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alexlabhont · 3 years

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I didn’t mean to fall in love with you

Chapter ten

Book: Queen B - Choices (Universe)

Pairing: Poppy Min-Sinclair x Trans!Male MC (Beck Hughes)

Genre: Canon re-write (Because I can)

Rating: Anyone can read it, really

Tags: @dopeyouth @theymakemegayer @save-me-the-last-dance @poppysmc (If anyone want to be tagged in or removed, just tell me)

This is me trying to write by and for the Trans community, specially FTM community, meaning, trans guys, but I actually took the liberty to use They/them pronouns for everyone out there who´s interested (Also, the name Beck was the most neutral one I could find, trying to use the cannon Bea Hughes)

If you have any comment, PLEASE BE RESPECTFULL and patient with me. This is also my first english fanfic and english is not my mother language, so… i’m sorry fo the grammar errors. I also installed recently Grammary, so… hope its worth it.

CHAPTERS

Chapter nine

ONE-SHOTS

Just a dance (Zoey x MC)

——————————————————————

Poppy:

See you then, tushi face 😉

She wrote on her phone, knowing very well what It meant: She succeeded. Again.

That was the very first time Beck had actually asked her out, which was a sign that every single move worked just right; nothing to be surprised though, she was pretty damn fabulous and she wouldn't pretend otherwise.

"It took you a while, actually." Veronica said later that day when Poppy reached out to their friends at the fraternity house. "Nor even Carter gave you so much trouble."

"Carter is just an immature boy who thought a pretty girl plus a gigantic football player were just meant to be." The blonde responded with a snap. "Beck's slightly different, they didn't care for a face. The trick is to be yourself, but not too much. It took me a while to figure that out, but now that I get it, that one is mine to be borrowed." A strange feeling of satisfaction filled her, making her smile at that thought.

"But... have you guys fuck?" Chloe asked suddenly with a confused gaze, Poppy couldn't help but roll her eyes as hard as she could while she felt how both of her friends were watching her, gosh, even Veronica left the phone aside just for that question.

"What the hell, Chloe? Not everything's about sex, you whore."

"Are you serious?" She heard her brunette friend said, intrigued. Poppy could smell the problems that what she just said was about to bring. There it was one simple rule: If Poppy wants it, Poppy has it, and it has been like this since ever. So yeah, that matter was definitely weird. "Why? Don't you tell me you're too afraid to do it."

"Of course not!" She said angrily. "I did my research, and fucking Beck’s no different from any other experience I've had. I think it is them who's not ready..." A tiny hint of concern showed up in Poppy's voice without helping it. Of course she noticed it! The relief coming from their eyes when Zoey walked into both of them, as if they were scared, and being caught in the middle was a much better option than to actually do it. She was so offended by it that she told them she had something to do and disappeared from there.

"I think it might have something to do with their life back at Farmsville. I don't know what it is, but if I get to sleep with them, I know I'd have won. That's the next step." Poppy said, taking a ballpen from her desk to write down her new goal, she was that kind of girl who loved to put her ideas on paper to think them through.

"So… You're counting on gain their trust enough to fuck them to finally control them?" Veronica pointed out, looking at Poppy as if she was a mad.

"Exactly… And all I need is tomorrow morning. It needs to be perfect and I have just the thing for it." a smirk showed off on her face, the determination of winning was written down on every single muscle of her body.

“Don’t you think you’re putting a lot more effort into it than it’s needed?” Chloe asked again.

“Mind your own business and let me do the planning, Chloe. After all, we know you forgot to pay your brain bill.”

The bitch-y mode was on. She hated when she was being questioned about her actions especially when Poppy knew that everything she has been doing was necessary to achieve a goal; her enemy was powerful, she just had to see the rankings to realize it, Beck climbed as easy as the wind, doing things in this short time than a lot of people couldn’t do in years being here and they didn’t seem as trying. She needed to have them next to her for control.

Or at least, that's what she was telling herself. Something deep down her core murmured something else, something that might be too scary to admit, so she won’t. Never. However, that went down to the trash when she saw Beck the next day. It wasn’t their looks at all, actually, it was on point as always even though it was casual; the problem was her. Poppy could feel her heart becoming warm to the sight of that stupid lamb look of theirs with that sexy yet cute fucking smile they gave her. A little red alarm sounded in her head, but it wasn’t that big of a deal, so she shoved it down.

"Hey" Beck greeted her. "You made it."

"Of course I did, I have a driver for my needs. What are we doing here?"

Beck asked her to meet them at Whitehall street at nine sharp, but they didn't tell her what to expect, so Poppy was rather curious. Beck put his hands in his pockets, raising an eyebrow playfully.

"Yeah, sure… You have money and stuff, but… have you ever seen the Statue of Liberty from a helicopter?" Poppy's eyes went wide open, she was frankly surprised, how did they manage to get that? Wasn't Beck poor? It had to do with their YouTube account?

"No." She managed to say, trying not to sound so amazed; that was a pretty impressive idea, not going to lie.

"Well— Today is not the day you'd get to do it, because we're taking the ferry." Gosh, she should have seen this coming.

"You're such an idiot." She pointed, irritated by having been fooled like that. "Wait, what ferry are we taking?"

"That one." The strawberry blond could have sworn a mischievous spark lighted up Beck's eyes as they pointed at an awful orange ship coming to shore, that ferry looked so old that maybe it saw her grandmother born and grow.

"What?! There is no way in hell I'll be onto that thing."

"Oh, come on, Popps. Don't talk about it like that. The Staten Island Ferry is full of a butch of history on its own. It's the door to new experiences!"

"Like death?"

"It's totally safe." Beck replied chuckling. "And free."

"Whatever you say, I'm going home." She tried to go, but Beck's hand took her by the arm with a delicate touch.

"Give us a chance, just one chance —well, maybe two actually— but I promise you won't regret it."

Poppy turned to see them, still not sure about any of it. She had never been on that ferry, and she didn't care too much about it anyway when the destination was Staten Island. She didn't know what was their motivation to go to the most boring part of all New York, but that fucking face of theirs! Sometimes she wished they weren't that good-looking.

"I swear to God, Beck if something happens to me or my outfit I'll kill you and your entire music career."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Cruella."

They waited for a few minutes to get on the ferry, but once both were there, Poppy couldn't help but cling herself to Beck's arm. Truth be told, she hated boats. A lot. Once when she was a kid she fell from one of those little keels into the lake, and when she tried to come out, Poppy discovered that the boat was right above her head. She literally had nightmares about that day, especially on rainy days. With the time Poppy got to overcome that fear and now she loved to be invited to yacht parties —with the rightful security system, clearly—, but that ferry was ancient for god knows how many decades, and it being free was a bad forerunner to her, how many drowned people were behind all its story?

She jumped when the ferry started to move into the waters, the surprise was so much that her nails dug their way into Beck's clothes, reaching for the skin.

"Ouch! That fucking hurts!"

"Good."

Beck didn't say a thing after that, they were more focused on the shore as if they were waiting for something to happen back there. Then, after a while they smiled.

"Now that's a view." They said with a wide grin on their face. "Turn around." Poppy, who was too busy looking at the Upper Bay and thinking how awful would be to fall from there, suddenly found herself being turned over by Beck to the other side of the ship.

And what she saw was spectacular.

Maybe it wasn't from a helicopter at all, but getting to see that part of the Statue of Liberty going far and far away from them both was incredible, a breathtaking picture that she had never appreciated until that day. Unexpectedly that made her think about how much she was missing even after living in New York a while now: The smell of the ocean, the sea breeze hitting softly in her face, the sun illuminated the statue and the clouds behind it. It was like a painting coming out alive.

"It's beautiful…" she whispered without her noticing it until it was outside her mouth.

"Definitely it is…" Poppy heard Beck mumbled, so she looked at them almost immediately. Maybe it was one of those moments in movies where Beck would talk about her and not exactly the panorama, but no. Beck's eyes were glued to the sculpture. For a moment she felt disappointed, but then she caught a glimpse of blush into their cheeks and tension in their lips proving her that she wasn't wrong. Yes, definitely they were talking about her.

"I know it doesn't look as fancy as the other ferries, but… this is why it's worth the while. And I have to admit that watching it with you was so much better than doing it alone, so... thank you."

