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stagefoureddiediaz · 1 year

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Costume Meta 6x15

At first I thought this was going to be an ok length meta this week, having already written two mini metas based on bts pictures and then we didn’t get the download for a million hours and then just to add to the fun - Tumblr decided that I wasn’t allowed to type into a post wehre i’d added photos and then loading photos into a post wasn’t an option so this is the 4th version of this post I’ve had to create but I got there in the end, so I’m sorry its so much later that i would’ve like it to be - I just hope my insane ramblings are worth the wait!

There weren’t actually that many costumes this week but the guest cast had very interesting costumes and there are a million things going on with Buck, Eddie and Christopher so this week’s meta is very heavily skewed towards them!

No Hen this week as she’s only seen in uniform - there was also very little Bobby - just the one costume!

Bobby

Bobby in navy blue actually doesn’t mean much this week - the choice of colour for his shirt is purely there to continue to parallel Bathena and Buddie from the last couple of episodes with the Burgundy and blue we’ve seen. Thank you as always for reading - it really does mean the world to me that you're interested in the costuming of our wee woo show and I love reading your thoughts in the tags and notes!!! I’ll shut up now and let you have your lives back.

Athena

Burgundy ribbed top - stylistically it is in keeping with the other tops we’ve seen her wearing this season. Burgundy isn’t a colour we see on her very often (the last time was in 5x10 at the christmas party and there are only two previous costumes before that), so there was definitely intention to keep the burgundy and blue theme running into this weeks episode. The ribbing is disjointed on this top over the left shoulder, it hints at the idea of Athena not being comfortable with Dominic dying in the back of her police car - its that feeling of something lurking over your shoulder.

The other interesting thing it’s the return of the anchor necklace. We haven’t seen Athena in this necklace since 5x07. This necklace was very heavily connected to family and the idea of family anchoring her and giving her stability while she was in uncertain waters. It was a play on the idea that even when things were turbulent (Michael coming out, the divorce, Jeffery Hudson etc) her family was and is her anchor. The interesting thing about its reappearance here is that we don’t see her with any family aside from Bobby - for a necklace that has been so heavily tied to her extended family their absence in its presence is telling. It could mean some foreshadowing of choppy waters ahead (perhaps to do with Bobby in the finale) alongside her disquiet over this incident.

The leather leather jacket is the same one as we saw her wearing in 6x12 and I spoke in the 6x12 meta how it was very similar to the one we see Athena wear when investigating Eddies shooting and how it, along with Tamara wearing an echo of Bucks outfit in that episode. We have a similar parallel happening in this episode with Christopher’s jumper at Shannon’s grave. To have it reappearing for this scene specifically is telling me to link the scenes - ergo link to the shooting.

For me that link surrounds the idea of mistaken or hidden identities because all three investigations include an element of this theme. The shooting - Ethan covers his tracks so that the police go for his ex partner and we see Athena hiding her identity by dressing as a firefighter to go to Bobbys rescue. In 6x12 Athena and May go undercover (with hidden identities) to try and find out what happened to Wendell, Wendell himself hides his identity to try and help Tamara and the Walshes tried to hide his identity when they set his body on fire. And now we have a case where Dominic tries to escape conviction through a body switch and hiding his identity. I haven’t quite pieced together what exactly this is saying about Bobby and Athena’s overall arc, but there is clearly something at play here.

Chimney

Chim is paralleling Bobby in the dark blue this episode. The Navy shirt help establish the red/blue theme for Madney in the same way Bobby’s polo does for Bathena. It is designed to do the same thing it does for Bobby - shift focus away from him and onto the one in the brighter colour. It is telling us that Maddie is the one we should be focusing on in the scene rather than Chimney and I’ll explain a bit more of that when we get to Maddies section.

The check shirt Chim wears to the IRS appointment clearly fits into check theory very nicely - not only in terms of the appointment itself, but it is part of a bigger piece of foreshadowing for Chimney more generally which appears to be connected to his family because we have seen him in a lot of check pattern this season and it feels like they’re building the tension with it - it is clearly leading to whatever happens to hi in the finale.

This shirt is the same one he wears when he finds Maddie giving Jee-Yun a bath after they all return home from Boston. and because of this it feels like there is something specific connected to this shirt around the idea of finding happiness in the place you’re in - not needing more in the moment than what you have - not pushing for more.

But there is also something connected to the idea of communication - that happiness is found when you communicate with your partner - the moment with Jee in the bath could only happen because Chimney and Maddie communicated which enabled her to return home and start rebuilding her family. The moment at the IRS was a clear indication of Madney not talking in advance, but ultimately coming out of the meeting in a better place - having communicated and reached a mutually happy decision. To me at least this speaks a lot about the marriage arc they are setting up for Madney - that we’re seeing them fail to communicate again, but they will eventually communicate and end up in the right place for them and will find happiness as a result.

Maddie

Maddie’s bright red top pulls our attention - it is far far brighter than Chimneys navy blue shirt and that is intentional - it is mean to make us think of a red flag and highlight to us that Maddie is where our focus should be for this episode. It is signposting us to the fact that in their relationship Maddie is the one who will ahve had dealing s with the IRS before when it comes to being in a relationship - Chimney won’t have had to do it as we’ve never seen him in this type of relationship. Maddie however would’ve had to file jointly when Married to Doug, so her having hangups about the fact the IRS have got in touch probably goes deeper than it just being the IRS getting in touch. It all connects into the theme of their arc for the episode.

It is also important to note the difference in shades of red and blue that Madney are wearing - especially in relation to Bathena. Bathena’s are much closer together in terms of brightness and contrast. Athenas is slightly brighter becasue she is the focus, but it is closer to Bobby than Maddie and Chimneys are. This is a deliberate choice - it highlights the fact that Bathena are essentially on the same page - they are at the same level and in sync. Madney however are not in sync, they are in different places and we see that play out as the episode airs and we see Chimney searching for a ring at the end of the episode - back in his navy blue tee - we should note however that while he is doing that, Maddie is in her uniform - the maroon of her shirt bringing her closer into line with Chimney, but her uniform still provides a barrier - a safety net for her - in much the same way I described her scene with Buck in 6x12 when she is loading up his fridge.

Ok the check blazer is all kinds of fascinating to me. the three different types of tweed check, the denim jacket placket making it look like a jacket over a denim jacket, the fact that Maddie is wearing a jacket - in complete opposition to Chimney who is in just a shirt.

There is something about Maddie wearing yet another jacket that is multi layered. This one looks like a blazer with a denim jacket underneath. This has been a recurring theme for her the season where we’ve seen her wearing blazers with false insert hoodies. We only really see her in these outside of her home environment, and there is something in that which suggests Maddie is feeling insecure in someway whilst outside the comfort of her home.

The false fronts suggest that Maddy is putting up some sort of front as a way of protection outside of the home, that she is hiding here self from the outside world in some way - projecting something false. The general idea of layering is also about protection too so it’s a multilayered (forgive the pun) theme I haven’t figured out exactly what this means yet, but I think the fact that the season is culminating in an engagement arc for Madney suggests to me that her insecurities lie, perhaps, in how she feels the world views her as an unmarried mother and her trauma surrounding that - the wider arc of her PPD is still in play here because her own trauma extends beyond the PPD itself. Maddie is still battling demons in relation to Daniel as well as the demons we know she struggles with in relation to her previous marriage and the trauma she suffered at the hands of Doug

There is something about the idea of her going out into the world fully suited up to defend the fact she isn’t married to Chim, to defend the choices she has made to protect herself and to allow her to continue to heal and her fears that society will judge her for those choices -something that the IRS has (in her mind) proven to be correct.

So you know how we’ve talked about the blue green theming being connected to break ups - Eddie and Ana, Buck and Taylor, well I don’t want to alarm anyone but we saw Madney in the same blue and green colour way!!

I actually don’t think this is going to be about a break up - I think its more connected to a couple of other times we’ve seen these especially dark yet bright shades of green and blue - the scene in 5x09 (with the pink washing up gloves) as well as the scene when Buck tells Taylor about kissing Lucy - and those two scenes connect to the keeping of secrets and the revealing of secrets, the trying to keep things hidden but them ultimately coming out anyway. It is one of the themes of the episode - keeping secrets, and misunderstanding things and struggling with the reality of moving on and forward. We also saw a similar theme at play when Maddie wore that shirt in the 6x13 - her ‘neighbour’ was hiding their identity. So fear not all the Madney shippers, we’re all good - they just need to communicate and sort through a few things - for Maddie it is very much her hang ups about getting married again - she needs to move on from this last piece of Doug’s hold over her and her life and those shirts are helping with that.

Dominic

Dominic was wearing a very similar jacket to Eddies jacket from 5x10 and 6x08. it is not the same jacket, but it is close enough to draw the parallel.

Ok this is a bit hard to explain, but go with me. At first I thought the wardrobe department were just reusing a costume, however some dots have connected and I think there is a larger metaphor at play here. We have to remember that Athena is wearing a jacket that closely resembles the one she wore to investigate the shooting and that the theme of mistaken identities is at play in both storylines as well.

In 5x10 Eddie is talking to Carla about Christophers obsession over having a perfect Christmas then Chris wakes up from a nightmare about his mother.

The second time we see the jacket, in 6x08, it is as Eddie watches Chris make his way into his school dance and talks about being different and fantasy becoming reality.

It’s therefore an interesting choice to have a very similar jacket on a guest character who is trying to hide, to hide his identity and hide the money he embezzled from an organisation with dream in its name all of this is telling me to connect his plot to Eddies.

So if we look at Dominics storyline things make further sense in relation to what happens in this episode for Eddie. We have to place Eddie as Dominic, Natalia as the second body (whose name we eventually find out is Seth Davis, but not much more) and Buck as the coroner.

We get told a couple of useful things by the coroner (side note what is it with coroners in US tv programes contaminating their morgues by eating their lunch in them?!!!!)

