#because i have some online friends that have known me since i was 12 and they've helped me a lot

[bambizcornfarm]

random but even though its not a dni for me personally i really don't think anyone 12 or under should be on the social part of the internet at all especially without supervision it's so unsafe

like i got on the internet at 4 years old and i WISH someone wouldve taken the internet from me

and they'll be all like waaugghg thats too long!! trust me its not. years fly and you will be 13 before you know it and there's a possible chance that one day you'll look back at life and wish you weren't on the internet

#and no this isnt a hate post its just genuine concern #im mainly saying this because I've seen so many people under 13 in the dnb community #being into dnb and having a private friend group to talk about it is fine but. the rest is iffy #there are some pros to being on the internet while young because animation meme artists gave me inspiration and my art got better but still #and finding a support group online is cool too #because i have some online friends that have known me since i was 12 and they've helped me a lot #i hope i dont sound like a boomer but its like watching someone so vulnerable run out into a group of strangers #im not condoning full on age shaming either though that's stupid. if theyre on the internet safely good for them!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

I (26, NB) dropped a long-term friend (23, not disclosing gender, I'll call them X) for being a proshipper, and now they're trying to get in the way of my other friendships.

A little more than a month ago, an old friend from when I was an itty bitty teen on the internet (we met when they were 12 and I was 15 or so) messaged me on twitter asking if we could share discord since they're more active on that platform, and they missed hanging out. Ok, no prob!! I missed talking to X and life was going kinda icky for me at the time. We exchanged discords and started talking more frequently, before we would talk through twitter dms maybe one day every few months, and we went from almost no contact to talking every single day. It was like being a teenager again; we still shared similar interests and we really fast clicked over old and new fandoms we were in. We talked about college and how they're starting to get the hang of their new job but needed support, talked about our family lives, etc., and in general I felt really comfortable and happy to be chatting again with someone I've known for so long. We were inseparable for weeks.

However... of course, as adults, and having known each other for YEARS, we started talking about fandom ships and fics we enjoyed. We didn't have the same taste in pairings, but that was okay. Until it wasn't anymore.

I shared my NSFW twitter with them, and they followed me. A few minutes later X told me, "I see you have "proship DNI in your bio, I just want to let you know that I am a pro-ship and enjoy some things in fandom that you might think is gross. I hope that's okay."

I was kind of weirded out, and told them that as long as they didn't like anything that would be criminal in real life, that's fine. They told me they *did* enjoy things in fiction that they "wouldn't condone in reality" and even though they "don't talk about it publicly" they still wanted me to know. For some reason. ?? Even though they KNOW that I have an irl history of abuse as a kid, they still told me this.

I was so fucking uncomfortable and really, really sad, and honestly I felt betrayed? I stepped away from my account for like, an hour before messaging them back and saying I didn't want to continue talking to them anymore. That I didn't know they were that kind of person and I'm not comfortable being their friend. I didn't read their response to me because I soft-blocked them.

While I was getting over that and trying to move on, a few days later I was talking to another mutual friend of ours when they asked if I was still friends with X. I got chills remembering how I broke off with them, and said no, we weren't talking anymore. That they were the kind of person that made me really uneasy and uncomfortable to be around. The mutual friend, I'll call R, said that X was "feeling kind of down about losing a friend recently" and talked about it in a discord server they share. X didn't mention my name but R wondered if it was me who dropped them since I was really touchy about boundaries online. I freaked out a little thinking about them talking about me, and asked what else they said, and R told me "not much, just that they felt sad but it was your choice in the end because you two were different" and I don't know why but it left a bad taste in my mouth. Were they trying to make people seem like I was the bad guy or something?? Idk.

I told R the reason why I stopped talking to X, and that X is a proshipper who likes things like inc*st and rape, and R wasn't as supportive as I thought he would be, saying that he understood how I felt but if X was being honest and open about their interests, it probably meant they trusted me and didn't want to "lie" to me. I don't understand how that's even relevant if X is a fucking proshipper. I don't want their trust in the first place if that's who they really are, and I felt betrayed that someone I knew for so long was hiding that for me until we were bonding again. R basically dropped it there and said "idk then" and I told him I was going to shut off my notifs for a bit. I really don't want to talk with him again right now especially since he didn't seem THAT bothered by X being a proshipper who's into really criminal shit.

Since then, friends of mine who are also friends with R (because he's a friend of X still, for some reason), haven't been replying to me as much anymore and I'm super sensitive to noticing these things, at first I told myself it was nothing, but there's an obvious decrease in our interactions. I can't help but think that X actually said bad stuff about me, and R didn't want me to know, or maybe X convinced R that I was a terrible person or something. I still haven't read X's reply to me because I genuinely do not want to interact with them ever again, but for the past few days I've been so angry and hurt by my other friend's actions that I can't help but want to blame them, since this all started when I left them.

AITA for dropping a friend because their interests made me SEVERELY uncomfortable? I don't know what to do.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #ship discourse

[dear-ao3]

Question for the mods....

HOW IN THE FUCK DID YOU MEET???

Like what???

How??

I am so god damn curious about you two. I wanna study yall under a microscope lol

Also ngl kinda envious of how close of friends you two seem to be. (Being an introverted shy af mofo sucks lmao)

I would actually probably read a whole ass book or watch a sitcom or something of the seemingly ever present weird-ass shit that seems to happen on a day-by-day basis.

/gen /lh /nf /pos

2018 newsies fandom. we weren't overly close but we bonded over race and albert a little and then katya dropped off the face of the earth for about a year.

during 2020 lockdown we both independently got into the witcher fandom and somehow ran into eachother again and had the fingers pointing OH MY GOD Y O U !!! moment in our dms. we bonded over hating jaskier. during this time we realized we were both dancers and katya was looking at dance colleges, i was already in college for dance and since it was lockdown and we couldn't go anywhere i told katya my experience auditioning at places to give him a good idea of places. and then i broke every internet safety rule known to man and said hey what if you had applied to my college but didnt know it?? and then one thing led to another and i dished out all the tea on my school. (only After that did we face reveal and give eachother our names lol) and then katya applied. mostly as a joke. until it wasnt a joke because that school gave katya a shit load of money and actually had stuff katya wanted to do. katya ended up coming to one of my zoom ballet classes and it took everything we had to not loose our shit on camera.

during this time we mostly kept eachother sane in lockdown writing witcher fanfic, and sending eachother awful thirst traps on instagram to pitbull music. one of our awful bits was using the dilf filter to make bad frat boy edits.

come august of 2021 we both moved into college. the same college. in the same building. it was wild. i pinched myself several times in shock. we went on a walk around campus with some worms on strings and were like what the hell how did we get here.

we continued to hang out and did weird insane things together. we took a class on the french revolution together where i had to put up with katya and fennec awkwardly flirting (read: making finger guns at eachother).

and then, since i was 2 years older, i was graduating and was going to stay in the area for a job and was like hey. what if we got an apartment together? and then we did. several adults agreed to this. idk why they let us. but now we live together in a real life apartment and we haven't even killed eachother yet. neither of our parents know that we met online. each of them have a different fake story as to how we know eachother and we really just hope they are never in the same room long enough to ask eachother about it. but its insane. 12/10 would recommend.

katya wanted me to include old tumblr screenshots of us talking, heres what i found from circa 2020:

we've always been like this lol

and heres some ancient greatest hits from instagram, i dont have context and trust me you dont want it:

every now and then the two of us look at eachother and go. how the fuck did we end up here??? (we have no idea)

#not a tag #from saph #storytime ig lol #sorry for the god awful quality #essentially we are basically dan and phil which is insane

[avelera]

I still laugh rereading comments for Giving Sanctuary that are agonizing over the slow burn. And I completely get it, the actual amount of time passing in the story is secondary to the amount of time the reader spends in the story. It doesn’t matter that something only takes an hour in universe if it’s a 100,000 words to cover it.

… at the same time though, like, if I had put the date at the top of each chapter I wonder if it would be clearer to people how much of a relationship speedrun Dream and Hob are in that fic?

The continuous time from when Dream invites Hob to when they confess to one another is ONE WEEK. One week! It gets stretched out artificially to 5 weeks because of Destiny, but even that is only for one half of the pair, it’s still only 1 week for Dream. They are completely unhinged for each other lol.

And this part may sound a bit overly defensive but I think the amount of time from when they both knew their own feelings, both had pretty good evidence that the other might be interested too, AND they weren’t actively dealing with either 1) literally getting Hob settled after literal decades of traumatizing years on the streets or 2) actively dealing with mourning their sons either through dream flashback or the trip to Naxos (including its immediate grief hangover for Dream, because being like “Yeah I know you just ripped open the wound of your sons death to allow it to finally heal YESTERDAY but like… do you like me? As more than a friend??” Is just objectively imo the teeniest bit insensitive and something Hob is painfully aware of having just gone through it himself? Dream doesn’t pop the question after Hob’s ordeal either) … is quite literally ONE DAY.

