#at least if they dont want to keep waiting

[roachemoji]

🤹

#bo posting #vent #i was gonna posy this with a picture of croutons but that felt wrong shxjdh #uh im. scared i wont be able to draw again consistently for a while #i think im really accepting just how burnt out i am #i dont like the fear. anxiety. and envy ive been bottling up about drawing lately #like its not doing me any good to avoid everything artistic just bc i cant draw rn #but im... afraid that this will last for a long time #the last time this happened i barely drew for 2 years straight #i dont think im conveying just how painful and stressful this actually is. im not okay and im struggling to accept this #and its fucking depressing too?? i feel miserable knowing i cant do shit for my ocs and cant contribute creatively w friends #i just... feel like im... like not fun to be around rn ig? like a killjoy? a haunting presence who cant offer anything new or fun #im really debating reaching out and offering refunds to people who commed me #at least if they dont want to keep waiting #because idk when ill be able to get them done and i feel incredibly guilty #🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

[plantboiart]

Projection time once again. Kian as a little kid with autism who doesn’t realize people don’t like him. Who gets so excited over everything and shares his interests with everyone and doesn’t get why people always seem to end up finding him annoying. Kian who tries so desperately to make friends but always messes it up somehow. Kian who latches onto every new person he meets because they haven’t gotten the chance to get sick of him yet. Kian who is so desperate for love and attention but never receives it before he moves go Galloway and meets the other guys. Kian who spends ages before finally telling them about his love for music because he doesn’t know how to stop himself from going overboard and he doesn’t want to lose them too. Kian who can never act normal enough to truly feel wanted and loved.

#kian who knows hes annoying but keeps going anyways because he just desperately wishes hell be loved anyways #kian who has rand and rolan tease him about his interests with 0 malice but who still waits for the day they end up getting tired of him #kian who never believes himself to truly be wanted. only tolerated. #kian who plays into the character he’s perceived as because at least that way if hes hated they dont hate who he really is underneath #kian who never says when the teasing hits too close to home because hes terrified of the reaction if he tells them #anyways. uh. pretty sure my irl friends wont read this post but #idk really hope they dont! i am far more comfortable sharing this with strangers on tumblr! #jrwi show #jrwi #just roll with it #jrwi bitb #jrwi blood in the bayou #blood in the bayou #kian stone #jrwi kian #bitb kian #autistic kian stone propaganda once again

[edns]

Hello Citron @cyellolemon I am finally done with your Ancient art trade. Enjoy!

#SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG I hope it was at least a bit worth the wait... #I wish I was happier with how it looks but ahhghghdgj I'm afraid I cannot do better right now...and if I keep waiting for when I can I will #never be done with it! #I dont think I can take art trades anytime soon even tho I want to :( So sad #Anyway yes double posting today. Enjoy #Idk what tags to put this in so whatevs #I love these guys sm

[ra-vio]

semester is almost over. im dying

#my oc #rune #mori #i have a project due tomorrow and its finally scared me back into drawing #even though i should be working on this project but im SO SO SO TIRED #i went on an outing like 2 weeks ago the same week that i walked everywhere cause i was desperately #trying to get my taxes done but thats a different story but the point is i was walking a lot and i went on an outing where i stood all day #and then i had to go to class the very next day thinking i was fine but i wasnt. #and that same day after i walked across the city because i absolutely had to pick a thing up. i think the same week i met up with my mom #a couple of times but i was walking the whole way there. my point is that for 2 weeks straight i have been rigorously walking everywhere #and on my feet all the time with little breaks in between and my feet fucking hurt man #i need this semester to be OVER i need to sleep for a MONTH #but i cant because i have to scrape together SOME of this project and finals are next week #this class this project is for fucking sucks. all semester ive been teetering the line between pass and fail #and its not even my fucking fault. im so burnt out so i dont want to do this project. but i might fail if i dont #i need to at least demo it but i have like. one thing done and i dunno what to tell my TA about i #how do i tell my TA and prof that everything is too much for me so i absolutely could work on this project #my laptop is broken so im afraid to use it. the server kept going down last month so i was afraid to use that #so many stupid little things keep piling up and i'd sound really weird trying to explain why i cant do my work #because my desk is on the floor and it makes me really sad so no i cant do my hw. my fave candy has red40 in it so i had to stop eating it #but now i cant do my work because i was using it to help me focus on my hw. LIFE SUCKS BRO #anyway whatever happens. i cant wait to play video games again

