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haphazardcorvid · 7 months

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There's something sort of distorted with how grief is currently being seen and dealt with on the island + Qsmp.

I've been thinking about this for a while during the missing egg arc, but Bagi implying that Foolish wasn't that attached to Leo has finally pushed me into putting the thoughts into words.

I really don't like how several of the islanders - especially the new ones - view grief and expressions of grief. It's like they expect all grief to be big and loud and performative, and otherwise, it isn't as significant, or as important. Like how Bagi's expectations for sadness seem to be shaped by Bbh's very visual, obvious deterioration, and disregards that MAYBE, just MAYBE, not everyone is going to shove their feelings in your face when they barely know you? That some people may break down privately, where you are not privy to their thoughts, and you are not entitled to a public performance of that grief in order to verify that they do, in fact, care?

It's not just islanders who haven't spent much time with the eggs either - Forever himself said he thought that, ASIDE FROM BAGHERA AND BBH, everyone was simply moving on and living life without the eggs. Funnily enough, these are both players with skins that specifically denote emotional turmoil :). Does grief have to expressly visualised for people to acknowledge that it's there? That was particularly jarring as a Philza main, who's character was and is currently going through a drealisation and mental deterioration arc after going to suspicious coordinates (the birdcage) FOR THE SAKE OF HIS EGGS.

Most annoyingly it also bleeds into the fandom sometimes, despite the fact we have the benefit of meta awareness. I've seen posts or comments about how 'oh, bbh is the only one truly miserable about the eggs' 'other islanders aren't suffering about the kids like ___".

It's just striking having watched Fit, a person whom canonically struggles with outward expressions of vulnerable emotion due to his background but clearly deeply misses Ramon, who would fall into this 'unaffected' category because he's not giving showy public displays or monologues about his feelings. Or Phil, who to members of the island who haven't reached out to him on those topics, seems largely still like a strong rock to lean on because he plunged himself into propping up other islanders the moment he returned - but behind closed doors fell apart at Tallulah's letter and is clearly rapidly deteriorating as a character. Or Foolish, who maintains an upbeat character, retains his capacity to carry on moving, and lives as brightly as he can while SIMULTANEOUSLY being completely broken up internally about his daughter. You can see it in the way they talk about their kids, how they rush to collect any clues whenever they pop up, how many of them seem to be living in limbo, incapable of new changes and beginnings.

And alright. So that's not explicit to those other characters. But it should not have to be visually explicit for them to not degrade their grief. The assumption should not be that grief is either public or nonexistent. You are not entitled to flashy displays of feeling. Forthright and in your face emotion is not the baseline requirement for distress. Demeaning someone's attachment to their child because they aren't grieving in the RIGHT way for YOU, one that isn't visible enough to YOU, isn't excusable because 'oh I can't really see how that person is feeling though'. It's basic social understanding.

And of course they are aware of the mental and emotional states of their friends - who are also very visual with their grieving - above others, because those people are ALSO the ones that those like Bagi and Forever consistently interact with for prolonged periods of time. Have they actually really, deeply talked with all the other islanders about their internal state? No, of course not, they don't spend that much time with them and aren't that close. That's not bad or anything, that's life and relationships and very normal. But then what grounds do those assumptions of 'oh, there are parents who don't care' actually have? They themselves should be capable of acknowledging that they don't actually have insight into these other people, and they should not be using the expressions of grief from say Baghera and Bbh as a cudgel to cheapen and diminish that of others.

#Sorry that's a lot #It was all adding up slowly - just an awareness of a general disregard some people had for how others were processing the disappearance #But the fact that it didn't get resolved with time and in fact seems worse just pulled it out of me all at once #The Foolish and Bagi thing mainly #Just how being subtle in your distress leads particular people to brush it off or pretend you feel quite the opposite is frustrating #And soz kinda personal lmao #as a person who has struggled heavily mentally but has had it devalued using how others outwardly react to their own issues #It kinda resonated #Foosh you are valid and a brilliant father to me #qsmp #qsmp foolish #qsmp baghera #qsmp forever #qsmp bagi #qsmp eggs #qsmp philza #qsmp fitmc #qsmp badboyhalo #Edit - just to note this is about the characters and their interactions only #It would be stupid to be saying this about actual ccs lmao

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uchikatsu · 4 years

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( cw for mental illness, substance abuse, self harm, & suicidal thoughts )

since some time in his late teen years, genji has struggled with borderline personality disorder. for a long time, however, his behaviours were attributed simply to genji being genji.

he was diagnosed in early adulthood, though seeing a psychiatrist was not something he personally wanted to do. he would always insist himself to be fine, hated to be honest about his emotions or mental state because he didn’t want to be seen as weak. he faced enough disapproval from his family and the clan as it was.

after being diagnosed, he was scheduled for therapy sessions and dbt (dialectic behaviour therapy), but he only ever attended a few of these appointments. the rest were skipped out on. he didn’t have anyone making sure that he went or even checking that he attended.

he was also prescribed some medications to help him balance some symptoms, but he didn’t keep up with taking them as he was supposed to. they were also abused on some occasions, but he never went back to his psychiatrist to get more after going through the few months of refills.

now i’m going to go through the symptoms of bpd, how genji has been affected by these, and how he coped with them.

FEAR OF ABANDONMENT. prior to his near-death, genji saw himself as more or less abandoned by much of his family / clan. he was viewed with disdain and seen as a liability, all because of who he was as a person. though he didn’t care a great deal about the opinions of the clan, this all still had a greater impact on his self-esteem than he ever let on. what really terrified him was the idea of being abandoned by hanzo and his father. when hanzo began to pull away and become more involved with the clan��s expectations of him, genji would fluctuate between getting into massive arguments with his brother and practically begging him to spend time with him like they used to, or to not listen to what anyone, particularly the elders, had to say. the death of his father sent him spiraling into grief & depression for the short period of time he had to begin processing it before he was nearly killed.

for the majority of his time in blackw/atch & overw/atch, genji avoided making any attachments to people as best he could under the belief that in the end, they would either leave or betray him. he had no trust whatsoever

by the time of the recall, he’s still somewhat tentative about making new connections with people, but he has regained the ability to trust. there’s still a lingering fear of being abandoned by those he cares about, but this rarely results in any of the lashing out that it used to.

UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIPS. prior to overw/atch, genji’s friendships and relationships were always short-lived. friends tended to last no more than a month or two before he cycled on to new ones, and ‘relationships’ were less that and more… one-night stands or casual sex. people would seem great at first, but he swung quickly from idealizing to devaluing. plus, if he left them first, they couldn’t abandon him.

relationships were especially tumultuous during his time in blackw/atch — most of the time genji despised the people he had to work with, at BEST finding them annoying. eventually some DID grow on him to an extent, but it didn’t lessen his hostility toward them much. there were occasions when he was calmer and even… open with others, but these moments were infrequent and never lasted long before he was right back to closed off and unpleasant. no one ever knew where they stood with him.

in the time of the recall, his relationships are much steadier, but there are still times where he will idealize others or devalue them, get angry at them for the smallest of reasons, etc. this is particularly the case with hanzo as he tries to mend the relationship with his brother.

UNCLEAR / SHIFTING SELF-IMAGE. in his younger years, genji swung back and forth to some extremes on how he saw himself. at times he felt he felt great about himself, even felt superior to others, and other times he felt like an utter disappointment, like what the clan elders said about him was true, like he was a mistake that didn’t belong — not that you’d have been able to tell. he was always good at hiding this. even hanzo only saw the cracks in his confident facade a few times.

in blackw/atch, the negative self-image was by far more prominent than anything positive. he hated himself constantly rather than only sometimes, and the only real argument that went back and forth was that of whether he was human or machine.

by recall, self-image is much more stabilized and generally more positive. that isn’t to say he doesn’t still struggle, as there are still times where he feels like he’s a bad person, but he’s come a long way from where he once was.

SELF-HARM. something that genji mostly engaged in during his time in blackw/atch. he would self-harm primarily through cutting himself and sometimes even tearing at pieces of his synthetic body — removing the outer plates, ripping at wires, etc. many of the scars across what skin he has left were caused by himself. he was also quite heavily suicidal during this time, faced with suicidal thoughts quite frequently. he would sometimes throw himself into battle almost like he was TRYING to die.

EXTREME EMOTIONAL SWINGS. genji has always been prone to swinging from one emotion to another with enough speed to cause WHIPLASH. he can be perfectly happy one moment and fall into a depressed place the next, could go from somewhere content to outrage over the seemingly smallest things. the swings are intense, but generally don’t last long.

IMPULSIVE & SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOURS. though some of his reckless and impulsive behaviours were simply him being young and… well, reckless, a great deal of the time they were fueled by a desperate need to FEEL GOOD, or to FEEL SOMETHING AT ALL. nights spent partying, getting drunk and doing drugs, hooking up with strangers, these were all methods genji used to cope. they made him feel better in the moment and distracted him from his life. on top of substance abuse & risky sex, he’d also spend money carelessly & excessively and commit the occasional crime ( outside his family’s business ), such as shoplifting.

as a blackw/atch agent, genji would throw himself recklessly into combat without any real care for himself. he often wound up in the medical wing with serious injuries, parts needing replacing, and sometimes with entire limbs missing. this was a combination of a need to feel something — anything — and being honestly quite suicidal.

come recall, genji is still impulsive, but he’s far better about keeping himself under control. he’ll still be reckless at times, but not nearly to the extent as in his past.

