#ba thesis struggle diary

[why-the-heck-not]

me proofreading anything I've ever written (in chronological order)

#sent my current thesis draft and I've gotten so little done the past month and all of it BAD #FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK #uni studyblr #studyblr #study #studyspo #april 2024 #2024 #ba thesis struggle diary

[redfeathered]

Cleaning up that love confession drabble sounds much more attractive than doing research for my bachelor thesis...

#the struggle is real #but to be fair. laying on bed staring at the wall for others also sounds better than ba thesis #so... #tumblr is my diary and you can read along #14may19

[pet-diary]

Hi! Here’s my introduction for the 2018 @gradblrchallenge .

Happy to meet you all! (ノ^∇^)

name or nickname: Brit (or Poppet)

location: Seattle, Washington (USA)

area of study: Clinical Mental Health Counseling

level of study: 1st year Master's (starting in Oct '18)

a word on your thesis/dissertation: Not quite there yet! But I know I'm very interested in working with adolescent populations... My main passions are trauma in victims of violent crime, interpersonal dynamics for adolescents (bullying and "mean girls"), abnormal psychology, and autism. All pretty unrelated! :S I need to narrow my interests down and figure out what I want to do long term. I'm sure it'll come together over time... Right?

what has been your experience with graduate school/university thus far: I haven’t had a lot of experience yet... I was a research assistant for my last year of undergrad (researching place attachment for immigrant Latinx families through the lens of Critical Race Theory), and I’ve had a lot of internship experience involving autism and kids or young adults. I currently co-host a support group for women on the spectrum. I graduated summa cum laude in Dec ‘17, earning my BA in psychology. My college experience has been fairly abnormal overall...

what do you hope to accomplish with this challenge: Since it takes place before I start classes, I hope to use it as a way to both mentally and physically prepare myself for grad school. There's a lot of things that need to get sorted, and I want to stay productive and focused through August, rather than pushing everything off and avoiding the fact that I start GRADUATE SCHOOL in the fall! ( ꒪Д꒪)”...

is this your first #gradblrchallenge: Yes! I've been wanting to join this challenge ever since I decided to apply for grad school a couple of years ago. ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

favourite film: I hate playing faves, but I’ll say The Ring, US version (very calming atmospherically, set in Seattle!). I have so many faves...

favourite tv series: Hmm, again I have too many faves! But I’ll say Law and Order SVU. Olivia Benson is my mom.

places you wish to visit in a near future: Japan, England, New Orleans (I’ve been a few times, but I'd love to go to Crime Con next year).

where do you see you self in five years: Probably still living in Seattle, working or getting ready for PhD? Maybe moved back to Virginia? I honestly have no idea right now.

meaning behind your url: I'm a big fan of pet names of endearment, and nostalgic sweet things like that. There are certain words that I find very appealing and they spring stories up in my mind very easily. 'Pet' is one of them. 'Diary' is another. I've had a diary throughout my whole life, and this is my current one. In addition to school/career content, I post a lot about my daily life (see images below for an example of the kind of original content I post).

a random fact about you: I was a “professional artist” from 18 through my mid-20s, but decided to finish school after getting burned out in that field. I’m taking a break from art and want to pursue psychology as a career, since it has been a long-time dream of mine. I now make art as a hobby. Some of my work focuses on darker stuff; struggles in mental health, and the line between fantasy and reality are common themes. I hope to eventually bring my two passions together in some way.

Also hi, I'm autistic. :P

P.S. I my main is @beyourpet​, so you will most likely see that username instead of @pet-diary​. It’s just me! (*⌒∇⌒*) This is a side blog...

#gradblrchallenge #gradblr #grad school #actuallyautistic #studyblr #gradschool #grad student #graduate school #masters #psyd #phd #studyspo #university #college #study #student #school #study blog #student experience #workblr #psychblr #psych field #career #work #job #psych career #psychology #introduction post #intros #august 2018 challenge

[why-the-heck-not]

the god complex after too much caffeine is so nice. ”I’m going to write this entire thesis tODAY” yeah buddyy for sure that’s doable

#i don’t even know my exact research question yet #january 2024 #2024 #ba thesis struggle diary

[why-the-heck-not]

Shoutout to all you humanities majors, I don’t know how you do this. I could code for hours & hours, but reading articles and writing essays?? 40minutes and I’m done

#this spring is going to be hell!!!!!!! I have no clue what I’m doing #february 2024 #2024 #ba thesis struggle diary

[why-the-heck-not]

why write your thesis a reasonable amount every day consistently when you can instead stuff 19h of writing & researching into 3 days???

#and by 19h I mean that that was the fully focused time #(bc I turn off forest (the study timer app I use) the moment I even like get up to get water bc idk I want to know the actual time) #I don't want to know what it'd be if I included those ''more coffee'' and ''2min distraction doom scroll'' in bc yikes #anyways I'm feeling not great #bc if I had just done the 3h a day for the past 2weeks I would've gotten away with less stress and a better end result #studyblr #studyspo #uni studyblr #chaotic academia #march 2024 #2024 #ba thesis struggle diary

[why-the-heck-not]

favorite thing in the world is planning & making schedules but as soon as that’s an assignment that I have to do and there’s a deadline? nah no nope no have never planned anything in my entire life and never will again throwing up from the lack of scheduling skills

#gotta make a workplan for the thesis #which like I would’ve done just for myself anyways bc I love planning #but now that it’s mandatory?? my brain’s in full on procrastination mode again #like when u were abt to clean ur room as a kid but then ur mom told u u should clean ur room and ’well nOW i’m not gonna do it’ #ba thesis struggle diary #february 2024 #2024

