#because it makes me go :( when people say “i love (writing/editing/art) but i wouldn't do a very good job”

[magicaldragons]

writing.

things i've learned throughout the years

speaking from personal experience, writing, whether it's for a fic or an original work, is a process that comes to everyone very differently. which is also why it took me a WHILE to figure out what worked for me.

you've definitely heard this one before, but: 1. do not worry about making your first draft perfect. it will seem terrible, and that's ok.

it's the most common writing advice i've always heard as well, and i always understood what it meant, logically, but it was a piece of advice that was very hard to follow.

the second i gave myself permission to suck, though – the moment i said "i'm going to write trash," is when everything started flowing so much more easily.

it helps IMMENSELY to just push ahead and write whatever comes to you in the moment. do not start searching up synonyms. (yeah, i see you) and if you hate a word or phrase, put a *** next to it and come back later. chances are, you'll change your mind after seeing it from a new perspective, or be able to come up with something to replace it with.

it's always easier to edit than write from scratch, so give yourself material you can edit.

2. write for yourself. write what you love – what you would read.

it definitely draws people in more than any formula you think works or a piece you deliberately craft for a specific audience.

3. as long as your writing is comprehensible, grammar means little in front of the emotion your work conveys

i've read so many works that have left such a profound effect on me, solely because i could feel the amount of heart the author poured into it, it's always easy to look past minor mistakes, as long as what the writer says makes sense.

4. most importantly, when you're starting on that path of developing your writing skills, don't show your work to anybody. hear me out:

i've written about seven stories (for various fandoms) that will never see the light of day – not because i dislike them, but because i now realize, i had to write them for me.

and these stories (and the evident progress in my storytelling skils across all of them) are what give me the most confidence when i doubt my skills.

you can always share your works in the future, but the first couple of times you venture out with a vision in mind, make yourself your audience, it prevents you from diluting your ideas with expectations of other people's perceptions.

+ and finally, a bonus point:

a lot of the writing process, is just discovering yourself, in various ways

i always used to hear writers say:

"my characters did this on their own" or "the story just wrote itself like this"

and i never understood, because MY characters never did anything of their volition, in fact, they refused to do what i intended for them to and it would be a struggle to write a scene sometimes

and again recently i had that same problem, where i couldn't for the life of me, figure out how to describe a character performing a particular action. i waited for days for any sort of inspiration or logic to strike me, but it wasn't working.

i surprised even myself though, when i highlighted the whole section and deleted it.

but as soon as i let go of writing that one scene the way i'd planned it, a completely new option presented itself, and writing THAT scene was so much easier.

so no. my characters never tell me what to do, but they tell me what they don't want to do, and the realization that common experiences in writing will manifest differently in different people, really made me realize that writing is something you should follow your instincts in.

technicality-wise, you will always keep learning and improving. growth never stops.

so it's important to do what feels true to you, and do it in a way that makes YOU feel comfortable, whether that includes taking risks, being spontaneous, or starting small.

that's when some of the best things are created.

#for that one anon specifically #there's no failing when it comes to passion #there are only two options: success or growth #trust in yourself & your ability to grow #because it makes me go :( when people say “i love (writing/editing/art) but i wouldn't do a very good job” #writing #creative writing #fanfic #fanfiction

[moss-bride]

The lie of human kindness

Ren Hana x fem artist reader

1/3 chapters

She's covered in paint and hates the crusted splashes it left on her skin.

The garage her neighbors so kindly allowed her to use is a bit tight but she can't complain. This is the first time she's had a space outside her bedroom.

No. Not when there are so many artists out there that empty the living room of their dingy apartments to make their works.

She needs to make a trip to the hardware store to buy paint thinner and rounded tip brushes. She writes down her supplies on a notepad when her phone rings, the screen flashes to that familiar name. It causes a burst of nervous enthusiasm

to her most constant buyer.

She answers. "Mr Fox! What did you think of the photos I emailed you? Would you like to change anything? I'm finished with the base so by this Thursday will be your last chance to make edits." she's babbling. Something that happens often in their conversations

"No, it's coming out perfectly! " the smooth voice replies. He continually has nothing but compliments for her work. It makes her a little worried he's too afraid to give her criticism. 

Which is silly because a person wouldn't spend as much as he did on a work that isn't perfect. Right? 

In her doubt, she almost doesn't hear his next words. "I was wondering if you'd like to accompany me to a gala."

"Me?" she's speechless for a moment. Unsure of what to say. "I…" The schedule in her notepad is empty as it's been since first started. Between work and … Work, time for clubbing is rare and she finds she hates the loud noise of clubs unlike some women her age.

She doesn't have to flip the page to know her time slot is open. Yet she hesitates. Having one on one time with Mr. Fox as his partner at a party with people she doesn't know is a daunting thing to consider.

"I'd love to go, Mr Fox but I don't exactly have proper clothes for a fancy party."

"I'll send you some!" he chirps. Ever the supportive fan. There goes her one reason. He often reminded her of a favorite uncle

She's honored that he would consider her so promising at her craft that he would show her off to acquaintances. Reminds herself that these are rich friends that could potentially commission and buy. 

This is an amazing opportunity to network. She shouldn't be so wary! nonetheless, her heart frets in her chest. She chews her lip. "I don't know if I'm comfortable being in your debt like that."

"Don't sweat it. Consider it an investment for how big a splash I envision you'll make for the scene." 

The easy grin of his is palpable through the phone.

he's always talking about culture, movements, and postmodernism. "Just knowing I'll be part of fostering such an artist is enough." she knew he would say something like that.

She doesn't know how to respond. Another thing that happens frequently between the two of them. Her eyes stare out the garage window. "I-"

Mr. Fox refuses to take the beginning of her stuttered refusal. "Perfect! I'll send someone to pick you up. Bye-bye." The tone rings and she's staring at the ended phone call in shock.

She shouldn't be upset with Mr. Fox,  oftentimes he was the lone benefactor to her works and he's a kind man. There's no malice to his intentions, in fact, he's looking out for her by doing this.

Yes, there are skeevy men, people in general, in the art world that take advantage of others. She has heard of their predatory moves from forums and community posts. 

But Mr. Fox was not one of them. She is fortunate to have met him so early in her career. An enthusiastic client is hard to come by.

 

On the day of the gala, a black expensive model car is sent to wait for her on the street, while she is climbing down the stairs, embarrassed to sit on the spotless leather seats inside. Neighbors gawk as she climbs in with her plain day clothes. Some wave as she leaves.

The ride to Mr. Fox's home is long. Perfect to recite her manners.

She printed out business cards and brought her satchel, a big green bag full of 'sketches' (finished works made to seem effortless), and her necessities. Keys, wallet, wipes for her glasses, and chapstick. She rustles through the items to make sure she has everything before the car starts driving.

Slowly she watches the apartments become brighter, luxury apartments, then comes a bit of suburbia, then the gated ones, the big mansions with obnoxious features and long driveways. 

These people love their privacy.

When they arrive she's almost asleep, forehead pressed against the window. The driver wakes her. 

The front of his home is as beautiful as she imagined. Not the ugly McMansions that she saw on the way but an elegant building with manicured trees and a welcoming structure. Not too showy and with the right amount of architecture to give taste. 

Clutching her bag protectively over herself she gathers her courage and follows the butler.

There are people in uniform doing chores around the place. Maids and servers that work for him. Gosh, even their professional uniforms make her feel underdressed. They scurry to put together any final preparations for the party. White tablecloths are set

No one's here yet. She might be a little earlier than expected.

When Mr Fox emerges from the upper doorway she breathes a sigh of relief and allows her shoulders to lax. He calls her name and warmly greets her. A smile displaying his sharp canine. "Ready for the big day?"

She gives a shaky confirmation in an attempt to appear confident but he sees through it and chuckles. Clasping a hand on her shoulder as they walk into one of the wings.

"You can get dressed here."

She looks around the well-furnished room. There's a bathroom connected to the far side. A spacious bed and draped on top, wrapped in plastic must be her dress.

"I'll be out in a minute."

He makes no motion to leave, she thinks that he is scanning her body from top to bottom. It makes her face heat.

She laughs. "I'm fine Mr Fox, you can go now."

He stands there for a moment then clears his throat and adjusts his tie. "Of course!"

He's about to shut the door when he pauses and motions her close. "Before I leave…." He snatched the lenses off her face. "You won't be needing these."

"My glasses?" she's unsure about him taking them. Everything is blurry, her eyesight is poor, barely above the legal limit to be considered blind.

He sighs. "There. Much better."

"I don't have contacts on…" but he already shut the door. A small click sounds. She should call him back and ask for them more firmly…. 

Instead, she lets the issue go. Later she'll explain how important they are and ask for them back.

The dress that Mr. Fox had handed her feels airy. Light as a feather and lacking the weight of material. She takes a bit of it in her hand and squints to her best ability trying to test if it's see-through. But that's just her right? It must be the draft. It is a bit cold.

Underwear 

Oh gosh. He really considered everything for this night. Mr Fox is nothing if not thorough but She doesn't need it. Her own underwear will be fine. And this level of planning is a bit unsettling.

she notices how delicate the garments are. Expensive. Did he put a lot of thought into her underwear?! She shakes that thought away. Feeling ashamed for associating it as creepy.

Slipping the dress over her head she struggles for it to settle around her chest.

The dress doesn't fit with the padding of her bra. She should have worn a strapless adhesive for tonight instead of a pushup. 

With much consideration she forgoes the bra since the gown is long and flowing, It should cover everything. There's a shawl to go along with the outfit and she's insanely grateful.

Next, she turns to the vanity. Huffing an exasperated breath at her smudged image. 

Everything's so smeared. Edges bleed into each other. 

On the desk, there are blobs of what must be a hairbrush and makeup. All new and unused. She does her best in thirty minutes and is blind as a bat. Utilizing muscle memory to do most of the work. She chooses to leave her hair down instead of clipped back from her face as it usually is when working. 

With that the effect is nerve-wracking. She feels like an entirely different person. A real Cinderella moment.

A knock sounds and they announce that people have begun to arrive.

"I'll be out in a minute!" she can't see the result. She'll trust Mr. Fox to inform her if her makeup is uneven.

Deep breaths. The lightness of the material makes her anxious again. However, they are waiting for her outside. She can't disappoint.

She slides into the heels and opens the door. Peeking out the hall. "Mr. Fox?"

No sign of the slight redhead. Instead, his bodyguards stand outside. Two of them as a unit. One is a big bald man to the left and a shorter, blond to the right. Hard lines of straight shoulders with no-nonsense

She smiles at them. "Nice to meet you."

They offer polite greetings but little else. She learns their names are Rhino and Roo. They sound like fake names, silly nicknames likely, but she doesn't want to make them uncomfortable by asking for real names. 

They have been so nice in guiding her.

The cool wind brushes her legs as she walks down the stairs, sliding her hand on the wood railing. It's like a scene from a movie!

She hears him before she can see him. At the bottom of the stairs waiting for her to descend.

His words make her feel naked. There's an underlying heat to them. "You look ravishing." her heart hammers at the thought of what his expression looks like now. Maybe it's a good thing she can't see because his face would leave her a stuttering mess.

"It's a beautiful dress." she bashfully gazes at a corner. The heels add height to her, making him four inches shorter but she never minded being taller. She stays at his side, enjoying the smell of his cologne. He's so warm. "You're very handsome yourself ." His suit is a deep burgundy with black accents. Lapels clean cut and hugging the waist.

Fox's voice resonates with a playfulness she hasn't had the pleasure of noticing before. "Are you flirting with me?"

She rears her head back and says, embarrassed. "Of course not. I don't mix business with pleasure." He chuckles at that.

He wants to be the exception.

A guest comes up to them with a steady tap of no doubt expensive shoes. "Fox, who is this gorgeous lady you are keeping to yourself?"

Mr. Fox introduces them. " She's the creator of paintings you see on my walls."

This man is blond with deeply tanned skin. If she had to guess he's a corporate type. "Fox here talks quite a bit about your talents."

The older man grins over the rim of a glass as she shoots him a look. He's all 'I told you so.' 

Her art unnerved most people and to discuss it so openly 

Human suffering plain to the eye. They only see that pain. Not the beauty in their panicked stares. White straining, turning pink with shocks of red worms until they become bloodshot. 

She paints that freedom. A study of human anatomy to remind everyone what they are. What will come.

Death is her inspiration, there is beauty in the midst of suffering angelic or from hell.

"Deserved flattery. Your images are visceral. Gut-wrenching." god the flattened is too much, she could get used to being complimented. "I did not expect such a sweet lady would be behind this gruesome work."