[fruitybashir]

6k per week ain't even that much..? there's writers here who do much more, why are you complaining

hi <3

i am not other writers! hope this helps ✌🏼✨️

#a) wasnt even complaining lol #b) im a slow writer i have adhd i struggle with my words a lot and i struggle with things outside of what i want to share on my #silly little fanfic blog #c) and even outside of all that! even if i said 1k was a lot for me personally then that would be fine! #everyone has their own pace and their own limits and for me personally 6k is a lot for one week and its a pace that i dont want to force #on myself to keep up with. #some chapters will be longer some will be shorter and thats fine with me at least and seemingly most people following along as well #if you dont like that uhh 🤷‍♂️ idk man thats your problem lol #wait a few months until this is finished and then read it in one go or smthn idk thats your thing to figure out honestly #inbox #and dont be mean to people :) most people figure that one out in kindergarten but heres your reminder :) #anon

[bunnihearted]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[bangcakes]

.

#personal #whats literally so funny was that as soon as i saw him walk in the room last year i knew he was gonna be trouble for me #however i never knew itd be this kind n this deep JDJDNDJJDNDJDNDNDN #we are like........ way closer than i ever anticipated. im terrified that we wont have anything to talk about once school ends #i wanna say so much to him but i... theres so much school stress i just.... i dont wanna add anything extra on top for myself or for him... #hhhhhh god lmao. this time last year i hadnt even spoken to him n now im like..... in this Thing that is maybe mutual but maybe isnt #god....... this shit is so hard NFJFJJFJFJFJF #i only see him like 3 more times in the near future...... #then i gotta wait a bit.... but i dont want to 😭😭😭 #i wanna see him every week.... at least... but its probably gonna be on a month basis even IF THAT.... #god what if it all fizzles out............ #hhhhhhhhhh #im gonna try to keep it going. im just..... idk. im scared #i hope he tries to keep it going too..... #its just hard.... when its 2 ppl that like.... only talk when they need to...... try to keep in touch JFJDJDJDJDKKDKDKDK #the most we go now is a full day without talking...... like either i'll message or he will #usually its me.... but... im more talkative i guess ... IDK #all ik is that i Know hes not talking to anyone else at school LMAO #one of my friends was like.... ya dont bother putting him in a group chat .. he never answere #while im over here like.... LOL he messages me back always within minutes/seconds #and if hes offline... as soon as hes back online. #JXJXKKXKXKXKZ GOD. #n e way. see him today............ looking forward to it but also nervous 😳 #i'll be fine once i see him tho... its just the Anticipation #feel really comfortable around him LOL. never thought id say that #anyway

[ilonacho]

it hit me what makes me the most miserable abt my work week is how it’s just school all over again. just hanging in there until the weekend. repeat. repeat. repeat

