#blah I'm a mess

[angelic37]

PETE’S WORLD | Lot of cabinets to put up

#dwedit #doctor who #doctorwhoedit #timepetals #tentoorose #tentoorosedit #doctor x rose #metacrisis doctor #rose tyler #jackie tyler #dw alternate universe #alternate universe #otp: i'm burning up a sun just to say goodbye #by angelic37 #dt: the escape artist p2 and jessica jones 1x07; bp: sdoacg 2x07 and 1x08; cc: king garry 1x03; #it's a mess but it was in my ideas list so whatever :') #should make gifs without texts because blah #also these parts with jessica jones are a mess too but i really wanted a tentoo with nine's v neck jumper

[demonbloodenthusiast]

91w deancas is so delusional cause they been making heart eyes at each other since day fucking one, calling the other sweatheart, thinking of kissing the other innocently just for the sake of the other being kissed, because they deserve that softness in the midst of all the chaos around them and the minute they actually get to it (motherfucking 200 pages in mind you) they try so hard to revert it back into something purely phisical with no emotions involved AND THEY KNOW THAT IT'S MORE BUT IF THEY BOTTLE IT UP AND IGNORE IT THEN ALL THE REVERENCE OF MOST OF THEIR LOOKS AND TOUCHES WILL JUST DISAPPEAR which is the epitome of the dilusional repressed gay way of doing anything

#shut up i'm feeling things again #like mind you i'm talking about shit up til chapter8 #THIS HAS BEEN ROMANTIC THIS WHOLE GODDAMN TIME THEY'RE JUST SO SCARED TO FEEL ANYTHING #like cas the repressed gay boyTM losing all self control for the first time cause of dean #and dean “just had a queer awakening caused by my CO and i'm too new to having gay thoughts to be ashamed” winchester ??? #it's a mess yall and i'm torn between being mad as hell and supporting each sorta shitty decision either of them makes #i wanna say mostly cas #but like as estabilished before #religous trauma blah blah repressed gay shit blah blah #you know how it is #i think i lost the train of thought somewhere along the way #ANYWAYSSS #i'm gonna be talking about 91w again constantly cause i'm plauged by thoughts #91w #destiel

[imaginaryanon]

does con o'neill even know his portrayal of izzy hands, s1 and s2 both, has changed my fucking life. does he know. i need him to know that

#oh god besties i went out and bought some rum (yk. pirate vibes) and i'm drunk and crying jgdfhkjfd what a fucking mess #but yk. despite The Fucking Circumstances (ep8 that is) i'm still so incredibly fucking emotional and thankful for All Of It #the gorgeous queer romance. the vibrant queer characters who feel Just Like Me Fr. and this goes out to all the cast & crew & writers #but. again. Considering The Circumstances. mr o'neill sir if you're out there i want to bake you a fucking cake. #i might like. cry on it a little. but please try to disregard that it's all for love #personal blah #ofmd #ofmd spoilers #izzy hands #yeah this is me trying to switch from Angry And Despairing (tm) to Thankful now since being angry and despairing is simply no good for me #and i love this show so fuckin much still. yk. Despite. </3

[boxwinebaddie]

hi uncle nina! sorry if this is kinda overbearing, but you havent posted anything today so i just wanna check in and make sure youre doing okay! <3

oh my god, sweetheart!!! this is not overbearing AT ALL! this is extremely thoughtful and makes me feel extremely validated. <3

i'm sorry for causing concern, but ty for being concerned about me.

because the school year is coming to a close, things around me at work have been pretty intense, so i've been tossed around like a ragdoll the past week and haven't had much time to write as a result. i also haven't been sleeping very well and rush a lot in the mornings, so i've forgotten to take my mood stabilizer the past couple of days which makes me v sluggish, zombie-ish and unpleasant in general. :/

...when i am like that, as a weird way of sparing you, i suppose, i try not to post on here too much because it feels quite shitty indeed for you to get a notification for my blog just to watch me bitch n moan.

however, i have taken my medication today and feel bad for fumbling kyle week...as we know i'm not really good at holding myself accountable or making deadlines. oddly enough, it's not that i don't want to answer my questions, it's just that other than not being able to really find the time recently, i just can't find the right...words?

