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deliciouspirateangel · 1 year

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random thoughts on the first two eps of cruel summer s2 dont spoilers open inside

so im watching with my sister of course and we also rewatched s1 together and wow. we were going back over summaries of the show that were like "two sides to the story, who will you believe?" as if we were ever supposed to be on jeanette's side. the thought is sooo laughable its sad

anyway in that same vein we're also both automatically for isabella and against megan (bc you have to choose sides you cant like two characters at once duh) like isabella has been in town for 6.3 seconds and megan already hates her and is also snooping thru her stuff like ??? get a grip get a life and get over it

and then my sister asked me which character i thought would have the unnecessary gay subplot this season and now we're scared its gonna be megan lmao. that one shot with the fireworks and the song playing and megan staring at isabella had us like uh oh

bc my god that gay relationship was the least necessary subplot of the first season it was so bad. not that it needs to be relevant but they treated it like it was lmao. and the mallory/kate thing was fine but so rushed so idk these writers dont do justice to queer. id rather be spared

the "twist" of the first ep was something we saw coming a mile away lmao. youre supposed to think isabella is dead and i was like "if she is dead then no she's not it's her twin sister" and then it showed that missing persons poster with the person torn off and my sister was like "i bet its the guy friend" and i was like ooh yeah you're right it's the guy friend

and then they unzip the body bag and are like "it's guy friend" and we were immediately like no tf it's not let me see the body!! so idk why the dad would lie or misidentify the body maybe they wanted to save money on special effects so they didnt show it but we still think something is fishy idk

and since me and my sister share one brain cell we both got the idea that isabella is like brenda song's character in stuck in the suburbs. if you dont understand then idk what to tell you </3 basically she's just hyping up her life but its mostly a lie idk

and omg the bullshit about that video was so gross. again one brain cell after the first ep we were like "you couldnt even see the person in the video i bet it wasnt even her!" well surprise

and isabella taking the blame anyway bc megan could lose her scholarship and get suspended from school like ??? why should this involve the school ewww and of COURSE misogyny and misogynoir and of course no one can say or do shit to the boy in the video bc his daddy owns half the town bleh

even a year later when she's in college like the whole town still believes this lie that could ruin isabella like ??? yall just tell omg. i think they at least mentioned the fact that she was underage and that constitutes as cp but goddamn no one in shows ever cares

like literally the guy's dad who owns half the town couldve spoken up like "i know my son isnt going to get in trouble for any of this so i dont think the girl in the video should either" but no lets get the whole town to hate her

i think the dad killed his son idk thats my guess

the show isnt great but at least its fun lol what do YOU guys think is gonna happen this season??? hmu

#cruel summer #cruel summer season 2 #isabella larue #megan landry #luke chambers #angel watches stuff #angel watches cruel summer #my thoughts

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kimnjss · 1 year

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Wait. So much to unpack here.

1. I lowkey love Hobi and Y/N’s chemistry. I have a feeling they are gonna be so fucking cute together. BUT, I want all the mess first.

2. I see Hobi getting bold calling her greedy. We all know she ran out of there before she would let more happen. And I know Hobi knows that too. That little bit of leeway got him feeling confident.

3. There is trouble in paradise. Joon you damn idiot. I have a feeling Cyn is not for the bullshit so you know she told him where to pick it up and lay it down. I got a feeling by the end if this there will be no more openness in that marriage.

4. Not JK being a professional sugar baby, worrying about where the hell he is gonna take a date. A girl he “wasnt interested in” that girl is about to run his life and wreck him.

5. Yoongi is a hoe. Thats it.

6. This might be my favorite Yoongi. Over “Be my Baby” Yoongi. Might take the cake. The audacity. The unmitigated gall of this man.

7. Im starting to feel like Yoongi wants Tae from the sheer challenge of getting Tae. And Tae is fine as hell.

8. Why am I not surprised no one believes our Man Hobi about this date. I know he is about to be adorable and dopey. Thats why she cant resist him.

Also, about last chapter how you put “Lalapalooza Hobi” as a warning that was a whole different man.

sooo much! let's gett right into ittt!

1. it's crazy bc they're lowkey so similar but neither of them are able to realize it bc hobi refuses to be himself nd yn has her guard up so high . hopefully during their date all of that melts away nd they can really see each other bc they'll be sooo cute!!

2. nd once his confidence starts to shine through??? all bets are off for sure!! like i wish someone would tell him that she's attracted to him when he's sure of himself ., which is why she was intrigued by him sort of ignoring her yk

3. cin is def not the type of hold back when she has something to say esp when she feels like she's being wronged nd joon is definitely not an exception to thattt! the two of them have strict rules when it comes to their arrangement nd she's not crazy so her pointing shit out is worth paying attention too ., which is why joon was sooo quick to whisk her away... buuuut! if things don't shape up btwn them ., things are def going to have to change .

4. oooh akari is def going to give him a run for his money that's for sure!! the fact that he's even taking her on a date - no money involved is proof enough that she's got some type of hold on him ., nd they've barely even met yet -

5. valid points were made!!

6. yoongi is for sure my favorite member to write ., like you can do so much with his character??? nd yeah that's true for all of them ., but idk there's jus sMTH ABT MIN YOONGI!!

7. oh one hundred percenttt! he picked up on tae having a thing for jimin early on ., nd the cold shoulder he was so adamant to give ., he's def trying to prove to himself that hE CAN get tae . the person he's truly interested in jimin tho .

8. lMAFAO it's crazy too bc all of his friends know that he can actually pull buuut he's so strange when it comes to yn that they're jus convinced he has no game . poor thinggg! he really needs to start being himself .

