#at men . it was a man . i know it was a man . i know certainly that it was a man . fuck

[last-words-ofashootingstar]

Reminder; Don't Forget

(Scrap)

❥Park Seonghwa x fem reader

➯a/n: i want park seonghwa to be mean to me while wearing a tank top, that is all ➯a/n: i'm going to start posting drafts that haven't been touched in over a month so they don't just collect dust, enjoy ya filthy animals

✃ "You need a reminder of who's good girl you are."

✫彡wordcount: 2.7k

(>ᴗ•)♡´･ᴗ･`♡genre: YANDERE SMUT (hinted mafia/crime au)

ಠ_ಠwarning/content: THIS IS A DARK FICTION. EMPHASIS ON DARK FICTION. i do no condone pretty much anything seonghwa does in this fanfic. this is very dark, the darkest i've gone so if you are uncomfortable with that check out something else. we have here: dark/yandere/savior complex hwa, degrading, unsafe physical restraint, choking, destruction of personal property, shaming, dubcon, extremely possessive behavior, some ddlg themes, slapping, praise, yelling, captivity, crying, knifes thrown at reader as a punishment(none hit!!), threats of violence, manipulation, mind break, hair pulling, mention of edging, face humping, throat fucking, messy bj, not proof read

MATURE UNDER CUT MDNI

"Did you forget your place, hm? It certainly seems like it, acting like a slut when you're mine!" His grip on your neck tightens, a chuckle leaving his furled lips as you grab at his tank top desperately trying to force out apologies through the pressure he puts on your wind pipes. "What, you can't even say that you're sorry? Another's man's number in your phone and you can't tell me you're sorry?"

Oh he's evil, he loves to see you squirm. And squirm you do: pushing against his heavy weight on your hips and clawing at his arm as your lungs beg for air.

He lets go, arms crossing his chest as he leans back nonchalantly, every bit of his weight in your lap as you heave. "Hwa-seong...Hwa, I'm s-sorry! I thought, thought, it'd be okay hes just a f-friend-"

   "You thought," he laughs cruelly, "are you even capable of that? Dumb little girl," he slaps your jaw, lightly, but it still makes you face the wall with a look of defeat.

"I think for you, is that clear?" You nod, tear stained cheeks gleaming in the light.

"Hey, am I clear?" he shouts this time, making you jump.

    "Yes! Yes, Hwa, clear..."

   "There's my good girl—" He brushes back your hair, cooing as you lean away, "you're the prettiest girl I ever laid my eyes on, and you think men don't see that? You think they're blind? Or are you really just that naiive, pretty baby?" His cool finger tips trail down to the blooming bruise on your neck, pressing softly to make you whine. "Give me your phone."

   He's up and off your body in a second flat, letting you catch your breath as you slowly manage to pull yourself to your knees. He doesn't press you to hurry or yell, he doesn't do anything but sit back in the bean bag chair he gifted you for previously good behavior and watch you like a hawk. His legs spread and hands on his knees, resisting the urge to snatch you up. When you turn and see him on the other side of the room, you simply outstretch your arm with the old prepaid phone he provided you with a few weeks ago. "Bring it here," he commands lowly, eyes tracking your every move as you slowly move towards him on your knees- having no energy to stand.

He spreads his legs further, a silent instruction. You slot yourself between them and hold the phone to him tentative, shoulders relaxing as he takes it. "Thank you, beautiful. See, isn't it easy when you listen to me?" He unlocked the phone quickly, eyes flicking to you darkly when you go to take it back. "Got something to hide?" You shake your head, looking down as he takes your hands and places them on each of his thighs. "Don't move."

So you don't, simply breathing deeply to replenish your abused lungs while he combs through your phone with a fine toothed comb. You know you haven't done anything truly wrong, but it seems like he has different definitions to you.

"Good girl..." He whispers to himself as he sees the message of you shooting down the idea your friend tried to corrupt you with, to go out without him. "Stupid, but good..." He continues as he reads through every message with the phone number of the man. He monitors everything you do, it was only a matter of time before he got around to checking all of the numbers in your phone and their owners.

"Aw, you really are just naiive, huh? My poor little angel. Cant even tell when someone's trying to take you away from me-" He tuts his tongue, setting the phone down on the floor. When you go to pick it up, he kicks your hand away. "Sorry, Baby, you can't be trusted with big girl stuff yet. Gotta learn first." He smashes the device beneath his booted heel, a squeal passing through your lips at the loud metallic crunch.

"Hwa!" A pouty whine comes before you can stop it, tears welling up in your eyes all over again. When he cocks his eyebrow up, you cower between his legs, stuttering quietly. "Sorry, m'sorry..." He swipes the destroyed phone to the side with his boot before tapping your hip with it. You shuffle quickly, untying his shoes with a shaky breath.

