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#bc ultimately no one really cares and it's not in anyones interest but yours
frogchiro · 9 months
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Ok quick question tho like I’m generally trying understand because I just saw that whole argument on your page
How is engaging in a sexual relationship with something you portray as a animal not a type of zoephilla or however u say it I just don’t get it. Like I get it’s a human walking around as a cow but you’re still making that person act and behave as a cow so it’s coming off as a naughty cow that needs to be punished right?. Because if that was the case why can’t it just be getting punished without the animal part? Like what would being an animal add to it?
I’m really trying to get this like not trying to start shit because I’ve never heard about this before 👍🤗
And you're a completely blank blog who comes into a 18+ space. Yummers. To be perfectly clear, I'm only entertaining you because I really have enough of this argument and this is the last thing I'm posting about this and then I'm closing it.
I have no idea where the idea that when writing/reading about hybrid characters is about fucking actual animal came from and I frankly don't want to know but here's the thing: they are literally humans with some animal traits. The traits being ears, tails, sometimes a bit of extra fur or horns and that's it. Hybrids are written to be perfectly able to speak, think, do things for themselves, just are regular humans with some unusual traits. The farm/forest/whatever setting people are writing for are just that- settings for a specific au or scene that the authors create but again, the hybrid characters are perfectly capable of voicing and giving/revoking consent, sane adults and it's always explicitly stated. If you read a hybrid character as an actual animal then it's you whos the problem bc why the hell would you even do that. Like. Why.
Put on a headband with cat ears and tell me what happened. Did you turn into a cat? Did you turn into an animal or do you feel like one? Ofc you don't and the same thing is with hybrids. They're humans with fucking ears and tails but the only difference is that they can move them.
If you really wanna be nitpicky then why not bash a/b/o too since the characters have ruts/go through heats/behave in a generally much more animalistic way? Why don't we go further and throw out the mermaid trope too that's been with humanity since the dawn of time? Succubus trope? Yeah fuck that too.
I'm seeing a ton of negativity and toxicity in the cod fandom lately with some random people bashing and shittalking authors who guess what, creating content for free. No ones paying us to write, we do it bc we like to do it out of our free will. It takes time and effort to put out even a blurb and shit like this is just discouraging me and other content creators which results in them stopping writing or leaving the fandom alltogether and honestly? I don't blame them at all and I thought more than once to do the same.
But back on track. My advice? Don't get into anime, like, ever. Because then you will be in for a ride when a uwu catgirl pops up pal.
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ncteez · 2 years
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On Edge. (m.l)
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Dating the strict, well-liked, and loving Doyoung came with its hurdles. Normally, the two of you could communicate and work through the downsides, but what if the newest downside of the relationship is learning that his little brother, Mark, has a bit of a thing for you?
ao3 | m.list | minors dni !! | if you read it, reblog it. 
WORDCOUNT― 22.5k
PAIRING― mark lee x fem reader | doyoung  x fem reader
CONTENT― doyoung is 27, reader is 25, mark is 22. boyfriend doyoung, perverted/shy college boy mark, panty stealing, hidden intimacy, needy mark, dom-ish doyoung in smaller/less detailed smut scenes, reader is definitely a switch depending on who she is looking at, uh, brief mention of haechan raging at mark through a headset while he gets pleasured lmao
WARNINGS― infidelity that doesn’t get exposed, foot job but only bc i can’t figure out how to write a scene like this if it’s not her foot lmao
NOTE― not me back at it again with the cheating fics. Idk, i have a thing for mark cucking but also hidden things, and the idea of having both of them :D no, i do not condone cheating..  shoutout to my wife and other ultimate mark fucker @mrkis​ for discussing and brainstorming this shit with me, also for editing it and fixing all of my embarrassing typos.
smut tags under cut:: 
smut tags― infidelity,  rough doyoung, mark listens through the walls, tons of masturbation, he also steals panties and gets caught and embarrassed by reader, mentions of double penetration, lil under the table moment with mark, foot job but i swear im not into feet just hear me out ok? It’s brief i swear, sexting and phone sex, reach-around hand job, mark isn’t entirely subby when he finally gets his dick wet, penetration, pet names, g-spot stimulation, cream pie, unprotected sex, 
             The two years you’ve spent so far with Doyoung can arguably be considered the best of your life. He’s accommodating, listens to all of your problems, touches you in all of the right ways, and he’s even well-liked by your parents. You love your boyfriend enough to spend countless nights at his place just to get away from your own. It’s comfortable there, and feels like home, whereas your own apartment just feels empty without him. 
             The relationship felt very adult. He was the first boyfriend to stay with you longer than a couple of months, the first one to have his own house, job, money, and car. The two of you were equal, comfortable, and happily in love. Anyone could trust that both of you were running towards the path of marriage, and you’d agree with them if it wasn’t for the fact that your eye is dangerously landing on someone else lately.
             In your defense, your eyes didn’t linger before Mark, Doyoung’s younger brother, moved in. You had no interest in anyone aside from Doyoung. But– Mark is really something else. Cute, loud, obnoxious, and even charming at times. Still, you’ve caught him countless times staring for too long at your legs when you wear shorts around the house, lingering in the room when Doyoung has his lips on yours, and even stuttering through conversations with you after a wild night in the bedroom with his older brother. 
             It was cute at first, but as the months went on, you started staring at Mark a little more. You’d note that he gets flustered easily but can’t bring himself to leave any given situation that causes such a reaction. He gets hard sometimes too, you can see it, and occasionally you can hear him take care of it too. 
             The first night you heard it, Doyoung was sound asleep next to you after a long, drawn-out session of putting you in your place(sexually). You were comfortable beside him, listening to his soft snores and finally settling yourself in to close your eyes and sleep too.
             It was so silent, the entire house seemed as empty as it always had been outside of you and your boyfriend, except for the fact that Mark is in this house now too. You shoot an eye open at the sound of a muffled moan through the wall. You could tell he tried to prevent it, noticing that it appeared to be choked back almost as quickly as he let it fall from his lips.
             You lay there, first attempting to sleep but ultimately falling victim to the thoughts of what Mark must have been doing just a wall over. You felt guilty about the images, imagining how cute he must look tugging at himself and whimpering, frustrated at how he can’t make a sound. Mark knows how thin the walls are, you’re sure of it. Even you and Doyoung have tried to be quieter so Mark doesn’t have to hear it and feel uncomfortable. 
             The choked-back sounds he was letting out every few minutes only furthered your thoughts into the danger zone. You realized you wanted to watch him. You wanted to help him. As Mark hit his high, you hear his bed frame hit the wall one time, hard. The image of him lying on his back and fucking against his fist was long gone, now images of what position he could have been in for the bed to hit the wall fills your mind. What was he doing? 
 ~
 “Good morning sunshine!” You sing out to your boyfriend when he rounds the corner in a sleepy show of how much he doesn’t want to go to work today. He’s already dressed but you can see the darkened bags under his drooping, half-open eyes. 
             You don’t often make breakfast for him, not that he minds at all, you just felt guilty about listening in on Mark doing his thing again last night and it’s not something you’re proud of. So yeah, maybe Doyoung gets breakfast every time his little brother jerks off, what of it? 
 “Thanks, babe,” Doyoung smiles at you weakly, looking at the warm breakfast you place in front of him. “What if I just call in today?” He asks almost immediately after, tearing his eyes from the food and up to you who had begun to fix a part of his hair that he seemed to have missed. 
 “Up to you, I’ve gotta head back to my place soon though.” You look at him, hands on your hips now as you give him another once-over. “You look tired, maybe you should call out.” 
             Doyoung takes a moment to think. What would his excuse be to miss work on a Monday morning after already having two days off? He’s sick? That wouldn’t work, he ran into one of his bosses just the night before picking up some groceries. Car trouble? Also wouldn’t work, he used that excuse last time and he swore he took his car to the shop that very day to make sure it was in tip-top shape. Death in the family? That’s just asking for bad karma. 
 “Ugh,” Doyoung sighs, picking up his fork and picking around the plate. It looks delicious, honestly, but work is the last place he wants to go right now. “How are you so awake? We stayed up so late, are your legs even tired?”
             You stop mid-step towards the fridge to grab some juice and turn to look at him. 
 “Doyoung, my legs are killing me, and it’s your fault.” 
             He lets out a small laugh, giving himself a gold star for making you come just as hard as he always did. “Yeah, guess it is my fault, isn’t it?” He prods for more compliments.
 “That aside, are you going to call out or?” 
             He shakes his head, taking a bite and trying his best to enjoy this last hour of freedom before a nine-hour workday. 
 “No, I don’t think I’d have a good excuse today. You’re going home anyway too, I’d just be bored,”
 “Umm–” Mark’s voice chimes in as he scuffs into the kitchen with socked feet. He yawns wide and side-eyes you only for a moment before flopping down on the chair next to Doyoung with his legs spread wide. He looks like such a college boy. Looking equally as tired as your boyfriend and hair far messier, you note his side eye. “Are you saying I’m too boring to hang out with?”
             You let out a small chuckle at Mark’s words, and Doyoung just groans about it. 
 “You’re still just as annoying as you’ve always been. I’d rather be wasting away at a desk than sitting here listening to you talk about the exam you’re not studying for.”
 “I don’t have exams yet?” Mark protests, looking over Doyoungs food and swiping a piece from his plate. “The semester hasn’t even started.”
 “I’m preparing for what’s to come–” Doyoung drones on in a defeated voice. 
 “Fair,” Mark smiles and looks at you. “So, um, you’re going home today?”
 “Yep, gotta go to work too.” You sigh, pointing towards the stove. “Want some food?” 
             Mark shuffles to his feet to make himself a plate with a small “thank you”, and you can’t help but notice how disappointed he sounds that you’re going home today. 
 “You’re coming over on Wednesday though, right?” Doyoung asks, sipping the mug of coffee in front of him and finally allowing himself to enjoy the food you’ve graciously made this morning. If he’s gonna have to go to work, the least he can do is feel lucky that he’s not going in on an empty stomach. 
 “What’s on Wednesday again?” You smile towards your boyfriend’s now narrowing eyes. 
 “You know what Wednesday is.”
 “Hm, no, don’t think I do–” Smiling wider at the way his eyes narrow even further.
 “What’s Wednesday?” Mark asks, setting down his plate and taking a bite. 
 “Yeah, tell him what Wednesday is,” Doyoung says in an annoyed tone, one that you can tell is a joke. He always plays along with your antics.
 “I think it’s like, national fork day or something.”
             Doyoung brings a hand to his forehead with a laugh. “Fork day? That’s all you can come up with?!”
             Mark is just confused, what’s so fucking great about forks anyway?
 “I’m joking. It’s our two-year anniversary,”
             You hear a spoon clatter to the table and a small cough. 
 “Ugh-” Mark groans, picking the cutlery up off the table and wiping the crumbs clean. “That’s cool.”
             Mark can see the way Doyoung looks at him with his reaction, but it genuinely wasn’t intentional. He just happened to drop his spoon at the wrong time and choke on his food. It wasn’t meant to be as dramatic as it sounded. Also, maybe he’s a little shocked that Doyoung managed to have a girlfriend for this long with how much of a bore he can be at times. 
 Especially someone like you. Mark feels shy at the very idea of you, not just because he’s heard what you sound like when his brother touches you, but also because you’re just, like, really pretty and it makes his thoughts go in every direction when you speak to him. Even now, just over a small breakfast, he’s disappointed that you have a job too. He’s sad that he can’t spend time in this house with you alone even though he knows well enough that he probably wouldn’t have it in him to approach you. Or does he? Knowing that from time to time, like when he first moved in, there had been some days where you stayed over and did your work-from-home stuff. He wasn’t well acquainted with you back then enough to come out and sit with you, and he’s likely not acquainted enough now either, but that doesn’t change the fact that he kind of wants to be around you without his brother taking note of the small crush he kind of maybe developed by being around you.
 ~
             Today is expected to be more exciting than your last anniversary. Mostly because it’s marking a second year with Doyoung and solidifying the fact that the two of you have made it this far without any glaring issues that could threaten the relationship. At least, no issues that Doyoung is aware of. You think that these thoughts and images of Mark swimming in your head are a phase. There’s no way you’d ever actually go through with anything involving your boyfriend’s little brother. He’s just kind of cute to see all flustered, even cuter when he tries to hide how he’s feeling regarding you. 
 Mark isn’t  there when you walk through your boyfriend’s door. Unfortunately, neither is Doyoung. Grabbing your phone and checking the time you’re distracted by the glaring text message from your boyfriend that seemed to have been sent some ten minutes ago as you got in your car for the drive over. A little wave of disappointment hits you as you stand alone in the darkened kitchen. 
             Doie: hey i’m gonna be a little late. Boss got a last minute client today like an hour before closing time so i’m gonna be here at least until 8:30, is that okay?
             The disappointment fades away with how good he is at communicating with you. Your last boyfriend who you only dated for like two months always bailed without notice on dates, ghosting you for a full day or two before explaining himself with one of the same excuses Doyoung probably uses to get out of work. You know his job is important to him, and you know the anniversary is important to him. His priority doesn’t always have to be you.
             You: Yeah that’s fine. What am i supposed to do for three hours though?I’m already at your place (sparkly eye emoji)
             Doyoung was great at texting you back too.
             Doie: you could get yourself ready for me to come home ;) 
            You: for three hours?
            Doie: yes???? or you can just go bug mark lol
             The silence in the house tells you that Mark isn’t home.
             You: he’s not here, i figured he went out to give us some privacy?
             Doyoung doesn’t respond for a few minutes, probably because he’s doing something important with his work. By the time you’ve slipped off your shoes and laid against the couch, you get the little ping on your phone.
             Doie: Oh, right, he was gonna go meet with some girl he was talking to. I figured he’d chicken out and not go lol, maybe we really will have the house to ourselves tonight ;)
             Something inside of you twisted at his message. On one hand, you’re happy that you might get the entire house with your beloved boyfriend tonight, on the other hand, you kind of don’t like the thought of Mark losing the ability to get all flustered around you if he’s got someone else doing it for him. Are you jealous? No, but you’re a little selfish. You always liked when men chased you even if you knew it would lead nowhere, even if they knew it would lead to nowhere. It was harmless fun, but now all of your fun is gonna be ruined. The last thing you want to be hearing is Mark railing some girl in his room while you’re trying to sleep. 
             You: oh yeah? lets hope we don’t have to be quiet tonight then, i have //plans//
            Doie: plans? 
            You: better do well on your work so you can come home and see <3
             With that, you set your phone down and reach for the remote. Mark is out with a girl right now? Part of you wonders how he’s navigating it, or if the girl is actually into him. The images in your head are amusing until you realize that you’re not imagining him stumbling over himself with some faceless girl. You’re imagining yourself as the girl he’s out with.
             Still, even on your anniversary, you’re bored and you’ve got some hours to kill. You sort through all sorts of images in your head. From what Mark would do if you were to reject him to what he would do if you didn’t reject him. How he would act if you were leaning in to kiss him, or how he would react if you kissed his neck, started touching his stomach, trailing your hands down– straight until you’re assuming that Mark must be getting a hand job somewhere right now. A little disappointed that it’s not you, you laugh at yourself. 
             Silly thoughts like these are normal, and you’re sure Doyoung has them too. Despite the fact that you’d be weirded out if it were about your little sister if you had one. You’re not hurting anyone passing the time and thinking about how things would go with Mark. Surely not. Doyoung was never shy toward you. Always shooting his shot in charming and convincing ways that have managed to lead to a two-year relationship that’s still going strong. He didn’t leave as much to the imagination at the beginning of your relationship, nor does he now. You can’t even imagine Doyoung being insecure or lacking confidence in anything he does, but then there’s Mark. The little brother appears to live in the shadow of Doyoung. From Mark attending college for the same thing to wanting the same woman that Doyoung is in love with. 
             Are you too full of yourself for chuckling about that? Laughing at the fact that he’s so entirely different from your boyfriend but that’s the exact reason you find yourself fantasizing about the ‘what if’s’ with him? Now the thought of what Mark would do if he knew you were thinking about him this way infiltrates your mind. Would he panic? Surely. Would he blush? Oh yeah, for sure. Would he try to play it off as a joke until realizing you’re serious, visibly shivering as you watch him imagine? Oh– would he tell Doyoung? Would he get cocky? So many thoughts that are both scary, cute, and…hot. 
             You look at the clock on your phone again and realize how slowly the time is passing. Mark’s out getting tugged at by some girl, Doyoung is at work being an obedient employee, and what are you doing? Sitting on the couch in a daze as if you’ve just smoked the biggest blunt full of the most high-quality weed.
             Glancing around a bit, you shake your head at a specific thought. Mark’s room.
 ~
             Against your better judgment and several hours on hand to spend, you find yourself in Mark’s room. You didn’t know why your legs carried you here, but then again you kind of did. Curiosity. You didn’t really plan on snooping or anything, you just kind of wanted to see how he lives when he’s by himself. You wanted to see if he made his bed or folded his clothes, and when you note that the loser definitely does not do either of those things, a flash of pastel blue is catching your attention.
             In the mess of Mark’s room, monochrome colors of black and grey come through the most. From sweatpants to band t-shirts, you weren’t expecting to see a glimmer of pastel silk peeking from under one of his pillows. 
             It wouldn’t have caught your attention if it wasn’t for the fact that you recognize the color and even remember the day you purchased them. Those are your panties stuffed under Mark’s pillow. 
             You find yourself smirking in an evil kind of way as you make your way toward the dainty fabric and pull it from the pillow. You can confirm it now, they’re yours, and you remember wearing them just the past weekend you were over. It was normal for you to leave some of your laundry at Doyoung’s place after staying the weekend, it’s not like you weren’t here multiple times a week or anything. 
             Mark must have taken them from the laundry basket in the bathroom. The thought of him that morning when you made breakfast, acting as casual and normal as ever. The harsher thought of how you listened to him again after Doyoung had fallen asleep the night before, furiously reaching his climax. 
             You spread the fabric against your fingers and laugh at the stain on them. This must have been what he was using that night, thinking of you, surely, right? God, Doyoung would kill him if he found out.
             And just as you go to look around to see if he’s stolen more of your intimate wares, you hear the front door open, and you panic, shoving the panties into your back pocket and rushing out of his room to the bathroom just across the hallway.
             In your slight panic, you manage to stand by the bathroom door and listen to the footsteps coming down the hallway. It’s definitely Mark because Doyoung would have called you to let you know he was coming home. Checking the clock again, it’s barely six and you’ve now got two or so hours pretending that you didn’t just find your panties in Mark’s room. Or, maybe, you don’t have to pretend. Maybe you can just fluster and embarrass him more now. 
             You reach over and flush the toilet and then step to the sink to actually wash your hands because you definitely were just handling cum-stained panties, and then you step out of the bathroom acting surprised that he’s here.
 “Oh!” You exclaim, stepping out of the bathroom and looking directly at Mark through his bedroom door as he’s in the middle of throwing himself against the bed in frustration. “Hey, didn’t think you’d be here today?”
             Mark nearly jumps out of his skin despite knowing someone was in the bathroom. He wasn’t expecting to be addressed by you or Doyoung today.
 “Yeah, me neither.” He groans, throwing his hand over his face. “You scared the fuck outta me–”
 “Aw, why so nervous?” You ask, taking a step forward and leaning against the doorframe to his room, crossing your arms. “Doyoung said you were on a date or something,”
             Mark groans again, lifting his back from the mattress to sit up and shaking his head in defeat. The fact that you’re talking to him right now only makes him feel worse. He’s embarrassed enough by the happenings of the past hour or so, now he has to sit here and answer your questions about it?
 “Yeah, I was supposed to be but she ended up just using me as a ploy.” 
             You only chuckle because of course that’s the type of shit that’ll happen to him, but also like, you’re kind of glad the date wasn’t a date, even if he didn’t know it.
 “A ploy?”
