#bob’s burgers cake episode | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

br1ghtestlight · 7 months

Text

bob belcher is autistic and here's why!!

social difficulties. this one is pretty obvious bcuz one of bob's most important traits is how introverted and antisocial he is and how he doesn't like being around people (outside of family) or being forced to make conversation. he spends holidays cooking in the kitchen as an excuse to not have to talk to his in-laws and he's generally very socially awkward because its hard for him to read other people and he gets stressed out easily. when he DOES have people he wants to interact with socially he's anxious that he's doing something wrong and that he'll say something to make them hate them such as phone calls or when he's texting his dad friends ("just try not to be... how you are." "i always try to do that") and seems to have a hard time reading what other people think about him especially through text or knowing when he's being rude or hurtful (like that burger convention episode where he thought he made friends but everybody hated him and was talking behind his back bcuz he misread social signals) he also seems to have a hard time reading other people's body languages and emotions. he also HATES large gatherings and parties as stated in multiple episodes. he seems to calm down and decompress by being alone and focusing on doing his own thing

lack of emotional expression. very similar to tina bob has a monotone voice and lack of facial expression compared to his family members and other characters on the show. while he CAN express his emotions through voice he mostly says what he means or how he's feeling and expects other people to do the same. very rarely genuinely smiles etc (not because he isn't happy!!! it doesn't seem to come naturally to him most of the time)

hyperfixations on specific topics and interests. while obviously bob's main interest is cooking and anything related to the production and growing of food as seen in countless episodes (thanksgiving episodes especially and any episode where he's gardening or growing plants) he does have other hyperfixations too. big examples are CAKE in that one episode and how linda says that bob gets obsessed with "boring things" too like soap carving or that episode where he hyperfixated on the internet cucumber. when this happens he focuses all his energy on the topic and doesn't seem to care about much else as seen in the episode where he gets a juicer for christmas and throughout the episode he's either excited about different juicing combinations or complaining about how he can't use his juicier ("in my head i'm at home juicing right now") while forcing his family to drink his combinations. also that History Of Pepper book that he got super into. enjoys explaining this interests to other people whether or not they seem interested in what he's saying (like in that goddamn cucumber episode)

hyper empathy for and attachment to inanimate objects. this is a HUGE thing for bob as he's always seen talking to inanimate objects around him like food as he prepares it or his kitchen utensils. he uses this to express his feelings and talk through uncertain situations but he also seems to have real empathy and emotions towards them as seen in the episode where he gets into a fight with the turkey banister or when lance the turkey gets shot. he also gets very emotional when he has to work in a different kitchen and apologizes to his stove several times

sticking to routine and resistance to change. bob clearly values his routine at the restaurant with his burger of the day etc and his family seems to have a fairly consistent daily routine with dinner and watching tv afterwards every night. in the seaplane episode linda is upset because she thinks bob's dates are boring because he always wants to go back to the same boring/reliable places that he already knows that he likes vs wanting to try something new that he possibly won't enjoy which is VERY autistic tbh

taking things literally or having trouble with sarcasm. doesn't come up very often BUT in the pigeon episode when linda tells bob to give the pigeon a bath and so he takes a bath with it and she was like NO BOBBY IN THE SINK!!! and he's like i wouldn't fit in the sink? :( thats autism baby

burnout. bob tends to hyperfixate on his job and his love of cooking but if he does this for too long without taking a break it can lead to burnout where he's seen having trouble with running the restaurant and more sensitive/annoyed by other people talking to him so he needs to take a break even if he resists this at first. very autistic experience to Hyperfixate so hard you forget your basic needs and have trouble remembering to take care of yourself

struggles with motor control and following directions. this is a smaller symptom but bob is shown having trouble with tying even basic knots and has an inability to follow maps or written instructions which can be a symptom of autism/developmental disorders. also he has a stutter which similarly is often comorbid with developmental disabilities/speech disorders

occasionally struggles with eye contact (during parent-teacher interviews)

strong sense of justice. bob very clearly has strong emotional responses and a strong sense of justice in situations that he sees as unfair and can react strongly without thinking it through. problems w/ impulse control and high emotion

bob isn't shown stimming very often but similarly to tina i think he mostly has his vocal stims that he uses in stressful situations ("oh my god. oh my god") in the movie he can also be seen groaning for hours at a time and going almost completely nonverbal in a stressful situation much like tina does which means it is likely a trait that she inherited from bob. he also paces around and seems to be predisposed to having shutdowns in stressful situations or when he's very anxious

not directly related but bob seems to think that he's MUCH better at masking than he actually is and i think that's very funny. he's like nobody knows im autistic :) <- everybody knows that he is autistic

#not all these traits are exclusive to autism and not every autistic person has all of them (or even most of them) and there's ones #im not adding because they don't really apply to bob but yknow #bob belcher is autistic. u understand #txt #bob's burgers #bob belcher

59 notes · View notes

ltwharfy · 1 month

Text

"Bob's Burgers" Season 9 Episode Ranking Rewatch (Long Post)

So, I've been rewatching "Bob's Burgers" from the beginning and ranking the episodes using the spreadsheet that @babsvibes created! If you want to know why I'm doing this or how I view the 1-5 rating scale, you can check out my Season 1 post! If you want to check out any of the other seasons, I've been using the "bob's burgers episode ranking rewatch" tag for all of them.

Now, on to Season 9:

Average (Mean) Score: 4.55

Mode (Most Common) Ranking: 5

Ranking Breakdown: 12 5s 10 4s

Season as a whole thoughts:

"Bob's Burgers" is turning nine and it's feeling *uses inhaler* fine!

Seriously, this is just another really excellent season in my opinion. It joins Season 4 and 8 as one of the seasons to not getting any episodes rated lower than a 4, and it's average score is good enough for 4th place of the currently ranked seasons below 7, 4, and 5. In some ways, it reminds me a lot of Season 7- a great mix of humor and heart along with introducing some new characters and other innovations- it's definitely representative of the series at its best, in my opinion.

Some thoughts on specific episodes (and feel free to ask if you want my thoughts on an episode I didn't comment on):

"Just One of the Boyz 4 Now for Now": It's a tough call, but this might be my favorite season premiere and my favorite "musical episode" (ie: one with more than the typical 1-2 songs). All the songs are absolute classics and great parodies of romantic comedy tropes! it's really a brilliant episode. It's hard to name a favorite song, but I think I might have to go with "Friend Zone" just because "Now let's kiss over this cake/'Cause it's your birthday, I guess" always cracks me up. The baby rat subplot is also really fun, and a great use of Hugo. And this episode gives us another (brief) appearance of Louise's Boo Boo crush, which is one of my favorite running gags! A great way to start the season.

"The Taking of Funtime One Two Three": While we're on the subject of great songs (or we were recently) "let an egg roll, from your egg hole" and "if wooly mammoths had had wheels maybe they'd still be around" are among the "Bob's Burgers" song lyrics that are always living in my head. Sadly, I rarely have an occasion to say either of them in conversation. I do like to say "To what end, people?!" occasionally, so thanks for that, Trip. Anyway, this is another classic "The Belcher Kids and their friends have an adventure episode" with a healthy does of Mr. Fischoeder and some fun moments with Yuli the security guard, one of my favorite minor recurring characters.

"Tweentrepreneurs": I love this episode because it helped inspire one of my favorite future career headcanons for Louise (and an outlined multichapter fic I'll probably never write). While taking over the restaurant or being a film director seem like the most obvious future career for Louise, this episode has the biggest of about three canon moments that inspired my "Louise Belcher, future labor union organizer" headcanon. I worked in the labor movement for several years and I just think would Louise would love it- taking on the rich and powerful, helping other people stand up for themselves, causing good trouble- it's a really good fit for her. And here she is, leading a walkout at age 9! (And, given my fondness for her relationship with Rudy, I have to mention that it's her concern for his health that is the final straw leading to the walkout.)