Like literally, Hob goes home with Dream June 7th, they do the Robyn thing June 8, June 9 Dream says he wants to go to Naxos, June 10 they actually go, June 11 Jessamy appears and it’s a recovery day, June 12 Hob considers telling him but wants to wait until Dream isn’t pissed off about Destiny’s pestering and his own libido comes back which throws him for a loop and makes him anxious about dealing with the physical side of things in the midst of all the emotional stuff and that night going into June 13, Dream offers Hob the boon, more or less hoping that Hob will use it for something romantic between them or, failing that, just something that makes him happy. Dream is not clueless as of June 13, he’s 90% sure Hob is into him, they’ve had a couple days since Naxos so it’s not actively inappropriate to have the discussion, Dream is scrupulously careful of the power imbalance and wants Hob to make the first move before he makes his own feelings known in a way that could feel like pressure or Hob is beholden to him, since Hob openly voices a sense of inferiority and owing fealty.

Meanwhile Hob has screwed his courage to the sticking place, he’s ready to take the advice of Calliope, he’s got the boon and plans to use it as an escape hatch if it all goes poorly (basically as Dream intended btw! Dream sensed that something about the power imbalance was holding Hob back and he didn’t know HOW Hob would use the boon but wanted to give him an “one time use of Endless-level power” in the hopes that it might put Hob at ease and maybe even nudge him towards revealing his heart’s desire and maybe that would include Dream).

Literally that NIGHT, Hob was resolved to pose the question in the morning after a day of agonizing. Dream sensed the next morning was going to be significant and was flirting like crazy to give the “all systems go” signal to Hob that whatever he said would be welcome but Dream was PRETTY SURE he knew and wholly welcomed the advances.

Indeed, that was a huge part of why when Hob had the sex dream (courtesy of the proximity and everything that happened that day with the flirting plus his body coming back online after some time to recover its strength) Dream enthusiastically joined in. In his mind, Hob had pretty heavily implied that the next day he was going to ask to court Dream (or equivalent) so his reaching out in his dreams sexually was pretty much the same thing and Dream took it, perhaps incorrectly, as the signal he needed of Hob’s interest so he could finally pounce with his own enthusiastic consent. Dream is not a being of words, ironically. He thought Hob’s actions were pretty clear and he made very clear that he was excited and willing with this turn of events, basically “Yes! Finally!”

(Btw plenty of people picked up on this lol I’m not saying this went over people’s heads.)

The break down of communication was that Hob had his very careful, courtly, CHASTE proposal he wanted to tentatively put forth the other day, absolutely terrified he’d misread the situation or that Calliope had deliberately set him up to fail out of spite, or any other number of ways it could go wrong like—even if things had gone as planned he was going to be TERRIFIED to ask if maybe he was reading the signals right and Dream really had been flirting for the past 5-6 DAYS and if so that Hob was interested in earning Dream’s love in any way he’d be allowed. He was going to be CAREFUL and POETIC and RESPECTFUL and very ready to backpedal and use the boon if necessary to ask Dream not to be mad at him for presuming to know his mind.

So to wake up having had a vivid sex dream and be confronted with evidence that he lost control of himself in the night and basically assaulted or at least dirtied his friend in the most embarrassing way possible, all the physical stuff he would have been petrified to presume before he got the chance to be all courtly and poetic about his feelings, sent him into an absolute tailspin of fear that he’d fucked it up before he had the chance to get it right or slowly introduce the idea of adding a more romantic side to their relationship.

(Gosh now I want to write an AU of an AU where things did go as Hob planned lol)

So Hob has his freak out. Without Destiny’s shenanigans and without Dream also freaking out and potentially mind wiping Hob by accident in an effort to grant him what he apparently wanted which was to forget it ever happened… Dream and Hob probably would have reconvened the next day once they both calmed down and had a chance to think about what happened and realize there might have been misunderstandings (most likely because of Jessamy bonking Dream over the head and telling him to go make sure Hob knew it was actually him in the dream.

Even WITH the dinner though, door to door, that would mean on June 14th, 1 week after the White Horse meeting, they’re officially Together as a couple.

In that light I will say, I personally don’t think Hob was wrong on June 12 to decide to wait until morning after Dream was flirting with him all that day. He wanted to be awake and clear headed with a whole day ahead of them to discuss or patch things up if it went poorly. He was mostly sure he was reading the signals right but the catastrophe and loss in that 1% chance he was wrong was just too terrible to risk late at night after a confusing day. And Dream read that signal loud and clear that Hob was nervous and wanted to clear a space for them to discuss this and was wholly enthusiastic about reconvening once Hob had rested and gathered himself. But Dream was only holding himself back until he got a clear signal of interest from Hob first which he took the sex dream to be because dreams are obviously real to him and there was love permeating the whole thing (hence why Dream was so confused and upset about Hob’s freak out, neglecting to realize Hob’s point of view here of being in a tenuous situation, because Dream was so infatuated himself that it didn’t occur to him that Hob still found him hard to read and feared the consequences of being wrong).

Anyway! I still regret nothing about that sequence lol I love rereading the readers’ tears but I still wanted to defend my timeline and say these guys are totally unhinged and it’s not actually a slow burn at all by any normal human standard it’s like one night where they maybe could have said something sooner and it wouldn’t have been wildly inappropriate.

#dreamling #1689 fic #giving sanctuary #giving sanctuary bts

[pinkpossession]

I think I might've found what works for me?

Hello, this is my first actual post on Tumblr. Most of the time I'm reposting helpful things from other LOA blogs, but now I actually have something to post. I had a revelation I wanted to share that I think is right, but I'm not sure.

For some background, I have known about the law of assumption since the start of 2021. I have manifested some small things, but I've struggled to find what truly works for me. Within this community, even outside Tumblr, I've always felt as though I was following what worked for someone else rather than what worked for me. I couldn't really find something that made manifesting fun and easy for me until now. Since my revelation, I think I've found something that makes me feel comfortable, but I want to be entirely sure I'm going the right way about things. This is a little bit of an ask/help for others who might feel how I do.

Now for my actual revelation. Stupidly enough this happened while I was watching "K-12" an online movie made by Melanie Martinez. If you've never seen K-12, the main group of characters all have supernatural, almost godlike abilities that help them navigate problems throughout the movie. The thing that made me think was in a scene where the main character Crybaby and her friend Angelita were deciding what to do about Crybaby's impending fight with another character. Angelita trying to support Crybaby says "Hold it together girl. We are capable of doing whatever we want. Remember?" and also says "Do you really think we'd have these abilities if we weren't supposed to use them?".

In a way, you could really use this as a metaphor for manifestation. This movie is not about manifestation, that is clear. However, in the movie we see the main group almost conjure up their abilities instantly as if they can make things appear out of thin air. The only reason they didn't in some cases (use their abilities) in the movie was 1) they made themselves believe that they couldn't use them or 2) were being controlled in some way. Relating that to manifestation, if we are the gods (or in control) of our realities, shouldn't this also apply to us?

Think about it. When you first get an idea to manifest something as soon as you decide to manifest it immediately creation is finished, it is destined to happen. Whether it be instant or in a span of time, it will happen cause you said it will. There is no limit to what you can do. As long as you keep saying what you want, it has to come true. Meaning that technically if you want, you can ultimately decide how manifestation works for you.

Now getting to the part that has to do with me (sorry for rambling and if you're still here thanks). I've always wanted to manifest like this. To just say that I want something and have it be done sounds so natural to me. No affirming if I don't want to, no methods, no anything. Just deciding that something will happen as if it's a superpower or ability. Even if I'm negative all damn day or don't affirm a lot, I can still get my manifestations just because I'm in control. Just knowing that it's my ability, and I'm capable of doing what I want.

Despite this feeling fun and interesting, I still have no clue if I'm thinking about manifestation the right way. While yes, I have done some research, I still feel inadequate. Reading Neville made manifesting seem hard and was overall difficult for me to understand, so I have literally never read a single one of his books. I have read some other books on manifestation but Neville being the backbone of the of assumption, I don't know if what I'm doing is right.

Because of this, I'm tagging some of the LOA accounts that I like to give me a bit of clarity. Now, I'm not really expecting you to respond. You guys get asks upon asks every single day, asking the same thing over and over. It gets tiring teaching the same lesson over and over, it's understandable. I just feel as though hearing it from people with more experience could help. So sorry if I'm inconveniencing you with my crap, but I have to ask.

@venuscelebrity

@babygothprincess

@itsravenbitch

@blushydior

@zen-shu 

#law of assumption #manifesation #loa #affimations

[platinumaspiration]

well, @brandinotbroke just gave my ego the hugest boost with this tag game! I really shouldn't play this while in a bad mood tho :p

What’s your favourite sims death? I would have to say...probably flies. Never had it happen in my game (naturally), tho

2. Alpha CC or Maxis Match? 4t2 maxis match conversions, because it's gross and ugly :p No, but for real, I like all cc. People put a lot of time and love into what they create/convert/retexture/recolor. I think that should be recognized.