[why-the-heck-not]

cons of researching an interesting thing: I keep getting distracted by my own damn topic, reading angles I don’t even slightly need for this

#tho it’s never bad to know a bit too much #just that like time & energy are valuable and finite resources #ba thesis struggle diary #january 2024 #2024

[why-the-heck-not]

I can handle academic constructive criticism as a part of the theisis writing process *puts on Losing My Religion by R.E.M. everytime I have to read the feedback*

#im not sure if this makes sense to anyone else lmao #studyblr #uni studyblr #february 2024 #2024 #ba thesis struggle diary

[why-the-heck-not]

my thesis advisor asking me to send them my current draft, and me suddenly realizing I somehow haven’t written a single fucking sentence in 2 weeks, dudes it’s a pr nightmare (been hella unproductive the past weeks idk what tf happened)

#(I’ve been watching mike’s mic and ’’it’s a pr crisis’’ abt anything embarrassing happening is so funny to me) #what do I say lol #should just be honest bc what else is there to do but lord I don’t want to #but like can’t get like couple pages out today I have other things to get done #I think I’ll promise to send it like by the end of the week and mf haul ass starting from thursday #idk everybody does their bachelor’s thesis during like the last 2 weeks that’s just how it is and I’m just following the footprint #blueprint* 😔 is what I meant and I’m on the mobile app cant edit tags #anyways I’ll respond by tonight I need to think and maybe try to pull together a page or two #so I could be like ’’havent done much I’ll send a better version by the end of this week but here’s the current one anyways in case’’ #ba thesis struggle diary #april 2024 #2024

[why-the-heck-not]

the good thing is that I think I finally found the final focus for my thesis. the bad thing is that it’s 2AM and I got so much adrenaline from that that I will never sleep

#also I still. somehow. after fighting it at every turn! managed to make it be partly about machine learning hOw #there’s just no escape from AI/ML/DL is there (I tried to stay away from that bc ohmg it’s everywhere and I’ve been getting increasingly #more annoyed every time I see the words AI somewhere (also often used so wildly incorrectly bc of it’s a trend rn)) #but yeah it’s alright at least that’s not the sole focus #ba thesis struggle diary #2024 #march 2024

[why-the-heck-not]

thinking abt changing my thesis topic bc I’ve just been feeling big time dread ever since I decided on this current one (mf machine learning; neural networks and shit). But idk if it’s too late, and if anything else would actually be better, like I think this whole process just isn’t going to be great no matter what I’m going to focus on. Feeling very lost with this one my dudes, no clue

#i can’t think of a way to narrow it down at all #and I’m not sure I understand enough abt it to have an ’’interesting perspective’’ abt it #(purposfully not saying my topic options bc my brain’s way too susceptible to outside opinions lol) #january 2024 #2024 #gonna make a tag for these bc I’m sure I’m going to be complaining abt the thesis process all the way through it here #ba thesis struggle diary

[why-the-heck-not]

researching something that doesn’t have unified terminology fucking sucks, like 70% of my time is trying to figure out if these articles are talking about the exact same thing or just things very similar to eachother

#and then going on to trying to translate that into finnish like can’r find official translations for shit anywhere #so I’m sort of just coming up with some and hoping I’ll figure them out as this goes along #I’m going to have so many ’’heyyy does this translation suck ass?’’ questions to the thesis ppl it’s going to be embarrassing #ba thesis struggle diary #january 2024 #2024

[why-the-heck-not]

So I changed my thesis topic and it’s gonna be abt cybersecurity issues in BCIs (brain-computer interfaces), mmmight focus on neurological cyber attacks (”brainjacking” but I HATE that word, and will refuse to use it at all costs) but not too sure yet. But anyways, I’m feeling excited abt this whole thing again! 🧠

The only interests I’ve actually ever had have been space, crime things (mostly just criminology), neuroscience and coding. And this sort of incorporates 3 of them, so idk why I didn’t decide to go with this in the first place.

(this was my og plan tho, I just got ??insecure?? abt it bc not much of ML or AI in there, or even anything *that* technical (probs will have some pseudocode algorithms but not a lot). But honestly like it’s a bachelor’s thesis; just a practice run for the other theses you’re (maybe) going to do, the main thing for this one is to have something interesting to you & learn about the process)

#couldn’t get that space thing in there #’’neurological cyber attacks iN SPACE’’ god I’d want to write whatever the fuck that would be but that’s just not a thing #ba thesis struggle diary #january 2024 #2024

[why-the-heck-not]

just me and my Zotero-account against the world

#I have like 9 articles and I’m already getting confused abt what is in which ohno this doesn’t bode well for me #ba thesis struggle diary #february 2024 #2024

[why-the-heck-not]

I know the point is to figure out your research question with the help of ur thesis supervisor, but my ”I’ll figure this out myself”-gene is an almighty force. I want to disappear for 4 months and come back with a ready-made thesis

#I hate going to ppl like ’’so I’m not fully sure’’ I want to have 100% set & thought out answers to everything and like uhhh #it’s honestly not good #like I haven’t asked for help not once during my university studies bc of it and like good god could I have gotten things done way better #and quicker if I did #it just stresses me out way more than trying to figure shit out myself does #but this whole process is supposed to be like ’’go talk to ur instructor!!!! a lot !’’ and I don’t like that #ba thesis struggle diary #january 2024 #2024