#aside from that ONE SCENE in In Spring how did this happen | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kotomori · 1 year

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Okay here's another one! (Steddie Parallels to Lumax in season 2 after the party finally manage to convince Steve to join a Hellfire campaign. This parallel comes from the scenes where the party (Mike) continuously ostracize Max from joining their gang despite claiming they want her to join) TW: This ones kinda angsty....might do a part 2 ;)

Despite all of his complaints and utmost refusals to ever actually play Dustin's nerdy Dungeons and Dragons game, Steve was, much to his own disbelief, pleasantly surprised when the Dungeon Master/newly cleared Eddie Munson 'formally invited' him to tag along for their next session.

Steve liked to believe that he and Eddie had become good friends ever since the whole Vecna/End of the world thing. They hung out pretty often now that he and his uncle had been given a new place to live as a sorta 'Sorry your town tried to hunt you for sport after accusing you of mass murder/keep your mouth shut if you know what's good for you', kind of deal. It had been a tad awkward to be around eachother with nobody else the first couple of times yet as the weeks went by, Steve was about as comfortable opening up to the guy as he was to Robin. Almost. Robin would always be his number one. But if Eddie had shown him anything over the last few months or so since the first time he came over to his place, it was that he would never look down on anybody for being different. Hence why Steve found it easy to be so vulnerable with him. Eddie was a damn good listener and while not exactly one for giving advice, he always seemed to know how to make him feel calmer. Steve would try to do the same, resulting in a pretty solid bond between the two polar opposites. That label reminding Steve of the phrase 'Opposites attract' which after many long insightful conversations with Robin led Steve to believing that it was true. It wasnt as though he wasnt aware that what he felt for Eddie was a little more than a normal friendship and he knew what being attracted to another person felt like. Hell, Eddie wasnt even the first guy he'd had a crush on. Yet there was never another guy in Steve's life that had ever made him feel so accepted that he allowed attraction to develop into a full blown crush. He liked Eddie. He really did.

So when Eddie invited him to tag along for his latest campaign, not the first since he was released from the hospital but the first since Will and El had officially moved back to Hawkins, Steve found himself actually wanting to go. It sounded like fun with everyone being there. Yet the meaning behind the word 'everyone' suddenly made him hesitate. Everyone would involve not only the kids, himself, Robin, Johnathan, Nancy and Argyle. It also meant that the rest of the Hellfire club, Eddie's friends would also be there too. And it didn't take a genius to work out that they wouldn't really be happy with former jock King Steve hanging out with the nerds, if Eddie had told them at all. Why else would he have refused back before Spring break when Dustin called him asking him to sub for Lucas? Well....aside from the fact that there was no way he was missing Lucas's championship game after all the practice they'd put in during the semester. He was damn proud of that kid. And he wanted to show him that he supported him. He'd been so invested that he'd hardly said two words to his date all night.

Eddie had told him that he didn't have to play, that he was fine to sit with Robin and the rest of the crew and watch. They'd been playing in the Wheeler's basement since the club had been banned from the school, hence why Nancy was there to greet him when he knocked on the door with Robin at his side. Her sunny smile at the sight of him did alot to warm the chill of his anxiety.

That was another thing that he couldn't regret about what happened over spring break. Following their first bout with Vecna, he and Nancy finally had the chance to properly talk about what happened between them and while he may have regretted coming on as strong as he did, nothing would make him regret the friendship he had with her now. If anything they were closer to eachother now than when they were dating. It felt good to be allowed to love her again, even if it was a different kind of love than before. She had also apologised for the way things ended between them and she had grown alot since then. Steve had tried to tell her she didn't need to apologise, which Nancy had fiercely disagreed with, telling him that no matter what she was going through he never deserved to be treated like that. At the time Steve hadn't felt like there was anything to forgive, but she had looked so relieved when he told her he did. It had made him think alot about who he used to be, how much he had suffered as a result, how much he felt like he deserved most of it. But as Nancy, Eddie and Robin, most of the group would vehemently remind him, they saw him as a good person deserving of good things. Steve was really trying to believe that himself.

Nancy led them down to the basement, laughing lightly at something he said on the way down before he was faced with the rest of the group. Everyone else was already there. Dustin, Lucas, Will and El all rushing to give him a hug while Mike as someone not overly keen on physical affection gave him a half smile and wave. Max greeted him from the corner where she was sitting in her wheelchair, gesturing for him and Robin to come and sit on the empty seats on either side of her. Steve smiled impossibly wide as he and Robin followed the redhead's orders, forgetting for all of a few seconds why he was so worried. Then that chill in his spine returned with a vengeance when his eyes landed on the no so concealed glares Eddie's friends were casting his way whilst the man himself seemed blissfully unaware, shooting Steve a soft smile that Robin had not so helpfully dubbed as his Steve smile. It put him a little more at ease in any case as he smiled back. Within the next few minutes the campaign began, prompting Eddie to slide right into his alter ego of Dungeon Master Extraordinaire.

It didn't escape his notice when he caught one of them, Gareth? He'd never really actually met any of them before tonight but he'd heard Eddie talk about them plenty. Anyhow, Steve watched as the younger teen's eyes remained fixed on him as he leaned over to his friend sitting next to him, Steve knew his name was Jeff, to whisper something in his ear. The other boy's eyes flickered back to him for a millisecond before looking away and releasing a snicker. Steve's anxiety came crashing down on him once more, worsening the longer the game continued as the rest of the group seemed fully invested in their game. Their other friend, Steve was sure his name was Grant, was sitting the second closest to Eddie with Will being the only one between the two. Steve wasnt sure how much time had passed since he realised that the three had been whispering to eachother and sniggering about him, but just before the club decided to stop for a break, Grant muttered something towards the other two boys. Steve obviously couldn't hear it being as far away as he was, but it seemed that whatever it was Will had caught the jist of it if the look of surprise followed by the guilty look he sent towards Steve was anything to go by. Ever the one to keep a close eye on his brother, Johnathan seemed to notice Will's sudden change in demeanor too, turning a suspicious glance to the Hellfire boys before looking back to Will, the two seeming to have a silent conversation with eachother from across the room. Steve tried to wave it off with a smile when Will looked back at him but the upset frown remained fixed on the boy's face. It looked as though El had also caught on that something was wrong, looking at her brother curiously as though she was trying to read his mind.

It set off a chain reaction with the rest of the kids as Max and Mike noticed something was wrong with El, causing Lucas to notice Max, and Erica and Dustin catching on to the tension that had made it's way into the room. The moment Eddie called for a break, it appeared as though he had also noticed their seven youngest members weren't really paying a great deal of attention. Will practically leapt to his feet claiming he was going to grab something to drink. El was quick to follow after him with Mike in tow. Johnathan paused for a moment before following them as well. Steve's stomach clenched with the realisation that Will was likely going to tell them both what he'd heard. Argyle seemed to take Jonathan's absence as a reason to come and take Robin's chair as she excused herself to go upstairs and get a drink with Nancy. Steve tried to listen to whatever it was the man was saying, he really did though he was clearly already high enough for him and Johnathan as he continued saying whatever was on his mind. Steve could still feel the three pairs of eyes still burning into his skull as he continued to ignore them. They didn't like him. Whatever. They didn't need to act like children about it. The better question on Steve's mind was how the hell Eddie hadn't noticed what they were doing. Should he say something? Maybe go over and break the ice. Let them know he wanted to make an effort to know Eddie's friends. That he wasn't the same person he used to be, if he was ever really that person.

"So, Stevie. How are you enjoying your first encounter into the satanic nightmare that is DnD?" Eddie piped up startling the man in question.

It was sat that moment that Steve realised he hadn't said a word since they had started. His mind drew a blank at the question, not anticipating for anyone here to actually talk to him until the had to drop them off at home. He knew first hand how seriously his children took this game.

Shit. Eddie was still waiting for an answer.

"Its good." He replied a little too quickly. "I-Its really cool."

Not his most eloquent response, he knew. But still, who could blame him for not paying attention when the force of the stares he was receiving was making him feel like his head was about to explode!

It seemed that whatever he said was the wrong thing to say from the way the smile slipped from Eddie's face.

"You know if it's really not your thing, you don't have to stay for the rest. We're probably gonna call it soon anyway, looks like your children aren't really invested either."

Shit he sounded upset. What did he say? What could he have done wrong? He was just sitting here.

"No-No! It's not that, its-" Steve started to say until the sound of one of the boys snorting at any attempt he made plucked on his nerves. Eddie glanced at Gareth confused as the rest of the party glared at him.

"Something funny?" Max bit at the boy causing him to promptly wipe the grin off his face.

The rest of the group started filing back in. Jonathan was the first back in the room, footsteps heavy against the wooden stairs, almost angry sounding. That was nothing compared to the cold expression on his face aimed solely at the three boys that had been making fun of Steve all night.

"Woah! Byers, man! Wheres the fire?" Argyle asked catching on to Jonathan's bad mood almost immediately. The man said nothing but gestured for Argyle to scooch back over to his seat as Robin and Nancy came back down the stairs with the same tension filled entrance. Robin took her seat back next to Max crossing her arms over her chest and shooting daggers at the three with the same intensity they'd been giving him since they arrived here causing them to wither under her gaze as any human would. Steve swallowed thickly suddenly feeling very put on the spot. It was pretty safe to say that Will had told them what he heard. Case in point, Mike and El came down th stairs hand in hand with Will behind them almost as though they were creating a barrier as he pointedly refused to look anywhere but his feet. Meanwhile Nancy grabbed hold of her chair that was previously placed beside Johnathan and dragged it over next to Steve, who looked over at Johnathan questionably. The younger man merely met his eye before nodding at him. Steve looked over at Eddie, who was following her every move as his frown drew deeper and deeper right until she sat down next to him.

"Are you okay?" Nancy asked him placing her hand delicately over his. It was a simple question. One that would've been much easier to answer if he wasn't painfully aware of the fact that Eddie was staring at him. No. He wasnt okay. He felt completely out of place. He was uncomfortable. The only reason hed agreed to come here was looking at him like he'd ran over his dog for some reason and he could feel people whispering about him all over the room. He just wanted to go home.

He watched as Eddie looked a little further to his right and followed his gaze to land on Robin, who's eyes quickly locked onto Eddie's. It looked as though they were trying to communicate something to eachother with Eddie's pointed look of hurt before Robin shook her head. Steve was just about reaching the end of his patience. Why wouldn't someone please tell him what he had done wrong?

But then one of the boys mumbled something else under his breath which then prompted the other two to snicker loudly. He could tell from how quickly he turned his head that Eddie had heard whatever they said. By this point El, Max and Erica looked as though they wanted to blow their heads up with how hard they were glaring at them. But then Steve looked at the four boys sitting around the table with the other members of Hellfire and, Oh God, every single one of them looked betrayed, pissed off and hurt.

But then he looked back at Eddie. There was no way he hadn't heard what they just said. He needed to see what he would do about it. His already plummeting hope was rapidly sinking lower and lower the longer it took the man to react. He watched as Eddie's eyes wandered back over to him and Nancy, right to the point where her hand was resting on top of his and then...

He smirked.

Hell he looked like he was trying not to laugh right along with them.

And fuck if that didn't sting.

But with how shitty this night had made him feel, Steve didn't even have it in him to process how hurt he was.

He was pissed.

Scoffing loudly Steve launched himself out of his chair almost toppling it over in the process.

"Seriously?!" He yelled, voice cracking at the last syllable.

And just like that, any trace of contempt was erased from Eddie's face, turning swiftly into shock.

"Steve-" Robin reached out to him but he quickly brushed her off.

"Screw this. I'll be in the car." And with that he stormed out of the basement.

It was only then that the three who started all this became all too aware of the death glares being shot at them from all directions.

"What the hell is wrong with you guys?!" Dustin exclaimed, sending a particularly wounded look at Eddie, whom had gone from smug in the sense of hiding his jealousy to remorseful in a matter of seconds as he quickly realised his mistake.

He barely paid any mind to the question however as he quickly shot up from his seat and ran after Steve. The man was already halfway up the street heading towards his car when Eddie spotted him.

"Steve!" Eddie called out to him.

The younger man didn't stop walking to his call as he spoke without looking back.

"Leave me alone, Munson. I've had my fair share of playground insults for one day."

Munson. Not Eds or Eddie. Back to Munson because of one stupid mistake.

"Steve, please just hear me out, man. I'm so-"

"Why the hell should I? Are you gonna pull my pigtails now too?" Steve cut him off, finally stopping to look at him.

"Steve-" Eddie tried again.

"I thought you wanted me to play your game! I thought you wanted me in your group! God I can't believe I fell for that." Steve cackled. "Did you even tell your band I was coming tonight?"

"Of course I did. But...Gareth, Jeff, Grant, they're weird about this kinda thing. It's just their way of being protective."

Steve barked an incredulous laugh, "Yeah, that's one word for it."

Eddie sighed, "Steve, you don't understand-"

"No, you're right, Eddie! I don't! I've been sitting there all night while this has been going on. It's been miserable. You invite me to watch you play your game the you all start whispering and giggling and talking shit like we're in the seventh grade or some shit! I don't need that kind of bullshit, Eddie!"

Eddie fumbled for words for a moment before replying, "They're just not used to it, you know. I've never had a friend like you before. They just want to make sure that..." Eddie quickly cut himself off before he said the wrong thing.

"That what?" Steve asked brokenly. And, oh...there it was. The look of complete hopelessness. The glassy tint to his eyes was a kick straight to Eddie's ribcage.

"That what, Eddie? That I'm not gonna hurt you? Lure you into a false sense of security and then jump you? After all we went through back there, all we're still going through, you can't even bring yourself to tell them that won't happen? Why? Because I played sports in high school suddenly that means I'm as bad as Jason Carver and all those other assholes? Is it because of who I used to be? Or is it because you all still think I am that person?"

Eddie winced as he was reminded of the gruesome fate he'd been told Jason received for all the shit he caused all those months ago.

"Steve.....Steve, no that's not true! I...." Why the hell was it so hard to get his words out? Why couldn't he say exactly what he wanted to say? Why was it so hard for him to tell Steve the very thing he'd wanted to tell him for months? He knew exactly what he wanted to say to Steve, what he wanted to do and be with him. But everytime it looked as though they were getting somewhere, something had to go and crash right through it. Tonight along with his friends, the fault lied with his own jealousy.

Steve laughed wetly under his breath.

"See? You can't even say it. I know that for some people my past will never die. Somehow the asshole I was will always find his way back to the surface for the people I've hurt no matter how deep I bury him. King Steve, mister funny, mister cool, grade A douchebag who peaked in high school, doomed to spend the rest of his life working dead end jobs and forcing himself through loveless relationships pointless in the inevitable truth he's destined to be alone. Because God forbid he ever tries and change so that he feels a little more like a human and less like a dead shell of a man so that he doesn't end up back in that box his parents tried so damn hard to place him in before they just gave up and left without a word mere months before the literal earth started collapsing beneath his feet!"

Throughout his outburst, Steve let the unshed tears fall, unless he merely hadn't bothered to notice them. He couldn't look at Eddie anymore. He didn't want to see the look of pity he was almost certainly giving him right now. If hed only looked back, he would've seen how wrong he was.

"Stevie...." Eddie whispered brokenly, making one final attempt to reach for him.

"Just! Just forget it. Okay? It was stupid of me to think that I could be something I'm not. Why did I even bother?" Steve turned away, getting into his car and closing the door. In a split second, Eddie was bypassed by Robin and not really to his surprise, Lucas and Erica. The two siblings didn't say a word to him as they climbed into the back seats of Steve's car. Steve waited for another moment, probably waiting to see if anyone else needed a lift before starting the car and driving away.

Eddie wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there but by the time he turned to go back into the Wheeler house, Steve's car was long out of sight. He just wanted to grab his shit and leave. He didn't care if he left something behind. He just wanted to leave.

Yet by the time he got back to the basement, it didn't look as though he would be getting his way anytime soon. Dustin was waiting for him at the bottom of the stairs, eyes hard and arms crossed over his chest. The only others remaining besides the two who actually lived there were the ones he was supposed to be driving home, Gareth, Jeff, Grant, and Max. Nancy was sitting beside the redhead now. It was only then that he noticed said three boys sitting at the table looking thoroughly chastised and honestly a little scared.

"Eddie," Dustin began, his pained expression from earlier gone, now something much more serious.

"I think we need to talk about Steve."

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chidoroki · 7 months

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182 Days of TPN - Day 181

Chapter 181: "Beyond Destiny"

I keep thinking how Alex mentioned last chapter that he can only call for help during the spring and of the one panel that showed the snow melting and flowers blooming by the time we reached the scene where he takes Emma to the city, which leads me to believe it's actually early 2050 instead of late 2049. I know I'm in the minority thinking that since this chapter clearly states it's been two years since Emma disappeared, but I personally don't believe they meant that timeskip literally.

Referencing the search she, Don & Ayshe went on is a nice callback, but with both situations having their parallels, why couldn't ya think of this idea sooner sweetie?? Ah well, at least this leads everyone in the right direction in the end. Regardless of any of that, I love Gilda's outfit here.

Sigh. This arc had so much potential to give so many more characters some spotlight and we get crumbs.

I am politely asking the world once more to please let my boy say "fuck." You can't tell me Ray hasn't been swearing like a sailor with how frustrating these last two years have been for him. Also, seeing Phil using the WM pen raises more questions, such as who's pen did that originally belong to? My first bet would've bene that it Yuugo's, as he's really the only one we've seen with a pen aside from Emma (who still has hers), but with how chaotic life at the shelter was moments before it blew up, I have my doubts he would've even thought to give the pen away to Ray or one of the other kids for safekeeping. It would've been a pretty big hint towards him and Lucas not returning as well so I can understand why such a scene was left out, if it happened at all. Anyways, with Norman on the other end of the conversation with Phil, it's obvious he somehow has a pen of his own but how he acquired such pen doesn't seem that surprising to me, since Norman was actually shown to have one in season two and I can easily believe it was another gift from Smee or another supporter. If not, Norman seems like the type who would be able to create another pen just like the original, which could result in the one Phil's group is using, if it isn't actually Yuugo's. Other that than, seeing how the pens are still fully functional (and assuming they're both originals from the demon world and not newly made), I'm going back to my own question I had last chapter about whether or not Emma and Alex have ever tried using the pen she has in her possession. Surely they could've figured something out about Emma's past if they just looked through it.. unless demon god thought that far ahead and deleted all information off said pen.

I know it's the same moment as the previous chapter where Phil's group gets close to Emma without realizing it but it still makes me so anxious! I'd absolutely be yelling at my screen had this encounter been animated.

Now they're teasing me on purpose. Just let them meet, damn it! AAhhh.. at least Ray's looking handsome, even though he's completely worn out.

Oh how very convenient for the necklace to somehow fall off her neck and be found right in front of where she eventually reunites with her family. This necklace also looks like the kind that you just slip on over your head, as there doesn't seem to be a visible clasp anywhere on the chain, so how it managed to go up and over her head without her noticing is some sorta demon witchcraft right there. Look at how that thing is glowing! It's sentient I tell ya. I do like how much Emma values the necklace though despite not having any memory as to why it's so special to her.

Speaking of keepsakes, I'm also very fond that Ray still uses his scarf. More importantly though, this panel is such a relief! I'm so relieved the reunion takes place rather quickly in the chapter so it gives the characters more time to figure out the situation and sort out their feelings. And I may be wrong about this, but it kinda looks like Emma is raising her eyebrow at the sight of all these people suddenly surrounding her with such surprised faces. Hold on tight honey, it's about to get even weirder for you.

And this first panel is darn heartbreaking, for her family and us readers. They probably dreamed of this moment for so long, to finally reunite with Emma and live together again, but they certaintly never imagined her to react like this. Safe to say that our girl was taken off guard by this encounter as well. Here Emma was, expecting a chill day out shipping with her adoptive father and now she's getting hugged outta nowhere by a bunch of strangers. Poor girl looks seriously stunlocked.

