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steve0discusses · 3 years

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S5 Ep 3: Apdnarg is Really Hard to Spell

Yo guys, people are getting vaccinated, the sun is parting through the clouds, and I felt so nice that I even stopped listening to quite so many throwback 00′s BTS mashups (and yet I keep clicking on these dissonant catastrophes thinking “this time it’s got to be better. This time they’ll figure it out.” and like, no. Turns out you can’t match Brittany’s Toxic with BTS’ Black Swan. You can’t do that.)

This must be a sign that things are getting better. If anything, it means my personal tastes are improving. I mean I only clicked on like 3 “Dark Academia” Playlists where I could pretend I’m some sort of spooky witch in an abandoned library with a bad music player and basic taste in classical music (like can we ban Satie from Youtube for a little while?). Hell, I might even do a prompt update to this blog!

Yeah, you heard me, I’m actually going to stay ahead of the update schedule for Yugioh Abridged (maybe. I haven’t actually watched cuz of spoilers, I just noticed the thumbnail pop up on Youtube and was like “Damn it, they came out of hiatus??? I got hurry UP.”)

Anyway, speaking of the sky parting.

I’ll have you know my bro said this is actually more like a circumcision and it was one of the worst thing I have ever heard.

We get a chance to take in this lineup of confusing and varied character designs, and Joey. who is...still Joey.

The animators probably had to hold a strike in order for them to put Yugi in the audience, lets be real. There are TOO MANY PEOPLE in this shot and one is wearing a turban where you draw every single wrap. I hope those artists charged by the line.

Tea has a subplot where she’s just very frustrated with everyone she knows. They have been traveling together for like many weeks and got trapped in a foreign country so I get it. But at the same time, it’s kind of hard to picture Tea with female friends.

Because right now you got this 12 year old child, the other duelist who does not care about anything besides cards, and Kaiba’s 3 dragon cards that we’ve all collectively decided are female.

Hell it’s almost like the writers are asking themselves why Tea is here. Maybe they forgot. There’s no more ghosts to bus, no more people to knock out with her ass with random Olympic feats. Tea’s just sidelining.

(read more under the cut)

Mokuba is a itty bit bit taller this season, and so I guess that means he can legally climb on top of the cherry picker in order to give a riveting speech.

Really says a lot about Mokuba that he is so unphased about talking to, I dunno...an entire planet of people. Kind of a shame we never see this courage from Mokuba used for anything other than talking really, really big and giving everyone around him a really hard time.

Mokuba takes a moment to dunk on Yugi Muto, as is Kaiba tradition.

And then introduce the first pair of duelists, which obviously must be between the few people in this tournament that we actually know and care about.

Thankfully, in between last episode and this episode, Yugi has figured out who his own Grandpa is. This is a relief, because Yugi is such a mess, that I was fully convinced it would take over half a season for him to recognize it. I mean how long did it take him to figure out he shares a body with a ghost? Like half a season?

Instead Yugi recovered gracefully from not recognizing his grandpa, but it’s not like he bothered to tell anyone else, so the rest of our cast is just gonna be like “Is he my hairdresser? The guy who delivers my mail? Who is this guy who made absolutely no significant changes to his outfit or voice?”

Like sometimes this show goes full Spongebob silly kid’s show and you never know when to take it seriously or not. They might be sacrificing the entire cast next episode. I really don’t know. But for now their big concern is who is grandpa??? Like an innocent card version of “Are you my Mother?”

Faced with public speaking, Yugi decides to have a melt down.

We have seen him face monsters, we’ve seen him on TV dozens of times, he’s been in multiple competitions...but give a speech? Of course he can’t do that. The kid doesn’t attend enough school to know how to do that. Them’s learning skills.

And that was when a newly assembled wife-jet spliced through the sky like a souped up razer scooter and deposited 1 fully equipped Seto Kaiba in a Buzz Lightyear jetsuit.

THE RECOVERY.

Seto always watching over his Brother, ready to save this awkward party if it kills him (and it really should, that suit is held together by two seat-belts), making sure to get on that platform before Yugi starts going off about how he’s half an Ancient Egyptian. (Ah, life before social media. You could just be hella famous and also half a dead dude and people would just not know. I kinda miss the time before I knew literally everything about everyone.)

Please admire how close those flames are to setting Mokuba’s heavily hairsprayed mane completely alight. It would be an unforgettable spectacle.

These were absolutely just random ass jet packs that Gozaburo Kaiba made to kill hell tons of people, right? Like Seto found it in the family cabin, clutched to the heart of some crispy fried corpse and was like “neat! Mokuba! I found a cool toy!” and just plucked that thing out of that skeleton’s clutches and has been flying around for months?

Like this is Seto Kaiba’s Butter Glider, right?

Seriously what type of vehicle license do you need for one of these things? RIP My ‘Seto only has a scooter license’ headcanon.

Which I’m only even thinking about because I’ve had to try and make an appt with the DMV for days to get a freakin REAL ID. I went to sleep in 2019 and I could fly on a plane. I woke up in 2021 and it’s like “Want one last screw you?” and just...can 2020 please stop screwing me over? It’s March.

Anyway, the Jet is removed soon after, so no, this is not part of his new outfit. He goes right back to his Post-S4-Trauma-Normcore.

After wrestling this competition out of his brother’s hands and confusing everyone in the audience, Roland must have gotten the memo to cut the microphone before Seto got too excited and we were quickly ushered on to the next stage of the tournament.

One sec...the BTS Mashup playlist I just clicked on did a Black Swan X 7 rings mashup and it’s the worst thing my ears have ever heard.

Holy crap. I had to actually turn down my volume. Like...Ariana Grande already has music that has way too many overlapping singing parts on it--and then lets just stick a 52-person boy band on top? That’ll fix it. Yeah. Go ahead.

Wow. Even I had to change the song and you know how much I enjoy pop culture mistakes.

Spot the Mickey but like a million times easier because it’s a Massive Dick Shaped Dragon.

Yep. That’s my grocery shopping outfit. Except maybe not a lab coat and a duel disk. Wish I had a duel disk, that would make social distancing just a hell ton earlier. Just a “Yo, only one person in checkout, please” and then bap them on the head with a propelled discuss/hologram.

Anyway, Grocery shopping/Doctor man dueled the Purple Hair Boy, and considering that Purple Hair got screen time and shook Yugi’s hand once--I think that Doctor man doesn’t stand a freakin chance.

Good. I hate him.

Also, every time he breathes he’s gonna fog up his glasses. I have experience in this area. He can’t read his own cards in the same way I can’t read my phone if I’m in the refrigerated aisle.

So the way this tournament works, is everyone has to sit in the stadium to watch the show. Kinda like showing up to a football stadium just to watch a recorded TV monitor...but then again...that is how it feels to watch a football game at a football stadium when it’s live (at least with the tickets I usually get.)

And as we watch Grandpa waiting for his competitor, we find out that his competitor (Joey) is too busy eating snacks to give him the time of day.

Why do cartoon hot dogs always have lettuce? Is that seriously supposed to be relish? Or is there a place in the world where you put lettuce on your hot dog?

Sorry, bro has just informed of his favorite hot dog order, which is absolutely terrible so I will share it with you: a Five Guys hot dog with ketchup, mustard, pickle relish, onions, mushrooms, pickled peppers, and you guessed it--topped with freakin lettuce.

My own kin. How am I over 30 and just finding out that my baby brother thinks it’s normal to walk into a restaurant with normal god-fearing law-abiding people and order lettuce and mushrooms on a hot dog?

I have fully failed him.

The rest of this episode is watching both Joey Wheeler and Mokuba have a shared panic attack while Seto does freakin nothing.

Please remember that Seto has both a jetpack and a dragon wife plane and could have easily solved this problem. But nah.

Then again, Seto Kaiba has given this crew so MANY rides, that maybe he’s tired of being the Soccer Mom for the team?

Like they don’t actually say this episode, but Seto was the one in charge of like...this entire place, do you think he made the 2 for 1 special just to get Joey where it hurts the most? Or does it actually not take any subterfuge to screw Joey Wheeler because he’s just naturally this way?

Like Mokuba wasn’t there when Joey was told “stay right here, and then we will all go together to fight Dartz” and Joey was like “I’mma save Mai from herself although she told me not to!” and then he Hella Died. But, Mokuba did see the result, AKA, Joey’s dead body being carried on the back of Tristan. Maybe Mokuba never realized that Joey died because he went out of his way to be late?

Lets do a tally of every time I can recall with my dodgy memory that Joey was threatened to be DQ’d/pretty much was DQ’d either by his own fault or no fault of his own

-When he wasn’t allowed to go on the boat to Murder Island because he was a stupid nobody kid who did not have a dueling glove

-When he wasn’t actually supposed to be in Pegasus’ tourney and was, in fact, secretly using half of Yugi’s entrance ticket the entire time

-when Bandit Keith stole the ticket that Joey got from Yugi so then Joey had to borrow Mai’s ticket although she had just used it so it really shouldn't have counted. Because, really anyone could have just piggy backed off of each other’s ticket until the whole boat went through that castle.