 “Turns out, she was just trying to make some guy jealous. He literally served us. ”
 “Oh yeah? Then what happened?” You question, prying now. 
 “When he was coming up to the table, she told me to kiss her so I did. Then as soon as he walked away, she was back on her phone and texting. She accidentally texted me I guess, saying that ‘the plan is working, he’s definitely jealous’.” Mark mocks the text message in a whiny voice.
             You laugh a little louder this time, eyes darting to the pillow he had your panties tucked under.
 “Why are you laughing? I am miserable.” Mark is casual when he talks about it, but you note that he lets out a small chuckle too. “Why would someone even use me to make a guy jealous?”
             You freeze for a second. Here’s your first opening.
 “Because you’re cute?”
             Mark freezes now too, glancing away from you with what you think is that shyness you’d seen so much before. It was definitely shyness. Out of everything that’s just happened, at least you think he’s cute, but it’s not like he can have you or actually use your compliment as an ego boost considering you’re dating his big brother.
 “Anyway,” You offer an out, noting his avoidance a little more now that you know what he’s been doing in his free time with your personal items. “Doyoung will be home later for our anniversary, sorry for what you’re gonna hear later–” 
             Second opening.
 “I know it’s weird to ask but I left a cute pair of panties last time I was here. They’re his favorite. I can’t find them.”
             Mark stands to his feet quickly and casually throws his jacket over the pillow you had pulled them from earlier. Upon the very mention of your panties, he feels caught like he’s got three shining spotlights directed at him to tell you he stole them. 
 “I don’t know, what color were they?” He awkwardly asks, trying to avoid looking at you, not even questioning that you’re asking him when you’ve never so much as asked what he does in his free time. He can’t even tell that he’s telling on himself right now. 
 “Light blue, silk.” You deadpan, looking at him.
 “Oh, I might have seen them in the laundry. I’ll go look.”
             Before you can even protest, Mark is shuffling past you and rushing towards the laundry room. You follow behind him casually, not in the slightest bit of a hurry.
 “I already checked in here. The dirty laundry too.”
 “Did you check Doyoung’s drawers? He did laundry yesterday, they’re probably in there.” 
             Mark is talking so fast that it’s almost sad. Still, it’s fun.
 “Smart boy.” You compliment with a finger in the air, walking towards Doyoung’s room just to see what Mark would do next when you tell him they’re not there. 
             You lazily look through all of your panties stuffed into Doyoung’s drawers and head back out to Mark’s room. Quietly, you peek around the door and only laugh at him when you see his pillow is overturned and he’s digging through a clothes pile in the corner of his room on the floor. The fact that he didn’t even close his door is hilarious, but you imagine it was an afterthought considering time was against him.
 “Did you find them?” You ask, watching him nervously stop searching and stay in place on the floor facing away from you. You could practically tell the cold sweat that hit him.
 “N-no.” He says quickly. “Did you?” 
 “Yep.” You say, pulling the panties out of your pocket.
             Mark relaxes, choosing to believe that somehow, the panties he had tucked under his pillow managed to walk themselves to the laundry room, step into the washer, then the dryer, and then place themselves neatly into Doyoung’s drawer. Never will he let himself think that you found them, or even worse, Doyoung.
             When his shoulders relax and he turns to look at you, you see him stiffen up just as much as before when you swing the panties around your finger, stopping to present them in a way that shows the massive cum stain. 
 “Guess Doyoung needs to find a new favorite, huh?” You joke, tossing them onto Mark’s bed and walking away. 
             As you walk down the hallway with a smile on your face you can hear Mark’s frantic footsteps rush up behind you. 
 “Wait! It’s not–” He tries to explain the situation away. “It’s not what it looks like!”
 “My panties under your pillow aren't what it looks like?” You turn to face him at the end of the hallway, and with the way he was quickly following you, he runs directly into you and has to stumble back from the close proximity of you in front of him. He’s never even touched you before. Never hugged you, prodded you, or even looked at you for too long when your eyes were already on him. 
 “No,” He goes to say, but you interrupt him. 
 “Mark, you’re lucky it was me who found them and not your brother.” 
 “I know,” Mark stutters out, looking to the floor. “But really, I didn’t mean to-”
 “If you didn’t mean for me to find them, you should have stuffed them further back. They were hanging out for anyone to see, Mark.”
             He stops for a moment. You’re telling him how he should have hidden them?
 “Wait–” 
             Only now does Mark realize your comment of Doyoung needing to find a new favorite pair of underwear before you toss them back on his bed. He’s gotta be thinking too positively to imagine you’re giving him the panties and offering tips on how to keep them from Doyoung, right? Like you only gave them back because you’re disgusted by him, right? 
 “Really, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I took them.”
             And admittance. You feel like you’ve won the game, and you’re definitely in the position to ask more questions. 
 “Why did you take them in the first place?” You ask, taking a step towards him to make him feel overwhelmed. 
             Mark takes another step back, feeling frozen when his eyes glance up at yours. He can’t pull his eyes away this time with the way you’re looking at him. There’s a smirk against your lips and he can’t sense a single bit of anger. Cautiously, he tries to make another excuse. 
 “I don’t know why.” He deadpans, staring down at you as you look at him and take another step forward. 
 “I think we both know why you stole them.” You smile wider, lifting slightly to where you’re just inches from his face. “Did you think of me?”
 “Yeah,” He sighs out, somewhat lost in your gaze as if he has managed to become hypnotized by the way you’re speaking with him. Then he shakes himself out of it, taking a step back with a muttered out string of “I mean, no!” 
                        You close in against him just as you did before, not allowing him to escape the hold you have on him. You’re just as close as you were before he stepped back, and you continue. 
 “You did? Do you listen in on what Doyoung does to me too?”
             Mark takes another step back, this time knowing full well that you’ll just follow him again. And you do, practically walking him back through the hallway and against the wall after passing his room. 
 “I mean,” He admits. “Sometimes.” 
             You smile as he tries to back himself up further against the wall. 
 “Why not all the time?” You follow up, watching the way his lip quivers a bit from the nervousness within him. Unbearably cute is what Mark is at this moment, trapped and caught. 
 “You guys get too quiet, I guess?” He answers as if it’s his own question, wondering if it’s what you want to hear. His belly is doing flips though, admitting these things to you and feeling as if you’ll make fun of him, mock him, tell on him.
 “You’re too quiet sometimes too.” You smile before backing away and turning to walk back toward the end of the hallway. 
             Mark hangs his head wondering what the fuck just happened and if you were actually implying certain things toward him. He can barely bring himself to care that you hear him masturbate. He tries to be quiet, honestly, he does. But it’s hard sometimes when he’s rubbing his cock against the silk of the panties you just gave back to him, even harder when he’s hearing you through the walls and he imagines if you’d make the same sounds for him. 
             Pulled from his thoughts, he hears you turn the volume up on the tv before shouting at him.
 “Oh, and Mark?” You say, waiting for him to respond quietly from out of view.
 “Yeah?” He responds as he makes his way back to his room. 
 “I’ll make sure to be louder tonight.” 
             Mark closes his bedroom door feeling like his body is on fire and like his mind is spiraling into a place where it shouldn’t be. 
 ~
             When Doyoung got home, Mark made it his mission to not step foot out of his bedroom until the two of you were passed out. Thankfully, he had taken a quick bathroom break while also trying to avoid letting you hear that he left his room right before Doyoung came back.
             Mark almost feels like prey right now, but he’s entirely too confused about the entire situation. He tried to be a good person and not fantasize about his brother’s girlfriend by making a tinder profile, but even now as he scrolls through all of the pretty faces, he knows that none of them would just let him steal their panties like you did. Not that it’s a hobby of his or anything, he saw your panties and he took the chance to give him a better orgasm next time around. Now he’s kind of obsessed with the idea though.
             He had already placed the panties back under his pillow and stuffed them further back by now, and hearing you and Doyoung in the living room doing couple-things didn’t really help the confusion in his head. If you’re in there all lovey-dovey with his brother, why did you get up so close to him earlier? Why did you offer to be louder for him? Why did you do any of what you did?
             It felt wrong that everything just made him want you more. Before, he was just being a horny guy, but now he’s like, maybe only horny for you.
             Maybe it’s just a phase, surely it’ll pass. He loves his brother.. Then he finds himself questioning if that’s the truth as the night goes on. 
             Jealousy is a hateful demon. When he hears the shuffling into Doyoung’s room and the giggles coming from both of you, Mark almost wants to hit someone. Why can’t he have that? Why does Doyoung always get to experience the good things in life?
             Not only was Mark used by some pretty girl today, he is now being shown yet again what he can’t have and will probably never have. The jealousy is only worse now, as he faceplants into his pillow and considers moving back in with his parents so that way he can stop wanting what his brother has. 
             The consideration is furthered when he grows frustrated at the sounds of you through the wall. He can even hear Doyoung shush you a few times. Against Mark’s will, his cock starts to grow against the mattress and his thigh, fingers now tucking further under the pillow to find those silk panties that caused his ultimate demise today.
             When he runs his fingers along the fabric, still tucked beneath the pillow, he whines to himself at how pathetic it is for him to keep doing this. Only when he realizes that you’re over there being fucked and being loud specifically for him to hear does he pull them out and roll over onto his back.
             All confusion and worry is left behind now as he replaces those anxieties with the idea of you grinding against him while wearing these panties. He thinks about how you like it, how you move your body, what you’d do with your hands. 
             His cock twitches to be free just a few moments later and he doesn’t think twice about lowering his sweatpants and staring down at himself. He sighs in defeat, noting how much harder he is now compared to the nights before when he weakly worked himself up to the faint sounds of you
             From across the wall though, you’re enjoying yourself far too much. Mark kind of falls into the back of your guilty mind as your boyfriend loves on you. Doyoung came home excited, a hand was on you the entire time from the moment he walked through the door until now. Both hands are on you now as he praises you and pries your legs open. Usually, Doyoung was rougher. He’d do things that drive you insane, edge you, and deny you pleasure over and over again until he felt it was time to let you let go. The added attempts to be silent only made it more fun for your boyfriend, gagging you with his cock, fingers, or even your own panties. Tonight was a little different considering it marks the two-year anniversary of his relationship with you.
             The plan you had for Doyoung tonight was for him to use a new toy on you that you’d bought in secret. He always wanted to try double penetration with you but was never willing to share you, and you don’t mind. You still wanted to fulfill one of his fantasies though, and that’s what the intention was. To your surprise though, Doyoung leaves the toy still in its package on the table and has been eating you out for a solid twenty minutes already.
             He’s focusing on you entirely at this moment and it’s got your head spinning with the way his wet tongue flicks your clit while his lips envelop the entire bud. He’s so good at it, and usually only does this when you’ve been extra good for him like if you willingly choke on his entire length or you let him overstimulate you to the point that getting head from him is painful. 
             His head is between your legs lapping away and all you can do is groan out for him, enjoying the way he’s being gentle and pointed with his tongue. His hands go from your legs to keep them from crushing his head to reaching up to massage your tits. He doesn’t even try to silence you, and you’re thankful to keep your promise to Mark despite not actually trying to right now. And when Doyoung pulls his head back for a breath, he looks up at you and smiles in such a genuine way that it has your heart crashing with the amount of love you have for him. 
             Doyoung loses patience with giving you head after the thirty-minute mark. He wanted to make you come this way and make it last as long as possible, but now he’s feeling neglected and the image of you with that toy you got for him to use is burning images in his mind the more he hears you moan for him. 
 “Changed my mind,” Doyoung speaks out as he pulls back from your core and abandons your clit entirely. He hears you whimper at the loss of pressure and always loved the way you sounded when you did it. He finds himself reaching for the toy a little quicker than he already was.
 “Play with yourself while I get this ready,” He smiles at you, giving you a quick kiss to the forehead before fumbling with the box. 
 ~
             The fact that Mark could hear his brother tell you to play with yourself made him feel insane. Only because of the way you started moaning again and gave him more to think about. The thought of walking in on you one day with your fingers inside of yourself, not quite reaching where you want them to, asking him to take over for you.
             Mark almost wants to put his ear to the wall and takes a moment to ask himself why he wouldn’t do that anyway. He wants to hear you.
             Cock still in hand and tangled against your panties, he shuffles to his feet and presses his ear against the wall. You sound much more clear now, He chokes back his own moan, knowing you’d probably hear it more clearly too considering how loud he is. Knowing you could hear him means Doyoung would also hear him, so he tries his best to hold it back as he starts thrusting himself against the silk in his hand.
             He did well until he heard a choked-out whimper, a slap, and some crude words coming from his brother’s lips. On any other day of listening in, his hard-on would instantly go down hearing his brother but what he says to you through these thin as fuck walls has Mark choking back his own whimper.
 “You like being stuffed with two?” Mark heard at first, followed by another whimper from you. “You’re so wet, it slid right in beside me–”
             Mark can’t even imagine what’s being done to you right now but he can tell you’re loving it in the way your whimpers turn to full-fledged moans that he’s never heard before. 
 “Oh, fuck–” Mark groans out towards himself, looking down at his painfully hard cock against your panties. He starts to move his hand this time, faster than what his hips were doing. Only part of him is trying to match the sounds of skin slapping skin, moving his hand much faster than what he’s hearing happen to you. He’s sure you’d moan like that for him too. Wouldn’t even need two to make you be so loud, surely. 
             And then he’s starting to shake, rolling his head a bit to where his forehead is against the wall. Shamelessly, he whispers his own words to you as he begins to release against your panties. Words of, ‘yeah, you like that?’ and “Better than him, right?” 
             When Mark backs away from the wall, allowing the muffled sound of your loud moaning to be further and further from his ear, he collapses on his bed in a deep breath and then trails his eyes back over towards the wall. You’re right there. You know exactly what he was doing in here but now he can’t tell if you were actually being loud because you told him you would, or if it’s because Doyoung really is that good. 
             The jealousy hits again. It isn’t fair.
 ~
                        It’s been days since your anniversary and now that work is finished, you get to head back over for your regular weekend with Doyoung. Except you wonder how awkward it’s going to be. The soreness between your legs has gotten better but the guilt of how Mark avoided you the next morning got worse. 
             You think you should leave it be, you should just let him have those panties and pretend it never happened, pretend you never flirted with him, and pretend you didn’t tell him that you listen to him masturbate too. You went too far on your fucking anniversary then proceeded to fall even more in love with Doyoung.
             Thankfully, you didn’t go far enough to where it couldn’t be salvaged, so when you leave today, you have the promise in your head that you will leave it alone. You will leave Mark alone and go back to what you were with Doyoung before you ever fantasized about his little brother.
             Except that doesn’t happen because the moment you walk in and see Mark lounging by himself on the couch, shirtless, you find yourself avoiding him more than he was avoiding you. Though he immediately got up with a small apology and rushed towards his room, you had to stop yourself from turning around and going straight back home. Doyoung is there though, back turned towards you as he stirs something in a bowl. 
 “Hey, can you come to help me?” He asks, glancing at you from over his shoulder and showing the smallest glimpse of something smeared against his cheek. 
             Your heart warms at how domestic he looks right now, kicking your shoes off and heading towards him with your weekend bag. 
 “I'll be back in a minute, let me put my bag in your room.” You say, coming up behind him and planting a kiss on his shoulder. He nods to you before you walk out and towards his room.
             Mark’s door is closed and you’re thankful for it as the image of his stupidly attractive shirtless body appears in your mind again. It’s stupid, honestly, you have a whole Doyoung in the kitchen waiting for you, who will probably make you come a minimum of three times tonight, and you’re panic-walking past his little brother’s bedroom because you’re incredibly fucking attracted to him. 
             Stupid. 
 ~
             The self-control you once had is no longer present in your head. The plan to leave it be is less and less attractive in your brain the more you take in the image of Mark in front of you at the table texting away on his phone. You watch him shamelessly as Doyoung goes back and forth in the kitchen. You’re almost completely skewed from his view as you sit here across from Mark. He’s wearing a shirt now, and only glancing at you from time to time but still not saying anything.
             What happened to you avoiding him? No, what happened to him avoiding you? 
             From under the table, you gently kick against his leg to get his attention and his eyes snap up toward you. You look down though, ignoring him instead. But your leg stays there, occasionally kicking against him just to see how long it takes for him to stop reacting to it. 
             Scrolling through your own phone now, you’re swiping through videos, listening to Doyoung clattering through the cupboards, and feeling incredibly warm sitting in front of Mark. You don’t know what’s gotten into you when it comes to him, honestly. (It’s not like you knew how hard he came during your anniversary celebration.) 
             Finally, you slowly trail your eyes back up to his face and note that he does the same, at the exact same time. The two of you share a moment of silence looking at each other. You could almost feel his eyes pull you in without intent. It feels dangerous just to look at him, seeing him in a newer light than what you’d seen in him when it was just amusement on your end. You wonder if he can tell. Probably not.
             He doesn’t look away from you, and you’re not sure why. He just stays still, silent, blinking back at you. Maybe he’s being pulled in too, like a secret agreement communicated just through eye contact. The electricity in the space between the two of you is nothing short of dangerous. Your body almost acts on its own when you raise your lips into a half smile at him and plant your foot on the chair between his legs.
             Still keeping eye contact, you watch him jump at the action but he doesn’t move or push your foot away. Instead, he’s breaking eye contact and looking down, staring down, really, at how your socked foot is planted directly between his legs.
             He doesn’t move, trailing his eyes back to you now with a curious look. You continue, pressing your foot forward just slightly. Mark jumps again and shoots his eyes to the opening of the kitchen. Doyoung is still facing away, stirring something in a pot on the stove. 
             Mark doesn’t know what the fuck is going on, or why he does it, but it’s like his hips press forward out of need rather than want. He knows it’s wrong to have you touching him in any way, even if it’s just your foot. 
             You smile wider, watching the way his face tries to stay casual as he gently scoots forward and presses himself further against your foot. Only now, satisfied, do you look back down to your phone as if you didn’t just do what you did, and like you’re not keeping your foot in place for Mark to grind against. 
             The fact that he’s actually doing that alone is enough for you to feel warm on the inside. All you were going to do was experimentally cross a line to see what would happen. This was a much better outcome than him rushing out of the room in a panic. 
             Offering more pressure against his weak grinds, you can tell he’s looking at you in disbelief and shifting his eyes to keep checking for Doyoung. Mostly because he grinds his hips forward a little harder when he notes that Doyoung doesn’t see anything, and when he moves more weakly, you assume your boyfriend must be moving around and able to easily see Mark fall apart. Alerting him that something is happening, even if he can’t see under the table due to the clean cloth he has draped over the table. 
             You smirk as you scroll to watch another video, feeling his cock harden against your foot, and god, he’s really that desperate? You hate how much you like it, and hate even more that you’re so fucking attracted to him doing this right now. 
             When you glance up, you note that Mark is really trying to concentrate on looking normal, but you can see him so clearly shifting his lower half and you speak up. 
 “Mark, have you seen this meme?” You fake laugh out loud, mostly to stop him from getting too into it and blowing the cover. 
             He jerks his hips back with an annoyed groan, realizes where he is and what’s between his legs, and then jumps into an act.
 “N-no, I don’t think so,” He says nervously, leaning forward to see your phone. 
             You grab the collar of his shirt and pull him closer over the table, lifting him from his seat and whispering. 
 “You need to stop being obvious–” You whisper before releasing him and turning your phone to show him the video.
             Mark lets out a fake laugh at the video  before seating himself and looking dead into your eyes. Then he feels you adjust your foot again, this time further into his chair and seated directly against his painfully hard erection.
             He doesn’t think he can just sit here and let this go on for too long but he doesn’t want you to stop either. It’s the first time you’ve actually come onto him and Doyoung is right fucking there. Mark decides to take what he can get, even if it’s just out of pity from you. 