#5 outta 7 days im at work. 2 days of freedom #2 days to do chores n run errands n relax n sleep n draw n catch up w/ friends n go places #and if u gotta reschedule itll be weeks before ur available again #like for months now ive tried to get together w/ friends but our days off dont match n shit keeps coming up #not to mention im fucking tired! im exhausted! i want to sleep in and then draw the rest of the day! #i think the worst part is that back in school.. at least it didnt matter as much? because it all led to an end aka graduation? #like i didnt mind the wait for next weekend as much cuz it was temporary #like eventually ill graduate and then ill have freedom! (i thought? for some reason??) #but now its like.. the weeks are going by so fast this year is already almost over i turn 26 in 2 weeks #and this is.. the rest of my life? like youre kidding right? this cant be it? #i get off work n then i have to take care of the cats n chores n then eat dinner n then shower n then its late and i gotta sleep #before work the next day. i dont have time nor energy to rly do anything #and ill get that feeling of like. oh well at least it brings me closer to the next ‘weekend’ #but i dont wanna live weekend to weekend #i mean im thankful to have a job n coworkers i love like i truly hate it there sometimes but i also am happy and thankful for it #but yknow.. it shouldnt have to be like this #i worded this so much better in the shower but im tired of feeling like school part 2 like what the fuck man #ive had work every single day since we came back from our trip n i just dont have time/energy for anything #i need to open commissions back up but i havent even gotten around to starting one a friend asked for #not to mention this years christmas card ive barely got the sketch done for #and again. my favourite holiday. halloween is on tuesday and while we did plan halloweeny stuff it just has not felt like halloween #i havent had any ideas/energy/time for any halloweeny art #+chores n errands etc lmao we havent even been to the grocery store yet (calling us out here) #it just. suuuuucks aaaaaass man the world is so beautiful life is a gift i dont wanna spend it like this

[trashbaget]

tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”

#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with #but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this #i can’t just. talk to the guy #if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that #i can barely even say hello to him #don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like #ah fuck there he is #okay you can do it just say hi #just say what’s up #and then he’s already gone #also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin #ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍 #but like. ​i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction #or like. an actual conversation. #which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or #i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what) #anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴 #i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at #least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.) #anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault #too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair #but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side #where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20 #mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡 #but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number #who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21 #his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦 #cheers to being fools universe

[todayisafridaynight]

Wanna put your friend in a lil terrarium just to see what wacky things she does stg 😂

i actually Cannot Stress the migraine she gives me every time we hang out. like without fail she'll always say or do something that ranges from mildly questionable or irritating but relatively Whatever to How Have You Survived This Long Without Burning Your House Down Boiling An Egg

#snap chats #and then there's her just forgetting things or being late despite the amount of times ill remind her #and i keep stressing to her i cannot stand it when people are late. and then she shows up to things an hour late anyway #or 'when shes late' by fifteen minutes because she didnt think to text me she's there. and im already stressed and annoyed I. UGH i swear. #LIKE. i have only really had two irl friends and both of them i lowkey had to parent in some way #at least my childhood bestie she's like. she's grown a lot and even if i havent spoken to her in a while im real proud of her right #THIS MOTHERFUCKER THO. OUUUUUGGGH.... youre not supposed to say anythin if you dont got nothin nice to say #which is contradictory to the main body text but point is let me Not be any more mean than how ive been already LMAO #even funnier about her looking at that comic is that LITERALLY masumi says he's talking to jo ☠️☠️☠️☠️ #did i already say i have to remind her who jo is every three seconds #like the entirety of chap 2 when ichi's out of jail she was all 'why doesnt he just say who ACTUALLY killed the guy' #and then when we finally run into the fuckass who 'actually killed the guy' she's just 'wait who's that' #then i tell her and shes like 'oh my god he's so old now' IT'S BEEN 18 YEARS DUMBASS #ngl did wanna make a comic based off that LMAO BUT POINT IS she tests my patience every day and i think its good practice #if im going to work with people in the future like ohh.. my god.... #she told me once she's never been on a date and its like. yeah i wonder why you can't even be assed to show up on time to hangouts ☠️ #like ive never had friends so maybe im just insane.. im not insane for wanting people to be on time tho.... #OK IM BEING TOO MEAN LET ME CAP IT THERE

