#but everything feels kinda wrong rn

[cathalbravecog]

veep dad comfort art

#veep dad :] #i have Not been well mentally tbh the second im with friends i DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE anyways ill be VENTING A TINY BIT HERE #i need excitement in my life but im like #has no social life #oopsies...! #so i thought yknow what would make me happy rn. My Veep Dad #yea thats it #also ive been struggling with motivations to play ttcc and draw so.... #apologies for being in the game less. especially as im in the post game with almost everything done #im usually kinda really goal oriented in games and yeah having no tasks or close friends to play with #im just kinda THERE and getting that initial push to do stuff is very hard #my motivation has just been at an all time zero (again) and it upsets me bc i do wanna do stuff...not bc ohh productivity but bc #i just wanna HAVE FUNNNN #anyways erm.... thanks for listening to my little rant here again. i dont know where else to express this sort of stuff. feels wrong to dum #it on strangers who i know are there for my art but. whatever. yknow #just wish i was more motivated in general but my life is Just Kinda Sad and im an Antisocial Anxious Wreck Dear Cog #senior vice president #sr vp #veep dad #personal tag if i dont wanna main tag.... #doodles #traditional art #guz art #toontown

[snickerdoodlles]

there's a lot of things people blame for why fandoms feel like ghost towns these days, but no one's really talked about the way discord's contributing to it

#its like #people are trying to force fit discord's chatrooms into forum boards #except discord is just. really really *really* poorly setup for that #and theres no way to archive or share it so everything said in it is easily lost despite personal export or community pins or search option #and like #vaguely hearing about the way some people are unsatisfied with them/feeling unfufilled in the response to them #a lot of people would be better off posting those things to places like tumblr #where there isnt a time limit on when people see or respond to them #part of what's scary/frustrating on tumblr rn is some fandoms arent good about reblogging to posts or tag rambling #like with bad buddy a large part of the fun was the enthusiastic and in depth tag rambles and the way responses built on each other #vs something like kinnporsche which feels much more like-oriented #like? its not like theres any one way to fandom #and there's nothing actually wrong with likes or quiet reblogs #but vaguely hearing about the way some people were/are really upset with some servers im just kinda like #idk #feels a bit like people trying to force a square thru a circle or that they're looking in the wrong spaces for what they want #.......this is not a complaint for my space ajkds i think i've carved out a pretty happy space for myself! #im just checking the reblog graphs of some old vs new stuff and thinking about a convo other cookie and i were having over the weekend #i have a lot of friends around and i love everyone who's happy to ramble with me #but i do feel a slight case of DM burnout rn where mostly people reach out to me via DMs instead of reblogs #which is a very different dynamic #its like. hmmm words #i love DMs but the pressure of responding to a lot of individual messages #vs something like reblogs which is more open forum for everyone and feels more communal #if that makes sense? #the difference between visiting one person at home vs casually hanging out with a group at a cafe #and the lovely thing about tumblr specifically is that i can set down a reblog chain for several days if i need #before returning to it later when i have more time/energy #its got Longevity that discord lacks u know #........okay enough tag musings from me ajkfhjdgfhj BYE

[chasing-chimeras]

.

#simultaneously while me and my bf are watching through season 2 - almost to 3 - i'm rewatching 6 on my own #and just got to the part where the spider crawls into theo's skin and like that whole sequence just fucks me up so much #like my boy is homeless #fresh off the victory against the wildhunt but no one's kept in contact with him despite him risking his life multiple times for them #harassed by the sheriff's dept #thinks 'oh this little guy's kinda cute' and then is betrayed by a demon spider #does a quick little surgery before seeing it vanish into smoke and at that point he's got no one to turn to but he's sitting there #struggling with whether or not to call scott #(ignoring the parked on the train tracks part bc i can't handle that rn) #like imagine what's going through this man's head he must be losing his mind and feeling completely alone #and then the hunters literally open fire on him while his hands are up LIKE #he learned so many lessons and became so good and it still didn't matter #he was still alone and getting hit with the shit end of everything even while just minding his own business #i....................i'm just........... #like i'm right right????? #😪😪 #theo raeken never did anything wrong (lie) and he deserved better (true) #theo raeken #🤡

[arcaneyouth]

not having my adhd meds really is so fucking painful why is it so hard to do literally anything

#I CAN'T! FOCUS!!!!! #vent post #negative #not that serious tho i'm just wailing #i've been on a streak of being really productive and getting a lot of shit done and now 3 hours have passed since i got out of bed and #i don't even remember most of it #god i hope my adhd meds come in soon #i technically have some spare of the wrong dosage but i kinda hate taking those ones #everything feels wrong and bad rn tho the brain fog is fucking getting me #i normally only miss 1 day of my meds at a time this is day 2 and my brain fucking explode #all because my psychiatrist is so hard to get a hold of so my pharmacy didn't approve a 90 day dose....

