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alexaplaysgames · 3 years

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FELIX ESCELLUN NSFW ALPHABET

Hello my fellow simps! To motivate me with my smut works, and also to practice my headcanons, I’ve written an NSFW alphabet for my favourite subby bottom. Enjoy!

This is my first attempt at something like this so lemme know what y’all think :)

Edit: There’s a lot to balance here, so please let me know if you have any concerns. I try my best to give fair representation.

18+ under the cut MINORS DNI

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Felix’s love language is definitely acts of service, so I definitely think he would take to worrying and fretting over you after sex (depending on the kind of sex you’re having, see below). He would love to run his fingers through your hair and snuggle into you, to wipe you off and bring you tea. He would really panic and be unsure if he’s being helpful at all, but he would try his best, bless him.

It’s heavily canon that Felix is into bondage (receiving) so I’ll roll with that and say that you definitely need to take care of him if you’re getting into heavy BDSM (which, let's be honest, he would like). He wouldn’t necessarily ask to be taken care of, he’s too proud for that, but you gotta force him to sit still while you run ointment over any marks, tell him how much you love him, how good he was and how well-behaved. He would just stare at you all lovesick-like while you take care of him, absolutely baffled as to how he got so lucky as to have you.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

This is difficult because the devs said Felix doesn’t really notice himself as being attractive, so I honestly don’t think he would dictate one aspect of himself as being his favourite. Really, I think he would love whatever it is about himself you love about him. He’ll start noticing it a bit more every day. For example, if you tell him you love his pretty eyes, he’ll stare at his reflection with wonder, trying to see himself how you see him.

As for Felix’s favourite part about you, I think he would really like your hands. Baby is 100% touch-starved being as I’m certain he’s only ever been with Rime (at least, seriously) and since he died Felix would’ve been alone for years. Plus, we been knew Escell did not give him affection of a child. That’s why Felix loves your hands, because he loves how they touch him, how they look when they hold his, the feeling of them in his hair. He likes to trace shapes into your palms, compare the sizes and shapes of your hands, etc. He’s weird like that.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Has no problem with swallowing your cum. He kinda does it self-consciously, not really noticing how hot he looks when he licks his lips. He just loves everything about you, why would this be any different? Doesn’t find it gross, no sir, he has much grosser things in the jars in his bedroom and probably ate something much nastier just the other day. Flat out- he’s unintentionally a freak. Very well trained gag reflex and does not hesitate to swallow.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I think Felix’s dirty (not-so-secret) is that if he has a crush, he’ll write smut about them. That, or he’ll imagine them with him in his dirty fantasies, insert them into his romance novels. He’s definitely got journals upon journals of fanfiction about himself and his SO in which some really raunchy acts take place, and his face is brighter than a strawberry as he reads and writes them. If you find out, do not bring it up unless you want to end up with a malfunctioning boyfriend. He would actually die. If you want to mention it, you’d have to go about it very carefully.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Like I said, I do not think Felix has been with anyone else other than Rime. I can’t see him having a one-night stand after Rime died, and we know Felix was interested in Rime since pretty early on in his life.

I think in terms of their sex life, Felix would’ve been forced to catch up with Rime pretty quickly. I can see the Rime as being much more experienced, given his age and popularity, and Felix would’ve bent over backwards to make Rime happy, so he definitely learned a lot there. When Rime said he taught Felix everything he knows, he meant in more ways than one...

That being said, Felix would know a lot about sex either way. He’s been reading smut for ages and definitely knows what he likes, what he wants, etc. He just needs someone to apply it to.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Damn, we’re getting into it. I think Felix would maybe prefer to bottom, but he could very easily top if required. Topping really feeds into his need to please so… Being that he likes the element of surprise, him bottoming usually goes with that, but I don’t think he’s picky. As long as you dom him because he’d break otherwise.

Depending on what ya got, I think that Felix would like to be held up and fucked against a wall or sitting on a table/desk because it would make him feel tall. Or pinned with his wrists against the mattress and ridden. Alternatively, maybe a lotus-type position, because you get to be close. He would want to look into your eyes, because even though he’s a kinky bastard, sex means a lot to him. I mean he’s only ever been with a few people, if more than one.

Other than that, I think he would like a classic missionary/cowgirl well enough, because you can hold down his hands, or doggy-style, because you can tie his hands behind his back. He likes to be tied up, okay? It's no surprise.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Felix isn’t necessarily goofy, that’s not a good word for it, but he does like to make snide comments and smirks. He might make stupid puns if he’s nervous, but he more so like to snark and be sarcastic. Plus, if he’s in a bratty bottom mood, that will really come out. You won’t get him to stop smirking at you and making quips until you make him moan so much he can’t speak.

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

I’m going to be honest, this is the one question I am afraid to answer. Let’s just say Felix is definitely obsessively neat and clean, but I don’t think he’d really care about his SO either way.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Definitely wants to be intimate. Especially at the beginning, when he’s unsure of your feelings from him. Even if you’re going for rough sex he wants you to hold him afterwards, and he doesn’t really like when he can’t look into your eyes. Would not appreciate it if he couldn’t touch you or be touched by you for a long time. Even if he’s tied up, he doesn’t like to feel separated from you.

Like I said, sex means a lot to Felix because I doubt he’s done it with many people. Even though he’d never admit it, just the fact that you’ve gotten so close to him means he trusts you so, so much. He doesn’t let many people touch him, let alone like this.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Listen up, he is one horny bastard and he spent a long time with no one to fulfill his desires. He’s got toys, he’s got books, he knows what he likes and what gets him off, though that is very much a clandestine topic for him until you get him to open up some. In other words, yes, he did ‘jack off’ regularly in the past, but he would be less inclined to do so once he’s with you. However, if you tell him to touch himself for you he might explode. No one has ever found him attractive enough to ask for it, and though he would be so flustered and you’d need to coax him, it would do wonders for making him feel sexier.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Felix. Is. Kinky. I can’t say it enough. He would be worried about overwhelming you at the beginning, or having you think he’s bizarre, so it would take a while for it to come out, but once it does...

He likes to be tied up. Both hands and feet. Likes it when you can touch him how you want but he can’t move at all. Thinks it’s hot when you overstimulate him, count how many times you can make him come until he sobs and squirms. Then tell him he did good for you. So slight praise kink, but not excessively, or he finds it less meaningful.

Likes to have his face fucked. Either to be smothered by your thighs or choked by your cock he doesn’t care, hold him down until he can’t breathe but make sure he does breathe because he might forget. He’s enraptured by you.

Other than that, loves when you call him baby or a good boy. Loves when you make him recite the fantasies from his books while you act them out on him. Also loves to be marked- he’ll trace your markings with his fingers for days and smile, and after a while, he loves to mark you as well.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Anywhere he associates with being pristine or classy. If you fuck him anywhere that’s meant for nobility, such as an office or a fancy dining room or the like, it will get him off so, so quickly. He loves the idea of defiling a space meant to be decorous. It suits his love of going against what people tell him to do. Also it’s just really hot.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

He likes words, and he really likes dirty talk. Loves you whispering in his ear, telling him what you want to do to him. It will make him gasp and flush and fidget but he absolutely adores it still. Even doing something as simple as pinning his leg when he starts to bounce it when he’s anxious will send so many dirty thoughts through his mind, you don’t even know. Also makes him super turned on if you read his smut books to him, or vice versa.

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

He’d have a hard time telling you straight up what things are out of bounds for him, so you’ve gotta be strict. He’s used to keeping a lot of his thoughts bottled up inside.

He would not, not ever, hurt you. Ever. He watched Rime die, before, and it’s still so fresh, so traumatic that even hurting you a little makes him feel grossly sick. He would also not want you to be derogatory towards him either. He’s been put down way too much to ever get anything from you being intentionally mean to him. Try that, it will just make him cry.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Definitely likes giving head. Loves it, even. I can see Rime as having had an oral fixation, so Felix is more confident with it as it’s something he’s used to and can do well. It makes him super happy to please you and he’s going to be thinking all day about how you looked when you came across his tongue. And what a talented tongue it is. He would like to eat his SO out while they sit down on a chair I think, and would do best to suck them off if they were standing.

I think he would be alright with receiving oral, but the more I think about it the more I think it’s probably not his favourite thing. I think he gave Rime head much more than vice versa (just due to him wanting to please Rime) so he’s less used to it, and is a little self-conscious about it. But he would still enjoy it; he likes the feeling of you holding his hips down while your mouth works on him.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

I think he’d prefer to go faster and rougher for the most part. Like I said, very much prefers to sub, and no matter what position he’d very much enjoy if you fuck him very hard and fast, bend him over or push him onto his back, pull his hair, all that jazz. If he’s in a bratty mood, he’ll tell you to go faster, ask if that’s the best you can do, etc. while wearing a smirk on his face.

Still, I think he’d like to go slower sometimes! Especially if he’s feeling insecure, it helps him feel connected to you.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

I don’t think Felix would like quickies because he wants to be close with you. How I see him with Rime, he’s used to being used and tossed aside already, and he doesn’t like the feeling of just fucking you and being done with it. He wants to relish in it, dramatic theatre boy that he is. He’s not interested in being anyone else’s quick fuck anymore, and while the two aren’t necessarily synonymous, he can’t help that that’s how he feels. He’d much rather wait it out, anticipating your hands on him.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

His relationship with Rime was pretty risky, and Felix isn’t necessarily one to follow the rules, so I do think he’d be perfectly fine with sex in public. Yeah, he’s worried about propriety, but that’s what makes it all the more addicting; the stakes are even higher if you get caught. He would act like he dislikes it, but you both know he really, really doesn’t.

As for experimenting, I don’t think there would be much Felix isn’t willing to try. He’s very eager to explore all the things in his books, but he knows enough to know what he doesn’t like. And he trusts you, truly, so as long as you’re taking care of him he’d feel much less worried.

He’d be much more timid when it comes to experimenting on you. You’ll have to tell him it’s okay, because he’s worried about freaking you out. He’s not sure how he ended up with you in the first place and doesn’t want to ruin it.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Felix isn’t someone who is accustomed to physical exertion, so while I do think he likes to have sex often enough, he doesn’t do it for a super long time. He gets worn out pretty fast, and he’s so touch-starved it’s not difficult to make him come again and again and again until he’s basically going to pass out, and do it in a relatively short period of time. Oops.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Like I said, this boy has so many toys. I mean, assuming they’re a thing in Last Legacy and I’m gonna just say yes. Vibrators, dildos, ropes and blindfolds, you name it. Although I don’t think he’d love the blindfolds for himself. He’ll hide them until you ask, though. It’s not like that kind of thing is normalized among nobles.

He likes when you hold him back against your chest with a vibrator between his legs until he cries. Also likes to kneel before you and watch your reactions when he shows his toys to you or used them on/with you, it would make him feel very validated to see you indulge his interests.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Felix does like to tease, but more so by running his mouth. Will raise an eyebrow at you with his eyes alight and dare you to fuck him. Can be a very, very bratty sub if he’s in the right mood.

I don’t think he has the will or the dominance to physically tease you too much. Maybe a little bit. But he likes doing what you want and pleasing you too much for that, what can I say.

And of course he likes to be teased, more so flirting with him than physically. He does enjoy fleeting touches, but if you hesitate to touch him for too long it makes him worried. But he does like when you whisper in his ear until he turns scarlet.

If he’s more comfortable with you, he can also get very smug when he sees how you react to him. You would not be able to get him to shut up about it.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

At first, I don’t think he’s too loud at all. More so quiet whining and whimpering and panting and trying to stifle his noises. Between his probably secret, scandalous relationship with Rime and the fact that he’s nobility, he’s spent a lot of time keeping things quiet. He’s not really used to being loud, and Felix isn’t someone who easily changes. He’ll bite the pillows to stifle his moans.

You’ll have to encourage (or just do things to force) him to be louder and tell him you love his noises. He’ll still bite his lip and blush, but over time it will work until he’s making those beautiful cries for you almost all the time.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

After Rime died, Felix spent a long time not being able to read his romance books without feeling guilty, without having his mind swarmed by images of blood, death, and tears. Then, when he met you, for the first time in years it was someone else filling his fantasies, someone else running laps through his mind. He cried, he wasn’t sure if it was in relief or shame, longing for what he had lost, but equally lovesick with you, who had stolen his heart (he suddenly realized that he didn’t want it back). He couldn’t stop thinking about you, and though he felt tied to you in every way, he’d also never felt more free.

I think Felix is basically exclusively a sub, to be honest. Namely because I need more subby characters in otome (seriously, where are they? I sad) and also simply because the game really stresses it, which I love. Reminder, people: a person’s personality often has nothing to do with their sexual preferences.

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Won’t go into much detail about this, but Felix is very soft all over. He loves lotions and scrubs, and his skin is all perfectly smooth (also, he smells really, really good. Like amazingly good). He doesn’t love to exercise, but due to him being Starsworn I believe he probably had to, to some extent. He definitely complained. It’s canon that he isn’t physically fit, but I still don’t think he’s necessarily like sickly frail by any means. Just- Lord help me he’s not a bodybuilder. He’s a twink, mate. Think soft definition, at most. Also, his skin is very cold (you should probably warm him up). He has little freckles all over, and you’re determined to count and kiss every single one.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Pretty high sex drive. Like I said, he’s got a lot pent up. He definitely gets antsy a lot. Even if he’s not looking for sex, it’s a great way to take his overactive mind off his worries.

He’ll hesitate to initiate anything with you, especially at first, and worry that he’s getting on your nerves or that he wants sex too much. That’s why you gotta pick him up, throw him down on the bed, and have your way with him, until eventually, he’s wrapping his arms around your waist and whispering that he wants to fuck you. He’s a needy baby.

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Very quick. Sex makes him sleepy, especially so considering he’s always fucking tired in the first place, and well, now he’s even more worn out so he’s gonna pass out on your chest or in your arms ASAP. That, and he’s always got so much on his mind that he’s finally managed to forget about. Run your hands over him and kiss his hair as he snores softly while he snuggles into you. He’s really freaking adorable.

#Fictif #Last Legacy #Felix Escellun #ns*w #Fictif Felix #Fictif Last Legacy #Anisa Anka #Sage Lesath #Felix Iskandar Escellun #Felix x MC #Rime Varella #alexa plays last legacy #alexa writes #last legacy #last legacy felix #last legacy fanfiction

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theladyofdeath · 4 years

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The Ranch {3}

An A Court of Thorns and Roses, Nesta x Cassian, Modern AU, fanfiction.

Collaboration: @throne-of-ashes-and-beauty x @tacmc

Summary: Nesta had spent years in Paris, living her dream and drowning in riches as a gourmet chef, capturing the hearts of the city and its people. But, after her father passes away unexpectedly and leaves his cozy, countryside B&B to his oldest daughter, Nesta is moving back home to the tiny town of Velaris, where the ranch, her sisters, and her father’s unfulfilled dream, awaits.

Sidenote: Being posted between two blogs, it is too chaotic to keep up with a tags list, so all chapters will be tagged with “#TheRanchNessian” & “#SharaCollab”.

A/N: We thrive on all the beautiful comments you send us about this story. It’s been one of our favorites to write! Enjoy. xx

The Ranch Masterlist

Warning: mature content

Nesta’s back was pressed up against the wall by the door and Cassian’s hands were cradling her face. His lips were devouring her, and one of her hands was tangled in his loose hair while the other was exploring the expanse of hot, tanned skin that his open shirt left exposed.

As his lips broke from hers, he leaned back slightly. He breathed, “Please tell me that was an offer. Please, fuck, just-.” He let go of her face and grabbed her ass, pulling her against him and letting her feel how hard he’d become. “I’ll back off if it wasn’t and I read the play wrong, but fuck, I want you, Nesta. I’ve wanted you since the moment I walked into the main house and found that perky, little ass in the air cleaning out the fridge, throwing away my beer, and just generally throwing a wrench into my life.” He gripped her ass tighter, making her gasp. “And I think you want me, too.” He dropped his lips to her neck, pressing a kiss to her skin between words. “Please.” Kiss. “Please.” Kiss. “Please.”

Nesta responded with fiddling with the button of his jeans until they became undone. Her cheeks were flushed as she whispered, “Don't be gentle.”

Cassian leaned back, slowly, until his eyes found hers. They were ignited, dazed, completely wild.

His breath was hot against her skin, smelling like sweet bourbon.

The length of him pressed up against her thigh was nearly her undoing, alone. It had been so long since she’d been with a man, and the man in front of her was six-foot-five of unadulterated beauty.

Steady hands found the hem of her tank top and pulled it over her head. Beau had made himself scarce as Cassian dropped the thin piece of fabric to the carpet. Her bra was unhooked, expertly, Cassian’s eyes never leaving hers until it was gone, then they trailed to her breasts. Nesta’s breathing hitched as she watched his eyes trail down her body and she was grateful for the alcohol to control her nerves.

It was the alcohol that put them in this position in the first place, but Nesta couldn’t bring herself to care as his mouth started at her neck, and started trailing lower and lower.

His lips closed around her nipple, followed by his teeth, and he tugged gently. A quiet moan tumbled from her and her fingers tightened in his loose hair. He pressed himself into her harder, and pulled back, his lips a breath away from her own, and breathed, “Nesta, I-.”

A loud buzzing from across the room interrupted him and all at once, Nesta realized what she was about to do, who she was with, what she was - or better yet - what she wasn’t wearing. “You should get that.”

He shook his head. “No, I can call them back.”

It was clear his mouth was about to return to its former spot and she knew if she let Cassian’s lips touch her skin again, they wouldn’t leave anytime soon. So she firmly pushed against his chest, attempting to unwind his legs from where they were wrapped around him like a vice. He gripped her tighter, holding her tighter against him. She had to stop herself from moaning as she felt his generous length pressing against her neglected sex.

She didn’t give herself a chance to hesitate, knowing if he kept rubbing her lower back like that, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from having him.

She placed a hand on his chest and pushed again lightly. “It might be about one of my sisters.”

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath in and out through his nose. But he nodded and her feet once again touched the floor.

He turned and crossed the room, heading for where he’d left his phone on the kitchen counter. Before he even reached for it, he knew it would be the group chat between he, Az and Rhys. Sure enough, the chat had ten unread messages and he glanced through them quickly. It was exactly what he expected.

Azriel and Elain had left shortly after Cass and Nesta, stopping in the parking lot at Rhysand’s truck. Feyre had yelled at Elain for keeping Nesta’s arrival from her and ambushing her until they were both in tears and Rhys and Azriel were left picking up the pieces.

Cassian prayed that Nesta wouldn’t ask what the texts were as he quickly typed out a reply that they had made it home and he’d talk to them tomorrow. She’d be destroyed if she knew Elain had cried because of her. She’d be pissed if she knew Feyre was the cause.

But he didn’t have to worry about that. Because after he put his phone down, he turned, ready to pick right back up where he’d been with the beautiful storm of a woman who had blown into his life.

Only to find that the door was wide open and she was gone.

____________________

Nesta woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and memories from the night before that she wished to forget.

The moment she walked into the bathroom, just after nine, she cringed.

She looked as bad as she felt.

After turning on the shower, she stripped herself down and stepped into the warm water. She was mortified. Not that she wanted Cassian in the first place, because any woman would, but that she let it get that far. It was inappropriate, to say the least.

Aside from the fact that she had known him all of two days, she was technically his boss. She may not have paid him, but, through their agreement, he had to do whatever she asked on the property. Crossing that line, even once, was a gross overstepping of boundaries.

After her shower, she popped two aspirin, not even drying her hair before she threw it in a loose bun atop her head, and knew she couldn’t put off the day any longer. She walked up the path towards the main house, the red paint of her car standing out against the old, muted wood. She paused and looked at it, noticing the beauty in the image. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, unable to stop herself from turning back to look in the direction of the cabin.

Please tell me that was an offer.

Nesta turned on her heel and continued up the stairs and into the house. She took up her normal place in the kitchen, this time on her hands and knees, trying to bring what little life she could back into the old wood floors.

I’ll back off if it wasn’t and I read the play wrong.

Nesta ground her teeth as she dunked the rag back into the soapy water.

It wasn’t that he read the play wrong, he read the play exactly right, down to the way he kissed her and touched her and the way his voice flowed across her skin.

And it had been so long since a man had appreciated her so. She would be lying if she said she hadn’t enjoyed it, said it meant nothing to her.

But lie she would, because anything else would be the downfall of her father’s legacy, and she had disappointed her father enough.

She sat back, tossing the rag into the soapy bucket as her back hit the cabinets. She pulled up her knees, dropped her face into her hands, and groaned.

It was all a mistake.

One big fucking mistake.

Nesta had no idea what she was doing, no idea what she had truly gotten herself into. A month ago, she had been living her dream, and now, she was back in a town she had tried so hard to leave, only upsetted her sisters with her presence, nearly slept with a man under her employment, and was on her hands and knees scrubbing at floorboards.

But this was it.

That was her new reality, because she had sold everything else. This new, shitty life of hers was all she had left.

The knock on the front door snapped her out of her pity party and she stood, wiping her hands down her baggy t-shirt. She glanced down and saw tiny dots where the blue fabric was darker than the rest. Nesta wiped her face, not even realizing she’d let herself cry, and headed for the door.

She pulled it open and found three uniformed delivery men on the other side. “Nesta Archeron?”

————————

Cassian noted Nesta’s little car, sitting by the house across the way from his cabin before he trekked up to the main house. It had been a long day. Hot as hell, and a long to do list. By the time the sun was beginning to sink lower in the sky, he was exhausted.

But his frustration kept him going.

He couldn’t let himself sit, couldn’t let himself relax, because when he did, all he saw was Nesta, pushed up against the wall, her legs wrapped around his body, topless.

And how she left without an excuse or a goodbye.

Which simultaneously pissed him off and made him feel like an idiot.

He needed to go for a ride. Nothing helped clear his mind more than riding through the pastures after a long, hard day.

Stopping in front of the shed behind the house, he reached into his pockets for his keys and remembered that they were still on the table by the recliner. The recliner that he would always see her sitting in, her legs tucked under her, chin propped in her hand, somehow looking cute as hell and sexier than sin at the same time.

He swore and headed for the back door of the main house, praying that she hadn’t gotten around to “cleaning” the laundry room like she did the fridge. Warm or not, beer was beer. He’d drink it.

As he got closer, he noticed a light on in the kitchen, but with the blinds pulled shut, couldn’t tell if anyone was in there. Her car sat in front of her house though, so he figured he’d be all alone.

When he lightly jogged up the stairs and threw the door open, he was hit the most amazing smell of his entire life. He also found out that he was very, very wrong.

The kitchen looked completely different than it had just that morning. Stainless steel appliances had replaced the ones that had been there for as long as Cassian could remember, including the little fridge that had now been replaced with a fridge bigger than anyone should need. And standing in front of the stovetop, stirring something in a massive skillet, was Nesta.

Whose shoulders tensed the moment Cassian shut the door behind him.

“What the hell happened in here?” he muttered.

Nesta didn’t turn to face him as she said, “It’s been updated.”

Yes, it had. Not only were there new appliances, but a new, bigger, longer table sat where the old one used to. It was a high top, made of dark wood. One of the stools alone most likely cost as much as the last table.

Considering Isaac had built the last one himself.

Cassian wanted to grab her by the shoulders and pull an explanation out of her, but he didn’t. Instead, he said, “Looks nice.” I guess, he added, inside of his mind. He thought the kitchen looked nice before, though, too.

“What’re you making?” he asked, when she said nothing.

Her shoulders rose and fell as she took a long, deep breath. “Food.”

Fine. Cassian could take a hint. He stalked down the hall and went into the laundry room. Apparently she hadn’t made it there yet, thankfully, so Cassian took the key to the shed off the hook and grabbed a beer out of an already-opened box and popped it open before walking back into the kitchen.

He didn’t want to tiptoe around this, didn’t want to drag this out any longer than he had to, so he leaned a hip against the cabinet next to the stove and looked at her.

She either had very little or no makeup on. He had no idea she had the lightest of freckles scattered across her nose. Her hair was loosely piled on top of her head. She wore a ratty t-shirt, something scrawled across the back in French, and ripped jeans. He had never seen her look so raw. Never seen her look so beautiful.

When she finally looked over at him, those stormy eyes, eyes he’d nearly drowned in the night before, were like stone. “What.”

The bite in her voice hurt in a way he wasn’t expecting. “Where’d you go last night?”

She turned back to the skillet, flipping the large steak sizzling in it to its other side. “I realized it was extremely inappropriate for me to be there, so I remedied the situation.”

Cassian blinked. “Remedied the situa-? Nes, I turned around for thirty seconds and you disappeared.”

“Don’t call me that,” she snapped. “We hardly know each other.”

Cassian opened his mouth to say something but words escaped him. The night before, even before they had made it back to his cabin, Cassian felt like they had made a connection. Now, he had no idea what was going on, had no idea what was going on the second he turned around to find her gone.

“Okay,” he began, slowly. “Did I offend you in some way?”

She dropped her spatula, only to rub her temples. Her eyes fell shut. “Look. I’m your boss, okay? Last night was inappropriate.”

Cassian blinked. Out of all the things he expected her to say, that wasn’t one of them.

