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mysterious-prophetess · 3 years

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Thanks to there being something of a resurrection of the Phandom on my dash, I’d like to share an AU concept I’ve come up with.

I call it “Fenton’s Inferno.

The rest will be below the read more

Danny died mere days before the Portal accident was supposed to half-kill him.

This has set all sorts of timelines into disarray.

Maddie Fenton, reeling from her son’s death throws herself into her work double-checking everything and finding the ‘On/Off’ switch was INSIDE the portal so she made sure it was unplugged flicked it on and once they’d done more of their due diligence, the Fentons fired up the Portal.

Shortly after, they use their Specter Speeder to go into the zone and find the Ghost Zone is nothing like they’d imagined.

As Jack is blathering about the data, Maddie’s eye is caught by strange doors in front of strange pockets.

One in particular seems to be a door that looks uncannily like the one to their ghost zone and it’s in front of what looks like Cape Canaveral crossed with the Moon. They enter it after a moment.

There, with a sort of blue-white skin tone, white hair, and glowing green eyes floating in front of a space telescope was Danny.

“Mom? Dad!?”

His retaining of his sentience and memories was a shock.

“Is it really you, Dan-o?” Jack asked.

“In the…ectoplasm,” Danny said awkwardly.

“What is this?”

“It’s my lair! All Ghosts have them, or so my mentor says!”

“Mentor?”

“Yeah, like a ghost that guides you through being dead?”

“But you weren’t supposed to die that day,” Maddie said suddnely. And in her heart she somehow knew that to be true.

“I’m not even the youngest ghost here,” Danny said rubbing the back of his neck.

“Aren’t you mad you’re dead?” Jack asked.

“Disappointed maybe? There was so much I wanted to do but I’m ok. It wasn’t your fault,” Danny said.

“Then come back with us to the human world.”

“Can’t do that. Ghosts belong in the ghost zone,” Danny said.

“Has anyone ever tried to fix death?” Maddie asked.

“Way too many and it doesn’t end up well,” Danny said.

He paused and floated over to a corner of the lair and came back with something.

“My…mentor ghost. He…he doesn’t think I should have died either. Take this. I have a spare.”

It was a cog-shaped medallion with “CW” on it.

“Talk to him.”

——————— ———————

Him turned out to be a powerful entity called Clockwork. He agrees with Maddie.

Danny should not be dead.(fully)

Danny’s premature full death has royally screwed up the timelines and mostly in negative manners.

“Though, should we bring him back? He seemed happy in that lair,” Maddie said.

“But he wasn’t. Maddie, he was only tying to make us feel better so we could move on.”

“That’s precisely what he was doing. Your son has a remarkable capacity for helping others.”

“How can we bring him back? You’re the master of all time? Can’t we time travel back to when he died?”

“Afraid not in this case. A couple of near-sighted eyes are keeping too close a watch on me to simply allow humans through.”

“Then what can we do?”

“There is a way to restore your son’s human existence, something only a human can do. Follow me.”

———————————— —————————

Clockwork leads Maddie and Jack to a part of the Ghostzone that feels both empty yet filled with…something

“This is as far as I can go. Within you’ll face many trials. Life is not cheap. To restore your son, you will need to pay a hefty price.”

“Name any price and I’ll pay it!” Jack said.

“Even your own life?”

“If that’s all it takes, you can have it!”

“Good. Keep that passion. You’re going to need it and this: good luck.”

——————————— ———————

From here the idea is Jack and Maddie have to face different trials based on their own lives, fears, and ambitions all while passing lower and lower into this strange dungeon like building.

Unfortunately for them, they’ve had a stalker: Skulker.

He reports them to Vlad who first barges into Danny’s lair to meet “the little badger”

He’s shocked that Danny’s lair is so complex when Danny’s only been a ghost for a month.

It’s my personal HC that Danny would have always been a powerful ghost and Full Ghost!Danny’s powers are celestial based and he’d, eventually, be strong enough to challenge Pariah Dark but the Observants don’t care that Vlad’s actions would cause wide-scale death and destruction in the human world by the time Full Ghost! Danny had grown powerful enough to take on the Ghost King and take his place.