“Why?"

"For trusting in me." They said. Poppy stopped a little, thinking through those words.

"I guess I like you more than I thought." She then replied. The weird thing? The blonde actually meant what she said. But that didn’t mean anything, Beck was not as lame as she thought, no big deal, right?

Both spent a while like that, quiet but freely relaxed, looking at what the ocean had to offer. She didn't recall the exact moment when she started to do it, but at one point she laid down her head, resting it on Beck's shoulder while they hugged by the waist, it was as if in that exact moment nothing else mattered; she didn’t have to think about her obligations, about popularity, about pretending . The ride was about twenty-five minutes long but for some reason, they went very fast. She almost was disappointed when it came to an end until she remembered there was only one way back.

“So now what? We wait for the next ferry?”

Beck raised an eyebrow.

"Do you really think we came all the way here because of one ride?"

"Beck, is Staten Island. What else could you do?"

"Damn, Poppy. I'm starting to think you're too boring on your own." Beck teased

" What if you stop saying bullshit and tell me what do you have planned from now on instead?" Beck smiled as if they were waiting for that question.

"Come with and find out." That cursed smirk of theirs came as a challenge, while Beck started to walk towards the bus stop.

God, this was going to be terrible.

________

#poppy min sinclair #queen b choices #poppy x mc #choices stories you play #choices #choices poppy #bea hughes #mc x poppy #beck hughes #choices queen b mc #trans #ftm

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cinnbar-bun · 5 years

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What Makes the Sky Blue (Sandalphon x Reader){Soulmate Au}

Anon said: *inhales deeply* Okay, so, I love WMTSB series and I love Sandalphon. And I suddenly thought: Soulmate AU where people can’t see a specific color (which is their soulmate’s eyes color) until they meet. Sandalphon, and blue-eyed reader (I don’t have blue eyes myself but it’d be cool). Title: “What makes the sky blue”. Ahem, sorry and, uh... pretty please? I apologize if it’s bothersome! PS. Apart from Sandy, I love you and your fics too <3

A/n: Of course I’d do this dear! No need to apologize, I love soulmate Au’s a lot and I love Sandy a lot too. I hope you like this though!

Warning: Contains some spoilers regarding Sandalphon and GBF. Also AANNNNNGGGSSSTTTTT

Red.

There was always the age-old fairy tale on why nobody could see the color of their soulmate’s eyes until they met. Some say the gods had punished a pair of lovers and cursed everyone to be unable to see some spectrum of color. Others say the gods felt pity and wished for humanity to find their fated lovers.

You haven’t really thought much about it, but what you did know is that it stunk not being able to see certain colors.

Yours happened to be a color called, ‘red’. You didn’t know what red looked like, and most didn’t know how to describe it. Lyria would usually say, ‘Vyrn is red!’ While you would’ve loved to see what color your childhood companion was, he only came out in shades of monochrome and slight white. Lyria was a colorful myriad of blue, and you were thankful you could at least see how she looked.

Some struggled with telling you what red was.

“Red is like fire, ya know?” Rackam said, lighting a match. You could not see it.

“Red is like apples!” Io would smile, holding one out to you. They tasted sweet, but unless they were other specimens, you could not see it.

“Red is the color of roses.” Rosetta would pitifully smile, gently holding the flower to you. They smelled nice and looked beautiful, but still, no idea of what red was.

It frustrated you sometimes. Most of the crew members had found their soulmates-or simply didn’t care- and they sometimes forgot what it was like to not be able to experience the beauty of the world.

But you had a job, you were a captain first and foremost, not a lost wanderer. You would not allow this slight annoyance to take over your mind.

You looked thoughtfully out into the sky, seemingly an endless stream of blue. Many had commented that your eyes were the same shade as the sky, some also saying they couldn’t see it until they met their soulmate. Seeing the sky everyday, you thought it was pretty, but you would like a change of scenery. What did red look like? What did fire look like under a night sky?

Blue.

Sandalphon could not see color. Pandemonium was an awful, hellish nightmare, and it stripped him of whatever sense of justice and humanity he had left. He wanted revenge. He craved destruction.

What good was a world that did not want him?

He was no replacement. He was the end all-be all. If humanity-if Lucifer- couldn’t even see that, then he’d be the reason for their downfall.

A single pulse echoed in his heart, and in the heart of Pandemonium.

Finally, escape.

It was a surge of power unlike any other he had felt.

The fated meeting of the girl in blue and the red dragon.

This was the power that was practically unknown to all of them. Lucifer probably could not even comprehend it. He smirked, it was no matter if Lucifer couldn’t understand it, he’d finally show him what he was capable of. All of them would pay for trapping him in Pandemonium, for denying him of a purpose, for leaving him behind, for even thinking of scrapping him.

He crawled out of Pandemonium and felt power.

The air was fresh, unlike the suffocating atmosphere of his prison. There was color. He finally could remember what color was. Grass was green, flowers were yellow, trees had brown bark. But still, the sky remained as cloudy and dark as ever. Water was also gray.

No matter, he’d paint the skydom red by the time he was through.

Chaos, chaos everywhere. People were screaming and all you could hear was destruction. Crumbling buildings, burning market stands, everything was getting destroyed one by one.

All from this strange man.

He had been fascinated with you since the beginning, whispering how you were the singularity.

He was more than happy to plunge the skydom to the bottom, and the sick pleasure he got from hurting your friends made you angry. How could someone be this hateful?

It was no use thinking over why he was what he was. He had nearly acquired all the primarch’s wings, save for Gabriel’s, and had become an insane monster possessed only by the thought to destroy, destroy, destroy.

You had to fight him. You had to stop him before he ruined your home.

You felt your strength waning as you desperately swung at him, hoping he would stop this senseless fighting.

Hope had finally been born again when you finished him.

Reduced to the power of a mere mortal, he was on the ground, laughing loudly at how you of all people managed to defeat him.

“Of course the singularity does it! Of course they do! You must feel so proud right now, so happy that you have a purpose! You have meaning and the power to change this world! Lucky you!” He rambled on before laughing even more.

So that was why.

You looked at him, and a sense of pity began to form inside. All he wanted was a place, a purpose. He looked up at you, his smile still there but showing something more...bitter, perhaps jealous?

“Don’t look at me like that, mortal.” He spat the last word out like it was poison inside his body. “I don’t need your damn pity. Why don’t you just kill me, huh? Why don’t you just throw me back to Pandemonium? Why don’t you just make me suffer!”

“I...I...” You stumbled backwards and fell on the ground, shaking at how angrily loud he was yelling.

“You don’t know what it’s like to suffer alone! You mortals die so quick, you’d never understand what a primarch goes through!”

“Enough, Sandalphon.” A voice cut through his screams with a serene presence you hadn’t felt in a long time.

Lucifer.

“Lucifer...” Sandalphon murmured, and he seemed shocked he was even before him.

“Old friend...this was my fault. I had waited to see when I should come down to put an end to you. It seemed the Singularity handled it.” Lucifer gazed down at you softly, then turned back to Sandalphon, a mixture of pity and regret in his eyes.

Sandalphon didn’t seem to be happy that Lucifer was there, in fact, he had begun shaking even more violently.

“Y-you didn’t even think I was that big of a threat? You didn’t see me as nothing more than a nuisance that a mere human could stop? You didn’t even take me seriously? You...” Sandalphon gripped the dirt in anger and screamed in anguish.

He was even more pitiful than he thought.

“I thought of you as a friend. My only friend, who had looked to me as an equal, not the supreme creation.” Lucifer responded.

“Equal? Equal you say? We will never be equal! So long as you’re alive, you’ll be praised! I was nothing more than your damn replacement, and I failed at the job before it began! I am not- and will never be- you! You have purpose, you have meaning! This god damn Singularity has more influence than I ever will!”

“Accept your failures, primarch.” Michael’s harsh voice cut through. She stared in disgust at her enemy, joined by her other siblings.

“Heh...yeah...I guess it was foolish from the start, right? To think that I, of all things, could ruin this world. Then punish me as you see fit.” He heaved a sigh and seemed to relax, accepting his mistakes so calmly and sadly.

“We will see to it, Sandalphon.” Lucifer responded.

“Before I’m sent away forever, allow me one more request.”

“What is it?”