             You’re shocked when you feel his hand grab your foot and hold it in place before very harshly  grinding against it. Watching him from across the table, he’s somehow manages to make it not look obvious that he’s practically fucking one part of you, still, you find yourself falling apart at the way he parts his lips and bites the bottom one harshly. He’s focused solely on his phone, brows furrowed, but you can tell his eyes are vacant and he’s only focusing on how he’s feeling between his legs. 
             Just as quickly as he started, you feel him push your foot away and he’s scooting back in his chair. 
 “I left something in my room. I’ll be back.” Mark says sheepishly, looking to the floor and rushing into the hallway.
             You watch him rush out of the room confused, so you look behind you hoping Doyoung didn’t like, make eye contact with him or something. It doesn’t appear he did though, because you see him waist-deep bent over in the fridge looking for something. 
             Mark needed to like, not come in his pants from that. He doesn’t fucking like feet, but he likes you. You offered pressure and he fucking took it. He needed to finish himself off and not have to sit there in cum-soiled pants pretending like it didn’t just happen. Naturally, he came to his room to finish himself off out of frustration. Thankfully he’s close enough to reach climax within two to three strokes, right there leaning against his door. 
             Embarrassed by the small sob he let out during his orgasm, he’s quick to rush to the bathroom and clean up before grabbing a hoodie from his room and throwing it on over the t-shirt, mostly so it does look like he came in here to grab something.
             Not even five minutes pass before he’s sitting in front of you again. Mark feels helpless in the way he can no longer bring himself to avoid looking at you, all the way up until Doyoung peeks into the room and announces that he thinks he’s perfected the soup recipe, and is ready for you guys to come try it. 
             You, on the other hand, didn’t look at Mark after he came back. Not much, anyway. It’s not that you didn’t want to, it’s mostly just that you’re coming to terms with the fact that you just crossed a line and you’re not sorry about it. Even after Doyoung places a spoon at your lips and the soup was definitely the most delicious he’s ever made, and even after he’s got his arm around you at the table, across from his little brother who just eye fucked you while grinding against your foot. 
 ~
             The events of yesterday stayed fresh on your mind even as Doyoung lays next to you half-awake and scratching against his arm before cuddling in closer to you. He was so warm, and all you can do is wonder why you're risking this comfort to have fun with his little brother. You’ve already crossed a line and gone too far. You did exactly what you said you weren’t going to do and exactly what you never thought you could do. You’re probably not going to be able to stop even if you wanted to try again, so you opt to just–not think about when it’s gonna happen again or if it’s gonna happen again. 
             Saturday almost flies by and before you know it, all three of you are lounging in the living room to watch a movie. Usually, Mark isn’t as present when you’re with Doyoung but since everything started, he makes himself known much more. He includes himself in things and engages in more conversation. You wonder if it’s because he’s waiting for you to do something again. The worst part about all of it is that you can tell Doyoung is enjoying the time he’s spending with you and Mark together. 
             Even during this movie, Doyoung doesn’t think twice when you lean against him and throw your legs over Mark’s lap to get comfortable. Alternatively, Mark thinks three to four times over when you do it, opting to keep his hands at his sides when he steals a glance at you and notes that you’re comfortable under his brother’s arm. 
             The movie goes on like that and Mark can’t help but feel like it’s taking forever to be over with. Then again, he’s staring at your legs on his lap more than the movie on the screen. It gets worse when there's a jumpscare and your legs are tensing up and moving around against him. At least this time it’s not your fucking foot and he’s got a calf muscle to work with. 
             You did it both intentionally and unintentionally. You weren’t exactly throwing your legs on him to get him to rub against them or anything, it was mostly just to fluster him, but Mark proves himself as someone with zero self-control once again. You feel him twitch under your legs and shamefully, it makes you wet. Like, incredibly wet actually. And in your defense, it’s not like Mark hasn’t seen this happen before, never in an intimate setting like this, but you really can’t help yourself knowing that if you want to get fucked, you’ve got Doyoung right here to do it for you. 
             Adjusting yourself, you pull your legs from Mark and take a second to focus on his lap. The tent in his pants was obvious, but Doyoung pays no mind as his eyes stay on the screen. You watch the way Mark covers himself quickly and looks at you. As he looks at you, you move a bit to look at Doyoung.
             Without warning, your boyfriend is thrown off guard by you suddenly kissing his neck. Mark doesn’t have self-control, and neither do you. You’re not trying to dangle your relationship in front of him, really, you’re not. It’s not your fault that Mark got hard and that caused a chain reaction in getting you wet. 
             Doyoung pulls back to look at you in confusion, smiling but also trying to dodge your kisses against his neck. 
 “Hey, hey slow down–” He turns his face to whisper into your hair. “It’s weird with Mark here.”
             You ignore his whispers and continue to kiss against him, moving your hand dangerously close to his upper thigh. 
             In a way, Doyoung can’t believe that you’re really acting like this in front of Mark. Sure, the two of you have kissed in front of him, and Mark has walked in on some steamy makeout sessions, but it was never intended to be in front of him. Then again, Doyoung knows how needy you can get and how selfish you can be when you’re wanting something specific from him. 
 “Okay, okay–” Doyoung whispers out again, gently pulling himself from the couch and grabbing your hand. 
 “Hey Mark, I think she’s getting tired.” Doyoung laughs with the obvious lie. “Can we finish the movie another time?” 
 “Uh, sure.” Mark responds, knowing full fucking well that you’re turned on because of him. The movie hadn’t played even one sexy scene to get you all riled up. 
 ~
             Come Sunday morning, you were just as turned on as you were the night before. You can feel your body heating the moment you even think of Mark, but Doyoung satiates you well enough. Even there against the bathroom wall as the two of you take a shower. 
             Doyoung took note the night before that you enjoyed it when he humiliated you for doing those things in front of Mark. Asking you if you were really so desperate that you’d let just anyone see you acting the way you did. He plays off of that today too. 
             Waking up hard wasn’t anything weird for Doyoung, and usually the morning showers end up as morning sex sessions anyway. You seemed more willing and awake this morning than any other time, and he’s thankful for it. 
             When he’s got you pressed against the wall as the warm water runs down your back, he doesn’t hesitate to plunge into you all the way with a comment of how much wetter you get when he degrades you. In a way, the punishment and degradation feels deserved, because you are embarrassed by how much you want to touch Mark.
 “You love when other people can see how much you want me, don’t you?” 
             You nod against the cold bathroom tiles, feeling his cock pressing deeply inside of you and making your legs feel weak. You do love when other people can see, but what you mean by that is you love when his little brother can see. 
             Mark, from across the hall, once again hears it all because it wakes him up. Doyoung hadn’t even attempted to keep his voice down while talking to you. 
 “Going so far as letting Mark see? How desperate were you?” 
             Mark’s ears perk up at the sound of his brother saying that, already stirring in his pants at the very idea of you getting off to that. How desperate were you? He wonders how you answer, or if you do. He wonders if you were desperate for him or if it was really for Doyoung.
             Without much more thought, Mark can’t go another day with you here right now. It’s becoming a bit too much, a bit too real, and honestly, he thinks he’s the desperate one right now. Wanting to barge into the bathroom, shove his brother away, and have his way with you. He could never. You’d never let him go that far surely. 
             And by the time it’s all said and done, you leave the bathroom lightheaded and Mark appears to have left the house to do something else.
 ~
             The week passes normally up until Thursday night. You’re rummaging through your cabinets for something to make for dinner when your phone goes off. Assuming it’s Doyoung again, complaining that Friday never comes fast enough, it’s Mark sending you something through instagram, and he’s drunk. 
             MarkLee99_ sent a photo: 
 MarkLee99_ : guess who got drunk on a thursday night and is regretting the fact that i wanna talk to you? 
             Never did you want a paper trail or some type of proof that you and Mark are involved in this weird….thing together. His message isn’t even sexual, it's just a bit intimate that your boyfriend’s brother is sending you selfies while drunk even though you came onto him first. He’s attractive, and entirely too cute right now trying to approach you via fucking Instagram because he won’t do it to your face. Then again, Doyoung is always around. 
 You: let me guess, you’re the one drunk on a thursday night and will probably say some shit that will make you not be able to look me in the eye tomorrow?
 MarkLee99_ : ding ding ding! what’re you doing? 
You: texting you and trying to find food, im hungry. what about you?
MarkLee99_ : bout to make another drink and pretend i don’t have your panties under my pillow
MarkLee99_ : …because i do
             Wow, Mark is bold and confident when he’s drunk. You find yourself smiling over it. You’d never guess or even assume he would try to make conversation with you about that of all things.
 You: oh yeah, you’re definitely drunk
MarkLee99_ : am i being too weird? 
MarkLee99_ : because you’re the one who started it
You: me? I started it? You stole my underwear! 
MarkLee99_ : you’re the one who let me keep them
You: that’s……fair….
MarkLee99_ : so… :) 
             Shy boy is no more at this moment and you almost feel caught off guard. Reminding yourself that he’s drunk, you try to set a boundary in your head and change the subject.
 You: what are you drinking?
MarkLee99_ : found some of my brother’s expensive whiskey, gonna tell him you drank it, he wont be mad then
You: you’re gonna tell him that I drank his whiskey, when he knows I don’t even like whiskey?
MarkLee99_ : yep
             You laugh at his stupidity, finally finding a snack for yourself and settling on the couch with your phone in hand. 
 You: and you’re drinking on a weeknight again, why?
MarkLee99_ : because i want you 
             Oh.
 MarkLee99_ : and i know im not allowed to, but it’s really hard to like, not, i guess
MarkLee99_ : i know im being weird and im sorry, just really drunk rn and wanna talk to you thats all
MarkLee99_ : or we can pretend i never message you and you can delete the messages
You: no, i think you’re being cute. You can calm down, it’s okay
             It’s definitely not okay, but you want it to be. You’re about to do some not okay things too, and cross those boundaries you literally just now set.
 You: so, they’re still under your pillow? 
MarkLee99_ : yea
You: when was the last time you didn’t have them under there?
MarkLee99_ : yesterday
You: oh yeah? 
MarkLee99_ : yea i washed them when doyoung was at work…um
MarkLee99_ : can you maybe wear them again
             God, he really is that desperate. 
 MarkLee99_ : please? you can leave them in the laundry like last time and ill just grab them
You: i’ll think about it 
MarkLee99_ : okay…so…uh….did you like the selfie 
You: i like seeing you in person more, it’s fun when you’re all flustered and stuff, trying to pretend you don’t like it
             Mark is giggling to himself like a schoolgirl, focusing on your messages and hoping to god he doesn’t forget the things you’re saying to him. He’s going to have to delete these messages as soon as it’s over though, for sure. At least he’s not drunk enough to forget the glaring issue at hand here.
 MarkLee99_ : i don’t like it because i always have a boner now lol i feel gross always having to go to my room and take care of it so things dont get weird
You: maybe ill take care of it for you someday, who knows?
MarkLee99_ : wait what
             You’re cheating. As if you haven’t been already. This is blatantly against your moral code and you literally do not care. 
 You: are you all flustered now?
MarkLee99_ : maybe,,,,
You: would you want me to? instead of you having to always run off to your room where I can’t see? 
MarkLee99_ : you’re doing this on purpose, you wouldn’t actually wanna
MarkLee99_ : would you?
You: guess you’ll just have to find out eventually
You: flustered now?
MarkLee99_ : yea, wanna see?
MarkLee99_  sent a photo: 
You:  jesus christ
You: you’re like, really big. I mean, I knew from feeling it last weekend but like, that was my foot lol
MarkLee99_ : yeah what even was that about? i felt so stupid doing that
You: you looked hot when you did it tho
MarkLee99_ : am i really that big? 
You: mark, look at it. im shocked you don’t already have a girl to bury it into yet
MarkLee99_ : could have one ;) 
You: ….yeah
MarkLee99_ : yeah? 
MarkLee99_  sent a photo: 
             Okay, it’s getting to be too much now. You can feel the warmth pooling into your panties already and you wonder if he would be just as eager to lick it up as he is to text you right now. You spread your legs wide, deciding on if you should do it. You’re already cheating, the guilt couldn’t get any worse anyway. 
 You sent a photo: 
 MarkLee99_ : oh fuck 
MarkLee99_ : you’re wet?
MarkLee99_ : sorry i wasnt expecting that
MarkLee99_ : can i save it
You:  :) 
 You sent a photo: 
 MarkLee99_ : you should give me those panties instead
You: okay, ill put them in the basket tomorrow night 
MarkLee99_ : will you still wear the other ones too?
You: you want //two// pairs?
MarkLee99_ : yeah :( 
You:  if it’ll make you keep being cute like this 
             Mark is blushing, flushing, and shaking all at once, one hand on his length  and the other texting you. He’s saved the photos anyway, boring holes into them with the thought of what must be behind that thin layer of sticky and wet fabric. He wants to put his face there, he wants to smell you and swallow you up. 
 MarkLee99_ : can i call you?
             A sharp feeling of fear but an even bigger feeling of arousal hits you. 
 You: I’m waiting. 
             You didn’t have to wait long, watching the bubble of him typing something to you disappear and instead getting a phone call. You know Mark had your number, and you had his, mostly for communication purposes for Doyoung. Never was this supposed to happen. 
             When you answer the phone after taking a deep breath, your eyes are nearly popping out of your head. Mark is shameless. All those nights of hearing him muffled through the wall now coming through crisp and clear on the speaker. If you close your eyes, it’s like you’re in his room with him. 
             You don’t speak, and instead listen. You had expected him to answer the phone stuttering, trying to dirty talk but ultimately failing. It appears his drunken state offers him more than just liquid courage, but liquid lust as well. For a moment you stop and contemplate hanging up. Mark is drunk and you can’t help but feel as though you’re taking advantage of him. Then again, previously sober he basically fucked himself against your foot at the dinner table. 
 “Feel good?” You ask with a chuckle. You can hear the movement of his body through the speaker and you’re aware that through the lack of slapping sounds that your panties are probably silencing what his hand is doing. 
             Mark barely answers. A quick “mhm” ringing through your ears with his deep breaths. This isn’t typically how phone sex would go, considering dirty talking is what gets a person there. Maybe Mark has never done this before, then again, maybe he gets off on knowing you’re listening to him while also alone. 
 “Can you–talk?” Mark asks weakly,  his hand stilling for a moment to focus solely on the image he has pulled up over your phone call. He can barely comprehend that you’re on the other line and he’s looking at your pussy pressing against slick panties.
 “I like hearing you do this,” You say quickly, not very good at this type of thing yourself despite knowing how it should usually go. You slowly start to trace your fingers against your panties, wondering if Mark would be gentle like this too, nervous even. 
 “Yeah?” He asks with a small, choked moan as he begins to move his hand again. “You’re not weirded out?”
 “If I was weirded out I wouldn’t have sent you photos.” You snap, frustrated suddenly with the whole situation that this is your boyfriend’s brother. “Stop calling it weird–” You trail off, listening intently to the shifting sounds you hear through the speaker. 
 “Doyoung isn’t home right now,” Mark suddenly admits, and you can feel the arousal disappear almost instantly as you hear his name. The reality hitting you, but still not caring enough to stop.
 “Don’t talk about him right now, This isn’t right but–”
 “But what?” Mark asks, this time pulling his hand away completely and wondering if you realized you fucked up. Hoping you won’t tell Doyoung, hoping this never gets found out. 
 “I can’t stop thinking about you.” You let out, finally pressing your fingers beneath the lining of your panties. “I know it’s wrong.”
             Like music to Mark’s ears, he feels the eagerness in his body swell to the point that it’s difficult to maintain. Doyoung has everything that Mark wants. A good career, a nice house, needed life skills. All of those things could be obtained with hard work and effort for Mark, but you. You were the one thing he was never supposed to have. You were the one aspect of Doyoung’s life that Mark wouldn’t have the ability to work his way towards, but he did. He has you right now, in this moment, and he feels like nothing could break him. He knows it’s wrong just like you do, but Mark is selfish too. 
             He doesn’t think you meant to feel this way, because he always sees the good in people, and if you were doing this with any other man he would definitely snitch on you if he found out. But you’re doing it with him and he doesn’t feel an ounce of guilt at this moment that he wants to fuck his big brother’s girlfriend, and it appears she wants to fuck him too. 
             A small part of Mark’s brain is anxious though. That little still-sober sliver of his moral code trying to fight its way to the front. Does he go with his heart or with his brain? Should he stop? Will he be able to look you in the eye tomorrow? Will he be able to ever look his brother in the eye? He isn’t sure. Both his heart and his brain tells him to go for you, the only thing telling him not to is the thought of his brother. The good news about that is, with you on the other end of this line, Doyoung doesn’t exist to him any longer as he goes to speak.
 “You can have me, you know.” He almost whispers, staring down at his heavy cock resting against his belly, panties left dangling off the tip. “I wouldn’t say no.”
             Those were dangerous words. Words you know you shouldn’t accept or be turned on by. 
 “I bet you wouldn’t–” You cut yourself off in a deep breath, pressing against your clit and rubbing harshly. Mark isn’t even talking much, just offering himself on a fucking platter to you.
 “Oh, shit, are you?” Mark swallows hard, the reality that you might actually be touching yourself on the other line sending waves of heat down his body in waves. He thought it was just him and only had the hopes that you wouldn’t start making fun of him for it. 
 “Oh shit, oh fuck.” He says, quickly moving his hand to grip against his cock and already feeling too sensitive from the short moments of neglect. “Where are your hands?” He adds.
 “In my panties.”
             Mark groans, dropping his phone by his ear on the pillow and using his other hand to grip something, anything as he opts to imagine your fingers sliding beneath the panties you’d shown him in the photo.
             You can tell he’s holding his breath, focusing on feeling good in the way he releases short, quick groans every now and then. You keep yourself silent though, trying to hear him, trying to imagine what he’s doing while thinking of you. 
             The wetness between your legs is being spread by your fingers as you scissor your lips open easily, letting a small groan roll off your tongue for him to hear. Satisfied by his responsive deep breath and sigh, you finally plunge your fingers in. 
 “Can you hear it, Mark?” You ask, lowering the phone a bit so that he can hear your fingers slide in and out of you with a wet sound. 
             He chokes on his end at that, swiping the panties off of him to replace the feeling of fabric with the feeling of his closed fist. His precum smears beautifully, offering him the sensation that if he squeezes hard enough, he can imagine that he’s fucking into your warm and wet pussy. He can hear how wet you sound and it’s driving him up a fucking wall not being able to physically see you do it in front of him. 
 “This is all I'm going to think about tomorrow–” He groans out, tightening his fist even more and bucking his hips into it. “You sound so,”
 “Wet for you?”
             That’s all it takes before Mark is gasping out a string of curses, the orgasm both sending him into a sobering world of pleasure and an even drunker state of wanting you to himself. Strings of white spurting all along his belly and going as far as his chin, he throws his other hand up and bites hard against the skin on his knuckle as he works through it. He doesn’t want to moan, he wants to hear how fast your fingers are moving. He wants to think about how you must be imagining him right now, feeling good and breaking the rules for him. 
             Finally, after an embarrassingly long orgasm from Mark, his room goes silent and his ears tune in to the speaker on his phone. You’re cooing, letting out pretty little breaths between the smacking sounds of your palms coming into contact with your clit as you work yourself through it. He can’t believe you’re doing this with him, and even after his own orgasm he’s still incredibly aroused despite his cock softening. 
 “You still there?” You groan out. He can tell the phone is closer to what your hands are doing than it is to your face, but he doesn’t mind.
 “I’m still here–” He swallows hard, catching his breath as he practically studies the audio you’re feeding to him. 
 “I bet that felt good,” You compliment his orgasm that was glaringly obvious on your end. You imagine he doesn’t even recognize that his hand was audible against his cock, and the sheer speed you heard of what he was doing made your clenching walls ache with everything you shouldn’t be wanting.”Wish I could see you right now–” 
             Mark did contemplate face timing you instead, but that was crossing more of a line in his head than just calling you. Plus, he would have probably hidden himself from view the entire time. It’s not like he expected to actually have you fucking yourself on the other end of the line, but here you are, and here he is, cum all over him. 
