Eiffel’s worst fear, his most fundamental fear about himself, is that he will always bring harm to the people he cares about. Not because of anything he does, but just because of who he is. It’s why he needs to believe so badly that anyone, even someone like Hilbert, can be ‘good’, whatever they’ve done in the past. Because there’s a part of him that worries he might be just as bad, and that maybe he can’t be saved.

There’s something there about how kindness to ourselves enables us to be kinder to others in turn, and how there’s something inherently selfish and isolating to (and incredibly difficult to let go of) the idea that we might be uniquely and irrevocably flawed. And it’s important to bring it back to the idea that there’s no ‘making things right’, that it’s not even about being a good person or a bad person - just a person, making better choices this time - but... 

I can’t help but have empathy for that, for. As much as it was something he needed to hear, and needed to learn... from his perspective, it must have felt like proof that everything he felt about himself, deep down, in all of the worst ways... that he hurts people without meaning to, that everyone he loves would be better off without him in their lives... must actually be true after all.

#wolf 359 #w359 #doug eiffel #yes i know multiple people have had to hear me talk about this multiple times already BUT #IT MATTERS TO ME #EIFFEL MATTERS TO ME... #he's such an interesting contradiction because like yes all of this is true and he can be very careless with his words #but he's also the most empathetic and kind and considerate person on that station #and he tries so SO hard to appeal to the humanity in everyone #and. i don't know. he's so sincere and so decent and he punishes himself so much #and bears so much of the weight of everyone else's burdens #that i just think maybe someone should hold him while he cries #mr doug eiffel i want to take care of you

[creek-cryptid-deluxe]

There's something i need to get off my chest, dear followers (and random people & tech savvy cryptids that stumble upon this blog of wonders blindly).

So, I'm about to turn 35 which puts me in the oldest couple years of the notorious & dreaded millenial generation. We are a generation that has watched the rise of the internet & cellphone tech (we got dial up in on our family shared home computer when I was 12 & I got my first cell, a nokia brick, when I was 16 because I had a job & could pay for it). I was 16 when the attack on the twin towers happened. We are a generation that has just accepted that the generations before us ruined things just enough to leave us shafted when it comes to employment, wages, and housing while complaining that we aren't thanking them for giving us the opportunity to be alive. We've come to terms with the fact that it's just how it is. Those are the card we were dealt & we try to work with them to scrape by. Some do better than others, but most of us are & always have lived paycheck to paycheck with considerable debt, constantly terrified of a major unexpected event that could ruin us at any moment.

Some of us are the ones raising gen z (some of the gen xers are, too, but this isn't about them). I personally have a gen z kid, The Spawn, who turns 16 this weekend. Now, being the type of approachable, laid back, open parent I am has afforded me some privileges that other parents might not be so lucky to have. I am introduced to all the friends. They all add me on snap or Instagram, send me memes & funny stuff, and casually talk to me about their lives, problems, thoughts, & views. I'm included in the social circle as an honorary member & they gather at my house regularly & often spur of the moment.

I love this because it gives me an inside look at their thought process, values, attitudes, and code of ethics. I've gotta say, guys, they give me hope for the future. This group of young people is so fascinating, funny, and outright brilliant that I'm 100% sure they will do amazing things, big things, as adults.

Because they've had easy, fast internet access from the start & most have had it in the palm of their hand since middle school (11 yrs old) if not earlier, they've had constant access to all that it offers, including information. They are always up on current events, news, & issues society is facing. They feel very strongly about things.

This generation is kind, compassionate, empathetic, and has a strong sense of social justice. They won't bully someone having a panic attack or going through a depressive episode, chosing instead to go out of their way to try to help them through it. I can't tell you the number of times middle school aged The Spawn popped into my room when her phone curfew was approaching to ask for an extension because a friend was considering self harm & she wanted to keep talking to them to make sure they stayed safe. They help each other, even when they don't know each other well. (Obviously there are exceptions to this, and everything I've said/am saying here but this is my overall generalized view of these kids based on my experiences interacting/observing them at home, online, & in public.)

But they are also witty, funny, & surprisingly nihilistic. They are all convinced that the world as we know it, humanity, will end in their lifetime so... fuck it. If they feel someone is doing harm or has wronged society, they seek justice but in a way that amuses them. At least half of what these kids do is for their amusement. For the LOLs. The best example I can think of currently that is widely known is the incident recently where a bunch of teens got together & obtained thousands of tickets for a Trump rally in Oklahoma. They knew he wouldn't be able to resist bragging about the projected attendance numbers based on tickets given out/sold. They also knew he would be a laughingstock when a significantly smaller number of people turned up. So they said "Fuck it. This will be hilarious & he has ruined our country."

And they were right. He bragged about the 100k+ tickets distributed for the rally. A little over 6k people actually attended. It was shared across the internet.

Multiple groups of these kids in my area coordinated corona relief efforts, mask creation & donation, food & supply drives, peaceful marches for BLM (just as they did for gay rights prior to Texas' legalization of gay marriage). I overheard them on a group call talking about using their fresh driver's licenses to help people get out to polling stations to vote out here in November. The Spawn & her friends have discussed accessibility issues for those this disabilities multiple times.

The kids aren't content to do what my generation has done & just accept how things are & manage. They want change and they are already willing (& attempting) to do something about it before they've even reached adulthood because they are already so aware of the issues within our society & our government.

So, in summary, I have hope for the future because gen z is full of kind, compassionate, empathetic, socially conscious, driven, brilliant, tech savvy kids who dole out their own form of very entertaining justice and don't give a single fuck if they piss of the people they feel have wronged them, or their community as a whole.

I couldn't be more proud of them or more hopeful for the future.

#gen z culture #gen z things #proudmom #disabilties #disabled #disability #disabled life #ehlers danlos syndrome

[justdyingslowly]

1. Name justdyingslowly obviously come on

2. Nationality Australian

3. Age 22

4. Birthday nnnah dont feel like it

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign) Libra/Scorpio cusp

6. Gender wamon

7. Sexuality very very hetero

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself) androgenous

9. What do you/did you study? Psychology (focus on sexology) and art.

10. What’s your current job like?/What job would you like to have? I am disabled you think I can work ha sexologist would be awesome. When I was a kid I wanted to be a fireman but Australias always burning

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11. Your birth order head first

12. How many siblings do you have? 1

13. Do you have good relations with your family? yeah dads finally out of his abusive relationship, nearing age 70 and his emotions and his sexuality are finally opening up for the first time and that makes me SO happy.

14. How many friends do you have? what kind of fucked up question is this.

15. Your relationship status relationshipped. Fiance? got the marriage papers in a drawer somewhere with the car rego but can’t be fucked filling them?

16. What do you look for in a SO? empathetic, mature, calm. Always open to discussion. Prefers to be blunt rather than secretive. Emotional age over 14 (incredibly fucking rare apparently). Puts an importance on context and understanding other views above all else.

17. Do you have a crush? Hellll yeah Crush on my partner and got a crush on a mutual friend of ours who don’t even know hes cute af hehe one day partners gonna accidentally spill the beans and embarrass me coz hes shit with secrets RIP me.

18. When did you have your first kiss? You think I can remember this bullshit? Its not that big a deal

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands? One night stand sex almost exclusively sucks. Just. SUCKS. Because neither of you know what the other likes and it ends up being an awkward mix of trying to please yourself while trying to also be considerate.

20. What are your deal breakers? Plugging your ears to anything that feels gross, uncomfortable or disagrees with you. How can you grow as a person without introspection? How can you mold what you think and believe without taking in other arguments and comparing them to your beliefs to see how they stack up? Its pathetic.

-

21. How was your day? cute mutual friend had a fall this morning and were both worried about him. His back is bad and he’s getting a little older, he can’t be getting dizzy and having falls like that. other than that im anxious about seeing my gastro. He’s lovely but... specialists are specialists. Good at knowing what they know but not always great at listening.

22. Favourite food & drink you think im allowed to eat or drink? water and... foods a touchy subject.

23. What position do you sleep in? Usually on my side with a body pillow to grip so I don’t end up choking my partner in his sleep.