3. Do you cheat when your sims gain weight? No...who does that?

4. Do you use move objects? Yes, kind of have to sometimes!

5. Favorite mod? I had to go into my main save for this one haha. I'd say...all the anti-corruption mods. And to piggy back off of brandinotbroke, ACR! The rest I could probably live without if I could ever sort my folder. Oh, also, one mod I'd really like to give a try is Story Progression by LazyDuchess.

6. First expansion/game/stuff pack you got? First purchased was Christmas 2005. My parents gifted me Sims 2 and then my birthday a month later I got University, I believe. I should show you all the video of me opening it and running off to play haha. First played was, I wanna say Urbz! and Bustin' Out. We would rent those from the video store.

7. Do you pronounce “live mode” like aLIVE or LIVing? Alive. I recently found out my IRL BFF pronounces it as Living. I've known her almost 20 years and feel like I don't know her anymore 😅

8. Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made? Rhiannon, one of my model sims, but all 4 of my models are my favorite. I really should put Rhiannon as a townie in my uberhood. She deserves a life outside of posing.

9. Have you made a simself? Yes, like 18 years ago lol. Ended up corrupting the hood trying to move me with my 10 same face kids to a new neighborhood. I've really enjoyed the premade sims ever since.

10. What sim traits do you give yourself? of sims 3 traits: absent-minded, light sleeper, brooding, over-emotional, nurturing, workaholic, frugal

11. Which is your favorite EA hair color? TS4's #13 - Honey Blond

12. Favorite EA hair? probably aflongsimple or affuzzylongep

13. Favorite life stage? oh gosh... probably adult in any game lol

14. Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay? gameplay, I'll let @plumbtales and @kestrelteens do the building and inspo!

15. Are you a CC creator? I don't think I've created anything myself. I've converted a ton of stuff tho! I'd love to create something, but textures are so difficult for my brain to understand. I commend those who retexture!

16. Do you have any simblr friends/a sim squad? Yeah! Baby Gang! lol, not like we do anything other than play online pvp games and share cc wips

17. What’s your favorite game? (1, 2, 3, or 4) 2 is my ultimate, though I'd love to dive back into Sims 3

18. Do you have any sims merch? Maybe someday @microscotch and I can make something palpable

19. Do you have a YouTube for sims? Not gameplay (yet).

20. How has your “sim style” changed throughout your years of playing? Well, I had dial up internet until about 2010 so... figure that one out haha. But yeah, I was a semi-realistic kind of girl up until about... 2020? 2021? when i made the switch to 4t2. Still working on becoming completely 4t2.

21. What’s your Origin ID? n/a lmao

22. Who’s your favorite CC creator? Oh gosh, there's too many. All my mutuals, I love ya and your cc! Even some people who are not mutuals with me are my absolute favorite. I could never choose haha.

23. How long have you had a simblr? I think I just had my 2 year anniversary.

24. How do you edit your pictures? I recently commissioned the Queen of Renders ™ @microscotch to take preview pics for me while i was out of town lol. She also made me a photoshop template as well. (Go get a commission, she's having a sale right now 😉) For gameplay, I let reshade do the work for me and crop/size it to 700x934

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack do you want next? Brandinotbroke gave the best answer haha. I honestly don't know what kit EA can come up with next

25. What expansion/game/stuff pack is your favorite so far? For Sims 2, probably Nightlife. The first 3 EPs, honestly. Sims 3 has to be Ambitions and Generations. Idk about Sims 4 as most I've played is about 2 hours in Strangerville as the Beakers.

Gonna tag baby gang, feel free to ignore! @microscotch @tvickiesims @lordcrumps @simsisit

thank you again to brandinotbroke for making my day, my week, my month and maybe even my year.

#tag game

[smilingbuckley]

15 questions 15 friends

Tagged by @tizniz

I won't be tagging anyone because I do not have 15 friends lol

Time to overshare

1. Are you named after anyone?

Nope. But I do think they got my 2nd name from a song, but I don't remember which one. They just liked my name I guess (I don't, which is why I go by my 2nd online)

2. When was the last time you cried?

Uhh yesterday or the day before. My memory is pretty bad lately. But I'm not doing so great and I keep getting knocked down when I think I can get up, and this week was a wreck

3. Do you have kids

Does my cat count? She sure acts like a little kid sometimes. Other than that, no. And I don't think I will. Not only does pregnancy scare the crap out of me, I do not have great genetics. I already struggle with my genetic disabilities and disorders, I don't want to be the reason someone else goes through the same as me. Plus, I don't think I'd be a good parent because I already get overstimulated when my cat begs for dinner an hour early.

4. What sports do you play/have you played

I used to dance. Started with jazz balet but my body type wasn't good for it - I could not do the split and stuff. I did win 2nd place before I moved to street dance. But then my parents got divorced and I moved, never picked it up again. I've never found a sport that I like enough to do. Maybe basketball, but I'm too small and can barely run so that's not happening

5. Do you use sarcasm

I do, but people never seem to know it is sarcasm and think I'm actually serious. It's like they pull an uno reverse card because I usually don't understand jokes and take them seriously

6. What is the first thing you notice about people?

Uh, I don't know. I tend to be uncomfortable around new people. Maybe their face? Idk.

7. What is your eye color

Green, currently. For some reason they keep changing. I was born with bright blue eyes - I'm talking Luke Hemmings bright blue eyes, maybe even lighter. Then as a child they changed to green. I used to love my light green eyes, but then they got darker. Now they seem to be green but turning grey-ish as well

8. Scary movies or happy endings

Happy endings. Duh

9. Any talents?

I am the insecure type of person who would say no, but I know I'd get people to say 'no you're a talented writer', so I'm gonna go ahead and say writing

10. Where were you born

Look, the Netherlands is a small country, so I'm not gonna say the town. But I will say it was in the province Friesland (Frisia/Fryslân) and in a big town (Frisian standards) that would’ve been a city if city rights still existed in my country. Oh and it's pretty known in the sports world.

11. What are your hobbies?

Writing, reading, watching shows, listening to music, play the sims. Oh and sleeping.

Yes I am lazy and I don't care

12. Do you have any pets?

My cat and she is the love of my life. Idk how I will live once I move out because chances are I can't take her with me

13. How tall are you?

I haven't really measured since I was 16, but I think around 168 cm.

14. Favorite subject in school?

I'd say English - it's different than the English classes in the US and UK - but tbh it was pretty boring because I was always levels ahead of my class. In the end, I loved social science a lot.

15. Dream job

Published author. But it doesn't pay shit in my country. Also, I can't travel and most book deals require you to be willing to travel for promotions in the Netherlands and Belgium

So I guess the next best thing would be anything to do with English. Maybe translating work like books or subtitles for shows because those are never accurate here.

[arialerendeair]

Aromanticism - And Me!

Reblogging a lovely post about aromanticism and finding places/spaces for it online and elsewhere made me wanna write a bit about how I got smacked in the face with my own aromanticism a few weeks ago, so here it is!

Queer stuff, yo!

I’ve known I was asexual (in some form, on the sex positive side) for the last 7 or so years. I’ve had time to come to terms with what that means and how it impacts me. I always assumed I wasn’t aromantic simply because I felt what HAD to be romantic attraction to people, and was in relationships with them.

Right up until two months ago.

Two months ago - I hooked up with a guy I’d known for 14 or so years. Was great, good times had by all. He’s poly and was interested in dating me, and talked to me about it.

I have never, in my life, had a louder mental record screech. This guy, who I have no doubt that, by all definitions I could fall in love with - wanted to date me, and suddenly, that was the last thing I wanted. I couldn’t even imagine it, couldn’t picture it beyond the stuff you read in romance novels. I didn’t want it. I was terrified of it, of the expectations, of all the pieces of my current life I’d have to give up to have those things with him. (And the screaming voice in the back of my head that said it wasn’t worth it - it never would be.)

Cue a conversation with a friend, some revelations, an insanely busy two months, another full queer revelation and a much deeper understanding of why all my past relationships failed. (In some ways, anyways.)

I’ve been reading romance novels since I was 12. (I’m 35 now.) I’ve been writing them since the same age. At some point, I just… followed the story beats in my life because that’s what I’m supposed to want, right? Well. Turns out people aren’t story beats. Turns out that I wanted a different story for myself.

To the utter shock and surprise of everyone -

I want to write. I want to dedicate my life, my heart, my soul, to writing. Even if it’s fanfiction or original fiction, it doesn’t matter. Some people know what they are put into this world for and I’ve known for years now that that thing for me is writing. Telling stories. Making people laugh and smile with my writing.

I also want to be the crafting aunt who teaches nieces and nephews how to craft anything and everything. I want to be a support for friends who need it, and a cheerleader for those that want it. I want to die, having a shelf in a library that rivals some of the most productive authors out there. I want to inspire other people to write, to find joy in telling stories, no matter their skill level. I want to LIVE my writing in a way I don’t think I have ever been willing to accept or do in my entire life

Figuring out I was aromantic was a gift because holy shit I suddenly fucking GOT IT. It explained a part of me that I’d never let out into the sun before and now that it’s there, it’s growing like a weed. It doesn’t mean you’re lacking anything, it just means the world isn’t tailored for you.