She laughed. "Never judge a book by its cover."

Talks and talks about a variety of things that go on in her life, and acts amazed at the news of his vacation to Jamaica. Then other guests join their conversation. Mr Fox is marching her from one acquaintance to the next and she knows she should be writing down names and information. Telling when she's open to commissions. Yet, all she could register is Mr. Fox beside her and his chuckling puffs when she says something funny.

She tries her best to be funny to hear it again and again.

An endless stream of beautiful guests that are interested in her work and admire it is refreshing to be around. The shame and secrecy of having to skip around the subject of her art gets tiring 

Hiding her muse is tiring, Death and the human form is the subject of her imagining and here they are celebrated.

When the evening is getting late he walks her to a patio, brushing past breezy curtains of red. The cool wind is a godsend on her hair.

He hands her a glass of wine and cups his own elegantly. He's so at home among the fortune and excess. She wishes at that moment for her phone, the way he looks is a divine masculine aura. He could be on the cover of a men's magazine.

"To our partnership."

She takes the offered cup and sips. Smiling softly at him as the burst of flavorful red wine spreads on her tongue.

He's gazing at her in the dark, illuminated by the orange glow of the light from one side and the soft pale of the moon on the other. "What is it?" 

His eyes must be keener than hers to see in the shadowy night. Does he notice her flushed shoulders and nervous tick? She's woozy from the drink already.

"I'm lucky to have met you, Mr. Fox." She tucks a strand behind her ear and is about to do the same to her other ear when she feels the warm pad of his thumb tuck it for her.

A polished claw gently scrapes her scalp.

Even with her blurry vision, the flaming orange flicker to his eyes catches her own. She tilts her head into the touch.

"My family and friends think what I draw is terrible. Satanic and devil worshiping, even." she gives a sardonic laugh. "I couldn't ever show them my sketchbook. No one wants to order family portraits from a gore artist. I didn't have anyone. But you…and the people here …understand."

Her admission gets her a sharp glimpse of teeth. A pearly fang. "Horror and shock are things to be celebrated, people scare easily on such subjects."

She's breathless as his nail slides against her brow. 'Exactly." 

She tries to take a step to him and she stumbles in the heels. Falling forward. His grip tightens on her arm. Without it, she would have face-planted. She laughs. "I don't feel very stable." without another thought she shucks them off, her bare feet flat on the floor.

"It's alright." he supports her with a surprising amount of strength. She wraps her arms around his waist and buries her face into his neck. Without her heels, she's back to being two inches taller than him. Chest to chest. 

She doesn't know she is being drugged. He can feel her pebbled breasts

"What happened to not mixing business with pleasure?" it's a husky whisper

She leans into his palm and closes her eyes. "You're not business. You're my friend." her only friend in this city. Her arms pull him closer for a hug. She pours her gratitude into her grasping arms, squeezing hard. Her friend…Who supports her and makes her feel appreciated.

It's easy to kiss him. She's intoxicated and forgetful of how intimidating his aura can be. The pit of nervous butterflies that she gets at meeting his eyes is gone, replaced by her need to share how much she feels for him. Laying three pecks on his lips after. The tenderness of each peck overwhelms him.

He's unresponsive. Horrified, she attempts to step away, about to utter an apology. Yet his hands refuse to let her go.

"I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable," she says in a sudden moment of shame.

"Shh. Let's get you home." he tightens his jacket at her neck. It's laughable really, her shoulders are a bit ticker and it fits over almost like a shawl. 

"I want to stay with you," she mumbles against his skin. She kisses him again and this time he opens his mouth. With the first touch of tongues, she made a sound filled with need.

His breath is ragged and hot on her bruised lips.

"That's not a good idea…"

He's struggling with a decision she's not privy to. Muttering silent words in displeasure, smoothing his hair down with a right hand. She tries to hear what he's saying but her wine-drunk brain can't zero in on his meaning. Is he alright?

"Please, Fox." She both does and doesn't know what she's asking for

He pushes her away and she tumbles into the arms of Roo. For a slight figure, he has surprising strength.

She wants to dive back into his arms but the blond holds her still. Mr. Fox turns away. A growl threatened his words. "Go home."

#ao3 fanfic #x reader #fanfic #the price of flesh #ren hana #dead dove fic

[nimata-beroya]

🥤🐇🍄🌿 for the truth or dare writing ask game!

Thank you @kanerallels!!

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love

Oof! This is tough and I'm sure I'm going to leave many talented people out bc I can never remember their Tumblr url even though I'm their avid reader on ao3 (I'm sorry!)

@seleneisrising @photogirl894 @airlockfailure @yukipri @takadasaiko @genericficerblog @mxtr3ssquickly @insertmeaningfulusername @fanfictasia @nobody-expects-the-inquisitorius @annwayne and of course, you!

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both? 

Original characters, for sure. I'm not fond of reader inserts, nothing against who write/read them, but it's not for me because they feel a bit gaslighting. The few occasions I dare to read them I always say "I wouldn't f*ing say/do that!", and I feel I have no right to force the reader to feel/say/do things they normally wouldn't. I know it's fiction, but I cannot connect with reader inserts, neither in reading nor writing.

But unlike insert readers, the possibilities with original characters is infinite and there's no one that can say that the OC wouldn't react this or that way except me! (When I'm writing them ofc) And I accept whatever the OC's reaction is when I'm reading it bc it is what it is. I have no base to refute it.

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Kalluzeb when they get hurt: two sides of the same coin

Zeb goes berserk when Kallus is in danger. Any imperial in a mile radius of them will have a gruesome demise. It's a little scary to witness. But later, he calms down once they're safe and patches Kallus up with utmost care. Kallus gets often hurt, so Zeb is an expert by now.

On the other hand, if it Zeb who gets hurt during a mission, Kallus keeps his head cold and do what he needs to do to get Zeb out of there. He's methodical and pragmatic about it. But once they're safe, Kallus crumbles. He can't deal with Zeb hurt. It messes with his head.

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

I struggle with this myself, but sometimes I do things that help me

Take a break from writing (sometimes even a short break is enough, sometimes you need days or weeks. It's okay)

But during the before mentioned break (especially the long ones) you can do other things, get out of your comfort zone. Read something (your favorite book or something new), watch tv shows/movies in a different genre/fandom you're writing for. Do another type of art, listen to music, etc.

Brainstorm with someone else (or several others). This is VERY IMPORTANT. Sometimes what we need to get unstuck is voicing the problem. I'd say that 7 out of 10 times, you'll find the solution by yourself while explaining the other person. If not, then your friend(s) will give you one, or at least, spark your imagination by telling you the detail you were missing.

Remember that even just a sentence written is progress.

And, even if it's often discouraged by many writing advice lists, edit that last portion of what you wrote and don't be afraid to discard what doesn't work (but don't delete it. You can save that for another story or later on in the same fic you're working on.). Doing this, you can make the story flow easily again.

Send me one (or more) of these Writers Truth & Dare Asks!!

#mare replies #writers truth & dare ask game

[chokchokk]

I see you interact with a lot of people and was curious if you would assign your moots on who would be "your ateez eight is one team"? Or who would be who for you personality wise based off ateez members xx

ATE MAKES ONE TEAM, HELLO EVERYONE WE'RE EIGHTEEZ !

except choosing only eight for eight is really difficult i'll be fr. like i have collected so many bbies and babies assigning only one for each is gonna be so difficult like who the fawk am i to leave anyone of yall out.... anyway i'll try to choose those who i interact the most on tumblr but also in private because yall have my heart and i want to give yall pieces of it you know !!!! (it's gonna be burning aflame so if it's too hot then let it fall. it's ok.)

i'll base it off my mootie's personality and assign them their position using some info from this & this i guess~ and i'll just quickly assign myself and say... performance-wise i wanna be san. who doesn't want to idols slutting it out every second in their fancam? pls close your eyes then because you won't like me as an idol. i want to put edit-tiktok in a chokehold. personality-wise yeesh i dunno i don't think they would take me for this alone...... lol anyway did i write like WAAAAAY too much? no. could've written more. so much more. LOL i hope yall care for it~ xoxo

upcoming ... EIGHTEEZ MEMBERS!

HYUNG-LINE/CAPTAIN. [ helping hand ; guide ; respected ]

MICHI BBY, @cybrsan this wasn't a choice i had to think about longer than a second michi !!! i should honestly thank you every day for having been the helping hand that i needed to make that leap from tumblr newbie to turning into an even more unhinged hivemind of #horndogism by introducing me to the cromernet!!!! like you have a calm personality that could start a storm... (and this isn't me wanting to see waterbender!wooyoung lol) and as it goes for the position, i do see you taking in a generally nurturing and guiding role!! just helping out wherever you can fr and still maintaining your smile and warmness when your life is filled with other duties?? michi mother.

KALEM MAMA, @svintsandghosts would you give yourself the position of a leader?? uhhhh... i think you probably wouldn't lol. but i know you and i have seen you, and it has (and will hopefully!) always work out with you sat at the steering wheel soooo here you go babes. you have determination, responsibility and the lightheartedness that would make for a very dynamic group dynamic while still getting shit done FUCK YEAH!!!!!! (i also see you as the oldest member getting confused with the young sometimes lol)

BAI-BAI, @hwaightme i still revisit some of our conversations just to ground myself, btw. like those words coming out of you so naturally is so so awe-inspiring and i find myself feeling great comfort in the love you have for the world, people and those two combined into art. it's... yeah, it's amazing!!! i see you being the philosopher that plato wanted in his ideal nation, a philosopher who is so talented in thinking, creating and reflecting and- that's just you for me, bai. i can't say anything more or less than that;;

SKY BABES, @pocketjoong there is a big lack of interaction here for me to put you here i KNOW but anytime i read your messages in the cromernet dc it's like yes... that is our sky!!! that is our cromother!!!!! (portmanteau of cromernet and mother, yes) so so careful, so gentle, so compassionate with everyone!!!!!!! your sense for responsibility and the sensibility you have is like???? you are such a warm hug of a person and i hope you feel the same warmth back!!

DEMON LINE. [ captivating ; dual ; feral but tamable lol ]

LOVELYSSIE (ALYSSA), @kitten4sannie first of all, my alysstar~~ hope you like being called tamable~^^ LMAO okay getting that out of our way, uhhhhh would i give you san? after all the things we said about him...... maybe....? whwhwgwg but not for the reasons that won't keep us awake for 12 hours~ sooo i'm going to give you demon line because oohhh hobblebun, when you get immersed into the #wordcraft, it's like... you're in it. and that's for me what the demon line is all about!!! friendly, super super approachable, lovable even, and then it's like BAM. the guttiest, tingle-evoking, body-throbbing paragraph i've ever read in my entire life help. innocent filth? oh yeah your work is definitely not innocent just like san is not innocently humping the air and slapping ghost ass but once you're off the stage you're both little spoon and just in need of some good ol' praise hehe. come here you!!!!!!

ANNE PFANNE, @ssaboala surprised to see yourself here? hmmm maybe. i hope you are lol. soooo what i think is so interesting about your personality is like. how "loud" (as in rich (as in charakterstark)) it is but when it's like? comfortably loud. laid-back, but can still get feisty on you typa thing, tbh. like you know you're talking to ms. choi-pfanne when you text her or are texted by her lmao??? i think the same thing goes to show in your work tho!!! filled with so much personality, it's so fun to read, and of course your irl personality is the same, but with more authority (because of the amounts of times you told me to start writing hop hop lmao) anyway yeah you're here, in the demon line, whether you like it or not xoxo

CHUPS (CHIP), @jaehunnyy could've just given you maknae line but i think you got two sides to you that even though i've reached a very stable, constant state of sweetness i think there's something a bit feral in you. lol i mean this in the best way possible tho, of course. like you are my little baby, you fr awake some of my motherly instincts who just... so happens to want to bite her kid's ass when she's roguing out!!!! anyway yes my darling, you can be so feral and i adore you for it, i wouldn't trade it for anything else!! and also you'd rock the shit out of demon line as a dancer i think. lol

ZERDA HERZBLATT, @a1sh1teruu yeah i think i'm just putting the german-speaking ones in the demon-line, screw me for it. LMAO. but yeaah i think you got a duality that comes from... rather your thoughts? ideas? at least i was rather positively surprised to be explained all the things about your mingi-series and HEY it was amazing so keep on going with that you know!!! your personality is energetic and i love how you talk with anne and me LMAO!!!!!!!!