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troph4eum · 17 days

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Overcoming Toxicity

aight so 4 months ago i wrote this song called overcoming toxicity and i wanna talk ab it cuz it ties back to a concept in do you see your god in me but theres also other stuff i wanna talk ab in it.

heres the link for it

so if u listened to it its p obviously a love song and yeah its ab a specific person. we werent together or none but it was more than platonic to say the least. im ngl2u shit didnt work out which i always knew was a possibility which is why im not too fucked up ab it now (it did take a bit to come to terms w it tho ngl2u) but despite that im still glad i made this song bc it helped me solidify some things and a bunch of other stuff im gonna get into.

so before we rlly get into it bc this songs backstory involves another person im not gonna get into very specific details out of respect for them plus it aint yalls business to know everything. but ima jus say no crazy shit happened btw us causing some crazy falling out theres no beef or drama to be had ima leave it at that.

now that thats out of the way lemme get into explaining this song.

so a major theme in this song is running away and the idea of "it" being worth it. what this all stems from is when me and this person first met. we became friends and i noticed that it was insanely possible for me to develop feelings for them. and in all honestly that scared the shit out of me cuz i got trouble with trusting people and attachment. so as they tried to get closer i would ignore them sometimes and keep my space to prevent that. and listen ill be the first to tell u that im a fucking asshole for that and even knowing how everything ended up i still regret it bc they didnt do anything to deserve that. but bc of my own cowardice and refusal to be vulnerable i did it.

this all happened around last summer and after a certain point in time we just werent as close as we used to be. some time passed and in that time i stopped hanging around a lot of my friends thats where the "ran away from all my friends" line came from. the whole me not liking them in the first place bit is an exaggeration but i started to realize that their actions werent very fitting of my morals. or at least thats how im choosing to put it bc honestly its not serious enough for me to get into specifics. soon after that i started to realize how much of an idiot i was being and decided that i shouldnt be scared to commit to something just because it might not work out. which is something that yu yu hakusho (ik im a fucking nerd LMAO) reminded me of. so i started hanging out w them more. as time went on we got closer n shit theres a lot more to it but like i said that shit aint yalls business but like i thought i would i started to develop feelings for this person the more i got to know them. and it wasnt too much longer after that when i wrote this song.

so like just going thru the lyrics i feel like everythings pretty self explanatory but a few lines sort of stand out as needing a bit more context to be fully understood

thought i'd amount to nothin

cant lie thought i was bluffin i thought i'd never love again

i come back to u n ask myself if it was worth it god i hope ts is worth it always struggled w my purpose i jus scratched the fuckin surface yall dont know whats underneath talkin like this hurts my teeth n i thought i was gettin better but im yellowed from the grief youre too fuckin sweet

and then theres obviously the reprise of do you see your god in me which im saving for last

so honestly the amount to nothing, purpose, and surface lines all can be grouped cuz they deal w the same sort of topic. so i used to talk to this person ab my dreams and like the actual artistry behind not just my music but my thoughts and it was something we really bonded over and we both shared thoughts with eachother about interesting concepts and it was something we rlly admired ab eachother but like when it came to my music it always seemed like they rlly believed in me n shit n like i do struggle w my purpose a lot but when i was w them shit jus seemed so easy n so clear. and this is bc they seemed to rlly understand me n what i was saying (which if yk me personally or have read some of the stuff on here yk means a lot to me bc its some i struggle w w other ppl) they rlly made it easier for me to believe in myself and my ideas and motivations. and then when it comes to the surface shit its honestly just the truth i rlly have only just scratched the surface of what i wanna talk ab w my music w the songs i have out. this page actually lets me dive deeper and it defintely has the closest look into my mind thats publicly available but overall people dont know whats rlly underneath besides them. well ig now not even them cuz its been a minute since weve talked but anyways that rlly just means i need to get to work on making music w substance again so i can spread the ideas i want to express before its too late.

so what i was talking about with the bluffing part is bc when i first started talkin to them again i didnt know if i was rlly gonna stick to it cuz i didnt know if i had the capacity to love someone like that again. and then when i said i asked myself if it was worth it ts lowkey has a double meaning of like was it worth it to treat them the way i did back then (a rhetorical question obviously it wasnt) and then also asking myself if it was worth it to come back even though im risking myself by being in this vulnerable position. (spoiler but i think it was) which i reinforce by said "god i hope ts is worth it" and honestly i have a complex relationship with god that deserves its own post bc i have what i feel are interesting thoughts on religion that i could talk very extensively about.

and then the teeth part vaguely highlights the bitter sweetness of the whole situation and this is because of numerous complications that once again i wont be going into bc ts is nunya but at the same time when we werent concerning ourselves with those things shit was honestly so good. and the whole yellowed from the grief thing is just because i still felt stained from the time i lost something similar and i was still dealing with the effects of it. which also brings up me thinking i was getting better and the reason i named this song overcoming toxicity. i thought that by making this commitment i was finally done shedding all the toxic habits that i had that summer but now i realize that youre never really "better" youre just always trying your best and sometimes you relapse back into negative patterns of thought. now i didnt run from them again but there were other problems i had at the time that were arising that i was struggling to deal with mainly my paranoia and trust issues which at the time were unrelated to them. and like they were the one who told me that stuff ab regressing and honestly i wish i listened more and took it more to heart bc i was rlly spiraling over some shit that was triggering my anxiety and maybe i couldve come out of it sooner if i just listened more but i was too in my head.

now all thats left is the reprise and lowkey ima have to do this shit genius annotated style so lets get it

"i said ill fix it n wont run away"

so by now it should be obvious what i meant by this only that i wouldve been saying that to myself as an affirmation as opposed to a promise made to them

"ur born from adam too human for me"

so tbh we did have a lot in common just like as people but idk theyre just way more social than me and it felt like they related to other people more than i did. its something that i always struggled with. we both had trouble feeling understood by and understanding others but to me they seemed to relate to others more (which to me is different from understanding) idk maybe i was wrong for saying this and it was just my perception of them but thats just how i felt. this is something i wanna talk ab later in another post but i do often feel like everyone relates to me but i dont truly relate to anyone else. idk this line is a bit looser and has speculative meaning even from me the person who wrote it.

