#be normal about this one okay? cause someone *cough cough nonny in my inbox cough cough* wasn’t

[sylvies-chen]

I have no real feelings towards izzy hands. I do not hate him, I do not feel particular adoration for him, I’ve always felt neutral about him but I do appreciate izzy for what he is. but boy do I have some takes on him! and though I’ve refrained from speaking my mind I’ve learned that the hate mail will come anyway so fuck it, I’m doing a meta. please, if you feel very passionately about izzy on either side of the spectrum, please do not read this. this is a singular person’s interpretation of things, it means absolutely nothing in the grand scheme of the world so please just be respectful. ok let’s do it:

*takes deep breath* *taps the mic*

to me, izzy hands is/was an antagonist not because of any internalized homophobia that may or may not be there but because the world of piracy has adopted its own system and practice of hegemonic masculinity.

hegemonic masculinity is the practice of the dominance of men— or, certain kinds of men— in society, so women and other marginalized ways of being a man are subordinated (i.e. queer men, trans men, disabled men, fem men). our flag means death does a great job of establishing two very different worlds and their takes on hegemonic masculinity: high society, and piracy. in high society, whiteness and wealth are two main pillars of masculinity. men are allowed to exhibit more feminine behaviour or attire such as ornate and colourful clothing, wigs, bows, tights, makeup, etc. because they are displays of social status and material wealth. in the world of piracy, however, those things aren’t exactly possible. violence is the real currency and the main tool in constructing the toxic masculine hierarchy. their attire has to be intimidating and express a capacity for violence. toxic masculinity is also established and formed through a sort of stoicism/being emotionally closed off, intimidation, power, deception, and fear.

ed has mastered how to perform fear and masculinity all too well over the years, but he also hasn’t been happy whatsoever in that role so when he discovers stede, he finds stede’s attitude refreshing and transformative.

season 1 izzy is different. season 1 izzy has thrived within the pirating world by adhering to the standards of hegemonic masculinity and does not see any problem with it. he enjoys the existence of a hierarchy and, though he dreams of being captain/top dog, still thoroughly adored (past tense now, though I originally wrote this before the teaser clip came out) being servile to edward. this sort of devotion does come from a place of being in love with ed. he does not have a problem with that, nor does he have a problem with the fact that men love other men. if it were up to izzy, gayness/homosexuality would be integrated as an acceptable characteristic of hegemonic masculinity.

but stede does not want that. he questions why patriarchal society has dictated that men not, under any circumstance, display their creativity, their emotion, vulnerability, hopes, dreams, or fears in front of each other. he questions why men have been taught to bottle things up, and why they aren’t more kind to one another. he actively works to dismantle toxic/hegemonic masculine standards within his own crew and season 1 izzy hates that. he sees those as the qualities of someone weak, soft, and effeminate. he wants to have queerness subscribe to the qualities of toxic masculinity that have been enforced upon him which is why his main beefs have been with lucius and stede, who are the most “feminine” and open gay men on the ship (stede being emotionally open in izzy’s eyes at least, and lucius being sexually open/vocally open and indifferent to authority). that’s why he uses lucius’s flirtatiousness and “promiscuity” as blackmail, and not his actual gayness. his problem has to do with his version of masculinity. he sees lucius and stede’s ways of being a man as worthy of subordination.

and yes, that is bad and he needs to work to unpack all that shit. but you can see through his comments in the trailer about piracy fostering a sense of belonging, through the teaser clip of him crying in front of others, through the unhealthy dynamic he finds himself in with ed where he pushed a button that he didn’t realize was going to set off a bomb in ed (metaphorically speaking), that he is starting to unpack it, and is learning the hard way (through much sympathizable suffering) that this system benefits no one, not even him. it harms him, in fact. his loyalty to a standard of masculinity that is so unobtainable, to a system that is not built in anyone’s favour, and one that makes him the losing dog every time, is starting to crack!! we can see him learn to develop a form of masculine self-expression without any of the toxic qualities that made him so wound up as before, and instead allow healthy masculinity to co-exist with a culture of acceptance and queer community!!! but his antagonism in season 1 doesn’t mean he’s homophobic per se, it just made him gender normative and annoying.