[scarletcomet]

there's really no help for feeling suicidal when you're not in immediate danger

#like i guess im just supposed to wait until i am in immediate danger?? #and even those resources are just to keep you safe. not make you not want to die #what the fuck am i supposed to do #being suicidal but not being in immediate danger really sucks #at least if i was like going to hurt myself in a life threatening way i could potentially die #but no im stuck here all because i dont want my parents to be sad #doesn't seem fair. i didn't ask to be born #i don't know what to do #how long can i feel this way and imagine all these scenarios until i do something about it? #i got really close a few nights while i was still at school #but every method has its downsides #i wish i could just not care about the effects my suicide would have on other people #i really just need to go for it #it's extremely selfish of me to say this but once i'm dead i won't care #i wish i could kill myself tonight #i wake up every morning and have to do another day. sometimes it's not so bad but i still just want to be dead #even while im laughing or snuggling with my bunny or with friends i still want to be dead #i want to kill myself #i think if i had a plan even if i was never going to go through with it i would feel better #like something to fall back onto. or just knowing it was possible #guess it's time to keep working on the pros and cons list of different suicide methods🤡 #someone please help me #people who deserve to live and want to live die all the time but i have to keep living. doesn't seem fair. #the world is a really fucked up place #sorry for not adding trigger warnings. went past 20 tags and im on mobile so i cant move them around #i dont think anyone reads these anyways.

[deus-and-the-machina]

xenoblade 1 is interesting because when I first played it I had really mixed feelings. mostly I think because it had been slightly overhyped for me. there were so many videos with masterpiece in the description and people saying it was their favorite.

there was a lot that first turned me off during the story (namely the way it handled its female characters made me frustrated at multiple points) and also how they handled the revenge arc because I have very very specific taste in revenge arcs and I just dont think it landed for me. 

I think I appreciate it a lot more now that im fully deep into the series. I do like a lot about it, from its gameplay to its environment to a lot of the little cast interactions, to just shulk existing. yeah. yeah its alright

#I remember when fiora died and dunban reyn and shulk were all talking about it I couldn't help but just be acutely aware they'd killed off #the only girl in the cast for their revenge quest and it put a sour taste in my mouth. at least we got sharla soon after who they ALSO did #dirty :(((( and they do bring fiora back but man. girl you've been through so much and have a GOD in your body but all you can think about #is how your bf will feel are you serious. its like they saw the backlash to shion and went ok women no more being realistically upset for #you gotta wait like another game or two :/// you get to never confront or be mad about the guy who stabbed you or the guy who wanted you #brainwashed and also forcibly altered your body irreversibly no your boyfriend gets tobe mad about it. be nice and optimistic darnit #and every lady in the party has their story tied to a romantic relationship in some waytoo. l'man. at least melia got her moment in fc #and its like. its odd bc I dont really DISLIKE any of the major 1 characters its on a scale from liking them to being upset on their behalf #like you have so many charming moments and interactions and I WANT to like you. but they just did you so dirty :(((( #idk ive wanted to get that out there for a while. I have very messy feelings on 1 which is kinda ironic bc a lot of people considered it the #less controversial one for a long time lol. and it is. but still. #siren says #xenoblade #xenoblade chronicles #im constantly on my hater arc btw but I only let it out occasionally bc I am constantly worried of backlash online. I keep my bitching to #friends mostly lmao and oh do they know all about it

[coffee-bat]

hi not to vent again but you ever been so overwhelmingly injured that you actually feel like crying

#(tl;dr: ouch oof owie my bones) #sorry for venting here again i dont really have anyone to tell this to i dont wanna be whiney #but hghghghghhh #turns out the possible broken foot was the least of my problems #yknow how sometimes after you get multiple injuries you hyperfocus on one and dont realize the severity of others? yeah #i DEFINATELY sprained my right hip. #hurts when i move my leg. cant put any weight on it or it just buckles. my muscles spasm and my knee buckles down #both my knees hurt. or rather the ends of my femurs. it feels like i crushed the tips of both femurs #my toe(??) still hurts but i cant bother to focus on it anymore #my elbows hurt too. like ends of my upper arm bones #everything fucking hurts i can barely walk i want to cry everytime i move my bones itch like when theyre broken #i see no purpose going to the hospital. theyd just give me xrays and do nothing but keep me for 10 hours in the waiting room #i know they wont help. hell theyll probably laugh at me as usual. its just not worth it #but everytime i move i want to fucking cry. i need to complain a bit ig #sorry ignore this im just ventibg #vent #personal #and its frustrating bc im USED to this. i get injured SO often. i should be dealing with thisbetter. but rn its just too much #i have a developed high pain tolerance but this is just. too much. i cant focus on ignoring one thing bc multiple others hurt