"existentialism and struggle for peace"

now this line honestly has so much depth in it bc existentialism and the "struggle for peace" are such layered concepts and honestly id just read about existentialism to get a grasp of what it is rather than have my tired ass explain it. but the struggle for peace is sort of what trophaeum is all about. and trophaeum has a lot to do with my life if thats not obvious enough.

"do you wanna be the god in me"

now THISSS is the heavy hitter when it comes to meaning. cuz HOLYYY SHIT. so first off youre gonna have to read the do you wanna see your god in me post to fully understand what im ab to talk ab so do that and come back heres the link

now just like "do you see your god in me" i had no idea what this meant when i said it and honestly even rn im trying to figure out what it means but it honestly just felt right in the moment when i said it so i stuck w it. but what i do know is that this question is not using the god in someone as described in the other post literally. if the god in someone is the person who exists in their mind regardless of all the external masks and lies that are told by themselves and others and to see that god in someone else is to truly understand and to hold nothing back from eachother then wtf does it me to be the god in another person??? theres no way to give it a literal interpretation to it without sounding way crazier than i usually sound so heres how ive come to understand it

its inviting someone to be one with you (and by extension you one with them) and live your lives without having the question of whether you understand eachother or not because u simply just do. its complete transparency between eachother. honestly its a lot closer to "do you wanna be with the god in me" but not only does that not fit the flow of the hook but i also wasnt rlly thinking ab it then. tbh thats sort of how much i came to understand it it might take me more time to rlly understand what i meant more. and now that everythings on the table you probably have a very valid question

jin why the fuck would you ask such a heavy question to someone you werent even fucking dating

and im ngl to u ur right ts is kinda crazy especially writing a whole song ab someone i wasnt dating but all i can rlly say is u had to b there to understand. like bc of my neurodivergency i have trouble processing and explaining my feelings and music is one of the ways im able to illustrate it in a way that feels most genuine. and honestly at the time i hadnt even told them how i rlly felt yet cuz it jus didnt feel right but it was like one of those things where u can sort of tell the feelings are mutual yall jus aint say it yet. so this song was a lot of things. it was a confession, a show of affection, me reflecting on some past experiences, and it gave me the opportunity to rlly think some things out while also letting them out and it taught me a lot and it rlly made those lessons stick. so its all of those things combined that make me glad i made it and why im never gonna take it down regardless of things not turning out how i wanted it to.

i think thats all i have to say for now like usual ty if u actually read all this shit. this is a rlly personal subject for me obviously and im still sort of unsure of whether i should share this much but at the same time its a part of my music just as my music is a part of me so if im going to share my music im gonna share myself yk? idk if that makes sense i hope it does. ik im sort of makin myself vulnerable by posting this but its something ive wanted to talk ab for a minute so im doin it anyways.

#music #philosophy #trophaeum #ilyjin #SoundCloud

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txxfiles · 26 days

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hello?

I don't know what to write about this month! so I’m just going to stream of consciousness and see where we go.

I was going to write about my holiday but I started a travel journal and did like 2 days and then was so exhausted every night that I didn’t do it! It was an amazing holiday tho, like once in a lifetime sorta shit. it was a bit hit and miss if we would even go but we did and it was wonderful and I appreciated having so much time with my brother as I miss him. It was so full on tho like it was a group tour thing and it was like go go go and we walked 20 thousand steps one day bc my brother and I were like ‘Yeah sure we’ll climb that mountain with u no stress’ and then basically got lapped by the American women over 60 who came with us lmao. I was so careful as well with putting on suncream and shit and I STILL got burnt!!! the curse of being so fair burdens me every day. I am mostly nicely tanned and the redness has gone down so we chill but it’s so funny bc everyone else in my family is so nicely tanned and then there's a tomato girl walking around with them. my freckles have come back tho so that's nice.

it gave me a lot of time with my thoughts tho, which I hate. Also being forced to spend that much time with my parents is always interesting. the other people in our group were telling them how good of a job they did raising myself and my brother which always makes me feel weird. I don’t think the good parts of my personality have come from my parents, I often value all the bad things about it to them which may seem harsh but my instinctual politeness and willingness to help wasnt fostered by them teaching it to me, it came from fear of getting yelled at if i wasn't this way and getting in trouble for doing anything other than cutting myself in half to do what was asked of me. I hate the person I become when I spend so much time with them as well like I become so angry and snappy and my tolerance for shit just plummets and I come home and it’s like a wave of relief because I feel so much calmer instantly. And then the next minute I feel awful for not seeing them very often and like guilty for having my own life and actually enjoying not seeing them very often. My mother makes a point of talking about not seeing me and missing me and I struggle to wrap my head around the idea of them missing me because when I see them they don’t talk to me! they don’t ask me shit they just take it in turns complaining about the other to me and I’m sat in the middle with my head in my hands wanting to die! I told them both at separate points that I wasn't getting involved and then got the silent treatment and I was just soooooo doneeeeeeee. I’m so grateful I could go on the trip and the highlights totally outweigh the bad bits but it’s hard to remember the good parts when the last 4 days were spent in a state of tension and arguments that I couldn't walk away from because there was nowhere to go! it’s like a constant battle of being grateful and then being annoyed over and over again and I don’t know how to deal with it so I just don’t!