24. What was your last dream about? uuhhh...going to italy and being unable to get into this tiny basket boat properly.

25. Your fears does PTSD to medical shit count haha

26. Your dreams ... going to italy and being unable to get into a tiny basket boat thingy?

27. Your goals - get some sort of diagnosis eventually. Its been 3 years of trying and im tired. - get back to studying art part time for my bachelors. - pass JLPT N3. - go back to university for psychology. - do the dishes when I get home.

28. Any pets? two budgies. we also take care of any orphaned or injured birds.

29. What are your hobbies? feeling nauseous drawing writing a little bit im making a little gameboy game in C atm too

30. Any cool places in your area? i live next to a national park with waterfalls and koalas and emus and stuff

31. What was your last awkward situation? mutual friend made a comment on his chest i playfully smacked it (related to the comment) it was surprisingly hard “O-oh wow, thats... I didnt expect that” my partner laughed at me. it was awful.

32. What is your last regret? getting embarrassed at friends pecs stop making me think about it 33. Language/s you can speak english. N4 Japanese.

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.) of course not what the fuck

35. Have any quirks? Quirkless. I do wiggle when im happy though apparently.

36. Your pet peeves open doors.

37. Ideal vacation spend a months chilling in an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice

38. Any scars? internal? yes

39. What does your last text message say? peepee poopoo ustinky

40. Last 5 things from your search history how do i find this

41. What’s your [device] background? Sam Porter Bridges walkin around Sam Porter Bridges cuddling BB-28 Louise while he sleeps my chicken

42. What do you daydream about? all might

43. Describe your dream home an old japanese house in autumn hokkaido oooooof that sounds nice

44. What’s your religion/Your thought about religion its a comforting thought having a parent-figure who cares about you and looks after all the big things you can’t manage yourself, but institutionalizing it runs a severe risk of becoming harmful cults. And it often does.

45. Your personality type me

46. The most dangerous thing you’ve done i saw the lost bunny that was on all the posters in the neighbourhood looked thin and patchy so i grabbed him to take him home. im allergic. sent me to hospital and I almost died.

47. Are you happy with your current life? feeling sick sucks and partners having a depressive episode but things are pretty good

48. Some things you’ve tried in your life living

-

49. What does your wardrobe consist of? blacks, reds, whites and pinks

50. Favourite colour to wear? at the moment pink. Red is always comforting though.

51. How would you describe your style? mix between lazy alternative punk, teenager with band shirts and harajuku peach kawaii uwu

52. Are you happy with your current looks? kinda wish i was a bit shorter but what can you do

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be? bit shorter

54. Any tattoos or piercings? lol no PTSD

55. Do you get complimented often? by who? partner constantly, family haha are you kidding im australian so a friend’s version of showing affection is calling you a cunt and slapping your ass in public

56. Favourite aesthetic? all might

57. A popular trend that you dislike blocking because you disagree or find them distasteful. Ignoring all context to opposing thoughts and arguments. taking a personal feeling of disgust to mean something is evil. Blocking your ears to anything that isn’t a circlejerk of what you already think - and trying to isolate anyone who even just listens to something other then the noise of your sloppy dicks to have a thought of their own.

-

58. Songs you’re currently obsessed with? The Machine by Low Roar

59. Song you normally wouldn’t admit you like. why wouldnt i admit i like a song

60. Favourite genre? probably enka haha

61. Favourite artist/band/genre? probably enka haha oh and tatsuro yamashita

62. Hated popular songs/artists? why the hell would I hate something like a song? I hate aspects of the music industry as a whole I guess?

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5 which playlist they aren’t all together in one place

64. Can you sing or play any instruments? piano, saxophone... uh... partners good at making music and playing shakuhachi

65. Do you like karaoke? no.

66. Own any albums? yes? many?

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations? no. but triple J, ABC Jazz and Classical. sometimes they even play final fantasy and JRPG music on classical which is pretty neat. -

68. Favourite movie/series? can i make this about games because then the answer is Metal Gear Solid

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc ...shounen?

70. Your fictional crush/es if they’re over 40yrs old, male and happy and bubbily or grumpy and sad then there’s a big ol fat chance I wanna bone. Solid Snake from MGS4, All Might and pretty much anyone drawn by Tarou Madoromi.

71. Which fictional character is you? uh

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so what does this even mean what language is this

73. Favourite greek god? idk hades seems chill

74. A legend from where you live that you like the story of Tjilbruke is funny and good. all Kaurna stories are good.

75. Do you like art? What’s your favourite work or artist? im in a big egon schiele mood atm.

76. Can you share your other social media? no i am incapable

77. Favourite youtubers? many

78. Favourite platform? not too high up. actually i like being a little lower than ground level in corners.

79. How much time do you spend on the internet? too much

80. What video games have you played? Which one’s your favourite? look i just want to say that MGS4 is the best one in the series and Death Stranding is phenomenally engaging.

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts) these are all so goddamn definitive how can I pick? Oh wait the answer is One Piece

82. Do you play board/card games? I play DnD atm and know 15 yr old rules to Yugioh

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema? that shit dosn’t happen here

84. Favourite holiday golden week coz its a week also easter because thats when all the glucose based sweets come back

85. Are you into dramas? what kind

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86. Would you use death note, if you had one? no. thats called being a murderer.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to? chill people out a bit. when people feel unsafe they get really depenfive and territorial and block their ears to everything, making in-and-out groups for themsevles that end up putting them in more harm.

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse? im disabled with a disabled partner. we arent funny sure we can survive normal everyday life when society is angled so sharply against us.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be? id like to be a mimi spirit

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death? spooky time

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick? toshinori yagi

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week? anyone healthy

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo that cursed one with the intense eyes and the hand

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true im me im not me im pee

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95. Cold or hot? cold.

96. Be a hero or be a villain? both are distasteful ideas in reality

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme? i can’t do either partner speak sin bad puns and its hell, these both sound about equal

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time? shapeshifting. controlling time is eithe rmanipulative or lonely. shapeshifing is every other superpower at once.

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death? both are deeply upsetting ideas

100. ….. or …..? jiji or ossan? generally Jiji, but ossans can be lovely too.

#personal #stupid

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

Who will send a search team to find ZZX personnality ? No but seriously, does he even exist outside JY anymore or did OX decide to use him as background decor as a tree without any agentivity lmao (half serious half joke ask !! But i would like your opinion about how zzx has been treated recently-ish, because i feel like more and more hes just reacting to jy actions and i really like your inputs !!)

Good evening, dear anon-san!

I’m glad you’ve enjoyed my two cents on things. Sorry, it took me so long to get to your ask, but I decided to take a few days off for the holidays. Thank you for your patience! Also, thank you for sharing your thoughts. It’s interesting to compare our notes on this because on some level I agree with you.

I’ll divide my answer into talking about Zhan Zheng Xi’s personality and then about his role in the recent-ish story.

“to find ZZX personnality [...] does he even exist outside JY anymore”

I would say ZZX definitely has a strong personality. It’s just different compared to the other boys in their little quartet. He doesn’t have the dangerous and mysterious bad-boy charisma of He Tian, the misunderstood delinquent background of Mo Guan Shan and the emotional walls that have come with that, or the obliviously indiscreet and immature (albeit brave and endearing) mouth of Jian Yi. Compared to those guys, ZZX tends to station himself in the background when in the same room and take the role of an observer. But I think he most definitely has a strong and stable presence. Perhaps, it’s that stability that kind of blends him into the background. 

You were wondering if ZZX even exists outside of JY anymore - and I can’t really blame you for that - but I think ZZX’s personality comes out the best when you observe him outside of JY. For that, though, you would have to go a long way back in the comic which is probably why it seems like he’s not visible enough these days.

On the search of ZZX’s personality, three things come into mind: his relationship with Zhan Zi Qian, how he handled turning down Xiao Hui’s confession, and how he was able to become friends with MGS after their fight that could have ended very badly for ZZX.