"I know you get bored baby, but I can't have others corrupting your mind. I'll get you some new books, maybe even a TV for in here if you're extra good." You whisper a soft thank you, and a promise you will be as you set his shoes off to the side neatly.

"Look up at me, Doll. C'mon don't be angry," you look up at him as softly as you can, a groan of affection bubbling past his throat, "there's my pretty little thing." You rub your fingers on his jean-clad legs in an attempt to ground yourself as he looks down at you like a predator that's spotted it's next meal.

"Aren't you so happy you have me to take care of you? Who knows what others would do to that pretty face of yours— not to mention that pretty cunt."

A heat immediately finds it way to your face, and he laughs deeply. "Oh, please, don't be coy. You know as well as I do that if I didn't take you out of there that that little hole would be ruined in an hour. I saved you."

You hide your face in his lap, mind racing. It's true that he's more gently than other people you've had the dis-pleasure of encountering in his line of work. But that doesn't make him any less over bearing and obsessive. His possessiveness bordering on ownership. Sometimes you're truly thankful he scooped you up before anyone else could touch you- other times you curse him for it.

He rubs the back of your head gently, leaning up in the slouching chair, like he can sense your thoughts. "You aren't going anywhere, Baby. You're mine- until the day you die and even after that. Even God himself couldn't pry you away from me. You are mine. Do you understand that?" You nod into his lap, a quiet 'yes,hwa' muffled by his jeans. "Such a sweet thing," he whispers before gripping your hair and pulling you up, earning a gasp.

That glint in his eyes- "Hwa, wait, wait—" he did no such thing, standing up with his clothed crotch in your face, pulling your hands up to his belt.

"You need a reminder of who's good girl you are-"

"No-"

"No?!" He laughed in disbelief, nails digging into your scalp as he makes you look up at him, the stretch of your neck uncomfortable as he cranes it up. There's a sharp hunger in his eyes, "you're so cute -so, so, so, cute when you're defiant... but I'm not in the fucking mood. Get your ass up," he tugs you up by your hair, ignoring the sharp yelps that tremble past your lips.

     "Ple-ase don't take me downstairs! I'll be good, I'll be good!"

    "It's okay baby, we aren't going downstairs," he positions you back to the wall and backs up, pushing you back when you try to follow and apologize. "I'm too tired." The glimmer of hope is stomped out as he unlocked his side of the nightstand. "You can take your punishment here."

   "Hwa... I'm real sor-" A skinny throwing knife that thuds into the wall next to your head shuts you up quick, a squeal replacing your pleas.

   "Been looking after you so much, I'm rusty-" He throws another with a groan, hiding his smirk as you jump, "stay still baby, I'm out of practice." You can't help but duck as it thunks into the wall just above your head.

     "Stand up straight!" His booming voice shakes you to your core, and you stand as straight as you can manage with the knot forming in your gut. You grip the wall with your finger tips, looking down at your feet so you don't see the sharp objects coming. You've found that it's less fearful that way.

Knife after knife is thrown, each dull thump making you twitch as they're buried into the drywall in the outline of your body.

When they finally stall, his sock clad feet come into view, his curved knuckle lifting your chin. The flame in his eyes has faded to a simmer, an almost fond one. "Are you done being a brat? Or should I let my hand slip next time I need target practice?"

   "I'm done..." you speak with a gulp, body still frozen against the wall lest you move and graze against the blades.

He seems to sense your thoughts once again, cooing softly as he notices your tense shoulders. "C'mon, sweet girl," he carefully pulls you straight out from the wall and twirls you around.

He wraps his arms around under yours and grips your shoulders, holding you close to his chest and resting his chin on your head. "Your life in my hands... Such a delicate thing you are." You eyes trail over the outline of your body, traced with throwing daggers. "If you just behaved, I wouldn't have to scare you. It's the best way for you to learn, my love. That fear you feel when we go downstairs, when I have you pinned up- that's the fear you would feel every waking moment without me. Just be a good girl, and let me protect you..."

"...Okay, I'm sorry, Hwa... I don't know why I act out," You don't know if you're telling the truth anymore. It is even acting out? You sometimes think you have a right to.

Maybe— "Maybe you like it when I'm mean to you."

You don't know what you would have thought, but that wasn't it. You think he likes being mean to you. He always finds a reason to punish you: whether it be with bone chilling fear or being pushed to your sexual edge and then repeatedly denied.

    Some days, he's softer with the sexual aspect of his obsession with you.

He turns you back around and shoves you to his knees, right back into his clothed bulge where you started. "I want to claim you, I'm going to claim you. Every part. Take it off now before I decide to skull fuck you." Your breath hitches in your throat, lip trembling at his threat, knowing full well he will follow through.

Today is not one of those days, you realize.