"Nightmare on Ocean Avenue Street": Probably my favorite Halloween episode; definitely has my two favorite Halloween costumes! Rudy and Bob are probably the two characters I relate to the most, and it cracks me up that their costumes in this episode are totally things I would do: "what? It might look like I'm wearing normal clothes, but actually I'm totally Paul Rudd or Bruce Springsteen, can't you tell?!" Also, I don't think I've mentioned before how much I love the guy who's about to throw the candy into the incinerator. He's really one of my favorite one-off characters. Dude just got out of six month coma, doesn't know what day it is, still goes to work...and apparently will just throw anything into the incinerator that anybody tells him to (unless he gets a more compelling reason not to)? I think he might rank second after the "Boyz 4 Now" security guard as my favorite nameless one-off character.

"I Bob Your Pardon": Maybe my third or fourth favorite Thanksgiving episode! I've always had an interested in politics and journalism (I wanted to be a journalist when I was a kid) so this hilarious small town Thanksgiving turkey pardoning scandal really hits a lot of the right notes for me. If I had become a journalist, I definitely would've stolen "Well, somebody better call Huey Lewis because I may have found myself some news" as my catchphrase. And the end credits song is a total banger! "Don't you taint my mayor!"

"Better Off Sled": An excellent Christmas episode! Generally speaking, Louise and Logan's dynamic isn't really my jam, but I enjoy them here. The one-upsmanship of the snowball arms race is a lot of fun, and the "stupid Christmas" ending is sweet but not too sweet and feels totally in character for Louise. Also, I can't help but love this exchange: "Then why does it look like your butt could take a sheet of fresh-baked cookies out of the oven?" "Genetics?" (Kristen Schaal's delivery of "genetics?" is one of at least three times on the series when she absolutely kills me with her delivery of a single word). All that being said, I think Teddy is the real comedic MVP of this episode- pretty much everything he says cracks me up! And I love that Rudy is basically the one who saves the day for the Belcher kids! And Knitcracker, I can't believe I didn't mention Knitcracker yet! (That said, it's still not my favorite Christmas episode since it doesn't involve any references to murder mannequins.)

"The Helen Hunt": I feel like this might be one of my least popular shipping opinions but...I like Teddy/Kathleen! Not in the sense that I want to create fic or art for them, but I just think they are kind of sweet together. Like with Roger and Judy from "Aquaticism" they have that "awkward middle-aged people finding each other" vibe that this awkward middle-aged single person finds appealing. And I think her pretty easygoing, laidback nature is a nice contrast to how stressed out/excitable Teddy can be. And I always enjoy people who watch odd sports! Okay, Teddy/Kathleen aside, I also just enjoyed that they did a followup to "Housetrap", and the father and hot son plumbing duo subplot is so cute! "You, you make plumbing fun..."

"Bed, Bob, and Beyond": One of the things I've noticed in this rewatch, is that I really enjoy the three-story episodes (aka vignette episodes aka triptychs aka who knows what else some folks have called them.) I think what I really enjoy is that the reason for them is always different, and therefore it always says something different about the characters and their situations. it's not just the Simpsons having a trio of non-canon Halloween adventures ever year. I think showing Linda and Bob having a stupid fight, and the kids view of it and their efforts to get them to reconcile, was a really clever use of one of these stories. Also, if I am ever asked to do an English accent, I will likely say "I'm watching footie on the telly in the pubby where the beer is". (Which is probably offensive, so please don't ask me to do that!)

"Every Which Way But Goose": Another thing the rewatch has made me appreciate more: Jimmy Jr. and his relationship with Tina. I never hated J-Ju, but I will say that I probably took him and the Tinimmy relationship for granted- it's been there since almost the beginning but I never really thought much about it. But the rewatch has helped me realize how funny of a character J-Ju is (it's just a really funny voice by H. Jon Benjamin) and how the Tinimmy relationship has given us some really funny episodes- most notably this one and "Ex Mach Tina", which are both all-time classics in my book (and, of course, they play a big role in "Bob Actually" as well, but I like that one for other reasons as well.) To me, it's clear from this episode and others that J-Ju does care about Tina...he's just very much a 13 year old boy. So, he's occasionally thoughtful but more often dumb or oblivious. Also, the end credits song to this one is another classic. I wish I could go to a concert of "Bob's Burgers" music just so I could scream out "secret kiss with Bruce the Goose" with thousands of other excited concert goers, because that is what that lyric deserves, dammit!

"The Gene Mile": So, I recently posted about how much I enjoyed some of the Rudy moments in this one. This is another great "Belcher kids and their friends" adventure; and I really wish that Courtney and Alex had more appearances in stories like this- where they and their relationship with Gene isn't really the center of the story- they are just part of the gang! It's always fun to watch different combinations of the kids have fun together. Also, nice for Large Tommy to get his largest role- going back to Season 1 of the rewatch it's funny to think that he was introduced much earlier than some of Louise's more iconic classmates (Rudy, Chloe, Millie, Jessica, Harley, etc.).

"P.T.A. It Ain't So": I feel like this might be the first example in the rewatch of an episode that really grew on me. A lot of the episodes I've given 5s to were ones I remember loving as soon as I saw them. Or they were "sleeper hits" that I had basically forgotten about before rewatching. This episode I remember when I first saw it, and I remember thinking it was fine but nothing great. But on rewatches I just find myself enjoying it more and more. I really love the Kim and Sons hardware store bird subplot- especially the ridiculous flyer the kids make. Also, it's fun watching the kids play with their pipe in the background (such a great kids being kids moment)! But the PTA stuff is great too- I love the fact that Tammy's Dad is Linda's PTA bestie for some reason! And Linda's idea of Colleen being in the shark suit for the dramatic revelation! And the Bleach Boys! Also, as someone who headed a neighborhood political group for a while, Joanne's line "Do you have any idea how many emails I send a week? No, you don't because no one reads them" resonates with me.

Random thoughts (stuff that doesn't affect the ratings):

-More great new characters continue to arrive on the scene! Hi Susmita! Hi Arnold!

-I would totally watch Randy's movie "A Life, Well, Steved". "And I thought to myself, 'I can't take another hurdle. I think I am that baby turtle.'" That's some beautiful, profound stuff there.

See you in the Season 10 post! It could be pretty soon since I've already watched rated it all- just need time to write!