“Inappropriate,” he repeated. Nesta turned and crossed the kitchen, picking up a knife and chopping herbs - on a kitchen island that definitely hadn’t existed that morning. She didn’t say anything, just ran her knife through the greenery with expert technique. “You’re saying you don’t want to be with me because it’s inappropriate?”

She grabbed a garlic clove from her cutting board and smashed it with the flat of her knife. “Yes.”

He took a drink from his beer and sat it down. “Because you’re my ‘boss’.”

Nesta pretended he hadn’t used the air quotes when he said boss and used her knife to move the garlic and herbs to her awaiting skillet. She didn’t look at him as she turned and sprinkled it over the steak. “Yes.”

“And it’s not because you don’t want me to fuck you?”

As she turned to him, it occurred to Cassian that he maybe should have waited until she wasn’t holding a knife to ask her that.

To his pleasure, she slowly set it down atop her cutting board. She remained silent.

It wasn’t until Cassian took a step toward her that she spat, “I was drunk. People do stupid shit when they’re drunk.”

“That doesn’t answer my question,” he said, stopping on the other side of the island.

He leaned against it, on his elbows, and she scowled. “Get your filthy elbows off my countertop,” she said, in a venomous quiet.

Cassian cocked his head to the side. “Not until you answer my question.”

Nesta didn’t say a word.

“Because last night,” Cassian went on, “you were begging me.”

Nesta lifted her chin. “I was drunk.”

“Drunk people often are the most honest,” Cassian shot back, grinning.

Her expression didn’t change. “Did you need something?”

He held up the keys. “Needed the spare keys to the shed. Wanted to go for a ride since I didn’t get one last night.”

“You’re a pig.” She turned back to her skillet and though she was clearly dismissing him, but he didn’t move.

“You said it had been two years, Nesta. I’m not asking you to marry me, I’m just suggesting we have a little fun.” Her eyes slipped closed and she sighed. He pressed onward. “I’m not even saying anything long term, just a little release and-.”

“That’s not how it works for me,” she said, cutting him off. “You may be able to fuck whoever you please, but I can’t do that.”

“You’re a grown ass woman,” Cassian said. “You can do whatever you want.”

“Are you done?” She asked, exasperated. “This conversation is over, so unless you need something else, fuck off.”

Cassian simply lifted a brow. “You’re my boss. It’s inappropriate for you to use such language with me.”

Nesta was fuming. “Get out, or our deal is off and I will fire you.”

“You wouldn’t,” he pushed, eyes not leaving hers for even a second. “This whole place would go to shit without me.”

“Try me,” she spat.

At last, Cassian's smile slowly faded and his eyes turned hard. He wanted to say a million things, but all of them faded away. Cassian had a feeling she didn’t say things just to say things. She was dead fucking serious.

Cassian pushed himself off the island and Nesta’s eyes followed him as he took a step back, jaw locked, and gripped the keys in his hand as he trailed back toward the door. He stopped, though, before reaching for the handle.

After slowly turning to meet her gaze, Cassian said, “And to think I thought your own sister was wrong about you.”

He pretended not to see the flicker of pain in her eyes as he opened the back door and let himself out.

#shara collab #the ranch nessian #TheRanchNessian #SharaCollab #nessian #acotar #au #fanfic #fanfiction #sjm #acofas #acomaf #acowar #acosf

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rechoired · 4 years

Text

A problem with the Tales Of Arcadia community

First and foremost, I’d like to ask anyone taking the time to read this to please read the post all the way through before commenting on the matter. There is a lot of dirty laundry to unpack here, and some points will be building off previous ones.

I’ll get right to the point. Most everybody in the Tales of Arcadia fandom will have heard of the blog imthegingerninja / ginger-le-gay. She is one of the most well-known ToA-centric blogs, after all. (If you’re wanting to avoid her on Twitter as well, her account is Margaret Bell, or @The_Book_Bell.)

This is your PSA, TOA fandom: Ginger is a toxic, manipulative person.

This is not a claim I like to make lightly, but it’s long overdue that this issue is properly brought up within the fandom.

I’ve seen so many people wonder why the Tales of Arcadia fandom is so small. Well, I and many others very strongly believe that Ginger is one of the main reasons for that, if not the main one. To make matters easier, I’ve tried to break this down into some main points. So let’s take a look at how Ginger falls under this category.

Disclaimer: Please DO NOT look at this post as an excuse to harass Ginger or any other blog mentioned here. This sort of behavior is NOT acceptable. The point of this post is to educate those who may not know the extent of her harrowing behavior, nothing more.

1. Dishonesty and Death Threats

[EDIT: Shortly after this post went up, she started blatantly lying about me to try to cover for herself. You can see those lies being easily disproven here]

Ginger has been kicked from at least three Tales of Arcadia servers, all for similar reasons of violence. While I cannot provide screenshots as I am no longer part of the servers they were in, there are multiple witnesses that can verify the disgusting behavior she engaged in. The one I saw specifically was her saying that certain members of the fandom should be gathered up and hunted for sport, among other gross things. (Elaboration of why can be found in point 3, though it still doesn’t excuse this kind of talk)

Here is some points made by another blog that also sums up similar issues with Ginger, though:

While there were multiple instances of her inciting violence towards others, this is unfortunately one topic I cannot provide specific screenshots for at this time. But I will add them in as I can find them. That being said, I want to move to the dishonesty, something I do have a screenshot for.

While you could argue that people sometimes notice the similar things, this is far too close together to be considered an “original find”. The reblog button is there for a reason, but she instead decides to steal the OP’s premise and present it as her own original thought.

There have been a couple other blogs that have confirmed that their theories and analysis posts were often stolen and presented as Ginger’s own as well, to the point where they stopped bothering even making such posts, as the above blog points out. (Out of respect for their privacy, I will not be naming these blogs. Say what you will about that possibly weakening my point, but if she’s willing to so blatantly steal from that person shown above, it shouldn’t surprise you that she’s so willing to do it to others.)

Theory-making and analysis posts aren’t as solidly “original content” as a piece of art or fanfiction, sure, but it’s still common fandom courtesy to give credit where it’s due. Ginger has intentionally avoided extending that courtesy far too many times.

2. Hypocrisy

Most of this is going to be about past Merlin vs. Morgana drama, though there are also words to be said for the incredibly shaky relationships she forms with “friends”.

But first let’s talk about those wizards.

This is a topic I’ve tried to approach with Ginger before, but she borderline refused to acknowledge any of the points I was trying to make, and when she did, I don’t know if I just wasn’t being clear or what, but it honestly looked as though she was purposefully trying to misunderstand what I was saying in her bizarre responses. (To be fair, I was sending messages out of anger because she vagueposted about a blog I admired, calling them a “disgusting creep” because of them simply saying they’d hoped Jim and Merlin would be able to actually bond at some point... Not really a justifiable reaction to such a harmless thought, in my opinion. But my point is, I recognize that the circumstances may have clouded my ability to vocalize my thoughts clearly.)

That aside, we should first acknowledge this post Ginger made to save face after having gotten some backlash about hate-train related things (Side note: I couldn’t find the original post, so this is a screenshot I got from someone else. I did not add the writing. The text underneath it should still be slightly readable, I hope.):

Taken at face value, this is a very reasonable post. I think everybody would and should be able to agree on it. Hate-meme him for fun, sure, but don’t actually harass or insult others over a fictional character. Simple, right?

Apparently not, because Ginger’s done loads of that to others. Probably why the “LOL” was added in, I bet.

This post confused me. First of all, exploring dark topics (”angst”, as you put it) has never been a rare occurrence, every fandom has that content, most in heavy abundance. I’ve noticed no staggering difference in volume of this fandom compared to others I’ve been in. People enjoy angst not because they think the character “deserves to be in pain”, they enjoy a fictional blow to their own emotions. There’s lots of different reasons people like angst, but it’s barely ever been out of a genuine hate for whatever character’s the focus, from all the things I’ve seen. Your own friends have indulged in Jim angst and body horror posts before, does that mean you think they’re awful people? I feel like I shouldn’t have to explain something like this.

Also, way to basically admit you think all Merlin stans get off on child torture. So much for “If you like Merlin as a character, you’re valid”, am I right? God, what a mess of a post. (It’s been very recently deleted, which makes me wonder if she got more backlash on it, but just... wow.)

Let’s look at another one.

Again. Vagueposting about someone specific, I’d wager, since most of the people I’ve seen comment on this topic either think both characters are morally gray, or hate both.

But of course, when it comes to Morgana, suddenly excusing bad behavior can be justified. Ginger can call someone a disgusting creep because they want a familial bond between Jim and Merlin, that’s just wrong, but pushing the Mom-gana narrative with the genocidal abuser and Toby is completely fine, folks.

(Note: I would like to point out that I really don’t care about what theories and hopes people have for Morgana. You should be allowed to love that character in any way you want, same as I would say for Merlin. My issue with these examples is the completely brazen hypocrisy in which these two characters are treated. You’re obviously allowed to love Morgana without consequence, but the same should be said for any character of the show, and yet it’s not.)

The most obvious instance of this double-standard is well observable here, I believe:

... I think this mostly speaks for itself. Sorry, but this is very blatantly trying to excuse Morgana’s actions, here.

Oh hey, remember that post about Ginger saying that liking Merlin must mean you want to see Jim in horrible pain?

Say anything similar about her with Morgana, and suddenly she takes issue with this line of reasoning!

I’m sorry, but if you can’t take this sort of thing, then you shouldn’t be dishing it out. One of your own friends is still getting hate over the simple fact of liking Merlin, and all this mentality is exactly why.

Let’s look at one more.

Fun fact! Morgana horrifically abused somebody for centuries, tried to kill multiple kids, took horrible advantage of Claire (probably traumatized her), and canonically wanted to genocide humanity, not to mention all the OTHER murders she's committed, both directly and indirectly.

But somehow pointing any of this out “doesn’t count”. This is why the fandom keeps saying more and more things like this:

And this:

I could be going through her constant hating on Merlin and people who like Merlin for days straight, but I hope you all get the idea by now.

Again, I would like to just reiterate: You can like whatever character you want for whatever reason you want. The problem with this case is the hypocrisy and mistreatment of others, not your taste in characters.

Now interestingly enough, she’s lately been singing a different tune about the guy, switching from the “I hate Merlin I hope he dies!!!” mentality to “Oh he should get a redemption arc too :)” sort of thing.

I’m highly convinced that the only reasons for this “change of heart” is because of the constant backlash she was getting for the obnoxious amount of hate posts being thrown around all the time, but also because Aaron Waltke keeps tabs on the fandom more lately, and has spoken himself about Merlin not being a villain.

I could go on about this point forever, but I think I’ll just leave the Merlin topic with this post going through the hypocrisy of the Merlin Hate Train. In fact, here’s two just for fun.

Now onto more real-world focused areas of hypocrisy. One such instance can be found in Ginger’s Janus Disorder server.

Just take a look at this post.

While the offender in this case isn’t Ginger specifically, it still takes place in her server, and she made no moves to enforce her “No discourse” rule. All over... what? A random kudos on a fanfiction that’s not even about anything controversial since all characters involved are adults? I immensely don’t understand the point of why this ever had to be an issue, or why nobody spoke up about how ridiculous this is.

I’d also like to point out a certain user called firecat17. For some quick context, waaay back in the Kung Fu Panda fandom (around 2018), this user had been harassing people and saying incredibly vile things, a person of which Ginger had a bit of a feud, but firecat’s anon threats had gotten to the point where Ginger ended up having to block their IP.

Obviously, the user firecat was the one in the wrong, here. (Also, the irony in this comment is through the roof...)

Interesting point there, Ginger. Sure would be nice if you practiced what you preached.

Why am I bringing this random old drama up, you may ask? Well, it just strikes me as strange that someone who was so vile to Ginger is suddenly on her okay-list again, sending her asks and getting casual responses as if nothing ever happened.

To be fair, there is the possibility that they worked out their differences in private. But given the severity of the kinds of words being exchanged, I would still find that rather suspicious.

When someone who’s said things so vile can be so easily forgiven, yet something as harmless as leaving a kudos on some random fanfiction is considered grounds for harassment, it’s obvious there’s no stability or room for trust among this group of people. Unsurprising when there’s been several instances of this “friend group” turning on each other.

If you think you’re somehow different, that your “friendship” with Ginger or the others is more valued than that, then I’m sorry to burst your bubble but it’s likely not true. She’d throw you under the bus at the hint of you doing something she deems problematic, as it’s happened to multiple blogs before you.

3. Demonization of and insensitivity towards s*xual abuse victims

(This topic is one that’s hard for me to talk about, being a victim of CSA myself, so I’ve gathered some different sources to do most of the main talking for me. I tried to form more commentary on this myself, but I get too emotionally charged in my responses, and I don’t want that to cloud any reader’s perception of what I’m trying to communicate here, so I’ll try to keep most of my comments brief on this one.)

One thing recently brought to my attention about Ginger and her squad that especially bothers me is their rashness in labeling people p*dophiles and p*do apologists. If these claims were true, then I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

But these people are accusing others of these horrible things and threatening them on the sole basis of fictional content.

Now before you fly off the handle at me, let me be very clear: I absolutely understand that there are gross people out there who use the “It’s all just fiction” argument to hide their actual, pr*datory behaviors. (We’ve all probably seen at least one or two neckbeard memes of that caliber)

But like it or not, exploring traumatic themes through a fictional lens is something that has been studied and proven to be a genuine coping mechanism for some. It’s not something that works for me, but I knew a few people from past therapy groups that it worked surprisingly well for. Bringing a trauma into a controlled environment and processing it through fictional means can and does help some victims deal with what they went through.

It’s important to understand that not everyone processes their experience in the same neat, little boxes you have laid out as the only “acceptable” ways of coping. Trauma fiction and expressive arts therapy are commonly used by victims, and it does help some people, whether you like it or not.

I’m already dragging this on too much, so here are some sources for better-worded information on the topic (Warning: Most of these deal with highly sensitive themes such as gun violence and s*xual abuse.)

Source 1 - Source 2 - Source 3 - Source 4 - Source 5 (pages 61 onward, specifically) - Source 6 - Source 7 - Source 8 - Source 9 - Source 10 (and believe me, if those all don’t satisfy you, I can easily supply more.)

And this quote from source 9 I think sums it up best:

“Fiction works differently. My imagination gives me a framework to process the grief and terror and the consequences, even when I myself have not found any resolution. It allows me to enter my own traumatic experiences sideways and linger inside them, if I know I can give them to characters who might be lucky enough to find the antidote: love, connection, community, family. In other words, I can enter — and exit — the trauma loop through stories that are not exactly the same as mine.

This goes for the reader also. Recent studies periodically assure us that stories — literary fiction, hardcover books, even the simple act of reading — promote empathy. We rarely have identical experiences, so fiction is how we practice linking our similar or parallel realities so we can feel them. This seems particularly useful in our current society, where we are all so separated, and are working so hard to block the violence that keeps happening to us from our minds.

Fiction connects us, and it can also contribute to our healing. When we see ourselves in worlds we don’t live in, like The Handmaid’s Tale or The Color Purple, sometimes, that very different violence helps us finally process our own. Because as much as our memoirs and testimonies are brave and validating, fiction does not just mirror our truths so they are safe to experience; it also helps us endure the aftermath. Because long after the immediate experience is over, survival struggles onward, in every moment of our daily lives.”

While most professionals have in the past advised that victims keep their trauma-related works more private, to only show it to your trusted friends or family, the fast-growing use of the internet has led more people to sharing it in an online platform, which is not unexpected behavior.

I unfortunately don’t have the screenshot of the original post, but there was a post made some time back literally telling a fandom member to go and hang themselves over this garbage. A survivor of s*xual abuse, no less. And to top that off, one of Ginger’s squad @emmy-puff commented in support of that violent post, as well as blatantly misgendering the target of it. While, again, I was unable to get screenshots, there are multiple witnesses to this instance, one Anonymous even having called them out on it back when it happened. (I suspect that Emmy deleted that answer due to how bad it made them look.) If anybody reading this has screenshots of the initial post or the ask that came of it, please feel free to share.

I don’t care who you are or who you’re talking about, if you use misgendering someone as a way to hurt them, then you are an insult to the trans community. That is an awful thing to do, and you lose so much credibility if that’s the only thing you can fall back on when getting in a fight with someone. While this post isn’t about Emmy specifically, this is exactly the kind of hateful rhetoric that’s being encouraged in the environment Ginger’s made.

Another thing I would like to point out on this matter is an instance that happened in the ToA fandom a couple years back. I, again, don’t have screenshots available (I believe the original post ended up deleted) but the post in question caused enough of a fuss that I’m sure a few people must remember it...

A while back, there was an artist that posted uncensored, untagged r*pe art of Aaarrrgghh, Gunmar, and Jim in the main Trollhunters tag. As you can imagine, this infuriated many people. Many of which are among the list of those who’ve been labeled “p*do apologists”. Almost the very minute that post showed up in the tag with no trigger warnings of any kind, the fandom immediately got on OP’s tail about it, because they all shared that basic understanding of “This is a traumatizing subject for many people and they should have the ability to avoid it”. If the people you’ve labelled as pr*dator supporters were really as awful as you say they are, they would’ve jumped to that person’s defense, too. But they were completely against OP’s horrible lack of consideration of survivors, right alongside the rest of the fandom.

Am I saying you have to like trauma fiction? Absolutely not. Are there people that make trauma fiction that are actual pr*dators? I’m sure there are. But those people would be that way whether trauma fiction was out there or not. Gross people have existed and will always exist regardless of what media is out there.

I deeply understand the controversy, uncertainty, and stress that surrounds this topic, I promise you, I do. But the fact of the matter is, some people actually do use trauma fiction and expressive arts therapy as a way of coping, as has been observed in people even from ages as young as 5. To say otherwise is blatantly untrue. This isn’t a matter of opinion or morals, this is plain, studied facts that you cannot change about human psychology.

Nobody should ever have to go through something as horrible as s*xual abuse of any kind, and I know how deeply upsetting it can be to see certain images or stories with those themes in play. Those users with a sense of decency and understanding for fellow victims will tag their posts with the appropriate warnings. After that, it’s up to you to filter out what you don’t want to see. You curate your own internet experience, and it’s just plain irrational to try and harass everyone into conforming to your rules. While it’s an 18+ blog’s job to make sure to tag and label their content appropriately, it is your job to block the things you don’t want to see, whether you’re an adult or a minor. It is YOUR job to blacklist content that you know will upset you, because it is always going to exist on the internet, and any internet user needs to know and understand that. Multiple times I’d seen people going off about posts that were already appropriately trigger-tagged. If you don’t have those upsetting tags blacklisted by now, then the fault is mostly on you in that kind of case, not the OP.

Before I end this topic off, just one more example of blatant disrespect towards victims:

I’m sorry, but the absolute nerve of comparing some random fictional character you’re petty over to an actual pr*dator who’s terribly hurt real children is just awful. Imagine how insulted one of Onion’s victims would be if they saw that. Lord.

Ginger claims to care about victims, but she’s made it abundantly clear that she only cares about those that behave the way she think a victim should.

4. Ableism

I’m going to just show a couple posts here and let them mostly speak for themselves.

Just... my God. You looked at the definition of psychopath and decided that was enough to give you qualification to speak like this about it? Do you realize the extensive work and study of human psychology goes into the diagnosis and understandings of psychopathy? Not to mention, you just admit to thinking people deserve hate because of a mental disorder they legitimately have no control over? I’m sorry, but that is just cruel. Demonization of the mentally ill is not cute or funny. Next.

While I’m still annoyed with Emmy’s transphobic treatment of another user mentioned earlier, they make a very solid point in this instance. (The first post they referenced has since been deleted, but here’s the second one speaking out against the ableism.) I feel I don’t need to add much to this, as these points have already been argued very well by users better qualified to speak on the subject than I.

5. Manipulation tactics

This part is more observations of two kinds of abuse tactics Ginger appears to demonstrate, using the above as points of reference.

First, there’s DARVO.

Then, less formally, there’s this good point about online cult mentality.

Before you say anything, obviously I don’t think Ginger thinks of herself as some sort of deity. While it could be argued that she considers herself a point of authority within the TOA fandom maybe, I haven’t seen enough of this to say for sure how far that goes. So that point can be ignored, because it mostly doesn’t apply in this case. (The “Dictating parts of your online life” might also not apply, but I can’t say for sure as I haven’t gotten any confirmation of that sort of thing in Ginger’s group.)

But there are grains of truth in the other four points, especially that last one. Plain and simple, she’s made people afraid to speak their minds about even harmless things such as character analysis.

Ginger is someone who can’t seem to comprehend different viewpoints and life experiences. She’s extremely unsympathetic towards people she doesn’t understand, as can be observed in above examples. Assuming malicious intent from everybody you can’t understand is a dangerous and hurtful mindset to have, for both you and those who you unnecessarily scorn.

There are a few outcomes I’ve speculated should she ever come to see this post.

1. She will ignore this post completely, pretending as if it doesn’t exist

2. She will dismiss me as being some sort of horrible person, a p*do apologist or something of the sort (despite being a victim of that myself, clearly she doesn’t care about who’s actually been hurt by real p*dos or not if they don’t conform to her narrow worldview), and claim nothing I’ve said bears any meaning, despite the extensive evidence I’ve provided.

3. She will get people to try and attack me.

4. She will actually address these points in a tactful, mature, and serious manner instead of her usual act of trying to dismiss everything at the slightest hint of non-conformity. (The least likely outcome, but one can dream.)

I could add to this post all day, but it’s long enough as it is and my focus was on getting the main points out of the way. I understand that I lack some of the receipts necessary to back myself up in a few parts, but I know that many other fans have bared witness to those things, so I know there will be at least some people who’ll know what I speak of is true, and that’s good enough for me.

That being said, if anybody has screenshots of the instances I wasn’t able to provide for, it would be greatly appreciated if you could add them into the conversation.

!!!-If you have screenshots, but are too uncomfortable to get involved in this, then you can private-message them to me and I would be grateful and more than happy to add them in while keeping you completely anonymous.-!!!

(I've removed the section with all the tags, as I recognize it was probably going overboard. My goal was just to spread information, not to try and involve those tagged, but I understand how that may have gotten lost in translation and made people uncomfortable. Also, it apparently was showing up multiple times in people’s notifications when I only tagged people twice, so I’m not sure why that glitch happened, but I apologize for that annoyance as well.)

Now, to end us off, my responses to questions or angry comments I’m probably going to get:

You don’t even have all the evidence! How are we to know you’re not just lying about some of this?

Admittedly, I don’t have as much screenshot proof as I would like, that’s true. But for most of the instances I couldn’t provide for, there were other witnesses to her bad behavior. I don’t really have the need to lie when there’s already a lot of knowledge out there of the bad stuff she has done. Nor do I really have the emotional investment in this fandom anymore to lie for the pointless reason of causing drama.

Why post this on a throwaway account if you think people are on your side?

I just don’t really want my main blog associated with TOA anymore, to be frank.

You tagged a bunch of people, so you must be trying to get them to attack Ginger!

No. I tagged a bunch of people because I think this information should be heard on a wider scale, considering the position Ginger has in the fandom. I don’t want her or anybody else to be attacked, but her negative impact on this fandom deserves to be acknowledged.

Again, I don’t think Ginger or any of the others deserve harassment or cyberbullying or anything of that manner, that’s kind of what this whole post is against. And it just hurts the situation more than it helps it. What bothers me is how she’s never apologized for or even once acknowledged the gross way she’s treated people. While she might be more low-key about it now, she still treats people who don’t deserve it like garbage. There are still several people upset about the damage she’s caused to this fandom, rightfully so. I wouldn’t be so loud about making this post if I didn’t think it was something worth drawing attention to.

Thank you for reading.

#TrollHunters #3Below #TOAwizards #Tales of Arcadia #TOA

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holyhellpod · 3 years

Photo

Holy Hell: 3. Metanarrativity: Who’s the Deleuze and who’s the Guattari in your relationship? aka the analysis no one asked for.

In this ep, we delve into authorship, narrative, fandom and narrative meaning. And somehow, as always, bring it back to Cas and Misha Collins.

(Note: the reason I didn’t talk about Billie’s authorship and library is because I completely forgot it existed until I watched season 13 “Advanced Thanatology” again, while waiting for this episode to upload. I’ll find a way to work her into later episodes tho!)

I had to upload it as a new podcast to Spotify so if you could just re-subscribe that would be great! Or listen to it at these other links.

Please listen to the bit at the beginning about monetisation and if you have any questions don’t hesitate to message me here.

Apple | Spotify | Google

Transcript under the cut!

Warnings: discussions of incest, date rape, rpf, war, 9/11, the bush administration, abuse, mental health, addiction, homelessness. Most of these are just one off comments, they’re not full discussions.

Meta-Textuality: Who’s the Deleuze and who’s the Guattari in your relationship?

In the third episode of Season 6, “The Third Man,” Balthazar says to Cas, “you tore up the whole script and burned the pages.” That is the fundamental idea the writers of the first five seasons were trying to sell us: whatever grand plan the biblical God had cooking up is worth nothing in face of the love these men have—for each other and the world. Sam, Bobby, Cas and Dean will go to any lengths to protect one another and keep people safe. What’s real? What’s worth saving? People are real. Families are worth saving.