You hands quickly find their way to his belt, unbuckling the golden buckle and letting it dangle, the button undone next and the zipper followed. He didn't bother to kick his jeans off, or even pull them down. Only his cock out, twitching to life infront of you inpatiently. "You belong to me, I'm gonna get that through your thick skull" -he flicks your head- "even if I have to use my cock."

He rubs against your cheek, sighing out in pleasure at the feeling of your hot embarrassed face. "Say my name," he whispers deeply, eyes swirling with an unreadable mix of emotions.

"Seonghwa," you pant out shyly, eyes closed as you feel him rutting against your face, his pre cum smearing on your cheek bone. His grip is continually becoming softer, loving as he lewdly humps your head. Your hands find purchase on his sock clad feet, helping you lift up your body into him. "Seonghwa," it comes out as a moan, and a thick groan comes from him in response.

He steps back just an inch, looking down at your tear stained face, his fresh pre-cum glimmering on the side of your face.

His full lips curve into a smile, his previously angry facade fading as quick as it came when he busted in the door earlier, while he lifts you to the bed and lets your head hang.

He's even beautiful when viewed upside down-

    "You make it hard to ever leave your side, pretty girl. I could spend the rest of my life buried in any of your gorgeous holes, I love you so much."

"I love you, Hwa. I-" Your breath catches in your throat as the words tear through your throat. "I do want you to claim me, I want to know I'm yours." One of your hands seems to sprout a mind of its own, wrapping around the base of his thick and smooth girth. "Let me take care of you, and you take care of me."

A groan dies on his lips, shuddering as you slowly stroke him, the words you speak shooting through his heart and down to his balls. "Let me be your good girl. Please, I know I can!"

The fear he instilled in you just moments ago festered into a need to please, to solidify your place by his side so he would never leave. He never would dream of it- leaving you. You are his heart and soul personified. You hold his entire being in your hands, and you have no idea.

"Yeah? Gonna be my good girl again? Make it up to me?" His heart flutters as you nod enthusiastically, your mouth opening wide for him and tongue lolling out."Fuck, that's a good girl," he spreads his legs around your dangling head, slim fingers gathering yours to your chest and holding them ever so softly as he slips right down your throat.

The hot, velvety skin encasing him makes him moan loudly, squeezing your hands to ground himself and keep himself from fucking your skull like his life depends on it. But, oh, how he wants to—

"Good fucking girl, that's it, just like I taught you," you gulp around his overwhelming length, eyes closing as you focus on breathing through your nose, the smell of his body wash somehow soothing to your fried nervous system.

   He holds himself back as long as he can, thrusting in your throat slowly and basking in the warmth of it. But as your saliva builds, nowhere to go, and the wet and lewd squelch of your throat grows louder, he can no longer do that. He intertwines his fingers with yours and lets you squeeze tightly, a soft growl letting you know his arousal is at a peak before he loses all control-

   His hips draw back and slam into you, the head of his cock poking at the very depth of your throat and making you gag, and the noise just stirs him on, going again and again and again to hear that sweet sound of you choking around him. Sticky saliva tainted with the white of his pre-cum drips from the corners of your stretched mouth, dripping up your face. It seems like the onslaught will never end, but he has bigger plans for his building release.

     The moment your throat is free of his cock, you draw in a large gasp, all of the wetness in your mouth dripping like a waterfall, letting you heave as he watches with dark eyes. Not that you can see the lust driven look on his face, if you were to open your eyes you'd be blinded by spit and cum.

  He discards his pants and top as he lets you catch your breath, cooing all the while about how good you just did for him. He uses the softness of his tank top to wipe away most of the filth on your face, and you finally peek your eyes open as you feel him lift you.

   You swear there's hearts swirling in the darkness of his eyes as he scans your messy face, a permanent smirk plastered on his features. "Pretty girl, you're such a mess for me," you can only pant in response, leaning into the palm he places on your cheek as he lays you down right-side-up, letting your head collide with the soft pillows.

The moment he put a pillow under your back, you knew you were in for a long ride.

And by the end of it, you wouldn't forget who you belong to.

#ateez #ateez fic #yandere ateez #ateez smut #ateez smau #park seonghwa #yandere park seonghwa #yandere seonghwa #ateez seonghwa #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa smut #smut fic #yandere fic

[forthegothicheroine]

Do you have any thoughts about how to do fascism in Arthuriana? Like partially inspired by T.H. White I was thinking of writing Lucius as a sort of combination of a 30s Dictator and the crusading ideal that you get in Medieval literature, which of course looks quite repugnant by today's standards.

I've been turning this over in my head for a few days as it's a very interesting question! To start, let me talk about two versions that did it to different ends.