-When his account was hacked to get entered into Kaiba’s tourney when Kaiba very clearly told him he could not apply solely because he was Joey Wheeler.

-When he was late to his sister’s eye surgery because he got mugged by Marik’s Rare Hunters, so she almost refused to do the surgery.

-When Joey got possessed by Marik, and as Marik, threatened to murder everyone else in the tournament including both of the Kaiba brother’s who’s tournament it was, and then chained himself to Yugi Muto to throw both of them to the bottom of the ocean.

-I think there was a point when he threatened to attack Kaiba in Kaiba’s own tourney while not possessed? Like several times?

-when he got struck by Lightning and almost did not stand up fast enough after being struck by lightning, which is apparently a type of DQ in Duel Monsters.

-When he tried to save Mai from getting hit by a fireball, but then Yugi did it instead, and then so many people were standing on the dueling platform that Kaiba couldn’t possibly DQ them all.

-When he entered the restricted area of the blimp in order to hassle Kaiba into landing the Blimp, which Kaiba did not do.

-When Marik killed Joey before Joey could press the “go” button on his duel disk to play the card that should have won Joey the match.

-When he was dueling a lawyer in a digital universe but then the dice was like...weighted? So Noah had to walk over and be like “The hell is this weighted dice? This is my perfect digital world? How did you even do that?” and then Joey won because the match was no longer legit.

-When Joey yelled at Noah too much and so Noah turned Joey to stone for being a rude ass spectator

-When Mai was like “Wheeler and Valon, listen closely: do NOT murder each other” and then Joey did a murder on Valon so she was like “I guess I have no choice, I was very clear” and killed Joey straight up.

-When Joey decided to block Seto’s fireballs while Joey Wheeler WAS a playing card, somehow disrespecting both Dartz and Seto Kaiba at the same time.

-When Joey was playing cards but then got absorbed into a giant Leviathan and basically couldn’t play anymore after that.

-There’s probably hell ton of S0 stuff I just haven’t seen yet.

-This episode

And Joey runs fast for a montage of wacky things that really have no business being in a theme park. Things like this:

(remember when Bakura almost died from a rock that ended up being a balloon? It comes full circle.)

The stuff that the Kaiba brother’s think is normal and fun.

Anyway Joey fights off a bunch of hologram snakes and bats and everyone is like “Should we tell him it’s just holograms???” And it’s like wow, guys, how many times have these ‘holograms’ straight up murdered Joey Wheeler and everyone else on this cast? Too many? Because I have a google doc with so many deaths on it. 7,805,844,048, to be exact.

Anyway, he gets there with five seconds to spare and Mokuba’s like “well at least you were still entertaining while we filmed you in front of a live audience being a total spaz for 15 minutes straight, so I’ll let you go.”

Grandpa and Joey start playing, Joey completely oblivious that this is just an older Muto, while Hawkins walks up awkwardly and is like “hey guys. I’m so sorry about this.”

(welcome to my font choices, for those new here, I have to make weird font color choices to make sure it’s legible for the colorblind and also for the non-colorblind. This one is not much contrast, so I may change it up in the future, but for now, this is Grandpa Muto’s new font. I apologize to every graphic designer reading this. Please don’t tell anyone who has ever hired me for graphic design about this blog.)

What’s funny about this exchange is that after they find out that Yugi’s Grandpa is Apdnarg (HOLY my brain cannot get around the spelling for that, and I will not change it in the caps. I cannot do a ‘pdn’ ever again), they don’t stand on his side of the field or anything. Hawkins is legit Solomon Muto’s only fan during this exchange and like...damn. Way not to back your Grandpa, Yugi.

Yugi immediately strides up to Mokuba to non-confrontation-ally inform him that he has stepped over a line and Mokuba is like “what are these things you say called ‘lines?’”

According to Mokuba, Solomon Muto begged him to be in the competition so he could relive his glory days (glory days making no sense here, because the game has only been released for the past 15 years, so glory days is like...the before times that can only be referring to disgraced archeologists and Pegasus ((who is, in his own way...a disgraced archeologist, too))) and Mokuba was like

“You trained Yugi Muto, right? Hey that’s good enough for me. This drama is gold. People will eat it up. Hell yes. Don’t be afraid to abduct him a little bit. Maybe trap a couple people in a digital hellscape for a little while? Now we go by Pegasus house rules here, so fire as many lasers as you want, but just make sure not to hit anyone in the face. Oh man, we are going to be swimming in cash. Love it, Muto Sr, love it.”

But I dunno, I feel like Grandpa won’t make it past next episode. It is Joey. We kinda need him to make it past Ep 4 of the arc. If Grandpa Muto becomes the new Joey Wheeler, that will be a weird transition for this show to make.

But that’s all for today, as always, here is the link to read these in chrono order becuase there’s SO MANY that you don’t need to read backwards--don’t do it--just use the chrono tag (and I don’t know if you can add compound tags, but I did separate the Season from the Episode, so if you write S4, it should only pop up stuff from S4. I didn't’ do that to seasons 1-3 though because I just...didn’t.)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

And because I brought it up: here it is, the best BTS Mashup that I found on my deep dive. Like legit--this one isn’t a mess:

youtube

Most of other ones are horrible in a fascinating way. Like I’m not even a BTS fan, I think I sort of age out of that metric, I’m just bored and quarantined. And lets be real, we all appreciate a good bop when we hear it.

#yugioh #ygo #yu gi oh #photo recap #recap #episode recap #yugi muto #seto kaiba #mokuba kaiba #Joey Wheeler #Apdnarg #Grandpa muto #tea gardner #tristan taylor #professor hawkins #and then I ranted about BTS #but please don't quiz me about BTS I know nothing about them aside from the music #I actually thought there were over 12 of them because every time I see them perform it feels like an entire stageplay production of people #like a 101 dalmations situation where every time I saw BTS there were 3 new people #I assumed it was like the Gorrilaz where people just show up and then disappear in a rotation #but no. There's 7 BTS members #that can't be right #there has to be more than 7 #is this a berenstein bears situation?#how is there only 7?#I swear there used to be like 16 #and they would be introduced like here's jimin and Jungkook and red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and pea #like is google seriously telling me there's only 7 kids in this band?#this is the biggest scam google has ever played on me #this weird alternate timeline that not only has an epidemic but also only 7 members of BTS

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sagehaubitze · 3 years

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tagged by: @sparkyopteryx

Rules: make a new post and tag 9 people you want to catch up with/get to know better

Last song: This is an extremely depressing start to all this but.. The last song I heard was Heroin, by The Velvet Underground. It had come up on shuffle at random, I pulled into the driveway, sat and finished listening to it in the dark. Throughout my mid to late teens, and the majority of my 20s, I had a circle of friends who offered me more moral support and camaraderie than anyone else at the time (and possibly even more than anyone now, having lost a lot of newer-made support groups over the past couple years), who were eccentric, experimental, partook in their fair share of drugs... A lot of them aren't with us anymore. I was riding around town with Frank one afternoon back then, I believe he was driving an old Caddy at the time, or at least something similar, big land boat cruising just off the ground, warm plush seats so low you could barely see over the dash. Frank was a very large man, a very emotive New Yorker, but his movements were so fluid and gentle, delicate, passionate, as he sung Heroin that afternoon in the car. Just like when he was tending to the needle in his vein. Perhaps just like when he decided to use it as a tool to take his life. So, when the song inevitably comes on, I stop, and I sing with Frank, and I thank him for the time he spent with me.

Last Movie: The last movie I saw in theaters was Jojo Rabbit, and I cannot recommend it enough. It hit some very personal notes in a lot of uncomfortable ways for me, on top of it simply being a very solid movie (milhist jokes do make my heart sing). I wish I could talk about.. some of these things, reenacting, and military history, but it still stirs up Bad People on social media that I don't have the energy to deal with. Definitely recommend the movie though, regardless. Plus I have this wonderful screencap to send in response to my friends asking why I'm doing (insert literally anything here).

"Sage, why did you fall asleep on the ground in the woods again wearing only your tunic"

"Sage why are you drinking eight cups of coffee to make it through the day"

"Sage why are you--"

(it's my life, my life is a long string of different Operation Screw Ups)

Currently Watching: I'm currently trying to catch up on some VODs on Twitch of the November Nethack tourney. I don't play Nethack myself, but I really enjoy watching others who take time to narrate it as they play (since it is an ASCII game and there is quite the learning curve).