ZZX is very protective of JY and tries to keep him out of trouble by being a voice of reason. But he acts very gently, patient and protective towards his little sister, too. For a teenage boy, he also seems to be quite close to his family in general. (ch. 87, 128, 159. 189, 232, and 262):

ZZX clearly has a soft spot for his sister and patiently indulges her quite a lot. He seems to understand her age and takes it into consideration when she’s being needy. I think that shows a high level of maturity on his part and the capability of understanding others on an emotional level. He might not be as patient and gentle with JY but I think the way ZZX acts around his family is an important hint of what kind of friend and future partner he is to JY. In their relationship, there’s a strong rhetoric of “promise” - ZZX’s promise to always protect JY and a promise to always be in each other’s lives - but this same idea of life-long promises seems to apply to his relationship with ZZQ, too. That adds a thick layer of loyalty to ZZX’s personality. It’s something that comes naturally to him.

Secondly, I think ZZX’s emotional maturity makes him a surprisingly empathetic person. A good example of that I would say is the big mess of Xiao Hui’s love letter and how ZZX handled it (ch. 158 and 159):

I talked about this moment in one of my earlier answers. The way ZZX comforted both his clearly upset best friend and someone who had made him so upset shows that ZZX can put himself in other people’s shoes emotionally and see things from their opposing perspectives. He understood both of their reactions to the situation and, perhaps even more impressively, was able to defuse it. He didn’t give JY a reason to feel insecure or that he was somehow alone without ZZX’s support in the matter. But he also was very gentle with XH and treated her feelings with seriousness despite turning them down.

Thirdly, ZZX doesn’t seem the kind that holds grudges. Instead of wanting nothing to do with MGS after their fight - like most of us would most probably have felt like - he let bygones be bygones with surprising ease (ch. 149, 150, and 248):

He wanted a little payback but in the end, was the only one who didn’t go through with it. He also seemed to think MGS wasn’t a bad person despite everything which might, once again, speak volumes of his capability of understanding others and their situations. He would always stand up for JY and come between JY and anyone threatening him. But perhaps he was also willing to understand MGS wasn’t fighting because he was a bad person. He had a reputation to uphold, and losing in front of his own crew wasn’t an option.

ZZX and MGS don’t share a lot of panels just the two of them but whenever they do, ZZX treats MGS with a level of silent neutrality that seems to unnerve MGS who isn’t probably used to it. Especially, by someone who would have a right to be hostile and resentful towards him. These days I’m glad that they seem to somewhat bond over both being responsible in their own ways. ZZX’s silent calm seems to rub off on MGS whenever they’re left alone.

It’s hard to separate ZZX entirely from JY, but I think those three instances tell quite a lot of ZZX even though they’re not completely “outside of JY”. Most of ZZX’s character development has to do with JY. He’s matured and stabilized even more alongside his quest of becoming someone who could protect JY.

“i would like your opinion about how zzx has been treated recently-ish, because i feel like more and more hes just reacting to jy actions”

I don’t know where you draw the line of “recently-ish” but personally, I kind of put it somewhere around when he “leveled up” after JY was taken by the man who wanted to use JY was a way to get in contact with Mr. Jian. I think a lot happened in ZZX’s head between his frantic reunion with JY (ch. 198)

and when he showed up to play basketball with them that one night (ch. 204):

I think JY’s kidnapping had been a wakeup call of sorts for ZZX. Naturally, it had startled him because he had just come close to losing his best friend (whom he had promised to protect, no less) but it had also made him realize all the things left unsaid between them. Not only was there plenty of life for them to experience together but also ZZX had very recently discovered a completely new side to their relationship that JY had kept inside himself all these years.

I have always seen ZZX’s “leveling up” and confronting JY about his feelings as him reaching his resolve when it came to this new development of their relationship. He realized that as JY’s protector he needed to more serious about it and JY was someone who couldn’t be replaced in more ways than one. And after that, his character has been more or less living up to that resolution and finding his ground regarding the fact that JY’s romantic feelings weren’t unrequited anymore and that the distance between them was shifting (ch. 215, 220, 238, 247, 253, 259, 268, 285, 287, 297, 303):

After “leveling up”, ZZX’s character development has somewhat stagnated and become more subtle and harder to detect. It also hasn’t “helped” that Zhanyi, in general, has taken a backseat to the story. But if you think about it, it also kind of makes sense. I wouldn’t mind seeing more Zhanyi and ZZX content in the comic but I also get why Tianshan (and MGS and HT’s characters) needed quite a lot of “screen time” to develop. It also seems the difference in focus has started to level out recently.

So, I wouldn’t say ZZX isn’t appreciated in the story or that OldXian has somehow forgotten about him. It’s just that ZZX has found his place and status in the story. And him silently sticking to what he had started is in character for him. I’ve always seen ZZX as someone who makes his decisions based on what he’s ready to commit to on the long haul. That makes him a stable enough character to be left comfortably in the background when the focus is shifted.

I think ZZX has his moments of being the agent occasionally: when he’s at a crossroads. That’s when he makes those long-haul decisions and takes certain directions. It’s just been a while since he’s been in that situation. When it comes to Zhanyi, though, I see JY more as the driving force. He seems to take the initiative more often and is generally pushier about things. ZZX is onboard with it but after making his decision about the new direction of their relationship, I think he’s more comfortable with letting things progress at their own pace and letting JY take the lead. (While setting his limits, of course.) I think it will be those bold advances of JY that will also drive ZZX’s character development and ultimately strengthen his resolve and the path he chose to follow.

Overall I share your desire to see more of ZZX on his own. I would love to take more peeks into his mind in a more serious way. I wish to see more of his thoughts, memories, and feelings directly from himself. I miss his “voice”. His character has personality, but I wouldn’t mind him having more layers.

Thank you for your thoughts and questions, dear anon-san! And definitely for your patience! I hope my answer was worth the wait.

#Zhan zheng xi #Jian Yi #zhanyi #19 days #answered ask

[bi-lullaby]

I loved your last rankings so much that I'm sending you another fun (?!) challenge! How would you rate all these male GA characters from your favorite to least favorite, no ties allowed? :) Alex, Derek, Richard, Mark, Owen, Jackson, Burke, George, Andrew, Linc and Ben? Good luck, and as always, feel free to include your reasons why because I love your answers!

Ohhh boy you give me life with those asks! Here we go:

1 - As no surprise to anyone: Alex. My baby had the best character development I’ve ever seen, really, brcaus ewhile it was huge, it was also paced and believable and stabilished and non-linear. He was a huge asshole with a concealed heart of gold in season one. In season 15, he’s a golden boy with a concealed asshole side, and the growth/diminishment of those sides weren’t always inversely proportionate, but adjusted to what each characteristic was brought out more by his surroundings/worked more on by himself. Also, he’s the person that has stuck with mer for the longest and through the most, which would put him in a high place in this list even if he wasn’t my favorite on his own. I also adore how, thematically, he’s so moved by the women in his life (bot just the romantic i terests while we are at it) for the betterment of himself and hsi ways. It’s not like Owen’s “I’ll need her to take care of me emptionally and shape herself to my desires so I can be in a good place, it’s recognizing those positive influences in his life and trying to emulate them/work with them/learn from them. Also about his theme, itms less the worn-out “guy is validated in being an asshole bc he had a tough life” and more “guy learns that his tough life doesn’t mean he gotta act like an asshole”. I love this character so much, ugh.

2 - Ben. A freaking Disney prince would be a sleeazy douche in comparison. I was so weirded out when Shobda decided to give so much focus to this random-ass character, then I was really turned off by his storyline with the cutting people open and all that (not necessarily because I thought he was wrong, I just felt the storyline was handled awkwardly and made him sound pelutant and irresponsible instead of a promissing, if stubborn, future surgeon. I’ve yet to watch Station 19, but this angel with a scalpel and a fire hose for wings deserves his own goddamn spin-off, for sure.

3 - My baby Andrew. Yeah, he is not that developed, has been inconsistent, his change from “freaking out over Maggie being his boss” to “marvellung at Meredith’s every movie even though she’s kinda even more his boss because she owns the hospital” was... A B R U P T. But I really enjoy this new Andrew - as a side note: I could not care less for him during the whole Sam storyline, he seemed like a toned down Jonhy Bravo - He’s smart and sweet and funny and worships Mer like the Wonder Woman she is. His relationships with Arizona, Amelia, Jo, Carina and now Alex need more screentime because they’re great (or have the potential to be so). He’s competent and brilliant and selfless (dropping the charges on Alex even if he was completely in the right, taking the blame for mer now) and so tender (his absolute gentleness in peds, taking care of Amy after the operation, being a moody, emotive boy because he lost his love instead of a macho men...). The future holds great things for him, and I’m excited to watch them unfold!