As you mentioned, in The Once and Future King, Mordred becomes a Hitler (or British fascist) analogue, and predicates his rise to power on persecuting Jews and Moors. I wasn't sure how I felt about this at first, but after thinking it over, I realized that World War II was the defining trauma of White's generation, and if he's going to write about a political faction destroying Britain and plunging it into apocalyptic war, how could they not be fascists? (Plus I got a fanfic out of it.)

On the other hand, in the 2004 King Arthur movie, which I actually overall enjoyed, they made Cerdic the Saxon their fascist villain. He orders all the Celtic women killed so that his men won't breed with them and produce more of their disgusting race...which, if you know anything about the Saxon invasion, is more or less the opposite of how it went. It's like a darker version of the 'tightlacing into dresses without waists' scene in Bridgerton- I'm not a stickler for historical accuracy, but I need it to at least make sense in the world that's being presented to me on screen.

So, what's the deal with fascism? I'll let Umberto Eco give the greater picture, but when I think of fascist villains, I think of three things- an "us" who is great, a "them" who are simultaneously weak and strong, and a mythic "good old days" that never really existed. Given that Arthuriana is a mishmash of time periods and ethnic groups as it is, you have a lot to choose from, both in terms of making it make sense in universe, and in terms of it feeling resonant to a 21st century reader.

If Lucius is your villain (a good choice, I think, he's not used as much as he could be) then you're positioning the "us" as either Rome or Italy. I say "either" because Malory et al had him as an anachronistic Roman emperor, but the Squires Tales series made the interesting choice of him being an Italian prince styling himself the modern Caesar. I'm not Italian, but I think this is something that politicians from Mussolini to Berlusconi have tried to position themselves as to some extent, so I think there's room to explore there.

If "us" is Rome, then "them" must be wherever they're trying to conquer. If you've ever played Fallout New Vegas, the Cosplay Roman Fascists there have "The West" as their enemy, with speeches about how they're doing a great job unifying all the disparate tribes but are hindered by the "degenerates" of the NCR and New Vegas. There are certainly tribes to go around in the British isles, any of which could be your "them" or your "future us, once then kneel." The good old days were the height of the Empire, of course, and depending on whether your Lucius is a Catholic or a Roman pagan, he can call upon a huge history of grandiose mythology to support himself.

If Mordred is your villain, then both his mythic past and his "us" could harken back to the glory days of King Uther, back when the Britons were strong against the Saxons and kings were revered for their might, not their codes of honor. The song Fie on Goodness in Camelot is dark comedy because nobody really talks like that about themselves- but they could voice the same sentiments in different language. "Them" could be Jews and Moors as in T. H. White, but you can pick any influence from the Picts to the Gauls as the simultaneously weak and strong enemy who turned Arthur into a man too soft to lead.

"Uther was a barbarian because he stole another man's wife," Mordred might say, "but Arthur claims to be civilized because he gives his away!"

And then there's that old medieval standbye- the crusades. Just what the hell time period Arthuriana takes place in changes with the writer, but having your villain either outright be a Crusader King or modeling him on one would give you a chilling model to work with. Slaughter and pillage all who get in your way, and you can justify it with ideology. Send every available one of your own men and boys to their deaths and you can do the same. And if the war never ends, so much the better, as your wartime powers never go away.

Thank you for this question, and I'll be very eager to see what you come up with!

#arthurian legend #fascism

[fixfoxnox]

Summary: Just a short little thing I wanted to write since my back is hurting again (which naturally means Roach's back is hurting again). This is technically a mini-sequel to Replacement, which I wrote a long while ago, but you don't have to read that to understand this! Enjoy!

"This is it," Roach groaned, feeling pain shoot up his spine as he shifted, "I'm done for. I love you both, split my items amicably. Make sure the worlds best son mug goes to Eddie, just to see Johnathan pout about it."

There was a small laugh from next to him, "You're not dying bug."

"Besides," Ghost chimed in from the other half of the room, "you wouldn't be dead for long, I'll drag your ass up from hell. No getting rid of me that easy." He didn't look up from his stack of paperwork.

"You would force me back i to a world of suffering and pain?!"

"You're being dramatic," Soap chimed. He took Roach's hand in his own, rubbing circles onto his skin with his thumb. "You've just thrown your back out again. Dr. Sanchez said you'll be fine in a day or two."

"My own boyfriend, doubting the depth of my suffering." Roach threw his head to the side dramatically, only to groan again as the movement jostled his back.

The heating pack he had on was helping a bit, but it couldn't erase all of the pain he was feeling. Not even the Tylenol could really help with that. It was just something his body would have to deal with and fix on its own. Just as it had caused the problem on its own.

On the bright side of things, Roach had the privilege of being doted on by his darling boyfriends for a few days. The two hadn't been willing to leave his side after his rather dramatic moment of his back trying to kill itself.