The world isn’t tailored for me, I sure as shit am not tailored for the world, I am queer as all get out, and I will continue writing queer romance until the day I die.

But for myself? Good friends, family I can stand being around, and maybe a DOG… are about all I want in terms of relations in my life. And I think for the first time in my life, I’m realizing that I am 100% okay with that and not lacking anything as a result.

So yeah.  Hi, my name is Aria, and I am aromantic AF.

#Aria Posts #Aromantic #Asexuality #Hey it's me! #Queer Stuff

[zingaplanet]

Love that ask! I've also wondered what the rest of the tour makes of how absurdly close Roger and Rafa are. Not to stir the pot but I think it bothers Novak - in the sense that he seems to consider Rafa his biggest rival and has been vocal about that many times. It has to rankle a bit that Rafa doesn't feel the same and openly says Roger is the most important player in his career, whereas Novak would say that about Rafa. He also looked uncomfortable at times getting a front row seat to the Fedal love affair. Those 3 definitely have a complicated history with each other but I guess it is what it is.

Yea i get what you mean, it's a bit strange the dynamic between the 3 but it also developed like this because of the different kind of timelines between their rivalries that I talked about in the previous asks.

In a sense, I feel for Novak a bit as he's always going to be the odd one out, he always says that Nadal and Federer are his greatest rivals (because they are), but they never really say that about him specifically. And this is not due to any discredit on his competitiveness whatsoever it's just the way their career histories come to clash with one another. Federer and Nadal were fundamentals to each other's first rise to power, but when Novak started joining them, both Roger and Rafa were already at the top (they've both been world number 1s). It's a different sort of camaraderie, in a way that Rafa and Roger never really had to 'prove' themselves the way Novak had to with them, by breaking in to their duopoly.

It's also fascinating because Rafa was technically closer to Andy and Novak's generation than Roger's, they're practically age-wise peers. But because Rafa peaked so early (when he was 17), his 'growing up' on the tour is actually with the likes of Roddick, Federer, Hewitt, Ferru etc. You can actually see this in the early days, he was much more in a 'friend-like' relationships with Andy and Novak compared to how he was with Roger. I remember reading an article of an interviewer who was tailing Rafa for the day and when they arrived at the parking lot of the practice courts somebody was making crazy noises and calling his name from the car across them. It was Novak and Rafa came over to joke with him etc and the interviewer said that he was surprised how well they actually know each other. Judy Murray also said that Rafa was Andy's constant FIFA buddy, they used to play football matches on playstation until midnight during tours, but also online when they were both at homes. This was all before Murray Djokovic started challenging for titles seriously of course. There's actually a lot of insights to the early tour days that we missed from this golden generation of tennis. Like it or not, they technically grew up together and saw each other more than their own families, it's a bit like school! Except these players moved continents every few weeks or so. Novak and Andy have actually known each other since they were 12, they were practically childhood buddies. I've also read some crazy stories about the spanish armada pranking andy roddick etc during the old days and I would pay really good money to see a reality tv coverage of these days! It kinda makes me miss the old generation of tennis, so many of them are gone now 🥺

Anyhow, back to Roger though, he was actually quite a bit detached from the group in the early 2000s I feel, just because his 'actual generation' that is hewitt, etc were retiring and he's stuck with this influx of new kids who are starting to be really2 good (*ehem* cue a certain Spaniard) after 4 or 5 years of really boring competition. Everybody likes him tho, because ofc he's Roger, and Roddick actually said he was the first World Number One that he actually genuinely couldn't dislike lol. But I suppose he was more of a 'father' figure, he was the world number one, and everybody just put him on a pedestal.

The only person that Roger actually genuinely connect to in these early days, even before their rivalries fully blossomed was Rafa, I guess. The relationship Rafa had with Roger in the beginning was very different, and both of them said this as well these days, it was more of a schoolboy idolation with mutual respect and bond. Even then it was a different relationship than what Rafa had with his spanish teammates or age group peers. Rafa, in a sense I think, was the first one who actually broke this generational gap. By breaking into the scene, he's someone who, interestingly, became sort of the connecting string between his age group peers with the 'top guys', specifically because it was obvious that Federer liked him a lot lol. And Rafa was actually the first one who actually forced Roger to rethink his game, and reshifted his perception of their rivalries. He said this himself, he kinda have to force himself to accept that he now has an equal, a rival that will stay and challenge him for good.

I think we talk a lot about this 'mentor-mentee', 'idol-fan' dynamic between Roger and Rafa but what really really shifted their dynamic forever and solidified their bond I feel was when both of them had to sort of shift in the spectrum and fully accept each other as equals. I feel like this was a huge growing up moment not only in their careers but also in their lives.

By the time Novak came around, it was almost impossible to break into this detente respect that Federer-Nadal have built between themselves, although Novak had no difficulty in breaking their ranks. Personally, though, I don't think Djokovic had any qualms about the bond that he clearly KNOWS Federer-Nadal have and if I can respect him for anything, I guess it's for this. He might be a bit bitter of being the odd one out early on but I think this year's Laver Cup especially, really really showed how Andy and Novak accepted their roles in this weird four-way rivalries dynamic. That they will always be in the background in terms of personal bonds, and Andy even goes so far to say that it was right that Roger should finish with Rafa, not anybody else.

It's a strange kind of aura that everyone sorts of knows they're witnessing something untouchable, something special that's unbreakable in their bubble. A good comparison, randomly, is The Beatles. Both four beatles are extremely close with each other and considered each other brothers, but even then they knew Lennon-McCartney had a special bond, and George and Ringo would never try to break into their bubble when they were writing songs together.

So there you have it, a completely, unprompted, presumably presumptous long essay that is probably untrue lol. But one asked and one shall receive anon. One shall receive.

#i need to restraint myself #stop enabling me and asking me all these interesting asks!! #i'll fill ur timelines with academic essays on someone's personal relationships at this point #fedal #tennis #ask #roger federer #rafael nadal

[needfans]

⸻ [ JENNA ORTEGA, 22, CIS WOMAN, SHE/HER ] Welcome to Antioch, PRUE HERRERA ! Local sources report that you’ve been in town for 12 years and are known to be NURTURING yet ENVIOUS. Others have dredged up rumors that you’re involved in THE VAMPIRE OF ANTIOCH as NORA WINTER'S STEP-SISTER, but most know you for your work as an ATTENDANT at DRIVE-IN AND SWAP MEET. We’ll see you around town soon ! ⸻ ( ooc - megan, 29, she/they, est, none ) + nicolas vergara's protege wc, student at antioch university

helloooo. here's a little about prue and i'll develop her more as i go! i may also change aspects of her as i look at musings.

trigger warning: mention of abuse, an unhappy childhood (of course)

prue's early childhood was quite tumultuous. though she doesn't remember much of it, she has a few memories of instability and a vague feeling of fear that always lingered. they say if you grew up with an angry man in your house, there's an always an angry man in your house. her father was verbally/mentally abusive and occasionally physically abusive (mostly towards her mom).

her mom and her left when she was 10. they moved to oregon to live with a friend of a friend, someone her dad wouldn't know. her mom's fear of being found gave prue her own sense of paranoia.

due to her mom's own issues, prue was pretty emotionally neglected. it wasn't long before her mom jumped into another relationship, needing external validation and a sense of safety, leaving her too busy to tend to prue. two years later, and they got married.

also desperate to be loved, prue was more than happy to have a new addition to the family -- nora winter, her new stepsister. nora was older and cooler and prue wanted her approval. already around 19 at the time, nora wasn't as eager to have a new sister. that didn't stop prue from looking up to her, dressing like her, practically leaping from her desk when she visited.

i see them growing closer as time passed, but i haven't decided that for sure yet. i'm also considering giving her a complex about perceiving nora as the golden child.

her feelings about her new stepfather were more nuanced. why should she trust this random man she barely knew to be her father when her actual father was a piece of shit? her mother worshipping him only made prue grow more critical. at the same time, she wanted nothing more than to have a loving family. she'd go back and forth between, "this is my real dad," and feeling like an imposter because she didn't feel that connection with him. sometimes, it made her feel more distant from her mom to see them all loved up and not feel like a part of the family.

fast forward to early adulthood. prue moved out the second she could. it's not like she didn't love her mom (and sometimes her stepfamily), but she didn't feel happy there. she found a roommate, picked up a waitressing gig, and moved out.

since then, she's been stumbling aimlessly for the most part. her jobs haven't been fulfilling, so she keeps quitting and moving on to the next entry level job.

i haven't decided exactly when, but she enrolled in college to become an x ray tech (for the money). maybe she started off in online classes but was procrastinating a lot and failing and then she transferred to on-campus classes and then picked a major.

personality wise, she's based off of s1 jonathan byers (minus the stalking). very introverted, unsure of herself, not the most active social life.

connection ideas:

siblings, half siblings, other stepsiblings, extended family.

former classmates (middle school, high school). current classmates or peers she doesn't share a class with.

a patron at the drive in or a coworker.

someone she ran into during part of her routine. i don't have her routine figured out yet, but think coffee before classes, jogging, etc.

in honor of me finally watching 'bottoms', some sapphic things pls :)

i'll add more specific ideas later!