             He snaps a quick photo for you, and in your head you whimper a small yes, because you can hear the shutter from his phone.
 “Send it,” You demand softly, pulling your phone from your stomach and holding it in front of your face. 
             He does as you ask and feels embarrassed by the pools of cum all over his stomach. The photo consists mostly of his chest down. You can see his plush and bitten lips at the top of the photo though, and his quite big softening cock lying spent against his stomach, smearing some of the cum across his belly. 
             Mark listens to your reaction and hum of approval when you look at the photo, a small blush fanning his cheeks out of pure adoration for you rather than lust at this moment. He listens intently, unsure of if you’re going to work yourself to orgasm or hang up on him before he gets the chance to hear it. 
             The point is, Mark is getting a part of you that only Doyoung should have, and he will be damned to pretend he doesn’t like it. 
 ~
             Waking up with an immense amount of guilt in your head, you almost bail at going to Doyoung’s house this weekend. You’ve already called out of work simply because you find yourself thinking of Mark more than you should, and the guilt only wavers from you feeling like a piece of shit, to almost being a thought that you can push aside. 
             Doyoung would kill Mark if he found out, and you, what would he even do with you? Break up with you? Insult you? The thought of him finding out is the only reason you feel guilty. Because you still don’t regret showing Mark, letting him hear you, or hearing and seeing him. In fact, you don’t intend to stop either. You want him too much at this point, and he seems to be in the same place as you when it comes to this situation. Mark wouldn’t tell on you because then he would be telling on himself. 
             After all, he only moved in with Doyoung so he could taste freedom outside of his parent’s house. The strict curfews, the password protected websites despite him being a fucking adult, the supervision of his own money and belongings. Doyoung knew the pain of living there, and that’s why he accepted Mark with open arms. 
             Doyoung was a good brother and an even better boyfriend. You and Mark on the other hand. Mark’s an awful brother and you’re an even worse girlfriend. He didn’t deserve any of this, and he doesn’t deserve any of what’s to come either. You’re in too deep with Mark now, and the glaring attraction is too strong to ignore. 
             Never in your life did you think you could find yourself being unfaithful, let alone with your own boyfriend’s sibling, yet here you are. Only guilty if you get caught. 
             Mark had texted you at least three thousand times with apologies. Admitting that his head hurt too much this morning to be realizing what the two of you did. He said he wouldn’t approach you when you come over, apologized again, and then promised to never tell Doyoung and to never hold it against you if you think he’s weird for doing all of that to you.
             Reading over his string of messages, you realize that Mark is blaming himself. He feels like he’s taking advantage of you and wanting you to feel secure and safe in something you did without a second thought. 
             On his end though, Mark is in his room staring at the two photos you sent to him the night before. Partially wondering if it was all just a dream at first, those pictures of you were the truth of how you felt towards him. And when you never text him back he doesn’t think too hard about why.
             When you still show up at that day, he doesn’t question that you’re not eye fucking him the second you walk in through the door either. 
             Mark was once again lounging on the couch when you walked in and Doyoung was nowhere in sight. He hadn’t texted you either. Awkwardly, Mark speaks up before you can question it.
 “He told me to let you know that he was gonna be late again. Said something about knowing you’d spam him with needy text messages while he’s in a last-minute work meeting.”
             You look to the floor for a second, wondering if the real reason Doyoung didn’t text you personally like he always did is because he found out somehow. 
“Oh,” You sigh, slipping off your shoes and feeling a wave of anxiety wash over you. 
 “He doesn’t know, don’t worry–” Mark assures you as he stands to his feet and heads towards his room. “Sorry about last night, I won't do that again.”
 ~
             You’ve been slouched against Doyoung’s couch for at least an hour by now and your mind is still doing a back and forth between taking advantage of this alone time with Mark, or worrying about how you shouldn’t be left alone with him at all.
             The glaringly obvious issue in your head right now is the fact that you’re alone with Mark and you’re not upset about it. Mark assured you that Doyoung didn’t find out, and the fact that Mark is the best source of finding out exactly what Doyoung knows is more of a comfort than anything to you right now. 
             Thinking back to the night before, you remember releasing your orgasm on the phone and hearing him compliment you through it. You have the photo of him saved within your gallery, hidden from your too-trusting boyfriend’s eyes. It was the first time you’ve ever seen Mark’s lower half bare. He really was huge. 
             It’s not even shocking to you at this point that you can feel guilty and anxious one moment and immediately switch into some sex-starved beast at the very thought of Mark. 
 “maybe ill take care of it for you someday, who knows?” The text message you sent to him spreads across your thoughts, knowing full well that you’re probably going to get intimate with Doyoung later, the least you can do is let Mark have some first if he wants it, right? 
 You cautiously stand to your feet with a deep breath. The fact that you allow yourself to continuously dig the hole deeper for you to never be able to pull yourself out from inside. Maybe it's just what Mark does to your thoughts? The images of him are too good to be able to ignore, the guilt not nearly enough to make you stop wanting him. 
 Doyoung isn’t in your mind when you reach into your bag and grab the soiled panties you had soaked completely the night before, and Doyoung barely exists at all in your thoughts when you make your way down the hall and lean against Mark’s closed door. 
 “I wouldn’t say no.” was what Mark had messaged you before, guess now is the time to find out. 
 Opening his door without so much as a knock, Mark doesn't appear to notice you at all as his back stays turned and he focuses on the screen in front of him. The large headset is sitting comfortably on his ears and you’re sure that the volume is up far too loud to be healthy. You can hear his friend’s yelling directions, where enemies are hiding and where they’re headed next. 
 You smirk for a moment, noting how much of a typical college boy Mark is. Messy room, messy hair, messy relationship with his brother’s girlfriend. You can imagine he feels pride in what he was able to do with you, and that’s not even an ego boost on your end. You wonder if he’s told his friends anything at all. Not about who he likes or who he’s been getting intimate with even if not too-directly, but like, that he’s been getting fed sexual fantasies by someone in general. You wonder if he talks you up, then again, what if he hasn’t mentioned it at all.
 “Where were you last night anyway?” You hear over the too-loud headset as you come up behind Mark with the panties in your hand. 
 “Busy getting laid, unlike you losers.” Mark boasts, but you snicker at how he’s both lying and telling the truth.
 “Bullshit–” You hear another insult coming through his headset before you finally are right behind him. 
             Part of you wants to prove him right so his friend’s think he’s cool or something, but then again, what if they recognize your voice? Surely these are his friends from back home, some two to three hours from this city. Surely they don’t know you, right?
 “No, really.” You lean down against Mark’s headset and speak in a tone that isn’t too common for you,  and he freezes. 
 “No fucking way,” A deeper voice sounds through his headset and you can’t help but feel happy for him in the way they, for some reason, can’t believe Mark’s got some girl in this city interested in him. 
             When Mark tries to turn his body to look at you, you hold the chair in place. Knowing yourself how headsets work, you lift his mic until it clicks, hoping to god the mute function works like it’s supposed to and start talking.
 “Don’t move, keep playing if you want.” You say, dangling the panties over his head and lowering them in front of his face.
             More arousing than gross, you watch Mark’s face fall forward against them. Part of him can’t believe you’re really doing this right now despite leaving his messages on read. But you are, and these are the panties that he thought about all last night and most of today. He really meant it when he said that would be the only thing he would be thinking about, and here you are, keeping the promise of giving them to him.
             Reaching up and clutching the panties, Mark tries to turn towards you again. 
“Stay,” You say. “And don’t be loud.” You lower his mic into place where he is no longer muted and listen as his friends go from talking shit to starting up another game. 
             From behind his chair, you’re a little shocked at how good he is at following what you say. He doesn’t move, but you can hear his breathing and the way he struggles to balance it in order to remain some-what normal sounding to his friends when they address him. His fingers are shaking against his keyboard as the game starts, and you think he’s probably thought about this happening to him hundreds of times before. 
             Gamer boys always want this kind of thing. Some girl prodding and tugging at them, sucking them off under the table as they boast to their friends how they can be getting head and still getting gold damage by the time the match is over. 
             All you can think about right now is being the person to fulfill his fantasies. More turned on by the idea that Mark must want it so badly from you. When you reach around him, lying your hand against his lap, he’s already incredibly hard and stares down at it as the countdown screen on his game begins. 
             From out of sight, you don’t want Mark to see you. You want to see how badly he does through this, because it’s not only cute but actually fucking hilarious. It’s the first time you’re moving on him rather than him grinding against whatever you have to offer.
             Ignoring the call outs of enemies in game through his head set, both of you spiral into a world of your own again when you grab his length from over his sweatpants and just–you just hold him for a moment. The weight of it grows much heavier as he somehow manages to get insanely hard at the fact that you’re in the room with him and your incredibly used panties are sitting right there too.
 “Jesus–” Mark groans when you grab him, but his friends seem to pay no mind to it. Gamer talk and all. 
 “Jesus is right, you haven’t moved from that fucking building you cuck-” Some guy shouts from his head set.
 “Shut the fuck up Haechan, you’re literally in bronze,” Another man shouts.
             Mark is silent save for a sharp inhale when you squeeze your palm around him. He knows if he even tries to talk shit right now that all of his friends would just fucking know how desperate and embarrassing he is around you. That’s the last thing he needs.
             Finally, after a few moments of palming him through his pants, you dip right in. He doesn’t shy away from it either, spreading his legs from under his desk and lifting his ass up slightly so you can pull the pants down to release his length. 
             Even bigger than the photos, thicker than you genuinely imagined now that you see it from over his shoulder. Mark tries to turn his head this time to look at you, but you’re quick to catch his cheek and turn it back to the screen. 
             Gripping him again, Mark sighs into his mic and his friend’s screaming goes silent. You’re quick to lift his mic into the muted position just to offer some sort of escape from embarrassment now seeing that he’s incredibly willing to let you do this while his ego is on the line.
 “You want them to hear?” You ask, feeling his hips slightly buck into your grip. That sends shivers down your spine, finally feeling it for the first time.
 “I don’t care–” He sighs again, thrusting his hips up harder. “Just touch me,”
             The way he says it, for some reason, sounds so fucking broken that you could honestly swirl this chair around and impale yourself on him without so much as a second thought. But you contain yourself, now moving your grip up his length and thumbing over the head to feel the little beads of pre-cum. 
 “Alright, sweetheart,” You compliment, lowering his mic for the last time and wondering just how much he’s going to let his shithead friends hear.
             For a few moments, you gently jerk him off just to see his hips chase your fist. He’s needy in the way he moves his body but very fucking good at acting as you start to count each kill he manages to get through this. 
             By the time you hear his friends praise him, you feel a little competitive yourself. Shy, needy, desperate little Mark thinks he can get through a game the very first time you actually touch him? Perhaps he thinks he is giving you what you want, but what you want is to see him fall apart. 
             You move your hand faster, watching him from behind as he chokes up and slams his head against the headrest of his chair, nearly knocking the headphones off of him. 
 “Fuck,” Mark moans, knowing full well that his friends wouldn’t suspect anything if he says such a thing. 
             You know that was for you though, so you continue. The rhythm of your hand moving from a slow drag to something painfully fast and unfathomably good. Mark’s head is spinning, thrusting his hips up and gripping his computer mouse so tightly that he thinks he could crush it in his grip. 
             When his pre-cum is offering more lubricant for an easy slide up and down, your pace remains fast and you can squeeze harder. 
             Mark can’t hold himself back anymore, slamming his head against the headrest of his seat yet again, this time his headset sliding off of his head and falling into the floor. He lols his head from side to side as he finally lets out a moan, shooting a hand to your wrist and holding it in place so that he can fuck up into it. 
             You gasp at that, his grip harsh and far less gentle than you’d expect. The muffled screams of his friends are blatantly obvious and you can’t bring yourself to care if the mic muted itself during its descent to the floor or not. 
             He’s choking back little groans, releasing your wrist and staring down, then grabbing it again before fucking up harder. You can tell he has no idea what to do, what he should do, or what he’s going to do and it’s so fucking endearing. 
             He tries to turn to see you again, but you do your best to remain behind him as you grab the base of his cock and cause him to groan in pain.
 “Let me see you,” He nearly sobs in a frustrated way, and for a moment you contemplate letting him. 
 “Let me hear you.” You respond, keeping that same, painfully tight, grip against him and dragging it up to his head, enveloping it and sending sensitive shocks throughout his body. 
 “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Mark wiggles under the painful grasp, but his hips still chase when you drag your hand back down. He’s no longer being quiet, no longer pretending to care about his dead character on the screen, re-spawning and dying every few seconds. He’s a free kill for any enemy player right now and you can tell his friend’s are pissed in the way the screaming from the headset gets louder despite the distance. The chat box on screen is being spammed just as aggressively, and Mark can barely even open his eyes to process it. 
 “You were playing so well,” You coo out, shifting forward a bit and placing your chin on his shoulder. “What happened, Markie?” 
             He softly moans at the nickname, eyes half open as he glances down at how fast your hand is moving compared to your soft, balanced voice against his ear. He turns his head quickly, trying to catch you off guard, but you pull away.
 “So needy to see me,” You chuckle, working him up and knowing that he’s got to be close with the way she shamelessly moans in the most annoyed, frustrated way. 
 “Let me kiss you.” He grunts, bucking his hips aggressively, now chasing in full that painful grip you’re keeping against him so well. “I’ll keep my eyes closed, please,”
             You contemplate again giving him what he wants, but you figure he’s already getting more than enough. 
 “Oh? You’ll keep your eyes closed? Don’t you want to look at me?” 
             Mark is desperate now, hands moving to the armrests of his chair as he grips them hard, hips wildly stuttering in your grasp. 
 “Fuck, yes.” He lets out, dropping his head with a deep breath and then throwing his head back with an even longer moan. 
             You can’t tell if that was him answering you, or simply reacting to what his body is feeling, and you don’t really care. He’s already there, walking on the thin line of orgasm and willing to take whatever it is you give him. He no longer wants anything, he’s just experiencing. 
             You watch him from behind very closely, the shiver running from his toes straight to his ears was obvious enough.
 “That’s it,” You whisper from behind. “I know you want to.”
             Mark’s entire body tenses against the chair, you can feel it stress from the way his legs spread wider and his hips go from quick thrusts to short, drawn out drags against your palm. The image of him doing that between your legs washes over every single one of your thoughts. He would do that, burying himself so deeply as he spills out inside of you, thrusting in and slowly dragging his hips out, just to thrust in again to push his seed impossibly deeper.
 “That’s so hot,” Mark comments with a deep breath, and only then do you realize the small moan you’d let out during that intense thought of him. His come is spilling out in loads and all you can do is watch him get through it. 
             Finally, after making a mess of him, you smile to yourself. A job well done. 
             You opt to make a grand exit, saying nothing after releasing his cock and sauntering out of the room in silence to leave him to his thoughts. You could still hear his friends screaming through the microphone, and he doesn’t even call out after you. Mark must feel on top of the world right now, because you know that you do.
 ~
             Doyoung came home later than last time, tired and droopy. He found himself drawn to you more than usual, noting that your eyes were sparkling a little brighter upon walking through his door. 
             You put Mark in the back of your head much like you always tried to do when Doyoung was around you these days. Your love for your boyfriend is still blatant and honest when you’re next to him, not at all feeling pity for Mark having to see it. Mark should know who it is you love, despite the fact that you jerked him off a mere few hours ago.
             When Doyoung is next to you, when his arm is around you and his eyes are on you, you don’t question for a second that everything you’ve been doing behind his back will come back on you, and it’ll be well deserved pain. But there’s still a part of you that hopes you can keep Doyoung forever and always be happy beside him. You’re actively betraying him, his own flesh and blood is helping you dig this hole deeper and deeper. So deep that Doyoung can’t even see the bottom where Mark’s got his hands on you. 
             Fully intending to keep them both, you find yourself feeling more fulfilled despite the awful moral. Doyoung isn’t willing to share, but Mark is. And you, you don’t have to share.
 ~
             Saturday was as normal as always. Mark pops in and out of his room, not even once acting as if something suspicious is going on. If anything, Doyoung is a little more happy to see you spend time with Mark when he’s not in his room. It was awkward at first. Mark’s always been shy but it seems like he’s loosened up after realizing you’re a permanent part of the picture for as long as you’re with Doyoung. He’s endeared by the way you bully his brother the same way he does. 
             Even that little crush Mark had on you when he first met you appears to have fallen into more of a sibling-like relationship to Doyoung. He thought it was cute that Mark had a crush, after all, it’s you. Doyoung fucking fell head over heels when you gave him attention and wouldn’t be caught dead releasing his grip on you once he asked you to be his girlfriend. The point is, Doyoung knew Mark had a small crush but was pleased to see it turn into something more casual and comfortable. He likes his life, loves his girlfriend, and loves his brother. Nothing could get better than spending time with the two of you, even if Mark jumps up to go be a recluse in his room from time to time.
 ~
 “Mark,” Haechan grits through the mic. 
 “What?” Mark responds, throwing his arms behind his head as he smiles to himself through the webcam.
 “You should be embarrassed.” Haechan argues. “We didn’t wanna hear that shit.”
 “I muted him.” Jeno says with a shrug through his webcam. 
 “Yeah, me too.” Jaemin follows up, all eyes now falling to Haechan with a red face.
 “I was in a tight situation! I couldn’t tab out!” Haechan defends himself easily, still a darker shade than usual.
 “I think she wanted you guys to hear,” Mark laughs quietly, whispering. 
 “Why are you whispering?” Jeno asks, leaning forward towards his camera as if Mark was about to whisper out again, this time with a deeper secret. 
             Instead, Mark shifts his eyes and changes the subject. As much as he would love to tell his friends that he’s managed to get a handjob (not the foot thing) from his brother’s girlfriend, he’s sure they’d have a little more respect for him. But it feels like a betrayal to say it out loud, regardless of how hot the idea is in his head.
 “Because my brother is with his girlfriend and it’s weird if they know what happens when they’re not here.” Mark deadpans out to his friends, who nod their heads in agreement. 
 “She left her panties,” Mark goes to say, removing his hands from behind his head and sitting up from his relaxed position. “Wanna see?”
             Haechan was, obviously, the first to nod his head and Mark didn’t really need the others to agree anyway, because they’re a group of college guys who are always either talking about getting laid or how to raise their rank when playing competitive games.
 “Damn,” Jeno laughs as he sees the thin fabric come into view. “Are they dirty?” 
 “Oh yeah,” Mark boasts, spreading out the fabric and bringing them close to the camera. 
 “Y’all are gross.” Haechan waves them off, averting his eyes and trying to pretend he’s not interested.
 “Mark’s full of shit, he probably bought those and was being weird with them. That’s definitely his load we’re looking at, guys.” Jeno cuts in. 
 “You heard her talk to him through the mic, there’s no way he’s lying.” Haechan, for some reason, argues for Mark.
 “Uh, no I didn’t. I had him muted the second I saw his hero standing in the middle of the map without moving.” Jeno argues back.
“I lied, I didn’t mute him.” Jaemin finally admits. 
             Mark can’t stop smiling. The fact that he can barely believe what happened himself is enough not to argue. They’re your panties, that’s your scent in them, and that was your hand wrapped around him yesterday. 
 ~
             Waking up on Sunday felt, again, normal. You hadn’t heard Mark through the walls the night before but Doyoung sure did. He mostly drowned out the sounds by putting in his headphones though, unlike what you would have done. Doyoung did, however, wake up hard considering the two of you passed out the night before without so much as a lingering hand.
             To his dismay, you groan at his roaming hands as he wakes you up. Doyoung knew you loved being woken up this way, but he knew to stop if you made a sound like that.
 “What’s wrong?” He says, pulling his hand back and instead, placing it in your waist so that way he can pull you closer.