Currently Reading: Shame on me but I'm not reading any books at the moment even though I have a backlog of them (don't we all though). There's a few threads on Something Awful that I catch up on while I'm winding down before bed, if that counts. Researching the cost of solar installation for living off grid as well since I'm currently (still) searching for land to build on. Or, alternatively, the last book I read was The Sexual History of the World War, by Dr. Magnus Hirschfeld (it is available for free here). I couldn't tear myself away from it and finished the whole thing in about 2.5 days. It was originally published in 1934 I think? So some terms are obviously ah... dated.. but it was a fascinating take on the subject and I wish I could erase it from my memory just to read it again as new material.

Currently Craving: An ass kicking, to be blunt. A dynamic with someone which leads to a cathartic release. Friendship and closeness and belonging to a community, as well. It's been a very bad, very lonely year. Barring that, I really want this hole in my chest to heal, and my other medical issues to take a hike for a minute, so I can sit down with a fucking glass of scotch and smoke a cigar. Davidoff's Year of the Ox is about to be released and I still haven't smoked the Year of the Rat.

As for tagging nine people.. uh, do I even have nine mutuals? I don't really want to tag people because I don't want to make them feel obligated to do this if they don't want to. But I'd love to read what my mutuals have been up to lately! Any of you! Even if you don't think I'm talking about you, too bad, I am.

#Text #Long #I really enjoyed this honestly #I needed to get some of it off my chest lmao #So thank you for tagging me #Someone else better do this so I can read it #Uhh hang on we got trigger warnings #drug mention #suicide mention

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unofficialkfamtranscripts · 4 years

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King Falls AM - Episode Four: Wolves Gone Wild

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Summary: June 15, 2015 - With Sammy & Ben in contention over a forced apology regarding the Bass Tournament, a full moon causes all hell to break loose on the outskirts of King Falls.

[Podcast intro music]

[KFAM rock intro music]

Ben Top of the hour here on King Falls AM, that’s 660 on the AM dial. And we’re live here on this crisp, King Falls evening. It’s a full moon, and you know what that means, so be careful out there. It’s four AM, on the dot, and as per instructed by Merv, the station manager, who we will be—

Sammy [agitated] You’re really gonna play that.

Ben [sarcastically] Oh look who’s talking again, everybody! Sammy Stevens, ladies and gents.

Sammy Very funny, Ben. You know, we’ve played this apology enough. let’s just get back on track, how ‘bout it?

Ben Gotta do it.

[radio static as recording begins]

Sammy Hello, this is Sammy Stevens and I’m sitting here with Ben Arnold, your co-host of King Falls AM.

[record scratch]

Sammy No! We aren’t doing this, Ben.

Ben Sammy! I’m gonna have to file a report if we don’t play this apology at the top of every hour.

Sammy Write it up!

Ben I don’t want to!

Sammy Then don’t.

Ben Sammy— can we talk about this? Folks, uh, we’re just gonna take a quick break for—

Sammy No break, no apology, you wanna play that tape?

Ben No, but we have to!

Sammy Fine. You know what? We’ll do this one live, kids, and *angry laugh/huff* boy are you in for a treat.

Ben I don’t know, I—

Sammy [mildly outraged] So there’s a note, on the board, when we came in. We’re to record an apology to you, the dear listeners and residents of King Falls—

Ben Merv simply asked that we apologize for… creating a controversy at the 55th annual—

Sammy We talk about the news here. Relevant subjects that affect this town. What we don’t do- *angry laughing* What we would never do, is apologize for trying to cover a breaking news story! A dead body at a public event that King Falls AM is covering is News.

Ben Maybe Mayor Grisham went a little overboard kicking us out- I’m not saying he didn’t, but—

Sammy [outrage continues] If I owned this station! If I owned the station? I’d go after him. I mean, why isn’t Merv mad at Grisham. Why is this on us? [softer] Have you even met Merv, Ben?

Ben Yes— I mean… not in person, but— Look, we have a show to keep on track: in a few minutes we’ll be speaking with both of the winners of the 55th annual Bass Tournament—

Sammy How ‘bout this. How ‘bout we open up the phone lines and talk about how the good Mayor Grisham is strongarming the media—

[static]

Announcer This Sunday evening, at 7PM, we say goodbye to longtime host of King Falls Sewing Corner, Esther Rollens, the way she would’ve wanted us to.

Esther [old, wavering voice] Talkin’ about life, talkin’ about love, and crochetin’ a mean doily while we’re at it!

Announcer While we will all miss Esther’s sweet stitchery tips and needlepoint mastery, we’ll miss Esther even more.

Esther We’ll darn your socks, and maybe even darn your men to heck, while we’re at it.

Announcer We’ll reminisce and play clips from Sewing Corner’s illustrious twenty-four year run. As well as a live music tribute from Esther’s favourite band.

[heavy metal music] ♪WAKE UP. YOU’LL SEE.♪

Esther Ohh, I just love these boys! All possible states. [heavy metal music fades out] Always remember: bad times never last. But badasses certainly do! We’ll see you soon, King Falls!

Announcer Hopefully not too soon, Esther. 7PM, this Sunday. Help us say goodbye to King Falls’ most bitchin’ granny.

[heavy metal music resumes] ♪*SCREAMING* I WILL NEVER REESST. UNTIL I WALK IN THE SUNSET. BURN ME UP IN FLAAMES.♪

[heavy metal fades out]

Ben I didn’t cut you off, Sammy!

Sammy Real mature, Ben.

Ben You were looking right at me, I didn’t even touch the board! And you know Esther Rollens was slated for 4:32 AM! I’d never.

Sammy [sarcastically] Oh, oh, okay, it must’ve been General Abilene, right?

Ben You know he’s in Sweetzer Fore- Sheesh. Can’t you just take some calls? You’re killing me. Line 6!

Cecil Sheffield [Cecil’s voice is old and slurred] Benjamin Arnold! Mr. Sheffield here! Why’re you on- the radio?

Ben [muttered] Crap. Bass Tournament winners were scheduled for two minutes ago. I-I’m gonna call the other—

Sammy Oh! So we can talk about the tournament, we just can’t talk about the dead body.

Ben Sammy.

Sammy Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr. Cecil Sheffield to the show, uh, co-winner of the 55th annual King Falls Bass Tourney.

Ben It’s great to have you. Mr. Sheffield.

Cecil It’ss good to be taalkin’ to you fellas too! Benn, how’re yer grades holdin’ up this year?

Ben Uhh, I- *confused laugh* I- I graduated uh- already. Sev-several years ago—

Cecil No more late papers thiss semester, Mr. Arrnold.

Sammy Yeah, Ben! No more late papers!

Ben *deep breath* For those of you who don’t know: Mr. Sheffield was my history teacher at King Falls High School. [embarrassed and tense] Shouldn’t he be retired by now?

Cecil [singing] ♫Riiiiiising miidst the goooolden orrrange, graaandly iiin tooo th— bluuuee, reeeeeaches our dear aaaaalma maater—♫

Sammy *clapping sarcastically* There ya have it folks! Mr. Cecil Sheffield, winner of this year’s King Falls Idol.

Cecil Go Faaallls! I rreally lovve talkin’ t’ you guuys.

Ben [awkwardly] And we… love talking to you.

Sammy How ‘bout we talk about the big win at the tournament, huh? You split the grand prize, $500 and a bass boat, is that correct?

Cecil Ohh it was awwesome. Staandin’ up there at the podium with ma’ good friend Herrschel! I’m happy t’ shaare the prriize wi’ such a great man! I haven’ gotten a channce to uuse the new booat- uhh… yet—

Ben Aaand, we’ve got Herschel Baumgartner!

Sammy Sorry to cut you off, Cecil. Herschel, you’re live on King Fal-

Herschel [angry as always] You usurpin’, unsportsmanlike, son of a b[bleep]h filth! I know all you were colludin’ against me this year. It’s a conspiracy!

Sammy I’m sorry, what now, Mr. Baumgartner?

Herschel You know exactly what I’m talkin’ about, Big City.

Ben We actually don’t, Mr. Baumgartner.

Herschel Don’t mouth off to me, you conspirin’ little bag of d[bleep]ks!

Sammy Hey! Hey, hey, Herschel! No one is conspiring against anybody here! You should be happy right now, this is what, your fourth time winning the tournament? Granted, let’s be honest, a cadaver should probably give this one an asterisk.

Ben [eagerly] 1989,1992, and now back-to-back titles in 2014 and 2015. You’re the first ever to have four titles!

Herschel [hesitantly] W-wellll, when you put it like that, I guess. I never thought o’ it that way. I was just so red-faced about someone pokin’ a hole in the bottom of my boat right after I caught my last fish. Old Cecil wouldn’t’ve come close if some boobstain hadn’t’a messed with my damn boat!

Ben Kingsie got ya!

Herschel [mocking] It wasn’t Kingsie; that serpenty little b[bleep]h!

Cecil Iss that Herrschel? Hooww ya doin’ buddy? I’miss ya. Why dontcha answer when I calll?