This show plugs free will as the most important thing a person, angel, demon or otherwise can have. The fact of the matter is that Dean was always going to fight against the status quo, Sam was always going to go his own way, and Bobby was always going to do his best for his boys. The only uncertainty in the entire narrative is Cas. He was never meant to rebel. He was never meant to fall from Heaven. He was supposed to fall in line, be a good soldier, and help bring on the apocalypse, but Cas was the first agent of free will in the show’s timeline. Sam followed Lucifer, Dean followed Michael, and John gave himself up for the sins of his children, at once both a God and Jesus figure. But Cas wasn’t modelled off anyone else. He is original. There are definitely some parallels to Ruby, but I would argue those are largely unintentional. Cas broke the mold.

That’s to say nothing of the impact he’s had on the fanbase, and the show itself, which would not have reached 15 seasons and be able to end the way they wanted it to without Cas and Misha Collins. His back must be breaking from carrying the entire show.

But what the holy hell are we doing here today? Not just talking about Cas. We’re talking about metanarrativity: as I define it, and for purposes of this episode, the story within a story, and the act of storytelling. We’re going to go through a select few episodes which I think exemplify the best of what this show has to offer in terms of framing the narrative. We’ll talk about characters like Chuck and Becky and the baby dykes in season 10. And most importantly we’ll talk about the audience’s role, our role, in the reciprocal relationship of storytelling. After all, a tv show is nothing without the viewer.

I was in fact introduced to the concept of metanarrativity by Supernatural, so the fact that I’m revisiting it six years after I finished my degree to talk about the show is one of life’s little jokes.

I’m brushing off my degree and bringing out the big guns (aka literary theorists) to examine this concept. This will be yet another piece of analysis that would’ve gone well in my English Lit degree, but I’ll try not to make it dry as dog shit.

First off, I’m going to argue that the relationship between the creators of Supernatural and the fans has always been a dialogue, albeit with a power imbalance. Throughout the series, even before explicitly metanarrative episodes like season 10 “Fan Fiction” and season 4 “the monster at the end of this book,” the creators have always engaged in conversations with the fans through the show. This includes but is not limited to fan conventions, where the creators have actual, live conversations with the fans. Misha Collins admitted at a con that he’d read fanfiction of Cas while he was filming season 4, but it’s pretty clear even from the first season that the creators, at the very least Eric Kripke, were engaging with fans. The show aired around the same time as Twitter and Tumblr were created, both of which opened up new passageways for fans to interact with each other, and for Twitter and Facebook especially, new passageways for fans to interact with creators and celebrities.

But being the creators, they have ultimate control over what is written, filmed and aired, while we can only speculate and make our own transformative interpretations. But at least since s4, they have engaged in meta narrative construction that at once speaks to fans as well as expands the universe in fun and creative ways. My favourite episodes are the ones where we see the Winchesters through the lens of other characters, such as the season 3 episode “Jus In Bello,” in which Sam and Dean are arrested by Victor Henriksen, and the season 7 episode “Slash Fiction” in which Dean and Sam’s dopplegangers rob banks and kill a bunch of people, loathe as I am to admit that season 7 had an effect on any part of me except my upchuck reflex. My second favourite episodes are the meta episodes, and for this episode of Holy Hell, we’ll be discussing a few: The French Mistake, he Monster at the end of this book, the real ghostbusters, Fan Fiction, Metafiction, and Don’t Call Me Shurley. I’ll also discuss Becky more broadly, because, like, of course I’ll be discussing Becky, she died for our sins.

Let’s take it back. The Monster At The End Of This Book — written by Julie Siege and Nancy Weiner and directed by Mike Rohl. Inarguably one of the better episodes in the first five seasons. Not only is Cas in it, looking so beautiful, but Sam gets something to do, thank god, and it introduces the character of Chuck, who becomes a source of comic relief over the next two seasons. The episode starts with Chuck Shurley, pen named Carver Edlund after my besties, having a vision while passed out drunk. He dreams of Sam and Dean larping as Feds and finding a series of books based on their lives that Chuck has written. They eventually track Chuck down, interrogate him, and realise that he’s a prophet of the lord, tasked with writing the Winchester Gospels. The B plot is Sam plotting to kill Lilith while Dean fails to get them out of the town to escape her. The C plot is Dean and Cas having a moment that strengthens their friendship and leads further into Cas’s eventual disobedience for Dean. Like the movie Disobedience. Exactly like the movie Disobedience. Cas definitely spits in Dean’s mouth, it’s kinda gross to be honest. Maybe I’m just not allo enough to appreciate art.

When Eric Kripke was showrunner of the first five seasons of Supernatural, he conceptualised the character of Chuck. Kripke as the author-god introduced the character of the author-prophet who would later become in Jeremy Carver’s showrun seasons the biblical God. Judith May Fathallah writes in “I’m A God: The Author and the Writing Fan in Supernatural” that Kripke writes himself both into and out of the text, ending his era with Chuck winking at the camera, saying, “nothing really ends,” and disappearing. Kripke stayed on as producer, continuing to write episodes through Sera Gamble’s era, and was even inserted in text in the season 6 episode “The French Mistake”. So nothing really does end, not Kripke’s grip on the show he created, not even the show itself, which fans have jokingly referred to as continuing into its 16th season. Except we’re not joking. It will die when all of us are dead, when there is no one left to remember it. According to W R Fisher, humans are homo narrans, natural storytellers. The Supernatural fandom is telling a fidelitous narrative, one which matches our own beliefs, values and experiences instead of that of canon. Instead of, at Fathallah says, “the Greek tradition, that we should struggle to do the right thing simply because it is right, though we will suffer and be punished anyway,” the fans have created an ending for the characters that satisfies each and every one of our desires, because we each create our own endings. It’s better because we get to share them with each other, in the tradition of campfire stories, each telling our own version and building upon the others. If that’s not the epitome of mythmaking then I don’t know. It’s just great. Dean and Cas are married, Eileen and Sam are married, Jack is sometimes a baby who Claire and Kaia are forced to babysit, Jody and Donna are gonna get hitched soon. It’s season 17, time for many weddings, and Kevin Tran is alive. Kripke, you have no control over this anymore, you crusty hag.

Chuck is introduced as someone with power, but not influence over the story, only how the story is told through the medium of the novels. It’s basically a very badly written, non authorised biography, and Charlie reading literally every book and referencing things she should have no knowledge of is so damn creepy and funny. At first Chuck is surprised by his characters coming to life, despite having written it already, and when shown the intimidating array of weapons in Baby’s trunk he gets real scared. Which is the appropriate response for a skinny 5-foot-8 white guy in a bathrobe who writes terrible fantasy novels for a living.

As far as I can remember, this is the first explicitly metanarrative episode in the series, or at least the first one with in world consequences. It builds upon the lore of Christianity, angels, and God, while teasing what’s to come. Chuck and Sam have a conversation about how the rest of the season is going to play out, and Sam comes away with the impression that he’ll go down with the ship. They touch on Sam’s addiction to demon blood, which Chuck admits he didn’t write into the books, because in the world of supernatural, addiction should be demonised ha ha at every opportunity, except for Dean’s alcoholism which is cool and manly and should never be analysed as an unhealthy trauma coping mechanism.

Chuck is mostly impotent in the story of Sam and Dean, but his very presence presents an element of good luck that turns quickly into a force of antagonism in the series four finale, “Lucifer Rising”, when the archangel Raphael who defeats Lilith in this episode also kills Cas in the finale. It’s Cas’s quick thinking and Dean’s quick doing that resolve the episode and save them from Lilith, once again proving that free will is the greatest force in the universe. Cas is already tearing up pages and burning scripts. The fandom does the same, acting as gods of their own making in taking canon and transforming it into fan art. The fans aren’t impotent like Chuck, but neither do we have sway over the story in the way that Cas and Dean do. Sam isn’t interested in changing the story in the same way—he wants to kill Lilith and save the world, but in doing so continues the story in the way it was always supposed to go, the way the angels and the demons and even God wanted him to.

Neither of them are author-gods in the way that God is. We find out later that Chuck is in fact the real biblical god, and he engineers everything. The one thing he doesn’t engineer, however, is Castiel, and I’ll get to that in a minute.

The Real Ghostbusters

Season 5’s “The real ghostbusters,” written by Nancy Weiner and Erik Kripke, and directed by James L Conway, situates the Winchesters at a fan convention for the Supernatural books. While there, they are confronted by a slew of fans cosplaying as Sam, Dean, Bobby, the scarecrow, Azazel, and more. They happen to stumble upon a case, in the midst of the game where the fans pretend to be on a case, and with the help of two fans cosplaying as Sam and Dean, they put to rest a group of homicidal ghost children and save the day. Chuck as the special guest of the con has a hero moment that spurs Becky on to return his affections. And at the end, we learn that the Colt, which they’ve been hunting down to kill the devil, was given to a demon named Crowley. It’s a fun episode, but ultimately skippable. This episode isn’t so much metanarrative as it is metatextual—metatextual meaning more than one layer of text but not necessarily about the storytelling in those texts—but let’s take a look at it anyway.

The metanarrative element of a show about a series of books about the brothers the show is based on is dope and expands upon what we saw in “the monster at the end of this book”. But the episode tells a tale about about the show itself, and the fandom that surrounds it.

Where “The Monster At The End Of This Book” and the season 5 premiere “Sympathy For The Devil” poked at the coiled snake of fans and the concept of fandom, “the real ghostbusters” drags them into the harsh light of an enclosure and antagonises them in front of an audience. The metanarrative element revolves around not only the books themselves, but the stories concocted within the episode: namely Barnes and Demian the cosplayers and the story of the ghosts. The Winchester brothers’s history that we’ve seen throughout the first five seasons of the show is bared in a tongue in cheek way: while we cried with them when Sam and Dean fought with John, now the story is thrown out in such a way as to mock both the story and the fans’ relationship to it. Let me tell you, there is a lot to be made fun of on this show, but the fans’ relationship to the story of Sam, Dean and everyone they encounter along the way isn’t part of it. I don’t mean to be like, wow you can’t make fun of us ever because we’re special little snowflakes and we take everything so seriously, because you are welcome to make fun of us, but when the creators do it, I can’t help but notice a hint of malice. And I think that’s understandable in a way. Like The relationship between creator and fan is both layered and symbiotic. While Kripke and co no doubt owe the show’s popularity to the fans, especially as the fandom has grown and evolved over time, we’re not exactly free of sin. And don’t get me wrong, no fandom is. But the bad apples always seem to outweigh the good ones, and bad experiences can stick with us long past their due.

However, portraying us as losers with no lives who get too obsessed with this show — well, you know, actually, maybe they’re right. I am a loser with no life and I am too obsessed with this show. So maybe they have a point. But they’re so harsh about it. From wincestie Becky who they paint as a desperate shrew to these cosplayers who threaten Dean’s very perception of himself, we’re not painted in a very good light.

Dean says to Demian and Barnes, “It must be nice to get out of your mom’s basement.” He’s judging them for deriving pleasure from dressing up and pretending to be someone else for a night. He doesn’t seem to get the irony that he does that for a living. As the seasons wore on, the creators made sure to include episodes where Dean’s inner geek could run rampant, often in the form of dressing up like a cowboy, such as season six “Frontierland” and season 13 “Tombstone”. I had to take a break from writing this to laugh for five minutes because Dean is so funny. He’s a car gay but he only likes one car. He doesn’t follow sports. His echolalia causes him to blurt out lines from his favourite movies. He’s a posse magnet. And he loves cosplay. But he will continually degrade and insult anyone who expresses interest in role play, fandom, or interests in general. Maybe that’s why Sam is such a boring person, because Dean as his mother didn’t allow him to have any interests outside of hunting. And when Sam does express interests, Dean insults him too. What a dick. He’s my soulmate, but I am not going to stop listening to hair metal for him. That’s where I draw the line.

Where “the monster at the end of this book” is concerned with narrative and authorship, “the real ghostbusters” is concerned with fandom and fan reactions to the show. It’s not really the best example to talk about in an episode about metanarrativity, but I wanted to include it anyway. It veers from talk of narrative by focusing on the people in the periphery of the narrative—the fans and the author. In season 9 “Metafiction,” Metatron asks the question, who gives the story meaning? The text would have you believe it’s the characters. The angels think it’s God. The fandom think it’s us. The creators think it’s them. Perhaps we will never come to a consensus or even a satisfactory answer to this question. Perhaps that’s the point.

The ultimate takeaway from this episode is that ordinary people, the people Sam and Dean save, the people they save the world for, the people they die for again and again, are what give their story meaning. Chuck defeats a ghost and saves the people in the conference room from being murdered. Demian and Barnes, don’t ask me which is which, burn the bodies of the ghost children and lay their spirits to rest. The text says that ordinary, every day people can rise to the challenge of becoming extraordinary. It’s not a bad note to end on, by any means. And then we find out that Demian and Barnes are a couple, which of course Dean is surprised at, because he lacks object permanence.

This is no doubt influenced by how a good portion of the transformative fandom are queer, and also a nod to the wincesties and RPF writers like Becky who continue to bottom feed off the wrong message of this show. But then, the creators encourage that sort of thing, so who are the real clowns here? Everyone. Everyone involved with this show in any way is a clown, except for the crew, who were able to feed their families for more than a decade.

Okay side note… over the past year or so I’ve been in process of realising that even in fandom queers are in the minority. I know the statistic is that 10% of the world population is queer, but that doesn’t seem right to me? Maybe because 4/5 closest friends are queer and I hang around queers online, but I also think I lack object permanence when it comes to straight people. Like I just do not interact with straight people on a regular basis outside of my best friend and parents and school. So when I hear that someone in fandom is straight I’m like, what the fuck… can you keep that to yourself please? Like if I saw Misha Collins coming out as straight I would be like, I didn’t ask and you didn’t have to tell. Okay I’m mostly joking, but I do forget straight people exist. Mostly I don’t think about whether people are gay or trans or cis or straight unless they’ve explicitly said it and then yes it does colour my perception of them, because of course it would. If they’re part of the queer community, they’re my people. And if they’re straight and cis, then they could very well pose a threat to me and my wellbeing. But I never ask people because it’s not my business to ask. If they feel comfortable enough to tell me, that’s awesome. I think Dean feels the same way. Towards the later seasons at least, he has a good reaction when it’s revealed that someone is queer, even if it is mostly played off as a joke. It’s just that he doesn’t have a frame of reference in his own life to having a gay relationship, either his or someone he’s close to. He says to Cesar and Jesse in season 11 “The Critters” that they fight like brothers, because that’s the only way he knows how to conceptualise it. He doesn’t have a way to categorise his and Cas’s relationship, which is in many ways, long before season 15 “Despair,” harking back even to the parallels between Ruby and Cas in season 3 and 4, a romantic one, aside from that Cas is like a brother to him. Because he’s never had anyone in his life care for him the way Cas does that wasn’t Sam and Bobby, and he doesn’t recognise the romantic element of their relationship until literally Cas says it to him in the third last episode, he just—doesn’t know what his and Cas’s relationship is. He just really doesn’t know. And he grew up with a father who despised him for taking the mom and wife role in their family, the role that John placed him in, for being subservient to John’s wishes where Sam was more rebellious, so of course he wouldn’t understand either his own desires or those of anyone around him who isn’t explicitly shoving their tits in his face. He moulded his entire personality around what he thought John wanted of him, and John says to him explicitly in season 14 “Lebanon”, “I thought you’d have a family,” meaning, like him, wife and two rugrats. And then, dear god, Dean says, thinking of Sam, Cas, Jack, Claire, and Mary, “I have a family.” God that hurts so much. But since for most of his life he hasn’t been himself, he’s been the man he thought his father wanted him to be, he’s never been able to examine his own desires, wants and goals. So even though he’s really good at reading people, he is not good at reading other people’s desires unless they have nefarious intentions. Because he doesn’t recognise what he feels is attraction to men, he doesn’t recognise that in anyone else.

Okay that’s completely off topic, wow. Getting back to metanarrativity in “The Real Ghostbusters,” I’ll just cap it off by saying that the books in this episode are more a frame for the events than the events themselves. However, there are some good outtakes where Chuck answers some questions, and I’m not sure how much of that is scripted and how much is Rob Benedict just going for it, but it lends another element to the idea of Kripke as author-god. The idea of a fan convention is really cool, because at this point Supernatural conventions had been running for about 4 years, since 2006. It’s definitely a tribute to the fans, but also to their own self importance. So it’s a mixed bag, considering there were plenty of elements in there that show the good side of fandom and fans, but ultimately the Winchesters want nothing to do with it, consider it weird, and threaten Chuck when he says he’ll start releasing books again, which as far as they know is his only source of income. But it’s a fun episode and Dean is a grouchy bitch, so who the holy hell cares?

Season 10 episode “fanfiction” written by my close personal friend Robbie Thompson and directed by Phil Sgriccia is one of the funniest episodes this show has ever done. Not only is it full of metatextual and metanarrative jokes, the entire premise revolves around fanservice, but in like a fun and interesting way, not fanservice like killing the band Kansas so that Dean can listen to “Carry On My Wayward Son” in heaven twice. Twice. One version after another. Like I would watch this musical seven times in theatre, I would buy the soundtrack, I would listen to it on repeat and make all my friends listen to it when they attend my online Jitsi birthday party. This musical is my Hamilton. Top ten episodes of this show for sure. The only way it could be better is if Cas was there. And he deserved to be there. He deserved to watch little dyke Castiel make out with her girlfriend with her cute little wings, after which he and Dean share uncomfortable eye contact. Dean himself is forever coming to terms with the fact that gay people exist, but Cas should get every opportunity he can to hear that it’s super cool and great and awesome to be queer. But really he should be in every episode, all of them, all 300 plus episodes including the ones before angels were introduced. I’m going to commission the guy who edits Paddington into every movie to superimpose Cas standing on the highway into every episode at least once.

“Fan Fiction” starts with a tv script and the words “Supernatural pilot created by Eric Kripke”. This Immediately sets up the idea that it’s toying with narrative. Blah blah blah, some people go missing, they stumble into a scene from their worst nightmares: the school is putting on a musical production of a show inspired by the Supernatural books. It’s a comedy of errors. When people continue to go missing, Sam and Dean have to convince the girls that something supernatural is happening, while retaining their dignity and respect. They reveal that they are the real Sam and Dean, and Dean gives the director Marie a summary of their lives over the last five seasons, but they aren’t taken seriously. Because, like, of course they aren’t. Even when the girls realise that something supernatural is happening, they don’t actually believe that the musical they’ve made and the series of books they’re basing it on are real. Despite how Sam and Dean Winchester were literal fugitives for many years at many different times, and this was on the news, and they were wanted by the FBI, despite how they pretend to be FBI, and no one mentions it??? Did any of the staffwriters do the required reading or just do what I used to do for my 40 plus page readings of Baudrillard and just skim the first sentence of every paragraph? Neat hack for you: paragraphs are set up in a logical order of Topic, Example, Elaboration, Linking sentence. Do you have to read 60 pages of some crusty French dude waxing poetic about how his best friend Pierre wants to shag his wife and making that your problem? Read the first and last sentence of every paragraph. Boom, done. Just cut your work in half.

The musical highlights a lot of the important moments of the show so far. The brothers have, as Charlie Bradbury says, their “broment,” and as Marie says, their “boy melodrama scene,” while she insinuates that there is a sexual element to their relationship. This show never passed up an opportunity to mention incest. It’s like: mentioning incest 5000 km, not being disgusting 1 km, what a hard decision. Actually, they do have to walk on their knees for 100 miles through the desert repenting. But there are other moments—such as Mary burning on the ceiling, a classic, Castiel waiting for Dean at the side of the highway, and Azazel poisoning Sam. With the help of the high schoolers, Sam and Dean overcome Calliope, the muse and bad guy of the episode, and save the day. What began as their lives reinterpreted and told back to them turns into a story they have some agency over.

In this episode, as opposed to “The Monster At The End Of This Book,” The storytelling has transferred from an alcoholic in a bathrobe into the hands of an overbearing and overachieving teenage girl, and honestly why not. Transformative fiction is by and large run by women, and queer women, so Marie and her stage manager slash Jody Mills’s understudy Maeve are just following in the footsteps of legends. This kind of really succinctly summarises the difference between curative fandom and transformative fandom, the former of which is populated mostly by men, and the latter mostly by women. As defined by LordByronic in 2015, Curative fandom is more like enjoying the text, collecting the merchandise, organising the knowledge — basically Reddit in terms of fandom curation. Transformative fandom is transforming the source text in some way — making fanart, fanfic, mvs, or a musical — basically Tumblr in general, and Archive of our own specifically. Like what do non fandom people even do on Tumblr? It is a complete mystery to me. Whereas Chuck literally writes himself into the narrative he receives through visions, Marie and co have agency and control over the narrative by writing it themselves.

Chuck does appear in the episode towards the end, his first appearance after five seasons. The theory that he killed those lesbian theatre girls makes me wanna curl up and die, so I don’t subscribe to it. Chuck watched the musical and he liked it and he gave unwarranted notes and then he left, the end.

The Supernatural creative team is explicitly acknowledging the fandom’s efforts by making this episode. They’re writing us in again, with more obsessive fans, but with lethbians this time, which makes it infinitely better. And instead of showing us as potential date rapists, we’re just cool chicks who like to make art. And that’s fucken awesome.

I just have to note that the characters literally say the word Destiel after Dean sees the actors playing Dean and Cas making out. He storms off and tells Sam to shut the fuck up when Sam makes fun of him, because Dean’s sexuality is NOT threatened he just needs to assert his dominance as a straight hetero man who has NEVER looked at another man’s lips and licked his own. He just… forgets that gay people exist until someone reminds him. BUT THEN, after a rousing speech that is stolen from Rent or Wicked or something, he echoes Marie’s words back, saying “put as much sub into that text as you possibly can.” What does Dean know about subbing, I wonder. Okay I’m suddenly reminded that he did literally go to a kink bar and get hit on by a leather daddy. Oh Dean, the experiences you have as a broad-shouldered, pixie-faced man with cowboy legs. You were born for this role.

Metatron is my favourite villain. As one tumblr user pointed out, he is an evil English literature major, which is just a normal English literature major. The season nine episode “Meta Fiction” written by my main man robbie thompson and directed by thomas j wright, happens within a curious season. Castiel, once again, becomes the leader of a portion of the heavenly host to take down Metatron, and Dean is affected by the Mark Of Cain. Sam was recently possessed by Gadreel, who killed Kevin in Sam’s body and then decided to run off with Metatron. Metatron himself is recruiting angels to join him, in the hopes that he can become the new God. It’s the first introduction of Hannah, who encourages Cas to recruit angels himself to take on Metatron. Also, we get to see Gabriel again, who is always a delight.

This episode is a lot of fun. Metatron poses questions like, who tells a story and who is the most important person in the telling? Is it the writer? The audience? He starts off staring over his typewriter to address the camera, like a pompous dickhead. No longer content with consuming stories, he’s started to write his own. And they are hubristic ones about becoming God, a better god than Chuck ever was, but to do it he needs to kill a bunch of people and blame it on Cas. So really, he’s actually exactly like Chuck who blamed everything on Lucifer.

But I think the most apt analogy we can use for this in terms of who is the creator is to think of Metatron as a fanfiction writer. He consumes the media—the Winchester Gospels—and starts to write his own version of events—leading an army to become God and kill Cas. Nevermind that no one has been able to kill Cas in a way that matters or a way that sticks. Which is canon, and what Metatron is trying to do is—well not fanon because it actually does impact the Winchesters’ storyline. It would be like if one of the writers of Supernatural began writing Supernatural fanfiction before they got a job on the show. Which as my generation and the generations coming after me get more comfortable with fanfiction and fandom, is going to be the case for a lot of shows. I think it’s already the case for Riverdale. Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t the woman who wrote the bi Dean essay go to work on Riverdale? Or something? I dunno, I have the post saved in my tumblr likes but that is quagmire of epic proportions that I will easily get lost in if I try to find it.

Okay let me flex my literary degree. As Englund and Leach say in “Ethnography and the metanarratives of modernity,” “The influential “literary turn,” in which the problems of ethnography were seen as largely textual and their solutions as lying in experimental writing seems to have lost its impetus.” This can be taken to mean, in the context of Supernatural, that while Metatron’s writings seek to forge a new path in history, forgoing fate for a new kind of divine intervention, the problem with Metatron is that he’s too caught up in the textual, too caught up in the writing, to be effectual. And this as we see throughout seasons 9, 10 and 11, has no lasting effect. Cas gets his grace back, Dean survives, and Metatron becomes a powerless human. In this case, the impetus is his grace, which he loses when Cas cuts it out of him, a mirror to Metatron cutting out Cas’s grace.