4 - Not on your list but I love: Tom. Boy is he nice. As I was figuring out this order, I realized he reminds me a lot of my favorite character (Dean Winchester) - or at least what I think Dean would be if he was older, richer and lived without the Supernatural World and so many traumas. His talk to April was so moving and I felt it really helped. He doesn’t stand on a moral high horse: He does what he thinks is right and damned be judgment. He’s empathetic, he’s romantic, he treats Teddy RIGHT. He deserves to have his own storyline and be more developed and show us kore of his awesomeness.

5 - Jackson. As I said in my ships rating answer, I’ve only started to care for him recently, but I really do care. He’s not a character I’d, like, write fic about, or long rants and meta, but I love his sibling-esque relationship with Mer and his relationship with Maggie and the way he connects with his mom and how this spoiled, immature transfer with something to prove became a respected, innovative surgeon and father who’s secure of himself and ready to explore different paths and ways and worldviews. I just wish him, and the Grey’s fandom, would be less defensive about the callout of his privileged life. Like. I’ve seen people write paragraphs upon paragraphs about how Maggie was a bitch for calling him privileged. And he is (for his hoards upon hoards of money growing up). That’s not too hard a concept to grasp. Plus, it’d be nice if he could treat Maggie as less of a consolation prize/second chance. Just because faith (or lack thereof) was a source of tension in his previous marriage, and he feels like changing that would have made everything better, doesn’t mean the same applies to his current relationship, or that Maggie is the one who should change -he learned, learned, and is back in square one seeing only his side of it - I really hope this season treats him more kindly and gives him happiness and peace!

6 - Richard. I love him for his parental-and-ish relationships, specially to Maggie, Mer and Jackson, but to Bailey and Callie too. That’s my favorite aspect of him, watching those gives me a nice, warm feeling in my tummy and puts a smile on my face. There’s some aspects of him I find either boring or unpleasant, and I think it’s kinda annoying how him retiring has been a theme/conflict since, like, season one, and fast-foward ten years and he’s basically an entity at the hospital. Like? What? Was the point? You’ve waisted my time? For nothing? But he’s a solid, reliable character you can’t really hate and who brings more good than bad to the show by far. As a side note: one day I will yell at him for his treatment of Maggie after she talked about HER OWN HISTORY and he basically called her a mistake (although he apologized pretty soon and she forgave him so so will I).

7 - Mark. He was great and all that, but never sparked that love some characters did. I was sad when he died, I loved his scenes and relationships, I just am not invested in him. Plus the immaturity in his relationship with Lexie pisses me off a bit, as does his “man whore” personality.

8 - Link. Genuinely love him, he’s been nothing but sweet and kind and fun and helpful this entire time! I cheered for Merlink sooooo much imat first, and I really wish their friendship will be developed! Him and Jo are everything I never knew I needed. He has no arguable flaws besides being so sculped it freaks me out a little bit, but he isn’t higher up in my rank because there isn’t much material for that yet, but expect a climb as he becomes more and more regular.

9 - Burke. He was kinda sweet and did a good thing for Cristina (the hospital). He was also manipulative and arrogant and voundary-crossing in their relationship. I might like him better if it was bot for Burktina, but we will never know.

10 - Owen. Toxic as fuck, annoying, controlling, disgusting. Those are all things that very much apply to Owen in a lot of situations. Screaming at Cristina for “murdering their baby”? YIKES. Big no no. He was not suited for romantic relationships at all and I wish the show would realize that and allow him that space and breathing time without being stuck in a complicated relationship with loads of baggage or a love triangle. Because that’s my whole thing about him: I believe he has room for growth. His relationship with April is pretty amazing, he was always so considerate and gentle with her, all the time, and I want to see more of that bond. He loves kids and can be really good with them, he has a lot of things to work out with the traumas of his father’s death + war + his sister’s story. Why not focus on that? Why not show him growing and processing and bettering himself and living up to the potential he has? I feel like they gave the all the wrong romantic storylines to the character who’s otherwise really good and that’s such a shame because I really enjoyed him at first. Lets see what happens from now on, and if he gets a dose of tv’s “heterosexual love and a nuclear biological family solve everything!” medicine or if this is a turning point for him.

11 - Derek. He never really had any appeal to me. Not his face, not his personality, not his storylines or plot points pr the actor. That’s reason enough for him to rank low, but I also think he had some really bad traits. He was arrogant and condescending and had a God complex and was sexist and pushy and just not great for the people around him. Exploiting Amy’s addiction being outed to steal surgeries? Refusing to give Mer credit on their clinic trial? Putting ultimatums on his girlfriend that she either has to be ready for a full, committed relationship or end things, then call her a slut when she sleeps with other guys after they broke up? Cheating on Addison after deciding to work things out? Stringing mer and addie along? Not saying he was married in the first place? Pushing Mer’s boundaries after she was clearly uncomfortable with having slept with her boss? Refusing to have an inch of empathy for Mer’s action regarding the trial despite her complicated history with the people she was trying to help (who were her friends, actually?)? Telling his depressed girlfriend that she should be concerned the happiest part of his day was flirting with another girl from the bar? Ratting out on Richard to the board because he wanted the spot? Not acknowledging Mer’s trauma after the shooting? Kissing nurse Rose while building the dream house? Kissing his student while being married in NY? Pushing his wife to move and saying his career was more important than his after he had compromised on letting her shine? All things that, isolated, can even be understood on context and “everyone makes mistakes”, but that when put together, make it pretty clear it’s a pattern of someone with very little regard to the people around him. Was he a good surgeon? Yeah. Great father as well. He also had some interesting relationships and iconic scenes, truly, I can recognize that. I hurt for the people he loved and left behind (and I genuinely think he loved them and meant well), but he himself I don’t miss at all.

12 - I think George is the clearest contrast between how old greys handled matters of sexism and gender and sexuality and how it does now. He was such a sleazy nice guy at times, it is unbearable to me. And he ranks lower than Derek because A) His relationships also bored me while Derek’s could pique my interest at times, B) There’s no talk about his mistakes. Remember when he (in his own words) took advantage of Meredith being on a terrible, delicate, vulnerable place (still hiding her mother’s Alzheimer’s and seeing a person be blown to pieces and being dumped by who she thought was the one and being rejected by her father for the second time after seeing him for the first time in tweenty years) and, knowing that she was not interested in him, pursued her, then after she started crying because of the literal pile of shit she was having to carry around (and still trying to preserve his feelings), got mad at her and everyone sided with him? It baffled younger me to bits that what Mer had “done” was so terrible, it has not stoped bafflinn me in the years that have passed since. Can you imagine any of the girls crying during sex because they’re so overwhelmed and feel like that’s a mistake, and the guy freaks out on them and they’re instantly ostracized by the narrative and characters? That’s essentially criticizing her for the right of saying no, of stopping when she doesn’t want to continue, of not giving away her time and feels just because a goofy guy who is her friend feels entitled to them. That’s the word: entitled. He literally says he “saw her first”. How’s that not Nice Guy 101? I would understand his ego being bruised, but the guilt tripping and the bitching and the fact none of that is treated as a fucking creepy thing? Yikes. Also how he treated Callie, who deserved so, so much better. And even Olivia who was perfectly lovely and did nothing wrong besides having sex with more than one guy without breaking either of their trusts because she wasn’t in a relationship with any of them. Did he do some good things? Sure did! Joey’s surgery costs being cut, helping Bailey give birth, some of his interactions with patients were really sweet, and he died giving his life for someone else. It’s just that consequence-less sexism and entitlement that never gets adressed and gets treated as not only valid, but right, that makes him go rom unappealing to downright hated for me. Better left in the past where people can misplacedly idolize him!

Thank you so much for asking, I love those thought-inspiring asks! <3

#thank you so much #theofficestan #greys anatomy #greys #grey’s anatomy #me #answered #asks #rank

[donewithjeon]

Downfall [18]

Characters: Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 4,377

Genre: Assassin AU

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 | Part 17 | Part 18 | Part 19 | Part 20 | Part 21 | Part 22 | Part 23 | Part 24 | Part 25 | Part 26

“If you keep pushing yourself like this, you’re going to break.”