CHRONIC FEELINGS OF EMPTINESS. fairly self explanatory. something he dealt with heavily prior to his near death and until his time with black/overw/atch was done. as with the other symptoms, he’s much better in the present, but does still struggle with some empty numbness.

EXPLOSIVE ANGER. also fairly self-explanatory and, again, primarily a symptom he faced in the past. it was absolutely the most extreme during blackw/atch.

FEELING SUSPICIOUS &/OR OUT OF TOUCH WITH REALITY. dissociation is another symptom that has affected genji across much of his life and is one of the symptoms that still affects him the most by the time of the recall. it was, understandably, especially bad during the first year or so after having much of his body replaced with cybernetics, but during times of stress, particularly emotional stress that he would and still does hide, he’ll often feel as though things aren’t real, or as though he’s outside his body. he’s good with grounding exercises in the present though, whereas in the past this was another symptom that he would try to solve with distractions & self-destructive behaviours.

#once upon a time i realized i was unintentionally writing genji with symptoms of bpd #and realized it wasn't just me using writing as an outlet for my own but that the disorder actually fits #and it's become a really important headcanon to me #🗡️ — 「まだまだ」 headcanon.#mental illness /#substance abuse /#self harm /#suicidal thoughts /#ask to tag /

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myfandomrambles · 5 years

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She-Ra Attachment Styles

Something I find interesting is that it’s pretty clear that both Adora and Catra struggle with Disorganized Attachment, but it presents pretty differently.

Let's look at them based on the list of characteristics of DA from this article

Aggressive tendencies will sometimes occur:

Catra shows more violence towards others I think this comes from her physical abuse being more profound seeing violence as being done to her so she turns this and acts out her abuse on others.

For Adora violence tends to be more of a protective mechanism. Both for her emotional pain and as a literal defence against real or perceived threats.

Altered pain tolerance:

This is a bit harder to say for sure, but they are willing to fight and don’t tend to stop even when they can. Taking and giving hits that show the most injuries in the story.

Adora/She-Ra comes back from having her back slashed pretty easily.

Catra views the physical abuse Hordak puts on her as kind of a sick joke.

Difficulties in their familial relationships outside of the family of origin:

Catra shows this in a much stronger way not being able to form any stable relationship after Adora, even when Scorpia reaches out to her.

Adora doesn’t show this as much befriending Glimmer and Bow pretty easily. However, we can see that she feels separated from her friends like when they try and make plans.

Have an unstable self-identity:

Adora bases her identity pretty heavily on having to be perfect and on being a hero, she struggles to be her own person. Adora feels like she isn’t her own separate from her history as being She-Ra. This is understandable as she is treated as a possession by Shadow Weaver and has to be something other than just a person to the Rebellion.

Catra often cycles between feeling like she is the most powerful, to feeling worthless, and basing who she is on how much power she has and in comparison to Shadow Weaver and Adora.

Have hyperactive fawn and freeze responses:

We see a freeze response in catra even though she seems to act out we see this response in her dealing with Shadow Weaver and Hordak.

Adora has a freeze response when overwhelmed with fighting Catra and with Light Hope when overwhelmed.

Both show a fawn response to Shadow Weaver early on for Adora and into season two with Catra. An example is how quickly Catra falls back under her control.

Lacks coping skills to deal with distress:

Neither really talk through their distress or are able to self regulate.

Adora shows she struggles with this, often bolting and running away from problems or trying to handle emotional stress as a strategic problem to use warfighting methods. Adora often has to be coxed into calming down.

Catra tends to shut people out completely and even shut down internally. She acts out against others and even struggles when Scorpia tries to co-regulate with her.

Often suffer from mental health issues related to trauma (C-PTSD/PTSD) :

Adora:

Anxiety

Disrupted systems of meaning

Flashbacks

Guilt

Hyperarousal

Identity issues

Idolization/devaluation of abusers

Panic attacks

Obsessive thoughts

Sleep Issues

Struggles to express and understand her emotions

Struggles with relationships

Catra:

Abusers

Depression

Destructive behaviour

Dissociation

Extreme emotional highs and lows

Flashbacks

Hyperarousal

Irritability and restlessness

Isolation

Panic attacks

Preoccupation with abusers

Preoccupation with revenge

Splitting

Struggles with relationships

Suicide attempts

Trust Issues

Poor self-esteem:

We can see this pretty easily in reference to their identity issues.

Adora can’t even see herself as not guilty for all the worlds wrong till the end of season 3. How this declaration of not being at fault for Catra’s mistakes will apply to other events like with Mara and Angela’s death is yet to be seen.

Catra pretty much explains herself as not good enough after Hordak throws her out. She is more willing to die and burn the world around her then to believe she can heal and be better.

Severe hypervigilance:

This can be seen in neither of them being able to calm down and seeing most everything as threats.

Both literally jump at shadows and seem to be more on edge in comparison to friends being able to periodically sense danger others miss, a useful part of hypervigilance.

They both also have a heightened startle response to a big example of hypervigilance.

Struggles with education and employment:

This is stronger with Catra but some signs are seen in both.

Due to basing her worth on succeeding as much as possible Adora is hyperinvolved in her work which is a form of struggling even if it often allows her to due what is needed.

Catra is generally okay at her work when it comes to strategy. But anything that takes her having to concentrate and work in bounds like paperwork she freaks out. She also isn't good with playing politics in her looking for approval from Hordak or complete viewing it as bullshit. Her ned to rebel and force people away also gets in the way.

Unstable relationships:

With each other, they both have an obsessive mindset either getting each other back or pushing away as hard as they can.

With catra this can also be seen with Scorpia and Entrapta in her switching back forth in rather she lets them in.

Will deal with dissociative tendencies and/or dissociative disorders (DID/OSDD):

We can see dissociation in Catra when she hears Adora mention shadow weaver changing side auditory and visual stimulation goes wonky and she seems to be in her own world.

When Adora is scared and bolts you can see her world shrink around her and sometimes similar sound changes can be seen. There might be dissociative aspects in with panic attacks.

Will often have had multiple traumatic experiences:

They both continue to put themselves in dangerous situations.

Adora involves herself in war and violence immediately.

Catra ends up under abusers’ thumbs chronically being hurt in similar ways to before.

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pafallende · 5 years

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( cw for mental illness, substance abuse, self harm, & suicidal thoughts )

since some time in his late teen years, genji has struggled with borderline personality disorder. for a long time, however, his behaviours were attributed simply to genji being genji.

now i’m going to go through the symptoms of bpd, how genji has been affected by these, and how he coped with them.

FEAR OF ABANDONMENT. prior to his near-death, genji saw himself as more or less abandoned by much of his family / clan. he was viewed with disdain and seen as a liability, all because of who he was as a person. though he didn’t care a great deal about the opinions of the clan, this all still had a greater impact on his self-esteem than he ever let on. what really terrified him was the idea of being abandoned by hanzo and his father. when hanzo began to pull away and become more involved with the clan’s expectations of him, genji would fluctuate between getting into massive arguments with his brother and practically begging him to spend time with him like they used to, or to not listen to what anyone, particularly the elders, had to say. the death of his father sent him spiraling into grief & depression for the short period of time he had to begin processing it before he was nearly killed.

UNSTABLE RELATIONSHIPS. prior to overw/atch, genji’s friendships and relationships were always short-lived. friends tended to last no more than a month or two before he cycled on to new ones, and ‘relationships’ were less that and more... one-night stands or casual sex. people would seem great at first, but he swung quickly from idealizing to devaluing. plus, if he left them first, they couldn’t abandon him.

relationships were especially tumultuous during his time in blackw/atch --- most of the time genji despised the people he had to work with, at best finding them annoying. eventually some did grow on him to an extent, but it didn’t lessen his hostility toward them much. there were occasions when he was calmer and even... open with others, but these moments were infrequent and never lasted long before he was right back to closed off and unpleasant. no one ever knew where they stood with him.

UNCLEAR / SHIFTING SELF-IMAGE. in his younger years, genji swung back and forth to some extremes on how he saw himself. at times he felt he felt great about himself, even felt superior to others, and other times he felt like an utter disappointment, like what the clan elders said about him was true, like he was a mistake that didn’t belong --- not that you’d have been able to tell. he was always good at hiding this. even hanzo only saw the cracks in his confident facade a few times.

SELF-HARM. something that genji only engaged in during his time in blackw/atch. he would self-harm primarily through cutting himself and sometimes even tearing at pieces of his synthetic body --- removing the outer plates, ripping at wires, etc. many of the scars across what skin he has left were caused by himself. he was also quite heavily suicidal during this time, faced with suicidal thoughts quite frequently, but never made any attempts.

EXTREME EMOTIONAL SWINGS. genji has always been prone to swinging from one emotion to another with enough speed to cause whiplash. he can be perfectly happy one moment and fall into a depressed place the next, could go from somewhere content to outrage over the seemingly smallest things. the swings are intense, but generally don’t last long.