I am so incredibly proud of my boy for figuring out that this girl is indeed their Emma. I'm sure anyone could've looked at the necklace in her hands and made the assumption this was her, but the way Ray was able to piece everything together about what exactly happened to Emma and what the real reward was amazes me to no end. He looks so angry and full of regret in that second panel before he reveals the truth too, almost as if he's a bit hesitant to let the words out of his mouth, but he knows this is absolutely something everyone needs to hear and unfortunately for Ray, no one is better at delivering hard truths than him. Once he reveals to everyone the true price of the reward, he looks completely crushed and I seriously need to go and hug him pretty please! I'm certain Ray has been constantly thinking up many possibilities of what the reward could've been over the last two years, but this reveal has gotta be something he never expected. Or perhaps it was, considering he realized it so quickly, but I doubt he'd be happy to be correct in this moment anyway. I can't imagine what Emma must be feeling hearing all this crazy stuff either.

Okay but what if she just said no here instead? Would demon god actually changed His mind or am I being too hopeful? Emma's optimism might be rubbing off on me, but I just want her happy! I don't like that sad look in her eyes or the slight pause she takes before finally answering Him.

She's such a damn sweetheart, I'll literally never get over how big her heart is and how much she loves and cares for everyone, especially over herself. I can imagine the sad tone in her voice for the first couple speech bubbles, but then she'll lighten up as she rambles on about the better future that's on the horizon and will be so grateful she's able to grant such wonderful lives for everyone she holds dear.

It goes without saying but Emma's family doesn't take the news of her memory loss too well. While I am glad that a majority of them were present to hear about the real reward (given how important it was) and that everyone eventually celebrates Emma agreeing to live with them at the end of the chapter, a part of me wishes the initial group who found her was a bit smaller? All the attention is completely overwhelming her and I can't blame her for shoving them aside for freaking out so badly. If it was Ray, Norman, Phil and a couple others from GF who found her first, they could've broken the news to her gently (once Ray figured it out) and then fill in the rest of their family one by one, if Emma still decided to join them in the end.

Phil is so good at picking up on major details, whether it be GF's secret or Emma's anxiety. And then ya got Norman who is just totally relieved to see her again. I had forgot to mention this during ch179, but another reason losing Emma hit him so hard was because he had just reunited with her a couple weeks prior to their arrival in the human world. Norman spent all that time planning his escape in Lambda and ways that would allow him to reconnect with Emma, Ray, and the rest of their family and he finally had a moment of peace when they all arrived at the paradise hideout to feel that hole in his heart being full again. Then you had all that drama at the demon capital that pitted them against each other for a little bit until they reconciled and fought together during the GF raid. He had to be so happy once they finally obtained freedom and to live by each other's side without fear of being separated again, until they split up once more without any indication how long it would last or if a life without Emma was gonna be Norman's new normal. So of course he breaks out into happy tears here because all that matters to him is that she's real and in front of him again.

Hearing him tell her how thankful he is that she's healthy, eating well and injury free is a great parallel to his speech in ch30 right before he gets shipped out, only instead of saying their goodbyes at the end, they can introduce themselves and start all over. I gotta wonder what Alex thinks of all these kids suddenly surrounding his adoptive daughter, though I pretty positive he's chill with it since we do see him a bit later sitting back and watching all their happy faces.

Although it's a real convenient way to tie up loose ends about what's been happening with their family these past couple years, I'm still thankful we get a little insight about everyone's dreams and progress they've made. Naturally I wish could've seen so much more of everyone, but I'll take what we can get. Poor Emma has gotta be so confused on what Norman is talking about though.

This boy is trying is absolute hardest to not breakdown in front of her. It reminds me of how he comforted Emma the night after Conny's shipment despite him being just as frightened to learn the house's secret as she was.

Okay but props to our girl though for sticking around and at least hearing them out. If a bunch of strangers came up to me and started sharing their life stories with me, you can bet I'd make a move to run the first chance I get.

It's crazy how seeing a panel of our favorite girl cry such big tears can make me so happy but aaahh, I'm so thankful that the love she has for her family is powerful enough that it overrides her dumb amnesia. Demon god can be a bastard and take away her memories but he can't do shit about her strong feelings! Also, I always liked how her tears land on the necklace, considering it resembles the dragon's eye, it makes it look like as if it's crying as well.

It took me until now to remember that several pages of this chapter were redrawn since I remember that one fantasy scene of the boys finding her on that beach.. but no way in hell am I gonna go back and rework this to accommodate those changes. I've been writing this post out for far too long already. The sun is no longer up.

It's because of the inner monologue from the previous pages that leads me to believe it's also Emma who declares "screw destiny" here and I will literally never accept anything different because I love that phrase for her. That's the very reason I went nuts during s2ep10 when she shouts "I don't give a damn about that destiny!" at Peter. (Dub had her fire back with "Well I don't give a damn what you say!" if anyone was curious, which is equally good in my book.)

Favorite panel/moment:

Oh, there's.. so many. There would've been more but I did already chat about some favorite moments already, such as Ray's smart mind recognizing Emma and the real reward, along with her expressing how much she's always wanted to meet her family regardless of meeting everyone for the first time. As for the rest however, of course we're starting with Ray's lost family members assisting him with locating Emma. Seeing Conny, Yuugo and Isabella appear one last time was such a welcomed surprise and I could absolutely ramble about them more, but I should really keep the rest of this short considering how long this darn post is turning out to be. I'll place the original review here though for funsies. I will mention something I only thought of recently though, and that's how I think the "Over here, Ray" is actually in Emma's voice instead of Conny, Yuugo & Isabella's like I originally believed. While I do love the idea of Ray thinking fondly about all the people he failed to save, no one compares to Emma and that girl has probably been living rent free in his head the past two years. It would also makes sense as to why he would later comment about how hearing her voice could've been his imagination since he's thinking of her so frequently all the time, as we clearly see as he sprints off chasing that voice.

Eeehehe, Ayshe may not have been around for the reunion but her absence is definitely forgiven with this small panel! I would die for more content about these two and how their complicated acquaintanceship changed over the years, even if only barely. Norman still has to be on his guard around her and I love the idea of her lowkey threatening him often enough so he'll never feel relaxed. So glad all her dogs were able to cross over as well considering the new promise really only affected the cattle children. Rest in peace Vincent!

One of the most important reveals is my boy Chris FINALLY waking up!! It still really sucks how he was knocked out for almost half the story but oohhh I'm so incredible thrilled that he's okay. Poor guy has so much drama to catch up on though. I'm sure once he heard about Emma's disappearance he would've offered to help look for her, but since he wasn't shown anywhere else during the chapter, it makes me believe that his awakening was fairly recent and he's possibly still recovering. I'm fine if that's the case considering he gets to join in all the fun during the epilogue.

Everyone delighted beyond belief to hear that Emma missed them and her adorable face when they return the sentiment. Ah, Ray also looks fantastic. Love that smile on him as he's crying tears of pure joy.

Though I very much prefer the redrawn version of the final page where it includes more of the family joining in the celebration, having Emma accept their offer and wishing to live together will all of them definitely makes for a wholesome ending.

End of volume 20. But one day remains.

#the promised neverland #tpn manga #182daysoftpn #chidoroki used chatter

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butterflydm · 2 years

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wot reread: crossroads of twilight (chap 21 - end)

spoilers through crossroads of twilight

Current book ranking (strongest to weakest): The Fires of Heaven; Lord of Chaos; The Shadow Rising; The Dragon Reborn; The Path of Daggers; Winter’s Heart (standalone); A Crown of Swords; The Great Hunt; the Eye of the World; Winter’s Heart (series); Crossroads of Twilight.

This really is the book of Everyone Reacts To One Scene From Winter’s Heart. It’s easy to see how so much of this could get cut away for the TV show. Honestly, Jordan could have used the prologue for four quick scenes of Our Mains reacting to what Rand and Nynaeve did, and then moved on to the next story beat. Even Elayne’s chapters, which I enjoyed, didn’t have much plot movement in them. She visits one of her loyal lords, has a couple of meetings, and gets a prenatal exam. Could easily happen in a handful of scenes in a single episode of the show. Perrin and Mat’s storylines are even worse. Nothing happens in Mat’s early run of chapters - he has a conversation with Egeanin, endures a temper tantrum from Tuon, and then talks to the Aes Sedai but nothing happens. Perrin at least learns where Faile is in his early chapters. Egwene is really the only person who moves the story forward at all the first two-thirds of this book and even she takes a few chapters of dithering before she acts.

It’s funny, when S1 of WoT aired, I was like, oh, yeah EotW is definitely the weakest of the books. And now I’m just... no. I was so wrong. What a fool I was. Anyway, on to Knife of Dreams (my current plan is to read New Spring after KoD). Let’s see if KoD can make it above EotW. Though I am, by this point, pretty certain that none of the remaining books are going to get anywhere near my beloved TFoH-LoC-TSR trilogy. That was a good run. I hope we spend an entire season on each of those books, I really do.

1. Okay, we are over in the White Tower with Alviarin. Alviarin notes that the Black Ajah has been part of the White Tower “since it’s founding”. Yikes. Apparently, Alviarin was off to visit Tremalking. It is really starting to get on Alviarin’s nerves, being Mesaana’s errand girl. I wonder if Lanfear will get Mesaana’s plot-bits in the show. Because I don’t believe it looked like she made the cut of the 8 Forsaken who made it into the show -- four men and four women and we saw Lanfear, Moghedien, Graendal AND Semirhage all there, I think, so yeah, I think she’s been cut. So Lanfear makes the most sense and she does pop into the Tower briefly in TDR.

3. “With the Chosen, grovel and obey was the only way to survive.” I really do feel like you could say the exact same thing about Seanchan society, just with ‘Blood’ subbed in for ‘Chosen’. Why did Jordan choose to make them so similar? I hate that I will never know the answer to this question lol. Anyway, Alviarin is a Darkfriend because she wants to live forever.

4. As she heads back through the Tower proper, Alviarin notes how silent it all is, even more than she would expect. And when she walks into Elaida’s offices to find information out of her, she is shocked to see that Elaida is meeting with more than half of the Sitters in the Hall, as she had believed that she had Elaida thoroughly cowed. Elaida then orders her to stand in the corner until there’s time to talk to her. Alviarin obeys, worrying that Elaida has figured out that Alviarin is Black Ajah and is about to reveal it.

5. And so Alviarin learns that the rebel army is at their very doorstep and the Sitters in the Hall are considering the offer of negotiation. Elaida’s terms are just as all-or-nothing as Egwene’s - the Blue Ajah is forever disbanded and everyone who followed Egwene must serve a penance before any can be re-admitted to an Ajah.Then the Sitters are dismissed and Elaida lets Alviarin know that she was removed as Keeper in her absence, as she should have been present during such important events as this. Alviarin has officially lost her place of power behind Elaida for good.

6. In an aside, I think this is the first time we hear about the “standing flows” that existed in the Age of Legends, that were a way for even non-channelers to use ter’angreal. Alviarin can’t imagine why anyone would bother doing that, because she is very selfish. Anyway, she uses a ter’angreal gifted to her by Mesaana to call for a meeting of great urgency. Mesaana doesn’t take Alviarin’s warning seriously even though Alviarin has managed to come up with the correct conclusion (there is a Black Ajah hunt happening) with the wrong input (she thinks Elaida believes she is Black Ajah rather than a PERSONAL traitor). She’s about to punish Alviarin when Tall Fade shows up.

7. Oh, Hand of the Shadow is pissed off at Mesaana for not showing up at the cleansing fight. He touches Alviarin’s forehead and ‘marks’ her as his, telling her she will get no punishment from Mesaana. Then he orders Alviarin to figure out who is hunting the Black Ajah in the White Tower, and she leaves as Mesaana is ‘punished’ for not showing up at the battle in WH.

8. Hopping over sideways in the White Tower, we now move to Pevara. She’s having a talk with Tarna (who is the person who was sent to Salidar to talk to them, way back in... LoC, I think?). Tarna is the one who was raised to be Elaida’s new Keeper, now that Alviarin has been ousted. Pevara, of course, is worrying over whether or not she’s Black Ajah. This is a very interesting conversation. And we get a little more background on some of Pevara’s family that was murdered by Darkfriends at least a century ago. I like the way Pevara’s thoughts on her past are written here.

9. On Tarna’s journey back to the White Tower from Salidar, she happened to be in a village that was visited by an Asha’man recruiting party (this makes her wonder how far the Dragon’s ta’veren reach goes). Tarna tells Pevara that she believes that the Red Ajah should take Asha’man as Warders. There are too many of them to gentle them and their reach spreads too far, due to Traveling. The reason that she came to Pevara is because Pevara has been known to support the idea that Reds should have Warders. Pevara reveals to Tarna that she was sent a missive from Toveine (implied: revealing that she was bonded by Logain), which Pevara says will change the world.

10. We are now finally checking in with Rand’s storyline again, but we are in Cadsuane’s PoV and she still constantly thinks of him as ‘the boy’. It would be easier for me to believe that she really wanted to help him if she could think of him using his name more often! They are in an estate in Tear, a day’s ride from the Spine of the World. As Verin is talking to Cadsuane, Min bursts in, apparently having been listening at the door. Note that when Rand does something that Cadsuane feels is rude, she gives him open set-downs and tells him to be more polite but when it’s Min, Cadsuane is just passive-aggressive instead. I guess Min is her spy on Rand, so it behooves her to be a little bit nicer to her. She asks if Min has had any viewings she wants to tell Cadsuane about but Min is actually here as Rand’s errand girl, to let Cadsuane that he is asking to see her.

11. Cadsuane ponders how annoying it is that she has to actually, ugh, GIVE ADVICE to the person that she agreed to advise. The person that she has told us that she wants to teach ‘laughter and tears’ to. Verin acts like she is going to follow Cadsuane to Rand, but then Nesune shows up and draws Verin off for conversation. Cadsuane ponders how odd it is to see people who are on opposite sides of the White Tower split chat peacefully now that they’re both oathsworn to Rand. Lan is here in the estate, which means that Nynaeve likely is too, though she hasn’t been mentioned yet. Ah, she’s mentioned three pages later as watching Lan at his sparring. Cadsuane certainly is taking her sweet time going to see Rand. She also takes her time to (internally) diss Nynaeve for still having passionate reactions to things and not being a model of Aes Sedai calm.

12. Oh, wow, Rand awarded Narishma his Dragon pin and Merise took it away from him. So Narishma is upset and frustrated at her for shitting on his accomplishments and acting like he doesn’t count as an equal. I think she’s also the one who snapped her fingers at her Warder/Asha’man to make him go stand in a corner? “Jahar, he is still at the stage where he has to learn to accept only what I say he can.” Wow wow wow. Hate this. So Merise believes that bonding Narishma as her Warder means he’s not allowed ANY kind of separate life or accomplishments outside of what is given by her hand. I’m pretty sure that when she asked Narishma to become her Warder she did NOT make all this clear. He didn’t go through the Warder training! This was not informed consent! He obviously didn’t realise he was giving up everything else in his life by saying ‘yes’ to her! Cadsuane finds it worrying that Merise is actually considering giving Narishma BACK the pin because “Aes Sedai order and Warders obey”. I will be Keeping An Eye on developments here, but I’m not super-happy with how Merise is treating Narishma.

13. Alivia has appointed herself Rand’s new guard and is sitting outside his chambers. No matter how hard Rand tries, he literally cannot escape the fact that women are people and can make the choice to willingly risk their lives for a cause, the same as men. Cadsuane notes that Min dislikes Alivia but that she doesn’t think it’s jealousy, exactly. Cadsuane has seen Alivia and Rand exchanging glances, with determination on Alivia’s side and hope on Rand’s, but this is one secret that she had not been able to get out of Min (probably because Min is worried Cadsuane might be on Rand’s side lol). The other person guarding Rand right now is Elza (we know she’s a Darkfriend but Cadsuane & everyone else does not).

14. Cadsuane notes that Min has “finely honed instincts” of jealousy that make her snarl at anyone she thinks is horning in on her territory with Rand. Despite being the person in Rand’s bed, despite the bond, Min remains so completely insecure about her place in his life. I feel like that’s probably related to how much this version of her is a facade -- SHE knows that she’s faking almost everything about herself in order to appeal to Rand and part of her is worried that he will see past her dolled-up appearance and her desire to please and see the real her and reject that person in favor of someone who is ‘naturally feminine’ in the ways that Min does not believe that she personally is. Especially since she is aware that Rand is attracted to and in love with other women, even as he shares her bed. Because Min is pretty obviously just as monogamous as Perrin is and is easily driven to jealousy and insecurity and this relationship doesn’t make her feel satisfied and secure. And again, one of the tragedies in all this is that Rand was already attracted to Min before she changed herself for him. And one of the biggest ironies is that Min is only sharing him by her own active choice, even though it makes her miserable (because Rand was totally planning to come and go from Caemlyn without talking to Elayne or Aviendha at all). So all of Min’s unhappiness is something that she caused herself. Which has a lot of narrative irony but I feel like the narrative never actually... notices this?

15. Cadsuane notices that Rand is staggering a bit as if injured and... sort of worries about it? In her way. We are reminded in the narration that Min also let Cadsuane know that Rand believes that he needs her to teach him something. Rand is worrying over the Seanchan. They’ve been fighting among each other for a thousand years and it has honed their instincts for battle (similarly to how the Three-Fold Land honed the Aiel, I imagine Rand is thinking). We also learn that Rand has been talking a lot with Alivia about the Seanchan. I’d have MUCH rather gotten Rand and Alivia’s conversations about the Seanchan than that fawning chapter we got about baby!Tuon.

16. Before Rand can get to the part where he wanted Cadsuane’s advice, their meeting is interrupted. Maybe Cadsuane should have gone directly to see Rand when he asked her to visit instead of wandering around the manor idk. Anyway, some of his oathsworn Sisters have come to tell him that their Warders are abruptly a LOT closer than they used to be.

17. Later, Rand is lying on his bed with his boots on the covers. Moiraine did that in the show. <3 lol

18. Min punches Rand in the ribs again. I hate this relationship. She’s always ‘gentle’ with his unhealable wounds but apparently the rest of him is fair game at all times.

19. lol, Rand thinks about how Min is “good at reading his mind” and it just makes me think of pages and pages of her being absolute SHIT at having any idea of what he was thinking. She doesn’t have a clue how his mind works. Rand really does think that Min knows him so much better than she actually appears to, when we’re in her PoV chapters. Also, I note that Rand is still doing everything he can to hide his vulnerability/pain from Min. As much as I liked the bonding in Winter’s Heart, I’m frustrated at how little it seemed to actually affect Rand or his storyline at all.

20. The people who brought the Warders are Logain & his group (Asha’man and bonded Aes Sedai), plus Bashere & some of his soldiers.

21. Min currently appears to be actively TRYING to stoke Rand’s paranoia? No wonder I assumed it was SUPPOSED to be a bad sign that Rand was resting all his emotional support on her, back when I first read the books. She’s so bad for him! This is a bad relationship! Yet... yet I’m not sure whether or not Jordan was aware of that. Anyway, Min is panicking about Logain’s aura of glory and wondering if that means he’s going to try to displace Rand; she’s worried about seeing something ‘dark’ around Bashere, and fretting about rumors that Lord Dobraine might die. Luckily Rand actually seems to be better at shrugging off her panic than he was back in Lord of Chaos. I think maybe the Alivia viewing was the turning point there -- Min wants him to cut Alivia out of his life entirely because of the viewing and he refuses, because he thinks being ‘helped to die’ is a good thing and, besides, Min’s viewings are inevitable, so no point in fighting them. He basically tells her just that. “If you’ve seen it, then it’s going to happen.”

22. Yikes. When Min finds out Loial has arrived, we get this. “I could have killed Rand for letting you get off to your room before I saw you.” The bond said she did not mean it. Not exactly. Um. Yikes? I’m pretty sure this is supposed to be more ‘lol women, amIright?’ nonsense but... yikes.

23. I’m also trying to remember the history of the Loial and Min relationship, because they seem very close here. Loial did come to Caemlyn with Perrin, so Min would have met him at that point, but I do not remember the text making a big out of them becoming friends before Loial went off again with Karldin. Eh, it won’t be the last time Min is magically friends with someone, I guess.

24. Yeah, Rand still tries to avoid having anyone (including Min) see him grab hold of saidin, due to the dizziness. So that hasn’t changed as a result of the bond. He still doesn’t want to actually be vulnerable in front of anyone, including the people he loves and trusts. But, yeah, at this point, Rand is just trying to make himself last long enough to die at the Last Battle.