However, I realise that the concept of ethnography in Supernatural is a flawed one, ethnography being the observation of another culture: a lot of the angels observe humanity and seem to fit in. However, Cas has to slowly acclimatise to the Winchesters as they tame him, but he never quite fit in—missing cues, not understanding jokes or Dean’s personal space, the scene where he says, “We have a guinea pig? Where?” Show him the guinea pig Sam!!! He wants to see it!!! At most he passes as a human with autism. Cas doesn’t really observe humanity—he observes nature, as seen in season 7 “reading is fundamental” and “survival of the fittest”. Even the human acts he talks about in season 6 “the man who would be king” are from hundreds or thousands of years ago. He certainly doesn’t observe popular culture, which puts him at odds with Dean, who is made up of 90 per cent pop culture references and 10 per cent flannel. Metatron doesn’t seek to blend in with humanity so much as control it, which actually is the most apt example of ethnography for white people in the last—you know, forever. But of course the writers didn’t seek to make this analogy. It is purely by chance, and maybe I’m the only person insane enough to realise it. But probably not. There are a lot of cookies much smarter than me in the Supernatural fandom and they’ve like me have grown up and gone to university and gotten real jobs in the real world and real haircuts. I’m probably the only person to apply Englund and Leach to it though.

And yes, as I read this paper I did need to have one tab open on Google, with the word “define” in the search bar.

Metatron has a few lines in this that I really like. He says:

“The universe is made up of stories, not atoms.”

“You’re going to have to follow my script.”

“I’m an entity of my word.”

It’s really obvious, but they’re pushing the idea that Metatron has become an agent of authorship instead of just a consumer of media. He even throws a Supernatural book into his fire — a symbolic act of burning the script and flipping the writer off, much like Cas did to God and the angels in season 5. He’s not a Kripke figure so much as maybe a Gamble, Carver or Dabb figure, in that he usurps Chuck and becomes the author-god. This would be extremely postmodern of him if he didn’t just do exactly what Chuck was doing, except worse somehow. In fact, it’s postmodern of Cas to reject heaven’s narrative and fall for Dean. As one tumblr user points out, Cas really said “What’s fate compared to Dean Winchester?”

Okay this transcript is almost 8000 words already, and I still have two more episodes to review, and more things to say, so I’ll leave you with this. Metatron says to Cas, “Out of all of God’s wind up toys, you’re the only one with any spunk.” Why Cas has captured his attention comes down more than anything to a process of elimination. Most angels fucking suck. They follow the rules of whoever puts themselves in charge, and they either love Cas or hate him, or just plainly wanna fuck him, and there have been few angels who stood out. Balthazar was awesome, even though I hated him the first time I watched season 6. He UNSUNK the Titanic. Legend status. And Gabriel was of course the OG who loves to fuck shit up. But they’re gone at this stage in the narrative, and Cas survives. Cas always survives. He does have spunk. And everyone wants to fuck him.

Season 11 episode 20 “Don’t Call Me Shurley,” the last episode written by the Christ like figure of Robbie Thompson — are we sensing a theme here? — and directed by my divine enemy Robert Singer, starts with Metatron dumpster diving for food. I’m not even going to bother commenting on this because like… it’s supernatural and it treats complex issues like homelessness and poverty with zero nuance. Like the Winchesters live in poverty but it’s fun and cool because they always scrape by but Metatron lives in poverty and it’s funny. Cas was homeless and it was hard but he needed to do it to atone for his sins, and Metatron is homeless and it’s funny because he brought it on himself by being a murderous dick. Fucking hell. Robbie, come on. The plot focuses on God, also known as Chuck Shurley, making himself known to Metatron and asking for Metatron’s opinion on his memoir. Meanwhile, the Winchesters battle another bout of infectious serial killer fog sent by Amara. At the end of the episode, Chuck heals everyone affected by the fog and reveals himself to Sam and Dean.

Chuck says that he didn’t foresee Metatron trying to become god, but the idea of Season 15 is that Chuck has been writing the Winchesters’ story all their lives. When Metatron tries, he fails miserably, is locked up in prison, tortured by Dean, then rendered useless as a human and thrown into the world without a safety net. His authorship is reduced to nothing, and he is reduced to dumpster diving for food. He does actually attempt to live his life as someone who records tragedies as they happen and sells the footage to news stations, which is honestly hilarious and amazing and completely unsurprising because Metatron is, at the heart of it, an English Literature major. In true bastard style, he insults Chuck’s work and complains about the bar, but slips into his old role of editor when Chuck asks him to.

The theory I’m consulting for this uses the term metanarrative in a different way than I am. They consider it an overarching narrative, a grand narrative like religion. Chuck’s biography is in a sense most loyal to Middleton and Walsh’s view of metanarrative: “the universal story of the world from arche to telos, a grand narrative encompassing world history from beginning to end.” Except instead of world history, it’s God’s history, and since God is construed in Supernatural as just some guy with some powers who is as fallible as the next some guy with some powers, his story has biases and agendas. Okay so in the analysis I’m getting Middleton and Walsh’s quotes from, James K A Smith’s “A little story about metanarratives,” Smith dunks on them pretty bad, but for Supernatural purposes their words ring true. Think of them as the BuckLeming of Lyotard’s postmodern metanarrative analysis: a stopped clock right twice a day. Is anyone except me understanding the sequence of words I’m saying right now. Do I just have the most specific case of brain worms ever found in human history. I’m currently wearing my oversized Keith Haring shirt and dipping pretzels into peanut butter because it’s 3.18 in the morning and the homosexuals got to me. The total claims a comprehensive metanarrative of world history make do indeed, as Middleton and Walsh claim, lead to violence, stay with me here, because Chuck’s legacy is violence, and so is Metatron’s, and in trying to reject the metanarrative, Sam and Dean enact violence. Mostly Dean, because in season 15 he sacrifices his own son twice to defeat Chuck. But that means literally fighting violence with violence. Violence is, after all, all they know. Violence is the lens through which they interact with the world. If the writers wanted to do literally anything else, they could have continued Dean’s natural character progression into someone who eschews the violence that stems from intergeneration trauma — yes I will continue to use the phrase intergenerational trauma whenever I refer to Dean — and becomes a loving father and husband. Sam could eschew violence and start a monster rehabilitation centre with Eileen.

This episode of Holy Hell is me frantically grabbing at straws to make sense of a narrative that actively hates me and wants to kick me to death. But the violence Sam and Dean enact is not at a metanarrative level, because they are not author-gods of their own narrative. In season 15 “Atomic Monsters,” Becky points out that the ending of the Supernatural book series is bad because the brothers die, and then, in a shocking twist of fate, Dean does die, and the narrative is bad. The writers set themselves a goal post to kick through and instead just slammed their heat into the bars. They set up the dartboard and were like, let’s aim the darts at ourselves. Wouldn’t that be fun. Season 15’s writing is so grossly incompetent that I believe every single conspiracy theory that’s come out of the finale since November, because it’s so much more compelling than whatever the fuck happened on the road so far. Carry on? Why yes, I think I will carry on, carry on like a pork chop, screaming at the bars of my enclosure until I crack my voice open like an egg and spill out all my rage and frustration. The world will never know peace again. It’s now 3.29 and I’ve written over 9000 words of this transcript. And I’m not done.

Middleton and Walsh claim that metanarratives are merely social constructions masquerading as universal truths. Which is, exactly, Supernatural. The creators have constructed this elaborate web of narrative that they want to sell us as the be all and end all. They won’t let the actors discuss how they really feel about the finale. They won’t let Misha Collins talk about Destiel. They want us to believe it was good, actually, that Dean, a recovering alcoholic with a 30 year old infant son and a husband who loves him, deserved to die by getting NAILED, while Sam, who spent the last four seasons, the entirety of Andrew Dabb’s run as showrunner, excelling at creating a hunter network and romancing both the queen of hell and his deaf hunter girlfriend, should have lived a normie life with a normie faceless wife. Am I done? Not even close. I started this episode and I’m going to finish it.

When we find out that Chuck is God in the episode of season 11, it turns everything we knew about Chuck on its head. We find out in Season 15 that Chuck has been writing the Winchesters’ story all along, that everything that happened to them is his doing. The one thing he couldn’t control was Cas’s choice to rebel. If we take him at his word, Cas is the only true force of free will in the entire universe, and more specifically, the love that Cas had for Dean which caused him to rebel and fall from heaven. — This theory has holes of course. Why would Lucifer torture Lilith into becoming the first demon if he didn’t have free will? Did Chuck make him do that? And why? So that Chuck could be the hero and Lucifer the bad guy, like Lucifer claimed all along? That’s to say nothing of Adam and Eve, both characters the show introduced in different ways, one as an antagonist and the other as the narrative foil to Dean and Cas’s romance. Thinking about it makes my head hurt, so I’m just not gunna.

So Chuck was doing the writing all along. And as Becky claims in “Atomic Monsters,” it’s bad writing. The writers explicitly said, the ending Chuck wrote is bad because there’s no Cas and everyone dies, and then they wrote an ending where there is no Cas and everyone dies. So talk about self-fulfilling prophecies. Talk about giant craters in the earth you could see from 800 kilometres away but you still fell into. Meanwhile fan writers have the opportunity to write a million different endings, all of which satisfy at least one person. The fandom is a hydra, prolific and unstoppable, and we’ll keep rewriting the ending a million more times.

And all this is not even talking about the fact that Chuck is a man, Metatron is a man, Sam and Dean and Cas are men, and the writers and directors of the show are, by an overwhelming majority, men. Most of them are white, straight, cis men. Feminist scholarship has done a lot to unpack the damage done by paternalistic approaches to theory, sociology, ethnography, all the -ys, but I propose we go a step further with these men. Kill them. Metanarratively, of course. Amara, the Darkness, God’s sister, had a chance to write her own story without Chuck, after killing everything in the universe, and I think she had the right idea. Knock it all down to build it from the ground up. Billie also had the opportunity to write a narrative, but her folly was, of course, putting any kind of faith in the Winchesters who are also grossly incompetent and often fail up. She is, as all author-gods on this show are, undone by Castiel. The only one with any spunk, the only one who exists outside of his own narrative confines, the only one the author-gods don’t have any control over. The one who died for love, and in dying, gave life.

The French Mistake

Let’s change the channel. Let’s calm ourselves and cleanse our libras. Let’s commune with nature and chug some sage bongs.

“The French Mistake” is a song from the Mel Brooks film Blazing Saddles. In the iconic second last scene of the film, as the cowboys fight amongst themselves, the camera pans back to reveal a studio lot and a door through which a chorus of gay dancersingers perform “the French Mistake”. The lyrics go, “Throw out your hands, stick out your tush, hands on your hips, give ‘em a push. You’ll be surprised you’re doing the French Mistake.”

I’m not sure what went through the heads of the Supernatural creators when they came up with the season 6 episode, “The French Mistake,” written by the love of my life Ben Edlund and directed by some guy Charles Beeson. Just reading the Wikipedia summary is so batshit incomprehensible. In short: Balthazar sends Sam and Dean to an alternate universe where they are the actors Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, who play Sam and Dean on the tv show Supernatural. I don’t think this had ever been done in television history before. The first seven seasons of this show are certifiable. Like this was ten years ago. Think about the things that have happened in the last 10 slutty, slutty years. We have lived through atrocities and upheaval and the entire world stopping to mourn, but also we had twitter throughout that entire time, which makes it infinitely worse.

In this universe, Sam and Dean wear makeup, Cas is played by attractive crying man Misha Collins, and Genevieve Padalecki nee Cortese makes an appearance. Magic doesn’t exist, Serge has good ideas, and the two leads have to act in order to get through the day. Sorry man I do not know how to pronounce your name.

Sidenote: I don’t know if me being attracted aesthetically to Misha Collins is because he’s attractive, because this show has gaslighted me into thinking he’s attractive, or because Castiel’s iconic entrance in 2008 hit my developing mind like a torpedo full of spaghetti and blew my fucking brains all over the place. It’s one of life’s little mysteries and God’s little gifts.

Let’s talk about therapy. More specifically, “Agency and purpose in narrative therapy: questioning the postmodern rejection of metanarrative” by Cameron Lee. In this paper, Lee outlines four key ideas as proposed by Freedman and Combs:

Realities are socially constructed

Realities are constituted through language

Realities are organised and maintained through narrative

And there are no essential truths.

Let’s break this down in the case of this episode. Realities are socially constructed: the reality of Sam and Dean arose from the Bush era. Do I even need to elaborate? From what I understand with my limited Australian perception, and being a child at the time, 9/11 really was a prominent shifting point in the last twenty years. As Americans describe it, sometimes jokingly, it was the last time they were really truly innocent. That means to me that until they saw the repercussions of their government’s actions in funding turf wars throughout the middle east for a good chunk of the 20th Century, they allowed themselves to be hindered by their own ignorance. The threat of terrorism ran rampant throughout the States, spurred on by right wing nationalists and gun-toting NRA supporters, so it’s really no surprise that the show Supernatural started with the premise of killing everything in sight and driving around with only your closest kin and a trunk full of guns. Kripke constructed that reality from the social-political climate of the time, and it has wrought untold horrors on the minds of lesbians who lived through the noughties, in that we are now attracted to Misha Collins.

Number two: Realities are constituted through language. Before a show can become a show, it needs to be a script. It’s written down, typed up, and given to actors who say the lines out loud. In this respect, they are using the language of speech and words to convey meaning. But tv shows are not all about words, and they’re barely about scripts. From what I understand of being raised by television, they are about action, visuals, imagery, and behaviours. All of the work that goes into them—the scripts, the lighting, the audio, the sound mixing, the cameras, the extras, the ADs, the gaffing, the props, the stunts, everything—is about conveying a story through the medium of images. In that way, images are the language. The reality of the show Supernatural, inside the show Supernatural, is constituted through words: the script, the journalists talking to Sam, the makeup artist taking off Dean’s makeup, the conversations between the creators, the tweets Misha sends. But also through imagery: the fish tank in Jensen’s trailer, the model poses on the front cover of the magazine, the opulence of Jared’s house, Misha’s iconic sweater. Words and images are the language that constitutes both of these realities. Okay for real, I feel like I’ve only seen this episode max three times, including when I watched it for research for this episode, but I remember so much about it.

Number three: realities are organised and maintained through narrative. In this universe of the French Mistake, their lives are structured around two narratives: the internal narrative of the show within the show, in which they are two actors on a tv set; and the episode narrative in which they need to keep the key safe and return to their own universe. This is made difficult by the revelation that magic doesn’t work in this universe, however, they find a way. Before they can get back, though, an avenging angel by the name of Virgil guns down author-god Eric Kripke and tries to kill the Winchesters. However, they are saved by Balthazar and the freeze frame and brought back into their own world, the world of Supernatural the show, not Supernatural the show within the show within the nesting doll. And then that reality is done with, never to be revisited or even mentioned, but with an impact that has lasted longer than the second Bush administration.

And number four: there are no essential truths. This one is a bit tricky because I can’t find what Lee means by essential truths, so I’m just going to interpret that. To me, essential truths means what lies beneath the narratives we tell ourselves. Supernatural was a show that ran for 15 years. Supernatural had actors. Supernatural was showrun by four different writers. In the show within a show, there is nothing, because that ceases to exist for longer than the forty two minute episode “The French Mistake”. And since Supernatural no longer exists except in our computers, it is nothing too. It is only the narratives we tell ourselves to sleep better at night, to wake up in the morning with a smile, to get through the day, to connect with other people, to understand ourselves better. It’s not even the narrative that the showrunners told, because they have no agency over it as soon as it shows up on our screens. The essential truth of the show is lost in the translation from creating to consuming. Who gives the story meaning? The people watching it and the people creating it. We all do.

Lee says that humans are predisposed to construct narratives in order to make sense of the world. We see this in cultures from all over the world: from cave paintings to vases, from The Dreaming to Beowulf, humans have always constructed stories. The way you think about yourself is a story that you’ve constructed. The way you interact with your loved ones and the furries you rightfully cyberbully on Twitter is influenced by the narratives you tell yourself about them. And these narratives are intricate, expansive, personalised, and can colour our perceptions completely, so that we turn into a different person when we interact with one person as opposed to another.

Whatever happened in season 6, most of which I want to forget, doesn’t interest me in the way I’m telling myself the writers intended. For me, the entirety of season 6 was based around the premise of Cas being in love with Dean, and the complete impotence of this love. He turns up when Dean calls, he agonises as he watches Dean rake leaves and live his apple pie life with Lisa, and Dean is the person he feels most horribly about betraying. He says, verbatim, to Sam, “Dean and I do share a more profound bond.” And Balthazar says, “You’re confusing me with the other angel, the one in the dirty trenchcoat who’s in love with you.” He says this in season 6, and we couldn’t do a fucken thing about it.

The song “The French Mistake” shines a light on the hidden scene of gay men performing a gay narrative, in the midst of a scene about the manliest profession you can have: professional horse wrangler, poncho wearer, and rodeo meister, the cowboy. If this isn’t a perfect encapsulation of the lovestory between Dean and Cas, which Ben Edlund has been championing from day fucking one of Misha Collins walking onto that set with his sex hair and chapped lips, then I don’t know what the fuck we’re even doing here. What in the hell else could it possibly mean. The layers to this. The intricacy. The agendas. The subtextual AND blatant queerness. The micro aggressions Crowley aimed at Car in “The Man Who Would Be King,” another Bedlund special. Bed Edlund is a fucking genius. Bed Edlund is cool girl. Ben Edlund is the missing link. Bed Edlund IS wikileaks. Ben Edlund is a cool breeze on a humid summer day. Ben Edlund is the stop loading button on a browser tab. Ben Edlund is the perfect cross between Spotify and Apple Music, in which you can search for good playlists, but without having to be on Spotify. He can take my keys and fuck my wife. You best believe I’m doing an entire episode of Holy Hell on Bedlund’s top five. He is the reason I want to get into staffwriting on a tv show. I saw season 4 episode “On the head of a pin” when my brain was still torpedoed spaghetti mush from the premiere, and it nestled its way deep into my exposed bones, so that when I finally recovered from that, I was a changed person. My god, this transcript is 11,000 words, and I haven’t even finished the Becky section. Which is a good transition.

Oh, Becky. She is an incarnation of how the writers, or at least Kripke, view the fans. Watching season 5 “Sympathy for the Devil” live in 2009 was a whole fucking trip that I as a baby gay was not prepared for. Figuring out my sexuality was a journey that started with the Supernatural fandom and is in some aspects still raging against the dying of the light today. Add to that, this conception of the audience was this, like, personification of the librarian cellist from Juno, but also completely without boundaries, common sense, or shame. It made me wonder about my position in the narrative as a consumer consuming. Is that how Kripke saw me, specifically? Was I like Becky? Did my forays into DeanCasNatural on El Jay dot com make me a fucking loser whose only claim to fame is writing some nasty fanfiction that I’ve since deleted all traces of? Don’t get me wrong, me and my unhinged Casgirl friends loved Becky. I can’t remember if I ever wrote any fanfiction with her in it because I was mostly writing smut, which is extremely Becky coded of me, but I read some and my friends and I would always chat about her when she came up. She was great entertainment value before season 7. But in the eyes of the powers that be, Becky, like the fans themselves, are expendable. First they turned her into a desperate bride wannabe who drugs Sam so that he’ll be with her, then Chuck waves his hand and she disappears. We’re seeing now with regards to Destiel, Cas, and Misha Collins this erasure of them from the narrative. Becky says in season 15 “Atomic Monsters” that the ending Chuck writes is bad because, for one, there’s no Cas, and that’s exactly what’s happening to the text post-finale. It literally makes me insane akin to the throes of mania to think about the layers of this. They literally said, “No Cas = bad” and now Misha isn’t even allowed to talk in his Cassona voice—at least at the time I wrote that—to the detriment of the fans who care about him. It’s the same shit over and over. They introduce something we like, they realise they have no control over how much we like it, and then they pretend they never introduced it in the first place. Season 7, my god. The only reason Gamble brought back Cas was because the ratings were tanking the show. I didn’t even bother watching most of it live, and would just hear from my friends whether Cas was in the episodes or not. And then Sera, dear Sera, had the gall to say it was a Homer’s Odyssey narrative. I’m rusty on Homer aka I’ve never read it but apparently Odysseus goes away, ends up with a wife on an island somewhere, and then comes back to Terabithia like it never happened. How convenient. But since Sera Gamble loves to bury her gays, we can all guess why Cas was written out of the show: Cas being gay is a threat to the toxic heteronormativity spouted by both the show and the characters themselves. In season 15, after Becky gets her life together, has kids, gets married, and starts a business, she is outgrowing the narrative and Chuck kills her. The fans got Destiel Wedding trending on Twitter, and now the creators are acting like he doesn’t exist. New liver, same eagles.

I have to add an adendum: as of this morning, Sunday 11th, don’t ask me what time that is in Americaland, Misha Collins did an online con/Q&A thing and answered a bunch of questions about Cas and Dean, which goes to show that he cannot be silenced. So the narrative wants to be told. It’s continuing well into it’s 16th or 17th season. It’s going to keep happening and they have no recourse to stop it. So fuck you, Supernatural.

I did write the start of a speech about representation but, who the holy hell cares. I also read some disappointing Masters theses that I hope didn’t take them longer to research and write than this episode of a podcast I’m making for funsies took me, considering it’s the same number of pages. Then again I have the last four months and another 8 years of fandom fuelling my obsession, and when I don’t sleep I write, hence the 4,000 words I knocked out in the last 12 hours.

Some final words. Lyotard defines postmodernism, the age we live in, as an incredulity towards metanarratives. Modernism was obsessed with order and meaning, but postmodernism seeks to disrupt that. Modernists lived within the frame of the narrative of their society, but postmodernists seek to destroy the frame and live within our own self-written contexts. Okay I love postmodernist theory so this has been a real treat for me. Yoghurt, Sam? Postmodernist theory? Could I BE more gay?

Middleton and Walsh in their analysis of postmodernism claim that biblical faith is grounded in metanarrative, and explore how this intersects with an era that rejects metanarrative. This is one of the fundamental ideas Supernatural is getting at throughout definitely the last season, but other seasons as well. The narratives of Good vs Evil, Michael vs Lucifer, Dean vs Sam, were encoded into the overarching story of the show from season 1, and since then Sam and Dean have sought to break free of them. Sam broke free of John’s narrative, which was the hunting life, and revenge, and this moralistic machismo that they wrapped themselves up in. If they’re killing the evil, then they’re not the evil. That’s the story they told, and the impetus of the show that Sam was sucked back into. But this thread unravelled in later seasons when Dean became friends with Benny and the idea that all supernatural creatures are inherently evil unravelled as well. While they never completely broke free of John’s hold over them, welcoming Jack into their lives meant confronting a bias that had been ingrained in them since Dean was 4 years old and Sam 6 months. In the face of the question, “are all monsters monstrous?” the narrative loosens its control. Even by questioning it, it throws into doubt the overarching narrative of John’s plan, which is usurped at the end of season 2 when they kill Azazel by Dean’s demon deal and a new narrative unfolds. John as author-god is usurped by the actual God in season 4, who has his own narrative that controls the lives of Sam, Dean and Cas.

Okay like for real, I do actually think the metanarrativity in Supernatural is something that should be studied by someone other than me, unless you wanna pay me for it and then shit yeah. It is extremely cool to introduce a biographical narrative about the fictional narrative it’s in. It’s cool that the characters are constantly calling this narrative into focus by fighting against it, struggling to break free from their textual confines to live a life outside of the external forces that control them. And the thing is? The really real, honest thing? They have. Sam, Dean and Cas have broken free of the narrative that Kripke, Carver, Gamble and Dabb wrote for them. The very fact that the textual confession of love that Cas has for Dean ushered in a resurgence of fans, fandom and activity that has kept the show trending for five months after it ended, is just phenomenal. People have pointed out that fans stopped caring about Game of Thrones as soon as it ended. Despite the hold they had over tv watchers everywhere, their cultural currency has been spent. The opposite is true for Supernatural. Despite how the finale of the show angered and confused people, it gains more momentum every day. More fanworks, more videos, more fics, more art, more ire, more merch is being generated by the fans still. The Supernatural subreddit, which was averaging a few posts a week by season 15, has been incensed by the finale. And yours truly happily traipsed back into the fandom snake pit after 8 years with a smile on my face and a skip in my step ready to pump that dopamine straight into my veins babeeeeeeyyyyy. It’s been WILD. I recently reconnected with one of my mutuals from 2010 and it’s like nothing’s changed. We’re both still unhinged and we both still simp for Supernatural. Even before season 15, I was obsessed with the podcast Ride Or Die, which I started listening to in late 2019, and Supernatural was always in the back of my mind. You just don’t get over your first fandom. Actually, Danny Phantom was my first fandom, and I remember being 12 talking on Danny Phantom forums to people much too old to be the target audience of the show. So I guess that hasn’t left me either. And the fondest memories I have of Supernatural is how the characters have usurped their creators to become mythic, long past the point they were supposed to die a quiet death. The myth weaving that the Supernatural fandom is doing right now is the legacy that will endure.

References

I got all of these for free from Google Scholar!

Judith May Fathallah, “I’m A God: The Author and the Writing Fan in Supernatural.”

James K A Smith, “A Little Story About Metanarratives: Lyotard, Religion and Postmodernism Revisited.” 2001.

Cameron Lee, “Agency and Purpose in Narrative Therapy: Questioning the Postmodern Rejection of Metanarrative.” 2004.

