#but gOD I JUST WANT TO BE PRESENT

[jewshboy]

honestly my worst adhd symptom recently has been The Thoughts.

#by this i mean i cant shut off my fucking brainnnn #and like im fine with it when im alone. its fine #but gOD I JUST WANT TO BE PRESENT #its been so bad recently and its getting hard to cope with #cause im trying my best to enjoy the moment and the people im with #and i just cant cause im thinking about the next thing/plan or things that just arent relevant #i just. im tired of looking forward to whatever plans i have and then it being gone the moment i blink #i feel like my life is just passing me by and i never have a moment to breath or catch up #its more worse with some people than it is with others #im also not fully sure its my adhd #has it always been like this and am i just now paying attention to it? #am i dissociating? am i masking and therefor have less energy to be present cause im trying to seem like a functioning person? #is it just The Thoughts?

[bylertruther]

people who think will byers hates himself for being gay when will byers is one of the very few characters on the show that has refused to change himself to fit anyone else's idea of what he should be despite the fact that people, including his own father, have been harassing, bullying, and abusing him for it literally his entire fucking life are just...... so weird.

will's entire POINT is that he will survive and brave whatever you throw his way against all odds and come out on the other side of it still clutching on to his sense of self and hope that tomorrow will be a better day. the entire point of his character is that he loves what he loves without apology or shame.

he sings "that weird song he loves" in the middle of hell because it reminds him of his brother and offers him comfort in a place where there is none. he creates art because he loves it and doesn't care if it isn't something boys do, then he gifts it to his friends because he loves them and wants them to know it, too. he loves dnd and writes campaigns and dresses up for them because they bring him joy and he just wants to spend time with his friends even if they think they're "too cool" for it now.

he knows that sometimes it's harder than it should be to be gay in a homophobic society and has been harassed for that literally his entire fucking life it's LITERALLY how they introduce him to us not even twenty minutes into this fucking show and YET !!!!!!! he doesn't back away from that. ever.

he gets picked on for his clothes, but he doesn't change them. he gets called names, but he doesn't make any attempt to conform. his best friend, the boy that he's in love with and his very first friend ever, tells him it isn't his fault that he doesn't like girls and shamefully asks him if he really thought they were going to play games together in his basement for the rest of their lives and never get girlfriends, and what does will do?

he says yeah. i guess i did. i really did.

will faces all of that and goes to a new place where he has the golden opportunity of a clean slate, and what does he do? when assigned to do a presentation on his hero... he picks alan turing of all people. and when his brother later on tells him that he loves him no matter what, essentially giving him the It's Okay To Be Gay I Love You So Much And Always Will talk, still there is no denial on will's part here either.

will has NEVER, EVER denied being gay. he has NEVER tried to change that part of himself. he has ALWAYS stood tall and braved another day even when it was scary and hard. he has ALWAYS remained true to himself even though that has only ever made his life that much harder.

he said that sometimes he feels like a mistake for being so different from other people, but that being loved and accepted makes him feel like he isn't one at all and like he's better for being different and that gives him the courage to fight on.

literally what the fuck are you guys on about when you talk about will being self-hating for being gay. where is the canonical evidence for that? and more than that, why are you so keen on throwing away all of his acts of bravery and the sheer fucking strength of character that he's had since the very beginning? it would've been so much easier for him to conform, to be the "man" that everyone has always pushed him to be, but he doesn't ever do that. he stays true to himself no matter what. so, again, where the hell are these self-hating receipts?!

#will #will byers #byler #HE LITERALLY DID HIS PRESENTATION ON ALAN TURING IN THE FUCKING 80S WHEN HE HAD A CLEAN SLATE!!!!!! HE WAS A NOBODY AT LENORA!!!!!! #AND HE STILL DID IT ON ALAN FUCKING TURING!!! HE SAID THIS IS MY HERO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #HE WAS BULLIED SINCE FUCKING BIRTH FOR BEING GAY AND HE STILL DOES NOT SHY AWAY FROM IT!!!! HE LOVES WHAT HE LOVES! #AND /THAT/ IS WILL BYERS' STRENGTH!!! STOP DENYING ITTTTTTT PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD #JUST BECAUSE A BITCH BE CRYING DON'T MEAN HE HATES HIMSELF BRO SHUT UPPPPPPPP #IT'S NOT SERIOUS BUT IT IS SERIOUS /TO ME/ #FBJHFBKJFBKJDB I JUST . GOD. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! #gatekeeping will byers until ppl learn how 2 act right. srry not srry #he's literally so brave and ppl want to reduce that. WHY!!!!!!!! THAT'S WHAT MAKES HIM SO INTERESTING!!!! #HE WILL NOT FOLD! HE WILL NOT BE ANYONE BUT HIMSELF EVEN WHEN IT'S HARD IT'S LITERALLY SO FASCINATING N BRAVE #WHY ARE SOME PPL SO DESPERATE TO ERASE THT. BITING KICKING THRASHING TEARING THINGS UP W MY TEETH #mine