“Allow me to thank the Singularity. For having been enough to put an end to my destruction.” He looked at you and smiled, his brown hair disheveled and knotted after the vicious fighting.

The primarchs did not object, and he got up slowly and walked over to you, his hand outstretched. You stared at it in confusion and debated whether or not you should go through with it.

“Come now, won’t you fulfill this last wish of mine?” His voice teased. You decided against listening to your subconscious and extended your hand back to him.

Before you made contact, you looked at his eyes and saw they were a monochrome color.

So they’re red, then.

As your fingers touched, a jolt of electricity ran through you and you gasped. His eyes had turned a marvelous color you couldn’t begin to describe. They shown beautifully under the shining sun, twinkling like gemstones. You wanted to get lost in them forever.

“Ah... my enemy is my soulmate, huh?” He chuckled darkly before his face turned serious as he leaned towards your ear.

“Your hands are so soft...” he whispered, “This is what the sky looks like, hm? Thank you for showing me one more beautiful sight before you go. Have a safe flight.” His frown had turned back into a large smirk as he grabbed your wrists and flung your body off the cliff.

You couldn’t begin to process it as your emotions and thoughts swirled into one.

“(Y/N)!” You heard your friends scream and the echoing laughter of Sandalphon.

“In the end Singularity, you’re just mortal! Just flesh and breakable bones!” He yelled.

“Why you-” Michael lunged for him and knocked him to his knees, making him double over in pain. “Uriel, come with me now!” She screamed and tried to rescue you.

You couldn’t hear anymore. You couldn’t scream.

All you thought of was memories.

Meeting Lyria, becoming a captain, traveling around the world.

How unfortunate it would have to end by the hands of someone who was supposed to love you. Perhaps this was your punishment for thinking about it too much. Your death would serve as a reminder to never let your selfish desires overtake you.

Time seemed to slow down as you fell, and you looked at the massive horizon all around you. You smiled serenely, this sight alone was enough to make you accept your untimely end.

The sky below had turned a pretty shade of red, signifying the day’s end. And you finally got to see it.

Red was a wonderful color, indeed. This was what you had desired, and now seeing like this felt surreal. There was no more regrets. There was no more hate or ill will. Peace. Peace was all you felt as you plunged deeper into the end of the sky.

And then black.

That event had served as a new beginning for you. You don’t remember much, Bahamaut roaring for you to wake up, to sweep the world into its new evolution. Lyria and Vyrn huddling over you, weeping over how they thought they lost you for good. But one thing haunts you to this day.

Sandalphon’s eyes.

The other things may have been a blurry fragment, but you could never, ever forget his eyes. After learning of red, after seeing how much emotion and desire he displayed from his eyes alone, it had stuck with you.

Some part of you even wished to see him again. You’ve thought of what it must be like if you had been born in another world. Another world where he had a purpose, where he was not confined to Pandemonium, where you could meet him once more.

Some times you cried over it. A bond with a soulmate was irreplaceable, and the event of being broken apart made you feel so utterly alone. Like a part of you had been taken along with him.

You wondered how stupid it would’ve sounded to the others. You cared for a man who wanted the plunge the world into chaos? You cared for a man who sent you flying off a cliff? You hadn’t told them he was your soulmate. You sometimes kept up the act you could not see red, but pretty soon, you knew they would catch on to you hiding something.

You looked at Vyrn, now a red dragon instead of the gray he once was. Was this worth it? You wanted red so bad, but at what cost?

After another day of pondering over useless what-ifs, you stumbled onto your bed and fell asleep quick enough.

“Singularity...” You recognized the voice.

“L-Lucifer?” It had been months since you last talked to him.

“Yes, (Y/n). You are still troubled by what had occurred long ago, correct?” of course he would know, you sighed.

“Yes...it’s so stupid of me! W-why do I care so much? Why do I want him so bad?” You wept.

“That is the curse of the soulmate link.” You’ve never heard used in that way.

“Soulmate link?”

“Yes, the link that binds you to Sandalphon. The chain that is your connection to him.”

“Then why do I feel so bad about him not being here?”

“You see the color red now, right?” You nodded. “When you touched, it was like the chain finally connected. And him being away severs that chain slowly. It hurts, unfortunately, and I cannot guarantee that the pain will ever go away, so long as he is still being reborn.”

“T-then what can I do?” Your disheartened voice made Lucifer frown slightly.

“There is nothing, unfortunately. I know he suffers as much as you do, but I cannot awaken him when he’s still in this cycle. You’ve stopped him once, but I cannot allow another disaster to happen.”

“How long will this cycle take?”

“However long it needs to be.”

He sees only black.

He’s not fully conscious yet, but he has enough awareness to think. The cocoon is as dark as Pandemonium, but unlike that hellhole, it feels warm. He snuggles in closer to whatever that warmth may be.

But he feels a slight pain in his heart. All he can feel is regret, regret for turning on the world, for betraying Lucifer’s trust,

for hurting you.

Sandalphon clearly recalls that day as if it were yesterday. The pain he caused you for his selfish desires is something he will always punish himself for. You were his soulmate, you were supposed to be the one he was fated to meet.

The meeting (quite literally) nose-dived into utter madness.

Being in the cocoon makes him wish he could take back his mistakes. He wants to be let out, to be free again, and to finally do his purpose, to make the skydom better.

Most of all, he wants the chance to see you again. To support you like he was supposed to. He wants to remember the blue of the sky and your eyes, he wants to be a part of something with you.

Would you even accept him? Would you even forgive him for what he has done? He has no idea. He wants to be better, but he understands his mistakes were not exactly tiny ones.

He reminds himself of the tiny fragments of dreams he has had while in the cocoon, and some of them consist of seeing the blue sky. Before, he had thought he would never get to see the vast atmosphere in its true form. That day, when he made contact with you, it sparked something within him.

The sky was gorgeous. It held a light so unlike any other thing, and he was glad he got to witness it at least once. As much as he loved the sky, he could never forget about your eyes.

He huddles himself into a ball until he feels his consciousness drifting away.

It had been a painful year for you.

You had loved and lost during that period, and you wonder just what will happen in this coming year.

You stare somberly out on the deck of the Grandcypher, watching the sun rise to form hues of red and yellow on the horizon. It always reminded you of him.

You start to wonder if there’s a point to even holding onto him. How do you even know if he isn’t going to just kill you? You feel your exhaustion from waking up too early start to creep in, your eyes slowly closing until you drift into sleep.

A loud noise rings through the Grandcypher, and it jolts you up immediately.

“What the hell...doing here?” You hear slight pieces of what sounds to be like Rackam yelling. You sigh and walk to where all the commotion is and rub your tired eyes.

“What’s going on?” You yawn and scratch your head.

“This guy was insistent on-” your gasp cut Rackam off as you stepped closer.

“Sandalphon? I-I thought...” You can only stare. He was here, right in front of you. His red eyes looked surprised, almost hesitating in how he should react.

“Yeah, I guess I finished.” He awkwardly laughed and gave you a small grin, but one that instantly rose your spirits. You tackled him in a hug and almost felt the tears build up again.

“I thought I never would’ve been able to see you again! I’m so happy to see you here!” You say, although it becomes muffled in his chest.

“A-ah, I, yeah I’ve missed you too.” He lets out a sigh and smiles, wrapping an arm around you. “I’m sorry. Really.”

“I forgave you long ago, you’re here now, so that’s what really matters.” You look up to him, and he sees those precious blue eyes that he missed so dearly.

“Thank you.” He whispers, only for your ears. The other crew is gobsmacked by the whole exchange, and some still don’t fully trust him.

He understood this was what he was signing up for, but he quickly comes to realize that you still love him so unconditionally. You put your faith in him, and he wants to be the man you always knew he could be.

Funny, he never thought a mortal of all things would be the one to make him feel invincible. The blue sky above is even prettier just by your presence alone, and he can’t help but feel like this was what he had been missing all his life.

He thinks back to when Lucifer talked to him about the blue sky.

“What makes the sky blue?” He’d ask. Hearing Lyria ask that again made him ponder that thought once more.

Whether it was created by the gods, the Astrals, or some unknown scientific experience, he had an answer that he felt could explain it.

Your love.