25. Rand notes that he keeps thinking in Lews Therin’s turns of phrase and not his own, and tries to remind himself how he needs to think about things in his own head. I wish he felt like he could talk to someone about this. I really wish. I wish he had someone with him who was actually trying to help him in a way that didn’t seem to be about trying to make him MORE paranoid and worried. *sigh*

26. LOIAL notices immediately that Rand looks tired and Min is instantly defensive about it and saying that Rand IS resting, which Rand takes as her being protective of him. I, uh, don’t have as charitable as an interpretation as Rand does, unfortunately. I’ve noticed in other PoVs that Min doesn’t really seem to notice when Rand is tired or dizzy, etc. even when other characters do, so I think she’s feeling defensive because she didn’t NOTICE that Rand was tired and so Loial pointing it out makes her feel inadequate.

27. Rand is too tired to sit and too tired to sleep. :-(

28. Only some of the stedding agreed to watch the Waygates, which is naturally worrisome. But Loial did his best. He also lets us know that there’s a grand meeting of all the Elders, The Great Stump, but Loial doesn’t know what the meeting is about because he is too young for people to be willing to tell him. So nine Waygates have been left unguarded.

29. I do want to note here that Rand thinks - “Rand knew he was feeling his way in the dark when it came to women, even Min -- maybe especially Min” - which is a far cry from how he USED to think about her as the one non-confusing woman in the world.

30. We cut to Cadsuane being the one to react to finding out that the Asha’man bonding the Aes Sedai who had been sent to the White Tower to gentle them. We also learn that Cadsuane IS capable of being nice to someone when she knows for certain that “the stick” absolutely won’t work with them, but it’s also clear that the stick is her first instinct and she’ll only move to being encouraging if she’s absolutely convinced that harshness won’t do the job.

31. Ah-HA. Rand IS upset about the Black Tower people bonding the Aes Sedai, though he feels like he can’t ask them to undo it at this point, given how the Aes Sedai reacted when he asked them to release their bonds on the Asha’man. I knew he would be upset. Anyway, Rand and Logain’s relationship is not getting off to the best of starts here. Rand is swearing so much here that it really makes me miss Mat. Real Mat, not CoT!Mat.

32. Logain lets Rand know that Taim is giving out a LOT of orders that he is letting people believe are coming straight from Rand and he is, honestly, all but begging Rand to take the Black Tower in hand. And there really isn’t a good reason why Rand is refusing (except that Jordan didn’t want him to handle it yet for Plot Reasons). I really am feeling the creaky hands of the Plot Strings SO much harder in these recent books than I felt them in the earlier ones. People keep doing things for no good reason other than The Plot Needed It or refusing to do things for no good reason because It’s Not Time For That Plot Yet. Logain even tells Rand that Taim’s put the three Asha’man who travel with Rand on his deserters’ list. “No matter what you’ve done, it’s time to turn your eyes to the Black Tower before Taim splits it worse than the White Tower is.”

33. Rand’s philosophical musings are turning very pessimistic, fatalistic, and grim. Anyway, he tells Logain that Taim has to wait but doesn’t actually give a reason why. Literally, there’s nothing keeping Rand from going and dealing with this? His next plan is to send people off to try to set up a meeting with Seanchan for him, so, in other words, he’s just gonna wait around and do nothing for a while. He absolutely had time to go try to at least scout out the Black Tower and feel its vibes for himself.

34. Three chapters of Perrin. The summary:

Faile has now been gone for 32 days, so it’s been a week (ten days) since his last set of chapters.

Berelain deserves to be Rand’s Steward in Cairhien! Not trapped in this plotline! #BerelainDeservedBetter

I also wish Sulin were over in Rand’s plotline instead of Perrin’s. We literally never got an in-story reason for why the Maiden who was most closely bonded to Rand was the one who left with Perrin.

Aram has grown so touchy and easy to set off that Perrin is leaving him behind. Perrin is such a bad leader who never pays any attention to the people following him; I don’t know why the narrative keeps telling me he’s a natural ruler.

I can’t believe that Perrin is STILL (internally) being a dick about Wil al’Seen being a pretty man who is attractive to women. He’s been a soldier under your command for SEVEN BOOKS, please get over your youthful envy of him omg he literally follows your every order.

I’ve talked about this with @markantonys but Perrin’s thing about hating when men smile is SO WEIRD. Let men smile, Perrin! Not everyone is a gloomy gus. I honestly have to wonder what Perrin’s opinion of Mat would be if they met up again, because he kinda seems to hate men who behave similarly to Mat. Mat is 100% a charmer who likes to smile.

A sighting of a raken in the distance freaks out everyone but Perrin, who is dismissive of the Seanchan because they aren’t Faile.

Perrin’s people try to resupply in Sto Habor but all the grain is infested with weevils. There are ghosts in this town too, like Elayne had at the start of her storyline. The Aes Sedai ask him to leave one of them behind to help the town but he refuses, because Sto Harbor isn’t Faile.

Perrin reminds himself that he would do anything to get Faile back, chops off a man’s hand and threatens him to prove it to himself and then decides to make a deal with the Seanchan. “Yes, that would be like taking the Dark One’s help,” he thinks, and then he asks Tallanvor to tell him more.

Tallanvor (who brought the news of the Seanchan) also says he would be cool making a deal with the Dark One to get Morgase (’Maighdin’) back. Yeah, my first guess was wrong and Perrin is DEFINITELY the left hand that strays from the opening quote. Mat is on thin ice, don’t get me wrong, but he’s not yet in ‘would be willing to make a deal with the Dark One if he offered’ territory. Now would have been the perfect time for one of the Forsaken to go after Perrin. He absolutely was ripe to be turned to the Shadow at this moment in time. He’s thought both about how he would forsake Rand and the Last Battle for Faile in this book and now he’s thinking about trying to make a deal with someone he considers as bad as the Dark One.

35. Back to Mat. In his earlier chapters, the themes that Winter’s Heart told us would matter: the sul’dam secret, Seanchan characters questioning the empire, and Tuon being a dormant marath’damane, all had yet to come up in any way in the narrative. Instead we just focused on Mat navel-gazing about his marriage prophecy and not caring about slavery as much as he had the previous week. So, hopefully something actually relevant will happen in this upcoming Mat stuff.

36. They finally leave the outskirts of the city and it’s a rainy hellscape and Mat is glumly miserable. We get a montage of Mat ‘courting’ Tuon. It is painful even to skim through. Mat is making himself so pathetic for her and for no good reason. He is really Min 2: Electric Boogaloo, forcing himself into love with someone that he knows nothing about and has nothing in common with Because Destiny Says So. At least Min forces herself to fall in love with an actual good person and not a slaver. She doesn’t seem to actually APPRECIATE any of Rand’s good qualities (except the physical ones) but at least he actually HAS them. And the dice in Mat’s head have been getting so overused since Tuon showed up. I’m just... either annoyed or bored during most of Mat’s PoV this book and it makes me sad. Reading Mat’s PoVs used to be a delight and now they’re a chore.

37. On the plus side, Tuon is SUCH an incredibly petty asshole to Egeanin here for absolutely no reason that it looks like it may have reactivated at least part of Egeanin’s spine. Tuon literally renamed her because she felt like flexing her power and being a jerk to someone. Egeanin is the only character in this entire storyline who has gotten interesting character development so far this book.

38. Mat does still consider marrying Tuon to essentially be a terrible doomed fate (”when you knew you were going to hang, the only thing to do was grin at the noose” is very similar to a Birgitte quote). Yet he’s staying anyway. *sigh*

39. Oh thank fuck something relevant actually happened in Mat’s storyline. I mean, Egeanin got stabbed, so that sucks, but something actually happened that wasn’t just Mat deciding to roll over for a slaver.

40. We learn from Domon that Renna stabbed Egeanin in the back and then took off running. Teslyn heals Egeanin and absolutely no one says ‘thank you’ to her (#TeslynDeservedBetter). And Egeanin shares the secret about the sul’dam, that Renna, Seta, and Bethamin had all been leashed once, that she suspects any sul’dam is capable of channeling. Teslyn, Selucia, and Tuon all overhear. My eyes roll as Mat has a chance to leave Tuon behind but decides to keep the slaver around because she has ~mysterious eyes~. This is worse than when Jordan had Rand ignoring every red flag about ‘Selene’ back in TGH.

41. Anyway, we finally leave the circus, unfortunately still saddled with the slaver and her devoted slave, to chase after Renna before she can alert the Seanchan as they are worried that she might. They spot her before she reaches the garrison. She’s too far to catch but not too far to shoot with a crossbow, so Mat gives the order. And, annoyingly, just like with Rand, women are ~special~ and Mat swears that he’ll never let a woman die because of him again after this. Honestly, I suspect this is part of why Jordan turned towards the idea of making allies out of the Seanchan -- a. because they are an enemy that is predominately female in the 'known characters' due to the ‘character casting’ choices he made and he has SUCH a hard time killing female villains compared to male villains. and b. He would much rather enslave his female characters than kill them and in order for him to keep doing that, Jordan needs the Seanchan to continue to exist as a slaver culture, so that there’s a place to put the Bad Women.

42. ...and we’re back at the circus, at least for now, except now Tuon is openly placing the circus under her protection as ~High Lady Tuon~ so she will probably be even more insufferable and even more of an asshole next book. Well, that felt pointless. Mat also feels like everything was pointless, but he’s at the hysterical laughter stage of his “walking to my own doom” storyline. It’s so sad that I’m actually relieved that Mat’s plotline for the book is done and I can read someone else’s PoV.

43. As we end Mat’s section, slavery check-in.

Characters who were previously strongly anti-slavery in WH:

Mat, Setalle Anan, Juilin, Noal, Teslyn, Joline, Edesina, Thom, Beslan

Characters who inexplicably softened their anti-slavery stance in CoT:

Mat (knows sul’dam secret)

Setalle Anan

Noal

Anti-Slavery characters who haven’t changed their stance as far as we know:

Juilin (gold star for Juilin tbh)

Teslyn (knows sul’dam secret)

Joline

Edesina

Thom

Characters who are focused really only on their own personal freedom and not anyone else’s:

Renna, Seta & Bethamin (slaves if the Truth Were Known)

Domon (wants to be free to marry Egeanin)

We started strong with the sul’dam in WH, where they were questioning pretty much everything about what they knew about themselves and the empire, and now they’re just kinda... average horrible sul’dam again. Mat should have left them in Ebou Dar.

Characters who show signs of growth and change:

Egeanin (knows sul’dam secret)

Her breaking off the necklace and throwing it away? Wow! Literally the only worthwhile thing that happened in chapter 28. Her parts of chapter 29 were pretty much the only interesting things in that chapter as well.

These characters remain strongly pro-slavery:

Tuon (dormant marath’damane & now knows sul’dam secret)

Tuon questions literally nothing about herself and any of her assumptions about the world; this entire book has been a waste of time with regards to her character. The ending does set up the ~possibility~ that maybe we’ll see some character growth next book but so far Tuon is all hat, no cattle. Winter’s Heart ALSO implied that there would be character growth ~next book~ but it didn’t happen.

Characters in this storyline that I currently care about:

Egeanin, Joline, Edesina, Teslyn, Juilin, Thera. Maybe Thom.

44. We don’t have much of the book left, but we are back with Egwene! We learn that there has been another saidin-based murder of another Blue sister (Aran’gar’s work). This time, the person who was killed was one of the people Egwene was planning to use for Her Plan. We also learn that Nicola ran away four days ago, but her fellow novices covered up for her... because they disliked her and were afraid she’d be found and brought back.

45. Oh! We learn that Egwene DID share one of her prophetic dreams with people -- she told the sisters about the Seanchan attack she’d dreamed about (I can’t tell from context if this means all of the Aes Sedai with her or just her oathsworn sisters). I think it’s all the Aes Sedai Sisters. Hilariously, no one is taking it seriously because no one believes that she’s a Dreamer, possibly because of how she has never shared a prophetic dream before. This really is the opposite of Min’s storyline re: prophecy.

46. Hey, we finally learn the name of one of Egwene’s friends from back home (who, per TGH, were ‘allowed’ to dance with Rand because they wouldn’t try to steal him, and I was trying so hard to think of who on earth that would even be) - Larine Ayellin. It only took us 10 books, but we’ve got the name of one of Egwene’s childhood friends!

47. After talking over the issues that had been brought up earlier in the book with various Sitters, Egwene comes to a decision and sneaks out in the night, riding Bela rather than her own Daishar, with only Siuan aware that she’s left. She goes to where Bode has been set out on her secret mission and takes over for her (and I believe Leane is the other one on the secret mission). Anyway, we finally learn The Plan, which is turning the big harbor chains into cuendillar at night while they’re down, thus blockading the harbor without needing to bring in boats. She succeeds at her half of it... and then is caught, obviously betrayed by someone. I’m gonna guess by Nicola because... I mean, it fits her MO and she did just recently run away.

48. We end on a super-short epilogue. All of the major wounds that Rand has received still hurt, we learn. Not just the unhealable wounds in his side but the heron brands in his palms too. Oh, honey. Bashere has returned and tells Rand that the Seanchan are willing to meet with him -- but it needs to be in person and he will be meeting with a member of the royal family, the Daughter of the Nine Moons (and, of course, we know she’s too busy being an asshole in Mat’s storyline to actually be the person Rand will meet next book).

49. Mostly what reading CoT made me think about were several ways it could be improved. This was... a frustrating book. Honestly, I don’t think it’s out of character for Perrin to go seek out help from the slavers -- he’s pre-established as being ‘anything for Faile’ so he didn’t feel out of character. But so much of the book felt... pointless. And it essentially killed off one of my favorite characters, because CoT!Mat is NOT pre-CoT!Mat. I don’t know this guy and I don’t like this guy. Elayne and Egwene do all they can to hold up the book, but so much of it really is a miserable slog. I hope KoD is better but honestly, I suspect it will be Elayne and Egwene holding up the entire book again, and Perrin and Mat being miserable slogs again. But we’ll see. And after KoD, I’ll reread New Spring, and that one should be genuinely enjoyable at least.

Mat is mentioned by:

Rand x1

Unnecessary scenes in this section:

Perrin’s side quest (shaido): 1 (14 pages), 1 (17 pages), 1 (21 pages)

Mat’s side quest (tuon): 1 (31 pages), 1 (12 pages)

Tuon appears in 15 pages in chapter 28 and 23 in chapter 29.

Toy used:

8x in chapter 29

4x in chapter 29 (she doesn’t talk much in this one)

Tuon is a spoiled brat who is allowed to get away with anything she wants:

Forcibly renames Egeanin just to be an asshole.

When Mat gives her a gift, she gives it away in a manner calculated to be an asshole.

Mocks and humiliates Egeanin for no apparent reason other than to be an asshole (and I guess to push the limits and see what Mat will let her get away with, probably)

Demands that Mat take her shopping

Loads Mat up with all her purchases that she made on Mat’s gold

Tuon is now officially being feted and honored at Luca’s circus since they know she’s An Important Seanchan now

Tuon reminds us she’s a slaver:

Selucia, her slave, is still shadowing her everywhere

she talks about Mat needing to be trained in manners

is able to forcibly rename Egeanin because she has the power to do that in their culture due to being the Top Slaver

Egeanin is forced to kneel, kiss the floor, and beg leave to be permitted to withdraw

Tuon refuses to even speak to Egeanin directly, having Selucia (her slave) do it instead

She refuses to speak to Mat in the same scene, having Selucia speak for her. Since Selucia is speaking ‘for’ Tuon here, I am counting this usage of ‘Toy’ against Tuon

Threatens again to turn Mat into a slave

forbids Mat to mourn Renna because Mat is her hoped-for possession and not allowed his own feelings. I don’t want him to mourn Renna either but step off, lady.

Something from previous books is undermined (this is kinda my ranting section so skip if that doesn’t appeal):

Mat continues to treat both the Aes Sedai & the sul’dam as if they are ‘equally irritating’ and have ‘equally petty’ reasons for ‘annoying’ him, contributing to the idea that being a slaver isn’t a big deal. It’s even the SUL’DAM that Mat is giving apologetic looks to, even after they talk about how they want to leash the Aes Sedai again? WTF WTF WTF

Mat acts like he’s baffled when Joline, Edesina, & Teslyn glare at him and not the sul’dam - yeah, they’re pissed that you’re treating slavers and their targets the same because you weren’t doing that LAST BOOK. I’d be pissed off too if the person who saved me was suddenly acting like he didn’t see any difference between me and the people who want to enslave me. They don’t expect the sul’dam not to act like trash but they expected better of you, Mat, because you were better last book.

Mat thinks of the a’dam and sul’dam as a lever to use against the Aes Sedai. Wow! Disgusting behavior! He thinks “Not that he really thought about putting those collars on the sisters again. Not often, anyway.” WTF? I kinda hate CoT!Mat. I adored this character only LAST BOOK and just hated that he was trapped in a trauma plotline. How did Jordan manage to completely ruin Mat in a single book?

Mat seems annoyed that Domon isn’t behaving like a good slave and sleeping on the floor, instead insisting that he and Mat trade off for the bed. Again! WTF!

Mat worries about the ‘bad habits’ that Olver might pick up from the Redarms or Thom, but has no qualms about him hanging out with slavers. He even approves of Olver bowing and making much of Tuon. Slavery is a pretty bad fucking habit, Mat.

Mat abruptly starts ‘courting’ Tuon in earnest, despite her giving him absolutely no reason to like her as a person and being open about her desire to potentially enslave him at some point. He lets her get away with being a jerk over and over and over again, despite being harsh with the Aes Sedai for much lesser irritations.

Setalle Anan is absolutely fine with Tuon acting like a slaver asshole in front of her and even is all “oh you silly man” in Mat’s direction when he’s baffled by Tuon’s behavior.

Somehow the entire Mean Girls (tm) event where Tuon and Selucia mock and humiliate Egeanin for absolutely no reason doesn’t make Mat decide not to court Tuon? wtf

Setalle Anan is now literally bodyguard to a slaver, willing to use her knife against people to threaten them to leave Tuon’s presence. What a massive comedown for this character, who was so strongly anti-slavery in Winter’s Heart.

When Mat finds out that Tuon has trained damane, he doesn’t think at all about how sickening he found the way that damane were treated in Winter’s Heart to be but instead treats it as a neutral statement about her hobbies; it makes him find her intimidating but he’s not disgusted by it like he would have been in Winter’s Heart. It has not been THAT LONG and yet Mat already barely cares about slavery, despite caring a LOT in Winter’s Heart.

Mat still appears to be in denial that Selucia is a slave, constantly calling her a “ladies’ maid”. This is kinda the one point where any kind of massaging Mat back into some semblance of actually being in character would hang, actually. Because he KNOWS that she’s a slave but persistently refuses to think of her as one, like if he just closes his eyes and pretends hard enough that Tuon isn’t a slaver, she’ll magically stop being one.

Despite very reasonably NOT considering an oath under duress to be binding in Winter’s Heart, Mat apparently considers accidental wedding vows to be binding??? You are not Seanchan; you have no reason to consider yourself bound by their customs unless you CHOOSE to be. Weddings! Aren’t! Magic! Spells! Why do I say this so often in these books!

Literally there is no point for the narrative to have removed Tuon from her power base in Ebou Dar because everyone still treats her like she’s in charge anyway. What is the point of this entire arc if it doesn’t actually impact Tuon’s character? ALL the circus arc has done so far is completely destroy Mat as a character. What the FUCK happened to Jordan in-between writing Winter’s Heart and writing Crossroads of Twilight? Seriously, even if that is when he decided to punt off all Seanchan-related development to the outriggers, there was no reason to assassinate Mat’s character this way. I’m so pissed off. It’s like being a slaver doesn’t even register as a negative to Mat anymore - he doesn’t even mention Tuon BEING A SLAVER in his list of things about her that he dislikes? wtf. Instead it’s all “oh dear, I might marry a noble” aka the kinds of worries that would make sense if he were fated to marry someone like ELAYNE, not someone like Tuon, who has much greater flaws than being a NOBLE.

When Tuon threatens again to turn MAT into a slave, he gets nervous about the idea but it doesn’t seem to impact his opinion of Tuon as a person??? She’s genuinely horrific (to him and others) in this entire section of the story and it doesn’t seem to impact his desire to ~win her over~ in any possible way? Like, dude, just fucking take a horse and abandon the circus. Take Olver with you and just leave.