Herschel [back to angry] Cecil! You cheatin’ dog pecker! I’d know-what-it was you who sunk my battleship! You couldn’t stand to have me win all by myself this year you limp-d[bleep]ked drunkard!

Ben Ooh-[worried]Haah! We’re gonna have to ask you. to watch your language. Mr. Baumgartner.

Herschel Now you listen here, you motherf[bleep]—

[dial tone]

Sammy Hello?

Ben Sorry Sammy. Merv’s already not happy, let’s not have the FCC[1]join him?

Sammy You know, you’re gettin’ real good with that dump button trigger finger tonight, Ben.

Ben I told you I didn’t dump you! Herschel, yes, but not you.

Sammy Y- *huff/laugh* You were so right about this full moon tonight, Ben.

Ben [mumbled] This is a nightmare.

Sammy [seriously] Hey. I’m sorry. Okay? I shouldn’t have gotten so fired up.

Ben You and Herschel both- You know how hard I work on this schedule? Don’t… puppy dog eye me, Sammy.

Sammy Hey, I’m just tryin’ to ice this apology cake, buddy.

Ben … 6:20, you buy me a stack of pancakes, at Rose’s Diner, and… we’ll call it even.

Sammy Sounds like a plan. So you’ve heard our story King Falls, now let’s hear—

Ben Good grief, we’ve got line 2, he’s in a panic.

Sammy Aren’t we all? You’re on the air with Sammy and Ben, what can we—

Line 2 [overly dramatic] No time for pleasantries- I need the law!

[small dogs barking in bg throughout call]

Ben Sir, uh, 911 is probably your best bet.

Sammy Or maybe tweet Troy and hashtag “KingFalls911” [half-muttered] I dunno.

Line 2 You silly Sallys. I’ve already called, the deputy is on the way. But I’m havin’ a terrible night, and I don’t appreciate the two of you makin’ it worse!

Ben Wait, is this- Archie Simmons?

Archie [sing-song] The one and onlyy.

Ben Is there something wrong out at the Pomchi Palace?

Sammy Pomchi? What the hell is a “pomchi”?

Archie Oh my gawd, read a book Sammy.

Ben It’s a dog— breed, half pomeranian, half chihuahua.

Sammy Oh! So Archie’s a professional dog breeder.

Archie Best bitches in the tri-state area!

Ben [flatly] That’s their motto.

Archie [softly aside, cooing] That’s a good baby, Daddy loves you! What’s that? That angry, mean werewolf violated you? Don’t you worry, Daddy will make. him. pay.

Sammy Did he just say “werewolf?”

Archie You betchyer bottom dollar I did!

Sammy Ben, I- I can’t.

Ben T-tell us what’s going on, Archie.

Archie Well, I live offa Route-72, damn near out of town. It’s usually nice and quiet [muttering](except for those damn trashy rednecks in their trailer park every damn Saturday night!)

Ben Buuut, tonight, it’s not nice and quiet?

Archie Hell no! I woke up to the most godawful squawlin’. I mean it sounded like a freight train hit a barrel a’ screamin’ billygoats. Half a step below a damn eight f[bleep] bottle rocket.

Ben That is vivid!

Sammy [being a smart-aleck] Dare I say, was it a half-man, half-wolf?

Ben [unimpressed] Good job, Sammy.

Sammy [quietly] Please don’t encourage this.

Archie It was so terrible a noise, I thought I might’a dreamed it. But then I heard it again!

Sammy Go on.

Archie So I threw on my slippers, and I went runnin’ towards the back of the house— an’ I’m scared, because I just paid— well, I paid a bundle for a couple’a these new pomchi bitches? So I’m worried that maybe Rufus (that’s my labradoodle)—

Sammy Labradoodl—?

Ben [quickly] Labrador-poodle mix.

Archie Damnit, Google it fellas and keep up. I’m worried that Rufus is maybe snuck in the backyard and roughed up the new pomchis? So I rushed toward the back and Rufus is in the Florida Room— just a-growlin’ mind you— so it wasn’t him. So I burst open the back door, and what do I see??

Ben What-ahh… wh-wh-what did you see?

Archie [increasingly distressed I see a half-man, half-dog, bent over hunchin’ the hell out of my twenty-four-hundred-dollar Princess Von Barktooth!

Ben Not Princess Von Barktooth!

Sammy Okay, so you run outside in your slippers, and you see some skeezy pervert, and he’s got your dog—

Archie In the biblical sense! But the maaan was A. Werewolf.

Sammy Are we really talkin’ about wolf-man werewolves, here? *laughs* I’m sorry Ben—

Archie You shouldn’ be sorryin’ to Beeen! He’s not the one who’s been sodomized by a damn man-wolf! And now I gotta stay up all night watchin’ the princess and dealin’ with the law! Lord knows I’m worried that this leads to long term emotional distress, or, worse. [distraught] An’ we can just throw out winnin’ the Westminster trophy!![2] That was not in our five year plAN!!!

Ben I have to. What- Was the five year plan?

Archie [soft and rushed] Princess Von Barktooth was supposed to fall in love with another purebred pomchi, who sweeps her off her feet, holds open all the doggy doors for her, shares all his treats. *giggles* [to the dog] Isn’t that right lil princess?

Sammy [derisively] This is just silly. I mean it was obviously just a creep with serious issues, not a mythical—

Archie Are you callin’ me a liar? I saw that abomination with my own two baby blues.

Ben S-Sammy likes to look at these paranormal events from all angles, Archie.

Archie Well the angle that I saw it at was a G-D crime against humanity and dogmanity alike! The beast man looked at me, evil in his eyes, and desire in his heart, tossed my princess like a ragdoll, howled at the moon like the wretched demon that he is and scampered off!!

Ben Ar-Archie have- have you had issues with the werewolves before?

Archie Oh-my-gosh, who hasn’t? Ol’ Dylan hillbilly Baxter used to pepper buckshot those chicken-thievin’ shapeshiftin’ sons-of-bitches!

Sammy Brass tacks[3] here; Is Princess Von Barktooth okay?

Archie Needless to saayy, we are more than a bit shaken by this turn of events.

Sammy Have you looked into silver bullets? eBay? Amazon Prime?

Archie You come out here the next full moon you sassy Sally and I’ll show you more werewolves than you can shake a d[bleep]k at… Aw, I just heard Deputy Troy pull up, I gotta go, boys. [click]

[dial tone]

Ben Th-thanks for letting all of us know that there’s been some activity on the wolf front, Archie.

Sam This is just too much. Look, stay safe, Archie, listening public. I’m not saying that there’s werewolves on the loose—

Ben There are.

Sammy *laugh/huff* Ben. Everyone stay safe. There’s definitely something in the air tonight.

Ben Oh no. Sammy *heavy breath* Can you take Line One?

Sammy Do I even want to ask?

Finn [panicked] Sammy?! Ben?! It’s bad! It’s real bad, y’ know?!

Sammy Are you alright, Finn?

Finn [still strained and panicked] I-I didn’t.. even see him comin’! Musta run head-long through the truck on my blind side!

Sammy Who did? What’s going on?

Ben Finn hit a dog, off Route 72.

Sammy You’re f[bleep]king kidding.

Finn [distraught, almost crying] This poor little guy! I feel so bad, y’know? [less scared, more nervous] Actually. He’s not that little.

Ben Finn, are you still in your truck?

Finn Oh yeah, but I stopped it when I hit the fella… I’ma shakin’ somethin’ awful here.

Sammy [“not” worried] I think you should start the truck up, and just keep on movin’.

Finn … I think he’s still alive! I’m goin’ out to do the right thing an’ check this out, Sammy.

Ben Sammy’s right. Keep—

Finn I’m outside the truck! Headin’ back towards the pooch!

Sammy Get back in the truck, Finn! [quietly aside] Uh, you know, because it could be a- a coyote or something, n-not a were- you know.

Finn Oh my. This poor fella don’t look too good. This looks— Whoa now!

Ben Move your maple lovin’ ass, Finn!

Finn It’s two-leg runnin’ at me boys! What the f[bleep]k!

Sammy Finn? Finn?!

[sounds of a struggle, garbled words, then howling]

[KFAM outro]

[CREDITS]

References

[1] FCC - The Federal Communications Commission is an independent agency of the United States government that regulates communications by radio, television, wire, satellite, and cable across the United States.

[2] Westminster trophy - The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show is an all-breed conformation show that has been hosted in New York City annually since 1877.

[3] Brass tacks - n. details of immediate practical importance —usually used in the phrase “get down to brass tacks”

#king falls am #king falls #kfam #sammy stevens #ben arnold #kfam transcripts #kfam ep4 #cecil sheffield #archie simmons #finn the truck driver #herschel baumgartner

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chrmiing-arc · 6 years

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Chad’s Boat [Part 2].