[priestfrommidnightmass]

i love trying to make plans with or even just talking with my friends and feeling like the biggest freak ever. it’s so fun when all of your relationships start to feel like this

#i don’t know what it is rn. but everything feels like this #i just wanna talk to people but 1) nobody wants to talk to me back and 2) every time i do i feel like im doing everything so so wrong #the loneliness is actually kinda killing me. but it’s whatever it’s cool

[soldier-poet-king]

u know when everything is just horrible bad annoying terrible and you’re so angry and annoyed and near screaming or crying at every little thing for absolutely NO damn reason and you know youre being unfair but you cant stop and everything is just one long drawn out shriek???? yeah

#franposting #IDK WHAT IS WRONG!!!!!!!!!! I JUST KNOW EVERYTHING FEELS BAD #there was no triggering event #but i got unreasonably annoyed and crabby with my mother. more than the usual amount #read a bad opinion about qt that made me more irritated than usual #kinda want to destroy stuff for no reason but im not physically 100% so im skipping the gym today #it's just. #this is going to sound horrible and cw for alcohol bad behaviours #but it's 3.30pm and i need a goddamn drink #i WILL WAIT UNTIL AFTER DINNER #but also like. idk what else will mellow me out rn #somehow hyped up full of anxious energy and also more tired than ive ever been in my whole life #i need mindless distraction but i cannot even sit still

[chelleisamazing]

I decided to read RW&RB after watching the movie and loving it so much, because I just knew the book would be better and honestly, when I finished it I was in shambless.

#As a hopeless romantic- I love this stuff but also it destroys me #i know it's fiction but.. sigh.. knowing I will never get to experience a love like that breaks me #and lately- after some stuff that's happened this year- I've had this feeling in the pit of my stomach #makes me sick to think about the whole love/finding a partner in this life aspect of things #because nobody wants to love anymore #and I've realized I want to and im willing to put my all into the right person #but nobody wants to be right nowadays #it's all so superficial #whew! i know this is deep. honestly Im kinda depressed and idk what to do with myself lol #dont get me wrong though I did LOVE the book ♡ #I was full on sobbing in several parts towards the end of it #dont know if it was for the characters or for my deep rooted desire for something like that... #im so tired and the day hasnt even started #but ive been tired of everything for months tbh... #maybe im being overly melancholic but that's just how I feel rn #might still be re-reading the book either way #yeah it broke me but it was also really fun to read #specially the emails- fuck ♡ #stuff #firstprince

[narrativedoomed]

I'll be honest w y'all i do not intend on catching up w yj any time soon

#i think the finale aired? i saw a tweet ab the finale #but i just. do not care i must admit #i was so excited ab this season this show was a comfort show but the aspects of the fandom ive seen lately just. not good don't vibe #i think a Lot of the s1 and waiting experience for me was fandom based so this show is very fandom oriented for me #and knowing that everyone ive seen talk ab the show on twitter is violently hating the main character that draws me to the show is. mhm #like dont get me wrong i like the girls too!! theyre all mostly pretty likable for me its just. #im at a. specific point in my transition rn where im more drawn to male characters just bc of like. where im at idk #i dont feel like i have to explain it tbh but i also do bc i have seen fans of this show get attacked for far less #but going into s2 ben was my #my main interest i guess the main focus for me and maybe that's stupid but its what it is #and so everything just being the entire fandom hating him is just. not making me wanna watch at all #like im not gonna speak on if they're justified in hating him or not bc i have no idea i havent seen it and its truly not the point #like theyre valid for hating him and im not tryna talk shit on them for it it just kinda has been so loud that im not having fun anymore #idk. idk where this is going or what the solution is like i love this show but genuinely #can not bring myself to watch bc i will not enjoy the moments my favorite character is on screen bc i will Know people r loudly anti him #so im just kinda staying away i guess #idk. i kinda want them to. kill him off so i dont have to deal w it anymore #but i also know that when they kill him off people will be loudly celebrating and maybe thats worse #idk. i think the only way for me to win here is to change how i feel ab ben and not care ab him and join the hate train but i don't want to