And he’s just bafflingly all “oh women are so strange” about her threatening to enslave him. Mat, this has NOTHING to do with her being a woman. It’s because she’s a SLAVER. Also, absolutely mind-bogglingly, Mat thinks about how he needs to trust her. Literally right after she’s threatened to turn him into a slave. ???? We do get that echo of his ancient memories reminding him that trust is the sound of death but it doesn’t go anywhere, so whatever.

You would think that after one of the sul’dam stabs Egeanin and tries to run away, Mat might rethink some of his weird “oh the Aes Sedai and the sul’dam are both just equally annoying sets of people” trains of thought but this does not appear to happen.

When Mat learns that sul’dam can channel, all his focus is on “oh no my future wife can channel” and his tactical military mind seems to have taken a vacation? The fact that the sul’dam can potentially channel is a huge deal with regards to the Seanchan empire, yet this barely seems to cross Mat’s mind?

And, honestly, I don’t even feel like the whole “the prophecy threatens his life if he doesn’t marry Tuon” is a valid reason because Mat HAS risked his life before for other people, quite frequently! So him rolling over for the prophecy and doing his best to fawn and manipulate his way into Tuon’s good graces feels so excruciatingly out of character. Him giving her flowers and trying to court her all while doing his best to just ignore that she’s a horrific person who enslaves and tortures other people for fun is... it’s just out of character. I don’t care that Jordan wrote it. This isn’t the same Mat that we had in Winter’s Heart or the previous books. This is a different character. Mat is the guy who runs back into the burning house to save people, even while complaining the whole time (as Siuan described him in book 3), but this guy is marrying the fucking arsonist instead and just watching as she sets more fires. He comes across as weak and self-serving, which are not words I would associate with pre-CoT Mat. I remember accurately how awful Tuon is as a person and a character but, wow, Mat is shitty too in this book.

I just... I think back to the start of TSR and THAT should have been the energy that Mat had in this book -- he fucking hates the nobles in the start of that book, yet he doesn’t show it at all to their faces because he’s fleecing them for money, but even though he never actively thinks “I fucking hate these people” it becomes very obvious within about 2-3 pages. THAT is what we should have been getting from the Mat-Tuon scenes, but we would actually need to see MAT trying to subtly win concessions from TUON in order for that to be the subtext, rather than just barely keep his head above the water, you know? Because Mat focuses WAY TOO MUCH on Tuon being Prophesied Wife rather than Prophesied Wife being the FUTURE EMPRESS OF THE SLAVER EMPIRE THAT HAS RECENTLY INVADED THE WESTLANDS. Which is a MILITARY concern. Yet we never see Mat treating trying to get Tuon to fall in love with him as if it were a military concern; it’s just treated as a personal thing and THAT is why it makes all this feel like a pointless subplot rather than something that’s actually important. And it sucks because it felt like Winter’s Heart actually set up a good storyline for this plotline really well and then CoT has just completely ignored the bigger picture related to a Mat-Tuon marriage and has made it all about Fated Romance (which is something that Jordan has ALREADY done in other plotlines, so he’s not even bringing anything new to the table). It’s just so frustrating because this COULD have been compelling story (though I would have felt bad for Mat even so) but instead it’s a limp nothingplot that ruins a good character.

Ironically, Mat being a shitty person isn’t even related to Tuon? Tuon is only in 52 pages of Mat’s chapters, but he’s a shitty person in the majority of his screen time, even before he starts courting her in earnest. I’m so disappointed (in Jordan, not in Mat. This is so clearly NOT pre-CoT Mat that I can’t even hold it against him; pre-CoT Mat is still one of my faves. CoT!Mat can go pound sand. Jordan had to absolutely obliterate Mat as a character in order to make him ‘fit’ with Tuon and it’s so depressing).

I hate everything about this plotline.

Plot-threads that started in CoT or were carried over from WH:

Elayne: Become queen of Caemlyn (second book of task) - NOT completed.

Mat: Escape Ebou Dar and return to the Band of the Red Hand and Rand (second book of task) - NOT completed.

Perrin: Gather up Masema and his Dragonsworn and bring them to Rand (fourth book of task) - NOT completed.

Egwene: Go to the White Tower with her army, confront Elaida, and heal the Tower (fifth book of task) - NOT completed.

Rand: Make a truce with the Seanchan (first book of task) - NOT completed.

Nynaeve: The only thing she does this entire book is watch Lan spar.

Plot-threads carrying over to Knife of Dreams:

Elayne: Become queen of Caemlyn (3/?)

Mat: Escape Ebou Dar and return to the Band of the Red Hand and Rand (3/?)

Perrin: Gather up Masema and his Dragonsworn and bring them to Rand (5/?)

Egwene: Go to the White Tower with her army, confront Elaida, and heal the Tower (6/?)

Rand: Make a truce with the Seanchan (2/?)

Nynaeve: ???

Unnecessary scenes (whole book):

young Sitters ‘mystery’: 3 (9 pages)

too many random PoVs: 5 (63 pages)

Mat’s side quest (tuon): 6 (134 pages)

Perrin’s side quest (shaido): 8 (175 pages)

Being Weird about Elayne’s pregnancy: 3 (5 pages)

Atha’an Miere nonsense: 2 (12 pages)

Egwene waits around for her plot to start: 2 (29 pages)

So that was a total of 427 pages. My copy of Crossroads of Twilight has 823 pages, so that is 51.9%. Honestly, I was expecting it to be worse. Thank goodness for Elayne and Egwene.

Tuon-related annoyances: (whole book; 52 pages)

refuses to use Mat’s name x25

acts like a spoiled brat x9

reminds us that she’s a slaver x11

People that Mat thinks about: (whole book):

Rand x3

Perrin x1

Mat is mentioned by (whole book):

Elayne x1

Egwene x6 (prophetic dream)

Rand x1

Mat is so disconnected from the rest of the cast in this book; it’s like he’s in his own, separate, and more poorly-written novella (which I guess is a ‘romance’ of some kind but one of those romances where you feel like the author only put 5% of their effort into the story).

#wot #wheel of time #wot reread #crossroads of twilight #wot book spoilers #wot spoilers #slaver empress tuon #seanchan warning #trust me when i say that i also wish that this book weren't making me so miserable lol #i want mat back!#this is not mat!#i thoroughly disagree with the opinion that sanderson ruined mat #because jordan ruined him first #mat cauthon #the wheel of time

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asyouleft · 6 months

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Thank you for the tag @happyaspie

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

- 89! I have a lot of other works that never made the move from LJ to a03 tho.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

- 1,100,235. I like to think this is an indication of how my mental health is, lmao.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

- Mosly MCU Irondad but I have caved and started writing Heartstopper lately. And I have some Our Flag Means Death fics in the works. I used to write a lot of McShep for Stargate Atlantis, as well as Supernatural, Harry Potter, Torchwood & Doctor Who.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

- Five Time Faculty Members Had to Call Peter's Emergency Contact + One Time He Shows Up Anyway 5,410 kudos

-Five Times Tony Stark's Fabled Intern Just Showed Up + One Time He Was Invited 2,824 kudos

- The Hero of Our Own Story 2,033 kudos

- There is Always One Last Light to Turn Out 1,854 kudos

- For We are Bound by Symmetry 1,730 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I like to say thank you to everyone who comments because I am forever grateful for it!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

If You Find That You Feel Lost, I'll Be Your Ticket Back which I think has a happy ending to it but others disagree. And Films About Ghost which also is a happy/sad ending. There's resolutions but it's not what everyone wants.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Hmm, I think they all end kinda happy? lol Maybe Operation: Graduation but it's very light hearted.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yeah, not very often but I think sometimes I like moving away from tropes and mixing it up a bit. For We Are Bound by Symmetry got some hate on how I handled the bio!Dad thing. We Always Walked a Very Thin Line got some unexpected hate! And recently there was an anon on Edges of Your Name that poked a little.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, I'm writing one now, lol. I mostly do slash but I've dabbled in het a few times.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nah, not really.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope! I don't look for it anyway and I doubt anyone would want to steal my shit, lol.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes!! Oh my god, someone did two fics in RUSSIAN and I was so happy I cried! Honestly I felt so good about it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

A very long time ago, I did a Hanson shoebox AU with my friend, haha. And even before that me and my high school bestie cowork some Hanson fics but nope! I'd love to though. Someone cowrite something with me, please!!!

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Ngggh. This is hard because my brain is like MCSHEP BITCH (John Sheppard/Rodney McKay) and then immedatly followed by Nick Nelson/Charlie Spring, Aziraphale/Crowley, Ed/Stede, Jack/Ianto. And I just realized a majority of these are CANON which NEVER HAPPENS TO ME and I think I might die of happiness knowing my ships are canon. (Also wow my brain did not come up with a single het ship lol opps)

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

My WIP folder has about 49 fics in it, so yeah. There's a Richard Parker Alive but Terrible Parent fic that I was pretty far into before I gave up. I'd like to actually finish that but I've lost the plot bunny somewhere.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hmm, I dunno, honestly. I think I can write certain characters well like the funny sarcastic ones (Peter Parker, Charlie Spring, Rodney McKay and even Tony Stark) because it's just me, hi, that's me.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Aside from spelling, lolz? I think I get too wordy sometimes, I have to cut paragraphs off in editing because I just keep going. I also think I can't end a scene to save my life sometimes and get frustrated when I don't think the end point works.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I don't think I really have? I dunno, Nick hasn't spoken French in a fic yet, damn I might just have to add that soon...

19. First fandom you wrote for?

OKAY if we're going to be for reals about this, most likely the Hobbit or The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe. I was writing fic as a kid (self insert no less) without realizing it. Later I'd write "episodes" of like Rainbow Brite, or Carebears, Inspector Gadget, Captain Planet. I'd also write one off Marvel/DC stuff with a self insert superhero (aka me with powers, usually I was an x-man lmao).

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Nhggh, that's hard. I like, act like I like what I write but I also end up like, hating it? I think I really love how Just an Intern turned out, from conception to finishing it, it was a fun write. And I quiet like how Edges of Your Name has come together too. But I think I had a little magic in me when I wrote There is Always One Last Light to Turn Out somehow. I wrote the thing in like 2 days and I think it came out rather well for something I mostly texted to speech as I was driving to work, ha.

And I'm terrible at tagging people so whomever!

#fanfic #asks #irondad fic #heartstopper fic #a03 #i like talking about my own writing if you couldn't tell

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krys-loves-otome · 1 year

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A Second Glance, Part 4

Rating: Teen (the entire work is marked as Mature, so read the rest at your own risk)

Pairing: Hideyoshi x Preg!Reader

Summary: A look into the aftermath of Chapter 3. There's also a flashback scene at the beginning.

Warnings: Pregnancy, references to and going into light detail about a past character's death, Nobukatsu also has a potty mouth on him so if foul language is something that bothers you, it's here too.

Notes: Adding in a few more people to Nobunaga's family tree as IkeSen canon makes it a little sparse. Added in his nephews Nobukatsu and Nobutaka (who were originally two of his RL sons, but made nephews for the sake of this story) and his little sister Oichi with her daughter.

Part 1 || Part 3

Read A Second Glance all in one place on ao3!

My Fanfic Masterlist

And many thanks to @tsundere-mitsuhide and @scummy-writes for beta-reading for me!

-----

"Thank you for visiting with us, [Name]. It was a pleasure to meet with you again."

Warm rays of spring lit up the flower gardens Nobunaga was sitting in alongside his younger sister, Lady Oichi. He had decided to visit her when she had written to him about her new daughter. He also decided to drag you along for the ride. You both had been too busy to see each other lately, so he claimed the trip for your benefit as well, to cure your loneliness of the time spent apart.

Though the sentiment was nice, you couldn't help but feel the slightest twinge of jealousy (and some other feeling you didn't have a name for then) when you see the usually demonic and ruthless conqueror giving all his attention to the bouncing infant on his knee, letting her touch his cheeks while she giggled and babbled away happily.

"Thank you for inviting us, Lady Oichi," you say, watching as the smirking uncle and his little niece engaged in a fierce staring contest. "I'm surprised he responded to your letter so quickly."

Oichi laughed. "Just Oichi, dear, please."

She glanced at her older brother, a wistful look in her eye.

"Truth be told, I am glad we get along as well as we do. He will never admit to it, and he will call me a silly brat until we both have gray hair and wrinkles, but he has always been there for me when I needed him. He always cared even if he does not always show it."

Oichi frowned.

"Ever since the falling out at Father's funeral, I have not seen much of my other brothers and sister, since I chose to support Nobunaga. We haven't spoken much since then."

"How many other siblings do the two of you have? If I may ask?"

"My brother hasn't told you?"

"It's… never really come up in conversation."

She paused to think.

"As far as I'm aware, two brothers and another sister still live, aside from myself. All of them are older than me while they are all younger than Nobunaga. The most I've heard from my family outside of Nobunaga… was when our sister's sons had reached adulthood recently. I am considering visiting them so they can meet their new cousin."

"Good luck, if you decide to do so." You say, "At least to help patch up those relationships."

"Thank you," Oichi smiled, "I am glad my brother has found someone as kind and reassuring as you."

The heat in your cheeks flared lightly but you smiled along with her nonetheless. Nobunaga smirked, reaching across to bring you in closer to him.

Morning light and chipper birdsong strained Mitsuhide's eyes and ears, not helpful in the least for his pounding head. Though he was fortunate to have a fresh set of clothes and some strong-smelling tea coursing through him, it did little to alleviate his fatigue and overall mood. His feet dragged only a little bit on the hallway floor.

"Good morning, Lord Mitsuhide," Mitsunari, fresh as a spring daisy, greeted with a small nod.

"Morning," he returned half-heartedly, running a hand through his hair, "I'm sure you've heard that Hideyoshi called this emergency meeting because of what happened last night?"

"Yes, I've heard." Mitsunari frowned in thought, "Lord Hideyoshi asked me to look after Lady [Name] so suddenly last night, I didn't have much of a chance to ask him what was going on. All I know is what Lady [Name] knew of the situation."

"Well, the short of it was that there were assassins sent in the night. At least two of them, in fact."

"Two assassins? Lady [Name] had said you had killed one of them."

"The other was lurking nearby. My vassals found him and interrogated him."

"The first one could have had information as well," Mitsunari said, "Why did you-"

"I find men who wander around with unsheathed blades quite uncouth. Especially around unsuspecting little mice and monkeys."

Mitsunari blinked and cleared his throat.

"Then, what did you discover from the other assassin? The one your vassals caught?"

"He was under orders to capture Azuchi's castle chatelaine. Preferably alive but it wasn't a guarantee."

"Do you know who sent him?"

"Not him directly, but his… I guess we'll call him his 'dearly departed comrade', had an Oda insignia on his sword."

"An Oda insignia?" Mitsunari's eyes widened, "but that would mean-"

"Yes. Playtime with the Oda is over, I'm afraid."

"Over Lady [Name]?"

"She seems to have gained their attention without us noticing it. Lucky little Miss Popular."

"But, why?" Mitsunari asked, worried, "Why now? As far as I was aware, the Oda didn't acknowledge her existence, outside of Lady Oichi."

"It is a mystery. Someone must have noticed something was up, especially with Hideyoshi still sitting on his hands."

Mitsunari sighed, looking out at the chirping birds in the nearby trees. A chilly breeze ruffled their feathers, soon snuggling closer together for warmth in their nest.

"…It's been months now."

Mitsuhide gave a sad smile, to no notice of his companion.

"Grief is one of the hardest burdens to bear. Some just have a harder time letting it go than others."

"We can't keep holding it off forever."

"It's still in Hideyoshi's hands, whether we like it or not."

"Can't we just-"

"I've already tried with a threat to sweep the chatelaine away to my own castle. He… didn't take the threat too well." Mitsuhide laughed quietly, "he might have punched me then."

Mitsunari pursed his lips, frowning in thought. He looked Mitsuhide directly in his eyes.

"Would you have taken her if the chance was before you?"

Mitsuhide said nothing, still keeping his smile in place despite Mitsunari's hard stare. Only the bird chatter filled their silence.

After a beat, Mitsuhide chuckled quietly.

"It's getting late. Let's not keep our dear Hideyoshi waiting."

With a reluctant nod, Mitsunari turned away and entered the meeting room. Mitsuhide was slower to follow, watching the dripping icicles in the trees.

"The fox stealing the wife away while the husband sleeps?" he chuckled, his sad smile returning for a brief moment before his usual beguiling smirk took its place, "it’s a silly notion, Mitsunari. A story meant for children to warn them of the villains of the world. It couldn’t happen in real life, after all."

He turned away, facing forward. One of the birds flew away from the nearby nest, gliding into the distance.

Two identical sets of carnelian eyes glared at each other, the fire of anger hotter than any swordsmith's forge. A low guttural growl broke the silence along with a cup slammed on the table, splashing steaming tea.

"Why did you interfere, Nobutaka?!" snarled the scarred man before a poised man with long black hair tied in a low ponytail. "I almost had that bastard monkey! If you had just-"

"Murdering Hideyoshi was not part of the plan, Brother." Nobutaka said calmly, sipping his tea with furrowed eyebrows, "Our only goal in Azuchi was to capture the castle chatelaine. There was no need for bloodshed."

The scarred man, Nobukatsu Oda, huffed bitterly, scratching furiously at his short black hair.

"Why do you care so much about a castle's caretaker? What's so special about a wench that arranges flowers and sorts dainty napkins all day?"

"The fact that she was Uncle Nobunaga's chatelaine is curious. He never had one before, and then she suddenly appeared, as if from the heavens one day."

"Maybe he was really impressed with her decorating skills." Nobukatsu said sarcastically.

"Maybe you should learn to pay more attention," Nobutaka steepled his fingers, his glasses' chain glittering in the sunlight.

"Is it not strange that a woman with no social standing or noble heritage suddenly has the attention of not only Uncle Nobunaga, but his vassals and allies in Oshu and Mikawa? Even his enemies speak well of Uncle's castle caretaker. I find the matter quite intriguing."

"Are you really holding back on killing Hideyoshi just because of some woman you find 'intriguing'? That butt-monkey is still standing in our way of clan leadership! He is also the one stopping us from claiming what rightfully should be ours: Uncle Nobunaga's domain. What in all hells are you waiting for?"

"To see what the monkey does."

"…What?"

"Listen to me, Nobukatsu." He looked straight into his brother's eyes. "The fact that Hideyoshi is stalling for time is also peculiar. He could take the domain for himself, reaping the benefits and no one would bat an eye. But, he hasn't. He also refuses to relinquish it to anyone, Oda or otherwise. So, if he doesn't want to hand Azuchi over to anyone nor does he take the rule for his own benefit, why is he sitting on his hands, wasting everyone's time?"

Nobukatsu was quiet, grumbling as he tried to process his younger brother's implications.

"He's… waiting for the chatelaine… to do something? Since you keep bringing her up, she has to be important for some reason."

"You're catching on." Nobutaka chuckled, "I'm impressed."

"Enough mind games, snot-face. What are you getting at?"

"Again, Hideyoshi, as well as many others in Uncle's circle and outside of it, speak favorably about the castle chatelaine. Hideyoshi refuses to move forward with surrendering Uncle's domain or taking it for himself. My theory is that the chatelaine is carrying Uncle Nobunaga's child and that monkey is waiting to seize the child and name him as Uncle's posthumous heir."

"Wha-What gives that bastard the right to do that? He shouldn't interfere with-"

"Did I also mention that the chatelaine was named an Oda princess?"

"By who!?"

"Uncle Nobunaga, before his unfortunate passing."

"But, she wasn't related to any of us. She didn't wed him or was a named mistress. Hells, Uncle Nobunaga was never married so he couldn't have mistresses to fool around with."

"How quaint of you," Nobutaka continued, "but rumors have spread regardless. Other nobles claim the chatelaine an Oda princess, but can never substantiate their claims, other than what they heard from sources in Azuchi's castle, not from the clan itself."

"So, let me get this straight. You're saying that Uncle Nobunaga possibly knocked up his chatelaine and now Butt Monkey Hideyoshi is gonna try and claim the brat as Uncle Nobunaga's heir after he's already dead because the chatelaine has some fake princess title?"

"That's my theory on the matter."

"It's bullshit."

"I did not ask for your opinion."