#I swear I have never been more nervous posting something #be normal about this one okay? cause someone *cough cough nonny in my inbox cough cough* wasn’t #my thoughts #izzy hands #ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet

[bellakitse]

#17 of that prompt list for Malex plss

adore all the pieces of you (with all the pieces of me)

this has been in my inbox for 4 months, sorry for the delay nonnie!! Prompt from here

Alex Manes is sitting on the massage table of the physicaltherapist’s room, watching as his friend Dr. Kyle Valenti walks around inspectingthe place, acting like he’s never been in this part of the hospital.

Surgeons, honestly.

“You know you don’t have to babysit me, right?” he questionssulkily as Kyle ignores him for a poster on the wall that rates pain levels. “I’vebeen at this for months now, I don’t need you to hold my hand.”

“Really?” Kyle turns around, flashing him a smirk that makesAlex question why he reconnected with him when he came home from Baghdad in thefirst place. “Shame, you have such pretty hands, Manes.”

Alex shoots him an irritated look, rolling his eyes when itdoesn’t seem to phase the good doctor’s good mood. Instead, he chuckles in theface of Alex’s annoyance.

“You’re such a grouch Alex,” Kyle tells him with fondness inhis voice.

It soothes the instant guilt Kyle’s words cause, even as thetruth of them sting a little. He hates that he’s in a mood all the time, but hecan’t help it. He’s been back home five months, and eight since he got hurt andwas honorably discharged from the Air Force.

He thinks eight months should be enough time for him to getused to his new normal.

He’s been trying.

He doesn’t resent the crutch at his side nearly as much ashe did when he first started using it. He can ignore his prosthetic sometimes ifhe puts his mind to it. He just can’t ignore it here, in this room whenhe’s in shorts that show off the gleaming metal, waiting for the therapist toput his hands on him.

He cuts off his train of thought before it goes any further,the next hour is going to be torture enough as is, no need to think about him,before it starts.

“Seriously Valenti, don’t you have patients to heal withyour magic hands?” he asks sarcastically.

Kyle shrugs at him as he leans against the wall, stillgrinning like Alex is a source of great amusement for him. “I have healedeveryone, no one left.”

Alex rolls his eyes. “Okay Jesus,” he mutters.

Kyle cocks his head to the side studying him, while Alextries not to squirm under his gaze. “Why are you trying to get rid of me?” Kylequestions with a puzzled look.  

“Does it really bother you? Me being here or-“ Kyle trailsoff. Alex looks away but not fast enough for Kyle to read something off hisface. “Oh.”

Alex closes his eyes as he hears the glee in Kyle’s voice. “Don’t,”he warns him, only to get ignored as Kyle lets out a laugh making Alex regret everythingin his life. He especially regrets the last time he and Kyle got drunk, andAlex confessed his feelings for a certain someone.

Kyle laughs even harder, while Alex seriously considers knockinghim out with his crutch.

“This is about Guerin,” Kyle teases, and Alex hatesthe way his body reacts to the name. “You don’t want me here when he comes inbecause you love him.”

Alex glares at his friend, hating the way his cheeks burn. “Blowme.”

Kyle lets out a roaring laugh, clutching his stomach as Alexfumes, embarrassed; he keeps laughing to the point of turning red, and when hestarts coughing, Alex darkly hopes he chokes.

“It’s not my mouth you fantasize about,” Kyle getsout, gasping for breath as his laughter calms down to a chuckle. “Which franklyis insulting.”

“Shut up, Kyle,” he hisses out just as the door opens, andhis physical therapist for the last four months walks in.

Michael Guerin.