As far as the observants are concerned, Clockwork merely needs to groom Danny into a good future Ghost King and keep him safe during Pariah’s rampage.

So Vlad tries schmoozing up to Danny realizing this ghost would eventually be powerful and offers him protection.

Danny declines and taps his medallion.

Vlad can’t exactly top Clockwork in power level and he knows it.

So he finds the Descent with Skulker’s help

Vlad being a halfa can, of course, enter but Skulker cannot.

But Vlad’s ghost powers are on the fritz.

So now it’s a race between the Fentons and Vlad to get to the bottom and bring Danny back.

Vlad, so he can have Maddie and Danny in his debt.

The Fentons because they love their son

——————— —————

That, so far, is all I have for this AU.

BTW the reason Jack and Maddie aren’t trying to rip ghosts apart “Molecule by molecule” is Grief. They’re not their usual selves.

#danny phantom #danny phantom AU

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macneiceisms · 3 years

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Writer Tag Game

I was tagged by @ectogeo-rebubbles and am responding to a general tag by @cemetrygatess. If anyone wants to do this, please do and tag me so I can see it!

How many works do you have on AO3?

What's your total AO3 word count?

233,594 (holy shit!)

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Fair Gendry & Ser Arya the Gallant (arya/gendry, a song of ice and fire)

running like water (will/hannibal + murder family, hannibal)

No Kingdom for a Blacksmith (arya/gendry, a song of ice and fire)

Princess in a Red Cape (arya/gendry, a song of ice and fire)

Caught a Long Wind (arya/gendry, a song of ice and fire)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Yes! these days I try to respond to all of my comments. I got my current beta for running like water via comments and she's absolutely fantastic and I've made a lot of lasting fandom friends through responding to comments. I started commenting on fics as I was getting into deep space nine fics, and then when I wrote correspondence, I started replying to comments and it totally changed how I felt about my fic and how I felt about writing and sharing my work.

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

So I haven't actually uhhhh....finished any of the multichaptered fics I've written (lol). I try not to have angsty? endings. that's not really how I want to resolve things. At most I'd say my endings are bittersweet, but more often a happy ending even though I hate that idea. I think I strive for a resolution but anticipation of the future.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Probably caught a long wind. That one was just a family-oriented one shot I wrote and so it's some of the more saccharine stuff I've written.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I prefer AUs if need be but, no, I don't write crossovers.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I can recall, though occasionally I get weird comments that make me wonder why people are reading it. I had someone once say they hope the main characters of my fic don't get together, despite that relationship being....the central aspect of the fic...

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Yes. I think I would describe my approach as making it as horny as possible (this is distinct from as dirty/explicit as possible). There's also far too much porn without there being any masturbation and it's just not realistic lol. the one thing I really strive for is that the sex isn't cookie-cutter instruction manual sex that could be recycled somewhere else but feels integrated into the story and is an extension of the story. and im always pushing myself to write it better. I have a few fics I always revisit to figure out how they do such a good job.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

I had someone contact me for a Russian translation of rlw which I would actually love to try and read myself as someone who is a native speaker but is terrible at reading and writing it.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Fiona and I are co-writing a post-fall Hannibal fic which I'm super excited about and it's taking all my energy to not say anything about it because I adore it.

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I've been through a lot of fandoms but my first real ship was draco/ginny from (oh god) more than a decade ago and I'll always have a place in my heart for it.

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

im not about to curse myself like that because I hope that I'll be able to come back to my stagnant WIPs as a stronger writing and be able to solve whatever clusterfucks I got myself into.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I do a good job with sense of place; I've always liked describing settings but I've been pushing myself to really make places as alive as the characters.

