#but also feel like im on the verge of something

[moonlightpirate]

Should I worry about my mental health since I'm seriously considering getting a piercing?

#seriously debating on getting a septum piercing #and my mental health hasnt been bad #but also feel like im on the verge of something #so not sure if im just feeling adventurous #maybe its me moving on from idiot face #and wanting to do something #hmmmm #jen talks

[lupins-hehim-pussy]

i want top neuvillette who's still femme and a crybaby my god is that so hard

#/lh #my tastes. masc bottoms femme tops #to be fair my dynamic with them is neuv gets pregnant but neuv also tops. so generally speaking. solid switches. but wrio bottoms #he's the king of the underworld after all. #i do think its hilarious tho if you look at the trends across wrlt vs nvwr interpretations #the tops always gets broadened...... masculinized.... aged #and the bottom becomes this waifish wet noodle.......... #like ive seen bottom wrio with a baby face. paired with a neuv who's somehow broader than him #and alternatively ive seen the. meatiest. manliest middle-aged man wriothesley with a neuvillette who's back is perpetually arched #and im like the dimorphism is crazy /j this isnt just a strictly wrlt thing tho this is real across. every ship. that has ever existed lol #tho on a more serious note i have a big squick when it comes to bottom wrio interps where an emphasis on their dynamic is........ #the fact that he's younger. or that they first met when he was a minor. im like weird thing to emphasize but ok. #disclaimer tho when i say crybaby hes not a Childish Man mind you. hes Sensitive and Awkward but he's still got that weird ancient stalenes #his voice just wobbles sometimes. he often sound like hes at the verge of tears even if his face is perfectly flat #hes autistic like that #and the sole reason why wrio doesnt top That Much is because hes fuckin tired man. eepy. hes like my god neuv if you still wanna go at it #ur gonna have to take the reins. baby im tired. #something something freakish dragon strength and stamina #personally. my hcs are as such. neuvillette is very lean. almost uncannily long if i exaggerate it for funsies. hes slenderman coded. skinn #but you find no texture underneath his skin. you can't feel bones or muscles shift when he moves when you touch him #there's this exceptional discomfort when you see him lift something that looks much heavier than he should be able to manage #almost like his long fingers might impale it. like you are balancing something soft and fleshy on a nail. it doesn't feel secure #like if wriothesley held you. his arms would feel warm and solid. thick and supportive. whereas neuv's feels like it might dig into you #i could yap all day.

[natjennie]

sorry i havent been very active lately I've been having a real shit couple days idk why

#ive been like right on the verge of a breakdown all day today #and i can feel it coming. the tears are IN my eyes. #it's just. everything is so hard. #it can't be this hard all the time for everyone right? #because if it is and everyone is just being normal and doing fine and coping and being an adult about it #then that makes me a failure. #and i dont know what im supposed to do with that. #its also so fucking hard to see something you might want for yourself #and be inundated with the weight of all the barriers #and all the ways that you'll never get there #all the reasons it wont work. everything just feels so difficult #like EVERYTHING everything everything is minimum 10 steps and it never fucking ends #idk why im feeling so bad like ive been taking my medicine ive been trying really hard to eat and drink and take them #like no matter what i do im always in pain and tired and sad and frustrated #and it never fucking stops #anyway sorry #venting #vent post

[celepeace]

Man they weren't kidding about how even if you push down emotions consciously your body will Remember

#im really going through it rn. not as much as some close to me though #i'm supporting someone through something awful that is also affecting me. just not as much as them #and sometimes i'm like ''why do i feel so crappy and fragile'' as if someone i know isn't proceeding with physician assisted euthanasia #like hmm i wonder why!! #me: why do i feel like i'm on the verge of an anxiety attack all the time #my brain: someone you know is suffering and you are never going to see them again #me: oh right #it's so weird. it doesn't feel real it feels like something that happens to other people not to you #sometimes i just sit alone and i'm like. huh. this is really what's happening #this is happening and i have to vacuum the house and go to the grocery and feed the dog #the world isn't allowed to end around me. it just keeps going and i have things to get done. the laundry is dirty #i have to do the laundry and my arms shake and my stomach turns

[welcometogrouchland]

Kind of on the verge right now. You guys want silly comics?

#ramblings of a lunatic #dc #please say yes #also by 'on the verge: i simply mean that i have permanent knot in my back from stress rn. and it's making me feel things #I'll be fine i literally just need to make it to friday and then I'm peachy keen but as for this week it's like #write your essay then reschedule meeting then get groceries then write more then record then write more then your sisters visitjg then you- #and it's ummmm. all a bjt much for me rn but it's fine I'm almost on break #I'm just tried beyond what I've previously been able to achieve #which is saying something! bc I've achieved some things in my time #but never the things i want to achieve. sigh #anyway. im gonna post the silly comics anyway. I'm just fragile rn i need encouragement

[timehascomeagain]

I was gna try a new tofu recipe today but I didn't....many such cases.... I feel so out of sorts I'm so sleepy and dizzy n delirious