[writeouswriter]

*banging fists on table* more mentally ill characters in stories that aren't just about them being mentally ill! More mentally ill characters in sci-fi, in fantasy, in romance and fun and high stakes situations and everything in between, as the heroes, as complex individuals, multifaceted and treated with respect, not having their needs and differences ignored or skirted around but, again, not having them be their only trait or plot point/entire premise! Please, I'm begging, on my hands and knees, there's a place for these topics and characters in realistic, reflective and literary fiction, yeah, but there's also a place in those magical, mystical, action packed, mysterious and alien worlds, give them to ME

#books #mental illness #mentally ill characters #writing #writeblr #not so much a problem with writers here but in books and such in general it's an impossible search #because you try and look up books with mentally ill protags and it's giving you either 1. the worst horror rep you've seen in your life #2. secondhand inspiration or pity p*rn #3. just irl biographical or realistic literary fiction which is not what i'm looking for at the present #4. either complete hollow cardboard tokenism or just barely true hc or etc. #&god forbid you try to find a character with psych*sis w/o it giving you killers or big plot twists where it was in their head all along 😑 #like i just i want a funky scientist studying aliens who happens to be b*polar #i want a fantasy adventurer or ghost hunter or etc who happens to be sch*zospec is that so much to ask 😔 #bizarrely hard to find male protags in this category as well? if you do have recs for scientists in fiction like this hmu 👀 #anyway and yeah yeah yeah write what you want to read I'M TRYING #i have all these guys i have this funky scientist but i have the illnesses™️ as well such is the world #so i want something to read or see like... now

[doodleodds]

Happy Valentines, Akira. Happy Valentines, Asshole.

If you can’t read what Akechi’s secondary inner-dialogue says cause I obscured it too much behind his regular dialogue, here’s a transcription in panel order: Hello, you fucking- Ah- Hello, Akira! Fuck off, why should I tell you- Just a soda- there’s a new flavor.

I don’t want your shitty gift. Oh- haha! You’re so sweet.

I hope I choke. They’re lovely, thank you.

Like hell. Likewise. There’s no way it’s just a coincidence. Still though, it’s a funny coincidence.

#p5 #akeshu #akechi goro #kurusu akira #wow- me?? posting a valentines comic... actually on?? valentines????? wack. absolutely wack #it's a short one! I purposefully tried to keep it short. it was a challenge and it still ended up being 3 pages. but i blame my canvas size #also in case u can't see what akira is holding out to akechi: theyre chocolate covered strawberries on sticks! #i saw them irl and was like oh god i want those. i am going to project that feeling on my favorite characters so help me god #and now! here we are! but my shitty-ass coloring & line quality make it hard to discern them so. sorry about that lmaooooo #ANYWAY i don't do enough post-maruki stuff so. i made this one a little bittersweet. :) #why did i put akechi's scarf in a bow? honestly i dont know! i think i saw some art a while ago that did that too and i thought it was cute #well. plus i guess there's the symbolism of 'akechi being alive and reciprocating your feelings (however involuntarily) IS a gift' part #hence that hes wrapped up in a bow. like a present. :) #also god. the first panel is supposed to be akechi's reflection in a vending machine window. I could NOT get it to look right #so for reference!!! just so you guys understand!!!!!! thats what that panel is supposed to be!!! he is NOT in fact a ghost. (sigh) #hope you enjoyed and had a lovely valentines!! for my part i have eaten nothing but sweets today and hoo boy will that have been a mistake #ALSO in terms of the audience-participation comic...hopefully coming soon. if i can ever gain the will to draw it. #but at least tumblr has polls now so i can do the audience-choose-y bit without needing to use a separate website! so thats good i guess #anyway anyway anway thanks for listening to me ramble if you made it this far! have a lovely rest of your day and hopefully see u again soon

[angermango]

alternative title: Why Kratos never asked the dwarves to help teach Atreus how to... woo.