( this ask is long and irrelevant, but read if you wish. ilysm. )

or, rather, i don't feel knowledgeable enough the subjects to answer? specifically in the areas of my tsot/tfbw styles and ncuniverses, i feel a little insecure because i don't know sp or the games as well as many other people do, so i'm trying to speed watch episodes/watch speed runs of the games online so i can at least keep some canon intact?

i also am finding that creating and understanding how high fantasy universes work is...difficult? lmao? also because i did crazy stuff with mutations and science and politics in my tfbw ncuniverse, that's also complicated and out of my wheelhouse...tldr: i have big ideas, but i'm not very good at backing them in fact or doing analytical stuff.

but...iiiiii need to, lmao. mental illness, but if i make a universe it has to be fully realized, it has to all make as much sense as possible, echo the canon, enhance it, feel real and be fluid...so if i'm not around too much it's because i'm trying to bolster myself with my sp knowledge ( ik, i'm a fake fan ) and watch/read/research high fantasy concepts and superhero/scientific fiction/dystopian stuff...so if anyone has any recommendations for me to watch or learn from in those realms, i'd appreciate it. again, this is intense...but i care a lot about my craft.

and specifically crafting something worthy of all of you, that makes sense, lives and breathes, reflects the show we love & is interesting.

ANYWAYS!!!! with that said, i got a cool ask about whether or not i have a gunslinger kyle? which? not yet? BUT YOU'RE A GENIUS BABY I AM SOOOOO ON IT!!! please let me cook and watch some things because actually, oh my god, i am very down. i'll update you. i might make a board to gather ideas, omg, omg, it'll be SPICY.

i got an ask about princess kylie, which, bless you, i am also still developing her character, i am going to pour over the books, watch some GOT, do some mapping out, watch some intricate dnd play throughs...and have some answers for you very soon: hang on, baby.

( she's little, bitchy, prissy and does need to be babysat, i'm afraid. )

got some on jersey i'm excited about! sorry for writing that ask meme about the sour skittles like that, again, writing has been trying for me lately and i had a concept that i wanted to share but wasn't sure how to express that. if you guys are alright with getting my asks in the form of notes some times i would appreciate it! anyways, keep your eyes out for some of those...if kyle week runs into next week, sorry.

idk...this is so long. all this to say...i'm really sorry? i haven't been a very solid creator lately, but i'm a little unstable rn. but i am working on it and i hope to be back on the horse by tonight and share my notes at least and show you guys how my brain is working.

in the mean time, please direct as many questions as you would like in the direction of riley, teri and ana who not only are epic writers but have been an epic support system/helping me get back into things.

thank you for caring, thank you for reading...keeping up with this blog and the questions and creating constantly is sometimes challenging, but very rewarding. i promise that i am not neglecting my asks or all of you because i don't care, its actually because i care very much and only want to give you stuff that is awesome and cool and well researched. so, again, just give me a second to get my barings and while it kind of eats at my bad bpd brain i might try and share stuff with you guys that's half baked because the feedback might help.

tldr: i love you, this made no sense, i'm a mess, but i am fine.

miss you and love you. happy kyle week.

-uncle nina

#sorry this is such a mess #tldr i am busy and a little unstable and my writing has been blah but i'm very into intense world building rn #and i want to do more research and figure stuff out before i try to randomly dish out answers #but i'm thinking now that maybe i should just tell yall what i'm thinking and see how you feel? idk #i do work hard on my character stuff so i hope u enjoy it #but yeah high fantasy is specifically hard for me so i'm watchin movies and reading books and stuff which is dorky #accuracy means a lot to me and its the only way i get relaxed when i feel comfortable in my characters and worlds #political stuff and sciencey stuff is also hard #i also dont even know how accurate that is to the tfbw plotline in actual sp so im trying to watch the show and play #the games idk im worried none of this is canon enough #bc i dont want it to all be fart jokes and asisnine but i do want them to be accurate to the show at least a little #nina stop bastardizing the sp canon #otherwise i am excited to answer my kyle questions i promise i have just been frazzled ill try to do stuff tonight #thanks for sticking with me and i really hope this makes sense i feel like i sound crazy i just...want to do good work #thats all i dont like to do work that feels shitty or lazy and in order to not do that i take a while to think

[genderfluid-druid]

it sucks but you gotta try. it sucks but you gotta try. it sucks but you gotta try.