‘looking at a body doesn’t tell us much. Our answers are usually found under the skin.’

It is a pointed line and is the one that helps us to place Buck in the role of coroner - when he is at Maries grave with Eddie he talks about playing a role for everyone else, but he also talks about Natalia seeing him better than he sees himself. Buck hasn’t actually looked deeply at himself (because Buck is scared to - he is so very traumatised) but the coroners job is to look more deeply at others - to look below the surface of the skin and see what has happened, what is going on.

Obviously in this case there are answers that can be found on the surface here - that it is the wrong person - the wrong body. The right body was there initially then it got swapped when no one was looking. So the body is labelled as the Dominic and the coroner has no reason to question the information they have (ergo Buck has no reason to question things about Natalia)it is only by twist of fate that the swap is discovered - you don’t have to look beyond the surface for the answers. Second time around it is definitely the right body because it is Dominic (who interestingly enough dies of a heart attack after taking too much of a medication designed to lower blood pressure - heart metaphor anyone?!) and the answers will only be found below the surface. Autopsies will be carried out on both bodies and in both cases it is likely that answers will be found - the cause of the Heart attack for Dominic and whatever it was that killed Seth Davis. This suggests to me that we will see Buck (the coroner) find his answers that he’ll see into Eddies heart in some way at some point and also see whatever it is he needs to see below the surface in Natalia as well, but it won’t give him the answers he seeks (if they gave us the outcomes of the two autopsies - which we won’t get but thats fine - I would put money on cause of death being completely unconnected with the heart)

Kelly - the speaker at Marie’s living funeral

I wouldn’t normally include a character like Kelly in my costume meta but there is something interesting happening with chains being increasingly connected to Buck through his girlfirends in some way so Kelly gets a look in. This is going to sound a bit off the wall but I promise it makes sense!!!

To start with I need to point out that there were several references to Charles Dickens in this episode. Kelly was giving a speech about advice she had received from her Aunt and as soon as I saw the blouse she was wearing my brain connected dots to A Christmas Carol. This ties in so perfectly with the Victorian concept of a good death - which ties into Natalia as well. The chains connect to the ghost of Jacob Marley, who comes to warn Scrooge of what awaits him if he continues his current path.

So as I mentioned - Scrooge, a miser who is set in his ways is visited by the ghost of his partner - Jacob Marley. Marley appears in chains - the chains of his fate - basically he created these through his own poor choices and stinginess.

Marley tells Scrooge he can avoid the same fate if he changes his ways while he’s still on earth and that 3 ghosts will visit him. This concept - the idea of being visited in some way by someone dead who was connected to you in real life and them giving you advice connects into Buck through Bobby in Bucks coma dream - we have a Bobby chained to the things he was addicted to in life; the pills and alcohol - but a Bobby who gives Buck a vital piece of advice (which is also heavily connected into his current arc)

‘If what matters to you most is how other people see you, then you haven’t learned a damn thing.’

This sets Bobby up as the Marley character. Scrooge is then visited by the three ghosts in turn who show him his past, things that are happening in the present and the what could be the future if he continues is path. If Buck is Scrooge then his arc is going to involve him ‘being visited by’ three ‘ghost’s to show him the way.

We have some bts (thanks @911bts for all your hard work) that suggests we may be seeing Taylor Kelly make a reappearance (side note choosing to call Maries niece Kelly will be a very nice touch if this plays out!) and she would be the ghost of Christmas past for Buck - showing him in some way aspects of his past that have led him to where he is now.

I haven’t figured out who the ghost of Christmas present is although I wonder if it could perhaps be Lucy?! This would make Natalia the ghost of Christmas yet to come. In the novel the ghost of Christmas yet to come is the ghost that most closely resembles the traditional image of death (but isn’t death) this is the ghost that convinces Scrooge to change his ways and to learn.

Obviously Scrooge does change his ways and we see him become someone who treats everyone with kindness, generosity and compassion, the embodiment of the spirit of Christmas.

But the concept of chains binding you to your past - to who you were and the mistakes you made etc is an interesting one in relation to Buck - the idea that death doesn’t free you from them and that second chances should be taken - but only if you learn the errors of your past mistakes - it all feels like it applies too well to where Buck is at and when we add the additional layer of Eddie and Christopher who fit into the roles of Bob Cratchit (who Scrooge helps and supports after his visitations) and Tiny Tim (a child who is disabled and whom Bob is devoted to). Dickens describes Scrooge as becoming like a second father to Tiny Tim at the end of the novel and we have been watching Buck become a second father to Christopher.

I leave you to decide whether or not I’ve completely lost my marbles!!!

Natalia

The handkerchief does in fact have blue roses on it. I wrote in the mini meta before the episode aired; roses in general terms mean love - red for romantic, yellow for friendship etc. Blue roses mean unattainable love (because they do not occur naturally - only through artificial means) - so that would suggest that both love is unattainable for both Natalia and Buck but also that any feelings etc are not real - they can only be achieved through synthetic or artificial means - suggesting that any attempt at a relationship is going to be forced. Blue roses can also mean (especially the lighter shades of blue) emotions - specifically the finding of hope peace and tranquility. So with all of this in mind we end up with the concept of Buck finding what he’s looking for and that Natalia will help him get there, but that it isn't love, its the peace, tranquility and happiness that he's been seeking for himself.

The black velvet blazer and black matt dress has a Victorian mourning dress vibe. This is playing into her role as a death doula - the Victorians were obsessed with the idea of a ‘good death.’ This idea stemmed from evangelical beliefs around being with family and making peace with God. In the Victorian period death was a very common occurrence and so having a ‘good’ relationship with it and being in close proximity to the dying was actively encouraged. A good death was considered to be a slow death which gave people time to say goodbye and for the dying person to see all of their family and friends through that process.

Once the person had died mourning was commenced and this too had strict rules. clothing was to be matt plain and black - bombazine, velvet and cottons were the most commonly worn fabrics (depending on wealth and status). Matt fabrics were preferred because they didn’t reflect the light - it represented the depth of the soul and the depth of grief.

Dressing Natalia in an outfit which mimics Victorian mourning is playing into that concept - it is a physical representation of her job and more than likely her personality as well - she will very literally be all about death all the time in some way.

I stand by what I said in the mini meta I wrote when we got the sneak peeks, but I want to talk about the necklace choice again in light of the fact that it was, once again, buck being pursued (whilst at work) rather than doing the pursuing. the choice to use this necklace to connect Natalia to Taylor, to Veronica and to Ana is a very clear choice. I’m going to write a meta that focus’s on the necklaces we see the various girlfriends wearing, because there are some interesting things going on with them. But the fact remains that the necklace also contributes to telling us that Natalia is headed the same way as all of the others - that she won’t be his endgame romance. She is a representation of death and this necklace is playing into the idea of death having a claim over Buck - of Buck feeling like death has a claim over him and like I said above this plays into the Christmas Carol undertones we’re getting. It all connects to the fact that with these women, Buck keeps on repeating the same mistakes, he needs to break these chains or he will end up like Jacob Marley in the novel.

There is also something in connecting the chains to the water theme we see playing out in Bucks arc - about water finding its level and the chains representing the anchors that give a boat respite to hold it in place when not in port. If Buck is a boat and his water hasn’t yet found its level, the implication is that his waters are at the very least choppy and at worst - tsunami waves and that he needs to pause for a minute on his journey. Buck seems to make most of his progress when fairly newly out of a relationship with a woman - they seem to stall him - hold him in place but his growth is minimal. We saw in the tsunami, the boat anchored off shore where a couple were trying to get married but in the end only succeeding in their nuptial plans when they were on dry land. All of these chains connecting to Bucks girlfriends suggest they are helping to anchor his boat out at sea, while he is on his journey and needs a moment, but that when his water finds its level he won’t need chains or anchors - he will be in the safety of port.

The red dress is a great colour on her. it is a rusty red/orange and now I’ve been able to get a better look at this dress and I’ve seen the actual scene play out I have a few new thoughts. what I thought might be crosses is actually a looser design which looks remarkably like the graphics 911 uses for the incoming emergency calls to dispatch;

This is Bucks emergency - meeting with Natalia is a cry for help, but when you are the emergency service, you cannot call yourself for help! There is also something in the fact that the other parts of the design on this dress look like keyholes. This is an interesting concept because Buck is looking for a key not a keyhole because he is looking for answers - a way to unlock what is inside him and move on (and through). Natalia is also a keyhole - she is seeking the answers to death - to what comes after and she is interested in Buck for that reason alone - i’m not saying she cannot develop an interest in Buck beyond that but as it stands the show hasn’t shown us her being interested in anything more than the fact that Buck died - she is the one to bring the conversation around to his death, not him.

Flowers

We are pausing here to go off on a little side quest into flower land!!! because the little arrangement on the table at the cafe/restaurant made me giggle!!

we have 2 pink carnations what I think is a deep purple chrysanthemum (although it could be a gerbera) sprays of babys breath purple statice

All of these flowers are very commonly associated with funerals and death. Pink carnations symbolise gratitude while the dark pink one is also variegated with yellow - which means disappointment or disappointed hopes. the purple chrysanthemum means sickness and is often given to those who are struggling with illness and need encouragement in their recovery and in most of Europe they are so deeply associated with death and funerals that it is considered offensive to give them to people outside of offering condolences. the babys breath means new beginnings while the purple statice means sympathy and remembrance (as an aside it also has a medicinal use - in the treatment of respiratory illnesses!!)

So all the signs both subtle and textual are telling us that Natalia isn’t going to be around for especially long as there is too much death surrounding her - even when in a setting that should be innocuous!

Buck

The yellow ochre (at the brown end of the spectrum is very definitely a call back to not only his appointment with Dr Copeland - where he talks about hiding his true feelings from others - but it also connects with a broader theme for Buck that I’ve really only figured out because of this scene and his continued insistence on misunderstanding the assignment!!!