[therichantsim]

I am so gutted right now. 20 minutes ago I woke from a nap. I dreamed about a friend of mine. We used to do hair together. In the dream she and her wife came to my house for brunch and mimosas. Something we often did in real life before I sold my house. Anyway, a few of my other friends from the salon were there as well. We were all dressed up and sitting around laughing, eating small plates of fruit and cheese, drinks were flowing etc. After the gathering ended my good sis and her wife stayed to help clean up just like she often insisted on doing in real life. Afterwards we went back outside and sat for awhile and chatted. We’d had a deep heartfelt discussion about life. I hugged her and her wife and they left. I woke up and I said to myself let me give her a call it’s been a minute. For some reason her number was no longer in my contacts. So I went to her Facebook page and thats were I saw that both her and her wife passed away in a car accident in August. How could I have not known. Then it dawned on me that ever since I retired I have completely forgotten about my salon life and the relationships I’ve cultivated. For 25 years I worked with these people. We vacationed together, our children grew up together, they were my family outside of my family. We spent 12-14 hour work days together. Even our clients became our friends. It was a lifestyle and yet a few months ago we lost one of ours and I had absolutely no knowledge of it. I’m grieving alone without my salon sisters and brothers because I embraced life post pandemic. It was the perfect excuse to decline invitations and no one would be upset with me. I could stay huddled up in my house working on my art and my writing, talking to my online friends with the same interest and I was content. Yet, those same salon sisters were there for me when my dad died pandemic and all. Food, money, calls, dropping by etc. My mom says she paid me a visit in my dream to say goodbye and to remind me to enjoy my life beyond my keyboard, beyond my easel, and beyond these four walls. I’m just stuck right now sitting here trying to process everything.

#I don’t know how to tag this for those that need tags to navigate the internet #mention of death #grief

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

wibta if I started a different discord chat for my friend group just to exclude one person

I know it sounds bad and that I'm just starting shit but we've all been friends for 10+ years now so it's not something I'm considering lightly. We currently have a private discord server of just the 4 of us that we switched to as opposed to a traditional gc since we all have different phones and its good for having multiple conversations, quality photos and videos, and keeping a clear record of when and where plans are made

Anyway, this isn't a recent problem but the friend (A) has always had a tardiness problem it started with her not being able to wake up early in the morning but even if we have late night/afternoon plans she still can't get dressed and/or finish her makeup on time and causes us to be consistently at least 1 hour late which I was hoping she'd start growing out of after highschool but this isn't the case (we're now all 22+) and is especially frustrating when going out to eat bc by the time we leave all of us are hangry and expected to eat hours earlier. Recently A has started prioritizing other friends of hers which is nbd she can have other friends we all do except she'll drop plans last min with us to go with them which is also annoying bc it's disrespectful for the rest of us to be blown off like that. We're clearly not her priority anymore but she always expects to be ours, plans have to be on her work schedule, on her timeframe, on if she will be tired etc. plus being an afterthought leaves out a friend in the group (B) who had to move out of state with family and now he can't tell if we're making plans behind *his* back and he feels left in the dark when in truth he knows as much as I and the other local friend (C) do

It's to the point we've stopped doing any plans that start before like 2pm because we can't rely on her to be ready but she'll be upset if we don't wait for her while she's still getting ready, esp cuz we usually carpool, which already limits what we want to do together in the first place

However, it was my birthday recently and I'm currently ~2hr drive (no more than 3 with heavy traffic) from A and C, who doesn't have a car and needs to be picked up by A. I really wanted to go to my fav breakfast place and had some other plans for after and I kept emphasizing what time A needed to get here because the place closes early (they only serve breakfast). And at this point no one should be surprised she didn't arrive until after 1pm, after the place was closed, and at that point no one had eaten all day so we had to rush and find somewhere else that'd be open and nearby bc we were all starving and half my plans for the day were gone bc they were based on places we'd go after breakfast that also close in the afternoon (2-5 depending on the place) and since they are my closest friends and dont know my other friends who live closer and I've only known for less than 2 yrs (who I wasn't comfortable to ask for bday presents from yet still) (still got one from 1 even tho I insisted they didn't have to tho lol) they were the only people I made solid birthday plans with this year so it was really heartbreaking to deal with and have everything I was excited for be cancelled since it's hard for me to go out like this on my own w anxiety and busy work schedule too but I scheduled the day off. I was hoping that she would try even just a little bit because it was my birthday the one day I ask for literally anything and we rarely see each other now bc of conflicting work schedules and I DID plan for her to be semi late in secret but I didn't expect her to arrive for breakfast after 12

Anyway that's the whole backstory plus the recent straw on the camel's back but I just want to make a new chat between me, B, and C, to plan virtual movie and game nights bc she never reads the events chat anyway and all our online call plans grind to a halt for hours or days waiting for an answer bc at least C still wants to try and include A even tho her schedule is so busy or she's tired or will prob be late to the call and make us wait for her or cancel or leave early or we debate what game/movie A wants but she doesn't even NEED to be there it's just like.. Minecraft. Or a pirated 90s movie we're streaming or wtvr

I've tried saying like "hey I'm gonna be playing x on Saturday if anyone's free come and join me" but that usually just ends in me gaming alone bc it's so noncommittal the others will catch up on other work they have but really I'm just trying to hang with any of them even if 1 person can't make it at the time we don't always have to only call in a group yk?

A is nice otherwise like she's still my friend just planning anything with her is starting to be like pulling teeth and I still want to keep in touch with her and hear how she's doing from our discord server but stuff like that I just want to start separating her from weekly calls (which are currently more like monthly) bc she's so flakey but I know it's kinda shitty to purposefully leave her out and she'd be upset if she ever found out I was doing that.

I'm also open to advice on how to deal with this situation in general, thus the detail, without causing a huge fight or make anyone pick sides +her tardiness won't be something we can talk through it's something we've worked on for years and recently have just given up and accepted since she's late even to things that are important to her

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[solradguy]

I have a headache and today's been stressful so I'm going to say something true and beautiful.

Kinnie meme. Template at the end since the source blog deleted. This is a long post.

1). What is your fictotype? Are you a specific character, a nonhuman species, or both?

You know.

2). Do you experience dysphoria? How so?

Not really. Sometimes I get embarrassed about being 'kin but I just suck it up and deal with it like I am right now.

3). Who are you open about it with?

Anyone that looks at my blog header and pinned post FAQ. I only really get open about it with a handful of very close friends though. And I guess anyone that reads this the whole way through.

4). Do you participate in the fandom of your source? How do you do so?

Damn, should've saved the "you know" for this one lol. I translate and scan books and have written a little fanfiction. Among other things...

5). Do you fictionflicker?

Had to search this so here's the definition for others: A Kintype that isn't permanent. It seems to "flicker" in and out of existence if you lose interest in that fandom.

Before Guilty Gear I probably did, but I had a hard time in general figuring myself out until relatively recently.

6). When did you realise you were fictionkin? How long have you been in the community.

It'll have been a year in late August. Some of my friends are fictionkin but I wouldn't say I really interact with the wider community at all.

7). What was your introduction to fictionkin?

Lmao... Probably seeing kids talk about it on DeviantArt back in '05 or '06. I've known about it for a long time. Though... I have to admit my views towards it back then used to be negative.... My second "introduction" was in the end of last year when I finally sat down and looked stuff up about it.

8). Are you similar to your fictotype in personality? How so?

That's how this all started. Friends kept making jokes about me being a Sol kinnie even though I was like this BEFORE Guilty Gear and eventually I just went and researched it and, well, here we are. People on sites I'm not open about this on have compared me to Sol before too and I just laugh about it. They don't know, but they know.

9). Are you similar to your fictotype in appearance? How so?

Not really. I guess we both have brown hair that wants to be vertical real bad and I've got a crazy shoulder/waist/hips ratio but that's about it. Oh, default expression like this -> T_T

10). Link to/tag your favourite fictionkin Tumblr.

No.

11). Have you ever met other fictionkin? In real life or online?

I've met therians and non-fiction otherkin in real life but have only seen other fictionkin online.

12). Have you ever met canonmates? In real life or online?

No.

13). Have you ever met doubles? In real life or online? How did it go?

Yeah, there are a few other Sols out there. It's gone fine, I don't really care about doubles and all that jazz and it didn't seem like they cared either. It'd be fun getting all the Sols together for a BBQ and shitty beer. We can play cornhole.

14). What are shifts like?