#might have a smoothie........ #Ok can i also just say my mum closing the house incl the kitchen down at 8.30 is starting to get on my NERVEZZZZZZZ #it makes me stressed. i feel like im always on the verge of doing something wrong hwre T^T

[todayisafridaynight]

professor just told me we dont have class this week and to instead watch a movie where a chara has a mental illness and to make mental notes of their behavior and how they're treated for it so anyways which ttm movie should i rewatch

#snap chats #HELP #'pay attention to treatment' alright well he keeps wanting to kill himself does that count as 'treatment' #also FINE ill cave and start blogging about nakai and ttm stuff. ONLY SOMETIMES. because stream said it was ok #i just finished watching Monday by the way- EPIC MOVIE i really really liked it #sabu's feeding me by repeatedly putting ttm in situations where he's losing his mind and on the verge of ending it all #sorry having a kira yoshikage moment. sorry to everyone when they eventually figure out what that means #POINT IS jokes on you prof i already make mental notes of Whatever Mental Shit a chara's going through... lol... #my 'assignment' on thursday is to do something good for myself so.... OH WAIT THTAS WHAENG AIDEN COMES OUT FUCK #YOOOOOOOO gona play gaiden thursday for class.. haha... jk i already said i'd do it friday #i'll figure out something to do that day.. maybe y0 stream if i havent finished it by then #ok bye im gonna try to draw something. maybe stream y0 later we'll see how i feel

[heliophaestus]

i need to have my brain consumed by something. i need it to last forever and i need to laugh and sob and dance and sing uncontrollably about it

#i also just. so badly need to feel an ache in my chest out of pure love for something #i feel like. like im on the verge of it. just not quite there yet. in that inbetween #minotaur musings

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i need to just sit down and not stand up until this phd proposal is written #i cant focus. im too tired #literally its only one page and the topic is cool as fuck. not that hard to write #but im tired 😫 and ive got other things i also have to do #ugh im too deep into my burnout phase #i think abt the past version of myself and it makes me tired. u do work all day then happily go transfer algae for 3hrs? how? #i say happily but thats a lie. i sometimes walked into the building on the verge of tears. but like i still did it so idk #sigh... i just need to get thru applying to places and pray that they all accept me so i can choose where i wanna go #im just so tired tho. #photosynthesis! fucking the power to harvest the suns energy! god i wish that were ne #me. just throw me into a puddle of ooze. let me be reclaimed by the cyanos. i dont wanna take measures on them anymore #not with the machines i have now. im not strong enough. idk i think something irreparably broke on my head in the spring #last time i was taking measurements and im gonna have like 3 months straight worth of samples. which given my track record. does not bode #well at all. but maybe itll be fine. maybe i wont drive myself to the edge of sanity #we have 2 sampling trips pending in the next 2 weeks. im v nervous abt the 2nd bc im worried itll be idaho all over again #everytime i do field work now i feel like im losing my mind. somethings broken and i dont kno how to fix it #let this be a lesson kids. dont overwork urself. dont push and push until u collapse #bc all the color drains from the world and suddenly ur just doing things that feel pointless #ugh. i should sleep. but my brain wont let me #maybe ill just lay down all day tomorrow. maybe maybe maybe #unrelated

[semercury]

I miss having a professional tell me not everyone hates me every other week. I am suffering :(

#stuff sarah says #me: i feel like everyone hates me on saturdays bc i only work four hours #mom: what??? #i cant explain it #i mean i can #im not overworking myself #im not on the verge of death or a breakdown so i MUST not be doing something right #and also people see me? and talk to me??? #and so like yeah obviously theyre going to hate me #anyway i saw a spider on some chips at work and i almost died of a heart attack then and there #idk idk idk i just hhh ??? everyone could hate me!!!! how would i know?? what would i do??

[monarchamos]

istg silly fictional characters are like the only thing stopping the snapping of the already fraying string that is my mental health

#rant #i am on the VERGE of something i can feeling boiling in my skin #simultaneously about to have a breakdown and fight everyone around me but also i feel nothing #i am experiencing what i like to call terminal stress #i have been stressed for about two years but i cant let myself drop into despair so ive been in constant pain so long im numb #well not so much numb i still feel it but like its sorta muted/ignorable since im used to it but i know im at my limit #i just ignore everything by submersing myself in fictional worlds and thinking about characters instead of my own problems

[consciouschunkofmoss]

yk maybe i do want to be a librarian and live in mg and have a cool autumn sense of fashion and have my parents support and hold my pratices close and not struggle with capitalism and internalized racism as much

#three am research on how to be a librarian on brazil sure bears some fruit #i hate that i dont have anything plannd for my future and every attempt at finding something that entertains me feels like a childish dream #like hunting down jobs and actually manageable scholarships feels like such a huge burden #because its either the most ridiculous. far fetched. dream-like type of plan #or just the most disgustingly ableist thing ever #i either fall into such a pessimistic or the most aesthetic driven mindset possible. theres no in between #id love to go through college and be a decent person with experience outside of the usual programs #but also im an unmedicated adhd person who is the verge of falling apart at the prospect of being too mentally underdeveloped #and therefore not being able to handle an stable enough routine to get out this whole mess without severe depression or even just alive #its nice to think about a future where im past my 30s and actually alive. doing something that i enjoy and take from a good income #but just laying around the prospect of passing through 5 years of whatever under such a strict regime makes me genuinely sick #i just want to feel like i actually have a future where i dont suffer like many of my family members have and still do to this very day #i want to be me and still feel like i have a chance at successfully acquiring a job that wont harass me through the starting point onwards #i just want to be myself and still be alive past 16 years