[imwritesometimes]

really tiring of the vicious cycle of 'ok revisit source material to poke brain' -> 'ok scroll through own tag to poke brain harder' -> 'berate and belittle brain out of frustration cause poking isn't producing anything' -> 'frustration gets worse doubts get really loud stop poking brain as depresh sets in' -> 'boredom' -> 'maybe if I had an idea for a fic I wouldn't be so bored I should poke my brain into activity!' repeat ad nauseam

#in the last few weeks I have: #abandoned a wip that had over 16k words and talked myself out of writing 2 others #this is all WHILE I'm rewatching source material. while I'm in my own tags. while I'm revisiting my own fics from before. #idk what is wrong with my brain but baby she does not fckn work anymore! #I'm *still* thinking abt the din.cobb idea I got and I go from 'oh kinda cute premise maybe there could be something there' #to 'this is fuckin stupid and also it sounds like too much work to write I just won't do it' #idk why but *everything* feels like too much work to write rn #even just like... a scene. it's like ughhh but that's so much work. #so much easier to have the fleeting thought and then never think of it again and just play a game on my phone instead #and what's fucked up in one case is that I'm *still rewatching the source material* #and STILL I cannot make myself do anything past lol that would be funny dialogue write it down in phone notes #where it sits. and becomes nothing. for all eternity. love it. #erin explains it all

[thesixthh0ekage]

finally caught up with AOT as of last night... i really can’t believe eren asked that woman “what am i to you?” and just LEFT the next night like i kinda want his head on a platter omg.

#zee watches aot #i'm kinda blown away by finding out that he actually DID tell floch everything from the beginning like... bye #but even more shocking was historia knowing #i really wanna find out if the man she said is the baby daddy really is or if she's lying because??? #i still feel like it's crazy that she got pregnant #especially if it was just for the sake of eren's plan #and him throwing that worst girl in the world shit back in here face like WOW #she should have just eaten you back then none of this would be happening! #the gang being forced to kill their former friends and ppl they grew up with because of this too like??? #eren you're still my little meow meow (derogatory) but i HATE you rn #literally has backed everyone into a corner where their only choices are kill him (and by extension their friends who have become jagerists) #or die trying #OR let him destroy the world #fucks wrong w him why is this HAPPENING?! #i wanna go back to season 1-3 when i was a sweet summer child and didn't know eren was actually capable of something like this 😭 #can't believe season 4 has made me a zeke apologist too like his plan was HORRIFIC and i'm so glad it didn't work out #but damn that man had been through the RINGER #grisha and marley did a number on him #i was glad to see #it was really fun to see annie and reiner fight out our side for once too #i also feel incredibly bad for them and it breaks my heart that bertholdt had to die #everything just SUCKS

[brilliant-soul]

.

#personal #got into it w the boytoy #so i guess we cant talk anymore #which feels so final #all bc he hates the way i communicate more than anyone else ive ever met in ny life #i thought i was doing pretty good #so its kinda a shock #just came at a really bad time #everything is fracturing #i didnt need this rn #ive tried so hard to explain myself and communicate and be honest and it all just came to bite me in the ass #like yes i know having rsd doesnt absolve me of being shitty sometimes #but in the context of our convo it should shed some light that I CANT HELP IT #and then for him to throw in my face i get all up in my head abt crazy things was unnecessarily rude #like i told him bc i couldnt convince myself i was wrong abt it anymore #just. the complete lack of understanding. shit hurts!!!! #yeah im not gonna win best communicator awards or anything but fuck if i wasnt trying #and then to say he experiences it and knows other people who do. at what point do you admit maybe im worse off than you and anyone you know #god forbid i be mentally ill with a man #either way i sent him another msg this morning bc im dumb and also i dont make life decisions past 10pm #just saying he was holding me accountable for the others w rsd that have hurt him #and how it wasnt fair #and how he changed the way he wanted me to talk when we were arguing #i hate it when all someone sees is what youre not doing as opposed to what you are doing #like asking everytime i thought he was upset w me was MONUMENTAL for me #and all i got was shit on #about a boy

[twsted-princess]

#Kinda feeling like a huge disappointment rn #I spent all day trying to make a cake for a special event and everything is going wrong #I screwed up and I hate myself and I hate that I feel this way #Sooooooooo yeah gonna go quiet for a while #to be deleted later