What are your writing weaknesses?

finishing a fic lmao. but actually plot resolution is incredibly hard and it's the one thing that I haven't had much practice with.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think its great when used sparingly and in interesting ways. I think it comes up a lot in Star Trek fic where people have invented languages and it makes for some really good writing. I do think leaving readers in the dark does them a disservice so that's something I keep in mind if I use it.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

I wrote stories about Black Beauty in a notepad program on this tiny laptop my dad got me when I was like, ten or eleven. My first published fic was a Danny Phantom fic when I was in middle school (lol)

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

Oh man. I've had such a knockout experience with running like water. I remember pitching the first two chapters to ironlotus back in december as I was just starting to be active in the hannibal fandom and trying to find a place there. I'd really enjoyed fics with Abigail as a central character but it turned out to be really rare to find, and particularly rare to find fics about her relationship with will as a father figure and all the complexities therein. I had been writing a bit of another story to feel out their relationship and then I started running like water. I didn't have any expectations of what it would be when I started and I took sort of a leap of faith and just posted what I had. The feedback I received through comments really shaped what this fic turned into. I started to hit a stride with writing and I just ended up writing so much. I also had a really great time talking to my girlfriend about working out the overarching plot so even though I was letting it take me where it wanted to go, I had a direction to go in and everything I've been writing has been towards that end goal. having an actual ending has really changed the game lmao. who knew. anyways it's been a blast. I'm happy with what I've written. I feel like I've done good work and I'm proud of it and I'm proud of what it means to everyone who tells me it resonated with them. running up is despite the warning signs because that's another fic that grabbed by my the muse and wouldn't let go.

#writing ask game

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phantomphangphucker · 5 years

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My Little Box Of Secrets - Phanniemay day 2 - Secrets

“What you doing tonight sweetie?”

“Oh just playing Doom with Tuck and Sam”

“I’m glad you kids manage to have such normal lives, in such a ghost infested town”

I only smile at mom as I head up to my room, I’d really rather lie to her as little as possible.

Kneeling on the floor, I can’t help but chuckle as I phase out my, not so small anymore, collection box, “let’s take a list of inventory”.

* Basically mummified steak - Tuck would probably be pissed that I didn’t eat this but I’m definitely not now.

* A corsage petal - I doubt I’m ever going to be giving one of these to a dragon ever again.

* Purple back gorilla fur - probably illegal to have, but my very existence is illegal so...

* The hat from that stupid expensive cool guy outfit - this thing is sill hideous.

* Shard of a mirror - the last thing I need is someone putting that damn thing back together.

* A wishing well coin - I mean, it’s not technically stealing.

* Vlads’ prized football - just to be a dick to him really, though he probably knows I’m the one who took it.

* A gift ribbon - that stupid thing basically got me thrown in jail, so clearly it’s not as innocent as it looks.

* A burnt domino - my sister was almost fried by dominos, that would honestly be a dumb way to die. I’d rather go by something epic, and I thing getting electrocuted by an entire dimension to half-death counts as epic.

* Cujo’s collar - I really have no clue how this hasn’t disintegrated. My gloves do if they come off, so?

* A broken, burnt guitar pick - pretty sure lots of people have one but none of them remember the singer, suck on that Ember.

* Picture of Mr. Lancer in a dress - did I notice? Yes. Is it weird? Yes. But I’m the definition of weird so I wasn’t gonna call him on it.

* Petrified pumkin cube - definitely gross but effectively useful to scare folks with. Sure, they’re mostly disgusted but still.

* Tuck’s goth phase collar - I like to wear it sometimes just to bug him.

* The mayors tie - hey, if the town’s going to accuse me of assaulting the mayor, I doubt they’d be focused on his missing tie.

* A broken bit of a mini portal maker - can’t have Johnny trying to rebuild the thing.

* The entirety of Vlads’ gift basket - nope, never opening that.

* A burnt, cut and stained empty flour sack - is it cheesy that playing pretend parent is what got me to start liking her?

* Tiger fur - maybe illegal? Don’t really know. I’d think it’s more illegal to have one as a pet and use it to hunt ghosts though.

* Gold crown - everyone thinks I stole it, so might as well keep it. I’ll get in more shit for returning it anyway.