#this isn't about anything in particular I've just been feeling Blah #and self recriminating and inadequate #earlier this year i had found a groove where i was letting myself make mistakes and it felt really good because at least i was learning #ya know? #but it didn't last and I'm back on that “i can't ever mess up about anything” bullshit that just freezes my whole life #so! guess we gotta claw our way out of that fucking grave again

[brontidetales]

Okay apparently I'm not done nitpicking. Skimping that much on Zuko's scar shows a fundamental misunderstanding of Zuko. It's not just a weird mark on his face, it's a brutal reminder of his (perceived) failures and a symbol of his internal struggle between good and evil. The scar is so integral to Zuko's character I can't imagine why they would diminish it unless they didn't understand what it means. And not to be mean but it's not hard to puzzle it out! It's literally Symbolism 4 Kids.

#avatar the last airbender #atla spoilers #Zuko was pretty hit or miss in the live action #he's meant to be seething and desperate to grasp at this one chance to return home at any cost #he's not going to talk to Aang about brush fibers damn it #“oh it's just not a one-to-one blah blah blah” #yeah i don't care if they change the plot #katara and sokka getting trapped in the spirit world with aang was rad #kyoshi wrecking shit was rad #i was excited to see aang talk to kuruk this early until it turned out to be a nothingburger of a conversation #i'm mad about character changes #which is the ONE thing you really shouldn't mess with in an adaptation

[il-predestinato]

.

#so i'm the first one to shit on ferrari usually #but i'm actually quite sick of this narrative that today's debacle from charles should be blamed on ferrari #yes they should develop a faster car and not an understeer garbage #yes they should develop a car that suits their number one driver #yes their strategy is incompetent 95% of the time #yes it's very *odd* how things only break on charles' side of the garage and not the bank's side #BUT come on #today's debacle is firmly on charles' shoulder for me #let's be real he has now shown on THREE DIFFERENT TRACKS on THREE DIFFERENT RACE WEEKENDS that in mixed wet/dry conditions... #he's just a fucking mess #yeah yeah yeah his particular setup is unfavourable and the car is too understeer and the front won't turn in the mixed conditions blah bla #but this is ON CHARLES #HE DID NOT ADAPT to these problems #he's fighting the car and has zero confidence and his driving is frankly abominable in these conditions #his DRIVING is the problem and so he needs to fix himself #and yes ferrari has a laundry list of things to fix but let's not pretend that charles hasn't shown a deficiency or weakness today #i am very disappointed in him because i KNOW he can be adaptable and i KNOW he is capable of much better #so ADAPT and figure it out #and don't fucking do the same overtaking attempt that doesn't work over and over again when you're fighting your own car #charles is absolutely right: HE is a large part of the problem today #at least he is honest about this and i know he has the talent to overcome this #elle.txt #austrian gp 2023 #f1

[autisticagathasblog]

It's kind of crazy how Dot blatantly has an eating disorder, and despises she is in the narrative because she is a fat girl and then it's just ignored. so silly so silly so silly:))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

#lunchtime lectures #school for good and evil #cw eating disorder #dot of nottingham #This is one of the things I wish I talked about more in my Coven post but I feared that people were gonna get mad #Like I'm sorry but looking back at it now the “They're evil and blah blah” excuse doesn't mean anything to me anymore sorry #it feels like a lame cover-up to justify the pointless abuse a fat girl faced because she just EXISTED #The second thing the movie mess and people complaining about how Dot should have been played by a fat person because “Rep” #Like I'm telling you as someone who is very much black and fat. I'm hated everywhere I go. She was never an actual good rep #she is one of the characters who were quite literally made to be a JOKE and sort of caricature #Like dude!! She wasn't rep at all Even tho I do reclaim her I didn't really care that they had a non-fat actress playing her lol #The reasonable thing they should have done was to rewrite her character and remove the stereotype she has. Then have a fat girl playing her #Dot is like only character who I think only fat people can talk about If that makes sense #skinnys can go home lol #Anyways Puts Dot in the Gam zee category #ramble ramble