Going away with your family at my age is weird as well. my brother and I look very young so everyone else in the group very much assumed we were younger than we are which was funny and I guess a blessing. no shame in it but one of the other ppl in our group wasn't much older than me and she’s married with a house and a stable job and I just sat there like ahahahahahaaaaaaaaa. I know it’s bad to compare yourself to others and I’ve gotten better at not doing it but in situations like that, it’s hard. I said last time how I feel like I’m behind everyone and that's still stuck. I’m not doing bad per se but I’m not really making any money and I’m no closer to starting the career I want and that’s not for lack of trying like I keeeeeep applying for jobs and getting turned down on no response at all and it hurts. I worked so hard for my degree and some days it feels like it was for nothing. I know something will come up soon but the waiting is slowly killing me.

I didn’t smoke the entire holiday either as I couldn’t because my parents don’t need another reason to be disappointed in me and now I’m back in the UK I can’t afford to buy any cigs but GOD DO I WANT SOME PLEASE. I know it’s bad for u and shit but I just want a little treat. I didn’t miss it when I was away and because I literally couldn't get any it didn’t even really cross my mind bc I was so busy but now I’m back and the corner shop is 5 minutes away i’m like uwu yes pls gimme the lil death stick. I think that's one of my biggest issues, if something is within my reach I literally cannot deny myself it. goes for food, people, drinks whatever, if I can get it I’ll have it even if it’s not a sensible thing to do within the budget I have. I think it stems from my childhood but I’m not getting into that right now.

In other news, I’m actually having a birthday party for the first time since I was a kid!!! wooo!!! hopefully, I won’t cry this birthday other than from happiness!!!! everyone I’ve asked is well keen as well so I was like yay amazing! and then one of my mates whom my relationship with is so complicated I wouldn’t even know where to start was like ‘Yeah sure I’ll come’ and I was like fab ok and then the NEXT TIME he messaged me he was like ‘oh it’s the FOOTBALL FINAL SO I DON’T KNOW IF I CAN COME’?????????????? HELLO???????????? I’m honestly fuming. I get it, your team might not get to the final again fine whatever but the matches are like in the afternoon so u could still come after???? oh my apologies for thinking I, your friend or whatever whom you have been through an insane amount of shit with, might be A BIT MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE FUCKING FOOTBALL???? I hate men oh my god I’m actually mad and maybe that's selfish but what the fuck. I’m currently leaving him on delivered because I’m not about to start shit between us for the millionth time but considering the conversation we had about new years and how he had fomo you would think he’d wanna come but no. If he does end up changing his mind I’m so tempted to be like ‘nah don’t bother’ but that goes against every single particle of my being so WE’LL SEE. if he tries anything imma whack him (probably) but regardless, it should be fun and it’ll be nice to see all my friends in one place and shit. I’m very nervous about it bc I’m convinced no one will come but everyone I’ve asked has been enthusiastic so hopefully, it goes well. hopefully. I don’t want another birthday where I end up feeling upset or like a burden or whatever. thinking about it reminded me of one birthday I had where my so-called friend made out with the guy I liked when we were in the cinema knowing full well I liked him. good vibes!!!

anyway, that’s me! once again not particularly positive but I’ve realised I use this as a way to get things off my chest I’m not sure how to properly talk about in person. which I think is kinda the point of this anyway. but regardless, I’m tanned and travelled and back to the grind like the alpha male I am.

peace out homies

eucalyptus ᡣ • . • 𐭩 ♡

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soldier-poet-king · 5 years

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Week 4/18 im ready 2 quit!!!! Kill me!!!!

Today keeps getting worse and worse, everyone is cranky, my two most tolerable coworkers are mad at me and sure it was partially my fault, but i apologized right away and i just!!! We were already on each others nerves and then they made us test run an escape room puzzle thing going on in the museum and so that went...well..... like excuse me??? Yes im competitive and type A but how else are we gonna solve the problems???? It's on a time limit, we dont have time to sit and hold hands and sing kumbaya and pass the clue around as we discuss the pros and cons of each approach, some ppl seemed to understand that and others didnt, and it's not like i was rude, even when their ideas were dumb, i just have a good grasp of these games and puzzles and i figure them out quickly. I was literally just???? Pointing out why certain things wouldn't work???

I miss my grad school friends. This wouldnt have happened with them (we've been in similar situations and they actually /get it/ and we get along and have done escape rooms and puzzles and actually worked together???).

Failed team activity aside,im so tired of seeing these people everyday, even the ones i like, bc everyone is getting on my nerves and we're at each others throats unless we're drinking and i just!!!! Today's mandatory test run did Not go well and i love having ppl bitch about me behind my back!!! Just bc theyre cranky that they didnt see the puzzle

I cant even just come in, do my job, go home. Theres so little ACTUAL WORK and so much socialization out of bordem and i just!!!i hate it! I tried to be friends with these ppl but i care too much and it's not gonna fly! Dont even get me started on the SO FREQUENT discussions of religion and relationships that are so juvenile and unbearable. Yes i sound like a pretentious asshole. But im DONE

I tried. I was lonely. Its gonna be a long summer with the 12 of us. I tried to be opimistic. Like i fool i thought it would just click like it did with my grad school group. I took those friends for granted.