* Replica of DP symbol patch - not sure why she even made multiples. Maybe I should copyright it? Stick it on merch or something.

* Scratch and sniff of Foley by Tucker Foley - still smells awful, no clue how he even got the resources to make this shit. Highly doubt Sam helped.

* Pirate hat feather - it’s fluffy. Too bad the sword disintegrated.

* Ring of rage - no way in hell I was letting Vlad keep that. Still trying to find the damn crown though.

* A tattered bed sheet - that was beyond embarrassing and I can’t help but cringe at any childhood photos where I wear a bedsheet as a cape now.

* Some teddy bear stuffing - had to make room for the fart box after all.

* A chunk of a time medallion - from the one Dan fused inside my chest. It’s a good reminder of what I must never be.

* A burnt, stained and torn up copy of The Fright Before Christmas 2 - because I like to hit it.

* The power cell to the Fenton super suit - funny enough, just the cell alone super charges me. Who knows when that’ll come in useful.

* Space helmet - guess who did get to become an astronaut? This halfa ass did. Probably completely illegal though.

* Replica black T-shirt with DP symbol - I mean, it did look good, even if I didn’t want to being stuck in that with Dash.

* Sams’ tiara - I wasn’t about to let her throw it out. Wore it once just to mock Aragon, so worth it.

* Gladiator shoulder pad - still looks pretty cool honestly.

* Picture of Halfa Jack - I couldn’t resist when ClockWork turned a blind eye. He probably just wanted to piss off the Observants, which I’m down for.

* Orange Danny jello - was it safe to take a bit of jello me? Probably not. But it was the weirdest state my bodies ever been in so...

* Gregor’s jacket - black and white is my colour dude, stick to the shitty red letterman. And yes, I, as Phantom, did cosplay the guy for Halloween once. Just to piss off the GIW.

* Vial of clone goo - disturbing? Definitely. But if Dani ever has some issues, it could be useful.

* The other “mayors” tie - because fuck you Vlad, might as well make this tradition. I pretty much have to steal the next mayors tie now, so long as Vlad doesn’t keep buying the votes.

* Sealed bloodblossom leaf - am I stupid for keeping this? Absolutely. But I’m the kind of dumb ass that will forget what those stupid plants look like.

* Ghost sea monster scale - weirdly sharp and again with the not dissolving thing.

* Vlad head eyeball - damaging the thing was the only way to get dad to stop wearing the thing.

* Fenton wig - stupidly useful, almost concerningly so.

* My first ice crystal - this is probably why there’s never any bugs in here. Keeps everything nice and cold.

* Milkshake glass with Hobsin’s signature - I put that man through Hell, but asking for this was probably weirder to him than my tastebuds.

* Box Ghosts’ Not Wanted poster - it really is just too funny not to have.

* Chunk of Nocturn’s sleep helmet - one thing I wanted to blow up but yet blew up on accident. Even my sleep is destructive.

* A vial of oatmeal - it may be horrendously expired but it was just too funny to not keep.

* A freaking apology letter from Red to Phantom - I’m still completely weirded out by this honestly. I really do need the reminder that it’s actually real.

Sealing the box back up, before I head out for a patrol. It sure says something that every episode of my life is just another secret. And amongst all the pennies for my ponderings, are souvenirs for my secrets.

End.

#phanniemay #phanniemay19 #danny phantom #phandom #fanfic #secrets #danny fenton #maddie fenton #phantomphangphucker #have a fic suck my dick #fuck PP its not canon #phanphic #short

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guardiancherisher · 6 years

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Netflix’s Hilda Fanfiction Time! (outlined ideas only) (free use) (Please give credit)

David AUs

Secretly the son the bug queen

Turns out he’s a changeling

Queen’s child

Amnesia Hilda AU

AU rewrites first meeting of the great raven

Hilda loses memories while climbing mountains

Would have died if the raven didn’t save her

The raven tries to help her regain memories

Meanwhile her friends and family are looking for her

Hours turn to days turn to months

Finds scarf but not Hilda

The raven grows protective of Hilda

Amnesia Hilda has started living with the raven in his nest

She wants to do something for him to say thanks and goes out on her own to do so.