He'd just bent down to pick up his dropped keys, then the moment he'd started to rise back up and there had been a shooting burning pain down his spine. The pain continued on, flooding down through his legs until it felt like it was at the tips of his toes. His knees had given out then, and before he'd even had time to realize that for himself, both Soap and Ghost were at his side checking on him.

"Why do I have to have these issues?" Roach gave a whine, finally done with his dramatics. At least for the moment. "I'm not that old yet!"

Soap gave another laugh and moved into Roach's side, cuddling up to him with his head on his chest. "You know thats not why your back does this."

Roach gave a huff, "You get hit by a car one time and now you've got to deal with lifelong back problems." He shook his head, "Sick and fucking twisted."

Soap gave a small hum and Roach knew the man was likely agreeing with him. After all, Roach knew that Soap had his own issues and recurring pain with his shoulder. He remembered well enough the panic he'd felt when Soap had taken a bullet to the shoulder. Then the panic that came after that when months after healing Soap had a few days where even lifting the limb slightly would cause him pain.

Ghost didn't say anything, but Roach figured the man dealt with much of the same issues as them. He was certainly better at hiding it, but Roach always noticed when he was favoring one leg over the other or would give a wince under that mask because he'd stepped a bit wrong.

It was part of the job. Roach knew that, and he knew that they were all lucky to have only those slight problems, rather than lost limbs like Alex and Jackson, or worse like the many men he'd seen fall in battle before him.

He gave a final sigh, deciding that it would be more beneficial to just enjoy the warmth of his boyfriend next to him rather than complaining further. He needed to take the opportunity to relax anyway. And what an opportunity this was.

Bonus:

"So are you guys gonna blow my back out like you did the last time I was bedridden or what?"

#yes all the boys have some level of disability #because I say so #and also logic #just wait until i start taking my rage on workmans comp out here #gary roach sanderson #call of duty #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #ghostroach #soaproach #ghostroachsoap #soaproachghost

[trans-androgyne]

The thing that sucks the most about this whole wave of anti-transmasculinity is that, well, obviously how it hurts and isolates trans men (which hurts me a lot despite not being a trans man because I still resonate with them... to the point where I used to identify as one before finding out I'm nonbinary in a way beyond the man woman binary), but the second thing that hurts the most to me personally has to do with how cyclical this all is. Anti-transmasculinity in queer spaces has never been a new thing but this wave of it is so similar to the previous exclusionary waves targeted towards asexuals and bisexuals which...

I'm both, and it's a special kind of hurt to know for certain that people only stopped hurting you because they got BORED and found a new target. People never stopped hating asexuals and bisexuals, not really, it just became unfasionable to do so openly, and they only make that more and more clear the more times they regurgitate exclusionist talking points, but towards different members of the community this time.

So yeah, I completly stand by staying angry after all of this blows over unless real fucking change in this community happens. I certainly still am. I'll always support you guys.

Thank you </3 Yeah, it’s the same pattern we’ve seen for years just with another easy target. Accusing queer groups of being too privileged to take seriously or treat well has never caused anything but problems. I hope we identify a way to disrupt this pattern more permanently. I think putting a specific name to the phenomenon would help, if anyone knows of or thinks of one please let me know.

#ask #transandrophobia #mine

[grassbreads]

Man, genuinely there's little that excites me more than encountering queerness in fiction where I wasn't expecting it. I'm gonna be thinking about Kikuhiko/Yakumo from SGRS for so long.

Even setting aside the subtext of his feelings for Sukeroku, the narrative around his relationship to gender norms and his own expression is so fascinating. Guy who grows up steeped in rigid 40s gender roles and actively tries to enforce them, yet only truly feels like himself when he's acting on stage as a woman. Guy who says his life would have been better if he were born a woman and then refuses to elaborate.

#I don't know what kind of queer he is but MAN he's certainly something #gay or bi or trans or ace or whatever combination of the above #I was so ??? when he said the 'if only I were born a woman' line in chapter 3. and then we just kept going #Kiku ily so much #wish you had been born in a world where you were allowed to be bitchy in a girl way instead of just a misogynist way #and of course you can't really separate his feelings for Shin from his gender situation bc like #being a man attracted to other men (even if you never acknowledge it) can shape your own relationship to gender expression #man kiku is so good #this series was a treat #shouwa genroku rakugo shinjuu #sgrs #descending stories #kikuhiko #yurakutei yakumo

[milkweedman]

I have a cute sparkly gif banner that just says 'terfs dni' in pink surrounded by gold stars and blue glitter.