[stupid-shithead]

im kinda sad and anxious but not only bc of him but more broadly

#finishing uni #not feeling like i have any actual skills #living situation #job situation #me in any kind of relationships with ppl #ive never had many friends but now im really isolated #at least there's alex #but im scared that ill always be alone and im not capable of deeper closer connections to anyone and to the world really #i was on a hike today and all the nature seemed so far away from me like i could touch it #everything feels so unreal #and i feel useless and unimportant and mediocre #and i dont think theres anything wrong with being mediocre id like being mediocre if it wasnt considered as sth bad by others #i kinda wanna be a nobody but maybe not in everyone's eyes? does this make sense? #im looking at 3 screens at the same time rn and i still cant keep my thoughts silent #i also feel so childish bc i dont really know how to deal with my feelings and not act irrational and like im gonna regret it 5 seconds #later #im scared that im not really experiencing living in any way im soooooo not involved in anything #i cant connect to anything #im just rumbling now

[edgybutnotveryedgy]

...

#i need to take a bath/shower really bad but im not emotionally well #like im not suicidal but when i was i wanted to drown myself (fortunately i was too cowardly to go through with it) #and im kinda scared i might impulsively try to do that #everything feels like its going wrong #like i kniw it will get better #usually misfortune preceeds fortune for me so yea #but i just have this sinking feeling that mire awful things are going to hapoe #fuck im scared to go to bed because im worried real life events will seep into my dreams #i also dont want to stay awake because i dont want to think about things #this is tge lowest ive been in years #i just dont know what to do #im trying to distract myself but that isnt wirking anymore #rambles #ignore pls #i genuinely want to die rn

[thingswhatareawesome]

¨

#sorry i'm feeling mentally shitty tonight #think it's hormone fuckery combining with a medication i'm on #and that feeling of being a failure at making friends with someone #and someone on masto jumped on a convo ppl were having about something that was a huge love of mine when i was younger and shat on it #and if that isn't the story of my life that things i really liked/like just get smacked down or sneered at or considered freakish #which yay really kills the enthusiasm for everything #and i'm still missing the sr fandom content on twitter bc there's still so much less here and outright next to nothing about caelus #ie my favorite so i miss those 'daily character' twitters like damn the only 'daily caelus' thing here is on hiatus #bc they're not bothering if there's not new content LIKE WHY NOT FANART THEN oh right bc there's no caelus fanart out there #i love the characters of sr don't get me wrong but i hate they all overshadow the mc #oh except stelle like stelle players love her but caelus players ??? idk what love other characters more i guess #i kinda wish we'd get to the storyline where caelus/mc mattered again bc it's starting to feel like it's been a damned long time #don't get me wrong i love dh and dhil but remember the end of jIV? when we the player were FUCKING AWESOME? #haven't felt like the game's remembered that in awhile #also i'm bitter the weather is shit we're 4 days from october and looking at 6 days in the 80s but also this weekend? two days AT 90 #what the everliving fuck other than yeah the world is burning and frying and we're stuck in august and i'm GETTING NO FUCKING FALL #all i look forward to all fucking year is autumn and nope all we're getting is summer nothing but summer #if i have to live in summer forever frankly i'd rather be dead thanks. #just fucking tired of it all rn

[autism-corner]

i wanna talk about the dinner i just had it fucking rocked.

#alright starting with banana milkshake. best fucking flavor. so good. #it came with a huge straw diameter wise. could fit at least 4 straws in that bitch. ofc made sense since its a milkshake and all so =w=b #then. the main stuff. #i think this is a really country-where-i-live thing but you have to believe me. #buttload of fries. bunch of chicken or shawarma. lotta lettuce&tomatoes&cucumber&onions on top. everything mixed together. some sauce. SLAP #its really fucking good im so full rn #it probs sounds a bit gross bc of the salad+fries but i promise its good. sauces help. plus if you eat it quick neither will get soggy! #i really dont know if this is a thing anywhere else so =w= #i did look up the wiki and it does originate from us but the guy who made it a thing apparently died a month ago RIP. #anyway its really good and me leaving a paragraph about it should be proof of that. #i mean. its not like. healthy or something. at all. but its still tastes good. so who cares. #sillyposting #feels kinda wrong to eat fastfood on monday since in my mind fries etc. are a weekend thing but. i deserve a treat i think. #i had maccas planned but then i didnt have to go to a appointment so it was no longer on my way. and i will not leave the house only for Mc #=w=bb #yay