#bob's burgers #bob's burgers season 9 #bob's burgers episode ranking rewatch #long post

12 notes · View notes

blurban-form · 6 months

Text

Full list of top 100 episodes on the (Australian) ABC Bluey Countdown

(Courtesy of Reddit)

100 Mr Monkeyjocks

99 Fancy Restaurant

98 Housework

97 Omelette

96 The Quiet Game

95 Shaun

94 Charades

93 Featherwand

92 Obstacle Course

91 Teasing

90 Shadowlands

89 Magic Xylophone

88 Movies

87 Road Trip

86 Hospital

85 Work

84 Whale Watching

83 Daddy Putdown

82 Early Baby

81 Butterflies

80 Chickenrat

79 Copycat

78 Chest

77 Daddy Dropoff

76 Sticky Gecko

75 Daddy Robot

74 Handstand

73 Space

72 Dunny

71 Blue Mountains

70 The Beach

69 Muffin Cone

68 The Sleepover

67 Backpackers

66 Pizza Girls

65 Slide

64 Bob Bilby

63 Swim School

62 Rug Island

61 Magic

60 Stickbird

59 Smoochy Kiss

58 Calypso

57 Stumpfest

56 Family Meeting

55 Verandah Santa

54 Fruitbat

53 Pavlova

52 Dirt

51 Bike

50 Burger Shop

49 Cafe

48 Easter

47 Bus

46 Keepy Uppy

45 Curry Quest

44 Relax

43 Ice Cream

42 Double Babysitter

41 Flat Pack

40 TV Shop

39 Escape

38 The Creek

37 The Pool

36 Barky Boats

35 Mini Bluey

34 Dad Baby

33 Bedroom

32 Asparagus

31 Bad Mood

30 Fairies

29 The Decider

28 Takeaway

27 Duck Cake

26 Grandad

25 Born Yesterday

24 Bumpy and the Wise Old Wolfhound

23 Dragon

22 Fairytale

21 Onesies

20 BBQ

19 Turtleboy

18 Cubby

17 Bingo

16 Unicorse

15 Faceytalk

14 Hammerbarn

13 Pass the Parcel

12 Tradies

11 Army

10 Bin Night

9 Christmas Swim

8 Rain

7 Dance Mode

6 Camping

5 Grannies

4 Sleepytime

3 Granny Mobile

2 Baby Race

1 Cricket

#Bluey countdown #Bluey

7 notes · View notes

laz-kay · 1 month

Note

Hey there! What’s your favorite episode of Bob’s Burgers that no one ever seems to talk about?

My go to episode is always The Gene Mile from Season 9. I feel like that’s one that never gets a look-in, really, but I find it so hilarious. There’s some killer one liners, Tina and Jimmy Jr being competitive, Louise, Gene, Courtney, Alex AND Rudy hanging out, Frond’s scooter, Bob and Teddy having a classic argument, the whole CAKE saga. It’s beautiful.

#ask #answered #bobs burgers #bob’s burgers #bobs burgers season 9 #the gene mile

6 notes · View notes

oneleggedflamingo · 3 months

Text

I started to watch the Fionna and Cake episodes that came out in 2023, and the first episode scratches an itch in my brain.

There is so much whimsy, hope and joy in Adventure time, but I feel like I completely grew out of them many years ago. I remember I really liked MLP as a teen but then aged out of that and started to watch Bob's burgers and Disechantment when it came out. Now I have nearly outgrown Bob's burgers, so the Fionna and Cake episode was a nice surprise. I didn't expect to like it, but it was so much fun.

#rambling #comfort cartoons #fionna and cake #adventure time #bob's burgers

2 notes · View notes

dreamboundedstar · 2 years

Text

Zekina Wedding Headcanons Because Why Not!

I did a glimpse of a wedding headcanon for this ship in one of my other Zekina posts, but now I want to make it its own thing.

Before I start though. There's a line of dialogue from the episode "So You Stink You Can Dance" that I have been stuck on for a while. I didn't want to make another post for that episode because I already have two. So I'm pairing it with this because it sort of fits the theme. Jimmy Jr.: I know what this is! Tina: Two friends who care about you, and their cousin Leslie. Tina what do you mean "their"?! Leslie isn't your cousin and last I checked, Zeke didn't use they/them pronouns (Not that I'm against him using they/them if the character decides to because that's mean, but I'm just making a point here). Tina could have said "and Zeke's cousin Leslie", "and cousin Leslie", or even just "and Leslie". Either Tina had a Freudian slip moment or Dan Mintz really needed to redo that take so it would stop crazy people like me from overthinking lines like that. XD You don't just involve two people in a sentence and then imply both people have a familial relationship with a third person when it's not the case like that! XD As a self-proclaimed crazy person, I'm taking this as Tina is eventually going to marry Zeke after all so that line can be true and Leslie becomes Tina's cousin-in-law. XD Okay now onto the wedding headcanons 1. Tina and Zeke get married on the beach. (I already said this before but now I'm clarifying it again)

2. They get married on July 28th (it was the day the first zombie movie, "White Zombie" was released. Also, a summer beach wedding seems more fitting than a fall one. The first "Night of the Living Dead" was released on October 1st while the remake was released on the 19th of the same month)

3. Their cake toppers are a tiny, bride mustard bottle and a tiny, groom ketchup bottle (originally wanted to do sea urchin and sea cucumber but condiment bottles fit better in my opinion). The cake is white and blue with yellowish-orange (like American cheese) stars lining the bottom of the layers. I wanted to combine an ocean theme and a burger theme combo for the cake. 4. Bob's Burger of the day for the wedding will be called the "Something Blue" cheeseburger (it was originally the longer version, but he shortened it down when he realized less was more for this one). It's a burger topped with blue cheese, fried zucchini (though Gene insisted to go with the Italian translation, zucchina. Bob didn't really get it at first because he didn't know what ship names were. A whole new world of burger ideas was opened once he got the concept of ship names), and ketchup (because it kind of rhymes "getcha" XD)

5. Since the "something blue" is the burger, here's the rest. Old - Tina's glasses. She inconveniently loses the yellow ones that I gave her in my adult design of her and has no choice but to use her old, thick, black ones. New - The fresh, blue daisies she has in her hair. Borrowed - The barrette Zeke keeps on his ear. He lets her borrow it for bangs to keep them in place. That's right, the yellow thing on my design for adult Zeke wasn't another earring. Instead of barrettecklace, Zeke just clips the thing onto his ear like a clip-on earring. Does it hurt? Maybe. Regardless now you all know that it wasn't another earring but Tina's barrette. 6. Cheryl's kid is the flower girl and Sidecar is the ring bearer. (Though if Cheryl's kid turns out to be a boy then Sidecar is the flower boy and Cheryl's kid is the ring bearer because I thought it be cute and funny.) 7. Louise and Gene share the status as the maids of honor while Dillon and Susmita are bridesmaids. Louise wears a suit, Gene wears a suit-dress combo, and the rest wear dresses. 8. Jimmy Jr., in spite of everything is Zeke's best man while the other groomsmen are Rudy and Leslie. They all wear suits. (Zeke needs another friend just so I can make it even between the bridesmaids and groomsmen lol. open to suggestions for the fourth member. I could do Andy and Ollie and just add Jocelyn to Tina's side but I'm not feeling it for multiple reasons) 9. Zeke, of course, tells the Wagstaff Whaler story like he said he would. Meanwhile, Tina surprises Zeke and everyone (except Louise and Gene) when she provides a stitched-together version of all the moments she wrote about Zeke in her diary in chronological order. It was a very sweet way of showing Zeke the progression of her feelings from when she first meant him to now. Louise and Gene helped her with the idea before the wedding to be sure that it didn't get too spicy and for another Buttloose incident to occur. 10. Gene provides the music for the wedding but I'm having trouble deciding who will sing. For me, it's between Linda, Gayle, Courtney, or Daryl. 11. Zeke takes Tina's last name which represents to Tina that when Zeke first said "he was going to get her" it wasn't to "win her" as if she was an easy trophy but that he was determined enough to do whatever it takes to earn her love no matter how unlikely. 12. Susmita did the best she could juggling being a bridesmaid and wedding photographer. Tina and Zeke appreciate her pictures regardless since they know that she's not an official wedding photographer, she's just really good at taking pictures. Get what you pay for and all that jazz. 13. Zeke and Tina spend their honeymoon sailing and then being marooned on Quippiquisset Island because of boat troubles (and for real this time, for the sake of comedic/dramatic irony. I got the idea from vaguely remembering season 6, episode 1 of the Nanny.). Don't worry the rest of the Belcher family gets the 2 off the island eventually. XD

14. They had lobster at the wedding as well as burgers. Couldn't not let Tina have her fantasy lobster wedding feast. XD Bob wasn't particularly pleased by it but he let it go because it was what Tina wanted in the end. As long as Bob, Gene, or anyone else allergic doesn't eat any of the lobster it should be fine. What the heck, Zeke gets his braised lamb shank too. lol 15. Tina's wedding bouquet would comprise of white gardenias, red roses, and lavenders.