I know I’ve spoken at length about yellow being a colour of communication and clear thinking and its brighter shades can be symbols of joy, however I don’t think I’ve spoken enough about some of the more negative traits that can be associated with yellow - which I’ve never really felt fit the narrative before now, however seeing this episode has changed my opinion somewhat, and I am fairly certain that the show has been leaning into the negative traits for yellow ochre far more heavily than it first appeared.

So yellow is considered the colour of communication, in part, because it is the first colour the cones of the eye can detect and so over time it has become associated with the need to convey information (such as hazzards etc), but it is also associated with communication because it was used heavily in Christian artworks on Judas - to highlight him and his betrayal - in part because it contrasts well with the blues and reds Jesus is often depicted in. If you look up Hans Holbeins ‘The last Supper’ for example you will see Judas as the only one depicted in yellow ochre. As a result yellow ochre can be associated with cowardice and fear. the brown undertones of yellow ochre can also hint at loneliness and isolation as well as stability and foundations for growth. I’ve gone back through my notes and I’ll highlight some of the key scenes where I think the dual meaning of yellow ochre is at play.

4x02 - the counselling scene with Dr Copeland 4x03 - Maddie talks to Buck after he confesses going to therapy 4x04&5 - Buck finds out about Daniel 4x14 - talking to Taylor while packing to go stay at the Diaz house - At the hospital - the will reveal 5x03 - Buck gets home after the blackout - Taylor is on the TV 5x04 - Buck talks to Chim about Maddie being ok - ‘Its what she does” 5x14 - Equestrian therapy centre 6x11 - His trousers in the coma dream

These are most of the occasions where he has worn yellow ochre, there are a few others, but I’ve highlighted these one specifically because they tie into a key theme. Interestingly there are only two instances before the phone call with Dr Copeland in season 4. All of the ones I’ve highlighted are connected to Bucks mental state in some way and more specifically they are broadly connected with death (and Daniel).

These are all times when Bucks mental health is in a vulnerable place - the therapy of it all is showing us Buck is not in a good place - we never really get told if covid lockdown played a part in his decision to go to therapy, or indeed how much the return of Abby played into it, but whatever his reasons, there was clearly some form of trigger, I surmise the fact that Abby returned to his life at a moment when death was surrounding them (including her fiancee being in the firing line) and I think it may have played its part.

Finding out about Daniel is an obvious one - finding out why he’s felt like he wasn’t enough his whole life etc and how he has been walking in the shadow of death his entire life. interestingly we don’t see anymore yellow ochre in the rest of season 4 until Eddie gets shot - Death is back in Bucks life. The will reveal scene is a bit of a double ended sword on the yellow ochre front, not only does it connect to Eddies brush with death, it also links to Bucks own vulnerable mental state as well as being a moment that calls out Bucks passive suicidal tendencies by forcing him to live for someone besides himself.

The one from 4x13 in his loft and the one from 5x03 both connect to his vulnerability - Taylor takes advantage of it in 4x13 and kisses him while in 5x03 she is absent and Buck is in a position where - after Eddie telling him he is going to take the advice Buck has given him - he is questioning his own relationship and if he is also doing the same thing to Taylor that Eddie has been doing to Ana. I genuinely think that if Maddie and Chimney hadn’t left LA in the next episode, Buck would’ve broken up with Taylor fairly quickly. As it is his support network shrinks very quickly and he clings to the one thing/person who isn’t expecting more from him and who is sticking around - even if he isn’t truly happy.

Seeing the ochre at the equestrian therapy centre is also a moment of vulnerability for Buck - he is obviously worried about Eddie and his mental health, but it is also the first time they bring up the shooting and say something more than stating the fact that Eddie got shot. the black being dominant on that jacket is a reflection of him trying to cover up that vulnerability so he can be there for his best friend, but it is also us seeing a chink in Bucks armour around Eddie (remember the only time we’ve seen him in that colour with Eddie is in that locker room scene from 5x03).

I’m not going to go into the trousers from the coma dream in great detail, except to say that we are inside Bucks head for the whole time he is wearing those trousers so we are literally walking through all of buck fears and trauma and that may be why the yellow is on his legs rather than his top.

The graveyard scene was both interesting and loud on the costume front. You do not want to know how long I’ve spent trying to work out if this was the same jacket dyed or if it was a new jacket and I can confirm it is a new Jacket. Both Jackets are by Theory - the ochre one from last season the new one from this!!

This jacket continues the green theming we’ve seen in action for Buck this season, it is however a much darker green that we’ve seen yet and also ties in to Eddies army greens very nicely as well. The darkening of the green is actually really interesting because we’ve kind of gone from the very pale greens in 6a to the coma dream bright sagey green to this much darker olive green - its like we’ve skipped a few steps - a few shades of green.

The army olive green of it is also aloud choice and very much intentional - it not only connects to Eddie very directly because of it being a shade we see most often on him, but it is also a nod towards the military side of things - the idea that Buck is at war (with himself) and that he’s feeling under attack - not from anyone else, but from and with himself - the no longer knowing who he is or what he wants.

This green is not one we see on Buck very often at all in fact there are only 2 instances - the low key date with Abby in season 1 and on the couch with Chris when the firefam are at Eddies house - the I’m not really a guest scene. I tend to discount season 1′s costumes unless they are the exact same costume, because they used several designers that season and the costuming of Buck in particular was very different from season 2 onwards, so it tends to not have as much relevance. The 3x11 scene however - very telling in relation to what we’ve seen play out this season

Eddie

So much going on in Eddies costumes this week and repeat outfits everywhere you look. At Shannons grave we see Eddie in the same Jumper as therapy scene/ coming home to Buck. While there is very much the connection to Buck misunderstanding the assignment and the heart metaphors at play, there is another aspect to this outfit being worn again and that is his therapy session with Frank. the use of the same jumper as we see him wear in therapy is pointing out that Eddie is able to sit here at his dead wife's grave with their son and create a good experience because he has been in therapy.

I pointed it out in my mini meta, but its worth reiterating (this is literally the only vaguely decent shot of it I can get!) and notice how Eddie is very much not wearing his watch - there is no watch to be seen work or home or fancy watch!!! The lack of watch her is connected to Shannon - they have no more time - she is no longer a physical presence in their lives, in Eddies life, she is still present yes, but she no longer has any influence over Eddies time, his lack of time or indeed over Christophers time. Eddie has time, because the clock has stopped. This tells us Eddie has moved on and is at peace with Shannon now and that he has got past his anger etc, that he is in a good place with that aspect of his trauma and can look at things with a happier eye.

Talking on phone to his mom when we find out about the earth day field trip. we get Eddie wearing the same jacket he wore to Hens leaving the 118 party. Again Eddies watch is prominent here - in fact Eddies watch is prominent in every scene he has except for the two scenes at the graves of Shannon and Marie.

Having him in the same jacket as this one;

while putting him in a black shirt that connects him to Shannons death is a choice!!

I have spent a lot of time while writing this meta trying to figure out why this shirt looks so familiar to me - I haven’t succeeded - it isn’t one we’ve seen Eddie wear before, but it is an interesting choice for him. its this greenish grey colour and has echoes of some of the clothes we saw him in during 5b, but it also has echoes of Buck in 5b - wearing a lot of grey with black. This is relevant because we saw Buck supporting Eddie during his recovery and this scene at Maries grave would appear to be the opening overtures of Eddie providing the same for Buck - now that he has seen more deeply into what is going on with Buck. in the same way that the Kitchen scene in 6x12 echoed the kitchen scene in 5x11 when Buck saw that Eddie wasn’t actually happy or in a good place, this scene in the graveyard has echoes of Buck being there in the immediate aftermath of Eddies breakdown.

Its not the exact same jacket, but I think its close enough that we can draw a comparison between the scenes because the black leather jacket Eddie wears here when Buck talks about Natalia seeing him is incredibly similar to the one Eddie wears to Bobbys in 5x18 - when he tells Bobby that he saved bot hEddie and Chris. That bobby saw him and provided Eddie what he needed, even if Eddie wasn’t necessarily welcoming it with open arms at the time - implying that Eddie will potentially do the same for Buck now - Buck may not be completely open to Bucks help in this moment - distracted as he is thinking Natalia has the answers, but that Eddie will provide support etc anyway.

The jacket is in fact the very same one Eddie wears when we see him at Bucks bedside for the one and only time - it is his widows weeds suede jacket. the moment we see how broken Eddie is over Bucks death and resurrection. The same jacket being worn a couple of episodes later when we have them at a grave side talking about dying alone and being seen by people is a really interesting parallel to draw. there is something in the fact that we see it here in this scene - when Buck is talking about being seen and when coma Buck didn’t see Eddie - in his coma dream or at his bedside in the land of the living. Buck felt/saw everyone else’s presence during his coma - he knew about Bobbys rosary beads and we hear Athenas voice from the real world echo in the coma as well as Christophers voice guiding Buck to the hospital.

But Eddie was missing from it all - in Bucks eyes and mind. We the audience of course know that Eddie was present and that he was broken over it, we know that his lack of presence was far louder than if he had been more present in the episode. Bucks subconscious however doesn’t know that. He knows that Eddie cares for him, that he is his best friend etc but Buck exploring why Eddie wasn’t there in the dream beyond a conversation with Hen and Chim about what happened to him without Bucks presence is not something he is ready to look at yet. so we have a deeply traumatised Buck searching for answers without the tools to do so and therefore looking in the wrong places while we have an Eddie realising that Buck is different, but that he himself is also different and needing to mourn the fact that things have changed.

This isn’t about him having his heart broken in a romantic sense, this is him having an epiphany about time and making the most of it. It is about him needing to mourn the fact that he has been changed by Bucks death and reconcile with himself so that he can move forward, so that he can be there fore Buck as Buck was for him.