He wears his usual light blue scrubs like the majority ofthe hospital staff, but he fills them out so much better. His hair is a mess ofcurls like always, and Alex has to curl his hands, his nails biting into hispalm at the desire to touch it. He looks at Alex with the same wide smile healways has when he sees him.

“Oh-oh, what’s this? Captain grumpy pants, scowling?” Michaelquestions with a grin instead of offering a greeting. He barely spares Kyle aglance.

Alex tells himself not to get excited about that, he’sMichael’s patient. That’s why it seems like Michael never looks away from him,it’s nothing more.

“It’s his default setting,” Kyle comments in with a shit-eatinggrin.

Alex rolls his eyes, making a face at Kyle, scowling evenharder when Michael lets out an amused sound. “Yeah, it’s me,” he says dryly. “Notlike Kyle is an asshole, and you’ve walked in to join him,” he answers, lookingback at Michael, his stomach flipping when Michael looks at him fondly.

“You’re really hot when you look like that,” Michael says,pointing at Alex’s face. It doesn’t startle Alex as much as the first timeMichael commented on his good looks, but it still sends a jolt through him. “Well,to be fair, you always look good,” he continues, stepping over to a file cabinetto pull out Alex’s file. “Shame about the personality.”

That shuts Alex up, and he can’t help the hurt he feels atthe comment; he tries to keep his expression neutral, but he knows he’s not successfulby the way Kyle shoots him a look, and Michael pauses looking back at him withan apologetic expression.

“Alex-“

“I better go,” Kyle interrupts Michael, shooting him a glareof his own, it almost makes Alex smile at his friend’s protectiveness. “I haverounds. Drinks tonight, Alex?”

“Yeah,” he says, clearing his throat. “Later.”

He and Michael watch Kyle leave in silence, the tension inthe room rising a notch as their buffer leaves them.

“I’m sorry,” Michael starts, stopping short when Alex waveshim off.

“Forget it,” he says quickly, he tries to smile but knows itcomes off as a grimace. “I know I have a shitty attitude, you didn’t say anythingI didn’t already know. Let’s just get to the session.”

Michael goes to open his mouth again, only to stop, hisshoulders slouching. They get to work, only talking when Michael asks him how hisnew prosthetic feels. They go over his daily activities before Michael runs histests, touching him with gentle hands when it’s time to check him over. Alexholds his breath when they get to the massage part of their session, forcinghimself not to react as Michael’s strong hands knead the sore muscles of hisleg.

“You’re tense,” Michael murmurs, his body so close to Alexhe can feel the heat radiating off him.

“I’m always tense,” Alex mumbles, leaning back on the table.“Part of my personality.”

Michael’s hands stop, and when he looks up from where he’s working,his honey-colored eyes look sad.

“I’m sorry,” he says again, not stopping when Alex shakeshis head. “No, really, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.”

Alex rolls his eyes, hating that they’re so close, and hecan’t put space between them. It leaves him feeling more vulnerable than hewould like. “Like I said, I know what I’m like, it’s no big deal.”

Michael shakes his head. “That’s not what I meant. I didn’tmean the last part, your personality isn’t a shame.”

Alex sighs deeply. “Guerin.”

“See that,” Michael points at him. “That tried sigh,the rolling eyes, the scowling, you are a grump Alex Manes.”

“Thanks,” Alex says dryly, making Michael grin.

“You’re also sarcastic as hell,” he continues, his eyessparkling with amusement. “And I love it, I love all of it. I adore all thepieces of you.”

Alex’s breath catches, his heart pounding against hisribcage at the look Michael gives him. A small spark of hope springs inside himthat he can’t put out no matter how hard he tries.

“Why?”

Michael’s expression softens, and Alex swallows hard at theaffection he sees there. “Because all of that makes you, you. You’re AlexManes, war hero, super hacker, you frown, you laugh and everything else inbetween, and sometimes you give me this look that makes me think I have achance.”