I think 15 is a good number to stop at. Hope you enjoy the headcanons and that it gives you inspiration for later.

#Zekina #ZekexTina #TinaxZeke #Bob's Burgers #Tina #Tina Belcher #Tina Ruth Belcher #Zeke #wedding headcanon

32 notes · View notes

melikochan · 1 year

Text

Get to know me

I was tagged by both @wykart and @foibles-fables, thanks you two!

Favorite color: I just love colors y'all, I can't choose in a vacuum. Uhh lets say a vibrant green to blue gradient! But really any color can be breathtaking in the right circumstance. That said, when it comes to fashion, I mostly wear earth tones, heather grey/black, and colorful shorts.

Currently reading: Nothing because my brain is like a slippery eel, but I have @mehoymalloy's "Mutually Assured Destruction" queued up on my phone just waiting to be devoured as soon as I can slot my brain into the right hole.

Last Song: I'm currently working on a Seyloy playlist and listening to the latest ordering. "Cake by the Ocean" by DNCE is playing currently! Hoping to finish this up soon and share. The playlist is a romantic, poppy summer jam.

Last Movie: Honestly can't remember, we don't watch a ton of movies currently. Maybe Glass Onion?

Last Series: We're watching Forged in Fire and Next Level Chef during dinner, and currently have one episode left of Queen Charlotte that we'll hopefully watch tomorrow night. I've also been watching Bob's Burgers and Animal Control on the weekends.

Sweet, Savory, Spicy? All of the above please! I have a wicked sweet tooth, though.

Craving: 8 hours of restful, uninterrupted sleep.

Tea or Coffee: Cold brew or, since the weather's nice, espresso tonics. I'll happy drink iced tea too, if I want less (or no) caffeine.

Currently working on: A black and white portrait of Silga from Horizon Forbidden West, and some Alvaloy smut.

I'm gonna tag... @niftybottle @mr-jaybird @franklywhelmed @bipridemoth @ryelle

8 notes · View notes

golden--doodler · 1 year

Text

Bob's Burgers Random Facts

I love this show, so here are some random facts about it that I've discovered and want to share. Some are fairly obvious/well-known, but I also wanted to add some more obscure things as well. I might make a part two, but not sure yet:

--Linda's maiden name is Genarro! This was revealed in Season 12, Episode 20 "Sauce Side Story", where it's also revealed that Linda's family has a crazy feud going on

--Gene's favorite keyboard was a Christmas gift from Bob and Linda (as seen in Season 5, Episode 17 "The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee"), which he immediately fell in love with, which is adorable. I like to believe this being a gift from them made it that much more special to him

--It's never outright stated, but heavily implied that Bob has Hemophilia, because in Season 3, Episode 20 "The Kids Run the Restaurant", Linda states that Bob bleeds a lot if he injures himself and his body has a lot of trouble clotting. This episode also reveals he gets light-headed at the sight of blood

--The Belchers live in the state of New Jersey! This is revealed in Season 3, Episode 18 "It Snakes a Village". A cute little map is shown, featuring the Belcher's car, which is clearly seen in New Jersey

--In Season 6, Episode 6 "The Cook, The Steve, The Gayle, & Her Lover", Tina sings a bunch of random Spanish phrases which Louise translates very inaccurately, in an effort to break up Gayle and Mr. Frond. And apparently, in the Spanish dub (yes, this exists), Tina sings these random phrases in English instead, and it's hilarious

--Bob and Gene are both allergic to shellfish (which is probably why Bob hates Lobster Fest), and apparently, on Bob and Linda's first date, Bob got an allergic reaction to some shellfish. However, Linda somehow remained unaware of it the entire time, and to this day, still doesn't know he has a shellfish allergy despite him telling her about it multiple times. I personally like to believe she still took care of him after it happened, she just didn't know what was going on

--According to Gene in Season 6, Episode 13 "Wag the Hog", Bob isn't a fan of cilantro

--One small, funny thing I noticed is that both Bob and Linda's previous lovers before they met each other were blonde (Barbara Bunkley and Hugo Habercore, respectively)

--In Season 6, Episode 1, "Sliding Bobs", in Tina's story about an alternate universe in which Linda and Hugo actually got married and Bob becomes the Health Inspector, Bob mentions offhandedly that he tried renting out the building where "Hugo's Hot Dogs" is twenty years ago, implying that Bob and Linda have owned "Bob's Burgers" for around twenty years

--Not only has Bob forgotten his own birthday on one occasion, as seen in Season 1, Episode 1 "Human Flesh", but Linda has accidentally forgotten his birthday as well, as seen in Season 8, Episode 16, "Are You There, Bob? It's Me, Birthday". It seems on occasion Linda isn't great with dates, either

--As seen in a framed photo in Bob and Linda's bedroom, they actually got married at City Hall, and boy, do they look adorably happy in that wedding photo. I like to think that even though they canonically still had to work at the restaurant that day for money reasons, they still had a really nice wedding with cake and wholesome/tear-jerking vows

--According to Season 10, Episode 1 "The Ring (But Not Scary)", Bob, unfortunately, couldn't afford to get Linda a ring when he proposed to her, and instead gave her a nice high-five to make up for that. Also, in the episode, it's shown he's come a long way from "Human Flesh" by actually remembering their wedding anniversary and getting her a ring (I know she doesn't mind not having one, but it's too bad she still was never able to get it, thanks to it getting lost)

--In Season 8, Episode 13 "Cheer Up Sleepy Gene", it's revealed Bob and Linda both snore quite loud, and it's actually comforting to them both in a weird way and helps them sleep. Not only that, but they find other quirks of theirs comforting, as seen in Season 12, Episode 15, "Ancient Misbehavin'" when Bob admits he misses hearing Linda talking "emphatically" in her sleep. Even better, actual studies have shown that if you sleep in the same bed as your partner, it improves your sleep, even if they snore

--In Season 11, Episode 21, "Die Card, or Card Trying", it's revealed that Louise has been making the same "serial killer" smiling face in their family photos since she was really young, and it's really a sight to behold

--In the "Bob's Burgers Movie", it's revealed that Felix Fischoeder has a framed photo of his brother, Calvin, in his bedroom, which is surprisingly wholesome

--In Season 12, Episode 1 "Manic Pixie Crap Show", it's unfortunately revealed that Linda, when she was young, got incredibly attached to a neighborhood stray dog named Bottlecap (who got the name because he could balance bottlecaps on his nose) only to witness him getting run over by a hot dog truck. Apparently, she also witnessed her eighth-grade teacher get run over by a truck. Jesus, poor Linda ): It's implied this is a reason why the Belchers have never had a family pet before, besides being poor

--When Linda was young, she wore a pair of braces, though it's never stated how she felt about them

--According to Season 3, Episode 12 "Broadcast Wagstaff School News", Bob looked almost identical to Gene when he was young, which Gene is originally not happy about, but grows to accept. I like to think he'll look like Bob when he's older, even though that's one of the things he was worried about in the episode

--According to Season 3, Episode 14 "Lindapendent Woman", Linda actually has a really complex monetary system for the restaurant's finances, which keeps the family from being in too much debt. It's so complicated that Bob can't figure out how to do it himself once she temporarily leaves her job at the restaurant for another job, proving why she needs him around, besides the fact that he loves her and loves seeing her every day

--In Season 5, Episode 17, "The Itty Bitty Ditty Committee", it's revealed that Gene actually only knows how to play one chord, and isn't experienced musically in the slightest, struggling to get through doing scales a bunch of times when he briefly takes piano lessons. He even calls scales "gross". However, as seen in Season 3, Episode 16 "Topsy", he is still able to create amazing, Broadway-worthy musical numbers when he wants to despite this.