I literally. How do ppl do this. On the regular. My patiencr has been wearing thin since week 2 and between yesterday and today i just. NO

#am i petty? yes #but i was already in a bad mood #bc we got in trouble for shit i wasnt involved in #and then i had to listen to a whole *im catholic but* convo for the THIRD TIME THIS WEEK #and im just like???? ppl are SO IGNORANT and wont listen to me when i try to gently be like...it doesnt work like that..#and THEN a whole team activity when were all ready to commit murder #and SO MUCH GOSSIP #literally fuck entitled 20 year olds #myself included #i never wanna deal with customer service or young coworkers again #why am i not an old hermjt already

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gdragonsideburns · 3 years

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Unfortunately I never liked Seungri so I didn’t feel a thing when he left or got in trouble. It just felt like it was bound to happen for him. I always had a gut feeling Seungri would become involved in a serious scandal... and here we are now. I always enjoyed bigbang as a group and I consider myself in the fandom . I just had to always put up with him and I could never fully get myself to like him. He’s always been creepy and shady plus he’s annoying and always talked too much never giving the members time to say anything. I just feel so bad for the other boys and what he dragged them into. It’s not their fault but since he was associated so long as a member it had to effect all of them.

Oh boy. Welcome to my can of worms, have a seat they only wiggle slightly.

Disclaimer !!! These are all MY feelings and I'm not blaming them on Anyone or Anything, just trying to explain them :) . This is long so

See i started liking bigbang and kpop when I was 10ish so like 2010-14 mainly, then I stuck around for made bc I love bigbang but I didn't really care about any other groups (except 2ne1 I will always love them). Like this was before stan twitter existed. So when I was a seungri fan I was a, a tween, and b, an adhd autism child who found his overly loud personality comforting due to my own excitable nature. bigbang were my sole comfort during high school (which was hell) and I felt so very deeply for them. Not to mention all my mental illnesses and the abuse. Bigbang were my safe haven.

Idk the thing is I was a gd fan originally, and a nyongtori shipper (I was 13 don't judge). They were my "otp" (one true pairing ?) which p much boils down to character you identify as/character you're attracted to. Seungri was my id, he made me feel normal (*again I was 13*)

so I had a lot of emotions attached to both of them. Then I stopped listening to kpop, didnt keep up with the news or nothing until start of 2020, so when i came home to the vips there was this big divide and all these things to catch up on and understand.

Like I totally get not liking seungri from the start that's a valid point, especially towards the end when he became mr "business money man look at me im not the maknae I'm a sex machine".

But the reason I get so upset when I see him is because I was gone so long (2015-16ish-2020) amd wasnt there when the news broke and everyone was shocked (Or Not Shocked) and all this shit started. Vips all processed and grieved the loss of a member while it was happening yk?. I just came back and it was done. And it's legit just my own messed up feelings about it. My personap feelings have no bearing on the reality of the situation which is why im ot4.

but then there's all these ot5 people who are, yes entitled to their opinion, but also a little batshit ? I engaged with one once on YouTube (very politely mind you) and then got 16 different accounts trying to fight me, some just telling me they wished my mum was dead, no other comment, nothing, like ???? It's insane. They're cultish.

I just feel so affronted yk? I was one of them, I almost became one when I came back because the divide was so aggressive and I didn't want to believe it. Then they have the fucking cheek to talk like I'm not a real fan like it's so fucking rude and I feel like im denied my grief no matter what yk? I'm not allowed to be sad bc I'm ot4 and the ot5's hate me so in not a real fan and the ot4's are so OVER it and i don't want to be misinterpreted as pitying him or thinking he's a good person and I certainly don't want to be forcing people to think about this shit again when they're done with it yk ??

But im not done, I still have big sad about it sometimes and idk what to do with that. I just wish bigbang would either quit or come back already I can't stand this limbo. I'm gonna support them no matter what they chose because I want them to be happy and do whats best for them. Whether that's new music or retiring or making things separately like whatever. I just wish they'd do it NOW. yk?

I just don't know if this feeling is ever going to go away. How do I reconcile two halves of my heart ?

#personal #if youre ot5 dni i will block #cw seungri

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aetheriumwar · 5 years

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explaining the work drama:

so our main characters today are J (20~M), M (20f) and T (17~F)

j got m pregnant. crucial detail. t is supposedly trying to fuck j and j is using it to manipulate m. but then j said that he was lying and just saying that to make m want to be with him.

one day t told me that j wouldn’t leave her alone and i was like “ok... so block him?” and thats ALL I SAID LOL so t goes to j and tells j that im talking shit on him and “smearing his name” so j and t GO TO OUR MANAGER lol like... he’s not your dad why are u telling him what is he gonna do? ground me?

so i went to our manager and was like hey i wasnt even aware there was an issue im sorry this is so unprofessional and he was like “yeah i really honestly don’t care you know? just dont bring it into my store” and i was like yes completely understandable.

so when t came in i was like hey ... if u have issues w me come to me maybe and not the manager ... so it can be resolved (i was pissed off and said i was gna go off on her but in the end t has the maturity of a 13yr old and is not worth it so i was just like ok ill be civil) and before i even got thru the sentence t starts SCREAMING abt how i’m lying on her and me and m need to keep her name out of our mouths (??? i havent even spoken abt t to anyone at ALL so who am i “lying on her” to???)

the only thing i can think is bc i went to j and said the same thing (abt coming to me not a manager) and he must’ve twisted it and told her i said some shit lmao.

so anyway, our manager (the one they talked to previously) came up and was like “ok. ok. stop. hayden just clock out and go home okay?” and i was like ... fine before then but then i just felt like i was being chastised so i clocked out and then went to the coat hangers and started crying bc i dont deal well with my managers being upset w me. so my other manager, b, saw me crying and took m and i into the office and we talked about it. b said that i’m not in trouble, and that out of everyone involved in the situation I’M not the one they’re concerned about. and i was crying and i was like “i don’t want anyone to think i’m this unprofessional” and i was like hiccup-crying that’s how upset i was and b was talking rly soft and was like “nobody thinks that, hayden” and i was just like o k ... sex scene in this fanfic now or later sjkjfksd

no im kidding obv but. i feel alot better after talking to b and im not absolutely DREADING going to work tomorrow at least. will avoid t.