             You don’t respond, cracking an eye open and immediately feeling your head pound at the sunlight shining through the windows. You feel bad that since thursday, the only intimacy you’ve had has been with Mark despite being in love with the man against you. Honestly, if it weren’t for the fact that you immediately, physically, feel like shit this morning, you’d be jumping Doyoung’s bones. 
 “Head is pounding.” 
 “Ah,” Doyoung smiles, hugging you against him and rubbing circles against your skin with his thumb. “It’s okay, you can sleep in. I’m gonna go make some breakfast.”
             Your boyfriend’s good mood doesn’t go unnoticed, nor does your headache. You take him up on that offer and immediately fall back to sleep.
             Later, you wake to Doyoung gently patting your cheek. 
 “You want some food? Might help?” 
             You nod, squinting your eyes and sitting up a little too quickly. You glance around as he turns away and heads back towards the kitchen, and then you stretch your arms out. Things feel too fucking normal for you to be doing what you’ve been doing. This headache is well fucking deserved, surely. 
             Making your way into the kitchen, you note that Mark’s bedroom door was open and he wasn’t in there. He also wasn’t in the kitchen or living room. 
“Where’s Mark?” You ask casually, sitting down at the table and rubbing your temples.
 “Said something about one of his friends coming to a city nearby and wanting to go hang out with him. Probably Haechan.” 
             Your heart starts beating in your ears at the thought that you really thought Doyoung wouldn’t know any of Mark’s friends? Sure, you thought that maybe they were just online friends, or maybe people Mark met after Doyoung moved out of his parent’s house, but you recognize that fucking name. Thankfully, you had changed your voice just slightly as you spoke to Mark the other day. Surely this isn’t what would ruin the entire arrangement.
 “Ah,” You groan. “Finally we have the house to ourselves and I have to wake up with a migraine?” 
 “It’s okay, really.” Doyoung smiles, sitting a plate of food down in front of you. “Besides, we both know you like the thrill of needing to be quiet.” 
             He’s joking, you know he is, but it was the truth before this whole thing with Mark started. 
 “If we really wanted to be alone, I'd be at your apartment every weekend.”Your boyfriend adds, planting a kiss to the top of your head and heading towards the medicine cabinet. “Little weird that it has to be my brother that we are keeping quiet from, but whatever.”
 “Didn’t know i’d be this into it, honestly.” You admit, feeling open enough to at least tell him that you’re very into the idea of someone hearing you. You just won't admit that you want it to be Mark.
 “I mean, I personally am not into this type of thing. It’s a little uncomfortable for me.” Doyoung sits down and hands you two painkillers. “But I doubt he’s actually listening. I apologized after the first time and he said he usually just puts in headphones and goes to sleep.”
             You hold back the smile of Mark’s blatant lies towards Doyoung. 
 “So I guess I don’t entirely mind feeding into your little fantasies of being heard, or caught, or whatever.”
             Your boyfriend waves off the conversation with a smile, ultimately willing the fact that it is weird to him out of his head. If that was a new thing you realized you liked, the only way you would have found out is by having someone else in the house when the two of you do those things. Unfortunately, it was Mark. In Doyoung’s head, he was mature enough to discuss it like an adult with his brother. Guidelines and rules, moving Mark in wasn’t going to change his sex life with you, if anything, he had already told Mark to invest in some decent headphones or earplugs because he’s gonna hear some shit. 
             You allow the conversation to die as you work up an appetite. Thankfully Doyoung was an amazing cook, though he only did it one or two nights a week considering how spent his job makes him feel. You’re thankful he cooked this morning, and even more thankful for these two little pills that will hopefully knock your headache out within the hour.
 ~
             Come Monday, you’re thankful you get to work from home. You sleep in and try your best not to think about the fact that Doyoung knows the friends that heard you be intimate with Mark. You’re even more thankful for this week away from your boyfriend’s house because, even though you’ve processed everything, you feel like you should probably be alone for a while and really think about what you’re doing.
             When Mark is around or texting you, it’s hard to think straight because you genuinely want him so fucking bad. And when Doyoung is beside you, or texting you, all you can do is imagine a future with him.
             The once bright, clear future of Doyoung in a tuxedo standing in front of you at some extravagant altar becomes a little more foggy at the thought of where Mark would fit into it. Would he be behind Doyoung, watching him marry you to start a real life together? Would he be somewhere in the crowd, waiting to object and expose you for the awful girlfriend you are? Or even worse, would he not be there at all? Running away and disappearing never to insert himself into your life or his brother’s life ever again?
             You don’t want to think about the future right now. Everything you’ve been doing has been so selfish and so fucking fulfilling that you can’t bring yourself to feel any amount of pity for Doyoung and the way he trusts you fully. You never once gave him a reason to not trust you, and you think maybe Mark hasn’t given him a reason. 
             But god, he shouldn’t trust either of you at all. He’s at work, making money, living his life with a supposed loving girlfriend all while offering his little brother an ounce of freedom. What does he get in response to his hard work and kindness? His brother wanting to tongue fuck his girlfriend? And worse yet, his girlfriend wants it even more than his brother does? 
             Your mind is burning through scenarios all day if you have it in you to feel bad. Another scenario involves you, married to Doyoung and sneaking Mark out of your bed when Doyoung returns from work. Even more scenarios of Doyoung finding out and hating you forever, leaving you and meeting someone better. How could you have them both and keep it going? Is something like that even possible?
             Then you get a text.The glaring reality blows right past your head when you’re expecting it to be Mark but you see Doyoung’s name on the screen. You still feel just as excited though. 
 Doie: good news and great news
You: oh? :o 
Doie: Good news: co worker has family issues and had to drop out of the business trip coming up.
             You were about to question why that’s good news, but then Doyoung quickly texts again.
 Doie: great news: i am now being asked to attend the event and it could get me a pretty big promotion. 
You: You’re gonna go right?? When is it?
 Honestly, the way your heart swells at your boyfriend moving up in the world could knock anyone on their feet. No one would ever guess what you do behind his back, because again, you haven’t lost an ounce of love for this man and you probably never will.
 Doie: I leave tomorrow if I accept.
You: how long is it? do you need help packing since it’s such short notice?
Doie: only three days, so i’d be back on friday and still get to see you this weekend
You: it’s a win/win! i can come over tonight since i’m working from home today.
Doie: you good to sleep over and drop me off in the morning at the airport? i can give them an answer now so they can work out the transport and get the tickets transferred to me. 
You: you didn’t need to even ask me first!! you should have immediately said yes! I’ll be over tonight, i’m proud of you
Doie: love you babe :) 
             And so there it is. The glaring issue about to become a blatant, full blown affair. And like, you don’t want to get it twisted. You are so fucking proud of Doyoung and so fucking glad that everything in his life appears to be rushing him straight to major success, but also, he’s going to be gone for three days and that’s three days to try and get over this whole Mark phase(which is unlikely). By using Mark. By fucking him, specifically.
             It doesn’t help that just a few moments later, presumably after Doyoung lets Mark know the plan, Mark is texting you.
 Mark: Doyoung’s leaving for 3 days
You: yep :) 
Mark: ….do i even need to say it
You: nope
Mark: gonna clean my room
 ~
             Dropping Doyoung off was weirdly bitter sweet. His confidence was through the roof as he kissed you goodbye. He even  asked for a second kiss for good luck after rushing back to you a few seconds later. You knew he’d do amazing for this event, even with it so last minute. Everything Doyoung did was with effort and thought put into it. 
             That was the sweet part anyway. The bitter part is the guilt finally coming to you like it should have weeks ago. The fact that Doyoung is walking off to get on an airplane and Mark is at home cleaning his room to fuck you in it. It’s obvious that you don’t deserve either of them. 
             Still, the guilt hitting you now is unnerving. It took so long to come, and only consumes you when Doyoung isn’t around to nearly witness the infidelity? Shaking yourself of disgust, you head out of the airport and still find yourself pulling into Doyoung’s driveway.
             You sit in your car for a moment. Thinking back on all of those small moments with Mark, wondering now if you still want him or if those moments were enough to satisfy the curiosity of your boyfriend’s brother. Even through the guilt, you still want him. 
             Stepping out of your car and walking up to the door felt too unfamiliar and nerve wracking, hearing your heart skip beats and your body melt away into the hole you fucking dug for yourself. However, the moment Mark opens the door and looks at you, before you could even unlock it yourself, every single guilt ridden thought disappears. 
             You don’t know what it is about him, and surely you’ve never felt this way before, because goddamn is it a blinding kind of feeling. Thinking back as you look at him, he seems different now despite having the same face and body language. Before, Mark was cute with his little crush. Weird even, with the way he lingered for too long to see you kiss his brother. Now, when you look at him, he looks like he isn’t at all the cute, shy little brother. He’s Mark, a man with wants and needs that have your name written all over them. You can’t fucking help yourself, and now being able to indulge yourself fully along side him, Doyoung is drowned out in the back of your mind.
             Mark is still shy and timid in the way he moves but he knows just as well as you do what’s about to happen and isn’t at all shying away from the fact that he’s about to fulfill every dirty little thought he’s had about you since he met you. Hell, since he saw photos of you that Doyoung sent before he ever met you.
             On cloud nine, Mark is timid when he, for the first time, makes a move on you. It’s shocking that he did it at all, if you’re being honest, but you lean into him. All he does is grab your hand, a touch that wouldn’t raise suspicions at all in Doyoung if he were to see it, but to you it’s the most intimate thing he could do at this moment. Because he’s leading you, and his eyes are hungry and unable to pull from you. 
             Not a single fucking word is said, everything already spoken and understood with nothing more than the look when he opened that fucking door. Mark leads you to his room, and the energy in the air is so electrifying it scares you. Never has a touch to your hand, or a leading pull to a bedroom made you feel so weightless. You think back to when you held his length in your hand, you had all of the power that day. Now, you don’t think Mark realizes what he could get away with. You’re falling into the same mindset you have with Doyoung, one where you want, need, and could beg to be touched, but you still yourself from falling too far into it. 
             Mark is even more gentle when he lets your hand go and turns towards you with a deep sigh, as if he’s preparing his entire being for what’s coming. Both of you like a deer in headlights, as if this wasn’t intentional or planned, you smile at him. 
             Mark lets out a nervous laugh at your smile, shaking his head and looking down. He’s already stiff beneath his pants, which are conveniently unbuttoned and unzipped. Even you, shamelessly wearing a dress with no panties. Doyoung thought it was for him, and he damn well did fuck you this morning while on a confident-high before you took him to the airport.
             You knew Mark could hear it, and he didn’t appear to care. Because in all fairness, Mark did not give a fuck. Because he knew you weren’t his at that moment, but you fucking would be before the night is up. The next three days, you’re his. Even if he never has you again.
             That deer-in-the-headlights look from Mark fades as his eyes take you in without hiding it for the first time. You imagine he will fall apart if he were to trace his hands under your dress and find that you are completely bare, you imagine you would fall apart much faster if he touched you at all.
             It happens so fast. Too fast, almost with the way he steps up to you confidently. You just now realize that he’s taller than you when he skews his head and looks down at your lips. His breathing is uneven and you can tell he’s doing his best to be confident because you haven’t made a move towards him at all like you usually would. 
             Looking up at him, you want to reach up and grip his hair. His lips are so plush, clearly freshly coated with chapstick. His skin is practically glowing save for the few blemishes that the fringe on his forehead covers, you find yourself wondering if he’s taking this moment to study you too.
 “I’m having a really hard time holding back,” Mark whispers out, inches from your face. 
 “Then don’t.” You encourage him without doubt, hoping that he can break past that last little boundary the two of you haven’t crossed yet. The one where he can kiss you, touch you, have you. Only because you can’t bring yourself to do it at this moment, for some reason.
             The feeling of his lips touching yours was more bruising than you think he intended them to be, but the desperate feeling was all the same as your own, you think. Never had you actually stopped to think of kissing him or how he would go about it. Like running in blind, you’re learning that Mark knows what to do with his tongue, how to pace himself despite not wanting to, and how to reach up and hold your fucking face in a dreamy way. 
             His hands are cupping your face, kissing you like you’re his girlfriend. He still moves his lips in a hungry and desperate way though, in a way that has you struggling to breathe by the force of it alone. 
             When his hands drop from your face and fall to your waist. Every new place he touches feels like it’s set ablaze. You press forward against his chest, walking him back as you continue to kiss, all the way until he falls back on his bed with an ‘oof’ sound. 
             Still, his face is slack as he stares up at you now, eyes struggling to stay trained on your face for too long as you begin to take off your jacket and reach over to pull at his shirt. 
             So badly you want to see him shirtless again, but he doesn’t argue, eagerly lifting it off of his body and lying back again. 
             Now that the initial intimacy has been established, you finally feel you coming back to yourself, thinking more clearly and finding a small list in your head of things you want and need to do for him. Starting with letting him really look at you.
 “I know how much you like my panties, but–” You smile, standing in front of him and trying to keep your eyes averted from his length threatening to break through his pants. 
 “Let me see,” Mark urges you, tilting his head with a swallow and training his eyes on your thighs. 
             He thinks you must be wearing the prettiest pair today, for him, not for his brother. But when you lift your leg and straddle him, his face contorts to confusion and then to pleasure when you sit against his cock. Of course, with the fabric covering his length, he still can’t tell that you’re not actually wearing any panties at all.
 “You wanna see?” You ask for his clarification, bunching your dress up in your hands and preparing to lift it so he can see your bare folds sitting against him. 
             Mark blinks at you, nodding his head and nibbling on his bottom lip. He’s doing everything in his power not to reach up and grab your waist just to guide you on him. He’s afraid to move too fast, he’s afraid to embarrass himself with how fucking desperate he is for you right now.
 “Look,” You say, nodding between your legs and lifting your dress.
 “Goddamn,” Mark gasps as his eyes focus on the fact that you’re leaving a small wet spot against his pants. That’s your pussy on him. 
            Without a second thought his hands are on your waist, pushing and pulling you forward and backwards against his length. You blink hard at the sensation of the fabric rubbing against your lips harshly, and then open your eyes to look at him again.
             He is still staring between your legs, almost losing himself to this alone. Then again, it’s the first time he’s ever seen you bare and he cannot get past the fact that Doyoung gets to see it whenever he fucking wants. 
 “I can feel it–” Mark chokes, referring to your wetness seeping through his pants and onto him. 
             You smile at him, now moving your hips on your own as you pull his hands away and push them to lay above his head. If he thinks this is good, you want to see how fast he reaches for you again.
             It’s so easy when you lift yourself up, and incredibly cute in the way his eyes follow your core when you lift. He doesn’t even realize that you shove his sweats down and sit right back down, this time coating him in full with your slippery juices. 
 “God, fuck,” He moans in disbelief, and just as expected his hands shoot to your waist and hold you down against him. You’re not sure if it’s intentional or not, but he’s incredibly sexy in the way he moves without thinking. 
 “Fuck?” You question cutely, forcing your hips to slide up his length despite him trying to hold you there. 
 “How are you always so wet?” He questions in a whimper, letting you move and instead grabbing the hem of your dress himself and holding it up so he can watch you slide against him. 
 “How are you so big?” You try to compliment, feeling him between your folds and wondering just how deep he could fuck you if he so wanted to. “So, so big.” You groan out this time, feeling the head of his cock bumping against your clit every few seconds.
             Mark obviously doesn’t answer, his fingers are gripping your dress so tightly and his eyes are burning the image of you doing this into his head. He never wants to forget this moment of feeling you against him for probably the first and last time, because in all realness, this can’t happen again if he thinks too hard about it. 
 “I want to fuck you so bad,” He admits. “Just this once, please.” 
             You nod cutely, swiping his hands away from your dress and lifting it off of you in full.       His eyes are now glued to your tits and whatever it was he was saying is long forgotten as he watches them move when you slide up against him again.
             The way he shuts up is entirely too arousing. You can see him thinking about you, practically able to see him process every part of your body on top of him. 
 “Take your pants off, quickly.” You finally say, frustrated when you slide back and off of him. 
             He does as he’s told when you stand to your feet in wait, and instantly he’s lifting himself and grabbing you, pulling you right back on him. 
 “You’re so fucking hot,” Mark whines, pushing your hips against him and keeping himself upright, careful not to fall back against the mattress so he can plant his lips against your neck. 
             You feel a bite and pull back from him, hips stilling.
“You can’t leave any bruises–” You scold him, and he simply nods and goes back to kissing against your neck and shoulder.
 “Right, wouldn’t want him knowing that I fuck you better, right?” Mark mocks the situation as a whole, using reality as a form of ego boost, hoping to god that you lean into it rather than run from it.
 It makes you a little angry, but you get it. Mark’s confidence must be through the roof because never would you have imagined him speaking to you like this, or mentioning his brother at all.
 “Prove it and maybe i’ll play along.” You try to challenge him, but you know that he might actually be right. His size is definitely bigger than Doyoung’s, but can he work it the same way, or better? Can the shy, timid little brother actually satisfy you the way your boyfriend does?
 Mark pulls back from kissing your neck only for a moment, moving to your lips and wincing at the feeling of your folds sliding against him still, maybe he did get a little too cocky there. 
 “Prove it?” He breathes against your lips, gripping your waist tighter and guiding you up. 
 You already know what he’s doing and don’t shy away from it. Usually there’s foreplay, and you’re sure he wanted to do more than just fuck you, but too little too late. You’re hungry for it and so is he, if the sounds between you are enough to go by. 
 Wrapping your arms around his neck, you lift yourself and allow his hand to disappear between the two of you. You can feel him position himself right at your entrance and all you need to do is sink down. You don’t yet though and instead look at him.
 He stares back at you with anticipation, and when you sink down just a tiny bit, he’s lunging his lips forward and kissing you again. Continuously as you sink down inch by inch, feeling him stretch you out in a searing type of pleasure, Mark just groans into your mouth. You can feel his chest heave against you as he feels your walls start to envelop him and when you’re finally seated, he pulls you down with him as he falls against the mattress.
 There, in a hug, his mindless kissing becomes even more vacant as he holds you in place, fucking his hips up and into you in an aggressive pace. His lips release from yours and his moans come out strangled, breathless, and entirely desperate for you.
 He’s deeper inside of you than any man has ever been able to reach without the aid of a toy, and the head and thickness of it is far better than any plastic could ever be. You imagine you sound just as desperate as he does right now. Unable to wiggle in his grasp, you just take it. You were well versed in that, at least.
 Mark holds you there for at least a full moment, feeling you clenching and drenching his cock in a way that makes the slide easy and pleasurable for him. His hips can move much faster this way, but the fear of coming too quickly forces him to slow his movements and open his eyes.
 Your legs are spred out over his own, his cock is buried into you completely, and you fucking just take it? God, No wonder Doyoung is in love with you. 
 Mark’s arms release you from the hug and he uses one hand to lift your face.
 “Sorry,” He says before getting a look at your face, but he ends up losing any thought in his head when he notes how blown your pupils are, face still contorted in a silent moan as you bounce yourself against him now.  
             What he was gonna say was that he was sorry he lost control for a second, but what he ends up saying now is “Oh my god, I want this so bad.” 
             Despite that Mark is getting everything he wants at this moment, all he can do is look at you and watch you grind your clit against his pelvic bone chasing a pleasure that he knows you’re feeling intensely right now. He thinks of himself in pity, all those nights of wanting exactly this and never knowing that he actually fucking gets to do it.
             Without thinking, Mark doesn’t even know why he does it, but he keeps his cock buried deeply into you and knocks you over. He follows your body, adjusting himself behind you and pulling your leg up and draping it over his hip. There, he slips out of you only slightly to hear you whine at the loss. You’ve gone so silent save for moaning and he thinks he’s in love with you. Stuffing you again, he smiles at the way you throw your head back and look at him from behind you. 
             One hand now reaches around you and cradles one of your tits, the other snaking between your legs and experimentally tapping against your clit. 