--As of Season 13, Bob and Linda officially have actual smartphones, because they had to upgrade after Grover Fischoeder threw their old phones in the ocean in the "Bob's Burgers Movie". Kind of ironic, considering in the two-part Season 4 finale, Calvin laments about how Bob hadn't purchased "a better cellphone". It's shown in Episode 11, "Cheaty Cheaty Bang Bang", that Bob is still struggling quite a bit with using his.

--According to Season 11, Episode 2 "Worms of In-Rear-Ment", Linda has always wanted to be a mother, ever since she was young. Despite her worries about how she's doing as a parent, I think she's doing pretty great

--Apparently, (as seen in Part One of the Season 4 Finale, "Wharf Horse") Linda told Bob she was pregnant with Louise on top of the Ferris Wheel in Wonder Wharf, and he "just kept screaming". They also share a sweet kiss in the same spot in Season 1, Episode 1 "Human Flesh", so that place is pretty significant for them. It makes me wonder how she told Bob she was pregnant with Tina and Gene

--According to Tina in the "Bob's Burgers Movie", she doesn't actually own her own phone despite being a teenager, and it gets "harder to explain every year". Hopefully one day she can get one

--According to Louise in Season 3, Episode 22 "Carpe Museum", not only is Louise secretly a huge daddy's girl, but she also truly believes Tina and Gene will stick Bob in a nursing home one day, and "not one of the nice ones"

That's all for now but hopefully, I'll make a part two if I can think of enough fun facts that I missed!

#bob's burgers #bob belcher #linda belcher #tina belcher #gene belcher #louise belcher #bob's burgers fun facts #I thought this would be fun #Just realized this is mostly Bob and Linda #But that's okay because I love them

12 notes · View notes

drawthething · 1 year

Note

I wanted to give you an actual ask, unlike last time, haha (hopefully this is a fun one).

What're some of your favorite end credits songs of the show? A few of mine include (but are not limited to, because I know I will forget a bunch that I love):

--"Doing a Dance ('Cause I've Got Pesto in My Pants)" from Season 9, Episode 15, "The Fresh Princ-Ipal") (this one lives rent free in my head oh my god)

--"Wonder Wharf (Wharf of Wonder)" from Part One of the Season 4 "Wharf Horse" finale

--"I Love U So Much (It's Scary)" from Season 6, Episode 3, "The Hauntening"

--"Buenos Dias Como Estas (Me Llamo Tina)" from Season 6, Episode 6, "The Cook, the Steve, the Gayle, & Her Lover"

--"Goblins, Ghouls, Ghosts, & Bears" from Season 12, Episode 3 "The Pumpkinening"

--"Loft Bed" from Season 12, Episode 7, "Loft in Bedslation"

--Teddy's cover of "Somewhere Beyond the Sea" from Season 7, Episode 2 "Sea Me Now" (this one is definitely S-Tier)

--"I'll Be Around" from Season 12, Episode 11 "Touch of Eval(uations)"

--"Morse Code" From Season 9, Episode 9, "UFO No You Didn't"

--"Best Couple Friends" from Season 8, Episode 14 "The Trouble with Doubles" (seriously, why did this one get stuck in my head so easily?)

"We're Just Children Watching You" from Season 11, Episode 11 "Romancing the Beef"

--"Turkey, I Need You Beside Me" from Season 11, Episode 7 "Diarrhea of a Poopy Kid"

And now I need to physically restrain myself from adding more so you can actually answer this with other outros, hahaha

PLEASE the Pesto in my pants song fricking lives rent free in my head too

Thank you for the ask 😭 I was so born to answer this 🤌 The bobs burgers outros are just never not amazing ya know?

• Basically any outro that's like visually stylized 👀: Horse Wharf I? Yes without my Zeke? Eight grade runner? Perfecta! The animation sequences are just so creative and the music is hella epic (hello? Linda's vocals in Horse Wharf? Mind blowing!)

• Taffy Butt: my boy Jimmy Jr dancing like a happy idiot sabotaging the animation budget plus the most catchy hilarious song ever? Gimme gimme gimme

• 99 Red Balloons: this song got stuck in my head for daysss. And the slow mo gig is just too golden and awesome. Fantastic way to end a season 😭

• The Gene Mile: l-look at Bob, look at him in his fanboy CAKE T-shirt, crying jamming to the art of high fiving. Ain't that the most beautiful thing ever 🤣?

• Bad stuff happens in the bathroom: I meannn, no question right? Everyone (and I mean e v e r y o n e) singing and the camera zooming out and oh my god it's a fricking genius finale outro I'm-

• Hot pants rain dance: them muppets dancing and wiggling and having fun plus the song that sooo needs an extended version are just 😌👌

• I've got a Yum Yum: Linda is a national treasure. She's so dorky in this ep 😭😭😭

• Also Teddy's cover for Beyond the Sea: I've really got a soft spot for this Teddy ep and this outro's just too perfect

• Just what I needed: the way they end this ep is just really well done and so is the outro 🤌 I looove the singing and the kiss sequences :D

• Slumber Party Fashion Show: catchy tunes? Check. Iconic catwalk? Check. Also this ep is so good arghh

#such a fun ask ty ♥️#bobs burgers #we should do ask trades next time 👀 like if i see you in my inbox i'll ask you right back and vice versa :D #that way you wouldn't have to physically restrain yourself in the ask pfffft #asks

7 notes · View notes

aprylynn · 2 years

Text

###

tagged by @hondagirll thank you!!!

last song: Let Me Know by BTS

last show/series: Obi-Wan Kenobi

currently watching: Letterkenny. Seriously. This show is bonkers in the best possible way. Two minutes into the first episode and I was crying laughing. I’m regularly laughing so hard I can’t breathe. I’m also watching the current seasons of Abbott Elementary and Bob’s Burgers.

favorite color: 🧡🧡🧡

sweet, spicy, or savory: I’m trying to not eat very much sugar but I’ll still say sweet since I ate two pieces of carrot cake yesterday and I definitely wanted more.

currently reading: fanfiction. always fanfiction.

currently working on: I’m crocheting a scarf. Yes, I bought yarn and I’m actually making something with it. I’m so proud of myself!

currently obsessed with: Always BTS, but more specifically endlessly scrolling through etsy looking at pins and stickers and earrings inspired by BTS.

Tagging @lauraperfectinsanity @wistfulocean @jiminsproof @cordiallyfuturedwight 💗💗💗💗

#meme response #hondagirll #thank you for tagging me #:) :) :)

8 notes · View notes

blackbloodredpepper · 1 year

Text

EVEN MORE Bob’s Burgers headcannons because I can’t stop myself

Tina is the only one with green eyes, it’s a recessive gene on Linda’s side of the family

Gayle also has green eyes and was convinced for the first few years of Tina’s life that she was somehow Gayle’s child(?) she’s not mentally well, guys

Linda and Gene have blue eyes!