[scare-ard--sleigh]

i'm going to talk ad nauseam about my joseph backstory hc's, ready, go;;;;

might be maybe projecting here but im having Thoughts about joseph picking out his career bc of some familial conversation about needing to take his life more seriously, that ended his time of traveling. i see his parents as clergy, in my fic joseph describes them as "old school fire and brimstone types" [EDIT: he actually does canonically describe his dad as "fire and brimstone" in the 3rd date which i'd forgotten!!] and i think it scares him into coming back (and i think he left because Something Happened at age 16/17.) it's not his first choice but he's knowledgeable because of his upbringing, and hes charming enough to be GOOD at it.

he studies and he works whatever positions the church will give him, which are plenty, because they know his family and that he's good people and he gets the hang of everything really quickly. it's not the life he would have chosen for himself--i see him having majored in philosophy while trying to figure out a ship captain path--but hes grateful to be doing something he doesn't totally hate.

he meets mary in the beginning, details TBD though that story is very important, and he's enamored pretty instantly. they date and they're not too serious even though both sets of parents are telling them that they shouldn't bother with each other if they don't see a life together. they want to do it on their own terms, though, and their long romance and longer engagement feels like a victory. joseph finally feels like he's secured a life that he's chosen and it makes him feel empowered to make his job his own too.

and it doesn't take long for christopher to be conceived ;; he's a surprise but not an unwelcome one and for a long while everything really is perfect!! there's a lot of honest love between them and they really did go into this seeing a life together!! i think even through the twins being brought into the picture things are still good and happy and nice.

i don't think their rift happens overnight and it takes both of them a long time to realize just how unhappy they are. mary would claim that joseph himself still doesn't even know, but it's important to note that he very much does, even if he appears to be in denial about it. it's just hard for him to fathom giving up a life that he had to fight for, and it feels like everyone's depending on him so he leans on the escapism in a maybe-not-so-healthy-way. there's a really long while where he can convince himself that it's just a rough patch, that their best friend robert's life is falling apart and they're feeling grief too, that 3 kids is a lot to keep up with and they're not as spry as they used to be and i think mary for the most part does as well. joseph throws himself into his work even harder (laying the groundwork for and then eventually achieving maple bay's #1 youth minister for 5 years running) and mary does as well.

even through all of this, dare i say, the love is still there because they do definitely remember the people that they used to be, and that's enough of a reason to try another day.

#i'm feeling confident enough to put this in the main tag let's go let's goooooooooooo #dream daddy #joseph christiansen #the christiansen mess #meta #dream daddyblogging #obviously all of this is conjecture and hc whatever you want that makes you happy blah blah these are just my hc's #i'm trying to work out why he started traveling and how he and mary got together and when exactly the robert stuff happened but #there is only so much my brain can do and i'm baked as is soooo

[tunnaa-unnaa]

14 minutes to show 1 new mon and 2 new mechanics

...one of which is just Camping from SWSH rebranded.

I’m excited for these games for all the new gameplay and mechanics they offer, including Terastal replacing god-awful Dynamax in the competitive scene. BUT. The graphics are abhorrent for what the Switch is capable of and what we have seen in the Pokemon franchise before.

It’s not even just lack of detail, it’s the design choices they have made that make the whole thing look like an alpha build of a game coming out in 2 years, not 1 month.