Harri Englund and James Leach, “Ethnography and the Meta Narratives of Modernity.” 2000.

https://uproxx.com/filmdrunk/mel-brooks-explains-french-mistake-blazing-saddles-blu-ray/

#transcripts #supernatural #supernatural podcast #<60mins #this is first and foremost a podcast about cas and misha collins

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crispyjenkins · 3 years

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I... I felt I was all alone being uninterested in kid fics so I'm very happy to see it's not just me. (Sorry I'm going to rant for a bit) It's probably linked to the fact that I personally don't want kids but sometimes... I just want to see people able to be happy without children? Even if they don't dislike kids or anything! And sometimes it straight up makes me uncomfortable to see kid fics for this exact reason. (Also it depends on the fandom but SW is definitely one where I generally dislike kid fics, which I think wasn't improved by all the Luke-as-Rey's-father thing)

HI I'M HERE TO VALIDATE YOU

and i have a whole fecking lot of feelings about this topic in particular, this is gonna get a little wordy, but i've tried to organise it somewhat

First: i don't want kids. i'm fairly to extremely confident i'll never want kids. partly because I do not have the mental/physical capacity to devote the time and energy and emotion that children deserve and need. someone on tumblr said it ages ago, "if I don't WANT a kid, if i'm just indifferent, im not going to have a fucking kid until i actively want one", because children are sentient beings and not cute things to make you happy or feel more put together.

Okay, second: i very rarely see parenting written well (and i don't mean about perfect or unproblematic parents), i would even go so far as to call it trivialising. or maybe just completely unrealistic? it's either all honeymoon-period schmoop (which is not necessarily a bad thing) or it's hardly even about the kids and at that point, well, what's the point? especially if the kid is an oc, they can't just. exist on the sidelines of their parents life.

Third: if the kid is a canon character, their entire personality gets nerfed into one or two traits and are shoehorned to fit the narrative the author is trying to tell. this is a complicated issue because i sincerely believe in fun for the sake of fun and interacting with your fandom however you want, but i also just. kids deserve better?

Fourth: on that subject, i most often see the child in question be an oc. again, they're given one or two traits, but are then just a prop for whatever plot is happening to the actual ship. maybe i'm missing something, but i don't understand why you wouldn't use a canon character in the first place? very few fandoms don't already have paternal/maternal/parental relationships to play around with, ESPECIALLY if the author has already made it an au!! i'm not going to pretend a big reason i don't seek out kid fic isn't because they're almost always modern aus, which i already don't like. maybe this one is more petty, but i think kid characters deserve more time and attention put into them as characters, and tbh i've never once seen it done with an oc kid.

Fifth: if it's about adoption, i only EVER see babies (esp in modern aus). the implication that kids aren't adoptable past a certain age is horrendously damaging and i'm so uncomfortable with it that this is another reason i don't seek these stories out.

if it ISN'T adoption, then it's either a) cis mpreg, which is so incredibly transphobic and weirdly fetishising and blehhhhh, or b) transmasculine mpreg which i've. literally never seen written by a trans person so like... aight.

Sixth: the parents are out of character. i've talked a little about woobification before, about the hyperfeminising of one half of the ship and the hypermasculating of the other to fit the mother/father binary that is also inherently transphobic. the characters are sort of just replaced with an honestly hurtful binary rooted in systematic misogyny at the complete sacrifice of their entire personality, and it’s honestly exhausting as both a trans person and a romantically queer person.

before getting into prequel star wars stuff, specifically with mando ships, i don't think i even once read a kid fic where the parents felt plausible and in character, especially if it’s put into a modern au, and i've been reading fanfiction for a decade.

Seventh: i really don't know how to word this part without airing out my own trauma, but back to the trivialising bit, the way authors tend to write this honeymoon-phase type of parenting makes me feel really gross? maybe that's petty or very specifically personal, but the way kids are only in scenes to prop the parents' storyline hits a little too close to home. i'm the third child and the middle child, and that so many "takes" on parenting implicitly hold up the notion of kids only being worth mentioning/caring about/developing is when it's important or relevant to the parents. i dunno, kids deserve better than that.

Eighth: okay finally bringing this back to star wars. i blacklist any parenting anything from any ships from the Original Trilogy. for the prequels, I exclusively read adoption-based stuff, partly because I don't really have any cishet ships i read specifically about, but also because that means the rest is mpreg.

now, i've been positively spoiled by Mando and/or Jedi ships and their culturally important adoption. like i get to read stuff where the parents feel in character? and aren't one dimensional binary caricatures? and the kids are treated as characters and not plot props? AND they're usually older than ten?? to be fair, there are ships i still don't read kid fic for, CodyWan for example, for many reasons i actually haven't covered here, and Boba and Anakin are given the most justice as adopted kids (that i've seen; fingers crossed for more ahsoka and twins content) so there's a massive disparity in representation (which is a star wars-wide issue) but this is also the first time i've even wanted to write child characters.

your bit about characters being happy and having fulfilling lifelong relationships without kids is so incredibly important to me, because it feels exactly the same as an ace person constantly being told i'm missing out. so i'm also wary of fixits centered around parenting, or even "adopting the clones" themes because it's. there's so many more facets to family than parent and child, and i dunno. this is the second time i've written all this and i haven't slept yet so i don't even know if I'm making sense anymore so just basically

i feel you, anon. i'm exhausted by having to blacklist or exclude so many tags just to find content that doesn't make me uncomfortable, and i'm so so so happy to be in the prequels corner of the fandom, because i'm also seeing this problem improving as i watch it. so i have hope, but right now, keep kid fic as far away from me as possible.

(you are correct, the luke and rey dynamic was bullshit and has set us back a lot, though maybe not as much as the fandom's frankly horrifying reaction to kylo ren and blaming all his faults on leia, but that's another topic entirely)

i'll also add that i'm fucking terrible with kids, and reading how they're treated by authors upsets me greatly

#anon #long post #cj answers #hot take? unpopular opinion? d i s c o u r s e ?#i still don't think i explained myself properly #but hopefully some of you understand enough to relate #added a read more

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lavenderek · 3 years

Note

So you're saying you don't think "underage" fic is gross. Is that what youre saying?

well, no. yuck. what i’m saying is, what exactly and specifically do we want to happen?

there should not be explicit fic about underage characters, got it. so what age can they not be under? 18? 16? what country’s laws regarding the age of consent do we prioritize? like, i think it’s gross that the age of consent is 16 in some places, but i’m an american, so i would, wouldn’t i? so ok, what if we hedged it a bit and put the age as like, 14? that way it’s not little kids, it’s all teenagers. but no, gross, 14-year-olds are children. fun fact: so are 16-year-olds. they are also children.

what about fic about two teenagers having a consensual encounter? should all romantic or sexual fic have to be about adults only? your answer to this may very well be “yes,” and that’s completely valid. a teenager writing fic might disagree. somebody who’s a big fan of a show that’s about a bunch of teenagers might disagree. should there be an adults-only section on the site? there’s already a “stop, you have to be 18″ box to check before you can access explicit fic, so how do we verify a user’s age? they can just lie about their age and click through anyway. you have to be 18 to make a youtube account and i’ve had one since i was 13. i remember very deliberately choosing a new birth year when it asked for my birthdate.

then you get to slightly greyer areas like large age gaps, or heavy role play between consenting adults. i have absolutely witnessed fic that’s clearly written to be CP, but it’s tagged as age play. so like, for all intents and purposes this is CP, but if you roll in like “hey, this is fucked up,” they can be like, “oh, so you read this picturing actual children, sicko?? you have a problem with two adults doing shit in the bedroom??? how dare you!!! don’t like don’t read!!!”

it’s kind of like on porn sites, how they make like nasty inc*st stuff but call it “stepmom” or whatever, like oh, they’re not actually related! sure, joseph, thanks for covering all your bases

so we can’t ban kinks. or can we? should we limit depictions of serious addictions or domestic abuse too? torture, or even body horror? these are generally accepted to be dark content.

i’m not trying to engage in whataboutism, i’m naming actual, relevant questions about shit that’s disturbing in real life (no offense to kink people who follow codes of consent and conduct) and can be incredibly upsetting to encounter online. shit that i can’t imagine wanting to read, let alone write.

these are the questions that we, you, i, people pro-a*3 and people anti-a*3, are all asking, and not a single one of us can or should answer them unilaterally.

so it’s like, oh, okay, so there should be no oversight at all? should there be no rules? no, obviously, that would be horrible, i don’t trust any of these fuckers to conduct themselves civilly. so there should be some rules, but not too many rules. that’s what we have now, and clearly the way things are now isn’t working because a lot of users are reasonably very upset.

should there be a voting system, and rules are set by a popular vote? should certain words be flagged and you can’t post the fic with that word in it? should there be a thing where when you post a fic, you have to select the ages of each character and that’s listed at the top of the fic? what if they age during the fic? should there be a flagging function, where you report someone for not using sufficient tags? users will find workarounds for all of this. you know they will. so mods will have to be very specific about the rules and introduce, like, a vetting system for it. which is a lot more manpower and a lot more chances for subjective judgments.

all of the above is why it operates on a tagging system instead. i’m gonna be real, i only go on a*3 to read comments on my own shit lmao, and even when i did go on there more often i never went in the tags searching for fic. so is there a blacklist function? is there a flagging function?

if there is a flagging function, maybe they make it so that if the flagged user has violated the rules, their account is suspended and their fic made private for the duration and until they add necessary tags.

cool, a compromise. but uh-oh, it turns out Mod A agrees that this fic is n*ncon, but Mod B thinks it’s just vague, not n*nconsensual, and doesn’t feel comfortable banning the fic. or it turns out User didn’t post anything flaggable, they were reported by somebody who is targeting them for some reason, or by someone who is more stringent about n*ncon than somebody else would be, like, it’s gotta be enthusiastic and verbal consent or else it’s skirting the edges too much.

it’s like, we’ve already witnessed censorship (please take this word usage gently, i know it’s touchy but it’s the word to use here) being a problem here on tumblr with their stupid nipple ban. there’s a double standard regarding whose nipples are explicit and whose are kosher for public consumption. people have to appeal their shit getting flagged and sometimes nothing gets fixed regardless. i’m sure other people are pleased that there’s less of a chance of them accidentally scrolling past a picture of a hard dick at work.

so you get it, this is a problem that’s more complicated than “all of x should be banned and if you post it there’s something wrong with you,” a belief you’re more than entitled to hold but can’t base, like, fanfic legislation off of. you get it you get it.

you get it, but like, what is the fucking deal with those “fandom moms” who go off on soliloquies about the days of old or whatever the fuck whenever this topic comes up? what about the weirdos who are like, “what’s next, banning gay fic????” yeah, if we allow gay marriage you can marry a tree, that’s how it works, thanks tiffany.

but no, the reason they do this is NOT that they think lgbtq content is comparable in any way to CP. the reason they do this is that this exact problem has taken place on every site that has ever hosted fic. and many previous sites did think lgbtq content was comparable to CP. it was categorized as adult content and hidden.

that’s why a*3 exists in the first place. it was to avoid godmodding and absolutism. it’s supposed to be more or less self-governed. i don’t want there to be CP on a*3 any more than you do, but i also don’t trust randos to decide what is and isn’t acceptable content. this topic is not new.

i’m in support of stronger government regulation in real life because it can be argued that certain actions and systems violate human rights. everybody deserves food and shelter, for example. the same can’t be argued in this case because some creep writing CP doesn’t violate my rights. i find it offensive and i don’t think they should be writing it, but my right to click the back button is intact. there is no institution making it impossible or even difficult for me to not read fanfiction. the creep could just as reasonably argue that their right to post what they want is being affected.

why is this response so long? is it because i can’t shut up? yes, but also because this is a complex issue and that’s why nobody has taken significant action on it.

people are also big mad.

i’ve never understood this impulse to see somebody not doing a thing you want them to do and assume it’s out of malice or incompetence, anyway. i don’t know anybody who volunteers for a*3 but it’s my assumption that given the choice to have us all pissed at them, or have us all not pissed at them, they would choose to have us not be pissed at them. it just seems like the reasonable reaction to have. and like, i’d be pretty shocked to part the kimono and find out they’re all CP-loving gargoyles and a*3 actually stands for A lot Of child abus3. that is the reason i have not been like, “fuck a*3.” because what are they supposed to do, you know?

there’s no simple or inarguably morally right solution here. the princess is in another castle. just post fic on tumblr, i guess? make another hosting site that’s exactly like a*3 but romantic characters can only be like, 21?

i actually think the legal age in the US should be raised to 21, not joking. your brain literally and biologically isn’t finished developing at 18. teenagers lack the world experience to make decisions that adults make.

somewhere there is an 18-year-old or a person who moved out and became self sufficient at 18 who hates this sentiment. there’s a teenager in an abusive home who would be intensely demoralized by the prospect of having to remain beholden to these people for three more years.

and there’s a parent who is relieved to know that their kid can’t be preyed on by army recruiters for three more years. there’s a person who got into a car crash with a teenager who misjudged whether or not they could make a turn who’s like, yeah, she could probably have benefited from a few more years.

nothing is as simple as it should be. i agree with you, but i’m not willing to pass blanket judgments with regards to actions that should be taken. and honestly, given how little i actually go on the site, i don’t even have a dog in this fight. so all my opinions on it are moot anyway.

(side note, if you are in an abusive home and you can’t make your own bank account, or if your bank account is monitored by your abusive parents, maybe try venmo? you can get a debit card that pulls directly from your venmo balance. a surprising number of places accept venmo payments, and this way you can save up money in secret.)

anyway uhhhhh seeya

#who is this even #haters #long post #please DO NOT REBLOG

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kinkymagnus · 3 years

Note

Hi! Love your stories!! <3

I just wanna start with I am not transphobic (I know it sounds cliche...) but I am just curious about fanfic authors who write Magnus as trans.

Most of the time I shy away from trans!Magnus fics because for me its hard to picture it when he is male and when I try to read a fic I will get thrown off once I read sex scenes. I love your stories of sub!Magnus (let's be real there is no other kind <3).

I am always afraid to ask (hence the anon ask) cause most of the time anyone who loves trans!Magnus will get really defensive and start getting really mean when it's a general question or opinion and I just wanted to get your take on it.

hm ok. well. i really don’t love the wording of this question. but i like to try and take questions like this that i think are more borne of ignorance than malice and like, engage with them. i don’t think i’m morally obligated to, though, and people you may have said something like this to and reacted negatively, well, i don’t blame them at all. i’m not exactly feeling sunshine and roses about it, either.

under the cut bc this is long

first: starting with “i’m not transphobic, but--” isn’t cliche, it’s a sign of someone knowing they’re about to say something transphobic. or trying to excuse themselves and distance themselves from any blame. and so on. it’s not like “oh everyone says that” it’s “i read that and immediately know i’m about to put up with some bullSHIT.” like, the fact you put that little disclaimer there means you KNOW IT NEEDS ONE.

second: “it is hard to picture if when he is male” hm. ok. so. right here you’re assuming trans men =/= male. magnus having a vagina = not man. that’s very much being transphobic.

but let’s give the benefit of the doubt. let’s say you didn’t mean it like that. you might be confused just because you’re so used to cis male magnus, it feels off when someone suddenly describes something that doesn’t fit what you’re used to. it’s like when i read a fic and it mentions magnus’s dick or whatever, and i’m always surprised, and find it hard to picture, because at this point, i’m so used to trans magnus that way i write it. or it might be even something like...

ok, here’s a weirdly specific example. i read the alex rider books as a kid, and there’s a character who is described as white and red-headed. in the recent tv adaptation, she’s a black woman with long dark curls. i’ve never been good at imagining characters in my head when its just books, so the imagery i’ve attached to this character is the tv show version of her. so now, if i go back and reread the books or read fanfiction for alex rider, every time they mention her red hair or something that makes it clear she’s not black, i’m a little startled, before i remember, oh yeah, originally, she was a redheaded white chick.

so let’s say that’s more the feeling you’re getting: you’re so used to cis magnus, seeing trans magnus is a little moment of surprise.

........so what?

your options here are:

don’t read it and be quiet if it bothers you so much

keep reading and deal with the surprise i mean is it really that bad to have a momentary “oh yeah lol” moment? and you might even stop being surprised eventually if you get used to it lmao

i don’t think it’s a big deal to be a bit thrown off when you remember that this person’s version of magnus doesn’t have a dick or whatever. but that’s kind of something to keep to yourself. read it or don’t, but there’s nothing wrong with it. it’s not weird, it doesn’t make magnus less male, and if you don’t like it, don’t read it.

also, you say “i’m afraid to ask” but come to think of it, you haven’t actually.... asked a question. just “like your fics. im not transphobic BUT... trans magnus is weird because i can forget he’s supposed to be trans until the sex scenes, and then it throws me off because he’s supposed to be Male. it’s weird. i love sub magnus. i’m afraid to ask because trans magnus fans are mean and defensive when you say lightly transphobic things. what’s your take?”

i mean, is the question the whole “i’m curious about fic authors wrote magnus as trans”? like, what about us? most of us are trans and we love magnus???? idk what you want to know buddy? why people would EVER headcanon magnus as not cis? like, there are lots of reasons for that one being he literally could not possibly be our definition of the western cis male given that he was born like 4+ centuries ago on an entirely different continent . like, really, if you want to know why we headcanon him as trans i’m sure you could read through our blogs and find a bunch of shit

and anyway it’s like, ok, 1. trans magnus isn’t just about the sex, but that’s a lesser issue.

2. again, no question being asked here beyond a general “what’s your take on this” (this being....”trans magnus weird”? or “trans magnus fic authors...thots?”?)

3. finally to get tho the last part of hmm yikes wording is the “anyone who loves trans!Magnus will get really defensive and start getting really mean”. the word choice here sure does say a lot.

“defensive” and “mean”. if you’re going up to them and saying “trans magnus confuses me during sex scenes because he’s male!” then yeah, people might get a little upset. and defensive? either a) implies you’re on the offensive, or b) implies they’re like, guilty somehow, they’re being defensive and cagey.

like, coming out with some casual transphobia or whatever and then playing the victim when people are offended and react....not cool

and just... look. calling someone out for being transphobic isn’t being mean or a bully. and no one’s saying you have to like trans magnus, no one’s holding a gun to your head and making you read our posts and fics. but if you’re going to read our posts and fics, don’t be a dick about it.

and genuinely, like, i know i’ve focused on the bad here, but like, thank you, i’m glad you like my stories, and hell yeah sub magnus rights. and i don’t think you’re like a bad person or someone trying to be malicious and hateful or something, but like.... my dude PLEASE think about this shit and how you’re wording things like. jesus

i think the highlights here are

yes trans man = man

man with vagina = still a man

trans magnus having sex via a cis man’s penis in his vagina = gay sex between two males

people might get defensive or “mean” if you say things to them that are kinda transphobic and that’s understandable. they aren’t aggressors or your enemies for reacting like this.

no one is forcing you to like or read trans magnus content, it’s okay if you don’t, but if so just don’t, you don’t gotta say anything just don’t read it

there are lots of reasons someone might headcanon magnus as trans

and headcanoning him as trans isn’t weird, gross, or wrong in any way

honestly headcanoning him as cis makes less sense but that’s another talk

also saying “im not transphobic but--” doesn’t absolve you of any transphobia following it

#long post #tw transphobia #sigh....anon.......#im very tired

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sirduck45 · 4 years

Text

The Night (some fanfiction I wrote)

(I don’t own the male character but I don’t really think it’ll matter since I don’t mention much about him. Also I chicken out halfway through sorry, I hope my mom won’t read this.)

The light of the day had gone quickly. Our day of playing games, dancing, and cooking had landed us on the couch watching Harry Potter. I’d say my mission of distracting John from whatever had been bothering him had been a success. He had a smile on his face the whole time even now while I made him watch this classic, which he could care less for.

The timer on the microwave beeped as the popcorn stopped popping. I peel my eyes away from the screen as Harry receives his wand. Quickly I pour the hot bag into a bowl and race back to the couch. In my absence, John had stretched himself out all over the love seat with his feet hanging off my side of the couch.

“Move your feet,” I say poking his legs with my free hand. He smiles at me and reaches his arms out to motion for me to come closer. I swallow the lump in my throat, friends didn’t get that close. My living room was small so the couch was the only place to sit, no way to get around this one. “Yeah, I’ll take your stinky feet,” I joke. Like a roller coaster ride, I lift up his legs and sit down letting his legs be the safety bar.

“I won’t bite,” John said with a smirk his arms still outstretched. I shovel a fist full of popcorn in my mouth with my head facing towards the TV. Laying down with a friend would only lead to bad things, especially this friend. I look back at John his blue puppy dog eyes as big as saucers piercing into my soul. He pouted as he reached for me. He’s your friend.

“Fine,” I sigh, giving in to the temptation. I set the bowl down on the floor and I position myself in between him and the couch. My heart pounded, I loved being this close but it wouldn’t be appropriate to tell him. He’s just a friend, one who I was comforting as he had done for these few years. My friend Amy’s voice echoed in my head all those times she teased me about us being together. It wasn’t going to happen, but… God did it feel nice to have his arm around me.

Nana, my dog perked her head up at the sight of the bowl of popcorn hitting the floor. She stood up following the smell of the salty, buttery popcorn.

“Uh, let’s set that somewhere else,” I say getting up and over John. For a brief second our eyes locked. His blue eyes were telling me something but I was too afraid to figure out what it was. I hung over him for just a second longer before I snap out of it. With shaking hands, I set the bowl on the bar table behind me and lay back down. I wasn’t sure what to do with my hands, should they be at my side? On his chest? No that was too close. Without knowing my arm kept going up till it reached his bearded chin.

John didn’t’ seem to notice his eyes were on the screen. I rest my head on his shoulder my heart beating out of my chest like a dam waiting to break. Just calm down. My hand absentmindedly rubs against his beard. The movie continues although I tried to pay attention I had no idea where we were, I only noticed John leaning into my touch. The weight of his head was soon in my hands and I could see him close his eyes just for a second to take in my touch. Everything seemed so peaceful at that moment.

My eyes ran down his figure admiring every detail up close. The moles on his forehead the detail of his earring, the way his lips begged to be kissed. I kept finding myself being pulled towards him like a magnet, but I resisted every time. I didn’t want to get too close. As his head was leaning into my palm I realized the crook of his neck was exposed. It was so close my lips could almost touch it. I allow myself to be pulled in as the tip of my nose caresses his neck. Just a little bit closer. My lips meet his skin as I breathe in through my nose I catch his scent of smoke and pine. I cover his neck in soft kisses while my hand leans his head away so I can get closer.

After a few minutes, he straightens up and turns to me. I wasn’t scared anymore. His eyes closed and his hand brushed against my cheek. His lips met mine as he twisted his body towards me. My hand went up his back to rest on the back of his head. I let out a small sigh and smile, but as soon as I do my eyes shoot wide open. What the hell am I doing?

Bolting straight up my one leg falls off the couch while the other squishes in between the couch cushions. I slap my hands to my face as I look down at John. “Oh my God I’m so sorry,” I apologize, “I shouldn’t ha-”

“No I’m sorry,” John interrupts me. I give him a questionable look?

“For what?”

“This,” he smiles and leans straight up to grab the back of my head to pull me back into another kiss. It was even better the second time. The way his body curved up to mine, his hand brushing through my hair. I let out a small moan as our faces push together. I could feel him moving under me trying to position himself better. I could feel him under me.

“No, no, no,” I jump off the couch pulling myself away from him. I buried my face in my hands. What was I doing? I peek at him through my fingers, as he got off the couch. Sure I wanted him, but there was a part of me that was telling me to run. I trusted him but I was scared of what would come next.

“Hey, what’s wrong,” he said coming closer to console me. I take a step back my chest pounding more than it had been.

“Nothing, uh it’s not you, I promise, it’s just, uh…” I trailed off I had no idea what I was saying or doing. I looked at him, his messy hair, his soft eyes. I just wanted him, nothing more. I wanted him to hold me, touch me, kiss me.

“Are you scared,” John said in a low voice his hand resting on my cheek. I grab his hand and looked deep into his eyes. I was still shaking, this was the worst part. My breathing quickened as he took another step forward. Why was I so scared to look into his eyes?

I nodded as his other hand cupped my face. He pulled me into his embrace his hand falling to my back. I hugged him tight out chests pressed against one another, just hoping he could hear and feel the beating of my heart.

“It’s ok,” John said into my ear, “I’ll be gentle.” I freeze in place as his lips latch onto my neck. My hand pushes his head closer instinctively, I wasn’t sure if I wanted this, but good God did it feel good. His arms reached under the back of my shirt as his hands explored my back.

“John,” I breathe as my arm wraps around him.

“Shh,” he pulls back as he licks his lips staring at mine. He goes for it, both my hands pull his head closer to mine. With a sudden jump, John pulls me up, my legs wrapping around his waist. I giggle slightly with his lips pressed upon mine. He walks us down the hall and into my bedroom. The door was shut and for a moment he slammed me against the door. My back against the door with him pushing on me, only made me want him more.