Bad. Makes me stay up late reblogging Jack-O' images :/

Jk lmao I ended up searching this term to make sure I was understanding it right because I was going to say "no" to this question but I guess I "dream shift" often and get "phantom shifts" (phantom limb sensations for non-human appendages) sometimes. For the phantom shifts it seems to be for wings the most frequently with claws and meat-tearing teeth less frequently.

The wing feeling is weird, I don't like it. It doesn't feel like the whole wing, just sort of where they would connect to my back but either the rest of the wing never existed or was never formed in a way that had nerve endings, or my brain forgot what the rest of the wing would be like. Usually I only get this feeling right after I wake up and it goes away quickly but sometimes it happens when I'm fully awake. The claws/teeth happen whenever.

I often wonder how related these feelings are to having synesthesia and being trans.

15). How do you deal with kin for fun?

I don't. It can be a little annoying sometimes when trying to find people or studies/essays that are serious about otherkinity, but more often than not the KFF people are just teens goofin off. I don't care. They are, as the name suggests, just doing it for fun and exploring their identities through characters they relate to. Introspection is always good.

16). What are your thoughts on symbols, flags, etc.?

Indifferent. The 7-pointed star's pretty neat though.

17). Does fictionkinity connect to spirituality for you?

No.

18). Does fictionkinity connect to neurodivergence for you?

It seems so. Like I said in one of the above questions, I used to have a hard time figuring myself out and when I was young I'd try to see things through the lens of a character that I related to. This likely wasn't otherkinity, but I think it maybe evolved into it. There weren't many masculine 6'5" women for me to relate to as a kid, I didn't know how I was supposed to be and gender didn't make any sense. There's definitely a relationship between being trans and otherkin for me.

19). Do other people notice your similarity to a character or species?

It seems so.

20). How do you express your fictotype? Clothes, merch, cosplay, maybe even name?

21). What's something about the fictionkind community you wish was different?

Don't see many essays and stuff from fictionkin as I do from other kinds of 'kin, which is a shame. It's probably because the rest of the otherkin community and the internet in general are unkind towards fictionkin.

22). What's something about the fictionkind community that you appreciate?

Someone's gonna laugh and say I'm just not seeing it, but if there's drama in the GG fictionkind community it never makes its way onto my feed. Hope it stays that way. Leave me out of it.

23). How do you approach consuming your source? Analytically, obsessively, casually, reluctantly, etc...

I bite a hole in the bottom of it and chug the whole thing like a beer can.

24). What's the worst anti-fickin take you've seen?

The most common one because it's annoying: "You're not actually a fictional character." No shit.

25). What's the best anti-fickin take you've seen? Respond to it.

That even if it really is only a passing phase, or that it turns out someone actually isn't 'kin of what they thought they were, that they still learned something about themselves.

26). What are some songs that remind you of your fictotype or source?

I've been working on a playlist that I wanna copy onto cassette but it's still 30 minutes short (needs to be 90 to fill the tape). Here are three songs from it:

I Will Find You - Whitechapel

Summit of Dragons - Sold Soul

Imaginary Fire - Carpenter Brut

27). What are some other characters/species that remind you of your fictotype?

The other day I compared Sol to an Italian mastiff. Dragons, obviously. Ifrit from FFXVI and Dante's Sin Devil Trigger from DMC5 share a vibe with his Dragon Install too.

28). Do you have a favourite piece of fanart?

Every Sol that Ume, Sutegoro, Hungry Clicker, and Nainsoo draw is golden.

29). Do you have activities that connect you to your source? (Food, hobbies, interests, etc.)

I spent 6 months working on a 3D printer to make a 1:1 scale Outrage MK.II, code, and have six Queen records. What else is there.

30). Talk about what it's like to be your fictotype.

I don't know. Some things make more sense, some things don't. It doesn't bother me as much as it did at first but finally having an explanation for what my brain is doing—and that it happens to other adults too—has been comforting. Though, I suppose it's on-theme for Sol to have complex identity feelings and a struggle to accept them.

---

1). What is your fictotype? Are you a specific character, a nonhuman species, or both?

2). Do you experience dysphoria? How so?

3). Who are you open about it with?

4). Do you participate in the fandom of your source? How do you do so?

5). Do you fictionflicker?

6). When did you realise you were fictionkin? How long have you been in the community.

7). What was your introduction to fictionkin?

8). Are you similar to your fictotype in personality? How so?

9). Are you similar to your fictotype in appearance? How so?

10). Link to/tag your favourite fictionkin Tumblr.

11). Have you ever met other fictionkin? In real life or online?

12). Have you ever met canonmates? In real life or online?

13). Have you ever met doubles? In real life or online? How did it go?

14). What are shifts like?

15). How do you deal with kin for fun?

16). What are your thoughts on symbols, flags, etc.?

17). Does fictionkinity connect to spirituality for you?

18). Does fictionkinity connect to neurodivergence for you?

19). Do other people notice your similarity to a character or species?

20). How do you express your fictotype? Clothes, merch, cosplay, maybe even name?

21). What's something about the fictionkind community you wish was different?

22). What's something about the fictionkind community that you appreciate?

23). How do you approach consuming your source? Analytically, obsessively, casually, reluctantly, etc...

24). What's the worst anti-fickin take you've seen?

25). What's the best anti-fickin take you've seen? Respond to it.

26). What are some songs that remind you of your fictotype or source?

27). What are some other characters/species that remind you of your fictotype?

28). Do you have a favourite piece of fanart?

29). Do you have activities that connect you to your source? (Food, hobbies, interests, etc.)

30). Talk about what it's like to be your fictotype.

#textpost #kin tag

[girl8890]

R Town | Ch.11

Jungkook x Fem!Oc

3.5k

POV: Jungkook

Warnings: Pining, Jealousy, Online stalking (past tense), Depression, Alcohol

Index | Ch.12

。・°°・°°・。 。・°°・°°・。 。・°°・°°・。

Before she even said her name, I knew it was her. Before Felix even announced his wife, I saw her and knew it was the girl I've constantly seen in my dreams for the past decade.

It's her hair. Her deep red hair doesn't look real, but if you have known her as long as I have you would know that hair is real as can be. Shiny and deep in color. Always making people turn their heads to look at it.

The way she walks. Gliding across the stage with her heels clicking against the old wood. Clenching onto the side of her dress to make sure the wind doesn't blow it up, or maybe even to control her anxiety. She never liked big crowds.

The way she speaks. She didn't say much. Just a short welcome, and then she was done. But that shy little hello, brought me back to all the days we used to spend together. The days we would play tag in the streets, play video games for as long as the store owner allowed us, and then go running to the playground after hours.

Our families never cared. My family was barely even a part of my existence, and her family just cared if she looked good. They cared if an eight-year-old looked good.

She always looked good to me. Even at seven or eight years old, I knew what it felt like to love someone. I know, I was young and stupid back then, but it was real. A real crush that made me want to be with her every second of every day. To just be in her presence and see her smile light up because of me. Then she left... and I felt my heart break for the first time.

People call me cold-hearted now. I don't blame her. I only blame myself. For letting myself get this way. For letting my jealousy spike when she said, "Thank you all for welcoming me and my... husband, into your town."

Husband. She has a fucking husband. It wasn't just innocent jealousy, either. I fucking hate her husband. I hate him for being with the person I've been longing for the past decade. I hate him because it's clear that's she stuck in the marriage with him. I know M'a smile. It doesn't look like that.

Before you ask yourself: Does this kid have issues? I probably do, but it's not like I haven't seen her at all since she left this once peaceful town. I've seen her on social media. Her name was never lost in my head, so finding her was easy. But by the time I gained the balls to message her, all her accounts became inactive. Some digging later, I found out she got married.

A year ago, it was. When I found out. A year ago is when I felt my heart break for the second time. And with this heartbreak, I became even more of a bastard than before.

I feel bad for Juliet, she was the victim for me to let my anger out on. I never hit her, but I made her think I had feelings for her when in reality, I just wanted to fuck my feelings out into her.

It's whatever now. I had a feeling she was only having sex with me for money, especially since the only times we ever really talked was when she asked about my financials, so I guess she got her own come-up-ins.

It took until the girl of my dreams was off the stage for me to realize I was staring at her the entire time. And because I'm a crazy mother fucker without brain cells, instead of using this chance to go and talk to her, I walk away. I completely ditch Jimin and walk the fuck away.

I can't talk to her, I tell myself. She's married. Maybe not happy but married still. What would I even say?

Oh, hey, M! Remember me? Your friend from when we were kids? Yeah, well, I've been in love with you since I was eight, and I haven't gotten over you since. Wanna divorce your husband, and be with me?

I slam the front door of my game store shut and yell, "Fuck!"  

A bunch of kids turn their heads away from the games they were playing to look at me funny, but I ignored them all. I walk straight past them all and into my office. I shut and lock the door behind me, then slide against the door until my ass hits the ground. I fold into myself and do what I haven't allowed myself to do in a long time... I cry.

I cry because I'm not only an idiot, but because it took until I saw M with her husband for me to realize; I will never be with her. Not only will she probably not remember me in the first place, but any connection we used to have back then is probably gone to her.