"It's bullshit he thinks he can name some random bitch's accident as heir. Is there any proof the little punk's even Uncle Nobunaga's spawn? You did say the chatelaine was 'spoken of highly' in Uncle's circle. Could have screwed one of his vassals and claimed it was Uncle who did it. Could be Butt Monkey's kid for all we know."

"No one will know unless a child suddenly materializes, if my theory is correct."

Nobukatsu grumbled again, glancing out at the dripping icicles.

"So what do we do now, since you're so insistent about not killing the monkey."

"Right now, we wait to see how Hideyoshi responds to our little… message. Hopefully he's not dead, no thanks to you."

"I still think he's better off dead than you doing this song and dance you keep doing. Easier that way."

"I'm trying to be civil, to go about things the right way. Unlike you who bludgeons his way into getting what he wants."

"At least I'm getting results while you sit on your ass drinking tea and playing Go all day. Heh, it's no wonder I'm twenty minutes older than you; you had to sit and think about being born before the midwife pulled you out."

"And you're a crude, boorish oaf who has no patience for anyone." Nobutaka deadpanned "You're a terrible general with a short temper as well."

"And you're lucky you're my brother, else I have half a mind to cut out that tongue of yours."

"Oh, I feel so loved and appreciated in your presence, dear brother." Nobutaka stood, "now get out of my sight. Your entire existence disgusts me."

"Your face disgusts me."

"Your insults are as poor as your provinces."

"They're still bigger than yours."

"Get out of my castle before I throw you out myself!"

"That, I'd like to see." Nobukatsu laughed, standing up, "Go ahead and throw me out, you weakling brat!"

"My lords!" a voice spoke up in the doorway, a servant with a scroll in his hand, "a message has arrived from Azuchi."

"Hopefully good news," Nobutaka spat.

"I'm afraid not, sir," said the servant, handing over the scroll. "Lord Hideyoshi was quite displeased with your threat, as it were."

"Who cares what he thinks," Nobukatsu snorted, "Most aren't exactly itching to be taken out by assassins."

"At least we know he's still alive enough to be irritated." The younger brother read over the message, his eyebrows furrowed. "He also says to not threaten him or Azuchi's safety again, else he will have to take 'drastic actions.'

"Be more than what he's currently doing," Nobukatsu sighed, "now what?"

Nobutaka crumpled the paper in his hand and threw the ball into the fire behind him.

"I think if you want something done right, you'll have to do things yourself. I'm going to Azuchi to see that insufferable primate and Uncle's beloved chatelaine."

"What, to prove your pet theory right?"

"There's a reason the monkey keeps holding Uncle's legacy hostage. If he freely won't give it to us, I say we should go and take it from him."

"Great idea, I'm going with you."

"No, you're not."

"Someone has to save your scrawny ass if a fight breaks out."

"I'm more than capable of protecting myself, thank you."

"No, you're not."

"Says you."

"Says me who has saved your ass more times than he can count, which is pretty high."

"You just want to come along to impale your sword on someone."

"Would you rather I impale you instead?"

Nobutaka sighed.

"Fine, but no killing while we're in Azuchi. This is going to be a scouting mission of sorts. No bloodshed."

"Only if they provoke me first."

"As if that's a difficult task." he sighed, sending his servant away, "whatever will keep you quiet."

Nobutaka stood now, taking his tea cup and walked out of the room as his brother took the opposite direction.

"Azuchi and Uncle's legacy will be in the right hands soon," he said quietly, tightening his hold on his cup, "no matter what stands in my way. No stupid monkeys and certainly no upstart chatelaines will stop me from gaining what’s supposed to be mine."

Cooled tea slid between his fingers, his cup having cracked with the sheer strength of his grip. He threw it against the wall, a satisfying crash resounding in the otherwise silent halls.

Light puffs of smoke floated away into the evening sky, the stars just starting to turn visible. Hideyoshi closed his eyes, sitting on the veranda, the coming night chill not seeming to bother him. He leaned back, feeling every joint voice their discomfort.

With a sigh and another puff on his pipe, he finally noticed you standing a little ways away from him, bundled in a warm haori and holding another dark green one in your hands, neatly folded. Hideyoshi coughed loudly, frantically trying to put out his pipe, erratic smoke puffs escaping his mouth.

"[Name]!" he choked, "What are you doing up? Didn't I already tell you about good sleeping habits starting-"

"Yeah, last night," you said, "right before Mitsuhide gave me a week's worth of nightmare fuel."

"…Nightmare fuel?"

"A-anyway," you continued, "I didn't know how long you were going to be out here, so I brought you a jacket."

"You didn't have to, [Name], I would have been fine without one."

"It's still cold out, Hideyoshi. I'm… We're worried about you. Me and Mitsunari, that is." You handed it to him, standing at his side. "And… they're, they're worried too. We all are."

After a minute's pause, Hideyoshi reluctantly put it on, hiding his hands in the sleeves.

"It's still late," he said, "and it's been a long day. I won't be much longer, promise."

"…Can I stay just for a little longer?" You asked, "They… they've been getting restless lately, especially at night."

"Well, we certainly can't have that, can we?" Hideyoshi sat up straighter, pulling one side of his haori open. "If you're staying, I'm keeping you warm while you're out here. No buts, missy."

You smile and laugh, accepting his offer of shared warmth. You take careful, slow steps on the shallow stairs. Hideyoshi's arm reached out to steady you as you descended. Once you were settled beside him, his arm encircled your shoulders with a comfortable amount of his haori covering you.

"Warm enough?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you."

He nodded, turning his gaze back to the darkening sky, the stars becoming clearer and brighter.

"It's funny," he said quietly, "holding you like this to keep warm, it reminds me of my early days of serving Lord Nobunaga."

You looked up at him, hoping this was the famous story from your time, of Hideyoshi and Nobunaga's sandals.

"I was… young and overly eager to please him, as he had given me my second chance at life. I was about to do anything if it would please him."

He paused while you waited in anticipation, watching his cheeks turn pink in embarrassment.

"Including… putting his sandals in my kimono… to warm them for him."

You snickered while he sighed.

"It was a long time ago, [Name]."

"I think it was sweet of you, thinking of his comfort like that."

"He laughed and called me a stupid monkey."

"It wasn't stupid at all!" you giggled.

"Now you're just being nice, [Name]," Hideyoshi grumbled.

You snuggled in closer, pulling your shared haori closer.

"…I dreamed of him last night," you said softly, frowning, "I think he was trying to warn me."

"Warn you?"

"He tried to but… there wasn't any sound in the dream," you paused, "save for one. When… when he was struck from behind and…"

You shivered. Hideyoshi held you closer.

"I should apologize to you," Hideyoshi said, clenching his fist. "iIf I had been faster, stronger… I could have reached you sooner. Hearing you scream like that, fearing I was too late… seeing Lord Nobunaga falling to the ground… I didn't know what was happening anymore… just that I was seeing red."

"Hideyoshi…"

"You… you were clinging to him so tightly, refusing to let him go. I… I held both of you in my arms, his blood was coating both of us… I… I was ready to kill Masamune and Mitsuhide for trying to separate all of us… and Ieyasu because he was touching you… to remove you from us… I … that day still haunts me."

His eyes were hard, lost in the memory of that day. It had been hard on everyone, the hardest to the two of you. A hollow victory with the biggest loss to all involved. You reached for his hand, both of your chilled fingers seeming to bring him back to the present. He gave an apologetic smile.

"See, I really have kept you out here too long. Your hands are frozen!"

He slipped his arms out of his haori, giving his remaining warmth to you while rubbing his hands over yours.

"C'mon, let's get you inside," he insisted while standing up, "I'll make you some tea and we'll get you some warm covers to sleep under. Four should be good. Or would five be better?"

One hand over yours, the other at your back to keep you steady on the steps, Hideyoshi held you securely despite his frigid fingers, making sure you safely made it onto the landing first, making you temporarily taller than him.

You turned towards him, his nose and cheeks red from the cold, sure to be matching your own, much to Hideyoshi's dismay.

Before he could climb to your side, however, you leaned towards him, touching dry and cold-chapped lips together with his. The tobacco still lingered on him, you noticed.

Hideyoshi froze, eyes wide open in surprise. When you pulled back for air, though his cheeks were warmer, his eyes, once again, filled with sadness. He let out a breath.

"Inside, [Name]," he left no room for argument. "Now."

#krys's adventures in fanfiction #a second glance #ikemen sengoku #hideyoshi toyotomi #mitsuhide akechi #mitsunari ishida #cw: pregnancy #cw: references to character death #cw: language #it's been 84 years #or more accurately at least one year #but it's finally got a new chapter #I'm so happy #now watch it be another year before the next chapter comes out #oof

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mybiasisexo · 2 years

Text

Entangled - Part 4

Pairing: Chanyeol x f.Reader

Chapter Warning: Language

Word Count: 5.5k

Author's Note: There's a lot that happens here lmao. Like I feel this is like 3 chapters jammed into one. I hope we can get a bit of insight on Channies thought process here, and maybe even OCs?? Also I LOVE this friend group and will add so many irrelevant scenes just to see them interact 🥺.

Also.... pls lmk if you would like to be tagged! There are a couple people who I want to but... dont wanna bother anyone haha. So, if you'd like that, just lmk 🙃

Also also.... have y'all listened to beyonces new album?!??!???????!? Was DEF listening to it HEAVY while editing this (Virgos groove was hitting a bit too hard christ she's done it again 😔 we stan forever)

Okay, I'm rambling (shocker) as always, don't be afraid to lmk how you feel about the story so far!!! I appreciate all interaction!!! Have fuuuun~

“Ah.” The calm that overtakes you as you lay back on the blanket separating you from the powdery sand is welcomed after the morning you’ve had. Just as you predicted, the sun is helping your hangover just as much as the food digesting in your belly.

It would’ve tasted a lot better without the bitter knowledge of Chanyeol’s apology, but the heat kissing your skin is enough of a distraction from that fact. “This is the life.”

“If I could, I would live a life strictly on the shore,” Seulgi agrees. She already sounds drowsy as she sprawls out like a starfish beside you.

Yerim is somewhere splashing along in the water, finally enjoying the crisp waves instead of taking pictures for her Instagram. Poor Seulgi spent the first ten minutes out as her photographer and is now finally having time for herself.

You aren’t sure how much time passes when Yerim joins you both. Cold drops of sea water drip onto your stomach alluding to her presence. You wince, eyes springing open to give the young girl a glare.

“Oops.” She shrugs innocently, her smile dazzling. You huff before rolling onto your stomach, evening out your tan. Yerim checks her phone and sucks her teeth, tossing it angrily aside before plopping onto her stomach across from you, so that your heads now huddle together.

“Still no word from Loey?” Seulgi asks. Her eyes are still closed, and she hasn’t moved an inch. Honestly, you thought she had fallen asleep.

You hate how your ears perk at the mention of your ex.

Yerim’s mouth tightens. “Nothing. We were supposed to get breakfast this morning. He had promised me that while kicking me out, to try to make up for what he was doing. But he hasn’t replied to any of my texts or calls!”

Her words trigger something in the back of your mind. Little fragments from the night before come to you in flashes, images of a pissed Yerim in front of your hotel room.

“He kicked you out?” You ask.

The sisters share a look before turning their attention back to you.

“What?” You snap. “I told you I blacked out.”

Yerim sighs dramatically and falls onto her back, blocking the sun with an arm draped over her eyes. “Yes, well, he did. Suddenly sharing a bed made him uncomfortable.”

“You two haven’t… you haven’t had sex yet?” You push out, swallowing the bile the question has rising up your throat.

She pauses and then bursts into laughter, saying your name conspiringly. “I had no idea you would be interested in my sex life.”

Oh, it isn’t hers you’re curious about.

You shrug non-committedly, glancing away.

“No, we haven’t,” she reveals. “This trip was the first time we’ve hung out outside my job, actually. Our first date. It was kind of funny. We both thought of coming here together at the same time. It sounded like the perfect idea then. Now? I’m starting to see how much it wasn’t.”

Relief floods you, relaxing your tense muscles. You wonder briefly how you would have reacted if they had slept together. Most likely seen red.

You halt those thoughts instantly. This is not your place anymore, not your right. You have zero claim on Chanyeol and whatever you are feeling right now is unwarranted.

Pushing away all that, you focus back on the conversation. “Because he kicked you out?”

She hums as she ponders your question. “That. And he’s in the wedding. He’s a groomsman, and that’s his main focus on the trip, not necessarily me. But also….”

She sighs and shifts around, getting comfortable. “He warned me, but I didn’t think he was being serious. At least, I didn’t think it was actually going to matter.”

“What did he warn you about?” Seulgi asks, voice quiet.

Yerim is silent for a breath before huffing, laughing mirthlessly. “He was engaged once.”

Your heart drops.

“He told me that he was engaged a few years ago, and that he was a bit worried that being in a wedding might… hurt.”

Just like you.

You honestly didn’t know what to think of Chanyeol going through the same thing as you, although this new perspective made your conversation from this morning make a bit more sense, made you understand his actions and words.

He was putting up a front, just like you.

“I told him to not worry about it too much,” Yerim continues, unaware of the epiphany you’re having. “Because I am here now. I’ll stay by his side. I’m not going anywhere. He laughed when I said that, and said he thought it was cute. To me, that sounded like that was enough for him. But, something changed after dinner yesterday. He was different, and well, I guess he was right about being worried after all.”

“Engaged, huh?” Is all you can say.

Yerim pouts. “It’s not like he was married and got a divorce. It’s only an engagement. Like…get over it?”

Her words sting. It feels like she’s speaking to you directly.

“Yerim….” Seulgi chastises gently, probably aware of how her statement might affect you. You can’t bring yourself to feel hurt, she’s right afterall. Plus, you can hear the hurt in her voice, the disappointment.

Reaching out, you touch her hand reassuringly. “Would you like me to beat him up for you?”

That brings out a bright laugh and you grin at the sound. “Apparently, you gave him a piece of your mind last night.”

You blink. “I did?”

“You weren’t very happy with him once you found out what he did to me, so you went to his room and confronted him.”

Chanyeol’s words from earlier echo in your brain. ‘We already had this conversation last night’.

“How did that go?” You question, hoping they can’t hear the rising panic in your voice.

‘Because you missed me’.

“Not sure,” she answers.

“We heard you banging on his door for a minute,” Seulgi informs.

You came knocking on my door like the police’.

You gulp.

“It got really quiet afterwards for like ten minutes or so. Then you started banging on our door because, of course, you didn’t have the key. You were pretty incoherent, mumbling something about him being an asshole, I think. Then you stumbled right to bed. Out like a light.”

You take in this newfound information warily. “So, you aren’t sure if I actually talked to him or not?”

“No. It could’ve been Sehun’s door. Hell, it could’ve been a damn wall you were hitting, you were that fucked up,” Seulgi says, chuckling at the memory.

So, there is still a chance Chanyeol was lying. Your certainty crumbles even further when a fresh memory from last night unlocks. It isn’t an image, but a feeling. Hands–fingers–ghosting up your stomach, your cheek.

You blink. Will you remember this? A whisper.

“Either way I appreciate it.” Yerim leans her head back to smile at you upside down, pulling you out of your reverie. “I love you, Sis.”

You smile in return, hoping it reaches your eyes as you pat her round cheek. She giggles, the sound should ease your heart. Instead, it brings another wave of guilt over you, making you shiver despite the heat of the sun overhead.

She readjusts, no longer staring up at you, and starts going on about something else, missing the way Seulgi and you lock eyes, worry and apprehension shared between you both.

Oh, how the knot tangles.

You spend a few more hours at the beach. Play in the water, take a nice afternoon nap, and just lounge around until you get a text from Sehun letting you know that the rehearsal is almost over and that they will all be eating lunch in his suite.

With that, you head back to your own room to get ready.

While in the elevator, Yerim’s phone pings. She checks the text and immediately lights up and starts squealing in excitement.

“What is it?” Seulgi asks, reveling in her sister’s delight.

“Loey just texted me!”

“What did he say?” You ask, playing as nonchalant as possible.

“He said that he’s sorry for not getting back to me this morning and missing breakfast. He said he overslept and woke up right before he had to go to rehearsal. He was wondering if he could make it up to me with lunch!”

“That’s… cute.” Seulgi’s smile becomes forced, and she turns to you with widening eyes that say, ‘what the hell’. You purse your lips as an unwelcoming bout of jealousy makes you consider telling the sisters that Chanyeol was indeed awake early enough to get breakfast this morning.

Not your place.

“I’m going to invite him to Sehun’s…. If that’s okay?” Yerim checks for confirmation. You both agree reluctantly.

She bounces on the balls of her feet excitedly as she types away. The doors open and you leap out, feeling trapped in the confines of the small metal box.

“Aw man. He wants it to be just us two. I hope you don’t mind me skipping out on lunch with everyone.”

“It’s no problem,” you reassure her, meaning it completely.

“Yeah, I’m sure you both have a lot to catch up on,” Seulgi adds.

That is that. You all take turns showering and start getting ready for lunch. You’re rushing a bit, wanting to see your friends and ask about the rehearsal, plus you’re starving. Chanyeol hadn’t given you much in his apology plate.

And, you hate to admit it, but you need a break from Yerim.

When Yerim is in the shower, Seulgi enters your room, sits on the corner of the bed, and watches you put your makeup on.

When your name finally leaves her mouth, you know you’re in trouble. It holds an authority you rarely hear her use. Slowly, you put down your mascara and turn in your chair, giving her your undivided attention.

“I love you,” she starts, voice deceivingly calm. “But Yerim is my sister. I can’t keep protecting you and Chanyeol. It’s not fair to her.”

“I know,” you say.

“We have to tell her,” she proceeds.

“I agree.”

Seulgi inhales deeply. “She’s going to be furious, but she has a right to know about you two. Especially since it seems you’re the reason why he kicked her out of their room.”

Her statement shocks you. “What?”

She throws you an incredulous look. “Are you telling me you didn’t see the way he was watching you throughout dinner? Not to mention how he would, like, study you whenever he touched Yerim? Like he was trying to get a reaction? Trying to make you jealous? I don’t know. Neither one of you have ever really told anyone why you broke up. It’s been a mystery for all of us, you know. We’ve been trying to solve it for years. I was hoping that seeing you both together would solve everything. But, to be honest, it’s only making things more confusing because….”

Her hands rub together, as though she’s putting on lotion. Her eyebrows furrow and her eyes are far away as she thinks about what she has seen. When she refocuses on you, you gulp, hating the distrust in her gaze. “I think Chanyeol is still in love with you.”

“Seulgi.” You don’t–no, can’t hear this right now, not when everything has become so much more complicated.

Her eyes pool with sorrow, for who you weren’t sure. “If Yerim is going to get her heart broken during this trip, I would rather it be from Yeol alone. I don’t want to hurt her, and I know you don’t want to either.”

You didn’t. Yerim is like a little sister to you. Damn Chanyeol for putting you in such a predicament.

“So, when do we tell her?” You ask, filled with a new resolve. You wanted to be done with all this unnecessary drama. “Right now? After lunch? Tomorrow before the wedding? When is the right time?”

“I think now is better than later. I can’t keep lying to her face.”

“I don’t want to lie anymore either. This is Chanyeol’s mess. Let’s tell her, and have him deal with explaining everything while they’re out.”

A couple knocks at your door cuts your conversation short. You both share a glance, not expecting guests.

“Maybe it’s Sehun?” You guess before getting to your feet to answer. “Lord knows he’s always so damn impatient.”

You trudge over and tear the door open.

“Dude, I swear we’re on our way….”

The height is expected. Chanyeol’s face? Not so much.

Speak of the devil….

He is wearing a cocky grin on his face, that swiftly falls the moment you grace his presence.

“Oh,” slips out of your mouth, expressing all the disappointment you feel at seeing him instead of your best friend. Although your heart begins racing, you find it a bit easier to be confronted with him this time around. Actually, the conversation you just had comes back to you, and you realize that you’re annoyed with him. “What are you doing here?”

He jerks back from your tone, probably shocked by how bored you sound. “I was just, um, I’m here to, uh, pick up–”

“Yerim,” You finish for him, nodding in confirmation. Right. Of course. His girlfriend.