I will be forever obsessed with the choice to have Eddie wear the exact same henley in this episode as in 6x07 and 6x13. A scene showing Eddie missing his family and choosing to make time and go home to Texas to see them in the aftermath of seeing Buck make another self destructive choice which will probably end in failure. Connected to a scene where Eddie is talking about his Abuela being taken advantage of to the point of losing almost everything and to a scene where we can not only see the Buckley-Diaz family in full swing, but also see Christopher trying to take advantage of Bucks math skills and failing and the foreshadowing for the poker hustle which also isn’t as successful as Eddie had planned, and which he mentions in the previous scene at Maries grave - choices were made!

Chris

At Shannon’s grave we get a rare sighting of Chris in a jacket!! The denim jacket is both a connection with Texas and with Eddie, but it is also a connection with Shannon and Shannon‘s death. Thanks @theladyyavilee for pointing this out to me, but Chris is wearing a denim shirt of a similar colour when Eddie told Christopher that Shannon had died.

Denim jackets are culturally tied to westerns, cowboys and to Texas. Christopher wearing one here would appear to be a visual way of tying him to the childhood he had with his mother - backing up the conversation about making s'mores with her when he was younger. The fact that Chris is wearing a denim jacket connected to Shannon and her death over the top of a jumper which is connected to Buck and the moment Buck saved his father is an interesting connection and piece of layering to me.

The hoodie is white and grey striped - the horizontal version of Buck shirt from the shooting. this is suggesting two things to me - one it is connecting Chris directly to the fact he nearly lost both parents - sitting at the grave of one parent while wearing something that echoes an outfit from the moment he could've lost a second parent. I also think there is something in the connection to Buck specifically in this - its directly connected to the will and that Chris has a third parent - I can't wait to see if I'm just clowning hard, or if the change the stripes Chris is wearing are foreshadowing some connection to the will!

We can't not talk about the fact the striped hoodie actually plays on several fronts not just the Buck connection! Stripes according to my theory are all about change incoming - the theory hasn't yet been disproven by the wardrobe department and I get the feeling that here is no different. The idea that a change is coming in Christophers life is one that has been hovering around for the whole season and the narrowing of the stripes would suggest that change is getting closer. The stripes have been telling us, but so it would appear are the little surfing skeletons on his tee at the end of the previous episode along with a proliferation of water and surf theming surrounding Christopher. I’m at the point now where I think Bucks water might find its level when Chris is in danger - it will be the wake up he needs to sort himself out and get his head out of his ass!!

Then we are onto the shoes. I know its almost impossible to see from the scene, but I am nothing if not determined so after a lot of zooming and messing around with the image levels and a bit of googling, I am pretty sure that these are the shoes Christopher is wearing;

If they aren’t foreshadowing Chris in danger in connection with water after all of the other water and surfing related clothing we’ve seen him in recently I don’t know what to tell you.

Space theme surrounding Chris retuning to me from the wilderness in the form of a backpack - you have no idea how happy this made me. We haven’t seen Chris wearing anything space themed since 4x08 - in the scene with Buck when he ran away from home after Eddie told him about Ana. We have seen a backpack - a Star wars backpack in season 5 however we never actually see him holding it, it is always Eddie - and the space theme remains in his bedroom (the little we’ve seen of it). To me the star wars backpack was connected to Eddies mental health because he was at war with himself which is why we never see Chris in contact with that bag. The space theming is so closely entwined with Buck and Eddie, no one else and because there is so much blue in Bucks costume choices this season, to have Chris holding a space themed backpack that is blue is an interesting choice. The back pack is one that shows galaxies and very much represents the universe, but we have also seen Buck to be very entwined in Christophers school life this season - helping with homework, baking cookies etc. so it really isn’t that much of a leap to connect the backpack to Buck - giving him a presence in a scene that is connected to Christopher heading out for some school activity it is continuing the universe theme and continuing to Connect Buck to the Diaz boys - in a subtle way which gives him presence in their lives even in his absence. In an episode that is so strongly connected to Shannon, her continued presence in their lives even in her eternal absence, its a clear choice.

The jumper with its three bands of colour is also intriguing me. there is something in the idea that it connects into the 3 theme we’ve had all season, but there is also something in the idea that the three bands represent the three people who are having the most influence on who Christopher is growing up to be - Shannon - white as she is not of this world any longer and was the first parent Chris spent time with - Buck - Blue - in part becasue of the blue theming around him tis season, but also because it is next to the white - and therefore suggests the idea of the batton being handed over - Eddie - the yellow ochre which is much closer to the brown we see Eddie in so much - Eddie is the earth from which Chris grows, it its the brightest colour on the jumper and suggests the brightest and biggest presence in his life.

The jumper in these colours also suggests the three elements of earth water and air, themes we’ve seen in play throughout this season - the blimp being the air (and an episode coming up called love is in the air), Buck being in the air when he gets hit by the lightning, the water theme has been there all season long in various forms, not least the pictures on the Diaz house walls and all the water connected themes on Christophers clothes, and there have been several episodes that have shown us Buck and Eddie digging - the slingshot tree call and the father hit by lightning in the sand are the two main ones.

Chris sleeping away on the sofa in his stripey top while covered in a check pattern blanket just continues the theme of Chris and change incoming, as well as the threat of danger. For me the fact that we seem to see so much of Christopher in stripes in connection with Buck in some way - implies that the change that is coming is in relation to Buck and the fact that these stripes are being worn on the sofa where we have Chris mimicking Bucks sleeping position on the couch wearing a shade of sea-foam green (which means revitalisation and enlightenment) that also seems to be connecting to Buck - after we saw him in a striped top that echoed Bucks white striped shirt - its all making my eyes stand out on stalks.

Honestly if you have made it to the end of this epic then I don’t know what to say other than I love you form the bottom of my heart. Its a bit of a beast. Will this show and its wardrobe department ever give me a minute to breathe?? Probably not and thats why we love it!! I’m off to sleep for a million years and send some prayers to the tumblr gods that next weeks meta is n’t such a challenge to upload!

As always, tag list below! Until the next episode! 💜💜💜

@mistmarauder @theladyyavilee @leothil @girldadbuddie @kitkatpancakestack @buckscurls @lemotmo @trashendence @elishareads @clipboardsandstethoscopes @comfortbuddie @fiona-fififi @callanee @calyssmarviss @pbandjeremiah @batgrldes @spotsandsocks @livingwherethesidewalkends @idontshitpostbuttheolympicpark @diazboysbuckley @sweettsubaki @shortsighted-owl @sherlocking-out-loud @wh0re-behavi0r @favouritealias @hearteyesdiaz @ktinastrikesback @princesschez75 @bucksbuddie @oneawkwardcookie @leatherati @moniquekatie @wanderingwomanwondering @trickster-archangel @asharadaine @ajunerose @talespinner230 @pop-kam @swiftiebuckleys @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @butchjerry @mandzuking17 @yelenasbuddie @copyninjabuckley @name-code-black-widow @rogerzsteven @bi-moonlight @usercowboy @inthecarwithaboy @inandoutoffocus-blog @toboldlynerd

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thewrongmoon · 2 years

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El's Possible Queercoding

been meaning to actually documents my findings on this for awhile, so I'm gonna go over some reasons I think its possible that El is gay, specifically just how I think she may be attracted to girls, whether you think that means lesbian, bisexual, pan, etc etc.

El's interest in femininity:

I think to further understand why El has an interest in feminine things, we have to look at how she was raised:

The children in the lab were pretty much stripped of a gender identity entirely. They all had the same haircut and hospital gowns. They all played with the same toys, most of which were puzzle games which have no societally assigned gender. It's worth noting that these short haircuts do have a masculine association (at least in modern western culture) and the kids also pretty much solely interacted with men. Really the only indication of their gender was the pronouns that they used for them.

The concept of different genders acting differently was probably completely foreign to El when she had just escaped the lab. We can see that she tries to strip in front of Mike, Lucas and Dustin and is confused when they all react negatively.

Being surrounded by all this masculinity, seeing someone feminine like Nancy for the first time (or at least the first time in years) is magical to El.

El takes a very quick interest in feminine things. Long hair, pastel colors, dresses...

What sparks more of a queer connotation is her interest in the feminine form. We see her appreciate the ballerina in Nancy's music box, which would very well just be because she thinks the dress is pretty or something, but she also singles out the figure on Mike's trophy.

Obviously I don't mean anything explicit by pointing this out, but as a lesbian I remember having a similar reaction to things like mannequins of women at a young age.

There's definitely a duality of her longing for a childhood where she's able to express her femininity that I don't want to dismiss, though. There's a shot where she stares at Nancy's childhood photos, and it's pretty clear she's wondering what her life would be like if she were raised like a normal girl. That storyline is further explored when she visits the Ives in season 2.

El was also previously not interested in Mike's nerdier hobbies, but when Max shows her comics, specifically ones with female superheroes, El is intrigued. She assumed comics were just about boys at first. We all poke fun at Mike for having a crush on Superman, but maybe we should stop to question if El had a thing for Wonder Woman?

Fashion choices - Mirroring other girls:

A classic quandary for anyone with same-sex attraction. Do I want to be them, or do I want to be with them?

We talk a lot about how Mike tries to wear and do things Eddie does (this was confirmed by the costume department), and how that totally makes it look like he has kind of a crush on him. But what about El?

In season 1 we definitely assume El wants to be Nancy. Her attempts of mirroring her are clumsy and largely influenced by Mike, Dustin and Lucas. After the wig comes off she just gives up, surrendering to her fate of never being "pretty."

In season 2, she wears mostly boys clothes provided by Hopper. The main makeover of this season is done by Kali, who turns El into her mini-me. This time we see El refer to her new look as "bitchin'" rather than "pretty."

Her new look is very punk inspired. Punk subculture has close ties with the LGBT community. As the punk scene is all about questioning/rejecting societal norms, queer people flocked to it.

In season 3, her makeover revolves around Max. While Max tells El to pick something that she likes, El still kind of chooses to resemble Max. In the beginning of s3, her hair looks like this:

But after her trip to the mall with Max, she chooses to part her hair to the right like she does.