#soulmate au #Sandalphon #Granblue Fantasy #GBF #Granblue fantasy imagines #Sandalphon (gbf)#sandalphon x reader #writing

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angelkurenai · 7 years

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Picture Perfect - Dean Winchester x Reader x Sam Winchester - Chapter 8

Title: Picture Perfect

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Reader, Dean Winchester x Reader

Word Count: Around 6k

Warnings: Angst

Prompt: I got it! Can you do a fic where Sam dies while (Y/N) is pregnant with his child and so Dean helps her raise the child and they live the apple pie life and right when Dean wants to propose to (Y/N), Sam returns to life & ANGST. Please and thank you

Special thank you to @gaveherhearttotheliontattoo for being an awesome beta!

Read: Part 1 l Part 2 l Part 3 l Part 4 l Part 5 l Part 6 l Part 7

-Flashback-

“No more drinking.” Sam said softly and you sighed heavily “You've had enough.”

“Come on Sam.” you frowned, looking at him “I need that.”

“No you don't.” he pursed his lips with the authoritative tone he had used a few but very special moments when you were together “What you need is a good night's sleep, and probably a shower to help you relax too.”

“Hmh” you hummed, closing your eyes for a moment “I don't know if you've forgotten Sammy but I'm not the shower girl. I'm the one for-”

“Baths, rose petals and a few candles for dim lighting because you deep down are a hopeless romantic with of course a hint of vanilla and orange in the air but it always varies according to your mood, meaning it can also be strawberries.” he cut you off, completing your sentence and smirking softly as he heard you let out a small chuckle “Yeah I know.”

“You know me so well.” you whispered, opening your eyes to look at him as you licked your lips “But you're forgetting-”

“Always in someone's arms and head massages? No, of course not. That's hardly something I could ever forget.” he said with a small shrug, giving you a shy smile and you chuckled.

“Of course you wouldn't.” you smiled at him, not even realizing how you snuggled with him. It seemed that your body just reached out to the warmth his provided.

“You're just the perfect boyfriend, the perfect one.” you grinned, shaking your head softly “And to think I was the one to forget most of our anniversaries.” you giggled and he laughed softly.

“You only forgot one or two, (Y/n). No big deal.”

“Hmh you wouldn't complain in the end, no.” you bit your lower lip, smiling almost shyly up at him “I always found the perfect way to make it up to you.” you laughed and he did the same, nodding his head softly as he brushed a few strands of hair out of your face.

“That you did but-” he let a soft sigh “That's in the past now, (Y/n). Τhere is no point in talking about it.”

“No, Sam no.” you breathed out, a small pout on your face “I want to talk about it, I need to talk about it. I've- I've kept it inside for so long that I never- I never showed you how much I appreciated you. And then you were gone and I- I couldn't-” you sniffled.

“No, no hey shh.” he whispered, his arms wrapping around you “It's ok (Y/n), I know- I know how you felt about me. I always knew, I never once doubted you.”

“But I didn't tell you enough, Sam. Not everything I really felt for you. Not how much I appreciated you. You were amazing to me, you saved me and I don't mean just from the monsters that wanted to kill me. But from my own self.” you fisted the flannel he was wearing in your hand shaking your head “You were amazing to me and I didn't deserve you.”

“Don't say that please. If anything I am the one that didn't deserve you.” he whispered, rubbing your head softly.

“Don't say that either.” you whispered “You offered me so much, more than I could ever think I deserved. And then you- you gave me the gratest gift of all. You made me a mother.” you closed your eyes, a tear sliding down your cheek “I can still remember every second of it, from finding out I was pregnant to holding her. Gosh she was so small Sam, you should have see her.” you looked up at him, eyes glossy. You knew you were rambling slightly but you felt better at letting your emotions show.

“She was?” he asked in a whisper and you nodded your head.

“When I saw her I thought that nobody could have ever guessed she was yours. She was so small and the moment I held her she just curled in my arms and fell asleep. She was so beautiful Sam and for a moment I swore I could see you in her.” you smiled, looking down at your hands and Sam slowly brought one of his hands to hold yours.

“She's taken a lot after you too, her smile is just like yours. I'll admit I am incredibly sad that I- I wasn't there when she was born but be it as it may I- I wouldn't change the moment she called me dad for anything in the world.” he breathed out and you smiled.

“I really wish you'd been there when she first started talking.” you giggled “She just wouldn't stop talking, literally all the time she had something to say. And gosh did she learn fast.” you breathed out “Just like her daddy.”

“She's a wonderful kid, I've realized that.” he whispered and you smiled “But again- she is an awful lot like her mother, what can I say?” he breathed out and you laughed.

“I'll admit: she adores bubble baths a lot too. She's had more than I've had myself in the past years.”

“Does she?”

“Yeah but- Honestly-” you bit your lip “Can I tell you something Sam?”

“What?” he tilted his head to the side with an adorable smile, mostly because he realized you were already slightly tipsy.

“I've missed it.” you breathed out, closing your eyes as your head rested on his shoulder “So fucking much.”

“Well, you have a bathtub. You could have a bath anytime you want.” he said with a soft chuckle, mostly at how adorable he thought you looked. Sure it was all thanks to the alcohol but he missed seeing this side of you with everything that you had to worry about practically ever since Dean received The Mark of Cain.

“I don't mean that.” you said almost a little sleepily and opened your eyes to look at him “I mean you. Everything that I had with you, from the bathtubs and massages to the breakfast in bed. Everything.” you closed your eyes, snuggling even more with him.

“(Y/n) what- what are you saying?”

You laughed softly “Gosh I can't believe what I am saying right now.” you swallowed down hard “I can't believe- I love Dean, Sam I love him so much yet I- I missed you so damn much too.” you choked on a sob, nuzzling your face at the crook of his neck “Is it wrong?”

“No, baby.” he breathed out, closing his eyes for a moment “No it's not wrong.” he whispered kissing your forehead softly “We've been through so much that nothing can take it away.”

“I thought that it was over, Sam.” your voice trembled “I thought that I had dealt with that, that months after your death and when Dean and I were-” you felt him stiffen beneath you so you just cleared your throat “I thought that it was over, Sam. That I had come to terms with it, that it had all happened for a reason but Sam I-” he felt and later saw a tear slip from your eye “I missed you so fucking much.” you almost choked on a sob.

“Oh (Y/n)” he breathed out, shifting so that you were sitting on his lap and he could cup your face to wipe away the tears “Please don't do this to yourself.” he whispered, resting his forehead against yours.

You sniffled, finally looking up at him and trying to give him a weak even smile “I never deserved you, that's why I lost you in the end.”

“Don't say that please.” he frowned and you let a humorless chuckle out.

“Can we get any more cheesy? This reminds me of something.” you whispered and he smiled just slightly.

“Our first date, yeah.” he breathed out, an adorable but sad smile on his face.

“You were so nervous, you were stuttering and almost knocked everything out in your way.” you giggled, nuzzling your nose with his “Dear Chuck, I swear I found myself falling in love with you all over again that night.”

“Did you?” he whispered and you nodded your head shyly.

“How could I not Sam? You've always been great to me, you were all I ever needed, all I ever wanted. I caught myself wondering so many times how you above all could love me in such a deep and true way. Sometimes... I still wonder.” you whispered, letting your head fall back on his shoulder.

“Why?” his voice was barely above a whisper.

“I thought it would be all over Sam, at some point I thought it would be over.” you spoke after a long pause as if you almost didn't hear him speak “I hated the fact that it had to be with your death but I forced myself to keep going for Mary. Despite how much I loved you. And I thought that- I really thought that I had managed to keep going but I-”

“You?”

“I can't Sam.” you pulled away for a moment “I can't keep going, not without you. I did all of this because you were gone and I thought I was doing alright but I wasn't and gosh I loathe myself for this but I miss everything about you, everything about us.” you cupped his face as his own hands fell on your waist.

Sam didn't dare say a word, he only swallowed thickly; almost holding his breath.

“From the way you held me, to the way you kissed me and- and to the way you made love to me.” you smiled, closing your eyes as your forehead once more rested against his “To the way I'd wake up and find you there just gazing at me in the most creepily romantic way.” you breathed out a laugh “And to the way you told me how much you loved me when we moved and pushed together at night, wherever that would be.” you smiled to yourself for a moment. You opened your eyes and looked deeply in his eyes.