Out on the water is where the Prince can be carefree and away from the prying eyes of the media, it’s one of the few places to AK’s and Royal Squad go out just to relax. Most people assume the group goes out to party but really they just go out to let loose and do nothing. It didn’t take long for the sailing yacht to become Audrey, Ben and Chad’s escape from Royal duties and a safe place where they could be themselves. Lie about in PJ’s all day, have stupid fun, gossip without anyone hearing.

RACING. When the prince received the boat as a present from both his parents he wasn’t the most mature or responsible. Often he would take the boat from the Yacht club and race other young heirs, surprising to many Chad was quite good at sailing he wasn’t the best at navigating or setting a coarse but handling the boat came to him like second nature which worked in his favour. He managed to win nearly all his races down at the club. When his father caught wind of the boat racing Chad challenged him.

Initially Kit wasn’t up for the Challenge but when Chad mentioned “Oh so your a loser then?” the competitive side of Kit his son knew he found it hard to turn down a challenge after all he had seen him down at the Captains Club where Chad worked.There was no doubt in Kit’s mind he could out sail the boy he’d been around a lot younger than his son and his boat was a lot “better”. The race was close on rocky waters but in the end Kit managed to break ahead and returned to the club a victor.

However, when Ella has caught wind of the boys little “race” which was both in foreign waters and highly dangerous so she decided to teach them a lesson, with help she applied rather large decals to the pairs beloved boats that read: “now who’s the loser son/dad”. At first the pair where outrage but Ella had every right to be angry. They not only raced in dangerous conditions it was in mermaid waters, a protected area (although Chad mapped the course and didn’t know) thankfully they were forgiven. Over time Chad got used to his decal it reminded him not to do stupid things like racing and he keeps it stuck on.

ACTIVITIES. When the prince takes to the water with his friends they will most likely just sail to the open water and spend the day out there for this reason Chad’s boat is filled with equipment and gear for various activities the group partake in:

SURFING. It’s not one of Chad’s better talents but when the Old Tourney squad decided they were hitting the waves he said he’d join, WIPEOUT central with Chad. No matter how hard he tries to improve it’s slow. He’ll paddle out in the water ride a few small waves but anything major and he is in the water.

FISHING. Packed in blue bags, tucked away in the back of a cupboard are two spinning rods. Ever since they were kids Chad and Ben enjoyed doing things together but as they got older their time together got rarer and rarer. When not busy with: lessons, at AP, Business, Travelling, Tourney they do like to relax. Their love for fishing started on one of their trips to Camelot (a favourite of the pair) where they learned the skill and found it relaxing. They don’t always head out to fish but to clear their heads or have a quiet day they sail out to spend the day fishing.

SNORKLING. Exploring, travelling. The AK’s love seeing everything with Auradon. All the small places, the out of reach ones. Sailing about is one way but looking under the surface, seeing the sea life and mermaids is a whole new level.

STARGAZING. Whilst in company (preferably a dates) Chad likes to go out to the private docks where it’s quiet pulling the pillows and blankets up from below to sit and look up at the stars for hours, listening to the sea lap against the boat.

Yeah, sometimes the group enjoy heading out to do activities but other times they just want fun away from the media (or so they think) it’s a place to let loose. It’s the small things that Chad loves most doing on the boat: enjoying each others company, all chipping in to cook dinner on the small stove, watching the sunrise and set from the deck, jumping off into the ocean. To aid them in their adventures over the years the group stashed items on the boat:

WATER GUNS. Are by far one of Chad’s favourite past times. For ease of access he has a matching pair attached to a wall in the cabin and an assorted selection (of less magnificent ones) he collected over the years in a cupboard.

BOARD GAMES. One time when the AK’s got stuck out on the water during a storm they knew would pass but wouldn’t dare sail home in it they managed to a small dock where they were safe but they were stuck on board with nothing to do. The next time they planned on going out Ben brought along: twister, scrabble, monopoly and clue. JUST IN CASE. Although some days when they just want to relax they’ll put on their comfy’s and play some games.

POOL FLOATS.

HERE part [1/2]

#♚・ ❛ more than an asshole ❜ ⟶「 character study 」・✦#tw long post #to be updated #♚・ ❛ might be a sinner might be a saint ❜ ⟶「 head canons 」・✦

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kingfallshistoricallibrary-blog · 6 years

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Episode Four: Wolves Gone Wild

[Podcast Theme]

[King Falls AM music]

Ben: Top of the hour here at King Falls AM, at 660 on the AM dial. And we’re live here on this crisp King Falls evening. It’s a full moon, and you know what that means so be careful out there. It’s 4 am on the dot and as per instructed by Merv, the station manager, we will be-

Sammy: You’re really gonna play that?

B: Oh, look who’s talking again, everybody, Sammy Stevens, ladies and gents.

S: Very funny, Ben. You know we’ve played this apology enough, lets just get back on track, how about it?

B: Gotta do it.

*tape starts*

S: Hello, this is Sammy Stevens, and I’m sitting here with Ben Arnold, your cohost of King Falls AM *record scratch*

S: No! We aren’t doing this Ben.

B: Sammy, I’m gonna have to file a report if we don’t play this apology at the top of every hour.

S: Write it up.

B: I don’t want to!

S: Then don’t!

B: Sammy? Can we talk about this? Folks, we’re just gonna take a quick break for-

S: No break, no apology, you wanna play that tape?

B: No, but we have to.

S: Fine. You know what, we’ll do this one live kids, and uh, boy are you in for a treat.

B: I don’t know if I-

S: So there’s a note on the board when we came in. We’re to record an apology to you, the dear listeners and residents of King Falls.

B: Merv simply asked that we apologize for...creating a controversy at the 55th annual-

S: We talk about the news here. Relevant subjects that affect this town. What we don’t do, *wry laughter*, what we would never do, is apologize for trying to cover a breaking news story. A dead body at a public event that King Falls AM is covering is news.

B: Maybe Mayor Grisham went a little overboard kicking us out, I’m not saying he-

S: If I owned the station, if I owned the station I’d go after him. I mean, why isn’t Merv mad at Grisham, why is this on us? Have you even met Merv, Ben?

B: Yes. I mean, not in person, but, look, we have a show to keep on track. In a few minutes we’ll be speaking with both of the winners of the 55th annual bass tournament.

S: How about this, how about we open up the phone lines and talk about how the good Mayor Grisham is strong arming the media- *static*

Announcer: This Sunday evening at 7pm, we say goodbye to long time host of King Falls Sewing Corner, Esther Rollins, the way she would have wanted us to.

Esther Rollins: Talking about life, talking about love, and crocheting a mean doily while we’re at it.

A: While we will all miss Esther’s sweet stitchery tips and needlepoint mastery, we’ll miss Esther even more.

ER: We’ll darn your socks and maybe even darn your men to heck while we’re at it.

A: We’ll reminisce and play clips from Sewing Corners illustrious 24 year run. As well as a live music tribute from Esther’s favorite band.

*heavy metal music*

ER: Oh I just love these boys. All Possible States. Always remember, bad times never last, but badasses certainly do. We’ll see you soon King Falls.

A: Hopefully not too soon, Esther. 7pm, this Sunday. Help us say goodbye to King Falls most bitching granny.

*heavy metal music*

B: I didn’t cut you off Sammy!

S: Real mature, Ben.

B: You were looking right at me, I didn’t even touch the board. And you know Esther Rollins was slated for 4:32 am. I’d never-

S: Oh, okay, it must have been General Abilene, right?

B: You know he’s in Sweetzer Forest. Sheesh. Can’t we just take some calls, you’re killing me. Line six.

Cecil: Benjamin Arnold, Mr. Sheffield here. Why’re you on the radio?

B: Crap, bass tournament winners were scheduled for two minutes ago, uh, I’m gonna call the other.

S: Oh, so we can talk about the tournament, we just can’t talk about the dead body.

B: Sammy!

S: Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Mr. Cecil Sheffield to the show, cowinner of the 55th annual King Falls bass tourney.

B: It’s great to have you Mr. Sheffield.

C: It’s good to be talking to you fellas too. Ben, how’re your grades holding up this year?

B: Uhh...I’ve, *nervous laughter* I graduated already, several years ago.

C: No more late papers this semester Mr. Arnold!

S: Yeah Ben, no more late papers.

B: For those of you who don’t know, Mr. Sheffield was my history teacher at King Falls high school. Shouldn’t he be retired by now?

C: *singing* Rising mists, the gold and orange, grandly into the blue, reaches our dear alma mater-

S: *clapping* There you have it folks, Mr. Cecil Sheffield, winner of this year’s King Falls idol.

C: Go Falls! I really love talking to you guys.

B: And we...love talking to you.

S: How about we talk about the big win at the tournament, huh, you split the grand prize, $500 and a bass boat, is that correct?