They later have both their hair tied up:

Middle parts for both of them:

This is all to say, she mirrors Max's looks, because she likes Max. Not necessarily romantically? And there's also no way to tell if she's doing this consciously. But I feel like there's something in El's brain that just goes "pretty girl = I have to steal her look"

Which brings us to season 4:

Now, there's no makeover scene for her in this one. Disappointing, I know. But she's had a considerable glow up since season 3.

Her hair is now down past her shoulders. Now you may be wondering who her style inspiration is. And the obvious answer is Joyce, because she looks just like her.

But I would actually like to propose an alternative to her hair style inspo:

We can see that Angela pulls up the sides of her hair but still has bangs framing her face, similarly to how El styles hers.

Angela is an awful human being who bullies her, but she's also everything El wants to be: pretty, well dressed, well-liked by the people at school. This is precisely why she chooses her to lie about being friends with. She thinks Angela is cool, so Mike will think El is cool if he sees she's friends with her.

Let's move on to her fashion.

El's style is dependent entirely on layering in this season. But she has one staple in her closet, which we also see in seasons 2 and 3-- flannel.

The wardrobe department head has stated that they specifically wanted it to seem like she was wearing clothes from Will's closet.

Will has always been associated with flannel, wearing it almost exclusively in every season besides season 3. This is interesting because flannel is generally seen as masculine, and gay men are usually stereotyped as more feminine. He does wear those short shorts in s3 though so I guess it balances out idk, this is besides the point, moving on:

Flannels when worn on women are associated closely with lesbians. There is some historical basis here; back when women were first being allowed to wear pants (1940s), lesbians were some of the first to jump on it. Jeans were seen as most normal for women to wear, and flannel was usually paired with it. Flannel was warm, durable and practical. A lot of women in the work force wore it because it held up well. Usually work boots (doc martens in particular) were worn as well, which is why they are also associated with the queer community today (though it was more of a practicality thing than a fashion thing back then.)

From my research, it seems like lesbians wearing flannel became a stereotype in more popular media sometime during the 90s. This doesn't necessarily mean it didn't exist during the 80s, I honestly wish I could find more info on when exactly it became a well-known signifier of lesbians, but alas, I cannot find any good sources. Doesn't change the fact that we as an audience know of it's existence, though.

Wearing flannel definitely makes El stick out from the crowd. It was probably considered really normal in Indiana, where the temperatures are cold, but in California you really have no use for flannel in your wardrobe. The late 80s was also known for it's focus on loud colors and bold prints, which isn't at all like the muted, practical nature of flannel. You would definitely see waaay more men than women wearing it.

So El being seen almost exclusively in more masculine fashions would have probably been one of the points of bullying for her. I think her neurodivergent coding was also a factor, but that's an analysis for another time.

El's bullying: possibly homophobically charged?

So this is the furthest stretch I'm gonna make in this post. But upon noticing how often she wears flannel, I jokingly said in my head, "I wonder if they just saw her constantly wearing flannel and assumed she was a lesbian and that's why they started bullying her." And then I was like oh wait but what if actually that's what it was.

I'm assuming she was probably labeled as a tomboy for just wearing her brother's clothes. But then I began to imagine her interactions with girls like Angela which would have caused their hatred for her.

El has a habit of calling other girls "pretty." One of the first thing she seems to notice about other girls, actually. So imagine that Angela sees this girl in men's clothing, and the first thing El probably does with her is call her pretty. Would it be a stretch to assume Angela may have thought El was hitting on her?

I don't think she was, I honestly don't know if El knows how to hit on someone at all. But the perception of Angela and the school at large could have just been... "Jane is a lesbian."

We see other girls avoiding her. This would be a good reason (not morally, but logically, especially considering the time period) for them to do so.

There's also this line from Angela: (0:09-0:14)

youtube

Now, I first noticed this when editing a completely different video. And I had to rewatch this clip like 50 times to see if I was crazy or not (I still might be, lol.) But, does it not sound like Angela is.. saying "boyfriend" in quotes?

So I went back to rewatch Angela entering the roller rink, and her and her friend group seem surprised that she has a boyfriend. Now this could be just because El is unpopular and has no friends (that they know if.) But just like Ted Wheeler saying "our son with a girl?" could just be a dig at Mike being a nerd, other context makes me wanna look closer into this line.

Did they maybe think El only got a boyfriend to mask her "real" sexuality? It's definitely possible.

Paralleling El to other characters who are queer or labeled as so

This is a point I'm going to need to further expand upon on a later date. But in watching movies off the s4 inspo board, I've found a couple where the characters are meant to parallel El:

Let The Right One In-

I have a whole post on this parallel, if you want to read it.

So basically, El is Oskar in this parallel. Oskar is a character who is bullied for 2 things: being fat (this is better shown in the book the movie is based upon) and being possibly gay (this is also shown better in the book.)

Oskar does end up having a romantic relationship with a character who is gender-nonconforming. Not gonna go into that particular character's exact gender bc it's kind of debatable and their backstory is sad, but the character, in their own words, is "not a girl." Oskar himself seems to be bisexual, again, you could maybe debate this, but he is non-straight at the very least.

The character he's in a relationship with, Eli, has also had their gender identity stripped away from them, which could make another interesting parallel to El, character wise.

Welcome To The Dollhouse-

So this parallel is a bit less concrete, but the only one I could draw from it is that, once again, the main character being bullied is referenced in El's own bullying.

The main character of this film, Dawn, is bullied for two things: being "ugly" and being a lesbian. She is not actually a lesbian, but the kids bully her for being one, and girls avoid her. One goes as far to claim she was "making a pass at her" when all Dawn did was have a conversation with her.

Being paralleled to two different characters who were bullied for being gay is definitely a weird coincidence.

El's relationship with Max:

El has pretty unarguably romantic themes with Max.

It could just be the Duffers trying to break free from a trope, but in S4 Max takes up a damsel in distress role while El takes on a hero role, for like, the 4th time, please give this girl a break omg.

We see both Mike and Lucas attempt to save El/Max, but at the end of the season Max and El save each other. You could say this was with the power of platonic love, but there are some lines that really make you question if it could be something more.

Conclusion:

I feel like El being gay is a theory that has some legs to stand on! You could definitely go even further and find a lot of rainbow imagery with her, maybe some other small details. This was just my own findings.

#el hopper #eleven hopper #jane hopper #byler #elmax #long post #analysis #stranger things #eleven

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miracles-and-butterflies · 4 months

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Reincarnation AU.

A part of Mirabel's trauma is her loss of identity due to looking different, right? Maybe the girls can get Mirabel some make-up and hair dye to make her feel better. With a Google search, you can even find glasses that look like Mirabel's that AREN'T Disney merch (assuming any of the girls know how to use the internet) I just wanna see Reincarnated Mirabel recover enough to finally escape the toxic BS of her family and enjoy life, aside from the girls she's better off without them (coughalmacough)

That is all true, but Mirabel would have to cooperate for that.

Mirabel doesn’t want to change her appearance, for several different reasons.

She is very against the idea of makeup for daily use - bear in mind, she’s a young girl who lived in a rural town, their ideas of makeup are very different to the present day. Though she did consider it and found very quickly that, because of her scars, putting makeup on (this was for a Halloween costume) hurt like hell.

She doesn’t want to dye her hair. Similar reasons as before with it being such a foreign idea. But she also quite likes the lighter colour. She could also cut her hair and keep it short, again she doesn’t mind that much about the length.

The glasses, yes, they can get on the internet but nobody knows Mirabel’s exact prescription (besides Mira herself) and they don’t know if her eye sight has changed since reincarnation - maybe it’s improved with a new head or maybe it’s worse. Mirabel doesn’t comment on it, so nobody knows.

She shouldn’t have to change her appearance at all.

And most importantly, she doesn’t want to be that face of Disney. She hates it enough as it is, why would she try make herself more fitting for that image?

If it is any consolation, they have (by this point in the AU - January 2024) finally managed to get her to an appointment with the doctor. Albeit after each of them sat their own appointments, so Mirabel would know it was safe. Wouldn’t you be shocked to know she was quickly diagnosed with PTSD? And that the others were also diagnosed with their own things?

#encanto #encanto reincarnation au #ask me anything #mirabel madrigal #isabela madrigal #luisa madrigal #dolores madrigal

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daincrediblegg · 6 months

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all right. since you asked very nicely I'll do an outfit breakdown for our dear girl, complete with pictures because I’ve become a bit of a hoe about victorian clothing since I began this whole fucking thing bc of her. (And everyone kindly thank @thejewelsofmyheart for asking)

Now I will note that some of the photo accompaniments are not quite completely the vibe I was going for sometimes in terms of fabric/color/vibe, but let it be noted these are all from my references I’ve collected on here and on pinterest over months and hey this is what I got if I was talking to a costume designer tho this is the kindof breakdown I would give them

Lady Terror's typical undergarments consists of drawers (notably crotchless- as ladies drawers were back then for what should be reasonably obvious reasons), corset (notably one with the recently invented front clasp closure that would make it easier to do up and undo without assistance- on a ship full of dudes this would be wise), chemise, petticoats 1 (linen), 2 (flannel) and 3 (which she only truly occasionally wears) corded- to give her skirt a bit of extra poof (not a fan of this when the cold gets extreme tho understandably). And those are at least the basic components.

Moving outward it gets a little different from what would typically be worn by women even on a ship, but Lady Terror's whole thing is she's trying to fit in with the men while still holding onto her identity as a woman. So to start, we have a collared shirt and waistcoat (where she also notably keeps her pocket watch, given to her by her father), which she typically wears while she's inside the ship and the climate isn't... fucking dead freezing all the time. in lieu of the vest sometimes she wars a smart red crossover. She also has two knitted sweaters (one a slightly lighter than naval blue - one her father used to wear- , one a handsome cream with a slight puff at the forearm to imitate the women's fashions of the day- knitted by a friend) . Alternatively, she has two thick long-sleeved woolen bodices, one in a more formal style that matches her woolen naval blue skirt (which she typically reserves for dinner with the officers) , and one lighter colored more casually styled one that she can wear with her vest over it (much more practical during the colder winter months).