#god of war #gow #brok #sindri #gow brok #gow sindri #huldra brothers #>>mango(t)art #brok on a box lmao because the og image the man was too tall #the originals are probably among my favorite images on the internet ever #next to the goth bride pizza women on the subway #i just want to know the story behind those presentations and did anyone get a recording #also having a whirl with alt text on images it took me stupid long to realise that's a thing huh

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #persona 4 #p4g #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #anyone that says yosuke is nothing but mean and awful to Kanji should meet me in the parking lot #we're not going to throw hands im just going to show you my 100 slide powerpoint presentation on their complex dynamic #for me one of the most appealing things about yosuke is how human and realistic he's been written #he is simultaneously capable of immense empathy and care towards his friends while at the same time struggle with his own identity #combined with a difficultly in self expression that results in him making tactless and hurtful remarks at times #thats not to say it makes those remarks ok - far from it! #but i think reducing yosuke to just those remarks makes him a rather empty caricature #which is such a shame especially considering that his entire personal narrative arc has been about confronting himself so he can be better #but anyway yes he cares about his friends he cares about their well being so much #he didnt have any obligation or a responsibility to look out for his juniors but he did so anyway without anyone asking #and it's so!!! because kanji does not look like he needs babying at all. hes taller than both yosuke and yu and he looks way older too #kanji has taken care of biker gangs by himself and is known to be intimidating #not that any of that fazes yosuke? kanji is his friend now hes one of them and therefore yosuke immediately wants to look out for him #god hanamura yosuke you so!!! #AAAAAAAAH #he's good with his queue

[ilynpilled]

jaime through the eyes of other povs

#ik ik reconstruction of b&tb #also appearances #doodoo caca covered in gold #doesnt change the fact that he is an it boy #i still love tho that before asos he is presented to us as someone truly inhuman #like a griffith esque villain/beast #like these descriptions arent even positive they r just grand #like this kind of perfection is so inhuman #until he is brought back down and made into someone so thoroughly human #tbf this illusion also breaks when he falls off his horse and gets his helmet stuck on his head like a loser #half a corpse & half a god iktr #imagine being the worst guy ever and that all these people want to bash ur skull in #but 90% of them still go like #ok but id hit… #jaime lannister #valyrianscrolls

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

ooo i love it (viciously despise) when my brain wants to do five different things at once, it's So funny (i need to bite concrete)

#do i want to write? draw? worldbuild? character build? storybuild? #if i want to write What do i want to work on #original stuff? wh? aus? something else entirely? #if i want to draw what do i want to scribble? #sundown? indulgent stuff? wh? dragon doodles? environment practice #if i want to worldbuild which world do i want to think about #which characters! which plots! I JUST DONT KNOW~ #i feel like my brain has been presented with many cakes and i dont know where to start so i just sit & starve <3 #maybe i should just... watch something and crochet? #I JUST! DON'T! KNOW! #i have two hours before i should get to bed... what to do... what to do... #absolutely unprompted #i have much interest in too many things at once! #maybe i'll respond to some asks... #i have a lot of them... over a hundred... i want to cut that back a little #but a lot are theory based so hmmmm idk if i have the brain for it #god i want to. i Want To.

[bagheerita]

I would like you all to surrender, or I will smite you. ...It's a word, from the Holy Book. It means slay or kill. I will kill you.

Osferth, The Last Kingdom 3.1

#tlk rewatch #the last kingdom #osferth #baby monk #don't you just want to surrender to a face like that #good thing you're the distraction baby monk because i've yet to see you follow through on anything like that threat #though I love the idea that he sees himself as presenting God's warning and that Uhtred and the Coccham squad are the tool he uses to smite

[zeb-z]

missa, after his self resentment and lamenting about how he doesn’t feel worthy or like he should be accepted, after telling himself and the capybaras that he doesn’t have a home, not really - after all is said and done, he returns to phil & missa, leaving his mini mi in the house on the wall. as if he’d consider anywhere other than the house he shared with phil safe enough. seeking out safety and home brought him right back where he started.

something about how despite his internal conflicts and issues about what he thinks he deserves, he’ll still come back. and for all he worries that he is not enough to be loved in return, his name is still on the warp stone.