With her name hovering between you, the atmosphere thickens awkwardly. You’re still mad at him, but it’s overwhelmed by a different disappointment than you felt prior. It takes a second, and then it clicks as to why you feel this. Wow, you really are stupid, huh? A foolish part of you had hoped that he was here to see you. But at the reminder that he has someone else, you are embarrassed to think something so delusional. You don’t know where to look–eyes jumping around randomly, only passing his face every few seconds. Your hands dangle uselessly at your sides, and all you can think is ‘abort, abort, ABORT’.

“I–right. Let me go get her.” Your voice betrays your disappointment.

You turn stiffly to do just that, but get pulled to a stop before you can even take a step into the room. Chanyeol’s strong hand curls posessively around the pit of your elbow, thumb resting on the sharp bone. You gasp and hold your breath, still as a statue as you anticipate his next move. Once he senses your attention, he lets his hand slither down the soft skin of your arm to wrap around your wrist.

“Wait.” Your name leaves his mouth in a gravelly whisper, causing your stomach to roll nauseatingly. Hesitantly, you turn your body back around to face him, and once your eyes lock, they hold on steadfast, as if that is where they are always meant to be.

“I….” His sentence gets caught in his throat as he continues staring at you. It’s as though your face is distracting him, rendering him the ability to even speak. There’s a question in his glittery orbs, but you can’t decipher what it is he’s asking.

“What is it?” You ask gently.

That seems to draw him out of his trance. He shakes his head in an attempt to clear it.

“Did you get my gift?” The way he asks makes your conversation feel more intimate, a private thing between only you.

You know instantly what he’s referencing: the food from earlier. Confirming your suspicions that it was indeed him, although you never had a doubt.

“I did,” you admit, albeit reluctantly.

His eyes narrow suspiciously. “Did you eat any of it?”

Even more reluctantly, “I did.”

“Good. That’s good.” And he does appear very relieved, knowing you accepted his ‘gift’. “I was worried.”

“Worried about what?” You push.

His eyes cut to you and you almost recoil from the intensity burning within them. “That you wouldn’t eat it, even though you were starving, because you knew it was from me.”

Ah, he still knows you well.

“I’m not that petty,” you mutter.

“Yes you are.” He grins before a thought occurs to him, causing the smile to fall just as quickly as it formed. “At least, you were.”

That kills the peace you two had created.

“Anyways,” he starts, scratching the back of his neck. “I wanted to apologize for the way I acted earlier. It was wrong for me to say all of that. I just, I don’t know, wanted to try to be normal, for Junmyeon’s sake, but….”

He shrugs helplessly, and you feel that–the helplessness. Despite digging this hole, Chanyeol is just as stuck as you are.

“What about this morning was ‘normal’?” You ask, feeling the anguish from earlier take over your body. “You were trying to upset me. Is that what all of this is? One big ploy to make me feel like shit?”

“That’s not….” He lets out a heavy sigh and runs a hand over his face. “I’m really bad at this. I don’t want to fight, I want us to start over. To be friends.”

You give him an incredulous look that he meets earnestly. Looking at him, at that angelic face that was once your whole world, you realize that what he is asking is impossible. There’s too much history here, too many unresolved issues for you both to move forward on friendly terms.

“I don’t know, Chanyeol,” you say quietly. “I think we’re far from becoming friends, and I don’t really want to be. We only have a few more days here, so let’s just keep pretending we don’t know each other. Hell, we don’t even have to pretend. I don’t know you anymore.”

“And who’s fault is that?” He asks, voice rising in a sudden anger that makes you flinch. “I wasn’t the one who called off the wedding, remember? That was you. You were the one who decided I wasn’t worth forever anymore, not the other way around!”

“Is that what you think?” You hiss, just as upset. “That’s never what I meant! And why would you even care anymore? You’ve moved on, haven’t you? Do I have to keep reminding you that you have a girlfriend?” Who isn’t me, you want to add.

“Why do you keep calling her that?” He asks, exasperated. You’re sure that if he wasn’t still holding onto your wrist like a leash, he’d be pacing the hall. “She’s just my date! We aren’t serious!”

“Does she know that?” You question. “I have a feeling that if I asked, she’d say differently.”

His eyes bounce back and forth between yours, searching for the right answer. He deflates, knowing what it is. “I already told you, I don’t want to fight. I didn’t come here for that.”

“No, because you came here for her.”

You both hear it, the pain that rips from your chest. It causes you both to pause. You’re mortified, and it skyrockets when he seems to soften. He stares down at you fondly, and his stance straightens.

“I came here to make things right,” he reveals, voice just as tender as his expression.

“And how are you going to do that?”

“I’m going to take her to lunch as promised.”

You slowly nod at that. “As you should. It’s for the best.”

“Is it?” He questions.

Seulgi’s words echo in your head, “I think Chanyeol is still in love with you.”

And with the way he is admiring you, you can see it. Your heart quickens at the idea of him still wanting you. You want to relish in it, in his affection, his touch. Your attraction for him never completely ceased, no matter how many times you have told yourself otherwise. If you are around him for much longer, you are going to give into the temptation that is his mouth, his big hands, his unbreaking steady gaze.

You want to believe what he just insinuated. He came here to make things right, he said. Not just with Yerim, but maybe with you too. You want to believe that the girl getting ready, oblivious to what’s happening only a few feet away, isn’t the only reason why he is standing before you right now, that you still have a claim on him.

“It has to be.” You tell the both of you, drawing the line in the sand for both not to cross.

And yet he still pushes. “And why is that?”

Because I’m terrified of what will happen if we keep meeting like this.

“Because she’s your date.”

He nods in agreement just as you had before.

“You want to know the real reason why I brought her,” he asks suddenly.

You should say no. You should walk away and forget the man before you. To keep pretending he means nothing to you. But, the most selfish part of you wins. You need to know. So you nod, allowing him to destroy all pretenses between you both.

“As an excuse,” he whispers, gauging your reaction. “To stay away from you.”

You think you should probably feel angry by his confession, but you don’t. Maybe you’re reading a bit more into it, but you find it has you swooning.

He takes a step forward, causing your head to fall back to keep looking at him. His hand finally falls from your wrist, lifting to cup your jaw, making sure you can’t see anything but him.

Still in a whisper, he continues. “But since last night, the excuse has changed.”

His thumb caresses your cheek. “Now I’m using her as a way to see you. To talk to you. Because that’s the only way you will.”

“That’s not fair.”

He smiles ruefully. “It really isn’t, is it?”

You can’t help but scoff. “You’re such an–”

“Asshole?” He finishes with a smug grin. “I know.”

A silence falls over you, and you’re observing him so closely, admiring him in a way that feels so familiar it’s nearly effortless, that you catch the shift. His eyes darken with intent as they latch onto your slightly open mouth with laser focus.

You stiffen in his grip, holding your breath as you wait for him to close the distance. So much for that line in the sand.

His head tilts slightly, hair tickles your forehead, nose brushes against yours.

You can’t.

“I’ll tell Yerim you stopped by,” you let out in a shaky breath, lips nearly brushing against his.

His eyes have fallen shut, and he keeps them closed as he briefly rests his forehead against yours, catching his barings.

“Right.” Reluctantly, he pulls away, taking steps back so that he’s in the middle of the hallway, and you get a bout of deja vu. You were in a similar situation before, were you not? Only now the roles have reversed.

“Tell her to come to my room when she’s ready.” His tone is professional, no ounce of emotion can be heard, as if he weren’t seconds away from kissing you.

It makes you cold.

With that, he swiftly turns and heads the two doors down to his own suite.

You stand there for a moment, collecting yourself. You can’t seem to shake off the frigidness that chills you with the lack of his warmth. Your hands go to your jaw, fingers touching the parts Chanyeol had cradled, fighting the overwhelming need to scream.

You need to tell Yerim her date is ready for her. Right. You slip back into your suite to do just that.

Only to be stopped by Seulgi standing a few feet away, expression hard to read.

A staring match commences. It feels like she’s your parent having caught you red handed trying to creep back into the house after sneaking out.

Yerim comes out of their room, ready to go.

“I thought I heard knocking. Was someone here?” She asks, unaware of the silent battle going on in front of her.

“Chanyeol,” you answer, attention never leaving her sister.

“Who?”

You grit your teeth, growing more agitated with her. How can she not know the name of the man she claims to be falling for?

“Loey stopped by,” Seulgi speaks, voice steel, eyes unwavering. “But you were still getting ready. He asked us to tell you to head over to his room when you were finished. Right?”

The question is aimed at you. She lifts her eyebrow, challenging you to correct her.

“...Right.” You lose the staring contest as you agree, guilt casting your eyes down.

“Oh shit! I need to hurry then!” Yerim runs off.

Your wrist and jaw still burn from the ghost of Chanyeol’s touch.

“The food got here before you did,” are Sehun’s first words when you trudge into his room fifteen minutes later. Seulgi hasn’t spoken a word to you since Yerim left your suite, and you can’t blame her. Although, you wish she’d actually communicate her feelings towards you right now.

You can’t stand her being angry with you.

This is not your first disagreement. You’ve argued numerous times. That doesn’t make it any easier though, especially since you can’t really defend yourself.

“Sorry,” you say distractedly as you search the room for someone in particular. There he is! You march right over to Jongin and throw your arms around his slender torso, burying your head into the crook of his neck.

He freezes only for a second, surprised, and then he’s returning the hug, swaying you back and forth comfortingly.

“God, you give the best hugs,” you mumble against his warm skin.

He chuckles into your hair. “You seem like you really need one.”

“You have no idea.” Satisfied, you pull back, stewing in your bad mood. He clips your chin fondly and then leads you over to the counter that’s pouring over with food.

You all huddle in the living room, sitting in a circle on the floor. All the groom’s men are present except Chanyeol.

“Oh! I have important news!” Jongdae begins excitedly, gaining everyone’s attention. “Eunhee is pregnant.”

“WHAT?!” You all yell. Eunhee is Jongdae’s longtime girlfriend.

He’s glowing from joy. “I know. I should have told you all yesterday, but there was already a lot going on and Junmyeon was the main event. I didn’t want to take away from him. But, yeah, I’m going to be a father!”

“Is that why she’s not here?” Sehun asks.

Jongdae nods. “She’s not that far along, but we didn’t want to take any risks.”

“Oh, gosh,” Seulgi coos. “I’m so happy for you.”

“I’m going to be an uncle!” Jongin cheers.

“You already are an uncle!” Jongdae points out, reminding Jongin of the fact he has sisters with children.

“Okay, but this is different!”

“So, we have one friend getting married, and now another having a kid.” Baekhyun says, shaking his head in disbelief. “Boy, are we getting old.”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” you mutter bitterly. Your comment causes the others to chuckle.

“It was bound to happen eventually,” Sehun says, reaching over to pat your back. “But hey, we’re not doing too bad on this life thing. I’m proud of all of us.”

“Do you have any secret lovers or children we should know about?” You ask the proud best man with narrowed eyes.

Sehun rolls his eyes. “As much as I love Busan, I haven’t found anyone that I feel particularly connected to yet. The restaurant keeps me busy. As for children, I have Vivi, and I enjoy spoiling that boy too much. I don’t think I’m ready to have another one.”

“Vivi?” Seulgi asks skeptically. He merely shrugs.

Vivi is his dog.

“I know it’s a rather touchy subject,” Jongdae begins. “But you haven’t been with anyone since Chanyeol, have you?”

Just hearing his name causes your palms to sweat. You have to actively avoid glancing at Seulgi to gauge her reaction.

“I mean,” you start carefully. “I have needs. But, no. I haven’t been with anyone seriously since. To be honest, I think it’s been a year since I last humored anyone.”

“It’s the same for him too, you know?” Baekhyun reveals.

“Where’s the bathroom?” Seulgi abruptly asks Sehun, who shows her. She excuses herself and it’s silent as you all watch her disappear. Once she’s gone, all eyes are on you.

“Chanyeol told me about bringing a date,” Baekhyun admits in a hurry, sensing that you’re on borrowed time. “He told me it was because he couldn’t face you alone. I told him that was the dumbest idea I’ve ever heard. But you know Yeol, once he’s made up his mind about something, there’s no talking him out of it.”

“I know,” you answer quietly. He couldn’t face you alone? Well, it does line up to what he revealed earlier, that he brought Yerim as a way to avoid you. God, what an idiot.

“He’s an asshole,” Jongin speaks up. You lift an eyebrow at that, Jongin isn’t one to be so… vulgar. “And just so you know, we’re all on your side.”

“Hell yeah, we are.” Jongdae agrees, holding up a fist. “Fighting.”

“He shouldn’t have pretended to not know us,” Baekhyun frowns. He must still be hurting over his best friend’s rejection.

“It wasn’t smart.” Sehun turns to you. “Did you talk to Yerim?”

“I was going to,” you start and he groans. “Sehun, really! I was! But then Chanyeol showed up and whisked her away. That’s why she’s not here right now.”

“He really has a lot of balls, bringing another girl knowing you were going to be here,” Jongdae seethes.

“Guys,” you’re quick to defend. “It’s been years. He’s allowed to bring whoever he wants. Allowed to date whoever he wants. We’re no longer together.”

They all scoff.

“I know it’s not my place,” Baekhyun, king instigator, begins. “But you and Yeol were perfect together. You complete each other, and neither one of you have been the same since the breakup. I genuinely hope that the two of you can work it out.”

“As soon as he gets rid of that high schooler,” Jongin adds.

“She’s in college,” you correct weakly.

Conversation finally turns to something else, and it’s perfect timing because Seulgi rejoins right after.

You spend the next hour chatting and goofing off. It feels so good to be back with your closest friends. You can’t help but get nostalgic, comparing the people you all are today to the carefree group of kids you were when you all first got together.

Unfortunately, time flies by while having fun, and the boys have a bachelor’s party to throw.

“I wish I were a boy. That way I could tag along,” you say forlornly.

“Junmyeon wants you both there!” Jongin says, swinging your hands in his. “Just come.”

“We can’t,” Seulgi declines. “It wouldn’t look good. Watch over our boy though. Show him a good time.”

“I told him we should’ve gone to the states,” Baekhyun sighs dramatically. “We could’ve gone to Las Vegas, gone to a strip club!”

At the mention of a strip club, both Baekhyun and Jongin start doing body rolls. Jongdae pretends to make money rain on them.

“Don’t get him fucked up!” You threaten, pointing at the kinky troublemakers. “Tomorrow is going to be the most important day of his life, and he cannot be hungover through it!”

“Ma’am, yes, Ma’am,” Jongdae and Baekhyun salute before giggling to each other.

Yeah, that didn’t look good.

“I’m not drinking,” Sehun reassures, throwing an arm around your shoulders. “As best man, I have to make sure everyone makes it back to the hotel in one piece.”

“You sure it’s not because Junmyeon punished you for this morning?” You tease.

He shoves you away. “Just for that, you’re not coming.”

You stick your tongue out at him. “I wasn’t going anyway, Nerd.”

You all head out of Sehun’s suite. Seulgi and you wave them farewell as they make their way to the elevators.

Seulgi sighs once it’s just the two of you. “I’m jealous.”

“Same. They’re our friends too.”

You both share a watery pout and then Seulgi is pulling out her key to enter the room.

“Wait.” You rest your hand over hers. She lifts her eyebrows expectantly at you. “I’m sorry.”

She takes a deep breath and rubs her temples. “This is so fucked. I hate lying to Yerim like this.”

“I know,” you say. “You’re now caught in the middle of something that has nothing to do with you. I’m going to fix this. Yerim should be back now. I’ll tell her everything. I promise.”

She gives you a weak smile before pulling you in for a hug. “Thank you.”

“You’re my best friend,” you answer simply. “My sister. Both of you are. It’ll be easier on everyone once Yerim knows.”

“I love you too,” she replies. That brings a goofy grin out of you, knowing that you’re forgiven.

Visibly in a better mood, she enters the hotel room in a flourish.

Only for you both to stop dead in your tracks when you see Yerim sobbing in the living room.

“Yerim!” Seulgi rushes over to her sister. You join a bit later, apprehension slowing your limbs as you hover over the bawling girl. “What is it? What happened?”

“Loey!” She wails. You share a nervous look with Seulgi. “Loey broke up with me!”

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bergeronprocess · 4 months

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My 2023 In Anime

Ah, 2023. What a year! According to my Anime Planet custom 2023 list, I watched 20 anime this year. A couple of them I haven’t finished yet and a couple of them are DNF. As the year dwindles down to its final days, I’m gonna take a look back at what anime I watched in 2023. Beware of spoilery discussion for all of the tagged shows.

Sorted by season and then in the order they appear on my list.

Winter 2023

Nijiyon Animation: Nijigasaki is my favorite flavor of Love Live (it’s the first one I watched, I like the characters a lot, the songs are great and there’s literally a girl also named Emma in the cast) and so I will never say no to more Niji. Cute fun bite-sized episodes. There was even a touching farewell to Tomori Kusunoki as Setsuna. I just saw that they’re going to do a second season, so I’m looking forward to that.

The Ice Guy and His Cool Female Colleague: Holy crap, this show was a pretty little nothingburger. Literally NOTHING happened aside from the characters becoming friends. The two leads didn’t even kiss?!?! I wanted to see how they might handle that - the idea of people who are imbued with yokai powers is a neat one, but oof. This was unsatisfying.

UniteUp!: My dark horse favorite of the season, a bishonen idol show that dealt with some of the more realistic/uglier aspects of fame and the idol industry specifically. There were some production delays (that’s the story of 2023 across the industry, isn't it?) but I actually really enjoyed how they handled those - they showed these neat behind the scenes episodes with the voice actors. I love behind the scenes. The characters have a lot of heart, the songs were really good and the dancing looked excellent too. I think this is getting a second season too? If so, I’m thrilled to spend more time in this world.

Handyman Saitou in Another World: I actually watched an isekai! Holy shit! But it wasn’t one of those lazy paint-by-numbers isekai shows that are just a dime a dozen. I like how it showed Saitou using his skills (undervalued in our world) to get stuff done in the high fantasy world he found himself in after a Truck-kun situation. There WAS a bit too much fanservice for my liking - I’m a sports fan, so I’m used to that “oof, as a cis woman I am NOT the target demo here” feeling lol, but still - and I feel like they did a few too many “he’s dead! But not really because magic!” fake-outs. But hey! Ai Fairouz was in the cast here! I like her!

Buddy Daddies: OHHH did I enjoy this one. Great music, I love Kazuki and Rei, you could tell there was someone on the staff who is a gearhead based on how they portrayed cars, Miri is great, lol at how they overcome bureaucracy crime-style…Tumblr loved this one and with good reason. Also I definitely ship those two guys lol. The one downside is I feel like they kinda fridged Kazuki’s wife and Miri’s mom. They could’ve done a bit better by their adult female characters. I do still get the opening song stuck in my head now and again, though.

Soaring Sky/Hirogaru Sky Precure: Folks, this is the year I got Precurepilled. I tried Delicious Party last year but bounced off of it after episode 1 - it just didn’t hit for me somehow - but this one GOT ME! This is still ongoing and will be through the end of January (50 episodes y’all!), so I can’t speak with finality about it, but so far so good. The first boy Cure! The first adult Cure! She drives a Hummer for some reason lol! I think Mashiro is my favorite! It’s been so much fun to theorize about the story (I was SO wrong about Yoyo being Sora’s hero from her childhood, ha…) and watch it unfold. I do think they waited a bit too long to bring in the Kaiserin storyline, but hey, we’ll get a few more episodes to wrap everything up, right? As for Wonderful Precure, I don’t know lol the concept isn’t getting me hyped up, but I will at least watch episode 1 and go from there.

Spring 2023

Kira Kira Precure A La Mode: Still the only Precure season I’ve completed to date lol. This one was so much fun. I love sweets and baking, so I had great fun here, sometimes even shouting at the TV to try to help Ichika with her doomed bakes when she inevitably forgot baking powder or whatever. When I realized that Ciel had literally been in the opening credits since episode 1, that blew my mind lol. I DO wish they would’ve just let Julio become the first boy Cure, but hey, he walked so Cure Wing could fly. Himari is baby and Akira/Yukari is Haruka/Michiru for the 2010s. Aoi’s band made some good music. The very last scene was very sweet. Both ending songs are total earworms. Good stuff.

Skip and Loafer: This show is SO FREAKING CUTE. I just love these goofballs. I love how Nao-chan is able to just be herself and is not subjected to transphobia all the time. Mitsumi is adorable and also extremely relatable. I liked this one so much that I’ve started to read the manga, picking up where the anime left off. (2023 is also the year that Atlanta got a Kinokuniya location, which is very exciting for me, though maybe less so for my credit card lmao.) Season 2 pls? I would love to spend more time here.