Your brother’s words reached your ears as he came up from behind you, but you didn’t stop your fists as they continued to land a succession of punches on the training mannequin before you. Although you waited for Namjoon to come into view, you didn’t bother to look up from your task to provide a response.

“All I’m hearing is that you don’t believe in me.”

It was almost part of a routine now for you two to be at a constant discord. Perhaps it was just the typical sibling conflicts that most others went through, but even if it wasn’t, you couldn’t find yourself to worry about the disturbances much.

Namjoon’s nagging only seemed to increase after your mission at the abandoned factory—your successful mission, as you liked to point out. Almost two weeks had passed since that particular night, and while he hadn’t been there to see the mess you had been reduced to by the end of the job, you were sure that he knew the details by now.

Apparently, information like that was fair game between teammates.

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he tried to defend himself, but you didn’t offer him a chance to, knowing that it would just be the same excuse he had given you several times before.

“Goodbye, Namjoon.”

As he stood at a close distance near the mannequin you were now endeavoring to beat to a pulp, you could see that he looked as if he still had something to say. Whether it was lack of courage or bad timing, he decided to save his breath, much to your appreciation.

The only companion you wanted to be in the presence of right now was the dummy in front of you, and no, you weren’t referring to your brother.

It was a reluctant retreat, but Namjoon left you to your own devices shortly thereafter, and ultimately, your own thoughts.

These past few weeks hadn’t been kind to you, not that the rest of your life had exactly been a walk in the park. Truthfully, it wasn’t time that was being harsh—it was you. You were pushing yourself and training rigorously in order to be in the best condition you could be, but that didn’t just end with your physical body. You felt like you were forced into reevaluating your principles, chiefly by yourself, since you had made a decision that night that could have very well ended your life if you had made one more false move.

Sure, you had succeeded in the end, but you had barely survived. That certainly was not how you wanted the rest of your missions to go—you refused to put yourself in a situation like that again just because you chose to be in over your head.

Your main objective right now was to become stronger; it was something you thought you had achieved after graduating from the orphanage, but it seemed as though life liked to throw you curveballs in the face as persistent reminders of your weakness. Still, you believed it to be an attainable goal, even if you had to lose a few hours of sleep to do it.

Besides, it wasn’t like you could sleep anyway.

“Namjoon is just worried about you. He is your brother, after all.”

Hoseok was standing at one of the stations in the armory he had claimed as his own, taking a well-deserved break from the handgun maintenance he was just about finished with, if listening to your objections and justifying his friend’s actions could be deemed a break. You had come to visit him like you normally did, standing at the other side of the tabletop as you held your cursory discussion. It was well past midnight by now, so the room was fairly empty with most of the other assassins either working a job or resting to work a job later.

In the long months you had been stuck in this building without any missions, you had grown considerably close to Hoseok. The bond had been quick to form because while your other teammates had been out having the time of their lives, the two of you had stayed in headquarters with only the joy of each other’s presence. Judging purely by the amount of encounters you had experienced ranging from the early mornings to the unholy hours of the night, it had been only a matter of time before a friendship bloomed.

Plus, he was much better company than a certain snarky sniper.

As you spent more time with Hoseok, you found yourself running into Yoongi more frequently as well. He was usually in the armory, taking his sweet time cleaning his rifle and getting the rest of his equipment in check. The man moved so languidly, as if he was trying to single-handedly prove the mantra of “slow and steady wins the race”. You would have guessed that he had no place he needed to be, but that was proven to be incorrect each time you watched him rush to the parking garage in order to make his meeting time. It was also one of the wonders of the world how someone like him was such a master at climbing stairs, but you guessed that most snipers got used to that role after a while.

Each time you found yourself speaking with Yoongi, the two of you tended to butt heads. Just for that reason alone, you enjoyed staying on Hoseok’s side of the gunroom every chance you could get—the time you had spent by Yoongi’s side on all those rooftops was enough to last a lifetime.

Still, the interactions with the two of them helped to take your mind off of things, including the sudden withdrawal of missions being given to you. You didn’t want to admit it, but you were kind of relieved. Contrary to how you had acted during your initial job drought, you presently focused your energy into readying yourself for the day you would join the front lines once more.

Hopefully, the next time would be less humiliating, if not just for the sake of having to go through all this constant pestering from the people around you. Some of your other teammates had voiced their concerns once or twice about your extreme concentration with training, but none more so than your brother.

“I know he is, but I can take care of myself,” you retorted, not really keen on hearing another person chide you.

“Really? Because you don’t look so great.”

If that comment had been from Jimin or Taehyung, you would have been glaring at a mischievous grin right now. Instead, Hoseok had a somber expression on his face, his eyes attempting to search yours for some kind of sign, although you could argue that the sign was actually right under your eyes.

“Gee, thanks,” you sarcastically remarked.

“No, I’m serious,” he said, as if that would make you feel any better. “When’s the last time you really slept?”

“I don’t know,” you sighed, leaning forward on the counter to lessen the weight on your tired feet. “It’s not that I’m not trying. Of course I want to, but I just…can’t.”

Withholding the details of the noisy thoughts that prevented you from resting easy, you didn’t tell him the exact reason for your troubled slumber. You were pretty sure he could pick up the clues, though, since it didn’t take much of a genius to figure it out in this business.

There was an empathetic notion to his creased eyebrows as he gazed at you from across the counter. Hoseok had faced insomnia in the past as well; even if he hadn’t outright told you, the signs had been rather obvious from the start. Dark circles, dull skin, bloodshot eyes—much like the traits that you were exhibiting right now. His symptoms from lack of sleep had reduced substantially, and you could confidently say that the color that had been drained from his face was starting to come back. Maybe he had been eating more broccoli to improve his complexion?

Whatever his secret was, it was working.

You could tell that something was formulating in his mind at that moment—you just didn’t know what. Good thing you didn’t need to guess, because he leaned forward and propped his arms up onto the opposite side of the table in order to get a bit closer to you.

“What if I had something that could help you?”

You raised your eyebrow at him, staring straight into his dark irises. What he had said just now made him sound suspiciously like a drug dealer—all he was missing was the long trench coat and the background of a seedy alley.

“What is it?” you asked, curiosity taking over you.

“It’s this solution I’ve been working on for a while—a sleeping potion, if you will. It can help you get a full night’s rest, if you’re willing to try it out.”

Of course you could count on Hoseok to experiment with concoctions in the lab—with the sheer number of hours he spent in there, you were surprised he hadn’t figured out a cure to cancer yet. You pursed your lips, contemplating his tempting offer.

“It’s not going to kill me, right? Because this would be the perfect opportunity to do it.”

Hoseok’s mouth curved up as he chuckled at your reluctance, the melodic sound releasing the pressure in your shoulders you hadn’t realized you were holding.

“It’s been tested plenty of times, and it’s harmless—I promise,” he assured you with a faint smile before presenting you with an age-old question. “Do you trust me?” You found yourself nodding in response before you could even consider that there was another option. His smile grew ever so slightly before he straightened back up triumphantly. “Then, don’t worry. Leave everything to me.”

Thankfully, your trust wasn’t misplaced, because Hoseok stayed true to his word.

You took the leap of faith and tried out the vial of liquid he provided you, and ever since then, you continued to stop by whenever you decided that you needed to receive more aid, which was deplorably almost every single day since the start of this exchange.

Other than your now restful nights, your days went on without any hitches. The practice ranges and training rooms became your new homes, and you fell into the same old routine—except, you knew that things would never be the same.

Not too long after your first daily distribution from Hoseok, he broke the pattern by visiting you at target practice in the late evening. You weren’t expecting his unwarranted appearance, but after he slipped you a new vial to take back to the apartment, he bid you goodbye with a quick reminder.

“Don’t turn in too late tonight. We have to get up early for the viewing.”

Right. The subject had been brought up previously this week during a group meeting. The days of the week blended together when you did the same thing every day, so it had slipped your mind for a hot minute.

The chief financial officer of the company had recently passed away.