C: Oh, it was awesome. Standing up there at the podium with my good friend Hershel. I’m happy to share the prize with such a great man. I haven’t gotten a chance to use the new boat-

B: And we’ve got Hershel Baumgardner.

S: Sorry to cut you off, Cecil, Hershel you’re live on King Falls-

H: You usurping, unsportsmanlike, son of a b**** filth. I know all of you were colluding against me this year. It’s a conspiracy!

S: I’m sorry, what now Mr. Baumgardner?

H: You know exactly what I’m talking about, big city!

B: We actually don’t Mr. Baumgardner.

H: Don’t mouth off to me you conspiring little bag of d****!

S: Hey, hey, Hershel, no one is conspiring against anybody here! You should be happy right now, this is what, your fourth time winning the tournament? Granted, lets be honest, the cadaver should probably give this one an asterisk.

B: 1989, 1992, and now back to back titles in 2014 and 2015, you're the first ever to have four titles!

H: Well, when you put it like that...I guess...I never thought of it that way...I was just so red faced about someone poking a hole in the bottom of my boat right after I caught my last fish. Old Cecil wouldn’t have come close if some boob stain hadn’t messed with my damn boat.

B: Kingsy got you!

H: It wasn’t Kingsy. That serpenty little b***.

C: Is that Hershel? How you doing buddy? I miss you. Why you don’t answer when I call?

H: Cecil! You cheating dog pecker, I’d knowed it was you that sunk my battleship, you couldn’t stand to have me win all by myself this year, you limp d*** drunkard!

B: Uh ha, we’re gonna have to ask you to watch your language, Mr. Baumgardner.

H: Now you listen here you motherf******- *dial tone*

S: Hello?

B: Sorry, Sammy, Merv’s already not happy, lets not have the FCC join him.

S: You know you’re getting real good with that dump button trigger finger tonight Ben. B: I told you I didn’t dump you. Hershel, yes, but not you.

S: You, *laughs*, you were so right about this full moon tonight Ben.

B: This is a nightmare.

S: Hey. I’m sorry, okay? I shouldn’t have gotten so fired up.

B: You and Hershel both. You know how hard I work on this schedule? Don’t...puppy dog eye me, Sammy!

S: Hey, I’m just trying to ice this apology cake buddy.

B: 6:20, you buy me a stack of pancakes at Rose’s Diner, and we’ll call it even.

S: Sounds like a plan. So, you’ve heard our story King Falls, now let's hear-

B: Good grief, we’ve got line two, he’s in a panic.

S: Aren’t we all? You’re on the air with Sammy and Ben, what can we-

Archie: No time for pleasantries, I need the law!

B: Sir, uh, 911 is probably your best bet.

S: Or maybe tweet Troy and #kingfalls911, I dunno.

A: You silly Sally’s, I’ve already called the deputy is on the way, but I’m having a terrible night and I don’t appreciate the two of you making it worse.

B: Wait, is this Archie Simmons?

A: The one and only.

B: Is there something wrong down at the Pomchi Palace?

S: Pomchi? What the hell is a pomchi?

A: Oh my god, read a book Sammy

B: It’s a dog breed, half pomeranian, half chihuahua.

S: Oh. So, Archie’s a professional dog breeder?

A: Best bitches in the tristate area!

B: That’s their motto.

A, to the dog: That’s a good baby, daddy loves you. Oh, what’s that, that angry mean werewolf violated you? Don’t you worry, daddy will make him pay!

S: Did he just say werewolf?

A: You bet your bottom dollar I did.

S: Ben, I...I can’t.

B: Tell us what’s going on, Archie.

A: Well, I live off of route 72, damn near out of town. It’s usually nice and quiet except for those damn trashy rednecks and their trailer park every damn Saturday night.

B: But, tonight it’s not nice and quiet?

A: Hell no! I woke up to the most god awful squalling. I mean, it sounded like a freight train hit a barrel of screaming billy goats. Half a step below a damn eight *** bottle rocket.

B: That is vivid.

S: Dare I say, was it a half man half wolf?

B: Good job Sammy.

S: Please don’t encourage this.

A: It was so terrible a noise. I thought I might have dreamed it, but then I heard it again.

S: Go on.

A: So I threw on my slippers and went running towards the back of the house. And I’m scared, because I just paid, well I paid a bundle, for a couple of these new pomchi bitches. So I’m worried that maybe Rufus, that’s my labradoodle-

S: Labrado-

B: Labrador poodle mix.

A: Dammit, google it fellas, and keep up! I’m worried that Rufus has maybe snuck in the backyard and roughed up the new pomchis, so I rush towards the back, and Rufus is in the Florida room, just a growling mind you, so it wasn’t him. So I burst open the back door and what do I see?

B: What, uhh, what did you see?

A: I see a half man, half dog bent over hunching the hell out of my $2400 Princess Von Barktooth.

B: Not Princess Von Barktooth!

S: Okay, so you run outside in your slippers and you see some skeezy pervert and he’s got your dog.

A: In the biblical sense! But the man was a werewolf.

S: Are we really talking about wolfman werewolves here? I’m sorry, Ben.

A: You shouldn’t be sorrying to Ben, he’s not the one who’s been sodomized by a damn man wolf. And now I gotta stay up all night watching the princess and dealing with the law. Lord knows I’m worried that leads to long term emotional distress or worse. And we can just throw out winning the Westminster trophy. That was not in our five year plan!

B: I have to...what was the five year plan?

A: Princess Von Barktooth is supposed to fall in love with another purebred pomchi who sweeps her off her feet, holds open all the doggy doors for her, and shares all his treats. Isn’t that right little princess? *barking*

S: This is just silly. I mean, it was obviously just a creep with serious issues, not a mythical-

A: Are you calling me a liar? *howling in the background* I saw that abomination with my own two baby blues.

B: Sammy likes to look at these paranormal events from all angles, Archie.

A: Well the angle that I saw it at was a g-d crime against humanity and dogmanity alike. The beastman looked at me, evil in his eyes, and desire in his heart, tossed my princess like a ragdoll, howled at the moon like the wretched demon that he is, and scampered off.

B: Uh, Archie, have you had issues with the werewolves before?

A: Oh my gosh who hasn’t? Old Dylan ‘Hillbilly’ Baxter used to pepper buckshot those chicken thieving shapeshifting sons of bitches.

S: Brass tacks here, is Princess Von Barktooth okay?

A: Needless to say, we’re more than a bit shaken by this turn of events.

S: Have you looked into silver bullets? Ebay, Amazon Prime?

A: You come out here the next full moon you sassy Sally, and I’ll show you more werewolves than you can shake a d*** at. *sirens in the background* Oh, I just heard deputy Troy pull up, I gotta go boys. *hang up sound*

B: Uh, thanks for letting all of us know that there’s been some activity on the wolf front Archie.

S: This is just too much. Look, stay safe Archie, listening public. I’m not saying that there’s werewolves on the loose-

B: There are.

S: Ben. Everyone stay safe, there’s definitely something in the air tonight.

B: Oh no. Sammy, can you take line one?

S: Do I even wanna ask?

Finn: Sammy! Ben! It’s bad. It’s real bad, y’know?

S: Are you alright, Finn?

F: I didn’t even see him coming! Must have ran headlong into the truck on my blind side.

S: Who did? What’s going on?

B: Finn hit a dog, off route 72.

S: You’re f***ing kidding me.

F: This poor little guy, I feel so bad, y’know? Actually, he’s not that little…

B: Finn, are you still in your truck?

F: Oh yeah, but I stopped it when I hit the fella. I’m shaking something awful here.

S: I think you should start the truck up and just keep on moving.

F: I think he’s still alive. I’m gonna have to do the right thing and check this out Sammy.

B: Sammy’s right-

F: I’m outside the truck, heading back towards the pooch.

S: Get back in the truck Finn! Uh, y‘know, because it could be a coyote or something, not a were, y’know.

F: Oh my, this poor fella don’t look too good. This looks, WHOA NOW!

B: Move your maple loving ass Finn!

F: It’s too late, running at me boys! What f***?

S: Finn? Finn?

*wolf noises, Finn struggling, more noises, and a howl that is soon echoed in the distance*

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rickhorrow · 5 years

Text

10 To Watch : Mayors Edition 32519

RICK HORROW’S 10 TO WATCH : MAYORS EDITION

TOP SPORTS/BIZ/TECH/PHILANTHROPY ISSUES FOR THE WEEK OF MARCH 25 with Jacob Aere

March Madness: What we're watching during game breaks. $829.6 million. That’s the advertising spend for AT&T during NCAA Tournament coverage from 2019-2018, making it the top advertiser for the "entire tournament" in that time period, according to Forbes. Other top five ad spenders are General Motors, at $791.2 million; Coca-Cola, at $399.1 million; Capital One Financial, at $361.1 million, and A-B InBev, at $294.7 million. Also repressing a thick slice of the March Madness advertising pie is Pizza Hut, which last week outlined its activation plans around the NCAA Tournament, as the Yum! Brands subsidiary is in its third year as the official pizza of March Madness. Geico and Uber Eats have bought time across all the networks showing tourney games. Insurance and tech – think Amazon, Apple, Google Cloud – have also increased their spending. The crown ad jewel? In a new spot, Buffalo Wild Wings highlights the alleged 30% increase in vasectomy procedures during the tournament by way of "the Jewel Stool." According to AdWeek, the special barstool has a "cooling apparatus that allows basketball fans who got the snip to have some relief in their nether region."