Alex licks his lips, his body lighting up when Michael’seyes track the action. “A chance at what?”

Michael looks at him, his hands that have still beentouching his stump come up to cup his face. “A chance to be the reason you startsmiling more than frowning. I want to make you smile all the time, Alex.”

Alex watches as Michael’s eyes light up when he tugs him forward,they both have smiles on their faces when they kiss. It’s a soft touch of theirlips, gentle and loving, and everything Alex has been dreaming about formonths.

When they part, Michael beams at him, causing Alex to laugh,blushing as Michael touches the corner of his smile with his thumb.

“You already do, Michael.”

#roswell nm #malex fic #malex #michael x alex #my writing #anon #ask #anon fill #Anonymous #this is not what i should have been working on and yet here we are

[aquarianlights]

Hey I just have a question, as a transboy do you wear a binder on a daily basis and how do you deal in the summer if it's hot where you are? I find that it's extremely uncomfortable when it's hot to wear an extra layer and I'm just wondering if you know of any like lighter solutions than a normal binder? Xx

I actually don’t know any lighter solutions to binders, tbh. :/ I’m sorry. My favourite binder is from a company…uhm…GC2B? Or uh…something like that. Anyways…it’s absolutely amazing. And it’s actually rather breatheable, surprisingly. It does still get hot af, though. But I mean…during the summer, if you ARE going to wear binders…wear the ones that only cover the bare minimum. Like…only ones that cover your chest and nothing else. It helps with the heat problem a bunch. 😣 Coz I mean…if you don’t wear a binder, you’re probably gonna wear a bra (I hope???) so that’s still an extra layer in a sense but holy fuck bras are SO MUCH MORE BREATHEABLE THAN BINDERS. Not to mention they don’t squeeze you like binders do. “But that’s common sense, Riles. Don’t even go there.” Okay okay sorry. Tangent.

BUT. To answer your other question…I don’t always bind in the summer for the heat reasons. If I know I’m gonna be outside for more than 30 minutes, I don’t wear a binder. I am susceptible to heat exhaustion because of my medications so I have to be really careful. Not to mention, I get hot as fuck SO easily…and it puts me in SUCH a bad mood, that if someone even so much as rubbed me the wrong way, I would probably snap their neck off. You have no idea how many physical fights I have gotten into simply because it was too hot out and I had been in the sun too long. Fucking hell, I mean, …with what global warming (cough humans cough) is doing to this planet, I would not even be surprised if wearing a binder could KILL YOU in this heat. I mean, in case you missed it, things are literally MELTING in Arizona. Like. Fuck, dude. ._. Idk about you, but, being psychologically tortured and uncomfortable is better than dying of heat stroke or heat exhaustion or yknow…being literally cooked alive from the inside out. So no I don’t really wear binders during the summer. Or hot months in general.

I don’t always wear a binder when it’s comfortable out, either. I have to outwardly portray as female around my family so I don’t get beaten or yelled at or locked up. I also outwardly portray as female when I’m at home in the south. Basically because I’m scared of getting raped or shot or burned alive or whatever. I have had cis men shout at me that they want to “rape the girl back into me” and I have had a gun pointed to my head over my expressing myself as male outwardly. So…I mean…I’m just…scared, tbh. And since I’m in MA SURROUNDED BY FAMILY (aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, cousins, second cousins, third cousins, …I mean…holy wow, practically my whole damn family is up here so I’m constantly in the presence of everyone AND their friends) I just don’t bother binding. However…I have fairly small breasts and I always wear a bra that tucks them close to my chest in a comfortable way (not always a sports bra). So when I put on my clothes over that…it really only looks like I have little raises on my chest. You can barely tell at all. I mean, yes, you can tell…but it covers it pretty nicely. Helps that my breasts are really small.