This ends with a troll or giant kidnapping or coming after her.

The raven saves her just in time, but she is injured.

He doesn’t understand human wounds and she ends up getting a fever on top of things

He’s so worried and doesn’t know what to do

That’s when he goes to find a healer

Alpha?

Nissa?

Random healing spirit?

Who is Hilda’s father?

Crossovers

Rick Sanchez

Blue hair

Stanford Pines

In the first episode, she is basically sketching a mythical creature like Ford has done.

Perfect personality mashup between Ford and Mum

Flaw: doesn’t explain blue hair

Maybe it makes her a prophecy?

Died as a kid and bringing back from dead is blue hair side effect?

She was going to die, but by looking for a mythical creature they were able to save her.

But at what cost?

Cursed?

As a baby, played with one of Ford’s dimensional thingies and now has blue hair forever

Mum: “Ford clean up your inventions! I don’t want them lying around where the baby can get at them.”

Ford: “Don’t worry. There’s no possible way she’ll be able make them work with the safeties on.”

Baby Hilda:

1. –too smart for safety-

2. –puts science in mouth- -sparks-

Mum: “FORD! –panics-”

Ford:

1. –panics-

2. HOW!?!

OC’s

Random blue haired/bearded guy

Looks like a woodmen?

Business men?

Bad father faceless father montage

Refer to Treasure Planet

Spy? Adventurer?

Reason he’s no there

Lost at sea?

Turned to gold while exploring an old temple

Indian Jones type?

Random traits

Abusive

Mum escaped to the woods because of him?

Abandons Hilda and Mum

Dead

Ghost dad

Mum is a teenage pregnancy

Dad is magical creature

Centaur

A spirit of some kind

Water

Air

Rain

Ocean

Lake

Forest

Humanoid of some kind or can transform from human to beast

Merman

Kitsune

Blue dragon

Blue beast wolf thing

Typical beast

Male Snow White

Prince of the forest

King ruler person

Alien

Mum has memories erased of husband

Because he had to go away and it was easier cause he knew Mum was stubborn

Danger

Random

Does Woodmen see Hilda as a kind of daughter?

Did he lose his real daughter? Family?

Cursed into woodmen form?

Woodmen finds Hilda as a baby and raises her

rude Hilda?

Wild Child AU

Aka Wild Hilda AU

Hilda raised by the creatures of the wilderness

Like Tarzan, but every creature pitches in

Woodmen

father figure

Mum dead or worse

Mum ghost?

Hilda Has Powers AUs

Hilda has superpowers

Communicates with the animals

Empathic powers

Can shapeshift into mythical creatures

Like Ben 10 or something

Alien powers?

Blessed by mythical creature?

Fairy?

Godmother?

Hilda has magic

Hilda the witch

Twig familiar

Elf summoning (Witch norm: Usually Elves are used as slaves)

The librarian is her teacher

Hilda with cape

Twig AUs

Hilda’s cursed brother or half-sibling (because magical forest dad?)

Twig talks AU

Twig familiar AU

Has a secondary dangerous form

Protector AU

Hilda long lost princess idea?

Blue hair

Father comes to take her back home

Or like Princess Diaries were she is last of royal family

Royal drama!

Sabotage

Assassinations

Ninjas

poison

Villains

Princess of Earth’s creatures

Diplomat

She may be immortal now

Alfur AUs

Hilda’s cursed brother

Elf Slave AU

Hilda to the rescue!

Plot: make elves free!

Crossover Needs

KND Hilda (#89)

89 is number form translates to “Hi” :3

make her Earth in another galaxy

space KND

Danny Phantom Crossover

Dimensional crossover

Hilda and Danny team up

Dimension Ghost villain

Hilda solves everything

Danny gets board

The Great Raven doesn’t like Danny very much

Danny can’t stop braking into accent

Danny: “It just slips out!”

Hilda: “Rude”

Hilda Falls AU

Hilda literally falls through rift into Gravity Falls

needs help coming home

When?