As for OUTERWEAR she has a long naval peacoat (similar to that which most of the officers wear, save for a little more flare at the skirt to accommodate her skirt- and btw the coat pictured above I actually own), a capelet for when she needs to look a little more feminine and extra formal. Gloves, of course, are a must (one pair knitted, one pair lined with fur, and a pair of fur over-mittens that match her hat), a fur hat that she favors from her time in the Prussian seas, a bonnet (that she loathes), and a long red scarf, knitted for her by a friend back home.

And that just about does it for her everyday outfits while on the ships at least. She has a few more bodices and lighter underthings kept in store on Erebus(including one fancy dress complete with crinoline skirt), which doesn't much see the light of day anymore, but on the few occasions that she had to wear it before the expedition, she enjoyed it quite a lot.

Of course also, in my lady terror energy and inspiration tags I continue to compile and collect some dresses that I think would suit her for formal gatherings. She brought only one of note with her on the ship, but it remains in store for the majority of the story (but allow me to say without spoiling anything: Francis would recognize it on sight). I only had room for one more photo so there you have it. Outfit breakdown of the century. Good night.

#lady terror #egg's oc's #maybe I’ll reblog more dresses that I think well and truly would suit her vibe… perhaps…

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nwarrior777 · 7 months

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life update

tw: vent, sad, life crisis, identity crisis

advice ONLY if you have something really similar. hugs and specific commentary of support (like "giving you some cookies!!! or giving you yellow blanket!!) are encouraged

well i definitely didn't expect to get exsistential crisis by now

i mean i always thought that i know who i am i know what i want but like...

i had conversation with grandma, we talked about why are my bags so big, and i was like, it's just me, i don't have home, i don't have place or furniture. i only have my clothes and fancy little things and art. i only have me, and it's all it that very heavy 2 bags. and i said, but isn't it sad that everything i have at 26 is only 2 bags. i lam just 2 bags.

and she was like, but don't you have you like. in your head?

and. i started thinking about it. and now i an spiraling because i thought i got this question long time ago.

i mean. i have life goal. but it's life goal. it's not the answer to the question "who are you?". my life goal is to try to bring people around love and good and kindness. to try to be good human.

and. it's always "try" so i even can't say that i am a good human. actually i figured out that i am kinda suck on that... i am good with giving kind to strangers but. i think i am not the best person to be close with? i don't know... i am a bad person? again? did i fucked up again? eh.... i thought i was... i don't know. good at least at trying. i don't want to be in that years again... and in that feelings.... but i think i need to dive into that. because that is trying to be good person is about - you should work on yourself. but this is so fckin painfull

also i am artist. well yes but... everyone is an artist? we all have blogs and etc..... we express our visions and takes and opinions. i guess its art

and i am tired of it too... i feel like i am streaming 24/7 like, i am a Content Maker. everything i do is like....... its art art art content content content. i cant live for myself

and then i am trying to its not working. because if i will not make a photo, if i will not make a meme a post or a drawing i wil forget it. because i have bad memory. i cant hold anything in it

and i am obsessed with idea of saving my legacy. my art my. existent. i want it not to be just. dissapered. its kinda done - nobody will take away emotions which i gave you and emotions which you gave me with your feedback. they will not take expirience. and some of my art is already in safe place. see, i am too much on it

i worked so hard to make that "queer bitch gothhhicccc queen cool queer artist and a kind human" """ brand""""

but like. am i like. am i this? what makes a person a person. i don't feel. like a person

i don't feel like a human. i feel like some. poetic. image

and, please not laught, i am serious its not a fucking meme but. i feel so much like Izzy from ofmd now?... and... always feel????

my costume-gothic-bitch era started after seeing him. i opened in me new gender. that my horns - thanks to him, i bought them on festival where i went to in izzy cosplay. and that poetic symbol of a man. a guy with Moral Duty Standarts from some. ballad song. A rock

and how??? how is this. how they posted this season RIGHT in the time. then i cracked. and he too

what to do then you thought you had solid as a rock personality. but it was something different. what is it means to be a human. tell me, izzy

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grahamdefamily · 8 months

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A very kind commenter on AO3 made me realise I never posted the boy, so here goes:

Pluto 🐈‍⬛💜

Aka Black Cat Felix from our PV AU, where he receives the ring instead of Adrien (because Fu isn’t the brightest tool in the shed).

Narrative details are still being figured out, but have some design notes below!

Whenever I draw Felix with another Miraculous, I always make sure to keep Argos’ iconic hood + tailcoat silhouette. Here, I made sure said tailcoat was torn off to reference the power of Destruction — the inspiration came from Ruby Rose’s V4-V6 cape:

ARGOS’ EYES. MUST. STAY. I don’t make the rules (except I do).

I kept the cursed prince vibes from Representation and cranked them up to the max. The embroidery was directly lifted from this costume (it’s a pain to draw and this WILL be simplified in future art):

But it’s paired up with combat boots and eyeliner, because he cataclysmed gender norms.

Pluto has actual cat ears below his hood (Adrien was robbed), and claws similar to Chat’s.

Last but not least, he refuses to hide his identity, and therefore does not wear a mask. It drives Ladybug crazy. I have a short comic on the matter that I might post soon.

His hero name is a literary reference chosen with much care, but no one gets it until one person does. That’s what happens when you choose an alias so closely linked to a Disney character.

#miraculous ladybug #felix graham de vanily #pluto #black cat felix #mlb au #kwami swap #pv au #black cat felix au #mlb spoilers #mlb representation

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henrysglock · 1 year

Text

“To hear me talk, just pull my string…but wait till you hear what I tell you to do.”

youtube

Most obviously this connects to Chrissy being her mother’s doll, programmed with a handful of lines and made only for beauty…but Talky Crissy has some weirdness I’d like to look at.

Her tag line is very ominous (see: the opening line of this post), and she has a younger friend worth looking at:

Velvet. She’s blonde, she has a yellow dress, a purple dress (shown later), or a pink dress, and she’s younger than Crissy by a lot.

Velvet’s main tag line, as opposed to Crissy’s authoritative one, is “I can pose and move, can you?”

(All of these dolls have retractable hair, btw. That’s the defining feature, that they can have both short and long hair.)

Let’s get into what really haunts me here re: Stranger things.

The fucking costuming and set design.

I cannot escape the fucking IMAGERY in this show.

First off we have the Creels and the doll imagery…and identical outfits to the talking dolls.

It comes back for the Wheelers, but in a more subtle way (ft. El in the pink dress, which is eerily similar to Velvet’s, and blonde wig because that was her as Mikes sister/cousin).

Something something “each life a faded, lesser copy of the one before it”…something something Holly and the demogorgon (Henrygorgon) in ST1…something something Vecna/Henry refusing to or being unable to kill El…something something accidental sibling deaths and swapping places/trying to replace them with other people…Something something El in Nancy’s dress and a blonde wig wanting to be Mike’s sister…

And that’s not even touching on Holly being played by identical twins. Anyway. I’m chewing on the meta of all that, and I might pop out a separate post about it later. Moving on.

The other thing that gets me are the tag lines and who is paralleled to whom.

Crissy, Virginia paralleled directly by outfit

Guess what’s new? I can talk to you…but wait till you hear what I tell you to do.

[laughs in “she somehow new it was me” and “she wanted to lock me away”]

Does anyone want to tell me who’s really making the moves within the Creel family?

Velvet, Alice paralleled directly by outfit and doll imagery:

My hair swings, and it grows too. I can move and pose, can you?

It’s so…non-threatening in comparison. It is however, giving “all while performing in a silly, terrible play, day after day”.

Looking at Alice’s line about the Creel house being like a fairytale…She may have been more accurate if she called it a dollhouse.

A brief note—

Velvet has a younger sister, who also looks just like our Chrissy:

This is important, since our Crissy figures and Chrissy are not the same people. Our Chrissy, just like Velvet’s little sister, is younger than everyone else involved.

#alice creel #virginia creel #holly wheeler #karen wheeler #el hopper #stranger things analysis #st set design #st costuming #st doll imagery #stranger things

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glassprism · 5 months

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I’ve only ever seen Phantom on Broadway, and I’ve been so curious how the show looked in comparison when it went on tour. I’ve asked family members who saw it, but they don’t have the same level of interest in shows that I do, so they couldn’t remember any specifics. How would they do the chandelier and the candelabras coming out of the stage? Or the theatre de-aging at the beginning? Was there a proscenium constructed for the Phantom to do his appearances during Il Muto? Or the moment with the angel? Thank you in advance for all your Phantom knowledge! ❤️

Well, it depends on the tour you're talking about.

The Phantom of the Opera has had four tours in the United States (and also Canada, which the third and fourth tours went to). The first three tours, which collectively ran from 1989-2010, were extremely similar to Broadway in almost everything: sets, costumes, blocking, even the actors (many actors would get their start on the tour then move to Broadway, or switch back and forth between them). If there were any changes, it would be very minor and done because the theater they were in did not have capability to do a certain thing, e.g. the Red Death running offstage instead of going down a trapdoor. So whatever they do on Broadway, assume it is done the same way in the first three national tours.

The fourth tour is what a lot of fans called the restaged tour, as it radically altered all of the above, while still retaining just enough of the look to show that it was inspired by the replica. I've made this gifset and this post explaining the differences, but to also answer your specific questions:

The chandelier is already half-raised when the show starts and covered in a sheet. During the Overture, the sheets are sucked into the chandelier and it rises to where it will be for the rest of the show (until it falls of course).

There are no candelabras in the Phantom's lair in the restaging, apart from some small ones on his desk. The candles float from the ceiling (actually the inside of a big "drum set").