IMPULSIVE & SELF-DESTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOURS. though some of his reckless and impulsive behaviours were simply him being young and... well, reckless, a great deal of the time they were fueled by a desperate need to feel good, or to feel something at all. nights spent partying, getting drunk and doing drugs, hooking up with strangers, these were all methods genji used to cope. they made him feel better in the moment and distracted him from his life. on top of substance abuse & risky sex, he’d also spend money carelessly & excessively and commit the occasional crime ( outside his family’s business ), such as shoplifting.

come recall, genji is still impulsive, but he’s far better about keeping himself under control. he’ll still be reckless at times, but not nearly to the extent as in his past.

EXPLOSIVE ANGER. also fairly self-explanatory and, again, primarily a symptom he faced in the past. it was absolutely the most extreme during blackw/atch.

#❛ headcanon • genji.#i wanted to go in depth with this but tbh i could go even further but i just.#didn't want to make this an even longer post lmao #anyway mun has bpd too but mine definitely differs in some ways from how i write genji's #particularly in the self-destructive behaviours #but yeah hey here's a big hc post i've wanted to write forever #long post /

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dentalrecordsmusic · 6 years

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DRM Unplugged: Exploring Musicians & Mental Health with Mike Bogs of Babe Patrol

In this guest blog series, Dental Records Music invites any and all alternative musicians to share their experiences with mental illness in order to shed light on the issues and hurdles they must face in order to create and perform. If you would like to read more and follow our series, check out this link. You can also check out PunkTalks.org for information on getting help and support if you are a musician who is struggling.

The following is a guest post by Mike Bogs, the guitarist for Babe Patrol. This is his story.

Most people will observe the “rockstar” lifestyle as being thrill-driven, so that any form of personal suffering is subsequently a direct consequence of living their life “on the edge.” However, in dispelling this warped delusion, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. Sometimes the actual truth is difficult to face, and mental health, especially, is not discussed honestly enough. Unfortunately, we exist in a reality in which we have lost many of our beloved musicians and artists to absolute measures of self-harm, such as substance abuse and suicide.

Creatives continuously suffer excess anxiety over the scrutiny from those who are verbally critical of their craft. Even more debilitating though, is the potential of self-doubt and how it takes a toll on these talented individuals’ personal worth. It is difficult to understand how something so negative can come from someone with such a positive impact on others. For a lot of people, unless you are actively engaging in creative activity as your main passion on a daily basis, it��s confusing to figure out how these self-endangering behaviors can fester within an individual.

In working creatively there is a struggle of intense ambivalent emotions that occur. An artist can not create things that do not come from an emotional place without also feeling vulnerable. When you are emotionally invested in your work, it can leave you defenseless to a variety of mental strife that is created both from outside influences and internal doubt. During a thriving creative process, you enter a flow state, and enter into a manic-like state. Ideas can come from anything, creation can start with nothing at all, and this phenomenon can be extremely euphoric. This sets up a scenario, where the extremely low feelings will become an inevitability. As a musician and guitarist, I identify with this in enduring my own struggles with bouts of depression resulting from the intensity of these emotions.

Fortunately, my musical abilities have been invaluable to me in building confidence and have created a platform for me to form incredible relationships with other musicians and admirers alike. However, as is the nature with any passion driven project, these skills can also develop into a curse of sorts if you do not keep your mental health in check. For me personally, after my more immature years the fantasy of becoming a glorified rockstar seemingly became a delusion. At a certain point, a realization begins about the amount of sacrifice and effort one has to endure just to become a self-sustaining musician in today’s world. Most all artists will deal with countless instances of playing disappointing shows, releasing records that go undetected, and most debilitating of all, spending money without any prospect for a guaranteed financial return. After years of playing in many defunct and unsuccessful bands, I had moved away entirely from performing music for a brief period of my life.

It had driven me to stop participating in bands for a period of time to become a solo “bedroom musician”. In doing so, my new musical venture and goal was to pursue my passion for music by writing songs on my own. I worked vigorously in recording music on my computer while simultaneously educating myself about audio production and mixing in the hopes of releasing my own music. However, my biggest strife eventually became weighing the value of my work, as self-fulfilling projects can start to feel insignificant. One can really start to question if there is any point whatsoever in writing and releasing anything you’ve done before making it available to the masses. I soon developed a habit of denouncing my own songwriting by destroying more material than I was creating. It had gotten to the point where I was taking entire albums length of songs that I had recorded and permanently deleted those files from my desktop. Within them, I had everything mapped out precisely where I envisioned it and spent countless hours and sleepless nights figuring out how everything should be, all for a self-defeating act of eliminating it from existence entirely. By committing myself to an action that extreme and literally proceeding to destroy what I intended as my own personal “masterpiece”, so to speak, can be a tremendous blow to endure. Inevitably, actions like this have plagued me for years with ceaseless anxiety about my own self-worth and fallen into periodical depressive states from my inability to have something “show something for myself” in the form the music.

The manners in which I’ve learned to cope with these disappointments spawned from further struggles when I had gotten back into playing in bands. Although I am a perfectionist to a certain degree, I play every show as if it was my last and thus free my mind from all outside concerns. I put great anticipation into putting on a great performance for everyone who will attend and hopefully try to give them a meaningful memory, or a brief moment of enjoyment at the very least by showing my energy when the power of music takes over. However. after every single set I play through, I suffer the post-show blues. After rehearsing for hours and then playing a show, I reach a feeling of elation on stage to the point of having quasi out of body experiences. This would be immediately concluded with self-defeating thoughts and feelings, I developed an aversion to accepting any praise from others. I used to deal with this either by drinking heavily or abandoning my mental participation to the fullest extent by dissociating myself from the event entirely. This ended up being an outright rude way to behave around people and at times became reckless and potentially self-endangering.

It took me a while to realize that there was a clinical understanding of this phenomenon called Post-Performance Depression, PPD. After becoming more aware that this affliction is shared among all performers I developed a concern for others. So I started dealing with my own issues by supporting others with theirs and learned that having meaningful conversations was my saving grace.

I proceeded to make it my mission at shows to try my best to get to know the other musicians there. Too often people put up the mantle of competition between their co-artists in a bout for the most attention, or appreciative claim. Conversely, for me, it became an opportunity to get to know the like-minded individuals who are fueled by their own suppressed passions. Coincidentally, I soon discovered from these talented individuals that they go through just about the same charades when dealing with their own personal material. Similarly to myself, they are uncertain, self-deprecating; especially to the songs that they internally hold so precious to themselves. After identifying and empathizing with others I would be comforted in knowing that I was not alone in the ways I felt. It was difficult for me to understand at times how someone else so talented can feel this way about themselves and hide their creations. So in realizing my own personal struggles I became most rewarded in working to inspire those around me and convince them that they needed to share their art with the world.

I also think it’s important to realize that there are really only a few people out there that seemingly have the power to bring you down. It could be the internet trolls, who hide behind their illuminated veils with the sole intention of devaluing an artist’s work. Although, I think it is important not to fear criticism or suppress how you truly feel about something in a critique, the magnitude of malicious intent is what separates the predatory cyberbullies from the actively participating music critics. It may also be your peers, the ones that know you well and also don’t. Every artist implants a fantasy in their mind about what the big show might be like, the gratitude you possibly could receive from others if they share their enjoyment in your performance. Or the big release date, the day you finally reveal to everyone what you have been laboring on during your free time. It’s unavoidable to over analyze how your work may be interpreted. But it's so important to mature yourself in taming these fears and persisting to continue working and sharing what you love.

Just as suppressing the severity of your mental state by not talking about what's affecting you to other people, I truly believe that concealing your musical talents and songwriting creations will have the same impact on your mental state. It’s contributed much to my own suffering but I have learned, that although coping with these fears can be unavoidable sometimes, it is important to speak honestly with people you trust and who will not judge you for how you are feeling. By concealing my music out of paranoia, I’ve done not only a disservice to myself, but more importantly and the hardest to realize, I’ve let down my supportive peers in the music community by not sharing. There is always someone out there awaiting something, new and original and they will find value you never realized that is within your own work. This prospect has become so important to me now in continuing on with my own artistic development. It has given me the determination to support those in the community that are not alone in this journey of discovering their self-worth. I truly encourage everyone to become more aware and help those that are suffering. Even the smallest actions can make all the difference in the world.

_______________________________________________________________________

Mike Bogs is the guitarist for punk band Babe Patrol. You can follow him and check out Babe Patrol’s music on Bandcamp, Spotify, and Apple Music. Be sure to follow the band on Facebook and Instagram as well to keep up on their travels.

If you or someone you know is a musician and struggling with mental illness, check out PunkTalks.org.

Follow DRM on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

#babe patrol #mike bogdanowicz #mental health #mental illness #musicians #musician #punktalks #music #feature #drm unplugged

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bombshellsandbluebells · 6 years

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I saw Murphy's behavior in 5x04 as his usual falling back on his "stupid little jokes" as a coping mechanism as well as him always seeking out some kind of stimulation to keep him from getting bored or stuck in his head. Their deaths weren't written in stone as there was still the possibility of getting a ride to earth on the prison ship when it came back. So in that way how he was acting made sense.

Hey anon! I’m so sorry for the late reply. I was either too sick or too busy to give this the amount of thought I wanted. I’m still struggling on how best to articulate my thoughts on this and why the tone of Murphy in 5x04 bugged me so much, but here goes.