#he’s got issues out the ass of his self worth and it’s like. yeah shit man you haven’t been reliable but you’re not unloveable #he wants to be better and he tries and he cares the issue is he holds the rest of his family on such a pedestal #this shame and guilt bubbles up and is only made worse when he isn’t rejected or hated like he’s expecting. he’s taken back with open arms #so he follows phil for guidance as to what’s acceptable. without phil there how can he know if it’s ok for him to stay in their home? #as if he didn’t also build their home yknow #but even when all is said and done he returns. even if it makes him feel guilty even if he thinks he doesn’t deserve it #because as much as he doesn’t want to be a bother he wants to be better most of all. wants to be present #I just don’t think he ever expects to be wanted to keep around. like he wants to prove himself and he’s expecting his loved ones to reject #any sort of redemption. meanwhile they don’t see the need for a redemption in the first place #shaking missa you wet cat of a man you dense self sabatoging silly silly man #stop your hero worship. own up and show up. and let your family love you because my god you are so loved #sorry tags got away from me it’s like 5 am and I’m like ahfhhrhfhshfhhs #mcyt #qsmp #q!missa #missasinfonia #z speaks

[furbygone]

LOOK WHO I RECEIVED!!!!!!!! (passes away)

#an early christmas + birthday present from my parents!!!!! #it just arrived from thailand and my parents couldnt wait to give it to me :3 theyre softies #YALL HAVE NO IDEA HOW JAZZED I AM RN I NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD OWN A TROPICAL MANGO #my heart is burstinggg!!!! his name is angelo :) #i do not want to know how much they paid for it 😫 there is a reason its my present for both xmas and bday shsjsj #i am so so lucky and happy!!!!!!! #his orange eyes 😍 also he tentatively works! his battery compartment is kind of falling apart though. has both feet too :) #did not think my mom was gonna cave when i asked for one ajdjdj especially since her comments on my furby 'addiction' but god bless her

[can-of-slorgs]

Finished the Seashells collection a couple of weeks ago, so I drew my girl who did it all possible.

#neopets #neotag #neoart #aisha #god i HATE RESTOCKING SDFG #I have fun memories now that weeks have passed and this drawing is kinda old and forgot to upload it #but my gods was it a nightmare on the last stretch HSHJS #i actually finished the shenkuu one too before i finished this drawing oOOPS; #anyways aishas are fun to draw just found out #unrelated how did the ogrin drawing got 250+ notes like what????? ?? ?? #I wasn't even that proud of it #but to everyone that commented nice things i've read you all and have made 100% of the motivation i've been having lately hahaha #I should draw my neo characters more ofter but;;; hmmm...... I'm still working them outttttt #and i don't want to present cringe on the neotag HASJKDAS #at least not for now LMFAO #vin doods #to whoever is reading my tags by this point i'd love receiving requests in my inbox #I'm always in look for ideas #art trades as well!! #although i know no one here i'm still open for them ahaha #ok too much rambling

[hecksupremechips]

To also go off of the point about cop!akihiko being annoying to me I gotta say that Akihiko as a character is very hit or miss with me because of how different adaptations of p3 will subtly alter his character. I felt like in portable with the femc route he comes off best, he’s a bit of a hothead with an obsession with fighting, but he’s overcompensating his strength so he doesn’t feel as weak and helpless as he’s been in many situations. He defines strength in a very literal sense, being physically strong and using that to protect others, but he’s lacking in emotional strength as a result. And in particular in this version I think he’s portrayed as a bit more goofy and sweet in a sense. He cares deeply for you as a friend and leader but he struggles with finding the words to describe how he feels. Hes kinda naive and gullible and has trouble noticing his surroundings. He has no clue what he’s doing but his heart is in the right place. I think he just comes off much more human and he has flaws, many many flaws, and that makes him all the more lovable

But then in other adaptations and spinoffs it’s like. They look at him through some hetero male bullshit filter and seem to view him as a lot more admirable and cool. Like in p3 dancing, theres literally an event where he’s talking with Junpei and Minato and they’re gushing about how perfect Akihiko is and how he doesn’t seem to have ANY flaws at all. And it becomes clear his inability to flirt with women just gets added as a way to make sure you, the Straight Male Player, don’t get insecure being next to such Perfection because at the end of the day, you’re still more charming and sexy than he will ever be because you’re better. It’s a “flaw” that’s only there to shield a sensitive male ego. And then in arena I mean, come on. He’s overly beefy and is a damn cop and travels the world and loves Protein™️ it’s his whole personality and he’s so clearly meant to be seen as hot but like, he’s just some shitty hetero male fantasy. Hes what the writers deem to be a Perfect Man that every guy wishes he could be, but don’t worry he’s still bad with women so you don’t gotta worry about him stealing your property- I mean, girlfriend!