March Madness: What they're wearing. Nike once again is the top shoe and jersey provider in the NCAA Tournament, despite losing some of its market share from last year. Nike and its affiliated Jordan Brand outfit 40 first round teams for both jerseys and shoes. That is down from 47 teams last season and matches the number of schools it sponsored in 2017. Meanwhile, Under Armour saw the biggest jump, climbing to 17 teams in this year’s tourney. UA's number represents a significant increase after dropping from 12 schools in 2017 to 10 last year, after steadily climbing from six in 2015. Adidas earned a slight bump from 10 schools in 2018, sponsoring 11 teams this season. Despite the increase, Adidas continues to see its on-court fortunes drop as its figure for jerseys and shoes in the field this year is still down from 15 schools in 2017. Those hot pink Nike Jordan sneaks Michigan wore in the first two rounds? The tradition started last year during the Wolverines’ run to the national championship game against Villanova and appears to be working again – the team has advanced to the Sweet Sixteen and will next face Texas Tech in Anaheim.

Just call it T-Ball. Just ahead of MLB’s Opening Day, the league has signed a four-year contract extension with T-Mobile, continuing a relationship with one of its most prominent sponsors through the 2022 season. The company, which began its alignment with MLB in 2013, will continue as the league’s official wireless sponsor and as the title sponsor of the annual Home Run Derby. In the new term, T-Mobile also will add rights as the official wireless sponsor of Little League International, representing the first new deal to come out of a new joint sponsorship agreement between MLB and Little League. The deal extends a growing presence within baseball for T-Mobile, following last fall’s 25-year deal to take over naming rights for what was Safeco Field. T-Mobile, which last renewed its MLB sponsorship in 2016, this week will give its customers a free year of the MLB.TV out-of-market package and premium features of the MLB At Bat mobile app, repeating an offer made last year. And once again, the baseball-savvy telecom brand will hold a fan contest for a free trip to this summer’s MLB All-Star Game in Cleveland.

Just when the buzz over Manny Machado and Bryce Harper dies down, the Angels do the Padres and Phillies one better. According to multiple sources last week, Angels center fielder Mike Trout is "finalizing the largest contract in professional sports history," a 12-year deal worth more than $430 million that will "smash previous records.” Trout will receive an average of nearly $36 million a year. ESPN notes the Angels' "bustling farm system" and the ability for Owner Arte Moreno to parlay a $3 billion local TV deal into "higher payrolls gave Trout enough security to lock himself into a deal through his age-38 season" in 3030. It would net Trout more money than Harper, who signed a 13-year, $330 million contract with the Phillies earlier this month – a deal that was oh so briefly the most lucrative in baseball history. And as the Washington Post and other sources noted, keeping Trout will cost Angels owner Arte Moreno "more than twice as much as the $184 million he paid for the entire franchise in 2003.”

MLS has signed a four-year sports betting partnership with MGM Resorts International. According to SportsBusiness Journal, the deal gives the casino giant non-exclusive rights to MLS data for fans and sports betting customers. The two parties will also apparently collaborate on a free-to-play game that is expected to be released later this year. In addition, MGM is set to be integrated into the league’s digital and social channels, as well as field signage during nationally-televised games. According to the report, the partnership will also see the pair work to bring soccer events and other activations to Las Vegas, which could range from league meetings to esports. MLS is the fourth U.S. major league to sign a deal with MGM since the U.S. Supreme Court’s decision to relax sports betting laws in the country. MGM already holds partnerships with the NBA, the NHL, and MLB, along with agreements with a handful of individual teams. The company’s deal with MLS means that the NFL is the only major U.S. sports league yet to sign a betting partnership.

Spanish top-flight soccer club Barcelona have reached an agreement that will see NBA star Pau Gasol become the club’s ambassador, strategic adviser and partner in the U.S. Gasol, who currently plays for the Milwaukee Bucks, began his career with Barcelona’s basketball team before moving to the U.S. The two-year deal will allow Barça to use Gasol’s image in the U.S. market and establish joint charity programs. “We are sure that through Pau Gasol we will be able to make ourselves even stronger in the United States and the collaboration between his foundation and Barça Foundation will help many children in need all around the world,” said Barça president, Josep Maria Bartomeu. Gasol added, “It is an honor for me to represent Barça off the court and a challenge that I face with great enthusiasm.” This is only the latest example of the near-constant crossover now between global and U.S. sports teams, and between sports at that.

The AAC signs $1 billion media rights deal with ESPN. SportsBusiness Journal reported that ESPN has agreed to pay the American Athletic Conference $1 billion over the next 12 years for the broadcast rights to nearly all its live sports programming - save a “small package” of men’s basketball games that air on CBS and Navy football games controlled by CBS Sports Network. The new deal, which goes into effect prior to the 2020 college football season, will pay the schools $83.3 million per year, more than four times the amount they currently collect annually under the terms of the expiring agreement with the company. The conference has yet to begin renewal talks on its package with CBS, also set to expire in 2020. Growing media rights revenues by nearly $5 million/year will gives AAC member schools some much needed financial support: the UConn athletic department, for example, fell $42 million short of its $89 million budget last year. ESPN’s decision to tie up big money, long-term in the AAC is risky considering the conference’s member schools aren’t tied to a grant-of-rights restricting their ability to leave the conference should greener pastures arise. The network did negotiate a “conference composition clause” that hedges against financial losses should the conference’s top teams leave before the deal expires.

MLB.TV is added to Amazon Prime video channel roster. Just in time for Opening Day, MLB continues its push into the digital sector. According to Variety, the MLB.TV package provides regular-season out-of-market baseball games, both live and on-demand. Prime members in the U.S. can subscribe to MLB.TV for $24.99 per month, or pay $118.99 for a Season Pass. Although that price point is the same for the service that the league offers directly, the advantage for Prime members is that MLB.TV will work seamlessly in Prime Video, with no additional apps to download or sign-in process required. A further bonus is that Prime members who subscribe to MLB.TV can access the service on Amazon’s Fire TV devices and use Prime Video’s exclusive X-Ray feature for access to live in-game stats, team and player details, and play-by-play information while they watch. First launched in late 2015, Amazon’s Prime Video Channels pulled in an estimated $1.7 billion in revenue last year, more than double year over year, and it seems to be a win-win situation for both involved parties to bring in revenue and have more fans access the platform.

Former Bears cornerback Charles Tillman will row across Lake Michigan to support childhood cancer research. Tillman’s plan is to build the boat and then conquer his fear of water to complete this task. According to the Chicago Tribune, he has never built anything before, nor does he have experience as a rower, but he says he likes the challenge of the build and row from St. Joseph, Michigan to Chicago. When Tillman undertakes his row in August, he will be raising money for pediatric cancer research and to financially support families of child cancer patients. Tillman got the idea from marketing executive Jacob Beckley, who had rowed solo across the lake three years before as a fundraiser for his foundation. Maybe Tillman’s duo of building and rowing can inspire other to challenge themselves in order to make a difference.

Ryan Sheckler’s foundation announces $10,000 Be the Change grant recipients and their 10th annual Skate For a Cause tour stops. According to the Associated Press, the Foundation will donate a total of $100,000 to causes across the United States that back its core mission for supporting injured action sports athletes and children in need. For the last nine years, Skate For A Cause has been a local event that features a world-class skate jam and carnival aimed to help raise funds for Sheckler’s “Be the Change” initiative. Now in its 10th year, the Sheckler Foundation is taking Skate For a Cause on a 10-city nationwide demo tour including cities like Houston, Rapid City, Minneapolis, New York, Sacramento, and others. Skateboarding has a culture of family and by giving back to injured action sport athletes, Sheckler is helping to tie even tighter bonds throughout the larger skating community.