MAKNAE-LINE. [ clever ; playful ; deft ]

RIRI(ELLE), @dairyminki didn't wanna give you the honour of demon-line. no jk i actually don't think you are in the demon line because you're... not that feral. like OKAY you are feral with me but like. that's my responsibility. i think you are a sweetheart through and through!!! with just... a bit of slyness that you can't shake off. like we went from little sister-big sister to the #hornet, okay? like we're on the same page. LMAO okay what i mean by that is just the fun i have to talk with you, like you are such a joy to engage and chat with you<33 like helping you out on your work is so so enjoyable, pls never think that i could ever be bored of that it's just time that i don't have but WANT to have, fr. like if i could i'd spend all of my days reading your work with you xx

BABY NORA, @cheollipop i realize i have no better nickname (punch me in the guts for this) so i'll just use this one. forgive. uhh. is this me saying you have younger sibling energy through and through? yeah. that's exactly what i'm doing. like i could have given you demon-line for having those two distinct moods from time to time, buuuut i think for you, it's almost natural to be that way? like the "cheeriness" is still a part of you even tho you may claim it not to be. just my observation here tho. in general i just think that your personality is stable even if you think it's not and it's just cuteness all around, even in the playfulness lol xx

VENDETTARLING, @vforvendetta-dupe did i ever call you darling? i don't think so. but you are a darling, i hope you know that ^^. sooo, yeah, you give me younger sibling and the ones that need all the love at that!!!! and tbh i'm not complaining. i like the random conversation-starters as much as i love the conversations that follow right after and ahhh babes you are just a joy fr. thank you for providing me with dog-pics and your cuteness all around the clock !!! xx

BEE(BEE), @hanniebeesworld i think you were one of the first people to have sent me a dm and i'm so glad you were, beebee like whwgwhw you are so so so adorable i really needed your sweetness (pun intended) when first starting all of this;;;;!!!! i don't know where you have been~ hopefully enjoying your school~ your life~ but i really really adore you so much wow!!! hope you're always eating the sweetest of sweets and collect the most delicious memories in life, beebee!!!!!!!!!!

VISUAL-LINE. [ aesthetic ; composed ; harmonious ]

LILO BUN, @seonghwaddict did i make this category just 4 you? ppffftt, i won't tell....... (i did.) i know we haven't chatted in-depth a lot which we should def change (that's a threat) but i still wanted to tell you that i appreciate your personality and adore the way you articulate yourself (in your work specifically!!!) it's so precise, and i think this also goes for you off-tumblr<33 i think there's a lot of playfulness like LMAO don't get me wrong i don't think you're this cold, composed person, like not at all actually lol, just that you have something very loose and comforting about you!!! hope that's understandable lol what i mean is that your company is nice lilo xx

KO-ALA (KALA), @jeonride omg not me being so lost and not adding you immediately because i am texting you rn help you're here because your blog is so so pretty and i can just see you have an eye for detail and just so so lovely!!!?? like your energy is so pretty too? you have something very affectionate about you and it makes you very likeable <33 so much fun to talk with you!!!! i appreciate you a lot and HELLO the fanfic???? i will forever cherish it. making americanos and always thinking of hubby. thank you so much <33

#i loved making this a bit too much #i am so sorry if i missed anyone;;; #like i fr could have written so much more but like #let's not be #TOO cheesy you know #LMAO #well hope you got insight on my mooties anon<33 #촉촉 #chokki

[sincerely-sofie]

The finishing of this fanfic has left me with some pretty mixed emotions. On the one hand, I dont want it to end. It's such an incredible piece of work and even though I finally committed to reading it a few weeks ago, it already feels like such a significant part of my life. On the other hand, I'm a little glad that it's over. FAR from the sense it was bad (I'll steal your liver if thats how you interpret it) but moreso in the sense that it was like a good crying session. It's something that a lot of us (or I assume a lot of us) typically want to avoid even though we know its good for us, and satisfying after the fact. It's like catharsis in a way. Endings aren't always a great feeling in the moment, but it's something that we can look back on with a fondness.

I'm so glad I found this work. I'm being completely serious when I say that this fanfic, and the other content you make, has changed my life for the better. Its helped me reconnect with that love I have for creativity after nearly a decade of not making anything even though I wanted to. It's helped pulled me out of a few ruts of depression. It's helped me realize that I'm not actually emotionally stunted (per my own conclusions) and be more willing to cry instead of burying those feelings. In the past I would just, kill these kinda thoughts before they got far because of how much I wanted to avoid crying. Much less actually writing them down, or express them to someone else. But now, I've been crying the whole time I write this, and for the first time in, I think ever, I'm okay with that. I know we don't actually know each other, but you've genuinely helped me become a better person with the things you make. Thank you so much for everything you've done Sofie. hey look! I got your name right!

But enough about me. I feel like it's getting indulgent at this point. (I've gotten dehydrated with how much ive cried writing this and from what I can tell, you cry a lot more than I do. So go drink some water first, and then) I wanna hear your thoughts. What are your thoughts and feelings about your work being finished? Do you have plans to take a break from creative endevors for a while, or are you gonna keep going? Are you going to be expanding more on this and other au's, different fanworks or move into something completely your own? Whatever the case may be, I'm excited to see what more you are going to come up with!

From the bottom of my heart, and on behalf of everyone else, Thank you for everything.

It's so surreal to have posted that final chapter. I finished the first draft almost 100 days ago exactly, and I spent a number of days after completing it kind of adrift. I'd go to my computer every morning like I had during the month prior and sit down, ready to write, only to remember that I was actually supposed to be taking a break before I made the final edits.  It didn't click in my head that I had actually done it… until a couple weeks later when it hit me like a truck that I had an entire completed manuscript sitting in my Google Docs. I think I was making myself lunch at that moment, and I had to bolt to lie down on the floor and put my legs up against the wall because I was ready to pass out at the realization. 

This feels pretty similar. For me, The Present is a Gift— the main fanfic, at least— was finished in mid-January. But the process of uploading it and agonizing over what people thought of every passing update wouldn't be formally done until about 3 months later. It still hasn't clicked in my head that I won't be posting a new update once Tuesday rolls around. 

On the subject of taking a break— I've actually been taking a break, at least partway! I've barely written anything after I finished TPiaG's first draft, and I haven't drawn much “serious” art, for lack of a better word, since I started my blog. I've still been making things, yes, but scattered oneshots and sketchy pieces without solid lineart are not my typical fare. I'm usually a lot more “exact” with what I make— words fail me here— I hope I'm not being too vague! I might take a brief break as I finish up the winter semester, but that would be less a break from creating and more of an “OH MY WORD I NEED TO FOCUS ON NOTHING BUT PASSING THESE COURSES” kinda thing. 

TPiaG (along with its derivative AUs) is still very much a living project to me— there's a lot more stories the characters have in them, even if I struggle to envision a full-on sequel. I'm absolutely going to answer the asks relating to it that I've received over the months along with any I continue to receive, and if I get any ideas for comics or oneshots here and there, I'll make them. As for what's officially next up on the Sincerely Sofie menu, I'm planning to make a visual novel that's a lot more meaty than the last one I made. I'm not sure if it will be original or based on TPiaG— but a visual novel is the medium I'm planning on! 

I'm so overwhelmed by your kindness. I truly don't have any words. This project started off as something private to help distract me from a depressive episode and to process trauma, and it's become so much more. I'm so glad it was able to help you. Catharsis was the keyword for TPiaG— I wanted it to uproot difficult emotions and help people start to heal from them, but I never dreamed it would really help anyone but myself. So to hear it was able to provide you with that is unbelievably meaningful to me. 

I gave myself the goal somewhat recently to let myself cry whenever the urge strikes me. I used to go months without crying, and whenever I did shed tears, it was alone in my room while muffling the few sounds I accidentally let slip. I'm a natural crybaby, but I had schooled myself into thinking for a number of reasons that it was bad to cry— that it was selfish, or attention-seeking, or weak— so I've been trying to reclaim my teary-eyed identity. It's been difficult, but it's so freeing to let myself feel things fully. All of this is to say: let the tears fall. I've helped more people by crying than my stoicism ever did. 

Thanks again. I can't properly word my gratitude, but know that it's overwhelming :,>

#sofie answers asks #the present is a gift au

[crownedinmarigolds]

12, 19, and 17 for Noa and Xandy if not already answered?

*Gasp!* Thank you for asking ahhH! 12. What have you found to be most difficult about creating art for your OC (any form of art: writing, drawing, edits, etc.)?

17. Is there some element you regret adding to your OC or their story?

19. What is your favorite fact about your OC?

Noa: 12. I would say the most difficult part about creating art for Noa is having to really restrain myself! Noa is incredibly repressed and has SUPER staunch beliefs and a code she really sticks to, so I feel weird if I just do certain things with her with wild abandon even if I really really want to. Like if I want to fun crack!ship her with anyone, then I overthink like "well she wouldn't do that," or etc... making her probably the most socially "inept" out of all of my OCs! Like, Nono is not a meme'r. 17. I'm usually very flexible with character stuff, I don't keep things I feel are actively detrimental to the stories I want to tell with them! If they have something going on with them, I put it there purposefully and with good reason. I will say I regretted certain things at her initial conception when I was playing her on a live VTM server. I had made her a Instagram starlet with a cute big butt. I had just added the butt thing as a dumb little "hee hee I got a bubble butt" but a LOT of people really ran with it? It made me actively uncomfortable how people took the "has a big butt" thing and made her to be a very very sexual character. It was this attitude towards Noa that actually had me hard reverse her into being sexually repulsed and also being small and flat as a board. Of course... people still sexualized her even with these traits as well in our next server we played her on. It could just be the way I type making people feel nice, but it's still very annoying to try and play a serious game or write out a serious conversation and people just won't stop writing about how their drooling over her body. So I regret making Noa curvaceous in the beginning of her play, but I'm VERY happy with Noa as she is now. I use the sexualization from these people to fuel a very important part of her motivations! 19. I love lots of stuff about Nono, but I think I love her having a good father despite being a Giovanni? Now her father wasn't good to her brother of course, but so many people go nuts with the more unsavory parts of the Giovanni lore in VTM, so I just feel satisfied with Noa having a good relationship with her Dad while he's alive.

Xandy: 12. Xandy is a bit difficult to write for because I have very specific situations in mind that involve her that are hard to make interesting in a written format? If that makes sense. She's very action oriented, swift, silent. If I could animate I think she'd be a blast to draw - I imagine her operating like Faith from Mirror's Edge - lots of parkour and smooth disarming motions. However writing action isn't my biggest strong suit. One of her coping mechanisms is to try and see herself as a tool for her Master to use, and while writing her breakdowns is very thrilling, I also can't have her upset ALL the time. She fills a great role in the canon but otherwise a little difficult to make the main character. ALSO - a lot of her stuff is history based, and that's a TON of research to fall down the rabbit hole for! 17. Xandy was one of my first REAL OCs... I had a few before her but she's probably the one I've had and kept the longest. [I had a ATLA one for a little bit and a Naruto OC that lasted a while but none stuck like Xandy!] I have changed her a lot over the fifteen years I've had her! There's not much I regret really, she was my Call of Duty Modern Warfare OC, so she was a military woman - which COULD be regretful but nah. It suited what I liked at the time and she's changed for the better I think! I suppose one regret is that she's silent and distant, which makes writing fun interactions hard, but it's still an important part of her character! 19. My favorite fact about her is.... commitment issues? I think I love it because I'm such a hardcore Ride or Die, and so are practically all of my characters. So it's kind of fun to have someone who is like "BAIL" the second someone really shows genuine adoration and interest in her beyond a one night stand or a passing curiosity! She's not against-against commitment... she just knows the life she lives and how "it just can't work."

THANK YOU GORGEOUS FOR ASKING!!!!!

#informaltorching #oc ask #oc ask meme #xandy #wilted roses #banu haqim #vtm oc #vtm #noa hidalgo #noa #giovanni #hecata #my oc #vampire the masquerade #answered ask

[chemicalbrew]

2023 game list, part 1: I love complaining!

Once again continuing what has become an honorable tradition thanks to @smash-64 💜

I tried to promise myself I'd be more organized this year, trying to take notes after I beat things, making lists and gifs and everything, as it has become a consistent yearly undertaking. In truth, what happened is that I felt more overwhelmed by this than I did the last three years. The best explanation I can give is a combination of two facts: this year, while not particularly worse than what came before, still saw my confidence in myself tank a bit (i.e. What does this matter when few people read it and I don't bring much things of value to the table?)...

And the fact that I played very few games that really stuck with me, that I enjoyed enough to see through to the end and feel like that had merit, for a lot of the year. When that wasn't the case, it was more than likely I'd been on my nth playthrough of Katana ZERO of the year (more on that in a later post, hopefully).