“I’ve always wanted to do that,” he smiles as he opens the door, quickly pulling me back into his embrace. He lets me go as I bounce onto the bed. His eyes seem to undress me as he admires all of my curves. John raises his hands to start unbuttoning his shirt.

“Wait,” I say with a little too much urgency. He looks down at me wondering if I’ve decided to back out. I sit p and snake towards his body. John’s lips were slightly parted, I could tell he wanted me just as bad. “Let me,” I say my lips outlining his. My hands slip down his chest as I unbutton his shirt. The blue silk falls to the floor exposing his bare skin, both his fully tattooed arms wrap around me. They tug at my shirt and slowly he lifts it off me. Our lips collide once more as he pushes me down onto the bed. Both his arms steady himself above me as I grab his belt and pull it through the loops. He rests his weight on his legs as he carefully peels off my jeans.

I could hear his breath quicken as his eyes land on my thighs. He leaned down and lifted my waist towards him. He shifted my panties down and kissed just below the lines. A spark fired off in me, I just wanted him to move all over my body.

He rolled off the bed and ditched his pants. My eyes glance down at his erection pushing through his boxers. I climb over to him on all fours I climb up his chest and rest my arms around his neck. As we kiss I can feel him move and shake something off his legs. I crack my eye open slightly to see that he had taken off everything. My heart pounded I could already feel the gross sweaty feeling rising in my stomach.

Softly he pushes me down onto the bed. He looked me up and down as he was leaning in between my legs, wondering where to start. His lips start on my stomach as his hands slip off my panties. I grab the covers as I try to control my shivering. Instead of coming up further, his head moves down. My eyes widen as his tongue meets my skin. I grab his head to hold him down there.

This got way out of hand.(*at this point I realized I hated writing smut sorry*)

I awake in the middle of the night, the moon shines in through the shades. I roll over expecting to hold John but greeted by a warm empty spot. My heart sinks. I guess I should have counted on him leaving. He had been with me all day and he had other things to do. In the living room, I can hear the TV still on. With a heavy heart, I grab my robe and drudge out to the living room.

I pass the bathroom with the light on and just before I get to the living room I pause. The light was on. I look down to see a shadow moving underneath the door. He was still here. A smile breaks across my face as I turn back to the living room.

My eyes hurt looking at the bright light, I quickly shut the TV off without stopping the movie which had started again by itself. I throw the remote onto the couch as a pair of arms wrap around me.

“Come back to bed?” his soft groggy voice pleaded. I smile as he sways and kisses the back of my neck.

“I’m coming,” I say as I turn around in his arms as we make our way back to bed.

Sorry for the long post but also, fuck it

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kanashierihime · 5 years

Text

English fanfiction to come

When you have too many ideas and you want to write them down even if it takes years to do it 😂.

Short abc of stories below. Help me decide priority of writing 😊

AoKuro (Kuroko No Basket)

Regrets (One shot) - Warning: Major Character Death. Kuroko remembers Middle School, his young love and the world of empty sympathy that stole his love away.

Can We Still Be Friends (Around 8 chapters not sure)- Warning: Depression, suicidal thought - Kuroko and Aomine didn’t see each other for two years after being thrown away from the team of Miracles . Everything change when while doing his shopping he spots Aomine’s mother who asks him if he maybe could visit her son in the mental hospital.

Wish (4 chapters) - Aomine was bored. Everything was boring. New team, new rivals. Boredom created his life, till one day he wakes up from his nap in a cat body. Just what the hell?!

Chrisawa (Daiya No A)

You Get My Love (around 10 chapters not sure) Warning: Depression, Homophobia, yips - Sawamura tries hard to blend into a team, but everyone just reminds him that he isn’t needed. The only person that actually cares about him is his mentor- Chris. He still loud and stubborn to be an ace, but then yips happened and he just couldn’t win over this. So he goes back to Nagano feeling worse than ever. He failed everyone. But surprisingly his mentor still visits him making Sawamura’s heart do some weird backflips.

Forget ur books (4 chapters). Sawamura was cursed as a child for disrespecting minor god. Now every time he read book he can make it real around him. So his family reminds him to read in a closed house to not affect the city in this weird magic. But one day while Sawamura is reading some of the history book no one noticed that one of the windows is open, turning the city into a place where nothing is normal. Especially not these warriors with swords ready to cut anyone in their way.

Mirror (2 chapters) Warning: Cheating, coming out. Chris is working a doctor busy with his carrier. He has a wife but their marriage isn’t happy. But then one day to his clinic came a young boy (who wasn’t so young) who made his heart skip a bit with his smile and nice words.

BakuDeku (Boku No Hero Academia)

(Don’t comment how most of these fics have P!nk song as a title, her song are just A+ okay? xD)

Trapped Mind (5 chapters) Warning: Angst, Hurt, Addiction to drug, alcohol, sex, depression, suicidal attempt, memory lost. Izuku fell into his own trap of being a perfect hero. Katsuki not wanting to see his friends being judged to death by being just human that can make mistakes, decide to play the bad guy and till Izuku won’t get his memories back. But this task is far harder than any mission he did so far. Being hated by everyone left him trapped in a dead-end.

Who Am I (5 chapters) Warning: Toxic parental love, Memory lost, bullying, depression. Izuku moves to USA as a child after his accident where he loses half of his right leg. His mother is warry of everyone in his surroundings, she doesn’t want him to go back to Japan and meet with a person she blames of being responsible for his accident. But Izuku is having enough of being trapped in her arms and want to find out who he is, who he was before his mother decided to create him as a weak man.

90 Days (4 chapters?) Warning: angst. Izuku always wanted to repair his friendship with Katsuki. Wanted to laugh with him, study, going out. But reality showed that it’s not possible. Katsuki found new friends, people he likes to hang out. Their second year in UA and Katsuki b-day was the last straw to kill his heart. Seeing his friend laughing with their classmates, not being bothered by all these hugs and photos. Izuku runs away to his dorm room to cry his eyes out. And decides to go over Kacchan by the end of 90 days.

Walk Me Home (6 chapters) Izuku has autism that prevents him from having normal life. His only friend is Katsuki who seems enoying spending his time with Deku. But hearing his mom talking to his dad about her fears of him not being able to function without their help, to even find a job since meeting with people often ends with him having a panic attack. He wants to change, he wants to show his mom and Katsuki that he can be a proper part of society. But for that, he needs Kacchan help.

Secrets (10 chapters) Warning: Child abuse, Angst, pedophilia. Deku is a vocalist in Katsuki band with Kaminari, Tokoyami, Awase. Deku is the only person who can deal with Katsuki moods and can sing the song their drummer creates. Fans and media have their fun wondering what is the relationship between them. Deku also wonders what is his relationship with Kacchan and why he can’t sing his own songs.

Happy (around 10 chapters) Warning: Soulmate, angst, depression. Izuku loves heroes even tho he wasn’t born with a quirk, but he don’t have time to dream since his family life isn’t so happy. His dad found his true soulmate and his mom lost her mind over broken heart since for her his dad was her soulmate. Izuku from his young days must watch out for his mom, and every day he prays to not find her dead when he returns home. Even meeting All Might didn’t make him eager to focus in hero path. He refuse All Might to be a hero, he doesn’t have time and his mom would go crazy if he would left her side. Wanting to save Kacchan was just a short thought of ending his misery. But somehow Deku ends up in UA in GE curse. And soon he finds up that his Soulmate is Kirishima. He feels how his body is changing because of it thing he doesn’t realize that Katsuki isn’t happy to find out.

Silent Scream (5 chapters) Warnings: Bullying. Izuku has troubles with speaking, so his parents showed him sign langue which find out more fun and enjoyable. But soon fun times ends when he ends up with the same kindergarten as Katsuki who wants to make him speak no matter what. Everything goes in the far worse direction the moment when Katsuki gets his quirk. Not being able to control his new ability he goes too far with the explosion that made Izuku lose his hearing in the left ear. (okay so it;s “A Silent Voice” but in MHA AU xD)

Hurt 2b Human (DUNNO) Warning: angst, war, A/B/O, death. They say that Alpha ones are people that were blessed by gods. Omega were fruits of sweet desire for happiness. Katsuki was an Alpha. Japanese Solider who gonna die in Death Chamber any moment. No one knows why Japan lost the war. The only thing he knows that Russia won and now he gonna die. Or maybe there is a hope?

Timebomb (12 chapters) Fantasy AU. Katsuki and Deku fights with the evil mistresses who seeing that she can lose to them decide to split them apart and send Izuku to a different dimension. Katsuki roar with the grief of losing his mate. He captures his enemy to only learn that she can't bring him back. There is no way he gonna see his Deku again. But he can’t give up. He asks Uraraka for help and she creates a necklace to send him to other worlds, tho it will be random... So there he is going through 10 worlds to find his mate and return home with him.

Dream of the Death ( 5 chapters) Warning: major character death. Katsuki has few regrets in life. The biggest is telling his friend to kill himself. But then by villain attack he is sent to the past where Izuku is alive. Soon he realizes that whatever he says to Izuku doesn’t go through. So he changes his tacting and go to his younger self and please him to save Izuku.

Bonus story: Ten Times where Izuku got hit by quirk and made Katsuki ask himself of his sexuality (10 chapters)

Haikyuu!!

Different way of love (3 chapters) Warning: Angst, Homophobia, depression, suicide, dealing with lose. Kuroo thinks he has nice life. Good friends, a lovely boyfriend, and a dog. Nothing to complain. Till in Sawamura’s life show up his first love and things go not the way Kuroo thought it would. Sawamura is dealing with depression, love issues, and past that can't be really forgotten. Life isn’t an easy mission.

Neko Love (4 chapters) Warning: Abuse. Yokai had it enough of being ruled by weak humans. They started a revolution against them and won. Now people are their slaves and taste how yokais felt when humans bullied them for ages. Kuroo is a nekomata. He loves living in Sawamura household. He supposed to leave or rule over his past masters but he can’t find a strength to abuse his young master.

Tengu’s Book (6 chapters) Warning: abuse. Kuroo has the worst luck in the world. He was born with these strange powers and thanks to them he can see yokais. Not very pleasant thing to see. People usually are wary of him and are afraid of his weird looks and muttering. Kuroo is used to being alone. Till one day he meets a tengu who gives him an offer. He gonna be his bodyguard for finding his wings. What can go wrong?

Dragon’s Heart (5 chapters) Warning: Slight angst. Fantasy AU. Iwaizumi is a dragon rider but the thing is, he seems to not being able to bond with his dragon so after his school is destroyed by Demons he searches for beasts master Sawamura who was cursed by Demons to be able to talk with monsters and was thrown from society. Their meeting is awkward. Sawamura can’t really speak human langue since humans usually avoid him and Iwaizumi can’t deal with his responsibilities as a warrior.

Your Heartbeats (one shot) part of my Soulmate AU. Warning: Homophobia. Kuroo meets Bokuto in middle school and for the first time in his short life can feel his heartbeat. Bokuto was looking at him with the same confusion and happiness. All good vibes ended five minutes later when another player commented on how gross they were and should cure this. But does being in love is a really bad thing? Even if it between the same gender?

Let me be drunk for now (5 chapters) Publish AU created by @bringmemyqueen I like this idea so I gonna write something in it. Daichi has enough of his work, of people in his work. Why he seems to attract only men? Doesn’t he deserve some nice lady waiting for him at home? So every night he goes to a bar to drink and forget about his coworkers. He doesn’t know that this nice guy who keeps talking to him while drinking his beer is an author who works under Oikawa. But Iwaizumi is nice and his hands are warm when he touches him.

Where is my fun (one shot) Kenma prefers to stay home and play his videogames. It is his day off, so he has plans of not going out all day. But his friend has a different idea and god. Kenma can’t refuse him.

Bad Guy (one shot) It all started as a simple admiration. Watching Sawamura in action gave him chills. Even his old captain didn;t made him feel this way. He wanted to be tamed by this plain captain so he went to Karasuno to just see the object of his obsession, no big plans for it. Then this weird duo was screaming to him to leave their Queen alone and he barely remembered that cute glasses girl he was focused at Karasuno’s Captain that looked at him with such intensity that Terushima wanted to crawl to him and beg for something he never wanted to do before.

That is freaking long. XD Thank for reading :)

In MHA I wish i could write for different pairing alone fics but it just didn’t click in with me to try it. I’m still try to figure out some characters so their appearing in my fic won’t be a total disaster. (I’m looking at you Inasa xD)

#my stuff #aokuro #chrisawa #bkdk #bakudeku #iwadai #kurodai #terudai #bokuro #kenhima

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wingsporkhalo · 4 years

Text

He’s Mine: A BakuDeku Fic Spork- Chapter 2

Here I am with chapter 2 of this mess!! For those of you who are new, I read a terrible My Hero Academia fanfiction and made funny commentary on it with some good buddies. Chapter 1 is here! https://wingsporkhalo.tumblr.com/post/190957730961/hes-mine-a-bakudeku-fic-spork-chapter-1

Support me on Patreon! I am poor!! https://www.patreon.com/WingSongHalo And check out my YouTube channel, where you can see video sporks!! https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCgTMFf7W6SyWoZdpqY9ZdPw/

Last time, the story started in the middle of an inexplicable fight, Izuku gave Shoto his phone number and had multiple houses, and Katsuki told Izuku he doesn’t want Izuku to call anyone by their first name but him! Because being controlling is romantic, right?? (Sarcasm.)

In today’s chapter, Katsuki attempts to confess his “love,” Izuku is forced to dress as a girl, Shoto kidnaps Izuku, I rant about people uke-fying my favorite characters, and Kirishima offers some terrible advice!

Special thanks to my dear friends @the-wizard-l, @kittykatz009, @satsuneade, and Phos for co-commentating!

Without further ado, let’s move ahead to Chapter 2!

My friend Phos: It’s reviewing the same stuff!!! What?? Me: but Phos!! This time it's in a different Point of View, though you'd never know that from the lack of detail!!

Um what am I doing here .

[sigh] I ask myself that every day, sonny

Why dose? Uh, because it keeps you from taking too much medication?

Why dose my chest feel weird when I see deku with half'n'half.

Uhhh... maybe you know he's lactose intolerant and you're concerned for him as a friend? ....naaahhh

Phos: “Damed nerd” Me: I mean, from what i know of Bakugou's character, he always instantly regrets talking to Izuku Why would he be stuttering in his own head??! Also, what the fuck is damhed? Is it like being a shithead, but less profane?? Disided. Uhhhh... I guess that's when... something has two sides? I guess??

After I payed for the thing I wanted,

God this detail!! I'm so moved!!

Why was Izuku just running around? Was he late? I thought you were 10 minutes early?

I catched up to him

Sure. With your umbrella? Were you using it to travel like fucking Mary Poppins??

“Ahh” he said falling on the wet ground

I love how unemotional that is.

"DEKU HEAR" --the sound of me being completely out of character? Oh yes. I hear it

Wh--? What bottom of his uniform was he grabbing? I??? I hope you mean like the edge of the blazer?? My friend Jaz: Bottom of his shoes Phos: Bottom of the uniform might mean bottom of the pant leg— Oh Me: I mean, valid interpretations all of them, but it really sounds like he's grabbing ass if you just say "the bottom of his uniform" because that's... where the bottom is... moving on.

I don't get it. Has Bakugou supposedly found Izuku's stare cute this whole time, or is this a recent thing? It's so outside the realm of possibility that it's not computing

We walked to school together.

Oh my, how exciting! I wondered what was going to happen next!! And you told it so efficiently, with as few words as possible! Bravo!!

So like, WERE you getting closer or did it just FEEL like you were?

I feel like if their faces ever touched, reality would just collapse in on itself because the laws of nature would be violated

(either that or it would have to be a "one of them literally fell from a great distance onto the other one" situation)

(Which I guess isn't too far fetched since they get thrown around a lot)

Again the damh nerd is here.

Did I say something wrong?

SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU EVER CARED???

Ohhhhkay I'm just. So confused. WHY is Bakugou suddenly aware of his "feelings," WHY is he suddenly so much nicer, and WHY is he just deciding all of a sudden to confess his love?? That's the kind of thing you WRESTLE with, if you accidentally fall in love with the dude you've hated for like 11 of your 15 years of life!! My friend Wiz, evidently affected by the reality-warping powers of this fic: jhwbebhjfewjhbwfjh

Uh why did he have to come at a time like this.

B... because the bell is going to ring?...

Wow, I wish I could communicate entire sentences with just my face. Seems like a useful talent. Maybe that guy in class 1-B with the speech bubble for a head would be best at that

"Kacchan here" Why yes, he is here. Not sure why the sudden caveman-speak, though

Then half'n'half went of with my deku

[sits there staring at nothing for 5 seconds] [shakes self] Sorry I was just reeling at the sheer ridiculousness of everything about that sentence

I felt kind of bad leaving kacchan behind.

Then it just transitions to the next scene because fuck internal monologue I guess Jaz: When did he become Your Deku? Me: THEIR TEACHER NEVER SHOWED UP??? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO AIZAWA??? Also, wouldn't it naturally fall to Iida to take over and decide their next course of action, as class rep? Why are the girls all hijacking the class??? Jaz: They hogtied Iida, of course Me: They're putting their names on a stick... oh god... tHEY'RE ORGANIZING A DEATH TOURNAMENT "Deku come with me" "I'd love to but that's not the pairing of this fic" Jaz: Dhdududidifhf

I love how Izuku has no agency in this fic; he just goes with whoever and does whatever, helpless against the whims of those around him. And by love, I mean hate. I fucking hate that.

Uh *sigh*

Wow that's a mood. Jaz: Wtf is even going on Me: lskjdlkksjdf Not that Izuku wouldn't dress up as a girl if someone told him to, but I think he'd usually at least like a reason for it "Izuku the All Might Cheer Squad is missing a member; could you sub in?" "[throws everything off his desk and stands up at once] I've been waiting for this moment" My friend Satsu, just arriving: Finally caught up and I'm CACKLING Me: Somebody get Ochaco to Recovery Girl!! She's taken a blow to the face and there is BLEEDING aH THANK U SATSU <3 Satsu: HI MOM, ((note: my server calls me Mom. LOL)) lol this is so bad 😂 😂 Wiz: I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE JHBDJBH Me: Honestly, I think Izuku would be dreadfully embarrassed if everyone stared at him no matter WHAT he was wearing Satsu: Yeah but like, why uraraka suddenly dressed him like that??? What is the thinking process that that would be okay in the school omg Me: “Why would you do this to me uraraka-san“ Wiz: I’m crying Me: "Look, it was in my contract that I had to appear in 50 badfics a week. I'm sorry, Deku" "[hangs his head] No that's fair"

Satsu, didn't you know?? This is just what happens when the teacher doesn't show up Satsu: Aw damn, if I knew ;-;

Wiz: I am. So confused wjhbfe Satsu: They all ran of Me: he stoped, but I can't.

Then I ran of

It was a run of girlishness and embarrassment, I'm guessing. Did they all say the slashes, or? Jaz: Did Todoroki just kidnap Deku? Wiz: These things happen Satsu: Oh dear, the last sentence My eyes Me:

Izuku ran of

--Shame and frilliness--

Mabey we went to far

"Sorry, I can't go with you this weekend. Mah bae and I are going to far." "To where?" "Far. It's this restaurant across town" Wiz: jhwbewehbj Me: What the--why was Izuku running for his life? WHAT DID HE DO Shoto: [pushes Izuku] Izuku: thank you! Shoto: uh... s-sure... should I be concerned that you just thanked me for shoving you Izuku: Probably! Wiz: MOOD Satsu: Kdbdkdbfkjf Me: What the--why's Shoto rubbing Izuku's head? Is it a good luck ritual or has Izuku turned into a puppy? Wait, no, he still has hands. I'M CONFUSED Phos: I still don’t understand the dress and wig.Well, girls uniform. Satsu: You’re not alone with that lol Me: Look, sometimes ya see an adorable messy-haired befreckled shonen protagonist and ur just overwhelmed with the desire to see him in drag....... I guess? Phos: I mean Yeah that sounds exactly like what this fic is doing Me: It sounds to me like they wanted to write moments where Shoto and Katsuki would get to interact with Izuku while he's a delicate, soft little maiden [rolls eyes] Wiz: :’)) Me: STOP UKE-FYING MY IZUKU, YOU FETISHIST Satsu: They always do that to my dear main characters :( Me: Me pulling these badfic authors up by their collar: listen here you yaoi sluts... my son Izuku is more manly than 90 other shonen protagonists put together... Jaz: Omggggg WING Phos: "yaoi sluts" I will never have a chance to use that and man I’m upset about that Satsu: Heck yeah! Me: LSJKFLKSDJ PHOS Satsu: MOOD Phos: I’m not in a lot of fandoms where yaoi is the norm in badfic! Me: Really? It kind of seems like it's the norm in every fandom nowadays. Look I love a lot of slash pairings, but yaoi I have a problem with. Yaoi is fetishization, yaoi is semes and ukes and one of them has to be "the girl" essentially and it's gross Phos: Agreed! Me: ANYWHO [steps off my soapbox] Wiz, a bit behind on the messages: YAOI SLUTS JHBFJHF

No body saw him, but several pairs of eyes did. Three of them were Shoji's. Wiz: Wing I love you Me:

Something told me he went out side

Was the something lazy writing? I LOVE U TOO WIZ <3 <3 <3 Satsu: It's cracking me uo that it says "Bakago P. O. V" Me: Does... does this person honestly think that's how you spell "damn"? I... wh? The kinds of mistakes this person is making are not really things I see from people who speak English as a second language--tenses are more or less usually correct, etc--so I'm just. How. How do you get it wrong that many times

"Ahh" I heard someone screaming

Really? Cuz when you write it like that it looks more like what you'd say while sinking into a hot bath after a long day. Satsu: Wait, didn't Todoroki kidnap him? Where did he go? Phos: He’s been consumed by the love triangle void Satsu: He just vanished lol Me: Yeah he was like "finally, my Love Interest™️ is in drag, so I must make the most of this and Romance him" and fucked the hell off dragging poor Izuku with him Satsu: LMAO PHOS Me: SLAKFJDLKJ PHOS Phos: bows Thank you Me:

It was Deku being chased by boys

The Izuku Midoriya tag on pixiv, basically

I picked up deku and put him over my shoulder.

This is the second BakuDeku fic I've seen where Bakugou throws Izuku over his shoulder like a goddamn bag of potatoes and it's portrayed as Romantic. Wiz: w h y Satsu: I'm still wondering, is this supposed to be BakuDeku or TodoDeku? Or both????? Phos: Both, I think Me: I think it’s both, yeah Satsu: Aw, dang. My poor baby. :( Phos: I’d bet real money this doesn’t end properly, like it’s not finished Me: yeah the story is technically called "he's Mine! (tododeku kacdeku) (boku no hero academia)" Satsu: Kfbdkfjf jf Wiz: Oh joy Me: which, like, first off, who the FUCK calls it Kacdeku? I'm pretty sure I heard my cat say that while throwing up once Wiz: gfthghuji Phos: Adobe (That was a corrected keysmash) Satsu: I was about to say about kacdeku veing a very weird ship name lol Ah fuck, I always end up changing one letter or eating a whole word Me: "ADOBE" IS THE BEST KEYSMASH LSKJDKFSL mkay SO I don't think Bakugou would literally kill those boys, but he would definitely threaten it Also, how is Izuku supposed to get changed? Did he bring his other clothes with him??

Phos: BOLD ITALIC AUTHORS NOTE Wiz: jhbjhbjhk Me: I... guess he had his uniform? ALSO YES, ONE OF MY FAVORITES, DEFS A SQUARE ON MY BADFIC BINGO Phos:

Or ... fuck him

Wow I hate this Me: I do not remember Bakugou ever looking like a lost cat, nor do I think a lost cat is a very good descriptor because cats just kinda hide or come up to people and yell when they're lost. ...Actually that second one does describe Bakugou; never mind. Katsukitty "ALL THEM BOYS" SHEEEEE-OOOT! IZUKU DONE GOT HIMSELF A HUMDINGER OF A SOUTHERN ACCENT, NOW, AHYUH-HYUH!!! I walked on a head? Wow, that takes talent. Most people use their feet but I guess if you wanna be Extra

I all ways want to force him

I mean, there are a lot of ways; do you really have to want all of them?

to force him agents a wall

Whoa, what? Where did these agents come from?? Are they investigating Todoroki's sudden disappearance?? Satsu: In which universe Bakugo is nicer with Deku more than with Kirishima Me:

and kiss him passionately

jfc. I just... hhhh. No.

Or... fuck him

Yeah that's about right. Katsuki: [thinks of Deku] well, fuck him :\ Satsu: LMAO LFBFKFHFKFB Phos: Scbsbsfddb Me: Also, Satsu, you summoned my favorite rocky cinnamon roll

Satsu: Also I don't remember what part of season 3 are you refering to dear author lol JUST, PLEASE STOP WITH THE DAMH ALREADY Phos: What even is that page.... Me: So I guess I should be surprised that Kirishima is just suddenly here, but considering he seems to follow Bakugou everywhere, I'm not.