But…I do think that I’m gonna start binding when I go to family things now. Coz after talking to one of my second cousins, I have found out that our family is pretty open to the LGBTQIA+ population…as we have QUITE A FEW lesbians and gays in our family. I think I’m the only transgender one, though. But some…a lot…of my family knows what transgender is (surprisingly, even a lot of my older 40-50+ aged family memebers know transgender things)…and I came out to a lot of people I felt it was safe to come out to so far…so I mean…I feel like when my mom introduces me as my birth name, I am going to start stepping up and saying “Please. Call me Riley. I am transgender and I don’t go by that name anymore.” Because I’m finding out that…the north is a LOT more accepting of us than the south is. Like…I don’t feel like I’m gonna get raped or murdered here if I go out of the house with my chest bound and portrayed as outwardly male. So I’m gonna start doing that…coz, I mean… I’m going to be getting on hormones anyways so my family will find out EVENTUALLY ANYWAYS. WHY NOT NOW. UGH.

Fuck. Tangent…sorry, mate. Lol.

But ANYWAYS…to answer your questions:No, I don’t know any cooler options to a binder. If any of my followers know, PLEASE shoot me an ask to publish or respond to this ask in the thread.No, I don’t wear a binder in the summer.

And, yes, I’m completely downplaying how utterly PHYSICALLY ILL it makes me feel to go outside outwardly portraying as female…but I will be damned if I end up passing out in the middle of Boston because I couldn’t handle taking my binder off. I do NOT want to die…and that would be an EXTREMELY painful way to die. And YES the dysphoria it causes makes me FEEL like I’m dying, but…fuck it. I can’t handle heat, man…the way the binders squeeze me makes the heat thing even more unbearable. And binders+heat=panic attacks for me. Coz I feel like I can’t breathe.

So…man…the only thing I can advise is invest in some bras that push your breasts down. Sports bras are a good way to start…but I found some that are a lot softer than that, push without it FEELING like it’s pushing, and gently cup your boobs on the inside with super soft breatheable material. And most of it is netted material…so it’s nice and breatheable. I think I got them at Target? Maybe Wal-Mart. Fuck, I can’t remember.

But I SERIOUSLY recommend getting a binder from these GC2B people. I forget if that’s the right name of the company…I will edit this when I can google it. Sorry. I’m on mobile. BUT ANYWAYS dude lemme fuckin tell you about these badass binders okay. 😎 Like holy fuck where do I start. They’re fashionable, they’re breatheable, they fit like a glove when you get the right size (and omg they have AMAZING staff and customer support that will help you return yours if it’s not the right size and exchange it for another size), they don’t squeeze you to death, they’re made of REALLY nice material, they don’t pull on your shoulders, they come in a variety of colours and skin tones and different models, they’re extremely durable…and they do the job they’re designed to do. And they do it DAMN WELL. When I put mine on, you can’t tell I have boobs at all. It chisels my chest into nice pecs. Like…I could not ask for a better binder. They’re not super expensive either. I mean…yeah, they cost a good bit, but they’re not “expensive”. They cost a COMPLETELY fair amount. And I PROMISE YOU they will help you find your right size no matter how many times you have to exchange sizes. And yes they have a measuring chart…like every FTM shop should!

But anyways I’m going on another tangent.

I’m really sorry I couldn’t answer your questions…Sometimes I wear baggy tops to cover my chest when I’m feeling more dysphoric than usual. And I feel dysphoric every time I don’t bind my chest. So summer fucking sucks. Stay indoors…lol. That’s the best advice…if you do things indoors, a binder shouldn’t be a problem. A/C is a fucking miracle, tbh. 😧

If anyone has any answers or personal experience to share for this lovely person, PLEASE hit up my inbox so I can publish it…or reply to this thread so nons can keep track of it. 🙂

Ily nonny! I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I know that feel all too well… I really hope you find a solution that helps with the awful dysphoria. :/ And if you DO figure out something on your own…PLEASE come back and let me know. I would love to be able to comfortably bind during the summer without being cooked alive by the sun. Lol.