I probably need help, don't I?..

games I played, but don't have much to say about at the moment without being prompted, aside from 'I kinda liked them, I guess', ordered best to worst:

Purrfect Apawcalypse trilogy (2019-2021) - series of VNs that's genuinely just good fun as you find yourself attached to the characters before you know it. You'll know if this one is for you at a glance. Also, this is how I found out about Panel Royale! LOL

The Witch's House MV (2018) - good old RPG Maker horror with a few decent twists. The remake has good QOL changes.

Gunbrella (2023) - the plot might be forgettable, but you get a gun that's an umbrella! What's not to enjoy?

Donkey Kong Country 2: Diddy's Kong Quest (1995) - I played this game, but only in the most technical sense. Literally cheated the fun out of it - either that, or this platformer style is not for me.

Coffee Talk: Episode 2 - Hibiscus & Butterfly (2023) - the most upsetting entry on the list. The writer behind the original game has passed away, and his absence is felt keenly even if you're not aware of the fact - because this sequel lacks charm.

Turnip Boy Commits Tax Evasion (2021) - yet another of those cheap and short indie 2D Zelda clones. The definition of the word meh.

Irisu Syndrome (2008) - a unique free puzzle timewaster. Tries to have a story and fails.

dishonorable mentions (the part with the most complaining)

2064: Read Only Memories (PC, 2014) [♪ Home (Not) Sweet Home]

Starts off decent enough, doing the bare minimum to string you along the mystery (which, for most people with standards, wouldn't even be good enough, but I was willing to stick with it for the sake of the neat audiovisual presentation).

As soon as the murder scene is revealed, however, the main plot starts to fall apart, and the longer you spend with the game's writing (which seems to go on and on forever) and characters (about as flat as a pancake fresh off the pan), the more bleak and yawn-inducing they seem (including Turing, who just took longer than everyone else to annoy me).

Do yourself a favor, play VA-11 Hall-A (which this game gratuitously references) instead. You'll get all the benefits of cute pixel art and upbeat soundtrack, but with an actually good story\character cast to match. I swear it says something about 2064 that one of its most exciting moments was seeing throwaway lines from a VA-11 character!

Ori and the Blind Forest: Definitive Edition (PC, 2015) [♪ Climbing the Ginso Tree]

This is a game that won awards back when it came out almost a decade ago. Unfortunately, it feels like it was made to win awards and little more. While the credits scrolling up the screen tried to convince otherwise - with the usual special thanks given to families and pets of the developers - I sat there, unsure of what I was supposed to take from this experience (once again, the less words you try to use to tell your story, the more it usually suffers!).

The heart of any platformer is its movement systems - and, while eventually Ori's tools open up just enough to make you feel at least a little free and alive in its world, they also never go beyond what is almost painfully typical. Double jump, wall climb, ground pound, glide, charged projectile? None of that is going to wow anyone. The way it comes together is not too pleasant, either - Ori's too floaty and the obstacles before him, while painted with a talented stroke, are too unclear in their presentation to make for truly fun traversal. The exception to this is the escape sequences - sure, a lot of the time they're not much less frustrating than the rest of the game, but they're definitely more memorable, to the point where the accompaniment to one was the only part of the soundtrack I could think to showcase.

I don't regret the time I spent on this, per se, but what I can tell you is that it probably didn't deserve the awards. Also, the way the wall jump worked was annoying! Pushing towards the wall to do it feels very counter-intuitive, and with this I found that I much prefer when games have you face away from the wall to register wall jumps, or do not require you to press a direction at all.

Celeste (PC, 2018) [♪ Checking In] + Celeste Classic (2015, played as part of full game) :)

I was in high school when this made waves. I pointedly feigned disinterest as it splashed all over the internet, while making sure to download the soundtrack quickly and listen to it - more than occasionally - over the next three or so years. Lena Raine's work carried me through my school years and empowered me, and all the while I hadn't a clue what playing the game is actually like.

Those were the better days.

Now, the things about this game that seem to appeal the most to a lot of people are how refreshingly simple Madeline's moveset is and how much the game respects your time with death transitions and reloading, and the story it tells through heartfelt cutscenes and gameplay working in sync. To which I boldly say... none of those things are good enough.

Having to climb and manage your stamina adds another layer to navigating the rooms, sure, but to my simple ass, that's one layer too many. To the game's credit, there's a setting to make climbing toggleable instead of requiring you to hold down the trigger, and using that was the only reason I managed to push past the hotel and Oshiro (call me a scrub, it was genuinely overwhelming otherwise), but it still did nothing to change how I feel about this mechanic fundamentally.

I get it, it adds precision and verticality to your movement, and, seeing as you're literally supposed to be scaling a mountain, it's more than a natural inclusion... but its existence did nothing but add pressure for me, somehow. I would frequently forget it's an option at all before realizing the room in question expects me to utilize it. Instead of feeling like climbing expands my options, I felt constricted and awkward.

My second issue is much simpler. I'm a spoiled brat, and Celeste's respawning process involving that annoying whoosh sound effect and a transition that, yes, takes only about a second, but is still not quite instant, was not good enough. I recognize that having it be truly instant would not be ideal, either, but I can't help but wish that was the case.

As for the story... It underwhelmed me even back when I was doing surface level research at the time of release, and it's not impressing me now. It's okay, and I recognize why it would resonate with people - the themes of self-acceptance and resolve are plain to see (and just as plain to mull over). But in my time with the game, Madeline never began feeling less like an avatar for my failures and more like an actual character, never changed into someone I would truly like.

By the time I reached the Mirror Temple, I was certain that this game, in most respects, is just not what I would ever want. I pushed towards the summit anyway, and left it feeling profoundly... nothing.

However... Celeste Classic did not have any of those things! That little prototype gem of a game wastes zero time trying to set the stage and make you feel things with ~a story~, doesn't give you any opportunity to climb whatsoever, and neither does it waste your time having the screen fade to black when you die! And these three things, I reckon, are key to why this smaller version, that's supposed to just be treated as an Easter egg now, a relic of the past, and to be forgotten in favor of the project it grew into... resonated with me so much more! I beat it twice! It's lovely! It's what I actually needed Celeste to be!

IT'S COMPLICATED

AI: The Somnium Files (PC, 2019) [♪ MonzAI] + AI:TSF - Nirvana Initiative (PC, 2022) [♪ Nefarious Institute 1]

You know how they say not to judge the book by its cover? This is a story of me learning (once again) to judge a game neither by its reception nor by the credentials behind it. When I plowed through this duology, I came to understand that sometimes, lightning might strike just the once.

Of course, most of my bitter feelings about it stem from just how miraculous of a fuck-up Nirvana Initiative ended up being as a sequel (it's impressive how much it had to twist everything its predecessor stood for to even have a chance at making a mediocre point!), but a lot of the disappointment came from the way the first game carries itself in general, and maybe even from the presence this game has among fans. 'Oh, if you want more of the magic and mystery that you so enjoyed in Zero Escape, you have to try this! It'll be just as good!'

I should have had my doubts from the start, given how little I had enjoyed the ZE series after 999. AI1 flounders in many things, like its obtuse, deeply unfun gameplay loop - most of which is pressing random buttons until you see the most ridiculous shit present itself. There's also the overt reliance on stale and perverse jokes, and a story that can barely do much except trudge to the finish line and attempt to convince you the journey was worth it with a trite dance number, of all things.

But the thing is… even with all that, the first entry was somewhat compelling during its runtime, though most of that comes from its bold novelty. The idea of taking advantage of the surreality of dreams to find deeply concealed truths is fun to occasionally ponder, and there's just enough fluff to the places you visit and things you do to string you along for the ride (though having to check the same spots for flavor text on each revisit to very little results is a deep annoyance I have with both entries). The characters actually got a chance to grow (if not by much… this series' urge to be immature at every turn is nothing short of ruinous, sometimes), and their designs strike a wonderful line between outstanding and cringeworthy that makes them just… stick out in your brain, you know?

So while I thought the song and dance (both the literal and the metaphorical) were ultimately not worth much, I was still convinced, fooled by the magic just enough to see things come to an end; and the resolution itself was satisfying and believable, if nothing else. And with how exhausted I felt reaching this point, I figured that'd be enough.

To me, AI1 is all about finding shards of diamonds in the rough, and it doesn't surprise me in the slightest that its fandom runs away with what little they have to try and improve on it (and often succeed). As such, you'd expect its sequel to take advantage of how much room there is to grow, capitalize on this chance to refine things, and use the few strong themes the original presented (value of bonds and family made both by blood and by choice, finding those you can rely on to carry what you have done forward, etc)... right?

Um, yeah, turns out it twists over itself even more than I'd already thought possible in order to make sense (not to mention seemingly forsaking most of that mess right at the true end in order to approach the established universe from a contrived meta angle). If AI1 can be described as having extremely unrefined gameplay coupled with a decently intriguing story, NI is just about the opposite of that.

While I'm glad they bothered to make exploring the dream worlds enjoyable this go around, there's no way in hell that makes it worthwhile to bear witness to the innumerable ways in which this mess of a sequel sullied the already weak foundations laid down by its predecessor. When I had finished that game, I wrote, on impulse, that 'I haven't been this confounded by a sequel's existence since Chrono Cross'. It just… did not need to happen, like, at all.

Nirvana Initiative posed to me one of the worst questions you can have while playing a game, which is…

'Why am I doing this, again?'

Let's be real, it was mostly for the soundtrack. Unlike AI1, this game had passable music! Though having to watch ANOTHER dance number (like half a dozen times, actually! and no, there's no skip button!) just about had me gagging.

That's not even the worst part about that sequence, no - that would have to be the way it almost actively ruins and undermines what's probably the only passable character arc in NI (and even then, you have to squint hard for it to pass your judgement, given how it starts... gotta hand it to this game for managing to have multiple relationships with genuinely questionable setups involving uncomfortable age gaps).

I wanted to feel touched by the new, somewhat expanded narratives, I wanted to see the world grow a little, despite all the grievances I was certain I would have... But not even halfway through the plot, I realized that my true wish was to just move on. I think that's what I'll do here, as well, as even reminiscing on this chaos is quite dreadful.

Xenoblade Chronicles 3 (Switch, 2022) [♪ Agnus Colony]

Don't become prey and victim to your own expectations - or to bad advertising.

Xenoblade is a special series, full of wonder and power. Words fail me this year, as they did the year before, when it comes to describing how much of an impact these games - the second entry most of all, a game I think about now and then with a bittersweetness on my heart that I oddly never can get enough of - had had on my mental well-being last year. They might as well have saved me back then, and while getting to experience them was something I'd been planning to do for a while, the specific circumstances it all had happened under were just so special, so exceptional, so wild, that it's hard to think of those days as anything but a gift.

And yet, there are plenty of things in this particular journey I still have to reconcile with. I never settled on what my impression of 1 is, in the end (or, some might say, I never properly played it); I could use a fresher look at 2, and… I never, ever, will finish Xenoblade Chronicles 3. It's a game I once had hopes for, but nowadays don't ever want to think about.

I thought it a privilege, of sorts - the fact that I was there to witness (and acquire) a brand-new release in a series that became dearly important to me. I ended up hearing many things - the trailers, the rumors, the leaks. They all spoke of a definitive resolution to the series, of levels of refinement never seen before, of intrigue so big you can barely take it, of key character appearances we were all dying to see.

Turns out most of what we were so eagerly expecting came with an extra price tag.

The base game of Xenoblade 3 is a mirage, a mere shade of what came before it. The environments are open and vast, but they look more drab than ever - and with the new autowalk feature, it takes even less time to get sick of it. The music takes you on a journey, but you forget what it sounds like far sooner than you'd prefer. The battle system promises lots of options and a nice learning curve, but it only overextends, overwhelms and forces you to grind. The cutscenes look every bit the part of a Xenoblade story, but meander and stretch things out to the point of boredom, which means none of the characters get enough time to grow on the player, either… Though a lot of them would probably go nowhere even given all the time in the world.

And the setting as a whole? Well, it's a simulation, so who cares about it feeling unique or fun? That's the point, the game says, you're supposed to empathize with these characters breaking out of their bonds, out of this miserable existence! Well, I say that things can be made appealing even in decay. You don't have to actively worsen things to make a point.

Future Redeemed is an impressive demonstration of how things could have been. It fixes practically every point where the base game falters - and it is in this part of the game where all those promises that once seemed hollow finally come true. Sort of. The exploration process is smooth as butter in the way none of the games before were, characters are at last back to having defined roles in battle, and all that teasing becomes a thing of the past as 3 acknowledges its own roots and past in full, and you think to yourself… 'If only we'd got this in the base game all along!'