#overall just conflicted feelings about the whole mess #I'm tired of pokemon games treading the mediocre path instead of actually impressing us with anything worth celebrating #especially since there is clearly talent behind the scenes designing new pokemon and human characters - pitching concepts and stuff #but the state these games are shipped in baffles me #blah blah #pokemon #pokemon sv #pokemon scarlet and violet

[articianne]

-

#bro im so fucking tired of venting but my grandpa died today and like. #while i'm ok. cuz i only met him like once or twice. (he lived in iran) #my mom is a fucking mess dude #like it's not fair on her #stage 4 cancer and then her dad fucking dies. and we just went in last week to get her passport renewed #so that she couldve gone to visit for the first time in almost 20 years. since we couldnt afford it before #and then. #god 2023 please just give my mom a break. i'm begging #blah blah

[beforeyougo-turnthebiglightoff]

im not sure how effective it is but u can filter posts based on content (not just their tags!!) in settings! 'Post content filtering searches the entire post for instances of your filtered word or phrase, not just the tags.'

i actually don't know whether i've tried filtering word stuff yet so i will! i've just been filtering every single variation of every vaguely nsfw tag under the sun and raging when people dont tag their shit, but i'll try the words thing 🫡 but i also might just stay gone for my Outside Offline time x

#i need my outside time #tumblr is like my enclosure that i hate but cant escape from but that is very comfortable and feeds me #does that make sense #anyway thank you for the suggestion queen x #wait . hold on #FUCK no what if it filters Fanfic ☹️ #whatever i'll get over it #i will never ignore posts from my queens so it's fine #ANYWAY. #i'll either leave and come back before brat is out #or (most likely) forget about the fact that i'm meant to be gone and wake up and immediately go off on a reblogging spree #peace and love this app is holding me hostage ❤️ #im messing #anyway #blah blah! #not 75 stuff #asks!

[rose-tinted-nostalgia]

.

#I know life is hard and we shouldn't take it personally and we should never expect people to coddle us and blah blah #but really I would like to just survive one day without someone being mean to me #I don't even need a day of people being nice #truly I would just take one completely mundane day where I didn't get cursed out or yelled at or spoken down to #and yes I'm well aware this is partially my fault because one person in particular I surround myself with is trash #but it's not just him #my sister cursed me out and accused me of insulting her because I said I didn't agree with her on something #I didn't even say she was wrong I legit told her her feelings were valid and that it was just hard for me to see it from the same #perspective #and when she got upset i took it all back and said I was wrong and apologized and still she berated me over messenger until I cried because #I didn't know what else to say #and even though I'm sick #I got up and cooked dinner for my family and I cleaned up the whole mess and put it all away but I didn't do the dishes because I was #struggling and had to lay back down #and my mom came out and did not say thanks for dinner or thanks for cleaning up or anything of the sort #she came out rolled her eyes scoffed gestured to the dishes in the sink and said you have a mess here #and then proceeded to complain about how I didn't do the dishes #and that's stupid to let that bother me but I swear it's an every day thing and like I was so proud of myself for getting up and cooking an #cleaning up my mess because I was struggling to get out of bed at all #and still all she can bring up is the negative and no matter what i do it's always like that never a positive note #and for the record my mom lives with me for free taking over my son's bedroom it's not like i left dishes in her house it's my dishes in my #house #and ofc my son's father found a way to yell at me but i don't even count that anymore #and i'm just emotionally drained #and it feels like lately it's just an every day thing and i'm so fucking tired #I can't remember the last time someone said anything kind to me at all and that's not an exaggeration #no one ever says i love you or i'm proud of you or thanks for doing that or this helps alot or you got this or you're good at this #and I just wish someone could see something good in me for once

[astro-b-o-y-d]

Bill right before he invades Ford's dreams: Damn, bitch, you live like this?

#Hayley Speaks #Then he laughs and goes: 'Hehe I'm just kidding Sixer!' #'I saw how this place looked back in the day; we both know you're not the neat-and-tidy type!' #'Personally I like the mess! Makes me feel more at home!' #'Speaking of home-' #And then he spirals into his whole thing about how he's gonna destroy the rift and everything from his dimension is going to spill- #-out into Ford's and blah blah blah #We've all seen the episode

[hummingbirdswords]

my mother told me she appreciates me today. so I cried. don't think she's ever said that to me before, so I wasn't aware how much I've needed to hear it

#I may be an emotional mess of a human who doesn't understand their feelings but my gods do i FEEL them once I'm aware of them #personal blah blah stuff

[aerithisms]

baldur's gate 3 going well (i've been on the character creation screen for an hour)

#blahs #not really even close to finalising a character i'm just messing around with the options lmao