“I missed you so much Sam.” you whspered “I never admitted it even to myself after what happened with Dean but- but it was there. I felt it, I always felt it but didn't know what it really was. And when you came back I-” you let out a shaky breath “I love you so much Sam.”

“What?” Sam blinked as he felt you press yourself closer to him “No, (Y/n). You're- you're drunk, you don't know what you're saying. And you- you miss-” he felt a lump in his throat that almost prevented him from speaking “And you miss Dean. You're hurt because he left, you don't miss me. Not me. You want him here and- and just because you're drunk you-”

“No, no.” you insisted, holding tightly on to his flannel as he tried to pull away “No I- I missed you, Sam. I know I have missed you, I know you are the one I need at the moment. Dean's-” you swallowed hard at the name, shaking your head.

“Have you forgotten all we have been through?” you whispered and he let out a pained sigh.

“I could never forget.”

“Well-” your eyes roamed his face “Neither have I. I see it all, Sam. I relive every moment in my dreams, everything we've been through.” you breathed out; and Sam held your gaze for a good few minutes just like you did. The small confession was hanging in the air between the two of you. Sam's lips were parted as he wanted to say something but he couldn't find the right words to.

But maybe he didn't have to. You didn't realize when it happened, you didn't even realize it when your eyes casted down for a moment at his lips. The only thing you realized was that your lips collided with his hard. You heard Sam let out a gasp and you found the opportunity to deepen the kiss. You bit on his lower lip, licking it afterwards before entering your tongue in his mouth. Despite your mind being clouded by the alcohol you savored the taste and remembered it, realizing that you had never indeed forgotten it.

Sam moaned slightly when you shifted on his lap. He tried to push you away but he didn't seem to try hard enough, he obviously didn't want to very much as it seemed because with the strength he had he could have pulled away any minute he wanted and kept you at bay. But he didn't. His eyes fluttered shut and as much as he hated himself for it his grip of your hips tightened and he pressed himself closer to you. He felt your chest push against his and he let out a soft growl when your legs wrapped around his waist.

“(Y/n)” he moaned but you didn't let him utter another word as you kissed his lips hungrily.

Sam could taste the whiskey in your lips and almost felt getting drunk himself. Not that it was because of the amount you'd had but because of your lips on his, kissing the life out of him, and your hands roaming his chest and abdomen running oer and down his shirt. He had not realized how much he'd actually missed that. Your lips felt amazing against his, kissing him passionately as you now ran your fingers through his hair. Sam couldn't hold himself back and his hands starting roaming your back, up and under your shirt as he fidgeted with your own clothes.

“I've missed the sound of that.” you said in between kisses.

You let out a soft moan when Sam's hot tongue started battling with yours. You felt his teeth graze over your lips as he bit only slightly, starting to show you his dominant side even more. Sam could be the sweetest guy of all but when he'd have missed you in bed then he didn't care about gentle. He just went for it and whatever his instincts told him to. And at the moment what he wanted was you. All of you, to taste, to fill, to have. He'd missed you just too much and as much as he denied it to himself as much he tried to hold back he couldn't. The way you would always make him feel could not be compared to any other woman so he didn't even try to find someone to drown his sorrows in, the way his brother would do sometimes or he had done in the past- before he met you.

Because with you, no matter how you ended up, it was pure, and it was true and it was full of love. Sam loved you, maybe too much for his own good but he did. And he couldn't find himself to feel any different, so he was damned to need you like he needed air. And that meant that it would all build up at some point, just like it now had and Sam could not hold himself back.

And the moment he felt you rub yourself on him he'd had enough. With a small growl he grabbed you by the hips, his fingers almost digging into your skin even through your jeans and he lifted you off the couch. You were the one to gasp this time as you felt yourself being carried to a different place and you knew very well which one that was: the bedroom.

-End of Flashback-

“Daddy no!” were the first words you heard as you walked down the stairs.

You rubbed your eyes with the back of your hand, sleep still lacing most of your features. The empty side of your bed along with some banging and the smell of something great woke you up from your slumber and made you get up. You were more careful as you approached the kitchen, not wanting to make a sound. You stood on the doorframe, peaking at the sound of laughter: your daughter with Sam.

“What, does my princess not like to be carried like this?” he asked as he gracefully balanced her on his shoulders.

Mary giggled uncontrolably “Daddy! You are so tall, and I am scared of heights!”

“Really? But you're an angel, how come you are afraid of heights?” he made a funny frowny face and you bit your lip to keep yourself from laughing.

“I'm not an angel daddy Sam.” she shook her head, laughing as she tried to tuck a few pieces of hair out of her face.

Sam picked her up and held her now in front of him “Really? Then how can this beauty ever be explained?” he asked and she giggled, hiding her face behind her hands.

“Alright then-” Sam let a small huff as he let her sit on the kitchen counter “How about we get done with this pancakes and think of something else to cook too? We have some time.”

“Yes daddy!”she grabbed a wooden spoon, her eyes sparkling as she looked up at him with a wide grin. And you could swear that for a moment you felt your knees give away at the sight in front of you. She was getting closer to him faster than you could have ever imagined.

“Alright, little chef.” he scooped her up again, and rested her on his hip “Let's get done with this and maybe you can also braid my hair later too.” he chuckled when she grinned widely at him.

“Yes yes I want to braid your hair! Daddy- will you come later with me at the park? Mommy and daddy would always come with me.” she held the big spoon in her small arms and Sam grinned at her.

“I would love to, sweetie. If mommy wants me there too then yes, I would want nothing else more.” he kissed her on the head, closing his eyes for a moment as she wrapped her arms around his neck. Only then did you realize that not only had they prepared lots of things to eat but Sam had also helped her get dressed and ready, quite well might you add.

You stood there for some time, just looking at them interact. It was a sight for sore eyes and even if you felt like crap both from the hangover and what had happened with Dean the previous day. Only a few minutes later Sam took notice of you and with a smile you decided to join them in finished the eggs and bacon; pretending that you had just come into the kitchen and not been standing there for a good while.

~*~

You rubbed your temples as you looked at the warm cup of coffee in front of you. Just like you liked it, in the past at least. You had changed lots of things after Sam's death and as crazy as that sounded your coffee was included. But Sam wouldn't know about that so he had prepared it the way you used to drink it, and you couldn't deny you actually had missed that too.

“Mommy?” you heard a low baby voice and you blinked rapidly, looking up from your cup.

You smiled, a small and tired but at least honest smile “Yes baby?” you asked and she smiled even more at you.

“Do you like the pancakes? Daddy and I made them!” she said proudly and you grinned at your daughter in the end.

“Did you sweetheart? Wow I would have never thought! I imagined you got a chef or something here to cook for me! It's absolutely amazing, all of it!”you grabbed her face and kissed both her cheeks as she giggled “Thanks you so so much!” you grinned as she smiled up at you widely, even if you knew the truth yourself.

“Aren't you going to give a thank you kiss to daddy? It was his idea!” she said with the same innocence that made you wish you could be her age again so that you'd forget about all of your problems.

“Of course baby.” you said softly, looking at Sam who was a little silent all this time.

“Thank you, Sam. For everything.” you said honestly, looking him deeply in the eyes and cupping his cheek as you kissed the other tenderly; your face lingering close to his for longer than you should.

Mary smiled at the two of you as she grabbed her bottle filled with orange juice “Mommy did daddy Sam sleep in your bed last night?”

“Why are you asking, sweetheart?” you frowned, sharing a look with Sam.

“Well, he is my daddy. Just like daddy Dean is. Since he is not home now, should not daddy Sam sleep in your bed?” she asked and you let out a sigh of relief, taking a large sip of your coffee; trying to calm yourself down. For a moment you were scared she had seen something and was only asking for you to actually just say it out loud and verify it.

“No sweetie.” Sam spoke up before you could “Just because I am your daddy doesn't mean I have to sleep with mommy.” he spoke gently and you chewed on your lip, frowing at what his words made you feel. Why did you feel a pang in your chest at the obvious rejection?

“Oh alright.” she nodded her head, going back to her food.

You bit hard on your lower lip as you glanced at Sam for just a split second “Thanks” you whispered and he shook his head.

“Don't sweat it.” he mumbled, taking a large sip of his own coffee; his eyes remained focused on the little girl in front of both of you.