Murphy absolutely uses stupid little jokes as a coping method for shitty situations, but the problem for me is that that Murphy’s mood in 5x04 and the way he is characterized is completely at odds with the rest of the season so far.

It’s obvious Murphy has self-destructed in space. For all the hallway troll jokes I made (so many), the way he isolated himself from the rest of the group and choose as much solitude as he could possibly get - despite how much Murphy craves community and connection - is actually very tragic. And it isn’t just that he was at odds with Emori because of their break up - he separated himself from everyone. He removed himself from group activities and moved onto a side of the Ring that he claimed as his and told the others not to enter.

Even for a guy who in season 1 did everything he could to push people away and be an asshole to others so he could avoid the pain of rejection (and for some other reasons), that’s pretty damn extreme.

So how did Murphy manage to get to that point? Especially, as the show leads you to suspect, fairly recently - they say that his break up with Emori happened only 6 months ago, and I’m guessing that coincided with him deciding to fuck off away from the rest of humanity and live as a space troll.

Richard has talked about how much Murphy struggles in peace time or without something to do - and we’ve gotten the recurring narrative that Murphy is afraid of being “useless”, and I’ve always personally believed that being trapped again (like the bunker) and being trapped in the very place where everything started to go wrong for him were also big contributing factors to his mental decline - but those all would have been constant struggles for the entire 5+ years they were there. There was something that caused a drastic change about 6 months ago or shortly before.

My guess is that it was when they were nearing the 5 year mark and still had no way to return to Earth or any hope of it happening soon. Because until then, Murphy still had an end in sight. “Just make it through 5 years, and then we can go back down to Earth.”

But getting that news must have taken away the rest of his hope, and that was when the major spiral happened. That’s when he started pushing Emori away and probably started really refusing to help the others in any way (what was the point? they weren’t getting off the Ring.)

And even if I’m wrong about that timeline (which I might be, since we haven’t gotten any flashbacks), it’s still been made very obvious that Murphy is DESPERATE to get back down to Earth again. He reconnects with the group when there might be a way down. He wants to jump in guns blazing and contact the Eligius ship/go over to it without assessing the situation just because it MIGHT help them get down - which is pretty unusual behavior for him, since he’s so pragmatic and cautious. (ex. Should we really go up in the tower without having a way down even if it’s the way to defeat ALIE?)

Murphy is DESPERATE to leave space.

That’s why the scene at the end of 5x03 is so tragic for him. It’s still kind of a hilarious scene from the viewer’s perspective, mostly just because of how Richard plays it and the great irony of it all, but that scene reads as despair from Murphy. He stands staring at the ship as it leaves, watching his way back down to Earth disappear and the close up of his face reads as distraught.

That scene leaves us with a Murphy who has just unintentionally lost himself the one thing he wants more than anything else - and if being stuck in space is what caused his downward spiral/breakdown, then this should only make it worse. If he was self-destructing before and acting completely irrationally and extreme, then he should spiral even further after finally having what he wanted in his grasp and LOSING IT due to his own decision.

I don’t believe that Murphy believed there was a way down - even with the prisoners. That was one of the lines that Raven fed Bellamy to make him leave, but the end of 5x03 makes it VERY OBVIOUS that they are stuck. There is no hope for them getting down. Raven did not have an exit strategy, and she still doesn’t. He is trapped, again.

So we end 5x03 with Murphy in complete despair, and then the next time we see him, he is playing with a soccer ball, joking around, and serving as the comic relief to Raven’s seriousness. I mean that’s what he is in 5x04 up until things start getting serious - the comic relief. The one trying to push Raven into having fun and lightening up. One of the first lines he says in 5x04 is “Let’s try to have a little fun before we commit genocide.”

This is the usual Murphy who makes dumb little jokes about something unpleasant (killing a bunch of people) - not the Murphy who has mentally and emotionally spiraled to the point of isolating himself and pushing away the community and connection he’s craved for 4 seasons.

The problem for me is that I don’t buy that the Murphy in 5x04 is the same Murphy who just had his hope completely ripped away from him - and not enough time has passed between the end of 5x03 and 5x04 to make me buy that he has gotten over it or at ALL adjusted to the idea of being stuck again. 5x04 should have shown a Murphy who was still distraught, who the weight of being stuck up there weighed on more heavily. I expected the Murphy we saw trapped in the bunker, to be honest - someone desperate and at the end of their rope.

Also, it’d be more in line with the Murphy we’ve seen at the start of this season to start pushing Raven away because of it - it wasn’t her fault, of course, but it was still due to his decision to stay with her that led to him getting stuck again. But instead, he’s the one providing HER with support. And as much as love that relationship and the fact that they’ve come to a place where he can be supportive of her, it doesn’t make sense to me that Murphy is in that place after everything this season tells me he should be falling apart again.

Also, 5x04 didn’t treat his storyline of dealing with being trapped AGAIN - the one thing he did not want - with the seriousness it deserves. Murphy’s storyline in 5x04 is about Raven and about his friendship and about providing support for her (all things I’d love any other episode) - not about his depression or his breakdown or about the fact that he just lost all hope again. It doesn’t fit in with the story this show has been telling about Murphy for the rest of the season so far, or with how Murphy should be acting based on what the rest of the season has told us.

Everything Murphy does in 5x04 is in character for him - just not a logical follow-up from 5x03 and the rest of his story this season so far.

Also, there is the strange downplaying and devaluing of Emori’s role in his decision to stay behind, despite the fact that 5x03 made it very clear his decision was entirely about Emori. Even if he wanted to be useful or support Raven, he didn’t decide to stay behind until Emori’s comment. I could buy a shift from it being about Emori to being about Murphy wanting to be useful, but I can’t buy that it was about Raven. If it was about Raven, he would have volunteered to stay with her the minute he found out she was staying.

And the fact that Murphy apparently is in a much better place stuck in space with Raven than he was with the rest of the group, even if he has no hope of getting down to Earth again, has the unfortunate side effect of making it seem like he’s OK trapped in space as long as he’s with Raven - which I absolutely don’t buy and also don’t appreciate based on how it reads as romantic, despite the fact that nothing about their relationship has ever been coded as romantic.

Hope I explained my thoughts well enough!

#john murphy #the 100 #the 100 meta #my meta #c: john murphy #ask

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katiecatchingtherye · 7 years

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Absent Minded Adjectives

I cannot stress enough how often I hear the words “That really bugs my OCD,” or “Sorry, I’m so OCD about that!” This is only the tip of the iceberg. Whenever I’m online, I see quizzes that are entitled “How OCD Are You?” and its always followed with images of objects that are not symmetrically pleasing to the eye. Then there’s characters that are played over and over again who are always the same tropes. They enjoy organization a little too more than a normal person would, and they also happen to like cleanliness. They are the personification of OCD. This is only one disorder that is oversimplified and not properly represented. Eating disorders are always portrayed through women who are dangerously thin, and therefore shunning anyone else who does not meet these body and gendered standards. Bipolar disorder is presented as someone who simply flips a switch between “overly happy” and “incredibly sad” with no other state of emotion. Schizophrenia is the person muttering to themselves in public or ranting about government conspiracies. All of these disorders, and many more, are presented as these unacceptable character traits that we use in our vocabulary as adjectives. And, quite frankly, I believe that it needs to stop because of how harmful its implications and side effects are. As someone with OCD, I don’t fit the mould of what society has decided “is” OCD. I’m not at all organized, so if you were to go into my bedroom, you would see that my floor is covered in clothes, and I couldn’t tell you when I last washed my sheets. I also don't compulsively clean my surroundings for hours or take eight showers a day. This is not to say that some people with OCD don’t have these experiences—and that they’re not perfectly valid and real—but it means that my experiences are not typically represented in the mainstream media. My OCD is heavily related to intrusive thoughts about my loved ones dying, and many other horrific thoughts. Because of these thoughts, my compulsions normally involve a lot of counting, repetitive actions, fixating on symmetry, and much more. Also, when I say symmetry, I mean to say that when I line up my books into two stacks, the stack on the left has to be higher than the one on the right. This is symmetrical to me, and this form of symmetry alleviates the anxiety caused by my intrusive thoughts. Weird, right? This isn’t the stuff that’s shown in mainstream media, and that’s mostly because people only like things that they can understand. So, going back to media, anything that you have learned about OCD is through what you’ve seen online, in books, or in movies. Many people don’t actually reach out to reliable sources in order to gain a better understanding of what OCD actually is. Because of that, when I say “OCD,” your mind immediately goes to buzzwords like “clean,” “organization,” “symmetry,” and “perfection.” This is the same with other disorders. When I say eating disorder, you hear “thin.” When I say bipolar disorder, you hear “super happy,” “super sad,” and “overly emotional.” And when I say schizophrenia, you hear “voices,” “delusional,” and “crazy.” These complex and intricate disorders have been reduced to broad traits. Whenever someone enacts one of these traits, that’s when we shout out “You’re so OCD! Anorexic! Bipolar! Schizophrenic!” This process is incredibly harmful for many reasons, one is shown through someone downplaying their own struggles and putting off getting proper treatment. If everyone is experiencing these disorders in the media, if everyone “is so OCD,” then maybe you don’t really have the disorder, or if you do, maybe it’s not actually that bad and you’re overreacting. This was one of the reasons I put off getting treatment. I also didn’t match the media’s definition of OCD, so when I was having these intrusive thoughts, I thought that I was something else entirely. I was afraid that as soon as I talked to a psychologist, that they would admit me to a psychiatric hospital and throw away the key. But then, entering therapy, my psychologist showed me a book of intrusive thoughts that people with OCD have had and recorded. I learned that I was actually quite normal. But how was I going to come to this conclusion on my own when the media told me that I wasn’t actually OCD? Even after getting my diagnosis, after learning about the complexities of OCD, I felt a pang whenever someone said “I’m so OCD!” It’s not because of the initial reason over not seeking treatment, but it was because of this trivialization. Whenever someone makes these comments, I feel as though they are devaluing all the negative experiences I was forced to endure. That I still endure. Experiences that I will have to endure for the rest of my life. Now, I’m not saying that the people who make these comments are trying to personally attack me or anyone else. I don’t believe that these people are using disorders as adjectives on purpose. Not at all. As a society we’ve been exposed to these inaccurate representations of mental disorders since the beginning of time. We’re taught how to view and understand mental disorders in an unconscious manner. I’m well aware that when someone uses OCD as an adjective, that they were conditioned into thinking that that is a proper use of the word and meaning. It’s similar to how people accidentally make sexist, racist, or homophobic slurs. We’ve been prewired to fall into this trap, and I’m not going to sit here and say that I’ve never fallen victim to it. We all do it, and that’s okay. What’s not okay is ignoring the harms that come with using mental disorders as adjectives, and to deny the fact that its harmful to the mental health community. I believe that there are three things that we can do to stop this negative process. First, when you use a mental disorder as an adjective, stop and recognize what you did. If you say “That’s so OCD,” take note that you described an action as OCD. Second, recognize that what you said is wrong. If you claimed that organizing your books alphabetically, or excessively washing your hands is OCD, then recognize that defining them as so is both wrong definitively and morally. The last point, which is a more long-term solution, is to research mental disorders. They are all so different and diverse, which is why the media only shows an oversimplified glimpse of this realm. If you put the effort into understanding someone’s disorder, then you’ll quickly learn that it is not okay to use it as an adjective. Finally, I want to end this post by addressing the individuals out there who feel attacked by absent minded adjectives. I know that you’re frustrated by your disorder being trivialized. It’s so hard and so unnecessary. Your struggles are very real and valid. I know that you just want to shake the people out there who misuse your disorder to express something so simple, but you have to be patient with them. Instead of losing your cool—oh, trust me, I have lost my cool MANY times—you have to be calm. If someone doesn’t have the knowledge you have about your own disorder, then help them understand it by explaining it to them. You can also be a part of the solution to ending this process.