"I've seen you with midoria and I thought I could help"

What's midoria? Is it a medical condition? "Man, I came down with a nasty case of midoria. I was in the bathroom like seven times last night" If that's the case, Kirishima could help by just giving him some Pepto. Satsu: Kdbejqhevjdvfjd Wiz: pfffft Me:

"Well for one change your..."

Mind? Clothes? Tires once every four years or 10,000 miles? Satsu: Your brain cells!??? Me:

"well be less angry and more happy with him"

WOW!! STARTLINGLY ASTUTE ADVICE!! IF ONLY SOMEONE COULD HAVE PINPOINTED BEFORE WHY THEIR RELATIONSHIP IS SO STRAINED!! YOU DOIN' THE LORD'S WORK, AUTHOR!! Phos: Adsvads Me:

"Are you telling me to change who I am!!"

"Well... yeah, kinda. I mean, I love ya, bro, but your attitude kinda sucks." "........Okay, fair"

"Unless you want him to be with todoroki!?"

Uhhh, does what Izuku wants factor into this at ALL, or...? Also, sure, if someone doesn't like you, just change who you are! Works every time, at least until you forget which version of yourself you were using with each person!! Wiz: yaaaaaaaaayyyy Me:

Damh him

Uhhh... okay. [points to self] Wing, me.

"Fine I'll change but only when I'm around deku!"

Sure! Sounds like the basis of a healthy relationship! (: The last decade of abuse doesn't matter!! Wiz: :')))))

===========================================================

AND THAT IS ALL FOR CHAPTER 2! Next time, Shoto makes terrible jokes and lies to Izuku’s mother, Izuku and Shoto go on a date, and our helpless damsel protagonist gets attacked by a villain!! Next post will be up very soon! Thanks for reading <33333

#badfic #bad fanfiction #wingsporkhalo #hes mine #my hero academia #bnha #fanfiction spork

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lenjaminmacbuttons · 4 years

Note

Hope you’re doing okay, I know there’s been a lot going on the past couple weeks. 🌈🌈💛💛

FOOF YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN

thank you for the good vibes anon, i love you and it means a lot to me. however unfortunately now im gonna use this to vent dump exactly how much has been going on the past couple weeks off the top of my head. this is actually pretty far from Everything thats happen but im so tired and dont want to think about any of it anymore

my grandma passed away last week. we were prepared for it and we know she’s at peace in a better place et cetera et cetera, her body was all full of restraints & impediments that she doesnt have to deal with anymore and the next time she’s in a body it’ll be all New And Improved and awesome. i missed so much work in anticipation of this that now i can’t get work off on the day of the funeral, so i can still go to it but i’ll have to go immediately to work right from it and have to pretend everythings fine and dandy and nothings going on.

everyone at work Does know there’s something going on however and the two coworkers i have who are actually like i consider them friends mostly they’re all like Hey Im Here For You Talk About Your Feelings Honestly with me and i. dont. want. to talk about my feelings at work. thats not what work is for and i dont like talking about my feelings anyway and i dont want them to ask anymore

the changes to the handbook and the honor code have completely sunk my heart. i had so much hope up until those hideous ridiculous unfathomably transphobic things they wrote and now i don’t feel like i can trust or have hope in ANYTHING the institution does anymore. ive been up all night going back and forth over whether i want to go to church today. or ever again. it’s not bringing me joy. it’s making me feel anxious and depressed and frustrated and alone. i keep seeing people just on the street or on facebook who are so happy and content with the church and whatever it does and i just…i get struck every single time with this thought of “they don’t care about me. they don’t care about any of these problems. they’re not affected personally by it and so they don’t care.”

and then that makes me feel like such a hypocrite because!!! ive been them too for so long!! what makes this moment so different!!!!! why is this the straw that breaks the camel’s back when the camel should have thrown off the whole burden and run to join its friends at the first strike of the owner’s whip!!!!!!

plus it’s making me feel gross about my mormon memes blogs. idk if i can keep running those anymore.

im failing this semester anyway and i keep getting emails about it. i was planning to take a break from school After this semester but ive missed so much class that i just really can’t go back to any of them so i guess im just dropping out right now. as much as i’d love to participate in all the incredible amazing protests going on right now i really really cant be on campus at all without feeling literally physically ill. and my Hope was to do really well this last semester and then submit mission papers and that way i’d know exactly what next to do with my life until i decide what After, and id be able to Get Out somewhere and travel someplace while still feeling like my life has some semblance of structure and direction. however! HOWEVER!!!!!!!!

i’ve been feeling so, so horrible and so worn down and i dont even know where or what my testimony is anymore. but that’s probably a lot lower on the list of Why I Can’t Serve A Mission, because a. i still don’t trust my Local Bishop enough to talk to him about things The Handbook says to b. i am finding it harder and harder and harder to be perceived as female. i never really have dysphoria about my body or my presentation or anything but like, when people say Sister and Ma’am and Miss and Daughter and Hey Pretty Lady It’s Me Your Relief Society President it’s like…that’s not me. that feels gross. and i wear suits and ties to church, have done so for a while and never get any flak for it, and im gradually working up the nerve to maybe start introducing myself as lev or levi instead of lillie buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut. socially transitioning apparently is not allowed.

not to mention my temple recommend expired ages ago anyway. anxiety about bishops prevented me from ever going in for an interview to renew it. i haven’t visited the temple once since before graduating high school. but every time i see it or think about it i long for it so badly and it hurts so much.

and also like, i get that same kinda horrible regretful longing feeling whenever i hear violin music? because i played violin for a few years and then stopped but i still have the instrument because it was given to me by my grandmother. who played it herself until sickness wouldn’t let her anymore and she entrusted it to me and i Stopped Playing but then i hoped to pick it up enough to at least learn how to play her favorite song and aw wouldn’t that be so nice to play that for her on her violin except i never actually got around to printing out the sheet music or practicing At All. and now she’s gone.

and one of the last things she said to me was that she would love to hear my book since her eyesight was too gone to read it so i said i’d record it as soon as i got the right software/hardware to do that and then i never did that either. also i promised alla yalls that book would be Published Published coming up on four months ago now and i still haven’t done that

i took a pair of safety scissors to my forearms as mentioned in a previous post and surprise surprise, the lines have not healed still, it’s getting warmer outside and thus harder to wear long sleeves, and guess what! a while ago on a separate occasion i complained that i kinda wished my self harm scars looked more like the classic cutter lines and Now They Do!! And I Hate It!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and a couple nights ago my little sister saw them and so i told her i got attacked by a spider-pawed bear and fortunately my brother Understands and backed me up like “dang what do they teach in schools these days i cant believe youve never heard of the spider-pawed bears that live in the mountains and are totally normal and real”

and steven universe is ending. that’s a thing.

and like….okay. not everything in my emotions right now is bad. some of it is just complicated. one coworker friend i have recently confessed that she’s had a crush on me for several months now. fortunately when she said this i was able to be honest and say that im not super eager for a relationship right now, im not ready in the slightest to settle down or anything, im still hung up on my high school crush and also dealing with issues from my last relationship, and she replied that’s all perfectly fine and she doesn’t have any expectations and she’s great being friends and we can take things at whatever pace is good

except i also now have a date with said high school crush loosely planned for tomorrow and i told this coworker friend about it and she admitted it’s making her a little jealous and then she said jealous is an ugly word and amended it to Insecure and i feel bad about that

but i also like. am really excited for this date. like it’s not really a for sure romantic capital-d Date and that’s fine, but i haven’t seen this friend irl for so long and ive been missing her so much over this past little while that we’ve been internet chatting and that ive been i guess officially falling back in love with her but i also like, i dont know what her deal is romantically right now i don’t want to presume anything but i really really really am itching to see her

work is stressful. it’s only gonna get more so as weather gets warmer. but we’re getting two new managers with loads of experience and glowing reviews next week. i have hope that they’ll makes things a little lighter.

and there’s also. good things. peridot took off her visor for the first time ever in canon and i saved like 50 different gifs of it to my computer cus it rocked my world. sonic has she-ra toys for the kids meals and i managed to snag a tiny inflatable version of the sword. i’m making cosplays of the tres horny boys from the adventure zone and they’re all very exciting and making things makes me very very happy. i’m finding joy in all the fanfictions i’m writing right now and in talking about dungeons & dragons with my brothers and friends. ducknerva is a very beautiful Good Ending version of marahope which makes me happy and taako is a super effective projection outlet. i bought cupcakes today and they were delicious. and when i think about those good things, when i think about any good thing no matter how small, everything else disappears.

whatever happens happens i guess.

she who lives will see.

#talkyllama #hey if anyone needs tags on posts like these please please let me know asap #i always forget that actual people see the things i post #i dont usually trigger tag cus i dont usually think i need to but if i do i will

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thebastardofgloucester · 4 years

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So...The Rise of Skywalker (Spoilers, obviously)

No Star Wars movie is anywhere close to perfect. Frankly, they all have serious flaws of logistics or plot logic or characterisation changes or deus ex machinas or lack of originality (which includes A New Hope when you look at its inspirations). It's pointless and silly to pretend otherwise. At its best, Star Wars overcomes that with captivating characters, glorious spectacle, and John Williams.

I think you'll all be familiar with how much I disliked The Last Jedi (and chafed at being lumped in for disliking the movie in with bigots, unimaginative fanboys, and the like).

I liked The Rise of Skywalker. A lot. It had more than enough to offset its major shortcomings, in my opinion. It was not 'soulless,' it was not a complete recreation of Return of the Jedi anymore than The Last Jedi was a rough retelling of The Empire Strikes Back, and it was not as bad or incoherent as Attack of the Clones, jfc are you high

There are certain areas where I am more sympathetic to that not being the case for some people than others. I don't think it completely junked The Last Jedi, but it did demonstrate a huge gap in creative visions, preferred plot structures, and other priorities. Blame for that should not lie with JJ Abrams (or Chris Terrio) or Rian Johnson, who did what they thought was best, and what they were hired to do, and what they thought audiences would enjoy. It should lie with the Lucasfilm story group and Kathleen Kennedy, who had every opportunity to make a trilogy with a united vision and simply declined to do so. (There are a set of different issues with Disney that I'll get to)

Anyway, here's my take on individual components.

Rey ‘Palpatine’

We might as well start with the single most contentious part of the film, and where it is perceived (wrongly, in my opinion) to clash the most with The Last Jedi: Rey being of the Palpatine bloodline.

Rey's arc was about pushing past her own past traumas and doubts and the repeated attempts of other people to define who she was to make her own identity. It is about the refutation of destiny, of genetic determinism. I'm not really sure how anyone really came away with a different impression. I understand being annoyed that Rey couldn't just come from nothing, but call me an annoying fanboy - I wanted some explanation for how Rey was a match for the grandson of literal Space Jesus. Anakin being the most powerful Jedi ever born (and how he was failed by those who were supposed to guide him to that destiny) is kind of central to the entire mythology of Star Wars. Is it reductive and elitist? I guess. I certainly enjoy having Jedi not born of the Skywalker bloodline in the old EU and the Clone Wars/Rebels story. I was frustrated by killing off all of Luke's students as part of resetting the universe in The Force Awakens, and never learning anything about them.

Honestly, as somebody who was in the Rey Skywalker camp (and wrote fanfiction to that effect!), I was glad to be wrong. This was better. It gave Rey more agency, and emphasized found family.

The exposition is weird and clunky. JJ clearly meant for Rey to have some kind of blood link to the previous mythology of the series - you cannot watch the sequence in Maz's castle and tell me otherwise. Rian didn't want to tell that story. JJ did. Kathleen Kennedy and Lucasfilm threw their hands up in the air and Disney raked in the cash. Looking at that Maz castle beat, there's a very good case to be made that Rey was supposed to be either a Skywalker or a Solo, and Palpatine was JJ's attempt to not completely throw out Rian's idea (that her parents went into hiding, becoming 'no one,' abandoning her and being killed somewhere else - their motivations in TLJ (drunks ditching her) are imputed by Kylo and Rey's own fears of abandonment, remember).

Weirdly, I think that of the outcomes, Palpatine was the best one. Explaining how Rey ends up alone on Jakku when she's related to either Luke or Leia is pretty hard without further damaging their characters. Palpatine having lovers, mistresses, whatever before Mace melted his face is gross but entirely plausible. The timeline is...confusing - I guess there's enough basis for Palpatine still having agents running around, chasing down Rey, that even years after his death Rey's parents would leave her behind in an attempt to protect her. It's a bit muddy, but so was Anakin being Luke and Leia's father before we had the prequels. A novel here would probably help if it is written competently)

The point is that Rey's arc refutes genetic destiny. Instead of being afraid of her, as the Jedi were of Anakin (and to an extent, the Skywalkers were of Ben) Luke and Leia (specifically Leia) allow her to grow into her own person, and ultimately she chooses to take the name Skywalker to honor them (and Ben's sacrifice). The problem in my mind is less that Rey is a Palpatine by blood or a Skywalker by choice, and more that she's the only Jedi standing at the end of the trilogy. Making Finn's absolutely obvious force sensitivity a bigger deal narratively in TROS would have helped a lot (more on that later). And we still have the important implications of Broom Boy! He's not erased from existence, there simply wasn't room for his story in these 2.5 hours.

The First Act (and a bit)

The first 30 minutes or so of The Rise of Skywalker are...nuts. They feel less like a movie and more like a series of trailers or a 'previously on' for a movie we never saw. It's about as well done as it could be at establishing plot threads, the situation of the Resistance v the First Order, and where characters are starting from, as you could reasonably expect, but it's like cramming the entirety of the Jabba's Palace segment of Return of the Jedi into about half its runtime, at most.

What it comes down to, and I said this at the time, is that The Last Jedi is a very bad sequel to The Force Awakens. That doesn't (REPEAT: DOES NOT) make it bad film, or even a bad Star Wars film. But in terms of what the middle movie of a planned trilogy should be. It is. Not Good. JJ had seeded hints of Rey's origins and opened a bunch of mysteries. You can contend that he never intended or was never capable of answering them, and I think that's entirely unfair and reducing JJ's opus to the unsatisfying ending of 'Lost' is stupid and lazy, but they were there. The Last Jedi threw all of that out with extreme prejudice. I deeply disliked that; other people didn't. Either way, you had a problem (and you would have had even more of a problem if Colin Trevorrow had directed Episode IX as planned - this could have been SO. MUCH. WORSE.). The Rise of Skywalker is a natural sequel to The Force Awakens, though Palpatine's return could have been foreshadowed much better (or at all, if we're honest?) and it really makes me wonder how much changed from the first drafts of The Force Awakens to the version of The Rise of Skywalker we saw on screen.

I saw some criticisms that we had to read the tie-in material (including a bit from Fortnite??) to understand all the specifics of what planets these were, who Kylo Ren was murdering, etc...I don’t really think any of that was particularly important. It actually opens up a ton of new storytelling opportunities and made the universe feel big again, which The Last Jedi didn’t, at least for me. Apparently the planet Kylo is fighting on is Mustafar. That...doesn’t make the slightest bit of sense (maybe we finally have a Star Wars world that isn’t a single biome?) but it wasn’t actually that important. We saw Kylo searching for the Sith Wayfinder and murdering anybody in his way, we saw Poe and Finn being pursued from one end of the universe to another, and we got the 16 hour deadline before the fleet was ready (which was...weird, admittedly, but not in the slightest less weird that the fleet running out of fuel on a slow-motion chase or needing to fly off to an entirely different system to find a ‘code breaker’ to counter a techo gadget thing that let you trace people through hyperspace.

And yeah, if you are going to forgive The Last Jedi the dumb codebreaker/fuel shit which led to the detached Canto Bight B plot, you have to just acknowledge the Wayfinder thing as a macguffin that gets the plot moving in a certain direction and gives a clear path from narrative point a to narrative point b. Rian is not ahead of JJ on this aspect.

The subsequent fetch quest is less about the macguffin and more about the character beats on the way. Kylo and his boy band pursue Rey, Rey realizes her powers are kinda scary and hella impressive (including the healing mechanic, which is entirely precedented in past canon), you get to see some brilliant, funny, and touching moments between the trio we were not allowed in The Last Jedi, Rey discovers hints about her past, and Lando shows up.

We also get to my least favorite part of the film.

Poe Dameron is Better Than This

I do not understand why they ret-conned Poe into having a past as a smuggler, or why Keri Russell’s character was even necessary. You could explain it as youthful rebellion, maybe after Poe’s mom Shara Bey died (both his parents were Rebel veterans - that’s a lot of pressure), but it fits awkwardly into the established timeline.

The one good thing that came out of it was a moment where Poe is tempted to leave the Resistance, but that only makes sense because of Poe’s terrible hotheaded, reckless characterization in The Last Jedi, neither of which at all fit with his portrayal in the Poe Dameron comics (which are excellent). Poe eventually gets where he needs to be, and the conversation with Lando after Leia passes is one of the best moments of the film, and justified bringing Lando all by itself. Oscar Isaac is apparently really frustrated with Poe’s character and I cannot blame him. Rian Johnson started this weirdness, and it is one of the greatest flaws of The Last Jedi and more people need to acknowledge how racist it was to reduce a 30-something brown-skinned veteran to an impulsive, out of control idiot who gets physically and verbally smacked around by two white women, and JJ didn’t really try to fix it. I guess his arc kinda works in a vacuum. I still deeply dislike it. Cutting that entire section down to the bare bones would have made more room for...

Finn and the Triad

The dynamic between Finn, Poe, and Rey was fantastic. There is abundant basis for Finn and Poe to be canon romantic interests, and I cannot conclude it was anything but Disney’s cowardice that prevented that from happening (and honestly, same for Finn and Rey). JJ is no more to blame than Rian - I genuinely believe this came from higher up. It sucks. A lot. What we do get is precious, and frankly makes Rian’s argument for separating them (that they would get along and it would be boring) kinda silly. They are also incredibly funny together - John, Isaac, and Daisy play off each other so damn well, and I was cackling when the Falcon was on fire and Poe was mad about BB-8.

Finn is absolutely force sensitive. It is apparently what he was trying to say to Rey, he has feelings that turn out to be correct like three times, he wielded a lightsaber with some proficiency in The Force Awakens. It’s canon. Why it isn’t explicit is a function of the Force User plot becoming divorced from Finn and Poe in The Last Jedi. JJ and Terrio also could have fixed that, and chose not to.

We got a tantalizing glimpse of what could have been with Janna and the other defectors. It was really good, but it wasn’t nearly enough, and I am Mad about it. To borrow from some great ideas on twitter, Janna could have revealed that her unit heard about Finn on Jakku and it inspired them to defect. They could have together swayed a bunch of reluctant stormtroopers to rebel (they were otherwise just treated as facist canon-fodder, which, not great when a lot of them are child soldiers!). It was perfectly set up from TFA and they just...dropped the ball.

Like I said, I’m Mad. TLJ did nothing with Finn as a defector or the child soldier thing in general, and TROS did the bare minimum. Huge, huge wasted opportunity. We got promises that we’d get to find out more about who Finn is and...we didn’t, or at least, not in the theatrical cut. TLJ had a scene of Finn and Phasma talking about his being a traitor/defector. Rian cut it down to a fight scene and the ‘Rebel Scum’ line. Writers jail for both of them, tbh, though JJ clearly cared about Finn (he’s why the character exists as he does, as why Boyega was cast, and maybe if TLJ doesn’t make Kylo into Rey’s co-protagonist we get something different. I'm not going to blame Rian for something JJ could have fixed if he cared to.

And least we got something, I guess.

Kylo Ben

I think the first time I actually cared about Ben Solo as a character was when Kylo symbolically ‘died,’ and Ben was saved by Rey’s healing abilities. That was excellent writing, even if it was not subtle. I liked Leia and Han (as part of Ben’s memories) have a role in helping him find some sort of redemption. I was frustrated and mad that Anakin Skywalker’s grandkid could be a straight up space fascist with even fewer redeeming qualities. He still deserved to die. He had no family to go back to and he was directly responsible for thousands of innocent deaths and closely linked to the death of trillions. Like Vader, you don’t just come back from that.

Like Anakin, Ben made his own choices. Was he manipulated by Snoke/Palpatine? Sure. He still had multiple occasions to chose differently and did not. It’s part of his flaws as a character. Han and Leia did their best as parents - we find out Leia even abandoned her Jedi training because she was afraid for her son. Ben’s inevitable fall (which mirrors that of Jacen Solo, a truly fascinating character who I will always be Mad about) soured the sequel trilogy from the start in some ways, but it is hard to envision it without Ben turning. I don’t know. I think without Ben being who he was we simply have a different set of movies.

The kiss is...I don’t even know. Rey clearly cared about Ben, and believed he could change, but also refused to compromise who she was in order to pull him back to the light. I would have vastly preferred a forehead kiss or something along those lines.

On balance I’m glad he got a Vader redemption. I think Palpatine came back in part because Ben simply was not a particularly captivating villain, and without him to provide contrast and make the stakes clear, Ben’s redemption is not possible, and that’s arguably an even worse outcome, especially given how he was manipulated so much at an impressionable age. I’m really glad Leia had a chance to influence his turn as her final act in this life (Carrie deserved a better ending but it was the best they could do after Carrie’s death imo).

Grandpa Palps

First, Palpatine finding a way to survive and setting up multiple contingency plans to return to power is completely in keeping with his portrayal in both the old and Nu EUs (a big part of the post-Endor stuff is Operation Cinder, where Palpatine posthumously ordered the scouring of dozens of Imperial loyalist worlds to spread fear and prevent the Empire from continuing without him). Palpatine also LOVES his superweapons - he built two Death Stars, ffs. A fleet of them is not exactly a stretch in terms of strategy. The Rise of Skywalker definitely felt like it owed a debt to one of the more divisive bits of the old Star Wars EU - the Dark Empire series of comics by Tom Veitch and Kevin J Anderson, which have cloned Palpatines, Luke turning to the Dark Side, an ungodly number of superweapons, and a planet where Palpatine hides and builds them after his defeat.

I don’t think his survival ruins Anakin’s arc - Anakin’s actions still destroyed Palpatine’s Empire (that he helped to build) and its 26 year reign of terror. The galaxy got 30 years of relative peace and then a war that was not nearly as destructive or large scale as the Galactic Civil War. People saying it makes Anakin’s arc irrelevant are just being silly.

Retconning Snoke to a cloned puppet (probably an unwitting one) is actually not a bad writing choice. It explains why he was such a cardboard cut-out villain, and why he was so easily defeated. Honestly, I’m far more okay with how he died in The Last Jedi now that I know this (even if the pacing and the placement of that scene is still utterly bizarre).

The new EU set up cults and fanatics around the Dark Side and its avatars in the emperor and Vader. None of that felt particularly implausible to me as a result.

Legacies in the Sequel Trilogy

I really loved the ‘thousand generations live in you’ conceit. I loved the power of the old Jedi, snuffed out by Palpatine, helping Rey defeat him one last time (including my girl Ahsoka, RIP, I'm sure you went out like a badass). These are legacies and powers that don’t require blood ties or dynasties, they just rely on the force spanning the whole of the GFFA.

Ben is offered the chance to either turn away from his grandfather’s dark path early enough to warrant redemption, or to follow it through until the end. He actually chooses to do neither. With Leia’s dying intercession, he ends up following Anakin’s path to an extent, but his story is ultimately about the tragedy of expectations, fears, and the immense weight of the Skywalker name and legacy. All of his family are caught up in it. Rey is mostly apart from it, and then explicitly subverts her destiny to be Palpatine’s heir, and faces her fear of ending up there, by intent or just fate. As Luke says, some things are stronger than blood. Rey’s story is the ultimate testament to that, and it’s a pretty powerful message.

Leia. Oh god. I was absolutely thrilled when we found out she trained as a Jedi, and then served as Rey’s Jedi Master after Luke failed Rey so badly (after failing Ben). I think Luke’s story from TLJ to TROS is easily the most consistent, honestly. He made mistakes, both with Ben, and then with Rey, and he recognized it. The Rise of Skywalker acknowledges that Luke wasn’t right in how he handled training Rey either, and that went a long way to making me better accept how Rian portrayed him as flippant and dismissive and cynical.

Carrie’s absence was so badly felt. As I’ve said previously, I think they did the best job they could with the footage they held back and Carrie’s recorded audio. They managed to give her a relatively coherent story and an effect on the plot which she didn’t really have in The Last Jedi. I’ve seen speculation that it was supposed to be Leia, not Luke, who gave Rey that pep talk on Ahch-To, and in some ways it might have made more sense. Selfishly, I’m still glad it was Luke, because it helped reconcile my feelings about him in The Last Jedi. But they really did a great job in a really, really tough situation.

Rose Tico

Let’s just get it out there: the film’s treatment of Rose Tico and Kelly Marie Tran was inexcusably bad. Whether her character was a great addition to the cast in the Last Jedi or not, KMT faced horrendous abuse from various bigots and assholes, and after making a lot of public promises they reduced her to barely a minute of screen-time and no real impact on the plot. It’s shitty, it’s bad, and JJ and Disney should feel bad.

Introducing a character like Rose mid-way through a trilogy is risky, and while it worked with Lando, JJ clearly had no idea what to do with her. It’s just a mess, it’s the biggest black mark on the film, and on the sequel trilogy more broadly. Nobody comes out looking good here, and Rose Tico needs a Disney + series of her own or something. Protect Kelly Marie Tran at all costs.