As there is much less in the way of drapery and backdrops to move around, the de-aging is done mostly with the actors. As the chandelier rises (a short distance), Raoul remains onstage. The rest of the people at the auction move offstage and are replaced with the various dancers and actors for Hannibal, moving in a dream-like manner. As Raoul goes offstage, they move into rehearsal mode, indicating we are now fully in "the past". Finally the boxes spin into view and a false proscenium is lowered.

There is a false proscenium, as indicated above, but the Phantom does not use it; when the chandelier drops, he is in one of the boxes instead.

There is no Golden Angel in the restaged tour either; instead, the Phantom sings his reprise on an anatomically correct Apollo statue that is on the stage floor.

If you want even more information about the restaged tour (again, the previous three national tours were virtually identical to Broadway so I assume you don't need more info about them), you can also take a look at a bootleg here. I hope that helps!

#GP gets asks #anonymous

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logically-asexual · 10 months

Text

I wanted to be seen

summary:

Superheroes AU. Roman, Patton and Virgil are a team of good guys who fight against Evil (Janus and Remus). They get Logan to work for them with like hacking and getting important information from the villains. But Janus tries to convince Logan that he deserves better.

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Part 2

| Previous |

word count: 2,009

When Logan woke up, golden light was illuminating the room through soft white curtains. He wasn’t used to waking when the sun was already up and he became even more disoriented when he didn’t recognize the small bedroom he was in.

It was simple, with a single bed, a clear desk, and a dresser, presumably empty. He stayed motionless for a minute as he tried to piece together where he was now and why.

He remembered meeting Deceit and being handcuffed by him. He remembered trying to escape, but he didn’t remember being successful. He remembered being carried and then sitting in the backseat of a car.

Finally, it all clicked.

They left him. They never came back for him. He made a bet with Deceit and Logan lost it because they left him. Now he was kidnapped somewhere and had no idea what Deceit would do with him.

A commonly known fact about this villain was that he was good at scheming, and always made sure no one would be around to witness his actions. That meant nobody knew anything about him other than rumors about his appearance, which originated from cryptic pictures some people claimed to have caught. Though it was a very similar situation as with UFO’s. People would photograph anyone wearing a bowler hat and claim it was Deceit. Nobody actually knew the truth.

If that was the case… And Logan had met this man face to face… What would happen to him? Would he be killed for knowing too much? Would he be kept captive forever? Would his memories be erased? No, that was impossible. Logan’s mind was spiraling. He needed to come back to reality.

As he began sitting up, someone barged into his room.

It was a man dressed in an outfit that Logan wouldn’t know how to begin describing. The puffy sleeves, high neck and flares at the hem of the shirt and ends of the sleeves reminded him of medieval nobility. Most of the fabric was black, with some bright green accents, like the sash, and covered in glitter.

The man wore black pants and high boots. His eyes were a bright red and he had purple eyeshadow around them, making him look ill. However, the crazed look in his eyes and the energy with which he entered suggested otherwise.

“Baby Techie! Good morning!” He yelled. “Are you ready for your adventure?”

“What?” He replied tiredly.

“I’m taking you to the office! Boss’s orders. We’d thought you’d be up by now.” He looked downwards at Logan’s body still half under the covers.

Logan realized at that moment that he was in his underwear. He felt his face heat in embarrassment, which the other man must have seen because he explained:

“Oh, we burned your clothes. They were disgusting. There’s new ones in there.” He pointed to the dresser. “Put them on if you want to and I’ll see you outside!”

He slammed the door closed and left Logan back in silence.

They… took his clothes off? While he slept? And then burned them? What was he doing here again?

He stood and went to the dresser. There he found several new sets of clothes. First, there was a horrifying blue and orange jester costume. He carefully put it aside, hoping someone had made a mistake when putting it there. Then, another costume, but this was a gray mouse onesie. Logan wondered if this was some kind of joke, or a nightmare.

After some digging, he found simple black pants and a silver gray button up shirt. He put them on quickly, before walking out of the room.

He met the man in green again on the other side of the door, who pouted upon seeing Logan’s choice of clothing.

”Nooo! Why so boring?” He exclaimed.

Logan paid him no mind, and followed as they began walking along the hallway. It was wide, with identical doors to one side and framed pieces of art on the opposite wall. All the paintings included a variety of snakes, dark forests, or close-up eyes. The interior design seemed otherwise minimalist, with all walls painted a light gray and the floors made of marble. The frames of the paintings called one’s attention for their striking golden color. Logan wondered if they were made of real gold.

“My name is Remus, by the way. But you can call me Duke, or Dookie, or Daddy, or anything you want, I’m open minded,” the man said with a wink.

“Logan,” he replied.

Remus proceeded to talk Logan’s ears off with gruesome descriptions of how much he hated Logan’s team –or ex-team, he guessed– of superheroes and what he would do to them if he was allowed.

How had Logan never heard of this guy before? If he worked with Deceit maybe he was just as good as him at covering his footprints. It was also true that Logan only researched what Prince asked him to, maybe Prince had only heard about Deceit and not this partner of his.

They made it to a white stairway with golden railings, walked down and then turned to walk into a small study.

In contrast to the modern design of what –Logan assumed– was Deceit’s mansion, the study looked like it was pulled out from an old detective movie. The antique wooden furniture and the smell of cigarette smoke and coffee made Logan feel like he was in a completely different place and time. Deceit, dressed in an onyx-colored shirt, a vest, dress pants, the bowler hat and gloves, looked like he had come out of one of those movies himself.

Everything seemed too clean. Maybe they wouldn’t kill him yet. Or at least his death wouldn’t involve pouring blood over the carpet. Deceit doesn’t seem to be the kind of person to enjoy having bloodstains. Remus, on the other hand…

Logan tried to stop his mind from reeling and his body from shaking. He would spend his last minutes with dignity.

Deceit dismissed Remus with a subtle rise of an eyebrow, which Logan found quite impressive. Once they were alone and the door was closed, he extended a hand towards a chair in front of his desk. Logan sat down slowly.

Deceit sat across from him. He rested his chin on the back of his hand, looking Logan in the eye.

“So here’s the thing, Logic–”

Logan tilted his head at the name, but stayed quiet.

The villain laid a few papers on the desk. “—you’re going to fact-check all this information for me with the secrets you know about Prince and in a few hours I’ll send Remus to you with more instructions. He will take you now to your work desk.” He signaled for Logan to step out.

His eyes widened. “Wait. What?” he stuttered.

Deceit didn’t grant him any more words as Logan evaluated what had just been said. They wanted him to… work? Well… That meant he would at least be of some use before he died. Should he really be thankful for that? No, that was nonsense. Deceit was toying with him. He needed to get away of this place as soon as possible.

He stood. “What makes you think I’m just going to work for you?”

Deceit stared at him emotionless. “Whatever do you mean, darling?”

Logan blinked. “I’m not just going to follow your orders! This is kidnapping! And you’re a villain! I— I am going to get out of here.” He turned to leave, but was stopped by Deceit speaking again.

“And where are you planning to go?”

“I—“ His hand hesitated over the door knob. “It doesn’t matter. Away.”

Of course Logan was scared of being alone. He didn’t think any of Prince’s enemies would know what he looked like but in the case that they did he was defenseless. He was also scared of what would happen to him here. At least out there there was some likelihood he would never be found, while here he was right in the hands of one of the superheroes’ greatest rivals.

Deceit’s hand pushed the door, even if Logan hadn’t tried to open it yet. “May I remind you that we had a deal, my mouse?” the man spoke from behind him. “You belong to me now.”

“That—“ Logan stuttered, refusing to turn around, “That doesn’t mean anything.”

Deceit turned downwards in disappointment, “And here I thought I had finally helped you see the truth.” After a pause, he withdrew his hand from the door and used it to hold Logan’s. “Very well, then. You may go, but first I want to show you something.”

Maybe it was because Logan didn’t know what he would do once he was free and wanted to postpone the pressure of that inevitable decision, but he let Deceit lead him across the mansion and up many flights of stairs and different elevators to the top of the building. They reached the final floor and Deceit walked in front of him along the hallway to a door. He opened it, and the sight froze Logan in place.

The room was huge, with a high ceiling painted with the night sky and with a giant telescope pointing out of it. In the center of the room was a spherical screen, showing a full view of the Earth rotating and its changing weather. The space was surrounded by rows of shelves with uncountable books in them on the right and the racks of computation nodes for a supercomputer on the left. The wall adjacent to the door on that side was covered with screens that at the moment showed footage of the city, a database with information about the superheroes, constant news updates, and more. On the other side of the door, the wall had shelves with equipment for chemical experiments, and a long desk in front of it to work on them.

Logan stood at the entrance with his mouth agape, until he felt the smooth fabric of Deceit’s glove under his chin as he gently pushed his jaw back up.

“Wh— What’s all this?”

“Just a little gift,” Deceit answered, looking proudly at the room, “that I prepared for when you decided to join us.”

Logan stuttered, incapable of speech or thought. “For me?” he managed to say.

“Just for you.”

Looking around him, trying to get over the initial shock, Logan tried to get his thoughts in order. “No. No, this is bribery! I am not exchanging my freedom for—“ his eyes shifted and his voice was trembling “— for any of this. Just… return it to wherever you stole it from. I don’t want anything to do with it!”

“Oh come on, don’t act like a saint with strong principles now.” Deceit rolled his eyes to land directly on Logan’s, and began getting closer. “Don’t pretend you didn’t do whatever it took to comply with your little boss’s directions. I know what you were up to under those incognito accounts.”

Logan stumbled backwards until his back collided with the cold metal of a rack.

“Besides, it’s not only for bribery, I got all this because I do need it.” Deceit had stopped moving only a foot away from him and looked around once again. “Especially the computer. I need it for some exciting plans I am working on. And I need you to operate it.”

“Me?”

Deceit’s expression became softer. “Yes, Logan. I need you.”