Gundam The Witch from Mercury Season 2: Damn, this show needed at least one more season. Preferably two more. I was fully expecting 50 episodes like what Gundam Wing got lol. It needed more time to breathe, to show us more about the other characters (Lilique my beloved!) and to flesh out the big story. But alas, this is not a perfect world, and what we got was still pretty damn good, and also Sulemio married. That’s my interpretation. That's everyone's interpretation, isn't it?

Star Twinkle Precure: I’m still working on this one, but I FREAKING LOVE IT. The day-glo 80s aesthetic is right up my damn alley, I adore the transformation sequences, we get dark-skinned biracial representation with Cure Soleil, I enjoy reading the horoscopes at the end of each episode (my Japanese is at about a preschool level, so it’s great that everything has furigana lol), there’s space stuff AAAAAND this season has my very favorite Precure song ever. One of the only two so far to be in a minor key, folks, it’s PaPePiPu Romantic time.

youtube

I now have a new goal: sing this bad boy at karaoke someday. Pew pew! Pew pew pew!

Summer 2023

Yohane the Parhelion: I enjoyed Love Live Sunshine a lot, but phew, this didn’t do it for me. I feel like it would’ve been better as a 3 or 4 episode OVA (ONA these days I guess), but just didn’t have enough story for a full 13 episode season. My mom is fond of saying “just okay”...like, it wasn’t amazing, but it wasn’t awful either. Yohane the Parhelion is just okay. Please just watch Sunshine instead if you want to be introduced to these characters. Sunshine is so much better.

Zom 100: I watched the first episode of this and then didn’t bother with the rest. DNF. Sorry to hear about the production troubles - that’s especially ironic for this show.

Fall 2023

MF Ghost: The other DNF for me. Watched 3 episodes, heard they were about to introduce a character who is obsessed with 17-year-old girls, noped the hell outta there. Wasn’t impressed with the 3 episodes either. I love Initial D - we named our cat Hachi because she’s black and white just like the Hachiroku - but MF Ghost just had no heart or soul. The Toyota 86 was lovingly rendered but I hated the ugly black motion lines they added when it was moving. The race they showed was dreadfully boring, the worldbuilding felt extremely unrealistic and oooh did I HATE that “outfit” they put our underage race queen in, if you can even call that an outfit.

Overtake: Of the two car racing shows this season, Overtake absolutely wins. It looks great, it introduces F4 racing to the audience very well (there’s some show, there’s some tell, a good blend) and the characters have more heart in their pinky fingernails than the entire cast of MF Ghost combined. There’s a very real and affecting subplot about PTSD, realistic discussion of just how much racing costs for an amateur team and plenty of men being unafraid to feel their feelings and cry it out. Overtake is definitely on the top of the podium. It hasn’t gotten anywhere near the love it deserves - ANN didn’t do weekly reviews of it and Anime Feminist was hyperfocused on the lack of female characters (valid! But not a dealbreaker to me!) - so I hope that people discover it later.

Shy: Thank goodness this is getting a season 2 because we spent literally a quarter of the season focused on the Pepesha and her mother subplot. That could’ve been tightened up a bit - ANN’s review mentions how Amarariruku’s villain speeches tend to be very circular, which is exactly how I felt seeing Lenya explain herself for what felt like the 50th time over - and I was genuinely looking at the episode count like “uhh??!?” before the season 2 news came out. So other than that part being a bit too drawn out, though, this is a very interesting show with a cool concept (Teru experiences Personal Growth! We are so proud of her!) and I’m interested in seeing where it goes from here. Will we meet the USA’s hero next season? I kinda want to see who that might be.

My Daughter Left the Nest and Returned an S-Rank Adventurer: Ai Fairouz is in the cast of this one too, so maybe she’s just what needs to be present for me to watch an isekai/high fantasy show? I did enjoy this one, even though the action scenes were a little bit lacking, perhaps above the skill level of the animators. They did do lovely watercolor-like scenery shots, though. The characters are charming (Belgrieve, total DILF, also giving us disability representation) and the opening song is a bop. They did leave the door open for a season 2 - for example, the question of Ange’s parentage was never answered, although it is VERY heavily implied that she is also a demon. I mean, the little demon kid Belgrieve takes in at the end literally looks exactly like her, for crying out loud.

Spy x Family Season 2: Haven’t finished this one yet - I want to watch it with my husband because he also likes it and we’ve just had a lot of stuff going on! We have watched 4 episodes, which means we’ve watched a bunch of one-off side stories basically lol. He even remarked at some point that the episodes felt weird. I was like “Well, because they’re only side stories!” From what I have read, it sounds like things are about to pick up plot-wise, so we gotta just make some time to catch up soon lol.

Power of Hope/Kibou no Chikara Otona Precure 23: I have not seen ANY of the Precure series that have characters appearing here, so I came in fresh. This was enjoyable! I was originally bummed that we didn’t get to see them transform as adults, but the age reversion to transform was done for big story reasons and made perfect sense in that context. The episode that showed how the town was devastated by firebombing in World War II was deeply affecting - war is hell, no wonder Bell was changed by it - and it was great to see Cure Black and Cure White turn up. It reminded me of all the companions coming together at the end of Doctor Who season 4. Total fan catnip, I love it. I have not seen Mahotsukai Precure either, so I’ll be going into their sequel fresh too. (Is that what was being teased at the very very end of episode 12? Yeah probably lol)

16bit Sensation Another Layer: My winner for best show of this season. As you may have gathered from my mention of Doctor Who just now, I like time travel stories, so “Listen, Konoha Akisato has come unstuck in time” appealed to me right away. This show also genuinely taught me things about computer game development. I have a deepened respect for PC-98 game art (I follow such accounts on here now lol), which would surely make Mamoru smile. Plus, I like how it has a core message of “You can be a woman who works on erotic video games and that is not weird or perverted. Follow your dreams!” Toya does, after all - I would have loved to see her team up with Konoha and it sucks that she was being manipulated by the evil company. The show did take a turn for the Matrix-y in the fourth quarter, and I do feel episode 13 was a bit rushed (Konoha opens Comic Party and then is just immediately back in 2023? She and Mamoru explain how they told everyone about being time travelers instead of us getting to see that reaction?), but dammit, I teared up at the very end anyway. What a show!

Magic User’s Club OVA: I remember renting videotapes of this from Blockbuster way back in the day, but I didn’t remember much about the show itself, so I decided to watch it again after seeing this AnimeBackWhen video about it. It’s so fun and charming! And Ikuko Itou designed the characters and Junichi Satou is the director - a bit of a Sailor Moon reunion lol. (Fun fact I learned just now is Chiaki J. Konaka did the screenplay. This is very very different from his work on Serial Experiments Lain.) I’m not done with it yet. The opening song is a big ole bop!

2024 goals:

Finish Star Twinkle Precure

Watch Gunbuster (another "I rented it from Blockbuster during the Clinton administration" story - I bought Discotek's new Blu-Ray of it, just haven't cracked it open yet lol)

Continue to enjoy seasonal anime!

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eirist · 2 years

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Points of No Return

SCRIBBLE #14 : PILLOW TALK

Disclaimer: One Piece (and its characters) belongs to Eiichiro Oda-sensei.

Reminder: I have no beta-reader. Any grammatical and spelling errors are solely mine.

Warning: OOC possible. One shot.

Rating: T

Note: Instead of packing my bags for my upcoming trip, I decided to spend my time writing a quick drabble for my favorite OTP. Because I terribly missed them. And because this was supposed to be written last week when this scene and conversation randomly played in my brain but my laptop decided to die on me.

Summary: “We tell them tomorrow.”

“Thought you wouldn’t come.”

Her words came out in a whisper, the tone undeniably tired. But there was no denying that it was laced with that certain teasing quality that was so her.

The sudden jolt she felt coming from Zoro told her that he was not expecting her to be awake.

He recovered his composure much too soon for her taste.

“How are you feeling?” He immediately inquired.

Straightforward, as always.

“Hmmm… a bit better,” Nami managed to quirk a smile at him. “Just some aches here and there.”

“You rolled down a steep slope. We found you unconscious at the bottom.”

“An accident really,” Nami said almost dismissively that it had the green-haired man frowning at her. “I think Usopp managed to soften the land. Or I might’ve have cracked my skull.”

“You have a wound head still.”

Nami reached out to touch the bandage around her head.

“Don’t worry I’m tough. I just try not to look like one.”

Zoro made a tsk-ing sound. A sure sign he was not happy with what she was going on about.

Nami cocked her head to the side slightly so she can gaze up at him. A sharp yet tolerable pain came from the wound in her head. Zoro was now looking at her weird.

“Did something happen?”

She refrained from sitting up on the bed so she can be at eye level with him. She knew she’d probably get a dizzy spell and her head would start to throb if it left the comfort of the pillow beneath her.

The swordsman was silent for a few seconds. Then…

“We tell them tomorrow.”

“Huh?” Nami blinked at him, surprised. “What brought this on?” She finally managed to ask after a minute passed.

He was quiet again.

A smile appeared quickly on her lips.

“Did he beat you to me while hollering?”

The scowl that appeared on Zoro’s face was the only confirmation she needs.

Ah. Her swordsman and his enormous ego got stepped on by none other than their blond chef.

“You know how he is,” Nami tried to appease him. “He always does that.”

“Tch,” Zoro replied grumpily. “Doesn’t matter. We are still telling them tomorrow.”

If she had enough strength, Nami would’ve let out a laugh.

She only managed a chuckle. “Fine.”

“Get some rest.” Zoro ordered, settling back on his seat and crossing his arms over his chest.

Nami made a come hither signal with her hand.

Zoro cocked an eyebrow at her. “You know we can’t—”

“We’ll just sleep,” the navigator cut him off. “I’d rest better if you’re here.” She tapped the empty space of the bed beside her.

And he relented.

Truthfully he wanted to have her in his arms more than anything right now.

He kicked of his boots and placed his katanas on the chair he just vacated. He discarded his robe before climbing on the bed without another word, without any retort.

When they found Nami earlier—lying unconscious and unmoving at the bottom rocky slope—he felt his heart dropped down the farthest pit of hell.

The stupid love cook beat him to her alright… the irritating blond always ready to spring into action when it comes to her. He stood aside, watching as Chopper immediately went into action with his hands clenched tightly at his sides.

When the reindeer doctor declared that she was ok, he was able to finally breathe.

They rescued Usopp as well—who was lying just a few feet away from Nami and in the same state. They made their way back to the ship, with her in the cook’s stupid arms while he took the responsibility of carrying the sniper.

He wanted more than nothing to be the one to be there for her. But he had to restrain himself until night fell and the crew retired for the day to rest. Then he quietly went to where she was resting to watch her until the wee hours of dawn when one of the crew wakes up and he is forced to leave her alone lest they wonder what the hell he is doing.

The hell with all that. They are telling everyone about them tomorrow.

His attention went to her when he felt her lips grazed his chin.

“Hmm… I lied Zoro,” Nami murmured. “I can’t sleep with you here.”

“You just got roughened up earlier. You need to rest.”

“Maybe if you’ll be a bit gentle…”

“Nami!” He groaned at her suggestiveness.

He received that pout of hers that never fails to make him do her bidding.

“We’re already telling them tomorrow Zoro. It wouldn’t matter anymore if they find you here with me in the morning.”

She has a point though, like always.

#zoro x nami #ZoNa #zonami #zonalove #zona one-shots #zona drabbles #zona fanfiction #zoro nami fanfiction #roronoa zoro #nami

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juantheashura · 1 year

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Hey there! I've finally played chapter 5 of your game and well... It also happens this was my first replay after whatever overhaul happened in the prologue. I guess after all of this, I have a few questions, if you don't mind. I'm sorry, it's a bit of a long ask.

I never really thought of that in my prior replays, but this time around I started wondering if Lat always has a crush on the MC? As in, no matter if she's romanced or not, AND even if the MC is on a romantic path with someone else (since I know she confesses in Japan if that's not the case). I know depending on the author, some prefer to make these things established truths (in which case she'd simply not say anything if she sees the MC likes someone else, basically), and others prefer "conditional truths" that depend on a specific "world state" in any given playthrough. Another one is about the whole Ignis and Seeker thing. I've seen so many asks about how things pan out for Ignis romancing MCs and possible reactions to the break up etc. But I'm curious about the very opposite actually. For a MC who isn't at all interested in Ignis that way, is it possible to actively "support" them? Like, not exactly matchmaking cause that would be overstepping and weird. But being supportive in regards to that relationship or possible related issues, if the opportunity presents itself, as a friend? For either one of them, obviously. I really liked how Ignis tentatively opened up a bit to the MC in the hot springs, and now I'm craving more haha. Also well… I guess that as much as I love Mars, my heart will still go to Forlorn, forever. I guess I'll never let go of the hope of him becoming a possible RO in the far future, no matter if I'm delusional (I'm not trying to pressure you into that! Just coping here haha). But well, the actual question is: will we actually get the opportunity to have the MC crush on him, even if he never gets added as a RO? I guess the question could apply to Seeker too, now that I think of it. My reasoning is that Ignis is literally a RO despite the fact a romance with her will always be cut short as she'll choose someone else. Since such a thing is possible, I'm curious about the possibility of an unrequited crush on one of the guys, basically. And last, a bit of an unrelated question (or well, not really, since it's romance related), but the Other calling some of the members of the teams as its "dregs" in one of the dreams made me wonder… Does that entity care about the MC getting really close to someone else? Be it romantically or a very deep friendship. And if they do, would they be critical of said person being one of the "dregs"? I'm curious cause well, with Mars being my chosen RO… The entity seems "obsessed" with the MC getting stronger and all, and I'm wondering if it would consider the MC getting close to one of them "drags them down". Okay, I'm sorry for the amount of questions! I took a huge break from a lot of things online and now I have to make up for it! Questions aside, I must say I loved chapter 5! It was so tense and amazing, and I was so so proud of Lat for how well she did during it! I love seeing my MC getting stronger, but I also love to see how Lat progresses! She may not be a character I'm interested in in terms of romance, but damn I love her so much! Aaand I feel so bad for Mars because of the shit that went down during the closing scenes of the chapter. Poor guy can't take a break with the super senses... I hope an opportunity will present itself for the MC to bring him some comfort after all of that...

Hello! Sorry it took me so long to answer, I've been... occupied, to say the least, this past month. And don't ever apologize about long asks! Those are my favorites, I love both talking about the cast/setting and that anyone might be so interested in them to dedicate their time to sending them in. :')

1st: Yes, Lat always has a crush on the MC. This is canon. It's not crazy "I've been in love with you forever, MC" tier or anything, but she is pining for them. I had plans for her to act on it if you're romancing Ignis, since, as you can see in her confession scene, she can tell Ignis isn't good for the MC, but it's been... a little tiring trying to get through that convo. That said, if the MC gets involved with anyone else, she's willing to take the loss. The MC's happy, and she does think the rest of the cast would be good for them.

One thing I am considering is adding a poly route for Aki x Lat x MC in Book 2 (or at the end of Book 1), but I haven't decided on it yet. It would be pretty cute though, the three of them are tied very closely together.

2nd: I've always had plans for a non-Ignismancer to have at least some choices to prod Ignis and Seeker about their obvious relationship. You kind of get this already with Chapter 4, as you've mentioned, where you can ask what's going on with them. The biggest point where you'll get to do something like that is Chapter 8, which is about Ignis's birthday party. Seeker organizes it basically on his own, and the MC will definitely be allowed to have thoughts™️ on that!

3rd: I've not worked out the very specifics of the MC and Forlorn's relationship in Book 2 (and beyond) yet, so I can't confirm one way or the other whether I'll have a crush happen. That said, Book 2 is going to have a lot more Forlorn content, and a lot of it will give the MC the chance to be the very obvious support pillar that the PTSD-riddled, half broken man needs. So even if you don't get to smooch (or think about smooching!) him, your relationship will definitely offer a chance to become much deeper, deeper than any he has at this moment.

4th: No, you don't have to worry about Other MC's thoughts on the League's strength tiers to matter in your relationships. As far as they're concerned, "salvation is individual", so Mars's (or Nova, or Aki's, or anyone's) personal strength doesn't matter to them- their only concern is your own. They may do some one snarky one liners once or twice, but if anything, the fact that the MC also has a personal reason to listen to them to get strong is something they're happy about.

Anyway, thanks a lot for all the compliments! I'm very happy to hear you enjoyed Chapter 5- it was honestly one I was very worried about since I have littme experience writing combat. I'm happy you enjoyed Lat's parts (and felt for poor Mars!) as well.

#a tale of heroes #ask me anything #anon ask #wip ask #long asks are cool with me!!#ro asks

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woollymitts · 1 year

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More on WARRIOR NUN and their inspiration in female saints. Battle mode engaged aka Margaret of Antioch demon slayer

The thirteenth century work, The Golden Legend, by Jacobus Voraigne was an accessible collection of saints’ lives. In terms of popularity it only takes second place to the bible in terms of medieval circulation.

Little potted biographies of the saints (its technical name and the study of which is hagiography) were handed down over the ages and retold. In his tome, he has girls who defy their fathers, ignore the husbands and generally are completely badass in the name of God.

Premier among them is Margaret of Antioch, the third century wrestler of dragons.

The martyrdom ascetic is pretty grim folks and Voraigne is nothing if not typically explicit as to how she is treated. When the local provost wants her for a wife she refuses him for his paganism. Despite his threats she said she was willing to undergo any form of violence against her body for her faith:

> “Christ gave Himself over to death for me, and I desire gladly to die for Christ.”

> Then the provost commanded her to be hanged in an instrument to torment the people, and to be cruelly first beaten with rods, and with iron combs to rend and draw her flesh to the bones, insomuch, that the blood ran about out of her body, like as a stream runneth out of a fresh springing well.

Sorry to anyone thinking the fight scenes in WN were much too gory, you clearly haven’t read the original source material. Carding is a particularly barmy form of torture where a rod with a number of sharp hooks or teeth that several inches long are used to flay skin and flesh off the bone. Nice.

Lilith’s search for Vincent where she slashes dozens of guards is pretty much carding on steroids.

As a teen, like Ava, Margaret got her hands dirty and it is told she subjugated a dragon by being swallowed and used the cross she was carrying to explode out of the dragon’s stomach.

I would argue that this is the precursor to the cruciform sword. A powerful relic in the hands of a young woman who can slay the devil in the form of a dragon. And she rises out of evil reborn.

Hilarious side bar. Margaret also happens to be the patron saint of pregnant women and childbirth. Considering she burst out fully formed in a reverse Alien out a dragon’s stomach you can see how skewed clerical ideas were of all things maternal and female.

In another episode Margaret was recorded as getting a demon to the ground in a choke hold,

> She caught him by the head and threw him to the ground and set her foot on his neck, saying: “Lie still, thou fiend, under the feet of a woman.”

So basically saying hah, defeated and by a girl too, how embarrassing for you. This image remind you of any SMOL half Scottish nettle tea drinking nun having a go at demon vanquishing?

In terms of demon slaying the activity is not unusual amongst saints. Sorry I do not have Vauchez’s number crunching book on saints to hand to give specific numbers [relevant aside trying to write this from a phone rather than a library as I broke my leg on a ski slope and this passes the the time until I get repatriated].

Remember what I said about inductive reasoning in the first essay? When you read enough saints lives all the tropes tend to stick out. This is the medieval version of verisimilitude since the monkish reader would (and often did) scribble in the margins of the text, wow this must be true as this happen to this and that saint etc etc. They saw precedent as an endless reassurance of God’s will in action. An army of female and male saints battling the devil and winning was meat and drink to the medieval world view. A means of seeing agency in some select individuals where for most of time people felt shat upon from a very great height.

Addendum request for technical help.

Later in the series I wouldn’t mind digging into a deeper reading of the warrior nun’s journals along with the demonology tome that Beatrice and Father Vincent were reading in series one.

However I am struggling to capture decent screenshot of both pages so if anyone can help, I can furnish you with the benefit of my non private education where I did still learn Latin (Just a lot later than all the annoying kids who were able to translate Virgil off the hoof at tutorials while I spent hours in the library struggling through the vulgate.)