“No I mean-” you started saying in a voice just a little bit lower than a whisper so that he could only hear “For everything... including last night.”

He let out a small sigh, glancing at you “You were drunk, there was no way I'd take advantage of you.” but he still didn't meet your eyes completely.

“I know you wouldn't, you're too good for that.” you smiled softly “I just- I still need to thank you, I- I can't remember what I said or did but-” you sighed “I'm sure it's not really something right considering the situation.”

Sam's lip pursed for a moment as he stared down at his drink, remembering the events of the previous night as your words had not stopped running through his mind ever since “Don't thank me, I know it was the alcohol talking.” he mumbled tiredly and chewing on your lip you kept your eyes fixated on him for a good few minutes.

“No it wasn't.” you whispered and he paused mid-movement before slowly turning his head to look at you “I mean I was the one talking after all, it was my words. Maybe I- I didn't fully realize what I was saying, maybe I couldn't control it but I still- I still was the one to do the talk and I still was the one to express-” you cut yourself off, pursing your lips as you frowned. Truth was that you didn't remember a thing of what you'd said but as it happened most of the time when you got drunk you just spilled the truth.

“What?” Sam whispered, a deep frown on his face as you let a small sigh.

“My feelings, and my thoughts. I- I really don't remember a single word but I just- I need to get that out. It happens when I'm drunk and I- I just spill everything out. I think that no matter what I said, even if I don't like it, you should know it's the truth.” you swallowed the lump in your throat, looking him in the eyes. His eyebrows shot up and his lips fell slightly apart. He blinked, clearing his throat as he looked down.

Maybe you didn't remember a single thing you said but the expression on Sam's face told that maybe the things you had actually uttered were important.

“Did I- did I say something that-?” you asked softly, glancing at Mary.

Sam kept his eyes focused on yours before finally shaking his head and as he spoke you noticed he avoided looking at you “No, no really nothing- nothing I wouldn't expect. Mostly about Mary and- and all you did for her.” he gave you a smal shrug, smiling at the little girl in such a fatherly way that made your heart melt.

“A-alright.” you nodded your head, playing slightly with your food as you bit on your lower lip “And- and about what happened after that I-”

“(Y/n)” he let a soft sigh, but this time he seemed more calm; like the Sam you always remembered “It's alright, I can understand. You miss Dean and everything you two had. It really was the alcohol talking right there.” he gave you a weak shrug, smiling at you and you tried to do the same but failed.

“Yeah I guess that's it.” you mumbled, tucking a few strands of hair out of your face “I'm sorry you had to deal with that and- and thank you for holding back, too.”

“I never once did something you wouldn't want me to.” he said softly and you smiled with a nod, remembering it all too well.

“I know, Sam. I know.” you breathed out, all attention going to the little girl sitting in front of you.

~*~

“She's really energetic sometimes.” you said with a giggle as Sam slumped next to you on the park's bench.

“Yeah I uh I figured that out.” he said out of breath, but still smiling as he watched his little girl run around the playground, having found a new companion now.

“It only happens with people she really loves, don't worry. She might wear you out in the end but it will all be worth it.” you grinned, holding her stuffed bee that she'd left for you to hold as she played.

“I know, I've come to realize it and I couldn't be happier about it.” he breathed out with a dimpled smile as he looked at his baby girl play.

“Until of course someone else comes to play.” you added with a shrug and it didn't take long for his smile to drop and a serious expression to take over.

“Mary's too young yet.” he said, an almost adorable frown setting on his face.

“I'm not saying now but sooner or later a boyfriend will come and then you won't be able to-”

“Hey, enough alright?” he huffed, shaking his head as he blinked as if he tried to shake the thought of his mind “I don't want to think about that already, ok?”

You couldn't help a giggle as you hugged the bee yourself and sighed softly “They grow up really fast though, and that's something neither of us can change.” you whispered and he nodded his head softly.

“Unfortunately. There are always things we can't change.” he whispered and you slowly turned your head to look at him.

“What's that supposed to mean?” you got defensive although your voice tone didn't raise.

“Nothing, just nevermind.”

“No, Sam I will.” you pursed your lips, feeling once more an uncharacteristic pang in your chest “What are you implying?”

“Well, it wouldn't be such a surprise if she replaced me with someone else anyway. It happens easily.” he shrugged, biting the inside of his cheek quite bitterly.

“I can't believe you right now.” you shook your head bitterly “I never once replaced you! You were, are and will always be the one I love.”

“And then what is Dean to you?” he asked, turning to look at you but you just sighed heavily.

“Dean is different, what I feel for him is different. But you Sam- you have and will always have the same place in my heart, nothing can or will ever change that. I told you so and I- I can't believe you still think I am not telling you the truth.” you looked down in disappointment. No matter what had happened between you and Dean, Sam was always going to beimportant to you and it hurt you to see him not believe you.

“I'm sorry.” he sighed, running a hand down his face “Gosh I am really sorry. You must feel like crap and I- I am making things so much worse.” he swallowed thickly “I'm just- I'm trying really hard to deal with it myself.”

“Sam” you took a deep breath “Can I ask you something? What- what did I tell you last night exactly?”

Sam paused for a moment, not looking at you or even Mary. His eyes casted down and fidgeted with his hands as he instantly felt bad for the words that had just left his lips. He knew, maybe more than anyone including you, that he was still important to you. The things you had told him the previous night only proved that and Sam didn't have a single doubt that he meant a lot to you, despite how much time had passed. But at the same time there were moments he couldn't help but feel bitter, angry even at the time he had lost. He knew it wasn't your fault but he still felt as if he had been replaced in both yours and Mary's life by his own brother, and that was a feeling he just couldn't shake off.

“It doesn't matter (Y/n), not anymore.” he shook his head, offering you a small smile as he looked back at Mary.

“Right, it doesn't.” you mumbled, looking down “You know, you say it's my fault-”

“I didn't say it.” he said apologetically as he finally looked at you.

“Yeah well- you implied it.” you gave him a sad smile “Just as bad.” you swallowed, feeling your mouth go dry “I tried to hold on Sam, I really did.” you whispered “But I felt like slipping away, there were times I prefered death instead of- of going on. The only reason I really didn't-” you held back your tears “It was because of Mary, because her life depended on me. I tried to fight it all, I swear I did but I- I was weak, I know I have always been and I realized it even more now. I'm sorry I couldn't be brave, not the way you always wanted me to- not the way you asked me to when you left not-”

“No, no (Y/n).” and oh had he never felt worse in his life, he was taking it all out on you when he knew you were the one to blame the least. He knew how much you still loved him, it wasn't your fault he had died yet he took it out on you without thinking.

“No, please.” he breathed out, taking hold of you and wrapping his arms around you the way he'd always done “No, it's not your fault. Please don't blame yourself, I- I don't blame you. I am not putting the blame on you, I swear. I'm an idiot sometimes, I know.” he whispered as you buried your face in his chest.

“No, you're not.” you whispered as you pulled slightly away but still in his arms “I'm the one that messed everything up. I'm the one that screwed it all up, Sam. I'm- I've-”

“Don't say that please.” he gave you a squeeze “It's ok, it's all ok. And it's alright-” he paused “It's alright to miss this, it's alright to miss me and everything else we've lived, everything we've been through.”

You gasped softly, pulling just slightly away so that you'd look at him. You had not said a word yet he could almost read your mind. It wasn't usually such a surprise considering how well he actually knew you, but at the moment it almost felt as if he was replying to the things you really wanted to say but couldn't. What had you really said the previous night?

“You can't just erase all those years just like that, (Y/n). Even with my death, nobody expected you to forget everything we've lived- or how you felt about me just like that. You've messed up, maybe but it isn't entirely your fault- if not at all. You can't control your feelings and I- I don't blame you for that, even if I seem pissed off at time I'm just-”

“Hurt” you whispered and he gave you a sad smile.

“I can't lie to you about that.” he said, looking down at your hands as he placed his on top of it.

“And how is that supposed to make me feel any less guilty Sam? I hurt the man I- I thought about spending the rest of my life with, the man that I- I have a kid with the man that I-”

“Stop thinking about it.” he whispered, tucking a few strands out of your face as he cupped your cheek “Stop stressing yourself over it, alright? We have a kid to think about. She is a priority right now.”