But we didn't. And the credits on Future Redeemed roll far too soon to truly be satisfied. Is this how you wanted the saga to end?

honorable mentions

Butterfly Soup 2 (PC, 2022) [♪ Night Tourist] *I hope you'll forgive me for not finding a GIF for a mostly static VN...

It's so funny. For me it has been two years; for the creator, it'd been five. But I guess time doesn't matter when it comes to maturity, as I feel like both myself and this game have done plenty of growth. And for that, I love it all the more, just as I am now thankful to be able to call Butterfly Soup a short series.

Compared to the first game, the art is more refined, the tone is more consistent, and treatment of serious topics is more grounded - in more ways than one, this sequel is like a fond, yet melancholic look at what you once had, what changed since then, and what you hope to make of things. But between all that, it stays sincere and silly in the best of ways - the ones that make you feel cozy on the darkest of nights, the ones that endear you for a good while yet. Truly, this game was a ray of light in a sea of mediocrity this year.

Road 96 (PC, 2021) [♪ Hit the Road]

Yeah, I know. The fact that I have played a goddamn walking simulator at the behest of a good pal (who might or might not be reading this, hi on the off chance that you are!) is nothing short of a miracle. Not to mention the fact that I ended up having a good time with it!

I'll put it plain: the vibes of this game are almost impeccable. It wastes little time setting things up - it's the turn of the century, and a massively corrupt government is practically folding in on itself as it closes its borders. It's up to you, as you're literally put into a blank-slate teenager's shoes, to go on a desperate journey and see whether or not you make your way out.

Over the course of Road 96, you do this six times, and the people you meet on the way and choices you make with them may or may not shape not just your own future, but that of the whole country. There's nothing for it, then, but hit the road and see what awaits you, as you sit in a car that's probably stolen, blaring music from your carefully curated tapes… or are dropped off on the wayside with nothing but a paltry backpack to speak of… or find yourself biding your time near a gas station… or… whatever it is the game throws at you, as you hope that the strangers you run into actually deign to help.

Yes, the biggest way this game attempts to stand out is with our good old friend, RNG. Even reading blurbs about it, you cannot escape the all-too-typical claims of 'your own personal journey', 'a thousand unique paths waiting for you' and all that… months later, I find myself unable to decide whether this helped the game or harmed it more, as it's definitely smaller than it makes itself out to be.

As a story hook, this setup is clever and delightful, as I tried to illustrate a moment earlier, but the moment you begin to overthink it, you realize that the randomness aspect clashes hard against the continuity the game tries to establish. You, as the player, indeed learn more about the world and colorful characters in it each time you venture forth, but the avatar you control is supposed to be clueless as ever, setting out on a path that is, in fact, not quite their own any more. It's a weird gripe to have, and I found it an easy one to ignore, but I wish something could be done about it anyway.

As for the rest of the plot, let's just say it's... surprisingly binary, and the supporting cast small and not always compelling in turn. The game sacrifices some of the personal intimacy and uniqueness it has built up to make a sweeping, painfully boring statement of 'freedom good, suppression bad' before credits roll, but as damaging as that is to the overall experience, I feel like one can't deny the fundamental appeal of just being asked to go on a journey with sweeping stakes and truly, truly banging music. Seriously, it was meant to be put on speakers and blasted as the world passes you by!

In a word, Road 96 is ambitious, and in a sentence, it is ambitious, yet falling short of itself. Nonetheless, I was impressed by how it managed to worm its way into my heart for a while.

A Space for the Unbound (PC, 2023) [♪ Don't Have Much Choice]

Wouldn't you know it? I had actually played two games involving entering people's subconsciousness to solve their problems this year!

Truth be told, I'd been looking forward to this game for about a year, given that it was published by the people behind Coffee Talk (which, if you recall, I had quite enjoyed). The warm and inviting screenshots on the back-then almost empty store page, showing off awesome art and promising a sweet little journey with slice-of-life tropes and a mystery waiting to be solved… well, to say all of that was alluring is to say nothing, really. I just about jumped when I received a notification for this game releasing at last at the beginning of the year, and wasted little time trying to dive in.

The sad thing is, what you see is not always what you get. The cozy, comfortable, sensible vibes of the early game - running around the city, doing chores at your school, naming every stray cat you come across, watching the protagonist's diary fill up as he crosses all the little goals he had set in life off his precious list… Yeah, those things won't last - definitely not long enough to get you attached to characters living in this world.

As the plot begins to unfold, it fumbles over itself trying to introduce various cliches and supernatural elements, to the point where you recognize the whole experience as a tedious drag as you see exactly where it's heading, and think to yourself that you have heard all this before. It's yet another heartfelt story about self-actualization, and as the game hammers it in harder than ever before, you sigh and wish you could go back to the times of bottle cap collecting and cat petting. Sometimes, simpler is better.

Unfortunately, that's not exactly true when it comes to actually playing A Space for the Unbound. The gameplay is as simple as can be - basically all you do is walk around (quite slowly) and interact with things. I can appreciate how linear the game is, for the most part, but I wish it let us accomplish our goals without wasting too much time! Not to mention, if you try to see everything there is, you have to be prepared to deal with quite a few mind-numbingly repetitive mini-games for far longer than you have to. Don't do that. It'll just sully your impression of the game.

If you're somehow still interested in this after reading this messy opinion of mine, don't be too discouraged - you'll see plenty of beautiful sights, hear some cute music, and, maybe, be affected by the story far more than I was. (Besides, for a cat lover, it's always nice to see others appreciate them!) Just... try not to waste too much time with the game's superficial sidequests.

Tales of the Abyss (3DS, 2011 port of a 2006 release) [♪ The Distribution Base]

There's something ironic in how playing (most of) this game has been one of the best things I have done with my lovely 2DS since I homebrewed it earlier this year... and yet I quite regret not checking how (ahem) easily available the PS2 version is, instead. They may be functionally identical, but the hardware is not - you have no idea how hard some of the goddamn Mieu Fire puzzles become when your character is taking up a mere four or so pixels of an already tiny screen. Man, that was trying my patience at its finest.

These horrors aside, though, what kind of game are we even dealing with here? Well, it’s a Tales game first and foremost. I can’t deny claims that Abyss has a few strengths of its own (most notably, of course, actually bothering to have coherent character development arcs), but it’s not quite enough to obscure the ever-prevalent issues this series has:

exploration and side-questing is still annoyingly obtuse, not to mention traversal is painfully slow in the first half of the game,

some characters (in this case, Anise more so than others, but I'd argue Mieu's whole existence is part of this too) are obligated to suffer because Tales has to meet its unhealthy anime tropes\wackiness quota per game,

the skit system has not, unfortunately, evolved one bit (the amount of times I would skip a skit on accident, because any input halts its playback entirely…),

while I’m inclined to say the battle system is, for the most part, an improvement (the Field of Fonons mechanic is quite a nice change given the foundations of Tales gameplay, I have to admit), any goodwill you might want to give it gets shattered when you realize Free Run breaks bosses in half. And aside from that, it’s just your usual button-mashy fare.

So why did I push on with this game as far as I did, pulling the classic move of quitting right at the final boss instead of, well, any earlier? A lot of that is because I was just in the mood to mash some buttons in bed until I realized I was slightly underleveled for the finale and caught myself groaning at the mere thought of trying to even cheese it. A shame, that, because the ending of this game is pretty wonderful for what it set out to do, and it was the only bit I did not see on my own. It's like my experience with Final Fantasy VI all over again…

That's not all there is to it, though. Abyss has some of what's probably the most involved and curious worldbuilding (once you get past all the awkward made up jargon it loves to throw at you) of any Tales game I know! Not that this says much, because that's a low bar, and I'm not too familiar with the series at large, but it was enough to keep me engaged for a long while. And, as mentioned earlier, it puts in greater efforts than I expected to endear you to the cast as they slowly band together and uncover their own talents, purposes and aims in life - Luke in particular.

I liked him almost immediately - because I'm not too hard to please when it comes to this series, and his design is, I feel, particularly sweet and striking (especially given how nicely the game used the Important Haircut trope with him, and of course, the contrast between him and Asch). But that alone doesn't a good protagonist make - it's the fact that the story allows Luke to make mistakes (from small ones to straight-up catastrophes), get his comeuppance and grow from them organically, at his own pace, that makes him stand out in my mind.

As Luke sheds his sheltered ways of thought and accepts his responsibilities, those that were traveling with him, either out of obligation or by chance, begin to support him more and stand by him in earnest. It all comes together gradually and at a satisfying pace, and is definitely a highlight of the experience to me.

Growth and connection are probably among the biggest themes of the game, so it's nice to see that it applies pretty much equally to both protagonists and antagonists. Sure, it's the job of a Tales' Big Bad faction to be goofy and up to nefarious activities, but beyond that, the group has solid enough chemistry both among themselves and with the party that I actually ended up looking forward to most encounters with them, even if ultimately it felt a little predictable. As an aside, for a game this old, the voice acting was really good and plentiful (though there is none for skits, which sucks), and further piqued my interest in the story along the way.

To conclude, I'd like to say that the biggest thing I learned while playing this game is that I'm a sucker for grounded tales of (ha) self-actualization even this many years later. And also that once you play one Tales game, you truly, to some extent, know them all.

SANABI (PC, 2023) [♪ Warm Hospitality]

Do you want to know why I ended up playing this one? Of course you do, that wasn't really a question. I only bring this up because the answer can be revealed with a single screenshot:

...yep, the inspiration is that blatantly on display. I was expecting it, of course - the Katana ZERO community is the only reason I know of SANABI in the first place, and even as you read people's thoughts on it, the extreme similarity is practically all they ever bring up, be it in a positive or negative light. It pleased me and warmed my heart, while also making me feel wary - it's one thing to be inspired by something, and another to actually carve an identity of your own.

That said, KZ is far from the worst thing to try to replicate, particularly when it comes to visuals - SANABI has some awesome scenery that makes me feel right at home. And while the story at times feels so much like an amateurish copy that it leaves me confused more than anything (I'm sure the awkward English translation sadly does not help matters, not to mention the fact that I'd played this game in an unfinished state - you might expect me to write about it again next year!), the gameplay is anything but.

I'm sure there are quite a few platformers out there that have you use what's essentially a grappling hook to swing through the stages, but SANABI is my first experience with something like this, and in this regard the game absolutely manages to shine on its own. Movement is lightning-fast and responsive, enemy targeting is extremely generous - almost to the point of being handholdy (and, of course, they all die in one satisfying hit - as do you, if you set the game to the highest difficulty. It's nice to be given an opportunity to learn the ropes before engaging with the game earnestly!), and there's something to be said about how the level design has that extreme kind of clarity to it that I always appreciate and favors speed over precision, with how spacious everything is.

My only big issues with how the game plays are how it doesn't seem to be designed with a controller in mind (it is an option, but I found myself moving much more precisely with KBM! Me! Someone who never plays games with that!), and, once again, the just-a-bit-too-long death animation\transition. Being able to skip it helps, but I just yearn for no time to be wasted...

#celeste #aitsf #xbc3 #tales #abyss #zero.txt #yearly game list #flashing gif #.gif

[alexissara]

The Best of Me 2023

I did a ton of writing on tumblr this year, with at least one post a week but multiple weeks with 2 or 3 posts in a week. I've worked hard to make writing that is relevant to my fellow sapphics and artists. I want to talk about the stuff I wrote this year I am most proud of.

Note: This list does not include my articles for Anime Feminist because they are professionally edited therefore a cut above anything I am posting on tumblr but please do read them here and tell them you want more articles by me [I actually have more to write for them ooops].

Why Hunt Monsters?

I am so proud of this little article, for me this is one of the things I feel very strongly about. As a TTRPG player I have found myself retreating from a lot more games because I just can't get behind, we murder monsters plots and I was really happy to share my perspective on this fairly taken from granted feature of games.

How To Find Sapphic Media 

This little guide to finding Sapphic Art was really important to me because well, I was really tired of seeing people say there was not compelling art about and by sapphic women and so I wanted to make a base level resource for finding amazing sapphic shit.

Sapphic Games Goddess List

In my efforts to make Sapphic Art more known I have worked really fucking hard to research what sapphic games are coming up so people wouldn't even have to put in the effort to go hunting them down. I want people to be able to live out there sapphic dreams and so it's important to me to share what I am researching for my own play time since I at this point really only play games I can be a lesbian in or otherwise are standout in gameplay with probably no romance instead. I even did an updated version of this list since most of the games on the first list have come out and I am working on the next one as we speak with more new additions gearing up.