#mental health #ocd #mentalillness #recovery #endthestigma #adjective #rants #worthliving #realtalk

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swonkimn · 3 years

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Feelings

Let’s just get it out.

I’m feeling more and more dissatisfied with my life, which feels like a regular emotion for me. Isn’t it so familiar, typing in this online blog with its familiar navy background about dissatisfaction and unhappiness with myself. Wow. But I am feeling unhappy, and it feels progressive. I don’t think that I have a shopping problem, i think that I have an unhealthy fixation on the past and how seemingly “perfect” it was. I was at a thinner weight, with less responsibilities, more prospects, and surrounded by people who were mine--my blood family. But these days I feel bogged down, heavier, from my literal weight gain, my marriage that comes with obligations, a career that I worked to obtain for more than 6 years...and now semi-dread. I feel so heavy, and it makes me want to reach back to some familiarity and control...which manifests with a fixation on my weight. I feel like if I’m able to control my weight and go back to a lighter (literally) state of being, then I’ll also find the energy, gumption, and desire to revert back to the person I used to be. Who was happier, simpler, more positive.

The sad thing is that when I was dating Charlston, things didn’t feel happier--they felt more significant. (I felt important doing important things and striving after lofty goals and integritous pathways.) And I guess that’s true even now; my life isn’t happier, it’s more significant. I’m weighed down with caring for terminal patients, people whose lives are literally straddling the line between life and death; I’m weighted down with terminal MILs and with husbands who carry baggage that I can’t even begin to attempt to heal or touch or even mention. I’m paying for my mom’s new car and giving thousands of dollars to them to settle their debt because they can’t on their own. I’m filled to the brim busy taking care of other people’s lives. And now Charlston wants to start a family which will just be another life to add to that list--a life that will outlast even mine in length. Motherhood is significant, it’s “worth its while” as they say. (But really, stopping now to think is all of this truly the right way to think? Does this mean that my life gained “direction” and “value” and “worth” and “significance”? A life spent doing sacrificial and selfless deeds--is that more significant than a life squandered and selfish and gluttonous? Isn’t life just life? Starting this thought with the juxtaposition between happiness and significance made sense, but the deeper I probe, the more I just feel like I was becoming some kind of twisted self-importance. An arbitrary value system that I put on myself to figure out what I’m working towards).

So it’s just a whole bundle of repressed emotions that I don’t even know how to work out. It’s not that I regret my life, but I’m overwhelmed at how much my life has changed since my girlhood. It’s not that I wish for a luxurious life, like what Charlston says to me. I’m just internally reeling at the responsibility and significance of my life. I am filling my life with jobs and responsibilities that are significant but I’m none the more important to the people in my life. I am a grunt whose life has been filled with important tasks, but they can only exist as far as insomuch I refuse to exert the opposing force that I, too, am deserving of rest, service, time, and attention. Because it’s almost like people and things and jobs and responsibilities have become more prominent, but I myself am becoming edged out of my own life. When I’m alone at home, I don’t have a clue on how I want to spend the available hours anymore. It’s a much easier question to answer if I ask myself about the chores that need to be done. Being completely alone this weekend, I don’t know how to answer the question of how exactly I want to spend this day. Do I want to read? Disappear into a busy city? Lounge by the pool? Be with people? No I don’t want to be with people because they only expect from you and get disappointed if you don’t do something or say something that benefits them. And even if they don’t, they eventually will--because people by nature keep count. Maybe this is even me keeping count.

I think it’s important how I feel like I don’t matter in my own life. Even taking a break isn’t much of a break because there is the underlying messages that exist: there are so many things that just keep moving even when I want to take a break. I wish that a break could just mean that--that all things and involved parties and sicknesses and relationships could halt alongside me. But obviously life doesn’t work that way; when I am not present during a responsibility, someone else has to step in. My life is a shift, just like in retail or service work or hospitality. When I call out of work, there is another nurse/group of nurses who feel that absence. When I want to “call out” of my life and its obligations, the responsibility lands heavily on someone who has to put the additional work on their shoulders.

I know that these things must sound like obvious truths, but maybe what it is is that I’ve always had a very self-centered attitude. It’s been me thinking about me, but also not expecting others to think about me either. It’s not like my parents really were present during my adolescence or developing years. Or did they, and I am actually more selfish that I perceive myself right now? Did I take from others and also then deceive myself to be a self-sufficient person..?

I guess simply put, I used to give myself each day for my own enjoyment. My presence or absence never really mattered, except perhaps to my sister and parents. Even my friends realized that I go off on my own and find difficulty in staying connected with others when the interactions are not in person. But now I struggle with the reality that my life is maturing into ongoing connection--the people who are sick in the hospital continue to be sick even when I have a two day break, and they are often still there when I come back. I don’t know why I struggle so much with this concept, the idea of presence and absence being part of the same fabric. That absence from something means that I am present in something else, and vice versa. I think it bothers me because I then have to take into consideration what my absence will mean to these people/responsibilities that have grown to include me. The natural consequence, I think, for the avoidant person that I type myself to be, would be disengage from as many things as possible in order to not have any causal effect on anything. But...is that even possible? Such a life of no consequence? And is that really what I want?

I just feel like Charlston places a lot of his expectations on me which are unhealthy consequences of him dealing with his mother. Rather than seeing the situation for what it is, I feel like the entire family is romanticizing something that is actually unhealthy. Prolonging death is unhealthy to me. It’s not understandable to me. Death is death. It’s not noble when teachers sacrifice their lives and wages for their students within a broken down system; it’s not admirable when nurses all have to take stimulants and antidepressants to shoulder the burden of caring for so many patients; and it’s not right to praise a man who refuses to let his wife pass away. But Charlston and my siblings in law all do, and my FIL doesn’t know what he can and cannot control. Nobody is having that talk with him. It’s nobody’s place; it’s God’s place to tell us how life is meant to be lived, but as long as we’re including God in this picture...I feel like I’m not exactly listening to Him either. Either life is celebrated so that each and every doldrum moment is special and radiant and to be savored, or else nothing matters and nothing is of consequence. I may be thinking in extremes here, but I can’t stop landing at this conclusion each and every time my mind travels down this road.

I don’t know if this is a cynical part of me, but I’m starting to devalue life. Rather than life being something to fight for, death is more something that’s inevitable and looming and ever advancing. Rather than waking up each day as something to fight for, death is something that I grow to not wanting to fight anymore. Not that I am suicidal in any way--there’s no point unnecessarily killing a life when it’s healthy--but when a life has started to go down hill, I just don’t see the point in resisting it. For what and for whom? Does it glorify God when we resist death when God Himself created us as mortal beings? Why push back something that is part of our identity? When trees die and animals die and structures break and rivers dry up? It’s finite, this world and us. Life can’t just be trying extending our days can it?