“Yeah she is.” you nodded your head, slowly leaning into Sam and resting your head on his shoulder as he held you tightly in his arms “Our daughter.” you said faintly, the words sounded so foreign in your lips. You had said them before, but every other time they held a different meaning to them. At first she was not born and you were only a month or two pregnant so you could't fully understand the importance of it. Later it was directed to Dean and even if it still felt real and honest, eve if it still felt serious you couldn't understand what this really meant. Now with Sam, knowing deep down he was the one that actually helped you create her, hell even feeling it you could understand how important those words were and you felt your heart leap to your throat. If it wasn't for Sam you wouldn't have the little angel playing ust a few feet away, so yes the words now held such a bigger importance in them and you couldn't lie about that.

You didn't realize it when your eyes casted down to your hands, you were too caught up in your thoughts. Part of you repeated the words in your mind, thinking about how you were actually standing here with the father of your daughter – a dream you'd had so many times but had to forget about when he died – and another, great part of you, thinking about that man that would sit in the very same place every other time but was now long gone. Dean. And as hard you tried to fight it, as hard as you tried to focus on the man whose arms were around you, no matter how hard you tried to focus on Sam, you couldn't help but think about him, long for him even if it had been just a little more than 24 hours he was gone.

You longed for him, that you couldn't deny to yourself.

“Mommy?” you heard Mary's voice and felt a small shake so you blinked and looked up to meet her eyes.

“Hey princess.” you smiled as Sam bent down and picked her up, sitting her on his lap as she looked at the both of you.

“When are we going to see daddy Dean?” she asked and your back straightened as you looked at Sam who had a frown on.

“Why the sudden question princess?” he asked, tilting his head to look at her.

“I just- I just really wanted to see him and talk, that's all.” she mumbled, looking down with a small pout.

“Princess-” you got more serious “-there's no chance in that.” you said, maybe a little too harshly but you had to do this for her.

“But- but why?” she asked with a pout and a small whine and Sam gave you a worried but also warning look.

“(Y/n)” he said in a low voice and you could understand fully well what he was trying to say, but you weren't having any of it. You knew that he'd do anything for Mary to be happy and that could mean taking Dean's side in this, not that it would surprise you either way.

“No Sam.” you glared at him before finally looking at her “Sweetheart, that cannot happen because daddy Dean is not here anymore. He left, for good and he's not coming back.”

“But- but how? I- I saw him.” she frowned, looking from you to her father who had a sympathetic look on his face.

“Saw him where baby?” he asked her softly but you frowned deeply.

“Mary” you said and she looked at you.

“He- he was there, with Baby.” she pointed at the parking lot where only one place was empty “He- he was smiling at me the way he always would.” she said innocently and you took a deep breath, closing your eyes and burying your face in your hands.