It's very pretty and nice to put on my fibre posts because man do trad fem and terfs like to pretend fibre arts is gendered.

nice, thats awesome ! and yeah, they really do like to waltz in and act like they own the fuckin place

#i havent found dni's to be effective for me so i just figured id ruin whatever they liked about my post #by adding PENIS <3 to it #i dont know if thatll work either but certainly worth a shot and fun anyway #its always especially Something to see a radfem with MEN DNI reblog my posts of pictures of my work #like fucking excuse me ? not that i expect coherency politeness or reading comprehension from radfems #but youre in MY HOUSE. get the fuck out of here with your men dni #if its so triggering to have a man like your post how have you not fallen to floor in a puddle of blood and viscera from the Terror #of reblogging from a man ? oh it was all just bullshit all along ? yeah. who would have thunk. #anyway .

[running-in-the-dark]

-

#okay but I find it hilarious that I went from ck... a not great guy who says nothing but dumb shit every time he speaks AND harasses women #and whose face I want to punch so very badly. #to. uh. I don't know. not enough information yet buuut he's certainly less gross #how come he manages to be less horrible even though he's 25 years older huh?? #presumably #I'm not gonna look into it. if he's bad. I don't wanna know :) #anyway. I'm very grateful that ck is hot and it made me watch the librarians :) #and I'm gonna go watch that now I think. jenkiiiins 🥰 #I'm insane :) #seriously I'm not well mentally. can not think about anything but yet another man. wow. I'm just. I don't know man (ughh I said man.. I like #men... men are great... sigh) #personal

[clowningaroundmars]

atsv all of a sudden got me in a GRIP yet again............

when will i ever escape the Spider Feels? probably never

#mine #like it really is just comin in and grabbing me out of nowhere man #im delving back into the tags and SLURPING up that good good art like i did last summer #godddd ugh #i will never stop screaming about spider men and womens ever huh #welp #if yall see some random spiderman post someday just know this: #it is not random LOL #i been riding for spiderman for years now its just an on-and-off again relationship ya feel me #but lord forgive me i just might have to go back to my roots #esp now that im kiiinda returning back to art...... very slowly #i wanna draw noodly spider mens flyin thru the air again just like The Good Old Days 🥺 #i lowkey do miss back when i was fangirling all over the spiders back when i watched itsv #siiighhh good times.. good times #and now that atsv hobie exists geez louise #the temptation is certainly there LOL

[orcelito]

So I found out upon checking my email this morning that the therapy appointment isn't in the health building like I thought, but rather in the basement of a boy's only dorm further north

Which brings up two problems: that's even further away than I'd accounted for, and I find it SUPREMELY uncomfortable to go to a boy's only dorm for therapy, even if the office is in one of the general areas.

I'd already been conceding on the matter of agreeing to talk to a man, since I'm generally uncomfortable with talking to men I don't know, but it was the soonest appointment I could get... so I agreed to it, but finding out it's in the boy's only dorm is just Too Much. Not only would it make it even harder to get there, but my skin just kinda crawls thinking about baring my fuckin heart in a place so thoroughly meant for guys. Like it's a place I don't belong, which REALLY does not help give the comfort kinda required of such an appointment.

I called the office asking if the appointment could be set up on zoom (bc it mentioned it in the email), but the therapist was staunch on it being in-person, so I rescheduled with a different person for the 13th. Bc if this dude isn't gonna be understanding with my discomfort with the location, like fuckin hell I'm gonna let myself be emotionally vulnerable with him. Bet he was thinking I was being too picky like "Oh it's a stupid Girl who can't handle being around Men" like sorry I have a healthy fear of guys I don't know 😋😋😋😋😋 if U have a problem with it then change society so talking to unknown men doesn't feel like walking in a minefield. Thanks.

#speculation nation #so. no appointment today. i asked the receptionist just to be Sure of the location for the one next week #and yeah it's not gonna be in a fucking boy's only dorm #genuinely why the hell did they schedule me with someone there. ugh. #bit of a bummer but i do feel like i dodged a bullet #bc if the dude isnt gonna be understanding about this. why would he be understanding about other things? #bc ultimately this comes down to an accomodation for anxiety. he may think it's senseless but it's real to me. #being around men i dont know is just so uncomfortable. makes me so nervous. and Especially at a boy's college dorm... #if the guy cant concede to that then i cant trust him to be understanding of my other Issues. so it's better like this. #really fuckin annoying though. but i cant say i'm disappointed to have the extra time in my morning. #so it's... fine. i'll manage. im just vaguely disgruntled by it all. #negative/ #Probs. im certainly complaining enough. #& pls dont come at me with the 'not all men' shtick. i Know majority of men are just normal people #but even among normal men i sometimes just feel like a hunk of meat to them #once i know a man & know hes not gonna try to hit on me or be creepy to me then i'm just fine #but unknown men. anything could happen. even an okay man could make me uncomfortable if he's overly friendly or hits on me #this is just basic self preservation ok. if youre a small 'girl' you learn very young to be careful with these things. ok. #anyways so that's My morning lol. ugh