It wasn’t rare for you or any of the other assassins to be faced with death, but it wasn’t too often that the death was from inside the organization, let alone someone in such a high position of power. Perhaps that was why you were all being forced to attend a mandatory viewing at the funeral home tomorrow.

You found the event to be a bit strange, but you assumed that the man’s significant role in the company called for everyone below him to go and pay their respects. It was either that, or perhaps this was just a common occurrence you didn’t know about that was aimed to desensitize yourself to death even more.

It turned out to be much more complicated than that.

Of course, you had heard the rumors regarding the death. Most of them had been animatedly explained by Jimin or Taehyung, although you weren’t too sure how much you trusted the former after your little incident with Jin and his supposed missing eye and fingers.

Some of the circulating rumors stated the CFO had suffered a heart attack since he had been getting on in years, taking his last breath at the ripe old age of 49. Others claimed that he had drowned in the company pool while going for a casual swim, a debate you couldn’t add much to because you hadn’t even known that there was a company pool up until that point.

Despite all the ridiculous tales of the man’s untimely death, the fan favorite seemed to be that he had been executed for being a traitor.

The stories delved even deeper from that theory as people speculated the possible motives. A few people thought that he must have abused his influence and had run a private drug business on the side, while a good number of others believed that he had stolen from the organization’s funds for his personal gain, dipping into the profits each time he could in order to satisfy his greed.

All you had learned from the rumor mill was that people loved to gossip way too much. The only thing that mattered to you was that he was dead, and so with that comforting thought, you went to sleep.

The next morning, you rose from your slumber bright-eyed and bushy-tailed—you wished. It was more like you dragged yourself out of bed to get this day over with.

Everyone was allowed to go to the funeral home at their leisure, so your team decided on an earlier time slot in hopes of beating the crowd. At least you weren’t being forced to attend a full ceremony and procession—you didn’t want to imagine how long that would have taken with the amount of people working in this organization.

Putting on your standard black blazer and slacks combo for the first time, one that had been put in your wardrobe for special occasions such as this, you took the elevator downstairs to the main parking garage where you would meet up with the teammates you would be carpooling with. Jin and Jungkook were already by the sleek, jet black sedan when you arrived, and soon after Yoongi indolently strolled up to the scene as if he wasn’t a minute away from being late, you guys were on your merry way.

The other half of your team was taking a different car to the same destination, and you could only imagine the dynamics between the members in that vehicle. On the other hand, your particular group of four had quite the silent drive, although it wasn’t as sullen as you had anticipated. Honestly, you would have thought that this was just another normal trip to a job site—technically, going to this viewing was your mission for the day.

The vast cemetery soon came into view, but even as Jin pulled into a parking spot and everyone hopped out of the car, nothing really stirred within you. This was one of the most peaceful placed you had been dropped off at, and unlike many of your nightly excursions and exterminations, this peace wasn’t feigned. Once you neared the specific funeral home you were supposed to visit, you could see a few people dressed in black shuffling in and out of the building, whether compelled by love, respect, or like yourself, the obligation to fulfill a duty.

Jin led the way into the room where the viewing was being held, and similar to the front of the building, a few people were scattered about, either standing around or mindlessly pacing to and from the far end of the hall where a large, wooden casket was placed.

At first glance, the entire viewing hall looked strikingly luxurious. It was probably the largest one you could rent at this location, and the area was filled with flowers and decorations that someone seemed to have put more money than thought into. Even from a distance, you could tell that the casket was high quality as well; the elegant, mahogany woodwork of the glossy exterior and plush, cream velvet of the padded interior that was exposed by the opened door just screamed debt. This entire viewing seemed overindulgent beyond necessity, and you couldn’t help but think that this was just a pointless allocation of resources.

Extravagances meant nothing to a dead man.

Staring at Jin’s broad shoulders that were fitted nicely with his own black blazer, you followed closely behind as he approached the open casket. The sparse group of people blocking the front of it had just turned around to leave, but not before you were able to notice the strained looks on their faces; it was as if they were frozen in the middle of trying to decide on what expression to wear, and their robotic motions as they slinked past you gave you the assumption that they were here for the same reason you were—to pay your scheduled respects and leave.

Getting this tedious task over with was the first thing you thought of when you woke up this morning, but as you stepped up to the casket that was now in full view, there were far greater things on your mind.

You felt yourself stop breathing for a moment at the sight before you. The body that lay in the off-white linen encasement could hardly be considered a full human being. Even with the preparations to make the corpse more presentable to the public, it was clearer than day that the entire body had been mutilated, and the face itself was completely unrecognizable. If you had seen this official around headquarters before, there was no way you were able to tell now.

The man, or what remained of him, was dressed in a crisp, navy suit that was no doubt designer, but the expensive threads only made his mangled flesh look that much more pitiful in comparison. Sections of his face looked like they had either been torn off or carved out like a turkey roast, although the mortician did a half-decent job of reattaching most of his nose. You couldn’t say the same for his ear that was haphazardly stitched together, barely taking on the likeness of what had once been there. All of the open wounds were discolored heavily due to the make-up and whatever else they might have used to try and cover up the hideous marks, and they weren’t even close to matching the skin that had managed to cling on through this whirlwind of pain the man must have gone through.

The more you looked at him, the more he resembled Frankenstein’s monster with this recombined parts, except the CFO didn’t look like he was going to come back to life anytime soon.

As your eyes trailed down to where the hands should have been clasped atop his torso, you realized that they simply did not exist. While his arms were gathered in front of him, the slightly elongated cuffs of the man’s suit hid whatever gory remnants of the severed appendages were left.

There was no saying who or what could have done this, but it definitely wasn’t a swimming accident, unless the company pool was a blender in disguise. It was admittedly horrifying to look at the distorted corpse, but it was even more sickening to think of what it would have been like before all the primping and prepping. Your gaze fell upon the breast of the man’s suit where a pocket square was neatly tucked away, the blood red fabric only finally catching your attention in the midst of everything else you had taken in.

Before your thoughts could travel any further, you felt a hand slide softly onto the small of your back. You automatically flinched from the sudden touch, but when you turned to see Jungkook right by your side, you felt the tension dissipating.

“Ready to go?”

His hushed voice lulled you out of your trance, the words carrying more weight in the intense silence of the viewing hall. Glancing around, you realized that the rest of your teammates had already exited the premises, making you wonder just how long you had been standing there with your eyes bonded to the gruesome sight.

Facing Jungkook once more, you took in his appearance for a split second; his onyx suit and matching tie was as customary as they came, but when you met his gaze, you recognized the same glint in his eyes from when he had carried you out of the nauseating scene where you had been lying pathetically in a puddle—it was a look that filled you with an aching sense of vulnerability, yet managed to make you feel utterly safe.

Your eyes dropped down to scan over his empty breast pocket before you nodded in response to his previous question. The two of you quietly made your way out of the funeral home, his hand never leaving the back of your waist as you moved towards the main exit. The contact felt so excruciatingly close even through the layers of clothing, but that was most likely due to the fact that you didn’t have your usual sheath knife strapped there to provide the extra cover you were used to.

It was only when you strode past the doors that you realized how suffocating the atmosphere really was inside. It was like your lungs were being restored from their constricted state with each intake of fresh air, and your eyes had to adjust to the sun’s young rays shining down on the pavement and nearby foliage.

Jungkook’s hand left your back somewhere on the way to the car, but you still walked alongside each other before wordlessly filing into the back seat of the vehicle. Jin didn’t delay in starting the car, and soon after leaving the parking lot, you were all on your way to returning back to the apartment.

It was a bit of a drive, and the interior of the spacious sedan was almost as unbearable as the funeral home. You peeked over beside you to see Jungkook tugging at his collar to loosen the slim tie as if it were the reason for the trapped feeling he was probably experiencing, one that was most definitely mutual. The tie rested a bit lopsided from its original position after he was done with it, but other than his minor clothing adjustment, there were no other movements for you to focus on.

You disliked the stiffness of the muted atmosphere, so naturally, it had to be broken.

“Why wouldn’t they just give him a closed casket?” you asked, unable to hide your unease at the situation. You didn’t know if the others had been thinking about the same thing as you or if they had been through this sort of affair already. You weren’t expecting a straight answer, whether they had one or not, especially since Yoongi was riding shotgun as the holder of the championship belt for shooting down enemies and questions, but much to your surprise, he responded.