Logan’s breath shouldn’t have been taken away by that simple sentence, but it was. He was needed. His entire life, all he had ever wanted was to be needed. He had always been replaceable, inconsequential, he entered and left every room without being noticed or cared for. He thought he was important for Prince’s team, but he wasn’t; it was clear to him now.

Something shifted inside him. Someone needed him. Deceit, the most powerful villain in the world, needed him.

He took a deep breath as soon as his tightened chest allowed him to, and as he let the air out, a word escaped with it.

“Okay.”

#the end is so stupid im sorry #i just wanted to post and get rid of this #to make space for new ideas to continue #logan sanders #sanders sides #janus sanders #remus sanders #loceit

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yellowloid · 2 years

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hello dear! i just read your songs analysis and i think they’re really insightful and clever! i would be so happy to read other song analysis from you (both from tlsp and am)! also i love that you wrote the analysis from a personal view but not under the milex lens (although i would love to read your take on that version)!

hi anon, and thanks!! i'm happy to hear you appreciated my analysis, i love overanalysing lyrics so i'd be 100% down to make more. just drop the am/tlsp/mk songs you want me to analyse in my inbox (and whether you want the analysis to be strictly personal or you want me to go Full Milex Demon TM), and you can bet i'll end up writing a long-ass analysis post. i have so many theories (sometimes even different ones for the same song lmao like in this case) and they're just waiting to be put on paper.

now, since we're on the topic...

✨️mr. schwartz and body paint milex analysis✨️, by yours truly

(once again, this is just fan analysis. it's just as valid as any milex fanfiction i've ever written - meaning that it's completely fictional and i'm not in any way shape or form implying anything about them as real people. just having fun with lyrics and possible interpretations!)

(+ as i said in the other post, i'm analysing them together because there are so many interesting analogies between them and i think they might be connected. brace yourselves because this is gonna be long)

so in the other post i talked about anyways (and the ultracheese, but we could also add star treatment to the mix) as an introduction to the new album, how from what we've seen so far of the car it seems to be a very self-reflective album.

the vibes are quite similar, but if the tbhc self-reflection was done on purpose, almost calculated, the one that seems to characterize the car appears to be almost... annoyed. there's this subtone to it, a faint hue that gives it a sense of reluctant introspection. he's not doing it willingly - he's almost forced to do it, incapable of bottling his thoughts up any longer. like he finally understood he can't run forever (could be the effect of the pandemic, who knows). Also, the tbhc lyrics were absolutely cryptic, and even though the car ones are just as cryptic in some instances, we also find very straightforward, concrete lines ("come here and kiss me before it gets too cute / [...] and if we guess who i'm pretending to be / do we get a prize?" from Mr.S. as well as "watching your every move i feel the tears are coming on [...] and i'm keeping on my costume [...] and if you're thinking of me, i'm probably thinking of you" from BP). if tbhc had ten layers of mysterious metaphors covering it, the car has like... eight, i'd say. still very cryptic, but with a tiny bit more clarity to it. there’s still a lot of smoke covering it, but we can make out shapes a bit more clearly than we did in tbhc.

speaking of anyways specifically, i'd like to focus on that for a moment. everyone knows how it's a very, very personal song - but i don't see enough people talking about the evident parallels with see ya when i see ya:

"what a place for both the opposite sides of my double life to finally collide"

"you're feeling alive, a jekyll and hyde / [...] leading that double life"

like. do i even need to say anything. see ya when i see ya as a whole just screams of alex, but those lines? that's just miles telling everyone "yeah, this is about my absolutely platonic no homo bro", except it’s full homo and he knows he couldn’t make it any clearer even if he tried

also special mention:

"spilled the unspillable beans" (from the bourne identity)

"i put myself on mute before i spill the beans / oh, not again" (from SYWISY)

like. are you getting the vibe? because i sure as hell am

now, taking into consideration the whole discourse about double lives, masks and façades, let's get to Mr.S. and BP. as i said in the other post, in both songs it feels like he's talking to two different 'you's: himself (alternating it with 'i') and a mysterious interlocutor who appears to be someone he has history with. you and i both know who i’m thinking about lmao

body paint comes before mr. schwartz in the tracklist. he starts off strong, straight to the point:

"for a master of deception and subterfuge / you made yourself quite the bed to lie in"

these first two lines seem to refer to him not being able (or not being allowed) to be his true self; this is also confirmed by the 3rd and 4th lines, which are all about the need/urge to keep up (false) appearances and the misery that comes from it: "do your time traveling through the tanning booth / so you don't let the sun catch you crying". the sun could be spotlight, the media and the world's eyes on him, watching his every move. this whole “façade” aspect could easily be interpreted as him hiding his sexual orientation from the world for fear of being judged.

in the second stanza, this awareness also translates into self-deprecation (possibly internalized homophobia):

"my teeth are beating and my knees are weak / it's as if there's something up with the wiring / you can poke your head behind the mountain peak / you don't have to leak that you've gone into hiding"

he blames himself for this situation, for "having gone into hiding": the guilt takes up the form of physical symptoms and he asks himself whether there's something wrong with him ("something up with the wiring"), but at the same time he won't "leak" it, he refuses to admit it.

then there's a turn and he seems to be talking to the other person: "i know what you're thinking", which has Big Milex Telepathy energy, because who else could he share that kind of connection with?

now let's consider these lines from mr. schwartz:

"might be half a love song in it all for you / timing wise it's probably for the best / come here and kiss me now before it gets too cute"

at first he seems to be considering the possibility of giving himself and the other person a chance - the timing is right, they should just live in the moment without dwelling too much on anything else ("kiss me now before it gets too cute"). but then, after the chorus, this happens:

"gradually it's coming into view / [...] as fine a time as any to deduce / the fact that neither you or I has ever had a clue"

it's a bittersweet realisation slowly hitting him: right after he's almost been able to say fuck it and just live in the moment, he realises that neither he or the other person really knows what they're doing - what they've been doing all this time, maybe in terms of how deep they were really in, or how getting that deep would only inevitably end up hurting them both. he’s justifying them and at the same time almost criticising them, because they didn’t know what they were getting into and they really had no idea what they were doing (although, may i add, the other person might disagree on that. they certainly did know and he's just looking for excuses).

and then we have these lines from body paint, which seem to continue on that same route:

"watching your every move i feel the tears are coming on / it won't be long / it won’t be long"

he can't stop lingering on everything the other person does, almost obsessing over them - and at the same time this makes him even more miserable, because of two possible options:

a) he considers giving their relationship a chance, but fears it won't last

b) he feels like he's running out of time, and he needs to make a decision because the other person is still moving around, they won’t wait for him forever, and he feels "it won't be long" until they'll eventually move on. (may i add 2.0, if he thinks miles could ever move on and forget about him then he's even dumber than expected. oblivious king 😔)

however, stubborn as he is, he's choosing to keep up the façade despite his pain ("mr. schwartz is staying strong for the crew"; "and i'm keeping on my costume" in BP), keeping up his appearance ("wardrobe's lint-rolling your velveteen suit"), because he knows that's just how the industry works ("mr. schwartz is having tea with the grips / asking after all the wives and the kids / it's at the heart of what the business is"); he can’t live freely – he’s committed to the role he plays in the industry and he’s convinced breaking character and living his truth is simply not an option. neither he or the other person can change that, it’s just how things work ("there's not one god damn thing that you can do about this"; this also reminds me of these lines from star treatment: “i found out the hard way that / here ain't no place for dolls like you and me”).

but deep down he knows that, no matter how hard he tries to ignore his and the other person's feelings - it doesn't change the fact that those feelings are there, they exist and they can’t just pretend they don’t ("and if you're thinking of me, i'm probably thinking of you"). because that's what they've been doing for years – thinking of and obsessing over each other.

i also find this very interesting:

"and if we guess who i'm pretending to be / do we win a prize?"

it feels like he's responding to miles' attempts at deciphering him, of reading through his behaviour over the years after 2016 (through the entirety of coup de grace + some change the show songs). all these years, miles has been telling him through the veil of song to drop the façade and just be who he is, to stop being afraid and give them a chance, because no matter what he'll always be next to him. this is alex's reply: cynical, because the rose-tinted glasses (the same "rose tint" he mentions in mirrorball, perhaps) are gone, he can't see things the same way he did in 2016 because he forced himself to wake up from that dream. because he's convinced it was just that, a dream - one that could never come true.

but he knows the facts are there, he hasn't forgotten about the past and he knows miles hasn't either. and they can pretend everything is absolutely platonic on the outside, for the sake of their public image, but they both know what used to happen behind closed doors: "straight from the cover shoot / there's still a trace of body paint / on your legs and on your arms and on your face"; photoshoots representing their public side, and the two of them being the only ones who are able to see through each other's public façade. they marked each other in some way, and that mark is very much still there - but it's only completely visible to them, because they're the only ones who really know what happened. it's between them, a secret hidden in plain sight.

(+ these lines sound 100% fully sexual, i'm sorry it's the truth. we all thought about it and i won’t hear anything else about it) (also shout out to @haonsworld for speaking the truth about this part. you're braver than the us marines)

and yeah, alex may be skeptical about the possibility of them ever being something again ("having attempted twice, both incorrectly"), at the same time he can't let go of a tiny spark of hope, asking both himself and miles: "do we get a third try?"

this could also be interpreted as the other anon was saying - that is, them discussing the possibility of tlsp3, and how to make it happen.

either way, although a bit scared of failing, he's asking for a chance. he's hoping for it, despite maybe not knowing exactly how to handle it. but miles has been waiting for him all these years, hasn’t he? and he's ready to stand next to him in that journey.

after all, miles says it himself in caroline: "let me save you from yourself because / caroline, you're living on the edge this time / [...] take my hand / and go and lead the life that you've planned / 'cause you're gonna be just fine / my caroline" ❤️

#please @ am fun police don't come at me #i'm just having fun being a crazy demon 😔#answered #milex #my theories

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