[ochrophyta]

guys i need to admit something i had mcdonalds for the first time in months last night and had vivid dreams about being trans. ive been relatively crunchy and vegetarian lately but i wanted a shamrock shake. and i slept for 10 hours straight dreaming about being a guy 😑

#i know that somewhere deep in there im definitely more than a little transgeder but men are just like so so cringe and gross #i dont wanna be a guy lol. but im certainly not a girl. its just personally being a man seems so..... declasse. sorry. #JUST FOR ME not other people. im just crazy

[favoriteanimal]

Not to sound like that type of person but I wish one of my friends would just, like, think for 35 seconds about the ways they talk about men

They're far from the worst person I've ever known on this. But there's a remarkable hypervigilance for red flags, there's a disinterest in understanding the motivations of male characters ("male rage" being the supposed motivation for a character that's almost never angry onscreen?), a way trends that point toward the intersection of emotional needs and cultural messaging are just generalized on with amused dismissal - no single instance is really out of line but as a pattern it's not great!

And I'm aware of the fact that I'm a man who's pretty emotionally oriented toward men and also famously naive in some ways; AND I'm also aware that this person isn't great at extending empathy in general, AND it's probably true that they're often similarly disinterested in or suspicious of the inner motivations of women and I just don't have my ears pricked up for that in the same way.

AND ALSO I HAVE NOTICED A PATTERN AND IT'S BUGGING ME AND I DON'T KNOW IF IT MAKES SENSE TO BRING IT UP.

#this isn't an essay post or a big well-thought-through statement it's me venting about a single small issue in my personal life #i wholeheartedly support the need for people to occasionally vent about men as an oppressor group under patriarchy #but i believe most people need to also have conversations that aren't that kind of venting #i certainly need to have conversations with the people in my life that aren't predicated on the need to vent about Men(tm) #and moreover what I'm describing isn't even that #it's just reflexively dismissing the possibility of any given man having interesting or good motivations for his actions #I don't enjoy feeling like i have to defend Any Given Man every time he happens to come up in conversation! #actually now that i think about it this is the second thing they've said today that made me feel #like i needed to defend someone or something they didn't really know anything about #annoying. stop putting me in that position.

[theinternetisfulloftrash]

I know you don't speculate about Dylan's personal life, but would it shock you if he had sex with men? As a bi I get a strong vibe.

It wouldn't, but you're also asking someone who's also bi and married to another bi. There's a 100% chance I'm a bit BI-ased 😉

#I'm not one to be caught up at all on things like sexuality... gender identity... life choices such as choosing to be single or childless #I honestly feel like human beings are far more fluid and plastic than we often are led to believe #people evolve and change so... if Dylan was spotted holding hands with a man walking his dog #I would not be shocked #dylan o'brien #all we have to go on is what he shows us and decides to make public #so all I know for certain is that he seems to be romantically interested in women #and entirely unbothered by what people might think or say about him being affectionate with men #so... dylan in his literal boyfriend era would simply be a new facet of what he decided to share of he did :) #ask #anon #anon ask #speculation isn’t my game #and I certainly am not trying to label him when he hasnt chosen to do that himself #but I am also firmly of the belief that it shouldn't matter who someone chooses to sleep with as long as both parties are consenting adults

[8redphoenix8]

im reminiscing on wtnv. thank you tumblr for reminding me.

#i have a lot of good memories about it depite when i listened to it being during one of the worst times in my life. #and how i shared a lot of it with someone i can no longer enjoy even thinking of #I went through this blog to find my old Erika design. There was art she did of our Erika designs. #it was bitter but nice to see #I still know episode 73 beat for beat because i listened to it so many times #i remember a lot of my favorite weather reports #drawings of huntokar haunted the blank spaces of my schoolwork which my teachers certainly hated #cause of the nudeness im sure. she was fun though #i remember listening to episode 100 while painting walls with my dad and giggling to myself because he didn't know #my homophobic dad never knew i was listening to two men getting married while he made me work and it was funny #also the times mom and dad made me go to church and instead of listening to the pastor i plugged in my phone to listen to wtnv #man i... remember that. #what a fucking rarity. #the red bird talks to escape

[idiosyncraticrednebula]

This is probably gonna be a controversial post, but I find it hilarious when I hear women talk about them starting to date women because they are tired of straight men and their foolishness. Like, girl, lesbians are gonna be worse to you, if anything. I have heard and read many stories/anecdotes from women who have dated women complain about how they were treated by the women. It's not the rose-colored experience they have made it out to be.