Oh God, so what is life then? And can it be that I’m just having an existential crisis dressed up? Really? I’ve heard my dad say so many times that he’s just waiting to die, and sometimes I feel that way too now. Again, not in a way where I’m eagerly looking forward to death, but more like a mental posturing like death is the only exit and those who are trying to escape it for even one more day are just being delusional. So then health doesn’t matter, relationships feel like obligations and just people being disappointed in you when you don’t give them what they want; each day doesn’t matter, this body that we are encased in doesn’t even matter. Pleasure doesn’t exist because it’s often at the expense of other people’s time, energy, and suffering. To have something means that others are denied. What is this black hole of thinking that I just can’t seem disappearing into these days?

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cynthiadshaw · 5 years

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What’s the Most Important Lesson You’ve Learned Along Your Journey?

Every twist in our story, challenge we face, and obstacle we overcome is an important part of our story. These difficulties make us stronger and wiser and prepare us for what’s ahead. As we grow and succeed we may imagine that soon the challenges will fade away, but in our conversations with business owners, artists, creatives, academics, and others we have learned that the most common experience is that challenges never go away – instead they get more complex as we grow and succeed. Our ability to to thrive therefore depends heavily on our ability to learn from our experiences and so we are asking some of the city’s best and brightest: What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned along your journey?

Xochitl Paola | Health & Fitness Coach

Most important lesson that I’ve learned is that failure is a part of the journey and we shouldn’t try to avoid it or be afraid of failure. We should expect and embrace that failure will eventually lead us to our end goal, in fact every failure is teaching us how to do better next time. Don’t let the possibility of failure hold you back from chasing your goals and the life of your dreams!

@xo__chill

Joy Turner | Sports Phenom

The most important lesson I’ve learned so far is to really stay grounded in your purpose, and to never compromise who you are for anything or anybody . The main reason I’m doing what I’m doing is to show females that you can reach a high level of recognition and success by simply staying true to who God has created you to be , without compromising your morals or devaluing yourself as a person. I have been tempted the same way, but I always have to remember who God created me to be .

@joydeangela

PerfectionPhotoz | Portrait & Artist Entertainment Photos Since 2013 & Still Going

The Most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey IS Patience & Hardwork Through Wanting Too give up Keep Going Putting Out Content stay Motivated. Every Season is Different Is Different Month Is Different.

@matt.swaggseason @Perfectionesp

Jacquelyn Horn | Health and Wellness Coach( Nutritionist) & Blogger

The most important lesson I’ve learned during this journey is that failure is absolutely necessary. Failure increased my passion and created that extra push to not give up. There are times that I still want to give up, but then I tell myself failure is not a step backwards. Failure is the greatest lesson, and it is imperative that we endure such pain to be able to strive for greatness. With out failure I wouldn’t be able to educate others on how to maintain a healthy lifestyle.

jackiesdiaries.blogspot.com @jackiesdiaries_

Annie Pipkin | Nutritional Therapy Practitioner student and Lyme Survivor

We learn a lot about ourselves when we go through trials of adversity and hardship. Beautiful things can come out of our extremely painful experiences. They can be molded and shaped into purpose, letting us be a light for others still struggling in the trenches. Be that light that the world needs so badly.

@nurtureandheal nurtureandheal.com

Alec Stewart | Graphic Designer & Digital Cowboy

Support your local community, give back to your local scene, and show the same amount of love to your peers and friends and their awesome, creative pursuits as you do to celebrities you don’t know! Ya’ll in this together – work together to prosper together.

@alexander_steward

Dana Bean, Jazmine Forte & Annessa Young | Hosts | Black at Work Podcast

Accepting that everybody’s story is not going to mirror ours and that’s okay. There’s always something to learn. What we love about our show is that all of our guests are organic. We don’t know them, we don’t know their stories and we’re hearing what they have to say for the first time with our listeners. A lot of them truly surprise us. The best part about our show is that these super talented, dynamic, resilient people get to come and share a piece of their lives with the world and the impact—not only for us, but the people that listen ends up being great.

blackatworkpod.com @blackatworkpod Facebook: @blackatworkpod @blackatworkpod youtube.com/results?search_query=blackatworkpod

Erin | Content Creator

10 years ago my advice was always aligned with “never cross oceans for someone or something that wouldn’t cross a puddle for you.” But now, at 30’ish, I first and foremost realize I’m not at all worthy or experienced enough of giving advice via nature illustrations!! Secondly, my mentality has switched. Now if someone asks, my question back to them is always, “why wouldn’t you? Do it. Cross oceans, climb mountains. Without conditions or expectations.” Because when you do things in love, whether it be people, work or your your circumstances without setting a bar of expectations you find contentment. You find the ability to be thankful for the praiseworthy moments when they do happen and you should celebrate. Otherwise you will miss it all. It’s exhausting living your life based on conditions. And honestly when you realize how liberating it is to love yourself and others without perimeters, the second part of your life begins.

But I probably read that from a Wheaties box or an Oprah magazine so don’t quote me on that! ✌🏻

@toddler.frat.house

Kerstan Warner | Fully Developed

@anniedevinetx

When I first thought to create Fully Developed, I was at a point in life that we all have to face: What am I going to do with my life? Starting the podcast in March, the vision I had for where we’d be today is a little off from my reality & honestly that’s the beauty of it. When you decide to create something of your own, you seldom think of the obstacles that you’re going to face. I wasn’t thinking of the times when money would be low, when creating content didn’t flow as well as other days or when plans you have for your vision just isn’t what pans out. Some things aren’t always in our control and the ability to accept that and move forward in the best way that I can is the biggest lesson I’ve learned thus far in this journey. After accepting this truth (which happened very recently) I’m excited to see where Fully Developed will go and the growth in each and every perspective that comes on the show.

linktr.ee/fullydevelopedpod @fullydevelopedpod

Adrian Muñoz | Diyer | woodworker

Be patience and take pride in your work and just keep on building.

@Dallashmww @Dallashmww

MerryMakers | Balloon Artists at The Southern Cross

Choose to start every day with a good mood, and every day can be a good day.

trinitytreetops.com/southern-cross-dallas @SouthernCrossDallas @SouthernCrossDallas

Nadia Fernandez | Visual merchandiser | designer | model

My journey has been tough, as most will agree but it hasn’t ended. So the most important lesson that I have learned and still struggle to embrace today is to not give up. This journey has its ups and downs and what seems like detours or even dead ends but what I’ve started learning and picking up on is that they are nothing that can actually stop me. Often the detours lead me to something new, something I had not previously thought about or even considered and all those new things including the dead ends have shown me that I’m in charge of how far I go. It’s just a matter of whether I am willing to keep going or stop, and stopping is just not an option.

@nadia.fern12 @nadfer12 @multi_media_mind_photography

Michelle of Wild Little Moon | Motherhood & Lifestyle Blogger

Surround yourself with positive, loving, supportive people. Be the light. Love God, love others, love nature. Happiness is a way of life. Appreciate the little things.

@wildlittlemoon

Jade Moon | Gas Monkey Babe Model

David Hardy

To never give up on yourself, no matter what everyone thinks or what they say. No one controls your future but YOU!

@JadeMoon.Kyla

Dawson Lobb | Public Figure

The greatest lesson I’ve learned so far in my journey is persistence. I’m nowhere close to where I want to be, but the only way i’ll grow is persistence. As long as you keep at it nothing can stop your growth, and stop you from achieving your goals. It takes a lot of time effort, but most importantly persistence.

@dawsonlobb snapchat.com/add/dlobbdagoat vm.tiktok.com/88P5FS

Angikay Loth | Health & Wellness Coach

Jessica Loth

The most important lesson I have learned on my journey is it’s never to late to start where you are.

One of the things I teach my clients is mindset. On your journey don’t use age as an obstacle. No matter what your age it’s never to late. Start today!

angikay.com @angikay linkedin.com/in/angi-loth-51056159

Nicole Carouthers | Actress | Writer | Director | Producer

The most important lesson learned, is to never give up pursuing my passion.

@NicoleCarouthers17

Trinity Forest Adventure Park | Courses include multiple obstacles, zip lines, and free falls

Kyle Sharp

Live like your dog: sleep in, share snacks, and celebrate everything.

trinitytreetops.com @TrinityForestAdventurePark @TrinityForestAdventurePark

Danii | Dancer | Choreographer & Singer/Songwriter

I used to be afraid. I used to be afraid of failing and afraid of what others thought of me. I used to be afraid to speak or to even ask\demand for my wants and needs. My fear prevented me from being the best I can be for myself and it put limits on my freedom as an artist. One day I heard someone say that shyness was a fear or expressing yourself. After hearing this my journey changed forever. Finding my voice and learning to dream without fear is the most important lesson I’ve learned in my journey thus far. I know that fear is not a feeling from God so what is the opposite of fear? I know that through God I inherit whatever my heart desires, so why am I not where I desire to be? The only thing that was keeping me from my destiny was fear of the unknown. It’s was not easy to let go of fear, but once I did I was able to dream without restrictions. I now choose to take a leap of faith every time. I am fully committed to the uncomfortable feeling of growth and I have no limits.