“Funerals are for the living, not the dead.”

And that was all you really needed.

A few days after the funeral was held, Minhyuk abruptly stepped down from his role as your team’s supervising officer. Perhaps it should be referred to as a step up, since he was ultimately being promoted into a better position.

You were barely able to get a compliment or a “job well done” from him before his departure. It was one of the most anticlimactic things ever, especially after you had been working so hard to get in his good graces—it was such a shame and wasted effort, but you weren’t complaining one bit. The other half of the unexpected but pleasing turn of events was the person who would step up to the plate and become the new supervising officer: Jin.

Maybe you were being a little biased, but you liked him much better than your bland and balding ex-supervisor. Jin seemed much more confident in your abilities as an assassin and more importantly, an active member of the team. Back then, he had made sure to reassure you of a job well done after he had gone in to do a sweep of the abandoned factory to see your handiwork. The trust he had for his teammates, even the new girl, was admirable, and you knew that he would do well in his higher rank, because everyone believed in him as well.

The impenetrable partition from the chain of command within the organization was nearly nonexistent when it came to Jin, and that was a very important part of your team. After years of the boys working together in the field, and even in the months you had joined in on the action, the eight of you shared a certain connection that wasn’t really applicable to teams that were merely assigned older, less involved superiors. Jin knew everyone’s strengths and weaknesses personally, and with that boosted knowledge, he was able to lead everyone in the right direction towards success, one assignment at a time.

The transition between the two figures of authority was so smooth and painless, it was like everything had been planned ahead of time. The organization was a well-oiled machine, but you had enough intuition to suspect that the CFO’s passing had something, if not everything, to do with it.

Whether any of the causes of death you had heard contained even a fragment of truth, the point was that he was now rotting six feet under, and the world was still moving forward. Somehow, his death only brought more opportunities for you, as you were not disappointed with the amount of regular missions that you were now a major part of. You still had so much to do—so much to achieve. It might have been the end for the dead man, and a grisly one at that, but it was quite the opposite for you.

This was only the beginning.

#lots of things to keep in mind in this chapter :> #downfall #bts scenarios #jungkook scenarios #jungkook x reader #jungkook #bts #bts scenario #jungkook scenario #bts fanfiction #bts fanfic

[ivoryribcage]

Story + 21 for donut bc fuck you u thought this was gonna be cute like blaine's thinK AGAIN SWEETHEART

@deadbeatcentral | Send “Story + #” | ACCEPTING

PROMPT. The first time my muse missed your muse.

TITLE. Stick to Your GunsSETTING. Red VS BlueCHARACTERS. Arthur Driscoll ( @etherealmeliorism), Franklin Donut (@deadbeatcentral​), Rithisak Aydelotte (@ireofembers), Veata Aydelotte (@ivoryribcage)

SUMMARY. She hadn’t belonged there. Neither had he.

It’d frightened her: the realization that she could no longer function in a time of peace. Her reassignment to Blood Gulch had been one of the least violent of her experiences since her unwilling recruitment to the UNSC yet it’d caused her more emotional stress than any other chapter of her service. Veata had hated it there. In the field she could at least anticipate the horrors that waited for her, but more important than that she could perform her duties as a field medic with the understanding that the members of her unit could be trusted. It hadn’t been like that at Blood Gulch. Her CO, she had felt, had been as good as senile, and half the members of the unit she wouldn’t have trusted a pebble to much less a human life. 

The single kindness granted to her had been her brother. It’d been four years since she’d last heard from him though that’d been through no fault of his. Quite often Rithisak had tried to establish her whereabouts as she would later learn, but without a trail of breadcrumbs to guide him he’d been left blind in his search. Not to mention the fact that he’d had to focus on surviving the bloodshed of warfare himself at the time. In parallel to her Blood Gulch had been a transfer. She had to question how much of the decision – one Rithisak had thought related to his disciplinary problems – had been pulled through the CO that had enlisted her. Compensation. Veata didn’t believe in God, but she’d often prayed that her CO would burn for what he’d done to her.

She’d never told her brother the finer details of her enlistment. It hadn’t been as if his knowing the circumstances could change what had been done. But there had been a soldier stationed at Blood Gulch that had learned about her start with the UNSC. If Rithisak had been her kindness then Arthur had been her reprieve. He’d been one of three people that hadn’t treated her as if she were an unfounded, paranoid fool, and of the three he’d treated her fears and her paranoia with the most intimate understanding. Arthur had spent thrice the amount of time that she had in the field. Whereas Rithisak had mastered the callous detachment common to soldiers Arthur reacted in a more serious vein similar to hers. In his presence she had felt she could breathe again.

If it hadn’t been for Arthur she doubted she would have survived Blood Gulch without putting a bullet through her head though their connections had splintered their unit in half. The others hadn’t understood them. Not even empathetic Donut. Their active service had seen them stationed in Blood Gulch, and but for themselves there’d been no threats to their lives. How could these soldiers, outside of Arthur and Rithisak, understand what it did to a person’s psyche to spend a single night in silence after months of constant warfare? The senior members of Red Team had seen a bitch that had been wound too tight, but when she’d looked at them and she’d seen incompetent liabilities that couldn’t be counted on in times of crisis. But not Donut.

Franklin Delano Donut. Of the men stationed at Blood Gulch Donut had been the single individual she’d forgiven for his faults. Unlike Grif and Simmons – men that had had a considerable amount of time to get their collective act together  – he’d been fresh from training and without the experience under his belt he would need to be considered a proper soldier. For as ruthless as her service had made her Veata couldn’t have brought herself to resent him for that. His willingness to shoulder a fair share of their burden as a unit had been the key difference that distinguished him from Sarge, Grif, and Simmons, and the results had been tangible as he managed in a single afternoon more than either of the three men had in months.

Given the time to train under Arthur she didn’t doubt he would have proven to be quite the marine. But part of her hadn’t wanted that for him. Donut had been too gentle a person for the horrors of warfare. It was within his capabilities to be a soldier, but not without cost to his person. Arthur had seen it too. During the earliest months of his assignment to Blood Gulch Donut been a quiet and reserved young man, but as he’d settled into his station his quirks had begun to express themselves: the sharp edge of his sarcastic wit melted into sassier retorts, he began to test the waters of what he was allowed through requesting non-essential supplies such as wine and cheese, his conversations pursued more personal questions with the excitable twittering of a songbird.

The part of herself that had remained human loved him, but the damage had been done and the gentleness that she loved him for she’d understood would cost him his life if permitted to flourish. Grif and Simmons she could not have cared less for, but Donut had stood a fighting chance that Arthur and she wouldn’t have seen wasted. When Blue Team recruited the services of a woman that hadn’t hesitated to detonate a plasma grenade within range of him she’d held his hand through the night as he’d faced his first brush with death. It’d been the inevitable cataclysm Veata had known would come, and her regret had not been for the webbing of scars that left him disfigured but that he’d been made first to suffer.

The memories ebbed from her thoughts as Veata considered the holographic notification: New Message. Likely Arthur or Rithisak checking on her. Donut she suspected had been transferred to a remote location as it’d been three weeks since his last contact. For a brief moment an image of blue eyes flashed through her thoughts before she quickly dismantled the half-formed memories. It’d been two weeks since his last attempt at contact. So long as he hadn’t deviated from his established pattern he wouldn’t send another for at least a month. She dragged her fingers through her thick, knotted hair, her shoulders folding with a slow, deep exhale before she reached for the contraband communications equipment. Within the minute she’d opened the most recent transmission. 

Just as she suspected a message began to read in Arthur’s voice: “Status Update. There’s been no further chatter about what happened at Blood Gulch, but that doesn’t mean we’re in the clear yet. I’m keeping an ear to the ground, and I want everyone else to continue to do the same. I don’t want to be caught off guard again.” Here he sighed, and she could picture in vivid detail how his hand dragging the length of his face. He wouldn’t have shaved in the past week, and there’d be deep set bags underneath his eyes. “Fire Team Dingo is on assignment at a location our network doesn’t reach. They’re excused from check-in for the time being, but I want everyone else to message me theirs before the end of the week. Out.” 