#text #and lgbt people will mock straight people for their relationship problems like theirs are so healthy and faithful??? #i have heard lesbians say that lesbian drama is worse than straight male drama #it's almost like many of them have the worst characteristics of both sexes and mix them together #and no i'm not being hateful. what i'm saying is based on facts #it's far more preferable for women to stay in heterosexual relationships with men if they wanna keep their sanity. no joke #lesbian relationships are usually full of drama. i'm not coming up with any theory lesbians themselves will tell you this!!! #like i know many straight men engage in foolishness. i'm most certainly not defending their nonsense #but why do y'all wanna trade that for a lesbian relationship when they are actually worse to you?? girl just stay with the straight men #they are not as wonderful and as pure as how people paint them. y'all need to stop buying into the feminist lie that women will somehow #treat you. no the hell they won't. many women treat other women like crap just as bad as a man if not worse in many cases #it shouldn't be that hard to understand but it is for many #they are gonna accuse me of being homophobic but idc. y'all know i'm tellinh the truth. even statistics and surveys back up what i'm saying

[farmerlesbian]

do you really think that "transmasculine guys" and "men" are separable, mutually exclusive groups

hmm no. i don’t think most things in lgbtqueer land are easily separable or mutually exclusive. there’s lots of overlap. *insert video of kamala harris talking about venn diagrams* it’s more like wibbly wobbly fuzzy shapes and overlapping …uuuugh yeah a lot of venn diagrams, i guess. anyways! but words exist and we can try to understand each other by using them in creative ways. i hope you can read my posts and figure out what i’m trying to express!

#anonymous #ask farmer lesbian #mod alfalfa #identity #trans #i’m a trans masculine guy and i’m certainly not a trans man #and i know a loooooot of other people like me #i also know a lot of trans guys that ARE men too! #there’s just a lot of people and #the thing is also people change and grow and our understanding of ourselves changes over our lives too #anyways my anonymous dude you gotta chill and try taking a more good faith reading of people on the internet #i also believe we as a community won’t always agree on everything but that’s fine #it’s like family we still love each other even though we don’t always quite agree #you gotta know what matters like pick your battles #where’s the line where it goes from ‘acceptable disagreement’ to ‘unacceptable difference’ #for me that was someone who i’m no longer friends with #telling me she was both bi and lesbian and that lesbians are all exclusionary and transphobic and that basically it’s an outdated term #and then proceeded to start pursuing and dating and fucking several cisgender binary men #the multiple isn’t the problem we’re all polyam here im just saying that bc it isn’t a fluke #and i believe it’s fucked up to say a lesbian can’t date cis men but can trans men like #that just feels so fucked up and transphobic #gender

[sheogorad]

ohhh man. reading soft harrykim fic and i just... ohhhhhhh god. i am a decorated member of the homo-sexual underground. and i am extremely touch starved.

#there is just... something about them #they're like. they're guys. they're literally old men. and they're masculine. and they love each other. they're men in love. #it's fic where they're masculine men being gentle and soft with each other. and i just. i feel so... oh my god #like i don't know how to properly describe it but this is like the first time in forever that i'm Shipping something to the point of #reading fic about it. and the last time it ended up being like... i was writing my own as a way to figure out my gender and sexuality so #it ended up morphing into this thing that is very distinctly Not Masculine as a whole #it's hard to describe but i projected a lot of pain as well and it just. it served a purpose but it's not who i am now? and it doesn't #represent what i want in my life now if that makes sense. but harrykim does and it just sends me to this place... i just Yearn #i haven't felt so deeply emotional about fictional characters in a long while and i certainly haven't read fic in a long time #so like reading fic that's just. two middle aged men who are both masculine and are independent people with problems and emotions just... #it is sending me y'all like. obviously some of the fics are really not great and enforce roles and personalities that just. suck. and are #super ooc as well. but the ones that i've been enjoying are so balanced and just make me crave a relationship so fucking bad #like i know i'm projecting again but it feels different and better this time and it's just. they're MEN. OLD MEN. MASCULINE. #there's no weird power dynamic in the fics i like. they're equals with personalities and problems and they're MEN. i'm just. this is really #getting to me now that i'm way further into my transition and am very firm around my gender and sexuality. /I/ am a masculine man. i am #am a homosexual adult male who is masculine who loves other masculine men. i'm not macho. i'm masculine. and i love that in other men #so reading about it is just... my BRAIN!!!!! mha HART!!!!!!!! mah SOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i know i'm rambling i just... i am Yearning so Deeply and i just want what they have... i wanna be an old man in love w another old man... #where is my hdb. like yas king we stan a recovering alcoholic who is working on being a better person and moving past his traumaaa #also...... dad bod...... facial hair.......... i even love The Expression............... and he's DISCO............ I Want Him. #i could fix him........ i could make him better................ i could disco with him.................... no one look at me i'm YEARNING #anyway it's 4am so lmaoadso goodnight i'm gay as fuck sdjakaflh #.txt