[asummersday]

when will my writing motivation return from the war 😭

#please i just wanna post the next chapter #or at the very least start a oneshot or do literally anything #ive been more tired than usual and i dont like that #im ALWAYS so so tired #sometimes YEAH its because im up til 3 or even 4 #but ive also slept 9 hours. 12 hours. and yet ill STILL feel so tired #im too tired to do the things i want to do #and then i feel like ive just wasted my whole day :((( #how many times these past few weeks have i said im gonna get this chapter done huh? and it is NOT done #i love creating and writing but it takes so much energy sometimes :((( and i just dont have it :((( #i feel bad/down -> writing would help me feel better -> too tired/unmotivated to write -> doesnt write -> keeps feeling bad #rinse and repeat lmao #sometimes being nice to urself and waiting for the motivation doesnt work #sometimes u gotta sit at ur desk with a massive mug of coffee and say ''i will WRITE if its the last thing i fucking do'' #screw quality its time to write WORDS #anyway. im making myself coffee rn. i will get through this dammit #summer post

[minterim]

just had my dad admit to me that even though he's fully aware of how much his alcoholism hurts me and my mum and brother he refuses to quit drinking outright because he likes it. cool

#im so sick of this shit. cant wait to move out #his current method if youre interested is to only drink wine after dinner. so that hes not pissed drunk at the dinner table #note: he can still drink as much beer as he wants. and still drinks all that wine after dinner anyway. and has a success rate of very bad #this is harm reduction. apparently #AND he has the fucking gall to complain that we dont give him any positive reinforcement when he succeeds!! fuck offfff #i try to be graceful and forgiving. addiction recovery isnt linear. and at least he admits its an addiction now #and he has chronic back pain and childhood trauma and whatnot. but given that he has that back pain because he stormed out in a drunken huf #then shat himself wandered into the shower to clean off and then slipped and broke his ribs. i find it. a little hard. to be sympathetic. #the complete dismissal of the success stories from recovering alcoholics going teetotal as fucking AA propaganda also doesnt help. lol. #but yeah. point is: he values being allowed to drink more than he values us and keeping himself from hurting us #there you have it. in black and white #personal #delete later #apologies for oversharing. needed to get this all out #i gotta get the fuck outta here man. i feel numb to everything #anyhoo. if you read this far kudos. thanks for lookin out or whatever <3

[bunnihearted]

🤕🩹💊

#ughhhh sighhh im so tired #last night i started getting gallstone attack feelings #i took one of those painkillers i got for it but nothing #then i got such a bad attack ughhh. i even took another pill (idek if u can bc theyre strong nd yk.. precaution necessary) but it did nothin #so i've just been in pain for like 14 hours. idk how i managed to doze off to sleep nd then wake up nd then doze off again several times #it was just so awful skskks #i didnt even do anything different yesterday so i have no idea what triggered it #guess i just gotta cut down on everything like coffee nd the two small squares of chocolate i have :') #guess i just gotta stick to oatmeal nd brown rice nd crushed tomatoes lmaooo i wanna throw up just thinking abt it #but that pain is so awful and i just cant deal w it #it's so frustrating that i have to wait so long to even get a date for the surgery #it's been over a month now and i havent heard anything?!?!??? #at least gimme a date so i can know how long i need to keep this up T-T #im so tired of this i just want my health to go back to the way it was before #i wanna exercise for real and i want real food!!!! i cant even use spices bc it's too much... 😔 #and like i realize now that i think the gallstones have affected my bodily function for quite a while #i wasnt able to take iron or magnesium supplements or vitamins and stuff bc my body reacted so weirdly to it #i just dont wanna deal w this pain or be scared of what i eat. or eat bland boring food constantly. or not be able to work out #just wanna have the surgery </333 it's so hard to have to sit and wait for it sigh