 “Damn, Mark,” You manage to say in a more stable voice, realizing that he’s really fucking you in the spooning position now? Of course he fucking would. It’s such an intimate position, and the angle, you could argue, is one of the best you think you’ve ever felt. 
 “Hm?” He hums against your shoulder, feeling your body jerk as he fucks his length into you repeatedly. “Feels good, right?” He asks, moaning himself this time at the way you close your legs around his hand and grind back against him.
             He’s quick to abandon your clit to push your legs open again, draping it right back in the same spot over his own legs. He can imagine how spread out you look, despite not being able to see it in this position. He’s heard time and time that women like this angle, and now’s the chance to test it.
             This time, when you reach back and pull his face to yours, now kissing him with more force than you had before, he imagines the rumors were true. His fingers find their way back to your clit. 
             Mark’s moving his hips with intent now, trying his best to control how good he feels so that way he can focus on yours, and after one particularly deep thrust, he notices that you jolt and shiver.
 “Oh my god, did I find it?” He asks, experimentally pressing his hips up the same way. 
 “Fuck-” You choke out, your body jolting without intent again and feeling shockwaves of what you can only describe as mini orgasms shooting throughout your muscles. “Right there, keep doing that,” You frantically encourage him, mouth falling slack against his lips. 
             He does, pressing his hips harder this time in the same pay. Repeatedly hitting the soft spot inside of you and ultimately sending you into a world of something you’ve, strangely, never felt before in terms of sex. 
             Mark watches you roll your head back, moaning out with a slack and somewhat pained face as he does it. He cannot fucking believe he found your g-spot on the first try and he will be damned to stop now. 
             He focuses now, grunting at the way your walls clench him so tightly each time he hits your spot with the head of his cock. He’s determined to make you come, make you babble out strings of his name and how good he feels. He needs you to feel so good that you’ll never think twice of letting him do this again, and again, and again, no matter how close you could be to getting caught. 
             His hips are going at a pace faster now than he thought possible, and with his fingers working your clit paired with his cock driving into the single most pleasurable spot inside of you, you find your body tensing up and your mind erasing every thought and memory. It’s so much to feel at once but you feel too weak to stop him for just the smallest moment of collecting yourself. 
 “Are you going to?” He asks, broken with his own moans and deep breaths as he does his best to keep pace and work you through it. “I know you want to.” He manages to breathe out, mimicking your own words from the time you had him in the palm of your hand. 
             And you do want to. So you fucking do. You come hard around him, clenching him so tightly that Mark stills his hips in disbelief at the way your body moves when you release. He can barely get the words out when he speaks, feeling you drench him with liquid fire. “You’re squeezing me so tight–” He chokes out, jerking his hips back and trying to pull out of you for his own release.
 “Do not pull out,” You groan as your orgasm continues to choke you of your breath. “Let me feel it, do it.” You demand, pressing yourself back and enveloping the inches of him that he had pulled from you.
 “Fuck. fuck.” He moans out louder this time, hands gripping your waist and holding you against him as he shakes behind you. You can feel him twitch inside of you as he shoots those thick, white ropes of cum against your walls. For a brief moment you remembered when he released from your hand, pressing himself slowly and roughly into your first. You were right. 
             Mark buries himself as deep as he can go, only grinding back a few centimeters before pressing himself flush against you as another spurt paints the flesh inside of you. You feel so full, and he’s packed so tightly in you  that you genuinely think this is the first time you’ve ever actually felt a man come inside of you. Like really feel it. 
             When he’s done, he’s so fucking fast to pull out of you. It shocks you, actually.
 “Where are you going?” You ask, looking behind you as he backs away from you momentarily in a panic. 
 “I–” He pauses, looking at you and the way your eyes look back at him in a different type of panic. “Don’t know.” He says, getting back onto the bed and reluctantly putting his arms around you in a hug.
 “I don’t know how to like, end this.” He admits against your shoulder, still reeling from the fact that it happened, but now in a post-nut state of mind and kind of scared of how much he loved doing that with you. 
 “End it?” You ask, pulling away from him. “You want to stop?”
 “You don’t?” He asks, a glimmer of hope shining in his eyes. 
 “I mean, we both know what we are doing…” You trail off, sitting yourself up and fully aware that the guilt will always hit you at random times, but still, you want Mark. “And we still kept doing it.”
 “Yeah, but–” 
 “But?” You ask, turning your body to face him as he sits himself up now. The nakedness of your bodies is not at all embarrassing at this moment. 
 “Mark, I don’t think I can like, not want you if you still want me.”
             He nods his head reluctantly, wondering if this is you offering the fact that you’re willing to straight up, blatantly, and shamelessly cheat on Doyoung with him.
 “Ugh,” Mark puts his face in his hands and then runs his fingers through his hair. “This is so fucked up.”
 “Yeah, it is.” You admit, leaning towards him. “But If you never tell anyone,”
 “No, no! I wouldn’t.” Mark throws his hands up defensively. “I only feel bad when you’re not here.” He says questioning himself. “I don’t think I’d be able to like, not ever do this again.”
 “So we are both in this same little fucked up boat?” You ask. 
 “I guess so.” He laughs at himself, and then at you. “If he ever finds out, you know i’ll be found in a ditch somewhere, right?”
             You laugh, despite it being the worse fucking joke in the world. Running hand in hand with Mark into a fire that you both fucking searched for. 
 “Well, I’m not gonna fucking tell him.” You say, pressing the important matter at hand. “The point is, Mark, I need you to understand that I’ve never cheated on anyone.”
             Somehow, he lightens the mood.
 “Damn, I must be special.”
             You guess he is.
  ~
2K notes · View notes
niki-phoria · 1 year
Note
Hi! I just imagined how chishiya would react when reader is asleep and kicks him out of the bed. I think it would be really funny. Could you do a reaction? Its okay if you don't have time!
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i love him sm here the cardigan ?? the HAIR ?? i wanna be him and be with him this was lowkey the only time the wig looked good in s2 lmao
pairing: chishiya x gn!reader (no pronouns specifically used but reader is referred to as chishiya's partner/lover) genre: fluff word count: 826
warnings: mentions of blood, ooc chishiya he's a softie in this bc i say so
a/n: thank you so much for requesting !! i took this idea and RAN lmao this is more sweet than funny. i hope you like it :))
additional notes: i hit 500 followers a few days ago (HUGE thank you btw) and i was thinking of doing an event but idk if anyone is interested so lmk if i should do something lol
requests open !! pls it's been so long read my rules first
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it’s late when chishiya finally returns from his game. he’s one of only a few people who survived the game, each of whom immediately disperse across the beach when they return. his jacket is stained with splotches of blood - something he notes to tell you about before you find it and start panicking. 
the hotel’s hallways are empty as chishiya walks through them. he buries his hands into his pockets, unconsciously tracing the familiar route back to your shared room. 
he finds it soon enough, quietly opening the door and entering. you lay sprawled across the bed, holding a pillow against your chest as you sleep. chishiya allows a small smile to grace his face under the cover of darkness, kicking his sandals off before stripping off his blood-soaked jacket. careful not to disturb you, he slips underneath the covers before slowly drifting off into sleep. 
it’s still dark when chishiya wakes up again. you’ve turned onto your side, now facing him. he lays further away from you, nearly on the edge of the bed. he’s about to push you back over when you unconsciously move again, pushing him fully off of the bed in a singular movement. 
chishiya sits on the floor bewildered for a few seconds. he can see you, still sleeping, now having fully rolled from the right side of the bed to the left - pushing him off in the process. he could nearly laugh from the shock of you, his loving, clingy, selfless partner, kicking him off of your shared bed. 
he debates waking you up for a few seconds before ultimately deciding that you’re still exhausted from your game the previous night. instead, he stands up and gently pushes you into the middle before laying back down next to you. he hooks his leg over yours, laying his head against your chest over your heartbeat. his body weight presses against your own, pinning you down against the mattress. 
your heartbeat remains steady. chishiya can feel it rattling against your chest with each beat. he allows himself to relax again, nuzzling further against you. a small smile stretches across his face when you wrap your arms around him, mumbling a small “‘shiya,” under your breath. wrapped in your arms, sleep returns to him easily.
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sunlight shining through the windows welcomes you when you blink awake. you can feel a weight pressed against your chest. chishiya’s body lays sprawled over your own. his hair tickles the exposed skin on your neck and collarbones. his warm breath against your chest makes you shiver. 
he’s still asleep, as evidenced by his slow, even breathing. you smile, bringing a hand up to stroke through his hair. you gently tug at the tangles, slowly unraveling them with your fingers. he stirs at the feeling, shifting a little. “morning ‘shiya.” he hums, eyes still closed as you massage his scalp with your nails. a long sigh escapes him at the comfortable feeling. your smile grows as you continue, happy to play with his hair for as long as he’ll let you. “are you gonna lay on me all day?” 
“it’s your punishment,” he mumbles. “for kicking me out of bed last night.” 
“that was you?” 
chishiya raises his head, playfully glaring at you through his bangs. “you knew what you were doing?” 
“i thought you were my dog.” 
“...so your reaction was to push me out of bed?” 
“he gets hair all over me! i was just trying to push him away.” you coax him back down onto your chest, returning to playing with his bleached locks. “i’m sorry, baby.” 
“you should be,” he huffs. “i can’t believe you would do this to your own boyfriend.” 
“forgive me,” you dramatically sigh. 
“i come back from a game, exhausted, and crawl in bed with my lover to get some sleep, and in return, you push me out of bed.” you pretend not to notice the smile he’s barely suppressing. 
“how will i ever make it up to the great chishiya shuntaro?” chishiya moves so he hovers over you, elbows pressed on either side of your head. his nose barely brushes against your own. he pulls away when you lean upwards, denying you the morning kiss you’re silently begging for. 
you lay back against the bed, relenting. you reach up to push his bangs behind his ears. “i’ll let you lay on me and play with your hair all day if you stop whining.” 
“i’m not whining,” he retorts, pressing a quick kiss against your lips before he lays back down on your chest. 
“yes you are,” you hum, bringing your hand back to up twist the strands between your fingers. chishiya scoffs, though he doesn’t argue further, relaxing against your body again. 
“i love you.” he whispers. 
overwhelming love mixes with the content you feel. it spreads through your body, radiating off of you. you lean down to press a kiss against his forehead. “i love you too, ‘shiya.”
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hikari-ni-naritai · 2 months
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honestly, what could possibly be a more perfect harem anime for you? not only does the main character get to be immortal, all but one of her harem is as well, AND there's ghosts in this setting, so even death can't separate them.
Slime300 is like if they took my ultimate wish fulfillment story (immortal cute witch outside of town) and then tacked on a harem that's not done particularly well u_u
Don't get me wrong I love the girls very much, but I'm generally put off by harems where the concept is 'all these girls love the same one person and their relationships with each other are either antagonistic or nonexistent'. Which is most harem plots. And slime300 is not immune to this, nor will I overlook it just bc the MC is a girl. While it's true that I am a lesbian, I'm also debilitatingly monogamous, so I have no more personal interest in a lesbian harem than I do a straight one if they're both portrayed the same way.
Now we get into the contentious part. Feel free to draw and quarter me in the streets for this one, but you wanna know what anime harem I DO like? Arifureta. Because from the start, it's grounded in open communication with each other, including amongst the girls. Frankly I'm only calling it a harem bc I know it ends as one, but for the first two seasons it's not. The main character is explicitly dating the vampire girl (points for Emily btw), and any time New girls arrive he makes sure to turn them down firmly, because he's only interested in vampire girl. There's none of the awkward 'horny teenage boy can't pick between these 8 hot girls' shit. Vampire girl meanwhile doesn't have anything against polyamory, but she rejects anyone who would fuck up their relationship by trying to have him for themselves. She accepts bunny girl bc while bunny girl does love mc, she also loves vampire girl. Perhaps not romantically, but she wants both of them to be around. And all three of them are aware of the state of things because they communicate with each other. This understanding is what makes a healthy relationship between the three of them in the future possible.
We won't spend time on the dragon girl bc she's just horny and doesn't really care who he dates. But the classmate girl is another case that I think is done particularly well! She joins the group and is told in no uncertain terms that mc isn't going to date her, but she's so sure she can prove she's Better than vampire girl and all the other girls and make him fall for Her Only, so in her hubris she joins anyway. Vampire girl isn't insecure in her relationship (another good thing! You don't want excess jealousy in your polycule) and she recognizes that classmate girl is an important friend to mc and that, if she got over her monogamy, she could be a good gf. Over time though classmate girl gets really discouraged, as one might expect when you're hanging out with someone you have a crush on and his extremely cute vampire gf and they are like explicitly fucking off screen. And instead of letting her stew in it, mc again explains that the only reason everyone is here is bc they've accepted that he's dating vampire girl, and they're not going to interfere with that. And if she can't handle that, being in this group is just going to hurt her, so she should consider leaving. And I think that instance of honest communication is one of the best scenes in the show, bc you really don't get that from harem anime, ever. By the end of the show, she's determined to at least get to a place where she feels she's on equal footing with vampire girl, and I think that's also important! You can't survive in a relationship where you're constantly comparing yourself to other partners. If classmate girl can feel like she's on the same level as everyone else, she'll feel less jealous and more willing to accept the state of things, i.e. that everyone loves mc, but everyone also loves each other. And I think she could love them too!
Anyway. Sorry you had to hear that. If slime300 put half this much thought into its harem it would be a perfect anime lol
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guessthestrangers · 2 years
Text
Dating Billy Hargrove hc PART 2
Billy Hargrove x f!Henderson!reader
Part one is here !!!!!!!! Part 3 is here !!!!!
If you don’t have anything ok to say about this character, please feel free to scrollllllll! Warnings: Insecurity. Please BE CAREFUL because I mention the reader being scared of being too heavy for Billy to hold!!!! Words like anxiety and swear words only a little. Squint for toxicity
Word count: ~0.7k
I don’t own any of the characters or stranger things; the directors/writers do…Plus, this is what I imagine dating Billy would be like.
Feedback appreciated. Thanks Strangers
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-queue you being a bit shy because you don’t really get anyone interested in you like that
—but maybe you were waiting for the right person, a.k.a. Billy Hargrove 
-Billy’s ultimate life mission was now to make you the happiest you could ever be—every single day
-just to see that smile
-him being jealous a lot but you secretly love it(yay toxicity. Kidding?)
-especially when Eddie and Steve are around
-because they’re always around
-and Steve’s got a crush on you
-but you give him a kiss and look him in the eyes with so much love and adoration
-it makes Billy mELt and become soft!Billy
—he’s insecure, especially when it comes to you, bc he’s sometimes scared you’ll leave—
—but you remind him at least 50 times a day that you love him, so he doesn’t have to be worried—
-he’ll then carry you in his arms
-but bc of your anxiety you constantly ask him if you’re too heavy and often tell him he can put you down
-he just kisses you and tells you he’s fine, that you don’t need to worry because he’ll tell you if there’s a problem or if he’s tired, that he loves you and that he knows that you’re beautiful 
-wherever you go, no matter if you’re in public or not, you’re both hugging
-he has to know you’re real. He needs to know.
-bc he’s often scared you’ll disappear 
-his mind is set on thinking that all happiness comes to an end.
-and you’re his only happiness in his life
-with all the trouble at home and in his world, you’re his safe place.
he loves shopping dates
-seeing you try on some clothes for him 
-him LITERALLY hyping the sh*t out of HIS girl 
-getting to model for YOU as well 
-it’s the only time you actually giggle 
-because he’s there posing and dancing and doing these super intense seductive eyes to you in a playful way 
-and it makes you laugh; it’s Billy, ok?
-then he brings you to a hot dog stand because you probably insisted 
-and then you want ice cream, so naturally you go to Scoops, right? 
-let me tell you when manz saw that hair— he firmly locked his hotass hand on your hip where it belonged 
-Steve, as mentioned, was a little fond of you, but you were obviously oblivious—and Billy was not, since he had his own doubts on Harrington 
-When he sees you doing your stupid handshake with Steve, he gets unusually insecure. It’s not like Billy to get these feelings about such a small incident. 
-He goes quiet until you exit the store
-“Baby?” He asked.
-“Mm? You want to try mine?” You hand him the colourful cone you had.
-He ignored the offer, and didn’t meet your eyes when he asked, “Why aren’t you comfortable enough with me to have our own handshake?” He said really calmly, but like really sadly, too. 
-You were pretty shocked at his remark, “B…” Your eyes darted around, always a little panicky when he gets vulnerable (because it makes you happy and you don’t want to ruin it), “we have a special handshake, I promise.”
-Billy’s eyebrows scrunched, and you stop next to the mall’s wall, “The fuck d’you mean? We don’t have one.”
-You look up into his hooded eyes, “Well, I certainly won’t ever do it with Steve.”
-He looked so annoyed and confused— it was adorable. 
-You grab his hand and brush over his fingers softly, your left hand drops the icecream on the floor carelessly, reaching up behind his neck right after as you jump on your tiptoes
-“Wha-“ Billy starts.
-You kiss that man. You kiss your man with all of your might because, goddamnit, he deserves all the love he can get. 
-You kiss him until he can hear those f*cking fireworks, until he sees and feels and becomes them.
-You hook your hand in his curls tightly, holding his big, rough hand in your other. 
-He reciprocates the kiss even harder and squeezes your hand as a secret promise.
-He envelopes you with his arms and his love.
-Billy made everything better; your day, your outings, school, period pains, dentist appointments, gloomy days, the food on your dates, and even this magi-f*cking-cal kiss in Starcourt mal next to a hotdog stand. 
-He rips off his lips and gasps loudly, forehead on yours as he breathes out, relieved, “God, I love you, woman.”
Till forever falls apart :) (song suggestion for that last scene)
Part 3?
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bestworstcase · 6 months
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Your points about Salem and Cinder possibly being a fucked up mother/daughter relationship also puts her constant parallels with Ironwood and Winter in V8 into a very different light as well.
Ironwood and Salem, in their own dark and twisted way as a result of their culture/their circumstances loving the one person they consider to be their daughter, but differing ultimately in regards to what they chose to do about it.
Ironwood deciding that his own selfish desires and ideology mattered more than even the one woman he cared for more than most, while Salem basically dropping and twisting her ideals into a pretzel to help the one person she considers the closest thing to a replacement daughter for her dead daughters with Ozma.
Winter, thinking the world of Ironwood only to ultimately have to oppose him due to his betrayal of her and everyone else, vs Cinder thinking Salem is just Madame 2.0 due to Salem constantly stamping all over her trauma buttons by poor decisions and abusive actions born of her own trauma even as Salem, in her own fucked up way, is willing to do anything for Cinder if she truly asks for it.
It also frankly explains rather well why Cinder is so important in Salem's plan in a way that I haven't been able to pin down without that as a consideration. Cinder thinks it's because she's got some fancy storybook destiny that she needs to prove that she "deserves", and the audience being led on a red herring to think that it's only going to lead to her being discarded once Salem has no more use for her. When in reality it's because (again in her own fucked up way) Salem wants her surrogate daughter to get what she wants in her life (mixed with fighting a rebellion against the gods) because Salem knows exactly how Cinder feels about having her trust broken beyond repair and demonized by others.
And all of this occurring in the story arc where an overarching theme is of multiple parents (Dr. Polendina and Penny, Tai and Summer and Ruby Rose/Yang, etc.) being deeply flawed people who are willing to do anything and everything for the sake of their daughters.
Cinder.exe will just end up suffering a mental bluescreen when Salem ends up showing this in the most undeniable way possible, because it's so opposite to everything she understands about the world.
:)
give 8.4-5 (<- fault + amity) a watch with this reading in mind sometime. bc cinder’s relationship with salem and penny’s with pietro are directly compared, in a really interesting way:
PENNY: Why are you doing this? Why serve someone like Salem? CINDER: I don’t serve anyone—and neither would you, if you weren’t built that way! PENNY: …That is not… [She glances down, making eye contact with Pietro.] I choose to fight, for people who care about me.