M has a whole life now. She owns a fucking sex and strip club, for fucks sake! She doesn't want me. Not when she can have any pick of the litter and is married!

I sit here, in this fetal position, for the rest of the day. I hear the store doors open and close multiple times. It isn't until the last person leaves that I stand up. I look through the office window and see that no one is in the store. Peeking at the clock on the wall, I see it's three in the morning.

Well, since I'm just full of stupid thoughts and ideas today, and because no one's in the store, I go into my desk drawer and grab the handle of whiskey I have stashed there. I ignore the glass next to it and decide I'll just drink straight from the bottle.

I set it down on my desk, slump in my chair as I sit in it, and wipe my face of dry tears. Might as well make this my life forever. Forever longing for a girl I can't have, nonetheless see, and drink myself to death.

It's then, right before my lips touch the bottle, that I hear the dance dance revolution game startup. I've heard it start up a million times, and when I first opened this store, I used to run from wherever I was to look and see who was playing it. Hoping one day, I would see M there on her old favorite game.

I know she wouldn't come here. She's probably at the opening of her new business right now... with her husband. This thought alone makes the bottle of alcohol in my hand look even better than before, but it's when I hear the song Dancing Queen start-up that I stop myself again.

I honestly thought it was just malfunctioning. It is an old game, after all, but one game I would never get rid of. It's the heart of this place. The only game in this whole place that reminds me of M the most, and I'll never get rid of it for that knowledge alone. Whether she'll play it again or not.

Because I don't remember hearing anyone come in, I stand from my seat and walk out of the office. I know my store is open 24/7, but it's very rare to find any kids coming in this late. My curiosity is peaked enough for me to exit my office and see who came in. I know it's not-

I step out of the office and freeze. For the second time today, my eyes widen, and my body is stuck at the moment. No more than a few feet away from me, using the dance dance revolution game, is the girl that owns my heart.

M is dancing on the machine like she's free as a bird. Smiling endlessly, and arms waving with the music. Her feet are hitting the arrows on the floor, and each time the singer sings, "Digging the dancing queen," she spins around in all her goddess-like glory. She's dancing her heart out and swaying her hips so perfectly that I have to swallow because if I don't, my mouth may just overflow with drool.

She's... she's just so beautiful. Like not a day has gone by since I've seen her last.

I feel for a second like my heart has given out. Like the shock of being this close to M made me have a heart attack, but it was actually my heart starting up again. Finally, being in the presence of her has let my heart beat again.

The finale lyrics of the song plays, and M finishes the song with one last spin. She's sweating and has to hold onto the handlebar to steady herself. The game took up a lot of her energy. It's then that I realize I've been standing here at the side, watching her the entire time. Like seeing her again so close, and watching her play her favorite game, has put me in a trance.

M watches the game screen. It's adding up her score, and it must have been good because she looks satisfied. Then, the high scores show, and she reads the screen. The look of shock that appears on her face could only mean one thing; that she knows a name on that leaderboard.

"Jungkook," M whispers, but because the store is so quiet, I hear her. The sound of my name rolling off her lips is making my skin crawl. It sounds so beautiful that I want her to repeat my name over and over again just for me to hear.

Before I know it, I'm responding with, "M." And she turns to the sound of her shortened name. Our eyes meet, and I swear to god, fireworks go off in my head. Almost like soul mates have been reunited, so the room's aura is just light and full of love. At least, that's how it is for me.

"Oh my god! Jungkook!" M screams and then runs into my arms. Her head slams into my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist, and it knocks the air right out of my lungs. Like she just restarted my lungs to work again, and I was finally able to exhale all my built-up pain. "Oh my - Jungkook, I've missed you so much."

Hesitantly, I allow myself to hold her. To hold her in my arms again, and I feel like not a day has passed. This reminds me of my younger self when I used to blush and stutter out useless words when she hugged me. Not realizing what the extra beats of my heart that only happened around her meant until she was already gone.

I hear her sniffle against my chest, and I realize then that I'm tearing up too. Me holding her small but beautiful body in my arms is literally my dream come true.

I repeat her name because I feel if I say anything else, I'll stutter like an idiot or say something stupid and ruin the moment. She pulls herself away from me, and I'll be honest, I feel completely empty now. M only backed up to give me some space, but I felt like she belonged in my arms, and now my heart feels a little less full without her in them.

"I-I can't believe your here. Jeon games... is this your store?!" M questions. The smile on her face is so bright and lively, it's the smile I know for a fact is real.

Only proving to me further that her smile from earlier is, in fact, fake. I feel annoyance and anger build in me, but as I stare at M's smile, it just shows that she's not, in fact, fake to me. That her real smiles are reserved for me. She's just so... "Beautiful."

I didn't realize until I saw her happy face turn confused that I said my thoughts out loud. I cough into my fist, then try to recover by stuttering out my answer to her question. "Y-yeah- Yes! M. This is my game store. Bought it a few years ago once this building opened up."

"I always had a feelings you would open a store like this. It was always your dream, anyway." Holy shit, she remembered! "You bought the store from old man Jackson, right? He's the one that used to tell us how terrible-"

"Life is when you get older," We both end up saying together at the end. We both exchange smiles with each other, and I feel so blessed to know that nothing has changed between us. M is still wild and wishing for an amazing life, and I'm still pining for her and wanting a life where I can take care of her while playing video games. "Yeah, he sold it for cheap too. This is now one of the top business in the town."

"Really? Your bragging now Mr. Hot shot? Well, look out. My place may just beat those statistics." She meant everything she said as a joke, but her saying ours was not a joke. Our, meaning her and her husband's business. Not to mention it's a fucking sex and strip club, but she also owns it with her stupid husband!

"Yeah, I bet. You and your husbands, right?" I feel bad now for saying these words because of the lack of a happy smile that's now on M'a face. It cuts into me like a knife into a piece of meat. Even though it would make me even more jealous, I wished I was wrong. I wished that she was happy and living a life full of love with her husband, but instead, I was right.

"Y-yeah - um - we do. It's kinda his business platform though. The sex and... strip club. I'm just on the papers as the half owner."

Well, that doesn't sound sketchy at all. What the fuck? His business platform. Is she telling me this isn't his first club? That this is his actual business as a whole! I don't know how I feel about that.

"How many places does he own?" M glances down at her sneakers, feeling awkward about answering the question. "Sorry. I know we haven't seen each other in years, and I'm asking you all types of-"

"It's fine," M interrupts. "It's just hard to act happy about your husband owning ten plus sex and strip clubs across the state." Two things stood out from those two sentences. One is the word act, and the second is ten plus clubs.

What has happened to you, M? What are you going through?

M then glances around the store, trying to figure out something else to talk about because this isn't a conversation she expected or wanted to have. She must have thought of something because once she looks at the dance dance revolution game, her eyes lit up.

"Hey! Wanna play?" M asks like a challenge, and her stance shows she's determined to be its victor.

I chuckle and scrap my shoes on the carpet. Getting myself ready for what I'm about to commit to. "I'm not sure if you can handle a dance dance revolution battle against me. I was watching you play, and it seems your a little rusty."

M gasps, faking she's insulted. "Excuse me! In case you forgot, this game right here." She points to the machine. "Is my game, and don't you forget it!"

Trust me, M, I haven't.

We both jump on the opposite sides of the arrowed floors. M leans closer to the screen to start it up, but then she realizes she hasn't put any money into the machine. She starts to dig into her pockets, but I stop her when I swipe my card. The card that lets me play free games because, well, I'm the owner.

"Alright, alright. I see you got some special card, Mr. Owner. Looks like I'll have to play with you every time I come in here then."

Please fucking do! And come in often while you're at it.

M scrolls through the list of songs, and I watch her in admiration as she's concentrating on picking the perfect song. Her eyes light up when she lands on a song, and the smirk that spreads on her face could only mean that the song is absolutely perfect for us to play with. She looks at me, and because I don't want to get caught staring at her, my eyes leave her form to see what she picked.

"Oh shit, this song? Damn, that takes me back."

Shake it Off by Mariah Carey used to be M'a number one song to play on here. When she played this song, I would fake exhaustion and stand to the side. When in reality, I just loved watching her dance to this song. Me to embarrassed to admit at the time that having her shake her hips the way she used to make some feelings stir in me that average eight-year-olds probably shouldn't have.

"Mhmm. It's a classic, and it's the one song you would always chicken out with. Well, no chickening out this time."

Yeah, chickening out. Let's go with that.

"Whatever you say, baby." I say it as a tease, but I don't miss M's cheeks heating up by the romantic nickname. We're both grown now, and I've been with enough girls to know that the pet name 'baby' hits a certain way if said by someone that they think is attractive... and M must find me be finding me very attractive.

She's not even looking at me directly anymore. Focusing on starting up the game and coughing into her arm when she notices I'm staring at her.

When the game finally starts up, we're both going hard. Neither of us missed a beat and concentrated on beating the other person after the game started. Since I'm a competitive fuck, I go for some mind games. "So, where have you been all these years? Cruising around in your family's yacht?"