#warrior nun #saints #mad hagiographical shit #just my random thoughts #i think i may be high from the drugs for my broken leg #also apparently did not waste eight years of my life on ninja nuns

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creatorofuniverses · 2 years

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Stolen Hunt – Predator and Prey

Since I started posting this story here on tumblr for Gt July, I figured I’d post a continuation of it here as well now that I’ve written some more! I’m also considering making an askblog for it though, since once I’ve got the premise solid I’ll probably just be scribbling non-chronological little scenes for them... thoughts? Let me know!

Continued from this post.

_________________________

“What-” Rowan started to ask, only to fall to his knees with a muffled curse as Ember took a single step and the entire vest pocket he was in swayed like a branch in a thunderstorm. He struggled to his feet again – a near-Herculean effort given that she hadn’t stopped walking – and pushed the flap of the pocket out of his way once more. Only then did he try to voice his question. “What are you hunting?” he called up to her, feeling like her face was incredibly far up there given that he was only at her hip.

She shrugged, making him grip the edge of the pocket in white knuckles as he was jolted along with the motion, and replied, “Anything that makes for good eating. Rabbits, racoons, deer, bigger birds. Thought I might catch some smaller critter in that trap I found you in, but looks like I’ll be using the bow for the rest of the evening.”

Rowan frowned critically, mostly to cover up his uneasiness at the reminder that she had been looking for things to eat in the net he was so recently trapped in. There was also, however, his uncertainty about many of the creatures she named. He was fairly sure he’d heard of them before, though aside from the birds he couldn’t say he’d ever actually seen any. People in Arturium sometimes talked about the summer a rabbit tried to burrow under the eastern wall of the city, but that was well before his time.

He opened his mouth and gathered his courage to ask another question. “What-”

“Shh!” She tensed and dropped to a half-crouch, sending him straight to the bottom of the pocket in a sprawl. He clambered back to his feet, his arms a bit shaky, and looked up at her. Ember’s face was tense, creased with concentration at her eyes and mouth, and she didn’t even spare him a glance. Instead her bow was raised, arrow nocked and ready as she stalked forward. Her huge feet were still nearly silent in the undergrowth, her body coiled like a spring.

Slowly and quietly, Rowan sank back down into the pocket. His heart was hammering, his palms a bit sweaty with nerves he was entirely unused to; it seemed readily apparent that interrupting her right now would be a bad idea indeed.

His pocket swayed slightly with Ember’s even footsteps. The motion was almost entirely foreign- he could only compare it to one experience, many years ago, when he’d teamed up with another thief. She’d rigged up some sort of harness for high-altitude entry, and the sensation of swinging feet above the ground was replicated here. But at least then he had only been worried about some well-meaning citizen spotting him and reporting him; now, his concerns were quite literally bigger than that.

Time passed- how much, Rowan couldn’t be sure. What little light made it through the thick, sturdy fabric of Ember’s dress faded entirely. The only sounds without were her shockingly quiet footsteps and the rustle of the wind through the leaves.

Then, a quick inhale, and the sharp thwip! of the bow. There was some louder rustling as Ember rushed forward, Rowan scrabbling for something to cling too and finding nothing as he was jostled about. He felt a little green, suddenly aware of the large difference between moving quickly on his own and being moved without any control whatsoever. When all the motion stopped, he took in a deep, shuddering breath and pushed down the nausea, shakily getting to a stand so that he could see what happened.

His blue eyes widened at the sight. Ember knelt over a fallen creature, a huge, four-legged thing with antlers. From his position he was nearly close enough to the thing to touch it, though his hands gripped the edge of the pocket tightly instead. Its large ears flicked, its chest heaving in distress- there was an arrow sticking out of it, buried nearly to the fletching. Ember moved her hands, one holding down the creature’s head and the other holding a knife.

“Thank you,” she murmured, before slicing its throat in a quick, efficient motion.

Rowan winced and jerked away from the sight, eyes pinched shut, as the metallic scent of blood filled the air. He swallowed, but it sat, cloying, at the back of his own throat all the same. He realized belatedly that he was shuddering all over.

He was no stranger to violence, but neither was he used to death like this, so close and bloody. The giant had ended the creature’s life so easily- without heat or malic, as a simple job. She could end his even more easily, his brain helpfully reminded him. She wouldn’t even need to use the knife, though the weapon could split him in half without issue. He could be on the other end of this macabre ritual; and he would be powerless to stop it.

When he spoke up his voice was much less steady than he needed it to be. “Why did you thank it?” he asked. He looked up at Ember only until she turned her brown eyes down at him, unbothered by what she had just done, and he had to look away.

“This deer gave up its life so that others might live,” she replied, her tone even and steady, untouched by the swirl of emotions Rowan still felt. “Willing or not, that is an action worthy of gratitude.” He just nodded, not trusting himself to speak without feeling more nauseous. It made sense, in a weird, morbid sort of way. Maybe it was normal for giant hunters who routinely slayed huge forest creatures; but he could still smell the blood now pooling in the grass, practically taste it, and it was so far from his own normal as to be sickening.

As she began to field dress the deer, slicing it open to remove its entrails, Rowan very nearly threw up. He hastily looked away, trying to ignore the distressing sounds coming from that direction. He couldn’t possibly overstate how much he didn’t want to be there anymore.

After a while, but not nearly soon enough, Ember cleaned her blade and sheathed it at her hip. Her hand lingered there for a moment before moving the few inches to where Rowan stood, making him flinch away as her index finger brushed up against his shoulder. “You’re shaking,” she noted, more confused than concerned.

He glared up at her. She was right, of course, and that was why he was glaring. “Well it’s not every day you see something get killed and gutted right in front of you,” he snapped. “I could swim in all the blood coming from that thing.” Regret for blurting out that statement hit him instantly and a larger shudder shook his shoulders.

Ember’s hand moved away and she leaned down, making him sway. Her arms reached around the deer, hefting it up over one shoulder, and her reply to him was almost an afterthought. “Death and blood are part of nature, part of the cycle of predator and prey,” she gruffly replied. “I would think something as low on the food chain as you would know that already.”

Rowan’s blood froze. He swallowed thickly, before sliding down to the bottom of the pocket and drawing his trembling legs up into a shaky half-curl. Going unnoticed for a while suddenly sounded like the best possible action.

Maybe she was right again. This wasn’t the city, this was the wild, where anything could try to kill, maim, or eat him. His life could be ended as easily as the deer’s. Nature didn’t give a single flying fuck about the valuables in his pack or who he might have been back in civilization.

That was something to think about.

#seriously tho let me know if anybody would be interested in an askblog of this story #i think it would be fun #stolen hunt #g/t

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enchanted1waters · 1 year

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you owe me pt3

Self control for motley Crue was non existent, but when the new offer came up from how much loving publicity was brought by these music videos...it brought on a whole new realm.

So here we are, The boys dressed in leather, spikes, hairspray, eyeliner, heels, and more bondage than usual. They were all joking and throwing around fake rocks when I walked in, they immediately heard the tapping of heels, chains, my legs covered with a million type of fishnet and bondage. My hair teased, a mask like thing above my eyebrows,. Mind you I haven't been able to get ready for the past 20 minutes between hearing one of the boys and my bandmates FUCKING. So I just decided to be happy for whoever sounded like they loved life, and try to tune out the moans and groans. Before you say 'Scarlett you just need to get laid' I already get laid, whether its a girl or boy in my bed, I can't stop getting the hungry eyes of Lee and Sixx out of my rocking head.

As the band's eyes devoured every atom of my body, they were tuned back to reality when the director yelled to take our positions, Katey and Doc smiling as I rolled my eyes and pushed the boys aside. I hadn't been really informed much other than my poor babies, trace and Becks had to be in a cage with a lot of other girls. Almost naked, in the like if the same get up I had on.

But first I had to watch my girls climb over rocks and look around like they were waiting for something to swoop down and eat them. That's when the boys suddenly appeared putting on a show with delicious kinky outfits, hair looked too easy to pull, lips begging to be bitten and- ehm uh torches.. in their hands. I watched as the girls looked shocked into the camera and frantically fell in a huddle with frequent hand movements.

If it weren't for me seeing the girls behind the scenes I would've thought the women were actually scared. They did a great job, it was precious to watch Mick act like a lion behind Trace. They were adorable. Nikki and Tommy and even Vince were hard not find attractive during their predator like behavior. I was trying not to laugh as Tommy picked up Becca, this has to be literally down 5 times over because Becks wouldn't stop hitting Tommy everytime he picked her up and spun her. Tommy is not a Tommy fan for some reason. It was quite funny to watch this happen over and over though. The boys eventually cornered the girls into the cage and put their torches up around it.

The next to film was the band live and holy fuck were they so good it hurt. I had to smoke a cigarette to just barely distract me as Vince's rasp curled through the hair, Tommy railing the drums, flicking his head, and Nikki's hands as they curled so well it made the bass moan. Or maybe that was me internally. Either way I had to cross my legs during this.

Trace absolutely swooned as Mick shredded. Teasing eachother we laughed. The boys eventually started making their way to the girls, a little too enticing. Who was I kidding I was glad I wasn't in the cage, would've made me thing too much entirely about the other night.

Then it was my turn.

*The Boys' pov*

Nikki got completely lost in the music we all did every time we started playing a single chord. though all of our eyes kept darting to off scene, our main girls gazing at us like dinner. Eventually later after wrapped up the band scene, That's when the amazing effects started, the storm like wind, the hot chicks acting as prey. And then suddenly this huge rock started to break and there we saw Viper. I might as well get on my knees and beg for her poison me, hit me, kick me, kill me, anything she pleases. Cause holy fuck every muscle in my body twitches when I saw her. She had this badass shield too. Fuckkkk.

She seemed to be having fun as she looked at us like a villan in a comic, suddenly springing to action and flying sparks from her wrist thingy.

When we were on break the director pulled us and Scarlett over explaining that after she opens the gates for the girls, Vince will follow her into a tunnel. That's when jealousy brewed in Tommy and Nikki's stomach. Vince was a quicky type guy, didn't ever savor or devour shit long enough to let a girl enjoy, he just did it long enough for himself. I didn't give a shit who and how he fucked. Just not Scar. She was different, she deserved different. Not saying me and Tommy haven't been through half the population, just saying she deserves better than a smash and dash. It wasn't her worth.

*Viper's pov*

Next thing I knew after that little game plan huddle of Vince sending me a wink which I rolled my eyes so hard at, I could've sworn I checked out my own ass.

This led to me strutting down a stone tunnel, peering off to the side, a corner. Getting pinned, the camera following Vince who quickly found me and laid his hand on my cheek. Caressing me with a strangely gentle manner. His leg suddenly between my thighs, his hungry eyes and his toned arm pinning me against the wall, before I swatted his hand away after acting as if I was into it. I quicky walked away, swaying my hips as I disappeared in the fog. Him left untouched.

I then was out into another smoke filled room, my eyes scanning as if I had x-ray vision. That's when I heard loud boots behind me, I swiftly turned around to be met with a List filled Tommy, he was towering over me, just as I turned around to run the other direction I was met with a equally starving SIXX. My heart pounded at my chest, and shorts. My reproductive system was practically screaming. Corned by the literal terror twins. I shouldn't have felt the way I did, like such desirable prey. I quickly backed up between the two, trying to keep my thoughts straight, attempting to not cause this video to turn into a famous porno.

My fight or flight chose flirt, I instantly looked eyes with the boys, Nikki's hand on my shoulder lighting my body up like leather on a hot day. Causing my neck be thrown back, back arched, putting on a show. I suddenly felt Tommy's hand carefully holding the back of my head as if he thought I could break by how filthy my movement was. Then as soon as the tension split the air, I moved fastly running.

The next couple of hours was filled with the band playing way too well. The girls and I teasing each other, me watching some extras attempt and some successful in sleeping with Vince. Nikki and Tommy seeming to be spaced out everytime the girls touched or flirted with them. Which I was interesting to watch. Then it came time for me to stand in the four boys which took 30 minutes for something so fricking easy to do, because they wouldn't stop making each other laughing saying they felt like justice league, or talking about running a train or just the most stupid joke coming out one or the others mouth.

Eventually, we did get that music video done, leading to a huge fandom of shipping and asking for us to collab in more stuff. Yet we only had one more music video to film before they were scheduled for four. Which I didn't know what it was, and just so ya don't get too lost every second I've explained of my sad, feral, rocking life so far this chapter has only been a FUCKING week. So this particular Friday night after wrapping up looks that kill, none of us changed and just went straight to a club with a bar, who had tons of people recognizing us. Tommy and SIxx had both offered for me to ride on the back of their bikes to which I declined in respect of any hope I had left of self control.

That was until I got buzzed, and had a conversation that flipped a switch, so let me take you to the moment we walked in the club. My senses were automatically filled with cologne, perfume, sweat, sex, smoke of all kinds, hairspray, alcohol, heat, bright lights, wood, bodies everywhere, loud rock from Acdc to Metallica to the beatles. I found myself sitting on a stool when Tommy and Nikki sat on either side of me. Vince finding a 3rd woman for the night, (he has literally given up on any chance with Scarlett because of how whipped the two mullet wearing GAURD dogs are, constantly threatening him to stay away. Even Mick warning him to not mess with her.)

I raised an eyebrow as I gently rolled my tongue over the straw to my licker. "May I help you boys?" I smirked showing my wrist metal, "any damsels in distress?" Tommy quickly put his hand over his head and went faint, "UGHHH poor me, suffocating-lack of air- needed." He put out a hand throwing it towards me and gasping as me and Nikki lost it. "Musy have kiss- to...besavedddd!" He said smoothly as he began to choke on air.

I stood up and licked my lips, "Nikki kiss the choking man while I'm gone, gonna go dance a little, maybe I'll feel like baby sitting when I get back." I said with a wink before finding Grace and Becks in the floor. We all moved together as 'my kind of lover' came on the speaker, we slowly fell in a line. "Ya know, clearly were into to threesomes, but not romantically and from what I've heard from Mick this is the longest they've gone from hookups. I mean the man literally voted most sleazy has even rejected the hot model on set. Literally. Shunned her from his dressing room. Mick is saying you broke em. They both apparently made the new song with lyrics referencing you."

I scoffed and rolled my eyes, "Yeah cause, Nikki and Tommy The literal FUCKING terror twins can have romantic feelings." At that Becca grabs my hips and slams me back against her. Talking in my ear, "admit it, you're scared. You're scared they're gonna get bored. Boys like that don't write songs and skip models for a single night with you. They don't interrogate every person you know or have even spoken to ever just to try to see or talk to you again. I think you should face your fears. You're Scarlett fucking viper, you look at fear and punch it in the face after commenting how small its dick is. Don't let two boys in high heels stop that streak. If it doesn't work out or if they hurt you me, Mick, Trace and our fans will quite literally kill them. Break a fang, bitch." She said before pushing me away harshly.

With that godly advice in mind, I walked back over to the Bar, seeing a woman with teased hair and a sweet ass between my men. Did I just- nope definitely didn't anyways. I felt anger boil, I quickly walked over and leaned forward pushing past the girl who was squeezing Tommy's arm while touching Nikki's hand. Talking about how if they're good in concert they must be good in bed. She scoffed at my ignorance to her existence as I nudged her shile I grabbed my drink. She furned around and looked at me as I drank the entire pint while raising an eyebrow at her as she had the most hateful look on her face.

She started to talk, I cut her off with a finger in her face gesturing to the bartender, "one second needy, hey excuse me sir, yes can I get a bloody Mary? Great thanks." Then I looked back at the girl and rested my empty glass in Tommy's hand. Him automatically taking it as he watched the bitch at work. Nikki slyly smirking. Them giving each other glances as if they were speaking a secret language. The more I was around them the more I could understand.

That's when I tuned back into the girl rambling about how she was here first and how I was so rude blah blah. I then thanked and grabbed the bloody Mary from the bartender as she continued her lecture. I casually sippedon the drink, toying around with the little umbrella. "Are you even listening to me?" She said crossing her arms. I then looked up at her wife eyed. "Hm?" She then growled, "I SAID BACK OFF BITCH."

That's when shit went silent at her pitchy tone as it echoed through the crowd. I felt those bubbles in my blood start to boil. I knew I had issues, ive been to a doctor about them, them starting when I was a child. stuffing a rock up a kids nose after he snapped my friends barbie in half. Knocking another kid out my age when I was 13 with a log I picked up after he called my cousin a racial slur. Those were the only justified timesbof my adolescence. Most being caused by passive aggressiveness or just teens being teens. Men being men. Either way I always ended up with bloody knuckles or handcuffs on.

Either way, my body at some point had shut down, vision going black. Seeing only red, only acting on instinct.

*The boys' pov*

We have seen a lot of girl fights. Consisting of mud, bikinis, nip slips, moans. We've also seen the kind that happens with a slap or pulled hair. Rarely did we see a punch thrown, that was until we met our walking goddess. What an entertaining strangely arousing sight to see Viper's tongue poke in her cheek, which I've noticed happens before she gets violent. Then the girl said something even more insulting, if I'm being honest, I didn't listen to anything she says, just Her. Lord have mercy on my soul when this woman walks in the room. Next thing I knew my badass lil rocker chick poured her bloody Mary on the girls white shirt. This caused hollers from every direction including Trace telling her to beat her ass.

The girl then went to slap Scarlett and Scarlett caught her hand and looked her in the eye with most devilish smile as she right hooked her, when that didn't stop the girl from trying to scratch her with her bright pink nails, Scar grabbed the girls head and hit in on the bar. When the girl didn't get back up, groaning with a now broken nose, hurt hand, and bruised cheekbone. It was silent when me and Tommy started high fiving each other, Trace and Mick screaming fuck yeah, Vince then finally made it to the front of the crowd and was cursing at how inconvenient his timing was. "ITS ALREADY OVEE?!? I JUST GOT MY PANTS ON." He said with the roll of his eye as the guy was still shirtless. Apparently ran from a hookup after he was told there was a fight.

*Scarlett's pov*

I then snapped back into it as I felt my something wet and warm drip from my hands. I knew that feeling all too well, I looked down to see the girl who had just been in my face insulting me now on the floor groaning. "Oh shit, are you okay?" I said reaching out to her to help her up and she flinched telling me to back the fuck off. I then looked backed at the boys, "I'm gonna need another shot." I said before the boys showered me in affection I didn't deserve for beating up a chick. Didn't make me feel good. It made me feel out of my body when I blacked out like that. I was scared of myself. That's when I could tell the boys noticed. Their consistent jokes became less as their eyebrows furrowed at me as I nursed my drink.

I then felt a hand on my back, rubbing circles. Tommy's. He asked the bartender for a wet rag. Then began rubbing the blood off of my knuckles. The other large hand from the side brushing a strand of my hair behind my ear. I forced myself to make eyecontact with Nikki. My eyes threatened a gloss. He immediately looked at me like I've never seen. When he spoke it was as if I would shatter if he wasn't gentle, his voice slightly cracking at the empathy he seemed to feel for the first time in his entire lifetime. His large hand slightly rubbing it's thumb on the side of my face which I couldn't help but melt into, cracking my walls down.

"Hey.. hey hey, Scar. It's okay, you want me to take you home?." He asked clearly not meaning suggestively. I looked at Tommy as he delicately rubbed the stain off my skin. "Both of you?" They looked at each other and shrugged, "if that's what ya want, we aren't gonna come in or anything so it doesn't matter."

I then sat up and suddenly regain my sea legs, my charm switching back on. I looked between the two of them, "and what if I wanted you two to come in? I mean I could just be soooo lonely." I watched as their eyes transitioned from soft and caring to lustful. Their eyes quite literally burning into mine, Nikki crossed his arms and looked at Tommy, "It wouldn't be right to leave her alone all night, all the bad tears she could shed." Tommy then smirked at me, "yeah, it wouldn't be gentleman like to not give her some good tears in replace."

I then hopped off the stool, "chivalry isn't dead." I said causing them to laugh. I then walked out swaying my hips. I turned around to look at the boys, "who wants to give me a ride?" They both raised their hands and laughed as they pushed each other. "I'll let T-bone have the second ride, c'mon sugar. I'll give ya a fun ride, for now anyways." He said as he swung his leather clothed leg over the black metal made Bike.

#glam rock #tommy lee #nikki sixx #motley crue #mick mars #vince neil #the dirt

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