Why Obsession Hits Different When Gay

I love diving into queer theorizing. I am not going big brain citing a ton of people or doing a lot of academic research but I like to share my own thoughts, experiences and the stuff I have learned over years especially as a writer and general creator of sapphic art. I think it's a perfect little rebuttal for folks who may claim there is a "double standard" that lesbians have or something.

Polyamory Is Queer

This is a deeply personal little blog post I did where I talked about why polyamory is so important to me and why it is in fact queer. I have seen so many people demonize polyamory over the years and I was just tired of seeing people in my own community bullying other polyamorous folks.

Fantasy Vs Sexuality Labels

As a writer this is maybe one of the things I feel most passionate about a creative choice for my fellow queer creators. I really wanted to make my case on why we should use labels in fantasy worlds and why these labels matter for stories.

My entries for Edelgard Rarepair week and Monica Week

I from time to time to time write fan fiction and I had a blast doing it this year for two different week events going with both the Edelgard Rarepair week and the Monica fics week. I love Three Houses/Hopes so it was a blast to throw my passion into something even if in general I don't like to be a free marketing arm for companies by making creative works like those.

TTRPG Characters Need Trauma In Their Backstory

I had one person who utterly hated this post and started attacking me in basically every post I made on some social media site I abandoned because of it. That alone makes me love this post even more because it made me sit down and think about this post and feel even more assured that what I wrote is correct and that trauma is in fact needed for TTRPG characters. I think I wrote something that really dived into the idea of what is trauma, how trauma relates to us as humans and why it's basically propaganda to remove us from trauma.

Trans People Deserve More 

I feel super strongly about this article, I sat on it for a long time but I've met so many other trans people with awful relationships and mild relationships with their family. I wanted to make a shout out to all my fellow trans folks to tell them that it's okay to demand more, that we don't need to settle.

A Dive Into Heather 

I adored diving into one of my all time favorite Fire Emblem characters and it's something I've wanted to do more of. I'd love to do more dives into characters in video games I like and I did well before this post have a series of drafts that I still have up as a series that particularly is just a bit by bit break down of Edelgard's political beliefs.

#Personal #2023 #Best Of Me #Blog #Articles

[fichtfoxfuchs]

001 about Campi / Andi 👁✨👁

When I saw Lera sent me an ask, I just KNEW you were going to follow along XD

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK AS WELL !

You guys have no idea how happy these make me !

About Andi and Campi...

When I started shipping if I did : Once again, I have no idea...

I am really bad at remembering dates and moments, so I have no idea WHEN I started shipping it, but the ship grew on me when I saw you and Lera write so many fics and do so many memes and edits about them. It's really a ship that means a lot to me thanks to all the things you two made !

My thoughts : I LOVE THEM SO MUCH TOGETHER

And I don't say it in an hypocrite way, it's really a ship that grew on me and became really important to me, because I absolutely admire your art and consistency when it comes to create things about them. What I love most is the way you portray them (and when I say you, I mean both you and Lera), the focus on their younger years is a perfect frame for depicting all the tentative attempts at intimacy and relationships, and I love reading about that, about men discovering themselves and each other, and I find it extremely empowering as a gay man. I love your art, and I will NEVER grow tired of telling you so !

What makes me happy about them : Everything !

Andi and Campi are two of my favorite people ever, and I absolutely love the idea of them being together. I associate their relationship to the 80's, for some reason, and it means a shit load to me to see young men being all shy and vulnerable with each other, hopelessly in love and ashamed of it, but they can't help it and at the same time, it's the worst feeling of their lives. That dilemma of "I love him, but I'm not gay, it's not gay to make out with your bestie and I hate him, but I love the way he makes me feel". I wish I could elaborate on these feelings and moments as well as you both do, to be honest. My writing jam is old men being in love, but I would sell my soul to keep reading about young men in love all day every day. I like it, that difference between me and you. I focus on the old men, you focus on the young men, it's perfectly balanced 😌😌😌😌

What makes me sad about them : It's gonna sound hypocritical, but...

I NEED MORE. ALWAYS MORE. AND I'M SAD THAT THERE ISN'T MORE

(But Sid, you don't write yourself, and you take 1.000 years to write comments. I know, I'm SO sorry about that, but I just love this ship so much that I can't get enough of it, and I'm sorry for taking so much time to write comments ToT)

Things done in fanfics that annoys me : I don't think there is any?

Like I wouldn't read fanfics with tropes that I don't like, so I don't have things that annoy me in the fanfics I read about them?

Things I look for in fanfic : THE SHYNESS

YES TO MEN BEING VULNERABLE AND NOT KNOWING HOW TO DO THINGS AS IF THEY WERE MASTERMINDS IN SOCIAL RELATIONS AND INTERACTIONS. YES TO MEN ASKING FOR HELP. YES TO MEN BEING UNSURE ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS AND STILL FINDING SOLACE IN ANOTHER'S EMBRACE. AND YES TO MEN WORKING IN THE SAME BAND AND DATING AT THE SAME TIME AND FUCKING OVER THE WHOLE BAND'S DYNAMIC AND THE BAND BEING THEIR THIRD WHEEL BECAUSE THEY ARE INCAPABLE OF SEEING HOW MUCH THE OTHER LOVES THEM.

I really do like the trope of the Hosen just third wheeling Andi and Campi because they are convinced the other doesn't love them back and they all are like "CAN YOU KISS ALREADY????" XD

Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other :

Andi -> Kuddel, Vom

Campino -> Vom

(How surprising is this answer? XD)

My happily ever after for them : Them being boyfriends

Somehow, their relationship is more Punk than Campi/Vom (even more surprising when you know that Vom is my Punk model XD) and I feel like they wouldn't be into marriage just as much, so my happily ever after for them would be them dating and being boyfriends, being faithfully committed to each other for the rest of their lives, growing old and grey by each other's side. I love the idea of them being partners in life, for life, and in crime XD

Who is the big/little spoon : I see Campi as the big spoon

But I think Andi can also be the big spoon when he feels like being in charge. I think Andi loves being cuddled the most, and Campi has more reserve about it, he doesn't really like being shown affection (but loves to give it to others) so he would end up cuddling Andi much more, and Andi would give it back to him in the rare moments when Campi feels more vulnerable and open to affection !

What is their favorite non-sexual activity : Literally sleeping together.

As in sleeping. Literal sleeping. Big old 😴😴😴😴

I think what they love doing the most in a day is taking their mutual nap together. Sleeping in each other arms (in the infamous sleeping position I described in an imagine post XD) If they are not sleeping, they can spend a long time just talking to each other in bed at night. Sometimes, they would even excuse themselves to their bandmates and "go to sleep" earlier than usual just to be alone together and talk about things while in bed. Campi would talk the most, but not about deeply personal things. Andi would listen the most, but wouldn't be afraid of getting personal when in the mood.

ONCE AGAIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING THE ASK !!!!!!

I had lots of fun answering these questions about these two rascals who own my heart ❤❤❤❤

#answering sir-olofii #shipping content #die toten hosen #Andi/Campino

[darkinerry]

hi lets show some love for our mutuals. tag your favorite mutuals and tell them why you love them

I am so late to answering this, but I wanted to do it properly and only now had enough time to really sit down to it. :)

I'm only going to mention a few people -those I interacted with and know on some level- but ALL of my mutuals are absolutely lovely people and for each one of them I wanna say how awesome and lovely you all are, and how being on this site, and in this fandom, is enriched by your presence here <3

@gentlebeard - Beloved Ella <3 Super kind and helpful and sooo funny. I liken her to a fluffy bunny, but when she stands up for her friends, she's a force to reckon with. Mad respect <3 She also makes the most awesome videos. If they were giving Oscars for fanvids, Ella would need to buy a cabinet to store them in.

@sherlockig - When I think of Alexz, I think of a pretty field of colorful flowers bathed in sunshine. Absolute sweetheart. So kind. Forgiving. Supportive. Lovely. Beautiful in and out. Also the Queen of screencaps/edits; regularly enriching our dashboards with wonderful OFMD pics. <3

@bizarrelittlemew - Ida The Chosen One (by David J. himself). That itself gives +10 to awesomeness. An absolutely lovely person. Can't think of a bad thing when thinking of Ida <3 Also insanely talented, helloooo? Makes incredible gifs, so gorgeous I get heart-eyes when they pop on my dash. A talented writer, one of my fav authors to read, period. When Ida starts writing, magic happens. Can also draw the cutest Stede and Ed as horses? 🤯 One of the most badass people on this side; at the same time one of the loveliest <3

@saltpepperbeard - Jodi Jodi <3 Reading her tags is like reading a good book. You never know what genre you'll get; if you'll end up laughing or crying; but you know either way it's gonna be so gooooood. (Also has the best freakouts about my Taika gifs, the highlight of my day ✌). I don't know her well (we should interact more Jodi ❤), but seems like such a delightful and fun person <3. Also makes insane gifs. Can hit you with the sweetest set that makes you smile, or will hit you with an agsty one making you cry, and her thematic/parallel sets are incredible and perfect.

@smoothedsmoothie - Morgan is such a friendly sweet soul. Very pleasant to talk to. And such an insanely talented artist? My jaw is still on the floor from how beautiful their art is.

@blakbonnet - Bonus mention; because we don't really interact much, but how I can not mention Meow? A LEGEND. The fandom wouldn't be the same without her. She seems like a very nice, funny and -for all her fame- humble person. 💗 Also, by all accounts, sooo talented. Can do anything. Write. Make gifs. Draws loveliest of art. Her doe-eyed Ed art always gives me emotions ngl. Plus owns a super cute dog with a super awesome name <3.

#asks #anon

[angelahmonroe]

How To Find an Artist for Your Book Cover from a Self-Published Author

Book covers, in my opinion, can make or break your book. As much as they say, "Don't judge a book by its cover," everybody does. People want pretty books to sit on the shelves. That's why Fairyloot, Bookish Box, and Illumicrate books resell for hundreds of dollars. Most popular book content creators strive to collect these special editions.

That's why the most challenging part of self-publishing for me was the book cover. There are many decisions to be made in the book cover design process. It is best to strive to find someone you can feel confident with to create your vision.

Advice to Follow To Find an Artist

Do not hire friends or family.

Always ask for price and portfolio regardless of whether you know this person.

Before you agree to anything, sign a contract.

Set a budget.

Stick to your budget.

Writing a book and working with my friends has taught me that no matter how well you think you know someone, they do not have your best interest at heart. I actually got scammed the first time by one of my friends. You can separate your friendship and try to form a professional one, but it's best to avoid that entirely. My current book cover was created by a friend, and if I could go back, I wouldn't work with them again. This isn't anything they did, but rather, every time the book cover is brought up negatively, it makes me feel like a bad friend. It is hard to ignore. I'd rather have a strictly professional relationship with a cover artist for the next series.

When looking for an artist or graphic designer, ask for portfolios. Even if you have followed them for months and think you know their work, even if they post art that you think looks great, they will still need to excel in what you envision. Check their portfolio and decide if their style actually works for you. If it does, get a quote. I also recommend setting your sights on artists with previous experience with book covers.

Contracts are so important and worth the money. Depending on the artist, they might already have a contract for you to sign. Contracts will outline the expectations that you have and the expectations that they have. Contracts also provide definite proof of what you owe and will receive in exchange. They are here to protect you and the artist.

Setting a budget is a requirement. With my first book, I crowdfunded the money. I knew exactly how much I wanted to spend, and it helped me find someone within that price range. Self-publishing gets really expensive fast, so setting budgets for each step is crucial. If you can build a community before your book is published, crowdfunding is an excellent way to fund a book cover so that you, as the author, can focus on ensuring the book has the edits and marketing needs.

Stick to your budget! I added this because I know sticking to your budget can be difficult for some people, especially me. I found multiple super expensive artists and way out of my budget that I would've loved to work with, but my book would've suffered if I did. There were better areas for that money to be spent.

While some of this seems like a common practice, some opportunities seem so good that these five rules can slip your mind. I was scammed by someone I was close to (close enough they were invited to my wedding!). It's best to treat all business dealing with your book as well... business.

[drowning-inmysleep]

love me while I leave. my persona yours to keep

“Maybe someday your 'maker' will come…haul you away, take you apart, and announce the recall of a defective product. What if all that's left of the 'real you' is just a couple of lonely brain cells, huh?”