#10 #10towatch

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hatohouse-blog · 7 years

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No-hassle Products For Game Fishing Equipment In The Usa

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PCBs have been demonstrated to cause cancer, and to have adverse effects on the immune, reproductive, nervous and endocrine systems. PCBs also accumulate in fish, which game fishing equipment means the longer they live and the larger they grow, the more PCBs tend to build up in their tissue, according to the USEPA. That is particularly applicable to Lake Erie walleye, which had its largest reproductive year in recorded history in 2003, with an estimated 100 million new fish hatched that year. Twelve years later, that class of walleye continues to provide 10-pound lunkers for anglers, comprising about 23 percent of last year's catch, according to the 2015 report of the Walleye Task Group. Bigger isn't necessarily better, however, said Chris Winslow, director of Ohio Sea Grant. Dave Spangler, the 2014 Charter Captain of the Year, said he typically eats three meals of walleye per week -- three times the recommended guidelines. Lake Erie Charter Boat Association "I'd personally rather eat a smaller walleye just over the (15-inch) limit," Winslow said. "The smaller fish taste better. The bigger fish are good for trophies and photos, but I think they have a fishier taste." The bigger fish also carry more PCBs, Winslow said. "We're still at levels of PCBs and mercury in fish that can cause human health effects," he said. "If we can avoid increasing those levels that's something we'd like to do." Charter fishing boat Captain Dave Spangler of Oak Harbor confessed that he regularly exceeds the one-meal-per-week recommended guidelines, eating at least three meals of walleye in a typical week.

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Follow @BillyEmbody While running back Leonard Fournette didn't run the 40-yard dash at LSU Pro Day on Wednesday, the All-SEC running back still went through agility drills. After dropping from 240 pounds at the NFL Combine where he clocked sport fishing a 4.51 in the 40-yard dash, Fournette showed up at LSU's Pro Day at a trim 228 pounds, boosting his NFL Draft Stock. Watch the projected first round pickrun through agility drills at Pro Day below. 2017 Scout.com All rights reserved \n While running back Leonard Fournette didn't run the 40-yard dash at LSU Pro Day on Wednesday, the All-SEC running back still went through agility drills. \n After dropping from 240 pounds at the NFL Combine where he clocked a 4.51 in the 40-yard dash, Fournette showed up at LSU's Pro Day at a trim 228 pounds, boosting his NFL Draft Stock. \n Watch the projected first round pickrun through agility drills at Pro Day below. \n Stay tuned to Tiger Blitz from more from LSU's Pro Day. Track the results live right here . \n Follow @BillyEmbody While running back Leonard Fournette didn't run the 40-yard dash at LSU Pro Day on Wednesday, the All-SEC running back still went through agility drills. After dropping from 240 pounds at the NFL Combine where he clocked a 4.51 in the 40-yard dash, Fournette showed up at LSU's Pro Day at a trim 228 pounds, boosting his NFL Draft Stock. 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FWP receives no general fund money, instead generating its budget from the sale of hunting and fishing licenses and federal tax dollars levied on hunters and anglers, which requires a 25 percent match. So using federal funds for enforcement does not save the state any money. Last year Montana FWP collected about $28 million in Pittman-Robertson and Dingell-Johnson funds along with state wildlife grants. That money went to fund FWP biologists, wildlife management and habitat acquisition. The amount that went to fund wardens was only $587,000. HB2 House Bill 2 passed the Senate 29-20 in its third reading on Tuesday and will now go to a House-Senate conference committee. The House had proposed paying almost half of the wardens budget from federal excise taxes collected from the sale of ammunition and firearms, as well as fishing tackle and some boats. But the federal funds come with a requirement that they cannot be used for enforcement duties. The House was OK with that modification, saying that wardens arent always in enforcement mode. The federal money can be used for some education, relations with landowners, and research, which do make up part of a wardens duties.

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This Endeavor Was Successful As Today It Has Grown To Be One Of The Most Popular Sports In The United States.

The Western Side Of Puntarenas, Is Where You'll Get The Opportunity To Wrestle With Roosterfish, Tuna, And Wahoo.

This Endeavor Was Successful As Today It Has Grown To Be One Of The Most Popular Sports In The United States.

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boatmediatourney · 1 year

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🛟Boat Media Consolation🛟

Finals

#bmt polls #bmt consolation #bmt consolation finals #the terror #our flag means death #ofmd #boat media #boat media tourney

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cynthiajayusa · 7 years

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The Frivolist Five Gaycations With A Purpose to Plan This Year

By Mikey Rox I’ve never been interested in an all-gay getaway. The idea of making the annual 4th of July pilgrimage to Fire Island, New York, or boarding an Atlantis cruise, the only escape from which is to jump overboard (which has happened), just doesn’t appeal to me. My lack of interest in spending days on end with thousands of drunk, oversexed gay folk, however, doesn’t mean I can’t have a memorable gaycay. If you’re in the same boat (or dangling from its side), here are a few getaway ideas with an LGBT agenda to plan this year.

AIDS/LifeCycle

If the seven-day, 550.3-mile bike ride down the coast of California, beginning in San Francisco and ending in Los Angeles, is too daunting of a task, you still can participate in the annual AIDS/LifeCycle event to raise funds and awareness in the fight against HIV/AIDS. For about $100, the organization will set you up with everything you need to volunteer along the route, including food and lodging. Over the course of the week, you’ll assist the 2,500-plus cyclists and more than 500 roadies who pull off this incredible feat of endurance and determination by providing hydration to riders, serving lunches, packing the trucks and picking up trash; dirty job, sure, but somebody’s got to do it. Fair tradeoff, considering that you’ll enjoy priceless views of a large swath of the West Coast for the cost of a single Bennie. For more information visit, aidslifeycle.org.

Gay Wine Weekend

LGBT oenophiles can one-up each other with their knowledge of delicious vintages – or just kick back and get lit – at Gay Wine Weekend in Sonoma County, California, July 14 to 16. The three-day grape escape features tasting excursions, champagne brunches, wine auctions and pool parties, and kicks off with a VIP welcome reception and winemaker dinner. Before heading home, venture off the beaten path to discover some of the 425 wineries that call the region home. Hosted by Out in the Vineyard, GWW benefits Face to Face, Sonoma County AIDS Network. Cop your tix at outinthevineyard.com.

MiFo LGBT Film Festival

For the past 19 years, the former Miami Gay & Lesbian Film Festival – rebranded as MiFo, which now includes the former Fort Lauderdale Gay & Lesbian Film Festival – has committed itself to entertaining and educating the public through international and culturally diverse films, video and other media that provides should-be-required glimpses into the LGBT experience. The Miami edition, running from April 21 to 30, offers a robust schedule of programs, including regular screenings, parties, a spotlight on female filmmakers and culinary/cinema infusions. Can’t make it to Magic City this spring? Hit up the Fort Lauderdale edition from Oct. 7 to 16. Fill your calendar at mifofilm.com.

HONfest

You’ll feel like an extra on the set of a John Waters film at the 23rd HONfest (June 10 and 11), a one-of-a-kind wink-and-nod to the area’s “Hon” culture, which began humbly as a regional term of endearment in the Hampden neighborhood of Baltimore City in the 1950s and ’60s. Sky-high beehives, cat-eye glasses and over-the-top, time-capsuled costumes that rival any drag queen’s getup keep this hyper-local gala of gaudiness a time-honored tradition in a town known more for its steamed crabs than its commitment to fashion. Warp over to honfest.net to begin your transformation.

International Gay Polo Tournament

Polo-playing Prince Harry may be out of your reach, but you can ogle the next best things at the 8th annual International Gay Polo Tournament (who knew there was such a thing?) at the International Polo Club Palm Beach in Wellington, Florida, April 6 to 9. Put your hosting skills to the test in an elaborate tailgating competition, clink glasses of bubbly with fellow Ralph Lauren-clad well-to-dos, and make an appearance at the Gay Polo League VIP tent on tourney day to indulge in tableside service with an open bar before stomping the divots. Interpret that however you’d like. Saddle up at thepalmbeaches.com. Mikey Rox is an award-winning journalist and LGBT lifestyle expert whose work has been published in more than 100 outlets across the world. He splits his time between homes in New York City and the Jersey Shore with his dog Jaxon. Connect with Mikey on Twitter @mikeyrox.

source https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2017/03/29/the-frivolist-five-gaycations-with-a-purpose-to-plan-this-year/ from Hot Spots Magazine http://hotspotsmagazin.blogspot.com/2017/03/the-frivolist-five-gaycations-with.html

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demitgibbs · 7 years

Text

The Frivolist Five Gaycations With A Purpose to Plan This Year

AIDS/LifeCycle

Gay Wine Weekend

MiFo LGBT Film Festival

HONfest

International Gay Polo Tournament

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2017/03/29/the-frivolist-five-gaycations-with-a-purpose-to-plan-this-year/ from Hot Spots Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.tumblr.com/post/158965440255

0 notes

hotspotsmagazine · 7 years

Text

The Frivolist Five Gaycations With A Purpose to Plan This Year

AIDS/LifeCycle

Gay Wine Weekend

MiFo LGBT Film Festival

HONfest

International Gay Polo Tournament

from Hotspots! Magazine https://hotspotsmagazine.com/2017/03/29/the-frivolist-five-gaycations-with-a-purpose-to-plan-this-year/

0 notes