@itbedanii Soundcloud.com/itbedanii “Intention” by Danii streaming on all major platforms

Griselle Gonzalez | Personal Trainer

Invest a lot of time in yourself, empower yourself with books and supportive people. Challenge yourself every day, learn, take actions that you are scared about- take risks. Never loose sight of your goals and dreams in life. Be patient because change and growth takes time but it will all be worth it.

@indigrisi

Brenda V. Olivas | Pro. Hairstylist & Makeupartist

To believe in myself wholeheartedly and trust patience is the key to it all. Almost a decade of doing what I love has taught me to always take the risk. For years I held back on fears of not being good enough or being rejected. When I finally let go of all those insecurities I found a new love for the reason I even started my own business. I did it to make others feel beautiful about themselves the way I do when I color my hair or put a little lipstick on. I see beauty in everything and everyone. Sometimes I feel it just takes the right stylist to bring that out in someone. Seeing is believing and when I turn my clients around in my chair and I see those smiles and eyes light up , That’s It’s! That’s the joy, the love, the reason I do it all. It just took coming out of my own comfort zone and believing everything is in god hands to be able to have the success I do now. Patience is a hard lesson to learn for anyone, loving myself and believing I could accomplish anything I set my mind to in my own time is the key to my own success.

@BVArtistry @bv_artistry

Ashley Portals | Mindset & Confidence Coach | owner of Realm Coaching

Many of us have been conditioned to see failure as bad, and as a sign that whatever you’ve failed at “just isn’t for you.” Instead I’ve learned to embrace failure as a teacher, a stepping stone to something greater, or how to do something better the next time around. Pulling out a lesson from our failures and welcoming what we gain from the experience is something I encourage in my coaching practice.

runyourrealm.com @realmcoaching

Maria Cruz | Paper Florista

@kittyboo_

There are many things that I have learned and still learning, in a world we’re everything is “help me and I will help you” you kind of fall into a pattern of let me see how much I can get out of the situation. I have other colleagues that do the same thing and they always advise me pick your prices higher don’t sell yourself short, its never enough it’s always to low! They tell me. I learned that when you start doing something you love and greed gets in the way, it’s stops being something you love it becomes WORK and the reason I started my own small business was precisely because I did not want to work a job that made me feel prisoner of my life. And when greed comes into play that’s exactly what happens you become prisoner of money of greed and everything that involves. Don’t get me wrong of course i want to make money. I am a mother of four and I need to bring the bacon but being honest. Now three years in this business I have learned how to price, how to help my customers and be smart about my business. I can say we never stop learning EVER but with the right mentors around and a little patience I have learned allot.

@katys_flower_wall

Ariel Danise | Entrepreneur and Brand ambassador

hollyjphotography.com

The most important thing I have learned so far is to keep my peace. No matter what comes up or how bad a situation is I have to stay positive and in control of my thoughts and emotions in order to make the best decision moving forward.

youtube.com/channel/UCjrQTEfgwkxDbPxWSHfxV2w @ariel.willis.585 @arieldanise

Sweet Things of Midtown | Dallas Local Cookie Bar

If you envision it, don’t stop until you make it happen. I wanted to make sure this product left an impact on customer’s taste buds and heart, which is why each box includes a unique personalized message. I’ll just say, this vision wasn’t easy to bring to life. The saying “be willing to do what it takes to be successful” is not just a cliche’. I’m still learning that to be a successful entrepreneur truly requires coming out of your comfort zone, thinking outside the box, and willfully making sacrifices to obtain something you cannot yet physically see.

sweetthingsofmidtown.com @sweetthingsmidtown @Sweethingsmidtown

Neha Bhargava | Blogger/ Writer and Digital Marketing Strategist

Finish what you start and start what you believe you can finish. I believe in weighing my options even before I start making decisions. You just can’t bite more than you can chew. There is no redo in life. Whatever decisions you make today, you will be living with them tomorrow.

I have learned to believe that giving up is not an option.

Relationships, marriage, kids, career, business, you jump in with a mission to be successful. Focus all your energy on it. Believe in it. Fight for it. Like there exists no other way. No other way to look at. There is just one thing to do- work hard towards it, finish what you started, and you will be surprised at the contentment you feel with the outcome. I have noticed that when I put everything into achieving my goals, I walk with no regrets. And that is exactly the future I want to live in.

themomhoodtales.com @the.momhood.tales @The-Beautiful-Mama

The post What’s the Most Important Lesson You’ve Learned Along Your Journey? appeared first on Voyage Dallas Magazine | Dallas City Guide.

source http://voyagedallas.com/2019/08/15/whats-important-lesson-youve-learned-along-journey-2/

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gabrielholt · 7 years

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Societal Barriers to Transgender Health Care in North America

Term paper for CSOC104 (Intro to Sociology) July 2016

*Glossary included below*

Eight years ago, I realized that I was transgender. At that time, I was in an all-girls’ school, closeted, repressed, and depressed. My school provided no counselling services, and my GP did not know or care what it meant to be trans. I had no idea that I would end up in a nursing program after my first degree, or that I would have to wait until my early twenties to embark on a medically-induced second puberty. I also had no idea that in a few years I would see people like me on the covers of Men’s Health, Vanity Fair, and Time magazines. Eight years ago, I had never heard my identity spat like profanity from the mouths of politicians and news anchors on mainstream television. Today, the general public is more aware about the existence of trans people, but not necessarily more informed about the barriers we face within health care settings and society at large. These barriers include the pathologization of trans identities, pervasive binarist and cissexist societal ideologies, and intersectional struggles.

The pathologization of trans identities in medical communities is similar to the sensationalizing of trans stories in the media: trans people are seen as an oddity, afflicted by a disorder of perversion. Trans identities are frequently understood as a medical and psychological illness requiring medical treatment (Johnson, 2015). To access treatment in the form of hormones, psychotherapy, or gender affirming surgery, many transgender people must obtain a formal diagnosis of “gender dysphoria,” a term which has replaced “gender identity disorder” in the DSM-5 (Johnson, 2015; Roberts & Fantz, 2014). Though the term no longer contains the word “disorder,” it remains in a book of mental disorders – as homosexuality was until 1973 – and must be diagnosed and treated. Our identities are controlled in paternalistic ways: doctors must document our dysphoria, stamp our name change papers, sign our surgery letters, orchestrate our insurance coverage, and approve our actions. We must gain official permission to be ourselves. This medical control over trans identities leads to an even greater power imbalance between medical professionals and transgender patients, further disempowering trans individuals within society (Johnson, 2015). Poteat, German, and Kerrigan argue that the stigmatization of trans people serves to replicate and reinforce unequal power relationships within our society. The pathologization of trans identities also reinforces the stigma that transgender individuals face from society at large: that we are not “normal;” that there is something wrong with us that must be fixed. Many transgender people keep from disclosing their identities to doctors, for fear of being refused care based on such stigmas (McClain, Hawkins, & Yehia, 2016; Roberts & Fantz, 2014).

Furthermore, health care education is based around binarist and cissexist (please see Glossary below) concepts and language: phrases such as “pregnant women,” “both genders,” “the opposite sex,” and “men’s heart attack symptoms,” are commonplace and unquestioned. Transgender needs and issues are absent from most health care curricula (Poteat et al., 2013). In my first year of nursing school, I only heard trans people referred to once, during an equity training session. Yet I, a trans patient and a trans nursing student, am present in a health care context every day. Outside of schools, most medical professionals remain unaware of trans people and our challenges (Roberts & Fantz, 2014). When I reminded my former doctor of my name and pronouns, she turned to me and said, “Oh… still?” Her tone was one of surprise and mild amusement. Also ignorant of trans issues and reliant on binaries are governmental institutions and medical administration (Roberts & Fantz, 2014). The sex on my health card is still listed as “F,” in spite of my baritone voice and the testosterone levels that rival my cisgender fiancé’s. When the clinic receptionist calls a name, it takes me a few seconds to realize that this girls’ name is supposed to be mine. Medicine, like the rest of our society, relies on a biological determinist lens through which to view trans people. Naiman (2012) recognizes that sex and gender have become conflated in today’s language (then proceeds to conflate them herself), which facilitates biological determinist theories of gender – that gender is inevitably based upon distinct physiological characteristics. Trans people defy biological determinism, as our self-identified gender does not align with our assigned sex and socially-assigned gender. Poteat et al. (2013) describe how stigma against transgender people has been justified by functionalist order theory as well as biological determinism: because we challenge binarist and cissexist gender norms, we are a threat to societal ideological stability. Naiman (2012) might argue that in challenging gender norms, we also threaten the capitalist class which relies so heavily on gender inequality for social control and profit. Naiman (2012) also points out that biology in our society is informed by cultural theories of gender, and vice versa. Our colonial North American society abides by a strict gender binary determined by biology. In this way, social transition and medical transition are bound to each other. Trans people are typically expected to socially “prove” their gender to medical professionals in order to physically transition. We must do this in a way that conforms to our society’s biological deterministic concept of gender. This reflects the sociological model of “doing gender,” in which gender must be socially performed and accomplished (Johnson, 2015; Westbrook & Schilt, 2014). Transgender people are thus accountable for performing gender “correctly;” that is, according to the cisnormative and frequently heteronormative societal ideals of our “chosen” genders. In most medical contexts, there is a typical “trans narrative” that we are expected to embody in order to obtain a gender dysphoria diagnosis and care. For instance: a trans man must have always hated societally-designated “girlish” things (dolls, dresses, etc.), and instead been interested in societally-designated “boyish” things (cars, sports, etc.). He must have realised from a young age that he was “different from the other girls” and must have always wished for a penis. We must prove, even if we must lie about ourselves, that we fit within a biological determinist mold of gender in order to be taken seriously by the gatekeepers of medical interventions (psychiatrists and medical doctors). This occurs not just in the medical field, but across societal institutions. As Naiman (2012) writes, gender is a “core identity,” one which follows people everywhere. Transgender people face barriers throughout society, including in employment, housing, educational systems, prison systems, shelters, treatment centres, governmental administration, and numerous social situations such as bathroom usage and clothing shopping (Poteat et al., 2013).