And ofc Louise and Bob have dark brown eyes lol Louise will forever look like Bob

Tina is a Hello Kitty girly change my mind

J-Ju is secretly very protective of Andy and Ollie

When Gene gets a phone, he finds out that the Purbo game is an app and he becomes obsessed with it all over again

Louise gives in to the squishmallow craze and has quite a few

Louise is also heavy into anime. She really enjoys Naruto (because that’s the easiest one to find) and Chainsaw Man the most right now but she watches a LOT of them

Gene and Tina get bored one summer and spend the whole break watching those bad Spanish soap operas on TV (with a little K-drama mixed in there for good measure, thanks to Louise)

Gene is 10000% Twitter famous and he advertises it all the time

Like genuinely Twitter famous it’s amazing

At some point Bob let’s Louise get a pet mouse/rat lol

As long as she promises to keep it up in the apartment

Which she never does lmao she takes it with her everywhere

Gayle has premature hearing loss and wears a hearing aid (rarely, she’s convinced someone’s listening to her through it so she doesn’t wear it often)

Tina gets Louise a star necklace one year for her birthday. It’s pretty good quality and Louise NEVER takes it off

Bob is a hardcore Bikini Kill fan and would sing Rebel Girl to Louise as a lullaby

Louise has a beauty mark under her left eye!

Bob says goodnight to the kids individually, every night, without fail. If he’s not there, he will literally call them and make each of them say goodnight to him before bed

Louise also has a gap between her front teeth!

Louise’s hair gets weirdly curly when she hits puberty lol like Linda has wavy hair sure, but they never expected any of their kids to have curls like Louise does

22 notes · View notes

geeky-politics-46 · 2 years

Text

Ask Game

Tag nine people you want to know better.

Thank you for tagging me @ronearoundblindly. I love doing stuff like this. ❤

Fav color: Red or green. I wear black the most but if I'm branching out it's always to one of those colors. I also have an obsession with green eyeshadow, lol, I make no apologies for it.

Last song: "Psychotic Reaction" by: Count Five. It was on the 1960's station when I was driving home & I thought it was perfect for my Sinister Strange playlist.

Currently reading: Peril by Bob Woodward & the novella The Hellbound Heart by Clive Barker. It's the novella that he adapted into the screenplay for Hellraiser.

Last series: Currently re-watching M*A*S*H, I'm on season 9. Alan Alda is just amazing & in my opinion Klinger is so underrated as a charecter. Also just started re-watching Will & Grace. Re-watching pieces of AHS season 1 for a story.

Last movie: In theaters it was The Bob's Burgers Movie. I love that show so much & the movie was great too, very much just a longer episode with a few extra musical numbers. I would have liked more of Gayle & Mr. Business though. At home the last movie I watched/re-watched was Top Gun. Top Gun: Maverick looks so stupidly good I figured I should rewatch the original before I see the new one.

Sweet/spicy/savory: Sweet for sure. I have the world's biggest sweet tooth. Cake, pie, ice cream, cookies, candy. It doesnt matter I will probably want it.

Currently working on: Several one shots with Doctor Strange, & one with Bucky. Of course my Sinister Strange series "You Belong To Me" has taken priority because I'm just loving how it's coming out. I am also adding a Defender Strange story & some Strange headcannons to my to do list per requests. Still tumbling around in my mind, because I really want to plan it out in full mixing in stuff from the books before I start it is the Bucky/Practical Magic crossover series idea "Amas Veritas - True Love".

No pressure tags: @wint3r-h3art, @wheredafandomat, @strangeprincex-writes, @writingliv, @hoe-4-sebstan, @annesthaeticc, @boop-le-snoot, @tuiccim, I know that's not 9 but my brain stopped working, so 2 more people reading this who want to play... *tag*

#ask game #no pressure #no pressure to answer #just for funsies #get to know me

13 notes · View notes

conniecorleone · 1 year

Text

I posted 4,999 times in 2022

6 posts created (0%)

4,993 posts reblogged (100%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@queenofparrys

@meyerlansky

@saltskinandasociopath

@tikkunolamorgtfo

@dollsome-does-tumblr

I tagged 2,525 of my posts in 2022

Only 49% of my posts had no tags

#stranger things - 213 posts

#art - 208 posts

#cuddly things - 165 posts

#goncharov - 126 posts

#your girl - 93 posts

#storyfeelings - 85 posts

#fashion - 77 posts

#silly things - 75 posts

#star wars - 67 posts

#pretty places - 61 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i love the raspberry bushes growing in the woods behind my house but hate that i have to fight my way through so much poison ivy to get them

My Top Posts in 2022:

Contrary to popular belief, lacrosse IS a real sport 🥍🥍 (at KeyBank Center) https://www.instagram.com/p/CcJWXDuu4TU/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

1 note - Posted April 9, 2022

*Mission Impossible theme intensifies* https://www.instagram.com/p/CZVmh77LqHb/?utm_medium=tumblr

1 note - Posted January 29, 2022

youtube

I truly am the melodic sound of this bird stomping angrily around

2 notes - Posted July 11, 2022

So I had an AMAZING time at the Backstreet Boys concert but I definitely forgot:

A) That the "Boyz 4 Now" episodes of Bob's Burgers are, in fact, a documentary

B) Just how much of their back catalogue lives rent-free in my brain

And, most importantly, C) Just how much of said back catalogue relied on a lot of strategic hat-based choreography

It was a good time, all I'm saying 🎶💥🧢💥🎶

3 notes - Posted July 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓🍓 fields forever, you know

Now I'm going to have this song stuck in my head all day

But I digress!! Here are some random fun facts about me, one strawberry emoji at a time!!

🍓 I can cook, I can bake, but some of my favorite things in the world to make are pasta, soup, and carrot cake.

🍓 When I was younger and suuuuuuuper depressed, I used to go for long drives at night around my hometown when I couldn't sleep, heading up to the airport and out to the country and into the city and back. I still think going for long drives is one of the most soothing things in the world.

🍓 My favorite color is green! Which you would honestly not know from my wardrobe, which is mostly various shades of black and blue and red.

🍓 The only quasi-convincing accent I can put on is a Russian one, and oof, it might be funny, but it is not good.

🍓 When I was a kid I dislocated both my elbows trying to do a cartwheel -- two different cartwheels, two different times, one elbow after the other.

🍓 I hate my job!!! I hate it more than I hate any of the jobs I have had in the past, and I was robbed at gunpoint at one of them!! This job makes me feel crazy and like I am bad at not only what I do for it, but as a person, full stop, and I don't want to do it anymore!! I am in the process of looking for another one and this is probably the least fun fact in the world but I just needed to say this somewhere!!!

🍓 I used to sing! In public! For people! I still sing in my car and when I'm alone but I miss performing like missing a limb. One of the only nice things about current job is that when the museum I work at closes for the day, and if I am the last one in the building to clock out, sometimes I can take a little bit of time before I leave and sing in the empty main space because the acoustics there are excellent.

Which, speaking of, I think I already know the next song I'm going to add to my personal setlist, since you got it stuck in my head...

🎶🎵so let me take you down, 'cause i'm going to....🎵🎶

(leave a 🍓 in my askbox and I will tell you a random fact!)

5 notes - Posted August 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #your girl

1 note · View note

secret-diary-of-an-fa · 3 months

Text

The Very Belated 2023 Awards!

Ha! I bet you fuckers thought I’d forgotten about the End of Year Round-up from 2023. Nope! I was just lulling you into a false sense of security. As though I’d miss the opportunity to take a massive, steaming shit on an entire year’s worth of human culture. So, what can we say about 2023? It definitely fucking happened, we know that much. But was it good? Was it bad? Was it a little bit of both? We know from my previous blogs that it produced some real cinematic and televisual gems, but are these a sign of culture self-correcting after the wilderness years or just aberrations bobbing about in the usual sea of viscous dreck? Well, 2023 is dead now, so if we want to find out, the only way is to split open its bloated carcass and start rummaging around in a bleak parody of the autopsy process. As always, I’ll be handing out gongs to things, artefacts and events from 2023 itself, but also just to shit I discovered in the relevant year. Here we fucking goooooooo!