<- amity is a really fraught place for penny to be confronted with this, both because it’s where cinder orchestrated her being ripped to shreds a year ago and because in order to get the comms satellite launched, penny had to let her dad remote into her system and literally use her body like a puppet and it is painfully obvious that she did not feel comfortable with that.
so… for cinder to come here and draw an implicit equivalence between salem and pietro and insinuate that penny is not free, that truly does get under penny’s skin. which i think is something that often gets overlooked, because it’s layered under the more obvious fact that cinder really doesn’t understand who or what penny is at all; but like, penny hesitates. it takes her a moment to figure out how to articulate that’s not true because there is a kernel of truth to cinder’s point. 
penny was built to be ironwood’s weapon. his perfect super-soldier. and now she that she’s defied him to do what she thinks is right, half the people she cares about have told her that she’s being evil and selfish and it’s her fault if everyone dies. and the other half told her she needs to go to amity and stay there and not help anybody, and she feels like a tool, she feels like she has a million things she’s supposed to do and none of them are what she wants to do. so she has all these mixed-up feelings about… what she was built for and what she chooses to be.
and like. in 8.4:
CINDER: I… I want to search for the winter maiden. I think that— SALEM: Did you hear that, my pet? She thinks; she wants. As if she’s done something to warrant me caring about either of those things.  CINDER: We’re just sitting and waiting. Without the maiden, the vault means nothing. Let me claim it for you.  SALEM: I will tell you when and where you are needed. CINDER: But your grace— [The Hound lunges around to snarl at her.] SALEM: I would like to think I have shown a great deal of patience over my many years walking Remnant, but I do hate repeating myself. You will remain here. Is that clear? CINDER: [lying] …Yes. Yes, of course. Without you. I am nothing.
vs 8.5:
PENNY: I can fix this. […] Our message is only a few minutes long. I can try to hold Amity in place for— PIETRO: Absolutely not! You’re in no condition to do something like this. Even just the temperature out there could… PENNY: It is our only option.  MARIA: She’s right, Pietro. We have to remember the big picture— PIETRO: I don’t care about the big picture! I care about my daughter! I lost you before; are you asking me to go through that again? No. No, I want the chance to watch you live your life.  PENNY: But, dad, I am trying to. PIETRO: …Right.
<- literally. literally the exact same argument. not just in terms of what the conflict is but the structure of the dialogue is identical. the interrupted statement of intention; the practical reasoning shot down; “but, your grace” vs “but, dad”—the difference is that where salem is masking, pietro wears his heart on his sleeve, and that allows him and penny to come to an understanding that she is going to do this and he’s going to sit in his fear and support her. whereas salem gets the false capitulation and false security. 
it’s pretty in-your-face (<- which i think supports the interpretation of salem’s motive being protectiveness twisting through her emotional walls) and it’s an interesting parallel to set up given that salem does, in the end, come to a similar resolution to step back and let cinder take risks. it telegraphs the possibility of constructive change, a choice to accept the fear instead of trying to force cinder into a position where the fear doesn’t exist. 
it’s also just darkly funny in a way. cinder kills penny twice and is directly the culprit for pietro’s intense terror of losing penny, and salem feels that same terror for cinder. mirrors. 
but yeah with ironwood and winter too, “i’ve chased a lot of shadows over the years, always expecting betrayal, but never once did i think it would ever come from you” vs “you chose to disobey my specific instructions, just to fail again. and… i’ve realized it’s all my fault.” and, “consider this my last order: step aside” vs “here i am holding you back, instead of lifting you up.” 
salem if nothing else takes cinder’s betrayal as a reason to reevaluate her own actions and consider what she did that gave cinder cause to disobey her, where ironwood is by this point completely disconnected from the reality that loyalty is a two-way street. 
and there’s something too in salem choosing not to stop at “it’s my fault” but fully articulate that she understands why cinder did what she did; it’s of a piece with the way she responds to cinder in 8.14, a conscious reversal of “she thinks, she wants, as if she’s done something to warrant me caring”—she does care, and she has always cared, and it shows in how she speaks to cinder when she’s not trying to prove she doesn’t care.
like. salem chose to put her trust in cinder—an enormous degree of trust, over and over again—without having any illusions about what sort of person cinder is. she knows cinder is singularly focused on what cinder wants. she’s unfazed by the disobedience because she knows she prevented cinder from getting what she wanted. whereas ironwood trusted winter because he molded her so well into the perfect lieutenant that he never imagined she could break from him, because he never understood there was more to her than the surface he sculpted. 
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cosmicjoke · 6 months
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Hey there 👋👋
I have a question for you, (non ship related bc I am tired of that bs too)
But what do you think about Kenny and Kuchel and their relationship? He did visit her from time to time since we know that Kuchel told him she was pregnant and he suggested that she should abort Levi because the underground is a terrible place to raise a child. I always think how it was extremely selfish of Kenny not to tell Levi about his mother and who he actually was but I also understood that Kenny didn't want Levi to get too attached to him since he left him anyway. Do you think that Kenny ever regrets not visiting his sister more and talking to Levi about her?
Hi there, and thanks for the (non-ship) related ask, lol.
To answer your question, I think Kenny loved Kuchel, as much as Kenny was capable of loving anyone. But Kenny was also a genuine psychopath. He enjoyed killing people, and he did it, not out of necessity, but because it gave him pleasure. One has to question how much a person like that is actually capable of love.
I think Kenny might, somewhere in his heart, regret not visiting Kuchel more often. But then, he allowed his own selfishness to get in the way, more interested in carrying out his personal vendetta against MPs than he was in taking care of his sister. I just think Kenny was, ultimately, too selfish to really care enough about anybody. He could have taken Levi out of the Underground and given him a good life on the surface, but he chose not to, and then he just flat out abandoned him in the end.
Kenny was smart, and he understood himself well enough to know he wasn't father material. And why did Kenny know he's not father material? Because he knew he was too selfish to be a good father. Still, he could have adopted Levi out to a family on the surface that wanted a child. But then, that too would have required more effort than he was willing to give.
Basically, I think Kenny had a limited capacity to actually care about other people, and Kuchel was probably the only person he had any, genuine feeling for. He saved Levi from starvation most likely because he felt an obligation to his sister not to let her child die. But in so doing, he really did the bare minimum. His excuse of not being father material was weak at best, and just a flat out admission at worst that he never cared enough about Levi to put him before himself.
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lionheartedmusings · 11 months
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being very very meta but i have a lot of thoughts about this whole thing.
i have no doubts that q!cellbit is undercover, but it's a really shitty undercover job -- he's an amazing storyteller, don't get me wrong, but he can't erase the month of active work against the federation that he's done, part of it very much in the open. also, from what we've seen from q!quackity's attempt at talking to cucurucho, the federation isn't exactly jumping at the chance to have supporters in the players: they don't care. they have two jobs: stay in the island, don't break rules. other than that, they're simply pawns to be shuffled around.
ultimately, the chances of q!cellbit having blown up his whole life, friendships, reputation etc just to be double crossed by the federation bc they're not stupid? are huge.
not to mention that while he confirmed what we already knew (the codes are targeting anyone helping the federation whether knowingly or unknowingly), him being vocally pro-staying and pro-federation is putting the remaining eggs in more danger. the codes have said they won't stop, and while they don't want casualties we know they're not above killing eggs. it's a really iffy position to be in roleplay wise if your actions actively lead to eggs permadying -- roleplay isn't impersonal, and it could get genuinely messy. there's a reason dms have to be cautious and aware of player conflict: it can have a real impact out of character!
my rambling point being, i think while an interesting concept for the storyline, personally i find this is a fundamentally flawed plotline that has a 99% chance of going wrong for everyone whether they're involved or not, and cellbit approached the plot from a dm standpoint (plot progression/player engagement/drama) and not a player character standpoint (team work/a shared plotline).
the overall implications for everyone are massive and there's a .0 chance of him actually doing anything worthwhile. q!cellbit is incredibly intelligent, but going against the federation (undercover) and the codes? it's not a one man job, and q!cellbo is unfortunately not the almighty main character that can bamboozle the world and come out victorious... even if he was, there's the chance enough damage has been done by that point that he'll have done all this and it'll be for nothing.
a final point! none of his friends are entirely convinced he's even fully turned against them -- if you can't convince the people who love you and who you hurt and betrayed, how can you convince a massive all-seeing corporation?
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rollercoasterwords · 10 months
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I feel like an interesting thing about remus and sirius dynamic in the wfrau is that they're not really that different, it just is kind of convenient that the cause remus works for happens to be the moral highground, bc rlly what other choice does he have when he was forced into prostitution before them. like the order, despite the sacrifices he has to make, is literally the best place for him: he gets a purpose, friends, food and shelter, and a life beyond anything he could have on his own. idk this could be a TOTAL misread of his character, and since we've been looking through sirius' eyes its natural to want to sympathise with him more, but it would be a lot more of a cost for sirius to abandon his life and join some (in the shadows)(LARGELY unsuccessful) rebellion where he could easily be found out and killed/tortured gruesomely. Remus admits himself that he's prideful ("But his pride—that’s the one thing that’s always remained his own.") and he obviously looks down on sirius a lot for the life he lives, but I feel like at the end of the day they both just want to a) avoid suffering/protect themselves and b) protect the people they care about, and they both only have one place to turn to to do both of those things, and remus' just happens to be morally superior to sirius'.
correct me on this if you think I've misread remus (cause hes v complex obviously) or the worldbuilding, and not to understate that sirius is doing bad things and remus is (trying) to do good things, and that it is possible to escape the life sirius has (regulus did, apparently), but idk I just wanted to try and tell what makes their dynamic so interesting.
oooh such a fun analysis for me 2 read!! v interesting 2 see how other people interpret the things i write etc. before i respond tho i feel like i need 2 put a little disclaimer that like, i believe in death of the author etc such that i don't think my interpretation/intent should necessarily be taken as inherently more valuable, bc once a work like this is shared ik there are going 2 be varied ways of reading + interpreting it, and i don't want 2 encourage anyone 2 approach stories like this as if there is one Ultimate Correct Interpretation drawn from the writer's intent that u need 2 find, etc.
that being said, i'm happy 2 share my own interpretations + the thinking + intent behind what i've written thus far! think this is gonna get long so i'm gonna put a cut tho lol
so i definitely see the parallels ur drawing between remus + sirius both joining the organizations they joined due in part to coercive conditions outside their control as well as seemingly sharing some core motivations. however i'm not sure i would go as far as you have in saying that their situations are essentially the same and remus just ended up on the "right side" (to paraphrase)
first off - while i see where your take on remus is coming from, keep in mind that at this point in the fic we don't actually know anything about how or why he joined the order. i do have a backstory in mind regarding how exactly he started working with them, and it might not necessarily align with ur interpretation here. don't want to spoil too much, but i will say that remus's choice to join the order was a choice. it wasn't just a matter of having no other options.
something i specifically wanna put pressure on with ur reading is the idea that he was "forced into prostitution" before joining--it seems like ur interpretation of why remus joined the order is that he did it to escape sex work. but keep in mind that remus joining the order resulted in him "selling himself" in a much more dangerous and violent way--he joined the fighting rings + began risking his life every month as well as killing and maiming his fellow werewolves. we know, from his pov, that this is not something he would have done were it not for the order mission; it's reasonable to conclude that remus himself would have preferred sex work to becoming a fighter in the rings, but did so anyway for a larger goal. i'd encourage you to reflect, here, on whether you have a more visceral emotional reaction to the thought of remus "selling himself" as a sex worker versus "selling himself" as a ring fighter--whether the former strikes you as inherently more debasing, more abject, more likely to warrant a desire to "escape." if so, i'd encourage you to reflect on why that might be, and how it affects the way you think of sex work and sex workers. additionally, we know that his involvement with the order did eventually require him to engage in sex work again--so the idea that he joined the order to escape sex work isn't really something that i'm trying to get at in my writing.
also, getting back to the idea that remus was "forced into prostituion"--again, i wanna step back here and ask u 2 reflect a bit on what your choice of phrasing there might say about the underlying associations you have with sex work that might be influencing your reading. my intent in writing remus's backstory with sex work was not to give the impression that he was an abject victim forced by powers beyond his control into sex work as his only option. rather, it was to portray him as a character who is constrained, yes, by the forces that oppress him--specifically, the government that bars him from using magic, accessing stable work, accessing accommodations for his condition, fails to provide any social safety nets, operates + sustains itself on unfair labor conditions which require an exploited class of laborers, etc. but within those constraints i specifically wrote in that remus does have other options; he has, in the past, found other types of work, and there are, of course, the fighting rings or any other number of illegal methods by which he could try to obtain money. remus weighs those other options and chooses to turn to sex work because it seems like his best choice; whether that's because he thinks it will offer him the most control, or the most money, or the most security--it doesn't matter. what matters is that all his options are equally constrained by his oppression, all come with their own pitfalls and humiliations and degrees of exploitation. mysticizing sex work as somehow inherently more abject than the others is...not really what i was going for. that's part of why i wrote about his experiences with it--including experiences that might be viewed by some as grave violations--in a purposefully casual way. for remus, his body has always been an exploited object; sex work is not something he would have felt the need to "escape," from, because he chose to do it, and it's at least a way to make use of his marginalization by exploiting the fact that his condition is made into a fetish. it doesn't mean he's not aware of the coercion involved in his choice--maybe if his father hadn't been so sick and he hadn't needed cash fast for medicine he would have made a different decision, but there likely would have always come a point where he needed money fast and his dad wasn't able to act as the breadwinner anymore. remus has always been very aware that his options in life are limited.
all this is to say, remus's decision to join the order is not something done out of desperation because he thinks his life will be better with them--it's done specifically with a broader political goal in mind. and this is a significant reason for his disdain for sirius. because remus isn't just trying to survive, to protect himself and his loved ones--he and his loved ones are risking their lives every day in service of their ideals, to fight for change. the fact that sirius, who is so much more privileged than remus has ever been, only joined the death eaters because he was forced to is not something that really wins points with remus. it shifts his view of sirius, sure, to know that he doesn't like...delight in serving voldemort and has enough of a conscience to feel guilty about what he does. but remus still disdains a person who would harm others to save their own skin--it's just that sirius is a coward, not a sadist.
and remus doesn't really know or understand how the drive to protect regulus was bound up with sirius rising through the death eater ranks. he's only had glimpses into sirius's home life and his relationship with his brother, and he honestly isn't going around trying to dig up explanations about any of it--he would much rather continue viewing sirius as a contemptible, cowardly death eater than change his perspective, because sirius literally embodies the forces of oppression that have been hurting remus since he was a child, along with his loved ones.
and then the last major difference i'd point out between their joining of their respective organizations is that sirius does benefit, in many tangible ways, from joining the death eaters. like--remus joining the order is mostly just putting his neck on the line and a target on his back, though he does of course benefit from obtaining a community and friends and support in many ways. but in the larger systems of power at play here, remus joining the order only marginalizes him further, when he was already marginalized.
sirius, on the other hand, gains power from becoming a feared and respected death eater. obviously, he suffers many personal injuries and hardships and would not choose to join them had he been given a choice. but he does, in some ways, enjoy the power he obtains from his status. he enjoys his wealth and the comfort it brings. he enjoys it when he's able to accrue enough power to go off and play rebel in small ways that allow him to grasp onto the illusion that he's not given in totally to these people who he knows are corrupt, when he's able to make himself virtually untouchable by the vast majority of people. for sirius, most of his hardship and struggle is internal, emotional, and though he, too, has suffered and been marginalized in some ways by larger systems of power, when offered an avenue to take advantage of those systems of power it's not as if he hated every part of the ride to the top. yeah, he was forced to join the death eaters because he was a kid whose parents wanted to make sure their heir didn't end up a faggot. and that was incredibly traumatic. but his joining the death eaters did not actually marginalize him--it granted him access to a lot of power. and this is something remus is acutely aware of, and another reason that, from his perspective, it's difficult to just feel sorry for sirius.
anyway, you're not wrong that there are definitely parallels between them, but i'd say when it comes to the organizations they're each working for an important difference is that remus actually believes in what his organization is fighting for, while sirius sort of knows that what voldemort's doing is wrong but ignores it and remains complicit.
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bibuddie · 1 year
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what if.. chris dying is the thing to bring buddie together.. the grief??
oh. oh anon.
i'm going to give you the absolute benefit of the doubt and say this message wasn't sent out of malice, it was just out of ignorance and that's fine. you're human. but i have more than a few things to say about this so it's going below a read more for anyone who's interested.
tw for talks of death/dying and the grieving process in quite a lot of detail, as well as mentions of cancer/treatments. you've been warned folks!
okay, so. my dad died when i was 11, and my mum died when i was 20, and just this last month my maternal grandmother died. i'm not saying that for any kind of sympathy or anything, it's just so you know i have some sort of idea as to what i'm talking about. i've seen up close and personal how losing a loved one wrecks someone. take my mum as an example: after my dad died, things got dark. i'm not going to go into detail bc tbh it's not any of the internet's business but my mum really spiralled after losing my dad. she was utterly lost and for a long while, i wasn't sure my mum would ever go back to the way she was.
taking it from a different perspective, when my mum died, i saw what it did to my grandparents. for a bit of background, my mum was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in 2018 pretty much out of nowhere. she went through 7 cycles of chemo, 2 surgeries and 4 weeks of radiation and she was declared cancer free, and then she was killed by a pulmonary embolism. we were all kind of lulled into a false sense of security and then the rug was completely and utterly pulled from underneath us, and it hurt like hell. but i watched what it did to my grandparents in particular. my grandad was pretty much the same as always, maybe a little quieter (a product of the stoicism of his generation maybe).
my grandmother, on the other hand, wanted to go into excruciating detail all the time. in the months immediately after my mum died, she wanted me to recount the night she died in as much detail as i could. for context, my grandparents weren't at the hospital when my mum died, but i was. i was my mum's next of kin, and so a lot of the burden fell on me in terms of making decisions about continuing/withdrawing care. so my grandmother needed to know everything, and i was kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place because it hit a point where i wanted so desperately to help, but i had no idea what to do because the one thing my grandmother wanted me to do was ultimately hurting me.
now, how does this all link back to your original message? a child dying is not a reason to begin a new relationship, basically. a relationship started in the wake of grief, especially grief that profound is never going to be healthy, and it's never going to last. look at what happened to eddie after losing shannon - he spiralled, and he spiralled hard, and that's completely understandable. much of eddie's arc in s3/4a was coming to terms with life after losing shannon, and trying not to get stuck in his grief. even when he's dating ana, we see that he's not really ready for that - a relationship centered around his grief is never going to work in the long run, and that plays a role in his whole breakup with ana in the first place.
if christopher died? eddie wouldn't recover from that. sure, maybe he'd survive the acute grief. he'd go back to work and maybe he'd even have some fleeting moments of happiness here and there. but he'd never be the same eddie that we know currently. it took him so long to move out of the grief surrounding shannon and the circumstances around her death. but, as we've seen on the show for seasons now, christopher is his life. everything eddie does, everything eddie is is for chris. if christopher died, eddie would become a shell of his former self. he wouldn't be able to move past that, and he wouldn't be in any place to be in any sort of meaningful, romantic relationship.
buck would obviously also be grieving, but his grief would look different to eddie's. neither of them would be in any sort of place to get together romantically in the wake of christopher's death, and i think implying that they could do that isn't fair to them or to their characters. they'd be too aware of a major missing element in their relationship, and i don't think it's fair to insinuate that they could feasibly get together in the wake of christopher's death. i just can't ever see that conceivably happening, i'm sorry.