[edit: 9.26.23] this has since been edited and updated a month post initial release, edits will be notated in red, feel free to skip them to read the original writing. [/] August 20th, 2023 I played my last show in a town (Austin, Texas) I moved to to be with my at the time girlfriend. We're separating now, as I'm returning home (Saint Louis, Missouri), the place I left behind. During my stay in Texas I had a hard time making friends, though that's not to say they weren't readily available. I intentionally avoided making them, partially because I was afraid of leaving them behind if anything were to change and call me back home. I have a crew of friends (Materia) in Saint Louis - the best I've ever had. When I moved, I wanted to take a leap and leave the place I'd spent my entire life, and try to fix my relationship by moving closer to them.

Leaving behind those who loved me so much was something that affected me in a way I wouldn't understand until much later. Saint Louis is one of the top rated most violent cities in the United States. Growing up there I normalized a lot of the things I saw and a lot of the trauma I gained from being in that environment. It's shaped me as a person, both good and bad. I got good at existing there, as I spent most of my teenage years in the inner city going to DIY shows.

Most of the shows were Emo / Screamo revival, and eventually that's where I started as a musician. I think Emo / Screamo music is so prevalent in the Midwest because the Midwest is a comfortable but at times very bleak and sad landscape. In the city you can see someone get murdered in front of you, and in the plains farmer's kill themselves because the world moved on without them. The veracity and unrelenting emotional outpour of these genres is some sort of ancestral representation of growing up somewhere like that. Paired with the ignorant approach to song writing / sound engineering, it represents the lack of educational opportunities whether it be due to generational financial issues or dismal public schools, paired with familial trauma from living here. It's pure.

I always dreamed of being a musician as a child, if anything it's the only dream I ever had. Once I started working on my solo project, I was having a hard time being booked in Saint Louis since there wasn't a scene for the music I made. So - I decided to make one for myself. That's how Materia came to be. I wanted to bring as many different people together as possible, so we formed the crew in a way that each member represented a different aspect of the Saint Louis music / night life community. Our first shows were in peoples basements, or shitty bars in the bad parts of town. Just like the DIY shows I started out in when I was 19. Over time Materia got big enough to where I finally became recognized as my solo project in my own city, but by the time it took hold I fear I was too jaded to appreciate it. Before Materia, I had been playing shows all over the country, and was recognized globally for what I made and what I was involved in. Even with that being said, playing shows out in places like LA and NYC revealed a dark reality to the dream I had. That reality being that even if you do blow up, the lifestyle of being a internationally recognized musician doesn't create a long-term sustainable lifestyle. What it can / inevitably will create, is a perception of you others hold based on your art and performance of it. At first it felt really cool to have people think I'm a celebrity of sorts, that I am the dark persona I portray in my music. Over time it felt less and less genuine, that being others opinions of me. As I got bigger I built up a slow poison of being paranoid people only saw me for my plays on soundcloud, follower count, or pre packaged brand I created for myself. Eventually that paranoia showed itself as not just being paranoia, it was partially true. A lot of the music and art I make is representative of the difficulty I've endured mentally. I spent most of my childhood/teen years disassociating and hiding away in MMORPGs. I felt more able to genuinely express myself in these digital worlds. In the real world I was being made fun of for looking like a girl, and being forced to fight others to just be left alone. I had to survive, and eventually I started fighting myself. I tried to kill myself multiple times.

These experiences alienated me in a way that my friends that did experience my breakdowns eventually distanced themselves from me, and I don't blame them for it. It's a lonely feeling. I try to replicate that in music, both that feeling of yearning for lost times / feelings of comfort felt in a video game, while knowing that those times are gone and they weren't that good of escape to begin with and - the feeling of knowing the damage you've caused. I can't listen to a lot of the music I've made in the past because it hurts too much, it's like reading a suicide note from a failed attempt. Jumping back to me now, a 28 year old DnB / Trance musician, I am pretty consistently swarmed with people praising and celebrating me. On one hand I really appreciate it, on the other it is the actualization of the paranoia mentioned above. My fans enjoy my music because what they earn from it, they have no idea what I was going through when I made it. I've been told I've helped people going through similar things that I went through as a teenager, and I love that. Last night at my final show in Texas, a genuine fan of mine expressed that I was a good example for them to follow as a trans woman. This is the case in which that paranoia I mentioned is not true.

As I had a hard time making friends in Texas, I also had a hard time getting booked or respected for who I am as an artist. Even though I'm arguably one of the biggest contemporary electronic artists in this city, a city in which there's so many shows it's oversaturated, I was hardly ever booked. This is similarly due to why I did not have friends, as I didn't want to have to put the work in again. I felt like I didn't need to, and that's my fault.

The show we threw last night in Texas was with my crew of people gathered semi randomly through hilariously unplanned circumstances. This crew is called Unreal.

Two months ago, someone on instagram hit me up and told me they had a generator, asked if I wanted to do a show. Through my jaded eyes I almost laughed at the idea, like sure, lets try and throw a show in 2 days. That person became one of my best friends almost immediately. It's like we were meant to of always known eachother. [edit.9.26.23] This friend has gone on to completely isolate themselves from me along with my ex, as they started to hangout only two days after I left. I guess that paranoia mentioned above bleeds into more than just fans right? These are two more people that proved to me they loved me for the caricature presented in my music more than the person I am in real life.

I will do my best to not let this further validate my paranoia of getting close with anyone who know me only as Manapool. [/] I grabbed a friend from a failed show in Texas, my girlfriend and lastly another who arguably was the only friend I had during the almost year I lived here. The first show was a success and we decided to do it again when my girlfriend returned from her trip to Europe. Last night was that show. I'd been working on a album that represented the dark place I'd been in for the past few months, mainly stemming from preparing to leave my partner. This project is called Mana no Uta, or The Song of Mana. While a genuine portrayal of the dark place I'd been in, it was also my attempt of taking a semi ironic genre (Nightcore) and making it painfully authentic. Nightcore is a genre that mainly takes pop songs and speeds them up, with the lyrics usually being romantic or broken hearted in subject manner.

Every now and then I come across a Nightcore version of a song that hits in a much more graphic way than it's origin. I have attempted to bottle that lightning into six songs, pushing their Maker to their nightmarish limit. In a way this circles back to my taste for being punishingly nostalgic. To me, real art not only moves you but haunts you. [edit: 9.26.23] While I genuinely loved my partner, this year I had spent living with them ended up doing an immense amount of psychological damage. I'm doing my best not to write about her in a negative light, but I consistently felt neglected. I wanted things to work, all in all that's why I sacrificed the life I had in Saint Louis in the first place. That feeling of neglection and failure to recognize the effort and love I'd given led to deep rooted feelings of resentment. Eventually this resentment bled into my perception of self, and in a way it poisoned me. I felt guilty for being unable to rid myself of these, regardless, I was constantly in a state of accepted defeat paired with anger at myself for leaving Saint Louis behind just to end up unhappy.

These feelings are what I wanted to represent in this album. Isolation paired with wishing you could salvage the love you have for someone while knowing it's already too deep.

It's part of you. I often felt sick. [/] I wanted people to feel sick listening to it, like you're at the club and you took too much ketamine but you can't go home. Or you're about to play a set but in a fight with your girlfriend. Everyone around you is having so much fun but you're not and you won't. Both the ketamine example and the ladder are things I've experienced in achieving the dream mentioned above. I don't want people to relate to this album. I want it to hurt them. Last night, I played the album in it's entirety as a parting gift to fans like the ones that said such sweet things to me last night. Me and my (now) ex-girlfriend got into a fight on the way to the show. It went over very well, and by the time the live performance phase of my set (Mana No Uta) was over, I began to cry as I transitioned into djing for the last portion of my set. I finished the set and tried to escape to go clear my head. On the way out someone gave me ketamine, I took some and went outside to be alone and get myself together after performing my most emotional piece yet. I wasn't really able to decompress, I kept thinking about how I'd be moving away from here and leaving everyone behind. As this is happening, I'm getting swarmed by people telling me they loved my set, complimenting me, celebrating me. I appreciated it but I wanted to be left alone. Performing that album felt like a instance of public self harm. I was literally going through what I wanted the album to represent. I was the character I created in the screenplay I wrote.

As the night ended the sadness I felt for leaving these new friends and my girlfriend overtook me. It scared me. I'm scared right now. But the worst part is it felt familiar. It felt exactly like leaving Saint Louis. These people will never leave my life permanently, but i'm leaving them behind. [edit: 9.26.23] I will most likely never engage with my ex-partner nor the friend mentioned in the last edit ever again. [/] To reiterate, as I'm realizing this and being consumed by it (at the show) people are coming up to me celebrating me. They're telling me how cool I looked. Telling me how amazing my set was. Telling me how much they love the character I play. I had just played the one of the most genuine sets of my life, and still at the end of it I didn't feel like they understood. My emotion was on my face, my true persona on my sleeve. My eyes were red from crying, my hands were shaking from amphetamines. Still I'm seen as the persona I sold them. Once you release your art to the world, it is no longer yours. The experiences people have listening to it are something I'll never fully understand, as they will never understand me. If they actually knew me, would they still be so impressed with what I've done? Who I've become? [edit: 9.26.23] Looking back on this writing and the album now that's it's finished, and now that i'm no longer in the heart of it's conceptual storm - I can truly say I am proud of what I made. I am most proud of being able to create something that had the emotional relevance that it could even put me in a situation mentioned at the end. In a way creating such a dark piece punished me and I will always love this album for that. I spent a lot of energy on making something that'd make the listener uncomfortable, and being the person to perform it made me just as uncomfortable. That's pure.With all that being said I don't feel as if I won't be able to listen to or play these songs out post release, as while it was based on the miasma I was in, I also wanted to make some dark club friendly Nightcore for the girls to grind to. Without:Me is my favorite song I've made in a very long time. I made it in one sitting on Umami's computer the day of Materia XX. The final song will most likely be the most difficult to revisit, however. I finished the song and then two hours later broke up with my girlfriend. It's titled: In Goodbye. [/]

[patron-saints]

When looking at the fanon interpretation of your fav fma ladies, what makes you go like yesss she would say/do that!! And what makes you she wouldn't fucking say/do that?

(Happy birthday!!)

oh my gosh thank you so much!!! i did my best with these, i feel like i might be forgetting stuff but i tried!

izumi:

i love it when people treat her as the elrics adopted mother! i think there's a reason why she lost a child specifically and why they lost their mother, and while the rituals they did to bring those people back didn't work, they still found their ways to each other. love it when people INCLUDE HER also!! so many times in fanon stuff she just gets left out completely and it makes me sad.

hate it when people call her abusive? like. the manga makes it really clear that she's doing all of their training with as much care and caution as you CAN do a martial art, and that her assistant was watching out for them while they were on the island (and kicking their ass but you know. he knew they were safe). she's a good mom and she's a good teacher and i won't hear it.

olivier:

olivier as a character is like wildly deeply nuanced and layered and i really love fanon posts that engage with her on the level of that complexity! she IS that complicated.

one of my biggest olivier "she would not fucking do thats" is almost any non-izumi ship, and it's not like. it's not like.. BECAUSE of izumi. i polyship all the time. it's just. she would not fucking do that. roy mustang she hates, her assistants are also men, riza is her friend and very specifically in the same cateogry of friend to her as jean havoc... so...? so probably that yeah. i just can't get into any of them. i have tried.

riza:

probably the most in character thing i've seen in this:

(edit by spidermanifested)

also i love everything by tumblr user courtmartialme. he's so good and he draws her with so much love.

i think my biggest and worst crime against traditional fma fandom is that i believe riza hawkeye is aromantic. so like. it makes me feel "she would not fucking do that" about so much royai content all of the time. and i still love queerplatonic royai so much so i reblog it a lot with my qp glasses on but the super romanticy stuff i- oh. OH. even worse than that is royai parent stuff. either as the elrics parent figures (they r coworkers at worst and weird uncle/aunt at best) or as having their own kids. augh

lust:

biggest fandom "she would fucking do that" of all time is THIS. which i hope everyone has seen. forever. she would. i am writing a whole fic about how much she would.

a lot of rizalust art has lust in a position of being the one to be sort of menacing and scary, terrifying riza as much as she turns her on, and like. while i do think she has the capacity for that VERY much, i think it's way more fun when she's pathetic. <3

also i wanna see more acknowledgement that her dad sucks too

#birthday ask party #heavenlyshadowhunter #ohhh i hope i dont start too much shit w this one

[boopidyboopidyboop]

Howdy!

I recently saw a reply you made in a post about feeding unfinished fic to large language models like ChatGPT. In there, you said that free-to-use AIs are "free to use because the company who makes them is actively profiting and taking aspects like phrasing, style, etc." I've heard of variants of this idea but could never figure out where it came from. Can you tell me more about the origin of that?