The Birthday Cake Full of Puppies Award for Loveliest Surprise… … Goes, jointly, to Wild Blue Yonder and The Giggle, the two Doctor Who specials that weren’t the fucking Star Beast. See, after The Star Beast, I was thoroughly disappointed. A virtue-signalling, nonsensical mess that, while briefly entertaining, failed miserably to reach the giddy heights of Russel T. Davies’ initial run on the show and desperately needed a strong editorial hand to stop characters repeating themselves or needlessly referencing the hot pile of garbage that was the Chibnall era. I wasn’t expecting great things from the two follow-ups and only really watched them because I thought RTD had earned himself more than one chance to impress me. And whaddaya know? We got two fucking perfect Who episodes- one a big, genuinely unsettling slice of cosmic horror and one a bombastic, energetic extravaganza that resurrected a lot of fan-favourite characters, introduced a new threat for the upcoming Gatwa-era and just generally fucking rocked. Yes, I know the Xmas Special that followed was a bit crap (nautical-punk Goblins in Doctor Who? Piss off.), but it’s not fair to judge any season of Who on its associated Xmas Special, so we’re just going to let that slide.

The Throwing Keanu Reeves Down a Lot of Stairs Award… … Goes to John Wick 4, which threw Keanu Reeves down a lot of stairs. And was also a very good movie. But mainly this award is about the stairs.

The Blind Archer Award for Missing the Cocking Point… … Goes to the whole bloody stupid debate around A.I., which is broadly divided into two equally slappable camps. In the Soulless Silicone Silver corner, we have a bunch of hooting tech bros who think that they’ve invented a tool that obviates the need for talent and spirit and artistic vision because it (technically) allows any yeehaw with an internet connection to vomit out ill-conceived content ordered up from a computer terminal like the intellectual equivalent of an underwhelming drive-thru burger. Meanwhile, in the drippy, wishy-washy grey no-colour corner, we have a swarm of whiny, for-profit ‘creatives’ (and I use that word with enough sarcasm to fill an Olympic-sized swimming pool), terrified that their soulless, talentless content will be replaced by the equally soulless, talentless content of fucking Skynet, thereby doing them out of a revenue stream they don’t bloody deserve. Nobody seems to be talking about how the new technology can be leveraged to create actual, meaningful art, not just content. Case in point, I’ve always fancied creating a TV series or film, but I don’t know any actors and can’t afford to pay professionals, nor can I afford the filming equipment and green-screen studio rental I’d need to bring one of my sci-fi or fantasy concepts to life. AI allows for the creation of virtual environments and actors based on original ideas, sketches and descriptions plugged into machine-learning-guided rendering software. These can then be assembled using a human-provided script (mine, duh) to create footage which can be edited into something cogent and compelling. It’s a terrific amount of work involving a wildly steep learning curve, but it’s an example of how AI allows working class creators without the resources of our middle-class wanker peers a way into visual mediums that we simply haven’t been able to access or utilise. Incidentally, I hope to start uploading short films made using this method sometime in the next month or two. Pluuuuuuuug!

The Award for Special Services to Doom… … Goes to the impending collapse of AMOC (or Atlantic Meridional Overturning Circulation), which includes part of the Gulf Stream and several other important ocean currents. It’s due to cease functioning within the next 100 years due to man-made climate change, most probably by the year 2100, when many of us will still be alive (albeit old as balls). Once it goes, the northern hemisphere will become colder, making agriculture functionally impossible in parts of Europe; the ocean-level will rise up to a meter in some places, drowning many coastal cities; the wet and dry season of at least one rainforest will flip, with the result that said rainforest may die, unable to adapt quick enough, which would make climate change even more extreme. Basically, if you’re rooting for the collapse of civilisation in the not-too-distant future, you can start polishing your Mad Max cosplay outfits, because shit’s about to go doooooown, boi! I mean, unless governments actually listen to climate scientists for a change and somehow avert this looming catastrophe. Ha! Yeah. Dream on.

The Lex Luthor Award For Pure Fucking Evil... … Goes, once again, to the Tories, who are always evil, but seemed to make a special effort to ruin everything for everyone forever in 2023. Aside from engineering a decline in the NHS so severe that people with agonising mouth infections can’t access dentists at short notice, they also tried to pass a bill that would allow them to monitor the bank accounts of people on benefits as a matter of course and continued to allow the dumping of waste directly into the sea, turning the coast of Blackpool brown with human excrement (it was, of course, they who repealed the environmental protection laws that used to make this sort of thing illegal). You really couldn’t make these people up. It’s like someone drew the word ‘CUNT’ on a whiteboard and then got a whole room full of cunt-experts to make a mind-map around it. Then they loaded the results into ChatGPT and the result was the Tory Party of Great Britain.

The Confused Mountaineer Award for Picking the Wrong Hill to Die On… … Goes to Disney, which spent 2023 losing money hand over fist. Even when its films and telly shows technically made some money, they represented such a reduction in the value of the associated IP that the company might as well have time travelled into the future, stolen all its own shares, and flushed them down a giant toilet. Obviously, I hate Disney and I’ve always hated them- I didn’t just jump on the band-wagon when the Internet collectively realised they were a bunch of tossers. I’ve hated them steadily and continually for most of my life for the very simple reason that they use fucking slave-labour. Their merch is made in fucking sweat-shops! Which is why it’s particularly hilarious that their loss of relevance as a producer of culture owes so much to their flimsy pretence at wokeness (which manifested itself as a series of interchangeable, tedious girl-bosses photoshopped inexpertly into franchises like Star Wars and Marvel whose profitability largely came from grumpy nerds who were never going to fall for that shit). Shoulda stuck to making family films for people with very low expectations, Disno! It’s what you’re good at! And yes, this award does only exist so I can laugh at the slow death-by-a-thousand-cuts of some dipshits I dislike. It’s just so fucking dumb! Like, these are people who regard anyone from a developing nation as a disposable component in a big machine for making underwhelming crap- an interchangeable cog to be instrumentalised and dehumanised until death. And yet the hill they chose to fucking die on was pretending to give a shit about inclusivity. Yeah. Disney are real fucking inclusive… they want everyone to buy their ill-conceived swill, not just pasty, dick-owning Americans. Brilliantly, in their mad scrabble for new audiences, they seem to have lost the one they had… while utterly failing to convince anyone else to jump on board. Because, let’s be honest, if you want to watch a film about the black experience in the US or about smashing the patriarchy, you’re probably going to go to Jordan Peele or re-watch The Perfection (not just a great feminist film, by the way, but a fucking balls-to-the-wall brilliant film full stop). You’re probably not going to rely on a string of bland, cookie-cutter studios owned and operated by the arsewipes still desperately still trying to wring the last few pennies out of pissing Star Wars.