I know what I said sounds like a bitch move, but M knows what I'm trying to do. She laughs high and sarcastic, then says, "Oh please, Jungkook." Fuck, please keep saying my name. "The only yacht I'm going to be on is the one I'm going to buy to celebrate beating you in this game."

"Ha! In your dreams... baby," I direct the pet name into her ear and deepen my voice for extra measure. I laugh, not at all sarcastic when M's face turns a deeper shade of pink, and she grunts out an 'Err!' Her now definitely knowing what I'm doing and why.

The game continues, us getting close to the end, and I'm winning by almost 200 points. M realizes this, and I watch her face twist into thinking mode. Trying to think of what to do or say to distract me. Jokes on her, I've played this game - and many others - a thousand times! There's no way a girl like her, someone who probably hasn't played a video game in years, is going to beat me.

I then focus back on the game, trying to go all out in the finale thirty seconds of the song. But because I'm such a fucking dumb-ass whipped mother fucker, M simply touching my hand to get my attention has me tripping over the moves. With a flutter of her flirty lashes, M says to me, "Come on, Kookie. Won't you let a girl win?"

My brain legit short circuits. I don't even remember pressing any of the arrows after she said those words.

Kookie. She called me fucking Kookie. A nickname she used to use on me anytime she really wanted something. Just like now, it works... but it's also not just that. She used a tone of voice I'd never heard before on her. A tone of voice that's not only allowing her to win but making my dick become half erect in my jeans.

I don't think the wires in my brain reconnect again until the game comes to an end and M is jumping up and down in victory. Her flirty voice and words worked on me easily and allowed her to win.

Then, she does something I didn't at all suspect. She hugs me, once again knocking the air out of my lungs, and continues to cheer in glory, "I won! I won! I won!"

It actually brings a smile to my face to see her this happy. I'm not even pissed that I lost, and I always get pissed when I lose. But looking at M now, a wide smile on her face, and bouncing around like a bunny rabbit, has me not giving a shit about the game.

I have her back, literally in my arms, so that I can give a shit a less about the rest of the world. Fuck this town, fuck her husband, and fuck everyone and anything else outside this embrace.

I have M back, and I couldn't have wished for anything better.

-

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Index | Ch.12

#r town #r town chapter 11 #chapter 11 #bts #Jungkook bts #jk #jk bts #Jungkook x oc #jungkook x fem!oc #Jungkook x reader #Bts love story #romance #pining #pining jungkook #jealous jungkook #slow burn #friends to lovers #M #meow #longing #longing jungkook #Euphoria

[rottingbxy]

30 days fictionkind challenge

but all in one post because if i do it day per day i'll probably forget about it

1: What is your fictotype? Are you a specific character, a nonhuman species, or both?

i'm specific character(s)! i have a few otherkins aside anyway

2: Do you experience dysphoria? How so?

just wanting to look more like my fictiotypes, in hair, contexture, face, etc

3: Who are you open about it with?

a very few friends that i know won't judge me for it

4: Do you participate in the fandom of your source? How do you do so?

kinda??? i don't usually interact with fandom generally, but i interact with a lot of content creators and do some comments sometimes

5: Do you fictionflicker?

nope

6: When did you realize you were fictionkin? How long have you been in the community?

starts of this the year i'm not mistaken?? i've been discovering new types since then

and about the community, a month after finding out!

7: What was your introduction to fictionkin?

tikok people, unfortunately...

8: Are you similar to your fictotype in personality? How so?

i assume you mean the `canon` personality, hmmm, yeap! i share a lot of traits with the canon in a way or another,

9: Are you similar to your fictotype in appearance? How so?

again, assuming you mean canon, EEEH, most of them are skinny white boys with short hair, so, nope

10: Link to/tag your favorite fictionkin Tumblr

one, two and three! (the third one support endo systems, but i generally agree with their opinions and love the advice they give)

11: Have you ever met other fictionkin? In real life or online?

just online, and some of my mutuals here are ^^

12: Have you ever met canonmates? In real life or online? How did it go?

i have known 2, but i always end up cutting contact with them because, i'm not good socializing suffer

13: Have you ever met doubles? In real life or online? How well did you get along?

not a single one... I LOVE DOUBLES SO MUCH, doubles pls interact

14: What are shifts like?

sometimes is just a mix of all my fictiotypes, it feels blurred, i also feel very nostalgic and even dysphoric sometimes, my shifts happen rarely tho

15: How do you deal with kin-for-fun?

i just ignore them, actually idc about them

16: What are your thoughts on symbols, flags, etc.?

LOVE THEM!! i'm a hoarder so i can't help it

17: Does fictionkinity connect to spirituality for you?

yes and no

18: Does fictionkinity connect to neurodivergence for you?

i'm questioning some neurodivergences (points at autism and bpd), generally i don't think so? but my dissociation, derealization and depersonalization affects a lot of my identity, including my fictionhood

19: Do other people notice your similarity to a character or species?

yeap! mainly with mark and the overseer (aka swap stanley)

20: How do you express your fictotype? Clothes, merch, cosplay, maybe even name?

clothes, names and doing fanart/writting some things

21: What’s something about the fictionkind community that you wish was different?

a lot of the discourse, how folks judge other folks for having problematic characters as fictionkins or having problematic neoma/memories, the spiritual vs psychological kin stuff, exclusionism towards the fictives (i haven't seen it a lot but yes quite a times), folks being shitty towards doubles, forcing labels into people, etc

22: What’s something about the fictionkind community that you appreciate?

the people in it, the flags, flags and terms, being yourself freely, compression between the folks, sharing your experiences without feeling that you're going to be judged, etc (specially people over 20 being fictkins, reconfirms that it's not a 'weird teen shit')

23: How do you approach consuming your source? Analytically, obsessively, casually, reluctantly, etc…

it depends... with tmc i do it obsessively, with madeleine phantasms i do it reducedly, etc

24: What’s the worst anti-fickin take you’ve ever seen?

" y'all are delulus, you CAN'T be a fictional character 💀" <- average tiktok user argument

25: What’s the best anti-fickin take you’ve ever seen? Respond to it

i haven't seen none unfortunately

26: What are some songs that remind you of your fictotype or source?

cracks knuckles

27: What are some other characters/species that remind you of your fictotype?

BUNNYS. and divine creatures

28: Do you have a favorite piece of fanart? (Better to reblog for this day, do not repost someone’s art.)

linked one, two, three, four and five

29: Do you have activities that connect you to your source? (Food, hobbies, interests, etc.)

studiying, reading, eating desserts, taking naps (lmao), wearing comfy clothes, drinking coffee/tea, feeling tired or stressed, writting in my journal or random thoughts

30: Talk about what it’s like to be your fictotype.

don't get me wrong, i love being myself, but i really miss my family, my home, my friends, i really miss it all, it's heartbreaking knowing that i'll never see them again, that i'll never go back to my home, but, it's lovely at the same time, even if it's involuntarily, it helps me to feel more attached to myself, i also love this community, love a good part of my neomas and memories, love expressing myself, using the terms and flags, sharing experiences with others, i love most of it ^.^

#✦ 🗝️ | kin stuff |

[saccharineomens]

Hey, girl, heeyyy~ thanks for the asks! I'd love to get to know you better too, bestie (I can't wait to see you again irl soon, too, hopefully). Here's what I'm wondering about you:

8. how many water bottles are in your room right now?

12. what kind of day is it?

26. a scenario that you’ve replayed multiple times?

37. someone in your life, other than a relative, you’ve known for 10+ years?

48. when did you first try an alcohol beverage?

ty friend, I hope our plans for the trip work out!

8. Only one that has water in it! I do have some empty cups though, I admit (2 of them).

12. An anxiety day, but most of them are lol. An “I’m having a nice time because I have friends and people who love me and I do things that make me happy, but fear regarding finances and my future are constantly lingering in the background” day.

26. Oh. Hm. Well. There’s one scenario that’s been troubling me for years, and I constantly think of ways I could have handled it better, but unfortunately at the moment I’ve done all I can to reconcile without being pushy. It led to the end of a friendship I treasured (you might know which one I’m talking about), and so while I’ve apologized and said I want to make amends, the ball is in their court.

Unfortunately, some friendships just end. And while that breaks my heart every time I think about it, relationships are a two-way street. I don’t see anything more I can do on my own to fix it.

37. @vasha-the-great! I’ve known him since I was in middle school (which was like…14 years ago now?). He was @clockworkcrow’s friend — who ALSO counts, but since they’ve been my sibling’s partner for over a decade they’re basically family. Vasha and I still get together to play board games sometimes. I attended his wedding, which was very cute. We became friends by roleplaying our ocs online lmao

48. I definitely tried my mother’s beer (at her invitation) when I was a pre-teen, and I hated the taste. My first proper drink was a shot of tequila at my eighteenth birthday, which I chased with coke. I liked it! Haven’t had that particular combo again, curiously enough.

#Axbox #Ask meme #omishu