Young Ford?

need that father figure Ford fuel

Hilda really misses her mom

Before Weirdmageddon

Mabel and Hilda hit it off right away

mostly because of Mabel being Mabel

Dipper shipping

Hilda working in the Shack and being a natural

gives Stan ideas for exhibits

Runs into Bill moment

Maybe instead of Gravity Falls the rift just sends her to portal Ford and they go on adventures that way while still trying to get her home.

After Weirdmageddon

falls into icy sea

Stan twins rescue her

amnesia Hilda again?

Hilda Universe AU

Hilda and Steven universe fusion

Silda? Heven? Stelda? Hiven?

Hilda is a gem that Steven finds

Hilda is a gem/human hybrid

Her Mum is also a gem

Either Mum’s friend was a gem that turned into Hilda

Father left

Or Mum is human

Father was a gem, but he was flawed (hence being masculine)

Must be blue gem list

Lapis Lazuli

Aquamarine

Badass much?

Zircon

Eh more like Alfur if I’m honest

Kyanite

Blue Topaz

Sapphire

Oooo

Blue diamond

JUST KIDDING!!!!

Blue Pearl

So cute!

Gem placement

Belly

Chest center

Over heart

Hand

Forehead

In place of one ear

Disability if half human?

Knee

Back

Nose

Gem shape

Heart

Marquise

Trillion

Star shape

Pear

Briolette

Father flawed gem

Thunderbird shape

Weird shape

Shipping Hilda

Crossovers

Dipper Pines

They would work off each other rather well I think

Dipper could be lost in the multiverse or Hilda’s world could be isolated like Atlantis?

Dipper and Mabel dimensional travelers and documenters?

Dipper totally freaks when Hilda starts talking to him

He word vomits, trying to be discreet

Hilda shows him around

They go on a life threatening adventure

They fall for each other

Oh can they totally geek out when it comes to all the creatures together

In Hilda’s world

David

Eh kind of think he works better with Frida, but whatever

Trevor

Ew, but cute if he matures I guess? Maybe he turns himself into a werewolf or something because he’s stupid and Hilda has to save him?

Nightingale syndrome?

Human transformed raven?

Beauty and the Beast much?

Alfur? (pronounced ‘Alpha’)

–squee- little elf Hilda AU! In a little elf school! With a little nervous elf crushing Alfur!

OC’s

Mythical boys

Witch/magic boy

Siren (honestly because Ford dated one once)

Centaur

Changeling

Alien star child

Forest spirit

Superhero kid

Like Danny Phantom or kid flash powers

transforms into human…

Dragon

Phoenix

Unicorn

Kitsune

cute little trickster that doesn’t really understand what feeling so he lashes out or makes fun