(also insinuating a child dying would...encourage his parent to begin dating someone...almost in a hopeful tone...it isn't the one for me)
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carefulfears · 11 months
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do you think csm is really mulder’s father? it’s just hard for me to totally believe bc the story telling is so jumbled lmao
i think that, much like his s11 arc, what matters most narratively is not if he really is anyone’s biological father, but that he views himself as a creator.
i’ve talked about this before but csm LOVES to be god, and specifically a “loving” god. he’s a calculated liar who gives and takes and then tells mulder and scully that it’s because he cares about them, he has affection for them, he wants what’s best.
whether he’s really mulder’s father (and/or samantha’s) or not, whether he had any part in “creating” william or not, he needs to feel that he reigns over them.
one of the most interesting things about csm as a character is that he has all of this power; he sees everything, he hears everything, he controls everything. he’s omnipotent and grandiose and completely impenetrable. but ultimately, he’s a very small man. and he makes mistakes. he struggles to follow through, at times. he can’t always keep his followers under control. he can’t always achieve his goals.
he’s a narcissist with a god complex who is desperate to be relevant, to leave a legacy, to have control.
i think it’s important to him to feel that he is the reason why mulder exists.
i don’t think it’s enough for him, to have constructed mulder’s entire life, to have pulled strings like with a puppet. he needs the mortality of it, the flesh and bones of it.
“i’m your father” is little more than a tactic, like so many of his others, to write his own place in the story.
all of that said, in simple terms, i do think that he is mulder’s biological father. simply because spender’s DNA was a match for mulder’s in s9, implying they’re half-brothers.
but i don’t think that it matters, and honestly i think it’s a disservice that s9 “confirmed” it, because that was never what it was about.
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buckevantommy · 1 year
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totally completely fine
ok. i'm not a fan of australian tv or movies bc they're always overdramatised or too darkly themed or comedic in a way i don't gel with bc i'd rather watch american comedies (not sitcoms, they need to die a firey death). plus i've never really liked the aussie accent, i've found it weirdly unsettling hearing characters speak with aussie voices and maybe that's bc being an aussie myself and wanting to use tv and movies as an escape so having that stark reminder of my own reality means it's harder to suspend and enjoy a different one for a spell. or maybe it's the fact that i, like a great deal of non-americans, have grown up watching american tv so now any non-american accent just sits weird in my brain. 
but that's why i need to express my love for this show. 
everything from the casting (diverse faces and bodies) and the actors chemistry to the setting and set design, cinematography and soundtrack, and of course the plot and characters themselves. It's so well done. It's a heartfelt dramedy that makes you care keeps you interested in wanting to know how things progress and ultimately turn out. the various relationship dynamics are full of ups and downs and it feels real in that messy way life is. 
the premise: vivian is a young mess of an adult who lost her parents in a car crash that she was also in when she was a kid. she's the youngest of 3 siblings who were raised by their grandfather who dies and leaves viv his cliffside beach house. the twist: the house backs onto a picturesque ocean cliff where people go to commit suicide. the grandfather used to try and stop them, and now it's up to viv to try and do the same. 
intense stuff so far. but this show is hopeful, it's not super dark even though it does deal with strained relationships and mental health and suicide attempts/ideation. the characters are distinct and the way their lives entwine don't distract from their individual journeys; viv is the main character but enough screentime is given to every supporting character that they all feel like main characters in their own right which is how it should be because that's how life is. 
more good news is it's short: only 6 episodes at just under an hour each (it doesn't mince screentime) so i binged it all yesterday when i wasn't feeling great and just. wow. i haven't found anything mentioning a second season but if they did more i'd watch it - but the thing is it ends with both closure and the potential for more exploration of the characters, so it feels like a realistic open ending and works as a single season story. 
i don't know if it's available overseas because it was created by and aired here by Stan (which is like our homemade Netflix) but i hope if you guys are interested you'll find a way to watch. 
bonus thing for me: seeing this story play out in my home (settings and details) was actually grounding in a way i didn't expect. like i mentioned above, most of us grow up on american tv and maybe some uk stuff and while that's good for an escape it can actually be jarring to get back into our real world. but (with good quality programming like this show) i realise aussie productions can make it a lot easier to connect with the physical world around me (not the digital world), to not feel so alone, and to know that it's worth finding productions from your homeland and they don't hinder the escape of fiction in fact they can aid in grounding it in a believable way. 
anyway. just one aussie who doesn't really like aussie-made stuff telling folks to give this show a go because i was pleasantly surprised. 
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(note: if anyone has any questions or concerns about triggering content please message me or reply to this post and i'll fill you in on stuff it does or doesn't feature)
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roobylavender · 4 months
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in terms of character deaths i know youve spoken about bruces death but who else do you think will also pass for a reason other than old age and how will they die? in my head everyone lives (except technically jason who then obv gets revived) in order to see bruce die because i want them to grapple with that <3 but thinking about a batkid dying early as well is too painful…. even though its definitely more realistic
i'm sure this is a severely unpopular opinion but if we're talking about the bats specifically i think for jason's death to have any kind of gravitas it has to be the only one of its nature. which is to say that it has to be the defining moment for bruce through which he realizes he can't prioritize the emotional whims of a child over their actual safety. and i think that's still something you can rationalize tim's subsequent indoctrination—for lack of a better word—within bc at the moment tim becomes robin it's not that bruce doesn’t recognize that tim is delusional—he does—but that everyone around him believes tim is rational in comparison. which is a bit silly bc anyone looks rational compared to bruce following jason’s death. he’s in a crazed state of grief letting himself get beat up all around town. and obv that situation changes over time and bruce processes his grief about jason and his own inability to save people, and that presumably sets him up to be.. somewhat more sensible. enough that he starts to visibly care about the impact of being robin on tim's personal life regardless of how the latter actually reacts to that interest (eg blowing up at bruce when he tells steph his secret identity). in an ideal world that leads to a tim retirement arc bc there really is no way to rationalize him being robin. he doesn't need to be robin. that's never been true. the takeaway from his 90s arc regardless of however chuck dixon (or anyone else) wants to rationalize it is unmistakably that entrusting robin to a kid as some kind of legacy deal that comes packaged with being batman is absolutely absurd and it has to end. permanently. that much i agree with starlin on albeit for obv wildly distinct reasons and to different ultimate effect
but to circle back to the original point. all of this is to say that i don't think tim should die, nor damian, nor cass, nor steph, nor anyone really. cass and steph i don't treat the same as robin bc there are very distinct reasons as to why they do what they do. spoiler is to steph the way robin is to dick in that they are distinct identities birthed of their own experiences (which is why i am personally neither a fan of steph being robin nor batgirl). cass is a legacy character in the truest sense of the word in that it's less about trying to stick someone into a mold where they won't fit (robin) and more about truly rising to the occasion of espousing the same principles and values as your predecessor bc of shared experiences and subsequently birthed ideology. there's not really a narrative purpose to killing either of them if that's understood about their characters
the idea of bruce dying an early death stems from the fact that he carries too much of the burden on his own shoulders and it is realistically not possible for him to do that forever. it’s likely denny o’neil understood as much when he posited the idea. but the kids’ circumstances should be different. in an ideal world where the purpose of the batman mythos isn’t to drive its every character into an inescapable prison of everlasting trauma, there's every reason that the kids should get to live in comparison. and if anything an early death for bruce should only emphasize on that further, bc they won’t make the same mistakes he did
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UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH lots of operators i can see being yans in arknights (in fact each of them actually has the potential with how fucked up Terra is LMAO) but the ones that come at the top of my head are: Tequila, Enforcer, Executor, literally any Sankta character (HEAR ME OUT THE SANKTA CHARACTERS HAVE SO MUCH YAN POTENTIAL ESP CAUSE OF THEIR WEIRD MINDHIVE THING) Also see: Any Sarkaz character, etc.
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honestly, you are SO right. given just how utterly fucked up terra is and how far some individuals are willing to go in this godforsaken planet, it wouldn't be surprising to see one of the characters just snap and latch onto someone who can give them mental stability. and if that someone was the doctor.
tequila has been living with festering hatred and pent-up emotions for god knows how long, and he sure as hell isn't gonna be dealing with them in a healthy way any goddamn time soon. he isn't afraid to stain his blade red if it means keeping you by his side, though a simple glare will often get the job done nicely. tequila presents himself as the ultimate boyfriend material to you; funny, charismatic, easy-going, anything that blindsides you to his true demeanor. he ups the charm, doing anything to woo you and earn your affections with a sweet smile. and of course, even more boiling jealousy is added to that rotting pile of emotions he buries, as the thought of anyone else touching you that isn't him has tequila feel worse than any hangover in dossoles could ever possibly make him feel.
enforcer seems like a curious pick, since he's pretty chill and wholesome for the most part and is shown to have a cozy relationship with the doctor. but then again, he does give the doctor a nice warm cup of bitter coffee when he's aiding with the large stacks of paperwork. so who could say that the unusual bitterness was simply enforcer spiking the drink; he could just say that he remembers how bitter you liked your coffee last time, so he went out and bought new coffee beans, just for you. enforcer likes it when you've passed out after chugging the hot beverage down, expression soft and peaceful even when he's gently touching and tracing your skin. he muses that you are far too trusting.
ngl, executor would make for a very interesting yandere, especially bc he does not seem to understand love or emotions, but we do see that his alter actually has him growing and understanding people's emotions. but he's fucking terrifying when you think about it, like he has no qualms in killing someone just to accomplish his mission and is horrifyingly determined to do what he needs to do, even if he could possibly die. executor could kill someone he deems to be a rival, and while he would acknowledge that their death will indeed wear you down, he's still apathetic enough to just brush it off. he doesn't care about them, nor anyone else. executor only cares about the way you make his chest feel strange, and why it makes him feel so good.
and honestly yeah, any of the sarkaz fit the bill, since they're heavily discriminated against in terra and treated worse if they're infected. flamebringer is a nice and obvious pick bc of how complicated his relationship with the doctor is. he lives for bloodshed and battles, so what's really stopping him from getting rid of anyone he deems to be in the way?
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ndbookstudy · 7 months
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lester levenson, keys to the ultimate freedom, session 3.
(these are all quotes, so don't read it as a whole post bcs it wouldn't make sense lol)
The whole object on the path is to let go of the ego. What remains is your Self.
The only growth there is, is the eliminating of the ego.
Ego is the sense of “I am an individual separate from the All.” In the extreme, it is egotism.
Growth is transcending yourself, your habitual self, which is none other than ego.
Growth is the ego getting out of its misery.
Recognize that all joy is nothing but your Self, more or less.
There is no happiness except that of experiencing your Self. When you see that, it makes the path very direct. You stop chasing the rainbow and you go for the happiness where you know it is, right within you.
Everything you are seeking, you are, and very foolishly saying you are not. That's part of the enigma: everything everyone is seeking with such intensity, one has, and much more.
“It,” is you, when you say, “I,” that is the Infinite. Great big joke! Here you are infinite looking for your Self, which you are!
When anyone says he is not a master, he is lying.
Your effort should be for proper identity. Identify with your Self!
Spiritual advancement is determined by how much you identify with your real Self.
The ego is very tricky. It often talks us out of this path for a short period of time, sometimes for a longer period of time. But once we've gotten into it, we usually almost always come back to it. So you have to be careful of the trickery of the ego-part of us. It can really take us away. No matter how far we have advanced on the path, the ego is always a treacherous companion that can take us off the path, and sometimes for an entire lifetime.
This is something we should be on guard against. The ego- sense latches on and says, “I am God. It latches onto the progress and it feels good and it says. “I am It” and by doing so it sabotages further growth.
When you recognize the opposition of the ego, you can let go of it. After practice it is easy and after you let go of enough ego, you just naturally feel the peace and joy of your Self.
It's actually a path of taking on more and more of your natural state of being infinite. You give up limitation. You give up misery. But you never give up anything worthwhile. You never give up anything good.
On this path you constantly give up trouble.
The first teacher is misery. It is usually the first thing that causes us to seek the way out.
First we start on the path to escape misery. Then we taste the Self and want It because It tastes so good.
On the path you never give up anything, you just take on more and more of what you really want until you have the All.
Take it for the sweetness that's in it, not to get out of the bitterness that's out of it.
We discover that we never give up anything on the spiritual path but our self-imposed bandages and miseries.
If you are weakly for the path, you are strongly for the sense-world.
You think you can't, that's why you can't.
It's only the thought “I can't do it,” that stops you from doing it.
Those who can’t, don't really want to.
Your growth depends only on you.
It will happen as fast as you can do it.
The only one who is going to change you, is you!
Wishing won't do it, nor will trying. You have got to do it!
Good intentions are no substitute for right action.
To change more rapidly, expect it!
You must have a very strong desire to change because you are such a victim of habit that you want the world as much as a drowning man wants air. To offset that, you must want to know your Self as much as a drowning man wants air.
Your success is determined by your desire for it. If you get discouraged, you are not really interested.
Your only real friend is you. Your only real enemy is you. You are an enemy to yourself to the degree you limit your Self. You are a friend to yourself to the degree you de-limit yourself.
What you do to yourself, it being your own doing, only you can undo it. You did it. You must undo it.
This entire path is a do-it-yourself path.
Do what is available to you to do. Do your best.
Every experience is to bless you, not to hurt you. If you stay in accord with principle, you will come out higher!
Every place and every situation in life presents an opportunity for growth.
The best place to grow is right where you are. The best time is now.
Be thankful for the opportunities to grow.
The greatest of all tests are those at home, with your immediate family. Therefore, home is an excellent place to grow.
A lot of spiritual growth can be had by practicing the real selfless love on your mate and family.
It is a good opportunity to grow when people are saying things about you, opposing you. It gives you a chance to practice the real Love. It gives you a chance to practice the real Peace. Because they are making sounds with their mouths is no reason why you should feel bad about it. Opposition is a very healthy thing. It provokes and firms growth.
It is necessary to remember that everyone can be our teacher. If we react to praise or pleasantries, that is developing ego. If we're depressed on criticism, that is ego. When we are our Self, there is no reacting.
There isn't anything that happens that can't be used. There's no incident that cannot be used as a teacher.
Every minute of every day should be used to grow by.
If we assume that we are there and we are not, circumstances soon awaken us to the fact that we are not.
If you tell others of your high experiences, of your gains, because of their jealousy, they say, “Ah, who does she think she is?” And that works against you and tends to pull you down.
Anytime you brag about anything, you're inviting a test of it. So, I warn you, if you are growing into these things, when they start coming, unless you're so sure you know by experience you can't lose it, its better not to tell anyone.
Be proud of your spiritual accomplishments. Be happy with them. Be proud of them to yourself.
When you have false spiritual pride you invite a challenge of the thing that you are proud of.
It is necessary to do away with doubts.
It takes more than faith. It takes knowledge. You start with faith, but you must convert it to knowledge. You must test it out, and then you know it.
In order to really understand, we must experience the knowledge.
When you experience, it is no longer intellectual.
You can get understanding without being able to put it into words.
The only maturity there is, is spiritual understanding.
Stand ye out and be different and don't let the others trick you back into where you were. It's not easy. It takes fortitude.
We should try to go all the way. To us it is given to do that. We have the possibility of going all the way back home, right to the Absolute.
Expect infinity, no more. You cannot expect too much.
Toe the line to the very end. The more you toe the line the sooner the end.
Every gain is an eternal gain. Every step forward you make now is forever.
We climb a ladder and each time we get up to another rung we forget about the rungs below. Then, when we get to the top, we kick the ladder a way.
The proof of this subject is the result you get.
The more you grow the less you feel the need to grow.
The higher you go the less the incentive to go further.
You never learn anything by disproving; you learn only by proving.
Studying the illusion helps make it real. If you want to know the Truth, don't study the opposite.
The whole process of growth is letting go of thoughts. When our thoughts are totally eliminated, there is nothing left but the Self.
Don't try to complicate it; it's too simple.
We can only expand out of the ego. The Self is.
Growth is letting go of being what you are not.
Let go of your ego, and be your Self!
As you grow, the whole world opens wide for you, you experience so much more. However, even if you have this whole world, you've only got a dot. Take the whole cosmos!
Longing for liberation is the key. Once you get that you'll be carried all the way.
In our desire to attain liberation or realization we are helped to the degree that we help all others.
Grow to the point where your whole attention is off you and on others.
Why shouldn't we all be masters, all of us, here and now?
The moment we decide to be the Self,-really decide,-it is so!
The higher you go, the more non-difference comes. You accept the leaders of all religions alike.
Having peace under ideal conditions isn't indicative of spiritual growth, it is escape.
When people are not growing they are going in the opposite direction.
You should thank those who oppose you because they give you an unusual opportunity for growth.
When we start concerning ourselves with what they are doing, we're turning away from what we are doing.
You need constant confirmation until you don’t need it anymore.
Perseverance is necessary.
Adversity is a prod to growth.
The more intense the crises in this world, the more we have an opportunity to grow.
It would be so fast if people would, with constant, intense effort ask: What am I?
When you get the answer to What am I?, then you have control over your body and mind.
If there is anything you don't like out there, there is a need to change yourself.
You may see fully who you are and not be able to maintain it. What happens is that, being the infinite Self, we can get a glimpse of the infinite, hold it for a while, and then suddenly feel as though we've lost it. The reason for that is that the mind has not been eliminated. The subconscious thoughts of limitation are submerged for the moment. You may go completely into your Self and let go of the mind temporarily. You haven't eliminated the mind, you just momentarily let go of it. So there you are, for the moment, totally the infinite Self.
However, the mind that has been submerged, re-emerges and then the ego takes over and you just can't understand what happened to you, what brought you back into the heaviness of the world again. What is required is that we re-establish that state of the Self again and again until it becomes permanent. Each time we do it, we scorch more of the mind, until finally we have scorched the entire mind. Then we are permanently established in the Self. Then you sit back and the mind is out there and the body is out there and you are not the mind, you are not the body. As long as you know you are not the mind and the body, both of them can go on to their heart's content, and you know that they cannot touch you.
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ballisterboldheart · 2 years
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a dynamic i’ve seen literally No One talk abt is the mentorship between terry and kenny (can’t imagine why it’s getting ignored /s) which sucks bc it’s really one of the most interesting ones in s5 for me. because like. it’s fascinating how terry picked kenny as his champion. in many ways, i think they were deliberately trying to parallel the relationship kreese & johnny had. it helps reveal so much abt terry as a character—giving depth that was obviously not present in kk3
terry sees himself in kenny, and a large part of their dynamic is terry giving advice to kenny that he wishes he could give to himself: don’t be a follower, be a leader. don’t spend your life waiting for someone else to tell you what to do. and on the surface, yeah, it’s a good lesson. and more importantly, unlike quicksilver, it’s not being given out of malice. and i think that’s fascinating—terry has been shown to hurt every other teen character he’s come in contact w, directly and indirectly (daniel, mike, robby, tory) but he never hurts kenny. he teaches him the silver bullet technique, he plays into kenny’s aggression, but he doesn’t physically hurt him or treat him as disposable like w the other kids. terry’s still a bad influence, obviously, but there was an aspect of genuine....i don’t wanna say love, although maybe in a reflected, mirror kind of way, terry does love kenny, or at least the idea of him (of a version of himself that didn’t need anyone, that had been able to fight for himself).
and their dynamic is a great foil to johnny and miguel’s dynamic in s1. miguel puts his trust into johnny, and johnny stumbles, johnny fails, but ultimately johnny cares more abt preserving miguel’s heart than some trophy. terry doesn’t. terry wants kenny as a champion, even if that victory is bought, even it’s through shortcuts. he wants this kid he can wind up, and point in the right direction. a champion that trusts him completely, because terry has never let him down. because terry will buy all his victories.
and then terry’s schemes get revealed. and kenny is so devasted he can barely talk abt it. (and holy shit, dallas dupree young plays that specific grief so well, he’s gotta be my favorite teen actor behind mr maridueña). there’s this man who made you feel special (scream) but it was all an act. he was a con man. and now you’re left picking up the pieces. top ten moments in the show for real.
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