#hayden shut up #work stories #sigh :(

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merrrrrrrrry · 3 years

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I was actually checking your blog to see if you answered a couple times a day and just thought you were to busy for a lengthy response..

I'm having trouble writing these lately bc I have such short attention span and in the time it takes to open the ask thing I've already forgotten your answer so if I miss anything its bc I forget.. I'm literally sitting here wondering what i was gonna say.. why cant I have the answer open at the same time.. sorry just a bit of unnecessary rant here 😂😂

I found differentiation very easy and fun. I literally love it and everything that comes with it. It's like.. magic but it MAKES SENSE. The amount of times during calculus 1 that I was like HOLY SHIT THIS IS GENIUS WHO THOUGHT OF THIS?? Had a bit of trouble with integration tho, not a lot but it was a struggle. I did love limits and what they represent and didnt really have any trouble with them. And you're so lucky that you didnt have to deal with statistics and probability too much. I still have nightmares with the statistic proofs I needed to do. I can confirm the people writing those were deffinetely on crack..

I'm the opposite of you. I never cry to movies or shows. Like no matter how said no matter how much it touches me I do not cry. I may not be able to think about anything else for the next week. Like the end of Imitation game? That shit broke me. My brain wasnt able to function after that but I did. Not. Cry. Guess I wasnt made for that. I cry a lot about mundane things tho. Like if someone raises their words at me just an octave the tears are already in my eyes. I cry so much my family doesnt even flinch at it anymore. But not while watching movies. Never that. It's strange.

Are you a fan of the stars? I think everyone is when you think about it. I just tried to look at the stars but I couldnt see them bc pollution :( and I got very sad. I used to live in a bigger city where there was a lot of pollution and I never saw the stars from there. So when I came back to my village I thought I would see them but nope, still polluted. I didnt plan for this to get so sad but Anyyway..

Did I tell you that my louis sweater arrived? I've been the happiest girl in the world 🥰🥰🥰. I look at it and I still cant believe its mine. Leave it to me to get emotional over a sweater lmao..

I'm glad your moms doing better 🥰🥰.

Love, -💫💫💫

I'm so sorry about that.

Oh god, short attention span is definitely something I'm also plagued by. You know one thing you can do is open multiple tabs on computer and if you're on the app, then open the answer on your browser while asking on the app- does that make sense?

I know right! Differentiation is fun, not gonna lie - I had trouble with definite integration but indefinite I was okay at. However there was certainly an element of rote memorisation involved in integration which I disliked.

You might not like to hear this - but I loved probability!🙈🙈

It's such a coincidence that you decided to speak about stars today because just an hour and a half back my brother was talking about this. We were talking about how cool that is and how we can't seen any stars because of pollution, it is sad.

And seriously don't worry or stress about always having to sound cheerful with me, I definitely am not myself and I don't want you to feel any pressure from my side - vent and be side. We can share it and make it lesser

I'd love to see a photo of your sweater later🥰 I understand feeling sentimental about stuff like that. My aunt gave me my first set of a traditional saree of my native state this year and I was so happy about it

Almost can't believe we're talking so much about studies akdbskka (I don't mind at all!). Who are some of your crushes?

Have a fantastic day 💕💕💕

#💫💫💫#hpals #seriously share if you're sad or really happy or whatever and ill do the same - how about that #i know i haven't been a very positive presence when i was worried about my mother #merrranswers #i loved watching the imitation game #tell me - what is the difference in coding in tumblr for GIFs and videos #was just discussing this with a friend and why we can't upload gifs above 10 mb but with videos we can

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m-herra · 4 years

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🖊+Helex and Elsinaire?

Omg i forgot about these

Edit: I stg tumblr doesn't post right.

Helex Duilenus

A guard from Cyrodiil training under Commander Maro to guard the Emperor Titus Mede II

Tries very hard to be a good imperial soldier and guard but maybe a bit too hard, he's soon sent to stay with Whiterun Guards Elsinaire and Lovionl Adus to learn how to actually be a likeable guard

Tbh he's pretty young so its a bit understandable why he's trying to be "by the book" but also he's a bit of a bitch about it

Has had multiple run ins with criminal factions and since this is his first time meeting them he has no fucking clue that they were criminals. Example: he's good friends with S'agh, a known Vampire Lord with ties to both Thieves Guild and Dark Brotherhood. It's known and quite obvious because no one tries to do anything but Helex is that dense

Smol

Used to crush on a Bosmer named Applewind but was informed that A) he's not interested and B) Old enough to be his great grandfather

He's also a bit of a ditz/gets lost in the clouds a lot, Commander Maro gave him a task to find a prisoner and he still hasn't realized that it was to get him out of Dragon Bridge

To give an idea of his age, he's about 18-19, no one's really sure which but he's an adult at least? Here's a sword go stab something you little disaster

Has no idea what gender he is but leans towards masculine for now

He legit thought Applewind was a girl (and that apparently happened often to the bosmer) and was left shut inside until he got his head together and realized it really didn't matter the gender he just has a type. (And that is anyone who could probably pick him up so that's... more than half of Skyrim)

Has a cream coloured horse named Mara, and another brown horse named Dibella. He adores both. (Old picture but eh)

Can and will die for a doggo, if his death would benefit them in anyway then it might happen

Doesn't have a lot of restraint yet but is working on via Inigo and his braincell (where Inigo got it is unclear, investigation is underway)

Would die for Kharjo bc Kharjo is a good pal.

Despite being shunned and punished for using Magic when he was younger, he has a talent for it.

May or may not be a dragonborn but not like the others. Instead of a Dragon Soul, he has Dragon Blood, and we can thank Sanguine's shenanigans and a Priest for that.