“I'm gonna have to talk with him.”

~~~

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Crossed out names are the ones tumblr won’t let me tag. :(

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prinxiety-logicalitysanderssides · 7 years

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1-97 NOW ITS UR TURN I DONT EVEN CARE THAT THIS IS MY MAIN U GOTTA SUFFER TOO

I. BLOODY. DID. IT. ITS TAKEN ME /TWO DAYS/ BUT I’VE DONE IT @princeyandanxiety and I’m tagging @use-it-ironically Ironi u do it too pls. I was subjected to this after I subjected Bella to this so now u have to.

Btw this is NSFW ( some of it) and mentions suicide/depression cause I went there. There is some serious truth tea in this god damnit. I put thought and love into this. And also memes but mostly LOVE and boredom. I also feel like I forgot to answer a question or two but whatever. This is 97 questions long. And it’s 2818 words.

By the end of this, you will understand that I am a wreck

Ask me things1. What’s your middle name? No.

2. What are you listening to right now? The sound of typing cause I’m not listening to music. Also the sound of my breath and the wind in the trees. V/ relaxing. (( that was yesterday, today I’m listening to MCR and sanders Sides videos at a loud volume on chromecast on my tv))

3. What was the last thing you ate? ¼ of a cup of icing sugar. I ate it out of the measuring cup lmao.

4. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My mum. I do talk to other people, I swear! I’m just not good at phone calls

5. Do you drink? No and I won’t in the future. Lemonade all the way if I have to drink smth.

6. Do you smoke? No and I never ever will.

7. What is the first thing you noticed in someone? Someone as in??? Random or??. In Randoms I usually notice people’s faces and then clothes, especially if they’re eye catching. I notice memorabilia/fan stuff pretty quickly as well.

8. What is your hair color? Brown but I use hair dye to make it partially blue or purple or red sometimes. It doesn’t work very well unless I bleach my hair and I can’t do that till I’m 16 which sucks. I use hair spray every now and again, I have white hair spray and glitter hair spray, and I used to have blue as well. Glitters my favourite . I also have a full rainbow of hair chalk but my friends and I dropped it at one point during the Hair Incident of Grade Eight which is what I’m calling it now.

9. What is your eye color? Blue/Grey ish. 10. Do you wear contacts/glasses? Nope. My mum says I will if I keep looking at my screen for hours on end though. I don’t want glasses cause my 20/20 vision is serving me well and I like it.

11. Dogs or cats? Rabbits.

12. What’s your favorite animal? Rabbits/see above

13. What’s your favorite television show? Gilmore girls. Hands down the best.

14. What’s your favorite movie? I don’t really have one? Princess Bride, Sound of Music and the Captain America movies. Oh and Heathers.

15. What’s your favorite band/singer? I can’t choose but Alessia Cara comes to mind? Scars to your Beautiful? And MCR. And Panic! At the Disco and Fall Out Boy. I’m an emo nightmare tbh

16. How old are you? Bich no u can guess. I’m a minor tho.

17. Do you have a crush on anyone? No. But I want a girlfriend/datemate ( all the boys my age are awful and the girls/nonbinary people r better)

18. What’s your sexual orientation? Pansexual. To keep it simple anyway.

19. What’s your favorite color? Aqua blue/ the green of Australian forests

20. What was your most embarrassing moment? Going up on stage in like,, grade six, for a talent show, that I decided to volunteer for THAT DAY and literally singing which is fine but I kept shuffling not dancing and the other kid I was doing it with was kinda dancing and we fucking sucked. But I’m at a different school half the city away now thank god.

21. Do you ever wish you were someone else? Characters in stories, yeah, but like, I want to be in their universe, with their mind and my mind combined so I’m more them than me but I also remember that I want to give people a piece of my mind and fix the universe and make everyone happy but also have angst before that. I project a lot tbh. Oh well.

22. What were you like when you were a kid? I ran away from the class a lot, a ‘difficult’ and 'problem’ child. I have ADHD.

23. What would your dream house be like? Huge, I would want to have lots of pets and secret rooms and a big library and have it surrounded by country side and let scouts have camps near by and stuff

24. What last made you laugh? There were a few things but I forgot damn. But probably my bunnies antics I swear they r ridiculous sometimes( all the time) (( that was yesterday, today its sanders Sides videos again whoops))

25. What is your favorite word ? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) its called a Lenny and I love it

26. What is your least favorite word? Poo. Or moist. Both are awful.

27. What turns you on? Coffee when I wake up

28. What turns you off? Sleeping pills

29. What is your star sign? Aquarius

30. What are your favorite books? TAMORA PIERCE’S 'The circle of Magic ’ quartet and all of its sequels and Tamora Pierces 'The Lionness’ quartet and her 'Protector of the small’ quartet, really, all of her books. Also the Obernewtyn series which is FUCKING AMAZING. ITS BY AN AUSSIE AUTHOR, ISOBELLE CARMODY WHO IVE MEET TWICE AND THEY R SMAZINGSOWNFKEFKWJCKD YES.

31. Do you have any siblings? Only child, suck it.

32. Do you like to dance?Yes, but I’m not a professional or up to date with the latest ~moves~

33. What is your definition of cheating? This is hard cause my definition is in my head but it’s hard to explain. I’m gonna try though.( ACTUALLY I’m gonna come back and write this later) (( lmao I never did go back and write this but it basically depends on what people in a relationship have agreed it to mean bc I’m tired and this is complicated))

34. Have you ever cheated on someone? No I’ve never dated anyone.

35. Do you regret anything? A few things. Not gonna get into them tho. I do regret not working harder in grade seven and eight.

36. Do you have any phobias? Not really no. I hate leeches with a fiery passion and there are spiders next to my shower which I don’t like but other than that, no.

37. Ever broken any bones? No and I’d like to understand what it feels like tbh

38. Ever come close to death? When I walk anywhere cause I’m yes. Does being suicidal back when I was eleven count? And the fact it recurs every now and again? Also

39. What is your religion, if any? I piece together my own world view, based on many philosophies and science.

40. Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist? I’m going to one rn actually. School counsellor who is great and has lollipops and also let my friends and I play monopoly in her office all lunch. I lost. The bell was about to go so I just flipped the board upside down cause why not? My friends made me clean it up lmao 41. Are looks important in a relationship? Depends

42. Are you more like your mom or your dad? I pray I’m more like my mum as my dad is an awful person tbh

43. What is your favorite season? Whichever one I’m not sneezing in/ when it’s warm/ I don’t really have one

44. Do you have any tattoos? No 45. Do you have any piercings? I did have normal ear piercings but they grew over

46. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had? None

47. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Have you met me

48. Who is your celebrity crush? Thomas Sanders

49. Are you a virgin? Again, have you meet me. YES. Obviously.

50. Do you get jealous easily? Define 'jealous’. I mean, kind of. Not usually.

51. What is your favorite type of food? Pasta.

52. Do you ever want to get married?Depends, I mean, LGBT marriage isn’t legal in Australia for whatever fucking stupid reason ( the reason is homophobic pollies, literally 90% of Australia wants fucking gay marriage goddamnit)

53. Who was your first kiss with? Lmao I haven’t had one

54. Have you ever been cheated on? See above

55. What is your idea of the perfect date? ?'not sure tbh?

56. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Extroverted introvert. I like meeting people and i have lots of friends but I also need my space. I’m an introvert.

57. Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets? After seeing the 'thingu’ video, I hope not. I do believe in other life but not as sentient as us? Well, at least I don’t think we will find any sentient aliens now that we elected trump tbh

58. What talent do you wish you’d been born with?Be a great dancer?

59. What is your saddest memory? Not today Satan

60. Do you believe in love at first sight? I believe you can find someone aesthetically pleasing at first sight, at first talk, you can like them for their personality. So kind of? But not really. Movie love sucks tho. Unrealistic.

61. Do you believe in soul mates? Kind of. I wish we had a soulmate au irl

62. Have you ever dyed your hair? See above ( yes)

63. Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?I don’t really look at gossip so??? No? They could be talking about me all the time lmao I got bullied from 11-13 years old but that’s different and now I can’t be fucking bothered to listen to bullies

64. Would you go against your moral code for money?Depending on the circumstances. I’m not evil. Very rarely would I ever do that and I have never actually done that.

65. What are three things most people don’t know about you? . My teachers think I have asbergers(autism) and I agree but my parents don’t . NSFW as hell?? I mean most people would look at my chumb face and think I’m innocent i would guess. . I want a datemate? Like I haven’t really acknowledged that but like every opnow and again this Year and

66. Who are you jealous of? People who get more likes than me

67. Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?Yes, but only if my bed is clean IE It has been washed within the last week. Sometimes I don’t wash my sheets for a month and i don’t want to subject my Rabbit toy to that. She’s thirty-nine years old.

68. How long was your longest relationship? No

69. Is the glass half empty or half full?Half empty, I drank half the water.

70. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you? Nsfw fanfiction for sanders sides. Nah, I don’t really know as I’m still in high school I’m in Grade Nine . So like? How would I know? (But seriously pls write more nsfw)

71. Who is your most loyal friend? My best friend Addy? ( she was the one we tried to comb her hair) or you people

72. Are you in a relationship? Ok this is getting annoying

73. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her? Come ON.

74. Are you a bad person? Depends. Is the scale puppies to trump or a grumpy cat to trump. Cause I’m in the low-middle of the first scale and at the bottom of the second.

75. Are you a lover or a fighter? I wanna fite but I don’t bite and I’m usually just high as a kite.

76. What did you do on your last birthday? Like… nothing. Mum and I have to save money for scout camps ( there’s a big Venture I’m going on at the start of next year, AV2018) and I couldn’t be bothered to have a birthday party when I would have to have one just before or after term starts, my birthday is the 24th of Jan. Usually I have my party like a week after school starts again but I couldn’t be bothered.

77. What is your favorite quote and why? “I’m sceptical that you could, yet intrigued that you may” I got it off a screenshot on tumblr ALSO “What are you looking at?” “ Something Replusive” “I’m not a mirror Karen” from the fanfiction Iris Zero, my fav Hetalia fan fic about Romerica. Also “I’m hella pan with a hella plan” off tumblr.

78. If your best friend died, what would you do? I would be a fucking wreck and I’m not gonna think about it.

79. If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be? If i went back and time and changed smth, i wouldn’t be me anymore, but I would go back and get a proper depression diagnosis bc we knew I had it but I’m a good actor so the doctors couldn’t diagnose the kid who was fucking suicidal great job Australia ANYWAY

80. If you only had 24 hours to live, what would you do? My mum texted me this morning ( btw I did this ask over a couple days) with 'If you die today would you like the last thing you spent your precious life hours on to be tumblr??’ I responded with 'yes’ to be a bitch and also bc I kinda would? I would get all my friends and all of the food I wanted, write my will, etc. I’d go fucking ridiculous with what I’d do tbh. All the adventurous activities .

81. What is the strangest dream you’ve ever had? One time when I was 11, I had a dream I was a princess with a guy servant and a girl lady in waiting/servant and we were all bffs, ( looking normal so far lmao), and then we were getting chased around my kingdom by a guy with a floppy dick which was flopping around like a bendy/wobble pencil. Both friends sacrificed themselves to stop him and made me keep running away lol

82. Are you happier single or in a relationship? I don’t know

83. Who were you in a past life? The human embodiment of Anxiety Sanders

84. What is your happiest childhood memory?Lazy sunny days with my mum. Chores and relaxing. Cooking.

85. Have you ever experienced unrequited love? Not,,,, really,, see above, I,, haven’t really had any experience with love

86. Have you ever had an imaginary friend? I don’t think so?

87. If you were the prime minister , what would you do? Fucking Marriage Equality, Safe schools is mandatory, sexual assault/homelessness/youth in crisis support is fucking fixed and improved, Scouts is connected to schools, primary school system revised, improved and fixed, high school system improved, counselling is better overall, science in all grades, maths teaching is improved over all, teachers can get constructive criticism from students and will LISTEN to them. Abuse is redefined as both emotional and psychical and people start to understand that, neurodivergents are fucking accommodated more, same for disabled people. Mental illness are listened to for fucks sake.

88. What is your ideal career? Engineer, scientist, musician, YouTuber, anything that makes me happy and makes people happy and supports people. I also want money tbh so A) i can donate to charity B) i want to transition and all I fucking love memey products.

89. What is your political affiliation?/90. Are you conservative or liberal? Liberal. When I vote, I will weight my options and choose which ever is the least awful tbh. I’m an intersectional feminist meaning I support poc, the wider LGBT+ community, feminism, people with mental illness, neurodivergents and disabled people.

91. Is the male or female body closest to perfection?Male doesn’t get periods so u decide

92. Do you like kissing in public? I’ve seen people kiss in public ONCE in my life so like?? Do what you want

93. If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change? Unlike my prime minister answer, I’m thinking smaller here : everyone is allowed to transition/get married/ all LGBTAI+ rights are legalised

94. Where would you like to live? Huge house full of secret tunnels and it’s all waterproof and I keep rescue pets and secretly help refugees there so they can get a normal life again. There would be huge libraries. In the countryside as well. Tazmania probably. Or Melbourne in a nice house with my rabbits and datemate/s

95. Where would you go on your dream vacation?I’d want to go on a world tour and meet all my mutuals and the people I am fans of.

96. Describe yourself in one word.Chaotic ( good lmao)(( jk every time i take that chaotic/neutral/lawful quiz I get lawful good but lawful good is was I aspire to be and chaotic good is what I am. ))

97. Describe yourself in one sentenceVery. Fucking. Complicated. Wreck. Who Loves All My Mutuals and Friends So Much.

#me #asks #97 question ask

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