The Rest

- Lando was great. So great. I wish we’d gotten the line that his daughter had been stolen by the First Order (and thus was potentially Janna) - we’d better get a book or a film or something. Lando’s conversation with Poe salvaged his character arc. Billy Dee Williams did a damn good job getting in shape for the role. He came out as genderfluid recently. He’s an absolute treasure and thank god they didn’t waste him.

- I just wanted to reiterate how HAPPY I AM THAT JJ ABRAMS MADE LEIA A JEDI HOLY SHIT

- It was a blink and you’ll miss it moment for people who didn’t read Chuck Wendig’s Aftermath series, but the death of Temmin ‘Snap’ Wexley in a battle where his step-dad (Wedge Antilles) made a brief appearance was devastating and I still don’t know how to feel about it.

- The space battles were awesome. Lando and Chewie bringing in the cavalry was what we were so cruelly teased for in The Last Jedi, which I am still mad about. Forget the logistics, forget the story logic, it was awesome. Maybe in the future I’ll be more annoyed. I honestly doubt it.

- Hux lives (and dies) for drama. He’s the pettiest son of a bitch in the GFFA, he would absolutely turn informant to win his fight with Kylo Ren, especially if he suspected that Kylo had killed Snoke and then was an incompetent child. His dying shortly thereafter is honestly exactly what the character deserved.

- On the cavalry moment, and the galaxy rising to destroy the First Order - I loved it in Return of the Jedi’s special edition, I love it here. There’s a thematic resonance with our heroes overcoming their fear and the galaxy at large being stirred to action. I just wish we’d gotten a few ragtag forces to show up at Crait, but that was a choice Rian made. I’m glad JJ chose differently. It was incredibly Star Wars.

- The 3PO stuff was weird, especially given how emotionally centred it was in the final trailers. It was also tied up in the Poe stuff I disliked. I don’t really know what else to say. At least R2D2, BB-8, and him felt like characters, not purely plot devices.

- Chewie - his reaction to losing Leia was absolutely devastating, his relationship with the next gen trio was great, and his death fake-out was...weird. I could go either way with that - killing him would have been a huge risk I could have respected, on the other hand if he was going to go out he deserved better than that (like, say, a moon getting dropped on him saving the life of Han Solo's kid). His ‘death’ did set up a crucial character beat for Rey. And there were, in fact, two transports, I remember that.

TLDR;

It was a fun movie! It tried to do way too much because The Last Jedi was not an effective sequel to The Force Awakens, and that’s on Kennedy and the LFL story group more than anyone else. It nailed the broad strokes of the Jedi/Force plot in my opinion, including subverting genetic destiny and the power of blood ties over everything else. In the process, it let a number of characters down, who were unfortunately also the characters of color, which is: not great.

I found it rewarding as a fan. It rewarded my faith in the goodness of the denizens of the GFFA and the power of found family. I’ve loved Rey from the start and I’m thrilled with how her arc ended with her burying the Skywalker legacy and making a new start with her new family in Poe and Finn (and Rose, damn it). I’m glad it made me feel better about Luke Skywalker and finally made Leia a bona-fide lightsaber wielding Jedi. I was exhilarated coming out of it, instead of exhausted and frustrated like I was in The Last Jedi. It didn’t make me hate Star Wars. It had extreme Return of the Jedi energy, and that is literally all I needed out of this film.

Here’s to a load of more complex, nuanced, and adventurous storytelling that the Skywalker saga never really allowed. I’m still excited for the prospect of Rian working with his own characters in the universe. I think JJ should probably be done.

Chuck Wendig said that the Star Wars universe was junk. Fun, whimsical, exciting, but ultimately not really a well-crafted piece of art. I’m inclined to agree.

#martinus watches the star war #tros spoilers

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hellscythe-ripper-blog · 5 years

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Okikagu lemon/smut fanfiction

This is my first lemon/smut fanfiction. I apologise for my bad English and grammar. Hope anyone who read this understand it.

The Starting okikagu relationship

It's begun with the pet owner walking with her dog pet every evening.The owner who is known by cute beautiful an amanto, Kagura and her pet, Sadaharu. She always with her white fluffy dog everywhere. One day, she's doing her routine like usual, taking her dog walking.

Kagura POV

Kagura : Gin-chan, I'm going out with sadaharu

Gintoki : ok. Oh please buy my strawberry milk on your way home

Sinpachi : be careful Kagura-chan

Kagura and Sadaharu walked at same path they usually go. Before going home, they will stop at playground and she will let Sadaharu playing there by himself while she just sit at the bench eating her favourite sukonbu. And finally they arrived at the park and when she was about to sit at the bench she usually sat, she was shocked when a sadist known as Shinsengumi 1st Division Captain, Okita Sougo, sitting there and looking straight to her. With her annoying face look, she approach him.

Kagura : oi sadist, what are doing here? Nothing to do? Shinsengumi really full with lazy people who robbed tax huh?

Okita : shut up, China... i got nothing to do and my shift already done so it's fine I'm sitting here resting myself right? Though suddenly a China girl interrupted my day

Kagura : heh! Like I care? (Sitting next beside him)

Okita : I know you always come here by the way. But don't misunderstand, I'm not come here to see you. This place good for me resting anyway

Kagura : whatever. Even you stalked me, I pretended I don't know

Okita : huh?! You saying something grossed!

Kagura : huh?! Wanna fight?!

And like usual they both will arguing every time the meet. After few hours they, they didn't even stop arguing, then suddenly Sadaharu run towards her.

Kagura : heh! Let's go home sadaharu! My peaceful day been ruined by a stupid sadist!

Kagura and Sadaharu walked away from the sadist while the sadist just staring her disappears from his view.

Okita POV

Okita : (sigh) why I can't avoided from fighting over her? Kagura...

He keep sighing while looking at the sky feeling regret with his ego personality. The sadist actually in love with the yato girl and lately he know the China girl always stop at the playground park with her dog so he started doing his job as fast as he can so he can come to the park meeting her. He then get up and walked to shinsengumi quarters.

——————————-

The days has passed for few week and kagura stil with her daily routine taking Sadaharu walked and okita always taking shift at morning so he can go meet kagura at the evening everyday. Then suddenly one day they both meet again but this time when kagura start to tease him, he didn't tease her back but just staring deep into her eyes and that's make kagura suddenly feel embarrassed and she stop with the teasing thing.

But today Sadaharu feel something weird about her owner and giving her time sitting there with the sadist. Sadaharu only sit and taking nap there. Not until his master come to get him, he won't go near her.

While Sadaharu taking a nap, the time already night at 8pm and no one is at playground now. The playground already dark and only the light of the lamps shine around the place. okita didn't stop staring kagura. On the other hand, kagura feel embarrassed and only look down with her blushing face. She feel uncomfortable and suddenly okita speak "China~ look at me". Kagura slowly raised her head and look towards okita and suddenly okita pull her body close to him and he started to sniffed her neck. Kagura was shocked and try to pull his body away from her but okita hold her hand and he started to kiss her neck. Kagura start to moan with low voices then okita stop kissing and they both stare with each other with blushes on their face.

Okita suddenly grab kagura hand and walked toward a big tree. He quickly pushed her towards the big tree and start kissing her neck again while licking her neck. Kagura can't hold her voice and moan but still trying to control her voice so she won't moan loud. While okita licking and kissing her neck, he hold strong both of her hand making kagura can't get out from his grip. Okita suddenly sucked kagura neck making lots of love bite around her neck. Kagura moan with low voice "o-okita... ahh... okita". Okita eyes widened because this is the first time China calling his true name, not stupid, not idiot, not sadist... this make okita turned on more and he let go her right hand while his left hand unbutton kagura cheongsam. He kiss from her neck to her breast and making a love bite at that area too. Then his right hand run through inside her cheongsam and unbutton her bra. He quickly groped her left breast while he sucking her right nipple like a born baby that thirsty for the milk. He suck her right nipple slowly making kagura moaning again "ahh.... okita... ahhh". While sucking her nipple he look at her face and make he wanna tease her more. So he suck her right nipple and playing it with his tongue like licking a lollipop while he pinched her left nipple. Kagura grab his hair with her both hand with a sexy moan. Okita seems more turning on when he heard her moan so his right hand going through inside her panty. Kagura eyed winded when she felt okita tracing her private place and start to moan loud when okita playing her clitoris using he's finger. She noticed that she gave a loud moaned and quickly cover her mouth using her both hand. Okita smirk while looking at her face without stopping playing with her clitoris "oh China, are you feeling good?". With a blushes face she answer him "s-stop teasing me, Baka!"... her answered making okita smirk more "ohh I like your reaction, china" then he strip her panty quickly and throw it beside him. Then he spread her legs and smile "you already wet, china... let me make you feel more good". Okita lick her private part and put his tongue inside her beautiful part and sucking her clitoris. She moaned his name more louder this time and grabbing his hair while pulling his hair hard. Okita lick her private part faster and harder too while both his hand groping her ass. Then he get up and holding her face "china, I love you.. I really love you.. I'm sorry and I can't hold this anymore.. I really want you right now.."

Kagura face getting more red when her only rival that she hate all this time make a confession to her after groping her whole body even worse licking every part of her body. She knows all this time that she did love him too but never admit her feeling but now she feel like she lose against him "I surrender, chihuahua... I-i love y-you too... p-please... I can't hold it too... I want y-you too.. make me yours tonight" with the end of the sentence, she look another way because she felt really embarrassed with her confession too. Okita mouth wide open then slowly creating a big small "Kagura... I Love You!"... kagura was surprised when he heard sadist calling her real name then smile at him with cute expression. "I love you too, Okita"

Quickly okita unzipped his pants and strip his pants and boxer, starting to insert his manhood inside her pretty private part. "Ahh it's fit. Does it hurt you?" Kagura on the other side biting her lips "yes, it's hurt but please don't mind me... please make me yours". Okita smile and kiss her then saying "you are mine. Mine alone!" and slowly put his manhood inside her making she yell in pain and finally he and her are one. "It's inside. My boy already inside your girl, china. I'm gonna so slowly first ok?". The china girl nodding her head and slowly okita trusting his manhood inside her while groping her left breast and kissing her lips roughly. Kagura keep moaning and hearing kagura moaned his name making his faster trusting his manhood and groping her left breast roughly, kissing her lips roughly and pitched her right nipple harder making kagura moaned even more louder "s-sadist! Ahh you-you gonna b-break me!! Ahhh I'm gonna break... ahhh!!!!!". Okita can't hold it and still trusting his manhood faster "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry china! I almost cum! A-almossstt... ahhh" then with that both of them cumming together and panting but okita ending it with kisses at her lips while playing with her tongue. Both of them resting for a while then okita phone suddenly ring showing mayo bastard calling him. He ignore the call and look at kagura face then kiss her forehead. "We should go now, china. Look like mayo bastard looking for me. I assume Danna might look over you too since it's already late now"... kagura smile while fixing her hair and cheongsam "your right. Gin-chan and sinpachi might worried. I'll see you tomorrow then."

Then both of them ready to go home and walk toward Sadaharu who is still sleeping. Before kagura wake up her dog, he grab her left hand and pull her toward him and quickly hug her while kissing her lips "I'll see you tomorrow. I love you". Kagura smile and kiss him back "I love you too" then waking up Sadaharu and both of them going home in different directions.

#fanfic #fanfiction #lemon #smut #okikagu #okita sougo #kagura yato #kagura gintama #gintama

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boobachu · 5 years

Text

The T.C. rambles while watching a force awakes

Re-watching star wars 7 to see if out of the 3D headache IMAX theatre, if it’s any better.

I still hate parody Han Solo guy, like he reminds me of post-Black Knight Sonic the Hedgehog. Just really unfunny and trying way too hard to be hip and internet savvy or something.

I don’t think anything will change my opinion that he shoulda been a bit character.

I’ve decided to commentate the whole fucking movie so read on if you dare.

Rey’s making space bread. It’s very gross.

I doubt anything will change my opinion that she’s the best star wars character.

Oh God BB-8

HBomberguy ruined BB-8 for me. Whenever I see him all I hear is

L I T T L E W H I T E C U C K - B A L L L L L L

I guess Rey doesn’t like him either, I forgot this part.

I wish they got rid of the Dorito Destroyer.

Oh boy Darth Helmet is interrogating Lone Star.

Kylo Ren has the stupidest helmet.

There’s subtitles on this so I learned the guy’s name is Poe

RRRAAAAAAAAAAAA

Like Kylo Ren is really badass in the first half I remember this, like he stops a God damn laser blast.

Would you sell BB-8 for 60 meals?

Oh hey

Ugh what’s his name... the storm trooper’s gonna take Poe outta here.

You need a pilot. LOL

I guess Poe is alright, just his first impression was very dumb.

Oh snap it’s hooked down. What kinda name is Hux that’s stupid.

Ha hah shootin’ em down just like Annie in ep 1.

Get fucked command center.

Why do they still have Twin Ion Engine fighters?

I guess we still drive cars so eh...

Ah his name is Finn now, I guess he is a clone? or something?

Maybe they have multiple types of clones. I wonder if they still use Jango Fett...

Fucking proton torpedos!!!

Ah yeah I forgot Finn just wants to GTFO

Trailer shot. Nice.

Oh wait I can turn off subtitles. Good that was disorienting me.

And Poe dies... a great fake-out you thought parody han solo was a protag, but no this is the story of Finn, the storm trooper defecting from nazi hell-space to find his own life on Jakku or wherever.

He keeps Poe’s jacket for cover, very poetic. HAH

POE-ETIC God why did I hate this movie again?

If there’s a Kylo Ren, where is Kylo Stimpy?

Oh God Finn no don’t ugh drank the slop water ugh no why ugh

Finn goes to save Rey cuz white knight trope. Rey can handle herself like a ‘90s chick. Hey she’s a pit chick she’s got a staff.

RUN FINN RUN

Rey fuck taser what

Finn’s having a lousy life.

Poor basketball’s friend died. I feel like the story is rushing.

Like I expected more of a build-up not “SPIT OUT THE EXPOSITION FUCKIN”

Ah, storm troopers...

Rey doesn’t want your cooties, Finn.

Fucking TIE fighters fuck

Is Finn dead? No he just nappin’

Everything exploding!

THE GARBAGE’LL DO

God damn Millenium cheeseburger.

I can do this I can do this

HOW DO YOU FLY A CHEESEBURGER

Fucking karma’s a cheeseburger, that’s what you get for callin’ the SS you loser

The action scenes are choice

Ah Dorito ruins.

Oh I remember this part just

TIE DOWN

oh no Finn down

here it comes

G E T R E A D Y

fucking engine exhaust TIOGHT

HARD RIGHT

WOOOOOO

Takin’ the shot yeah

Space

CHUCK A SHIT

ohp

Kylo is Mado

NERD RAGE

AAAAAAAAAA

Kylo is such a 12 year old in 2003.

GIRL?! THERE WAS A WOM?!?!?!?!? XDDD fucking loser

pweese BB-8 help I dunno what I do

fucking lighter thumbs up

Damn Finn what a nerd. “Got a boyfriends? a boyfriend?”

oh no they got garbage dayed

come on Rey gas them gas them all

oh great it’s Han Solo and Chewie

oh wait he used to be Han Solo

What is he now Han Oriana? Whatever Leia’s last name was I never could spell it.

Damn buncha everything happens

Oh great it’s big eyed billy joe armstrong and his O-nauts

WE WUNT OR MUNEY BAEK NAU

oh boy more losers.

It’s all over for Solo.

Ah shit just unleashed things.

There goes the neighborhood just fucking angry meatballs of death AND HE FEEDS THAT DUDE TO IT

oh shit it quiet

Rey is allalone...

Fucking Finn I turn my head a sexond and the meatball caught him.

Get to da cheeseborger

“I never ask that question until after I’ve done it”

Just lightspeed dashed I swear he looks like british billie joe armstrong.

Damn giant fish thing on planet deadly pokeball.

Who is supreme leader he is stupid ugly stupid.

Oh his dad’s Han Solo wow way to blow it spoiler alert fucking why didn’t they save that for the end who wrote this crap oh he was a hologram.

Damn babuy chewie

Ah the new hope plot.

I dunno they twist it enough to make it feel fresh so eh.

Ah a planet of islands... the scenery reminds me of ep 2

“Did you just call me ‘Solo’?”

Women always figure out the truth, always.

There needs to be a han solo inspirational poster that says that.

A job? The fabled... job? You offer job?

Rey has a home? I thought she was just a wayfarer.

Don’t stare “At what?” any of it XDDDDD

Yeah this story feels like it’s going too fast like what’s going on.

HAAAN S O L O

Wait she’s hot for Chewbakka?

Man this band sucks.

Oh great fucking droid nark NARK

Weird lady narks NARKS EVERYTHWIER

Oh boy Darth Helmet is brooding.

Fucking Darth Vader. Kylo Ren is such a fanfiction.

Like, the idea of a warrior of light choosing darkness is something you seldom see done, but... eh... I guess? IRL kids no like most nazis are privilidged and a decade ago would be seen as nerds.

what’s this

what are you doing

The eyes of a man who wants to run

Finn need go bye-bye

Oh wait storm troopers are stolen, not bred. That’s worse like

Finn is really shiny there who does his makeup?

Rey sure didn’t care he was a storm trooper LOL

The screams... they becon me...

Finally a fresh feeling scene.

WHAT’S IN DA BOX

fucking lightsaber

T R I G G E R E D

Is she clairvoyant? I dond’t remember this part.

Is this special edition?

FUTURE

I like specs. She cool.

FUCK D A FORCE

Oh boy nazis

Fucking screamy bitch XDDD

FIST UP why are the nazis doing the fist up this is upsetting.

PEW

How does the laser split up into shit and what is this planet?

Like this is supposed to be dramatic but... you literally don’t know any of those people or any of those planets. This should have been episode 8 or 9 after establishing those planets.

W H A T A W A S T E

oH BOY Finn got da lightsabah

BEASTS

There goes that dump, way to go Rey it’s your fault I guess BLANKS

Way to kill that soldier

MURDER SPREE

Oh boy Kylo Ren, what a hoot that guy.

wait is this the part?

Han Solo so has the force like if his force3 ghost isn’t in the movie

YOU HAAAVE ONE

Han Solo what a goof

TRAITOR

M E L E E B A T T L E

Fucking just like in Empire except it’s not Yoda hallucination probably.

Caughted

THE RESISTIES

The x-wing is still the coolest thing like Sonic knew that.

Damn Finn calm down it’s just a pilot.

Rey is in weird jungle o no

She just got godlike and Ren is gonna break that killstreak

MELEE OP

Fucking using cheater force

Kylo you sound like such a dork

That cross saber is still stupid where’s the minorah saber

Nooo Rey!!!

C’mon Finn melee them

fucking lightsaber the whole first order you can do it

just

throw it at the ship

just

throw

and the bad guys win

C-3P0 you mother fucker

Changed your hair

Same Jacket

I can’t believe Carrie Fisher is dead.

The resisties are kinda boring looking.

Oh look it’s Poe, he’s alive somehow.

Maybe the second time I’ll get the good explanation.

Oh no, there’s no good explanation he just wasn’t there.

L A A A A A A A A A A M M M E.

Okay we’re past a new hope kinda in empire strikes back territory and the ending is the last jedi. Like I totally get people being upset that this is basically the original trilogy in a nutshell.

Damn dead R2-D2

Wait C-3P0 has a red arm why

I wonder how many parents relate to Han and Leia because their son turned into a nazi.

Fucking Snoke. What kinda name is that. Solid Snoke.

Was Kylo Ren just staring at Rey’s unconscious body for the past hour?

I’m sorry he’s just not intimidating he looks like a cheap halloween darth vader

Then the dramatic reveal like remember when Darth Vader was so disfigured from burning alive?

Kylo’s just ugly. Like that’s it that’s the reveal. Kylo is ugly.

Rey/Kylo is like whenever a 4chan boy tries to hit on a hot youtube girl like your face just melds into the chair to escape his grasp like a cat that doesn’t want to be pet.

I dunno this scene is just so stupid cuz they both look dorky like this is happening at otakon

You. You’re afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader

BITCH GOT TOOOLLLLLLD

Kylo has a huge nose. Like he’s Lois Griffin triangle sandwitch nose

I like how Rey tries to Luke Skywalker the storm trooper and he’s like “Serious?”

LOL fucking just left

T A N T R U M T I M E

and the storm troopers just turn around LOL

Okay I love this weapon like, it’s a combination of the star crusher and a vaccum cleaner from Luigi’s mansion. It destroys the star, but in the way that it uses it to destroy things.

“So it’s big”

Disable the shields... there better be Ewoks on that planet.

Seriously, what does Poe add to the story after the escape?

Damn leila and han... dum

Hey a woman stormtrooper, like just a white gal. I didn’t notice that.

Damn lightspeed their way in.

Hooooh what a landing.

...Han Solo...

That‘s not how the force works!!!

LOL

Finn just wants Rey. I can see why people would think he’s horny for her since that boyfriend line, but that was the last horny thing he said.

Fucking mad with Power, calm down Finn then again we all wanna tell off our boss.

Rey is gonna escappeeeee damn hang on the side of the wall is that a switch what

Rey just climbing that wall like a monkey.

S H I E L D S D O W N

Fucking Han... is there a trash compactor? You dirty bastard

And here comes the interesting part of Jedi Returns SHOOTY TIME

A T T A C K T H E S C P H I N C T E R (that’s how you spell it right)

Oh I love the sun thing like, it’s a great way of showing the timer without a clock.

Oh look it’s Rey, go on and almost get shot to death

H U G

Escape now, hug later.

The cinematography is good I like the dog fights.

LET”S BLOW SHIT UP

I dunno this just really isn’t dramatic at all

Placing bombs, just like in Jedi.

Here comes Kylo

At least he keeps the mask on, like too many movies rely on faces.

oh light’s almost gone.

M A H B O Y

Ah the stupid part

Wait is his name Finn too?

Like this woulda been way more dramatic if you didn’t know Kylo was Han’s boy.

There’s no music making this awkward and gut-wrenching which you don’t see modern mvoies do.

I’m being torn apart ;w;

What a bitch

Knowing what happens these lines are hilarious

Will you help me

L I G H T S O U T

red

STAB, STAB, STAB~

AHHHHHH HOOO HOO HOO HOOOIIEEEEE

I dunno like, you’d think Han Solo being stabbed to death with his son would feel more heavy but that was just... nothing.

A S P L O D E

Fucking Kylo TEEF

Night time, being chased by a crazy dork in the woods.

oh here it comes

TRAILER FUEL

YEUR A MUNSTAH

REY DOWN

C’mon Finn

TRAAAIIITOOORRRR

MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAT

Fucking melee battle

Just fueled by the rage of his fallen friend, the desparation of the sun dissolving he fights for his life against a wounded lunatic.

Okay so maybe that cross saber has a use.

FINN DOWN

grabby time

oh no

REY GRABBED THE SABER

ROUND TWO, DARTH LOSER

This is unbearably xcool

Time to shoot the hole... like in new hope.

This ending is just all three original endinds with new stuff

30 seconds

SNEAKED IN SHOOT EM UP WOOOOOOOO

JUST LIKE ANNIE IN EP 1

only cooler

KA BLOOOOIIEEEE

fuckin’ A

this battle is just like in empire strikes back

fucking planet’s falling apart so it’s better

A tempting offer

Who wants kylo ren to be a teacher like he’d be like a nun

W 0 0 T

it’s the comeback

don’t give the hero a dramatic pause to focus

B E A T D O W N

the struggle is real

K-O

Take that loser

there seems to be something between us, Ren

Welp the planet is collapsing woo

Finn don’t you die, Poe is a loser you’re cool Finn

Ah it’s Chewie in the Churger

oh yeah han died like I thought it was han but no he died XDDDDD

GTFO

Here comes the sun doot de doo doot~

Epic

Now for the final scene of congrats.

“Sorry General, your boyfriend was stabbed by his son and then the planet exploded”

H U G

Poor Chewie.

Fucking Artoo what are you doing here.

Like, this shoulda been episode 8 here, it feels like it shoulda ended with han’s funeral and the map was the start of the next movie aunno.

And Finn’s tale of a freedom slave blowing up the nazi death planet comes to a close.

Wait is she leaving?

I thought there was a funeral.

Nothing?

Not even an F?

Yeah then se see’s Luke’s hairy ass and it ends so awkwardly like this movie felt like two movies and THIS SHOULDA BEEN IN THE SEQUEL WHAT

Whoever wrote this is an idiot, whoever directed is even worse.

ANyways my conclusion is that the movie isn’t horrible, but... I dunno it’s about as bad as ep2 tho that movie’s crime was being boring, this one was too much story crammed into a short period and ruined opportunities.

I might watch ep 8 but I just am not invested like

HAN SOLO DYING MEANT NOTHING

Like fucking handing him a lightsaber what kinda ending is that

R O G U E O N E W A S B E T T E R.

The end.

#Star Wars #Well that was fun writing down #Might do that more often tho WHO READ THIS? Like if you read this I hope you were entertained

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