No seriously he's fucking tiny but not like, that tiny, he's more or less a twig so Skyrim Citizens could accidently snap him in half if they aren't careful be gentle with the baby

Elsinaire Adus

He's a vampire thanks to his Grandfather (who died shortly before the events of tes4) and thankfully didn't have to be diseased or deal with Moldy Bitch Balls (he still hates him for what he did to Lamae and his Grandfather he will not hesitate)

Somehow, and I stress the sheer luck of this, evaded being found out by: his superiors back in Cyrodiil, Several Vigilants of Stendarr, the fucking Dawnguard, at least two of the Dovahkiin (tbf, Milonee thought it was an elf thing and Daro'suna is just straight up a dumbass sometimes), and for a short period of time he somehow convinced a fellow Whiterun guard that he wasn't, while he was caught feeding. He's either using vampire powers unknowingly or he's that convincing (or everyone failed several spot checks but his brother helped too)

Joined the Volkihar Vampires to see if he could control his Vampirism but later found out that not only did he have to deal with M*lag B*l, he was lied to and later hypnotised by Harkon to turn on his family and friends. Thankfully S'agh, Lovionl, and Daro'suna literally knocked sense into him (via Lovionl and his love of Warhammers and Vibe Checks)

He's taller than most but is small for an altmer, although this is a family thing, as his Grandmother is actually shorter than him and always has been. It should be noted that there has been no other races involved in his lineage that would be able to affect his height.

Dating a Companion named Metsine Wild-Blade and by the nine he's in love. They get along well but needed some outside assistance (read: counseling) after the Volkihar thing. She can also carry him and the Werewolf brothers so he's very much happy that she can handle herself should something bad happens (also werewolf cuddles are best cuddles you cam fight me on this)

Is in a poly with Metsine (Werewolf GF), Joshabhi (Magic Werecat BF), Mikaer (Musical Himbo BF), and Caysion (Argonian GF) and they get along swell.

Is the sole brunette in a family of Platinum Blondes (his brother used to be brunette but it lightened ever since Cyrodiil)

Got chewed out (along with his brother) by his mom and dad for entering an Oblivion Gate during that crisis, they also were praised because they managed to not only locate the hok (or at least local anime boy Farin Phirois) but save his life and provide some damn good backup while they climbed the tower. It was still idiotic and they deserved the scolding because they were told not to by multiple people but also was told by Farin himself to skedaddle before he realized the brothers were stubborn and lethally stupid but also dangerously brave.

Was trained by his father on combat while his mother taught magic

Hates the Thalmor with a passion and has stolen their clothes before from corpese. Admittedly, it comes in handy when they have to fool them because Thalmor share a braincell and half the time it's stolen by Ji'athra for shits and giggles

He prefers his elven armor over normal guard armor, and wears the thalmor robes underneath for the benefits and quick switch for trickery. Also because he travels a lot and seeing a guard in uniform will draw trouble.

Uses a Sword and Shield gifted to him by his Father but also cannot use a bow to save his life, thankfully, his teammates usually can or have it covered otherwise

Befriended a pair of Nord brothers in Solitude, but when Elsinaire and Lovionl Adus and Hildggr and Sorpr Arrow-Sword get together chaos can and will ensue. That's usually what happens when you pair the sons of a Daedric Prince of Madness (their mother) and two Sheogorath worshippers. Sheo would be proud.

Is training Helex on how to fucking chill and maybe learn to not be so tense.

Was assisted by a young Ji'athra on the way to Windhelm after he found the brothers on the run from Thalmor Agents, a very determined Vigilant of Stendarr who isn't an idiot, and a Werewolf. And this is after they found out their house was on fire. Big Oof

Has been hit by Lovionl's Warhammer many times and somehow has yet to show any ill effects

Carries a few bottles of blood (courtesy of fellow vamps Serana and S'agh) so he doesnt have to feed on people.

Cannot be cured of his Vampirism due to the nature of it. It should also be noted that Lovionl isn't affected by this (but he's about as pale) but then again, he has a whole nother set of issues that we don't have time to unpack.

Outside of Vampirism, he's pale as fuck and even if he wasnt a vampire the sun would be his worse enemy.

According to an obviously lying Lovionl, he's allergic to clouds and cloud magic. (How this managed to work is incredible)

He is actually allergic to fish, which is disappointing because it smells delicious but he doesnt want to be lethally stupid and eat it.

After a set of events involving badass parents, a lost dunmer lady (aka Auntie Gabelie), and several Daedric Princes of Madness and their Artifacts, he now has custody of the main villain of that mess who he intends to raise right and so they don't try to kidnap people from their parents because of what happened during the Oblivion crisis (long story short his mom and some other elf ladies found the khajiit child, cared for them, and were forced to watch as Mehrunes Dagon outright stole the kid, they didn't understand why they didnt save them so they were angry. They didn't age in Oblivion and they're still kitten aged.)

Wants a dog but tbh Metsine and Joshabhi leave enough hair from shedding so maybe not. (Also, not a lot of dogs are available rn)

"Supports" the Empire because the alternative is Windhelm's Polite Citizens And Welcoming Aura. Given the chance, he would fucking deck Tullius and doesn't even need to be prompted to throw down with Mr. Stormcloak and Galmar. None at all. It's on sight really.