And though I’ve not played reload and don’t really plan to anytime soon, judging from his social episodes they seem to have a similar problem. Akihiko comes off as a lot less approachable, like the year age gap is just too much of a barrier to get to know him properly. And he doesn’t have that dorky sweetness he has in portable, he’s just that perfect hetero male fantasy guy and don’t you fucking worry- he still has his protein powder with him

#persona #persona 3 #akihiko sanada #does this make sense like i feel like im going crazy cuz okay #akihiko isnt in my top 3 characters (shinji ken and fuuka lol) but hes teetering on the edge hes number 4! #i really loved him in portable i worked my ass off to get his social link i had him on my team the entire game #i found him really cute and endearing and hilarious but then like i played dancing #and er well i never got all his events cuz im bad at that game but i noticed that subtle difference #and then watching reload clips i felt it again i was like good god i hate this guy i wanna beat him up #which is so weird since hes one of my favorite characters so like what the hell is that #but i really think it is just this filter hes being presented with like when hes supposed to be a love interest #hes allowed to be more flawed and adorably pathetic and sensitive #like hes the one who wants to do the protecting but you end up protecting him you know? #so yeah this is what i mean when i say that if any straight person looks at akihiko sanada i will melt them with lasers #my mitsuru rant is a lot longer but its very similar just that ughh disgusting filter shes presented through I HATE IT I HATE IT SO MUCH #i think having kotone as the protagonist fixes most problems so i consider that the solution lol but i think Aki not getting a real social #link is a major disservice and creates that super annoying upperclassman divide that makes him unapproachable and idolized

[thegodsmadeyoutoruinme]

always a pleasure to see you sauntering over

#i wanted to gatekeep these but i just couldn’t #he looks so fucking good #i can take him #and not in a fight #god bless larian studios and the team that was behind making this man in a lab specifically for me #today is my birthday and getting to see him like this was the best present LMFAO #astarion #bg3 #my screenshots

[katierosefun]

modern family is all fun and games until you get to the scenes where you burst into tears because the once-vaguely homophobic dad now refers to his son's husband as family, and also the academically gifted daughter realizes that her dorky, clumsy dad was always really proud of her and just never surprised because he just assumed she could do anything, and also the eldest daughter who eloped comes crawling back to her parents' room and whispers that she still wants her parents to be present for her wedding, and also the anxious queer lawyer character admits that he was terrified that his husband would just leave him alone with their baby daughter, and also that the once-vaguely grouchy dad looks at his stepson and tells him that what makes a family is who sticks around, not who you're blood-related to and anyways what was i saying

#caroline talks #modern family #god. . .. the way i really do love this sitcom. like have all the jokes aged well? ehhh not really #there are some jokes that land pretty badly now but i still do love this show so much and i'm so sad i'm on the final season #it's like. oh yeah. family is complicated! it's rough! #but everyone can change and grow. people can become better. it won't be perfect and it'll suck sometimes #but everyone is trying their goddamn best. #i will say though i burst into tears at hayley coming to claire and phil and going '. . . i was going to elope but i realized #that i really wanted you guys there :(' #and god also how i love gloria and jay and claire and phil and mitch and cam's relationships #and like i love the kids but the adult relationships make me cry the hardest #because it's like. when claire explodes on phil bc 'YOU NEVER TAKE MY ADVICE YOU'RE ALWAYS FOLLOWING SOMEONE ELSE'S!!!' #and phil goes up to claire and presents her with this photo album and goes '. . . honey i'm ALWAYS following your advice.' #and when i think about mitch freaking out bc he thinks he might have had another kid and he thinks cam might ditch him for it #and cam is just like '. . .. mitchell i love you.' and is just like. we'll deal with this together. #and it's just like!!! ough!!! ough!!!

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

many years ago someone complimented me on how sincerely i wished my ex well after a break up and i did mean it at the time but im truly not that bitch anymore i hope his nose is stuffy the rest of his life tbqph

#op #this is a diary post ill be real #theres a little heart shaped lock on it and everything #when i hear songs about fatherhood i no longer grieve the relationship i never got to have with my father #i only grow deeply enraged with my ex that he forced that same pain on my child when he literally could have bounced AT ANY TIME #but no he waited until immediately afterwards LMFAO #king of shit timing #call me a bitter baby momma all you want #i am #and ill stay bitter until my child is old enough to work through it themself in therapy #which he will be paying for #men will see women with trauma and promise before god that he will break the cycle then be like ''ctrl+c ctrl+v'' #EDIT I do want to be clear tho he’s no deadbeat whatsoever #he pays and he’s present (12/30 days but it’s not zero at least) #he’s just also… free. he doesn’t have to deal with being a parent #he gets the sometimes and I have the always #and it burns when he promised me we would both have the always #that we would be a team #we’re not a team #I’m sponsored #and it kills me #and if there were a deity who listened I would pray to them that it does not kill my baby #not the way it killed me a thousand different ways when I realized my father was never interested in being one #not when it was hard #not when it was inconvenient #not when it was always