Static replaced the sound of Arthur’s voice for a short moment before the transmission cut into silence. She considered its content as she opened the direct private line that connected hers to his. At least one of her suspicions had been confirmed: Donut, alongside Delbarre and Tucker, had been transferred to a distant, remote location. Fire Team Dingo. “Check-In: Veata Aydelotte. Date: August 30th, 2560. Time: 0200 hours. No changes to report. End Transmission.” She waited until the hologram confirmed the message had been sent before she began to fiddle with the modified TACPAD. Arthur had done it. He’d also overseen the establishment of the channel of networks through which their units communicated with Simmon’s assistance.

If someone were to find the TACPAD she would be reprimanded, and the contraband equipment confiscated. How Arthur had procured such a number that each soldier of Red Team and Blue Team could be in possession of one she hadn’t known, but then there hadn’t been much about him that Veata had known unless he’d wanted her to. She traced the edge of it. Its modifications, she imagined, had cost him twice the amount of effort their acquirement had, but it hadn’t been for naught. After the chain of events that had been triggered by Tex’s presence at Blood Gulch Arthur had wanted their teams to maintain contact after reassignment, and though he’d permitted them to use the TACPADs for more personal reasons she’d only used it for the bare minimum.

On the holographic screen she sorted her unread communications by their individual author. Donut’s name printed at the top of her screen. Of his eighteen transmissions – two per a week interval – ten remained unread, and of the eight she had read only four had been replied to. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to keep in contact with Donut. It was that it was easier not to. She couldn’t distance herself from the memories of Blood Gulch – memories of the A.I. – so long as he anchored her to them. For as much as she cared about him affection couldn’t clean her of the poison that tainted her blood at the memories of her former team. Only just this month she’d reached the point that weeks could pass without a single thought for Blood Gulch.

The others – Grif in particular seeing as he could no longer laze about without supervision – wouldn’t share her sentiment, but she’d considered the transfer from Blood Gulch to Solace a blessing. The finer details of how Red Team and Blue Team had survived the events that had preoccupied their last months stationed there she didn’t understand, but it’d at least been a vindication of her paranoia and solid evidence to the fact that she couldn’t depend on at least half her team. Luck wasn’t her token like it was theirs. She needed half-competent soldiers that were willing to put in the effort, and Red Team despite its addition of Arthur, Donut, and Rithisak hadn’t been that. At least not enough. Solace, on the other hand, had no shortage. 

Despite her convictions there were times that she permitted the compulsion of guilt to influence a regression. She opened the most recent unread message: text rather than voice. It took her a long minute to scan the message, the barest hint of a concerned smile at the corners of her mouth. Despite her near radio silence Donut had not once failed to write her without genuine enthusiasm. Most of the chatter was mundane, and often it’d been scattered with questions of her well-being. He’d learned rather soon after their initial meeting not to push her, but that hadn’t meant he didn’t leave her opportunities to open up. His last message was a more somber detailing of his reassignment, and in his Donut fashion he ended it in apologies to her for his coming lack of contact.

It wouldn’t matter whether or not Veata replied to him. The transmission had been dated three days earlier. By this point in time, and as evidenced by the content of Arthur’s communications, he’d have transferred to his next assignment. Yet the holographic screen reading out his most recent message to her remained open. As if of its own volition her fingers began to tap out the sequence to initiate a voice recorded message. Arthur had not been so skilled as to install a video recording modification that could project a hologram of their image, but she found the words came easier knowing that her face wouldn’t be attached to them. She cleared her throat once before finding her voice. “Donut, be careful out there.”

#✉ ▌our veins are filled with stories of survival ⌞MEME⌝ #Franklin Donut #deadbeatcentral #📚 ▌this is not your grave but you are welcome to it ⌞V. RED VS BLUE⌝

[arabellaflynn]

Okay, like the fourth total stranger has now suggested that ye ballroom instructor has a crush on me. Y'all aren't crazy; this has also crossed my mind. He did kick this off with pretty classic crush behavior: A sudden barrage of attention out of nowhere, that he kept up for a solid two weeks or so, until he got clear acknowledgement that I'd noticed. My initial read of him was that he is exactly as gay as the stereotype of male dancers would suggest, but this all was actually ambiguous enough to make me reconsider that. The thing is, this is still ambiguous. The reason that kind of behavior comes about with crushes is that wanting to bone someone makes the idea of fucking up your first conversation with them carry a lot of emotional weight, so you get super nervous about it. The sudden burst of attention happens because it takes an extra push to get over the inhibitory effect of What if I screw it up? and make yourself start. The internal wrestling and abrupt resolution is usually invisible to your target, which is what makes it look like all the talking comes out of left field. This pattern is not specific to sexual attraction. It's specific to social anxiety. One of my current friends-turned-housemate is a Medically-Certified Nervous Person. The first time she talked right to me on purpose, she managed to make herself do it on the grounds that she was A Photographer and wanted to Know About Modeling Rates, and her hands were still shaking the whole time. She eventually got past it, but the first time was really nerve-wracking because she didn't know what would happen, and the brain of an anxious person is an unfortunately fertile ground for creativity. Up to the point ye ballroom instructor started talking to me, we were strangers. Obvs. I'd only ever seen him in the operating mode he uses to deal with the public, which is very bubbly and kind of vehemently charming in all directions. The very first time he decided to camp at my station and chat, he was blazing very very bright, and said a few things that even at the time I noted were glib bordering on babble, and wondered if he went off and kicked himself for it later. There was a bit of time before I told him outright that I was aware that there was other stuff going on behind the kilowatt grin and that I wanted to know what it was. Apparently I was convincing, because he spent a week or two sounding like he was on wobbly footing before settling down into just being much quieter when I was the only one around. This is all also consistent with social anxiety. It's kind of an unusual manifestation overall, but common for those who've learned to cope with it by ginning up confidence at other people so well that nobody else notices the turmoil. Such as, for an obvious example, performers. It keeps well-meaning people from sitting on you and trying to fix it when all you really want to do is be left alone to regroup. It trips up people who don't grok it well, because as a general rule you'd expect someone who was getting less nervous to talk more and not less, but that's not really how it works when the thing you've learned to hide is that you're considerably more thinky, and in weirder directions, than is strictly normal. [He also identifies as queer, which adds another layer to it. From what other friends have told me, they did the same thing as they became increasingly aware that their new queer-person thoughts were not "normal", until they decided to come out. I stuffed a sock in it when I was a kid for different reasons, but to pretty much the same effect: I limped along being scared of punishment and feeling like I was existing wrong until I realized that keeping it bottled up was probably going to kill me. It's not strictly equivalent, but inasmuch as I had to be removed from one elementary school because the bullies were escalating to physical violence, I feel like I at least know enough to properly sympathize.] The reason I am not in a hurry to clear this up is that there is really nothing to clear on my end. I gather from reading advice columns and /r/relationships that most people think "dating" and "friends" are two completely separate things. If you want one and the other person wants the other, then most people feel disappointed, if not betrayed. I do not think these things are particularly different. Dates are good friends I sometimes don't wear pants with. It goes along with me not really grasping jealousy on the list of "stuff that gets me into a lot of trouble", mainly because they are things other people lie about a lot, both to themselves and others, and I'm afraid nobody will believe me when I explain how I work. Ye ballroom dance instructor has turned out to be the kind of brilliantly odd person I want in my life regardless -- two of the initial guesses I whiffed on were not realizing he's a rather affectionate and empathetic soul if he likes you, and also that he is terrifyingly intelligent to the point where he is also very good at redirecting people's attention before they notice that. I find him very easy to talk to, and also easy to not talk to, which is even more unusual. I still couldn't tell you why he decided he wanted to talk to me, but he wanted to badly enough to make himself do it, which is pretty flattering. If he wants to wear less pants around me, then I'd be more than happy to give that a whirl. I'm not particularly fussed if he doesn't, either. "Awesome new friend" is not a losing condition. from Blogger http://ift.tt/2g5Hg43 via IFTTT -------------------- Enjoy my writing? Consider becoming a Patron, subscribing via Kindle, or just toss a little something in my tip jar. Thanks!

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