Humans

Detective kid

Rogue kid

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type-a-nomad · 6 years

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March 12+13

Mon. March 12 2018

My friend Sofia left this morning, which was sad. Every Monday morning we have a huge volunteer meeting outside for about an hour. Ever since Danni got here, they’ve been very entertaining. She is very loud and outspoken in a way only northern British people are. The light in our living room is green because there was no normal bulb to put in so we used the only one we could find. At the meeting when Shannon asked if there were any things to call attention to in the houses Danni called out, without raising her hand: “can we change the green light in the living room, because I feel like I’m living in a crack den”. I died laughing, but everyone else was silent because they thought it was kind of disrespectful. If they're so offended by the comment, maybe have basic things around like non-green lightbulbs. Danni isn't wrong, our living room looks straight out of Breaking Bad right now. Currently, there are 70 volunteers on project. I like some of the newbies but some are problematic. Danni is not one to shy away from conflict and she got in a very loud argument with one of the new British girls who was snarky to her. I can’t really describe the way she speaks, but when she’s upset her accent is so heavy that I can barely understand her, even with my strongest listening ears on. I’ve been reading a lot this week and I have some quotes that I want to share and talk about from the two books I’ve been pouring through. The first is apparently supposed to be a children’s book, but given the decline of the English language and education system in recent years, I doubt kids under 13 would be able to keep up with it. It’s called A Little History of the World. My dad got it for me when I was 7 and there’s a little note in the inside cover from him that was undiscovered until I got to South Africa. Now, that book is one of the most important treasures I brought with me. The quote goes “What I have always loved best about the history of the world is that it is true. That all the extraordinary things we read were no less real than you and I are today.” It’s the opening line of one of the last chapters in the book and I think could be easily overlooked, but that idea is so profound to me and resonates deeply. It is entirely true. Sometimes I wonder what history books will say about our time now, what truths today will become stories later on. What events now or changes are we overlooking that are, in hindsight, going to be looked at a time of great consequence. We can guess. We can point to wars and political shifts. We can point to technology and the Age of Plastic that we have seemingly entered. But the reality of it is, we don’t know until it is no longer reality. Until we have experienced enough of the future to see what parts of the past actually made enough of an impact to be seen as relevant to the future situation. My guess of how this period of time will be looked at is the paradox between the push for constant innovation and new technology, and the regression to the past with populism and tightening of social, racial, and cultural boundaries. How we love new things and stuff, but we can’t tolerate new people and ideas. Another book I’ve been reading, quite slowly, was given to me by my therapist/life advisor Ariel. Before I came here, she gave me a book of Billy Collins’s poetry, and a book by Pema Chödrön, called “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times”. It’s brilliant. One of my favorite parts is that there is no fat or pretension. None of it is trying to sound smart or important. It is straightforward and spiritual in the most honest way. It is so realistic and profound at the same time that I spend several minutes with each sentence. The entire book is written by a woman who has mastered the Buddhist mindset of acceptance, non-attachment, and nowness. I am extremely far from that mindset, so some of the ideas can’t really resonate with my extremely preoccupied mind, but I hope I can learn to internalize them. An example of some of the really valuable teachings in the book is: “Sticking with that uncertainty, getting the knack of relaxing in the midst of chaos, learning not to panic — this is the spiritual path. Getting the knack of catching ourselves, of gently and compassionately catching ourselves, is the path of the warrior”. This is so important. The idea that gentleness and ability to choose the path of nonfiction, to sit without adjusting that strap that’s slipping off your shoulder, not scratching the mosquito bite, not smoking that cigarette the nicotine in your brain is begging for, sitting with the little parts of your brain that make your stomach tight and make you want to get up and walk around, that’s real strength. That’s finding peace and self control and wisdom and really using it. Indulging in action without really sitting with the decision of that action is a mindless and unconscious way to exist, really. I want to fully exist in my being in the present. To let my consciousness exist as fully in the now as I can. To see the beauty in impermanence and not hold too tight to the metaphorical sand slipping through my hands into the bottom half of the hourglass. Before you write off this entire paragraph as super hippie-dippy and hocus-pocus-y, really think about what it means. How consciously are you living? When’s the last time you weren't thinking about the future or the past for a full 10 minutes? When’s the last time you didn't feel discomfort in acknowledging and releasing an impulse?