The Greatest Sentence I’ve Heard All Year Award… … Goes to my wife, who recently went to see that Barbie movie that people inexplicably decided to shove in the same bracket as Oppenheimer. I don’t really object to the existence of this flick in and of itself, because it’s not really taking anything away from me- it’s just not for me, and that’s fine. Obvs, I did think it was slightly icky that Matel were putting so much effort into re-framing their plastic Anorexia Generator as a feminist icon and it was super weird that the message it ultimately lands on is ‘sex-based oppression is fine if you gender-flip it’, but I don’t have to care so, for the most part, I don’t. I certainly didn’t have any problem with my missus taking her daughter from a previous relationship and her/our kinda-sorta adopted daughter to see it. Because I’m not a sack of shit who demands that other peoples tastes precisely match my own. However, I really didn’t like the hype around the movie. I don’t like brightly-coloured, disposable dreck that only exists to sell toys giving itself airs and graces, especially not when that means 1-for-1 comparisons to, say, a really important film about the invention of the nuclear bomb and the political scheming and manoeuvring that surrounded it. Which brings us to the Greatest Sentence I’ve Heard All Year. After returning home from her cinematic excursion, my wife had this to say about Barbie: “I don’t understand what all the fuss was about- it was a pile of shit, really.” Bonus points for the fact that she still quite enjoyed it and this wonderful piece of commentary was delivered, in musing tones, as an assessment of its objective merits rather than a statement of personal preference. I married the right woman.

The Circus Midget Genocide Award for Gratuitous Punching Down... … Goes to the song ‘What Have We Become’ by Paul Heaton, who I usually like. The Beautiful South are one of my favourite bands (despite the fact they no longer exist), but ‘What Have We Become’, one of Heaton’s subsequent solo efforts, makes me genuinely uncomfortable. In tackling the Americanisation of British culture (which I agree is a problem), Heaton seems to take aim as much at the ordinary folks on the receiving end of this neo-colonialism as at the phenomenon itself. I don’t think that whether or not something ‘punches down’ is a meaningful criticism relating to a cultural artefact’s artistic merit. Sometimes, it’s necessary to call out the bumbling normal on their slack-jawed bullshit. But this just feels mean-spirited and indiscriminate. Yeah, Heaton, people enjoy the convenience of US-style fast-food chains and, as a country, we’re probably a bit addicted to the cult of needless enthusiasm that started in the States, but I’ve never met anyone whose more of a miserable cunt for eating a takeout pizza while watching a happy-go-lucky comedy like My Name is Earl, so maybe get off your high horse for a minute. Your music’s great for the most part, but I think I can answer the question ‘What Have We Become?’ based purely on the song itself. A prick. You’ve become a prick.

The Pluggity McPlugface Aware for Most Exciting New Press… ... Goes to X Press, which is technically the new fiction imprint of Poetry Bus Press, I think. They’re still getting established and the name is subject to change, but I met the couple behind it at this year’s T.S. Elliot Prize and… er… okay, this is the bit where I have to admit I have a horse in this race. See, the reason I’m so excited by this new press getting off the ground is that I’m kinda the reason it exists. I pitched the publishers a sci-fi novel I had loaded and ready to fire off, not really expecting anything to come of it since they’ve only done poetry collections before. But hey, it’s not every day you meet someone in the publishing world while surrounded by gold-leafed rococo architecture and canapés, so I felt I had to go for it. Anyway, just a couple of months later, they’re putting together a whole new imprint and my novel, Warning: Infohazard is going to be first thing to roll out of it! So yeah… I’m chuffed about that. Stay tuned for further updates.

The Nick Clegg Award for Accomplishing the Square Root of Fuck All… … Goes to the AGA and WGA strikes that swept through Hollywood like a damp breeze this year. I’m usually on the side of striking workers, even when I’m being personally inconvenienced. Tell me the bus drivers are going on strike and, even if I need to catch a bus that day, I’ll pretty much root for them to win the battle- the poor fuckers are woefully underpaid for a tedious and demanding job. Teachers’ strike? Abso-fucking-lutely: these people work hard to ensure the next generation actually know things and deserve far more respect and accolades than they’re accorded (except the fuckers who worked at Marpool Primary during the 90s- those loathsome reptiles can choke on dick for all I care). NHS Doctors and nurses? Yup: they literally save lives and we, as a culture, still fail to give them their due. Dustbin men? Fuck yeah. Warehouse workers? Definitely (if anyone ever lets the poor fucks unionise). You get the idea. But I have my doubts about the Hollywood Writers and Actors Guilds mob. At the end of the day, even the working schlubs of Tinsel Town mostly deserve a thick ear more than a raise. We’re talking about people who drive past Skid Row (the most impoverished ghetto in the States, the lives of whose citizens they could actually improve) on their way to work, then get there and, as part of their social media management, tweet a load of shite about the Cause of the Week in order to look switched on and progressive. We’re talking about people who will do long-winded interviews about how important their casting or hiring is for the direction of our society while, two blocks away, a homeless dude overdoses on smack because it’s slightly quicker than starving to death.We’re talking about people who sold out their souls to a studio system that only wants and only seeks to produce derivative dreck when it was paying them well and only seem to have noticed it’s fucking them in the arse with a strap-on the size of the Empire State Building now that it’s no longer scattering coins in front of them. Of course, there are good, honest people working in La La Land who absolutely don’t deserve the fucking the studio system is giving them and who don’t walk around thinking they’re Zod’s Gift to the Enlightenment, and- for their sake- one slightly wants the strikes to succeed. The problem is that it’s very hard to spot them, obscured as they are by an ocean of absolute raging bell-ends. All of which is slightly by the by, because this award isn’t about whether the strikes deserve to succeed… it’s about the fact they made no appreciable difference to the media landscape of 2023 whatsoever. We still got Oppenheimer; we still got John Wick 4; we still got Luther: the Fallen Sun over on Netflix; we still got that unexpectedly fucking delightful Slumberland thing and a whole raft of really excellent, joyous family films; we still got some pretty ace telly. Basically, the only thing there seemed to be less of was absolute shit-swill, but it’d be a poor lookout for the strikers if that was their doing and not just a statistical anomaly. Imagine that on a placard: “We fucked off and culture improved by 150%!” So yeah: sorry WGA and AGA- as much as my socialist principles want any strike against a large, corrupt corporate system to succeed, you’re just not very sympathetic and you’ve done the square root of fuck all to help yourselves here.

The Special Award for Unbridled Excellence... … Goes to What We Do in the Shadows (the TV series- there was also a movie that was pretty good, but that came out ages ago). Technically, the telly series started in 2019, but it was still going in 2023 and that’s the year I finally got around to watching it, so I think I can justifiably slap it on this list. A mockumentary about three vampires, an energy vampire and a familiar flat-sharing on Staten Island, its one of the most hilarious, off-beat, filthy, brilliant things I’ve seen in years. It’s also surprisingly well-meaning and, mixed in with all the really, really funny jokes (which I’m not going to spoil), the violence and the gratuitous fucking, there are some genuinely sweet, heartfelt moments about found family, the bonds of love and friendship and the redemptive qualities that can sometimes surprise us in the darkest of people and places. I’m not saying it’s high art or anything like that- it’s as daft as a brush and any stab it takes at greater, more grandiose meaning is somewhat undercut by all the other shit that happens in it, but it is one of the most entertaining things on telly and deserves your attention. Just don’t tell the normals, they’ll only fucking ruin it like everything else. Let’s keep this one just for us freaks, okay?

The Smurf Viagra Award for Bluest Balls... … Goes to Dune: Part 2, which was supposed to come out in ‘23 and didn’t. Which is a shame because it the first part was a fucking banger. Maybe we could credit its delay to the writers’ and actors’ strike? I mean, that probably had nothing to do with it, but it’s important to boost the self-esteem of the simpler members of the international community. Great job, guys! You got one!

So that was 2023, then: a year of malice and incompetence just barely redeemed by a few shining cultural gems. Now we’re two months into 2024, and it’s time to look forward before we collide with a brick wall. Until next time, I’ve been Secret-Diary and you haven’t. Bye-bye.

#secret diary of a fat admirer #awards #movies #tv series #John Wick 4 #Other films too #I guess

0 notes