Since transgender discrimination is present in almost all environments, it is vital to also acknowledge the intersections of other marginalized identities within these environments. Many trans people face discrimination based on other identities such as race and sexuality. Discrimination may also be based on unemployment, disability, mental illness, imprisonment, homelessness, transmisogyny, stigma around HIV positivity and stigma around sex work. Naiman (2012) describes the consideration of diversity and intersectional oppression within marginalized communities as the goal of socialist and Third Wave feminist change theories. Such intersectional feminist theories tend to focus on discrimination against poor trans women of color (TWOC), the most vulnerable members of trans communities. Economic inequality is a large factor in trans discrimination. In the USA in 2010, the unemployment rate for trans people was twice the national average, meaning that many trans people are not covered by employment-provided insurance and cannot afford medical care (Poteat et al., 2013; Roberts & Fantz, 2014). Additionally, when refused or unable to access health care, some trans people may seek treatment such as hormones outside of health care institutions (Poteat et al., 2013). This can, as in the case of street hormones and unsupervised injections, be a dangerous route. Many transgender people, especially TWOC, live below the poverty line due to the double employment barriers of racism and transmisogyny. People who cannot contribute to the capitalist economy are devalued and marginalized in our society, which leads to the further stigmatization of un- or under-employed trans individuals (Naiman, 2012). Some trans people – again, especially TWOC – turn to sex work for survival, which increases their risks of HIV vulnerability, getting arrested, and becoming victims of violence (Graham, 2014). Due to structural inequality, trans and other marginalized groups are already at greater risk of contracting HIV, attempting suicide, and becoming victims of violence than the rest of the population (Bauer et al., 2009). In spite of all these barriers, there is little legal protection for transgender people (Bauer et al., 2009). As Naiman (2012) describes with racism, the responsibility for these consequences falls to oppressed individuals, not oppressive systems. It is left to the victims of trans discrimination to pursue legal action against oppressors, which is often beyond our means. This is a consequence of neoliberal ideology in a capitalist society. Even for the marginalized, emphasis on individual responsibility takes precedence over the accountability of an unequal society.

While I personally benefit from white privilege, masculine-of-center self-identity, and a financially stable family background, I do experience the intersections of transphobia, homophobia, and ableism. I have experienced multiple acts of discrimination in health care; for instance, sitting for years on a waitlist for CAMH’s gender identity clinic, then being refused treatment because the doctor deemed me “too feminine.” I work to remain aware of the marginalization faced by other trans people, especially the fifteen trans people murdered in the past seven months (most of whom were Black trans women). Part of the reason I am entering the health care profession is to understand and work to challenge the systemic discrimination that marginalizes and kills so many of my trans siblings.

Glossary

Binarist

Referring to ideas that reinforce the biologically-determined theory of the gender binary, ignoring the experiences of non-binary individuals.

Cisgender, or cis Not transgender; identifying with the gender corresponding to one’s sex assigned at birth.

Cissexism, or cisnormativity The belief that everyone is, or should be, cisgender; that being cisgender is superior to being transgender. Typically a biological essentialist concept.

DSM-5 The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition.

Transgender, or trans Not identifying with the gender corresponding to one’s sex assigned at birth. For the purpose of this paper, the term “transgender” includes all trans-identified, non-binary, some two-spirit, and gender-non-conforming (GNC) individuals.

Transmisogyny The intersection of transphobia and misogyny; individual or systemic hatred of, discrimination, or bias against trans women and transfeminine people.

References

Bauer, G. R., Hammond, R., Travers, R., Kaay, M., Hohenadel, K. M., & Boyce, M. (2009). “I don’t think this is theoretical; this is our lives”: How erasure impacts health care for transgender people. Journal of the Association of Nurses in AIDS Care, 20(5), 348-361. doi:10.1016/j.jana.2009.07.004

Graham, L. (2014). Navigating community institutions: Black transgender women’s experiences in schools, the criminal justice system, and churches. Sexuality Research and Social Policy, 11(4), 274-287. doi:10.1007/s1317-014-0144-y

Johnson, A. (2015). Normative accountability: How the medical model influences transgender identities and experiences. Sociology Compass, 9(9), 803-813. doi:10.1111/soc4.12297

McClain, Z., Hawkins, L., & Yehia, B. (2016). Creating welcoming spaces for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) patients: An evaluation of the health care environment. Journal of Homosexuality, 63(3), 387-393. doi:10.1080/00918369.2016.1124694

Naiman, J. (2012). How societies work: Class, power, and change (5 ed.). Halifax: Fernwood Publishing.

Poteat, T., German, D., & Kerrigan, D. (2013). Managing uncertainty: A grounded theory of stigma in transgender health care encounters. Social Science & Medicine, 84(2013), 22-29. doi:10.1016/j.socscimed.2013.02.019

Roberts, T. K., & Fantz, C. R. (2014). Barriers to quality health care for the transgender population. Clinical Biochemistry, 47(10/11), 983-987. doi:10.1016/j.clinbiochem.2014.02.009

Westbrook, L., & Schilt, K. (2014). Doing gender, determining gender: Transgender people, gender panics, and the maintenance of the sex/gender/sexuality system. Gender & Society, 28(1), 32-57. doi:10.1177/0891243213503203

#academic

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kayla-minor-student-csulb-blog · 7 years

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Kayla M. 03/16/17

6 hours this week/ 48 hours for the semester

Part A)

Over the past couple of weeks, I have observed the same group of mental health Intensive outpatient patients, so I have become relatively familiar with their lives/experiences. I have noticed a reoccurring problem for one of the patients, which is the stigma she feels surrounds her mental illness. This patient suffers from bipolar disorder and she has explained that she often feels overly self-conscious because she believes if people found out she was bipolar they would assume she is crazy. When talking about socially constructed stigmas, it is important to understand that they are often overexaggerated or sometimes all together false. When society as a whole passes judgement against certain groups of people, those people will have difficulties building self-esteem and self-worth. In this patient’s case, she often feels as though she is only acceptable to others when she is functioning “normally”. She has also expressed on multiple occasions that she wants to go to school to become a special needs teacher, but feels that her mental illness will stand in the way of her goals. Counselors have explained to this patient that many people in the world live a normal life while maintaining their symptoms associated with their mental illness. Despite knowing this, she continues to fear that she will be incapable of achieving her goal because of the social stigma that society has placed on being bipolar. I think that it is important to understand that socially constructed stigmas apply to many different aspects of life whether that be physical disabilities, sexual orientation, gender, age, class, beliefs or in this case mental illness. No matter the circumstances, negative stigmas make the targeted person/group of people feel devalued by society which could ultimately lead to an unfulfilling life. This idea is directly related to the labeling theory as well. the labeling theory states that self-identity and behavior can be influenced by the terms used to classify them. The patient at my internship is a prime example of this because she feels as though she is crazy because society has associated being bipolar with being crazy. These two ideas further demonstrate how mental illness is not purely biological but relies heavily on social aspects as well.

Part B)

Before I started my internship, I had expectations that I would learn more about the treatment of people who struggle with mental illness, addiction, and substance abuse. I also expected to become more familiar with particular disorders and how patients cope with their disorders. I expected that I would spend a majority of my time observing experienced counselors conduct therapy sessions. I also expected to participate in office work such as filing paperwork, organizing charts. Finally, I expected to see and participate in a professional work setting, which is something I have not yet encountered. I was not given a description of my duties until my first day, so I didn’t really know what exactly to expect other than what I stated. My practicum site has met my expectations in the sense that I do spend a majority of my time observing therapy sessions and I do possess a greater knowledge of mental illness that I did before. My practicum site has exceeded my expectations in many ways. I was not expecting to receive such a hands-on learning experience with so much responsibility. My practicum site allows us to take the progress notes that go directly into the patient’s charts, and also write treatment plans for patients. I think that these duties are a great learning experience for future careers in treatment facilities. I also believe it teaches me greater responsibility in the sense that these notes and plans need to be accurate because the therapists at the facility use them in the treatment of the patients. The only way in which my practicum site has not met my expectations is the social interactions that take place when there aren’t any patients. The office in which I work often participates in unprofessional conversations which is something I did not expect at all.

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