[im-traumatised]

Give me a break give me a break give me a break give me a break please for the love of fuck

#im stressed im stressed #im so verg stressed #theirs so many things #wait and waiting on government verdicts #so that i can move #but i also gotra find a place to move yoo #then i gotta move #and im still stuck doing medicsl shit and #ive not been able to do my chores in the unit for months because of it all #and my sleep schedule is inanely unhelpful and everyone keeps being so confused about why im struggling and im lonely and im feeling #self concious about my body again and have barely been able yo leave mt room the last like two months and im gonna cry #im so tired #haven't gone out my unit for something other then Groceries in fuck knows how long #AceofDragons #vent

[fellwhite]

It's happening

Im self sabotaging again, as I've done all my life

This is a vent, you have been warned

#all happiness i had from the date has completely died out #I don't know what happened nor what to feel #up to yesterday she was messaging me for simple things with a couple pet names and just being lovely #yet today when we finally see each other again? colder than the fucking stone she's never been this cruel before #im totally willing to be with her in the good and the bad...but it's hard to do when anything you do gets completely rejected or ignored #i knew that this was a possibility of course but with how perfect everything was i don't understand i truly don't #im confused and on the verge of crying but I've been holding it back the whole day...the better the thing the worse the consecuence i guess #thank fucking god im no longer suicidal (i mean depression is always there but i can fight it now) because this would've surely left a scar #I just don't understand anything... why is this even happening where did i go wrong and how can i even fix it #thing is: although I'll definitely end up blaming myself i do know it's also something on her end #atleast in these moments of sanity i don't feel that guilty yet but I'll be dying in these following times #...guess this does confirm that it's not a simple crush but actual love right? because I've never felt this hurt before #like i don't give up and I don't plan to because with her i have experienced some of the happiest moments of my entire life #i know it's worth it... but i don't know how much more i can keep taking before crumbling apart #ah. this is why refused to let myself fall for someone again until a long time but that attempt was poorly executed #again though. what I've lived with her will stay on my mind and... if it comes to the worst I'll atleast treasure the memories i could keep #anyways ill end this here. i needed some venting because everything is aching right now but this does help even if just a little #vent

[isaacathom]

fully off the shits. zeke's death took me out, man.

#i could talk about this for hours. but also if i dwell on it i will feel physically unwell #im gonna draw something relating to it and it will make me Feel Very Normal #i drew a thing when zeke died the first time and didnt show the group bc i was like 'oh this isnt Normal behaviour' #but now im like fellas. fellas. we all know im off the shits. my roleplay game is intense. i was on another level #i was on the verge of tears for the majority of the session and i think sounded genuinely exhausted and worn out #and like ya boi has energy! i had energy! but fuck man. i was in there. the trenches were real #florian possessed me for a hot sec and he was having a mental health crisis the likes of which ive not had in years

[polaraffect]

me every time i plan my schedule: i will definitely do all the reading for all these classes i have willingly signed up for

me inevitably in October: ... i have read 1 1/2 of the assignments due this week

#damien.txt #considering taking 4 english classes + a language someone tell me this is a bad idea lmaooo #to be fair they are like. for my english major. which is something im doing. #and the alternative is taking history classes (for my history major) which also involves reading. so. #to be fair reading for history courses and english courses is just inherently different idek how to explain it #i feel like history undergrad courses (that i have experienced) involve a lot less reading #like there's definitely still reading let me be clear but like i would be reading.... ehh let's say an average of 15ish pages for each class #vs id be reading like. 60 per class for each english class #so like it does seem to be more reading. but also. the english classes do be lowkey fascinating #im also making a mistake by willingly taking a night class 💀💀 but we'll watch movies in it so it seems so cool ahhhh #< i feel like the fascinating comment makes it seem like i dont find the history courses fascinating #i do! the english classes offered at my university this semester are just particularly fascinating #theres one that is full but i wanna take it soooo bad and it's about ecocriticsm and feminism and it looks like it SLAPS #anyways anyways on the verge of making bad decisions. or good decisions? i suppose just. decisions. #will i take any history courses this semester..... for my og major.... who's to say.... #the major reason im considering this is tbh i havent totally decided my area focus for history #which is. important kinda. like in the grand scheme it's not but also for my major requirements it is lol #but like if i don't take any history courses this semester i wont have to make that decision bc i wont be furthering my requirements anyway #<3 yay! we love indecisiveness #anyways hello if you have made it this far. i am sorry u read my entire rant about academics #i have no idea what i am doing at any point and at this rate i dont think i will by the time i graduate with my very useless degrees #but y'know! slay! hope you are doing well and i am manifesting confidence in your choices for you (pls manifest it back)