Well I'll start off by saying I'm not an expert in the field, and that AI technology is actually relatively "new" in terms of very recent rapid developments and it's in this stage where the future is generally uncertain. However, as early as now, people are already using AI for commercial works. There was a movie announced where all backgrounds were made with an AI, and a manga that was made near entirely with AI. The rhythm game Cytus has recently drawn ire from fans and even its own creators and designers for using AI generated art instead of the very stylistic art it used to use. The moral and economical issue here would lie in that they still charge the same amount for the game and it's already a game that is criticized by some for its high price point compared to other rhythm games. So not only are they earning more, in a way are putting less effort into the game. Those who purchase it would essentially be paying more for less and the money would not be going to the artists because their styles will have been copied but they themselves wouldn't be credited or paid.

Now for a more direct example, I've also heard reports that publishing houses are being spammed with hundreds of purely AI generated work. This of course directly negatively affects writers trying to get published if only by uhhh what's the word,,,, adding a bunch to the pool (sorry English is my third language).

I myself do writing for companies overseas by editing and writing the info on their websites. As someone from a third world country, this contributes to a good chunk of my income as the local economy is not great. Due to the recent popularity of bots like chat GPT, the market had dropped by a LOT and while at first it was my primary source of income, its not really sustainable anymore.

Now these examples don't all use language based examples but they do show that the creation of AI art forms so far is mostly just harming artists and from the examples such as Cytus and just,, life in general I suppose, as "young" as commercial AI is, we can likely assume that corporations don't intend on making their AI for purely wholistic reasons. The art AI midjourney was even found using stolen art after saying that they don't. AI writing, I believe, is going to be more finicky than AI art and as such, I expect theyd want to do a lot more fine tuning before using it to write whole textbooks while art bots are already being used on book covers and movies, only because you don't need to fact check art.

Sure people can see something is wrong, but with the sheer amount if it used, it's rapidly adapting to fix the anatomical issues in its art. Written work I think would need to be double checked a lot and by a human before they release one making bold claims such as "You can't buy food but you can buy paint thinner from home depot instead" (an actual AI result generated by Quora when I was trying to find a place to eat that Google tool as the top rated answer on the website and proudly presented to me). But that doesn't mean it won't eventually go as far as to take someone's job entirely. It's already starting to take mine.

For a clear cut example, sorry to say I can't name one myself, but you can look at the way AI is already being used this early on and how it's already being used to substitute and replace some artists and writers and how apparently even fanfiction writers who do their work out of love, and look just a few years in the future based on the patterns that have been happening and the way corporations will always value profits over the heart of what they make, and for most the picture of what will happen is a very grim one for art.

The "Origin" of it differs from person to person. Some artists have seen their art put into AIs and their styles mimicked (art which will be very difficult to claim the person who generated it shouldn't be allowed to use for commercial purposes). Some writers who write more boring industry stuff that is very easy to mimic are getting their jobs taken away from them. Others without firsthand experience can only look at examples or patterns and infer a probable and large scale outcome similar to that of Cytus. All in all, to me the backlash and opinion that AI is copying peoples works is more of a social movement with no clear cut origin but a lot of evidence that points towards AI generated writing and imagery being a bastardization of the work of hundreds even if it's just a lot harder to see when it comes to a non visual form of art like writing.

Hmm I think if you want a clearer answer or example, the best personal one I can give you is an article I edited which was so poorly written I sent it back and they had a different writer do it. When it got back to me it was better, but extremely familiar. It repeated phrases from the OG article and had the same problems I had noted (strange wording, odd vocabulary, etc) so I asked them if they had wrote it. Apparently they just put it into chat GPT and told the bot to rewrite it without changing too much, so the bot mimicked phrases and words but changed the flow by adding conjunctions or paraphrasing, but to me, who has read the first persons work several hundred times, I still recognized the style, if I can call it that. The person profiting wasn't Chat GPT, but if the state of AI art is anything to go by, in a few years it could very well be.

(sorry about the long reply and if anything is messy or hard to understand. I am not an organized thinker.)

[asksoldieron]

SO-1: Here We Go Again!

If there's a lot of engagement on this, this post is liable to get real long, beware before you expand.

I'll edit in the real art once I make some!

Welcome to the Engagement Lounge, for This Seems Familiar (SO-1) an instalment! Short comments can go in the replies, but there's a 475 character limit. Longer ones will need a reblog. Remember to @asksoldieron if you're reblogging someone else's reblog, so I can see it too!

Woo. It's been a while since I posted this one now. As of this writing it's still lacking an illustration, but I went through and edited for continuity. I don't think this one changed much. (Mainly I needed to add the gumballs, and that's not until later. It's very important about the gumballs. Why? You'll see 😁.)

There may be a little quality loss here, but I'll need yet more distance to see it. The main thing is that I wanted to pen an opening that wouldn't be too confusing to new readers, or too boring to old ones. That's tough! And I don't have any beta readers who aren't already familiar with the story.

I should say, I didn't. And now I don't again! But earlier this year, I joined a group for autistic writers and... Ohhh-kaaaay. That was an experience I will not repeat.

I got fed up and finally cut ties when I found out they were affiliated with a local group that offers ABA for autism. You'll still find a lot of "favourable" articles about it on the internet, including from our "friends" at Autism Speaks! People just love it because it makes autistic kids stop acting autistic! Not "being," no, it just trains them not to act that way and inconvenience the rest of you. Often with punishments! Ha-ha, yeah. That's fine. This is fine. A disability is just like any other antisocial behaviour, you can just cut that shit out!

But I didn't know that about them, and I've been trying to make friends and connections. A group of autistic writers? And we don't have to meet in person? Sign me right up!

It was more a group for one particular autistic editor and her longsuffering friend, and the editor had all the inflexible dogmatism media tells you to expect from people like us. "I think everyone should stop masking because it's hard for me!" she said (I'm paraphrasing) once. "If we all just stop doing it, there won't be a problem!" Ha-ha. Yeah. They kill people like me when we don't behave up to a standard. Maybe not like her, because she's small, feminine and white, but people like me and my family.

That's the level of insight I was getting, but I stuck with it because I'm a people-pleaser!

We only had "time" for a couple pages of the first draft of this instalment (even though not many people were there and not all of them wanted to read words aloud, my god) and I got pressured into sharing first, having never been there before with no idea how I was meant to act. She proceeded to critique it as if it were a short story (not true) and as if that were all, or almost all, of it (clearly not true, I was sharing my screen at the time). I dunno if you wanna open it in another tab and look, but I began with Erik in the first draft. 1000 words into that is 1/5 of a standard instalment length and you've barely met him by the end.

I went back and added Miss Doubek (whom I was going to save for #6) at the beginning, so you could see the world through the eyes of someone a little less impaired. Because this writer group and editor convinced me y'all needed me to hold your hands a little tighter or you'd nope out.

"I don't understand what's happening" is like a kick in the groin to me. Growing up, I did not have a big enough vocabulary to express my big stories and big thoughts, so I heard that a lot. I still do sometimes! I'm overly specific and complex, especially when I'm upset, and I get aphasic and shut down. But, no, they didn't understand. The editor's poor friend was willing to hazard that there was obviously something wrong with Erik and she was beginning to suspect he was being held against his will - as one should. I solve that little mystery for you by the end. But I didn't get to read the end. I didn't even get to John coming home.

The editor told me (and, if I ever die of an aneurism, it will have been these words in my brain that killed me) "People don't say 'I know.'" That shut me right down. I was expected to keep talking and I probably did, but... Wha? Buh? I say "I know" all the time! One of my top ten ways to sort out my thoughts or rephrase and repeat what someone's trying to express so we're both on the same page. "I know [this], are you saying [that]?" But I removed it, and I don't think I put it back. (I think I ended up referencing the brain damage earlier instead, because I thought you needed to see a reason Erik might bit a little off, even if that's not the real one.) I'm still feeling self-conscious about using that phrase, in text and IRL!

By the grace of god, I didn't have a total meltdown and gut everything, but I wrote poorly and without joy for a long while. Trying to meet the standards of someone who had no idea what I was doing and didn't care to learn. She was an editor! I always wanted access to one of those!

Yeah. This helped solidify my now-militant belief that 1) Traditional publishing is not for me and 2) Stuffing art into a tiny box will kill it, so 3) Maybe we should be a little more grateful that people share the things they love with us.

I am clueless. I have sinned. I have issued unsolicited criticism on the internet, with the best of intent. But I am gonna try like hell not to do it anymore. Y'all don't need to be ruin your week. Unless you say you want help (and I will take you seriously, even if you don't mean it, so be careful!) or you're hurting others, I will back off and accentuate the positive. Even if the best I can come up with in the moment is "You made a thing!" (Ha-ha, nonverbal blues.)

Wow, that came out kinda sad. But I'm OK now! Tired of website glitches, but loving the writing part. I'd rather write another instalment than do any of this other stuff I got on my plate, but that's not in the cards for a few more days...

[Back to the Site?]

#tin soldier and soldier on #instalment #engagement lounge #autism #art #writing #first draft woes #some of the many reasons traditional publishing ain't gonna do it for me

[dallonwrites]

cactus, sage & aloe vera for the asks pls! <3

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

ever since i started testosterone and my hunger and appetite went UPPPP i've gotten way more into cooking and baking and food science and it is all so interesting to me! and it's not even from a health/diet pov at all it's just thinking about how food works and how i respond to it and as someone with stomach problems and also autism food sensitivities who basically ate Nothing for the first 20 years of my life it is all very healing!

and bc this is a writeblr a writing thing i'm learning and thinking about a lot is taking inspo form other writers and what that actually means. i've talked about it before but i used to read prose i love and not know what to do with that. i'd get frustrated because i did not understand how the writer was just able to conjure a line like that. and then i was so focused on wanting to reflect that writer that i did not consider where in the reflection my writing would go. i've noticed as i grow more confident in my style i've also grown more confident in how to emulate. sometimes i like to do exercises where i intentionally try to write a Passage That Sounds Like This Writer but it's more of a learning process as to the how of that style, which i then mix with my own writing. now whenever i take inspo from other styles it feels more like a love letter to those writers rather than a sensed need that to be Good at writing i need to Write Like This Person, when not only could i not truly write like that person but that person also could not write like me! that's the beauty of it! i actually reread a short story i loved last year recently and found some of the prose, not bad but i was like hmm not for me anymore! overall i still loved the prose but it showed me how i was able to love a style but still pick out what elements of it i liked and would want to incorporate it on my own vs what i wouldn't do myself (which again, does not make that particular element bad), rather than trying to make a perfect replication

sage ⇢ what ‘medium’ of art (poetry, music, fiction, paintings, statues etc.) is the most touching to you? why do you think that is?

ohhh my god okay sorry i have to be that guy who just says All of them. my brain simply refuses to see one type of art as more touching than the other!! it is just not true they all serve different purposes and the same purposes in different ways!! even the ones that are most touching to me personally is so dependent on the time and era. lately i find something that touches me in everything. like fiction will always have a special space in my heart because my creativity is driven by the fact that i can create fully fleshed people in my head where for me everything about them feels real - their emotions, their fears, their joy - and that is something that never fails to amaze me. on the other hand, poetry was the only medium after my mom died where i felt i could process my emotions about that at a time when they didn't make sense yet, because of poetry's space for abstractness. it became like a necessity. and then on another hand i'm amazed by painting and how brushstrokes and style can convey so much it's magic to me. recently when i listen to music i notice different instruments and sounds and how they work together at once and i'm obsessed with it, the ecosystem of it all. every day i become more and more of a cinephile because i'm just obsessed with all the elements of creation in movies - from performance to writing to visuals to soundtracking to sfx to editing - especially in all the 60s-80s films i've been watching for lover boy and how the effects don't always look "realistic" but they are earnest. and statues and embroidery and crotchet and pottery and makeup and nail art and gender expression and graphic design and cooking and i can go on every art medium is storytelling to me. AND CAN WE TALK ABOUT CAVE PAINTINGS??? ROCK PAINTINGS?? EVEN AT OUR MOST PRIMAL WE WERE CREATING! all of it is touching to me!!

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

i want to see the sunrise more often especially coming out of summer where it rises at like 4am i now feel a yearning to get up at like 6am and see it. unfortunately i have Far Too Many sleep problems to be getting out of bed at a time like that

get to know me asks

#the oversharing ramble in the middle of this is so funny to me but it had to be said! #long answers for the first two but i had fun talking about it!