Tues. March 13 2018

Today was normal for me. Tutoring was nice for the most part. I’m on my period which is the worst when you need to work with kids. My cramps were terrible and I felt so badly I didn't even go out to play with the kids during break. Besides that, the morning was standard for me. However, for about 20 volunteers today was quite turbulent. There’s been a bit of drama down here in Cape Town. To preface this story, we have rules of living for the volunteer program. Sunday-Thursday we are not allowed to go out past 11pm and are not allowed to show up to project hungover or unrested. The crucial part of all of those rules is the hangover part because in the townships there is a lot of alcohol abuse and so most of the kids associate the smell of alcohol with physical and emotional abuse from mom, dad, or other family members. Thankfully, that rule hasn't been broken as far as anyone can tell. However, a lot of volunteers go out and party and return quite late at night. The hostel has security cameras for obvious security purposes and, until now, have never really been checked to the extent of my knowledge. Last week, a lot of people missed curfew and were really loud about it, so it woke up the interns and they had to tell the managers. At the morning meeting, the managers asked everyone who violated curfew to stand up. About 6 people did. I know that at least 15 people violated curfew and probably more at the property down the street, Dunbar, because they have no supervision and party a lot more than my house. Everyone who stood up had to spend their Friday washing the cars SAVE owns. Fairly, they were annoyed everyone else didn't stand up. One of them told Shannon it was unfair to enforce it only on the people honest enough to admit they broke the rules. So, today, Shannon looked on the security cameras, which are positioned so you can see everyone’s face super clearly. Tons of people were caught red handed and had lied about it because they didn't stand up. Shannon was livid and posted part of the video of people coming in late to the group chat. It was wild. She’s generally a go-with-the-flow person who also gets things done. But she brought the whip down. Everyone who lied wasn't allowed to go to project today and had to clean the entire hostel and then the other property that’s under construction, that we call 83, and organize the entire storage spaces. It turned out to be pretty beneficial because last night there was a huge fire in Dunoon and because everyone lives in shacks so close together, over 500 people are displaced and homeless. The extra hands from all the people in trouble meant SAVE could make lots of care-packages. Three of the teachers at one of the schools we work at are homeless now. I can’t imagine going through that. Losing everything in one night. On top of that, there’s no way they can just buy things again. There’s no insurance (obviously) and most people live hand-to-mouth, so once you lose everything, that’s that. It’s horrible. I had rugby this afternoon which was interesting because I have no idea what rugby is and everyone kept telling me it’s basically american football without the pads. Everyone lied. It really isn't anything at all like american football, the balls just look similar. It’s more similar to netball or basketball than football. There weren't that many of us and the boys that did play we kind of had to corral into playing because everyone wanted to play soccer, which was a little sad, but we tried our best to make it fun. Obviously, it was touch-rugby instead of tackle. There was this one 11 year old boy on my team who was tiny. He was clearly malnourished and not growing like the other boys. His name was Melvin. I noticed that he had some kind of burn on his hands, but he was wearing a long sleeve shirt and a sweater over it because it was a bit chilly today, so I couldn't really tell what it was. When we took a water break, one of the boys came up to me and told me that Melvin had horrible burns over his arms and down his back from boiling water, and that we should only touch his legs during the game. I took and distributed the information and we kept playing, but it was so troubling to think about. The burn was clearly severe, as far as I could see. His skin was entirely discolored in the surrounding are and I noticed there was a similar shaped scar from an incident on his other hand, but it looked like something that had happened maybe even years ago. My immediate thought was that it was domestic abuse. It is not far from the range of possibility for a parent to pour boiling water on their child out of anger or as a punishment. After rugby, I went straight to Shannon to tell her about what I saw. She already knew. She said two weeks ago Melvin had an accident at home and it was an accident. She said that the families live in such close quarters, these incidents aren't as uncommon as they may seem. Moreover, he had to go to the hospital for 2 days because they were 2nd degree burns and was out of school for a week. For some reason, this doesn’t sit right with me. How does that much boiling water go on just his back and arms? I can’t really imagine a situation where an entire pot of boiling water accidentally falls on a child without that child getting at least somewhat out of the way. Further, what about the similar scar on the other hand? Was this a repeated incident? At the end of the day, even if it is abuse, there’s nothing I can do and that’s extremely upsetting. All I can ensure is that the kids feel safe and happy when they're with me, but when our time is up, I have to send them back to potentially dangerous situations. That’s so heartbreaking to me. These kids are so normal at the project and just happy to be there. They come from entirely different backgrounds and situations than kids who are friends with my own brother in California, and yet they act so similarly and are really just as much of a kid as anybody growing up in a first world country. The hardship they experience seems so incredibly undeserved I just want to swoop them up in my arms and save them from any hurt in their lives. They’re just kids and I wish they had the room to live that way without thinking about it. Around 12 is when that shift towards hardness really takes place and I’m making it my duty lead with love and kindness to delay that hardening of their youth as much as possible.

- Q

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