#oc: helex duilenus #oc: elsinaire adus #im not tagging the others mentioned thats too much

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blookmallow · 5 years

Text

playin more mr love

shout out to gavin for never having any idea whats going on

he gave me a tracker bracelet and at first i was like “ok. so you’re giving me a present that allows you to know exactly where i am at all times. th a nks,” (hes a cop and we apparently know each other from high school so like. him having access to that/wanting to protect me etc wasnt that unusual)

but it TURNS OUT there were people trying to kill me and he knew, so Thats why knowing where i am was that important to him,

girl the only fantasy i have about him is the one where i stab him in the face

you can absolutely have him

THANKS VICTOR

we’re bonding

ggghgghghffgfg APPARENTLY GAVIN CAN FLY,

thats not a joke about the background thats literally what happened. i got attacked and he took off with me into the fucking sky

(its been mentioned there are rumors of super powers/etc this wasnt completely out of nowhere but STILL THOUGH)

also he gave me a tracker bracelet bc he knew i was in danger... but he made it look pretty for me... and he made it with a ginkgo leaf design, aka the tree with seeds that are carried by the wind. and his powers are wind/flying. romantic little shit

yknow somehow i dont think thats the finger she meant to use

im into her though

WHY CAN I HIRE SANTA......... I M CRYING

yes hello this is my film crew, tysona, cherry, sersei, and Santa Claus

i also just casually filmed a show AT THE NORTH POLE, FOR SOME REASON,

this was completely unrelated to santa. im not leveled high enough to hire him yet

ggghhh i forgot i did this to lucien’s name in my character’s ingame phone

did i fucking say you could speak to me

also i cant actually hang up on him i tried lmao it just like. saves it as a “recording” like it still happened and you can look at it again later

i could just ignore them but i wanna know what new bullshit he’s got to say to me

“hey would you like to go to a special movie screening with me” “ok sure but when is it” “saturday” “aaa shit I’m busy saturday” “how about sunday” “its. one night only” “yes but I already booked a special private screening just for us on sunday” “o.....kay”

like if we were dating or something that’d be much more romantic but, this is the guy I’ve been avoiding/saying no to, he somehow Knew i was going to be busy on saturday (which i dont think was public knowledge and i havent told him that), and before he even asked me if i wanted to go at all, he went ahead and booked a second private screening (which must’ve been either very expensive or involved a lot of negotiation even if he does have contacts or whatever)

so before he even asked me he’s already basically pushed me into a situation where i now have to go on a date with him and be Alone With Just Him and be grateful to him because look, he went to All This Trouble for me,

i didnt have any dialogue choices in this conversation so i couldnt say no/character really wanted to go but. again, we’re barely friends at this point. im not his girlfriend. he did not ask before he made all these preparations,

#liveblog general #ive decided i like gavin but kiro is still my fav #but i never get to SEE HIM :\

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heartshapedcowboy · 5 years

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I dont agree with your opinion of harringrove but I can see how you would feel that way. I started shipping them due mainly from the actors tbh. Why do you think it's so toxic though? It's not exactly a picture perfect relationship, but that's why I like it. They are two troubled boys from different and rough childhoods and I dont think just because they got physically violent with eachother it has to be the end of a chance of a relationship, but I'm only 16 so maybe I'm just naive. (1/2)

(Srry for this being so long btw, I just had a lot I wanted to say ig lol.) Another reason I shio them is solely for what they could be, not what they are right now. (Fighting, sorta hate eachother, etc.) Especially since we saw Billy's father was the reason he is the way he is and wasnt just born evil, which means there is a chance he could be better and maybe Steve could be the person to bring that side out. Idk, that's just how I feel and I wanted to see how you felt. 💕💕 (2/2)

firstly, i can see how one may start to ship them, at first look they’re two hot guys, i’m not gonna get into it too much but that also goes into another nasty side involving the sexualization of queer pairings/relationships. i believe that billy is a physically confrontational person, he also has a temper, they didn’t just get physically violent with each other, billy more so than steve (because steve was protecting children you can easily say that he cares about), but he could have killed him, he was beaten and bloodied and barely conscious and if max hadn’t interfered he would have killed him. in the moment he had no control over his anger and emotions.

(i want to take a minute and point out a slight similarity, billy and steve fought but jonathan and steve also fought, jonathan is not a physically confrontational person. the only reason he punched steve is because steve at the moment was being a dick and saying shit. but jonathan is not a threat to nancy or his brother and his friends, billy is a threat to his stepsister and her friends including steve. i can’t remember exactly what fucking happened bc it’s been a long ass time since i’ve watched ST, but after the fight and steve showed a new side of him the air was clear between him and jonathan. i can easily see them being friends in s3. yes, steve was a cocky dick, yes he had a part in saying nasty and rude shit about nancy and jonathan, and yes he got physical with jonathan, but his bad actions are nowhere near as bad as billy’s actions. he got physically confrontational with his sister, it can also be assumed that he’s a dick in general based on max constantly flipping him off, he almost ran over dustin and lucas, he got very close to being violent with lucas, and got very violent with steve twice because he was trying to defend lucas and all of the kids and even max’s words which were very frighteningly serious “he’ll kill me. he’ll kill us.” there is a very real difference in being shitty and being a piece of shit. also, steve’s not racist, so, there’s that.)

this isn’t exactly a callout to you, but i know people like to live in their pretend utopias of billy being different entirely or changing or whatever, it doesn’t change what’s canon and tbh it’s still kinda gross and wrong to say “imagine if billy was actually a good person” just for the sake of a ship or redemption because billy is hot or whatever.

also i feel like steve wouldn’t even want to ‘try and bring that side out” abusive people are abusive people. (and racists are racists). that also goes into another ugly side of when you look at relationships, not just queer ones, your significant other is not your therapist or life coach, and neither should you try to be that for them.

and yes, i appreciate you bringing out the fact that you are young bc honestly our views can be a little swayed at young ages until you get older and learn things and see them for what they are. i’m also not saying that just bc i’m older than you doesn’t mean i know everything about everything, bc i’m still learning myself, but as you get older, your eyes will be opened towards many things.

it’s okay about the long ask tho! i’m sorry about the real long reply!! 😅

#anon #ask

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